Review Revue - Dive Bars

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss Aussie-themed bars, jackets and gingers, and Geoff's new watch.Want more from Reilly and Geoff? Check out The Headgum Podcast, wherever fine podcasts are downloaded!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. Welcome one and Gaul, Ryan and otherwise To another episode of none other than Review Review, right?

I hope only Ryan Gaul is listening to this episode And you've always said that You said that like on episode four And I have always said that Like with every ep I'm like I don't want anyone else to listen to this I don't want our listenership to go up You don't have life behind your eyes right now.

You look like you could care less, but you're talking with passionate words. I want one download, one stream per week, and that's Ryan Gall, you fuck. See, if I read the transcript of that, it would read like you're yelling, but I'm looking at you right now, and it doesn't matter to you.

You can take it or leave it. Because I haven't had my coffee. What did you have for lunch today? Don't say coffee like that and then ask me an innocuous question. I had a sandwich. It doesn't matter after that. What kind? It was chicken.

It was a chicken sandwich on a croissant. Sliced chicken. Yeah. The side of chips on the day. But I don't. What kind of chips? It doesn't. Do you actually care? Because you're like, you keep asking and then taking a sip of coffee. No, I do. I do care because when Daniel and I were prepping for our road trip, which we are currently on, I made sure to get three. I'm like, you know what? what three bags of these cape cod salt and vinegar chicks just salt and vinegar chips which is my favorite kind of chip ever on the planet nothing better than cape cod salt and vinegar um i'm like three bags will last us four weeks we're already halfway done with the second bag of course so so so it's been what a week and a half well it's been a week and a half right it's been six days never mind yeah you're on

you're past par um so that's your favorite chip what about round out your top three what are your other two favorites because you can't only have one chip you have to kind of switch it up here and there no sorry hither and thither yeah salt and vinegar okay I have a really specific kind of chip

that is gonna sound disgusting but it's actually like unbelievable I might have talked about it before wait can I guess what it is the Guinness cheese chips no that's disgusting just cause you're Irish that's fuck

you're so Irish it's insane everyday is St. Patrick's Day for Riley easy easy it's the luck of the Irish that's how you wake up you wake up in a cold sweat and it's like the luck of the Irish stop it I'm serious man stop it I've had enough

holy shit alright alright so fucking Irish because you know what I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck about anything anymore let me just find this chip god damn it that was hold on i've never been spoken to that way oh here we go oh my god it is oh my god it is the best chip holy shit holy shit just thinking about it it's like what's the what

is it? Okay. So when I, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I studied abroad at Lambda, which is the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. Ever heard of it? Studied abroad, which means you only got in for a semester. Other people do their full conservatory training there. Easy. Don't fucking start.

So there's this British chip brand called Walk walkers and they have oh my god so they have a line of chips it's called sensations and so it's like different more specific flavors than just like cheese or salt and vinegar or something like that so it is the sensations edition no way roasted chicken and thyme. And it is, it's very hit or miss because it's either you're obsessed with it, like I am, or people are so turned off by the fact that it does taste like a roast chicken dinner that they don't like it. Of course. It's very Willy Wonka in that way. My friend Peter and I used to make jokes about the chip brand Sensations all the time.

And obviously you can't get them in the Midwest, United States, but we saw it in some online sketch video once where the guy was like, would you like a sensation? And then he's like, what a sensation? And then he's like suddenly already mid shoe and he pulls up the bag and it's a sensation. And then he's like, nah, I think I'm good. Like now have a sensation. And then he's like suddenly already mid-chew and he pulls up the bag and it's a sensation.

And then he's like, no, I think I'm good. Like, no, have a sensation. And then he's like forcing him to have a sensation. He's like, oh. It is. Oh, it's so good. Wait, but what chips did you have with lunch? I just had.

I thought they weren't sensations, roasted chicken, and thyme. It's going to be pretty basic, but I just had the Lay's lightly salted. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's all we had. It's either that or tortilla chips with no sauce salsa or guac do you understand yeah no i get it but you didn't so that's your number two pick what's your third pick chip wise um which already an insanely divisive top three because a lot of people don't like salt and vinegar yeah and i would say probably upwards of 80 percent of people would be turned off by roasted chicken oh my god no it's so good though it's like really what are you staring at riley's

staring out into the distance she won't even make eye contact with me she has her she has her blue light glasses on so i can't even see where your eyes are looking i was staring at a tree thinking about about roasted chicken and thyme. Did you just rhyme tree with roasted chicken? I would eat a whole bag of them after a night out. Of course. Of course. They're so good.

