Review Revue - Chapstick

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

In this episode of Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly read reviews on CHAPSTICK, eat some questionable lemon poppy seed cake, and fake their death.    Follow Reilly and Geoff: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee   Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Every time you shop You read reviews How to make decisions for yourself or do you too? People make decisions, yeah, on what they buy Based on what they read online with no self awareness but I've got good news Jeff and Riley

do a well review review let's see your lighters and cell phones come on Let's see your lighters and cell phones. Come on. Beautiful. Was that John Mayer himself? That was Mayer. Really?

Yeah. Like actually Mayer? Like John Mayer recorded that, sent it in? It was him. You're lying. It was John Clayton Mayer. You're lying. No, that came from Greg Jeffreyrey who wanted us to use his full name he says let's just say it has a little bit of mayor flavor i guess

cheers me old cabarinos which is really popular aussie slang he says oh well thank you also guys if you uh when you send these theme songs songs in a make sure that you say that you add theme song in the subject line and also let us know your pronouns. I don't want to misgender anybody. Yes. Put the theme song in the subject line because Jeff, like if it doesn't have theme song in it, Jeff like automatically deletes it. Doesn't matter what it is, even if it's like a sponsor reaching out to delete any email

that doesn't have the subject line theme song in it so even if it's like some even if it's a sponsor reaching out for like we want to pay you an exorbitant amount of money to um sponsor whatever jeff's like deleted it's not a theme song because that's not a theme song i'm so sorry if you want to advertise that's fine but just make a song a little bit that's fine but it's like include a song and then you can add the email below that it's funny yeah um no it's just it's funny yeah what normally you hate that so it's funny why i hate it still it's just sort of funny it's been a while since i've done it and i i thank you for the absence it's been a welcome break it's been a long time without hi jeffrey and i'll tell you all about it when i see you again when i see you right now you didn't change that line no je. Jeffrey, what's new, boo?

The weather's changed. This is my favorite time of year. Fuck yeah, it has. I love summer, but summer in Los Angeles gets kind of toasty. It gets sweltering. It's disgusting. I hate it. What's that? I hate it.

Oh. No, it's so fall outside. It's so fall outside it's so fall oh my god so the santa anna winds are rolling in um along with my anxiety about fires um well anxiety generally but yeah that's not because of the fires that's not because the fires but i walked out to my car the other day oh the amount of crunchy leaves. That shit felt like falling to me. I was in a sweater and I had to just crunch over some like. It was good shit. Yeah.

And that's the other thing is that there's tons of crunchy leaves. So at the end of the day, like that's tight. I was in Lake Arrowhead over the weekend, which I love. George and I, well, last year we went to Idlewild around this time. And now we're going, now we went to Arrowhead. It's so nice to do a mountain getaway in October. Would have loved an invite to that. Would you have come?

I don't think I had the time. All right. Next time I'll invite you. No, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Okay. You don't have to. I would never want you to be like oh god now

i have to invite old aunt spa yeah you know well that's yeah it's no it's just i it's gonna be obligatory now because you said can i invite you invite me but i don't want it to be a chore like always invite me to things but i don't want you to be like oh no i have to invite her to shit yeah and then if you yeah all right this is crazy and then what no i just what if you sour the time because you're like you didn't even want to go but you feel like you have to take me up on at least one invitation so you do you force yourself to come and then you sour the day maybe Maybe. I guess we'll never know. Yeah, hopefully. I have been wanting to foster a dog, right?

I think I talked about it on the pod a couple episodes ago. Yeah. Haven't been able to. We've tried. Yeah. Well, it's hard. Well, I mean, it's like, here here's the thing it actually isn't hard but right now elizabeth and i we could only commit to doing a week and understandably they're like we would love people to do two weeks or more to give the dogs an adequate break from the kennels why can't you do two weeks um because of various uh travel and work things um daniel's

coming home a week from today's the 14th of october he's coming home a week from, today's the 14th of October. He's coming home a week from today. And then you and I are going out of town. And so it's just not, like not consistent. We also, because like, yeah, especially if we got like a- Well, you should saddle,

you should basically say that you're going to be there to help and then kind of skip town and then Valenti has to do it all herself. That's really good. I actually hadn't thought about that. That could be fun. That could be really fun. Oh my God. And Success succession comes out this sunday i'm so fucking excited oh my god it's gonna be crazy we have been re-watching season two it's such a

horny show i love it it's such a what horny it is so someone tweeted that it's like in succession no one ever taught like all they say is business shit it's like they don't actually ever really explicitly talk about sex but it is somehow the horniest show on tv well because business is power and power is sex business is pleasure at the end of the day speaking of pleasure today we're here to talk about something that gives me an immense amount of joy we're talking about chapstick we are talking i know it is jeffrey i love chapstick i used to hate chapstick what why what's there to hate about it uh i just didn't like the feeling of goop on my lips okay then you're probably using the wrong kind then you're probably using the wrong kind probably and now i'm i i i'm a little bougie ass i have the asap lips lip balm and it smells

so subtle but not like nothing and um it comes in a little tube so sharing is not only caring but easy i never share my chapstick but you should why not because like i don't want anyone's other mouth to be on the shit that my mouth's been on i just love kissing so much that i need to have others lips even residue well that's different i just mean it's like if someone's like do you have chapstick i'm not gonna be like yeah here's my well also does yours squeeze out yeah it squeez it squeezes out. Okay. So mine does not. I have like the little like twisty guy.

