Review Revue - Custom Framers

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

This week on Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly read reviews on Custom Framers and create their greatest work yet, drop in on their framer, and try to make a new friend.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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At least it comes out once a week on Tuesdays. Hey, there's this cool new podcast you should probably tune in today. Not just another podcast, it's Jeff and Riley hey if you think improv is chime then this podcast will surely do wax reviews on a zoom call Jeff is COVID

review review review review review review review Review Review Review Oh my god Tick tick boom review Review mashup of the

Fucking century From Ben Jim and Michael Hawkins Ben thank you He says he included A Bernie meme that says I'm once again asking you to use my theme song for the review review podcast first time obviously first time we also used it within a day that was incredible that was incredible i what she scared me your cat yeah foster cat foster well by the time this comes out we'll see we'll yeah oh my god that'll

be like eight weeks from now or something this is coming out on july 5th i think no it's not this is coming out on on on on on uh june wait no it's july 5th it is yeah oh that's so funny when were reading ads, I thought it was coming out some other time. And so I read, I'm just like, oh, but funny enough, it was BetterHelp and Wipers. So I was just really lucky. Yeah. Wow. It's 39. God, I want to watch Tic Tac Boom again. I want to kiss Andrew Garfield on the mouth. I want to kiss him on the mouth. I'm sorry. Here's my thing. People always ask, like, what's your celebrity crush? I don't have a celebrity crush.

Like, I don't know. I don't see them as sexual beings because they're not real. What? Sorry. They're not real to me. There's so much to unpack. You don't see them as sexual because they're not real? Well, they're obviously real, but what we're seeing is a product it's not actually you know andrew right oh your foster cat is

nuzzling i'm like i i i hear you but i'm saying the andrew that i see i want him to kiss me yeah but he's that's like wanting to kiss a um like you know a package of rolos no i don't think that's the same at all because they're objects i think you could say it's me wanting to kiss jimmy crystal from sing too which yeah i guess it's like jimmy crystal isn't real to me but he's played by bobby cannabali that's true yeah but i don't get that i don't know i just just, I feel like, mostly I feel left out of this, like, urge

to really want to fuck a celebrity that I just don't feel. But you used to have a big old crush on Darcy Carden. The only reason I had a crush on Darcy Carden

was because she was the celebrity lookalike to who I was dating at the time. That's true. There's no celebrities right now that you'd be like, yeah, I'd fuck.

I mean, I would fuck a lot of people, you know, like it's. Right. Like any celebrities that. I don't know. There are no celebrities. Jeffrey, there's no way. There's no celebrity at all. No, I mean, there obviously is.

But I'm saying like. Not obvious because you said you don't find celebrities as sexual beings. Well, most celebrities are like attractive. Like a lot of them are attractive. So obviously I would have sex with an attractive person. But it's not because they're them. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter to me.

Because they're anybody. It's not because they're them. I'm trying to think of somebody. Like what's even happening in the world content wise oh you know who's cute elaine seinfeld yeah because like i mean obviously julia louis looks great now too but her as elaine stunning she's for sure and it's hilarious yes also like her political values are solid she knows who she is she's a little bit clumsy and uh i sort of like someone who doesn't have good spatial awareness because it's funny sorry so you just said that you don't see celebrities as real people. We don't know who they are.

They are not themselves. I don't know what you just said. And now you know everything about Julia Louis. I know everything about who she is to me, but that's not real. Right. Right. That's any parasocial relationship with a celebrity. Of course.

That's what I'm saying. No. What's new with you other than you just now realizing what a relationship with a celebrity could be? Riley, I bought way too many candelabras yesterday. Candelabras? Yes! I don't know. I got what appears to be five or six vintage pieces in terms of candles, in terms of flames, to hopefully spark joy. Can you send me photos?

Yeah. I mean, I should probably just share my screen right now. Because where are you even going to put them in your apartment so I got this oh yes I wouldn't say those are candelabras those are beautiful those are pillar holders

but then I also got candelabras here we go page two of my Etsy purchases this one I'm really excited about because it's going to have like a little glow and then this is that vintage shit no that is absolutely Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast yeah and then that one too you got so many why so many

I think I got eight why? because I want to like I don't know read by candlelight I want the room to have every inch covered in that glow yeah that ambiance ambiance from France that ambiance and thenbiance from France.

That ambiance. And then I, yeah, so I don't know. There's, yeah, there's a couple reasons to have candles all over the fucking place. What if the power stays on? Your foster cat fucking loves you. I'm sorry. She's just been rubbing herself against you this whole time and it's so sweet.

She adores you. Yeah, she does. Although she likes everybody, so I don't take it too personally positively. But you're her papa. What's new with you? You're her papa.