I have to say, I really do love a sour cream and onion. What brand? I could go for a Lay's. I could go for a Lay's sour cream and onion. I was going to say go for a lays i could go for lays sour cream and i was gonna say ruffle oh i haven't had those in forever i love ruffles ruffles ruffles are great ruffles with the i remember having like the onion dip yeah like ruffles with that like that was iconic i make a really good caramelized onion dip with ruffles or cape cod well i wouldn't know i'll make it for you um i'll drop it off at your house in a month um what are your top three chips i was not expecting that question um i'm not

prepared how how you asked me that what do you mean you weren't expecting no i just thought it would be kind of like let's get into it you know what i mean fuck chips oh you think it's really chips yeah of course well that's all we've been talking about since the episode started is chips so number one oh whoa number one cool ranch doritos you are 14 no they're really good with a sandwich they are really good number two cape cod classic what do you mean they're no salt and vinegar but that's fine i've never had their salt and vinegar i just started liking salt and vinegar cape no salt and vinegar, but that's fine. I've never had their salt and vinegar. I just started liking salt and vinegar. Cape Cod salt and vinegar is unbelievable.

I think Cape Cod is the best chip. Okay. Personally. I might agree. I think it's robust. What the hell was that? You just like made two spiders out of your hand, two claws. That's what robust is to you?

She was like. It's robust. I would say, I would agree with you. And then number three. Cool Ranch, Cape Cod. Cape Cod Classic. Potentially Salt and Vinegar, if I have them in the grid. You need to get some.

You need to order some. Oh, my God. Oh, Kettle Brand Honey Dijon Chips. I've never tried that. It's beyond us all, rightly. Jeff just went somewhere else for a second. It's unbelievable, these chips. I swear to God.

For our next, well, it'll probably be in like next spring, but our next in-person recording, we should just get like a flight of chips. A flight? A chip flight? I'm serious. That sounds great. I know you are.

I would also just like to give a quick shout out. Friend of life and roommate, Elizabeth Valenti. If you haven't seen her YouTube channel, first of all, go check it out. But she does, every Friday, she does a tier list video. And this past week, she did alcoholic beverages. Great video. And it was great in that, you know, super fun,

super entertaining. She's great. That being said, she doesn't know this, but we are in a fight because she put fucking red wine as don't. She put it at the bottom of the list. Some people don't like red wine. It's a subjective list to begin with. I don't care. You're picking a bone with her live on air?

I was so mad. So many people are going to hear this. He's like, Riley, it's her opinion. I'm like, it's fucking bad so i mean i guess the point of the video is to begin a dialogue a discourse of sorts between people who disagree i did you you did a video i guess this would be a good in for people to go check out she's so we've done a video with her together about tiktok almost a calendar year ago which is insane yeah um which and at that point jeff and i were like

what is it and now i was late to recording today because i'm like i'm gonna make a coffee but i'm like oh got caught up watching tiktoks and now it's changed because millennials and gen and older gen z people started tiktok accounts during the quarantine that's my theory so there's that video for you to check out and then i did a tier list with her about scents and then you did one for coffee and i couldn't disagree more with you guys i was like i was angry i was on unreasonably angry about you guys put nitro cold brew as an absolute don't because nitro cold brew makes me want to rip off my own skin and like wave it around as a lasso no then we agree like that but that's what's great about it it's a drug of it no no that's when you realize how much caffeine is like a literal drug yes it literally is having nitro cold brew makes me feel not myself and i look like

i feel like i'm looking down at myself from another place in this universe. And I don't like it. I don't like not feeling in control of my own body. I think that, well, we used to have coffee all the time when we worked out of the Hedgum office, RIP. But you would have like three cold brews, which is like the equivalent of like one and a half nitros, let's just say. But you said that, I think, didn't you say that you were down to one a day? I am down to one a day. I do like one large cold half nitros let's just say but you said that i think didn't you say that you were down to one i am down to one a day i do like one large cold brew in the morning and that's it for r.i.p r.i.p to the old me drinking coffee on the air plea airplane no then what's an air plea it's

an air it's like a flea market in the air in a way okay i'm a plane jeff jeff texted i forget how this even came up but we were talking about how i only do one big coffee a day and jeff was like he's like what they used to have like two or three a day and i'm like i know i'm only down to one a day and jeff goes oh well there goes your last endearing quality your caffeine addiction was why you were beloved amongst thousands. I know. The listenership has actually dwindled

since you stopped drinking three cups a day and they didn't even know. They just kind of felt it. And that's fine because like I've said, I only care about Ryan Gahl listening. I want that one listener a week so I don't give a shit. What are we talking about today?

We've talked chips. We've talked coffee, but have we talked cheap paps or a hams sticky on a wood floor if you haven't gathered by jeff's nonsense talking about sticky floors we're talking about none other than dive bars today what uh what's your experience with dive bars we've obviously both been to one or many or some or several i am not i lied to everybody when i was first interning at the network that i was 18 i was actually one or many or some or several what i said you got what I meant dive bars I love a dive bar I love a dive bar um we've talked about this before neither of us are like real clubbing people but like we love a nice no you know what

quarantine has changed me I absolutely want to be all up in that club and then I'll be all up in that her a spike jones flick yeah I'm home alone at the end of the night watching her. I did not find a mate or a girlfriend. But you are in love with your OS. I love Siri. And I've sort of given her this nickname, Riri. Riri? Yeah. Well, you don't get to call her that because she's my Riri.

