Review Revue - Diaries

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

Reilly and Alf buy a car for their ex's mom and share a journal while reading reviews on diaries!>>>>><<<<<It has been 3 episodes since Family Guy has been mentioned.Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, was a that took me back to my days when and where in the club when i was in the club a lot you didn't

do that um that was from micah dear men micah says hi riley and alfred i recently discovered this podcast and i've instantly become a huge fan thank you micah five years in huh now i better have you no that uh that was great i've been going backwards through the episodes and it seems clear that you guys are in need of some new theme music pretty subtle so i thought i'd throw one out there if this gets read on the pod i'm a musician who plays live events all around the la area and you can find my music streaming everywhere under the name micah dearman or on instagram the web browser browser, not the phone app. Good bit. At Micah Dearman, M-I-C-A-H-D-E-E-R-M-A-N.

P.S. After making the song, I said review so much now that it doesn't sound like a real word to me anymore. Oh, Micah, that was such a blast. Thank you so much for sending that in and welcome to the podcat family. Micah Dearman, More like dear Micah. What a song, man. Man. Dear Micah, you're a, you're a dear man.

You're a dead man. No, God. Hey, welcome back to Review Review, the only podcast on the internet that I had to forget even where the tagline is. We don't have a tagline. There's never been a tagline.

I know. It's never too late to start. No, but that was the joke. I know. Fuck it. It you ruined it you made it not funny oh i made it not funny honey i just sorry guys before we started recording okay we're gonna record at 9 a.m on saturday august 31st and alf called me at like 8 50 he's like hey you ready and i'm like yes i'm getting my coffee because sure am i usually 15 minutes late to record absolutely but not for other people's shows just my own um desperate desperate for and so then we hop on zoom that was gross and we started recording at 9 27 well do you want to say what actually happened? No, I'm saying because we spent so long watching TikToks

and then what kind of rounded it out was Alf sending me Drake Bell's newest song. We didn't realize that he was... What? You were shitting. Stop. I had coffee. I'm a human being.

That's the real reason. I wasn't. That's not the real reason. Okay, yeah. I made you watch Drake Bell's new song. And it's still in my head and it's like really upsetting. It's the worst song. I'm sorry.

Maybe I'm going to make some haters with this, butke bell's new song it's very bad the music video is like i couldn't tell if it was like trying to the whole thing feels weird or it's just so if if you feel like kind of a cursed energy about me on this episode or like just a darkness to me through through... Oh my god! A giant cockroach on the wall! Hold on! Fuck it! Fuck you! Fuck you! Kill it! I'm trying! Daniel, keep all of this in! Oh! Look!

Oh my god! Don't fucking show it to me, you freak! Hold on, I need to throw... I need to throw up. As soon as I said cursed energy, a darkness, a cockroach came onto the wall. What the fuck? Alf Vamp. Yeah, so Riley, you're probably wondering,

why does Riley have such a huge cockroach in her apartment? And I can answer that. So there's a thing that happens with cockroaches, right? Where cockroaches get bigger over time. The more you have the problem, the bigger they get. And there's kind of cockroaches, right? Where, um, cockroaches get bigger over time. The more you have the problem, the bigger they get. And there's kind of no limit, right? So the one that Riley just killed was sort of the size of a, I'd say a small dog. Um, and that's because they've had cockroaches in their apartment the entire time they've been living there and they haven't done anything about it. They liked them. They call them their pets. I don't know why she suddenly changed her mind and said,

oh, I'm going to kill it. I'm going to kill it. I think she just did it to like, I don't want to say for the attention, but you know, to make it seem like she wasn't kind of a, well, a person who lives with cockroaches as pets. But that is what she is. And they're huge. She names them.

And when I go and stay in their apartment, I actually have to sleep on the floor because the couch and everything that's Sammy's bathroom Sammy is one of their cockroaches so this is the kind of stuff I deal with on a pretty routine basis you know it's not all glamour right people think this podcast oh my god you guys must be so like famous

and cool and have all these awesome stuff and it's like no it's mostly dealing with riley's cockroach dependency um her obsession her enablement um you know and daniel's not daniel's complicit you know i wouldn't say he's the he's the driving force I mean she's the one who's like obsessed with these fucking things but you know he's there he doesn't put his foot down

literally stomp on him in the way that he should you know I don't have cockroaches I don't even have fruit flies I don't have anything pest related because I'm clean and I don't want to make friends with those kind of bugs. I will say I see an occasional spider and you know what? I leave them alone. I love the little guys because spiders, they're

nature's pest control. Same with house centipedes. You ever see a house centipede and you're like, oh my god, I gotta kill it, it's so freaky looking. Don't do that. They're really friendly. They're nice. They don't carry disease like cockroaches can. They're not gross. All they do is eat other pests. So let them be.

Let them live. You see a spider, you see a house centipede, you just let them live, you see a spider, you see a house, you just let them live, okay, um, yeah, I guess that's kind of all I, kind of all I wanted to say, I mean, I could talk about orangutans some more, I fucking, I'm, I'm this close to getting a tattoo of an orangutan, and people in my life, they think I'm joking when I say that, but I'm really not, um, I think they are so fucking incredible. I, you know, I think I went on a rant on a podcast a few months ago about the orangutan and how much I, I love it. And I think we kind of played it off as if it was part of a scene, but it really wasn't. That was just earnestly coming from my heart. Um, I wish I had a pet orangutan so fucking bad but and um here comes trouble she's back

sorry about that brief interruption you've returned to the easy stylings of Alfred Barber Evans and Riley Anspaugh what a crazy little interlude we had there right everybody how are we doing are you scared yeah I was scared too me and the listeners had some nice one-on-one time, so. Sorry about that. That was bone chilling. Where was it, just on the wall or? It was on the wall. Like, so my desk faces the window in our office

and like it was crawling down the window pane. So it came, I wasn't looking up. It came right into kind of my view right above the computer. That was actually horrid um so the cockroach thing's not getting better huh we had some roaches in our kitchen well not just the kitchen apparently right well well so the answer that ultimately is the issue but i haven't seen them knocking what in the kitchen in days that's because they've retreated elsewhere. Fuckers! And it's so frustrating because I did a deep clean a week ago.

It's like there's no, and I don't bring food up here. Like, I just have coffee up here. Like, it's just. I mean, but they're cockroaches. You can't kill them. They're unkillable. Well, I just killed one. I kill a shit ton of them.

Anyway, doesn't matter. What's new with you oh um not much um i'm really fucking scared of you now that was scary that was were you scared the tire banks were you scared yeah i was scared i was scared i was scared i was scared. Who was scared? I was scared. I was scared. All the listeners raising their hands. Yeah, I was scared. They're like, what the fuck was that? No, I'm good. I talk about my cyst on the show last week. I think you just said an infection. Oh, well, it was a cyst.

