Review Revue - Disneyland

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss Disney honeymoons, dream jobs, and Geoff's latest guilty pleasure.Check out The Headgum Podcast and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts:Apple PodcastsSpotifyFollow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just want to know how you feel. I want a love that's so proud and real.

You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to see you. I don't want to see you crying anymore I just want to be the reason I come knocking at a door At a door That's Adam Melcher It's Tuesday again Not really, because it's Friday right now

But I mean, when you're listening Hey, you, you Me? Yeah, what's up? Oh, holy shit No, not you, you When you're listening to this, it's fucking Tuesday, hopefully It's not you you when you're listening to this it's fucking tuesday hopefully it's never me you're listening to it i started to interrupt but it's never me

you always say hey you and it's not you're always talking to somebody else i don't have much to say to you that i mean that fucking hurts to hear i mean what's there to say so much there's so much going on in the world there's so much going on in your personal life in my personal life probably but i don't even know that's she shrugs. She shrugs, that's fine? What do you mean that's fine? I wanna know you. I wanna, wait, no, in the Riley voice. I wanna know you.

What do you mean in the Riley voice? Didn't you do that on a bit or something? Because it's always stuck in my fucking head. I don't know if anybody else experiences this. I wanna know you. No, that wasn't it. I think it was. No, what you said in your voice,

that wasn't the thing you do. You said, you said you wanna know me. It was during a bit. I think it was... No, what you said in your voice, that wasn't the thing you do. You said. You said you want to know me. It was during a bit. I think it was the petting zoo episode when you were playing the guy who was trying to go home to the guy's Thanksgiving with his family.

And he's like, I want to know you. And that just... I want to know you. Yeah, that's it. Was that it? Okay, I have no recollection of this, but sure. Maybe I'll edit it into here right now. So this is what it was.

I want to know you. i want to know you i want to know you do you ever get this thing where it's like you kind of have phrases that just kind of repeat in your head when you're doing everyday tasks yes okay it's kind of like the main ones that that uh haunt you so recently it's i want to know you and then also it's me saying i want to know you yes yeah i'm a ghost to you and then maybe it's because i edited it but i the other things aren't about editing like the like one of them is like if i'm trying to do something or like like opening the fridge or like it's late at night and I'm going to get water I'm just like if you're trying to open the fridge well in my head what I hear is just trying to

so it's just it's my voice being like alright just trying to here we go one time it's just like stuff like that mine's a little different I usually get like it's not even like a whole song that'll be stuck in my head it'll be like one phrase of a song and one that often keeps coming you ever see the uh early aughts

live action cat in the hat yeah once i don't remember very well but yeah okay well there's a bad start by the way bad start okay well there's a song that mike myers does is the cat in the beginning i think it's the only song in the whole movie. And it's called Fun. And it's like he's singing to the kids about we can't have fun without you in the middle, whatever. And there's one line. There's just one line that is such a little earworm. Yeah. He goes, I'm as happy as a clam. I'm as fit as a fiddle.

And that is always in my head. That's pretty good. The rhythm of that is like going down a water slide. It's really satisfying. So, yeah. And I literally made Daniel watch not the whole movie, but just that song the other day. Because I'm like, I need you to know what I'm thinking about most times. And another lick of a song that gets stuck in my head.

You ever watch the Angry Beavers? I've watched a lot of cartoons. Yeah, I've never seen the Angry Beavers, obviously. Well, so it goes... Angry Beavers. Hold on, I'm actually going to send you What are you talking about? I'm going to send you the YouTube

link right now and Alright, this will be my live reacts, I guess. that's was so much to take in on the day fry or otherwise um angry beavers did i get it right yeah you did cool what are you drinking i'm oh wow. Okay. I'm drinking Buffalo Trace. It's a bourbon. Shout out Tucker Click, aka Fucker Clit. Oh, my God. You can't say that. No, I know.

I just like the times have changed, obviously. So, like, for me, it's like trying to readjust. Not in that way. Not in that way. Because it's always been bad to say. Yeah. Because it's vulgar. It's blue.

And actually, speak of the devil, you just texted me saying, want to FaceTime tonight. So, cheers to Tucker. Anyhow, it's a really good. So I got this for like $30, $40, $35 or something. Tucker says that in Ohio, it's like $80. The markups on bourbon are crazy. It's an Ohio 9, but a California 2. Well, like me. I run game on, and I hate to say this,

and I'll just censor it with you saying the word, but. Hose. And then I come to LA and I'm fat shamed at every corner. And I'm really sorry for continuing to do that to you. Yeah, you follow me around. It's not even the insults that hurt my feelings. It's the weirdness of you following me. It's the uncomfort.

Well, I'm drinking a Sav Blanc. From? I don't know. You don't know the winery? No, the wine is called Cloudy Bay. Oh, no. Cloudy Bay. Cloudy Bay.

I'm going to start calling you Cloudy Bay. My parents gifted me A box of this wine Not like a Like boxed wine In a bag Yeah No

Like a box Of like a case of this wine For my birthday Last year Speaking of which The day after this pod comes out Is my birthday So happy birthday

If you're listening to this On a Tuesday Tomorrow's my birthday June 3rd I'm gonna play the Here let's play the Beatles happy birthday song My mom does listening to this on a Tuesday, tomorrow's my birthday. June 1st. Okay, I'm going to play the, here, let's play the Beatles' happy birthday song. My mom does it every year on my birthday.

We're just kind of doing a fist bump. Just doing double one. I'm holding a mic. You have to do a shot. Do a birthday shot. I chugged a whole glass of wine. That would work. They say it's your yeast day.

Happy yeast day to ya. They say it's your yeast day. We're gonna use yeast starter to bake a sourdough. Or maybe a challah. Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. Yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast. Oh, God.

