Review Revue - Driving Schools (w/ Daniel Rashid!)

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Boyfriend-of-the-pod Daniel Rashid, joins the show to discuss driver's ed, Reilly's grossest habit, and wagyu beef!Follow Daniel, Reilly, and Geoff:IG: @danielrashid, @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @danielsrashid, @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just want Welcome to the show, Rashie Rashid, Daniel Rashie, Rasher, the Rashter. Wow, so I...

Listen, Rasher, I'm sure we can come to some kind of voluntary arrangement, and that's a Masher reference from Big Fat Liar. Daniel, do you have anything to plug? This is the end of the episode already. Yeah, well, fuck. That was so fast. Last time you didn't introduce me and this time you too much introduced me. You overcorrected.

Daniel Rashid, our first two-time guest. First two-time guest and how many other guests have you had other than me? Five. Five? Total, yeah. Across three episodes. I guess you did have that kid from stranger finn wolfhard you

know the name finn wolfhard a lister does he have any credits on imdb yeah a lot i have i have an imdb i don't know if you guys finn has more credits than than any of us have and he is like 10 years younger than you four million dollars net worth of four million dollars say his name yeah oh that's not i don't know if that's true or not yeah there are a lot of people that i know that have celebrity net worths and i'm like they don't have five hundred thousand dollars like friends people i mean people people on friends or like friends of yours friends people so there'll be like a pa that kind of worked on all nine seasons and uh there's no way that they have six figures you've looked up up, wait, you've looked up the-

Let's not get caught up on what PAs net worths I've looked up and which ones I haven't. How much money PAs on the TV show Friends have? I was just, it was, there is a world where I just PA around and make six figures, but I don't think it's possible. I think we should focus on the show. Riley, what'd you say? You gotta find a hit. Did you say that maybe-

I said it's not possible. It's not possible. I don't think it's? You gotta find a hit. Did you say that maybe? I said it's not possible. It's not possible. I don't think it's possible to PA around and make six figures doing that. I don't either. I just wanted to check. Daniel, what have you been working on? Plugs up top so that it doesn't get lost.

Yeah, just plug it. Just plug it now. Well, we're all so busy right now. So, you know, I've just got so much going on. It's the thing. Yeah, name three things you have going on because you're so busy. Well, you know.

Even one would be fine. Just one thing that you're doing. I'm guesting on a podcast right now. That's right now. What were you doing before? I like to plug the Review Review podcast. We should say that you've been kind of ghosting us, kind of dodging our attempts to get

you on the show for the past seven weeks straight so it's like what have you been doing and then so because i've been pretty busy with with nothing right so name name name the thing right my days are stacked i get up and it's like boom hit me hit me with a ton of bricks hit me with your best shot straight till lunch lunch happens and then suddenly it's 6 p.m. And I'm in bed. Yeah, but what hit you with the straight shot? What hit you with its best shot? Have you been hit by a ton of... You played Zelda for three hours.

You played Zelda for three hours last night. What do you have going on? Have you ever played it... You're still trying? Sorry, you played Zelda for three hours last night. So what do you have going on? You played Zelda for three hours. You played Zelda for three hours.

No, I colored, painted by numbers. You painted by numbers for three hours. You played Zelda for three hours. No, I colored, painted by numbers. You painted by numbers for three hours. No, I did it for an hour and a half because I only watched three episodes of Girls. And they're 30 minutes long each. And then I took like an hour long walk. Your hands are shaking. That was all while. Your hands are shaking.

You're drinking milk from the carton. No, I'm drinking coffee from a tumbler. Have you guys talked on the show about how, why, about how why Riley drinks from milk from a carton yet? No. God. Yes we have. We've never. Yes we have. We talked about the chocolate shit. We talked about you drinking milk every episode almost. But we never talked about it from a carton. I don't want to dive more

into it. This is not your opportunity to talk about milk from the carton. Are you fucking kidding me? Yes I'm not. We've never talked about it from the carton. We've never talked about it from the carton. We've never talked about it from the carton. Yes, you did. Oh my god. You have. You've talked about it on this show and if I were you. From the carton? No, I've talked about drinking milk, but not from the carton. Great, from the carton. You sometimes do it from the carton.

Then move on. What else could you possibly say about from the carton? No, guys, the point is that I don't want to talk about that because that is something that only people nearest and dearest to me know that I do. So now, if you keep this in, everyone will know. I'm going to keep it in, because it's already been seven minutes. Five of it has been talking about from the carton,

and we need to get it full 45 minutes. There's an odd sense of shame to her face when she does it. There's like a joy to like, but she always prefaces it by being like, guys, I just want you to know I'm about to drink milk from the carton. And then she like does it, but her shoulders are kind of down and she kind of like... You want to get caught. She wants to get caught. That's the whole thing. It's kind of like... I do it out in the open.

But then it feels so good. She's like... But here's the thing though, like for anyone listening, like I don't drink it out of a shared carton. Like I have my own carton because I drink a lot of coffee. That doesn't make it better. That makes it weirder that you buy two cartons and one of them is Riley's from shared carton. Like I have my own carton because I drink a lot of coffee. That doesn't make it better. That makes it weirder that you buy two cartons and one of them's Riley's from the carton.

No, because Elizabeth has her own. Daniel doesn't really use milk ever. Good man, good man. And so I, listen, I know that I should- I don't drink milk because Riley drinks from the carton. I don't want to use that carton. I hate this. Welcome to Review with You.

I'm Riley Ansel. That's Jeffrey James. And welcome Daniel Rashid. Why, I don't want to use that carton. I hate this. Welcome to Review Review. I hate that you played this carton. That's Jeffrey James. And welcome, Daniel Rashid. Why? I don't know. This is a bad idea. We should just call it.

Why? Because he's going to out all your secrets because you guys have been living together for the past five months. Yes. Has it been five months? August 11th, it'll have been five months, which is, so it's pretty much been four months. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, whatever.

Scar update. It's getting better and wetter by the day. I can't really see it. I got mauled by a bear, Daniel. No, it was a dog. It was a dog. Everyone knows it. You were bit by a dog in the face.

