Review Revue - Cookie Cutters

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Reilly and Alf are IN STUDIO and AT WAR! Reviews of Cookie Cutters prompts some combative scenes about Shark Tank, a Halloween Superstore, and graphic realism in themed food. Their most sharktina episode yet!>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Grace Harper @chorlesborkleyAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Put on a podcast, oh boy. It's just two idiots who review reviews And though the hosts are rather mad Well I just had to laugh Who has a crush on a rat Her name is Riley and Spa She kept afloat when the co-host had changed The podcast people

stood and stared They'd heard his voice before First of November Has he ever thrown an axe before Start the podcast now Start it now Huh Sexy rocks Start it now. Sexy rocks.

That was a really good one. That was a really good one. I'm taking off my headphones. That was a really good one. That was from James. It looks insane if I keep the headphones on. No, it doesn't. That was a Swim Swong Wiley Wanspa. Can you say it normal for me? No, this is't. That was a Swim Swong for Wiley Wanspa.

Can you say it normal for me? No, this is in the subject line. Wand, wait, Wiley Wanspa and Fwed Evans. And Fwed Evans.

Hi, I'm James. I've heard your pleas for songs and I've recorded this little slice. I've always loved playing music, but I've never had much confidence. I actually submitted a cover of Folsom Prison Blues, got onto

episode 184 joke books. I remember that one. Pleased to inform you in interviewing in the intervening years since then, I've written an album. No way. And I've booked to record soon.

Thanks for inspiring me to learn my favorite songs and cover them to talk about sexy rap men. I'll record any Beatles song at your request and submit when I want to shamelessly,

shamelessly, shamelessly plug the bish. Still listen to shamelessly. Shamelessly. Shamelessly plug the bish. Still have sent to every episode. Love you guys so much. Podcat for evs. And then did send ultimately a drawing of Roddy the Rat from Flushed Away. From Flushed Away, yeah, yeah. With like two children reading a book.

And the caption was just like. Us or. It was like, you know, future family or something that's beautiful but that was beautiful thank you so much you know there's no time because the podcast is ending but if you wanted to do like a mean mr mustard i would fuck with that so um if you sense that my energy our energy my energy is a little distracted on the record today we there's a well one alf and i are in the studio together which is enough to make anyone lose their fucking mind yeah and two daniel and i adopted a dog yesterday we're on a 30-day trial with her but she's great she's in the studio and she's very nervous to be here she's gonna settle

once the improv starts yeah it's gonna be really, it's going to be really normal and she's going to love it. She's going to be so normal about it. And so she's just walking around right now. It's really wild. The energy is, it's. You're the tensest I've seen you in years. It's because I don't want her to like chew a live wire. I know, but when you relax, she'll relax. Yeah, that's true.

You know what I mean? Her name is Josie and she's. And the pussycat, you have to say the full name. Her full birth name is Josie and the pussycats. Good girl. Good sit, Josie. And she's. And the pussycat. You have to say the full name. Her full birth name is Josie and the pussycats. Good girl. Good sit, Josie. Okay. She's sitting next to Alfred.

That feels. Correct. But at least she's lying down. So, yeah. So, that's been a big update. And what's crazy is Alf is visiting me right now. So crazy. He's been here for almost a week.

Too long. And Daniel and I only have been looking for two days for a dog and we found her drove down to san diego picked her up she's gonna lose her mind when i leave she is she really likes alfred alf is staying in our guest room on our pullout couch and when he goes up and closes the door she starts whining it's like can you blame her though you did when we picked her up you're like i'm gonna imprint on her yeah like renez may right so you're and i'm like oh you shouldn't do that but i did um so that's what's new with me so if you feel a really tense energy from me today it's because i have no idea what she's gonna do but she's very chill and she's perfect and she's my biological daughter

ask me what's new with me what's new with you we watched. And that's not even what shook me. That's just what's new with you. Yeah, I saw Ma from 2019 about Octavia Spencer is Ma. And how are you feeling about it? Don't make me drink alone. Don't make me drink alone. I loved it. I genuinely thought it was one of the, oh my God, wait, she's being so cute. She's being cute and sniffing wires under the chair.

This is going to be such a good episode. But yeah, I loved Ma. I've loved being here with you and your beautiful, beautiful daughter. Thank you. sniffing wires under the chair this is gonna be such a good episode um but yeah i loved ma i've loved being here with you and and your beautiful beautiful daughter thank you um what do you have to offer my daughter nothing just this just this um yeah it's been a sleigh week i'm uh you know happy to be here it is weird to record in person the only other times we've recorded in person were the live show in new york class november and once in daniel's parents basement yeah that's right oh my god that's right i really did forget about that the new york show was recorded as well that just felt like a live show that didn't feel like a podcast but it went out and it was a good one people liked it some

people weren't very good on it well who would that be? Ryan Gall is a terrible improviser. That's true. And Kylie Brakeman, They're both just like bad. I love how I have everything laid out on the couch. I have her blanket. I have her toy. Yes. And yet. You have her high value treats.

I have her high value treats. If you were a dog, what would your high value treat be? Wine. I'm going to miss you when you leave. I'm not going anywhere. I actually talked to Daniel about it this morning. think I'm gonna stick around in the guest room

For a little bit I think that office is gonna be Papa's room Where's Papa gonna room Where's Papa gonna room But yeah It's beautiful But I'll miss you too