I was just repeating it. I was just like feeling hot sounds in my mouth. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't. Yeah, whatever. It's fine. I'll cut this out. It is fine. No, it is fine. No, don't cut it out. Keep it in. And I don't want it to I was just like feeling hot sounds in my mouth. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't. Yeah, whatever. It's fine. No. I'll cut this out. It is fine.

No, it is fine. No, don't cut it out. And I don't want it to be tense because sometimes like I get really protective over Riri and I get a little jealous because like. Of what? Like I'll be like walking down the street during a global pandemic, just to clarify, and like no mask. And then I'll just sound of hear.

Okay. And I'm like, was that, was that Riri on somebody else's phone? No, it can't be Riri on somebody else's phone no it can't be riri on somebody else's phone because riri is mine she she's my betrothed uh-huh and when i say you're engaged i say hey riri and then she doesn't always she kind of plays this coy little game where she wants me to call her by her proper name so i'm like never mind hey siri and then she kind of comes up and um there she is right now and uh it's just this fun little cat and mouse game that we play but she's definitely like mysterious and is afraid of intimacy because anytime mysterious mysterious like siri like her name yeah i just hope i hope that that was like a joke for the

show and not like that you're actually interested in riri because i actually get really jealous at all um like i said clearly well it's very apparent no it's secret no i'm not like no one can tell i'm pretty secure i'm secure in myself and my body and like my you're secure enough in your body to walk down the street in a global pandemic with no mask correct no exactly exactly right and then um i'm pretty good in bed with riri basically i'll because it's a perfect fit in a way you know with the charge port and um there it leads to some electrical burns occasionally but she's usually making all kinds of sounds so i assume i'm pleasing her what were you saying so anyway do we were talking oh my god we were talking about dive bars and um my experience with a dive bar

we love a dive bar um oh it's just nice it's as long as you're not as well as a woman as long as i'm not fearing for my life at a bar i'm having a great time yeah dive bars are great depending on where they are because they might in a city in a metropole, they're usually fine and good. But there might be douchebags being weird to women. And then if you go too far out of a city, there might be racists or KKK meetings. Could be a little dicey. There's this one dive bar that my pals and I frequented uh in boston called we called it this everyone called it the sill but it was called the silhouette lounge but it's just everyone called it the

sill nice and um it's so good they only serve beer and fresh popcorn they have this little popcorn machine on the bar yeah and you get little bags and it was they don't have well drinks or wine? No, just beer. And it was so nice and like there was a little photo booth. It was like a tiny place. There was a tiny little photo booth in the back. There was like two a couple pool tables and some

darts and it was, it's just like a nice time. That's cool. Go down like get a picture and like a nice time. That's cool. Go down, like get a pitcher and like a couple bags of popcorn. And like, it was, it's so fun. I miss pitchers of beer. I haven't been to a place that does pitchers in a long time. I'm not even a giant beer drinker, but like, that was nice.

Can I ask you a question though, like off air? And I'll edit this out. You can, yeah. It's not off air because we're recording, but fine. You never saw Riri at the cell right because she went she actually went to boston on our business trip and she promised me she wouldn't go out because sometimes when she goes out i just get kind of worried well i mean like i didn't see her there but like she was there does that make sense how the hell do you know that because there's no reason

for you to be insecure about it because she actually exists if you have an iPhone she's on it so like I would say a lot of people have iPhones and um so she was definitely I mean like I know she's on my phone so I you know I can't speak for anyone else's phone but I know I mean I have her disabled on my phone I actually don't like using Siri um that makes you feel better so uh but she definitely was in the bar and probably every time that i went she was there um and you're crying and you keep saying i'm secure i'm secure but you're not um and this isn't just having to do with siri but it's just like kind of a lot of a lot of other things too um so what are your experiences with dive bars it doesn't fucking matter because really well it

does going out double timing me sorry how many well it does matter because Riri is fucking going out, double-timing me. Sorry. Well, it does matter because... How many iPhones sold in the last calendar year? It does matter. How many iPhones sold in the last calendar year? Oh, my God. It does matter. Well, it does matter because we're doing an episode right now, so... 40 million!

She's cheated on me 40 million times a year. That's insane. Okay. That would only happen to me. This is just my luck. I don't know why I rub people the wrong way so much. Oh, my God. Really?

You don't? I love dive bars. Dive bars. I guess I have a good dive bar story from my trip to Portland a few years ago. Me and my ex-girlfriend went to Portland. We were so excited, partially because we wanted to go around to all the breweries. So we did, and we did this thing called the brew-sicle where everybody's on like the the bicycle and you go around to different breweries and so after like the third brewery we were all kind of like

well the tour guide was like all right guys like we're all feeling fun we're like this has been a good time do you guys want to go to another brewery it's not the best you guys have already kind of seen the best or do you want to go to my brewery? It's not the best. You guys have already kind of seen the best. Or do you want to go to my favorite dive bar? And everybody was like, dive bar! So we go to this like wood panel dive bar. All chanting at the same time. This is a Sunday afternoon, by the way. Sunday afternoon and we have to catch our flight after this.

