Review Revue - Cat Cafes

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly repel their loved ones, get easily impressed, and express their less than appropriate sentiment towards cats, all while reading reviews on CAT CAFES.   Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Turn on that podcast

Hear what Riley has to say And with Jeffrey James We can listen well today Because there's always more reviews We gotta listen to these two Because there's improv to do On Review Review That was lovely! That was one of my favorites! A little Harvest Moon parody?

I think the theme songs have been getting unbelievable. Who was that from? That was from Tommy Dowdy. That was beautiful he uh wants to plug his instagram at animatrium studio um well thank you tommy and jeff what a nice little like wake up for you what a nice little way to start the morning good morning sleepy sleepyhead head. I don't know what happened. I set an alarm and it didn't go off. So now I'm going off.

So now I'm on one. So now I went off on him. You're hearing me arise from sleep. As soon as Jeff joined. Well, so i'm like i texted jeff we were set to record at 11 and i'm like i'm setting up i'm pouring cafe and then i'm here i texted him like 1103 like i'm set up and i clicked on the zoom link and it was like waiting for the host to start the meeting i'm like interesting and i had a feeling in my gut i'm like he's sleeping and so I texted him like five different memojis of various animals in the clouds and then I decided I'm like okay maybe if by like 15 past I'll give him a call

didn't pick up like of course but then immediately he said my alarm didn't go off and I'm like got it got it got it and so then five minutes later he's now on the zoom first thing I see when I the first thing I say when I see him I just start singing good morning stars shine he takes off his headphones he's like please no and then he's like let's just get into it and now here we are so that that was the that was the account of the last um 20 minutes i'm surprised this is the first time it's happened in two and a half years um i am too but you know what there's a first for everything good morning stars shine and the headphones are off again so now that it's just us dear listeners i think it's time we finally talk about something that i've always wanted to talk about when oh never mind jeff's back so we're gonna have to wait for another day

um jeffrey what did you dream about what's new with you what was your little sleep i didn't have any dreams or i probably did but i don't remember them usually i do should we check for uh sleep moans the dulcet tones of jeffrey's sleep moans i don't think i had any because i don't think yeah it just didn't even work. You went to the Grand Canyon this week. Again, we are batch recording episodes, so this is May 18th. Yeah, so this one's coming out May 31st. How was the Grand Canyon?

It was expansive. And I don't even just mean physically I mean spiritually sexually okay I was gonna say spiritually I get it's a pretty incredible like sight to see yeah and so it's like that can really like blow your mind of like whoa we're so small and look at this like my and then it's also vaginal in nature and that's what I was afraid you were gonna say I was afraid you were gonna say whoa it's so expensive i could fuck it yeah yeah um no it was it was cool it was not my favorite national park i don't want to be negative but um it was cool it was cool it wasn't as big as i thought it'd be it wasn't as grand as i thought it can yeah someone everyone's like oh it's so grand it's so grand and then got there and it was

fine it was there it was a canyon like no one can take that away from it i stared at it at during the day and then i stared at it again at night and at night it was better oh why moonlit because i couldn't see as much of it um it was it was lit by moonlight you could see all the stars because there's like no light pollution. And, uh, it was so quiet. Um, it was awesome. Well, that sounds like the ocean, which is a different thing. So the ocean is a different thing than the Canyon.

And so they make different sounds. Um, that's awesome. Did you know that there's a community of people that live at the bottom of the grand canyon i do i do there's 208 of them it's wild and the question is do they have what kind of stores do they have who i feel like i know someone who actually went down into the canyon and got to visit them um which was like a really special experience. But I think the stores are not, I think they get a lot of stuff maybe imported. They have to get it brought down.

So they don't have like Balenciaga? No, they don't have a Balenciaga at the base of the Grand Canyon. Do they have Billionaire Boys Club? I don't know. Bape? I don't think they have a lot of these, like, kind of... Hype-y stuff. Hype-y stuff, yeah.

I think, if anything, it'd be more... That's why I could never do it, because you know I'm always on Fairfax. And it's really shocking that you are, because it's like you never wear any of it. You just buy it to have. Dolls kill on my ass. And I'm not talking about the store. What do you mean then? By the time this has come out Headcumbs sketches are back. Surprise! They're fucking back.

They're fucking back baby. We did it. We did it and we're only releasing the one. We did one and that's fine. We said oh well they'll be every other Tuesday. That was just a way to get you to watch the first one But nope that's it It's gonna be huge We already released one last Tuesday And we're releasing another one

The following Tuesday Every other Tuesday subscribe at YouTube.com slash hypegum I'm so fucking happy that we're back And I'm so excited that At the time of recording yesterday We released the news that we're back. And I'm so excited that yesterday, at the time of recording yesterday, we released like the news that we're bringing it back. And so that's been very exciting to see that people were so happy about that. Because I'm happy too.

