Review Revue - Days Inn

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly check into and check out reviews on Days Inn while making some calls, bullying a vagabond, and getting swindled on the internet.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. When I'm cooking

I take out some rice In a bag Cause it reduces My carbon footprint I want something Just a little more liquid Like some soup So I take that bag of rice And I pick it up and toss it.

I need a little bit of veggie, so I take a hint from Jeffrey. And ask myself, what do you seek? Potato Leek. I love it. That was like the best bits of the last month distilled into a song. And they're all food. And it's all food except for pick it up and toss it. Which was about picking up your problems and tossing it? Yeah.

That's not good motivation. Ultimately, it was picking up your problems, your emotional baggage, all your trauma you hold on to, and just tossing it. Like a pigskin on a field. But you're going to get it back then if you're tossing it like a football. Ideally not. Ideally, it's just the one toss and you're done. Weird time to retire.

That came in from Preston. That was beautiful. I also, we weren't expecting, we were, we really went through the journey together of like, uh, asking Jeff, follow Jeff's advice. What do you seek? And Jeff and I just got to look at each other. Where's he going with this? And then he's a potato leak. And we were like, Oh, it was beautiful. It gave me like, I want to like that. It's like that set that sent me to another place. It sent me to a really chill cocktail bar. The evening's winding down.

That song is playing at a cocktail bar? Well, it's the kind of bar I want to be at. I think one of the lines was he's craving vegetables. He opens up by talking about loose rice in a bag and you want to sit down with a cosmo and a leather cosmo no i don't want to sit down with that um that was beautiful yeah um so shout out preston for that one at ease at ease soldier At ease. Take it ease. I feel like nobody, like, saying at attention, or attention, but with the cadence of at ease. Attention. And then everybody kind of chilly goes.

Jeff's doing his salute. I thought you were going to say, I feel like no one says at ease, soldiers, anymore. Lamenting that? I feel like no one said. Caleb here tweeted, made me laugh. He goes, girly is dead. Besties on life support. No one says at ease soldiers anymore.

Where did that go? Why did we stop with that? No one ever said it. It's been said. That's true. What's new? Shit. Shit.

I had to rethink like four things. That's insane. I was sick. COVID? But it was non-COVID. Which is a very weird position to be in Because you like I went to this like

Boutique really To get a Mother's Day present And I was sniffling And that was weird Well I didn't want the For lack of a better term Caregiver of the store To think that I had the big C.

I mean, I have a big C, but not COVID. God. God. Yeah. I feel so terrible to like- Has that happened to you? Have you been sick with non-COVID? Weirdly, I think for like a day, but it was just congestion. I haven't had, knock on wood for like a day but it was just congestion i haven't had knock on wood like

a cold since but it's like if even if i have like just a little tickle in my throat even if it's not a cold like if i just it's like or something got caught or like i breathe something wrong like to cough in public i'll you know if my mask on from outside whatever it's like i am like mortified because i'm like I don't want anyone to think that I'm out and about yeah that's that's what it really is I'm like it's not I mean yeah I it's not shameful to have gotten it it's shameful to have go out and about living about your day popping around to a boutique just like yeah spreading COVID everywhere. Buying a robe. Yeah, it's like be home.

Is this the only size you have? Jesus. Wiping your nose on the robe. Sorry. Why? I, well, it's also a thing of like, I think, I mean, they've said our brain chemistry has changed. But it's like, even if it's a cold, even if everyone in the room knows it's not COVID, it's like, we've been wearing masks. We've been being like, don't infect other people.

It's weird to think about the time when like you'd be in high school and you can't miss a day. And so you go in and you're sick. And everybody's going to get sick. So I don't know. I, it's just weird. What was I watching the other day? I was watching some show or I forget

what it was but it was like someone went into an office or like an interview or something and the person on the opposite side of the desk was sniffling a little bit and the person's like you okay? And they're like yeah sorry I just have a cold and I'm like well okay. Yeah.

Well, now that's interesting. That's cool. That sucks. That sucks. You shouldn't be here. Are you feeling better? I feel better. I'm still a little congested. I think I still sound a little different.

The vibe feels sick and not like, oh, sick. Yeah, but even if I wasn't sick i i feel like my vibe has been sick for a while that's that's the difference i wanted to make that the differentiation between like oh you're sick and like you're sick actually there's three right so you're sick and it's like you're sick you're sick you're sick you know that you're a sick. You're sick, you know that? You're sick. You're a sick little freak. That's the only time that people say, you know that?

It's like, you're sick, you know that? All I wanted to do was have a nice vacation. You're sick, you know that? That's the only time people say, you know that? Like nobody's ever like, I had a great time tonight, you know that? It's just like, you're sick, you know that? That's so funny.

And they're never going to agree with you. They don't think they're sick. No, I know it sucks. I know it sucks. It's sick. It's sick. It's sick. What's new with you? Daniel Elizabeth and I watched Paddington 1 and 2 for the first time.

We watched Paddington 2 last time, Paddington 1 two nights ago. And I mean, I get it. I get the hype. I get everything about it. We were sobbing on the couch. Happy birthday, Aunt Lucy. It was, I mean, it's everything about it is perfect. That's kind of all I've been thinking about, really, is how wonderful those films are.

That's been new. Been trying to get a foster dog. But just think about timing because my birthday's coming up. I'm going to be gone for like the entire month of June. And so is Daniel. Yeah, where are you going?

None of your fucking business, actually. Oh, that's fine. I'm going on a wee trip with my mom. And then Daniel's, one of Daniel's films, short films, Almost Winter, which I think you can watch maybe. I don't know. Almost Winter got into the Nantucket Film Festival. So we'll be there for that. And then that's also where we're going to have our anniversary because those will overlap.