I know, but that's what I'm saying. I like when other people use it on their lips so that I can use it on my lips after. This is not a joke. Sorry. So what you're saying, sorry, hold on. I'm just trying to think of like the physics of this. So you, are you saying that it's like you like to use it and then whoever you're going to kiss, you're like, oh, and now we're both using the same thing?

No. Then what I need you to kind of like elaborate. So a platonic friend will be like, do you have any chapstick? I'm like, yeah, here you go. They use it and then I use it immediately after. And it's almost like you kissed. Is that real? Yeah.

That's insane. It is very sensual sharing chapstick with someone. I guess I just mean with people that you kind of have a crush on. Okay. I thought you were meaning just with anyone that it's like which is which is also fine not in sorry i don't mean that's insane i just mean for me it's like in my hypochondriac ass hypochondriac ass i'd be like your mouth cannot touch what my mouth has been on yeah i like to live like like you could do anything in the woods right you could drink dirty water in the woods.

So tap is fine. Does that make sense? Like there's no way tap is going to be as bad as a creek. I love that lately on the pod. We've really been diving into the concept of free will. You can do anything. Like we're just rediscovering it. Well, I mean, it's like if you're in the, like you can drink.

You can do anything. You can do anything. You can do anything. You can drink dirty water. You can share chapstick. You also don't have to. You can literally do what you want. That's so dumb. We shouldn't have pretty well.

My chapstick that I love is the coconut and pear Burt's Bees. I put it on vigorously every night before bed and every morning when I rise, I'll usually apply it twice more throughout the day. I have a stick on my bedside table. I have one in my purse. I have one in my car. I used to have one on my desk in my office, but I do not have that here anymore. I buy them in packs of four so that I can replenish the ones throughout, you know, all of my places where I keep them if need be. In high school, my Burt's Bees go-to flavor was pomegranate. college it was vanilla it has always been the bees that always will be the bees the bees of berts is unbeatable and i will put

that my my lips are sealed with wax berts bees just. They're not sealed because they're really luscious and pillow soft because unlike other chapstick, the bee wax lets air in. So it's like you still get it still is refreshing, but not like cakey. It's perfect. And I think it's amazing. And it can do literally no wrong. I fucking burtsby's chapstick wanna kick us off yeah let's do it uh this is a one-star review from katie eve you want to give her last name katie eavesdropper oh no this is um oh no not katie not eavesdrop that's what i Oh, no. Not Katie. Not Eve's Jam. That's what I take issue with the one we already have. No. No. Katie, dude. This is a one-star review of Chapstick Moisturizer Original. Uh-huh.

I have a couple of those, too. This is great. One star. I get headaches from vanilla, and I'm disappointed that the description says original flavor versus what they really are. Vanilla. Katie, did you get some cake at a wedding? Oh, you know what? I just cut up a slice.

I'm about to dig in. It looks delicious. It's amazing. Oh, my God. So it looks like each tier is different. So I got a little bit. Is this one? This must be

like a lemon poppy seed right i don't know i haven't tried it should we take a bite at the same time okay all right here we go okay wait cheers my fork samantha cheers cheers okay they take a bite oh this is really good it's like a vanilla almond hmm, it is vanilla almond, which is sorry. I'm just, you can see the poppy seeds in here though. Right? Like you can see, and like, I think those are vanilla bean. That's really, no, I'm fine. That's just like, that's just so weird. It's like, why? I don't, sorry. I just, I mean, it's beautiful. I've just never seen a vanilla almond cake look like lemon poppy seed, but that's just me. I feel like that's just super misleading. Okay.

But... Well, you're not going to let it. You're not going to let it, like, ruin your time, right? Oh, my God. No, I mean... You do this sometimes. It's Amanda's big day. What do I do sometimes?

What do you mean, what do I do sometimes? You just, like, you let little things really get to you. No, I mean... And look, we've been best friends since college. So, I just, like, I can call you out on this kind of thing. No, Samantha, like, I... It is her day. I know. I know that I usually do no samantha it is her day i know i

know that i usually do that but it is amanda's day and like i am not it is so not about uh me but i feel like i should let people know because a lot of people might be expecting lemon poppy seed flavor and it's not that so i feel oh oh okay all right now it's time for the the maid of honor speech. Katie, why don't you get on up here? Oh, thank you. Thank you. Speak from the heart. I will stop it. OK. Wow. Hi, everybody.

It's me, Katie Eavesdropper. Sorry, that's just that's what my friends call me in college. I can't seem to shake the nickname. It's not my fault. The walls are thin. It is Amanda's big day. And she and Josh just,

you guys, your love is so powerful. And from the moment that, you know, that Samantha set you guys up on that blind date sophomore year, we all knew that it was meant to be. And today has been nothing if not special and maybe a little unexpected.

