Review Revue - Doggie Day Care

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

This week Alf and Reilly go to Riley's.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time. The dumbass said to me, won't see another one

And then he sang a song, McCartney's for you He turned my face away, and dreamed about Alf Got on a lucky one Now the podcast is full I've got a feeling This year's for review, review So happy Christmas I love you bars well

don't kill yourself with an axe when all our dreams come true plan we're gonna cut when when was that sent so i just want to say that was fairy tale of new host song parody by connor finnegan okay so Pose. Okay. So Connor goes, sending this to you on the 23rd of May. So it should be just in time for Christmas of 2023.

Wouldn't that be nice? That's really fucking bizarre. Christmas in August. That was haunting. I love that. I'm going to play that one from the rooftop today. Just the one. I'm going to play that one song.

Going to walk, going to haul my boom box up. No, no, no, from the rooftop. Not the rooftops. No. As is, you know, the normal phrase. How would I do it from more than one rooftop at a time? Parkour. Yeah, I definitely look like a guy who wouldn't hurt himself doing that. Alfini!

Hi. Hey. Okay, you already are pissed to be here. I'm so pissed to be here. No, I'm not pissed, really. I'm excited. I'm excited. Because you know why?

We're over our heat stroke. We are out of days. Because AC is off, and yet I am not drenched. I feel vaguely normal even though the AC is not on. And that is a good place to be. So let's set an intention. Let's set an intention for the episode. Okay, what's this episode going to be?

What's this episode going to be? What's this episode? I think this one is going to be magical. Ooh, I kind of like that. I think this one is going to have maybe a little whimsy, a little sparkle. But it's going to be magic. This is going to be our sparkliest episode ever. Alf, what's new with you, bitch?

Oh my god, are you kidding? I burped. What? Am I not allowed to burp anymore? No. Oh, yoy, yoy. No, I mean, it's what's new with me. I just did laundry today.

You see that pile of laundry. I haven't folded it yet. Okay. It's going to be wrinkly now, isn't it? Okay. Well, some of it doesn't matter if it's wrinkled, right? Okay. Well.

Oh, you care if your socks are wrinkled no but that doesn't just look like socks no it is no that is i did two loads in the washer and it was all socks okay you got me yeah there's some shirts in there yeah some that would even normally be hung up by now but it's how's your new place you're settling into your new place no it's not how is settling into your new place it's good i'm i'm i'm adapting to being on the fourth story of a walk-up um i uh you know every time i really have to think about what i'm gonna take the trash out you know what i mean if i take the trash out it's like i'm gonna go do it on my way out the door you know what i mean i'm not just gonna take the trash out you know because i'm not going down four flights

of stairs and back up four flights of stair just for the fuck of it okay ask though you might ask though you might uh-huh um but yeah it's nice i just was watching billions um and like debating okay i swear i heard a knock at the door can you imagine someone goes hey hey i'm your new neighbor um oh my god i heard you talking about um billions i was wondering if we could hang out and watch it together watching billions and i just wanted to say i think uh that's just something that happened to me um this week is that somebody told me you a billion dollars told me i look like a billionaire they said holy shit are you rich you kind of look like a billionaire stopping you on the street whoa sorry it's just you look like a billionaire no i did have an insane interaction though this week which was it was at a starbucks

and the barista she goes i walk up first thing she says to me you look like a young Jim Gaffigan. I go, Young Jim Gaffigan. All right, calm down. And then I go, Huh? She can tell that it's like not the best news I've ever received. She goes, This is the most insane thing anyone's ever said.

Oh, no, don't worry. You're way thinner than he is. Oh, my God. And I was like, yeah, because that was my issue. Oh my god, Alfred. And you know, it's okay, because there will come a time when they stop saying young Jim Gaffigan.

I was gonna say, yeah. And it'll just be, hey, you look like old Jim Gaffigan. You look like a really old version of Jim Gaffigan. You look like Jim Gaff gaffigan you look like a really old version of jim gaffigan you look like jim gaffigan 30 years from now do a jim gaffigan impression right now hi i'm alfred come on um something happened to me this week i got four moles removed i got four moles removed i'm back on my mole shit i'm back on my mole shit. I'm back on my mole bullshit.

What were they like digging up your backyard or what? Nope. Digging up my skin on my body. You got attacked by four moles? Yes, technically. No, I had my first dermatology appointment. We're back on hashtag Riley mole watch. You guys can just skip ahead like two, three minutes. Away minutes away oh and you think people want to listen to someone calling you

jim gaffigan yes it's more interesting it is way more interesting no no i gotta keep i gotta keep i gotta keep the listener interested in hashtag riley mole watch um because since coming back from fiji i had not been uh it was my first dermatology appointment since being away for a couple of months. And so I did get far removed and I went to a friend's birthday party, a friend of the pod ended life, Irene Walton. I went to Irene Walton's birthday party last night and I forgot that I just have all of these band-aids all over my arms and neck and chest. I got talking. I made a new friend and like somehow dermatology came up.