That'll be nice. That's really fun. I've never been to a happy place. It's very white. It's a very, very white place. Nantucket is. That's fair. Yeah. It's beautiful, but my god,

it's alabaster. Ivory. More ivory. Living on a perfect islandy. Islandy. But while we'll be staying with family friends when we're there, I guess there are some places you can stay just to get away.

And I've always said that about the topic today. Which is? Days in. Days In. Days In. This is a special episode of the show, too, because we're going to be doing this, I think, for, what was it, 72 hours straight? And then at a certain point, we'll be Days In to the Days In episode. Oh, that's really good. And we'll be kind of, it will be in a day.

And you mean it? The really good thing? Yes. I thought that was a funny play on words. I thought that was very good. I did a stand-up set like two or three weeks ago, which I'm not good at stand-up, but I'm trying. And half of my set was like puns

that was in the structure of like me pitching to Shark Tank. And Robbie Hoffman went up right after me and she had a bit, like one of her bits is that straight men love puns and that it's not smart comedy. Did you jump off a roof? No, it was a, it was really funny and it was 10 times funnier that it was right after me. I bet she was fucking loving me. Of course, that's perfect.

I bet she was fucking loving that. Yeah. Well, her, like, whole vibe is, like, it doesn't even seem like she's having a good time. But that also made it funnier. Oh, but I mean, like, I bet, like, before her set, she was like, this is perfect. Yes. Jeff, let's honestly, like, finally we get to talk about the thing we've been dying to talk about for years i mean it's like no one can hold us back when we as soon as we go on days in we're in we're going in on days in talk to me about days in how many times can you say

days in in the days in days in the episode um i've never stayed at a Days In, but I've stayed at other motels and hotels. But no specific Days In stories, I think. I mean, let me look up what they look like, because actually I could be wrong. No, you know what? I actually think I stayed at a Days In in Cape Cod. Is there a Days In in Cape Cod. Is there a Days Inn in Cape Cod we should call Nolan? I have never stayed at a Days Inn,

but there is one. My dad used to live in Santa Monica, and there was a Days Inn pretty close by to his old place. And I knew that one. I just remember that Days And that was just like, I just remember that days and being like, oh, we're almost at my dad's house. And so I have never, I have never,

I've never checked in. It was a landmark to you. Days in was a landmark for sure. It was a Los Angeles landmark. But... Is there even one in LA? There has to be. Well, there must be.

I mean, you know, I've stayed at, like, a Holiday Inn Express. I've stayed at, which I think that's so funny. That should be another episode of, like, there's Holiday Inn and Holiday Inn Express. Which is so, it's so insane to me. This one's just faster. Yeah! It's like, it's not a drive-thru service. Yeah. It's like... Well, check-in is just, it's a breeze. It's a insane to me. This one's just faster. Yeah. It's like it's not a drive-thru service. Yeah.

It's like. Well, check-in is just, it's a breeze. It's. Same hotel. Same hotel. Same process. You still have to give credit card information, how many days you're planning on staying, what kind of room you want.

So it is the same process, but it just feels like, like nothing. What's that? It feels like nothing. It feels like woo! And is there a hotel? I've never left my house.

Right. So, days in, listen, days in, on road trips I've done, you pass by a lot of days in. What a topic to suggest when there's no prior experience with it. But I just, I don't know why the name Days Inn kills me. And I feel like is it, I don't know, because when I was looking them up, it didn't seem to be as big of an East Coast thing.

I feel like there's more West Coast. I could be fully making that up. But when I was at Yelp, there didn't seem to be as many on the East Coast as there are on the West. I don't know about East Coast, but I know that it's a big thing in the Midwest. Speaking of... Was it your dad's house in L.A. or in Indiana? L.A. Oh, okay.

I think I have stayed at one days in when I was in fourth grade in Massachusetts. And why fourth grade? We did a whale watching school trip where we stayed at a Days Inn. And were you happy in the Inn of Days? I got to have a Red Bull. As a fourth grader, you had a Red Bull? I was really into energy drinks at the time. I feel like a lot of middle schoolers go through that

because it's like you're not at the coffee age yet. And so it's like, God, I have such a memory of being at a bowling alley party with friends and one person got a Monster and then we were all taking sips from the Monster and being like, oh, I'm so hyper right now. It's also like an intro, it's a soda you haven't gotten to try yet and then you get to try it and it like, you know, has an effect.

And it makes you feel insane. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, do you want to start us off with our first Days In review? Oh, I would love nothing more. I would also like to say shout out to a friend of the pod and roommate and colleague, Elizabeth Valentiente for really pioneering days in today um yeah today's in oh okay well you pick we

i have a one star and a four star what do you want to start with four star four star this is for the days in in uh washington dc one in washington D.C. This is from Hwal L. What was that? Hwal, I hope I'm pronouncing it that way. H-W-A-L, Hwal, Hwal, L. Hmm. Hwal Long. Longtch.

Longtch. Hwal. L-O-N-G. Long. T-C-H. Longtch. Yes. Hwal Longtch. L-O-N-G. Long. T-C-H. Lonkch. Yes. Well, Lonkch.

Yeah. Four stars. The trip to and from the nearest metro station is quite straightforward, which makes the location of this motel rather handy. I'd also like to preface this, sorry, by saying that like every other review is one star, talking about how awful and gross it is. Okay. So, sorry. Four stars. The trip to and from the and gross it is. Okay, so sorry, four stars.