I'm happy because I'm happy. Clap along. Remember, didn't we do that on the show? Because I'm happy clap along If you Cause I Remember Didn't we do that on this show Where it was like Cause I'm fappy clap along Cause I'm fappy I'm trying to think what I did this weekend I watched Hacks

Hacks is back And it's so fucking good I love Hacks so much Season two already? First two episodes are out I'm pretty excited about that Could be huge It's amazing.

There's a role that Daniel read for. Didn't get. You have to wonder. Is he doing the Old Spice commercial? Is Daniel doing the Old Spice commercial? Does he have an audition for an Old Spice commercial? I don't know. Do you?

Yeah. Okay. Well, we say this because Jeff and Daniel daniel for some reason go out for everything they always go for the same parts which is very funny to me um but yeah i oh no you know what i'm gonna save that for my what shook me i really am i'm gonna save it for my work shook me um i I'm going to save it for my workshop. Um, I, what was I going to say? Oh, um,

um, because it's coming out on the 31st, my birthday is in a couple of days. I love my birthday. I'm never going to shut up about it. Um, and I, I was like texting some pals being like,

we'll have a little birthday dinner, like a really, really tiny group. And because I know Jeff is going to be out of town on the day of my birth, which is when I'm having the dinner, I didn't include Jeff in the text. And so I'm like, I wonder if like my friends in this chat are going to think that Jeff and I had like a falling out and that it's like I didn't invite him on purpose, left him out for the birthday dinner. So I'll run with that story. I'll make something up. I'll say that you scorned me in some way.

And that's why you're not invited to my birthday. That's the, that becomes the entire thing of the, what's the word I'm looking for? That's like the theme of the dinner. It's like, just everyone's had a really fun night out, like having drinks. And you're just making up nonsense the entire time. Yeah. And so it's like he came over and he like, he's like, here's your stuff. And I didn't even have any stuff at his place.

He just kind of grabbed loose paper clips and like an old shirt. And he's like, take it. He gave me a hat. It was like an Angels of Anaheim hat. And it was a nice hat. I'll wear it. But it wasn't mine. I didn't think it was a birthday gift.

It wasn't a birthday gift. It was like, it But it wasn't mine. I didn't think it was a birthday gift. It wasn't a birthday gift. It was like, take it. We're done. And so that was what was crazy about it. Also, he gave me a gift card to a cat cafe. And that's so funny that he did that because at the time he didn't know that that's what one of our episodes was going to be about. Which is insane.

So you're still doing the show then? Oh, we're still doing the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We won't talk outside of that though um today we're doing cat cafes cat cafes i mean listen with the general noise and eggs hollandaise um i have never been inside a cat cafe when we were going to do Into the Mist in person the theater that we were going to do it at was literally next door to a cat cafe so whenever we'd go to the theater we'd stop and look at

the kittens were fucking cute I'm not going to lie famously I'm not a cat person but the kittens were so cute so I get it I mean listen i love animals so just getting to hang out with animals for an hour that's great that's what i'm doing for my birthday but i think i'm doing is like going to a wildlife retreat and i get to hang out with animals for 90 minutes that's fun and that's like i love an animal so a cat cafe where you get to like

have a coffee have a glass of wine like i could be down but what i've seen is that it's like for every review it's like the cats you gotta let them come to you you yelling at them i know right have you been to a cat cafe uh i've been to a cat cafe once in um salt lake city why i went to sundance and then we had time to kill, but we had to leave our Airbnb. And, um, sorry. And we had time to kill before our, uh, flight. So we went to a cat cafe. And how was it?

Uh, it was good. It was good. You're holding back. It could have been better. The cats could have loved me a little bit more. Right. So exactly. Exactly.

But I pitched this one because I have a foster cat. Wait, can you grab her? I can't. Is she is she sitting on top of that little thing? Yeah. Oh, you got the foster cat. How is it? She's 12 years old.

Or as I like to say, 84. It's not even like a cat to human life conversion. You just like to say that she's 84. I like to call her 84. What's her name? As in, she's out at the diner. What's her name as in she's out at the diner what's her name again that was 86 fuck what's her name ellie ellie um she's very sweet she sleeps with me um i realized i didn't feed her enough yesterday okay because i thought that the cans of food I was giving her were 150 calories.

They were 74. Okay. So I got her some new food today. Hell yeah. I door dashed it. Nice. Because I ran out. Nice.

