Review Revue - Dog Treats

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

In this episode of Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly read reviews on a variety of DOG TREATS and experience unhealthy coping mechanisms, enter a dog in a talent competition, and procure assets in a violent corporate take over.    IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee   Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGumPod Review Review

Born in Life 2002 Jeffrey Jeffrey James HeadGumPod Review Review Born in Life 2002 Jeffrey Jeffrey James Come on Jeffrey You can do it Fold some cheese Born in life 2002, Jeffree, Jeffree James Come on Jeffree, you can do it, fold some cheese

Put your back into it, tell us why, show us how Break me off a Kit Kat and go to town Jake and Mir and Riley and Svald Wish to be as trying as you Braw their wives, drink their blood Come on Jeff Jeff get on don't tell me to fuck cheese with a Kit Kat that was amazing

that was a fantastic Jeffrey Bezos bezos from bo vernon's inside cover and i loved it he told me to fuck cheese and put my back into it well we did fuck cheese with a kit kat no i was in an improv scene he's telling me jeff to fuck craft well i mean To fuck Kraft. Well, I mean, yeah. And I'm not gonna have it. Why? It could be fun. Could be cheese. I don't experiment. With any food product.

Who was that from? That was awesome. That was from Reggie. Not Reggie Watts, he wants us to say. The other Reggie. Okay, so the whole time I was actually thinking that Reggie Watts sent a listener-made theme song for our show. So that was not Reggie Watts. That was not Reggie Watts. That was Reggie, and I probably

shouldn't have said his last name. But he also sent in a theme song in March of this year that I think we must have used in April at some point. So, shout out Reggie. Shout out Reggie. Also, shout out Reggie Watts. You're not listening, but I just want you to know that I think you're cool. Yeah, he's never gonna hear this. He's never gonna know that. That message will never get relayed to him. But what if he did? And then

he hears you being like, don't say that. It's not worth it. But then he admires me. He's like, hey, no, I thought that was really nice. But then he admires you. I can see you crafting this whole storyline in your head and you want it to happen we become friends and then by the end of it i know what's going to happen is that it's not even going to matter to you whether it happens or not because you're going to be so happy and charged up from your own daydream of it that it doesn't matter today's a good day now yeah all of a sudden

yeah right because because you think that this no he didn't you're delusional obviously these are delusions of blanger because it doesn't it doesn't even end up mattering it's fine you gain a new friend because you don't end up working professionally with reggie watts you just gain a friend I don't have delusions of grandeur. I have delusions that Reggie Watts and I will go get lunch on occasion. So not even that often. So not even that good of a friend. Yeah. When we're both free.

Which is not often, I guess. I mean, he's busy. He works 9 to 5, yeah. He's busy. He's busy. And I'm sitting here talking about Kit Kat's fucking cheese. Anyway, what's new with you, Jeff? Well, I had COVID, which is ideal.

You got that Delta variant. I think so. Yeah, I think so. I'm still congested, but other than that, everything's fine. You were okay. You made it out. It didn't get... What was the worst day like for you?

The worst day was actually kind of bad. It was on that middle line of like, if it gets worse than this, I'm going to be... It's going to be rough. But it never got worse. I'm so glad you're okay. That's very scary.

I mean, I knew I'd be okay because we should say I'm vaccinated. I had the Moderna vaccine. But yeah, yeah guys you don't want to get this thing and not be vaccinated because i i'm you know it only took like seven days for me to feel better uh other i'm still congested but that's that's about it so um can you smell your taste i smell and taste are back but again if i wasn't vaccinated who knows what position i would be in so guys go get vaccinated get vaccinated please jeff i'm so glad i'm so glad you're okay and that you were vaccinated so that you can be okay yeah no i'm fine uh i'm just lingering congestion which i was just saying to you before we started recording is just irritating like yeah everything else is

great like i don't feel the brain fog anymore i don't i can smell and taste so like the lingering effects i don't think are gonna happen i just like like you can hear it in my voice probably which I'm so sorry guys it is it's irritating me yeah uh there's no solve I wouldn't you want me to do you want to do the episode solo do it today yeah No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, wow, he actually left. Now he's back. Well, I'm glad you're okay. Congestion and all.