And you know I'll never be back here well that's great yeah it's beautiful it's beautiful um but i'll miss you too and um you know i'll never be back here i've decided i don't like it it's insane too hot um too sunny too nice um there's too much beautiful scenery around there's too many fun things to do yeah there's no winter which is the best part of the year everybody loves winter yeah well um that actually kind of reminds me of our topic does it really yeah like okay wanting it to be cozy wanting it to be a little chilly out and you know it's a fun activity when it's a little chilly out making cookies oh okay baking sure and sometimes you don't just want to like oh no i'm gonna put a i'm gonna put a dollop of dough on a tray oh no it's gonna be it's just gonna do whatever it wants

sometimes you want to i want to make it look like a pumpkin or a ghost or bat okay bat i hear pumpkin and ghost are still kind of just like blobs we're talking about cookie cutters cookie cutter cookie cutters talk to me about cookie cutter cookie cutter shark what are you familiar what are you talking about look it up um i love a cookie cutter when i was a kid i have very very fond memories of making christmas cookies as a boy and we would have the same uh like metal one you know the metal ones i sure do you know what like a cookie cutter i hate that i hate what i found what did you do cutter shark what did you find i found a very scary animal that i wish i had never seen before do you know why they're called cookie cutter shark because their teeth are sharp as shit look it up yeah i don't want to look it

up again watch a video of them feeding it's really disturbing that was really horrifying i hated that okay um i'm sorry that talk to me about mother nature's splendor is alarming to you i uh when i was a boy um my mother my brother and me would sit and make cookies at christmas time adorable and we would have the metal ones you know the metal ones but you know you throw metal ones. But, you know, you throw them in the dishwasher, you're probably not supposed to do that. They get a little bit out of shape. Probably hand wash. And then it's like year seven or eight. I guess you probably wouldn't have that. And you're still,

you're trying to like, they've completely lost all shape. They don't look anything like a gingerbread man. And I just have this really visceral memory of like desperately trying to like squeeze the metal ring back into like a vaguely human shape. That's really shape um and we also had plastic ones um it was mainly gingerbread man cookie cookie shape cookie shape for sure was a big one yeah um and tree christmas tree yes i remember using christmas tree ones honestly just

like circular ones circular cookie shape even nice and simple. But I would do that with like sugar cookie dough. I bake a lot. You know this about me. Yeah. You're a very good baker. I'm star baker even some would say. Got a Hollywood handshaker too.

Don't threaten me with a good time. And I, no, but I don't own any. I don't do that kind of cookie. I don't do that. I don't though.

Do you own them? No. No. It's like if I'm making cookies, I make like boring adult cookie that has like raisins in it. You know what I mean? Like I don't though i like do you own them no no it's like if i'm making cookies i make like boring adult cookie that has like raisins in it you know what i mean like i don't make like just xanax in it what do you mean by that i don't know nobody does that it's not a way of doing it was just a funny joke i mean i don't know man i but you know what i mean like if i'm gonna make cookies now i just make boring adult like big splodge cookies not like boring adult you know what i mean splodge you know what

i mean they're not like the fun shapes anymore that feels like a very like youthful activity whenever i think of cookie cutter i think of like you're doing you're cutting the shape what cookie cutter shark no well now and i wish i didn't what i think of every time but i think of like uh because i remember only making with like sugar cookies right and i would cut it out and then those would be the ones that you'd frost over it you do the shapes so that you could put frosting you couldn't be like he's got a little bow tie and like you know maybe um things exactly and so that was very nice to do god eating sugar cookie dough what a a treat. Yeah. Yes, of course. Of course. Baked cookie dough

would just be a cookie, no? Fuck. Which came first? The cookie or the cookie dough? I also really want to, no, I'm going to save that for my wet check for me. What was it?

Give me a hint. Give me a hint. Double chonk. Oh my God. That's not a hint. You're just saying what it is. It's pretty relevant to the topic. I know.

I'm going to say it know but you have to say it later but you have to say it um yeah I this is not has nothing to do with

cookie cutter shapes but there is a kind of edible cookie dough that I got at Whole Foods that is delightful do you know what a secret about edible cookie dough is huh

all cookie dough is edible well it's all edible but it's not gonna give you salmonella I have eaten so an ungodly amount of raw egg it's like a vegan cookie dough you know what's not going to give you salmonella. I have eaten so an ungodly amount of raw egg. And I've never gotten salmonella. The flour is heat treated.

This is so interesting. This is so interesting. Is it really though? Yes. I didn't know that. Yes. What can eating raw flour do that's bad? It's bad to eat raw flour.

Uh-oh. Look it up. You're going to be as scared as I was of the cookie cutter shark. My morning smoothies are going to be a little different from now on. So what? I literally never knew that. You're just shoveling raw flour. I thought you could eat as much raw flour as you want.

You know what's fucked up about me? When I make a pie, and sometimes I use store-bought pie crust, I know, he's a cheater, and I will eat it raw. Like, I can't help it. Like, if I trim it and, like, fit it to the pie dish, and they have the scraps, I'll be like, ooh, I can't help it. Like if I trim it and like fit it to the pie dish and they have the scraps, I'll be like, oh, I can't resist. Raw pie dough? I think it's delicious. There is almost no kind of dough I won't eat raw.

Now that I'm thinking about it. There's almost no kind of dough I won't eat raw There's like I'll eat a lot of stuff frozen Honestly Different than raw Yes Yeah

When I was a kid I could really fuck up licking like some like pancake batter Oh That I thought was good That's interesting Because I'm almost Wouldn't do that It's too runny

Almost I like the dough I think I know I wouldn't like have spoonfuls of it But it's like i would i would like lick the spoon when making pancake batter that's so interesting but that feels different to me than just eating like pie dough you know what i it's unflavored i guess the pancake batter is too i used to buy frozen waffles and i would eat those frozen that's not weird just like yeah yeah that's not weird like a texture thing i think like yeah like i would do

like the chocolate chip eggo ones frozen i see i like the blueberry ones oh it's just for you and me so we need to set an intention okay what's the word for shark no never mind i was gonna take a whole rabbit hole and change my mind what's the word for what's the word for shark shark that's like not that's like you know how like canine means like to do with a dog or like feline you say like she had a very feline aspect meaning like she moved like a cat what's the word like for that for shark? I would just say like moved like a shark. No, but there's got to be like a Latin one that's like shark, Sharktina. Like, I don't know. This is going to be the most Sharktina episode yet.

Yeah, the cookie cutter episode is going to be the most Sharktina episode. Cool. I'm excited. We'll be right back with some Sharktina reviews. And we're back. Oh my God, I've never been back. Oh my God, what an amazing, that was such a long break.