The trip to and from the nearest metro station is quite straightforward, which makes the location of this motel rather handy. Liked. Here's a little bullet point list. Clean. Helpful staff. Staff even at check-in gave us an upgrade. Good location.

Good price. Big room. Disliked. Baby powder smell in the room. Noisy next door neighbors that almost made it impossible for me to sleep the first two nights. On night one, it was the guy that made phone calls, all caps, all fucking night. On night two, it was the fiery couple who cried and fought all fucking night. Bathroom was really cold.

The window wasn't shut probably to keep the winds out. We'd stay here again. It doesn't sound like a four-star experience. It seems like everything was fine, but the person next door who wouldn't stop making fucking phone calls. It's like, who are you calling at 2 a.m. on, like, a Thursday? And that it was, like, all night. Like, I get the couple. I get it's, like, I've been in a hotel where that it was like all night. Like I get the couple.

I get it's like, I've been in a hotel where it's like you hear someone fighting or like hear just like a loud conversation. But if someone alone in a motel room

making nonstop phone calls. Hello? Oh, thank God you picked up. Thank God you picked up. How are you doing, doing man it's been a really long time kevin how are you buddy yeah i don't think we should be talking um just because of the lawsuit ah that old thing nah i think it's like there's something there's something in the paperwork in the little nitty-gritty that i think this is this should be fine as long as as long as i won't tell if you won't i just really need to talk to someone for about three months you put a parking boot on my car everywhere i went which is definitely against the law and um really inconvenienced me and yeah i'm sorry that i'm

dating your ex-wife but uh this is really an appropriate call. Oh, well, Ian, I'm so sorry you feel that way, man. I just felt like I haven't been able to talk to anyone in weeks. And so I figured... Where are you? Hmm? Oh, where am I? And you haven't been able to talk to anybody in weeks.

I think you're actually... I think that's what's inappropriate about this. I think you just made the call inappropriate because it didn't have to be. I'm in a daze in. All right, here we go. Oh, this will be good. All right, here we go. Hello? Mama, mommy, mama, mama, mother of mine, how are you? What? No.

You crazy old bird. You think I'm just going to ring you up only when I need some dough? No. Yeah, that's how it goes. All the time. Well, I wasn't going to bring it up. You were. Not so soon.

So still, you were going to bring it out. I love you. And I'm sorry I didn't call you on Mother's Day. I've been a bit busy. Today is Mother's Day. Oh, so I didn't miss it. That's even better. Even better.

Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Okay. All right. Oh, please, please, please, please, please please please please please please please please please massachusetts irs this is yolanda speaking yolanda yolanda what a beautiful name yolanda how's your night going uh It's pretty par for the course. Who may I say I'm speaking with? This is Roger. This is Roger.

Roger who? Oh, now that's tricky, isn't it? Now that's tricky, because I know who you are. I know where you work. You don't know who I am. It's Roger Phillips. Roger Phillips. Roger Phillips.

Does your social security number end in 322? 322, yeah. What are you calling about? I was just calling to say hi. Just to see how your night's going. You ever just get

lonely and nervous about your financial situation and nervous about the legal bindings that you find yourself in do you have any capital gains that you didn't report on your 2022 um to quote to quote uh king of pop justin bieber i do not recall. Remember when he said that? I forget what situation he was in, but he was like, I do not recall. Did he say that?

I don't know. I think he said it. We should look it up. Do you have a phone on you? Because I'm using the phone to call you, and so it's kind of hard. I am going to start the formal audit process here uh mr phillips just because i've never gotten a call like this and if i don't do this my ass is on the line so you'll be hearing from us uh via us mail what's uh is windham drive still a good address uh that's actually my my wife um ex-wife wow wow that's crazy hey that's crazy

oh shit roger you did it again all right uh let's just let's just let's just pick someone let's just scroll through the old contacts list and boom, here we go. Who's it gonna be? Hello? No fucking way. No fucking way you picked up Mr. Pierce. How the hell are you? Who is this? It's, it's me. It's Roger, your favorite undergrad student from Ohio State. How are you? It's been years. I've never had a favorite undergrad student. Oh, come on. I did lecture halls of 400 people. You are nothing to me as a student.

But you know who I am. But you know who I am. I don't. That's my point. If I did, that would mean you meant something. What do you do now? Mr. Pierce, I have been sitting alone at a Days Inn off of Interstate 5 for the better part of two weeks. And I'm going through audit, divorce, lawsuits, stuff like that.

And I feel like I could just use a friend. I just want someone to talk to. I feel like I've spent all night just calling and calling and calling and even though I did select your number randomly, it doesn't feel random now, does it?

It feels like we were meant to reconnect on this stormy night i don't know what you expect me to say i don't know anything about you other than the fact that you're in legal trouble and romantic disarray so that you actually know quite a bit you're not giving yourself enough credit, Mr. Pierce. I don't feel an emotional connection to your troubles because I don't know who you are. I don't know what you look like. I taught geology.

Well, okay, here we go. I'm a whopping 5'9". Got a pretty athletic build. That's kind of short. Athletic build for 5'9". Got a pretty athletic build. That's kind of short. Athletic build for 5'9". God, I mean, I could still break a few hearts. I got some wavy brown hair. What does that mean?

What does that mean you could break a few hearts? Well, let's talk about what's behind these hazel eyes. You know, what's behind these hazel eyes. You get it. It's like this doesn't matter. I got it. Well, so now you know? What's behind these hazel eyes? You get it? It's like this... doesn't matter. I got it. Well, so now you know a little bit about me. I have a good smile. I have a friendly demeanor.