Yeah. In fall. It's fall now. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It is fall to me. You think fall starts on September 1st? It does to me. Absolutely does.

As soon as it hits September. It's not even Labor Day. It's September, and that's all that matters to me absolutely does as soon as it hits september it's not even labor day it's september and that's all that matters to me as soon as the youngins start going back to school it's it's cool yeah because it's fall i don't know holiday season is here holiday so not even that's not fall i consider fall to be part of the holiday season. The entire season is part of it. So what's the holiday season? September 1st to January 1st? Holiday season is like October through New Year's.

I'll buy that. I'll buy that. So you just include Halloween in the holiday season? Yeah. You don't? I think it absolutely starts with Thanksgiving, but I love Halloween, so I like the outlook. Whatever, man. Watched a tad last episode that was Christmas themed, and oh boy, did it get me excited.

So, okay. I'll give you that September's the start of fall. We're nowhere near Christmas. No, no, no. But to have a full Christmas episode all the time, I kept looking up at Daniel, and he's like, you're excited for Christmas, huh? no, but to have a full Christmas episode, all of a sudden, I kept looking up at Daniel, and he's like, you're excited for Christmas, huh? Yeah, I am. Well, it is the thing of like, okay, summer,

I'll give you that, I don't know if fall starts September 1st, but summer ends September 1st in my head. So the next thing to look forward to is, maybe not Christmas, but like Halloween, and then after that, it not Christmas, but Halloween. And then after that, it's Christmas. Because I don't love Thanksgiving. I just love this time of year. September on, I am in my element. I'm also excited.

But it all rides on how Labor Day goes. What does that mean? Labor Day sets the tone. Say more. No, I was just like... No. That day is, you know, it's sort of like Groundhog's Day in a way.

I don't think so. No, because it's like, oh, did the groundhog see a shadow? Did I get, you know, yelled at by anybody in my life that day? day in a way i don't think so no because it's like oh did the ground dog see a shadow did i get you know yelled at by anybody in my life that day so even if you're yelled at by somebody on a day that isn't labor day that doesn't matter but depending on how people treat you on labor day that's how fall's gonna go absolutely correct that i'm glad you get it i'm glad you got it got it i don't but yeah um but we're not talking about

being yelled at we're not talking about fall unfortunately um we're talking about something much more important than that uh something sweet something a little salty something good yum yum in your tum tum well not maybe not your tum tum unless you're feeling adventurous we're talking dog treats yeah Jeffrey dog treats

experience with dog treats I guess you experience it if you give it to someone someone a dog well I haven't had a dog since I was Give it to someone. Someone. A dog. Well, I haven't had a dog since I was 16. I had a dog from when I was like 9 to 16 or something. And I don't remember what his favorite brand of treats were, but loved giving them to the little fucker.

Loved making him happy. The little fucker. We went to this shelter, right? We met this little fucker loved making him happy the little fucker we went to this shelter right we met this little fucker and uh we named him ben stiller we named him benson um i so i am always fascinated by like a bougie dog bakery that has just like cakes pies boat like anything that just looks like it's for humans but for dogs yeah um i think they're fantastic um but uh so i've had dogs my whole life i don't think there's ever been a point where i didn't have a dog, maybe for like three years of my life. My mom and I, we've always had dogs. Yeah.

And we have an, so, our Irish Wolfhound, she's huge. She's an actual fun mix. She's probably not full actual. Her name's Ruby. And she,

giant mouth, giant dog. She takes treats like a monster. She, like, she's so food motivated she was a rescue and she's very skittish but she loves like anytime treats her out she will and because she's so big she will just nudge your arm up until you give it to her she will press her bot for full weight of like her hundred plus pound body into you until you give it um she but she she takes it just like gobbles it up um and same with red and max swallow me drip down the side of me yeah i don't know um but what i

found in all these reviews the review i texted jeff earlier when i was looking for reviews all these reviews of dog treats have made me laugh so hard because it's either people being like my my dog's pretty picky but she loves these and that it's like like almost telling the treat brand that they should be so lucky that it's like my dog doesn't like just anything and she loved this or people writing in their dog's voice which oh makes me so uncomfortable. It's awful. It, I get, people think it's, it's so harmless. It doesn't affect me at all, but it does make me, there's something about it that just makes me very uncomfortable.