They do say it is my yeast day. Speaking of wine, I wanted to shout out somebody that DM'd me who works at Winery 16600 in Sonoma, and he's going to send us some wine. So shout out to Ian. What? For real? Yeah, and then he also might help us to get a really cool

review-review t-shirt design, which I'll tell you more about that now, but I'll cut it out. That's insane. Yeah. So anyway, shout out to Ian from wineries16600. Thank you so much, Ian.

Ian, DM me again to tell me how to say it. Is it 16600 or is it like 16600? Is it 16600? What is it? It could be any number of these things, pun intended. Probably 1660 maybe. No, it's 16600. Oh, I see it? It could be any number of these things, pun intended. Probably 1660 maybe? No, it's 166-00. Oh, I see, I see. Speaking of wine, you know what place is famous for its wines?

Snappa Valley. California Adventure. Wrong. Disneyland, California. 100% wrong. Los Angeles, United States, the world. Okay, so Disney World? Disneyland.

Disneyland. Disneyland. Right. So guys, if you didn't read the episode title, I would say like nine times out of ten, you just pick a pod and just go, I'm flying blind. We're talking about Disneyland and world. And it rocked my world in the free world. I am sad and don't have a support system.

And that's sort of the issue and why we do the podcast. Well, that's why Jeff does the podcast. What do you do it out of, joy? I do it for fun because it's something I really like to do. But what about all the cash we get from it? That's good too, right? Disney. Talk to me.

Be honest. What I would love for this next hour. Can you just like be real with me about Disney? No, I mean, I'll be real. I was going to be real with you. I was going to be honest with you.

You're making this big thing. Like it's taboo. It's a normal subject to talk about. No, but it's just like, I just like, you can talk to me about it. I want to know you.

I want to know you. The other phrase that you've said on a podcast that stick, that's like an earworm for me is in the HeadGum podcast shout out to HeadGum podcast by the way we have three episodes out it's a lot of fun a lot of people aren't listening to it though which sucks for everybody at the company but I feel like

it's good as shit so that's kind of irritating to me and I'm actually going to fight somebody no I'm going to fight somebody you can't we're in a pandemic anyway you said something on episode I think two where you were like in fact everybody everybody stand up everybody stand up and then Jake was like wait hang on Riley he's like no no I'm serious if you're sitting down stand the fuck up get up you just kept doubling down on it like relax you're supposed to have fun you don't want people to be comfortable just stand can you just do sorry just just stand you just stand

um in the morning so i'm offed uh it is not uncommon for me to be the second to arise from bed after a certain Daniel Rashid. Daniel is very good about getting up. I am. I'm a little lazy Susan. You know, I just kind of I will lie on my phone. I try not to do it, but it's like every morning I'll be like, Riley, don't grab your phone. Don't do it. It's not good for you.

But by the time I finally realized I should get up, Daniel's already like on the third thing of the day that he has to do and i will say to him be like daniel i'll project him like daniel what the fuck he's still doing in bed get up get up and he just kind of stand he's standing there and he's just like i've been here the whole time and i just like to imagine that he truly has just been stand the image just the idea of someone just standing waiting is very funny to imagine that he truly has just been stand. The image, just the idea of someone just standing, waiting is very funny to me. That's really good. Somebody should Photoshop you just standing. Can you just like get a clip or a photo of me standing? Also, shout out to the Review Review subreddit.

It's actually doubled in size over the last two weeks and some really funny content. It's kind of popping off. What's that? Oh, I'd also like to say that my phone today is at 83. So this is a new segment now. It's what's your phone percentage at? My phone percentage is at 83. Yeah, somebody made a funny visual

of comparing Amir and I's yo-yo skills and style. And something that made me laugh was that one of the things that it says for Amir was, no hat clearly knows nothing about LA. Tight hat, which really makes him seem in with the LA crowd. So shout out to Caso Caso. I hope I'm saying that right. But also, it's an insane username,

so I shouldn't be held accountable for it. Also, somebody recreated the custom Lids hat from last week's episode, and it was eerily close to what it was. I'm still, I have to ask my mom if she has a photo from our trip to Niagara Falls, which is where I wore it. The only time I wore it.

I'd also, this is, I don't know how you're going to edit and cut all this together so it flows, but I would just really like to. So jumping, this is not what shook me all week long, but I would just like to bring it up now before we get into Disney material. Right. On TikTok, which I have been posting a little bit, there's this thing that I've found on musical theater side of TikTok where

it's like people use this sound being like, Hey, like look at these photos of me and, and type me. I want to sing for you. But what like, you know, give me a direction to do that.

So I use that. I use that sound on a video and posted pictures of me thinking it's like, because it literally says I'm going to sing for you. So what roles? So presumably like musical theater roles, because there's so many songs, says I'm gonna sing for you so what roles so presumably like musical theater roles because there's so many songs but I'm like I'm interested in and like I don't think that looks equal type at all but it just helps me I think anyone can play anything I just think it helps narrow it down a little bit of just like what should I sing but and I've seen so many other musical theater tiktok pages where it's like all these musical

theater friends commenting being like oh oh, my God, Cinderella. Oh, my God. You'd be an amazing Anastasia. Oh, my God. You should be catty and mean girls. Oh, my God. You should do Regina George. All this shit.

And y'all fucking review, review motherfuckers. One dude commented, you're a raggedy woman and someone else you respond what is that what show is that from and he's like oh not no show you're just raggedy someone said the comedy cat from cats Like all these review, review, hey, good thing. And it's very, it's just like, it's really like warmed my heart and I really kind of love it. Raggedy Andy is something, right?

