Review Revue - Dylan's Candy Bar
Episode Date: April 2, 2024Alf and Reilly definitely set an intention this time as they explore the tradgedies of the second american civil war. >>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaug...h @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now.
Let's break it down.
My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions,
and a sesame seed bun, of course.
And don't forget the fries and a drink.
Sound good?
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
And participating restaurants for a limited time. Review, review
With Alfred and Riley
They'll take reviews
And make some comedy.
With improv scenes,
their characters are completely normal.
A HeadGum show,
review, review, we stand alf and rightly.
Things better now.
See the thing is.
See the thing is.
Review, review, we stand alf and wryly.
Review, review, we stand alf and wryly. All rise for the singing of our national anthem.
Hold on.
Hold on that.
Okay, here we go.
Dear Alf and Riley, this is from Tyler again.
First of all, really quick before I read this,
why did it sound like it was sung by frogs like
it sounded like it was sung by a chorus of frogs like disney frogs in the best way yeah it was
giving kind of anti-harmonies you know what i mean um please dear alph and riley actually
before i read the email i just gotta say it didn't work we did this whole ploy saying we needed
non-copyrighted music for a theme songs
and just need to keep this nerd bitch
out of our inbox we lost elf and we
literally have to play it because we
are past the bottom of the barrel and
song submissions this is our very last
one I swear right when you think you've hit rock bottom
Tyler grabs a fucking shovel
And shows you a level lower
Anyway here's his email
God they're always so damn long
That's right another Ty Sambi production
Recorded on my tin can and a string
In a pool
Blah blah blah I swear
And I hate to keep harping on this
But if I could take away anyone's voice
Little Mermaid style it'd be this fuck ass fuck this I'm not reading his stupid email
oh god thank you so much Tyler that is the new podcast national anthem it's like why bother being on cameo when the listeners can get you to read
whatever they want by just sending in the most shit ass song i don't know what you're talking
about that was all me and i was not instructed to read anything hey sorry i called your song
shit ass there tyler that was not as the lyrics were awesome the melody was not original and i
loved it then there's not i have to like, we get a lot of theme songs.
Not true, but we have in the past gotten a lot of theme songs,
and that See the Thing is mentioned.
They don't always have that in there.
They don't always have that, and it's not always the Canadian national anthem.
Alfred, it feels like it's been a year since we recorded.
It's been one year since we did the show. It's been a year since we recorded.
It's been one year since we did the show.
It's been one week since we did a pod.
Two days since I took a shit.
I'm very backed up.
Oh, I'm having the opposite issue at the moment.
I was lying.
I'm incredibly regular.
You could set your fucking watch to it.
Yeah, same. You're having dietary digestive issues
it doesn't matter alf what no no let's make space let's talk about it what has your life
been like since we recorded um what has my life been like since we recorded i mean
it's i can't say it because you're gonna yell yell at me, but it has gotten cold here.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to actually kill you.
No, it's actually taking a little bit of a turn
for the colder side of things.
It's like we have another segment.
It's like you are creating a segment
at the top of the show
instead of just shooting the show.
It's just a fucking weather segment.
Weather balloon.
But what if we call it weather
baboon did you ever play bloons yes on addictinggames.com yes great games.com i think
has a lot i think it has a lot to answer for addictinggames.com raised me i'm not saying
without addictinggames.com i wouldn't have become an alcoholic but i think addictinggames.com I wouldn't have become an alcoholic, but I think addictinggames.com
is a
gateway drug. Kitten Cannon,
Bloons, what was the
one? Y'all ever play Line Rider?
Yes, that's the one I was looking for.
Line Rider, dude. Line Rider went
so hard.
Addictinggames.com is still a running
website, last time I checked. Okay.
Sorry to say, this is where the episode ends.
Shortest episode in history.
I gotta go play Bloons.
There was a couple years ago, Daniel and I were on Addictinggames.com for a good couple hours.
It was a pandemic, man.
You don't need to worry about that.
No, it's pre-pandemic.
Oh, well, I wouldn't have said.
You could have left that.
I would have left that.
Other than it getting cold, what's new? Well, Riley, we're in the maddest month of all.
Oh, did you hear that?
It's the Mad Hatter.
It's March Madness.
It's basketball time.
Well, at the time of recording it is, but at the time of release it will be April.
Yeah, well, March Madness actually goes into April.
But it's not March. I'm just saying it's like you're like we're in the you're a hater i bet i bet you don't
even know i don't bet you don't even know what a basketball looks like do you stop i bet you don't
picture describe a basketball describe a basketball it's a basketball shit she fucking got me no i love
march madness man it's the only time of the year when i allow myself to become completely consumed
with gambling um and i love it i love it for three weeks a year i allow myself to become
absolutely um obsessed with the sport of basketball.
And, you know, there's never been a better time to get into it.
I didn't know you watched sports.
Do you want to know a really fun fact about me?
There's a fun fact about you?
Well, it actually isn't that fun.
People will remember, because I talk about it all the time,
it's my whole personality or whatever. I was hit in the head with an axe once i once once upon a time it's been a while
since you brought it it is you know maybe that's progress maybe that's growth it was about three
years ago three and a half years ago three years ago three months and 17 days and i was counting
but who's counting okay and uh I was recovering from that trauma.
Shout out BetterHelp.
And I got really into basketball because it was the middle of the pandemic.
But it was like early.
It was back into the pandemic enough that we were like playing sports again.
And it was like one of the only things I was sort of interested in.
And it lined up well with March Madness and everything
and I just, I got hooked.
So yeah, ever since
then I've been bitten by the bug
as it were.
You really sound like someone who's very
into sports. No darling
you don't understand. The game
of basketball is fascinating.
I've been bitten by the bug. oh i've been bitten by the bug there's nothing quite
like sitting down at 2 p.m on a weekday to watch a bunch of children play basketball
with a brandy in one hand and a cigar in the other i saw a guy smoking a cigar while driving the other day, and I was like, it's going to be me.
It's a traveling crooner.
What the hell is up with you, though?
Enough about my basketball fanaticism.