And I've been taking antibiotics all week. And it's been helping with the cyst but I feel horrid, nauseous, terribly nauseous. I'm sorry to hear that. It's kind of where I'm at. Chugging some coffee now, definitely going to help with that. For sure. Come on.

Just do it. Just ask. Couldn't hurt. I'm scared about what it's going to be, though. Couldn't hurt. You don't know. You don't know what it is. What's new with you, Riley?

Alfred, today is August 31st. Sure is. Tomorrow is September. First. It's my time. my time my time is now or never um i am so excited that summer's basically over i hate summer i'm very excited it's basically over um what's new with me is that I bought two little felt pumpkins From Target yesterday They're in my apartment

So fucking early for this I started lighting kind of like brown buttery Smelling candles in my place The string lights are up Like it's really happening for me now But what's really new is that I'm really I can't stop thinking about War and Peace.

And not the character from Sky High. I'm such a prick. But it's because I'm now reading it every day because I want to get through it in less than a calendar year. So I'm trying to read like, you know, 15 pages of it every day. Long pages. Big book. know 15 pages of it everything long pages big book um but it i had like a moment last night where i was just like oh my god i'm so dark academia i had like my i had a glass of wine and i was sitting in the chair in our living room like our little kind of reading chair

with a candle lit reading one piece like are you kidding that's are you kidding actually now here we are in fall it was really i was like holy shit um so that was wonderful so i've just been reading and like getting into the cozy spirit cozy time what's new is i've started drinking water out of giant mason jars instead of my tumblr because i find that i drink a lot more water that way. Are you a PS? I mean, what do you want me to say? Are you a PSL person? No. You don't like pumpkin and coffee? I don't like the Starbucks PSL.

Also, you know, boycotting Starbucks. But regardless. They don't get to own PSL as a brand. No, no, no, no, no. I feel like that's kind of how it's so colloquial. The Starbucks pumpkin spice latte is kind of vile to me. Yeah, it's really nasty. I love pumpkin flavored.

Like remember last week on the Creamers episode, there was like a pumpkin Dunkin' Donuts creamer that I really liked. Pumpkin Munchkin. That that's delicious. I love like pumpkin bread. I love pumpkin flavors to things, but it's like, it has to be like real pumpkin.

Like it has to, you know, I saw a TikTok the other day. I want to try and make it of like a pumpkin spice, like syrup, but homemade. It's like, you actually have like pumpkin puree,

cinnamon, vanilla. I worked at a coffee shop where we made, where we made our own pumpkin syrup from scratch with pumpkin. Cause that sounds great. They were great. They were awesome. Yeah. Do you like pumpkin spice lattes? I do. I do. to the coffee shop where we made our own pumpkin syrup from scratch with pumpkin because that sounds great they were great they were awesome yeah do you like pumpkin spice lattes i do i do i like when i can turn i mean i'm an iced coffee year-round person right like if i'm drinking just my normal coffee it's gonna be iced pretty much year-round but in the fall a cheeky chai, right? A sneaky little PSL.

Like, it can be delightful. I have a, from Spice House in Evanston, I have a pumpkin spice spice that I put on top of my coffee. And that's like my hot coffee. It's really nice. When I wasn't here. All right, man. Don't rub it in.

You want to know a fun fact about September? Sure. Because we're talking about September. Do you know where the word it's when this comes out it's september which is incredible this comes out the day after labor day september 3rd but you know a fun fact about september do you know where the word september comes from where comes from the latin septum meaning seven because it was the seventh month of the roman calendar but it's the ninth month of our calendar so our month is literally like seven but it's nine isn't that fucking annoying that's interesting like july should be september you know what i mean yeah but it's not but it's not but it well but it isn't yeah well it isn't um speaking of something that how am i gonna do this one speaking of something that is hang on we haven't set

well i feel like sometimes we do it before we take a break. It doesn't matter. Girl, we do it whenever we remember it. Whenever we remember it. We said it halfway through. I mean, listen, I just had the cockroach experience. So like I'm, that's still in the body for me. The cockroach experience. That's still in the body.

So it's like, I don't want to, I don't want to taint whatever intention you're going to set. So I'm going to let you set this one because if I were to set it, it would be, it would be heavily influenced by the experience that I just went through. I would say this is going to be the most infested. Stop it. That's actually so cruel. I was also influenced by that, right? You weren't here. But I felt it.

You freaked out when I showed it to you on camera and your state's away like you wouldn't have infested you're such a piece of shit it was gonna be the most infested in the zone um speaking of infested i know a place that's infested with my thoughts and dreams and that is the right language, yes. We're talking about diaries. Diaries, places that are infested with your deepest thoughts. And we're not talking about why Riley was late to the podcast.

Because that's diarrhea. I wasn't diarrhea. Stop. You're being so mean to me today. I wasn't diarrhea. You're being so mean. Stop. I literally wasn't diarrhea. You're a cockroach. You're so mean to me. Yeah, it's diarrhea. You're being so mean. Stop. I just killed a big cockroach. I literally wasn't diarrhea. You're so mean to me. We're talking about diaries.

Alf, did you have a diary? I did not. And we're not talking about diary in the way that like people over 65 talk about a diary like a planner. We're talking about it like a place where you have your thoughts. Yes. A diary. Yes. I did not. I had i had some journals you know what i mean in my youth

but i i think i would have really balked at the term diary right i i think i think i i i you know diary it's interesting isn't it such a gendered term right i was just gonna say that it's really interesting journal and diary are the same thing exactly the same and yet if you look up like diary you know on amazon or whatever all you get is like diary for women yeah women's diary diary i know the autofill diary for girls that's crazy and then if you search journal it's like leather bound journal for men poet whoa the two genders really are diary and journal that's crazy but that's so strange i never it's just a notebook i kind of wish i had because i think it's funny when people are like shit i wrote when i was 12 you know what i mean and it's like i don't i don't have that because i wasn't writing when i was 12 um i like i think i sometimes

was like i'm gonna do it um this is really insane what I'm about to say I know I have some I have some stuff loaded up in the arsenal for this David Sedaris you know David Sedaris you do not compare yourself David Sedaris has had a big influence on my diary writing when I was a child David Sedaris has like I mean David Sedaris has like ocd and definitely has like a compulsive you know personality and he writes in a diary every single day all day he like and i have thoughts about he does his entire life in the diary and has done for like since he was like 20 or something yeah and he has his entire life like catalogued in these that's really crazy but i remember i really liked david starris when i was a a teenager totally normal teen activity to be like i love david starris professor

r energy it really is but i i read all of his books and listened to all his books on audiobook let's be honest i wasn't reading them and uh reading or writing and i i think i i think it was like yes this will be this will be like, this will be the tool for like my comedy, right? It's like, I'll write things in this journal. And how old are you? Oh, probably like 12, 13. Oh, cutie. So I definitely do have some like joke books, some like notebooks that I was like.