I just wanted this is I do have a rest of the speech prepared. I just want to just take a really quick moment to just let everyone know if you haven't. Hey, everybody, if you haven't yet tried the cake, just a heads up, it's not lemon poppy seed. It looks like it, but that's not what it tastes like. And so it is vanilla almond. And I know, I know what you're all thinking. I know what you're all thinking.

The almond in the cake is usually kind of overpowering. I don't know why they chose it either. I just want to let everyone know if you want to have a slice of that, great. It's not what you think it's going to be. It's not like a beautiful, refreshing, light lemon poppy seed. It actually is kind of like an overpowering, almost like overly fragrant vanilla almond. It's also a bit drier than I expected. That has nothing to do with the taste.

That's just kind of like the baker's fault. But anyway, back to the celebration. Katie. Yeah. Amanda's mom baked the cake. I had to not to the celebration. Katie. Yeah. Amanda's mom baked the cake. I had to not bake the cake. Amanda's mom baked the cake, so maybe don't tear it apart on stage. Oh, I wasn't tearing it apart.

Okay, I will rectify this right now. Thank you so much. No, no, no. Don't talk about the cake. Don't talk about the cake. It's already bad enough. Just move on. Mrs. Adams.

No way. Mrs. Adams. I am so sorry. I did not realize that you are the one who baked this cake. I mean, listen, from the decorations, you'd think it was from like a professional bakery. She didn't do the decorations. Okay. All right.

Well, you picked out some really good. Oh, I guess you didn't pick it. I guess Amanda and't pick it i guess amanda and josh picked it i have some great recipes that i learned from watching great british baking show i can pull up my phone i can i can airdrop to you right now um oh it was a it was a family it was a family recipe it was a family recipe. I, I'm so sorry to hear that. And honestly, Amanda, I don't want this to sour your day. I don't want this to sour your day.

And Mrs. Adams, I don't want this to sour your day either. Your little girl just got married and she's going to have a long and happy marriage. Oh, okay. What you did. What did I do? You gotta fix this. You gotta fix this. Okay. Well, no, just, I, I just, I'm not at fault here.

Hey, everybody, just a quick poll, just a show of hands in the room. Or if you want to do it from clapping, that's fine too. That may be a little bit more exciting. Did anyone else here think the cake could have been better than it was? Half of them clapped, some raised their hands. There we go.

Okay, so I'm going to say, because both i should have picked either clapping or raising of hands that was at least 75 percent of you thought that the cake could have been better now a different poll uh let's all let's all clap for this one amanda one second i promise i have this amazing speech you are gonna cry for like happy days on her wedding day everyone does that now okay so everybody how many of you thought it was going to be vanilla poppy seed i mean sorry lemon poppy seed god not vanilla lemon poppy seed everybody raised their hand what there it is and that's all i'm trying to say that's all i'm trying

to say um the bride's dad comes all right all right i don't know what that was. Oh, I actually am not. I haven't read my speech. I think you're done. I think you're done. Amanda, I will text my speech to you. I wrote on my notes app. Happy wedding day. You're awful. What?

No, the cake was awful. I'm honest. Let's move on to the best man speech. Hey, Tyler here. I had I have a whole speech prepared. I just if I could. Do you guys mind? I just want to wax appetizers for a second.

Yes. I love this. Tyler, speak. Speak your mind. Did anybody else think that the pigs in a blanket were going to be lemon poppy seed? Everybody claps and raises their hands. What is this? All right, should we take a quick break? Yes. This new year, why not let Audible expand your life by listening? Audible CA contains over 890,000 total titles within its current library, including audiobooks, podcasts, and exclusive Audible Originals that'll inspire

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Und wir back. Und wir back. Here we go. This is for... It's labeled under Chapstick Classic Original Protectant, but I think this is for like a s'mores trio. Like one is graham cracker, one is marshmallow, one is chocolate, supposedly.

So it's three stars from S and P. S, ampersand, P. Stocks and purchases. God, it's stocks and purchases. Is that their name or just kind of the concept of stocks and purchases? In a way so three stars from stocks and purchases the title is only for s'mores fans product is true

to its name recommended for s'mores fan if you're not one of those who wants their lips to taste like dessert stay away pros all three s'mores flavors are there. Moisturizes just like any other chapstick. Kids like marshmallow flavor. Cons. I felt like there are a lot of additives to achieve true flavors. It will be hard for adults to wear this every day. Mandy, I know I hired you. I'm a rising star and I hired you to be my personal stylist. I just don't see how this is something an adult can wear.

What are you talking about? Those overalls look so cute on you. Yes. Even though you're talking about it as infantile. What? You look adorable. Jordan, what are you saying? You look incredible.

I'm going to be the next James Bond. I can't be caught dead in dungarees. Yeah, and James Bond is still a child at heart. What? Let's see the next outfit. I say no to that one. Okay, fine. Next. I pull out.