It was a puppy. It was a pipe. It was a puppy. Look at my scar on my wrist. That's not the same. That's not the same because then nobody's going to see your wrists. This is like,

this is everywhere. This is everywhere. This is everywhere. Every photo. It's on billboards. It's on benches. Ideally, but it's not. What's that? Have you posted a photo of your scar on the Instagram of Review Review?

I did, and I got razzed and roasted in the comments. About what? That it was not bad enough or it was bad? It accosted people's eyes. It looked bad. but by about what that it was bad yeah not it was not bad enough or it was bad it was um it accosted people's eyes like it looked bad well no they said that just about like your face no i think it was about the scar because if it's about my face then i'm not gonna be able to like get past it well no that was your face and then you posted the one of the scar and they're like oh that's fine but everyone else of your of your face they're like ew take this down this is a crime

against humanity i think that's how you're getting past it this kind of mental gymnastics that you're doing is how you're getting past it so um we're talking about driver schools today no when did you learn to drive so we are talking about driving schools today um sorry that was low energy here we are oh my god oh my god because like tell me when did you learn to drive jeff i learned how to drive just to get out of the house because like otherwise i'd be like sitting in my bedroom just like like you said fail trying and failing to do mental gymnastics to like get over like something that a bully would say to me and my bully you've gotten pretty good at the mental gymnastics now thank you

thank you what would a bully say to you well the bullies would say to me and my bully you've gotten pretty good at the mental gymnastics now thank you thank you what would a bully say to you well the bullies would say like um hey jeff like you're about to miss fourth period you might want to get to class and then i'd be like look mr. say that that's how they would bully mr. call it i'm on my way but if you ever talk to me like that again i'll shove you in your own locker. So you're the bully. So you bullied your teacher. No, because I got insecure because I thought that he was coming after me, but really it was just my schedule.

Okay, so mental gymnastics. My watch was slow. So I thought that it was, I thought I was running ahead of schedule. You thought you were on time. Yeah. Driving school. Daniel, when did you learn to drive?

So we are talking about driving schools today today that's what we're here for we're not here to talk about milk or scars though we already have but that's not why we're here we just happen to talk about that but we're here to talk about driving schools okay I might need to get new reviews then what do you have reviews for

I did yeah I did reviews of like pulp. So various different juices with pulp. Oh, God. You know how there's pulp-free orange juice? It's a bad word. It's just the pulp. So this morning is when Jeff and I decided on what we should review today. And when Daniel and I got up, I told Daniel that we were talking about driving schools.

And Daniel told me a very funny story about his driving school experience and so it was now you're building it up okay sorry daniel told me a story about his driving school experience to which i then said oh you should come on the pod and tell that really quick and daniel was just like should i just guest and i'm like sure and so that's why we're here today um which i know is really like. So you don't really want me to tell the story and leave. Yeah. Well, I mean, like we're here now. You have a review.

So you might as well stay. And it's weird because we're living together. Don't worry. I'll edit this episode. So everything she says is positive to you. And then everything that we say. Because I felt really welcome at the beginning of the episode. Yeah.

And now it's kind of taken a turn in a way. I don't know if it was. How did you feel welcome? The first thing we kicked off the episode being like, now it's kind of taken a turn in a way. I don't know if it was. How did you feel welcome? The first thing we kicked off the episode being like, Daniel, what's your credits? Whatever. Let's get started. No.

That was welcoming to you? That's how I liked it. I said, let's prop Daniel up from the get-go. Let's get his credits out there. You didn't say that. No, I did. I said, what are your credits? You didn't say that.

Let's get straight to it, I said. You didn't say that. I said, let's get straight to it. You didn't say that. Because I want people to know his credits. I want people to know that he's a Sundance darling. You didn't say his credits I want people to know that he's a Sundance darling I want people to know that he has a pretty good manager he has a pretty good rep

and that only happens if you have a build up of credits if you have a good resume if you have a good demo reel if you have a voiceover reel if you have equipment to do the voiceover auditions you didn't say that I didn't say that but that's why I propped him up immediately now I'm pissed and I just want this to get let's just fucking do it You didn't say that. You didn't say that. I didn't say that, but that's why I propped him up immediately.

Now I'm pissed, and I just want this to get, let's just fucking do it. You texted me this morning that you wanted to rim Daniel. I didn't mean that it was going to be told on the show. I wanted to rim him in private, I said, in the context of a menage. In private? So it's a menage a trois, and it's a folie a deux. We're not doing a menage a trois. You're right. It'll start as that

and then it'll be just a romp with me and Rashy. No. I'm not even going to let you get to that. Oh, no. Okay, then let's back up a few steps. When I get back, we'll do a social distance hang. A few?

We'll have wine and then if the wine leads to a good time, then it'll be chine and then I'll be in his ass with my little snout. Daniel, tell us about your driving school experience for the love of fuck. Oh my god. Jeez.

I had a driver's ed teacher who was, she was just intense is the word I would use to describe her. Not in that she was like mean, mean and, like, yells, but her personality was intense. She just was a lot. And she, like, she had a lot of just crazy stories that I can't remember now. But she had her own, like, her own brake on her side of the car. I think most drivers had teachers do. So she could brake you whenever she wanted to.

And she told a story about how her teacher, that taught her how to be a teacher, when it was like her final test was her teacher would go out onto the road and try to get into accidents. And she would have to brake the car to stop that person from getting into accidents. Oh my God. It sounds awful. Of course. Like a nightmare.

And so this one time I was driving and I was approaching a red light. And you're taught to keep a car's length of space in between you and the car in front of you when you stop, which nobody does. So I was slowing down, I was like slowing down, but clearly not slowing down, you know, slow enough.

And, and she just said, we're going to die. And I was like, what? And then she slammed on the fucking brakes. I was traumatized. Yeah.

Traumatized. And then somebody rear ended you. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Traumatized. And then somebody rear-ended you. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna die. We're gonna die. We're gonna die.

What's that? Oh! Wait, so what speed were you going at? I'm starting... So, like... It was, like, 20 miles an hour. 20 miles an hour. So, you were halfway to a stop.