What is honestly up with me?
I've been very-
Other than your diarrhea.
Stop.
I hardly know her.
No, I know her a little too well.
Oh, my diarrhea actually um
go way back more like i shit myself um i didn't shit myself i um have been getting back into
this is not what i've been up to what do you just spell i've been getting back i've been getting
back into watching the morning show it's so fucking good I'm finally watching season 2
And I'm flying through that shit
Oh it's very good
But season 2 is set
Like at the onset of COVID
So it's like in their news
It's like January 2020
And you see in the bottom chyron it's like
Mystery illness coming out of Wuhan
I'm like this is so
Fucking triggering
Anyway other than watching Because it's very good coming out of Wuhan, I'm like, this is so fucking triggering.
Anyway, other than watching, because it's very good.
Other than that, I've just been working a lot.
And so I'm very, very excited to be, this is so earnest.
I'm very excited to be doing an episode because it's been a while.
And we fully wrapped Homewrecker, the feature that Daniel and I did.
And Jeffrey James has a little cameo in it.
So that was really, really fun. I saw that on Instagram.com i was like i didn't know jeff was in this there's like a karaoke scene and we needed like four friends to fuck around in it and it was should have got tyler
um who tyler from the theme song tyler did you fucking hear that? Dude. If I were you, that would have hurt.
That would have hurt me if I were you, man.
I'd get back into this.
It's been good.
But we're not here to talk about my bowel habits.
We're not here to talk about the morning show.
Do you think it's a habit?
Do you consider your diarrhea a habit at this point?
Because that is worrying.
We're not here to talk about Alf drinking brandy and watching basketball.
But we are here to talk about alf uh drinking brandy and watching basketball um but we are here to talk about something pretty almost as addicting as addicting addicting games you said addicting
games dude oh my god you are we're here to talk about something that makes you feel a little crazy
okay that makes you feel a little zany i've are i genuinely forgot the topic for a second you've already done that twice um we're here to talk with something it doesn't have the unknown but it is chock full
of candy we're talking about dylan's candy bar it was a little uh willy wonka experience for
all you people who are on twitter um
landed the plane real well we're talking about dylan's candy bar alf have you ever been to who are on Twitter.
Landed the plane real well.
We were talking about Dylan's Candy Bar.
Alf, have you ever been to Dylan's Candy Bar?
I've never been to Dylan's Candy Bar.
I don't... Do you want to know,
up until you suggested Dylan's Candy Bar
as a topic at a few hours ago, p.m.,
you know what my sum total experience
with Dylan's Candy Bar was?
What?
When I was in eighth grade, there was a girl in my English class You know what my sum total experience with Dylan's Candy Bar was? What?
When I was in eighth grade, there was a girl in my English class who had a Dylan's Candy Bar sticker on her notebook.
And I was like, I don't know what the fuck that is.
And you never asked?
Never asked.
Didn't really care.
Did you know that it was a candy shop i mean fucking i'm not that dim i mean
well you did text me about an hour after we got off the phone and said wait what's the topic i
didn't write it down okay so in fairness to me though i was driving at the time uh doesn't
matter so i was looking out i was looking out for you, girl.
Dylan's Candy Bar is a candy utopia, if that's what I'm saying. Yeah.
And it is the CEO and founder is Dylan Lauren.
I believe the daughter of Ralph Lauren.
And by I believe, I mean, I know for a fact that Ralph Lauren's daughter, Dylan, is Dylan's.
No. Dylan's kid.
I went to it as a tween in New York.
And I thought it was magical.
I thought it was the coolest thing you could do in New York.
It's like.
Imagining you at 11 in that space is. Oh, my God.
It's amazing.
It really is magical.
It's like the under the floor.
It's like it's kind of like clear floor
and then under it's all candy and
everywhere is candy it's like there's like three
stories of this building and it's all
candy and
it's just it's really
cool the design was great and it
was just it really felt like
real life Willy Wonka I think
the at least the I don't know if the
original storefront is still there maybe really felt like real life Willy Wonka I think the at least the I don't know if the original
storefront is still there maybe it is um it's gotta be it was like three three floors like
it's pretty big there's one in LA by the Grove that's not as big but it's like in the one in
New York they had like a little cafe where you could get like milkshakes and like sweet treats
and stuff they had different floors like you know the top floor get like milkshakes and like sweet treats and stuff they had different
floors like you know the top floor was like all gummies and like sour candy and then the bottom
floor was like all kinds of chocolate and like it's everything and so you you get it by bag so
it's like you get a bag when you come in and you pay by weight and so it's like you can fill up
the bag with any kind of candy you want and then they they also just sell like, I'd pick the lightest candy.
A box of Nerds.
Game system.
You could get anything.
And so it was just,
I remember going and getting a bag
and that puppy would last me for like,
at least like two weeks.
Holy cow.
Because I would just space it out.
But I'm not really a candy girl.
I was gonna say.
I love chocolate.
Yeah, but you're not like, giving my Skitt me my Skittles and my Sweeties and my Smarties
and my gummy wee gooey.
No, no, no, no.
Even as a kid, I always, so it's like at Dylan, it was more for the novelty of going and like
just being around and the environment was like really cool and exciting and colorful
and well designed.
I'm just imagining you walking into like Willy Wonka, you know, when it's like all that,
the river of chocolate
everything and he's like anything you can touch you can eat and you're like i'm okay i'm okay
just the chocolate thank you i'm fine thanks i'll get i actually had some chocolate in the last room
and so i'm good um i did get i remember like in myself getting uh like a jawbreaker and bringing it back
to LA and like bring it to
school at lunch and thinking I
was so fucking cool to have a
jawbreaker did you watch edit
and Eddie as a kid of course
edit and Eddie did wonders for
the job yeah industry job
breaker industry on life support
until that show came on the air
and all of a sudden I never
thought about that it's the
worst candy no but they made
it look so cool and they're not cool no were you do you like candy i love you as a kid um i do i
do now love um sour patch kids sorry that is like the one like candy that isn't chocolate
that i really love or the watermelons normalsals. I agree. I don't really like the watermelons. But not the yellow ones.