I pull out like a little sailor outfit. No way. James Bond is often on a boat. Right. And when he's on a boat, he needs to have the proper attire, but he still kind of like has that playful energy

and spirit about him that I think is so why they cast you. I mean, you're the youngest Bond they've ever had. Yeah, that's true. And so I think we should really like play on that.

I feel like that means I have something to prove that I am an adult. I'm an adult. I know you're an adult. Okay. All right. I feel like that means I have something to prove that I am an adult. I'm an adult. I know you're an adult. Okay. All right. I don't,

I feel like, I'm sorry. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot here. I thought we were both trying to find outfits that really like showed the James Bond spirit. Yes. Tuxedos, slim fitting polo shirt with a cool jeans. Been done.

It's all been done. And you know what? It's been done because it works. It's classic. It's timeless. For me, and this is just like my own kind of like my own spirit and my own energy as a stylist. That's like kind of dowdy. It's a little bit old.

It's a little bit musty. What we need is something that brings life. It's a little bit old. It's a little bit musty. What we need is something that brings life. It brings youthful energy. It brings a kind of pizzazz back into the Bond franchise. Yeah, but I chose you because you styled Chris Pratt. You styled Olivia Rodrigo. You made them look awesome.

I made them look amazing. And yes, that's what I'm saying. I find the trends. I go on TikTok every single morning. I haven't seen anybody dressing like this. Well, exactly. And because I'm starting with you. Hey, look at me. You are not a trend follower, Jordan. We are making you a trend setter. Okay. All right. All right. You like the sound of that? I like the sound of that. Yeah. Let's see the next outfit. I i can see it i can see you on vogue harper's bazaar vanity fair in outfits that no one even dreamed you would ever be in no one ever even thought oh bond would wear that and that's it's like you're gonna bring the unexpected next thing you know every every kid who's bond for halloween

is gonna be wearing what you're wearing. Kid for like an adult. I pull out a diaper with like an oversized safety pin. No way. That's the entire outfit. It's already it's already soiled. What the hell is this? Because because Bond isn't a squeaky clean. He's he's not like goody two shoes.

What are you talking about always clean and refined that's like this whole thing is he's doing all these action stunts and he's clean but what this is representing is the inner turmoil that he's also facing i mean god he's had a hard life he's been he's been through it for the movie this is for me to go on talk shows you want me to waddle out on jimmy fallon in a soil diaper that's where your movement consultant to figure out the movement consultant comes in knock knock hey hey peter how's it going do you find any outfits for the for the talk shows yet we're we're getting there we're actually getting further away but i think that there's a couple more. Mandy, the diapy. I love it. See? What?

It really shows like a youthful energy. Oh, my God. He's going to look amazing in that. That's what I think, too. No, he thinks that he's not going to be able to move in this. Oh, no. You're going to move just right, Jordan. Just right.

Fine. This is insane. I'll try it on. Let me just. I can do it. Let me do it. I can do it. And so I, we really want to take the franchise in a new direction. You know, we want to kind of, uh, depart from a lot of the misogynistic aspects of bond, um, and kind of bring it into the modern era. You know, Daniel Craig did a lot

of that and I want to kind of carry that torch. You know, I actually, I crossed my legs at crinkles. You know, I actually, uh, I, actually, he invited me over to his house and kind of had a good chat about it. And I'm sorry. It's, I'm so uncomfortable. Crossing the legs made it worse. There is some kind of liquid in this diaper. Mandy's off behind the wings. Yes, there is.

Roll with it. Sorry. Did you have another question? Yes. Listen, we all loved your turn as Bond. We think that you are going to be the next big rising star. This actually is not a question so much about the film as it is about who you're wearing tonight.

I mean, the diaper itself is one thing, but the rattle is an unexpected touch that I, I mean, many people don't bring props uh when they get interviewed yeah the rattles from uh tinker toys um i think my stylist got it from the walgreens uh let's yeah can we talk about the movie i really wish that i wasn't dressed like this i'm in such good shape for the movie so that's cool to be seen but god you're like ripped with like six pack ass a pack in a diaper no absolutely absolutely uh so in the film i mean i i'm sorry i'm just so blown away i

think that your stylist um really hit the nail on the head in dressing you for this press tour because what we see i mean you are the youngest bond we all know that the crowd goes nuts yes i mean then look at this young whippersnapper here i'm 28 so i'm not a young whippersnapper but we can keep talking about the movie now the scene where you kind of have to to um almost like use a rope to swing yourself across um a ravine filled with with like crazed gunmen what um did that make you a little bit nervous like did that kind of make you a little bit scared what was that like for you yeah well i did all my own stunts which was a new experience for me. And it was it was it was really cool. I think, you know, shooting in the Mediterranean was was an awesome experience. But definitely like when you're that

far away from home doing such a big stunt, I literally sent a text to all my loved ones. And I was like, hey, like, if I don't make it, I love you guys so much. And everybody, you know, I did a little joke about, you know what, everybody's going to get in the will and, um, and, but you know, you, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to talk shit about, sorry, I shouldn't swear. Um, I don't want to talk poorly about any of my co-stars, but, um, Oh, we're going to get some juicy goss. Uh, I thought Josh Peck was weird casting for the villain. I, and I, poorly about any of my co-stars but um oh we're gonna get some juicy goss uh i thought josh peck

