Review Revue - Children's Hairdressers

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Children's Hairdressers and discuss baby mobsters, finding gray hairs, and beauty school dropouts!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I participate in restaurants for a limited time.

I just want to restaurants for a limited time. Under Ligury Under Ligury Under Ligury Under Ligury That was all original, I think. It sounded like he played the tracks, all the instruments. That's fantastic. Oh, more legalry. Who wrote that?

Who made that? That came in from Dumb Inside Joke. Nice. That's a great name. That came from Grant L. Thanks, Grant. You know, that reminds me, like, I would love nothing more than for Sir Paul himself to, like, serve us with legal papers.

To know that he signed off on something, even digitally, that's now in my hands, would be an autograph to have. It'd be incredible. Yeah. Even if he were somehow to shut down this show, I'd be like, that's okay because he did it. Well, yeah, it's a story. It's a story. It's all for the story. At the end it's a story it's all for the story at the end of the day it's all for the story so i'll make terrible decisions because i know it's like this is gonna be a great story one day yeah yeah yeah

hi riley it's been a big week for us. It's been a week. We did our first in-person recording, which will be coming out this Friday. Oh, my goodness. And we had our live show. We had our live show. It went off without a hitch, meaning Will Smith did not show face. He didn't. It was so much fun.

We had George Saba. We had Kylie Brakeman. We got the gall again. We got the gall. Ryan Gall returned. It was unbelievable. It was just so much fun. We had George Saba. We had Kylie Brakeman. We got the gall again. We got the gall. Ryan Gall returned. It was unbelievable ball. It was just, it was so much fun. I really had a ball with Gall and Brakeman and George. And it took place in the fall.

It was autumn that day. Well, it was spring. I know. I'm just, I'm saying that night it was autumn, which I think we can all agree with. April 21st. Very much like mid to late spring. Okay, that's true. That is true. I know.

All right, I get that. It was such a fun show. Yeah. I can't wait to do another one. That was such a good time. We should definitely do another one, have some different guests on. And then it really got me excited for in-person shows. Oh my God.

Can you fucking imagine? It whet my whistle. Last week of Into the Mist is this week. So the 30th, this coming Friday, it is the last Into the Mist show. Last week of Review Review this week. I don't think so. For that joke.

For the wet my whistle bullshit. I'm just going to do this little plug up top because I'm going to, we're going to do a top and tail because Into the Mist, again, it's just been one of the fucking best experiences of my life. And we have a discount code. Listen, if you've come before, if you've never been, it is such an amazing time, y'all. It's goated.

I'm going to be there on closing night on this Friday. Well, you can use this promo code. The promo code for this Friday, April 30th, the promo code is REVIEW. R-E-V-I-E-W. And you get 10% off tickets for closing night of Into the Mist. You can go to intothemist.net slash tickets. Y'all, it is the best time. So promo code, 10 time so promo code 10 off review r-e-b-i-e-w at into the mist.net

slash tickets um what's new with your i literally have talked to you every single day that's no different even since 2017 i've talked to you there are some weeks that like there'll be a thursday we don't see see or talk to each other. But this week, I think specifically we've had work to do together every day and we saw each other in person. And that was work. And that felt like even the dinner felt like work. Even us having a nice dinner together was like, oh my God, I have to like make, I guess we're going to make conversation. Are you kidding me?

Even though you were at my house for like six hours. We had some really good conversation. We got into the throes of it. I've always said this, but Harry Styles actually said this in December 2019, that the moment that you open up to someone is the moment you make a true friend. And I'm on the verge of tears, Riley. And Jeff and I only this past week became true friends. Yeah.

I'd never opened up to you before no no but it was great and uh yeah i'm pretty sure as of whatever day this week the 19th was um vaccines are fully available so if you're please just do your part go get vaccinated jab that arm jab your abs just kind of give it to me in my fucking yeah um but we're not here to talk about fucking vaccines we're not here to talk about dinners that we had frivolous little outings we're here to talk about something much more serious something frivolous something really serious there's no going back sometimes with these no No, I mean, it's like for these, we've got to be really grounded.

There's no ha-ha funny about it. It's like there's no giggle McGee's around here. It's haircuts for me's. I'm a baby. It's children's hairdressers. Exactly right. Children's hairdressers. Sit in a toy car and get a lock snipped off your noggin.