It's gotta be like. Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy, yeah. No, I'm just thinking like for Halloween that could be Raggedy Andy. That is a thing. Oh, it is? Yeah, it's the, it's the,

there's Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. But anyway, so I just thought, I'm like, thank God they found me. Yeah, I made a TikTok, but I'm not, like, I think, so I'm going home in June to Cleveland for, like, a month. And I think while I'm home, I'm going to become a TikTok star. I think that's probably true. Because I'm not going to have anything else to do really And so it's like I might as well use that time To just like get famous fast

Get that cash app on my ass Yeah that's good To be a normie to be kind of a nobody A nothing it's like That's nothing why would you want to be a nobody If you like had the choice Well no that's what I'm saying it's like you know It pains me to even think about it

Like I'd rather not be than to not be anyone. Yeah, that makes sense. To be or not nor me. No, that's really good. Have you seen Selling Sunset? Have you seen Selling Sunset? The real estate Netflix show, actually. I've heard of it, but I haven't watched it.

So basically they talk about, I mean, their area of expertise is the Hollywood Hills, right? Like Sunset Strip. And they're saying, oh, you know, like the turnover is like, you know, three years. Like these are people that are getting rich fast. These are people that like, oh, at first they buy a $3 million home. Three years later, they want a $5 million home. Two years after that, it's a $10 million home, right? And to me, it's all about materials, right? It's like, A, it's all material, but B, all I have are materials, you know? Because I don't have a good, I said earlier support system friend network so the only thing that brings me joy would be to have the

house would be to have the car would be to pay the girl right to be a sugar daddy because obviously I can't get by on my own personality Riley you know me no I know and so that actually brings us back to the happiest place on earth where you will never find

peace right alright it doesn't matter how happy a place is on earth, where you will never find peace. Right, all right. It doesn't matter how happy a place is on earth or otherwise, I will be sad. Disneyland, Disney World. Memories, tell me them. Be honest with me. I want to know you. Just like talk to me.

I used to go to Disney World often. I used to go like, because we used to go, we would vacation in Florida every spring break. And so we would drive to like Disney World from Naples and we would just have a ball at Epcot. That's all I gave a shot about was Epcot. Was just Epcot, really? I mean, I would go to the other places, but that was the ultimate.

Because you could basically visit fucking Mexicoxico france germany canada honestly the u.s um peru japan china everywhere in a day right if you're in Europe, it takes a day to get to the next place, right? You can't just walk to it. If you could, of course I'd be in Europe. I would always be in Europe. But because you can't, and because Epcot is a hodgepodge walking distance, country to country, C word to C word.

I ran into some really rude people at the French pavilion. Does that answer your question? Epcot is a hodgepodge of walking distance country to country. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Is that what I said?

Because I sort of browned out there for a second. Do you have any favorite rides? Rides? Wait, there were rides there? Yeah, I got it. No, we did used to go to Epcot a lot, well, Disney World, like every other year, I guess.

I am from california and so i am want to go to a disneyland it's not as good um i love me some disneyland it's like i such a specific oh my god this is like such a high for me holy shit there's no bigger rush of serotonin than like the morning of getting ready to go to disney and i love the ritual of like all right i have my back i have like my backpack i have my clothes for the day i maybe bring some cute little ears with me like a basic little ass and then like getting getting a nice coffee in the car with my pals and taking that sweet, sweet one hour drive to Orange County. The one hour drive is sweet. It's nice because it's like we're all hyped for the day. We have all the energy in the world and it's like getting ready for that and like having our plan of like, OK, you know, we have like we have our plan of what we want to hit, da, da, da, da. But then there's no lower low

than the end of the night when your feet are so sore from being on them, waiting in lines all day, being fucking exhausted, feeling dirty with sweat and grimes and just ready to leave and being like,

I want to go home, but I'm on the other side of the park. So we have to walk not only to the entrance, wait for the tram to get to the parking lot to drive the hour home. That is not sweet anymore. But I love me some Disney. Especially when I was little. Like, fuck, I loved all the characters. I loved Winnie the Pooh.

I had a ball. I had a ball. It's a grand time. all the characters. I loved Winnie the Pooh. I just, I, I had a ball. I had a ball. Um, it's a grand time, even though it's, it's a very corrupt, uh, corporation. It's still fun. I learned from a friend that no one is, there is a law that you are technically not allowed to die at Disneyland. That there is some law that literally it's like you cannot be pronounced dead on the premises of the park. That they literally have to like move you off the premises so technically quote unquote no one has died at Disneyland even though people have.

That's so funny. It's also a bad place to die. It's like really fucked up um so why are you sad why do you look upset never mind me what so you never invited me to disneyland because i haven't gone i've known you for eight fucking years no you haven't well it's felt like that it has felt like that but i has felt like that. But I think the last time I went, like, was probably like... It was with Elizabeth Valenti and Ryan Bold. Ryan Bold.

Yeah. I mean, they didn't know you, so... Well, now Elizabeth's like one of my best friends. I mean, now let's go, but obviously we can't and we shouldn't. Yeah. I guess it is an interesting episode topic because I don't know when the next time it'll be fine to be there. It's being open. I know Disney World has like some loose openings happening.

Well, Florida's doing it all wrong. So I don't trust them. I don't know when it'll be an actual good time to go. But anywho, let's get into some reviews. Okay. One star. This is on TripAdvisor. Both of my reviews are from TripAdvisor.

From not, all caps, not underscore Disney from January 2020. Not the happiest place on earth. Seriously underwhelming. The haunted mansion smelled like mold and must. Many of the rides were the same as they were when I visited with my own family 30 years ago. Every last thing is a cash grab. Want a restaurant? Reservations only. Try to make a reservation? Too bad, it was full 30 days ago.

Want to sit down during the fireworks? Nope. Only if you played extra for that privilege or the employees make you stand. Want to see rooms in the castle? More money and advanced reservations. Want to go anywhere other than the long, boring rides or the shopping places? More money and advanced 60-day plus reservations. People were weeping during the fireworks where they played videos of the movies on the castle and movie songs through the speakers. It felt like some weird, expensive cult. We didn't drink the Kool-aid so it was just weird

save your time and money and if you must go to a theme park then go to universal you did it you went you knew what it was obviously it's a cash grab everybody knows that and it takes planning because it's so popular i don't know what what he expected. That's like just the idea of going somewhere that's notorious for something and then being mad at the place for that something. Like a water park. Just like, every ride, I was soaked.