Dig them up. No, I don't. I need. I don't think I can. Alfred, I've needed nothing more you know and it was like me trying to like workshop my set you know what you mean of like yes and then that'll transition to pay meanwhile meanwhile like i didn't step on stage to do anything comedy for another like eight years alfred i need these tones i don't know i need these manuscripts

more than i've needed anything oh my god um so i i know you've got an absolute corker for me i am so glad you suggested this topic because I have so many thoughts. So the reviews I brought today, I mean, we talked about this like locked diaries, like diaries that have like a combination lock or a little like plastic silver gilded key. So I had a locked diary when I was a child. And I remember writing my crushes obviously but honestly not very much of that I have such a visceral memory of it was like a kind of like a neon purple with like some hot pink and like green you know accents on it and it was like a heart lock or whatever and I always kept losing the key so I was just like fuck it let's leave it open um and i remember i must have been like six or seven and my mom had a friend

who had a pet snake and i remember right i had i have such a memory of like visiting this person at their house and meeting their snake for the first time and i'm six years old probably the first time i've ever been around a snake. And I went back home. And I'm like, dear diary, what? Like, this is obviously paraphrase. I was like, dear diary, had kind of a crazy day. Met a snake for the first time. It wrapped itself around my neck.

Like, I remember writing about this snake. And I was like, it was a boa constrictor. It probably wasn't. It was probably just. Absolutely was not. No. It was like a little garden snake. And I remember being like, I drew a photo of a photo.

Drew a photo. I drew a photograph. I drew a picture of me with the snake around my neck. And I was like, it was kind of a crazy day. So that's such a memory I have of like being a child and writing in a diary now I want to I'm so glad you brought up David Sedaris and writing everything that happened to you in a day in your notebook so we went to theater school we were encouraged oh fuck we were god that was awful I didn't even occur to me to mention that because I blacked that out that we were encouraged keep journals, and I still have all of them from that time.

Mandated? More than encouraged. Mandated. Yeah, you had to read. And you had to read us, and they would read your journals. Take the journal to check that you'd been journaling. So very normal,

like a place where you're supposed to have your private, and again, the difference between a journal and a diary. Right. Because this was serious business. This was serious. Masculine. Yeah, it's not for girls. I haven't, I used used a journal and i haven't

referred to that as a diary it was essentially a diary because it's the same thing it's just that you're writing it's the same shit but um in the past couple months i have discovered which was obviously you know obvious obviously obvious which is obvious to everybody except for me for the past 20 years of my life that i have um obsessive compulsive disorder that i have ocd and so i i realized i used to do what david sedaris did like i would like probably up until like a year and a half ago i kept a journal i mean it would be off and on because I'd be exhausted by it because I couldn't just be like, here's a moment from today that I like. Here's a thought.

Because the, now what I realize is my OCD in my head was like, well, I have to write down every single thing. Because if I forget to write something down, then I'm going to forget about it and I don't want to forget the whole point

is to remember everything. Yeah, totally. Yep. And so that it became like a chore. It became a compulsion where I'm like, fuck, I don't actually want to do this. I want to go to bed. And now here I am 20 minutes later, cataloging, you know, it's like being like, I walked to Trader Joe's and I bought this. It's like nobody gives a shit. Why am I would go on a trip with my mom she would always be like write this in your dream you're gonna want to remember it and she would like help me would also be kind of like a scrapbook that was more of like a yeah diary journal and I'm so happy

that I have those to look back on yeah but that's different than the older I got the more I'm like well I have to write down all these things because I'm gonna forget and forget all of that and so I think that it's like as a writer, I feel like a lot of people keep, I see a lot of other writers keeping journals and I'm like, well, not with my mental illness, honey. I can't do that. No.

And so I do, I don't journal and I don't keep a diary, but I do, I have a notes app and it's just like, if I think of a funny thought or something that I want to remember for later, I'll write it down there. But I limit it to that because it literally it keeping a diary a diary um also the part of me the perfectionist part of me would be like well someone's gonna read this one day I'm gonna get super famous and it has to be like I feel like a normal people write in journals and diaries being like these

are just my thoughts it's messy and whatever this is just for me no i know uh-uh i'm like someone's gonna read this so i need to make sure it's like perfect and especially when i'm traveling at the time when i was journaling a lot when i was traveling oh my god traveling alone like the main character syndrome main character i would literally like i'd be like as i sit on this train i look around like you know i felt so it was very that it's more of oh my god the most self-indulgent shit so anyway i have a lot of thoughts around diaries and we're keep this episode title is gonna be diaries because women because girl um because girly pops the girl anyway it's been a long intro i do think though like it's so tough right because it's like i think for people with the specific kinds of mental illness that you and i have like the obsessive

compulsive disorder of it all like you know you have a you have a brain that like loves to create rules right arbitrary rules right like i have to do this x number of times before i can do by right kind of thing and so it's so difficult to find like a daily practice right like i've tried to do the artist's way like so many fucking times and every time it becomes this thing of like well i have to you know i need to now i need to it becomes a have to rule versus just like a daily and it's not it doesn't become a thing that's like enjoyable or fruitful it becomes like just a thing that i have to do for my brain to be cool and you forget like why you were even doing it in the in the first place i mean like i'm sure i've told this is another david sedaris anecdote that i'm sure i've told on the podcast before but his thing of like when he got a fit bit and he was like yeah

i can hit 10 000 steps a day oh i like 10 000 steps a day and then he was like okay i should do 20 and then 30 and then he got to a point where he was making himself go 60 000 steps a day and then he was insane i forgot why I was doing it in the first place. Like just walking 60,000 steps. So he would spend like four or five hours of his day just walking. And I think that is like such a quintessential like OCD experience of just like you. The rules, they make sense to you. They're logical to you.

And you like forget why you're even doing it. Instead of just being. And you forget that other people aren't doing it. But yeah, so I totally resonate. I mean, I hated journaling in college. And I hated that they made us do it. Because it just never felt like something I was able to do in like a healthier, fruitful way. And for them to read it, it's like, that's not a journal.

