Review Revue - Corn Mazes
Episode Date: November 3, 2020Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Corn Mazes and discuss Puff the Magic Dragon, the election, and terrible children's books!Subscribe to Reilly & Geoff's new Patreon!Follow Reilly and G...eoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now.
Let's break it down.
My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course.
And don't forget the fries and a drink.
Sound good?
At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna know how you feel
For the one love that's so proud and real
You make me wanna go out and steal
I just wanna know
Your hair is so long.
Your hair is so long.
Really?
It looks good, but when you put it over,
when you do that, you look like JoJo from Horton Hears a Who.
What about JoJo from JoJo Rabbit?
No, you don't look like him. What about Jojo
the potato wedge fry style?
I have no idea what that is. You're not
from Ohio, never mind. What about
Jojo, like, you know.
The singer? The magic dragon
or whatever. You mean Puff the magic
dragon?
Shit.
Jojo the magic
dragon. Lived on an eye he had lots of pancake eyes wider than my thighs Dragon almost died. He fell off a commercial flight.
Korean Airlines.
The crowd loves it.
You know, it really didn't style my hair this way.
It just ended up being this way today, and it stings.
It stings.
Jeffrey, it's election day.
Are we both going to get blackout drunk tonight or what? Oh, my God. Honestly, either way, I'm both gonna get blackout drunk tonight or what honestly either
way i'm gonna get blackout drunk not that biden's equal to trump but just like we're not gonna know
the outcome i know i i meant getting i meant just getting inebriated uh for the sake of i am so scared and stressed. And I mean,
2016 when he won,
that was the first night I got drunk because I was sad.
I had never drank alcohol to like numb my emotions.
That's really good.
Actually,
that's the second,
that's one of two times I've done that.
We'll sidebar about it later.
You can always talk to me.
I really hope everyone voted
um and honestly if you're listening to this this comes out tuesday morning go vote if you haven't
go vote wait in line make a friend order some pizza unless you're gonna vote for trump in the
line if you're gonna vote for trump don't vote and if you don't want to go wait in line if you
have your absentee ballot go drop off the ballot at the polling place because by this point don't i mean it's a little late to say this now but like don't mail
it in if you haven't already sorry because it won't make it there in time i'm not trying to
so i can drop off my ballot at the polling you can drop off your ballot at the polling place
and you should you should not mail it anymore right now because it will not be counted in time
who should i vote for i can't believe you don't know joe jorgensen joe jorgensen nope nope vote for joe biden jill stein vote for
biden harris okay and then in terms of like his name isn't biden harris don't write in biden harris
as a name vote for joe biden yeah i voted for biden harris the ticket um The ticket? Um, hmm. We all wrote him in, right?
Biden Harris?
We all wrote in Biden Harris.
Over 60 something million people have already voted.
Everyone just wrote in Biden Harris.
It's some random.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're like, they come to his door.
They're like, um, you're Mr. President.
I'm what?
You're time to go get sworn one sworn in well shucks i'm anti grand new green new deal
and i also want to ban fracking no new green jobs no no old bad jobs nobody has jobs no old bad jobs
no jobs economy that's the biden harris guarantee no jobs no rights everybody is kind of even
running before now i wasn't i'm making up everything on the spot i feel like i'm not making anybody happy i'm pissing off both sides right you're impeached
what's new with you we just recorded an episode but what's new since then or something you forgot
to say the last episode or that you were saving for now on the day i mean truly nothing has
happened since the last two minutes we spoke but because it's um but i know this is coming out election day so uh by this time by time recording we will have
done eschaton times the special two hour long experience what are you gonna be we already
talked about this on the last episode how did the costume go how did the costume go well i'm
imagining okay here's what i imagine because this will already have passed by now i'm imagining the internet i will break the
internet daniel and i will break the internet because people will see our costume and be like
whoa chicago the musical chicago has no cultural relevance right now this isn't topical this isn't
it's they're not being anything that's kind of like in the news right now or anything pop culture
that's relevant why and so people be like whoa why did they why did they do it and the whole system will collapse yeah i don't
think so really yeah okay it might also not be that it will almost certainly not be that because
you're not gonna break the internet anyway but we can't know for sure i mean it's only wednesday
now so we don't we actually won't know we can can agree on that. We won't know. What about you? I was panic at the disco.