And she eats at 7 a.m. So I did wake up at 7 a.m. Then I went back to sleep. Got it. Which is probably when my alarm got canceled. Yeah. And now i'm canceled you are canceled um shall we do you want to start us off yeah this is from g money g it's not

that's g g money g uh cat cafe lounge on sepulveda stars. What's the last name for G-Money? There isn't one. It's G-Money G. G-Money G. Super cool place. The cat hostess was super great and interacts with the guests and cats. They send you a list of rules and stuff beforehand. The cons I had. Parking was rough. Spelled like dog rough.

Very narrow spots. You're bound to hit a car. There's like four cats Up high chilling And only a few down below There were a lot of times I was catless Walking around like a loser Hello

Welcome to We love meow days You know the previous owners it was a play on Mondays. It didn't really work. But we're so happy you're here. Would you like to do an hour or two hour session

with our little critters? I'm gonna do two because the last time I was here I did the hour and I didn't quite, the fruit didn't quite bear fruit. The tree didn't quite bear fruit. Sorry? The wine, yeah, the fruit didn't quite bear fruit. The tree didn't quite bear fruit. Sorry?

The wine, yeah, the wine was too sweet to bear. The wine was too sweet? No, because that would mean it's good. I was basically walking around cat-less like a loser. Oh, no, come on. I was sort of cat-ness ever bad. Oh, that's really good. I'm actually, do you mind if I write that?

That's going to go on the chalkboard outside the front door. That means a lot to me, actually. My ex-girlfriend thought everything I said was dumb. No, I think it's great. So you know what? If I can give you a little tip. Sorry, what's your name? My name is G-Money.

No. So what can I put down on the form? My parents were weird. My actual name is G-Money. I'm so sorry. So G-Money, if I can give you a little, I'm Katie. You can call me Catty. That's not my name.

I know some people are named Catty, but no, it's Katie. There's a chemistry here. We're going to move past it. If I can give you a little advice for your time here, we're so happy to have you. The cats are so happy to have you. A little advice if you want that. I understand. It's like you said that you

were not a loser. Sometimes the cats can just be a little particular. Just let them come to you. You want to give off the energy. If you get a hot drink or a cold. I don't know what you like. You just sit down and they'll come to you if you put off the energy that you're trying too hard.

It's gonna... Pretty hard to get. Yes. I get the object of my affection. Well, they're animals. I don't know if we call them objects. Maybe I'm talking about the animals. Maybe I'm talking about someone else in the room.

It's clearly the only two of them. Oh, and I'm gonna tiptoe around that one. So let me just take your card. I can swipe it here. Perfect. Oh, it's clearly a sapphire card that he painted black. Huh. It's been a little sticky in the reader. Sometimes the black cards don't read on normal things. Oh, I didn't know reader. Sometimes the black cards

don't read on normal things. Oh, I didn't know that Sapphire made black cards. Hmm? Because it says under here, it's like you can see kind of the etching of Sapphire. I grabbed it from your hand.

Shit, that was just... All right, well, come... All right, went through, weirdly enough. So, come on through here and leads you through a little door. And here you go. The cats all scatter to the sides of the room

and into their cages willingly. Oh. See? That's never happened before. It's like two like ends of a magnet with me and everyone. Well, hold on. There's one who I know is the friendliest little guy around here. So let me just go get it.

Bobo. Bobo. OK. I pick him up.'s just like this adorable like chunky cat like just so happy-go-lucky here's Bobo here he loves everyone and everything so like he's not gonna he's not gonna let you go he's not gonna let you leave I'll tell that I'll tell you right that hands him over he He's literally, like, forced away like an opposite magnet. Just jumps out. I'm such a loser. No, G-Money, you're not a loser. Here, why don't we get you set up in one of these chairs. I'll leave you just to give it a couple minutes, and I'm sure the cats will start coming to you. He tries to sit like end of a magnet. It just goes flying.

Kidding me? Oh my God. Even the chair. It like smashes against the wall. Big hole. Oh. Um. Uh.

You know what? I think. Oh. I forgot that the vet is coming by to check up on all the cats today. So I think we're going to have to close early. I'm so sorry about that. I can give you a full refund on your Sapphire Black card.

I think it's time for you to go. Would you say that to someone if everything that just happened hadn't happened? Because I'm just sitting here feeling like a fucking jackass. I don't know what I'd do. I don't know who to be. Has this happened to you before where every object or person and thing in the room is physically, like has that kind of reaction to you like an opposite magnet.

Like you said, I thought it was a figure of speech, but. It's mostly objects of my affection. So things that I actually want are repelled by me. So you really wanted that chair. Yeah, like in that moment, you know, that was the thing I wanted most. And just that split second. So it goes flying. I'm so sorry.