That's an essay, love. That's not like. That's just an essay. Just have me write an essay about my experience in class. That's fine and um and the thing i always found myself doing in college though was just forging them like i'm sorry if my professors are listening but literally it would be like okay journal check in next week you guys okay i'm gonna need you know all 30 entries for every class we've had this far and i'd be like oh fuck i did it for like the first three days of class and then i was like i hate this fuck off and now i'm like staying up for six hours all

night using like four different pens to try and make it look like i didn't do them all at once yes and of course it was so fucking obvious they all knew we were it was just the whole thing was such a fucking farce let's take a break and we'll come back with diaries remember when you killed a cockroach and we're back the cockroach killer and cis boy is back um

I thought you just said Cisboy. And I was like, what? Cockroach Killer and Cisboy. So funny. Do you want to start or should I? I can start. I don't mind. Love.

Yeah, kind of a change of pace, right? This is for journal with journal with lock for women god men okay refillable lock diary with pen vintage embossed design locking journal so basically what does it look like it looks like it's leather bound it has like kind of like a combination yeah lock right where you like do the numbers like it's like a burgundy color yeah and it has a like strap it's definitely not real leather because it's like 20 dollars yeah um but uh it says yeah it says like it literally says vintage flowers on the cover which is kind of like that's insane no i printed that two weeks ago yeah um okay oh really quick other little

ocd tangent just it's so much it's so funny how diaries and journals hold so much i i spent probably way too much money on getting journals in college because it's like the perfectionist of like oh no no this is to be like I have to. This new one is really going to be it. I don't think I've ever. Yeah. Oh, I have a new one, too. Look at this.

Brand new. Enormous. Leather bound. Nice. This was like $70. Enormous thing. Look at this. Look how many more pages the bitch did.

Nothing in there. None. Nothing. Oh, and we discovered okay class now we're gonna read all right read your review okay whatever this is from charla p charla pebb it's kind of like charlotte's web but charotte pebb okay i really like charlotte pebb how many stars five five five five stars lock it's just the title okay okay let's just say i can't believe this was twenty dollars i bought this for my ex-sister-in-law. She loves to write about her

hard journey she's having with the divorce of my brother. She cried her eyes out when she received this. She said it's beautiful and elegant and it even locks so my little nephew can't get in. I have never been happier with the gifts I purchased this year. Every single one on Amazon. Every single one. Amazing. While I sat on my couch and drank coffee. Never left the house to shop. Awesome.

Just feels like such a kind of like fraught, intimate relationship to be posting about in your Amazon review, right? What if your brother sees that? Oh, my God. And he's like, hey, I was checking out your reviews. Oh, find any good ones? It's like, I honestly, this past Christmas was such a joy. I didn't even have to leave the lazy boy. Can you believe it?

I know, no. So if you find any that you like you know hey just just don't don't say they're from me you know don't don't say oh i got the idea from susan you don't want me to say that no i don't want people to know that i didn't go to the store that i could do that you could do it all at home okay yeah i mean it's been a while since i did like all my christmas shopping at the store anyway. I mean, I mostly... No, it was just like a really well-kept secret, shopping online.

I don't want the web traffic to spike and then old Susan can't go on. What, anything Amazon will go down? You'll bring Amazon down? Well, it's just like I know that holidays are a really busy time of year. Everyone's out and about at the shops, at the malls, at the stores.

This isn't what I wanted to talk to you about. And it's just like I don't want everyone to know that you can actually get everything online. Like that's just my little secret. Okay, yeah, Susie, no. Okay, you're making it really hard to move on from this? Like there's no way you really like... Also, Amazon's bad.

You know that, right? You can put a VPN on as long as you like, but it's like at the end of the day. Where you're using a VPN to buy stuff on Amazon, but then you're using your public, you're using your like birth, like your legal name on your account. Like everyone can find you. Oh, I get it. I get where all this energy is coming from.

Do you? The divorce? Well, no, that's part of what i wanted to talk to you about you're upset with me when you're actually upset with brie i am not upset it was a very very amicable situation we're both very happy we are moving on she's seeing other people i'm seeing i'm trying i'm beginning you're planning on the process of becoming okay with that but i was going through your amazon reviews and i saw a couple um one in particular that said the top rated one i've gotten like three on three different products top rated reviews are very popular yeah yeah um but no there was one that said, I got this journal for my ex, my brother's ex-wife's dad, Hank.

He's a really special part of my life. And I can't imagine not having him around even after my brother's divorce and so you want to know about the journal i guess i want to know why you're the quality of it i guess i want to know why you're buying gifts for brie's dad oh when she was like never a part of your family right oh my god no no no i can tell you i thought you were gonna ask about the gifts like you you had some inspo no no no i bought it for hank because well you know when you guys get married it's like that's a that's a joining of the families that's like a fusing together a union of families like i didn't realize you guys were

like close like when do you like you saw him at the wedding i've never i i haven't seen him since the wedding wedding was the only time i've ever met him in person but now you're buying him gifts well at christmas time you get gifts for family and you know i know you and brie were only together only married five years okay well we were together for 15 but that's a long time us being a family like brie was my sister in law so and but in many ways in law hank was another dad for me and he wasn't even your father-in-law so what am i gonna do not get my second dad a gift he's not your second dad he's he's not your dad at all father-in-law okay fine he's not your okay well no no i have a question for you then okay brie was brie was god i honestly it's this is not dead you're talking about her like she's dead he was my sister she's doing fine i'm not saying

that she was my sister-in-law she was yes which is i miss my sissy sorry i'll say it um jesus but so then that makes hank my father-in-law no because she's my sister it doesn't work why why doesn't it work like that because your father-in-law is chuck's dad right i understand that and he i of course i know barry's barry is my father-in-law but if if brie was my sister-in-law right uh-oh who where do sisters come from parents and so hank was my father-in-law the point is no but that is normal to give gifts during christmas time to family and i know the divorce still, you know, it's been hard on everybody. Certainly it's been hard on me. Certainly it's been hard on me.

I miss them. They are family to me. I'm sorry that it's been hard on you, but I can't help but feel like you're not acknowledging that maybe it's been harder for me. I never said that. You didn't?

I never said it hasn't been harder for you. But by virtue of you not saying it has been harder for me? Well, I mean, I feel like it's obvious. It's a sin of omission. Oh, God. Fine. Yes. Of course it's been technically harder for you because you are the one.

I'm just saying, given the role that you played. Oh, this again. In the divorce. No, I just think it's rich. Given the role that you played in the divorce, that now you're coming into my business and you're making it all about- I'm not coming into your business. I bought Hank a gift.

That has nothing to do with getting into your business. I would just be more comfortable if going forward, you didn't buy gifts for any of Brie's relatives. Sorry, I need to stick up for myself because of the divorce thing. I never said that Brie needs to divorce you.