I wore a disco outfit and a mask.
And I was the belle of the ball.
Willa, I mean, she was beside herself.
She, I'm engaged.
Oh my God.
You're engaged at this point.
Jeffrey, she proposed to you.
Look at that rock, girl.
Look at that rock.
It is actually a rock like it is a
rock from the street it is a stone because she doesn't live near me so i kind of had to go get
a pebble and tape it to my yeah it's pebble and scotch tape yes um but it's not about how much it
costs it's about um the thought behind it and absolutely what willa and i have no one listening
will ever have with anybody i I don't know about that.
It's an inseparable bond forged in the fires of Eschaton.
You've never met in person.
Okay.
Well, you know, the Pope never met God in person.
We're talking about corn aces.
Really?
Yeah.
So this, we put on Patreon.
We asked our patrons for advice we asked them to pitch
ideas of what we should talk about
today if you would like to contribute
to future review review episode
topics and vote or suggest
them you can join our Patreon
at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff
thank you to Alton Burkholder
for the suggestion this week there were a lot of amazing
suggestions and I will honestly be coming
back to this thread for future suggestions because they are
very funny um but we well not all of them here let's shout out some ones that aren't nope
um jeff jackson hansel your ideas were shit stop it hallie you shouldn't even have been tried
david fleming nice going but maybe next time slugger god no I'm kidding um they're all great experiences
corn mazes corn maze is very fall very fall festival style um if you go apple picking at
Patterson's fruit farm in Chesterland Ohio as one is want to do you gotta do the corn maze is it is
it like do you feel like it's an actual maze like can you get lost or is it just the experience of
like oh it's for kids got it so you can see
over it i can see over it i'm towering over toddlers uh kicking them by accident towering
over toddlers in tiaras and that is my memoir um i'm writing it super early on spec what about you
i i also remember going to corn mazes in pumpkin patches when i was wee and i went to pumpkin patch
last year there was a corn maze that again it was for kids and i could see over it what i like about a corn maze i don't understand
the point if there's no theme behind it we're just in corn um it's a maze it's a real life maze
it's a it's a real life maze elaborate you never used to do the maze the the little things on
newspapers or the back of cereal boxes no i love those love those. It's a puzzle for a puzzle set.
I haven't, but I haven't done like a maze.
I haven't done a corn maze in recent enough years to be like,
ooh, that's a really good, I don't know where I'm going.
I hope I get out of here.
Well, to your point, the stocks need to be tall
and it needs to be difficult.
Like there are definitely corn mazes for kids where it's like,
okay, it can't be that hard
because if they can't find their way out, that's a big problem.
But it would be fun maybe next year for us to find like an actually very
notoriously difficult corn maze for adults and try and do it yeah i think that'd be a lot of fun
it does shall we take a little break-a-rooney and then get into a little little little oh i'm lost
in the maze yeah let's take a break and we'll be right back with some corn maze reviews i'm very excited for mine marty
we're back hi it's riley um jeff i'm reminding you that it's me. I got a video from my nephew
yesterday. And my nephew Ocean is four and a half. He'll be five in February. And he's singing
Halloween songs that he's learned. And it's the cutest thing I have ever seen. I forgot to tell
you about this. And it's him like, he's staring at the camera
because he's trying so hard to remember the lyrics,
and, like, his face, like,
because he's really in the song, he looks drunk,
and it's the cutest thing in the world,
and I'm going to recreate for you,
but it's, like, this.