I'm a little cheeky around the edges, but when you get to know me, I'm not as much of a rascal as other people might think. I don't think you're a rascal at all. I think rascals are fun to hang out with. And I think that this call has been the worst part of my day. You sound like Roy Kent. Anyone ever told you that?

He's an, oh man, he's an awesome character from this Apple TV plus show called Ted Lasso. Is that a cowboy thing? No, you'd think so, right? That's what I thought at first too when I just heard the title, but no, it's about football. You know that.

It's about football club. It's like soccer, but for British people. And it's Jason Sudeikis. And here's the real tea, Mr. Pierce. He used to be with Olivia Wilde, the actress and director. I don't know who these people are. At least we're talking about something. I studied geology.

Well, tell me something. We were. And I don't want to be. How's your day going? Bad. Tell me about it. I'm here. Why?

I don't, because you don't know me. Well, then what do you look like now? I remember you as being a pretty handsome devil back in old 2004. I went base jumping with my nephew to connect with him. Oh, my God. That's amazing. The parachute did not deploy. Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. But luckily, I landed on a huge pile of leaves. That's amazing. So everything's fine. Yeah, I look pretty much the same. Well, that's an awesome story. Now I know a little bit more about you. And so that's how friendships are built.

It's how we connect. No, I'm good. No turndown service, please. I'm already tucked in Uh, no, thank you It sounds like you have to go, so bye Oh, fuck, so wait, oh, shit No turndown

I'm all good for the night, thank you so much Oh, hello Hey, uh, I just wanted to say that we actually have an upgrade for you Um, I don't know if you knew, but, In, every Days In has sort of a presidential suite. What? No way. For me? Cut to them at the presidential suite.

It looks basically the same. This is amazing. What did I do to deserve this? Why me of all people? There's just a little something about you. No, come on. Is it? What is it? No. It's like it's definitely like your physical appearance to me. Really? Yeah. I mean, I could still break a few hearts. I could still break a few hearts. I was gonna say maybe you could still break a few hearts. I could still break a few hearts. I was going to say, maybe you could still break a few hearts.

What do we say we turn on the jacuzzi that's next to the bed and get to know each other? I would love to, and we still can tonight, but I have to sort through some legal paperwork, and I have to figure out this tax situation. But if you're down for me to like figure that out while I'm here. Wait. Do you work here? You work here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. God, that's crazy. I'm also

being audited and going through a really horrible divorce and a couple lawsuits at the same time. They start viscerally making out. They turn on the jacuzzi. It's just brown water, but mostly air. It's only filled to the ankles. That's the highest it gets.

Yes. All right, we should take a quick break, but we'll be right back with more Days in Reveal. Days and days and days. For any of my fellow Broadway fans, any of my fellow Fun Home fans, that reminds me of the song Days and Days and Days from Fun Home. That's good.

So, it doesn't matter. It's stupid. We're back, at least. At least we're back, but it's just like Days and Days. This is a one-star review of The Days Inn in Lakewood in Cleveland. Teens. I've never seen this name. This is from Thecla T.

Thecla Tyrant. Thecla Tyrant. One star. This is the most disgusting and unsanitary place I ever encountered. I booked this place through a third-party reservation, and I understood that if I canceled, I would not be refunded. In this situation, I am requesting a refund, though, because all of the accommodations were less than sanitary.

The mattress looked like a thin sponge. The carpet was very nasty and probably has a lot of bacteria embedded in it. I requested a king-sized bed and didn't even get it. I cannot see paying almost $300 for one night stay and not receiving what I requested. This is unacceptable. Two things here. One, you didn't get a king-sized bed or you didn't get a bet? Welcome to Days in Reception.

Hi, I am Lucy. How can I help you? Hey, I'm really trying to be patient here because my girlfriend says that I'm not patient. But we requested a king-size bed, and we didn't get that. Oh, so sorry about that. What is the name of the reservation? Let me just check a few things. It's Thecla.

Thecla? Mm-hmm. Thecla. Tyrant. Thecla. Tyrant. There you are. Okay, two-night stay, non-smoking, and king-size bed bed. You did request a king size bed. I am, I am so sorry about that. seem like there was a bed missing from the room. It looked like when we walked in the room, it was set up to be something else.

There was like a sofa and two chairs where the bed should be. Uh-huh. And so, you know, if we could just get moved to a room. It could even be a queen bed at this point. I just, to have a bed would be great. I was just about to say, I'm so sorry to hear that because we because we are weirdly enough this actually hasn't happened in a long time we are fully booked uh the day's in is fully there's no room at the end no we have a room and it's your room but there we are fully booked i think there's a convention in town or something um but but we

are fully fully booked up i am so sorry about that. We should have a bed in every room. That kind of is the purpose of... Yeah. Sorry. Yes. No, I'm just as confused as you are. I mean, I don't know if this is an issue of me booking this on a third-party platform, but I just feel like this is a little unacceptable to be paying $450 a night for this.

What third-party platform? Did you book it through yourstay.com? Yes. Oh, man. Oh, here we go. This is – God. I don't know why we still do business with them. It is so frustrating.

This is not the first time this has happened, unfortunately. This is the first time I'm dealing with it, but I've heard stories from colleagues, but it's like I didn't even want to believe it because it just seems so insane. Your Stay, famously, I mean, it's just like highway robbery with them. For future bookings, you do not want to book through yourstay.com

because they make all these promises about the rooms you're going to get, but they actually don't contact us about them at all. Well, and maybe I should have looked at more reviews, but they said they could get me the best price. Sorry, you did say you were paying $450 a night? That's for, yeah, each. So it's total, it's like $900 for two nights.