Okay.
I like the red, blue, and orange.
I would say the red and the blue and the orange are probably better than the yellow for me as well.
Nice to know in this divided time in our country.
We're reaching across the aisle.
Fine.
Common ground. No, but I was... I definitely liked the kind of more synthetic candy.
You know what I really used to love?
And I could kind of fantasize about was the...
Okay.
I was like, imagine that.
No, the like Krabby Patty gummies.
Those tasted like nothing.
Oh, they were not.
But there was something about them that I was upset.
Like if someone gave me one of those now and was like, hey, I got this for you.
I would be genuinely excited.
You would sob.
You totally give like candy kid vibes.
Yeah.
And you're just fucking saying that to hurt my feelings
because that's no no i don't mean it red gatorade on the gatorade shit you said the same thing about
like i can just picture you you really get a little rat you know you give a red gatorade around
the mouth that's munching on your carby patty meanwhile i have a chocolate like stain on my
lips and i loved cookies showing off about your jawbreaker and chocolate like stain on my lips. And I loved cookies. Showing off about your jawbreaker.
Cookies and chocolate.
Like that was more my speed versus like sour candies and gummies and stuff like that.
Yeah.
I still buy candy for myself.
Like not at the movie theater, just during the course of my life, which I don't think is.
And those are your two
like environments at the movies and during the course my life is at the movies and everything
else honestly though but like when i went to see dune 2 i'm getting milk duds you know what i mean
and the milk duds there was something off with these milk Duds I got at Dune 2, by the way.
Dude, Milk Duds are always stale.
But these ones weren't just stale.
Like, sometimes you get them and they're, like, hard as hell.
The chocolate was bad.
It was like they were, like, they were, like, you know, they were, like, acrid.
Yeah.
And I ate the whole damn box tonight.
Should we get into it?
Let's get into it.
Do you want to start or should i
i think you should start oh wow that's a shocker okay i'll start that if you're gonna give me that
much fucking sass if you're gonna give me that much lip okay this is for all these are for the All right. This is five stars from Danielle C.
Danielle.
Danielle, see what you made me do.
Danielle, see what you made me do.
Five stars.
I was literally like a big kid in a candy store here.
My parents didn't let me eat much candy, so now that I'm grown, I can do whatever
I want. I had a blast here. They have just about every candy imaginable. Wasn't planning to come
here at all, but after walking by, couldn't help it. The employees were very friendly and helpful.
Totally worth the visit. Danielle didn't say I can eat whatever candy i want or i can eat whatever i want she said now that i've grown i can do whatever i want my parents didn't let me eat candy when i was a kid
but now i can do whatever i want
um that's great sir and so that will be uh 21.58 for the bag of candy okay um
apple pie uh yeah we take apple pie i'm gonna use apple pie you can certainly do that we offer that
all righty doing whatever the hell i like all right oh, there are a lot of kids in here, so we'd appreciate it if you just kept the language.
You know, PG.
I do whatever the stay in school I like.
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
Have such a great day.
Thank you for coming to Dylan's Candy Bar.
Thanks.
I love what you guys do here, by the way.
Oh, thank you.
You know what?
We really love our jobs.
It brings us joy to bring
people joy and i want to tell you you really did today um i'm happy to hear that i walked in here
and i you know just felt like a big a big kid again oh that that's what we aim for you know
kids of all ages right full heart full diapy you know just walking through those
doors like a big kid yeah like a kitty cat are you guys um line forming behind me are you guys like
i don't know like what's your role here oh i uh just cashier i just i just so that's something
you guys have it's just like a cashier part part.
That's something that's my job.
But your part, you play the cashier.
The part.
Sorry, I know what it's.
This is my my job.
Your role.
Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
Are you guys casting for that right now?
Oh, gosh. You're one of those New York actors. No, we're not hiring. Are you guys Casting for that right now? Oh gosh
You're one of those New York actors
No we're not hiring
I'm not an actor
Not that there's anything wrong with being an actor
But I
Me and my family
We see ourselves as
Come on ask
I'll be with you a yes i grew up in the circus
that's right oh that's very i consider myself a performer but you can see that actor it's like
i bumped at that um uh that's so that's so cool but i if you guys are i'm serious about the hiring
thing if you guys are um looking for a cashier.
You can't bump that kid out of the way.
I'm just saying he's being a little, you know,
it's like a little thing called wait your turn goes a long way.
You know, I know the city's famous for its rude people,
but I don't think that has to extend to the little ones.
Sir, please.
All right.
We're not hiring right now.
Thank you so much for coming in and hope you come in again.
Oh, don't worry about that. We have a lot of people waiting. Okay. See you tomorrow. Please. hiring right now thank you so much for coming in and hope you come in again um oh you'll be
don't worry about that we have a lot of people waiting okay so please no okay
back to his apartment his girlfriend hey babe did you pick up the broccoli for the For the roast? Broccoli, you said. Yeah.
You forgot.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I had really meant to, but I left the gym and I was walking down the street and I just... Have you ever been to Dylan's Candy Bar?
Oh, Jesus, Thomas.
That's a place for children.
Okay.
Well, they didn't prevent me going in, so I think adults are... that's a place for children. Okay, well, they didn't, like, prevent me going in, so I think adults are...
It's a cool space for everybody.
There were a lot of adults in there, actually.
You went and bought candy instead of vegetables for dinner.
Well, no, okay, when you put it like that, it casts me in a certain light, but I...
I went in there and I...
I love you.
Okay.