Have a woman in a denim jacket that reeks of cigarettes that has Tigger on the back cut your hair in such a way that makes you cry. And that's a real story from my childhood. Oh my god. That, I knew because I'm like, that is the most visceral. I know that woman. We all have been around that person yeah and it made it sound negative but like i loved her and i forget her name it was like jody or some shit jeff childhood barber hairdresser experience what is it i think i went to best cuts i think it was the best cuts uh or it was one of it was a chain of some sort but it felt local because everybody there lived in the area.

I don't know. It was kind of strange. Not that strange. No, but yeah. And then I liked getting my hair cut. And I also, you recently, you dyed your hair this week. You have mixed emotions about it. But this salon had temporary color hair dye.

And I was so into like pop punk and wrestling that every time I went, I'd be like, mom, can I please get the temporary blue hair dye? And she'd be like, no. But sometimes she would say yes. And I would dye my hair for a day a color of green that I've never seen since that's really sweet what about you i don't remember like i i don't know here's the thing i have plenty of photos of myself from an age where i would have been going to to children's hairdressers but i for the life of me cannot remember but i do know that i rocked a bowl cut for the first five years of my life. Yeah. Riley sent me a photo that we have to Instagram. We simply have to Instagram. You're a court jester. I looked like for the,

up until maybe I was like four or five, I looked like a Victorian page boy who would be sent on an errand to the King to deliver a message. I looked like a little renaissance lad, and it made me glad. I feel like it really formed who I am today because I still have that same energy. Yeah, all the photos of you as a kid, it's like, yeah, that's about right. You just have an adult visage now, but the same personality.

But I'm still just a little Victorian boy. I don't know why the image of like needing to sit in a toy car to get a haircut is so funny to me that's what makes it bearable it's like kids yeah i guess but it is scary like at first i was reading i'm being like why are you scared of a haircut doesn't you don't feel anything but then it's like oh no you don't strain but a stranger with a pair of scissors next to your face of course you'd be like what the actual fuck are you doing um so i get it now well i love haircuts now like how do you feel about haircuts as an adult it's like relaxing oh my god i love getting a haircut i love getting my hair trimmed um because even it means like i

got it trimmed yesterday um and i i think on the pod a couple months ago i talked about how i cut my own hair and i cut the layers really poorly i got those fixed yesterday nice it's like it just even a trim makes me feel like a million pounds lighter yeah and i can't stop touching oh i just like getting getting a haircut feels fantastic i wish that you could get a like a haircut the way that i get a haircut or that people with short hair get a haircut is like with the clippers like that for me that's what's so relaxing because it feels like a massage like oh it's the clippers just going up and down the back of your neck the size and it's just it's unbelievable and like i haven't had the feeling in a while but uh it's it's so much fun and the place that i go my barber is great she's one of those people that like if i'm

in a talkative mood we can talk and we can talk about anything and just have fun and joke around with the other people in the barber shop but then also if i'm like tired or stressed she's she never is like we have to talk so i love that and um she never is like, we have to talk. So I love that. And, um, and she gives you either. We have to talk. I come on. I just want to get like a one to a three on the sides and like two inches. There's some things we got to discuss. What could it possibly be?

We barely know each other. And they also give you a little baby beer. It's eight ounces instead of 12. And it's like this tall in a glass. And so it's fun. It's a, it's a good vibe instead of 12 and it's like this tall in the glass um and so it's fun it's a it's a good vibe that's fun i uh throughout quarantine have been like cleaning up daniel's hair in the back with some trimmers yeah i remember the first time i did it i was very scared because i've never done that to anyone before um but then i was pretty fucking good at it jesus yeah

and he got his first haircut since the pandemic uh the other day it looks good but i'm like why didn't you come to me well because you're not a professional and he was just being nice when he said it looked good before do you want to kick us off yes i do i have four reviews they're all really good i'm gonna choose i like didn't even have to you know sometimes there's those days we're in the topic and you just find the right salon or like or yeah you know place of business and it's just like my two are from the same place yeah it's an embarrassment of riches today but uh i won't say all four let me just okay let's do this one uh this is a one-star review of cool kids salon in glendale california and cool kids both with k's cool Cool Kids. This comes in from Armel A. Do you want to give Armel A a last name?