I swear to God it wasn't me. Yeah, that seems fucking likely, doesn't it? No, it really, really wasn't. And she was like, oh, and I said, I'm like, oh, funny, funny enough. I got four moles removed like two days ago. Funny enough that I should mention dermatology. I actually just got. She goes, she goes, oh, i was kind of wondering what those band-aids were i thought they were skin cancer but i didn't want to bring it up and i said well girly he's hoping it's not i thought it was

skin cancer but i didn't the idea that you would see somebody with a band-aid and go oh poor thing must be skin cancer i i honestly i didn't blame her because they're so random and it's like she very clearly knew you know what i would think and if you're listening to this girl i hope by now i've gotten the she's not first of all she said she would right she said she would you know how many people have told me that in my life anyway um you know what i would think if i saw you with four it's really painful because i have i got one removed on the base of my neck where the skin is thin and so it really fucking hurts i would think first fell through a window that would probably be my first guess second attack by wasps okay third skin cancer

there's skin cancer but elf we're not sorry i know let me cut you off let me cut you off we're not here to talk about skin cancer today i'm sorry i just as much as i want to get on my soapbox and tell everyone to go get their skin checked i do have to would it shock you to learn that i haven't been to the dermatologist in three years alfred you know i know no i have an appointment i have an appointment pray me. Okay. But we're not here to talk about that. Are we going to need to start hashtag Alfred Mole Watch? Okay, prayer warriors. I said, because we have a hashtag on Twitter, hashtag Riley Mole Watch.

Do we need to start hashtag Alfred Mole Watch? No. Okay. Riley Mole Watch was like when you were, remember when you were obsessed with that fucking show, The Mole? I still love The Mole. That was Mole Watch. That was Riley Mole Watch. That's me live tweeting watching the Netflix series, The Mole.

When Daniel got home from work, he was like, oh, I guess it's another episode of Hashtag Riley Mole Watch. Hashtag Riley Mole Watch. But we're not here to talk about, no, we're not. We got Hashtag Riley Mole Watch and we got Hashtag Riley Watch Mole. So don't get him confused. But we're not here to talk about. No, we're not. No, I'm sorry. And we got hashtag Riley watch mole. Don't get him confused. And then now we have to have watch Riley mole,

which is where we set up a live stream of them. Cutting your balls off. Digging in the garden. Oh, okay. Hashtag watch Riley mole. We're here to talk about doggy day care. Okay. So when we were talking about what should we, you know, the topic for this week. Wait, doggy day care was the topic? Shut up.

I thought it was Renaissance Fairs. All of my reviews are for the 2003 Eddie Murphy film, Daddy Day Care. 2003? Does that sound right? Sounds right. When we were like, what episode should we do? What topic should we do? And Alf goes, it's summer doggy daycare.

No, no, that's not what I did, first of all. No, you did say it's August. What about the doggy doggy, the dog days of summer doggy daycare? That's literally what happened. But you see how that's more logical than August doggy daycare. Alf, talk to me about doggy daycare baby oh i mean a life hack why pay her for an airbnb when you could just hang in the kennel no i don't do that um i've never do that no i don't actually that was so judgy as if like you know i don't do that i look i know people who do that and trust me i don't that's not me um, I don't do that. I look, I know people who do that. And trust me, I don't. That's not me.

No, I don't really. I don't really have a dog. So I don't really partake very often. The closest my main experience. Don't say I don't partake in doggy daycare. That's a psycho thing to say. My main interaction with doggy daycares over the years is actually from when I was a dog walker. I used to walk dogs for money and for fun.

And sometimes you would be like, you know, it wasn't that unusual that you would pick a dog up from home. Forgets the word for house. For the big building where they live and your responsibility for the day your walk as it were uh would be taking them from house to doggy daycare you know what i mean like like so the mom doesn't have to worry about that trip it's just you know it's kind of like you know when a babysitter takes a kid to school or picks a kid up from school you know that was also often you would go to the doggy daycare get get the dog, bring the dog back to the house. If you just want to cut ahead, you can just cut like 15.

No. And if you want to hit the back button to hear that again, it was so fascinating. But yeah. And so I my main experience with doggy daycare is trying to convince these people to give a stranger a dog because i'd walk in and i'd be like oh i'm here for uh merlin and they'd be like yeah just let me give merlin's mom a call real quick just to make sure and i'm like no no trust me i'm here for him uh okay sir which one is he which one is he uh uh he's a lab right, you're coming with me. They arrest me. They arrest me on site. But yeah, so that's my main experience with Doggy Daycare.

And I was always appreciative that they were, you know, they didn't trust me because, you know, I wouldn't trust me. Yeah. You sure don't. I don't. I don't. What's your experience with Doggy Daycare? I don't have a dog which i did i uh used to live nearby a doggy daycare um and it was it was one that i always appreciated it because it had glass on the outside so you could the dogs

you could just watch the dogs as you went by so i would often stand outside of that building you know if i was walking home or walking around i would stand outside and just kind of watch the little 9-1-1 she's back i would just she again she's she's in the window she's just staring with the little dogs and the room with the big dogs and they just you know it was great i think one time they should just you know put them all in one room see what happens i don't know man man. I do remember, so when the wildfires, the Woolsey wildfires were happening a couple years ago, and my, I was in Boston, I was in college at the time, I remember coming home for winter break,

and that was, I think, around when the fires were happening, and so my family, we were evacuated because of the fires. And they were like, just my family was like living out of a hotel for a couple weeks. And because we had three Irish wolfhounds at the time, which are huge fucking dogs. Big, sloppy boys. They were put in a doggy daycare. They were put in like a doggy daycare slash boarding place. It was where you could leave them for a couple days at a time the doggies were i think very happy i i appreciate a place

that it's like you get to have um video there's like a live video stream of the dogs um and like they send updates and stuff like that that i feel like is very nice um Um, but I don't know. I can imagine being a dog owner and being very selective about it's like, you know, like what's going to happen. I'm leaving my dog somewhere for hours, maybe days. And it's like, not even that you don't. So basically what I'm trying to say is I got, there was one place I found when I was looking up reviews that they have, like, they're very selective. Like, they can turn certain dogs away. That's awesome. Based on personality, which I did not know that that was a thing.