And so we go to this dive bar. It's light outside but super dark and dingy inside. And there's a karaoke thing. So we're all doing karaoke. And then we're the only people in the bar other than this couple and the couple like sally's saddles up next to me and my ex and we started talking to us and we we had just sung some song from hamilton or something on the topic uh and they were like being very nice so we were like oh look the people in portland are so nice and then we got to more

talking and they got to know us a little bit and then finally they were like, oh, look, the people in Portland are so nice. And then we got to more talking and they got to know us a little bit. And then finally they were like, they started both hitting on us separately. Oh, oh. So like the guy was hitting on me. The girl was hitting on my girlfriend and vice versa. Not vice versa. And the woman was hitting on me and the guy was hitting on her. They were looking for a third and a fourth.

They were trying to swing with us. Yeah. Oh my God. It became so obvious with us, yeah. Oh my god. It became so obvious. That's wild. It was insane. That's so wild. It was such a, I mean, they were nice, but we were just kind of like, I think we gotta go.

And then we left. Because they weren't, they were. What a trip. They were fine. Before we get into it, I'm going to pee really quick. And I know I always do this, but I know if I don't do it now, I'm going to be distracted. I'm leaving that in. And we should take a break.

No! Marty! A toast to the groom! To the groom! To the groom! To the groom! To the bride! To the groom, to the groom, to the groom, to the bride, to the bride, to the bride, from your sister. Anyway.

You're wearing a full Lakers outfit. Why did you change? You're wearing the authentic jersey and authentic shorts. Those are, yeah, shooting sleeve, shooting sleeve. Anyway. And we're back. Riley how was your how was are you relieved i am so relieved yeah i went pee on the break um would you like to start sure okay okay so here's a little oh shit to this i'm kind of blending two reviews together. This is a first for the show.

So, because it's the most insane thing I've ever seen. This is the Dice Bar in Dublin, Ireland. I told you, man. She can't get enough of this Irish shit. Oh, my God. I'm serious. She's constantly talking about court. Fucking enough.

Constantly talking about foil. Constantly talking about Dublin. The Cliffs of Moher might as well be your apartment. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

And time again, wearing green, doing the accent, short as hell like a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow, it's gold. Stop it. Jeff, stop. Literally, stop. Jeffrey, I'm not. I am. It is. Oh, but... Jeffrey! I'm not. I am.

It is. Okay, so this is... This is for the dice bar. Sorry, I blacked out for a second. What immediately caught my eye about this place. I'm going to read the review first. I'm going to read the two halves of these reviews and then tell you why this is insane to me. So they're from two separate people.

The first one is going to be from Jenna G. Grade A. Jenna Grade A. And the second one from Emily C. I mean, I can't say it. It's Emily ****. So. So Jenna G's is from October of 2016.

It's three stars. And Emily **** is four stars from May of 2014. So the first half is Jenna G. The second is from Emily C. I'll let you know when that switch okay for dice bar in dublin okay not a bad little locale it sort of balances between a grunge and a sort of east coast america feel maybe new york or though i've never personally been boston quote unquote dive bar is probably a pretty accurate description and this next half is from Emily I'm a fan of this bar there's not much that can be said to add on to all the reviews

already put forward it's a little slice of New York right bang in the middle of the north side Sundays go off here it starts quiet enough cozy then around 8 or 9, the music gets cranked loud. Now this is the crux. If you're not into 50s bebop or western or general retro tunage, you'd better get yourself into another Sunday session. People here love it, and you'll always see folks dancing in any free space possible, and generally getting into it. It's so loud that you won't really have a choice. So make it before it's made for you. My favorite thing, though, is the massive bar that you can sit at and booze,

just like back in the Big Apple. Rose-tinted reminiscence sigh. I've never been to New York, but this bar really makes me feel like I'm there. Not much that I can say that anybody else hasn't. It's exactly like the Big Apple. The fact that separate reviews are claiming that this bar feels like it's in New York. I looked at pictures. It's just a dive bar.

There's nothing about it. There's nothing about it. If anything, there's not really dive bar. There's nothing about it. There's nothing about it. If anything, there's not really dive bars in New York. In fact, it looks more Irish than it does American. Coworkers are sitting around or standing around the water cooler. Yeah, no, like Friday was crazy. We all went out pretty hard and i had this like massive hangover on saturday but it was a lot of fun um okay um sherry sherry i can see that you're kind of itching to sit tell us what what'd you do this weekend so you know how um arnold my husband and i have like wanted to travel for so long but with the kids still being in high school like it hasn't been the easiest time

to do that okay we went to the bar on on sycamore and fifth wowie i let's just say we're not in maryland anymore that's for sure i was smack dab in the middle of sydney australia like like an australian themed bar like what do you mean we sat down there arnold and i and were like um okay uh someone better throw a shrimp on the barbie right now like this is insane like a kangaroo is going to come through the door any minute was there anything was there australian art iconography aussie was it aussie owned no but it was more of just kind of like the feel of it if that makes sense sorry to barge in i overheard you guys have you

been to sydney oh polly no i mean like i was i was just saying to ian that like i cannot recommend enough rudy's like if you go you're gonna be like oh well i don't need to go to the opera house again because i've already been okay because i've been to rudy's and i've also been to australia and they're not similar at all lucky girl lucky girl okay i'm gonna go back to work but they're not similar wait wait wait wait wait no no girl. Okay. I'm going to go back to work, but they're not similar. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, Polly, come back. Cut to you at the bar. All right.