Armel Amadeo. Armel Amadeo. One star. They will suck your money like a leech on your leg. They'll charge you an additional $10 for a first time

haircut certificate while other kids salon give that for free. This is a mobster movie. It's a bunch of baby mobsters. Hello, hi, ring, ring. Sorry, I tried ringing the bell at the front. Are any... I'm sorry, this must be the wrong room.

Are any of your parents around? We don't have parents. Jesus Christ. We are the parents. Who do you know here? Jeannie, she's usually the receptionist. It's my kid's first haircut. I'm bringing out a stroller.

It's Eli's first haircut, and I was just hoping she would be here. She's done all my other kids. Maybe I'll just to bring out a stroller. It's Eli's first haircut, and I was just hoping she would be here. She's done all my other kids. Maybe I'll just go wait out. Dino, Dino, get this kid in a chair. All right, he'll be done in half an hour. You can't stay in here. There's new management, by the way.

Jodi's not around anymore. She's on a vacation. She's on a vacation. And sorry, and you are, you're a child i'm nine okay got it all right well uh you know what i'll give it a try i guess in in europe kids get a lot more responsibility than they do here so you're not just here for your kid's haircut i think you're here because you want to get in on some of our action some of our underground crime oh until you said that yeah i wouldn't have known that there was underground crime damn it the

other babies are just like shaking their heads it's hard to be a baby mobster because like i have the naivete of a nine-year-old but i'm also in the business of someone much older so like i'll just fucking tell people shit and we all get in in trouble. Eli is in the chair. They're pouring him a Chianti while slowly sniffing his hair. Oh, well, actually, he shouldn't be- You think that's bad? We've got tons of powder drugs in the back. Jesus Christ.

Eli. I shouldn't be telling you this. Eli, honey, we need to go. Eli turns around. Sorry, doll. There he is. They reeled me in. Me and Dino here, we got to talking.

I think I could maybe help them run this joint one day. Cut to police interrogation. They've brought them in for questioning. All right, all right. Here we go. This is going to be like, I looked through the one-way mirror. It's going to be like taking candy from a baby, fellas. Don't worry about it.

We got him. We got him. All right, Spumoni. You've been running this joint for, you know, a couple months now. Have I? I caught you. Have you? Yes.

Yes. You told us when Jodi went on vacation. You've already given us a lot of information. You say you're not going to open up. But you've been- I'm not going to tell you anything. What are you selling? Drugs, mostly.

Damn it. I shouldn't have said that. All right. Mark that down. Sorry. It's just like I trust authority. I trust- I'm so young that I trust authority still.

What kind of drugs? It's a ton of stuff. Mostly acid reflux medicine for babies. Got it. We got him. We got him. No, we didn't get, hey, hey, hey. No, what?

Turn the microphone off. I don't want them to hear this and I don't think you're going to want to either. I take out a photo of your kid. I turn it off. People behind the booth are like, what's going on? We can't hear him. We can't hear him. How do you have Amelia? I can't hear him. We can't hear him.

How do you have Amelia? I don't just have the photo. We have Amelia. Oh, God. I think you're going to look the other way. I think you're going to chalk this all up to me being a kid. I think that I just made a friend in the DA's office. Just don't fucking hurt her, man.

We can put this all behind us. You'll get Amelia back, and I would love a capri sun all right one capri one capri sun for spumoni please give him give him whatever he wants whatever he wants he's been he's been we can let him go actually everyone behind like they have we have him on record we were we were recording all of that it was it was a joke he's just a kid you think this kid could could run an underground drug ring no No, man. You're the one who really thought he did and pushed for this. No, I was wrong.

I was wrong. That's not me. Let him go. Let all the babies go. If you could let all... I know all the babies are in their own cells. You could let all the babies go. All the babies go. Cut to later that night. The interrogator's in bed. He rolls over. There's like a My Little Pony horse head on the pillow. Oh, God!

He's back alright do you want to do your next review or we should take a quick break I think Marty this is from lolly cut children Hair Salon in Tarzana. I have a five star and a two star. Which one do you want to hear first? Let's do the five star first. Okay.

This is from Sandra D. Dank. Sorry, Danker. Danker, I hardly know her. This is from Sandra Danker. Danker. I hardly know her. This is from Sandra Danker. Five stars. Sandra Danker. We love this place.