My ex-girlfriend got launched to Cape Canaveral. Got launched? She got launched because I tried to like, I told her I loved her. Tried to give her a hug and just, you know, and. I don't know. Because I've never heard of this before. This is kind of just like a supernatural phenomenon. Again, we are going to be closing the shop.

It was so nice to meet you. I'm going to check on Bobo because Bobo was. Do you want to just go get a coffee? I backing away deliberately. You know what? I'm cutting back on caffeine. I'm cutting back. I'm like, I'm securing the locks on all the cat cages. I'm cutting back on caffeine. You're cutting back on caffeine. Yeah, I'm cutting back. I'm securing the locks on all the cat cages. I'm cutting back on caffeine. You're cutting back on caffeine? Yeah, I'm cutting back. It's kind of a deal breaker for me. I love caffeine.

Oh, shoot. Shoot. That's such a bummer. I was asking you on a date, but now we could just go get lunch. I don't really care. You know, I'm trying. You know, it's actually very unhealthy to do, but I am trying intermittent fasting. I am trying. So I can't eat with you, G-Money. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Again, I think, uh-oh. Uh-oh. The vet's almost here. And the vet doesn't like working with other people in the room who aren't the cats um so i think we're just gonna have to get y'all out all right do you want me to uh do you know the the door is just just over there yeah yeah it's just sort of like a main character moment. A rock bottom main character moment.

And then I'm going to sort of rise from the ashes. Actually, that's not a bad idea for a song. What? Rise from the ashes. Right? Yeah. I cannot stress enough that i do need to this whole time you're just standing in the middle of the room i am gonna need you to go i'm sucks i'm so sorry i know i know i know i am I

I'm nervous I'm nervous to get close to you G-Money I'm nervous to escort you out you don't have to escort me I'm going I'm going are you going now that's such an insane interaction Are you going now?

That's such an insane interaction. I'm going. I'm going. Stay still. When? When are you going? Right. Should we take a quick break and come back with some more cat cafe or other and we're back and we're back now we're gonna do a little bit of asmr cat cafes that's good i think it's really really good I okay hold on

I have a couple that I'm choosing from here we go here we go here we go one time no thought this is for Brooklyn Cat Cafe five stars from Evelyn M. Evelyn Meow.

Obviously. Evelyn Meow. Evelyn Meow. Five stars, Evelyn Meow. Oh my God, so many cats. I must have seen 30. I must have seen at least 30. I reserved two 30-minute slots, $10 each, and completed their waiver beforehand,

so entering was very easy. And then they talk about kind of the COVID precautions. There's a storage bin right when you enter, so you don't have all your things covered in cat hair. The staff were all very friendly and organized. I like that they color-coded the cats with a bit more – they color-coded the cats with a bit spicier personalities with red collars. Parentheses, don't approach unless they do. Cats with their diet restrictions with a yellow collar.

Parentheses, don't feed them with treats. So obviously, I was very excited when a cat with a red collar approached me and my friend. Treats are 25 cents a cup, but I'd actually avoid spending it because there were a lot of treats scattered everywhere, and someone actually gave me their treats because their hour was up. Also, you don't need the treats. I want to say that all of their cats were very friendly and didn't need treats to incentivize them. My favorite was Mr. Bunny, who let me hold him. Smiley face. All the cats were very friendly and playful and you can see kittens near the front too. You can't play with them though. They have to be reserved separately. So cute. The hour

just flew by. A lot of people say that they feel bad that they can't take them home but I think it's still helpful that you're able to help socialize them and play with them. Time might have been short to you but it definitely makes a difference in their lifetime. He's treating it like a Chuck E. Cheese. definitely makes a difference in their lifetime he's treating it like a chuckie cheese sometimes i just feel bad by the way thanks for coming to my birthday yeah oh my god nobody else

came no you know what i think it's just like we know a lot of dog people but you know it's all good this is what you want to do i'm here to celebrate you so let's pet some pussy what sorry i had sounded funnier in my head these are cats man don't know i'm sorry sexualize them at all i'm not it's people used to call them and like i think british i know that you think that's also insulting that you think i didn't know that i know okay well what's why are you sad we're here i'm trying to liven up the mood i'm sad because no one else showed up but now it's even worse because the only thing that you've said so far is that you want to pet some pussy let's whatever let me just i'm really sorry about that i don't want that to like be the night now you know like that's not the kind of guy i am and that's i just don't want that david like come on

man like i don't want that all right all right i'm just gonna pet a cat okay leans down and starts like stroking the cat's back come on don't make me say it say what nothing nothing it's stupid i mean it probably is going to be but yeah it's just like whoa david's getting some pussy on his birthday yeah nice um please don't i'm sorry i'm here to have fun i start like, like, just stroking, like, the cat's neck and head. Oh, man, I'm crying laughing because I can't say what I want to say because you're going to get mad at me. It's worse when you don't say it. It's worse when you don't say it.