I never said that. Well, I told her that you came back from your company retreat saying how much fun you had and you kept repeating how much fun you had.

It's true, I did have a lot of fun. Whoa, like Kevin had a lot of fun on his company retreat. And she ran with that where she wanted to go. You made her think I was having an affair. But I never said. That's like.

Well, were you? It's not. Right. She. It doesn't. You made her think that I was having an affair correctly i made her correctly you made her think that i was having an affair you told sure whatever detail so that's my but then she came to me and she said i think you've been having an affair right of course i deny it because how would she know asshole well and then she

turns around hits me with jokes on you i've been having an affair so you're mad because she i didn't need to know she didn't need to know about mine we could have just kept him just mind your own fucking business you know what i mean i agree i agree i agree you both could have done that and it could have been and honestly it would have been so much easier on me it would have been so much part of a relationship on me if you guys hadn't have done that because then hank and brie would have still been family to me i'm just trying i just try to figure out who it was with do you know i'm trying to figure out why we're having this conversation you come over to me you're like oh why'd you buy a gift for hank i explained why yeah are you upset that i like i don't want you

to tell everybody that i've been doing all my shopping online because it's an amazing kept secret that i have okay well here's the deal i won't tell anybody that you do all your shopping on amazon and that it's your favorite website because you're worried it get all it'll get out i don't want the traffic to spike yeah and i won't tell anybody if you stop buying gifts for brie and brie's family because if i find out that goes against the reason for the season marjorie a gift well that's my mom-in-law that is she you're okay my ex-wife's brother's wife's mom is not your mother-in-law. We're all in-laws. That, it doesn't, she, she. You know what, Kevin?

I think this conversation says a lot more about you than it does about me. I think it was Chuck. You're really getting a lot of feathers ruffled. Chuck as in like my husband Chuck? I think that's who she fucked. I think she fucked Chuck. You're just saying that. You're just being mean.

Now you're just wanting to be mean. Okay. You have no proof of that. Yeah, okay. But now that I've planted the seed, let's see if it doesn't fuck up your marriage. Stay out of my business? Divorce? Or I'm telling everybody that you use Amazon.

Don't do that. You would never do that. I would. You would never actually do that. I would. I'd post it. I'd post it online. Stop.

For all to see. I love you. I don't know why we're fighting like this. That's most of the problem. How can I make this better? How can I make you not be so... I've outlined a very clear set of steps. I've stayed out of it.

These are my relationships with my family. You bought my ex-wife's brother a car. Why would you buy him a car on Amazon? Because I can do it online. You're such a fuck. You don't buy me shit. That's it. You have so much money and you don't buy me anything.

You bought him a car. There we go. There we go. I did actually get you something. What did you get me? Why don't you open up that Amazon box right there? This one? Yep.

It says contains lithium battery. Okay. Open it up. I wonder what's in there. Oh. Merry Christmas. I didn't know you could buy these on Amazon. Well, they're just brick phone chargers.

Portable. Yeah. That way, whenever you're having, you know, you're on the road or you're on a hike or you just wanted to talk to your sister about, you know, stuff you're dealing with, you never have an excuse not to because you'll always have a bit of juice. This is a terrible gift. Well, good thing they do 30 day returns i'm going over to hank's for christmas and you're not invited i wouldn't want to go even if i had been so merry christmas kevin whatever i think my ex-wife fucked your husband.

A normal one. A normal one. A normal one with a clear game. I think the game of that one is that there's absolutely no game. It's a pretty common game. The common game of there being no game for all of our scenes i have a review for diary with lock and keys for girls gift ideas for girls like what the fuck 360 gold edged pages journal Journal for women. Gift ideas. Also, whoa, that was crazy. Diary for girls. Journal for women. So it's like a diary is for little girls.

There is something like infantilizing about a diary. Dear diary. B6. Mowing a myrtle. Writing with pen and bookmark. Garden pink. So there's a lot of different colors of this. I mean, I'll show you.

It's like, like You know classic like Oh yeah It's like what you think of when you think of Dear Diary It's like pink Fake leather Rose imprints are on the sides the lock is a golden Heart but they also have a lot Of different colors there's like

Zodiac black like it's the same Kind of thing but instead of pink with roses It's black with stars or whatever but this is for the rose garden five stars from jackie w jackie jackie what's her name jackie what's her name five stars the title is super cute i purchased this for my daughter and we love it the picture is nice but it's so much nicer in person i almost kept it for myself now speaking of bu where they made us where they had us read their they read our journals i bought this for my daughter and we love it brought a lot of questions for me not she loves it we love it there's something very sinister

about there's something very sinister about that right that really that review stopped me in my tracks i bought this for my daughter and we love it and i don't think this is a stretch and i don't think i'm slandering this random woman on the internet. Jackie, what's her name? Jackie, what's her name? But there is something of the Gypsy Rose Blanchard about it. Something of the Munchhausen's by proxy about it. Dear diary, like 16 year old girl. Dear diary.

First day of sophomore year of high school. Can't believe it's already here. I really hope that I see Jimmy at the lockers today. He said he'd meet me there at lunch, but only time will tell. Maybe I'll even get my first kiss. Okay, Diary, I'll let you know what happens later. Talk soon. Oh, let's see what we're writing in our diary while she's at school

jimmy my god maybe i should do a no that's silly well there's no no harm in it right i'll just do a little do a little entry of my own here. Dear diary. While Rebecca was at school today, I was doing a lot of chores around the house, but I'm very excited because later I'll be going to post office to send some cards, and I think that the cute postman, Doug, might be there, and I could maybe get a kiss from Doug. Just two girls having the same sort of experiences.

Oh, what a crazy day at school. Good thing I have my new diary to unload all my thoughts. Huh. The lock's off. That's not right. It's been, like, torn off. Like, wrenched. Just's not right. It's been like torn off. Like wrenched. Just crowbarred.

Something feels different. Something feels off. This isn't how I left it. This isn't how I left it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Mom? Yes, sweetie. Mom, what are you doing in my diary? What is wrong with you?

What are you talking about? You pried open my diary and you read it and you wrote in it. What is wrong with you? I just wrote in our diary. I don't understand. Mom, it's my diary. The cover says Rebecca's diary. Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you were too old for mom and mom and becky to have their diary still i didn't realize mom we can hang out and talk but this is such an invasion of privacy i didn't know what do you mean you didn't know you there was a lock on it for a reason and it's been ripped i thought maybe it was stuck i i got yeah it's stuck because it's locked i don't know it just it felt nice to have somebody to share my thoughts with then talk to me mom don't don't read my private thoughts those are just for me okay i'm sorry yours should be for you yeah i don't need to know how you want to kiss the postman. Oh, but he's cute as a button, ain't he?