You're daddy to her. What's new with me? Well, day of recording is May 25th. Time recording is may 25th wednesdays comes out july 4th of july july 5th um but this wasn't even what shook me but this is just what's new that i was just really thrilled about i went to the dermatologist yesterday for my once every

three months checkup had a lot of anxiety going in because i'm just like you know every other time i've gone the past couple months i've always had to get molds removed. Better safe than sorry. If you haven't got your skin checked, go to a dermatologist. And yesterday was the first time in months that I didn't have to get anything removed. So I felt like a fucking king. I was invincible. That's awesome. I really was. Good for you. She said, no suspicious lesions. And I said, you've got to be fucking kidding me and I didn't say that but I'm just like no way and she's like yeah see you in August I'm like this I can do anything I want for the rest of my life well the summer's probably gonna

be the most perilous time I'm gonna tan naked in the sun that is my fear no sunscreen I am that's why I'm scared for you then your August checkup is gonna be bad okay my whole thing this summer is gonna be sunning my asshole okay to get the most vitamin d possible you have to fucking spread your cheeks I take a vitamin I take a max strength vitamin d supplement that I literally should not have been allowed to buy if it weren't for my doctor telling me that I need to take a extra strength vitamin d once i also had to do that i had dangerously low vitamin d levels december 2020 and that's when i found out that sunning your freaking ass is actually the best i don't think that sunning your rim will make the levels go up it does it's like it is the skin that absorbs the most i can't i can't be sure because it's the skin that absorbs the most. I can't. That can't be true.

Because it's the skin that's covered up. Yeah, because that's the thing. It's like it's very it's like way more sensitive. It's not like it's a direct deposit into the rest of your body. That's the way I'm treating it. And that's how I'm going to be on my back deck. You're like, so that's a whole that's the goal. And that's what the sun's gonna

go into my fucking neighbor like somebody sold they sold i talked about this a couple weeks ago but they sold the house and they're doing all this construction so i feel like i can't sun my asshole in peace until the weekend stop saying ass but you know it's all about how you frame it it's just like how you frame it. It's just like when you get the bigger picture, you need a bigger frame. Oh, that's good. And that's like you need to fully readjust the way you see things. So it's all about how you frame it. And I think you're right.

Take the bigger picture. You put it in a bigger frame. And that's why, honestly, it's like it would have been insane for us to talk about anything other than custom framing. Custom framers. Shores. Star Wars Shores. Shores. Custom framers. Custom framers. That's when Star Wars stores. Shores. Custom framers.

Custom framers. That's when a custom frame picture just shows up on a new shore. Yeah. Jeff, custom framers. Let's talk about it. Almost everything you see on that back wall there was done at a framers. Actually, that's not true. Three things on that wall were done by a custom framer.

$600. It's expensive. They didn't quote me before. Framing shit is expensive. And it takes forever. Yeah. I have something that I need to get framed from New York, and I just haven't done it yet because I'm like,

I know this is going to break the bank. And obviously, you know, I need to keep money available for candelabras exactly what are your candelabra budget yeah I yeah I mean like I have a lot of stuff in I actually maybe only gotten a handful of things framed because it is so expensive so I'll just do my best to like I'll get a frame from like CVS or Walgreens or something and then if it's too big or too small like I will pat it out best to like, I'll get a frame from like CVS or Walgreens or something. And then if it's too big or too small, like I will pad it out with like extra paper. I don't know. It's just like, I think, well, there's one piece that that's in Daniel in my bathroom and it's a poster.

We went to see Rocket Man at the Greek Theater. We randomly saw George Sawa there. This is like a couple, this is October of 2019. And it was an outdoor showing of Rocket Man accompanied by Live Orchestra this is october of 2019 and it was an outdoor showing of of rocket man accompanied by live orchestra and elton john was there and it was really fun um and then they were just handing out posters at the end and it was a really sick poster and so got that framed and they did such a beautiful they did a beautiful job with it but i'm like whoo there goes my farming budget there's one thing I got framed that I felt really embarrassed to get, and it was

because I wanted to get it well framed, and it was like it was storyboards that Daniel did for this first sketch he and I ever did together. But, and actually, I think Avi K. might have drawn the storyboards, and the sketch is called, it changed the name, but

on the storyboards, it's I Don't Fuck Virgins, and it's just Daniel and I as stick the storyboards it's i don't fuck virgins and it's just daniel and i as stick figures and it's just the most insane thing i've ever seen and so i got that framed and i felt ridiculous giving that i don't fuck virgins oh no no i don't fuck virgins so giving that to the framing store i'm like, here's this piece of art. Here's this poster. And, sorry, what is this?

It, it's another piece of art. I'm a filmmaker. And so this is just a little, story board. So what's going to be the quote for these bad boys? The quote's fine. I just,

I'm offended. Cause I, haven't had sex. Okay. Okay. Yeah, it's expensive and it takes a while. But when it's good, it's good. When it's up, then it's up, then it's up, then it's framed. And you put it up on the wall.