Just say it. But it's worse for me when I do say it because then you get mad because then you're like, oh, Jackson's being inappropriate. You are, but just say it because I don't like feeling that you have something in your head and that you're holding back and cracking up internally. Oh, man. It's like an inside joke for me. Yeah, that's not fun for me.

I was just going to say, you really, you know, you know, you're way around a pussy. It's not a hard organ to figure out. I'm not to, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm talking about the cats, man. You know where a cat likes to be pet. Whoa, someone get their mind out. Get this dude's mind out the gutter sir you are yelling innuendo at a mostly for kids cat cafe i'm so sorry to interrupt i know that it's like 11 a.m people are around just drinking coffees reading a book if you could just this is we have a two-strike policy so please just

keep it down i'm so sorry i'm so sorry it's my friend's birthday it's my friend's birthday did you know that's david's birthday yes he called ahead um david thank you for i saw you trying to reign it in thank you so much oh yeah no no no problem that fucking guy right um yeah it was that was on you um oh they have toys it takes one of like the fishing pole toys starts playing with it like i'm covering my mouth like first thing what what could you possibly be laughing at now the dude's gonna get mad at me again at this point i'm already down to leave so just say it no it's just like i think it's really cool that like you view you view toys as a teammate and not as an enemy i think that's a really mature review i think you have a really healthy sexuality so you think this is

sexual no thanks for coming to my birthday I'm going home I was talking about the cat I want to fuck the cat get out of here man I am oh Oh my god. That's really good. Holy shit. Alright. I have a BFA.

That was good improv. This is a five star review of Cat Cafe Lounge, again, on Sepulveda. You're obsessed. Oh, yeah, no, I was just getting reviews from there, and I saw two that were kind of fun. You can't get enough. You can't get enough of Cat Cafe on sepulveda oh i i only have two oh holy shit if you were on if you want extreme home makeover they'd make your bedroom into cat cafe on sepulveda that's how much you'd love it um i don't know probably not i like other stuff i like other stuff you're on the show what do you think what is it it's the cat cafe on

we talked we heard you talking about it that one time yeah that one time and we're like oh my god because you guys you guys what you do is you kick people out of their house and then they just kind of like are left to their own devices in the real world they don't really know where to go so i ended up going to cat cafe because it was just me rye i didn't like it i like other stuff i like other stuff not this this. Five stars from Jeanette O. Jeanette O. O. O. O'Reilly's auto parts.

She's an heiress. This lounge is the perfect way to de-stress. This lounge. de-stress. It's lounge! It's lounge! Jeanette, you're... I'm really worried about you as your husband. Your mother died. Mm-hmm.

I don't think that you need to be going to a cat lounge. I think you need therapy. I think you need actual therapy. I hear you, honey. This is trauma. I understand. No, trust me. Don't I know it?

I mean, my mom was my best friend. Yeah. And so to lose her so suddenly, it's like my world was totally rocked. Like, I don't know which way is up, which way is down. Whoa. Um, sorry. I did see a cat outside our window and it made me think of the cat lounge. Um, I just feels like you are distracting yourself instead of actually delving into these issues. And I'm worried that that's going to build up into resentment. So you don't think therapy animals are real therapy? Is that what you're saying?

Well, are they therapy animals? There are. Well, they are. Are you saying like, are there therapy animals? Like, there are therapy animals. Are there any at the cat lounge? No. I don't know.

And so I feel like. You haven't even asked. So you're not actually doing it with intention of animal well i feel like every animal has the capacity to be a therapy animal i agree but this should be in addition to talk therapy i just no one gets it but them i feel like are you laughing? No. My mother died in a hot air balloon accident and you're laughing?

I thought you were joking. Brian, why would I joke about me talking to cats in the lounge to deal with my mother's freak hot air balloon accident? And you're laughing. And you're still like, I feel like you're holding back a chortle. Oh my God. Why did you say chortle? That's like the funniest way to say,

sorry. I can't believe this. You know what? I am going to go to the lounge. I'm going to go to the lounge and I am going to be with creatures that actually can understand what I'm going through. You know, when I cry,

when I'm crying in there, the cats come onto my lap. They know what I'm feeling. Unlike you, when I'm crying. I'll go on your lap. No, I don't. That's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. Okay. I'm sorry. Me too. So if you want to support me during this time, then you'll come to the lounge with me. Cut to the lounge. I appreciate you being here. You're like laying on a sofa as if you're with a shrink. Thank you for being here. You can engage as little or as much as you want to, okay? Okay.