I mean, it does harm you. It accosts your eyes and ears. It accosts my eyes and ears, but it's like, if that's what brings you joy, go for it. But in my mind, I'm like, oh, no. No, man. So, shall we? Let's do it. Jeff, would you like to kick us off?

Do you want to start us off? Okay. Well, speaking of written in your dog's voice, here we go. This is for Greeny's Teeny Dental Dog Treats. So these are ones that look like little green toothbrushes that are supposed to help your dog's teeth and mouth health, oral health. So all these reviews are from Chewy,

which is like a pet, online pet supply store delivery. So this is five stars from Daisy. Daisy May. Daisy May. Very sweet name. Daisy May. The title is My Favorite.

I'm the owner's dog. He thinks he runs... I'm the owner's dog. He thinks he runs this place. But I've got his number. He ran out of greenies. I'm the owner's dog. He thinks he runs this place, but I've got his number. He ran out of greenies. I refused the other bits that were offered.

He finally figured it out and got some more of the greatest treat in the world. I heard him say that they arrived quickly, were in good shape, and at a good price. Wish he would try one. Then he wouldn't be so stingy and only give me one at a time. I hate begging, but it's the only thing that works around here. Listen, Louie, we brought you to the bar, man, because it's been four years since Susan died. Like, we feel for you, man. But you gotta get back out there, right? I mean, what are you even doing when you're home alone all these weekends?

I'm not home alone, man. You know that. Listen, I appreciate the concern. I really do. But I'm happier than I've ever been. I got my Bernard by my side. And Bernard and I, I mean, we're buds. I'm never alone when I'm with him.

Yeah. You are. You are alone when I'm with him. Yeah. You are. You are alone when you're with it because you're, I mean, he's a dog, right? He's my best friend. I'm Carl. Tyler, do you want to help me out? No, yeah.

I mean, look, man, we're just, we're psyched that you came out tonight, right? Let's be positive. I'm psyched too. You guys are my, I mean, you're my boys, right? Like, it's so fun to get back out there. Exactly, exactly. We're your boys. We're your human boys.

Right? You are my friends. You are my very good friends. You are my boys. Correct. Human friends, which is different. We have to admit that it's different. You're my friends. And Bernard, my French bulldog, is my best friend. And I don't want you guys to get, like, jealous.dog, is my best friend.

And I don't want you guys to get jealous. No, we're not jealous. No, we're not jealous. We're not jealous. You sound a little jealous. It's okay. I mean, there's enough of me to go around, right? There's a lot of you to go around, yeah.

You have a lot of free time. You have a lot of free time is what we're saying. Tyler, do you want to show them the thing that we brought? Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we prepared for you a dating lesson plan.

A dating lesson plan? Yeah, so basically... So you're not even going to teach me right now. You're going to send me home with this and here's what I have to work through? Tyler, why didn't you're not even going to teach me right now. You're going to send me home with this, and here's what I have to work through? Tyler, why didn't you... We were going to get him laid tonight. Why didn't you just send me a lesson?

Because I wanted it to be a surprise. We didn't need it to be a surprise, man. We're bad wingmen, I think. You know, guys, I hear you, and this is so thoughtful. Bernard's got me hooked up already. I mean, like, he's lined up a hottie for me this very eve.

Where are they? They're actually meeting us here in like a I mean, look at the clock. Oh, it's 7.30 on the dot. They should be coming here any minute. A bastard hound strolls in really slowly. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Guys, don't stare. That's the date. That can't be the date. That's her. It's her. It's her. So you saw a photo, knew it was a dog, and agreed to have it be this way.

You do not call her that. That is so offensive. No, it's not. Because it's not de's not because it's not dehumanizing because it's an actual dog. She saunters over it.