Melt it right. Do you want to start us off or should I? I'm going to go a little insane. And I'll start. start okay i'm crazy let me see okay here we go this is for the alan jeffries framers on beverly on third one of those it's in la yeah um they're all on beverly by the way what I'm serious like this one actually is on third because it's a couple blocks away from Jones on third I remember third is Beverly basically it really honestly they might

as well be the same straight to me yeah this is from Jack K Jack Carlo Jack Carlo five stars I wish I had been up framing it uh-huh I wish I had more stuff've been up framing it. Uh-huh. I wish I had more stuff to frame so that I could interact with the fine people

at Alan Jeffries more. No way. And, oh, Jack, hey, what can we help you with? Another big haul of framing? Oh. Because I don't see anything in your hands. No, I just... You know, you guys did such an amazing job. It was such an honor to work with you. Oh, thank you. hall of framing or because you don't i don't see anything in your in your hands no i just um you know you guys did such an amazing job it was such an honor to work with you you know i thank you

such a big order and you guys were just so so awesome about it so uh tyler i wanted to come by and just uh say thanks because i put it up in the house of course the missus loves it and um we've gotten so many compliments on it and like not even just the pieces but the framing like people are so impressed. Yeah. So thank you. Well, you know, we're so excited and of course, you know,

tag us in any social media posts and we can, you know, repost because I think honestly, some of the, one of the mango is one of my favorites that I've done recently. You know what's so funny?

I actually, I took photos on my phone. Do you mind, I can show you here. So there's a mango. We put that above I can show you here. There's a mango. We put that above the kitchen because, you know, it's like fruit in the kitchen. And this is just, this isn't necessarily the frames, but this is just kind of what my living room setup looks like. Got a couple of lazy boys for some lazy boys.

We got a new TV installation. Surround sound. And we got Sonos. So we spent a little more money on it but it's been worth it um and oh and here is actually our garage fridge um and that's like stocked so it's like anything you'd want it's like if you think the framing looks good and also what are you doing later um so stuff like that oh um i'm i'm busy tonight um but thank you so much for showing me photos of your house.

It looks great. Thank you. I'm really happy for you. Thank you. We spent a lot of time on it. Who's we, by the way? My wife and I. Oh, okay.

Yeah. We spent a lot of time on it, but it's like she travels so much, and I love to entertain is the thing. And so it's like we renovated this space. It's like I'm an entertaining guy, and she's a jet-setting gal. And so it's like what built we we renovated this space it's like i'm entertaining guy and she's a jet setting gal and so it's like what sucks is that it's just like how am i supposed to entertain if i if i don't have anybody to entertain you know so well i'm sure you have friends you know we don't have to hang out just because i framed art for you oh my god it wouldn't

be just because you framed art for me don't sell yourself short you i've never met anyone like you and so i just think i don't know i just think you're cool like ah i don't know what it's like to make friends as a and as a 45 year old so i think you're cool uh would love to hang out i hope it's not weird. It's weird, but yeah, let's hang out. Cut to his house. So, what you want from the fridge, Tyler? I got everything you could ever want or need, except they didn't have the caffeine-free Diet Coke. So, that's the only, like, and I'll change that for next time,

but I think that's the only thing that we don't have. OK, I didn't request that. I don't know why. I just want I want to make sure you had every option. I just want to make sure you had every option. And so it's like if you didn't want any caffeine past six, it's like I also. Yeah. What do you what?

Were you did your parents like move a lot? Why are you like this? How did you? Listen, you know me already. You framed 10 pieces of art for me and you know my whole life story. How do you do it? What's your secret? You got to give. Well, it's just you keeping everything stocked, you know, having material goods in the house like to basically buy friends. Material girl. Weird references. Yeah. the house like to basically buy material girl weird references yeah um i don't know what do you like to do like usually people make friends like you know you go to your gym or you go to your you know a social club or you go to the beat i don't know do things with people go join a run

club instead you've invited me over to your house and you're forcing us to listen to a vinyl record of lionel richie you seemed like a i just i don't know i feel like you have great taste and who's better than lionel you've been trying to sing the words this whole time and you haven't gotten them right though listen i mean it's like did my parents move around a lot sure was i never in one spot long enough to make lasting friendships of course obviously and then you got married and she's gone all the time that's gotta be deep abandonment issues oh my god you i think like are you a little bit clairvoyant no i've it's so fucking obvious. Because I've honestly never met anyone like you who just, like, gets me. I don't get you.

I'm trying to make sense of you right now in real time. Are you in therapy? You know what? I actually did start. But then my therapist moved to a different state. And so now, like, I'm shopping around. What gets me out of the room right now? What makes you happy?

What gets you out of bed in the morning is what I want to know. What lights your fire? If I tell you what gets me out of bed in the morning, can I go and you won't hold it against me? Am I? Is this about the caffeine-free Diet no it is not how did you make that jump i said i don't want anything i'm trying to figure out did i do something wrong all i did is just like come into the store say like hey i think you're a cool guy would you like to hang out you're here 10 frame custom framed things which by the way very clearly like clip art that you printed.

So I don't even think you wanted to frame any of this art. I don't see any of it up except for the mango. So you walked into the framing store trying to make a friend from the beginning. It wasn't that you walked in, got it framed and then wanted to be my friend. And is that a crime? It's just really bizarre.

Well, how do you make friends? I have friends from college that I keep in touch with. I do things. I go surfing with a group of people. People bring new people all the time. You know, there's a natural kinship there and we get acai bowls afterwards. Also, yeah. What?

No, I just, I did befriend somebody who did like a custom art piece for me. Okay. But it was organic. It was because we had a mutual friend piece for me so okay but it was organic it was because we had a mutual friend and then like we actually hit it off you went to the framing store wanting to make a friend no we don't have anything in common we both love framing i don't like framing we both a visual artist love lionel richie we're both huge Richie heads. I do. You don't. I'm learning to. What gets me out of the room now where I can feel not guilty for leaving a sad person alone in their gorgeous house? Tyler, thank you.