One of the cats hops up on the couch across from me. Hey, Bobo. hey bobo well i'm back and i brought i brought him i brought the old ball and chain with me this time um because he didn't really get what we're doing here and that's fine bobo i'm on it's just like you kind of interrupted oh okay I'm sorry this week's been tough I'm not gonna lie like this has been one of the harder weeks um so I think like I actually might need to come twice this week because it's just been really really hard um but I have let myself cry I have like let myself have a big big cry and that really opened up a lot of parts in me as I'm saying this bobo was just licking himself like go into town on himself and so I feel like

like because of you like I'm able to really crack my heart open in ways that I didn't before and um so thank you for that and I know my husband my husband's probably really appreciative too right um yeah is there anything you want to add because i know you're pretty close um well yeah no it's um it's hard because she really welcomed me into your family and uh that's just kind of rare i feel like bobo starts hacking just big wet coughs it just is such a testament to her character that she was such a kind person, and she didn't deserve it. And I don't know how to make sense of something like this. Like, why does bad stuff happen to good people?

Giant hairball. All she wanted to do was be in a basket in the air. And instead, she caught fire. He starts eating the hairball he just coughed up. I mean, to die in fire is so bad. Bobo brings the half-eaten hairball over to your lap and puts it down and looks up at you. Oh my god. He's saying everything I need is already in my own head.

Yes. Hair. Hair on your head. You already have it. I guess that's it, huh? Yes. Oh my god. He's never even done anything like that for me.

You guys really have a connection. Honey, you okay? I think I need to... I think i need to call my mom i need to mend that relationship bobo scratches your arm draws blood oh dude the wall this is a fucking idiot sorry but ow fucker he was telling you that your mom's a witch he didn't he was telling you well we all know that you shouldn't call your mom

because your mom's a witch he knows it but I drank so much of her soups growing up and they were green and they were boiling and she did have boils i just i wanted to be a feminist and not believe oh i think bobo meant more like like she's a witch in terms of personality like oh she's. But does your mom practice in the mystic arts? She mostly makes broth. Okay. She actually just got a private chef position.

Oh, so she's a chef. Well, mostly soup. It's for some artist. I thought Harry Styles made his own soup. Some tea. That's some industry tea own soup. Some tea. That's some industry tea. That's some tea. Some artist.

Do you have time for one more? I do. Okay. This is for... What is this one? Oh, this is for... Hold on. Pounce Cat Cafe in North Carolina.

Four stars from Jang C. Jang Cat. Jang Cat. Cats and alcohol, what a great mix. They do warn you to keep your drinks away from the cats since they're meow-coholics. Pounce is separated into two places, the main play area with all the cats and the back bar area.

It's $15 per person to get in. Reservations aren't must. With your $15 cover fee, you get a free drink from teas, coffees, sodas, beer, meow-mosas, parentheses. You have to say it right or you won't get your drink. Wines and other drinks. And then they just, they, just talking about the other amenities they have. But I loved, like, you have, you have to say it, Meowmosa.

It's like Cafe Gratitude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, welcome to Cafe Gratitude. I am Laura. I'll be your server today. How can I age you on your journey through the culinary arts today oh yeah could i get a negroni with bourbon huh um scanning the menu i think i know what you're talking about but i don't think we have

that on the menu are you are you talking about the blessing um yeah great um so i'm happy to take your order now now that i know what you want i'll have the blessing oh beautiful that's a beautiful beautiful choice and to eat or sorry to nourish nice um yeah i'll get the avocado toast. Ooh. I think a lot of other restaurants in LA have that, but here we call it something a little different. Just tell me what to say so I can get avocado toast. You can read it. You can read it.

Avocado toast. Avocado toast. And would you like any of the add-ons i don't want those okay you don't want to be uh you don't want to be held you don't want to be loved and you don't want any security no are you sure i want those things i don't want the add-ons on the avocado toast. I don't want an egg. Oh, we don't do eggs here at Cafe Gratitude. That's security for some reason. Yes, we do security. We have security here.

We have so much security we can give you. We can give you all the security you need. I ordered what I wanted. Okay, so you'll have the avocado toast with no security, no love, and no moments of being held, but you will also take a blessing. Yeah. Coming right up. Here you go. Here's one blessing and your avocado toast. Can I offer you something? I know we, I don't even know you. I don't even know your name. But I just feel like I do know you in some ways. Yeah.