He's, like, fullyeen cat halloween cat why do you meow like that and among other thought
among other songs and it's so precious and he too is he gets scared very easily but he loves
the idea of halloween because he gets very scared he's being a or i guess well
it's past now but for halloween he will have been a pirate ship not a pirate he will have been the
ship is that something he really wanted to do yes so they have a cardboard box like a big box and
they're they have like he has like two holes in the bottom so he could walk around and they're
decorating it as a pirate ship nice so just wanted to share that before we hop in. I think
we give kids too much credit. Like learn the songs, right? Learn the songs, sing them confidently,
put on a show for daddy. For Uncle Jeffrey. You're not everyone's uncle. You're not,
you're not one of those kinds of people who has the aura of like Uncle Jeff. Yeah. Come sit on
Uncle Jeff's lap tell him
no something actually intelligent tell me about a book you read you know like and then if you get
it wrong like i'm not gonna act like it went well do you want me to read my review first or do you
i fear that we give kids confidence and then they get to the real world and like they think that
they're prodigies but in reality that's what happened to you that's what happened to me i know
you came into adulthood and you're like i'm the best that ever has been ever will be and then you realize
that's not true and now you're kind of mad at every adult in your life who told you that that
was the case i hold a grudge and i'm burning smudge because the energy is like i need to
clear it out because i need to start over from scratch i need to be a baby again and kind of re-raise
myself baby yeah uh yeah do you want to start diaper you need to be a diaper boy drooling in
the pool with your floaties and your boaties babbling and gaggling sitting in the tub with
some toys learning your numbers with where am i you said pool now i sitting in the tub with some toys, learning your numbers with sponges. Where am I?
You said pool, now I'm in the bathroom.
Also, it looks like you need to be a diaper.
A diaper boy.
You need to be a diaper boy.
What is that?
You need to be in a tub,
playing pretend like you're in a pool
because you're not a big enough kid
to be trusted in the pool without an adult present
because you still not a big enough kid to be trusted in the pool without an adult present, because you still need a diaper, little baby, goo-goo-ga-ga, smear pee, like...
No, no, no!
What?
I meant, no!
I meant pee puree!
Smear pee!
What the fuck are you doing?
I meant like baby food, like pee puree.
Like pureed smashed peas.
I couldn't think of the word puree.
What's your review, man?
Smear pee.
I'm gonna cry. oh my god i hate it okay this is a review this is for hannahres, just outside of Indianapolis, Indiana.
It's a two-star review from Rich H.
Hong.
Rich Han, no relation to Catherine.
I wish.
You could argue that Catherine Han is a Rich Han.
She is a Rich Han.
She was, have I told you she did plays at my school?
No.
My like high school theater director knows her well.
I love her.
I am in love with her.
She's incredible.
Her and Mrs.
What was it?
Mrs.
Fletcher.
Fletcher?
Nope.
I was in Mrs. Doubtfire.
God.
Yeah.
She was absolutely zombie in that.
She was a zombie.
This is for Hannah Haunted Eggers.
Rich Hahn.
Okay.
I'm going to start this review with a disclaimer.
I think haunted attractions, quote unquote, are as individual as pizza.
What one person likes, another doesn't.
Nice. I gave this haunt...
I gave this haunt two stars because I just didn't find it scary.
I found it predictable.
So what can you expect?
Well, here goes.
There are a number of different attractions. We started with the corn maze.
It was really cool to walk through actual corn stalks. It had just rained, so the path was muddy,
adding another element of quote-unquote creepy. That was a good thing. It's truly a maze, so depending on how well you navigate that sort of thing, it can take you a while to get through. Oddly enough, if you ask the monsters if you're going the right way, they'll
come out of character and talk to you. The Saw maze had a lot of animatronic scenes without
live people in the scenes, therefore nothing happens. Visually it was cool, but no real
scare factor. This- oh sorry. The Haunted Hayride was definitely less than creepy. There
were a few animatronics throughout which which were kind of cool, but the scenes themselves not so scary.
The animatronics move very slow, so you can see what's going to happen before it does.
This is a no-touch haunt.
They make it very clear that the actors will not touch you, and you should not be touching the actors.
To me, that's a haunt of yesterday.
The new haunts make it clear that you will be touched.
That adds a whole other element of scary.
This, not so much.
If you have younger kids that want to go to a haunt,
this would be a good place to take them.
If you're scared easily,
well, this might be a good place for you to go.
If you're an experienced haunt-goer
or don't get scared easily,
there are better haunts to attend.
It's like the haunted hayride at Griffith Park
where everybody's in one wagon going around.
That ghost is gonna scare you.
He's about to come out now.
Ghost comes out.
See?
Oh, oh, oh.
Okay.
Told you guys.
Driver at the front.
Hey, hey, little buddy.