We put a lot of work into it. Tyler. I think you did. I think your wife's really around. I did a lot of the work. I sent her photos to approve, and she just said whatever works is fine. There you did. I think your wife's really around. I said I did a lot of the work. I sent her photos to approve and she just said whatever works is fine. There you go. So that disinterest and detachment conjoined with distance must make you feel very alone,

which makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave right now. No, it's just, listen, listen. I don't want you to feel guilty. I don't want you to feel pressured. I'm truly, like, I can't stress this enough. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just a guy who just, sure, I have some abandonment issues. I have some attachment issues. And I'm just trying to make a friend. And if you want to go, then you certainly can. God forbid we start this friendship off on a wrong foot. But I just think you're awesome.

I like your vibes. And you seem like someone who I'd want to get to know outside of Alan Jeffries framing. That's all. So I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. The door closes. He's already gone. Pick up the phone. Try FaceTiming my wife. Two and a half rings.

Hmm. Oh. Maybe she's just busy. Try again. One ring. Hmm. Okay. Star 69.

Call her. Picks up. Guess who? Hey. Oh, fuck. What? star 69 caller picks up guess who oh fuck what what fuck so you do get it

now you get it the two the two missed calls didn't do it for you you were coy I wasn't oh alright

should we take a quick break and come back with more framing reviews and we're back my god that was so small i'm so relieved that that break was as small as it was i don't know what i would have done yeah you you might have gone off the deep end And we're back. My God, that was so small. I'm so relieved that that break was as small as it was. I don't know what I would have done. Yeah, you might have gone off the deep end. This is a one-star review from Emma B. of Framestore on, say it with me now, Beverly. Beverly. Emma Bone.

Emma Bone. One star. Buying a used car is a more pleasant experience. After my husband was insulted by the salespeople, his parents are artists, he's an artist, and they claimed he knew nothing about framing or art. They gave us a quote for $1,000 for a 5x5 picture.

As in 5 inches. $1,000! I think they didn't want to honor the Groupon we were using, so I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau and Groupon. No, no, no. Let me stop you right there. Let me stop you right there because you don't know shit about art this is gonna be a thousand dollar job it is a five inch piece of

art yes but the frames that you're interested in are some of our top of the line frames and you might think that 20 inches of frame isn't a lot, but that's where you're wrong because you don't know jack shit about art or framing. I have a master's in fine art. I've been in galleries all over the world. I have a new exhibit coming up in Berlin right now. It's going to be transferred to the Guggenheim and then make its way out to LA.

I figured that you might want to be part of some... I mean, I'm not like a braggadocio-like guy. I'm just honestly... I'm shocked that for that much framing, it is $1,000. And I'm shocked that if you're showing in galleries that $1,000 you would bat an eye at. And that's what's proving to me

that you're not a true artist. Are you extorting me? I'm sorry? Are you trying to extort me? No, this is the quote that I would give for anybody for a 5x5. No, you said, oh, well, if you're showing in galleries, then this shouldn't be much money. But if I wasn't showing in galleries, would you quote me at $1,000? I quoted you $1,000 before you told me you were in galleries.

This is the quote. And if you can't pony up the dough and be a real connoisseur of frames, then we don't want your business. Because we here at Framestore treat every frame like it's our last. That's actually really good. I i'm gonna write that one down okay so if i were to say fine then not that frame what if i just take like the classic thin black frame what would that what's the quote on that and again you're proving to me that you don't know anything about aesthetics because i can't bring myself to just put this piece in i agree i agree that piece wouldn't work well with that.

But what would the quote be on that? Just out of curiosity. That would be $500. Again, that's insane for how small the piece is. I went on your website and all of the quotes were much, much lower than they are. I wouldn't have come in here if I thought it would be $500 and up for for a five inch piece of art. Don't act like you're some starving artist. All right. You're showing in galleries. You're coming to Framestore. Framing's expensive. I agree. But you know

what's more expensive? Faking it till you make it. Sorry. So do you think I don't have taste and I suck and I'm like a cheap ass? Or do you think i don't have taste and i suck and i'm like a cheap ass or do you think i do have taste and i shouldn't be selling myself short i'm losing i think you aren't an artist i think you're a fraud and a sham and that's coming from everyone at frame store so don't think that's just my opinion everyone here thinks that it turns there's an earpiece in his ear are you kidding me i wish i was and i wish you were kidding me because this piece there's something here what i'm saying is you might have the visual abilities but being an artist is about probably 40 times more than just having the talent. And are you an artist? What's that?

And have you made any fine art, visual art? Well, I'm sort of a poet. Okay, read me some of your poetry. Okay. Oh, only 40% of poetry is the writing. So let's hear it. Well, poetry, because all you're seeing is the words, it's actually 100% of it.