Have been coming here for 12 years. My son loves Mimi. She not only cuts children, but adults too. All caps. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. You're my fiance like, fiance,

and you're, like, going to dinner with my parents, and you show up, you told me that you were getting a haircut earlier that day, but you show up with, like, pigtails and, like, these, like, very children-like hair ties and all these, like, fun color things. Oh, my goodness, you guys, I'm so sorry I'm late. It's so wonderful. Oh, my God, Mark, ellen so good to see you

hi honey what are you wearing what am i oh is it oh my god i knew this wasn't the right color i'm so sorry i figured that the it's a little dark and this rustling's a little dark but it's all right i'm here i'm here i should have worn a brighter color for spring i'm so sorry you guys happy easter by the way uh yeah happy easter um so how was you guys day out and about is it so fun visiting the city getting to see your son little georgie yeah it was uh it was cool we saw a lot of that we saw the gateway arch we saw all of that st louis has to offer oh my goodness i'm so sorry but what you look like toddler. I'm so sorry to call you out in front of everybody. I choke on my water.

Oh. Well, I know the shirt's a little small. No, that's not it. It's the hair. Dad, I mean, he's right, Sandra, but Dad, come on. You don't have to be so overt. No, I'm just, you know how I am. I just called it like a season.

Oh, the hair. I'm like talking at like neon pink scrunchies and like a butterfly oh oh my god the hair it's like uh were you babysitting someone and they the kids did your hair i don't understand i don't want my son george to marry a toddler i'm sorry i mean i know you're an adult but i'm having trouble differentiating between the ages. No. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. No, that's so sweet. That's so sweet.

No, I don't babysit. You know, I'm a pharmacist. No, I got this professionally done, actually. So thank you. I got to give my compliments to the chef. She's not a chef. She's a hairdresser. But I will give her compliments and tell her that she killed it today.

I mean, I'm looking in my my spoon vaccine i mean she really like she did she did an amazing job here comes hey what can i get started for you guys oh my goodness um i will take i pull out like a little paper kids menu and i like put a crayon to my mouth i think i will take the little tenders chicken tenders please um hold oh sorry ma'am you know that that's the um you know that that's the kids menu actually our our real menu is there oh i know no no thank you so much no i got i got the kids menu thank you i will take a little tender chicken tenders and then on the side of that i will have the shake it up milkshake and if you could add two cherries instead of one i would really appreciate it and then i would also no greens for me that's too yucky i'm not gonna

have any of those of that yucky green i will take some of the little soldier fries and could you like i saw that you did it on that kid's plate over there could you do like the smiley face and ketchup for the little soldiers thank oh thank you so much thank you so much yeah we can do that i guess we'll be right back with that does anybody else want to order no i think we're actually good for now um we might have to have a long talk what is this what is this oh my god you guys george who is this person the best thing they have on the menu george what's wrong can i talk to you for a second what's going on what's going on what's's going on? What's going on with you? Why is your dad being a big old meanie guy? You're acting like a child and not even like in a, you're being petulant way.

Like you're actually being a kid. You stomp on the floor and your shoes light up. No, I'm not. How is that? Where did you get these in your size? Pay less. Okay? What happened earlier today?

You've been normal for the entirety of our relationship. You go to this hair salon. You get your hair done as a toddler. You go get Skechers light-ups. And now you're ordering off the kids menu, drying on the tablecloth with crayons. What the hell happened between when we woke up this morning and now? Okay, okay.

I found a gray hair. It's not funny, George. I found a gray hair and I thought, no, this can't be me. I'm only 28 years old. I'm still a kid. I'm still young. I'm only 28 years old. I'm still a kid. I'm still young. I'm still fresh. And so I thought I would reclaim my youth a little bit because, you know, growing old is scary.

You can, like, dye your hair or just kind of make peace with the fact that you are getting not even that old. Like, you're still in good health. Why do you have to overcorrect so much that you're a toddler i want to live in the prime of my life okay i don't want to think about getting getting old that's i stomp again that's for grown-ups and i don't want to be a grown-up just yet i want to be free with one of the high chairs for like kids oh perfect thank you so much could you put that at could you put that at table six right there yeah yeah yeah you requested this when you walked in that's amazing i just wanted to make sure i just want to make sure um perfect thank you so much listen george if you can't accept who i am now then you're a you're a you're a little poopy i go and i hop up

on the kids chair oh now where were we? Legs through the little leg holes. You're like, it's a tight squeeze. Can we get a bottle of, can we get a cab? Yeah, thanks. Two actually. Let's do a cab and a white, whatever you prefer. I pull out a toy from my bag,

those things filled with jelly and glitter. You just kind of squish it and move it around. I just start toying with one of those. What is that? If you put your finger through the middle, it feels like you're in it. Try it. Grabs it. Whatever.