Just rolls from side to side tripping on her ears. It's not even a hot, I'm sorry to say this, and I know this might come out weird, Tyler, but it's not even a hot dog. She's right here. You see how big those ears are? She can hear everything. She just turns her head. Drools a little

bit. You just made her so upset. You just made her so upset. Are you kidding me? She looks, if not happy, apathetic. It's either joy or nothing. Listen, I can't be here with you guys if you're gonna chit-talk her. I mean, I'm supposed to be on a date with her right now.

Even if this was a human, this would be crazy. Then you'd be leaving us to go on a date. You guys said you wanted to get me laid tonight. Yes. So what's the difference? This is crazy. Tyler, look, what we're trying to say, and we want to stay positive here, is that you can do better than a dog.

Don't call her a slam the tail with my fist. Don't call her that. She is! She's gorgeous! And look at her. Look at, she just, those that one bow behind her ear. Oh, I mean, it's just it's pink, it's beautiful. I bet, I bet

That's not a bow, that's some kind of growth. I bet she's probably thinking a bow. That's some kind of growth. I bet she's probably thinking, my parents bought this for me. Can I has a snacko? That's definitely what she's thinking. And she's just the cutest. I got to go talk to her. She's peeing.

Obviously, she's urinating in the bar because she's not used to this environment. She's nervous. She doesn't know she's on a date. She's a dog. I love you guys. But. Love you too. Tyler.

To quote my Bernard, my best buddy. Listen to what you just said. You is making me heckin' mad. Yeah. That's you putting words in the Bernard's mouth but yeah let's hear it I is be needing a treat cuz I is good doggo so human you is give me treat now all right I'm gonna close out this has been one of the worst nights of my life I'm very privileged but this has been

one of the worst nights of my life alright should we take a quick break just a really quick one alright only one advertisement this time head go none

none for this one for some reason somehow we don't need money just make it fast just make it fast. Just make it fast. And we're back. All right, this is a three-star review from Bex.

From Bex Tex. Bex Tex. Of what? Oh, this is of Kirkland Signature Dental Chews. Okay. So, the off-brand greenies. You're exactly right.

It's crazy that you knew that off the top. I would not have known. Three stars. Here you go. I was trying to find a more cost-efficient alternative to the amazing greenies since they work so well, and I thought I scored with these. Pulled one out, and my dog thought I'd lost my mind.

He's usually picky when it comes to food and treats, but he loves his greenies. They turned my old dog into a bouncing pup. These knockoffs, however, did not. Hours later, in a couple attempts to trick him before he decided to eat it, and he looked like it was more of a punishment than a treat. I guess I'll be donating these to the nearest shelter

since I have a snobby, picky dog. This just reminded me, like, I was at my eye doctors the day before I got COVID, and they were, like, they were giving me this anti-inflammatory drop, and they were like, they were like giving me this anti-inflammatory drop and they were like, and it's great. Cause it's the name brand. And I'm like,

it's the same active ingredient name brand. Not, it doesn't matter, but it's like a dog that knows the difference between name brand snacks and not. All right. Muffin muffin. Come here.

It's dinner time okay all right um oh muffin okay ready sit we're gonna have some dinner and honey honey did you buy the they didn't have purina okay this is oh yeah it's the same oh it's literally all the same ingredients why haven't we been buying this before? Okay, muffin, I know. Oh my God, look at him. He's so upset. He's so hungry.

Okay, and I can hear him. He's saying, mom, it's giving me dinner time now. Okay, and I've put a cup in the bowl, and there we go. Okay, so do we want to do, we can order in. He shoves the bowl across the room. Oh. Muffin, you silly boy. Here, I put it back here.

I like touch the food a little bit. There you go, eat it. It's all yours. So I know we ordered out last night. Saunter's over to the bag, punches it with his paw. Oh, Muffin. What the, what the fuck?

Honey, did you see that? You didn't see... Jeez, Muffin, no. He literally punched the... Muffin, eat your food. I take a little bit in my hand. I try and put it under his mouth. Eat your food.

You need dinner. Oh, oh, oh, God. Goes over to the trash can with his mouth, pulls out the old bag with the name brand Purina, points to it. Oh, you can point? Oh my God, Muffin. Honey, he wants the...