Oh, stop! Ew, ew, ew. Speaking of cute as a button. The thought of you kissing anybody is disgusting. Ew, no. How was Jimmy today? No, Mom! What?

Stop, I'm not telling you because you ruined that. You ruined, maybe I would have told you, but- What, us girls can't have a chat about jimmy and doug well not no not now because you go on a double date no ew mom i'm going to my room stop you're not allowed in my room when i'm not home okay so you're not gonna ask me how my trip to the post office went no i'm not get your own diary pretty salacious ew ew i'm gonna throw up i'm going to my room you can't slam the door and toss out that diary thank god i have a backup because on amazon it came in a two-pack genuine leather 20 bucks can't beat that price. Starts a new page. Dear diary, what a whirlwind of a day. My mom found

my old one. Had to torch it. Well, not torch. More like trash. I don't have a lighter in my room. Not allowed. Anyway, Jimmy was at the lockers today. And diary, I told this to diary number one, but Jimmy had promised me that he'd be at the lockers and he kept his promise we kissed it was okay maybe a little too much tongue but nothing some practice can't fix I really really like him and I think that maybe he likes me too my mom is being super annoying and she wants to go on a double date with the postman and Jimmy, who's not even my boyfriend. Diary, I don't know what to do. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have some better answers and some better boundaries. Thanks for being here, Diary. I love you.

Yours, Becky. Okay, better lock on that. Okay, oh man, time for play rehearsal. Guess I gotta leave the house again. Mom, don't go in my room! I heard, sweetie, heard. I know I said I wouldn't go in there, but... Well, I want to write. I have some thoughts, and I don't have my own yet. Just one more time.

Then tomorrow, I'll buy my own. But for now... She said she was going to throw it out anyway. Maybe I'll just take her old... I don't know. I'll take these these just in case grabs a pair of bolt cutters now if i was becky where would i keep my time desk drawer duh yeah there it is oh this is this is a new one this this lock is pretty... Well, that's why I brought these.

Bop! My mom... Oh my god. Becky. Well, I have a thing or two to say. Dear Diary, My daughter hurt me today. She has no respect for the woman who quite literally brought her into the world.

Everything she has is because I gave it to her. This generation has no gratitude and has no empathy. Hey, Mom, I forgot my jazz shoe. Mom! Oh, my God, Mom! What the heck is wrong with you? I'm just tidying. You have bolt cutter.

Oh, my God, Mom, you're writing in my journal and drinking what? Literally. Oh, my God. I hate you. I hate you. I hate that you're doing this.

This is crazy, Mom, even for you. All teenage girls go through this phase where they think they hate their mothers. But not all mothers to teenage girls use bolt cutters to get into their journals. Why can't you just go get your own? Oh, save it for drama. Save it for play practice. If you have anything you want to say to me, say it to my face.

Say it to my face. You're a brat and not like Brat Summer. You don't mean that. I do mean it. You're entitled and you make me sick. Mom, just because I want to have my own space to share my thoughts, not everything has to include you. You never think about me. Fuck you.

Mom! I'm sorry.'s just i have all these thoughts and i have nowhere to write them down then get get a notepad i will tomorrow i promise but for right now i need yours you have your notes up on your phone. You have journals around the house. There's legal pads in your office. Those are for work. Tear out a page. You just want to insert yourself into my life.

Well, you know what? Jimmy Frenched me today. It wasn't very good, but is that what you wanted to hear? No. Of course I didn't want to hear that, okay? Look, Becky, when I hear no of course i didn't want to hear that okay look becky when i was your age i was doing a whole lot more than frenching ew i was doing ketamine and a lot of it i don't want to know this you've already told a story to me so many times i know but i don't need to hear about your K-holes. It's important for you to have context that your mom was a raver. And sometimes, well, once a raver, always a raver, right? I guess.

I think that's a phrase you just came up with. Anyway, the point is I'm going out tonight. Good. Get out of the house. There's dinner in the fridge. I need to rave just to clear my head i'll see you tomorrow you're not coming back tonight not if things go according to plan what does that mean

like we used to say if it goes according to plan, I'll find a man. You're a really bad mom. You know, I'm starting to feel that. But, you know, you're 16, right? Yeah. So two years left. I think that's good good a little late to turn it around now right yeah i think once like two years from now i think i think we'll be good and done it's like you can't imagine that there's anything i could do in these two years to turn it around you said fuck you and

you used bolt cutters to get into my journal. Anything I could do, you think? I think no. I think no, probably. Shit. Do you want to emancipate yourself like your brother did? I thought about it, but honestly, I'd rather save money by living at home still. That's fair.

I'm not going to stop invading your privacy. You're not going to stop that? Probably not. Oh, come on. What about just for a couple days of the week and then see how it feels? Old dog, new tricks. Well, what if I put heavy-duty duty locks on my door i got my snips i did forget about that um i'll try but no promises okay sweetie no honestly and this is

good for me to know hey this is one of the best conversations we've had because we're being honest so i will find some better hiding spots for my things nice and i will work on getting a steel door put in maybe some you know kind of like a number code situation to get in totally um just to make it harder for you i know you aren't actually technically dating jimmy yet but yeah if you want to start staying at his house who cares not me so thanks i'm gonna leave that up to me yeah but i appreciate the complete lack of care or do you feel like he has a good mom not particularly honestly his mom is so that and so you see my advice. I don't dump Jimmy. Find a guy with a better mom.

That's actually not a bad idea. His dad's great, though. Oh, that's something. That's something because we don't obviously dad's not here. You've been, I think, sleeping with the postman. I wish a girl can dream, right? A girl can dream. Maybe he'll be at the rave.

I'm going to go to Once Upon a Mattress a mattress rehearsal okay you go to your rave who are you playing again i'm playing the lead i'm the lead the mattress nope when if i don't once upon a mattress that reminds me of um another i don't want to hear it i don't want to hear it i I don't want to hear it. I met your father. There you go. Another one, George. No, Paul. What about another one, John? Fine.

Okay, so this is... Sorry, I just went on Instagram for a second. I just like... Shouldn't do that. I was like, I actually... Never mind. I was about to be like... I was like, it's so obvious, but like, I actually, like, nevermind. So I was about to be like, such an obvious thing.

I hate Donald Trump so much. That's so insane. God. Kind of crazy take you guys. Crazy take? I'm sick of this guy. This guy's a clown, I think.