Yeah, I wore a bathing suit because that's what the website said to do. But I didn't know that I was going to be head to toe dripping chlorine while I'm trying to eat a corn dog with Maureen who's the elderly lady that I take out to have fun Harold and Maude style. We made out at the top of the Gusher slide.

I can be honest about that. But then I was drenched hair to toe hair. Your honor. Your Honor. Your Honor. I really like the, what really got me was the end. It's like, yeah, everything's expensive. We know this, okay?

The rides were outdated. But then just like, all that shit aside, people were weeping at the fireworks with the movies on top of it. Honey, are you tearing up? You're not? Look at where we are. You were on your phone when we gave birth to Trish. Now you're crying

at a firework. Well, because that was nothing, but look. That was nothing? That was nothing? You just said that was nothing? No, I didn't mean that. I meant that was nothing compared to... Are you seeing Mufasa's face on the castle right now? Yeah, it's a movie we've already seen. It's just projected on a different thing.

He lives in you. He lives in me. Our daughter lived in me, yeah. Not in me, right? Holy shit. I want a divorce. That's fine, that's fine fine you don't even care are you kidding me you had it drafted cut to the next day he's back again excuse me sir are you do you

want a tissue can you believe where we are i left my wife for this holy shit what do you mean i mean my wife she didn't wear the ears she didn't drop the cash what She didn't drop the cash. What? She didn't, I mean, like, because it doesn't matter. None of this matters to her. She never connected to this the way I do. And that was a,

sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but that was a deal breaker to you? I mean, look, a dream is a wish your heart makes. We can all agree on that. I guess so, yeah. My heart wished and I dreamed the woman of my dreams to share this dream with me do you write that down that was so like prepared i don't know how you

came up with that so fast on the spot i mean thing crazy things happen when you're here right i mean like do you not feel something different in the air i feel like i'm getting overtime if i stay another 15 minutes so that's kind of special i guess but you work here yeah yeah I'm an imagineer oh my oh holy shit oh my my leash I said get up get up people are staring stop don't do that so you're telling me

my wife was getting so upset because the last time she visited here she was saying like oh the rides are so outdated they haven't been updated I think they're restoring beautifully no no no I agree I think they're in pristine condition and it harkens back to the golden Disney era. Oh my God. So, holy shit.

I can't believe I'm talking to a fucking Imagineer right now. Pardon my language. Yeah, there's kids around. This is for kids. I'm really, really sorry. Well, I think that's where you're wrong. I think you know better than anyone that it's for family friendly of all ages we are so packed i can't tell if you're i can't tell if you're on the verge of an emotional

breakdown or if this is just who you are always have you always been this way my bedspread at home don't call it a bedspread call it sheet set or just don't call it a bedspread. Call it sheet set or just don't call it a bedspread. My bedspread is Mike Wazowski's eye. All right. My wallpaper. I didn't ask, but yeah. Timon and Pumbaa. Like you're talking to the Disney, I would say king, but you're clearly the king, right? I'm not the king.

Bob Iger's the king. Oh my God. Can you give me, can you give me any like secrets, you know, keys to the vault? I won't tell anyone. Do you want to come down to the tunnels? Do you want to come down to the tunnels that I forget what they yeah i would i would i would love to go down in the tunnels because of them in the tunnels it's like really depressingly gray concrete pipes are everywhere there's like weird steam coming out from them so yeah this is kind of like where i

clock in and out every day the locker room's over there to the to the right but it's not anything special it's just kind of like it's just you know, it kind of looks like an arena, you know, backstage tunnel area. It's kind of gross actually. But, uh, don't downplay this.

What? Come on. What do you mean come on? You are the luckiest, you know, when I, the day I married my, well,

I guess now ex-wife, I thought I'm the luckiest man in the world. Uh-huh. But, now I met you. Can I ask you something? At what age did you find Disney? I was about, uh, what, most people are like, young.

Most people are like three or four, yeah, three or four. Most people are three or four. I was thirty, thirty-four? I think I was thirty-four. Alright. I'm starting to feel nervous around you. I don't know what you're capable of, it's just the two of us underground now. What is that supposed to mean?

You haven't stopped smiling. Nobody can smile that long, A. And B, what do you do for a living? Oh, me? Because you seem put together. It's just that you feel like you're on the edge of a breakdown. I plan tours for touring Broadway companies. So I plan those tours and those locations for them.

Do you enjoy that? Because to me, that's awesome. To me, I would love to have that job because that's kind of the ultimate. I'm actually a bit of a... The reason I joined Disney was that I love musicals. And, you know, Disney's are, you know,

they're kind of like the last production company, if you want to call it that, that are making feature-length movie musicals. Obviously, they're animated. You've got Frozen 2s, you're, you know, you're Moana's, that kind of thing. But I don't know.

I love musicals. See, I would kill to have your job. Can I be honest with you about something, Peter? You already have, yeah. It doesn't bring me joy. What if we switch jobs? What? I hate what I do.

You love what I do. I want to do what you did. You hated what you did. It only feels normal. It only feels natural. I don't want to be underground in tunnels i want to be above ground above you want to be where the people are you want to see want to see them dancing no i i for me it's more like god i hope i get it i hope i get it you know

like i hope i get the job because i want to work in broadway touring let's do it Let's do it. Let's do it. Say no more. Cut to me walking into the office. All right. So where do I set up? Excuse me. Who are you? Oh, Alex said that he called you and that I had the job, the Broadway touring planning job.

The Broadway touring coming. Oh, Alex. Shit, that's right. I truly thought he was just messing with us. I guess, shit, do you have any, I can't believe I'm doing this interview on the spot. Do you have any qualifications to be running any kind of Broadway tours? I love Broadway.