I'm not gonna have this conversation with him. Muffin, it is the same ingredients. It is literally the same. Just eat it. It tastes the same. Turns the bag around, points to the ingredients list. There's like paprika in it. Goes over to the other bag, ingredients list, no paprika.

Are you kidding me? Fine. I take a little bit of paprika from the spice shelf. You want this? I dab a little bit on there now it's literally the same i have no excuse not to eat this you need to give pause to your arm that was doing the paprika as in more that can't be good for you okay if it will you eat your dinner if i give you a little bit more paprika? Sits and smiles.

I cannot believe this is happening. All right. Dash, dash, dash. There we go. Now eat your dinner. I need to go do work. So I just, this is insane that this is happening. Just finish your food.

Goes to the freezer. Opens it with his mouth. Frozen pretzel. That's mine. That's my after dinner treat. Goes over to the treats and eats them. Okay. There we go.

God. Michael, later you and I need to have a talk because Muffin just did some crazy shit the next morning. All right, morning, Muffin. Muffin, ready for breakfast? Oh, Muffin, my sleepy baby boy. Okay, here we go. Cup of there, and there you go. Did you just grimace?

Hops up on the counter, opens the spice drawer. Paprika in the jar. God, this is, I need to get this on video. This is, Muffin, have you ever heard of Petstar? It was an animal talent show back in the early aughts this is they need to see this cut to the audition room it was supposed to be Mario Lopez hello Mr. Lopez I am Bex and this is Muffin

And we have some incredible tricks to show you We can't wait to see it Alright Muffin let's go Okay Muffin there's like There's like a prop table With like a couple spices And then the bowl of food on the floor Okay Muffin fix your plate

Muffin just kind of sits there and smiles He's so funny I probably have to Okay, Muffin, fix your plate. Muffin just kind of sits there and smiles. He's so funny. I probably have to, I have to. Here, Muffin, eat. Eat your food. It's not spiced. I look at the judges and wink.

I take, I take. Muffin takes the treat and just eats it and loves it. Oh. So your dog loves treats? No, sorry. No, no, no. He just must be really, really hungry. He normally, what he does, and we can try this over right now, takes the treats away.

What he does is he loves paprika. He won't eat this food unless there's paprika in it. I don't know why he just ate it now. He's literally, he hasn't done that with this Kirkland brand. But he will go and he will, he's gotten to the point, at first it was me doing it, but in the past couple weeks, it's gotten to the point where he now makes his own spice blend of paprika a little bit of cumin and um some salt pepper um and a little bit of chili powder and he will mix it together he will pour it into a bowl

whisk it with a fork and then sprinkle it over the bowl and so i mean like i know it sounds crazy what i'm describing to you, but he actually does that. So I'm going to try one more time. How does he hold the fork? It just makes no sense mechanically. It doesn't make sense mechanically to me either. Because dogs can't hold things.

They can't point. They don't have fingers. I agree. I agree. That's literally what I said. You can point. He pointed to it one day and said, you could point.

That's exactly what I thought. So muffin, muffin. We're going to try it again. I pour him a new bowl of like no spice on it. And here we go. Okay, muffin, build your plate. He eats it straight muffin god you stupid fucking sorry don't talk yeah your dog i love no i love muffin but it's like sorry can i just sidebar with my dog really quick

sure okay sorry thank you mr lopez muffin what are you doing? This is all wrong. I thought you wanted... I know, I know you're tired, but I just thought you wanted to make it big. I mean, you are the pet star. Don't you want this? Rolls over away from you. Muffin, you don't mean that. Don't yell at me, Muffin, please.

Not right here. I'm sorry to interrupt. Your dog's not yelling. I'm sorry. You're actually interrupting. You're interrupting this really important conversation. Your dog doesn't want to be on TV, I don't think. My dog doesn't want to be with me, Mr. Lopez.