I took. That was crazy. I even smoked a whole pack of cigarettes. I went to Pilates. You did. Got a new dog, which is weird. I know, I feel bad for josie i do too but she wasn't a great fit um i asked daniel like is it okay if i say that we got josie on the pod today and he's like yeah of course we're just like not posting about right now you know because

we're in the trial period with her how sad is this gonna be if it doesn't work out there's no way she's the perfect dog. She's a wonderful. Cut to. Literally. Bit Daniel's face off. Also, by this point, the election has happened. Yeah, do you want to talk about that? Because you brought it up.

I'm just saying, I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to jinx anything. I just hope my guy wins. Okay, well now that you said my guy, it kind of gives it away. What? My guy. Yeah. Al Gore, who's running again. Oh, no.

She hit her head in the Pilates class. Do you want to start or should I? I'd like you to start. Oh, that's interesting. I didn't think you'd say that. Didn't think you'd say that. Give a Sharktina one, huh? Shut up.

Okay. This is for Kiwa Small Halloween Cookie Cutter Set. There's a bat, a cat, a ghost, and a pumpkin. Four peas. Aw. Stainless steel. Five stars. You've activated my cookie cutter set.

From Mrs. D. Mrs. D. Mrs. D's. Mrs. D's nuts. Because I can't trust you with anything. No, I know. Mrs. D's. Like D's nuts?

Five stars. From Mrs. Five stars. From who? Mrs. D's. Nuts. Nuts. Five know. Mrs. Deez. Like Deez Nut? Five stars. From Mrs. Five stars. From who? Mrs. Deez. Nuts. Nuts. Five stars.

Cute. I didn't get the chance to make Halloween cookies, but I did imprint our tacos at work. The kids loved finding the cool Halloween shapes, and more of them actually ate the whole taco. Parentheses, we just have some kids who dissect their food and some who just nibble. You know how kids are. Also, the 4K kids are learning rhyming words, so cat and bat were popular. All in all, looking forward to making more fun foods for them next year. How did you do it on a taco?

I'm not sure. What stood out to me, weirdly, wasn't the taco part of it. I just felt dumb because 4K was the bit What stood out to me, weirdly, wasn't the taco part of it. Okay. I just felt dumb because 4K was the bit that stood out to me. Did you figure it out? No. I imagine it's a school.

I imagine, or like a daycare or something, and it's an age group. But there's something that's... That's insane that that's the part of that review that stuck out to you. Not the part about, like like they were dissecting their foot, like not the fact that how would you use a cookie cutter on a taco in any way that would make it still a taco?

Like, you were like some just obscure education term you've never heard. Like, what the fuck? It's because of like,

I was thinking 4K, like, oh, like. George Saba level bad review like that you're lucky it was it happened to be a good review that you just picked for the shittest reason you've ever had i loved like 4k can you believe that what a high res like what was what did you think we were gonna do with that that was that was the rich vein of improv because i also like the kids who you know uh

there's one yeah i know man i really like that part too i promise kids who nibble you know how kids are but also just like saying like weird shit like oh just being a kid yeah man totally shut up how do i back out of this hole i don't know um maybe uh dissect it i don't know. Maybe dissect it. I don't know. You hated it. I didn't hate it. I just didn't. I just thought it was funny the way that you did it. You hated the Halloween tacos. Last time I ever bring something into work. No, no. Barb, they were like really cool to office.

It's just like Stacy's vegan. So I made vegan ones. I tried to accommodate for everybody. I know, but's just like, Stacy's vegan. So like the... So I made vegan ones. I tried to accommodate for everybody. I know, but your coconut cheese was a little bit... Okay, Rick, sorry. I didn't know that everyone had such a refined palate that they wouldn't like coconut cheese. It's just, it's like...

No, the thought was really nice. No, but then I overheard you in the break room saying, what are we supposed to do with that? Pointing to the plate. Whoa. And so it makes me feel bad. Now I feel like, why even bother? Why even try?

Okay. I'm really sorry that you felt that way. I'll just, you know, say that, obviously. You know, as. It's not a real apology. Sorry? Saying, I'm sorry you felt that way. Okay.

Yeah. No, you're right. I, as the HR director at the company, I should know better than to issue those kind of apologies. Thank you. I am really sorry that I was talking about your food behind your back. Thank you. That was not a nice thing to do. It's not what I should have done.

I appreciate that. On the flip side, you did make 300 tacos for an office of eight people. I thought that the tacos would go like hotcakes. I thought that they would be flying off the plate. I thought that everyone would be like, more, Barb, more. Yeah. And, well, look at that.

There's still 298 tacos. Yeah, well, simple math would dictate that every person would need to eat about, what, like 40 tacos? They're quite small. Barb, the larger issue here is that we've talked about this before. I think you know what I'm going to bring up. We don't have to go over this again.

No, I'm serious. No, I'm serious. I'm serious. We as a company have pretty strict guidelines about faith in the workplace. And some of your tacos had imagery and messages on them that were a little. They made some of the staff uncomfortable. And at the same time, when you make 300 of them, it made me uncomfortable to throw them away when they had that kind of imagery on them.

I would like to say, in my defense, they're the only cookie cutter shapes I have. Okay. And so I was just trying to be fun. Did you get them for like a specific event or like? I got them for Christmas. Okay. I got them for Christmas. Okay. Yeah.

They are the only ones I had. Okay. And I just thought like, oh, I know we've been over i you know i know you've talked we've had this conversation we've had this conversation we've had this conversation before um you know with the valentine's day cookies and the easter cookies and the easter particularly yeah those ones were tough well sometimes you know i think that it's like the more graphic it is the more you really feel it seemed like the lesson that you took away from those conversations was that the cookie part was the issue and that's why you made the tacos people were saying that it's like

oh the flavoring wasn't the best and they weren't i can learn from those mistakes right that's why i practice and i'm like oh not everyone's a sweets person yeah that well i am a sweets person um it was sort of like you don't want to Bake Off when like a particularly stressed contestant accidentally uses salt instead of sugar. Oh, my God. My worst nightmare. Well, I think it came real. I think you did that a couple times actually because your cookies are pretty inedible. Well, that's why I switched to the tacos.