We would like to keep this haunt exciting for everyone
So if you've been on this ride before
Please
You know
It's a secret
We want everyone to get spooked
Oh
Got it
Cool
Oh my god
I wonder what's gonna happen next
Zombies
They come out
Yeah
Hey
Hey kid
Please
You know
We
People pay good money for this
And we'd love to keep everyone getting scared
I got here for free
Cause my daddy owns it
Oh yeah Turn around I see It's you skylar hi hi skylar i'm dressed as
coco i know i see it looks really good it looks really good like a group of teens like oh it's
coming around it's gonna run oh my god it's gonna be so scary we're coming around this corner
i faked a scream on that one i did i will admit i faked a scream on that one. I did. I will admit, I faked a scream on that one. We pull over the cart.
Hey, Skylar, buddy, can we, can you hop out the hayride for a sec?
Sure.
He hops off.
Hey, Skylar, I'm so happy you're here, little man.
You know, happy Halloween.
You look, your costume looks awesome.
Bad news.
If you keep, if you keep telling people what's going to happen, we're going to have to, we're
going to have to call your dad to send a golf cart to pick you up here.
Please don't do that. Oh, you look so so sad and the kid from coco is so cute so please
yeah i don't listen i don't want to yeah but we want everyone to have don't cry don't cry don't
cry it's okay it's okay don't cry oh skylar come here skylar listen i kneel down to your height
skylar you can stay on the ride Just maybe let's play the quiet game.
Okay.
Is that okay?
That's okay.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Cut back to the ride.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
Oh my God, we're heading into the graveyard.
Come on, another kid leaning over next to him.
Come on, it's scary.
Were you not scared?
Points to his throat, like, I can't talk.
Are you okay?
Nods. Their mom is like, is like honey honey are you all right clearly on the verge of tears uh excuse me uh sir i yeah what's going on turn oh skylar buddy sorry we need to pull over the cart again
everyone the cart is like oh come on dude what's happening we're on the ride skylar come here
skylar buddy you can talk what's going on oh thank god what's
going on dude you said let's play the quiet game so i've been playing the quiet game okay i'm sorry
you know what that was that's on me i meant i met quiet game in terms of like just again stop just
just don't spoil the ride for people you can talk you can have fun just well i just don't know what
to do because i feel like when i'm enjoying myself being my natural self like i'm spoiling the ride
for everybody somehow and then when i'm quiet we have to stop it again because everybody's still spoiling the
ride somehow why can't I just be Skylar I mean tell me if I'm wrong but I feel like this ride
is really scary to you so for you to feel like you have some sense of control over it you being
like oh there's a ghost here there's a vampire there it makes you feel
like you can control the fear rather than the fear controlling you is that right maybe hey how
about you ride up in the front with me is that how you feel about your girlfriend what oh nothing i
just you know when we were setting this whole thing up my dad was saying that you kind of are
a little bit of a controlling partner and then i'm wondering now if like it's out of fear that
like she'll leave you for someone who's better.
So you feel the need to control her.
Does your dad even know Wendy?
You know what?
This doesn't matter.
No, I'm actually, I'm a really, I'm fine.
Let's just get back in the car.
Come back to the car.
All right, guys.
We're entering into our last scare zone
of this haunted hayride.
I hope none of these vampires come out and suck your blood.
All right, you're on speaker.
Who is this?
It's Wendy.
Oh, Wendy.
Wendy, hi.
Sorry, I'm at work right now.
Did you call me?
No, Skylar called me and said that you've been talking about me.
What?
Wendy, no.
Wendy, I'm at work. I'm so sorry. Can we talk talk about this later everyone in the back's like what's going on where are the vampires we're stopped
in the middle of the road wendy can we talk about this another time i mean this kid called me what's
going on justin apparently you know big boss ben has been saying that i'm that that you think i'm
controlling over you and you know i just kind of made me go like,
what, why would she not say that to me?
You know, like if we have problems,
she should tell me, not my boss.
Right?
Justin, we should talk when your shift is over.
No, we need, come on.
She hangs up.
One of the other kids, excuse me, Justin, was it?
You're kind of spoiling this wagon ride for everybody.
Everyone get out of the wagon.
Everybody gets off.
This has been the scariest Halloween of my life.
Do you guys ever get this?
When someone says, oh, we need to talk soon,
but they don't tell you in that moment.
Is that not fear?
Yeah, I mean, that's kind of off-putting.
It's not happening to any of us, though.
I just get on top of the wagon.