And then she said... Halfway to a stop. We're gonna die. We're gonna die. Yeah. But she said it really calmly, too. she was just like conversational like we were having a conversation she's like we're gonna die and then she slammed on the brakes jesus she also told me to put the pedal to the floor when we when we not pedal to the highway no put the pedal on the floor when you got on the highway we got in the highway yeah which i did so floor it the only time in my life i've ever put the pedal on the floor when you got on the highway we got in the highway yeah which i did so floor it the

only time in my life i've ever put the pedal on the floor is while i was she actually made you do that yeah she was like put the pedal on the floor because we were like on a on on ramp and so i fucking floor oh my god i don't think i've ever done that no me neither until that time i feel so dumb oh Oh my God. I finally now, oh my God. I get where floor it comes from now. It's like, let's fucking floor it. Yeah.

I now understand that I never got that until now. That it's like, oh yeah, floor it. Put it on the floor. Holy shit, wait. No, I also just figured something out. Pedal. What? It's not like a rose, but it's like.

Oh, fuck off. It's like the thing that you put your foot on. What about you, Riley? I remember being in driving school. And the only reason I know this is, like, I remember it was sophomore year of high school. And I was in Anything Goes at the time. Because I remember taking the online stuff, like, during a tech rehearsal. And, like, being, like, in the theater.

And I wasn't on. So I was just like, like okay i'll do this and um i remember i would take lessons in like this little prius um like that the driving school provided because they had those the brakes in it and they would pick me up from my house and we would go driving um around point doom and uh which is in malibu it It's a residential area in Malibu. It's where Bob Dylan lives. And I remember him, the instructor, I'm forgetting his name. I remember him asking me what I did, what are my hobbies, what do I enjoy?

And I'm like, oh, I do musical theater, and I act and sing. And he's like, oh, do you dance? I'm like, yeah, a little bit. I'm not a dancer, but I'm in a show right now where it's like we oh do you dance i'm like yeah like a little bit like i'm uh not a dancer but i'm in a show right now where it's like we do a lot of tap and i remember he was like oh get your your little your little tap tappy tap you're just doing your tapping tap tap taps and i'm like yeah man i don't know he starts crying but then i remember he's like so no but like what do you

actually want to do with your life and i'm like i want to act i want to be a performer and then i think i got so annoyed with him i'm like so yeah what made you want to be a driving instructor jesus because we both were just like we didn't enjoy each other and like i said it in kind of a joking way too i'm like so what made you want to do this and he's like i don't, just kind of fell into it. I don't remember the rest of the conversation, but I remember like he did not enjoy me. I did not enjoy him. Oh,

you want to act? No, what are you actually going to do? Cause that's not going to happen. Well, well, I do want to act. Okay.

I mean, that's like, I'm going to try and make that happen. But like, what, what, what parts would you even get? That's my question to you.

And like, just keep your eyes on the road. Like, cause you're not hot enough to be the lead. And then you're not, like, the character. No, I know. So don't say I'm hot or not. Well, either gain the weight to be a Chris Farley type. Or, like, you know, let's be Margot Robbie in this bitch and be Australian.

Why did you want to be a driving instructor? I don't have a lot of skills. And so I'm just going to be honest with you on that. I know how to drive. Okay. And I don't know how to teach driving. I actually am not a good driver. I don't have a lot of skills. And so I'm just going to be honest with that. I know how to drive. Okay. And I don't know how to, I know how to teach driving. I actually am not a good driver. I got a DUI, even though I didn't try.

I'm an alcoholic. We're going to die. We're going to die. And I failed my driving test the first time I took it. Did you fail it because you didn't know the stuff or because you were too anxious? No, I, it was really sad. Like I remember like I was so amped for the day. I was nervous, but like I felt really ready.

And like I told everyone at school, like which is even worse that I'm like, guys, like next time you see me, like I will be a licensed driver. Like I can't wait. And like my whole family knew they were like so excited and um i went to take the test and i think like my stepbrothers came with me to wait to like then congratulate me afterwards oh my god everyone everyone was on board like everyone knew that the day was the day and so i was in the car and i everything I was doing right. And then we get to this one T intersection and I pull up slowly. I break. like there were these giant shrubs so it's like it was kind of an obstructed view i couldn't really see like the cars coming around so it's like i had to kind of like inch my way out which i would do

now like because it wouldn't be safe for me to just turn and go because like you couldn't see the cars coming from the left side really and so i started like inching my way out a little bit and i was i was i kept looking back and forth looking back and forth and everything looked clear and so i started to turn but then a car started zooming past so i slammed on the brake And I was I was I kept looking back and forth, looking back and forth and everything looked clear. And so I started to turn, but then a car started zooming past. So I slammed on the brake really quickly because I'm like, if I had kept going, we would have gotten in an accident. And the dude like grabbed the dashboard. He's like, whoa, slow down, speed racer.

I'm like, what? And then he literally told me that that was an automatic fail. He's like, you can't inch out over stop signs. And like, that was a dangerous turn. And I'm like, what? No, what? No, that would have been a dangerous turn. I stopped because I couldn't see. Like, and so he automatically failed me.

And he's like, it's a shame because you were doing everything else right. And he's like, so just come back next time and don't do that again. And I like lost my mind mind i would have been so mad i was i like came back and i was so embarrassed because like my brothers were waiting there for me like so excited to be like she did it she got her license and i like came back and i didn't want to cry in front of this dude because we parked and he's like okay well you know just reschedule take another time i'm like yeah for sure and so i like walk back to the car and everybody has a cake with your face on it

caption it could have only been today because wasn't it your birthday too can we just get in the car can we just get in the car? Can we just get in the car? I really want to go home. You're a driver now. Happy birthday to you. Stop. Stop. Happy birthday. Stop it. I failed. I didn't pass.

Can we just go home? Can we just get in the car, please? Riley, it's okay. Being your brother, I'm here to support you. And even though I didn't really want to come because I had stuff to do. I had friends that I wanted to hang out with. You really carved out a big part of your day to be here. Yeah.

And they're all taking a trip up to Joshua Tree right now. And I couldn't go with them. So I'm here for you. I know. Thank you. And this is, like, a big bummer for me. Well, it's a bigger bummer for me because, like, I feel really stupid. Yeah, no, but it's big for me because, like, you were just going to get your test,

and you can come back and do this whenever you wanted to, but I'm missing that trip forever. So I can empathize with you because this is, like, I know you feel bad, and I feel, like, really bad, too, for myself. But now you can be here to, because this is like, I know you feel bad and I feel like really bad too for myself. But now you can be here to like support me, right? And like be here for me in my time of need. Because like if you guys weren't here, like the drive home would be like so upsetting. We're actually here for, we're here for Roger because he missed his Joshua Tree trip.