Right. With the coconut cheese. For the vegans in the room. Okay. So are you upset about me bringing the food? Are you upset about the religious imagery on the food? Or are you upset about the flavoring? Yes. Yes. To which one? All three.

Okay. All three. I think for you going forward, our plan is just going to be no. I'm not losing my job. Okay. No. Yeah. losing my job okay no um yeah that wasn't i'm sorry that wasn't me being like i'm not losing it like that was just me being like oh no is this has this i think you might be losing it um well i'm sorry that was i was just joking i'm sorry um wish i could call hr you are hr i am um that was me being like am i gonna lose my job over this? No. Is that, okay, great. Unfortunately, you're the only person who understands how to use Airtable, which is, you look confused.

Your whole job is using Airtable. What do you mean? I guess it's like, what I confuse about is like, how does everyone not know how to use it? Yeah, right, right. I mean, we've asked you to do trainings and you've refused pretty flat out. Kind of feels like you're trying to make yourself irreplaceable a little bit. Well, who can blame me? Which is not a little bit toxic workplace culture.

Who can blame me? Okay. But no, going forward for you, I think no more food in the office is what we're going to have to say. It's just kind of a strict rule. Is that going to be applied for everybody? I think it's going to be equally applied to everybody. Nobody else has ever tried to bring food in. Okay.

I understand that. That's in. Okay. So. I understand that. That's fair. Okay. Perfect. It is my birthday coming up. Okay. On Friday. Great.

And. Hey, happy early birthday. Thank you so much. I was really hoping to, you know, bring a cake and like have everybody. Yeah. I know it's like kind of weird for it's like I'm bringing a cake for my birthday. Is it a bit? Yeah.

But I just, you know, feel like everyone i know it's like kind of weird for it's like i'm bringing a cake for my birthday is a bit yeah um but i just you know feel like everyone would like it i um you know what yeah sure just can you promise me that like happy birthday barb right we'll stick to that cut to right okay guys happy birthday barb thank you so much thank you so much oh that means a. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much. That means a lot. Yeah, happy birthday. Thank you so much. Happy birthday, Barb. You know, I know we haven't really spoken a lot, even though our cubicles are right next to each other. David.

What? We've talked about this. What? Our cubicles are right next to each other. I know. We haven't talked a lot. I know, but simmer down. But I really appreciate the message you're trying to send with your food.

Right, okay. So, David. Right. Okay, we've talked about this. David, I really appreciate the message you're trying to send with your food. Right, okay. So David, right. Okay, we've talked about this. David, I knew I always liked you and without further ado Let's open this cake up. Happy birthday to me. Yeah.

Pink box like bakery box. Did that yourself, huh? Oh. Barbara. You can't be mad at this. I'm very upset. Why are you mad? It is a photorealistic depiction of Christ on the cross.

Has nothing to do with your birthday, first of all. And it's very religious and it's very graphic. It says happy birthday, Barb. Scrawled in childlike handwriting atop a photorealistic image of Christ on the cross. Yes! Yeah. I think I'm going to figure out Airtable. And I think we're going to have to let you go.

Is it because it's carrot cake flavor and that kind of feels like boring adult flavor? I hate that. I wanted funfetti. Oh, God. Do you like carrot cake? I love carrot cake. I asked you this this morning. You asked me.

No, you didn't ask me, do you like carrot cake? You asked, do you like raisins in your carrot cake? Which felt like a follow-up to do you like carrot cake, but you didn't ask the first part. Okay. This, I didn't listen. To me? Yeah, just then. What did you say?

Are you serious? Yeah, not at all. I was looking at my review, and I realized, I tuned back in, and I was like, does she like the raisins or not? So are you asking me if I like carrot cake or if I like raisins in carrot cake? That one. The second one? Correct.

I could go with or without. Huh. This is for... What the fuck is wrong with you? Adult, and I'm sorry for what I brought. That was... Oh, your review is so bad. I didn't say that.

I didn't say the review was bad. That's true. You didn't say it. I said it was a good review that you brought for a very bad reason. Okay. But I am genuinely sorry for what I brought. That you didn't listen to me? Yeah, that was weird.

That was really weird. Normally I'm so present. Adult cookie cutter, milking penis cookie cutter. You're Alfred. I'm sorry present. Adult cookie cutter, milking penis cookie cutter. You're Alfred. I'm sorry. Look at it. Look at it. Alfred, you can't do that.

It's so graphic. It's so graphic. That's. I can't. I googled. I. You did that. I searched like.

And in front of Sam. I searched like bachelorette cookie cutter thinking you'd get like a tasteful kind of like, you know, silhouetted cock and balls or something. But I wasn't expecting penis milking cookie cutter. Anyway, this review for this item comes. I'm exhausted by you. Of course. This comes from Alistair M Alistair Milk

Alistair Milk Five stars Bet it is Absolutely great Yeah of course Boy the comments I'm getting on my cookies I'm sorry I couldn't help it

We were sitting there looking for reviews independently That's the review? Soul review man Are you fucking kidding me? I'm sorry I'm sorry Josie Are you fucking kidding me? Boy the comments I'm getting on my cookies

I'm realizing in hindsight I shouldn't have gone as hard on you in that first part Because I should have been aware in the back of my mind of what if i'd really shown grace to you during your review maybe this would go better for me you said wow you being obviously the reason also in the car on the way here you went do you have reviews you like i'm like yeah i got a couple good times i like you're like good because i got one it's kind of dog shit don't pee behind the curtain people don't need to know about that man the comments i'm getting on and it's the penis milking cookie i'm sorry i'm a child at heart i can do another one i did have another one no we have to we can't not i have another one no No, we have to. We can't not. I have another one, man. It's fine.