No, all you're hearing is the language too. How does it resonate in your soul what what does it evoke hearing though would be a poetry reading which i would argue is performance art i don't you don't know anything about art this is insane do you want my business read your poem we don't need your business we make so much all right this is not my best. It's my most recent. Okay, fine. But I do. I'm a firm believer of saving the best for last. So whatever I've written last is my best in theory. So that.

Okay. So it's exactly what I said. Suitcase adorned with thorns. A lacy negligee is negligent my father never showed his hand unless he was spanking my ass i'm gonna go to a different framing store because i don't beverly like literally go two blocks that way you're gonna get a different store but i'm telling you they're not gonna treat you like an that way, you're going to get a different store. But I'm telling you, they're not going to treat you like an artist either. Because you're not one. You don't have to like my work.

I love your work. That doesn't make me not an artist. I don't like you. But that doesn't mean I'm not an artist. You, you, you, you're not an artist. You make art. Right. I'm an artist.

You know how many fucking musicians make music but aren't artists? That's, oh my God. You are a product of that younger Gen Z millennial cusp nonsense chill work. You are an industrialist, if anything. You're churning out five by5 paintings hither than thither for cash. Because otherwise, again, the $1,000 quote wouldn't bother you if you were a true artist, because it's not about the money.

Right. No. So the $1,000 quote wouldn't bother me if I was a true artist. Then that disproves your point. Because it's like, oh, how many shills are just churning out churning out shit, making a shit ton of money and selling out. Sure, they could afford the $1,000. I'm not making that much money.

So, yeah, I guess if your definition of an artist is if you don't have a lot of money for making your art, then you're a good artist. And if you have a lot of money from making a lot of art, then you're not an artist. Every artist that died for their art was remembered with reverence. You will be remembered for being a cheap ass who didn't want to spend $1,000 on a frame for a tour of galleries. I don't know why I'm still in this store i don't know why you ever stepped foot in here because i wanted did you not see the sign it says artists only and i i painted this piece i'm showing at so many revered galleries around the globe. Who's your agent? Who's your agent?

Who's your curator? Because they're not pushing you hard enough. If this is getting you this upset. They're not pushing me hard enough. Like I just said, I'm showing in renowned galleries around the world. What do you mean they're not pushing me? My Drant was a Chelsea girl. She knew Andy Warhol.

All right? So? So I know people who know people about art. Right? And you know what she always used to say to me? Through drunken tears, she would say, I am so glad I pushed Andy. Now, she meant physically. She pushed him down a flight of stairs and inspired one of his pop art pieces. But what she really meant to me was that you have to push yourself artistically.

I wasn't going to add the line about my dad spanking my ass. Because you know what? It's not comfortable to write or say. But I did it because I'm pushing the bounds. I'm pushing the envelope. And the only envelope I want you to be pushing is one that has a check for $1,000 or you can get out of Dodge.

If I give you $1,000 to frame my five by five inch miniature painting. It's only as small as you think it is. Will. There you go again. Oh my god. It's literally the dimensions. This has the potential to be big,

but you don't see that. Will. That was the point of the medium. I just actively decided not to use large canvas. I was pushing myself artistically. I was pushing myself like Annie Warhol to see if I could paint that sunset on that tiniest canvas. It's not the same. same it is literally the same it's exactly what you're talking about

if i give you a thousand dollars okay will you put my piece up in this frame store no then i'm out that doesn't make any sense because you have these tours of galleries. I don't know if it's Stockholm Syndrome or you think that I'm sort of some arbiter. No, I was just curious to see if money matters to you more than your own pride. And

sure, here we are. $1,000 would be for the frame. If you want gallery space at this store, I don't want gallery space at this store, that would be another $2,500. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't make any sense why you would want that. I just see you have so many other things framed that are examples of your framing around here.

And I was just curious. And now I know. So thank you. Please give me the painting back. I will not be using your services. And I'll just take it to Alan Jeffries. You're going to take it to Alan Jeffries. I'm going to take it to Alan Jeffries. Yeah.

Good luck. What do you mean? It's just not gallery level framing. And frame stories. You clearly don't. Well, the name isn't great, but we do good work. You clearly don't care about your art. That's fine.

It's not. I'm exhausted by trying harder for you than you are. I'm exhausted by you. I don't understand why you're upset with me. Because at first it just seemed like you were upset that I wouldn't pay $1,000 for a frame. No, now I'm disappointed because you could do better as an artist. If you call yourself that, you have to follow it up.

I don't know. I love art. That's why I work here. That's why I'm an artist. That's why I make art. Because I love it. You can put in the destination later, but I'm calling you a fucking Uber right now because you gotta get out of my store.

I'm parked a block away. I can drive myself. Then why have you been here for the last five minutes? Because there's something about you. I thought you were just waiting for a lift.

There's something about you that just infuriates. You know what? I gotta draw you. I'm sorry. I'm just taking out sketches. I gotta fucking draw you. I have to.

I have to do a sketch. God, I just. Here. Keep it. I don't fucking care. care i just i had to release that energy somehow oh i know you really hate it you think i'm i could do better that's not you didn't capture my eyes right whatever i don't fucking care that's how i express myself how i express my shut the art up for a second this is the best thing I've seen in 10 years. That was just a quick freehand just...