And I think we're going to be here for him. Thank you, dad. Thank you. Thank you, mom and dad. Sorry. So even if I pass the test, you'd still be here for him because he's not going to Joshua Tree voluntarily. You know what's better than going to Joshua Tree voluntarily? Celebrating. What?

With a cake. With a driver's license. In the backseat of your car. And you deprived him of that. Right? I didn't mean to. The car, I didn't mean to. I was literally being safe.

Could I still have some cake, Mom and Dad? The cake's for you, Roger, now. They take the top layer off. It's a photo of you. Sorry you couldn't go to the tree. We knew this would happen. What do you mean you knew I would fail? You know that car that drove past?

Almost hit you? Yeah. Chevy Tahoe. That was me, bitch! Yeah, that was my experience. It was fucking devastating. I was mortified when I got home. I was sobbing the whole way back.

It was awful. And then you have to wait two weeks, right? Yeah. That's a long time. When you're 16 and you're trying to get your driver's license to get out of the goddamn house two weeks is a an eternity two weeks is a lifetime and then like to also like to be able to drive to school on my own and like stop and get like so nice like oh fuck it and when i did get it it was all that sweeter but like it was rough jeff what about you i got it on the morning

of my 16th birthday i left school to go do it because i had like play rehearsal at night and swim practice so there was no way i could have done it after school and i was like so i left during my free period and then missed a science class and i got it my mom had had to drive me there obviously but then i drove us back to the school or something. I forget what happened, but I was so excited. I got it the day of as soon as I could. That's been like a great day. Yeah. We got ice cream or something or breakfast or coffee. I don't remember, but I couldn't wait at all. And also my family couldn't wait. I think I've talked about this in the show before, but my high school schedule was getting to school at 6am for swim practice,

going to school till three, swim practice three to 5 to 5 30 then play rehearsal from 6 to 9 p.m so my parents were like thank you because my dad otherwise my dad would have to drive me to school at 5 30 and then go home and then go downtown for work so anyway imagine if you imagine if you had failed like if they'd been waiting that day and then you failed and then they had another two weeks of getting you to school at six. It would have been fine but I wasn't about to fail. But if they're just like if the instructor was like, Mr. and

Mrs. James, I'm really sorry. Jeff is a great kid but he just missed a few too many points on the test so he is going to have to come back in two weeks. My dad grabs him by the collar. You gotta help me, man. You gotta give this kid this license. No, I can't. He missed too many points.

It's okay. It's just a two-week period, and then he'll come back and retake. Two weeks is two years for me, man. I have to wake up at 445 for 445 to get this little fucker to school. Look at this guy. He seems like he's a really nice kid.

Really nice kid. Deserves the license. Hey, what made you want to work at the dmv um my my my father-in-law actually uh is the manager of this location so um i was kind of hard out for a job and he he gave me one here so it wasn't so much i will hire you more of like my accounting firm if you give my son his license right now six figures 120 000 a year i my wife and i can finally buy the house 100 i'll buy the house for you on top of the salary you give me his license right now no this isn't real is this real it's really this is illegal this is illegal you know it's illegal those are my college savings dad you're gonna get it you're gonna get a

scholarship with all the shit that you're doing right now. I don't care. No, I'm not. I can't drive you at 4.45 in the morning. I'm so dumb. I know. Which is why I don't have confidence you're going to pass the next one. Give him the license, $120,000, and I'll throw in, you can have my wife for a night. I mean, I don't want to swap. This isn't wife swap. I'm not giving you my wife for a night. mean i don't want to swap my way this isn't wife swap i'm not giving you my wife no swap just the license hell you could have me well now we're talking we should take a

break and then we'll be right back with a couple reviews with danielu's. That's Daniel Rashid wearing Crocs. And we're back. Guess who's back. She does this every time, Daniel. Every time. And it's just the song at this point. It's not even... Okay, there it is.

Daniel Rashid and Riley Anspaugh with Jeffrey James is here. And we're talking now. Sounds like Jeffrey is the guest the way you did that. I know. It's Daniel Rashid and Riley Anspaugh and Jeffrey James is here. Welcome to our show, Jeffrey. This is insane. I'm being

ousted and i'm still gonna have to edit every episode daniel as the guest would you like to kick us off with your review okay so this is uh at i think nova driving school which is uh in chicago or evanston where i grew up up. Is this the school that you did? This is not. This is not. No. I couldn't find the one that I learned. Maybe they went out of business.

You drove them out of business. The instructor kept saying, you're going to die. So this is from Christian B. Bale. Christian Bale. Christian Bale. Obviously. And Christian Bale writes, one star.

My instructor was Paul R. You want to you want to revere okay my instructor was paul revere a cantankerous rude and foul-mouthed geyser the instructors here do not know how to conduct themselves like civilized human beings. This is the second instructor I've tried, and he was even worse than the first. He became inexplicably indignant when he ended the driving lesson 12 minutes early so he could do an evaluation. And I asked, what about the next 12 minutes? I, of course, did not know the evaluation was included in the lesson and it wasn't like I asked rudely. That did not stop him from flipping out. I also

do not like that he put his disgusting slimy hands on me to help guide my steering. I'm also unsure as to whether he bathed because he smelled like putrid filth when I first sat in the car.

On a much smaller note, both instructors seem to think they possess comedic talents. They do not. Each instructor thinks them giving a lesson is comedians in cars getting caught. So should I turn right here or left? them giving a lesson as comedians in cars getting caught.

So should I turn right here or left? Just do whatever feels natural. Basically, there's no set course as long as we get back to the parking lot of the Vons. Okay, all right. Well, I guess I'll turn right here. All right. No, I'm good. I can do it myself. No, I guess I'll turn right here. All right. No, I'm good. I can do it myself.

No, I just wanted to make sure that you were turning because you said you wanted to turn right. You're going to want the steering wheel to go in that direction in a way. Yeah. No, that's what I was doing. You didn't need to touch my hands. All right, you're new to this is all. You're new to this.