I love you, too. I wasn't't finished but i'll let you finish first i
interrupted you i'm glad we can put this fight to bed oh no i do you want to explain or do you
want can i say what i was gonna say i don't think so can i say what i was gonna say or do you want
to finish no you go ahead i'm sorry sweetness i was gonna say i do you want to finish? No, you go ahead. I'm sorry, sweetness. I was going to say, I love you. And I love that you are doing this work of healing your inner
child and exploring all the things that your parents wouldn't let you do when you were a
child. I think that's very important work. Yeah. That being said, I do feel that it's starting to
interfere with our daily life instead of just kind of like work you are doing on yourself does that make
sense i that does make sense i'm hearing that um you know i i did warn you before i started doing
this work with rebecca i said you know she warned me that it might have an impact you know for a
little while on it might change things to reshuffle things. Because you're not in the circus anymore. You know, this is New York. No, I know that. I know that. Sometimes it feels like you forget. But I know. I know I did hear
that. Okay. But I guess I just didn't expect it to be like a 24-7 thing. Okay. And I hear that.
And I respect that. But you have to understand that when I was in the circus, as you say.
It's not as I say.
Well, you did just say it.
It was a 24-7 thing.
I mean, I woke up, circus.
Went to bed, circus.
Circus.
My whole day, breakfast, day breakfast lunch dinner was circus and i think
you know so the unpacking of that the healing from that is also gonna maybe have to be 24 7
you know but i love you this is part of me but but it's becoming all of you. I don't want you to sleep with blankie and nightlight every night.
I don't sleep with it every night.
Well, what do you mean you don't every night?
I mean, when you don't have blankie and nightlight.
Okay, every night for the last couple of weeks, but that's not like every night.
And then I say, hey, can you please turn off the TV?
I need to get up for work in the morning.
And you say, I get to stay up.
I get to stay up.
I don't have a bedtime.
So I can watch The Lion King one and a half.
So I can watch The Lion King one and a half.
You know those are based on Shakespeare.
Lion King one and a half?
Yeah, that one is like.
No, that's just the one with Timon and Pumbaa narrating.
Right, it's like Mary Wives of Windsor or something.
The one about Timon and Pumbaa?
I'm just saying. No, that one is like. You're talking about it like it's a kid's movie. It's like their backstory. But's like Mary Wives of Windsor or something. The one about Timon and Pumbaa? I'm just saying.
No, that one is like.
You're talking about it like it's a kid's movie, but they could be for adults too.
But their backstory on that one is like, you know, you see Timon's life in the Meerkat colony.
And then you see Pumbaa being a loner.
Right.
I watched the film.
You don't have to recount the plot to me.
All I'm saying is like, I don't think that was based.
I think the Lion King is based off of Hamlet.
Somebody said she needed to sleep and yet she can recall because i could hear it through the wall i could
hear every single line through the wall and then i said please turn it off and then you said again
again again like a baby or kicking your feet you said again again what adults don't use the word
again oh my god you are being obtuse i'm gonna i gotta go blow up some steam i'm sorry i can't be in this space
right now this is it is it is giving circus oh stop it no i'm not and i'm not trying to play
that card but in here it feels like a circus and i can't be around that energy. Okay? I know you were lying bait as a boy.
And I know that living in that amount of terror every single day,
every day was circus and every day that was your job.
And you didn't get to be.
I understand that.
I have empathy for that.
And I love you.
I just don't love when you are baby now all the time.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can smell the catnip.
Yeah.
And the raw meat.
Yeah.
That they used to rub all over me.
Yeah.
And I look at you and I freak the fuck out.
I know you do.
Because I think you're a lion.
A lion. And you're going to eat me. I know you do. Because I think you're a lion. A lion.
And you're going to eat me.
I know.
Because that was my life.
And I want to take that away from you.
I would do anything to take that away from you.
I wake up in the middle of the night,
and I see the hat rack in the corner of the room.
I think it's Bozo.
And he's got a big whip.
And he is the only thing standing between me and the lion.
I guess I forgot that the clown was the one who was the tamer.
Yeah.
Everyone was kind of doing every job in this circus.
By the end, things were tight.
Yeah.
There used to be separate roles, but not...
Not when you were at the bait.
Not by the end.
Yeah.
We're on the same team.
That's what this relationship is.
That's what Bozo used to say, and it did not feel like that in the ring.
Thomas, I'm not Bozo.
I'm not a lion.
I am just a woman. I am the a lion. I am just a woman.
I'm the woman you love.
I'm the woman who loves you.
And I'm asking you to help me help you help me.
Okay, I hear you.
I'm going to go down to the bodega.
And I'm going to buy some broccoli.
Thank you.
I'll be back in like 20 minutes.
I really appreciate and we can start this night back where on a track where it should be i'm really glad we had this talk thank you that
means a lot thank you for communicating your needs yeah okay cut to the bodega broccoli broccoli broccoli if i was broccoli what would i look like
guy come in a bunch of storage boxes unloading new um new items it's like a bunch of
jaw breakers like into this one section whoa hey excuse me, excuse me, chief. Sorry.
No, you're all right, big boss.
What is that new inventory you've got there?
They're bringing jawbreakers back into circulation,
if you can believe it.
Haven't seen one of these since it was on, like,
Ed, Edd n Eddy.
I used to.
Yeah, yeah.
They.
Yeah, I remember those guys.
They're as big as navel oranges brother yes jesus no you know what this
shit'll do to your teeth god probably kids these days yeah end up looking gnarled and you know
chiseled chipped yeah like an elder like a geriatric lion well anyway uh have a good night, boss. You're leaving?
Yeah, I don't work here.
I just drop off the ship.
You're just a jawbreaker guy, I see.
Yeah.
How much do one of these normally go for?
Jawbreakers are next to the broccoli.
They're laid out like produce.
How much do these normally go for, these guys?
Oh, God, well, with inflation,
I would say they're about like a dollar 25 a pop these are
the big boys yeah shit so for ten dollars i could probably get i could probably get six of those
these fuckers are the size of your fist broccoli is two dollars a pound. And then the size of my fist, though.
I mean, that's pretty big.
All right.
Well, you have a good night there, buddy.
I got to go drop these to every bodega
in the tri-state area.
Wow.
They're really coming back, though, huh?
They really, really are
in a big way.
And these were big when we were kids.
Huge. Oh, my God. Come on come on the memories don't you remember just popping that sucker in the back of your mouth like some chewing tobacco
except you couldn't you know maw on it for your life you just kind of had to let it
sit there as the juices made your tongue all sorts of colors yeah no i i remember that
i remember there was this one time actually when i was in the um i had cage duty and i was sweeping
up and um i saw a kid you know like a guest and he was wandering sort of around the cage. And he was holding it.