No. The last thing I saw that was this good was a Jasper Johns. There's no way. No, there's way. Welcome. What? You've arrived. To the art world.

I will frame this for free if you include it in your gallery. I don't want you to frame this. This was just me just letting my energy go. I don't think it's that good. I put emotion onto a canvas within minutes, and I can feel it. You pushed yourself. This is art. The other thing is, well, it's a sunset.

You know, who gives a fuck? I spent 30 hours on the other thing. Time is irrelevant to art. Oh, my God. Just as money. Fine, fine. Oh, okay. Great.

I'll put this. This will be the main piece of my latest show. Oh, yeah. I'm sure everyone's going to love this. Everyone's going to love, what's your fucking name? Darren? Everyone's going to love Darren from Framestore at the Guggenheim. Slam cut to an interview with Vogue.

And so the emotions he just brought out of me couldn't be contained. And so when I made that piece, I knew that it was some of my best work yet. I want to work with you. It's me, Anna Wintour. I want you to do a Darren line of Vogue's women's wear. A Darren line of Vogue? I mean, I'd be honored. I'd be honored.

I've got to fucking like fashion week it's just like frame store employee outfits Tom Ford is hard Darren's watching on Instagram live at the frame store correct drops it like he has his phone in his hand and then he starts to clap and on the first clap he

just kind of like drops his phone and it shatters uh all right do we have time for one more review we have time for one more we do have time for one more sorry i just picked a couple i picked a couple so let me just let me just oh and i oop and i oop this is from best framing um this is four stars from eliza s eliza sound eliza sound four stars really nice experience getting our art framed here. The people are really friendly. They have a large variety of frame colors and styles, and they're very helpful in selecting correct matte color and size for your frame.

Quick service as well. We got our custom matte and frame back in two weeks. Taking off one star because we had asked that the artist's signature and print number be displayed in the framing of the art, but when we received the art back, the signature and print count were displayed in the framing of the art but when we receive the art back the signature and print count were both covered by the map board all right and here you go uh the grand total is on the screen if you just want to tap or slide your card uh will you take either we do just not cash sorry the signature is covered by the map board ah i knew you were going to notice that we knew you were going to notice that. We knew you were going to notice that.

Yeah, because we talked about it specifically. We talked about it specifically. You asked that the name not be covered. I'll just come back in like a week. Oh, no, no, no. We're done. This is the final product. It wasn't a mistake.

No, it's not. It was a mistake that you'll fix. It was intentional. We all got together and agreed that, you know, everyone at Best Frames, we just realized we're like, we've done a lot of framing, right? We've done a lot of framing. It doesn't matter what your taste is. It matters what I want.

It's like you just seem really cool, and we can't let you, like, be promoting this kind of art. It's like I feel like there are so many better artists out there, and so it's like for you to be showing off the artist's name and print number it's like that's embarrassing for you and so we just want better for you that's so condescending that's so condescending i don't think so we don't think one by one the rest of employees are like no no we're trying to help you man i i don't want your help even if that even if you don't mean it rudely, it's coming across rude. I don't need your help.

I wanted it to show the artist's name because this is a friend of mine. Oh my God. They're all confirmed. Can you just give us one second? Can you just give us one second? What? Yeah, sure.

They're all huddling. Murmuring, murmuring, murmuring. Oh, I mean, it's the artist's friend. I mean, it's like what we do. I don't know. It's just it's the artist's friend i mean it's like what we do i don't know it's just okay you shouldn't need to have a meeting about this i am a paying customer we hear you i don't think and ultimately we have decided that it's like sure we can leave the signature out for people to see or like i don't know you maybe should get more talented friends because we don't want that friend to be embarrassed it's like now there's two lives at stake with this

i'm considering my options here okay good i was i jumped straight to reporting you to the better business bureau you're telling me you're not going to frame this the way i want it even listen we can we just it's our responsibility do it okay fine just don't come crying back to us when everyone starts judging you for this kind of like poopy little painting cut to his dinner his first dinner party with his art on the walls yeah and uh this one actually just got custom framed um i like it a lot i like that they god it's so good right that is no way i love honestly you have always been the funniest dude in the office you've always been the funniest guy so the fact that it's so good right that is no way i love honestly you have always been the funniest dude in the office you've always been the funniest guy so the fact that it's like you're buying art as a bit now

like you just you don't quit man you don't quit i mean look at that thing god you kill me you kill me yeah yeah no i i mean and obviously i like want to turn this work friendship into a real friendship so yeah it was a bit dude it's so i mean it's just like how would you feel how would No, I mean, and obviously I, like, want to turn this work friendship into a real friendship. So, yeah, it was a bit, dude. It was stupid. It's so, I mean, it's just like, look at that. How would you feel about it if the signature wasn't showing? Just curious. If the signature wasn't showing?

Yeah. I mean, it just, no, I think what's funnier about this is that it's like, it makes it look like it's real. It makes it look like it's a real piece of art. It makes it look like someone cared, right? It's so fucking funny. It's so ridiculous. Like, who the hell is is matt's matt shrine

yeah who is that uh would you excuse me just one moment uh totally anything for you funny man do you not know my name it's something like sean it's it is sean but yeah it's sean got it cut to him on his balcony like he kind of like escapes from like the dinner party and just like stands outside fuck buzz at the intercom in the front door yeah hey man it's matt i'm just coming up to see the you told me that the my painting was up here. I just wanted to see how it looks. Oh, buddy. Actually, it's not coming until next week. You should go home for sure.