My hands are really wet now. Were you holding a wet drink or something? My hands are really it's really it's really wet now did you were you holding like a wet drink or something or my hands are like really wet i kind of have this condition it's undiagnosed and i don't have a name for it but you know how when you leave a cold water bottle out in the sun yeah and it gets that condensation yeah i have that on my phalange, so basically my extremities get condensated. Sure, sure. That's a joke. That's a joke.

Oh, okay, okay, got it. No, I'm just naturally a little slimy. Okay, okay. I pop up from the backseat. Okay, great, great, Evan. Oh, hi. Hi, Kyle. Sorry, I'm the producer of Evan's show he's putting together.

So it's a pilot basically where unsuspecting driving students kind of have to endure me. Oh, okay. But you're not putting on an act. This is the same as my last lesson with you. This is semi-scripted. So everything you're saying is perfectly to script. And then I kind of come in with the improv. That's perfect. Sorry. I just kind of come in with the improv. That's perfect.

Sorry, I just wanted to pop in with some notes. Evan, kind of the big man upstairs, is wondering if you guys could actually head to Vaughn's now, and maybe you could bring up the segment of kind of asking deeply, deeply personal questions that you definitely should not have the answers to. Do a U-turn as soon as possible, please. Again, you don should not have the answers to. All right. Do a U-turn as soon as possible, please. Again, you don't have to touch my hands to do this. Sorry.

No, it's habit. I got it. Okay. All right. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, cool. I'm going to need some hand sanitizer. This is Vons. Here's the Vons. Okay, I'm turning in. All right, park anywhere. Park anywhere? Anywhere?

All right, Kyle Bernblatt. Where were you born, and was it a C-section? I was born here in Des Moines, Iowa, and no, just a natural birth. Okay. Why? Just wondering. Sometimes C-section babies have natural slime like me. Okay.

Are you a virgin? You strike me as a Lothario a bit. I know you're only 16. Are we going to practice parallel parking? What are we doing here? Marge? That's a great idea. Yeah, Marge.

Okay, hey, sorry. So actually, the director really loves that. So you could absolutely do parallel parking. And maybe, Evan, while you're doing that that you can tell him about your sexual escapades because that's something he definitely does not want to know thank you so we can see how long he can withstand that okay thank you five of course oh you get me every time and marge just feel free to chime in with any conversation starters that'll kind of put uh kyle on edge all right so right i'm learning how to drive here right i'm trying to learning how to drive here, right?

I'm trying to learn how to drive. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. So I've had sex with four people. Two of them were the same person, but they changed their name legally. So in my little black book, it's two different names. I did not bring any of them to orgasm, as you can probably gather from my sliminess.

So should I turn right first? You gonna want to take your finger your hands and move them up exactly 180 and switch them you have your hands like claws they are claws because i've been watching the show claws with nishi nash that's actually what inspired me to do this episode so So it's kind of comedians in cars getting coffee featuring claws. That's a great plug. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Okay.

And then... I'm sorry. I'm halfway here. Have you ever 69'd? I just learned about this. So basically... We are in traffic. Go back to the Vons.

I said... Oh my God. I didn't do this. I didn't say leave the parking lot. Okay. Now, Evan, if you can put your hands on the wheel while Kyle is trying to get off the highway.

We're just going to grab it right there. We've done that. We've done that part. Swerve you this way. Oh, it's so slimy. Oh, no. Oh, Kyle, you failed the test. What?

This has been a practice test. You crashed the car. No, not the car. You didn't answer my question about the 69ing. So basically both people can get pleasure at once. Then I don't feel guilty that she's down there kind of working my knob. And I'm just kind of on vacation upstairs. Oh, my God.

Marge? Yeah. No, this is all really, really great. I think we can use a lot of this. I think maybe something, ask him about any traumatizing experiences with his parents commenting on his body. Like any kind of body dysmorphia experiences

that have been rooted in that, I think will be really good. Okay. Kyle, have you ever had your dad criticize you and kind of take a sharpie to every area that might have a little extra fat on it? Circle it and say this is what you need to work on? No, but it sounds like you have.

That happened to me. Yeah, that was kind of a weekly. That was a Sunday thing. But you strike me. Like I said, you strike me as a Lothario. Do you play sports? I'm starting to develop a little bit more empathy for you, honestly. No, I don't play any sports.

That surprises me. Look at these shoulders. I grab ahold of your shoulders. Look bit more empathy for you, honestly. No, I don't play any sports. That surprises me. Look at these shoulders. I grab ahold of your shoulders. Look at these shoulders. Oh, God. Sorry, last thing, last thing from production. We actually, the arc for this episode, we kind of need, Kyle, we're hoping, you know, not to put pressure on you or anything, but production is really looking for a storyline

where you kind of break down and end up crying in evan's arms somehow um so yeah so however way we can make that happen again not to put any emotional kind of pressure on you or anything but that is kind of the arc that we're looking for because the last five episodes have ended in a physical altercation so we're kind of hoping to see evan more of like a caretaker role um for for this point in the season okay but evan looks like he's tearing up right now. I don't know if I should be crying. He looks like he's, why are you crying, Evan? It's secretion of mucus.

The membranes of my eyes are either extremely bone dry or they cry. Oh God. Oh no. Come to Uncle Evan, Kyle. It's safe here. Tell me about your childhood. I guess it's still happening.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just one time. Marge, can we get a laugh track right after that, but only there and nowhere else in the episode or season? Yes, absolutely. Do you want to play that back so we can have a clean list? Yeah, let's get a clean, Kyle. All right.

Great. Come to Uncle Evan, Kyle. Let's hear about your childhood i guess it's still happening is that long enough for the laugh track yeah that was perfect that was perfect evan evan if you just want to like if you just kind of want to like you know uh punch him in a shin or a kneecap to get him to cry that's okay i was already mid-punch yeah it hurts emotionally it hurts emotionally yeah emotionally yeah yeah we can frankenstein that in we can frankenstein we can do adr i don't want to be here i don't want to be here that's

what your dad said when he left for cigarettes, right? Let's just get that clean. Sure. Yeah, fine. Whatever. We're sitting in a crash car on the highway. Yeah. You're goddamn right we are. And how does that make you feel? How does that make you feel?