Perfect. Take a seat, corner office. Cut to Alex as an Imagineer. All right, guys, let's figure this out. Let's welcome Alex. It's his first day. Alex, maybe just take notes and kind of be on the side for a second, just because we're in the middle of a project that we've been working on for a while.

Alex is wearing full Mickey ears. Absolutely. Absolutely. So we want to talk about the mountain coaster. Do we have the animatronic set up, or where are we at with that? Well, oh, sorry. No, sorry. I will bite my tongue i am on the sidelines great yeah but you're talking uh so yeah we uh boss we have the uh we have the

animatronics they were shipped but because of the shelter in place orders they were delayed so they will be here in two weeks so we are behind schedule but what sorry what was that are you okay you're being very loud just say it it's i'd rather you just say it i'd rather you just say it than say right what can i look at the animatronics can i just look at pictures of them yeah here i'll just put it on the there it's on the board I start sobbing. Guys, this is going to be the best ride anyone's ever been on. You have no idea how happy I am to be here. This really means the world to me.

All right, great. Let's break for lunch, guys. Alex, can I talk to you for a second? Absolutely. You got to calm down. You got to calm down. All right, this is Disney. We're a second? Absolutely. You gotta calm down. You gotta calm down. All right? This is Disney.

We're a corporation. We're hard knocks. We're bolts to the wall. This thing needs to be done by April. All right? So we don't need your gasps. We don't need you wide-eyed. All right?

This is fucking... Welcome to the Thunderdome. Come back to Peter. Everyone's doing a kick line at work. I love this dude! Come back. Alex is sobbing in a stall. A Mickey hand comes under the stall thing. Mr. Mouse!

Occupado! I was once like you. Nobody gave a shit what I thought. Really? I was in meetings with Walt, with his brother. Goofy was goofing off. They

kicked him out. Minnie was cheating on me with Walt. Oh, Mickey, I had no idea. It's been a hard road for old Mick. Michael is what you can call me because that's what my close friends call me. We're close friends now? You want a hit of this?

It's a joint. I mean, we're at Disney. I don't think any of that's allowed here. Suit yourself. He puts on Biggie Smalls. I love it when you call me Big Papa. Put your hands in the air if you're the true player. Splush his sleeves.

Go back to the Broadway offices. I don't, I didn't even work on this project, but yeah, I'll take a Tony. I was just gonna say it. Perfect. How the other half, how the other half lives. That's from Thoroughly Modern Millie. Hello.

Okay. Hello. Hello. We do need to take a break because of the ad deals that Marty has been securing that bag for us. Okay.

Whoa, what happened, Marty? You know? Third bucket of wine, right? Yeah. Third bucket of wine, right? Yeah. Third bucket. And we're back. Riley, do you... Dan and I are making pad see you tonight. I'm very excited.

Don't be shy with the sugar. Because mine was way too salty. Because the sauce is all soy, so it's super salty and you need to balance it with the lime and the sugar. This review is from Amanda K. Amanda need that dough

till the early morn. I'm gonna eat my bread till the sheeps are shorn. I'm gonna eat my bread till the sheeps are shorn. I'm wearing wool in the fields on the day today. It's a little hot outside,

but I'm here to play. That's right. Stick ball in the field, and I'm using bunch of twigs. I went into the forest to collect some wood and ended up with the game. That's right, the birds

are my only friends and they play stickball with me. So all of that. Sorry, I'm going to cut you off. I asked what the last name was, which you should already have. Yeah, I get that the first name here for this newborn baby is Amanda. And you want her last name to be, what was it?

Need that dough on the day going to a field with sheep? Shearing the sheep on the day. I don't even fucking remember. I can't. It was need that bread, fuck, need that dough today into the early morn. I'm eating bread

all day, something, something something until the sheep get shorn maybe can i talk to your wife can i talk to your wife i know that she just got out of childbirth but like i think she is gonna be more level-headed than you absolutely hello what is it how are you doing um all right and she's here and she's healthy she's she's a little angel uh we just need the last name for the floor um i think you're gonna have to talk to my husband i'm a little foggy on it right we did he's just a fucking idiot i hate to be i hate to be he's a fucking idiot we actually we want to confirm with you at least oh yeah um i think it's something like i need that dough on the day till the early morning i'm eating bread something something and

you shouldn't be rapping you need to be resting You need to be resting. I'm just going to put Need That Dough. Is that fine? I mean, that's not her full name. So I would have really... What's your last name? What's your last name? Just tell me your last name. Samson.

Got it. You guys are under arrest, I think. This is one star from Amanda. Need That Dough. And then everything you just said. From May 7th, 2019. One star. This is of Monsieur Paul from Epcot, the French Pavilion.

This is like the nicest restaurant at any Disney property. Got it. This place shames the name of Chef Paul Bucos. I was very excited to eat here but left very disappointed. Not how I wanted to celebrate during my honeymoon. The presentation of the dish looked great. Too bad that that was it. My husband got the pork loin medallion, which came out completely dry, tough, and salty.

He asked the waiter about the texture, and the waiter told us it should have been moist and tender, but he didn't do anything about it. I, on the other hand, got the beef tenderloin, and it was undercooked, and it lacked flavor except for sauce. It also took a long time for the dish to come out, almost an hour, and in addition, I felt unwelcome by our waiter. All right, he treated the table next to us very well and was helpful to them,

but he barely checked in on us. Don't go wasting your time and money here. Excuse me, sir? Yes. Bonsoir, monsieur. Oh, yeah. How can I help you? I'm Jason.