And he was taunting me with it.
And he was like, does the lion cub want?
Does the lion cub want?
And I didn't know what it was.
Honestly, I thought it was a ball.
I thought it was like, in my head, I was like, oh.
I mean, they are.
They look like the cross balls.
Right.
I didn't know they were candy.
He wasn't eating it or anything. But now I have have context for that and that's actually really helpful for me um
but i don't know anything about a cage but uh listen man i really gotta run uh but hey you
should buy what a fun nostalgic treat you know i wanted to end your night with one of these bad oh no i've
i came here for broccoli that's all right i just am dropping these off i'm not gonna tell you what
to do you're not wrong it would be fun you're an adult right yeah of course i am just like you
yep uh anyway social security good night and everything yes have a good night and everything. Yes. Have a good night.
Could you please move out of the way?
I just got a big box and I got to.
You really think I should get one, huh?
I really, I cannot.
I really got to go.
I really got to go.
Twist my freaking arm.
Why don't you?
Okay, I'll get it.
Got back to the apartment.
He's got like a duffel bag honey i'm home oh thank you jesus christ
it's not broccoli but it is tasty and you've you so how much money did you spend this is more than
the 10 bucks i gave you a dollar 20 broccoli well no but they're a dollar 25 a piece right so this is about 100 jawbreakers so about 125 dollars i think it was
about 140 dollars and i gave the guy a five and i said spend it on something nice and um but he
saw he told me with inflation they're gonna be worth a lot more soon um so i'm not worried we're
just gonna you and me crack a couple a night, obviously.
But we can keep a few in the back, you know, hold them, wait for it to appreciate in value.
And then it'll be funky dory.
Thomas, I can't do this anymore.
You can put it in a bag and finish it later.
Thomas, I don't know what I have to say to get you out.
I tried to make it work, but I guess I didn't want to have to resort to this.
But I need you to leave the apartment, and I feel like you're not going to unless I do this.
Do what?
I'm a lion.
No, you're not.
I'm going to eat you.
No, you're my girlfriend.
Thomas. That's not gonna work work on me i've been out of the thomas i want you to imagine yourself back in cage duty i'm not thomas i'm not gonna do that i'm in the cage imagine yourself
back in the cage i'm in the cage i am lion no and you are bait oh shit i'm walking around i'm stalking you oh no bozo isn't here
why did bozo go nowhere to be found he's supposed to be here he's smoking in the back is the whip
anywhere can i grab the whip is the whip is on the other side of the cage just out of reach
um do i have the bait bag you are the bait bag no but i always have a backup bait bag full of
blood not right now i left the bait bag in the room i left my you are the bait bag and if you
don't get out of this room in 10 seconds well is the cage unlocked the cage is unlocked so you
better run okay um i'll give you five seconds okay hang, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
Are you Misty or are you Golden?
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
I know one of them was the mean one and the other one was the nice one.
I forget which one he said.
Shit, shit.
It's 50-50 chance.
I'm Golden.
Yeah, I'm Golden.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, Golden was a fucker, but he was blind. I'm golden. Yeah, I'm golden. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
Golden was a fucker, but he was blind.
So I think if I just grab my jawbreakers and I move real slow so we can't hear.
I hear you.
I hear you, Thomas. Shit.
I gotta leave the jawbreakers.
I gotta leave the jawbreakers. Thomas. Maybe I discard one. I feel you. I hear you, Thomas. I gotta leave the jawbreakers. I gotta leave the jawbreakers.
Thomas.
Maybe I discard one.
I feel you.
What does he mean he can feel me?
I feel you.
Where is that clown motherfucker?
It's time to go.
Okay.
Okay.
Bye, Golden.
Get out.
Runs out the door.
Runs out the door.
Oh, he forgot his jawbreakers.
Well.
God, I should.
Well, I mean, if they're here.
Oh!
Fuck!
Broke her jaw.
Broke her jaw.
Jaw got broke.
Oh, I love a normal one.
I love a normal one.
Hey, man.
Have you ever been to the circus?
Have you ever seen a...
I've seen a lion.
Did you know that?
Did you know that?
Let's take a break.
We'll come back with some more reviews of Dylan's candy bar.
Okay.
He was a fucker,
but he was right.
But he was right.
Oh, and we're back!
Alf, do you want to read a review oh nothing would bring me more joy
um so this is for the
i just dropped something but i don't know what it was this is for the dylan's candy bar in i should hope so the houston international airport what it's like for
george i think it's george bush the airport it's you know the george bush air i can't fucking
remember fuck that you fuck that guy and fuck that airport i'm happy to say. Mike C, one star.
Mike.
Don't say.
I can see it in your eyes, my friend.
I can see it in your eyes.
Mike Cont.
Like continued, like C-O-N-T.
Cont.
Mike Cont.
Mike Cont't one star
the store should be shut
down
anyone waiting at gate A7
has to hear that
damn I
want candy song
every five
minutes
oh my god oh my god you know what i'm with mike on you can't keep playing the
same song i feel bad for mike i feel deep concern for the staff of that store yes an eight hour shift every five minutes there have to be other songs about candy well
that's what's weird is it it says every five minutes you hear that song so between that song
you hear lollipop lollipop oh my god and maybe like sugar. Oh, honey.
And it's those three songs.
I'm trying to think.
Oh, sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's specifically, there is something that's very haunting about I Want Candy.
I want candy i want candy
it does have that kind of like an organ that's like going in and out
marlene spaghetti is singing i want
bring her back
i feel like there really was an era
and like the early 2000s of like
everything was candy themed
everything but there's so much
but even like chalk like the
phone even chocolate was candy but it's so much but even like chocolate like the phone even chocolate was
candy but it's like the phone like the like there was like a motorola chocolate
like a chocolate crazer and like a lot of body wash was like candy like chocolate scented candy
scented there was something that was like disgusting i'm saying in the culture that was
like we're sweet we're like we're just like chewing on our bubble gum do you know what i'm talking about i do i mean it's it was the golden age of like what if your chapstick
tasted like coca-cola exactly like everything had to be this swizzler's chapstick that you just
at dylan's candy bar they sold those they sold like yes and there was yeah there was really something very sinister about that time in many
ways yes i mean i think it was a it was an overindulgence you know what i mean this is like
it's 20 like 78 in a history class All right.