What is it? Can I offer you some insight? Sure. Okay, that'll be an additional $26. No. Oh. The insight. Obviously not.

Just the avocado toast and the fucking Negroni. Right? Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Sorry, your energy has turned really, really, really harsh. Oh my God, I feel sick. No one ever speaks. Everyone, those heads all start slowly turning to you.

This is a cult. No one ever speaks like that here. This is a cult. You guys are like, there's no way you heard me from all the way down there on the other side of the restaurant. They also turned. I'm going to need you to say you're sorry

or else we're going to have to kick you out today. I'm so sorry. I'm gone. I'm going to go to a cat cafe. I didn't want to have to go back because the last time I went, I repelled everything like magnets. I don't know what else to say. The good thing about this place is that I hate it so much and I don't even want what I ordered that I'll probably be able to

actually scarf it down. And I dislike you. So you're not going, I'm helping you by doing that, by the way. Otherwise you'd be flying into the kitchen. I feel like I'm flying every day when I work here. But right now, I feel like I might as well be in a hot air balloon crash. That's how much you've brought me down today. So you know what? Fine. Go to the cat cafe. I was going to give you some tender love and care on the house, but I guess that's not going to happen today, is it?

No. Fine. Cut to the cat cafe. Oh, God. Oh, um. I just need a coffee. I'm sorry. Again, we are, we are closed to you. No, I will not ask you out again. We are closed to you. I will not ask you out. I'll stay close to you. I will not ask you out. I'll stay outside.

I just need a coffee. Okay. How much do you want the coffee? Fine. I'll have a tea. I don't want a tea, but I'll have that. Great. Get like one of those little claw arms.

Give it to you from like 10 feet away. Oh, that's a cool claw arm. You go flying towards the back. It pierces my stomach. It lances me through me. It pins me against the wall. You wanted the claw too much. Is this punishable by law?

I don't know what happens with me. I don't know what happens with me. I don't know what happens. Am I going to be tested for science or be put in jail? Ideally, neither. All right, should we do our last segment? Yes. This took me all week long. Estoy estudiando español en Duolingo ahora sí.

I am studying Spanish on Duolingo now. Yes. I fucking love duolingo i went in high school i went up to honors level four in spanish i almost did ap5 but i really didn't like my spanish teacher and that was the only reason i didn't do it is because she and i really didn't get along and i really regret not doing it because after that i just i used to be like not like fluent but like I could really get by I could like hold conversations I knew a lot more and it feels irresponsible for me to live in Los Angeles and not know Spanish and or not as much as I did and so because I am going to Spain in a little bit I'm like oh I'm gonna brush up on it i actually remember a lot

more than i thought i did so that's been really cool um and because daniel's going to hungary he's been doing he's been learning hungarian on duolingo and so that inspired me to do it and so what's so silly about duolingo and what i love so much about it is that it's like not only you're just you're learning shit but they have this thing called like leagues and so every week you can have you done Duolingo no so you can move up a league like per week

and so you earn XP points depending on how many lessons you do how well you do in the lessons and so right now I'm in the hold on 1 2 3 4 5 6 league you can get which is the Emererald league and i'm in second place um and i have four more days you have to be in the top 10 of that league to move on to the next league within that week um and uh listen like i'm gonna be in the top 10 for sure but am i gonna be in the top three? That's what I want to have happen. That's what I want to have happen.

And the person in front of me is, has like 2000 more XP points than I do. And that's hard to get. So that's hard to internalize. I'll keep chugging along, but it's been really, really fun. And,

um, I really love Duolingo. I'll say, I'll say it. It's been really fun. Say it in Spanish. Fuck. I forget.

I love. I mean, fuck. No, I can't. It's like I'm waiting to start really speaking it. You know what's funny? I can hear it and I can read it. I suck at speaking it. But I can write it, read it, listen to it, all of that.

I need to get better at it. And you can love it and list it. You can either love it or you can list it. But what will be nice about being in Spain is that it just kind of fully immersed and just have to get better at it by doing it. But, yeah. So that's been really fun it's also a really horrible procrastination too but but also great because it's like all week I'm like oh I need to write a draft for a sketch for Friday but I'm like I'll do just like a lesson on Duolingo to procrastinate but it's like it makes

me feel better because it's like I'm not on TikTok or I'm not like watching TV or something it's like I'm still learning I'm bettering myself somehow. I'm doing something educational that isn't my job, in a way. 100%. Et tu? Probably fostering. Yes, how has it been? It's been fun. She makes editing more fun, specifically by walking across the keyboard.