Stupid thing. Oh. I open up the pack of crayons like a pack of cigarettes. Crayola. Hey, what's one? Takes it. Starts drawing. Hey, son.

Wait. Watch this. He stands up, gets out of the booth, runs at a pace that he thinks is impressively fast, but it's really just like stilted and bad. Look how fast I can go, son. You're not really that fast, dad. It's like. Whoa.

No, don't be impressed. Mr. Saunders, you're a cheater. Not really. Not really. Wait, wait, wait, George. George, watch this. Watch this. I'm milks George. George, watch this. Watch this. I look like I start blowing bubbles.

One of the bubbles like kind of goes way too big and just like splatters ice cream all over my face. That was so cool. Right, George? George, can I have a kiss? I love you so much. Can I have a kiss? No, it feels like I'm kissing a toddler. Yay. Thank you. Can I have a kiss? I love you so much. Can I have a kiss? No, it feels like I'm kissing a toddler. Yay!

Thank you. Mr. Saunders is still running. Son! Son, look! Son, look! Son! Look! Look!

I have another review. This is a one-star review of the same one. Cool Kids Salon, Glendale, California. Fantastic. This is, okay, this is a one-star review of the same one. Cool Kids Salon, Glendale, California. Fantastic. This is from Mario V. What does the V stand for? Mario V for Vendetta. All one word or?

All one word. Mario V for Vendetta, one star, writes, staff was friendly, but unfortunately I took my one-year-old there and they butchered his hair. Jesus. My wife and i told the lady not too sorry oh my wife and i told the lady not too short all right we wanted a two

on the sides and three on top they pretty much gave him a buzz cut not to mention the fade was all choppy and when we asked her to fix it she kept saying no it's good as friendly as they are i don't recommend this place just like doing a horrible job be like no this is really good in cosmetology school all right all right time to come around and check everyone's work on your mannequins oh my god leanne i absolutely love that asymmetrical bob you did that's fantastic thank you can i offer one note just can you just like when you when you're doing the ends do little cuts up so it's not too blunt.

Right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. Fantastic work. A plus. Thank you. A plus.

Thank you. Oh, my God. Stacy. Wow. Look at those bangs. Thank you. Those are banging, girlfriend. Thank you.

Those are amazing. I actually have no notes on that. Those look fantastic. Thank you. And what do you think about mine? What do you think about Solomon's hair job? You did it on yourself. He did it so that it looks like Saturn's rings are coming out of the side of his head.

He's a fucking planet. It connects to his eyebrows in the front. Oh, God. Solomon, what did you do? I made a haircut that's out of this world. Solomon, I cannot tell you what to do to your own hair. What I can tell you- Well, you're my teacher.

I want to know your notes, your thoughts. For now, I'm just going to grade your work. And, okay, you did not touch the mannequin. All right. So obviously your assignment was to give them a layered lob. And you did not do that. So obviously you're going to fail that. And as for your own hair, I'm not at liberty to say.

Cut to him, his first day as an actual hairstylist. All right. And what can Solomon do for you? Hi, Solomon. I just, I'm trying to keep going it out long. So I would just love just to just a little trim off the ends. Like truly, like I don't want to take the length off. I just want to keep it healthy.

So, you know, just like half an inch off the ends would be great. Thank you so much. All right. Here we go. He grabs the clippers, just starts going to work on himself. He has like a full head of hair and he gives himself a reverse mohawk, one line down the middle of it. And here we hair.

Oh, wow. It's good. Can you do mine? Not like, not what you just did. Not what you did. Please, God, no. Do not ever do that to me. I just, is there another stylist I could go to?

Which one of us has been to cosmetology school? The entire room goes, all of us, all of us. Yeah, all of us. But which one was kicked out for being too inventive? Everybody unison, you, Solomon. You, Solomon. That's right. Now, if you want a boring haircut, that's bad.

Go to anyone else's chair. But if you want something that's good, you stay in Solomon's and you trust me. Are you even going to touch my hair? Probably not. Because all you've done so far. I wouldn't begin to know how. I wouldn't even pretend to know how to start. Should we do your last review?