Hi, Jason. It's just, we haven't, I was just wondering if we could get another round of wine. You haven't come by in a while. He went to their table a lot, but not to us. Mon dieu, I am so terribly sorry. Let me go check on that. Check on it or get the

wine? Because you said check on it last time and you just, you check. I will absolutely go check on it right now. I'll be back in the shake of a lamb's tail. Not even check on it. Just we want the same wines that we had, which was the Sauvignon Blanc and the Chardonnay. So just that again. Just that again.

Not check on it, but go get it. I'll go check on it. Get it. Fuck. He's not going to get it. Obviously not, honey. Right? You can't be so hard on him.

I mean, he's just a kid. He's just a kid. It's a summer job. It's just a summer job. He comes back with a big just giant thing of red wine what is this that's obviously not the chardonnay sorry that's obviously not the chardonnay don't pour it because then we're gonna have to pay for it oh chardonnay so even your mug actually we'll just both take the chardonnay i don't care if i get what i want i

just want a white wine that's what we asked for that's what pairs with the dish okay i'm oh shoot i'm really really sorry i i totally misheard i i thought you i it's fine it's fine just go get the rioha yeah i i will go to honey what are you doing why are you why are you harassing i wanted this i wanted everything to go perfectly okay it's just like this is our we got married yesterday and like i wanted to wanted to like make it special and like fucking i wanted to have sex and like i wanted like for the first time cause I got too nervous on our honeymoon night on our first

on our wedding night I got too nervous and like obviously I was like freaking out over like the service at the wedding and like I wouldn't stop complaining

about like every little thing that went wrong and then you just kind of like got upset at me and I'm sorry about that and then we didn't have sex because like you didn't want to cause you weren't in the mood

because I was basically Jason comes back over Hey! I'm so I you know what? I'm really, really embarrassed to bring this up. I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. And, sorry, in the park, actually, if we hear someone use that language more than three times,

we do have to take you to the, people call it, quote, unquote, Disney jail. But it really, it's just kind of like a holding cell for a couple hours. So you're gonna have to, I'm so, I really hate to do this, but you are gonna have to come with me. She stands. No, no. You have to fight me to get there. No, please, I don't, I don't want to cause any trouble,

but my high eruptions will come in. You're ruining my perfect night with my husband. I wanted to ride his ass later. Okay. Well, now, okay, you have two more strikes here. Now, you can either come with me now. You can come with your husband if you'd like. I'm really, I really hate to do this.

You either have to come with me or promise to kind of calm down, and then you can keep staying in the restaurant if you'd like. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just like, have you ever been married? I have a girlfriend. Yeah, so you don't get it. You don't know the pressure. I'm under so much fucking pressure. I get it. I'm under pressure.

We'll take the Chardonnay. We'll just take the Chardonnay, right? You brought it? What is the issue? I don't'll take the Chardonnay. We'll just take the Chardonnay, right? You brought it? I did. What is the issue? I don't understand what the issue. You forgot.

I will go back. I will go back and get it. No, that's fine. That's fine. I'm calm. I'm calm. Can you believe this guy, honey? I mean, he has a fair point. What?

We are at a children's amusement park, and it is our honeymoon. And whose choice was that? It was your choice. it was your choice it was your choice fuck no that's what i'm saying honey is that it's like if you chose disney world to have our honeymoon at you can't use this kind of language and you can't you can't abuse the servers you just can't i know and for some reason people honeymoon here and i guess we're one of them and so you just got to take it easy, okay? We'll have a fun night.

And you love it. And you love it. That's what's so great about us. I love your passion for everything that you do. You love Disney World and my passion. You love Disney World. I love you, Sylvia, so much. That's why I married you yesterday, right?

So that we could honeymoon in Disney World, which was both of our dreams. And we're going to have sex at the hotel for the first time ever you are gonna have your first time in a place that you love so much we love it and it's our first i love you and your energy and your spark for everything you put your heart into is something I admire so much about you. And I appreciate that. And you've never had sex before me? And you've never had sex before me. So the and there, I just want to focus on that and.

The and is yes and. The and is yes. You, you, Sylvia, Sylvia Thompson. Hey, the newly Mrs. Thompson, right? Yeah. You have never had sex before me. Neither of us have ever had sex with somebody else.

We've never talked about it until tonight, which we probably should have, but I am... The waiter comes back over. Alright, I finally have the Chardonnay. So, you don't know how to read the room, right? You don't know how to read the room that we're deep in conversation. Sorry. I'm gonna pop his cherry tonight. Okay, ma'am, I'm really pop his cherry tonight What? Okay ma'am

I'm really sorry to do this One more infraction And you very well might have to Have to come to I hate using this term But Disney jail What are you gonna do? What would I have to do

For you to do something? Cause you're not gonna touch me You're not gonna do anything I don't wanna have to ruin your night The night's already been ruined You absolute C word The entire restaurant. The entire stop, yeah. Got to her in jail

with him. So you literally meant that I was gonna have to go to Disney jail with you, the waiter. I so badly didn't want you to do anything because your table was under my charge and whatever you do for some reason, I have to come here. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.

Are you a virgin? Oh, yeah have to come here. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Are you a virgin? Yeah, I'm 19. Cut to them viscerally fucking. The fireworks go off, Alex is weeping. Yeah, it's a couple hundred meters away. Love Actually style. Love Actually is all about. So this review, it's funny to me because they kind of go through

a couple rides and attractions and like give a little review of each one so i'm just gonna pick um my favorite one i'll read the little intro this is for california adventures um in uh california that disneyland right right um so at disneyland tokyo um okay this is from maui world travelers there's no fun names on this one which i'm bummed about maui world no it is a fun name because that's their first middle last first middle last maui world travelers yeah okay the twilight zone of Terror, now Guardians of the Galaxy. The highlight ride of the park is no longer here, but lives on in this cheesy replacement.