I truly thought it was like, here's my money, take my dog. And they're expensive, too. You know, like, they're, you know know it's a lot more just paying the neighbor boy to come check on the fucking thing uh which you know is also another method of having somebody look after your pets um but i get it i mean if i ran a doggy daycare i would absolutely turn dogs away because a lot of dogs no i'm just saying a lot of dogs are like, huh. So like in the multi fires when everyone's like,

Hey, these hotels don't allow dogs. Yes. You're turning dogs away. I'd say there's actually a place set up exactly for you. And it is 2012. So hotel for dogs. Was that 2012?

I've been, I got daddy daycare, right? Hotel for 2009. 2009. It's all right. I'll been, I got Daddy Daycare right. Hotel Fort, 2009. 2009. It's alright, I'll get it next time. But we're not here to talk about Doggy Daycare. We need to talk.

Okay, I have some reviews. Do you want to start or should I? I'm gonna fucking do it. Okay, go. This one's from Jim T. Jim go uh this one's from uh jim t jim tug of war playing with a dog jim tug of war playing with a dog five stars wait what is it where is it for this is for dogtopia in Austin, Texas. Oh, of course. You can tell dogs are their first priority.

He'd rather be at Dogtopia than with his boring parents. Taught Thanos to be a good boy, which is nice when going out in public. Would recommend to everyone I know. Ben knows what he's doing i hate that taught thanos to be a good boy which is useful when going public i don't even know where to start because it's like the um intonation on ben knows what

he's doing feels like a weird little like nod about like, I don't know, it's giving like early 2000s vibe movie of like, you know, there's like a hot young new like mechanic or like, you know, whatever comes to a town

and all of like the middle-aged moms are like, ooh. He certainly knows what he's doing. Yeah, exactly. Cut to a doggy daycare. Hi, Lisa. I'm here. Oh, oh, you're not Lisa.

No. Um, pleasure to meet your acquaintance. Name's Ben. Hi, Ben. Um, I'm Christine. And, well, this is my little girl, Daisy. Little Pomeranian. Tiniest dog I've ever seen.

Gucci Gucci. Hello, Daisy. Oh, enchanté. Um, well, normally... Shake? Oh, she doesn't know how to do that. Shake? She does it.

She does. Oh! Good girl, Daisy. Oh, well, my name's Christine. I was talking to your dog. Oh, silly me. It would be weird for me to say good girl to a woman I just met in a professional setting. Well, wouldn't be so weird. Anyway, normally I just drop her off with Lisa

for a couple hours for some training, but God knows that Lisa has no idea what she's doing. Lisa's passed away. Oh, thank God. It's about time. So you've taken over the doggy daycare. That's a, yeah, I mean, I'm the new manager, yes. I've actually worked here for years, but behind the scenes.

Mainly taking out all the doggy garbage and, you know, all of that. Oh, well, you got a face for a managerial position, Ben. I must say, I must ask, what do you do for a living? The way you reacted to the news of Lisa's death was particularly cold, and I wonder what you do for work. Oh, oh god, no, I'm a pharmaceutical rep. It's just all of the, you know, all of the doggy mamas in town. We just, we couldn't stand Lisa.

Yeah, she was a bit of a nag. She was a huge nag, and she had no idea what she was doing in terms of dog training. Anyway, unfortunately, Ben, I have to go to work. Okay. But I feel like my- Those drugs won't sell themselves. I feel like my little Daisy is safe in your big, strong hands. I should hope so.

It's my job, after all. Cut to a lunch break at the pharmaceutical company with the other reps. Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! What? You have to start bringing

your dogs back to the doggie daycare. Oh, no. Not with Lisa there, that awful nag of a woman. No, no, Lisa da, Lisa died. Lisa da? Lisa dead. Well, now I've heard everything. Lisa dead. And Ben is there

now. Oh, the garbage boy. You know him? Of course. He's always there taking out the doggy trash. He's in charge now. Wow, that's quite the fitting role He's the manager, and my god, he could manage me any day, Tina, I'll tell you that Oh, you are too much, you are too much No, he is, I gave him my little Daisy and he said, shake?

Daisy has never shaken her paw in her life, my god as soon as she saw him she said oh honey i won't don't just be my paw i'll be shaking right right what else would be what else would be shaking oh um i guess i had uh maybe her her her tongue? Sure, you could have, yeah. I bet your knees were shaking though, weren't they? Oh, I was talking about her, that she, it doesn't matter. None of this matters. What matters is believe you me, seeing

Ben in this new managerial role is just going to knock your panties off. So you go bring your Thor over there. Oh, well, Thor and Loki both are going to have a fun time with Ben. I can already tell. Cut to the doggy daycare.

Hi, welcome to Riley's doggy daycare. How can I help you? Um, yes. I have some bad news about Thor and Loki. Oh, no. I'm going to have to take them out, you see. I need to go to a different doggy daycare. Oh, God.

Oh, no. What happened? Oh, it's nothing with you. You've been excellent to me the whole time that I've been sending my pupperinos here. But, well, it's just... You know Lisa? From the other doggy daycare? Uh, yes, I think so.

She died! And now Ben's in charge! Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear that. No, no, she was really quite the nag. And now there's a strapping young man in charge. And, well, how else am I going to meet men if not through my little boys? So, time to go. And give me my dogs.

I'm on my way out. Sorry, so you're moving, doggy? We've done, you've been coming to us for years. Oh, don't cry because it's over. Don't smile because it happened, darling. It's time for me to take my boys and go.

Because I need more than anything right now as a new husband. Okay, listen, I don't know you very well. I don't think you ever actually asked for my name. Riley, I assumed. No, I don't run the doggy daycare. My name is Rebecca. Rebecca.

Well, I'm sorry to say that it's time for my doggies to sashay away. You know what? Fine. If this is how you're gonna be, then you can take them. What do you mean, how I'm gonna be? I think I'm being very nice. That's fine. Take your dogs.