Awful. Car breaks. There we go. Car breaks, but emotional breakthroughs. Car breaks and heartbreaks. That's the episode title. There we go. It's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy meets My Uncle Andrew.

He would sort of make light of things in a fun way. Did I pass? You did not pass. Well, there was the practice test, but you'll do fine at the DOV. It was a practice test, so it doesn't matter.

Oh, that's funny. Cool, we got it. Thank you so much. Thanks for letting us bar your car, Kyle. They get out. So, Evan, you and I can get in the production van and we'll go back to base. Okay, I guess I'll call them. right thank you so much thank you so much thank you so much thank you so much um this is for drivers at direct which is what i used when I was in high school. Which led to you failing the exam.

Hush. This is from Melanie K. Krampus. So this is five stars from Melanie Krampus from July 9th, 2015. Okay. Oh, okay. That changes things.

Highlights. Friendly and educated. Didn't feel pressured and felt comfortable. My first DMV test was failed because of the driving school I chose wasn't good enough to teach me about behind the wheel. So I tried to look for another company and I found Drivers Ed Direct. Drivers Ed Direct is the best. As long as we listen to what the instructors say, then we're able to get our license. The first place she went to didn't teach her behind the wheel.

She didn't. She's like, I failed my first test because the first place I went to didn't teach me how to drive. Yeah. All right. So this is a stop sign right here. And this is a yield sign. So those are the signs you might see if you're out there in the world.

Great. So when does the behind the wheel portion start? Well, we got quite a bit. Not just anybody gets on the road okay you look around and uh there's some special people who are on the road and do you know how to drive me yeah well i wouldn't be teaching this course i didn't know how to drive okay so are you a special person am i a special person it sounds kind of an accusatory you said only special people are out on the roads. Not everyone can get out there and drive. So what kind of person are you? Special or not?

Okay, look, I'm not special, okay? I've never been out driving in person, but I know all of the rules, okay? And if you know the rules, you'll pass the test. Why don't you drive? Which way do you turn when you go into a left-hand turn lane? Left. Very good. You'll pass.

Also, you said stop and yield. There are tons of other signs. What about railroad crossing? Just from being out in the world. Those are the most important ones, stop and yield. Yield? Other ones say. I don't think yield is one of the most important signs.

It's important. It's important to yield. It's important to yield? Dude, something else is going on, obviously. Yeah, somebody comes in front of you and, look, okay, I failed my driving exam. Thrice. Okay.

How are you a teacher? Yeah. I lied to them. I lied to them. So you're not a certified course, because you have to take a certified course. No, but I really need this job, so do not report me, okay?

I'm unemployed. I don't care about you. I want to get my license. I'm unemployed and skill-less. I got nothing going for me. No, that can't be true. I'm divorced four times over. Let's brainstorm some talents that you might have. Well, no, let's hear him out. Let's say you're divorced and what? Four times over. I've been divorced four times. Three times by the same person, okay? Why did she remarry you twice? I'm good at convincing people. I'm a good liar.

So that's how you got this job. That's my talent. You convinced them that you knew how to drive. Just be a defense attorney then. You're a good liar. Oh, that's good. That's really good. But I couldn't pass a bar exam.

I couldn't do that. Why not? I can't lie my way through a bar exam. All right. Lying. What about being an actor? Yeah yeah getting an agent's too hard it's not a test but that's fine uh i can't believe we're spending time finding a job for you when you should be teaching us how to drive no this is good this is good for me this is good for me for you yeah not us we're paying a lot of money for this. It's $400 for six weeks, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And thank God, because I wouldn't be able to pay rent if you wouldn't pay me so much. You don't need to know anything. I don't care about you as a person. I need my license. Let's talk about dating. I don't think so.

What? Why? You said you've been divorced four times. I don't want to learn dating from you. No, no, no. No, I want to learn from from you because you look like a handsome fellow. You look like you're like you know what you're doing with the ladies.

I don't think so either. How do you talk to them? You need to pay us for this conversation. How do you get people to stay with you? And then maybe we can have a normal human conversation where it's not under the guise of driving someone. Sorry, my supervisor's coming in. And so at a red light, what do you do?

Stop. Good. And a green light means? Go. All right, all right. Excuse me, Mr. Burns, we're gonna need you to take him out on the road now. You want me to take them on the road now?

Yeah, we're gonna, yeah. He doesn't have a license. He doesn't know how to drive. Don't listen to them. I have a license. I have my license. We all have a license. He doesn't know how to drive. Don't listen to them. I have a license. I have my license. We all have a license. Driver's license.

Well, we don't have a license. License to kill, am I right? The guy loves it. All right. Oh, man. You're the best, Mr. Burns. Show him your license. If you have a license, you should show him the license.

Because you should have it on your person. How'd you get here today? I got it in the car. All right. So thank you for not outing me in front of Mr. Bernstein. We tried to. We tried to. We really tried hard.

Yeah. He seems just as lost as you are. Now that we're in the car, I truly couldn't. This is all up to you guys. I truly, I got nothing for you now. So go, I guess. Put the car. Do you want to start?

Yeah. No, I'll try. Jesus Christ. All right right put the pedal on the floor i guess right not right away we're in a crowded parking lot oh okay all right i'm gonna obviously don't floor it start okay well i have a i have a break here you just like not yell in the car because i'm nervous i'm i'm breaking right now why are you doing this yeah i'm not going anywhere so we can go. Oh, okay. I thought it worked the opposite way.

I thought brake made us go. Cool. How did you get here? How did you get to your job today? Did you take the bus? Did you walk? How do you get anywhere? I walked.

I walked 12 miles. Jesus Christ. That burns 10,000 calories. Yeah, well, I don't make enough money to stay in the city here, so I have to stay in a rural part of the town. A rural part of the town? We don't need to know any of

this. I don't care about you. Let me reiterate. I don't feel sympathy for you. You became a driving teacher and you don't have a license, so we're mad at you. Let's go off that. Alright, so if you don't care, then drive. Drive without my help.

I'm trying! Your foot's on the pedal again! Take your foot off the pedal, Mr. Burns. It's off. It's off. Now whose fault was that? Yours! Obviously yours! You're not going to tell anyone, though. I have to.

No, we're not going to tell anyone. Supervisor, supervisor. How else are we going to explain this crashed car? Supervisor, can you come here? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened out here? It looks like it's a car.