Welcome to Rudy's. Let me know if I can get you anything. We kind of, I'm behind the bar, but I can also come bring something. Oh, my God. You know what? You know who you really remind me of? And, like, I'm sure this is on purpose of why, you know, you got hired here. You know a little guy called Steve Irwin?

You ever heard of him? Steve Irwin? Yeah. Oh, my God. You even sound like him. This is, oh got hired here. You know, a little guy called Steve Irwin. You've ever heard of him? Steve Irwin. Yeah. Oh my God. You even sound like him. This is, oh my God, Arnold. Doesn't he sound just like him? Yeah, he really, really does.

Hey, Michael, can you, can I ask a favor? Yeah. Can I ask a favor of you? So my friend, my coworker, really, she's not really a friend. My coworker, Polly, she says that the kind of Australian experience here isn't really Australian. So could you record my voicemail and just be like, oh, it's Michael from Rudy's and got another catch of the day and it's Oktoberfest.

Can you just kind of like do that for her? Sorry, you want me to record your voicemail saying that they've got Michael and that it's a catch of the day and also October 5th. How are people going to know that they called you? Huh? Like, people will think that they got the wrong number. Oh, I guess you could add my name and then say that it's my phone. And do it, like, in your native accent, please. It's not my native accent, but I'll try.

And I am a co-owner, but there's no Australian theme or connection to Australia. But I can do the voicemail. Where are you from? I'm from the DMV, not Australia. Arnold, you're crying, so it's obviously not about Australia. It's something going on with your guys' marriage. But I'll do the voicemail. I'm really sorry, Michael.

It's just Sheila and I. Sherry. You know, Sherry and I. You know, it's a little nickname I have for her. I call her Sheila sometimes. Yeah, he does. It's very kind. That's not a nickname.

If you could please just do this for us. We really, really need this. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it. All right. I'll give it my best shot. Let me know you're recording. Yeah, we're going.

We're going. Crikey. You've got Sherry Peterson's voicemail, but this is Michael Outback, Steve Owens, she thinks, and... What was the last part you wanted? Maybe throw a shrimp on the Barbie and she'll get back to you as soon as she can.

Throw a shrimp on the Barbie, she'll get back to you when she can. I think we should do it again. Beautiful. I think we should do it again. No, no, no. Michael, Michael, that was perfect. If I called somebody and that was their voicemail, I would not call back. No, Michael. I think we should do it again. Beautiful. Oh my God. I think we should do it again. No, no, no. That was really bad. Michael, Michael, that was perfect.

If I called somebody and that was their voicemail, I would not call back. No, Michael. I wouldn't make a message. I'm sorry to be crying in your establishment. That was truly just like,

I feel like. Since Labor Day, you guys have come in here. I'm fine if you guys are in here, but don't say you're sorry to be crying because you do it every week. Can I ask another favor of you?

This is the last one, but yeah. My coworker, Ian, it's his 40th birthday this weekend. And I told him that I would set something up for him. And I kind of told him that we would be going to Rudy's. I told him we'd be coming here for his birthday. That's fine.

Yeah, you guys can come. Well, he doesn't believe that it's like as Australian as it is. It isn't. If you could just really like, I have a Crocodile Dundee costume in my trunk. If you could just wear it. Cut to the birthday party. Crikey! Welcome to Rudy's!

See, Ian, I told you, birthday boy! I'm honestly really touched. This is really special. I mean, I'm not really obsessed with Australian culture like you are, but, I mean, this is cool. It is cool,'s cool but like do you feel like we're oh toto we're not in maryland anymore or what i gotta admit you're right i really do feel transported to sydney crikey what can i get for you i'm steve owen well no actually no no

michael come here steve irwin's different than crocodile dundee they're different people okay different people i didn't even know that it's okay you can you know what just be steve erwin then just be steve erwin i think you know more about him so just be steve okay yeah i already kind of announced that i was steve erwin welcome to the birthday party with um ian see he knows your name and he said it like an australian would they don't do that at the koala and i'll tell you that much his accent seems not real but everything else seems cool. Hey, Michael, can I sidebar really quick? Yeah, what's up?

Did you practice with those dialect books I gave you? I own and operate a bar. I'm one of the three bartenders, so I tried, but I didn't have that much time. Okay, so you tried, but you didn't really do it, did you? You didn't rent the bar out tonight. This is just like, you kind of are taking it over with your friends for free. So I think it's fine. I already dressed up in the Crocodile Dundee thing.