No, but everyone, really, this is really important. Everyone gather hey actors you too come on out come on out all these people in
costumes come join the crowd fear isn't hiding behind a mask it's not hiding behind a frankenstein
face paint all right fear fear really happens when you feel like a confrontation is going to go down, but you're not quite sure what the conversation is going to be about.
Can I can everyone agree on that? Sure. What I really need this Halloween.
I just I really need some support from everyone. I really need everyone to just just hold each other, hold each other close because the dark night's coming in fast and no one will escape it
it's inevitable
right
and it's more than
just trick or treat
it's more than
happy Halloween
hey Ben
Justin you're fired
this is part
this is part of the hayride
it's not part of it
it's the new part of the hayride
I designed the hayride
we have four wagons
backed up behind you
the scarers can't
get around fast enough
okay great
you're soliloquying you're fired get off the wagon Ben can we have a sidebar before I go cut to the sidebar backed up behind you. The scarers can't get around fast enough. Okay, great. Well, then they can come and listen.
You're soliloquying.
You're fired.
Get off the wagon.
Ben, can we have a sidebar before I go?
Cut to the sidebar.
And so Wendy told me that's what you told her.
Well, look, I mean, you are controlling- And Skylar actually told me that you told Wendy.
So it kind of begs the question,
how the fuck do you know my girlfriend?
I used to be like you, man.
And I don't know your girlfriend.
You brought her here last night.
She dropped you off.
I saw that you were talking to her some type of way.
I lost my wife because I talked to her that way.
She died?
Get out of my holiday ride.
After the shift, I'm in my car.
Ring, ring.
Ring, ring.
Hello?
Wendy, my shift is over.
Well, it's over early.
I was fired.
What?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Your shift is over and we're over?
No, Wendy, are you?
Come on.
This is a Halloween prank.
I'm with Ben now.
Is this a spooky prank?
I knew it.
I knew it.
Cut to the next night
at the park.
I'm dressed in like
a mummy outfit
in the maze.
Ben's walking
by with Scarlett.
Nice try, Justin.
Fuck.
How did you know it was me?
I have bandages
over my face.
You have a horrible gait.
Is that?
I thought I worked on it
in PT.
Is it still that bad?
You look bow-legged.
God damn it.
The next day, come be this Frankenstein's monster.
Try to snatch Ben.
Justin, you're gone.
Come on, dude.
Final night, I show up at his house.
It's just me.
Knock, knock.
What do you want?
Ben, um, is Wendy in there?
Yes.
That's all I needed to hear.
Okay. Something will happen to needed to hear. Okay.
Something will happen to you, Ben.
Maybe not tonight.
Maybe not tomorrow.
Maybe not next week.
But something devastating.
Something wicked this way comes.
All right, let's just put it that way.
And I'm not going to tell you when it is or how it'll appear.
But I just want you to be,
I want you to have the same pit in my stomach now that I've had every day since Wendy left me for you.
No.
Come on.
I thought that was going to work this time.
All right.
Should I do my review?
Oh, do your review.
Okay.
This is,
it's a,
it's a, a written review. Okay, this is, it's a written review in Turcus Reviews,
which is a children's literary review magazine online.
It's a review of a children's book called
What We Found in the Corn Maze and How It Saved a Dragon.
I don't know what to say.
By Henry C.
Henry Cavill. Henry cavill magic works can it save cal's family farm 12 year old cal and his best friend drew are momentarily distracted
from cal's family's problems caused in no small part by Cal when he accidentally started a fire in the harvester.
When they learned that classmate Modesty can practice magic.
She's found a binder of magic spells, but they only work for a minute and only at certain times of the day.
And most of the spells are 800 word tongue twisters that can't be said in under one minute.
In puzzling this out, they end up discovering that in a parallel world called Kongroo,
magic is imperiled because its dragons are dying.
With the help of Preface Arrowshot, a young, green-skinned, congruent librarian,
the kids discover that the local entrepreneur who's got his eyes on Cal's family farm
may be at the root of the problem.
Stopping him could save Kongroo and the dragons.
Subtle jabs at climate change deniers
and unqualified wannabe world leaders
add layers to Clark's newest book.
Cal presents white,
Drew and Modesty have brown skin.
And that's the pitch.
And if I can just be crystal clear,
this all takes place in a corn maze.