No, we're doing this one. Okay. We're doing this one. Okay. George, just because every investor in town has made comments about our cookie cutter designs and turns down doesn't mean that Mark Cuban's's gonna do the same on shark tank i'm just saying man i mean the comments that we're getting they don't feel positive well they're not necessarily negative it's just kind of like everyone has different sensibilities and that's fine i'm not

hey we took a big swing with these we took a big swing i know man but week, the guy from PayPal asked us, what's the use case for these? Like, who would buy this? And I was genuinely floored. I didn't have an answer. We told them they're bachelor bachelorette cookies. But they wouldn't. Why? You don't know that. It's so veiny, bro. It's awful. Dude, no, no, no. You have to shake that off because if we go into the sharks right now and you're like, oh, it's awful, it's awful, that energy, no way they're going to invest. No way, no how. You're right.

You're right. You're right. Come on. Let's just like affirmations. Okay. These cookie cutters are exciting. These cookie cutters are expensive. Yes.

They are $59.99 a pop. So, and they're huge. But the artistry. They're huge. A cookie. They're huge. And the artistry. You could make a cookie cake. No, but I mean, that's kind of the only use case because they're huge and the artistry you could make a cookie cake

no but I mean that's kind of the only use case because they're so big any other cookie wouldn't cook evenly they're erotic yeah well I mean not for me but that's fine it's just like too real it's like gross to me how real

it is but that just shows that our artisans who like we gave them the mock-up and they made the dream happen. Made in the U.S. Made in the U.S. That I'm confident in. Made in the U.S.

Mark's going to love that. Mark's going to love that they're American made. American made. Virgin steel. Maybe don't say virgin steel. It means steel

that's never, it's not recycled. It comes from the ore in the ground. Then maybe just say that. I don't know. I feel like we'd be- The term is virgin steel.

I know. I'm just saying maybe don't like go'd be. The term is virgin steel. I know. I'm just saying maybe don't like go too hard on virgin steel. Okay, you're right. You're right. You're right. Okay. Do you feel good? Do you feel ready?

I mean, are we still going to do the like how we practiced? Well, of course. Why would we do it any other way? I don't know. I feel kind of cringe. Like now that the cameras are here, bro, I'm kind of like nervous to do it. No, dude. We talked about how

this may be a possibility that one of us would get cold feet. You'd be a little nervous. You're right. But like a gimmick hooks people in. Like this is our hook.

I'll climb inside. Okay, you wheel me out. Don't forget your lines, okay? I will. And I put the air hole right here so you can breathe fine out of it. I was going to say,

I've got about 60 seconds of oxygen in here so you better be fast. No, no, no, no, no. The air hole right here so you can breathe fine out of there i've got about 60 seconds of oxygen in here so you better be no no no the air holes are right on the air hole was smart that's what we didn't do with pay pal i nearly passed out well that's why it's like when i when you tried to come out of the top and they were like what's where is the catch okay here we go all right pass out the balls i was like unconscious down in the balls. All right, man. All right, man. Oh, fuck.

The PA is coming. The PA is coming. Okay. George, Peter, the sharks are ready for you. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Tonight on Shark Tank, George and Peter Turpentine are ready to turn their exciting cookie journey and dream into a reality. Will the sharks bite?

Let's find out. So heavy. I'm wheeling in a heavy, biggest, heaviest, most realistic looking parade float of a penis into the room. Barbara's like, wow, I like what I'm seeing. Mark is like, Whoa, not what I was expecting. Mr. Wonderful's just going,

No way, no way. Hello, sharks. I know what you're probably thinking. You can hear me breathing inside him. I know what you're probably... Hey, you're being distracting. I'm sorry, it's so tight. I know what you're probably... Hey, you're being distracting. I'm sorry, it's so tight. I know, we're going to get to it in a second.

I know what you're probably thinking. Is that a giant penis float or are you just happy to see me? I love these guys. You thought that was funny? This is revolting. This is so crass. It's going well. It's going well.

It's going well it's going well it's going well well what if we're not only happy to see you um but also had something to prove it i start moving up and down on the giant okay and okay no you go okay you. You have to pull the thing inside. Pull the ripcord. I go flying out of the top. I'm in a white morph suit. I'm Toby the Spur. Or should I say, Toby the Icing Blob.

Welcome to our Pitch Sharks. Whoa, whoa, how exciting was that? You can get all that and more with our incredible, delectable, erotic, expensive, milking penis cookie cutters for your next bachelor or bachelorette party. $130,000 for a 20% share of our Milking Cutters LLC. I love it. Really? Yeah. You're the first. I'm sorry. No, I know I should stand up for my own product, but we've been getting a lot of this is really blue. This is really crass.

Shut up. No, I'm just trying. It's like I want to be up front with them. We've been getting a lot of this is really blue. This is really crass. No one will think this is funny. This is really low ball. No pun intended.

Not so fast barbara i might want to get in on this too you're joking oh come on mr cuban if the other two are in don't you want a slice no this is the last cookie i would ever want a slice of ignore him he doesn't know what he's talking about i think i i think i did wine.com which is i think i did wine.com, which is – You think you did? I think I did wine.com. And I'd be looking to turn this into a subscription model. How would this be a subscription model, Barbara, if you're just doing –

Shut up, bro. Are you telling Mark Cuban to shut up right now? No, I think I'm telling Mr. Wonderful to shut up. Anyway. How would this be a subscription service if it's just these cookie cake-sized – Different talk every month. Milking. Okay.

I'm just going to let you know, I see no growth potential in this. No pun intended. I think I agree. I think this is crass. I think this is absolutely revolting. And for that reason, I'm out. You're lost, Cuban. Hey, don't get too big for your britches.

Have some respect. He knows what he's talking about. You're right. I'm sorry, Mr. Cuban. But Mr. Wonderful and Mr. Fantastic? Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful. Sorry.