They're honestly, they kinda suck. What do you mean? They're perfect little baby angels. They are just, like, absolutely rabid. Genuinely foaming at the mouth. Yeah. Take them. Honestly, we keep them in a different room from the other dogs because I think they're infectious and they're incredibly aggressive.

Infectious personality, that's for sure. I don't know about that. My little bundles of joy. Cut to Lisa's doggy daycare. Can I help you, or are you just gonna stand there? Daniel cut this out. I forgot I was playing both characters yes hello

um my little boys Thor and Loki I was wondering if I could drop them here in your strong and capable hands um yeah that uh yeah that's fine. I don't know why you put it like that.

Um, I'm, uh, I'm actually in the middle of a grooming session, so I'm just gonna, my assistant's gonna come out and finish up the rest of this one. Um, if that's all right with you, uh. Oh, um, I suppose, uh. Hi, I am Alyssa I am training with the hottest woman you've ever seen in your fucking life

You're fucking him, aren't you? Excuse me? Ben, the manager, the owner, whatever he is to you There's no chance I'm gonna get him now Oh my god, this is Unbelievably inappropriate Tell me the truth

Woman to woman, are you or are you not fucking him? Of course we're fucking Have you seen us? We're the hottest people you've probably ever seen Yes, yes, genuinely, yes So why are you upset? Uh, well Oh, what a stupid question.

You wanted to fuck Ben too, didn't you? Of course, I thought. Of course you did. You know, I could use my little precious little boys as leverage and start to get to know him. But alas. Leverage? Honey, get in line. You look outside.

There is a line down the block of women of a certain age with their dogs. Where did they come from? Oh, wow. I've really shitted. Oh, hopefully they'll have me back at Riley's Daycare. I do have a busy work-life balance to balance. Oh, boy. I sure hope they have room for my boys.

I don't know what I'll do if the only two doggy daycares in town don't have room for me. Oh, if you messed up at Riley's doggy daycare, they're never taking you back. What do you mean? They hold grudges, girl. Oh, fuck. Now I've heard everything. Well, I simply must try. Thank you for your help, darling. Are you okay?

Oh, well, there's nothing a girl can do but try. Thank you for your help, darling. You've been nothing but superb. Give my love to Ben. I hope you enjoy that ride while it lasts. All right. Onward, boys! The dogs die in the street. Well, that's one problem solved.

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I think that intention was set That one was sparkly That one was certainly sparkly Like the rabid foam out of the doggy's mouth next one's gonna be even more sparkly though i can feel it okay alfred we've got a five star star one star okay sorry this is for wouldn't you believe it riley's doggy daycare so in the first scene i didn't just say riley's doggy daycare oh it's about me riley it's because i was thinking about the

place that i found reviews for which is called riley's doggy daycare r-i-l-e-y self-obsession to levels i've never seen in any of my patients this is this is a doggy daycare in downtown los angeles um okay so here's the thing this one takes a little bit of so there's a lot of back this is a doggy daycare in downtown Los Angeles okay so here's the thing this one takes a little bit of so there's a lot of back and forth for fuck's sake it's a lot of back and forth

hold on let me start from the end this is from I'm gonna be jumping around just so you can get the bullet points but there's a lot so this is from Irene A Irene Irene the bullet points but there's a lot so this is from irene a irene irene i reen and reen as feast is a keen irene and reen as fast as i keen yes okay this is one star from irene irene as fast as ikeen

that's actually very funny um why the actually there why the actually there fuck so here we go so basically what's happened so the first review which i'm not going to read is this woman talking about how she took her dog. Oh, wait, sorry. Cut that out. Here we go. Here we go. One star from Irene and Reina Stasizajkin.

I took my boy for a trial day on Monday, April 18th, 2022. And I'd have to say that the experience was disappointing. I've told the staff everything about my boy and his temperament on paper and in person. I made it clear that despite him being an alpha and displaying certain alpha behaviors, one of them being bossy to other dogs over possession and food, but not a resource guarding situation since we could take them away from him and he would do nothing but cry if we did that, he would never initiate a fight as he understands social cues. I told them he would back away if other dogs snap at slash correct him. His trial was cut short due to his quote-unquote dominance. They didn't give him a chance.

He wasn't even brought into the large playroom and interact with all the dogs there. He did show a dominant gesture as he nudged and briefly put his head above the other dog's neck. His trial ended shortly after that. He only met a few dogs, introduced one and one in the small outside area. And from what I saw through the camera, he showed leash reactivity at the end, which he never ever did before. So then she goes on to talk about how she's like, my dog displayed this behavior that he's never done. And so I don't understand. And they didn't let him in the doggy daycare. So they get a response. So basically this, uh, the dog owner sent an update being like, we found somewhere else. And the dog, like my dog

was totally fine there. Even all the trainers said that this place had no idea what they were talking about. And so he loves this new place. So Angelique, who owns Riley's doggy daycare sends, hi, Irene. We're happy you found a place that works for you both. Every environment is different, and some pups act different in different environments. Ours clearly wasn't for him, and that's okay. We're just happy he's doing well. What we will say is, oh, so backstory.

The woman had said that she was like shit-talking the doggy daycare on other positive reviews of this place. The business owner got mad. shit talking the doggy daycare on other positive reviews of this place. The business owner got mad. So she goes, what we will say is that we don't think it's okay to contact a direct client of ours because you disagree with their review. Their review was an honest review as they really liked the way we evaluated and introduced her pup to our environment and dogs. As all of our clients love and trust the way we chose to handle our evaluations. That is why everyone feels safe bringing their dogs to us.