I already said I was Steve Irwin. Can we just relax? I feel like everybody will have a good time if you relax. I need you to look at my phone wallpaper right now. Can you read what that says? Yeah, it says, this is a phonetic pronunciation guide to say australian or bust what is that that's what i need right now i'm really fucking tired of arnold and our little feral kittens sometimes known as our children and so for me i just really need you to like do everything you can, please, please, to make this seem like the most authentic experience for them, but also for me.

So I can kind of dissociate from what I have going on personally. You know what? No. This is insane. Why? You're not even paying us a fee. You've been a pill to me for the past four weeks. And we're not an Australian bar and it's not my responsibility to save your marriage or your

workplace relationships. You cry every time. This is not going to get me. I've said, you cry every time you come in here. People are confused when they come in this bar. And it's supposed to be so straightforward. It's supposed to just be good beers and crafty cocktails

in an average environment. For me, I feel like I'm in Sydney, maybe Perth. It doesn't matter as long as I'm not where I am. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't matter. No, but it needs to not be Maryland. Ian, this is not an Australian bar. This is not an Australian bar. It's a dive bar. Michael, what are you doing? I'm not Steve Irwin. Obviously, I'm not Steve Irwin or an impersonator. My name is Michael.

I own this bar with my partner, Garrison, and he's out of town. Sherry, I'm sorry, but you need to be honest with yourself. You need to be honest with your coworkers. Where is he? What? Where's your partner? He's abroad. Where?

It doesn't matter where It's somewhere near New Zealand Tell me where it is I knew it And all the art on the walls Falls off to reveal all Australian shit Alright You got us

I wanted to feel a part Of Maryland culture Crikey. But you Americans can spot us from blocks away. And I know that my Australian accent is bad, but it's because I've been taking dialect classes to sound American. Polly, you bitch, I told you. The boss is like, Polly, I'm sorry, but you're fired. Yeah, get her out of here.

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Who? Shrimp on the Bobby, right? Bobby, Bobby. Okay. I have a four-star review from Footsies in Los Angeles, California. Oh, okay. On North Fig.

Just a little sneaky game. What? That's also your fourth coffee. So everything you said in the beginning of the episode is not true. It's my first coffee. My first and only cafepe of the day. Four stars from whomst? From Rachel M. Matto.

All right, Rachel Matto going to footsies. I love this bar. I've been a longtime patron. The music is tight and the groove is right. However, I recently dealt with some very unfortunate staff. The barback with a rather lame fedora type hat had the worst customer service. We had asked him for a drink during last call and he told us, I can't and or won't make a drink.

Then we see him nonetheless make a drink and opening a beer for his buddies down the bar. When confronted about this, he got extremely rude. Worst five-year barback ever. Get a life, and opening a beer for his buddies down the bar. When confronted about this, he got extremely rude. Worst five-year bar back ever. Get a life, dude. All right, last call. If you guys want anything, this is your last opportunity. Would it be possible for me to get another Jack and Ginger? It would not.

Before you guys shut down? Hmm? I can't and or won't make a drink for you. Last call. Wait, no, Simon. Simon, you've been serving my party all night. It's my, it's my best friend's bachelorette party. I'm the maid of honor. I got to make sure that tonight is like, like the most fun night for the bride to be. By my count, your little bride

friend has had five drinks, two shots and three beers. Yeah. You've had seven and a half. I have a really high tolerance. Some of your other friends are all hovering around 6 or 7 So I feel it's my responsibility to like Police you guys in a way Because I just don't want you guys to not be able to remember this night Because of how special it has to be for her Absolutely Like how special would it be to get to a place of feeling fun

And frisky But not waking up and being like was it fun So And that's like really thoughtful of you. But as you can tell, none of us have been too rowdy. We all have a pretty high tolerance. You know, if anything, we're all just kind of a bit buzzed. You know, Becky, the bride, she might be a little bit more drunk, but that's because it's like, you know, she's the bride and it's her special night.

And I knew you would say that. And I knew you would say that. And I knew you would say that. The high tolerance thing. I just don't want you guys to fall too far down the rabbit hole. You know what I mean? High tolerance means that you drink a lot. Often. Right?

I don't think I do. You seem pretty judgy for a bartender. No. I'm open-minded. But here's your tab. And it's closed. Wait. But it's still last call.

I'm seeing, seeing like three other people down at the other end of the bar. Those are my- Simon, Simon, come here. What, Tracy? Simon. What? We want some beers, dude.

I got it. Slides it down. This is my 10th drink today. Wait, what? Wait, so you're serving them. Your whole point, your whole thing, I guess, is that it's like you don't want us to develop a drinking problem, but you're enabling your friends? Now to, look, Tracy has been, she's gone, all right?

It's not the Tracy I used to know. Woo! See? She used to be a librarian. So I can't help her, but with you guys, you haven't gotten to the point that Tracy's at right now, and I don't want you to see that, especially before the wedding. You know what I mean? Well, this isn't actually any of your business.