Oh, yes. Please, God. Here we go. This is, again, from Lollicut Children's Hair Salon. This is a two-star review from Michael T. Michael Thyroid. Jesus Christ. Michael Thyroid.

We took our son here for his first haircut. The folks were nice enough, but kind of unorganized. Felt kind of chaotic. The awesome thing about this place is that they put you in cars. The shockingly crappy part about this place is that the cars don't have seatbelts. Every high chair has a seatbelt because toddlers are toddlers. So to not have anything to keep them in, dot, dot, dot. It was virtually impossible to keep him still.

I was shocked. I thought that's what they specialized in. Our hairdresser was nice, but gave like a 40% haircut because we couldn't keep my son still. Our hairdresser was nice, but it felt like she'd never done a kid's haircut before. A place like this should be experts in giving young children haircuts. That should be their thing. And the whole experience was like they were quote-unquote trying to do

that. We go to Floyd's now, which in no way specializes in children, yet are way better at keeping my son occupied, and we get a full real haircut. I would look elsewhere. I like the idea. They said they put you in cars, but they didn't say car chairs. I like that you walk into the

hair salon. Hey, I had an appointment with Stephanie at 3.30. Ooh, at 3.30. You know what? We'll get right to that. Why don't you just wait in your car, and we'll come get you when we're ready for you. Cut to his car. Door opens. Whoa, what the

fuck? Hi, I'm Stephanie for your 330. I'm supposed to be in this lawn. Just keep driving. Just keep driving. Just go around the block a couple times. You want me to drive while you do this? I mean, you're going to have scissors so close to my head and face and eyes.

Drive, drive. Okay, okay, I'm going. I put the scissors like near your neck. I'm going, I'm going, Jesus. Okay, so you're going to need to stop shaking a little bit. It's so hard. You know, i've specialized in kids for a long time and you are just like one of them can't stop can't can't stop squirming

can you little squirmy worm you you you like hand me an address as you do that but you don't say anything about it i'm shakingly i put it into the gps okay i'm going all right so tell me about yourself i mean like what brings you to portland um i don't really feel comfortable giving you any personal information about myself i stopped cutting for a second don't trust me put the scissors right next to your eyes snip off one eyelash no okay that's fair. All right. And you're going to take a right here. It's faster.

Why are we heading towards the docks? I like the smell of the sea when I snip and cheer. Anything wrong with that, Dalton? I didn't give you my name. Keep driving. We get there. You stop at the edge of the dock. Drive all the way down the dock, Dalton.

Are you kidding me? We're going to drive straight into the fucking bay. I have two pairs of scissors right next to your throat. Keep driving, Dalton. All right, all right, I'm going, I'm going. Drive straight into the water. The car's slowly filling up with water. We've known it's been you. We've been tracking you this entire time.

From Toledo to Portland. Dino, the boss baby from 23rd and sax i gave up that life i gave up that life we know all about that ring and it's finally time to bring you down you put on scuba equipment i don't have it i'm like asking for air at the top of the car. I was a kid. I was just a kid. I put a pair of like safety scissors in your hand. I ride out on a little board that you can bring underwater. Cut this asshole. And I open the car and start swimming up. All we did was sell reflux medicine.

So you swim out like James Bond escaping from the perp. I ditch all the scuba gear. I start snipping off big chunks of my hair. I tear my clothes a little bit. Help! Someone help me! Someone please! The dock workers?

What happened? What happened? Please help! What happened? It was a baby. They put their jacket around their high wool. Oh, God. All right.

Let's get her to warmth. Let's get her to warmth. They're walking me away, and I turn around. I'm somehow made it to the surface. I look. I'm about on the verge of death. I look back, and I just kind of smile. No fucking way.

I die. I perish underwater. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was condensing the world he didn't exist or something like that this took me all week long george's living Room Wine was so fucking good. Are you serious? Riley, it was like the best wine I've had in years. His Living Room Wine. I swear to God, other than Mein Klang was like the last great wine I had.

Between then and 2019 and now, it's the best wine I've ever had. That's insane. It was unbelievable. He and our friend Sarah Linden made it, and we were trying it, and, like, my God. It was just, and they were telling me about the process that they used. Like, it was just, like, they were like, it's criminally easy how good this wine is compared to the amount of effort that went into it. It's unbelievable. You have to try it at some point.