Your pup is not a bad pup. We just all agreed that we were not the right environment for him. We wish you both the best. And then there was a much longer back and forth. Do we want to hear the final response? Here we go. Thank you for your well wishes. In your opinion, it's not okay for me to reach out to a customer

which is just so you're aware there's an option yelp provides on the review called compliment where you can add a note to your compliment which i've simply used so technically no i did not contact them it was similar to me liking and leaving a comment on their social media post in my opinion it is not okay for you to never own up to your mistake and never apologize smiley face in the end all you had to say was basically, well, too bad it didn't work out. And chose still to pin it on my boy. Just like in your previous reply, which you've now deleted. So I guess what has happened is that this dog did not pass whatever test that Riley's Doggy Daycare requires.

And was showing like aggressive behavior, which according to the owner, had never happened. She sent him to a new place. He's happy there. And then she decided to shit talk Riley's Doggy Daycare. And she decided to burn Riley's Doggy Daycare to the fucking foundation. Yeah, and a very

responsive, like, you know what? Different strokes for different folks. It's alright. Your dog didn't want a good your dog maybe your dog just didn't vibe here i love the idea of it's like um a couple leaving a restaurant you know and they say to the waiter they're leaving i love that idea fuck off uh they're leaving the restaurant they say to the waiter oh my god thank you so much again damien um give They say to the waiter, oh my God, thank you so much again, Damien. Um, give our compliments to the chef, please. Oh, absolutely.

Oh my God. He will be so excited to hear that. We love it here. We really do. Um, you guys always doing a wonderful job and there's nowhere else that my wife and I would rather spend our anniversary every single year than with you and the chef. So thank you again. Well, we are so honored to be able to host you and your lovely wife year after year. It means the world to us that we can be part of your memories

and your marriage. Alrighty, you have a good day. You as well. They're walking back to the car. God, I really think they outdid themselves this year. Yeah, truly, truly remarkable. Woman approaches them out of the bushes. Heard you gave your compliments to the chef.

Oh God. Oh my God. Oh my God. We, I don't have any cash. I don't have any cash, but you can, you can take my wallet.

You can take, I'm not robbing you. No, I just heard that you gave your compliments to the chef. Well, yes. Well, and I thought you should know That he wouldn't let me bring my dog in there Oh, um I'm sorry to hear that, but we do have to be getting back

The sitter should be leaving soon Uh, have a good night Um, honey, why don't you, um Why don't you go back and Where are the keys? Where are the keys? Okay. Um,

do you have the car keys? I have the car keys. Yes. Um, uh, I'm going to run. You stay, no,

you stay here. Stay here by the front. Stay here by the front. I'm going to go get the car. I don't want you walking through that parking lot with her. Stay where the window by, so Damien can see you. Okay.

Okay. I'm going to go and get the car. Um, okay. Okay. Okay. Miss, miss, I'm going to go get the car okay okay okay miss miss I'm gonna go get our car now I we would really prefer it if I would really prefer it if

you didn't speak to my wife just pretending to be on my phone you heard what I said right oh my god um that he wouldn't let my dog in he wouldn't let your dog in that He wouldn't let your dog in, that's right. I'm sorry about that. The name of the restaurant is the Whiskey Dog, and they wouldn't let my dog in. That doesn't seem weird to you.

I'm sorry, why do I have anything to do with this? You gave them your compliments. Yes, because we had a really wonderful night, and the food was fantastic, the service was impeccable. We've come here every year for our anniversary dinner tour. We had our first date. Okay. What if you had a dog? They wouldn't let you bring it

in, would they? Well, we do have a dog. Have you ever tried to bring it? No, because this is a five star restaurant. And that doesn't bother you? No No because our dog Is not a service animal Neither is mine Okay

So it's less it's even less of an issue That they wouldn't let you bring it in He's a good boy he's never done what he did before Until that day What he did before Yes he's always been good It was something they must have done that made him behave like that.

But you said they didn't let him in. Right. Because of what he did out front. I hate to ask, but what did he do? Well, I'm scared to tell you because you'll base your whole opinion of my boy based off of this one incident.

Just like those- I don't know you and I don't know your dog and I don't know your dog. I don't really care what your dog did or didn't do. Okay, he bit. Big deal. Dogs bite. Okay, he bit.

A person? Yeah, whatever. God, that's not good. Oh, what? Oh, you're on their side now. Did your dog bite one of the staff? Yeah. That waiter in there.

Damien? Ever notice how he walks with a limb? It's because Ferdinand bit him on the rumpus. I look inside, and Damien's just staring at the woman. Oh, God. Oh, God. Well, then of course I'm on Damien's side. That's horrible.

Your dog shouldn't have done that. And you should train your dog better to not do things like that. At least put a muzzle on it. Put a muzzle on it? Would you put a muzzle on a baby? No. Then why would you put one on my fur baby? That is not the same.

What is your name? Roxanne. Of course it is. Roxanne, that is, putting a muzzle on a baby is not the same as putting a muzzle on a dog. But you can agree they're similar. No, I can't. Because muzzling a dog can be safer for the dog and the human because sometimes dogs get overexcited. Whatever.

Clearly, I know more about dog behavior and ownership than you do. I beg your... What kind of dog do you have? I have a mix. Okay. How old? Three. Well trained?

Very. Doubtful. If he's so well trained, try and bring him to the restaurant. Oh, you think your dog's better trained than me? You bring him to the restaurant and see if he can resist biting that man's yams. You know what, Roxanne? I will. Tomorrow

night, 8 p.m., peak restaurant dinner hour. You bring your dog, and I'll bring my little rover. And we will have a train off to see which dog can resist biting the yams of Damien the waiter. Got it? Or are you scared because you know that my dog's going to win?