It's sort of a smart kids goofball adventure.
And you're pitching this for the next hbo series
miniseries in a way i mean it could be anything really if you guys pick it up great
right i need you to break it down for me give me give me the elevator pitch because that took two
hours okay so a kid white is in a corn maze and they find a magic
world called kangaroo right uh their classmate his classmates drew and modesty who are brown
and that's important can practice magic but uh only a couple spells sometimes and most of the
spells are 800 words long and tongue twisters. So are they magic or not?
They cannot actually, like, the likelihood of them casting a spell is zero to none.
But they can.
It's such slim pickings.
And at such certain times of the day.
So, listen, we need to.
I'm wildly hungover.
I understand that.
And what's important about this.
I thought this was Tuesday.
And it wasn't so i went
out last night to celebrate the fact that i even got the meeting and now i'm ill prepared because
i didn't write anything beforehand i'm figuring it out as you're figuring it out what we need
to be able to kind of sort this show idea of a show i don't even really know what to call this
but we need we need to fit it into a genre so you're gonna figure out what no i'm saying if we were to buy it i'm trying to figure out if we would put it in fantasy if we
would put it in kids if we put it in drama or comedy it doesn't matter let's just do the diversity
play there's two brown people in it right so this i guess that's what i'm hearing that's the only
part of the pitch is that you're saying that that their lead is white and his friends are brown and that's important.
That's important.
Don't put your head in your hand.
Are you going to help me make history?
What part do you think is history?
Brown visibility.
Ever heard of it?
I have heard of it.
We have a lot of diverse shows.
Really?
I don't watch your guys' stuff.
Get out of my office.
No.
You're going to hear this.
What?
Whoa, my body feels weird. You're telling me to do
something and it feels magic
almost? I don't know how to describe this feeling.
Picked a patch of pickled peppers
splattered with smearing
pee all over the charger
cord. All of a sudden
oops, there goes head honcho
and he has his old
HBO. That's Homebox box arfin kids with no parents
such as drew at modesty brown abracadabra kalamazam kalamazoo michigan on the day osu
oh ask you did i mention drew was brown and modesty is chased she is celibate until marriage
because i think that that's like four quadrant in a way.
Cut to the premiere party of this show.
What was kind of the inspiration for you for this mind-blowing, you know, no one knows anything about what the show is.
There's been no teasers released.
There's been no trailers.
The kind of PR standpoint has been you'll see it when you see it.
Can you give any inspiration behind that?
Some ideas you struggle and struggle with.
But, I mean, the great ones, well, they just come to you.
They really do.
Now, can you sum up this story in five words that everyone's dying to know?
Drew Modesty Brown, important corn maze.
And that one's hyphenated.
Magic.
Wow, the crowd's going crazy. Also part of the hyphenation. The last word, this is's hyphenated wow the crowd's also part of the
hyphenation the last word this is all hyphenated magic family farm kangaroo magic world dragon
saved oh my god i mean listen i i'm i might you know embarrass you a little bit when i say this
but you might be the voice of a generation you might be the voice of a generation i think you
might the hbo producer's standing in
a dark corner in the background just eyes still in a hex over yeah no um nate can we can we also
i would love to interview you with your producing partner ricky martin could you bring him over um
i actually don't know if i can do that uh thank you guys so much for coming. Hey, Randy, Mr. Martin, come on over. He saunters over, stops right before the stairs to the stage,
and falls into a vat of chicken salad in the catering.
Oh, my God.
Is he okay?
That's nothing.
That's nothing.
Watch the show on HBO.
I think it comes out on Tuesday.
Thank you guys so much for coming.
Don't write anything about this in the papers.
I didn't put a hex on him.
We believe you. We believe you, Nate. You would never do such a thing.'t write anything about this in the papers. I didn't put a hex on it. We believe you.
We believe you, Nate.
You would never do such a thing.
All right.
Enjoy the night.
Enjoy the success.
We can't wait to see the show.
Thank you.
But just in case.
Abracadabra Family Farm, Drew Modesty are brown as shit.
They're so fucking brown.
I can't even fucking tell you how brown they are.
They are brown.
They are tan to a hide.
Their skin is leather on the day.
They are tweens with brown skin.
I cannot tell you how much I need to stress the fact that they are not white in this story.
Cal could be white.