You guys told me the car over here. Why did your voice change? I took my dentures out. Oh, my God. Now I sound like this. You have dentures at 48? Yeah. Well, it's a genetic thing.

Got it. Yeah. So, anyways, what's going on over here, Mr. Burns? They crashed the car. Not, I mean, technically. No. I tried to apply the brake as quick as I could. No, he applied it from the get-go and then fully just took his foot off

the brake because he doesn't know how to drive. He doesn't know how to drive. Johnny over here put the pedal on the floor like an idiot. Who would do that? Excuse me. We're shooting a television program over here. My name is Evan Satchel. Yeah, if you guys could please keep it down. This here is Mark.

Oh, Evan, my man. How you doing? How are you? Hey, it's me, Mr. Burns. We used to be neighbors. Good to see you. Yeah. Keep it down, please.

Oh, my God. What is happening right now? Quiet on set. Quiet on set, please. Quiet on set. Okay, Evan, you're good to go whenever you're ready. All right. Now, what is happening right now? Quiet on set. Quiet on set, please. Quiet on set. Okay, Evan, you're good to go whenever you're ready. All right. What's happening over here?

Yous are both on my property. Excuse me, we actually really need quiet on set right now. We really need quiet on set. This is his new show. I'm making something of myself now. This is a Hollywood television pilot, and you're not invited. Okay. Evan, whenever you're ready.

Whenever you're ready. Thank you, five. All right. Bring in the little 16-year-old, the one that I'm going to teach for this episode. Hey, it's me. My name is Christian. How are you? Tell me your experience sexually.

My experience sexually? Just dating. Dating or something. Well, yeah. I went on a date. My dad came with me. So that's kind of all you need to know about that. I haven't gotten laid.

That's the cold open. This shook me all week long. So Jeff texted me that he, his, this shook me all week long was going to be very divisive and that you and I wouldn't like it, Daniel. So Jeff, me that the chicken albacore was going to be very divisive and that you and I wouldn't like it, Daniel. So Jeff, take it away.

Japanese Wagyu A5 beef steaks. Oh, my God. Grilled to a crisp on the outside, medium rare on the inside. I want a taste of that sweet, sweet beef, that Wagyu, that marble, that absolute Japanese-ish, that meat that's so tender it, that Wagyu, that marble, that absolute Japanese-ish. That meat that's so tender, it juices in your mouth, an explosion of meat in your gams,

in your hands. These cheeks were made for biting, and these legs were made for walking all the way to Kato, which is one of the best leading Japanese Wagyu farms shipping to the continental United States. So what I'll do... You're reading off a Word document. I know.

This is a speech. I brought a podium and I bought a podium. Did you actually write this? I did not. I did not. This is off the top, but there are some bullet points. Basically, the marbling is where the fat is infused with the meat, not side by side where you cut off giant slabs of it.

Did I mention that you kind of square it off and grill it clean? Did you eat this recently? No, I'm gonna order the A5. I really am Daniel. So what I'll do is I'll find a shipper that can get to Sugar and Falls, Ohio and I'm gonna grill steaks for the family, man. And I'm a family man.

I've been watching videos on YouTube of people going into very interesting and exclusive Japanese teppanyaki grills and just watching the fucking chef grill a wagyu A5 or otherwise in front of your very eyes. He's funny at the mouth. Haven't you been a vegetarian? I've been a pescatarian from 2017 to 2019.

And now I just kind of eat whatever my nutritionist tells me to, which includes red meat for my types of body and metabolism and blood type. What's your blood type? B negative. But I'm not going to be negative about a Wag-Fi Wagyu. I knew you were going to fucking say that. Slap that Japanese

hog, scratch that beef, cow on the sow that sizzles. A scalding rock, and then it cooks just rice with a side of yams. It cooks just rice. Exactly rice.

So you're only having rice and yams even though you're cooking the wagyu. I couldn't afford the wagyu, so I got the rice and I got the fixings. I got the freshly made horseradish, the fucking wasabi on the side. I got a Japanese beer, Orion or otherwise,

poured into a glass, and I couldn't afford the beef because the beef is very choice, very cherry. So you're just having spicy rice and a beer. Yeah, well, there's some vinegar. So that shook you, but you haven't even had it.

What shook me is the hunt, the chase for it. So you know how some kind of douchebags are kind of about the chase when it comes to ho know how some kind of douchebags are kind of about the chase when it comes to hooking up with people of the opposite sex or same? Sure. I'm not into that. I'm more of like a, I like dating people and getting to know them on a human level.

You're a douchebag about steak. Translation, I could put a slab on a grill and i won't you won't hear the end of it this is me having just found out about this type of beef i know wait until i actually imagine i can't even begin to imagine on that topic what shakes me each and every week are tasty videos which i'll just have on kind of in the background watching a steak on a cast iron skillet and then like a time lapse of it going you know and like the five minutes it cooks they flip it then they have like the butter and the garlic and the rosemary and they dip it they pour it over i whenever i'm working i will just put a tasty i'll have a tasty video it doesn't even matter what it is. On in the background.

On mute. And I'm just watching food get prepared in beautiful ways while I'm editing or something like that. So you get it. I get it. I get it. I don't know about the steak that you are referring to, but now I'm going to look it up. I'm looking it up right now.

I just sent you guys the video that I watched. Oh, hell yeah. My cousin opened a restaurant. He kind of invested and helped get it off the ground in San Francisco, and they cook all Wagyu stuff. So I've seen, he posts a lot of marbled beef content. Okay, and you know what you just did?

You just had a brag you. Let me see. Hold on, let me see what the restaurant's called. They might be delivering meat i don't think so it's like cubes of steak that you can do it clean and rectangular squared off like that or not it looks strange well because then they cut it into like like strips and then they cut that into eight slices and it's almost like a sushi roll the rare is called the video is called Olive Wagyu in Japan. The rarest steak in the world. So he has a restaurant called Gozu.