I'm never a scaredy cat. I'm a bravey dog. Cut to the next night. This like pit mix named Rover and what kind of dog did she have? I don't think you ever said. I don't think we ever said that she has a huge

Chihuahua. The biggest Chihuahua you've ever. It's a Chihuahua but it's the size of a Border Collie. It's really upsetting to look at. We've got Rover and Ferdinand. Ferd got Rover and Ferdinand. Ferdinand. Ferdinand. Your dog.

Come. Come. Come. The dog just starts screaming. Oh god. Where did you get your dog? Where did I get him? From the ranch. Is that the one with the horses? Yeah. The ranch. They said they found him eating the ranch. Is that the one with the horses? Yeah, the ranch.

They said they found him eating the hay and they wanted to get rid of him. They were going to put him down. But I said, I'll take that little guy. It's not so little. Well, anyway. Because I feed him human food. That makes a lot of sense. Pork pie.

Damien? Damien? No, I'm not coming out there. Damien, please. It's just for an experiment. It'll be over so soon. No, that dog's gonna bite me again. Damien. Go away, Roxanne. Go away, Roxanne.

I don't want to see you or that little rat ever again. Chef, come on, chef. Make Damien come out here. Why? Why must you do this at my restaurant? Come on. I just try to make a food. Luca, we love you, but this does have to be resolved.

Damien, go display your ass. I don't want to display my ass. It's going to get chopped to pieces. Damien, if you don't do this, then dinner service will be a nightmare. Well, I can't have that. Nobody can. Not at the Whiskey Dog. The Whiskey Dog, my favorite Italian restaurant.

For the Whiskey Dog and for you, Luca. I love you, Damien. And for you, Luca. I love you, Damien. I love you, Luca. You are the best waiter and also my husband. You are the love of my life. I will never forget your sacrifice. Damien stands like he stands at the entrance to the restaurant

but he just exposes his bare ass and only puts that outside the door frame. So the rest of the restaurant, but he just exposes his bare ass. Elney puts that outside the door frame. So the rest of his body's still in the door. It's just his ass sticking out. Come on, Ferdinand. Come on. Don't do it.

Don't do it, Ferdinand. Don't do it. You have to unleash your dog and get your dog to sit next to you. I will. As long as you do it first. Ferdinand is pulling at the leash and just... He will. He'll settle.

He'll settle. He'll settle. He settles. Rover's purr just got like... Looks like a little baby seal. Just like big eyes. Okay, Rover. I unclip the harness.

Stay. Good boy. You... That's not a real... Your dog's not real. That's not a real, your dog's not real. That's not a real dog. You've got a fake dog. No, I've got a perfect, he is the goodest boy.

He's my little pupperino, and he loves his mommy. Go ahead, take Ferdinand off the leash. I'm scared he'll bite Damien's ass? No, I'm not scared. I'm a bravey dog. On the count of three, I'm going to let go. And whatever happens, we all agree it's not on me right it's your fault for making me do it or maybe his fault for having his ass out no no i can't let you untie that dog because we all know that as soon as you

do that dog is going to rip that poor man no i'm doing it three two one she lets go of the dog there's a moment of silence as the dog stays completely still the crowd gets their hopes up only for them to be immediately dashed the dog rips into Damien's ass they both go flying into the restaurant yeah

I was wrong I got up. Yeah. I was wrong. I got up to it. I was wrong. I don't even know how I feel now. Damien's just being torn apart by this dog in the background. Damien's just screaming. I don't feel like a winner.

I don't feel like a loser. Well, you should feel that way because you're a bad leader. Well, I don't. like a loser. Well, you should feel that way because you're a bad lady. Well, I don't, so. Okay, let's go, Rover. Rover stands up on his hind legs. He walks over to Roxanne. Shakes her hand.

Gives her a pat on the back. It's back. Good boy. Roxanne's dog has basically fully eaten Damien's entire ass. Someone in the crowd goes, Oh, that's what she meant by she

feeds it human food. Magical. Magical. Sparkly. Sparkly. Do you have another one sure as fuck do easy with that

sure as hell sure as I'm sure of anything I'm positive five stars from ten five this is for one in Las Vegas the name of which I forgot to record Five stars from Ten. Four. Five. This is for one in Las Vegas,

the name of which I forgot to record. So, sorry about that. Whatever, mate. Tammy F. Five stars. Tammy Faye. Tammy Faye Baker says five stars.

It's okay. The webcam is the best feature, and you can ensure that your pup is safe and in an air-conditioned area. I feel if they played relaxing music and had toys for the pups, the experience would be much better. Also, if the staff could sit and talk or read to the pups, then alternate cleaning the area, That would be even better. In the break room at the doggy daycare.

Hey, everyone. I know we're just finishing up our meeting and we're about to go back and play with the little pupperinos, but I had an idea for maybe a new feature at the doggy daycare that we could implement. Oh, yeah, of course. Shoot. And I know, you know, I'm just the youngest person here, and so I know I haven't been here as long, but maybe something like an open mic night for the dogs could be really fun. Maybe that's stupid. That's not stupid, is it? No, Carol, we love that idea. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, great. It'll be like a talent show for the dogs. They'll love it. It'll be a great

fun enrichment activity for them, watching us perform. And good for socials. Wait, hang on a minute. I think I was... I'm not saying I don't like the idea, but I think I was confused. When you said talent show for the dogs, I thought you meant, like, we might dress the dogs in cute outfits

and pretend they were doing a talent show and then send the pictures to their parents and be like, ooh, you know, Tabby got first place in ooh, you know, Tabby got first place in the, you know, tap. But that wasn't what you were suggesting. No, that wasn't what I was suggesting. What I was suggesting is the dogs could use some entertainment.