For this kind of room and for this location, max, we would only require $200 total for the entire stay. I'm sorry? Did you payment? You haven't fully paid yet, right? You just have a card on file with us? It was a non-refundable deposit on then another payment. Okay.

You have been, I'm trying to think of a really nice way to put this. You've been swindled. And at this point, if the payment's already been made, I can't see anything that we could do for you. This is why I fly off the fucking handle all the time. When you're nice, you get taken advantage of. There is one thing I'm realizing. You said you had a sofa in your room. Is that right?

Yeah. Did you try pulling it out into a bed? There should be a pull-out bed in the sofa. I tried pulling it out, and the cushions came out, and there was a note that said, you've been had. Okay. Oh. On your stay letterhead.

Oh. God, I'm so... You know what? It's all coming back to me now. I can't believe... Honestly, I thought this was all lore. I thought this was days in lore, but I guess it's really happening.

We have an ex-employee now who used to be here for a good amount of time, felt that he wasn't getting the recognition he deserved in terms of hotel management. And so he said that he was going to rain down chaos the likes of which this day is in had never seen. That seems such a small scale. Well, we didn't think anything of it.

But now, do you happen to have the letterhead and you do have the note yeah here oh yeah no that's his handwriting um i am i am so sorry for his impish behavior um he he really is a little a little rascal through and through um so a little rascal sorry that just seems like a weird way to describe an adult. Oh, he is actually, he is the nephew of the manager at the Days Inn. And so I think that's why he felt. This is way too much for me to understand. I just need a bed.

I don't need to know the hierarchy. I don't need to know the nepotism that happens here. Sorry about that. I'm just trying to give you the full story to help you understand that, unfortunately, we cannot give you a bed tonight. We are out of room. And no refund. And no refund because you did give all your money to YourStay.com. YourStay being a, I guess, fake domain that's owned by the nephew of this specific franchise that Dave is in.

Yes, yes. But we can give you a complimentary... Sorry? We can just crash at your place then. You and your girlfriend will not be coming to my house. But is your house, like, kind of nice? I do well enough. That'd be great.

Thank you. Fine. Cut to the next morning. I do well enough. That'd be great. Thank you. Fine. Cut to the next morning. You walk into the kitchen. We've already been like sitting at the kitchen island. What's for breakfast? This is, if you go to the Days Inn,

they do have complimentary breakfast that you can. Right, we paid for complimentary breakfast. Yeah, no, got it, got it, got it. Make you a full breakfast. I would love a hash. Cut to, I've Make you a full breakfast. I would love a hash. Cut to I've made like a full continental. I'm not a hotel. It just feels like it's been sitting out a little bit. I just made it.

Yeah, but that's what every hotel says. And then you have the eggs and it's like, oh my God. It's like rubber. Yeah, I'll remake it. I'll remake it. Cut to two years later, she's running, like, the best Airbnb. Thank you, and come again. Okay, and next.

Oh. Oh, my God. Shit, sorry. What was the name again? Vekla. Vekla! Vekla, you're back! I can't believe this.

Yeah, I just... This has been the best B&B I've ever stayed in. Days in, really. I owe it all to you. If you hadn't have forced you and your girlfriend to come stay at my place that night those years ago, I wouldn't be where I am today. I guess we both helped each other then

because I was on a television game show what final question how old is the owner of your stay.com that's a check for fifty thousand dollars oh my god you take care i can't accept this i can't accept this it's yours i turn around and walk outside thanks again i'm like walking across the street to try to get to my car i get hit by a dump truck jesus i i use the money to make an add-on to the house and i call it the thecla suite you give random upgrades in In memory. All right. I have a one-star review for The Days In in Long Beach. One star. Holy shit.

Lakeisha W. Lakeisha wow. Lakeisha wow. Okay. So I guess like Wyndham is the name of like the parent company or something. Yeah. Okay. One star.

This place is a disgrace to the Wyndham name. I went to the Days Inn with my family. The room was nasty. It smelled like piss. The floor was, this is all one sentence from here on out. The room was nasty. It smelled like piss. The floor was, this is all one sentence from here on out. The room was nasty. It smelled like piss. The floor was so dirty. My son's white socks were black. His clothes were dirty. The chairs were stained to where I was scared to sit on them. The bed didn't have anything but sheets on them. The towels and bathroom looked very scary. My

children were scared and just wanted to go home. I live five hours away. Just wanted to rest my eyes before jumping on the road. This was one of the worst experiences I would ever have. I would not allow my dog to stay here. The Wyndham should be ashamed to have this place represent their name. I did not have a good stay at this location. I just drove home very disappointed the business manager from that day's in responds hi lakisha our goal is to serve our guests with satisfaction about our hotel and we are saddened to know that we failed this time and then they go on to talk about how important the feedback was to them at a at a conference for a bunch of, like, hotel chains. And so that's why

I told the Hiltons, um, you're coming over to my house next week, honey. That's it. Oh, yes! Oh, Wyndham! I love that for you, ma'am. Marriott air! It's on the shoulder.

Is there room for one more at this table? We got the Hiltons, we got the Marriotts hits you on the shoulder. Is there room for one more at this table? We got the Hiltons, we got the Marriotts, we got the I don't know who you are, but Sorry, I'm the heir to the St. Regis line. Oh, a big spender. I'm the Wyndham.

No, we know. I'm Jarrett Wyndham. We know. I'm Jarrett Wyndham. We know. Peek through the Wyndham. No, we know. I'm Jarrett Windham. We know. I'm Jarrett Windham. We know. Peek through the Windham. Sorry? I've been trying to come up with like a catchphrase. Peek through the Windham. Yeah. I'm sort of the Chet Hanks of the Windham family.