We are now going to be thinking, kids, I have a guest lecturer with me today.
We're going to be co-teaching this class because we know a little something about this time.
And, oh, my God, I see him across the room now. Look at him.
God, look at him.
Yep.
Oh, my God.
That is Carl Frebble.
And Carl Frebble is my uncle.
You're in trouble.
Here comes Frebble.
Oh, my God, Carl.
So anyway, kids, I'm bringing my uncle in today because we're going to be talking about
a time called the early 2000s.
Yeah, turn of the century.
Oh, don't say that.
It's from so old ago.
That's what they're thinking.
Oh, stop it.
Oh, no.
I actually have a lot of mood boards that are dedicated to this time, so I feel like
I know a little bit about it.
Oh, okay.
Oh, that's it.
That was an invitation to share.
You saying that or me saying that?
Me.
Oh, I was just going to say.
Yeah, let's just go ahead.
Like, let's just open it up.
I'm sorry.
Did I step on your? No, no, no.. Let's just open it up. I'm sorry. Did I step on your –
No, no, no.
Uncle Carl.
Lisa, did I step on your –
I'm sorry.
Uncle Carl, no.
Did I step on your lesson plan?
No.
This was just us talking.
Honestly, as long as the kids are engaged and ready to learn, I'm happy to get started.
Okay.
I'll just say before we begin,
I'm just excited that anybody cares about this period in history.
I think it, you know, we don't, you know.
We don't what?
We don't talk about it.
We don't think about it.
It's forgotten.
I mean, after what happened in the 2030s,
this period just gets erased from the books.
You know, it's seen as less important.
But, you know.
Well, that's exactly what I wanted to touch on today.
And so, kids, a lot of people might be thinking like, oh, are you going to really talk about
like the recession and the housing crisis?
And no, that's not what we're going to talk about.
We're talking about the candification of the early 2000s.
And that's something that my uncle feels very, very deeply.
Very strong.
That was something that really shaped his life, our family's lives.
It really trickled down.
You know, I'm teaching it to my boys at home.
They're really steeped in that culture and in that time.
And it's really important to us.
And so.
I didn't know you were teaching.
I'm glad you're teaching them that.
That's good to know.
It's never too young. Never too young to start yeah god no um and so i know you guys
are probably thinking like what is important about this era why do we need to care was there
anything historically significant and um that you're just gonna have to ask carl about um can i talk about my mood board yes oh my god lindy i'm so sorry i'm so sorry lindy
uh yeah all i was gonna say is um i i've never seen one in person but i i've seen photos of
like the smackers chapstick i love smackers like different kinds of flavors and the ones that were like root beer flavored and chocolate flavored.
And I just thought that was really cool.
And so I have a lot of photos of that on my computer at home.
Wow.
I think that's really special.
Sorry, kids.
Hey, Carl, Uncle Carl, can i step with you outside really quick
kids we'll be right back hey getting cold feet i just i did i wasn't expecting him to be so young
i mean a lot of the material i have it's you know it's quite dark and i didn't i just i i just want
to make sure you think they can handle it of course i do
i wouldn't have brought you in here if i didn't think they could handle it okay okay like they're
sixth graders you know it's like you know you're sixth grade i mean when i was in sixth grade you
had the kids who were watching saw five every night to go to bed and then you also had the
kids whose parents were like oh no
if you watch harry potter and the chamber of secrets you'll be pissing your pants for a week
yeah you know and so sixth grade it's a tough age it's a tough age but i promise you they are
going to be so excited to learn from you so don't hold back okay and the candyfication you don't think it's too like you know old man
not at all what are you talking about you're hardly an old man okay well i'm hardly a young one
why don't you get up there bring them your best stuff bring in the stuff you're most excited to
share stories that maybe you've never even told me well there's some
of those but i don't know if they're for this all right i'm getting in there you don't have to you
don't worry about that i'm getting in there all right i just want to start off showing hands show
a hand who here goes trick-or-treating? Everybody, except for one kid.
Okay, okay.
I've seen a lot of hands and probably a Mormon.
Is anybody in here want to tell me what kind of stuff do you get when you go trick-or-treating?
Lindy, you.
You're a talker.
What did you get when you went trick-or-treating this year?
When I went trick-or-treating this year, I got Snickers and Butterfingers.
Those were the two big ones.
Must be nice.
Must be nice.
When I was a kid, we would go trick-or-treating, and this is the kind of stuff we would get, right?
So we would get – you know what a Tootsie Roll is?
I think they did away with them in the 50s.
But we had these things called Tootsie Rolls,
and they were vile on their own.
Okay, they were chocolate, I guess.
But they were rolled up, and they would hurt your mouth.
Okay?
They were always stale. That doesn't sound good.
You couldn't get them fresh.
I don't think they made them fresh.
I think they would put them in a warehouse like Parmesan cheese
and let them get hard.
And if that weren't bad
enough there was a cherry flavor okay and that one really tasted like chapstick it really did
it really just tasted like chapstick and i know what you're thinking chapstick and thank you that
thank you lindy that brings me to my next point chapstick is medicine wait sorry mr carl i thought
it was supposed to be chocolate flavored.
Well, and that's exactly right.
But what even is a Tootsie?
Turns out, nothing.
So you can just make it whatever you like.
Now, but there was another...
So it was cherry chocolate?
Not at all. Not at all.
Actually, in my studies, I've seen flavors of Tootsie Rolls that came in all sorts of colors.
They had orange.
They had blue.
Right.
And do you know what the blue was, millhouse-looking boy?
Blue raspberry syrup?
No.
Vanilla.
Why?
Nobody could tell you.
But it was.