All they do right now is play fetch, play with each other, sit, nap. Maybe if they watched us showcase our talents, maybe they will be really excited to come back. Oh, but Carol, that's a full day for a doggie. I don't know.

You know, they love to play. I don't know if having them sit stock still watching you do your little show and dance is really what they need, sweetheart. Well, if I may, Louise, you never know because you haven't tried it no Carol has a good point Louise you know we did say there are no I bad ideas in the brainstorm so I suppose um what's the harm right right? Thanks, Charlie. I knew you'd be on my side. So much for husband and wife. All right now, Louise. Not in front of Carol.

All righty. How's Thursday noon look for you? Could you want to just give us a time to prepare? Oh, yeah. Take as long as you need. We want to give the dogs the best experience possible. Right. Well, it's the first one. We don't want to burn all the talents on the first one, do we? Cut to 11.50 on the day. Everyone's backstage, the dogs are just being dogs. Hum-a-ma-ma-ma, hum-a-ma-ma-ma, zoo-zoo-zoo-zoo-zee-zee-zee-zee.

You guys, can we huddle up for a second, please? Yeah, what's going on, Carol? I knew this was my idea, and it was a really good idea. But, um, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous. Shut up, you're a star, they're gonna love you. But, I'm getting a little stage fright. I didn't expect to feel this way. The show must go on, Carol.

Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself. I just... I hope they think I'm good. I hope they like the show. Look at them. Peek from behind the curtain and look. They love you. They can't wait.

They're clamoring for it, Carol. It's just normal dogs doing normal shit. They're just kind of running around. Like 10 of them, maybe. Like a totally normal number of dogs. Oh my god, it's a packed house. Oh my god, we sold out. We sold out.

We sold the place out. Oh my god. All right, you two. You need to get a hold of yourselves. Okay? Yeah. When I decided to be stage manager for the talent show, I said, we are going to run a tight ship around here,

and the start time is 12 noon on the dot. These people paid good money for their seats. They're going to watch the good damn show, okay? I know, I know. I'm just... Oh my God, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. Slaps her across the face.

It's a tough crowd. You need to get a hold of yourself, Carol. You're right. Do you see Digby out there? Digby's who I'm most nervous about. Of course I see Digby. He's 13 years old. He used to be a dog in Hollywood movies.

He was the air bud, you know? He was not the titular bud, but he was one of their uncles. Was he one of the air buddies? He was one of the baby buddy uncles. That's right. He was one of the baby buddy uncles. You need right. And so you need to, he was one of the baby buddy uncles. So you need to, you need to get a hold of yourself because he knows the star when he sees one. He's 13 years old.

Okay. He's not got long to live. This might be the last live performance this egg dog ever sees. Oh my God. Well, now you're getting me even more nervous, Louise. As you damn well should be. Okay. I think if we just, once we just start, I think maybe I'll be able to calm down and just get in the zone, you know, get in the flow of the performance. Well, lucky for you, we got a warm-up act.

Hey, just because I'm going first doesn't mean I'm the warm-up. Honey? Clark, everyone knows that that's the warm-up act. Come on. Leave me alone. Okay, fine, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna do it, but in my head, I'm the star. That's right, sweetie, In my head, too. Alrighty, you go on out there.

Curtain rises. The lights go out. There's a spotlight on the stage. The dogs are very confused with the change in lights. Welcome, et bienvenue. Welcome. The dogs look at him for a second, and then just kind of keep going back

to doing their dog things. Femme et tranchée stranger. There is a chair, like, reserved. What was the dog's name? Reserved for... A big, big bee? Bigsbee? Digbee?

Digbee. Digbee. Digbee. Bigsbee, big bee. There's a chair. There's, like, a little dog bed with a sign that says reserved for Digby, Vigby. And there's no one. There's no one in the chair.

Okay. Don't panic. Don't panic. Keep singing! Uh, uh... Juppie, don't be there. Je suis en chanteur. Happy to see you.

I rest. Guys, dogs start growling. Guys, they're turning the crowds. Uh, maybe I'll mix it up. Diddly diddly.

Two ladies. Diddly diddly. Two ladies. I don't think the dogs like candor and ebb. Two ladies. And I'm the only man. Yeah. It's not working.

Kane. Louise drags him off stage. Was I a star, babe? Did I do it? Oh, you were perfect, sweetheart. I'm never going to forget that performance. Don't lie to him, Louise. That was terrible.

Carol, everyone has different standards and this man is mine. Now you get out there and you show those dogs what you're fucking made of. I stumble on stage. Now you get out there and you show those dogs what you're fucking made of. A one and a two and a one, two, three. You got this, Carol. Taps the mic. Is this thing on? Sorry, I'll get started. Somewhere. Um, sorry, I'll get started. Somewhere over the rainbow.

All the dogs soften. Digsby Bigsby starts kind of slowly padding his way over to the dog bed. Way up high. The dogs kind of start looking at each other like that i've heard of once in a lullaby digs me bigsby sits, takes out a notepad, and starts scribbling a review. Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

You can see Digby Bigsby is kind of humming the song along to himself. It's taking him back to when he was a young man. We're just like little dogs. Oh, I love the chimney tops. That's where you are. I know we have a special dog in the audience tonight. Digsby Bigsy. Yeah, you know him from being one of the baby

buddy uncles from Air Bud Get on up here Dixby Dixby Why don't you finish out the song Yeah you He plows up He has to lean on the other dogs to help get him up Excuse me

Here you go how about we sing it together He plows up. He has to lean on the other dogs to help get him up. Excuse me. Excuse me. Here you go. How about we sing it together? Okay. Stop. Oh. Cut to someone's living room. They're watching a live.