You're so fantastic. Mr. Fantastic. I love that name. Oh, fantastic. So what do you guys think? Have any interest? Yeah. I just need a 99% at uh 40 000 bro we should take it

oh man he's really low balling us he can have the whole company i want out what you want out yes i'm over it why you just came out as toby the spermm. It sucked to do. I need health insurance. I need a real job. But you don't, once we sell these, you don't have to be going around being Toby the Sperm all the time. I could be Toby the Sperm. This is a lemon. This is the most we're ever going to get for this.

Well, that's not a problem. Okay, well, okay. We'll think about that, Mr. Wonderful Fantastic. Don't sleep on my offer, boys. All you said was you did wine.com, you think, and that you want to make this subscription. Yes. You haven't made any kind of offer. Here's my pitch, boys.

You, me, a jacuzzi. Barb, we're married. We're married. I'm out. Okay. We've got to take Mr. Wonderful's, I think. Hey, Mr. Wonderful, we'll totally accept $40,000. It'd be so generous of you.

Maybe for a couple less percentage of steak. 95. How about something like 37? 95. Can I talk with my brother for a second, please? Let's talk, man. I think we do it. What do you mean you think we do it?

I think we do it. I feel like you're giving up on a dream. What about all of our artisans? What about the vision we had? Look, I know that like when we were 21, this was our dream. It was the funniest thing. It made us laugh till we cried. I know, but.

Milking penis cookie cutter. Stop, stop. No, come on. It's so funny. I know, but like everything's bad about it it's too expensive it's too gross the milking is misleading people think that that means that there's going to be like a secret like compartment in it that like milk comes out of i've had these questions in our investor meetings people think that in a cookie cutter there's going to be a compartment

where milk comes out that it makes a cookie that milk comes out because it makes when you say milking it makes it sound like you can actually milk it I mean listen, maybe you've been to more investment meetings than I have The PayPal guy asked that The PayPal guy is an idiot I really respect him Okay, well I'm out You could have my equity

I don't care about that. I want to do this with you because you're my brother, and it's a fun thing we get to do. I mean, who the hell gets to say that they make penis cookie cutters with their brother? I don't think anyone ever. Exactly. And that's what makes us special. I don't think my heart's set.

Especially as adult twins. I think I have another idea, but I think it's stupid. No, come on. I can't believe I haven't had it already since we share a brain and all, like twins do. Yeah, man. Basically, it's the same, but titties. Milking titties. And it's the artisans and everything.

Um, I think you're a genius. Hey, shorts, you can have this one. This is just chub. We'll throw it into the water. You don't even want it. Mark Cuban's like, well, now the titties I'm interested in.

Sold. No way! on it mark cuban's like well now the titties i'm interested in so no way you don't even have oh what i liked there was that um the voices that we were using for the sharks and for the um for the boys were so clear and distinct that I definitely could keep track of who you were being, who I was being away from that scene. What did you take away? That I was kind of backed into a corner of having my character jerk off a giant paper.

I never made you do that. What did you think was going to happen? I thought maybe like you just kind of like, here he goes. And then Tobyby the sperm would come out i wasn't expecting you to jork it man i seriously wasn't let's take a break okay we're back i can't believe she slapped through that whole fucking scene well i think maybe you do want to give her back no she's not normal no i don't want to give her

back right now because she has such hot she has such high brow humor and doesn't think that i'm gonna jerk off a penis cookie is funny you You're mad that I brought that review. I'm not mad that you brought the review. I'm mad that I thought it was funny. Right. It says more about me. That's exactly where I was gonna go with it. It was like, you can be mad all you want,

but you laughed your ass off when I said penis milking cookie. I know, and that's what really pisses me off is that, fuck it, I thought that milking penis cookie was funny. And yeah, imagining someone jorking a paper mache dick. Mr. Wonderful's big bald ass is sitting there. And a dude in a white morph suit comes out of it. Says, I'm Toby the Sperm. That's funny.

Sorry. People are like, please have their show end soon, please. Literally, they're like, I don't know why they say that they feel like the improv is getting stale. Huh, what do you mean it feels like there's only so much you can go back to the well? They're like, I don't know why they say that they feel like the improv is getting stale. Huh. What do you mean? It feels like there's only so much you can go back to the well. Were you listening to the same milking penis cookie cutter shark tank episode I was listening to? Okay.

Do you have another one you'd like to share with the class? I do. With the 4K students? Shut up. Okay. This is for Halloween cookie cutters three piece set made in USA by Ann Clark, Pumpkin Ghost Bat. Pumpkin Ghost Bat. Five stars.

Amanda S. Amanda Shark Tank. Amanda Shark Tank. Five stars. The title is Monster Cookies. These are perfect for Halloween. If you love bacon cookies, these are a must-have for Halloween. Scary, cute, and big.

Who doesn't love that? Is that the whole review? I'm going to kill you. See how it feels when someone hits you with that? Scary, cute, and big. Who doesn't love that? Huh. Remember when we were in the car and I said,

how do you feel about your reviews? I like the- And you said- We've never done this to each other before of like holding feet to the fire. Like, tell me what's funny about this. Nothing funnier than having to explain why you think something's funny. Okay. Just read it again and let me see if I can hit it.

It's short enough that I think it'll be fine. You're a piece of shit. Yes. These are perfect for Halloween. Don't read it in that voice. If you love baking cookies, these are a must-have for Halloween. Scary, cute, and big. Who doesn't love that?

Who doesn't love that? Who doesn't love that? Scary, cute, big. Do you want me to tell you what I found funny about the review? Why don't you show me? What do you mean, why don't I show you? In a scene. Okay, Spirit Halloween employees. Aye, aye. We have to step it up this year. Heard. TikTok trends are taking over and people are now, what, thrifting their costumes

instead of coming to Spirit Halloween? That's not good for business. So we need to come up with Halloween costume ideas. Sat. And they need to be scary, and yeah i'll say it big or else it's going to be pretty scary and it's not going to be cute how we're going to go out of big business fast good one boss it wasn't that good i know that you had a little fuck up the other week i'm sorry but i feel like lately you've been doing a lot of asking kissing and it's gotten past the point where it's like, oh, he's made up for it and now it's just like,

it's too much. I thought it was a good idea. I see now that it was a bad, it was a really bad idea. So, you know. Thank you. I just think Trump's ear

was a good costume and the fact you didn't want to do it was upsetting. Well, it's just because it's hard, it's like, it's expensive to make. We don't have to dwell.