Is it just me or have we been seeing this big orange buffoon for far too long, eh? That circus in Washington and he's the clown in chief all right go okay um i'm trying to decide which one i actually have two okay kind of a bounty um this is topical okay so this this is topical in more than one way topical ointment just between us mother and daughter no stress no rules journal activity journal for teen girls and moms

not a diary but not well fuck off willow you um not a diary says diary right there says diary right there on the page. So you can get fucked. Okay. And this? This is from Felicity M. Felicity McCavity. Felicity McCavity. McCavity. One night. McCavity. Felicity McCavity. McCavity. One star.

Oh, God. Dead bug in my book. It's topical for many reasons. Many reasons. Looks awesome. Really triggering. Except there was a tiny dead bug I found in it. I have never had bugs in

my house maybe an occasional spider in my eight years here never a little bug like this it was in the page where the strings were inside first writing page 20 things about me i threw out the bug and searched each page in case there were more so scared it may have been a roach topical why would you bring this review to me i looked through other reviews and saw a lot with dirty books this is clearly not processed in a clean facility very worried that there may have been more that i didn't see this book has been in my home since midweek my daughter and i just got around to it this weekend and this is what we find disgusting ridiculous i'm just gonna say the obvious i'm to say we're all thinking. What are you thinking?

We're all thinking this. Okay, what am I thinking? 20 things is a lot to write about yourself. 20 things is a lot of things to write about yourself. 20 things about me. That is a lot. That is a lot. That's a lot of things to write about yourself. That's a lot. That is a lot. That's a lot of things to write about yourself. That's a lot of things.

That is a lot of things to write about yourself. I mean, maybe that's the point, right? Mother and daughter get to know each other a little bit better. 20 things about me. I don't know if I could list 20 things about me. A rom-com. The seven things I hate about you. I was going to say 20 things I hate about you. The 20 things I know about me a rom-com the seven things i hate about you i was gonna say 20 things i hate

about you the 20 things i know about me one i was born in the recording studio the 20 things i hate about me 20 things i hate about me now that list honey that's short 20 honey i could do 20 eyes closed i could do 20 eyes closed what eyes closed i could say 20 honey mouth shut eyes closed ass up i could do 20 things i know about me 20 things about yourself is crazy it is it's like it's one of those things where it's like by the end you're just like i have two hands um alan uh stacy right yes i was looking for the girl with the red, yeah. The red, oh, the red sweater. Yeah, yeah.

It looks great. That's me. Oh, thank you. That's so nice. It actually goes really well. Um, there's a bit of, what was that? Nothing. I just, it looks really good.

Oh, then he kind of did a honking motion with your hands. A honking motion with my hands? In reference to my breath. Oh, in reference to your breasts. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, that's not what I was. That was not what I meant. We have to start over.

No, we can't start over this date. We just. I need to wipe the slate clean, man. I was just having a laugh. Oh, okay. That was really bizarre. Your breasts look fantastic in that sweater as well. Fantastic.

I mean, it looks great. That's all I was trying to get at. Thank you. Wow. Can I get you something to drink? Sorry, I'm just a little self-conscious now oh don't be they're awesome i think i love them like no and that's kind of the issue actually i wear chunky sweaters because i've been wanting to get a reduction because i have a lot of back pain and so whenever someone comments on them it's like oh like is that all you're seeing in me?

No, of course not. Well, I mean, it's hard to, you know. I would never reduce you to that. We barely said anything and then you made the kind of honking motion with your hands. Oh, I would never try. I'm sorry. That was not my intention. Let me

get you a drink. What do you want? I'll just have a cappuccino please okay cappuccino and a gin and tonic um well uh yeah let's wipe the slate clean um so tell me about yourself what's like 20 things about you oh that's the first two down hey come on alan let's wipe the slate man i swear let's get this can we get the gym okay let's wipe it clean again all right 20 things oh that oh come on let's keep that i mean you actually want 20 things well let's yeah start and probably start a conversation i thought that was a joke on like your profile

you're like play 20 questions like you know just kind of getting to know each other okay um are they bigger than a microwave oven alan come on i'm sorry stacy that one's on me man i'm really sorry i couldn't help myself first thing i guess number one um i'm from phoenix arizona that's awesome um thank you hot out there huh very hot oh my god you can see why i moved to connecticut yeah the second thing is uh i'm a dental tech um so that's fun um have you always done that or well yeah that's why i went to school for for dental work and um so i've i've been a dental tech for for a number of years since i've kind of been you know working um cool gosh 20 things that's hard uh three i three down 17 to go yeah um i guess i i love um i love birds i have i have a cockatoo

at home i have a cockatoo as well i'm sorry okay you've got a cockatoo that's beautiful Alan come on I'm sorry I'm really trying to get to know you I've had such bad luck dating It's hard People say dating in Connecticut is hard It is very

It's proving to continue to be very difficult For me You know I think cockatoos are fantastic bird thank you i love my cockatoo his name is remi and he's just he's so funny like the rat from uh ratatouille right oh yeah they have the same name it wasn't named after him but that's a fun coincidence you know what um you know what bird I think you would be if you were a bird? What? Ruby-breasted Grosbeak.

I can't. I'm sorry, Stacey. Ruby-breasted, though, because of the sweater. Fuck. I think I should go. My charm's wearing off, huh? This always happens. A lot of breast comments. Yeah.

Shit, Alan. God damn it alan hey alan um i would say it was nice to meet you but this has actually been one of the worst experiences of my life fun story though right i guess not now certainly but can't wait i wish i was in the group chat wish i could see what we're talking about in the group chat tonight yeah it's gonna be about you wait till the boys hear about this one oh alan did it again you do this a lot yes i i comment on women's bodies in a really uncomfortable way a lot i think i yeah i think i do okay maybe you should stop i've been trying i mean, you won't believe this. It's hard. You're not going to believe this, but tonight, before you came here, I went around to my

buddy's house, and we were just hanging out, watching the game. And I was saying, like, oh, I'm going on this date later. I think she seems really awesome. We've been chatting on the phone, and we seem like- And you've been great on the phone and on text. That's so confusing. Because I can edit. It's because I can self edit.

I can type out like, oh my God, bazooms, you know, and then I can like back it out. Because it's like, you can't say that, right? You can't do that. You can't do that. And I know you can't. And so I was talking to my buddy. I was like, Derek, I think she's really awesome. And I'm really excited.

And he was like, seriously, man man you can't keep fucking doing it and I was like doing what? and he was like commenting on their bodies the whole time and I was like what do you mean? and he was like when we went on that blind date and you ended up getting pepper sprayed like that was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life like you can't do that

and so like I swear I came in trying not to I will say you would never be able to tell because within 10 seconds that's when you did the kind of like i know but it's like i saw the sweater i'm leaving should we do our last segment? I think so. It shook me all week long. All week long I was shaken by this.