was weird casting for the villain i and i hate like my pr rep is like in backstage he can't be saying this he can't be saying this mandy mandy do you have something just to shut him up just to shut him okay uh yes yes i think i have something i run on stage a big binky I thrust it in your mouth and the crowd goes nuts there he is there he is that's the Bond we want to see alright should we do another review

if we're here and we are this is a two pack of Burt's Bees one star review from james a james aluminum james aluminum or aluminum yeah depending on where you're from but is it's let's just say aluminum let's say aluminum uh one star this is my favorite flavor of burt's bees however this was a very disappointing and disturbing purchase because the box contained one sealed tube of the grapefruit balm and along with

one previously used disgustingly filthy balm of another flavor in the same box it reminds me of like it's like someone tried to send a message like a message in a bottle but like the worst way you could ever do that someone at like the at the shipping warehouse pop it open use a little bit of it like a whisper travel safely i pop it back on i pop it in a box all right this one's good to go ship her out got to somebody on the beach in another continent oh my god babe i think there's like a i think there's a message in a bottle oh oh my god this is crazy this only happens in movies open it open it pop it open bird's bees huh i guess it's just garbage well well now hold on let's take a closer look okay it's why coconut pear flavored okay that's. That must mean something, right? It's the most popular flavor.

This coconut pear must have come from somewhere tropical. Maybe let's wear it. That's not true. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime experience. Who else can say like we found a Burt's Bees in a bottle? Like, ready to go. Alright, yeah. Let me take the top off. Oh, God.

It's so gray. Oh, okay. It is so gray. Oh, okay. It is really gray. I think maybe you should swipe some on. I don't know. Maybe it sounds crazy, but maybe it'll connect you to the person who wore it last.

Cut back to the person who wore it last. He's at home. He lives in utter squalor. Looks up at the moon out his window. They're close. Cut back. I can sense it. I don't know.

I have a bad feeling about this. Just try. What's the worst that could happen? You get some gross old Burt's Bees on your lips. That's fine. You can wipe it. I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this. Just try. What's the worst that could happen? You get some gross old Burt's Bees on your lips. That's fine. You can wipe it off later. This could change our lives. All right.

I'll put it on. Applies it. Cut back to the guy. It's happening. Cut back. Michael, do you feel any different? I don't know. It sort of tastes like salt

what else the seawater it tastes like dirt it tastes like somebody who's working at the docks all day someone was working at the top oh my god oh my god i think something's happening michael i think you're like this is this is huge. Cut back. I sense him. It's happening. Okay, he is kind. He works in tech. He's not like the other ones.

This could be something big. Cut back. Look, I have so much more important shit to worry about, all right? I have to send my resume to four different companies I'm still unemployed And honestly, honey You're really getting on my nerves What? Whoa Michael, you've never spoken to me this way before

Are you okay? Cut to the dock worker I have some Oh, I feel like I gotta send some emails. I don't even work. I don't even have a computer, but I just have a sudden urge

to crunch some numbers. They both apply for the same job and they get transported to London. They're cut to the office. Hey, man. Michael.

Yeah? I can't. It's me. You recognize me at all? No. Do you shower? How often do you shower? It doesn't matter.

Michael. It's... Coconut pear? What? What? Grab your face. May I? May you kiss me? Yeah.

No. Okay. Michael, you're the one who I've been searching for. It's me. I'm, I'm, I'm. Where's HR? I'm Lyle. I work at the docks.

I sent you the message in a bottle and here we are. You were the one who put chapstick in a bottle and put it into the ocean? Yes, in hopes that one day- How the hell did you get my name from that? I could feel it. I could feel it, Michael. And this is what I've wanted all along. I've never had any friends of my own.

And so I hope that in one day, in me sending the bees in a bottle, that someone like you with a kind heart would pick it up and if we could, I don't know, go on a bunch of adventures together throughout life. You ruined my life with that chapstick. What?

It made me angry, which I've never felt before. And my wife left me. No. Because I snapped at her about it every day for a year and now here we are working at go daddy london corporate you think i wanted this i live in a i live in squalor this isn't how i imagined it going i'm so sorry i think i must have messed something up i didn't mean for us to do like a life swap thing.

This is kind of, I just, oh shit. No, you know what? You know what it was? I think, I think here's what it was. I put the cap from the pomegranate one onto the coconut and pear one accidentally. So I think that's what switched up a little bit. What was supposed to happen is that it, you know, you and I would magically connect and then we'd be like, oh, we need to meet each other and we'd become friends um i think what ended up happening is you got kind of my like cantankerous energy and that kind of took over

yeah i'm really sorry about that but it's not okay is there anything i can do to make it up to you? I mean, I can't reverse it, but I could buy you a coffee. Fine. Really? Don't be that excited, but yes. Cut to them at the coffee shop. Michael, what do you want? It doesn't, just a flat white or some bullshit Uh a flat white and a decaf

Another one First at the register It's you How do you do this How do you and why Vanilla bean Vanilla bean You're excited