And it's not, it hits big. I mean, you're just because it's expensive to make. We don't have to dwell. And it's not... It hits big. I mean, you're just going to get a giant ear. Right. Cute. Not cute. Scary. Yes. Two out of three is not bad. Two out of three is not bad, but when you show up at my daughter's christening with the pitch, that was what was bad. I thought it was just a party at a church. I really

didn't know it was a christening. I'm really sorry. That's okay. That's what I'm saying. We were past it. I really didn't know it was a christening. I'm really sorry. That's okay. That's what I'm saying. We were past it. I need you to like be just normal. I'm cool, man. I'm cool.

Okay. I got some more ideas. Leon, hit me with them. Okay. Talk to a girl. Topical. You said TikTok. Topical.

What would the costume look like for that? I think she was in a shirt and jeans. Okay. I think that's again something that? I think she was in a shirt and jeans. Okay. I think that's, again, something that people can thrift. Maybe a microphone because she was talking. I think that could also be really, people might see that and think pop star.

They might think. Perfect. Perfect. It's big. It's cute. It's scary. Okay. You know what? Let's put it on the list. It doesn't. Okay, you know what?

Let's put it on the list. Doesn't hurt to put it on the list. You feeling okay, boss? Oh, yeah. It's just a little bug. You know, kids being young and in school. Kids are young and in school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'd know. I mean, you saw them all at the christening. Again, I really didn't mean anything by it. The christening was also scary, cute, and big. It was cute because my daughter was getting christened. Yeah. It was big. All of our family and friends were there.

And it was really scary how you showed up at the back door of the church. You bust open the doors right as the priest was putting her head in the water. And you had a big photo of Trump with his bloody ear. And you said boss boss boss put that little sucker down and take a look at what i got scared i know they were drowning her i really did i didn't know what was happening so you thought it was okay no it's fine we can i just don't know how you like got the address tom hanks just tom hanks. March 2020. He had COVID, you remember? He was one of the first.

Big, like the movie. Scary. Because COVID. Cute. I think we're missing cute. What, um, he, maybe he has a doll? That's interesting. A cute, cute baby doll.

Yeah, that might lean into a little bit scary yeah um god do you have any ideas yeah it's it's just I think it's just hard

to get my mind off of you're thinking about the christening still I'm thinking about the christening because it wasn't just you came into the church

you also I've never given you my home address there's no way you have it it will exactly because we had like

an after party like reception in our backyard. And this was way after the church. I just followed you from the christening. Okay. So that was scary that I told you to leave and that you followed me home. I made a big move.

You made a big move of following me there. Yeah. And you said that my car was really cute, which I thought was a strange comment. It's a Mini Cooper. Yeah, I guess. You don't think you have that my car was really cute which I thought was a strange comment it's a mini cooper you don't think you have a cute car? I guess I've never thought about it in that way I think it's a car that does it's job and gets me to and from the office

fantastic yeah it's um Scooby Doo in drag from 2003 live action Scooby Doo he's a big fuck-off Great Dane. Yeah. Cute, because he's wearing a sundress. He looks like a grandma, yeah.

And a hat. Yeah. Scary. Because it's Scooby-Doo in a dress. Because he's a human dog man. A humanoid dog in a dress. Yeah. Yes, I actually think that's the best idea you've had.

Fuck yeah. And there's no way that you could thrift that. Here comes a promotion. If you feel like my energy has been off or weird in this, you're nodding your head really quickly. Do you feel like you have? Has been. Have been. I don't know how you tell.

This Spirit Halloween. Yeah. In Portland, Maine. Yeah. We're the only one in town. Yeah. We are the only two employees. Correct.

I am your boss. Yes. I don't are the only two employees. Correct. I am your boss. Yes. I don't feel comfortable working with you. That sucks to hear. It sucks for me too. Because when I first hired you, I just thought, oh, this is a middle-aged guy who really likes Halloween. And, you know, it's a fun part-time job to have around fall.

Full-time for me. Huh? Full-time for me. Well, I know. Every hour I'm not here i'm coming up with ideas i know and you're doing it in my driveway rocky and bowinkle from the live action rocky and bowinkle from uh 19 2000 the year 2000 y2k that's trending. Exactly. And you don't have to keep coming up with ideas. Big.

Because Bullwinkle's pretty big. Cute. Rocky's pretty cute. Scary. The CGI effects in that movie. Hollywood would never make that movie today. They would never make that movie. Scary.

Sure. Let's do live action Rocky and Bullwinkle, which I guess is just Rocky and Bullwinkle costume that you can wear out in the world. Sick. And I guess kind of weird because i can't imagine kids these days know who rocky and bullwinkle are um yeah i guess i don't really know who they are either i mainly just know from the movie here's the thing you know why i know you know from the movie oh you don't remember oh shit i was couldn't remember where i saw it. You saw it. At your house. At my house. Through the window.

Yes. After the christening. Yes. Yeah. When my daughter is, when I wanted to show them. You're supposed to show it to your daughter like. Well, because I love that movie as well. It's a 25-year-old movie.

I thought it was fun as, I'm not going to go over this with you. Okay. It was weird that you were watching through the window. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So you can see why I don't want to work with you anymore. Are you firing me

yeah oh damn joke's on you i got a great idea what is it it's basically a giant cookie cutter shape of a prostate and you milk it oh like the one from Shark Tank. Exactly. So not your idea. Shit. I think it's weird to be in person. You know what I mean by that? Normally I have the, I can hide behind my screen. I don't have to look you in the eye when i say things when you say a big prostate you can when i have to say a big prostate you can milk normally i'm just worried that my neighbors might hear that

but now i have to worry that you can hear it in person uh did you know that 4k just stands for four-year-old kindergarten why would i have known? Seems like probably would have been my first guess. I think we should do our last segment. You really do? Yeah. Yeah. I suppose. Yeah.