That's what he just told me. He didn't. Can we get her out of here? Can we get her fucking out of here? We see a lot of... Yeah. They finally leave. Hello, Mr. Lopez. get her out of here can we get her fucking out of here this is we see a lot of yeah they finally leave hello mr lopez uh this is my horse pina and he's gonna count to five i don't think so but let's normally on pet star they'd be like okay the number is seven and the horse would clomp to seven but what if the horse just goes one two three four five what

uh all right Your next review. This is for good and fun triple flavor kebabs. Chicken, duck, and chicken liver dog chews. So it kind of looks like a stick of rawhide with like three. It's a kebab. Okay. This is five stars from Sarah. Sarah Ruff.

Sarah Ruff. Five stars. The title is, My Dog Goes Crazy for Them. My husky is obsessed with these. We have them on an auto ship, and he cannot get enough. All I have to say is,

Treat! And he will do anything I say. Colon, parenthesis, smiley face. The rawhide isn't too healthy, but I guess I can't seem to not buy his favorite treat. The rawhide what? The rawhide isn't too healthy, but I guess I can't seem to not buy his favorite treat. The rawhide what? The rawhide isn't too healthy, I guess, but I can't seem to not buy his favorite treat. It's just the format of like, he will do anything I say and the colon parentheses smiley face

is so threatening. Yeah. And horrible. All I have to say is treat. He'll do anything I say. Grace, thanks so much for coming to my office. As you know, we've been. Yeah, of course.

We've been, the company's been having to downsize recently. Oh, God, please. No, I know where this is going. I know where this is going. I promise I will pull my numbers right back up and I will do whatever it takes. No, your numbers have been great. It's just they haven't been great enough. And I'm so sorry, but I'm going to have to lay you off.

No, please, please, please. John, I will do anything you guys need for this company. I love this job so much. I feel like I've made a family here. And I know we're just doing auto insurance, but I can't help but feel that this is my calling. I just, nobody's that passionate about auto insurance. So then why help but feel that this is my calling i just nobody's that passionate about auto insurance so then why are you letting me go bryce i mean bryce bryce who works on the

bottom floor he he has nothing on me he doesn't care he said today not to throw him under the bus because he actually said like man i hope they let me go so i have an excuse to leave well bryce also said that you've been kind of like threatening people by sicking your dog on them because you... No, yeah, this is part of why you're being laid off. Your numbers are some of the best of the company. It's just you're becoming a little bit of an HR threat. You've kind of like, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You were so worried.

You were so worried about being fired in this round of layoffs and you were actually safe the entire time. So then I'm good to go. about being fired in this round of layoffs and you were actually safe the entire time but then you started threatening no then you started threatening other employees saying that you have these dog treats that will make your dog do anything and so uh that's not good for company culture is all oh you're talking about the good and fun triple flavor kebabs yeah there's no way i would know but yeah probably oh my god no I'm so I feel so bad that people think I was threatening I was just saying that my my husky my balto

he loves them like I mean he'll literally well I look you dead in the eye and my smile fades for one of those he'll do anything I say and so I just hate to give you guys the wrong impression that that's something i would use as a physical threat not to be cut from this job that's crazy that's crazy yeah um so i guess i'll see you monday morning oh what were you gonna say i'm

not what no i was just i got worried for a second that you were going to, you were going to stick your dog on me. Monday morning. Yeah. Because it's, you know, we need you for another two weeks while we find your replacement. Sorry. I think we are getting our wires crossed. You just had my numbers are the best of the company.

Correct. I also said that you are threatening fellow employees with a rabbit husky. But I tell, I told you. You just did it to me told you just did it to me you just did it to me i just told you that that's not the case i just said that he loves those treats also he's updated on all his shots uh so he's not rabid um and i really i don't appreciate the accusation that i don't take care of my dog um but no i think there's a bit of miscommunication i would never just sick him on you because like like I said, he does anything I say.

Right. So he's not he's not just this out-of-control animal. He is the best listener this side of the Mississippi. And if I were to say,

get him Balto right in the leg, he knows where the major arteries are. Um, so you've trained him. I'm telling you, I didn't train. This is why, this is why you're being laid off.

What's why? What's why? Why aren't you laying off Bryce on the first floor? Because Bryce hasn't threatened other me. You just threatened me in the room. This is... I'm sorry, but... This is crazy.