I was weeping. I was, oh my god. Oh my god. It really needed that laugh after the roach, eh? It really needed that laugh after I killed the big ass roach. Okay, here's what's been shaking me um i well this is like this is tiny this isn't what's been shaking me but it's it's more that it's like this is tiny making me happy this is i have two separate ones no no this one's great i think last week i talked about the

cat in the hat live on tiktok uh the cat keeps coming back to me on tiktok every every single day and there's something that it's like, hello, old friend, that I really love the cat in the hat TikTok. It's very funny. I never go to the actual page. It's just like when I'm scrolling, then the live will come up, and it's always the cat. It's incredible.

And I posted this on my Instagram story the other day because I screen recorded it. It was the cat. It wasn't even a lip sync. It was just singing along to a recording of Mother and It Was Best from Tangled. And so imagine just a person person in really really well done cat in the hat makeup and costume just doing like mother knows best listen to it was amazing um that's not what's been shaking me because that's just like oh that's my buddy your buddy is mike myers is cat in the hat but but specifically that one asmr artist not even

honestly i don't know i it's not asmr anymore it's just kind of performance art just cosplay yep um what's been shaking me i a couple years ago um used duolingo every single day talk about ocd had to keep up the streak i know that is such a classic example it's a classic of like honestly there's some days where it's like you weren't learning spanish let's be clear like it doesn't i do i'll do a lesson a day sometimes just to keep up the streak it's not even about learning language snapchat streaks do you remember snapchats that i had to delete i had to delete that nearly killed me yeah I had to delete it. That nearly killed me in high school. Yeah, I had to delete the app. So, but I do use it now because it's like,

and I've said this before, say it again. I actually, I took Spanish all throughout, like middle school through high school. I was in honor Spanish. I like did all this stuff. Okay, brag. Well, living in LA, it's like, it feels irresponsible to live,

like to be from and live in LA and not know Spanish and not speak Spanish yeah um but then going to Boston I wasn't I didn't need any Spanish I wasn't speaking it at all and so then I got pretty shit I used to be quite good at it yeah and now I'm trying to get back into it anyway so I have Duolingo I use it probably every day sometimes it's just because the OCD've got to keep up the streak. And other times it's like, oh, like yesterday I probably sat down for like 30 minutes. And I'm like, I'm actually going to like do some work on it. It's kind of soothing.

Now, because, and here's what's really confusing. Here's what's been shaking me. All right, now I'm on like a 26, 27 day streak. Duo on my phone, the interface on my phone, Duo on my phone, the app, the widget looks completely normal. Little happy Duo. Cute little owl. I posted this on my Instagram the other day, the other week.

I saw this. It was really upsetting. And he's still, and this is what's shaking me. What's shaking me is I opened it on my iPad the other day and he looks horrid. He looks absolutely nightmarish he's got snot dripping out of his nose his eyes are red bags under his eyes I mean it's like sick it's he looks sick it's shocking god look at him and so what's what's shaking me one is that it's like someone in my dms was like it's the most manipulative app

it really is yeah but then what's crazy is that i haven't not been using it i'm not not on a streak so why is he looking like that why is he so fucking ill fucked up and nasty dan i was on the phone with daniel uh my boyfriend daniel the other. I was like, Duo looks so gross. And Daniel said one of the funniest things I've heard. He goes, he looks like he came out from his mind. Like that is true. What? That he came from his mind.

That he came from his mind. And it made me weep. So that's been shaking me. It's like, I don't know how to get him to not look so fucking disgusting. Maybe if you delete the app and reinstall. Like, yesterday, I was like, surely me practicing Spanish for 30 minutes will make him be happy. Did you do it on your phone or on the iPad? I did it on the iPad.

That's crazy. They're fucked up for that. That's what was so confusing. It was so, I don't know. What's shaking me is that it's like now whenever I, and he's on my home screen too, is that it's just like, he looks so disgusting. That's so funny. And I even thought like, because I was, yesterday I did it for 30 minutes.

And so I was like, oh, well today when I open my iPad, he's going to look normal again. Nope. He looks absolutely foul. He looks nasty. What's been shaking your ass? This is kind of a crazy one there we go this one's kind of wild guys uh i um i bought a rice cooker probably about a year ago fantastic but a really nice zojirushi rice cooker was love rather expensive but i was like you know what making rice on the stove feels horrible it feels terrible to do

it takes so fucking long it always feels like it's messy somehow and it never turns out well and I was like I'm just gonna get this rice cooker and for whatever reason like I've used it like on and off you know the last couple months or you know last year since I got it but in the last like couple weeks I've been like really getting into just making a single serving of rice with it and it's like it's so fucking easy i don't know why i ever was trying to make rice on the stove it's so fucking easy you literally it's just like rice water button yep you focus my instant pot i love you make the rest of the shit and then you come back. My rice cooker, it sings a little song when it's done.

It goes, beep, beep, boop, boop, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And I'm like, oh, there we go. And I eat my fucking rice, and it's fucking good. That sounds delightful. Oh, God, I love fresh cooked rice. I bought kimchi from Trader Joe's. Ooh. Threw some of that in there.

Fucking. Mmm. Delicious. Delicious. It's good um really quick sorry so um the person on instagram who was talking to me about their duo app looks sick as well they just messaged me apparently it's because duo has the bird flu weirdest marketing tactic i've ever seen what so it's not related to what you're doing i just looked up duolingo bird flu and duo if you guys go to the duolingo instagram they posted a reel of duo the mascot having the bird flu this is so oh my god and it's on instagram too so this is just oh my God. And it's on Instagram too. So this is just, oh my God. Alfred, look at this. I'm watching.

Oh, fuck me. Guys, I am at a loss. I'm at a loss. I'm at a loss. That one's, I don't know if I, I can get, I can go with the Duolingo marketing team on a lot. I don't know if I can get behind that one. This is going to shake me for a week longer. But anyway, while we deal with Duolingo having a bird flu,

which like the bird flu is going around. So that feels really weird. It does feel like kind of, I don't want to say bad taste, but. Yes. God, you can find Alfred on Instagram at Alfred Anna. You can find the show on Instagram Reddit Discord

And Jeffrey James and I have a Patreon Riley and Jeff for monthly Zarties And You can find Riley on Instagram.com Just the web browser not the phone app At Riley and Spa And on Twitter.com now known as

xxxxx.com for as long as it lasts at Riley Coyote and also on TikTok to the party. Don't stop at Riley and Spa and as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying it. We're never not saying it. Honk. Honk. Honk.

We'll see you next time. See you later. Bye. Review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review,