That makes sense for you because you're as, correct me if I'm wrong, but the shades at your days in they don't fully close, do they? So you can peek through the Wyndham, and actually you've gotten a lot of complaints about Peeping Toms peeking through the Wyndhams at your locations.

We've had voyeurs, but hasn't everyone? Everyone resounds, no. Really? Well, no. Listen, we all have our, like, budget inns in motels, all right? Yeah, some crazy stuff happens at the day's end, but not at a proper Wyndham.

That's for damn sure. That's for damn sure. Big business deals happen in the lobby bar. Oh, really? Like, you know, we actually just had Jeff Bezos come in and buy out Albertsons for another, for a 2.1 billion dollars. He really is. He really is taking over the food distribution chains. So that happened at our hotel bar.

What kind of business has been happening at your, I didn't even know you had a bar at the Days Inn, to be honest. No, not at the Days Inn, at the Wyndham Proper. At the Wyndham Proper. At our flagship properties. Okay, and what kind of big business could possibly happen at the

Wyndham Proper? Everyone's chuckling like, oh, nothing, nothing good. Well, you know, you're talking about Jeff Bezos this, Jeff Bezos that, you won't shut up about Jeff Bezos. Hand front of the table, we love Jeff Bezos. Right, that makes sense.

I can do you one better. I can do you one better. Do you know Tony Hopkins? Who can't say I do? Tony Hopkins? Who? Can't say I do. Tony Hopkins. I heard you. I don't know who Tony Hopkins is. Everyone's laughing.

He's a nobody. He's an actor. Oh. Oh, do you mean Anthony Hopkins? No. But still pretty impressive. The dude did an off-Broadway. did an off-Broadway. A show off-Broadway? No.

He did an off-colored Broadway joke. So he's a comedian? He basically said that a lot of people in musical theater, you know, are LGBTQIA+. Which I didn't think was very funny, but he was at the lobby bar. Okay. Let's fucking keep rattling shit off. Oh, well, we can keep rattling shit off, but I don't think you can keep up with the big boys of hospitality.

I really don't. Oh, I see what's happening. You guys are jealous that the Wyndham portfolio continues to stay the same exact size. Hilton, you know, there is something to be said. You haven't been declining, that's for sure. Yes, no, Hilton, stay out of this. He hasn't been growing. Oh, come on, Regis.

Like, just let him in for once. What's the worst he can do? What's the worst he can do? I've had my business managers pull up reviews of the Wyndham properties just for this very moment. You don't have to do that. This mother here said that her children were scared just by, oh, no, did something happen in one of the rooms? Oh, no. I know that one because part of my job is kind of like customer service.

That's actually a typo. They were scaled. So they kind of, they slept in one of our beds and woke up with gills. And you're proving my point. So they slept in one of our beds and woke up with gills. And you're proving my point. So listen, I mean, I could rattle through these all day, but Wyndham, you're at the big boys' table. Thank you.

No, what I'm saying is you don't belong here. You never have belonged here. Why don't you go over and hang out with Holiday Inn Express, okay? Fine. Walks over. Hi, Holiday and Express, okay? Fine. Walks over. Hi, Holiday and Express. Oh, God! Oh, God, no! No! I was just starting to get a good reputation. I can't have Wyndham at the table.

Come on, man. You think I make you look bad? Do me a solid, man. Just, like, go hang out in the corner, man. I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to lay low. Why are you like a hippie? You're still in big business.

Maximized profit, especially with yours. You don't even try to give a good experience. I never said I did, man. People know who I am, man. And you're trying to be something you're not. And that's not, that doesn't fly with me, man. So why don't you just go hang out by the buffet over

there? Walks over to the buffet. You too, huh? Do you work in hospitality? What do you mean, you too, huh? Oh, you've probably never heard of me. Red Roof Inn. Red Roof Inn. Yeah, that blank look on your face. No, this is rock bottom. What you're experiencing. You're watching my personal rock bottom. What's going on, Wyndham?

I'm sorry. No, my Gatsby arc is just not going according to plan. You had a Gatsby arc too? I'm trying. You did not. You did not. It actually feels good to be in the position that the Hiltons were with me earlier. Your chain sucks, and you don't deserve a seat at my table, for sure.

I was going to say, I didn't have a Gatsby arc. I would love to imagine having one someday. So you're kind of an inspiration to me. Your daydream is to... You're daydreaming about the fact that you might imagine that you have a Gatsby arc. Not even daydreaming that you have the arc. You're daydreaming that you might imagine about it. And you know what?

That's enough for me right now. Because I'm just a Red Roof Inn. What do I have to bring to the table? But you, you're Wyndham. You could do so much. Sorry, when you talk, I don't listen because you're the Red Roof Inn executive. So I don't know what you just said, but I'm going to walk that way. Trying.

He said something genuinely nice. Sorry. Fuck you, I think. Just because you're a Red Roof Inn and I can't. I shouldn't even be in the same tenant. Also, why is Red Roof Inn and Holiday Inn Express at the same conference as Hilton and all those people? I should be the worst person in the room. What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to say you suck, Red Roof. Hey, is Wyndham picking on Red Roof? Oh, that's not all right. We don't condone bullying here. You bullied me. Red Roof. No way. Suddenly another seat at the table has opened up.

Why don't you bring Holiday Inn Express with you? There's no way, because there's only eight of us. So that's going to be everybody at one table and me at the corner. I can come. Oh, thanks, man. That's awesome. I'm happy to come over there. He's smoking weed inside.