Tasted like eating a butter pat.
You know?
Like when you'd go to a diner and there'd be butter pats on the table?
That's what eating one of those was like.
It was horrid.
Absolutely horrid.
All right, Uncle, why don't we move away
from the Tootsie Rolls?
I think we've spent enough time on that.
Okay, okay.
Let me ask another question.
You nerdy boy.
Yes.
Christmas.
Sorry, you nerdy boy. Yes. Christmas. Oh.
Sorry, you go.
I like to introduce myself.
My name is Tyler.
All right, Tyler.
I respect a young man who knows a thing or two about introductions.
But I have a question for you, Tyler.
What do you-
Anything, sir.
What are you having at Christmas for candy?
At Christmas?
Well, in my house, sir, we do a lot of baked goods.
I don't know necessarily we veer into candy,
but I have seen photos of other families' holidays, and they normally have what I believe is called a candy cane, sir.
Yes, you are probably allergic to a lot of stuff, but a candy cane?
Does anyone know what flavor a candy cane is?
Oh, this was on my mood board because it's really like, it's so cute because like the red and the white, it's peppermint.
That's right, but not always.
Sometimes they were fruit, and I can't tell you why.
And the colors were so subtly different.
Basically, the fruit would have a little bit of green in it.
And so you'd pick it out of the pile and you'd think,
oh, joy, a candy cane.
And you'd eat it.
And it was just fruit.
What fruit?
Nobody knew.
It just tasted vaguely like a fruit.
Oh, uncle, I would like to add to this.
I do remember you have one that you passed down to me
and it was a chocolate flavored candy cane yes disgusting still white somehow but yet tasted like chocolate very
unnatural very very unnatural and suggested sort of a deeper flaw yes you young man i have a
question uh in my studies i have seen a lot of uh the chocolatefication of the candyfication era.
There were what I believe to be chocolate-scented body wash, chocolate-scented chapstick, chocolate foams even.
Sir, do you have any insight on to why there was so much chocolate in that time?
I have got one particularly twisted anecdote for you.
I remember I was 12 years old, and i was bad at brushing my teeth i really
was and you can imagine the amount of candy i was eating who else here can relate to that they're
all kind of chuckling you probably have your ai nanny do it now but i'm not gonna i'm not gonna
get political i'll get in trouble but i do think that when I was 12 and I wasn't very good at brushing my teeth,
my mother took me to the shop.
You know, it was called Walgreens.
You probably don't remember it.
But, yes, we would go to Walgreens.
And she let me pick out my own.
There's a defunct Walgreens on Maple if you guys want to go see and run around.
Yes, it's a marijuana dispensary.
And that's cool to talk about
now because it's 2070.
But the thing about my trip
to the shop with my dear darling mother
was that she let me pick
my own brush and paste. She said
pick your own toothbrush and pick your
own toothpaste and I picked out
it was a Spongebob square
pants and you would pull in your
All dead eyes, they're just like, what?
You don't know SpongeBob?
Well, that's a story for another time.
But it would sing the theme song in my brain as I brushed my teeth,
and I don't think it was making the brushing any more effective,
and I don't think it really incentivized me to do it at all,
but it was a gimmick, and so we bought it.
It lasted probably about two weeks.
Anyway, but she let me pick my own paste.
And would you believe me if I told you there was a chocolate toothpaste?
Can you imagine such a thing?
Something that's supposed to be cleaning your teeth that tastes like candy.
Can you imagine?
The mind fuck.
Sorry.
It's okay. It's 2070. You can say that now. We right? fuck. Sorry. It's okay.
It's 2070.
You can say that now.
We right?
Okay.
I can't keep track.
They're still children.
Okay.
Anyway.
Can you imagine what that does to the brain of a child?
To brush your teeth with chocolate every night?
As the Spongebob theme song screams into your spine?
It was a twisted time. It was a twisted time.
It was a twisted time.
And imagine that generation
whose lips
would get chapped and they'd
cover it with root beer
float, brushing their
teeth with chocolate
and licking fruity candy
canes into knives and stabbing
each other.
Carl.
That was the generation that grew up and fought in the Second Civil War in the 2030s.
Carl, you do not need to go into this now.
We're talking about the Candification Era.
We're not talking about...
But to talk about the Candification Era...
We're not talking about Civil War II.
...about the direct line to the Candification Era without talking about the direct line
to the
Candification Era
to the Second Civil War
is rewriting history.
And these kids deserve to know.
Carl, outside now.
Carl, outside now.
Okay, I overdid it.
I overdid it.
Sorry, kids.
I'm gonna go talk to my Uncle Carl for a second.
Yeah, they look rough.
They can handle it.
Carl. What? We do not need to my Uncle Koff for a second. Yeah, they look rough. They can handle it. Carl.
What?
We do not need to talk about the Second Civil War.
Some of their parents died in the Second Civil War.
Some of my best friends died in the Second Civil War.
I don't know what we're talking...
You want to lie to them about what the cause was?
No, I don't want to lie to them. Carl...
That it was about deep-seated generational animosity between...
Bullshit! It was about deep-seated generational animosity between... Bullshit!
It was about candy.
I was born to a mother and a father whose chocolate-flavored condom broke.
So trust me, I know what it's like to grow up with Candification Era trauma, okay?
You don't know a damn thing.
You think that that chocolate-flavored condom didn't get into my DNA?
You think that as I shot through that rubber, that little part of that didn't stick?
And I'm the one being in a rope out to sea.
Well, you think that didn't stick with me just a little bit?
You think that didn't stick with you just a little bit?
So no, I know what you're talking about.
And I may not have been alive while you were having the Spongebob theme song playing in your brain.
But I know a thing or two about that trauma.
I was there on the fucking field.
All right?
I know.
I was there.
I know.
Okay.
I want them to see the canification era as something interesting and fun and colorful.
I don't need you to bring in the darkness of that time.