So, shouts out to them. It was so good. That's bonkers to me. I thought it would, I knew it wasn't going to be, I didn't think it was going to be awful. I thought it was going to be basic, but it was neither. It was, like, good, and it had, like, its own character of it. Like, we were talking about it. It had its own point of view. It was, like, unlike anything I've ever tasted.

Like, if you had to describe it how would you describe it it was um tart with a little bit of sweetness on the back end uh you could taste a little bit of berry and uh it had a very interesting mouthfeel because it was a natural wine with no sulfites and uh not filtered so it was it had the mouthfeel of an orange wine but it was a red and it was just unbelievable it was, a little minerally vinegary, and also the right amount of sweetness. It was balanced, but I would say that it was tart forward. And I'm obsessed. Like, I want another glass today. That's insane.

Yeah. They named it the Woe Weight, which is such a cool name, too. And Sarah designed a label. And they called it GS Cellars, which I'm like, it should be SG, right? Because now George can just take credit anywhere he goes. George Saba Sellers. That's brilliant. Good for them.

Yeah. I'm going to try it. Kudos. Kudos. They're trying to finagle either some huckleberries from Montana orberries from montana or uh some marion berries from portland and then put that in the next one i i need to try it all right what's been shaking you dyed my hair dyed my hair i i do like it i was telling jeff this when we um when we started and also uh our our pals on discord were were hyping me up which your girl really needed because i've never other

than like you know a couple weeks in sixth grade when i had like a couple blonde highlights um i've never dyed my hair really um and not to the extent that i did and and here's the thing it's like because i've never done it any change to me seems really drastic yeah and but that's what i was saying i feel like today like it's gonna every day you're gonna it's gonna like grow into it and be like oh well this is my hair now totally i mean listen even on the zoom it's like it doesn't look that different it's what i got i got like some some red and kind of gold um highlights and low lights because those colors are we're already in my natural hair um but it's man it's like I was talking to one of our friends last night about this.

Because I was like, why am I so emo about it? And my friend was just like, listen, you know, anything to do with hair. Any kind of cut or color can make someone emo. And a co from Discord, from Patreon, and our just, a co is great. She also said, she's like, listen, if there's anything to be baby about, it's hair. And I'm like, that's so true. And so I'm getting used to it. Like, to me, I'm like, oh, my God, I look like a completely different person.

When in reality, it just looks like my hair, but a little bit lighter in some parts a little bit darker in other parts it also looks good like i know that you wanted to redye a couple of strands in the front but like even if you don't it looks great i was shocked by how emotional i got about this is a serious one shook me i guess and that it's just like uh my hair has always been something that like you know some people it's like what what's the thing people like what's your favorite asset quote unquote it's like, what, what's the thing people like, what's your favorite asset, quote unquote, it's like a lot, some people get a lot of compliments about their eyes or their smile or, you know, whatever. I like my hair for me has always been the thing that like, that I like really enjoyed about myself. And so for it to be different than it has been in the past 25 years, like, um, it was just, and again, not that

different, but I hope you know what i mean and that is just like you know i feel like it's also the same thing of like if you have a pimple on your face and in your mind it's like we were for the spider bite or the dog bite or whatever it's like in your mind it's like oh my god this is all anyone sees this is the most noticeable thing yeah well it is like an emotional thing, like you said, for sure. Again, this is the last week of Into the Mist, okay? So if you want to come see my new hair, get on down to there, Into the Mist.

Nice. Coupon code REVIEW, R-E-V-I-E-W. R-E-V-I-E-W for 10% off tickets that is intothemiss.net slash tickets come say goodbye to Dusty and June and everyone else in Into the Mist

it's gonna be such a fun time a bittersweet night but I think it's gonna be a lot of fun I think especially this last show is gonna be

a ton a ton of fun definitely you can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James and on Twitter at JeffBoyRD you can find our show on Instagram at James and on Twitter at JeffBoyRD you can find our show

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are longing to bomb tr aka gulia aka penis mcginty aka aka Penis McFinty. Lil Benitez. Xander Madsen. Yara Bouchard. And Zona Gale herself, author of such pivotal works as Art Skindred. Not just kidding, it's Brendan Metz. Oh, thank you to all our patrons and all of you who are subscribing at the highest tier. If you want to find more of our just comedy content,

go to Patreon slash Riley and Jeff. We'll see you guys again on Friday with a new bonus Friday episode, as well as hopefully at Into the Mist. Woo! Arrivederci! That was a Hiddem original.