That's not okay. He booked a smoking room. I did. I did specify that I wanted the smoking room. We actually, every room at a Holiday Inn Express is, even if it's a non-smoking room, it's a smoking room. Forget it, then. Oh, that was funny.

Should we do our last segment? Yes! Oh! We won! We won! I might get a foster next week. That's exciting. I still have to hear back from

Adrian at Cat Connection in Sherman Oaks. But she said, it doesn't matter when I pick them up. Jeff sent me the texts that he and Adrian were sending to each other, and it made me laugh so hard. I was like, I can pick them up starting Monday. Like, what day or time works best? And she said, it doesn't matter what time or something like that.

It was like, any time works. It doesn't matter. Yeah, but it wasn't even definitive about Monday. She was basically like, text me as soon as you're ready and we'll figure it out. So funny. That was just like, yeah. The energy from the text was like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Jeff being like, I can do this day. And Adrienne was just like, yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Jeff being like, I can do this day. And Adrienne's just like, yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter when or how or who. But I'm going to the, also I'm going to the Grand Canyon this weekend.

For some reason, I think we're gonna say, I'm going to the Grove. Also, I'm going to the Grove this weekend and I can't fucking wait. That's so exciting. Yeah, I've never been.

We'll see how it goes. This is the trip... Is this the trip you've had planned for, like, a long time? Like a couple weeks. I was gonna go to the Grand Canyon last year, and then it was canceled. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. The Grand Canyon was canceled. Yeah. Hashtag the Grand Canyon is over, party. Yeah. But I'm gonna Grand Canyon is over party. Yeah. But I'm going to see a big hole in the ground.

So I'm excited about that. What about you? What's been shaking your ass? What's been shaking my ass is that, oh, well, my birthday is less than a month away. I'm turning 26. I need to get my own health insurance. So I'm trying to get all my getting all my doctor's appointments and now like the next month

is filled with so many appointments I had an I went to the eye doctor went to the optometrist two days ago welcome to my world well so I I guess

I think my optometrist is obsessed with me why do you say that he came into the room after. Also, the guy who was administering my tests was very nice. He was from Boston, so we talk about Boston. And then he took the test, left. My optometrist came in.

He looks at my scans, and he goes, well, your eyes aren't perfect. And then he looks at me, and he goes, they're more than perfect. I hate that. And I'm like, stop it. That sucks for me. And then, so I did the, like, listen. I am such a hypochondriac. Every day I'm convinced that I have skin cancer

because I've gotten, like, upwards of 12 moles removed from my body. And the better part of it is nine months. That's not hypochondria, though. That could be, like, that's a genuinely scary thing. Because I am at risk for that. I so pale i am so irish i develop freckles and moles very quickly but this is my eyes are something i do take prize in like fuck because you know what's funny the opposite is for me like the one like 10 out of 10 thing about my health is that i have great skin amazing and i have the worst eyes you do have the worst eyes I so I did the eye test like reading you know putting covering one eye

covering the other doing reading the thing and then they got to the smallest letters they had and the guy administering says he's like he's like don't strain yourself he's like we've only had there's only been one person who's ever gotten one letter he's like no one has ever gotten more than one letter right or no it wasn't one person only got one he's like no one has ever gotten more than one letter right or no it wasn't one person only got one he's like no one's ever gotten more than one letter and i got two out of five and he couldn't fucking believe it and then the doctor came in and he's like you got two of those i'm like yeah and they were like you could fly jet planes and um can you fly jet planes with contacts and so i i felt like i was on cloud nine and so i texted daniel and elizabeth both of them famously wear glasses e has some of the her prescription is

insane um i texted them that that my doctor said that my eyes aren't perfect they're better than perfect and he just said disgusting no it's disgusting that sucks but i um then we got a skin so i got my eyes dilated for the first time ever i've had to do that so many times in my life you've only done it once i've only done it once and it was because i have a freckle speaking of my skin i have a freckle in my fucking eye and so he's just wanted to check on it make sure it was fine and it is but um but two things more than fine it means that you have the best eyes in the fucking world two things one in the scan that he took i have something called ppm and i forget what that stands for but basically it's like when when

you're born your iris and your pupil is how i explained it they separate and so it's like the color of your iris like the strands separate from your pupil but when you when we got the really close-up scan after they were dilated there are still some strands like tiny tiny strands of my iris that never fully separated away from the pupil. And so I just need to look up, look up a photo, look up PPM iris. And there's, there's a lot of extreme for people listening. It's, it's extreme. There are extreme cases online. Um, but it's pretty crazy. Like, so this is, this is, and it's something that it's like, you can basically have a laser going and like snip it off, but it's like, mine is not it's something that it's like you can basically have a laser going and like snip it off but it's like mine is not this bad but it's like this that's really scary eyes are unbelievably isn't that crazy this one he's like he's like this is this person will

be blind but that's like the most extreme case jesus so i have that a little bit like a couple strands um but i got my eyes dilated and I was like, is it going to hurt? And they're like, nope. And they're like, we put a numbing drop in and then we, then we dilate them. And then I'm like, they're like, you're, you're fine to drive. And this is, I've never gotten it done. I've never done anything with my eyes. And so they're like, yeah, you're good to drive. So afterwards I'm just like just like cool they gave me a pair of sunglasses i'm like i guess i'll just go home i was not okay to drive that shit was horrifying and my the office is only 15 minutes away i couldn't read any street signs i couldn't like it was so and then the light sensitive i was white knuckling my way home and i was so i just took i went on