Boring! After entering the hotel, you'd board a tiered platform that moved throughout the lobby of the hotel. The platform then entered on an elevator shaft. That elevator took the entire platform to the top level of the hotel and would plunge a few or even several floors down, with the doors opening to reveal the outdoors,

which gave you a perspective on how high you actually were. The motion would repeat several times, though each ride resulted in a different experience. My spouse's little niece was crying like crazy lol. We must have gone on it at least five times that day fun times Sunwheel now picks our pal around how can a ferris wheel be so much fun if you ride the cut? How can a ferris wheel be so much fun if you ride in the carts that move it can be Well, this wheel does have stationary carts that simply stay vertical with the wheel's movement, every other cart hangs on tracks that slide the cart from the inner part of the wheel

to the outside and vice versa. OMG, my spouse was freaking out, LOL. Me? I was all screams and laughs as the cart precariously rolled around and swung about oh the vulgar language my spouse subjected to the other party's child so sorry we had a bit of a shopper's rage in one of the stores on paradise pier as a rude woman blatantly cut in front of us after an associate called us over to a register we let her have an earful colorful words and all biatch so there's more but um we're just gonna leave it at that they're at like a dinner party now have you guys been to um

disneyland the the californ Adventure? The wife immediately starts crying. It is, oh, she loves when I tell this story. It is, I mean, it's a bunch of thrills and a ton of laughs. We, so you would love this story, Petra. We chided a woman and her kid at, yeah, there was this little, like, bodega. It was, like, supposed to be a bodega, but it was actually just filled with Disney merch. And we thought that she cut, it was later brought to our attention that we weren't even in line.

And so we were like, biatch, whole store stops. And we're like, you actually took our spot. Yeah, bish. And she had her whole kids with her. Her kids are crying.

She starts to get upset. She physically grabs me by the collar, shoves me into, like, a display of goofy merch. But we were having a blast, weren't we, honey? My niece is now in therapy two times a week for an hour per session. I went blue early on in the day, and that set the tone. I was making vulgar jokes on every ride. We got stuck. We got paired, really, with these two tweenagers,

who their parents had obviously given them some freedom for the day, and we were in this Ferris wheel. Who knew such a simple ride could be so fun? I got into an argument over politics with these tweens and so i was kind of like you know poking holes in all of bernie sanders's policies and i'm a libertarian obviously you guys know me so i was saying like yeah i mean i'm all for you know gay rights but uh let me keep all my cash and i said that's how it can work and that how it is that how it should work and they's how it should work.

And they were saying, they didn't know what they were talking about. And I gave up eventually just because I didn't want to keep arguing. And it's not because I didn't know what else to say. Do you guys want more wine? You called someone a bitch at a Disney merch store? Yes, he did did let me just put it this way to you guys

she was an ursula i think you know what i'm getting at she wasn't she wasn't the little mermaid she was an ursula what the fuck is that supposed to mean well she was overweight slamming the door in your face calling them the wife honey are you not gonna come home with me robert i think um i mean maui sorry robert is the man who i wish i was with um what and uh he robert's in there though robert is in here and robert's taking me to yeah robert's taking me to universal with the kids next week. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. And I would really prefer it if you were talking.

I'm looking at you through the window of the house. And I would prefer it if you didn't join us because I know how you feel about Minions. Hangs up. No! Should we do our last segment? This shook me all week long.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine man, play a song for me. Bob Dylan, right? Bob Dylan has been shaking you all week long. No, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. Bob Dylan, right? Bob Dylan has been shaking you all week long. No, no, but wouldn't that be funny? If he is, that's fine. Just tell me. No, then he is.

If it's fine, if it's cool, then yeah, he is. Okay, so he isn't. You're just saying that now. Ooh, baby, ooh-wee. It's that million-dollar bash. Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man. You know, it's like that. You had an open mic night.

Sorry, is that your talent? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. All right, I'm going to do some impressions. I think you'll know who I'm talking about. All the times, they are changing. So who was that? Are we supposed to answer?

Yeah, guess. It's fun. It's interactive. Was it Bob Dylan? Oh shit, yeah, it was Bob Dylan. Fuck, I was supposed to do Jim Morrison. You know what? I'm going to come back next week. Comes back next week.

All right. Guess who this is, right? Odds and ends. Odds and ends. Lost time. Who is that? Is it Bob Dylan again? Damn it.

Yeah, it's Dylan. It was supposed to be. Yeah, it was supposed to be Mick Jagger this week. What's been shaking you, bud? What's shaken me all week long, and I hate to admit this live, right? You love it, but go on. I've been watching David Dobrik's

vlogs. It's really come to this. It's ended up here. I'm on a road trip. I'm trying to get somewhere, and now I'm on a cul-de-sac, right? Because it's an end. It's ended up here. I'm on a road trip. I'm trying to get somewhere and now I'm on a cul-de-sac, right? Because it's an end. It's an end to the journey. It's come to this. It's come to blows. I'm sad of myself, but he makes it all rose, which is all roses and rosy cheeks. He's a cutie pie. Unlike PewDiePie. A cutie guy. Unlike PewDie pewdiepie that was really good he's just a charming funny

guy right and did i mention josh peck is in the videos with drake bell sometimes so obviously i love drake and josh growing up so it's just i don't know it's fun and then he like he brings a lot of joy to people and people start crying like he handed out thousands of dollars to people during the coronavirus early stuff people who who were in lower income areas. So you can't not like that. I don't care. That's great. It's like people honeymooning at Disneyland.

It's like, that's certainly not for me. But if it brings you joy, go fucking do it. I don't care. Live it. I've been doing it when I'm late at night, and I don't really have a show at the moment, which I do want to start What we do in the shadows because my friend Zach and Jake wrote for it. And so shout out Zach Dunn.