Hearing in the background, this painting is crazy. Oh, so it is there. No, it's a different painting. Are you sure? Come on, man. I bought a house. I'd love to see it. You bought a house?

I bought a painting of a house. I bought a house. I'd love to see it. You bought a house? I bought a painting of a house. I bought a home. The painting of this man on the lake is just, I mean, like, what's there to say? I'd made the painting of the man on the lake. I got another one, so it would be like a twinsies. This painting, it's the most offensive thing I've ever seen, and I don't mean that as, like like it's offending a group of people. Like it's offending my eyes.

And it's by Matt Shrine. Fuck. What the fuck? No, man, Matt, it's, you know, these are just my work friends. I don't know. Their opinion doesn't matter. Maybe, maybe you should have just covered up my name in the framing. Maybe that would have been...

No, no, no. Hey, no. Don't say that. Don't say that. Because they also said that it doesn't matter if the name is showing or not. It sucks either way. Who's they? I don't know his name.

I think it's something like Gerald. They said it sucks either way that was the insinuation they didn't use that exact word when you saw the painting you said you loved it and it was like the best painting you've ever seen I can't even figure out the doors and windows in my apartment so how the fuck am I supposed to know about what is good art or not I'm sorry I thought I liked it I don't know about what is good art or not? I'm sorry. I thought I liked it. So you don't think it's good? I don't know what I think. Just

why don't you get lost, Matt? You kind of embarrassed me. You know what, Sean? I thought we were friends. I thought we were brothers, but... Why? Because we've known each other since we were kids. You were the best man at my wedding.

Don't say that so loud that they can hear you i don't want yo is that shrine is that how did you know that yeah i brought the artist here to like so we can make fun of them all right get up here matt no i'm gonna come out there just take my painting and then i'm leaving okay fine get to the inside slow claps you are fucking funny dude i think it's awesome when it's like people make shit stuff like this for other people's enjoyment the funniest thing to me is like when it looks like you wanted it to be good but you i know that you were tongue-in-cheek the whole time. Hey, stop. Don't say that. Takes the painting off the wall.

Well, don't worry. I won't offend your eyes anymore. I'm going to take this home. Holy shit, he was serious. Oh, my God, no. This is so embarrassing for him. He meant it. He thought it was good.

Holy shit, Sean, this is fucking crazy. You should film this. What? You should put it on the wall. He already left. What do you mean, film it? You want me to film the empty wall space and then us laughing? Like, film us laughing, because it's like we're having such a fun time making fun of him.

Yeah, I didn't realize this before, but you guys suck. What, man? You were also verazin on his ass too matt please i'm sorry runs after him what do you want sean honestly i want to be friends again and also like talk about ways that we can have a ton of fun you want to talk about how we can have fun after you just bullied me with your friends? No, I shouldn't have included that second part. That's like a later in the night conversation. How can I trust you again?

I thought you would stick up for me. Right. You can't trust anybody, though. Everybody sucks. They suck. They really suck. You suck at art. Come on.

What? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you meant it. I don't know. I don't know. You know? You don't know art.

I don't know art. You don't know your house. I don't even know my own house. Well, I guess thanks for being honest with me. You never knew your dad. That's not the same, I guess thanks for being honest with me, even if it was really cruel. You never knew your dad. That's not the same, I think. I think my dad dying before I was born isn't the same as you not knowing which door is where in your house. I'm just saying, like, we don't always know shit.

I'll give you one more chance, okay? Okay. But if you cross me again or don't stand up for me in front of your mean work buddies, then it's done. Okay? Yeah. I mean, it's also a little bit like your responsibility to stick up for yourself. Like, it's not. I'm out.

What? Just, I guess, like, don't be a fucking doormat. A doormat shrine. Yo, is that doormat shrine? Hey, that's funny man you didn't know me uh all right should we do our last segment this shook me all week long. Sort of interesting. What is? Go right into it, if it is.

No, and I am. I just want to really give it the lead up that it deserves. Yeah, so it's really interesting and three, two, one, go. Three, two, one, and here I'm starting it, and this is the beginning of it, is treating it with reverence. like you know it's holy and it's in a way and that's we're gonna jump into what it is right now now here we go um then we're gonna start talking now here we go uh what's been shaking you and what's new with you um what has well you know it's so funny you mentioned that it's actually really really funny that you bring up like oh what's shaking you um that's so that's so funny um not really it's so well because it's like i have it and it's really interesting i think it

might be more interesting than yours holy shit don't say that well don't be mean um daniel and i watched the lost city last night with sandra bullock and channing tatum and dana radcliffe and brad pitt um and bow and yay so and it was really fun it was very silly but we had a great time um and something that's shaken me is that daniel radcliffe's a little freak i love him he like what do you mean i mean that it's like in this film and like a lot of other the other shit he's been doing the past couple years that's true he just plays like weird little freaks and i love it and i also think channing tatum's a little freak and i was saying i was telling daniel that it's like channing tatum just based on looks alone is not somebody hot take is not somebody that would normally be attracted to like just not necessarily

my type of like just you know like very jock looking buff perfect man that's yeah it's not my type um but like like back in like the dear john days of channing tatum it's like not into him at all that did not do it for me little Little freak Channing Tatum, who just takes like awesome like comedy bit roles and is a fantastic physical comedian and like very funny and like rolls with the shit. So attracted to him because he like doesn't care and is silly. And so I love that. I just love a little freak. I love a little freak.