This is so crazy Well now i have my it's working suddenly more and more people start coming in like just saying different flavors pink grapefruit original beeswax yes yes christine i miss you uh all right do you want to do our last review why don't you just leave create a normal life for yourself this is for carmex classic stick six count from sarah c sarah carmex sarah carmex the title is five stars my perfect bomb I've been testing SPF lift bombs this summer and I've come to the conclusion that I'm really particular about bombs. I like them to be soft and melty, but last more than 20 minutes, feel occlusive but not sticky, and give a little bit of shine without looking

like a full-scale gloss. I don't want nasty flavor, weird smells, a white cast, or chemical burns. I've been having a hard time finding a balm that meets those requirements and also has SPF, and this seems to be the winner. This is definitely soft, can be applied lightly or layered thickly. It melts on easily, feels smooth, hydrates well, doesn't have a perfumey or food-like fragrance, and offers a little shine. No gross flavor or a white cast, and lasts at least an hour but not all day which is a good reminder to reapply spf every few hours anyway the only thing i dislike is that it transfers to cups so i usually use a dryer bomb during my morning routine right before coffee and then use this the rest of the day i would get this on subscribe and save if i could you're on an

instagram live you have like a hundred followers a bunch of comments why are you doing this hey guys so oh okay let me just address welcome i know you're all here for the cvs hall i'm doing hi hi everybody hello it's so good to see you there's no one seen or heard from you in a summer. Where did you go? Okay. So on this haul today, we're doing a little CVS. So first things first, we've got the Carmex lip balm. And listen, you guys, this stuff is amazing. I'm holding it up like the one hand behind, like right near the camera to show the authorities found your subaru overturned in a ditch we thought you were dead you guys have so many comments coming in subaru ditch right

address if anyone has any questions about the carmax let me know because i feel like i'm an aficionado now i mean like i have like i i have tubes of this everywhere in my house. OK, so I'll leave that. Now, next thing we're going to do, we have this kind of like a CVS brand mascara, which they actually just came out with this year. If you guys want to watch me. Is that the space needle behind you? Did you move to Seattle? Oh, we've got more comments popping in. Space needle.

Yes. Address them. You're reading them, but you're not saying anything about them. You guys don't be shy about asking about specific products if you have any questions about the ingredients if you have any questions about the directions of use i'm your girl i'm kind of the cvs queen and yes i know the receipts are super long i should like make a scarf out of them or something it's crazy okay so i'll put those down now here we've got a pack of 100 q tips um can we just talk about all the things that you can do

with this i know they say don't put it in your ear but you know i know we all are a little naughty anyway we had a funeral we had a funeral for you because we thought you were gone looking at the comments funeral yes grieving parent correct yes okay a bunch of emojis oh i'm seeing the hearts Yes. Grieving parents. Correct. Yes. Okay. A bunch of emojis. Oh, I'm seeing the hearts come in. You guys are so sweet. Nobody did those. If anyone also, my request to go live with me is open.

So if anyone wants to come, like, don't be shy. Request comes in from Jordan. Oh my God, Jordan. Yes, come on. Jordan, it's been forever. Where were you for an eternity closes you out okay so now next thing we're gonna go to this isn't so much a product as it is just like i love it it's some polar seltzer that i picked up i mean this flavor it's just simple lemon but it's incredibly refreshing just like the carmex lip bomb oh and jordan is requesting to come on again jordan only questions about the hall i'm taking

right now honey i'm sorry are you okay just answer that are you okay um i am refreshed and rehydrated and um i'm feeling amazing i mean like I'm feeling like the car was on fire and you don't see that again. All right. So, uh, if anyone has any more questions, like, honestly, I've seen a lot of people on TikTok be like, I'll put out a newsletter. I'll put out like different how to's of how to get your life in order throughout the week. Is that something? Let me know in the comments.

Is that something you guys would be interested in at all? We don't want that. We want you to move back to Arizona. Okay, I'm seeing comments. I'm seeing no, no. Is it because I promise you guys you will get an email once a week. It's not gonna spam.

It's not gonna flood your inbox in any way. That is spam. Request to go live. Jordan, I actually have a lot of followers right now. You don't. You have 140 i am buying a ticket to come visit you in seattle i'm not in seattle i move in front of the space natal you you can't leave me just tell me your address just tell me your address

i did it to get away from you all everybody sends the like jaw drop emoji. I accidentally turned the lemon filter on. I did it to get away from everybody. Things were hard. And I thought, stop it. I know my car is a lemon. That's why I burnt it. I did it because I wanted a change.

I wanted a new life. And I thought that no one would want me around anymore so it'd just be easier for me to start in Seattle I work at the original Starbucks now and I'm really happy and yes you can tell my parents I stop calling me that I'm not a sour girl anymore I've changed my outlook on a lot of things you have a filter that makes you a citrus i actually change it to baby yoda and so you guys i would just really respect everyone i don't need you back come to brazil all right should we do our last segment yes this shook me all week long I was busy thinking about wine.