I need to... Sorry, can I just make a quick call? I think... Hold on. Sure, yeah. Hello? Call whoever you need. Treat?

Okay, I have your attention. Holy shit. Drive to the office. He can't. There's no way the treats are that good. You hear the car ignition starting through the phone No fucking way Take a left at Peachtree

He knows his directions And a right on first No way A right on first I didn't know you lived so close And just pull at whatever parking spot you can That's not fair There's signed spots

In fact Take Josh Hall's spot. I'm already parked there. We hear a collision. Kidding me? Okay, now the front goes. Well, there's no way security's going to let him in. Sick him. Oh!

Security just. Fine, fine. You can keep your position. Oh, no! Fine! Fine! You can keep your position. But just everything goes back to the way it was. What do you mean goes back to the way it was? Everything's been normal. Oh, and he's here. No, no.

Balto! That's my sweet boy. Everything was how it was. It's no need for you to even be here, Balto. Balto? No way. Balto, trim the fat. What do you mean?

Balto looks at you, just writes down, you're fired. You taught him how to give someone a pink slip? This is illegal. Balto's the CEO now. You don't even want to be the CEO. Balto, run the company. He can't get paid. He doesn't have an employee identification number.

He puts on a tie. No way. He nudges you out of the chair forcefully. He sits down. He starts typing. He's insanely productive. The numbers skyrocket. I think this has been

the best move for the company. This is crazy. I have a wife and family. Oh, I can tell. No, he killed Bryce on his way up. Yeah, that wasn't security. That was Bryce. That he got confused.

Balto, come on. This has to be against the law. I didn't do anything. That's what Charles Manson still went to jail. Are you comparing me to Charles Manson? That's not offensive at this point. You killed a security guard with your dog. I didn't kill him.

You ordered him. Do you want to get dinner? Yeah. This is crazy hot to me after 30 years of marriage. Balto is grinding the pepper on our salads. This is so, it's so nice to talk outside of work i didn't know one of those giant novelty pepper grinders yeah it's like a reverse lady and the tramp except we're eating dog food we're eating the kebabs this is all he knows how to prepare yeah

yeah all right should we do our last segment yes i'm a bookworm i'm a bit of a book girl now so i guess like my whole life revolves around reading and i can't get enough of the stuff. Um, I, and Jeff's gone and just gone. Uh, but that doesn't matter. My team won't change.

I read a book. Just one. No, I, um, I, so I, starting in June, I'm very late to this, but I finally read All the Light We Cannot See, which won like a Pulitzer in like 2014.

And it's, it's a beautiful novel. And then I went from that to, I'm now reading, and I'm almost done with, in like three sittings, I will finish this book. It is so good i'm flying through it um the seven husbands of evelyn hugo um and let me pull up the author's name because i am forgetting uh taylor jenkins read it's so good uh it's it's an incredible incredible book it's such a great story but i felt like yesterday i didn't have much to do yesterday and so i i did a little bit of work in the morning and then i like just read for i just made coffee sat a chair i'm in chicago right now and it was just very cozy and i just

read and i'm like wow i i had such a lame thought I'm like huh I'm like reading reading really does transport you to another world nice I like I just I love the book I love reading it's so good.

If anyone has any good novel recs, send them my way. Oh my god. So yeah. Reading transports you to another world is what shook me. So. You know how I'm behind on TV shows and everything? I'm behind on the concept of reading a novel. Jeff, reading transports you to another time and place.

No, 100%. I agree. It's like everyone should try it. Yeah. It's a novel. It's an idea about novels. It's not a novel idea. What about you,

Jeffrey? I've been, I've been holed up for 10 days, so I don't have anything new about like to talk about really. I mean, LASIK was pushed back a week. Right. Which was really disappointing because December of 2019, I was scheduled for LASIK.

And this is a real story. It was scheduled for December 2019. And I was working at Carpool karaoke at the time we weren't let off for christmas break until uh or the holiday break until after the surgery date so i had to push it back and then i was like well you know what i'll just do it once the season's over and then covid happened so i just you know and then i'm not gonna do elective surgery during covid when i'm not vaccinated and then i was gonna do it in april but then they were like you need to fix this my bony and gland dysfunction thing.