Around that time. That's that time. This took me all week long. Oh, it's a scary episode. Because next week's Halloween. Not in the recording it isn't. Well, at the time of recording it is.

I have a couple things that have been shaking me all week long. Okay. Oh, it's a scary episode. Because next week's Halloween. Not in the recording, it isn't. Well, at the time of recording, it is. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I have a couple things that have been shaking me all week long. Okay. I think I know what one of them is from beginning. So, from beginning. I think I know what one of them is from beginning. I think I know what one of them is from beginning.

There is a viral TikTok family who I had never heard of until maybe a week ago. This really has shook me all week long. Mm-hmm. And I'm very late to the party, as I am with most things. Correct. And the party. I show up late. AJ and Big Justice.

Yes. Boom or doom. Chicken bake or the double chunk chocolate cookie. If you don't know who this family is, just a family from, I'm thinking New York. That's actually a great question. I thought Florida. Father and son i mean just based on the accents i was going based on the whole thing the whole thing yeah

father and son are the main kind of like i read that whole rolling stone profile you did a whole rolling stone profile i didn't do it i read dad is aj the son is big justice they have a supporting cast of people who come in with i was like the son cousin, the Rizzler, who's like eight or nine. And ironically, I think the Rizzler is the most famous of all of them. I would say so. The youngest of them all. Yeah. The mom, her codename is just the mother of big justice.

Mother of big justice. The daughter is just Ashley. She doesn't even get a cool nickname. No. And their whole thing. Cousin Angelo. Cousin Angelo, just Cousin Angelo. They have a song that's, we bring the boom.

We bring the boom to you. Their thing they got famous for is like boom or doom, which there is no consequence of doom. And it's like they love going to Costco. Florida. Holy shit. Well done. I think I did read that in the Rolling Stone profile. And they do this thing where they go to Costco all the time and the son loves chicken bakes.

So they move from New Jersey to Florida. Okay. That checks out. So you were right. They do this thing. Boom or doom. But like the only foods they do it with are chicken bake from Costco or a double chunk chocolate cookie from Costco. And now, unfortunately, us going chicken bake or double chunk chocolate cookie has been the vocal tick du jour.

Come here. Get over here then. This is awesome to watch. Yeah, she is frightened. So that's been really shaking me is that family and kind of like everything they have to offer and do. But the other thing that's really been shaking me is Alfred and I watched the trailer to Mufasa, which is the new quote unquote live action lying thing. Prequel. Prequel. About the origin story of Mufasa.

Which is essentially just Prince of Egypt because it has Mufasa coming in on like a piece of wood down a river. Scar is the natural heir to the throne. Yeah. And Mufasa's his American adopted brother. All the other lines have British accents. Can I tell you a secret, Mufasa? What? I've always wanted a brother.

I've always wanted a brother. I've always wanted a brother. I've always wanted a brother. There's a song that plays in the background of the trailer. This was going to be my What Shook Me. Is it? Okay, then you take it away. Well, yeah, in the trailer, we pretty much got there.

The movie looks bad, and I don't mean by that the plot or anything like that. We don't know. I mean, visually, it looks weird. It looks very strange. It looks significantly worse to me than the live-action Lion King from a couple years ago, which makes me think that they didn't give it the same budge. Yeah.

And it also... Oh, my God, I completely forgot what I was going to say about the live-action. Was it the writing? It was the writing. Yes, it was the Marvel movie ass writing. There's a scene where they go over a waterfall. They're being chased by like a mean lion.

They're being chased by the bad lion. Yeah. The big scary lion who I think is maybe Mufasa's biological father. I don't think that's true. I think that is true. We're going to see this movie and I'm going to be so vindicated. That's 100% the plot of the movie. I don't think so. That is 100% the plot of the movie. I don't think that's true. I think that is true. We're going to see this movie and I'm going to be so vindicated. That's 100% the plot of the movie. I don't think so.

That is 100% the plot of the movie. I don't think so. Yes, those evil lions are. They're white lions. Yes, and there's a clip in the trailer where Mufasa says, I can't believe we're fighting about this. Occasionally, I smell a distant scent on the wind and then it's gone. And it smells like home.

And so it's very clearly it's gonna be and they follow the edge of the waterfall because they're being chased by the evil lion and then they go uh scar goes we did it we're alive i saved us and then the evil lion the lion also jumps over the waterfall mufasa turns around and goes, uh, you were saying? And Alf and I turn to each other like, what is this Marvel-ass, Avengers-ass script to Mufasa? It really is pretty fucking funny. I've always wanted a brother. And there's a song that says, I always wanted a brother,

right when Mufasa says, I always wanted a brother. I have a secret. Of course. I've always wanted a brother. I've always wanted a brother. I've always wanted a brother. I've always wanted a brother. I've always wanted a brother. Well always wanted a brother I've always wanted a brother

I've always wanted a brother Well pretty eventful shit huh Yeah sounds like that's a wrap on this week You can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt You can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview Reddit r slash ReviewReview Discord ReviewReview and yeah Jeffrey James and I, Patreon, Zardy every month

That's gonna go ahead and be a Zoom party Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff And You can find Riley on Patreon, Zardy every month. That's going to go ahead and be a Zoom party. Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley and Spot, and on Twitter.com, now known as xxxxxxx.com for as long as it lasts, at RileyCoyote,

and on TikTok on the clock till the party don't stop, at Riley and Spot. As we see every single week on the show, we're always saying it. We're never not saying it it's just two idiots who review reviews And though the hosts are rather mad Well, I just had to laugh

Who has a crush on a rat Her name is Riley Ann Spar She kept afloat when the co-host had changed The podcast people stood instead They'd heard his voice before Podcast people stood and stared. They'd heard his voice before. First of November, has he ever thrown an axe before? Start the podcast now. Start it now. Eee?

Sexy rocks That was a Hiddem original