Hey, honey, I'm just going to check on the dogs really quick. I haven't watched the live cam in a little bit. Yeah, okay. Then we're going to Mai Tai's later with the carols. The carols. The carols. Yeah. Yeah.

Mai Tai's with the carols. All right. But you check on Pooper. I hate when you call him that. Oh, sorry. It's my Digby Bigby, but I love to go on Pooper. I open up the webcam! Oh, sorry, it's my Digby Bigby, but I love to call him Pooper. I open up the webcam. Oh my god!

Oh my god! Jonathan, come here! What, what, what, is he okay? He's just fine. I never thought I'd see him do something like this again. That's our pooper. That's our digspeed, bakespeed boy. He dies.

You hear a slow clap from the bag. Emerging from the shadows. A great Dane. That was a really good one. Why haven't you starved over like that since I first met Ratty? It was Scooby-Doo all along. Magical, magical, magical, sparkling improv comedy shook me all week long i do think it was magical i think there were a lot of magical elements there was certainly something magical about that and i don't and i don't and i won't and i won't

elaborate what's been shaking what's been shaking you shit said it first, so I have to go first. I have one. Okay, fine. I have two. Oh, she's bragging now. One, I have been getting better at Mario Kart because I kind of plateaued. Okay. But I've been playing online, which is kind of really helping me get better.

It's three in the morning. I mean, just about. Daniel wakes up and he pats the bed next to him. Wait, where's... He just hears the muffled sound from downstairs Riley it's Three in the morning what are you doing I've got to try out Yoshi with the button wheels Anyway so that's been really fun

And I have felt Very cool and productive But when I'm not doing that I'm back into reading um and i trade off between nerd i'm right now reading a reading school and i love it and i love people who read i'm reading the master and margarita what the fuck is that it is a russian classic novel by mikhail bugakov um holy shit it literally makes me feel so smart to be like yeah i'm reading and thoroughly enjoying the master margarita and here's why one it's a very good book i opened this episode talking about how much i was watching billions

here's why i'm loving it and well here's why i'm like proud that I'm like really enjoying it and loving it is because one of my high school boyfriends was like a very big, like sad boy lit into like literature and like. Is he single? And he would always be like, yeah, my favorite book is Master and Margarita. And at like 16, like his favorite book was Master masturbator and margarita and i thought that was very cool but i remember trying like i when i was 16 like i tried reading it and i thought it was really boring or like it was just too dense for me at that time and so i felt really stupid i feel like i'd never get it and now i'm loving it and so i'm like ha i'm i've bettered myself and i'm a better reader and i uh yeah i feel cool to now be enjoying that book for myself um

i'm glad that your boyfriend from when you were 16 probably thinks you're cool now um that's awesome yeah shut up i'm glad that timothy chalamet from ladybird thinks you're cool now alfred i swear to God, when I watch Ladybug for the first time, I'm like, oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Who surprised nobody? Who surprised nobody? Nobody was ever at all. What's been shaking me?

Well, since you asked, I went to a screening of The Room three nights ago where Greg Sestero, the man who played Mark, was doing live commentary. Shut up. And he left every time there was a sex scene and went back out into the lobby because he was so uncomfortable watching himself do sex scenes on screen. It was really wild. It was really wild. It like very very bizarre it was at the alamo draft house in chicago i got a ticket like two days before i like saw like my friend was like you know this is happening and i was like i had no idea there was like no advertising for it and i was like sure i guess uh i guess i'll go if there's still a ticket and there were still tickets like two days before um and it was it was a really bizarre experience he was super cool though

actually he was a very sweet guy and he had to put up with some of the cringiest questions it's like watching him deftly handle in a q a the question where someone earnestly went like, does anyone ever think this movie's actually good? That sucks. To like this man who like, you know, has made kind of a whole career out of like this thing that he never thought was really gonna be, you know what I mean?

That's such a fucked up thing to ask. I know, and he handled it with like the utmost grace and like he was so cool about it. And he was basically like, you know, hey, if people watch it, is it good? You know what I mean? And he was like. Yeah, good for him.

He was like. That sucks. He was like, people watch, you know, there are people who've seen this movie, you know, more times than they've seen any other movie. Like, that's cool. And, like, you know, and he was just, like, genuine. And, like, other people were, like, trying to bait him into like shitting on tommy wiseau you know what i mean or like telling telling stories about how weird tommy wiseau was and he was like no i mean we're still friends we're not like

friends like you know best friends but we talk and he's you know he's a cool dude and and he's he's an artist and i respect him and like he was just genuinely so cool and nice that I was like, aw. But I also took a picture with him where I look to be about three times the size of him because of the way I'm standing in front of him. And I'm with my friend, Tony, and we both look giant. Love that. Which is very funny. And the movie was fun. I, you know, it's the first time I'd ever watched it with like a crowd, crowd doing

all the like shout out Rocky Horror-esque things. And I paid $40 for a t-shirt because I panicked and I felt bad and I wanted. Oh my God. Because he was sitting there like signing merch and I was like, I feel like I want to financially help this situation. And so I bought a $40 t-shirt and got him to sign it. Okay, he's an empath yeah I actually sensed that there was

something kind of grim about the whole situation but yeah so that was I guess my what shook me but yeah cool guy that was a fun experience cool guy well you can ultimately find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt you can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview

and on Reddit r slash ReviewReview. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley and Spot and on X.com for as long as it lasts, which

really, let's be honest, that bitch is on life support at Riley Coyote. For as long as it lasts Which really lets me on As that bitch is on life support At Riley Coyote And as we say every single Fucking week We're saying this every week Welcome Come

Come To To Jurassic Park. Welcome to Jurassic Park. Bye. Bye. That was a Hiddem original.