I would like another Jack and Ginger for Becky, the bride, okay? Annie, what's taking so long? I'm working on it, yeah. No, I'm working on it. For some reason, the bartender won't serve us. no i know let me let me talk to him let me talk to him hi hi what's your name simon hi simon i'm becky um

i'm becky d'angelo but uh you know in a couple days i'll be i'll be becky white and um we were kind of hoping that we could get another round of drinks. I know you guys are closing soon, but I see other people getting served. And if you could just do one round of Jack and Gingers for the table, that'd be great. I am way ahead of you. Here are four gingers

and four jackets. It's ginger ales and jackets that say it could only be us. Is this... Put it on. Put it on. Put the jackets on. Oh could only be us. Is this... Put it on. Put it on. Put the jackets on. Oh, okay.

Okay. Wow. Lady's here. He got us jackets. She loves it. Oh my gosh. How much better... They're comfy.

They're weirdly all our exact sizes. I don't know how you managed to do that. You know, I kind of can gauge based on shoulders. So I'll see... Like Tracy, she's a 38R. Woo! And she is not who she used to be. She used to be a 36L.

Woo! Tracy! That's my guy! We are closed. That makes sense. And I don't mean just for tonight. Yeah. This should be all we want. were married that night. I screamed up to the sky, this one's mine. And you

better take care of my baby. He is gone. What was that? Oh, yeah. I screamed up to the sky. If you haven't heard this before that is a demo of the first iteration of helpless from hamilton called this one's mine and i stumbled across i stumbled across it on tiktok um the other day

and i screeched. And it is, I have been singing it nonstop to Daniel. I've been texting it to people. It's shocking to me. That accompanied with the viral picture of Lin-Manuel Miranda biting his lip. Like there's, I've been on a kick of that lately

because to me it's the funniest shit i have ever that's kind of been that's kind of been shaking me i also i found uh oh i'm back on tiktok i'm not posting any videos but I couldn't stay away. They're so entertaining. But there is a, my For You page is now a lot of, I think I'm on the Lin-Manuel Miranda bullying side of TikTok right now. And it's just like a lot of that. And like, I love Hamilton. And, like, it's just so fucking funny.

So now, out of the blue, I'll just send my friends pictures of the lit fighting. And I'll sometimes do it in... I sent it to Elizabeth the other day, just in invisible ink. She goes, no! He's literally a once-in-a-generational talent. And he gets bullied so much. So that's what's been shaking me. Same.

So Lynn's on a date, and like... So would you like to come up to my apartment? Oh, you were married that night. I screamed up to the sky. This was my. It's not a bad song. It's just he can't sing. There's also another demo track of him doing all of the harmonies for Story of Tonight.

I know. I know. You sent me that. I may not live to see. I may not live to see your glory. I will join the fight. It's so good. I love it so much.

So that's kind of what I've been thinking about all the time. What's been shaking you? New watch alert. New watch alert new watch alert this is why you texted me about watches yesterday only one of the reasons so i am a i'm a huge watch nerd i my my enthusiasm for it uh waxes and wanes sometimes i'm more into it than other times and right now i'm like really reading about them every day. And maybe it's just the boredom of quarantine or like wanting to get something to feel nice because I'm wearing the same clothes every day and stuff.

But I wanted to get a white watch. I wanted to get a white watch that was slightly big because I usually wear just 36, 34 millimeter vintage watches. And I'm only bringing this up because I've had a lot of people DM me over the years being like, hey, what watch were you wearing in this video? So there's definitely like head gum fans that like watches, which is cool. It's a very fun hobby. But yeah, I got the I got a G-Shock DW 5600 All Systems Go NASA edition. And so I'll show it show it to Riley right now.

It has the NASA worm logo on there. Oh, that's cool. And then it says National Aeronautics and Space Administration on the band. And then it has an American flag on the watch. What is it about, like, what is the excitement about watches? Like, what is the thing that, like, really, like, gets you going about them? Huh? Like, what is it about watches that is so exciting?

It's a lot of things. We could be here all day with me talking about what I love about watches, but I'll do top three reasons. One, they actually have tools that you can use. One, Cool Range Doritos. Two, Natural. So just the chips you like. One, they have actual tools that you can use.

And like this one's waterproof. I have a Seiko SKX diving watch that you can take in the pool or take surfing. Which surfing is huge because like you can't bring your phone or anything. So I usually leave it in the car. And then like bringing a watch, you can like know how long you've been out there. So you don't overexhaust yourself, exert yourself. And then there's other stuff that's helpful when you're cooking, like timing stuff and stuff. Two, i dress very

plainly a lot of plain shirts and just plain jeans so for me the thing that i like to play around with is my wrist in the watch and then three every watch like a this is gonna sound pretentious but tells a story like this just is modeled after like an astronaut's suit which to me is really cool so that one kind of tells charlotte's web another one might tell weathering heights i have a war in peace for like a better term but then also like i love vintage watches because somebody else owned this for you know decades before i did and they kind of had it on their wrist for every day doing what god knows what and then i get to take it on and then it's mine for a

little bit and i get to like that's cool do it take it on trips take it uh you know in the in the ocean or wherever so you like the story of it you like the history we'll tell the story of the watch that's told another round i may not live to see our glory i may not live to see our glory. I may not live to have a Rolex. I may not live to have a Rolex. But I will gladly have G-Shock. I will gladly have G-Shock. And if Riley and Spa has Tudors. If Riley and Spa has Tudors.