Follow him on Twitter. He's one of the funniest Twitterers that I know. And Jake Bender as well. What's shaken me? I'm so glad you asked. I took an Enneagram test. Oh, yeah. This past week. Wait, wait yeah what type are you

when i got so i'm a one which is the reformer i'm looking up them now because i want to be able to yeah i remember like when i read it former i immediately was like this is not me at all the perfectionist is you but that's it but no but then i like read more into it and i'm like ah shit i'm a mix between a one and a two with and two is uh the helper i think yeah but anyway like i remember like being really mad with getting one i'm like i'm gonna redo it maybe i was just a mood when i answered them but now looking back i'm like oh no there's a lot that um that i i see um and so that's been and then of course whenever i find anything new or interesting i immediately try and find the meme culture of whatever that thing is because it's a more digestible version of it sure and so literally minutes after i read through my results

i found like an enneagram meme page on instagram and i'm like, yes, I am so a one. You are so specific. I love it. I am so... Even the way that you're like, you look cheeky right now. You're smiling with like two dimples on both sides.

I'm a seven enthusiast. Have you taken it? Yeah, I took it. I'm a 7 Enthusiast Have you taken it? Yeah I took it I'm 7 4 Oh that makes sense I think individualist was the second one 7 is the enthusiast

Which is like busy, fun loving But also a little bit distractible and scattered Like all of them I kind of have like 2 to three good things and one to two bad things yeah which is probably good it's like here what i like it's like it's the pro and kind of each one it's like here are you when you're at your best and here's like kind of more neutral and here's like kind of at your worst yeah um and mine it's like i remember reading i'm like this is so not me and like i'm like uh it's like it's this idea that like i know the

right way to do everything. And like, even if I give someone a task and they're like, I'll do it, I'll probably do it again after them because I don't think they'll do it right. And I'm like, ah, damn it. And it's like more like moral superiority and like always wanting to be like, make the ethical choice and like, I'm like, oh God. Well, that's not a bad trait. You said that with negative emotion behind it. No, no, no. In the way that it's like,

well then if everyone's not doing this, then they're all dumb and I'm the only adult in the room because I know what's going on. I feel like, yeah, that makes sense. I'm a little bit like that. Half as much. Do you have anything to plug?

Just keep listening to this. Holy shit, it's Frank Sinatra. It's all blue eyes. I guess I plugged my birthday. You name alert. Jeffy Blue Eyes. That is a name that exists in the world now. I've been considering changing my Twitter handle to Jeffy Blue Eyes.

Really? Yeah. Should I check on air right now if it's available? I still really like Don't Play No James. I've never liked it. I really just wanted it at Jeffrey James, but they didn't have it. Okay, then change it to fucking Jeffy Blue Eyes. There's no way it's not available, right?

What? It's taken? It's taken. G-E-e-o-f-f-y whoa who the fuck else thought of this that's so strange what the fuck i guess you'll have to keep don't play no james you just registered it really fast didn't you yeah so that's why you're gonna have to keep keep Don't Play No James. Fine. Well, okay. Speaking of, follow me on Twitter at Don't Play No James, Instagram at IamJeffreyJames, and TikTok at IamJeffreyJames. My handles? Instagram? I'm just Riley Anspaugh. All right.

Twitter? Yeah. Riley Coyote. Okay. Why are you leveling with everyone? And our Instagram is ReviewReview. Holy shit. R slash ReviewReview for the subreddit.

Also, also, listen, y'all. My name is spelled R-E-I-L-L-Y. Are you okay? That's it. My Reddit handle is Riley, spelled my way, not R-A-L-E-Y. That's the handle, is Riley, not Riley. Do you think that it's confusing, though, that it has both in that handle? No.

Okay. I'm just trying to give anybody the benefit of the doubt. But also, my name is on the podcast art. My name has been in the about stuff for the videos for years this is genuine pain coming out in your voice because i know that for the rest of my life people and i'm sure you feel the same that people will misspell our names people always get mine in okay well i'm yeah that's true well also because your name's in a title of jeffrey the dumbass well that's no different than yours being in the podcast art but um anyway i'm just you know you guys are

gonna do what you're gonna do i just i texted jeff the other day being like my name is still being misspelled on the reddit this is genuine pain coming out and jeff is like he's like as if your reddit handle and the podcast art were not enough. Okay, come up with a little jingle then. Anytime someone's trying to comment your name, they can think of this jingle. Go. R-E-I-L-L-Y-M-O-U-S-E. L-L-C-E.

Limited, limited to limited. Limited, limited to limited. The corporation, the song, the movie, the book, the series. Any bow. Listen to the HeadGum podcast. Absolutely listen to the HeadGum podcast. There's three choice episodes. Chine episodes. Chine episodes.

Chine episodes. That's cheese and fine. The first two with the fab four, Riley Anspaugh, Jay Kerwitz, Amir Blumenfeld, and me. And then the second one is featuring Marika Brownlee, as opposed to Brown me, on the sax. Hot or otherwise, into the night, playing us out. And it's a lot of fun. So we'll keep, those are releasing every Friday. So you got your Monday podcast, if I were you.

You got your Tuesday podcast, Review Review. Wednesday, we can either take off or you can listen to High and Mighty, for all I care. To Thursday, we sometimes release videos or Jake and Amir have their Patreon thing going on. And then Friday, you have the HeadGum podcast. And then Friday you have the HeadGum podcast. So there's no shortage of HeadGum content. Yeah, you're booked. And then on Saturday and Sunday, why don't you take a day off?

I think you've earned it. Why don't you take a break? You have earned it, but still stand up. Stand up and just stand there. What's that? Just stand there. No, I just, especially on the weekends, people should be relaxing. No, well, I mean, it's like, you don't have to go anywhere.

You just stand there. That's even worse. I'd rather stand and walk somewhere. You're saying stand in their apartment or house and just be? Mm-hmm. Just be, like a Sims when you're not touching the computer. And are you happy? I'm standing.

What a weird note to end it on. Bye. Arrivederci. Arrivederci Okari. That's a guy I went to high school with, and you'll never hear this, but absolutely Arrivederci Okari.