That's fun. Little freak by Harry Styles. Little freak a little freak. That's fun. Little Freak by Harry Styles. Little Freak by Harry Styles from Harry's house. So I guess it's yet another Riley's Celebrity Crush. It's the last segment. But I think humor and not taking yourself too seriously is more attractive than a buff bod could ever be. Why? Because humor can't i'm sorry to say this but dick you down nobody wants to fuck a comedian people want to fuck a musician or an actor who does award-winning performances.

People want to fuck a Super Bowl champ. They don't want to fuck your friend Mike at the open mic night. Well, the open mic, never mind. That sounds like a sex party. Open mic night. Mike's hosting an open mic. Oh, so it's comedy. Well, in a way.

Well, no, let's just say bring a penetrative object. And a good attitude. What's been shaking me is, God. I mean, it's the candelabras. I'm sorry, but none of them have come yet, obviously. When did you order them, and when will they arrive? I'm fucking sorry? You heard me.

No, actually, what's been shaking me is the release of the first HeadGum sketch in over two years. So if you guys haven't seen that actually three of them will be out by the time this episode comes out so uh youtube.com slash head gum uh those are really fun to do also i got some cowboy boots finally but i don't know if i like them because they haven't come yet uh should we thank some vipodcats yeah vipodcats ellie you're gonna keep her maybe you're gonna keep her. Maybe. You're gonna keep her. You love her. I do love her. Thank you to

underscore Christian Sidehugs Dogs and Cats 2. Aaron Carrico. Sorry, Aaron Carrico. Fuck me. Agent Michael Scarn is dreading Ako's upcoming vitriolic username. Ugh, here we go. Ako is watching Jeff Sins pile up. All could be made clean with an apology.

13, whatever the fuck. Alyssa's birthday is over, but I've got more time, so shout out well, me. I know I'm cool and smart and funny and nice and cool. And now a patron needs no introduction, so moving on. Sierra Puff. Chuck. Curbature.

Daddy Tuesday Night is dishing out fatherly advice on subscribe. Dakota, call her Robert The way she downy on my junior Keeber, that's the kind of humor You'll get it Dakota, you're a freak for this stunt You know that? Didn't learn your lesson the last time Three names a week, unbelievable

Damien Kirk just enjoyed a refreshing Dr. Pepper and cream soda Maybe next weekend he'll try tasting some sweet sweet puss instead Doctor of Funk Bob Buell Fancy Octopus Freya Frito Prey Love Gale's Oils

Gilchjonic Grey Titan of the Night Defender of the Meek Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Grey's twin Happy Birthday Jeff Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase Happy Birthday Jeff Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Hey, Jeff,

could you please have anyone from Hayward or Weirdle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? Holy shit, I'm gonna barf. That previous name was so bad. I'm seriously gonna yarf myself. Fuck that guy. Let's move on.

I sincerely would like to apologize for the wolf. The epic wolf. Jake Ullman. James Wagner. I hardly know her. Jay's been doing some reading into it, and this whole mess is the fault of Sir Sanford Fleming. So the fact

that he got knighted. Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, well, Malazoff. JP again. My name last week. Make Jeff laugh. Honored. So what do you guys think of this app? Do you think you did a good job? Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep.

Beep. Casper Bobasper. Lauren Mullane. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Ludwig Baldovin. So it's Beethoven but he's entered into a fourth period. The Balgasm period. Martin Screlizavit Holmes. Michael Beggle. My orderinohologist told me to stop smoking.

Nate Porteus thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeffrey can't be silly. Nolan Murphy is still wondering about Puff and Sears' living situation. Nolan, you son of a gun. You old so-and-so? That was your best name yet. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, priest.

Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business name through your Patreon name? Come say that to my face at Smoke and Time on Main Island. Pete Bradford actually went to Smoke and Time and told them it's not lame to advertise their business through their patreon name that's hilarious phoebe clock riz like witherspoon with a z bergman sarah take me back i still love you we'll always have that night in the alley behind arby's smooth pete and the funky bunch so what is this like a job now you're telling me i have to update my name more than once a year? That was three accounts, not two. I spent $60 this month and I didn't even get a follow. You guys are so stingy.

That's so Raven. It's the future I can well see. The dulcet tones of Jeff's sleep moans. And TJ Michael. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. Who knows? Come party with us. Come zarty with us

come laugh cry you can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James on Twitter at JeffWyrd you can find the show

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at Riley Coyote we'll see you guys again next week thanks for listening to this episode Arrivederci that was a Hiddem Original Coyote. We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks for listening to this episode. Arrivederci! That was a Hiddem Original.