And even his Instagram bio is co-owner of A5 Meats. So yeah, he has his own meat company deliver stuff to him. This is your cousin? This is my cousin. You should get them to sponsor the pot. You guys get free meat. I mean, I wouldn't want it it but jeff what do you think of this marbled shit yeah yeah is it a5 a4 or is it an a7 i would take an a7 it's a5 i would take an a7 it's a5 i could make do with an a7 but a5 would be ideal so it's a5 what'd you say it's a5 then i'm in order on when should we should we record

the ad now uh no because i have to do I have to do my shook me all week long. I think you just did record the ad, your whole spiel. It's just an ad for... It's the ad. The first three minutes of this video is him just doing shit to garlic. He's frying garlic in oil, and then he grills the steak in the garlic oil. I'll watch it later. It's so satisfying

what shook me glad you asked honestly i didn't know what what shook me was gonna be until this morning when uh elizabeth valenti and i uh were standing in the kitchen and i had part of a song from high school musical 2 stuck in my head. And I told her, it's like the beginning song of like, what time is it? Summer time. It's our vacation. And I start singing just that little bit. Elizabeth and I proceed to sing the entirety of that song.

Neither of us realizing that we remembered every single one of the lyrics. And then I got another song from a different high school. So that's from high school musical two. Then I got a song from high school musical three stuck in my head. We did that whole thing. Then we went back to high school musical one. And we didn't realize that both of us knew the entire dance to the song bop to the top.

Which we had learned when we were in middle or high school. And we, out of nowhere, both at the same time started doing the dance. And we danced the entire song so now i want to go back and re-watch those movies because daniel has never seen any of the high school musical trilogy i was broken up with before i saw high school musical three in theaters so and while they were dancing and singing uh i was in the other room meditating. So that's what shook me, is remembering just my absolute love of that trilogy. And I will be watching it again sometime soon. I do know all the lyrics, all the dances.

Jeff, did you ever watch High School Musical? I saw all three. Of course. He says with a glint in his eye. Summer, love, anticipation. Jeff, which is your favorite of the High School Musical trilogy? I guess, I think two, actually. The summer one?

I don't know. Which one is the one where they're slapping chains around? Fucking Troy, dude. Troy and Cordon Bleu with the wrecking ball. Which one is the one where they're slappingpping chains. I think you're thinking of three where they're in the junkyard. The junkyard dogs. The boys are back. The boys are back. That's three.

Then that one and only that scene. It's Tom York and he's slapping a chain. Sorry, Zac Efron. He's doing the thing where you have the ropes but with industrial equipment. And they're like sliding on trucks.

Yeah, that's the third one. Yeah, that one. You guys are making this shit up. I'm not. I'll show you the music video when we're done. At Daniel Rashid on Instagram. It's really good. At Daniel S. Rashid on Twitter.

Update. The stakes are looking real good. Thanks. Oh my God. Jeffrey is, I am Jeffrey James on Instagram. Okay, thank God. I thought you were going to say I was a virgin, which would have been like bullying in a way.

Jeff is a virgin. No. And he is, I am Jeffrey James on Instagram. I've dated like four women. And that doesn't mean you had sex. And you can follow Review Review on Instagram at Review Review. It feels. And our subreddit r slash review review

the sex does sex feels average right and riley is at riley anspaugh on twitter at riley because i always heard that it was like okay you put the little visit block bag on your um wreck in a way because it is sort of a vacuum down there and then so yeah daniel said i am riley anspaugh on instagram, Riley Coyote on Twitter. She's back on TikTok. Don't follow me though, I probably won't be posting anything,

but Jeff is Jeffrey James on TikTok, is that right? At I am Jeffrey James on TikTok. At I am Jeffrey James on TikTok. I'm going to post

another one after this. At I am a virgin on TikTok. No, it's Jeffrey James, which is not synonymous with virgin. It's not synonymous

with virgin. Virgin Airlines maybe because I'm going to be a millionaire someday. Amir Blumenfeld is OK Bloomer on TikTok. Why are you plugging Amir? He's not synonymous with Virgin. Virgin Airlines, maybe, because I'm going to be a millionaire someday. Amir Blumenfeld is OK Bloomer on TikTok. Why are you plugging Amir? He's not even on the show. He's done nothing to help our careers. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? What? Amir has done nothing to help our careers. I mean, he's like, all he does is like razz me in the slack when I don't do anything to provoke any kind of verbal violence. Well, you actually start really kind of provocative conversation starters.

And Amir and Jake are the ones who gave us jobs and kind of launched us and kind of helped us get to at least where we are now. I know, but they gave us a raise this year, which was, first of all, it was long overdue. I'm just going to say that right out the gate. It wasn't. I'm pissed about it because I know people who make more money than I do, obviously, and I'd love to make more than them. I'm mad because they because I know people who make more money than I do, obviously.

And I'd love to make more than them. So you're mad because they're not paying you much. What has Amir done for us other than pay us less than my buddy Michael? Who's Michael? He's George Saba's cousin and he's on the Forbes 30 under 30 list. What does he do? He started Oros Apparelarel the astronaut thin jackets that are as warm

as a Patagonia so I guess we don't make as much as Michael because our job was to put out a video once a week and we haven't put out a video in months and we have a podcast that reaches about a thousand people a week well it's more than that

well how much is it? well it's a thousand but I'm just trying to get more money for it. Okay, so it's not more than that. So we do that. We do the minimum amount of work, and George's cousin has made an entire clothing line that's pretty revolutionary. So I guess that's why we don't get paid much.

Hey, we also got a write-up in Forbes. We didn't. Oh, we did. Thanks for joining us, Daniel, from the other room. Thank you to Daniel Rashid. Thank you to Riley Anspaugh. Thank you to Mead. My pleasure. No thanks to Amir Bloom. None to Amir. Thank you to Daniel Rashid. Thank you to Riley Anspaugh. Thank you to Mead. My pleasure.

No thanks to Amir Bloomfield. None to Amir. Thank you, Marty, for the ads. I'm not a red meat guy, but this steak looks damn good. It's been playing in the background this entire time. Right? If you're in a teppanyaki in Osaka with me, we're doing it. We're flying there tomorrow.

Because you're a flexitarian. Yeah, I'm a flexitarian. So you sometimes have red meat. I'll pay for it and then be like you want some but it's really i don't really eat red meat if you pay for it maybe i'll have some okay i was hoping um i think let's you know what i'm gonna head out you guys can talk about meat sweet all right okay bye we will see you next week adieu that was a hate gum podcast