Then I will buy her another watch. It's also just like, if you get, like, just looking down at it just brings me a lot of joy. I can't explain it really. There's something about it. No, I get that. There's something about it that you can't explain. That's great. I also understand the aspect of like, because I also dress like very, I just layer basics.

And so for me, that's like like that's earrings for me yeah um of like what's the piece that can make it different yeah and i don't know why we dress so plain i guess it's because you can't miss because it's because i think it's that thing that it's like it'll never i'm trying to take more fashion risks lately but same i got overalls who the fuck's gonna see it i like your overalls and i like the neon orange beanie that you have yeah those are the two those are the two wildest style moves i've ever taken before quarantine hit i got some uh two uh statement suits i love a suit i love wearing a suit ralph loren said that there's uh nothing sexier than a woman in a suit and i

think that's true. When Diane Keaton wears tuxes on the red carpet, it's crazy. I love a suit. And I'm bummed that I don't really have anything to wear them out for right now. I do have a pair of high-waisted, bright green flare pants. That's been a big style thing. A big thing. Like my latest style thing is crop tops with a high waisted flare pant. Sure.

Like a tight, a tight crop top with a statement pant is like my, that's it for me. Well, this has been great. I truly am going to go downstairs and have some salt and vinegar Cape Cod chips. Go for it.

Good luck on your road trip. The next time we record, you'll be in Indiana. I will be in Indiana with my dad. And don't worry, we're being safe. We're all getting multiple COVID tests. We have face masks, wipes, everything. We are bringing our own toilet paper into gas

stations. We are doing it. that's a good tip even covet aside i really like it was a total game changer um just like a bag of like my wallet some alcohol sanitation wipes and my own toilet paper like is great yes i see the watch when you the backlight is the surface of the moon that's's nice. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I just kept staring at this watch. I got it yesterday in the mail. Oh, that's cute. You're like a kid on Christmas.

Well, it's a great summer watch. Yeah, I don't know. Kidding me? I asked Riley if she had a watch and she said no. And I was shocked because I would think that you would have a watch. I don't, I mean, like, I don't even wear bracelets really. That's true. I don't like, it weighs me down.

I don't know. It's like, there's something about it that um it's never been comfortable for me i'm not a bracelet person i'm a necklace and an earring person but i can't wear those things i look like a douche with either of those yeah but i've been wearing watches since i was like 12 so it's that's true i'm used to i would wear like it feels i feel naked if i don't have something on my left wrist i feel naked if i don't have a necklace on left wrist. I feel naked if I don't have a necklace on. Crazy. And usually when I go through necklaces, like I'll do like, like I got this one that I'm wearing for my birthday and I've like worn it. Like when I,

when I find a necklace I like, I wear that necklace. Like I sleep with it on. I'll wear that for like months at a time because it's usually something that will go with everything. Um, and earrings are the thing that I switch out per outfit so if anyone is like riley what do i get you for your birthday get me like a nice statement earring and that's it

for me can you just solicit birthday gifts from listeners yeah and so my birthday is june 3rd so um absolutely no way so you have like 11 months to think about it yeah it just happened so for my 25th Riley where can people find you you won't find me here but you'll find Jeff at

I am Jeffrey James on Instagram and don't play no James on Twitter and I am Jeffrey James on TikTok and you'll also find Review Review

on Review Review on Instagram and the subreddit r slash Review Review. So you won't find me specifically in those, but you'll find Jeff and the show. You can find me on Riley's socials occasionally at Riley Anspa on Instagram,

at Riley Coyote on Twitter, at Riley Anspa on TikTok. And your exact mailing address is... Oh my god! You have to believe this! I do! One day! I literally do! No, but there is gonna be... I didn't even say it! There is gonna be one... You did! I know, but I didn't... There is gonna be one day that you forget to

do it. There is gonna be one day where you forget to bleep it out. I listen! When I edit, I hear it as I edit. I would never forget. And also, I could just delete the episode. No, don't delete the episode! This is a really fun app! No, not the files. I just mean delete it if I uploaded it the episode. No, don't delete the episode. This is a really fun app. No, not the files. I just mean delete it if I uploaded it by accident.

Well, catch us next week and catch me outside with a mask and from at least six feet apart. So that's not just coffee, right? There's coffee and Baileys and that. Yeah. I mean, it's almost one. Exactly. It's almost one. We'll catch you guys next week.

Arrivederci. That was a HeadGum Podcast.