Wine. Wine. I was busy thinking about wine. Wine. Wine. Wine. I was running through a steakhouse with my red so you failed and then passed the test right okay no so here's what happened here's what happened i'm gonna give a little a little this is a such a tiny little version of it. So I took my level one WSUT exam, uh,

wine spirit education trust exam in wines, um, last Saturday. And because I did it remotely, they're very, very intense about like, I, I screen recorded my screen. I, they recorded me from my camera inside my computer. And I also had to download this app, um, for them to watch me through my phone that I had to place download this app for them to watch me through my phone that I had to place three feet away from me so they could kind of like see me in the space I had to record the whole space all this being said they have like a big list of no-no's that it's like you'd be automatically disqualified and that's like having notes on the table it's someone else in the room if you're talking you know whatever things on the walls. Um, and one of the big ones was if your secondary

device, i.e. your phone drops out during the test. Um, long story short, my phone dropped out during the test or so I thought because like a notification popped up that I saw after I completed the test that said that it did. Um, well, so because I had two tabs open and i'm just this is so not interesting but it's like i was taking the test in one tab i was two minutes into this test and i hear a notification pop up on the other tab but it just said one new notification so in my mind it's like that could have been from like the chat bot that's like here if you need anything yeah but in my mind it would have been more of an egregious thing to to change tabs during a proctored test that's being screen recorded so i didn't do that and so i'm like i'll figure it out when i'm done with the

test i submit the test i close the tab out and then i see on the one that's like uh-oh your phone dropped out and i'm like fuck but then i checked my phone and it said that it didn't so it was just very confusing i was immediately so disappointed because i'm like no especially because i feel like i aced it. I'm like, that sucks. And I would have had to pay for a retake. So I email my go-to person explaining what happened. And he's like, it's out of my hands.

How is it out of his hands? Because he's not the one who's in charge of that. He's just kind of like my go-to person for information and scheduling. I'm just like, yeah. It's so much more intense and serious. I'm just like, yeah, it was, it was just, it's like, it's, it's so much more intense and serious than I thought it was going to be. And so he's like, I will email what you said, like, you know, describing what happened to the board.

And, um, I didn't know what I was going to hear back. And then a couple of days ago, I heard that, um, I wasn't disqualified for that reason. At least it's like, you were disqualified. No, as far, as far as far as i can tell i haven't been they said that uh upon review my exam has already been reviewed and appears to be cleared from technical errors so that's good um so the thing that i thought would have disqualified me did not disqualify me now that being said they could also find something else you know that i didn't know about um but's looking like, and watch cut to like me a month from being like,

so I failed the test. But as far as right now, it's looking like in terms of everything, that's not just the test itself being graded, that I should be fine. So fingers crossed for wine. Fingies crossed. Fingers crossed for wine. so then i'd be able to start level two in the new year oh i mean even and listen it's like if i have to retake it you know whatever but i feel like i did really well like during the test i was oh i haven't

taken a multiple choice test since high school yeah i haven't taken a test since high school i went to an acting conservatory i didn't go to real school and so that i had so much test anxiety going into it but i knew my shit i know a lot more about wine than i did a couple months ago and so that feels very exciting i went i had dinner with my mom that night and we had wine and i didn't see what wine it was but just from taste alone i and i've never done a blind taste test i guessed correctly that it was a cab sav when it was always so that was cool that's like a cool life skill to have yeah it felt fun because i'm like based on the smell and the i felt like oh i'm putting my shit to you so i'm like okay it's either a merlot or a cab sav and i guessed correctly and then we were served again i'm like this is a cab sav they're like yeah i'm

like fuck yeah that's awesome um the eyes are clearing they are i can see that yeah they look really good they're still like there's still blood draining i don't know how it drains but it's still draining um so not 100 yet but i don't look like i'm crazy anymore. Well. So, well, not because of the eyes, at least. That's different. Yeah, that's different. So just really excited about that. I'm not as shy at photos.

This is so earnest. And also just like, I don't have to worry about it anymore. The LASIK was an unbelievably good decision because they're clearer than they were pre-LASIK to some degree. That's amazing. Which is crazy because they're drier. So I don't know what was going on before um but uh really really excited about that it's been a it's been a like I've made a lot of jokes about it it's really it was really getting me down over the summer like on the 4th of July my eyes were beet red like just I looked like they were crimson red and I like wouldn't, it was awful. I like, it makes me not want to go places.

And now I'm like, uh, reborn, born anew. And, uh, if anybody, I don't know if anybody has eye issues,

get them checked out sooner rather than later. Cause I also could have saved a lot of this stuff if I had started three years ago. Um, but very excited about that. Good shit. It's very exciting. They look so good. Yeah. Also exciting they look so good yeah also this is

so small but what is shaking what i realized is shaking me is i'm gonna see your new place for the first time today i've never been yeah you're coming over to uh package hoodies finally apologies vi podcast that they didn't go out sooner but they literally are going out today or tomorrow and the cameos and the cameos um and yeah you still haven't seen it i've lived here for like a year and a half people still make jokes at me on social media that i move all the time i'm like i've almost lived here for two years that's crazy that's an exaggeration it's been a year and a half but still um i'm very excited to see it uh do you want to go on the roof? Sure You're going to be scared Can we still

Yeah, so probably not I'm scared of heights I'm scared of heights too And it's fine But we don't have to Can we still put on Over the garden wall On the projector?