like santa monica boulevard and just took that and there was so i just took i went on like santa monica boulevard and just took that and there was so much traffic but i'm like that's fine i want to go as slow as possible yes but i got home and i was talking to ian daniel about it and they're like well how long did they make you wait before they made you drive i'm like they didn't and they both were like what and even my parents they're like be careful i'll be fine it was it was so scary and i had the worst headache all fucking day um because of it was it was so intense but now he said i'll have to get that done for another three years so there you go there you go that pisses me off and he even said he's like your prescription is so i don't even have a i don't even i can't even give you glasses you don't even the prescription it wouldn't even make sense everybody has their uh their health issues everyone has their luxuries yes and i am very

very grateful for my eye health um i wish that translated into my skin but you know what we all have our things um we all have our things we all have our things and i think my optometrist is obsessed with me. And that's just my cross to bear at the end of the day. That's my cross to bear. Honestly, that's that. And that's that. Should we thank some... Or you can follow Riley on Instagram, at RileyAnspa, on Twitter, at RileyCoyote, and the show on

Instagram, at ReviewReview, the show on Reddit, r slash ReviewReview. You can follow Mefri on Instagram, at JeffreyJames, on Twitter, at JeffBoyRD. Should we thank some VI patrons? Let's do it. Thank you to underscore Christian Sidehugs

Dogs and Cats 2. Aaron Carrico. Agent Michael Scarn. Cereal, eggs, milk, bread, coffee, apples, tea, toothpaste, paper towels. So that's just, yeah,

as gross as she lives. Ako is somehow still waiting on an apology. 137 eps without an apology, she said. Don't ever correct her. Yeah, last week she got the number of episodes wrong. She said don't ever correct her. And now a patron who needs no introduction.

So moving on. Bob Buell. I'm sorry, Ako. I'm sorry, Ako. I'm sorry, Ako. I'm sorry, Ako. I'm sorry, Ako. I'm sorry, Ako.

I'm sorry, Ako. I'm sorry, Ako. Chris Supine. So it's Chris Pine, but he's sort of lying face up. Connor Finley. Connor Finney's looking fine, feeling shine. What do you guys think about my new nickname, Finney? Cristiano Robaldo.

So it's Cristiano Ronaldo, but rather than kicking balls into a soccer net, he's placing his in a Baldo. I've never heard of anything that's less mutually exclusive. You can play soccer and have ball sex. Cristiano Rivaldo. Curbature is

a widow baby. That's right, he's bringing it back. Feet-puel-do. Dakota as in a widow baby. That's right. He's bringing it back. Pueldo. Dakota as in Scott, right? That's actually a good fucking idea. I literally promised to follow them too right now as I'm saying this new patron. Dakota tweets like he eats, which is to say a lot and unhealthily. You know what? I'm going to vow to follow them at?

He sounded like, that just made you sound like a computer, like when you type in text to speech. Or like when you break that on TikTok. Okay. Damien Kirk walked 40 minutes to see Sonic 2 on Sunday. Next time, do you think he should just stay home and try fucking instead? Yes.

Fancy Octopus. Freya. Frito Prey Love. Garf, Enemy of the Pod. I found the man who created me and tore him limb from limb. Gale D. Coles. Gilk Jonic. Grey Titan of the Night, Defender of the Meek.

Grumble Bumble Pump. Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Grey's twin. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your first Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase.

Happy birthday, Jeff, from Daddy Tuesday Night. Hey, Alyssa. Happy birthday, you beautiful old motherfucker. Sam's not allowed to swear at home so I'm saying it for him. New patron. Hey Jeff, could you please have anyone from HeyRiddleRiddle on the HeadGum Podcast please? I'm not even gonna put my name here. I don't deserve a

shout out. It's James Wagner by the way. Jake Ullman. Jay was kind of checked out for, sorry, Jay was kind of checked out for a bit but kind of gets PT to GMT now. Got it. Great. Jesse Tipton.

JP again, thought I was giving the surface level intro to my life. Therapist ended the session. Sorry. Sorry. JP again, thought I was giving a surface level intro to my life. Therapist ended the session with, well, that sounds like a lot. Caleb is too busy to come to the

phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Casper Bo Basper. Lauren Millang. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Mark Priest. Martin Shrick Elizabeth Holmes. I think it's Martin Shrick Elizabeth Holmes. Martin Shrick Elizabeth Holmes.

Michael Beggle. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Moe. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy. Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley name. Jeff can't be silly.

Nolan Murphy wished his mom a happy Mother's Day and she replied, it was until I heard your ugly voice. Oh, so it's lame. This is my favorite name. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name? Come say that to my face at Smokin' Time on Main Island. You know what's fucked up is that now I want to go to this restaurant. I know.

I know. Pete Bradford patiently awaits the premiere of his theme song. Bebe. Puffin and Spa. And Squaw. Quack. Riss. Jeffrey being a McLaren fan offends my Mercedes sensibilities.

Bergman. New patron. I don't hate Mercedes. I hate Red Bull. So what? Is this like a job now? You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year? That's at...

Wow, I checked their tweets. I checked and their tweets are actually fire and I did actually follow them, by the way. That's so crazy. So he has two Patreons. That's crazy. Oh, new patron. It's Dakota. That's so Raven. It's the future I can, well, see.

The dulcet tones of Jeff's sleep moans. And TJ Michael and we don't have to do the moans. No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh God.

And TJ Michael. I don't know if you said that I did because I wanted to skip past that why? I mean if you have to ask thank you guys so much for listening to this episode

of the show we'll see you guys again next week maybe it'll be great maybe maybe we'll see you maybe it'll be great

chee chee that was a hate gum podcast