He could not.
Who knows?
These people, though, are explicitly brown.
They all fall under a hex.
Cut to the next day.
The Vanity Fair headline is HBO to produce most diverse show ever seen.
That's the poll quote.
Should we do our last segment?
Yeah. I mean listen my what shook me I can't think of anything else other than this election other than voting I cannot stress enough please go vote to save our democracy
for me nothing else is as important right now on the day and me, it's a pastrami sandwich I have for brunch on Sunday.
Imagine hot rye burnt until it's marbled
and then rotten meat in between the little carvings.
I didn't vote.
I know.
And that's why it's been really distracting to do this episode.
No, I did vote.
Vote early.
I mean, it's too late if you're hearing this.
Just vote.
Also, like, outside of this election, just, like, if Jeff is ever in, like, a beauty pageant, vote for him to win.
He needs it.
I would appreciate the votes, but what do you mean I need it?
It's just, like, I don't know.
You've got nothing much.
How's Hailey doing? You know, it's like you've got nothing else much going on for
you got rejected from highly it's not even an application based dating app and i somehow didn't
make it on no i didn't get the cut yeah well thank you guys for listening um and thank you to our vip
podcasts our vipodcasts on our patreon again that's patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. So thank you to Aaron Carrico.
Adam Shea.
Agent Michael Skarm.
Alex McCullough.
Alex Watts.
Alex Witt.
Alton Burkholder.
Alvar Wallstrom Lindell.
Anthony Amadeo.
Austin Boston.
Charleston Schusten.
Bagadoo.
Bob Buell.
Brad Hild. Brendan Metz. Cameron Bradleyadoo. Bob Buell. Brad Hild.
Brendan Metz.
Cameron Bradley.
Chasen Bales.
Chris Forgash.
Christian B.
Clarestory Magazine.
Connor Finnegan.
Dr. Eegs.
Elliot Sloma.
Fancy Octopus.
Garrett Glasbergen.
Jeff Hodgson.
Hallie.
Isaac Fletcher.
Jackson, sorry, yeah, Jackson Ansel.
Jackson Martin.
Jacob Kachuk.
Jake Radiff.
Jake Ullman.
Jamie Poncia.
Jared.
Jason Araya.
Jasper Hoffman.
Jesse Tipton.
Joel Anderson.
Jonah Sanchez.
Josh Tischler.
Caleb Luster. Katie Ross. Ker Anderson. Jonah Sanchez. Josh Tischler. Caleb Luster.
Katie Ross.
Kerwin.
Kevin Sunt.
Colby Hollis.
Cokehead.co.
So.
Christian Barron.
Lauren Millang.
Malik.
Mark Priest.
Mark Spalding.
Matt Box.
Matt C.
A.K.A.
Matty Kritz.
Michael Field. Matthew Lizama. Michael Ebach. A.K.A. Maddie Kritz. Michael Field.
Matthew Lizama.
Michael Ebach.
Michael Rowland.
Nate Porteus.
Nicolaj Biergard.
Noel Samuto.
Nolan Murphy.
P.
Phoenix McVernon.
Robert Fridge.
Sabrina.
Sam Adams.
Sam Braden.
Sarah J. Hunt.
Sarah Kilduff.
Space Ant, oh my
God, Stefan,
Stephanie Cass, Theodore
Geisen,
Will Busey, Will
Phillips, Xander Madsen,
and Yaro Edie. Thank
y'all so much for
supporting. And as always, you
can find, hopefully by this
point, Jeff has his instagram back so go
follow him at i am jeffrey james on twitter don't play no james on tiktok and i am jeffrey james
and our show you know where to find the show at this point you can find riley and spa on instagram
at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote and tiktok i think you'll make a tiktok i think you'll
make another tiktok i think you should do more come Come on, join me. Duet me. We'll see. We'll see.
You're not going to do it?
We'll see.
All right.
Be safe.
Oh, it's election day.
I'm going to.
But yeah, no, we need to.
But yeah, no, I'm going to go hide in a hole.
Hey, hey, how about this?
How about this?
Go do something for yourself today.
How about that? Why don't you do something? yourself a little treat all right a little treat all right
thank y'all for listening we'll see you next time catch you late catch you on the flip catch on the
flip i can skateboard that was a hit gum original