Fuck yeah Alright, should we think Some VI podcasts? We can, but it's like I don't know at what cost at what cost yeah all right thank you to you know what i'm done reading these fuck well me underscore christian side hugs for chastity aaron aaron coogan adam shea agent michael A co-wantsy to close your eyes and imagine having had lustful wanton LOLJK Could you fucking imagine? Alex Witt

And now a patron who needs no introductions, so moving on Anthony Amadeo Bob Buell just got two new fall candles labeled Snuggly Sweater and Sea Salt Vanilla And I'm not paying Ricky his G. Brad Held promises to sneak a review reference into Survivor when he makes it on the show. That would be amazing. Brian Dobb. Chuck.

Caroline the Breadwinner and Kinsey the Bread Sinner. Chasen Bales. Cluff. Corned Beef, new patron. Oh, new patron. Cullen. Oh, curvature on that grind. Patreon won't let me Add a question mark

Maybe Damien Kirk Mid-tenure patron So who would care Devin Clark Memler Is a real piece of work Just the worst Did you know that

Jessica Biel came out As anti-slacks Every night I shiver Praying for a piece Of clothing to warm me Like a review review hoodie Fancy octopus Frito pray love Gabriel Castananeda jeffrey you just

gotta get on nadpod not for my sake but for yours i really do thank you to enjoy that that that that that gracie me rolling they hated greg berg graham stop gme new patron happy birthday jacob woodward long time listener short short time listener, question mark. Harbinger of cracking up and goofing off. Hey Jeff, could you please have anyone

from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? We should have Hey Riddle Riddle on Review Review again. That was like one of my favorite episodes

we've done with the guests. Oh my God, it's forever ago. I literally only subscribe to Forrest, Jeffrey, and Riley to say trans rights,

XOXO. In a very real sense, TR. Is my favorite person. Anyway, another thing I hate about... Isaac Puff, new patron in No He's Not. Jack Kwan. Jake the Snake Raddiff. Jake Ullman.

Jameson Poncia feels a sense of nostalgia for the time Riley was a lemon on Jeff's live. Jesse Tipton. Jive Gosley. John Quinonez. Josh, just kind of a cool guy, and please don't say otherwise or I'll be sad pike. JP again. Fun fact number three,

I've never seen the love guru, nor do I have any intention to do so. Justin Goncalves. Is that a new patron? Yep. Yep, new patron. Caleb losing his luster without a hoodie. Not for much longer.

Not for much longer. Keelan Shelton New patron Lauren Malang Lord Hunter the Grey Maggie Anderson Malik Mark Priest Michael Beggle

Moe Pete 2 Jeffrey Strikes Back Mona Maur Raquel has all but flourished in the drag scene Meaning she hasn't flourished in the drag scene Send tweet Mr. Daddy Tuesday Spooky Night Fright all but flourished in the drag scene meaning she hasn't flourished in the drag scene send tweet mr daddy tuesday spooky night fright the gray bad boy baby jeff needs to start behaving himself how mooshu lasagna oh my god my oh my god my address Oh my God. My address. And don't bleep that out. Daniel, please bleep that out.

Nate Porteous ate at Cornish Game Ken and is just as confused as you are. No, it's Rory and Davey or Zooey Landle. Nolan Murphy is sort of the king of Hollywood now. He's been here a week and sort of runs the place. I don't think so. Orangey Gladys and Hallie. Phoebe. Quack.

Rooster Williams. Sam Armstrong. Sean Siguenza, new patron. Shant and the Bone has... Nope, it's not. What's that? A boner. Oh, Slickety Doodah Rickety Day.

Why oh why hasn't Buell paid my stack? Soap. Technically, there's nothing wrong With having the meat This is a call out for the McBride Safeway in New West they changed their pastrami And now it sucks TJ Michael Up top two bee stings

New patron Yara Bouchard and Jasmine David So thank you guys for subscribing At the highest tier if you'd also like access to All the content that we have available on our Patreon Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff And you can follow Riley on Instagram At RileyAnspa on Twitter at RileyCoyote

And the show on Instagram at ReviewReview And on Reddit r slash ReviewReview You can follow Jeffrey on Instagram At Jeffrey James on Twitter at JeffBoyRD Right? It's still JeffBoyRD It hasn't changed I don't know why Elizabeth told me that it had Why? I don't know on Twitter at JeffBoyRD, right? It's still JeffBoyRD. It hasn't changed. I don't know why Elizabeth told me that it had.

Why? I don't know. Maybe she just found out it's not Don't Play No James. No, it's something different maybe. Anyway, yeah, you can follow Jeffrey there. Thank you so much for listening. And it's fall. Don't forget.

Don't forget. It's not just Riley Ann's fall, which is year round. It's like real fall. Right. forget. Don't forget. It's not just Riley Ann's fall, which is year round. It's like real fall. Right. Yes. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.