And it's not fixed fully, but my eyes, my dry, my eyes aren't dry anymore, which is great. So now they're finally ready. I have it set. Everybody in the office is like, you're good. Like, this is the best your eyes could be for like you're 23. This is going to be perfect. And then I get COVID and then I was, but I am thankful that I didn't get the surgery

and then COVID because then I wouldn't be able to go for my follow-up appointments. And also, there was some inflammation in my eyes while I had COVID. So that would have been bad for the healing. And your immune system needs to be solid for the healing to happen of your eyes. So in a way, it was a blessing. But just frustrating to be days away from it. Yeah, you've been waiting so long. Years. It's been years in the long. Years, it's been years in the making.

Yeah, it's been years. But now I'm going on, the day this episode comes out. That's great. Ideally getting it. Who knows what will happen this weekend, but yeah. Well, I'm very excited for your eyes, crazy ass. It'll be interesting to see what happens. I'm trying to make next week as open as possible

because they were like, don't stare at screens too much. And I was like, that's what every part of my job requires. Which everybody's job pretty much does. But you know, God, I just need to fix my eyes. Anyway, should we thank some VIPodcats? I think we should. But before that, you can follow Riley on Instagram at RileyAnspa, on Twitter at RileyCoyote, the show on Instagram at ReviewReview, and the show on Reddit, r slash ReviewReview.

You can follow Jeffrey on Instagram at JeffreyJames and on Twitter at JeffBoyRD. And now for our VI podcast. A big thank you to Nice underscore Christian Sidehugs for Chastity Aaron Aaron Old Dobbin Coogan Adam Shea Agent Michael, well for lack of a better name

Rasheed Aggie Co in the Key of Sheet Alex Witt. Oliver Wallstrom Lindell. America's sweetheart himself, Bob Buell. Anthony Amadeo. Austin lost his credit card stand, but he's back now, baby.

Beach. Brad Hild. Brian Dodd. Brungus Mink is dead. Ghoulia Bouidifus is back. Chuck. Caroline, the bread winner, and Kinsey, the bread sinner. Chastin Bales. Chris Forgash. Cluff. Caroline, the breadwinner, and Kinsey, the bread sinner. Chase and Bales.

Chris Forgash. Cluff. Oh, shout out Daniel Cluff. He came to my stand-up show on whatever Wednesday that was, and we chatted it up for a bit. He's a cool guy. So now he's the best patron. Okay. Yes.

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Mushu Lasagna. Nate Porteous, new patron. That's Patron and, well, booze. New Patron. Oh, fuck. Nate Porteous, new patron. That's Patron and, well, oh my god. Nate Porteous New Patron That's Patron And well

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I'll be leaving I can't be near That fucker Nothing sometimes Isn't even my real name. Phoebe. Quok. Rooster Williams. Sam Armstrong. Sarah Kildiff.

Ugh, Scalpelastus Mona, and I'm on cloud well, nine. If Jeff says, wait, shit. Scalpelastus Mona, and I'm on cloud, well, nine. If Jeff says cloud instead of cloud again, I will unsubscribe. Scalby Lausus Mona and I'm on Cowdwell 9 If Jess says cloud instead of cowd again

I will unsubscribe No no no Oh my god That's so good That's so stupid I love it so much shanda the boner borna shanda the boner burn it boner ski shanda the boner boner ski shannon brooks soap space ant this d20 die is longing to roll tj michael tyler the unbustable uh-oh jasper is hemorrhaging cash by the fistful and will soon be fun employed see y'all later i'll miss you bob you will know

we'll see you jasper maybe see you again in the future uh xander Madsen. Yara Bouchard. And Yasmin David. So if you guys also want... Shan to the bone. Also, I love the... Shan to the bone. She typed that all out. Shan to the bone. So what are you saying?

Shannon Boneski? But yeah, so shout out everybody who subscribed at the highest tier if you guys also want access to VIP Zardes and exclusive merch and other stuff you can subscribe at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff

we'll see you guys again next week thanks for listening to this episode Arrivederci that was a Hiddem original