Is she cuddly? Yeah, she's actually clingily cuddly. She's always trying to cuddle. And then if I'm like, I can't right now, she gets upset. And then I'm like, Ellie, I'm sorry. How long do you have her for? Indefinitely. Oh.

So hopefully we become a little bonded. But I need to set up a pet finder for her today and try and get her adopted. And I'm also going to post about her on my Instagram. So if anybody in the L.A. area or Southern California at all is in the market for a 12-year-old super sweet and cuddly cat who's very vocal and fun and also still playful. She seems like a much younger cat. So hit me up. DM me. Love it. What's the lifespan for cats? List it. 15, at least 15 years and then after that it could be like honestly any day. Nice when we stop when i had that pause in one of our scenes earlier it's because the neighborhood cat who i love

yeah i know was rocking by and she's so perfect i haven't seen her in a long time and so it got me really excited and it's just crazy that of course as we're recording the cat cafe episode that i saw her i love that bitch yeah uh let's thank some v oh you can follow riley on instagram at riley anspa on twitter at riley coyote the show on instagram at review review and the show on reddit r slash review you can follow jeffrey on instagram at jeffrey jameson on twitter at jeff boyardee let's think something about cats thank you to underscore christian side hugs dogs and cats too aaron carrico agent michael scarn is dreading a co's upcoming vitriolic username.

Oh, here we go. A co actually had a nice day today. Now, if only she had a fucking apology to top it off. 138, by the way. And now a patron who needs no introduction. So moving on. Bob Buell and I don't have a nickname this week. Don't read too much into it.

Just, yeah, a whole lot of nada. Chuck. Curbature. Daddy Tuesday Night is dishing out fatherly advice. Unsubscribe. Dakota, call her Robert, by the way. She downy on my junior. Keep her.

That's the kind of humor you'll get. Dakota, you're a freak for this stunt. You know that? Didn't you learn your lesson last time? Three names a week. Unbelievable. Damien Kirk just enjoyed a refreshing Dr. Pepper and cream soda. Maybe next week he'll try

tasting some sweet puss instead. Fancy octopus. Freya. Frito, pray love. Garf, enemy of the pod. I found the man who created me and tore him limb from limb. Gale's oils. Gilk

Johnick. Grey Titan of the the night defender of the meat hallie the horribly awesome is gray's twin happy birthday jeff use code jeff for 20 off your first baldo purchase happy birthday jeff use code jeff for 20 off your baldo purchase happy birthday jeff use code jeff for 20 off your baldo purchase hey alissa happy birthday you beautiful old motherfucker sam's not allowed to swear at home, so I'm saying it for him. Hey, Jeff, can you please have anyone from Hey, Brittle, Brittle on the HeadGum podcast, please? Holy shit, I'm going to barf. That previous name was so bad.

I'm seriously going to yarf myself. Fuck that guy. Let's move on. Jake Ullman. James Wagner? I hardly know her. Jay's been doing some reading into it, and this whole mess is the fault of Sir Sanford Fleming, so the fact that he got knighted is... Jesse Tipton.

Joe, for lack of a better term. Well, Malazov. New patron. JP again. Thought I was giving a surface-level intro to my life. Therapist ended the sesh with, well, that sounds like a lot. Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. Casper Bo Basper.

Lauren Malang. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Ludwig Baldovin. So it's Beethoven, but he's entered into a fourth period. The Balgasm period. Martin Shkrelizabeth Holmes. Michael Begel. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy.

My odor hydrologist told me to stop smoking. Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeff can't be silly. Nolan Murphy is like a young Van Gogh without the financial hardships, talent, unique artist voice, or great cock. Nolan, that was really bad. Have a better Patreon next week or don't have one at all. Connor Finnegan's name.

That's really funny. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, priest. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name? Come say that to my face at Smoking Time on Main Island. Smoking Time on Main Island, I will be getting a free piece of merch from them soon. So I'm very excited about that. It looks really good.

It does. They follow us. Pete Bradford patiently awaits the premiere of his theme song. Phoebe. Puffin and Squaw. Quack. Wrist like Witherspoon with a Z. Bergman.

Oh, Reese. Sarah, take me back. I still love you and we'll always have that night in the alley behind Arby's. Oh, Reese. Sarah, take me back. I still love you and we'll always have that night in the alley behind Arby's. Oh my god. So what, is this like a job now? You're telling me that I have to update my name more than once a year? That was three accounts, not two. I spent $60 this month and I didn't even get a

follow. You guys are so stingy. That's so Raven. It's the future I can, well, see. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey Sleepnones and TJ Michael that's patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff we have a another

zoom party for VI Podcasts the highest tier this Friday hell yeah or this Thursday I think so come check that out and thanks for listening to this episode of