I don't need you to bring in the Hershey's body wash that smelled nothing like chocolate, but everything like a synthetic just gloop that covered your body and did not
leave you clean but left you sticky but i feel like you went in the shower you left the shower
dirtier than when you got in you're tying my hands because how am i supposed to talk about
the hand sanitizer that smelled so unlike anything you've ever smelled in your life, but was supposedly sugarplum fairy scented.
And it would knock you out from miles away without talking about that day when Congress, you know, did the thing.
Viola Davis, my woman king.
Yes, I remember.
I remember.
Carl?
Sorry, I went away for a second.
Where did you go?
Well, I went to...
I went back.
2004. I was back. 2004.
I was seven years old.
And I was trick-or-treating
with my mama.
Going door-to-door.
Getting those hard little tootsie rolls.
Looking up at the sky.
We still had ice caps then.
They don't even know what ice caps are.
Right.
Why would you?
Let's go back in there.
And listen, if you want, you can talk about the vials you would get that kind of looked like science test tubes that were just filled with like green liquid that you would drink and it was just sugar.
Right. That made you feel like a mad scientist. You want to talk about those? that were just filled with like green liquid that you would drink and it was just sugar. Right, right.
That made you feel like a mad scientist?
Do you want to talk about those?
No, no.
That reminds me too much of the laboratories.
Do you mean the lab toy sets where you could make your own candies
and it was just chemicals and sour paste.
Remember when you could get candy loose still?
You could still go into a store and get candy loose.
They shouldn't have been doing that.
It's a different time.
It's a different time.
People would put their hands in there and grab the candy.
They would grab it with their paws.
They weren't supposed to, but they would.
They would.
Kids.
Carl, I know.
I know they would.
They're mitts.
Grubby, grubby mitts.
Carl, I think maybe you should go home.
Take a rest.
I got pretty worked up over this.
Maybe once you started talking about
Civil War 2, things started to
get a little crazy.
Yeah. I could see
the connection.
Well, thank you for coming in.
If you want to say goodbye to the kids on your way out, you can.
I know they appreciated you coming in today.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Hey kids,
Uncle Carl's leaving for the day.
I got too worked up.
I'm getting put down.
No, Carl, no.
I'm kidding around.
Any kids got any questions before Uncle Carl goes to bed?
Um, Mr. Carl?
Yeah, one more.
Is it true what they say?
What?
About the mystery airhead.
The one that was the white one.
Oh, my son.
Was it the best flavor?
No.
It wasn't any flavor.
And yet, it was all the flavors mixed together.
It didn't really taste like anything, and yet it hurt your mouth to eat.
It was so sour, and yet it wasn't sour at all.
Do you know anything of the Mystery Dum Dum Boy?
Oh, yeah, I've been on the quest to find a Mystery Dum Dum for my whole life.
Because they started out with the Mystery Dum Dum.
It was just the flavors they had extras of, and they couldn't shift.
It was the unpopular flavors, right?
You know, your weird ones, your root beer, your cotton candy, your malt.
But then they started to get twisted with it and they'd mix the candy together.
And then the mystery ones became half cotton candy and half root beer.
It was vile, but we ate it anyway because of the mystery.
Oh, God, Carl.
This reminds me.
I know you have to go, but this does remind me of kids.
I don't know if you know anything about Harry Potter, but there were these magically flavored.
Mormon.
Mormon won.
Cover your ears.
I'm kidding.
Unless that's still a thing.
Flavored beans.
And they came in every flavor.
And so in the cannification era, this jelly bean company
would come out with flavors that
tasted like booger.
And earwax.
Carl. I'm just saying, they were called
Beeter Bod,
Beeter Dodo, what are they called?
Oh, it's time for him to go.
Beeter Bops, Birdie
Baby Bees.
It's time for Carl to be put down. Beeter Bops, Birdie Baby Bees. It's time for Carl to be put down.
Peterbops Birdie Baby Bees.
And there was an ass flavor.
Don't let anyone tell you there wasn't.
I remember the ass flavor.
It was my favorite.
Tim, time for one more.
I suppose.
Okay.
This is one for, again, the Dylan's Candy Bar in New York.
New York!
One star from Kieran G.
From whom?
Kieran G.
Okay.
Kieran G.
Kieran G.
Kieran.
Kier.
Kieran. Any day i love i can't think of any kieran god kieran god
god one star i couldn't talk to my kids because the music is too loud i couldn't figure out what to
get them because nothing has a price on it and most of the candy's generic what a shit show go
to the m&m store instead no imagine trying to have a serious conversation with your children like i want
candy swing it's the same issue as the fucking one at the airport the music
uh hey kids before before you go off and get the rest of your candy uh yeah you know it's
it's my one day with you you know the, the court-mandated day. You know, you're with your mom all the time, and I know I don't get too much time with you.
But since we're here, I just want to talk.
I just want to talk to you guys.
I'm really just, like, I feel like I don't know you as well as I used to.
Okay.
So, are you happy?
I know that's a big question, but, uh, you know, Peter, how you doing, buddy?
Um, yeah, I guess I'm happy.
You happy at school?
Well, most days.
What do you mean, I won't care! What do you mean most days? Well, I days. What do you mean? I want candy.
What do you mean most days?
Well, I'm just saying.
I want candy.
There's this girl.
God damn it.
Sorry.
Wait.
Peter.
I want candy.
And of course, you've got, you know.
Wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
Peter, Peter, Peter.
Back up, back up, back up.
Back up.
There's a girl you said.
There's a girl.
Peter. Shit. Can someone turn the music down? Peter. Peter back up back up back up back up. There's a girl you said there's a girl mean to me and Peter
Shit, can someone turn the music down?
Peter wait Peter slow down and Peter slow down
Oh my god, I'm losing my mind
No, no Peter Peter Peter stop Peter stop we need to go over this in depth
Please sir, son. I'll be right back. Going up to the front desk.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Hey, sir.
Hey, sir.
Sorry, I can barely hear you.
I know.
Can you turn the music down?
We're trying.
Something got stuck.
Can you please try harder?
Just turn the whole thing off.
Oh, try harder?
Okay, thanks for the tip, asshole.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean...
God damn it.
I'm trying to talk to my boy
okay walk outside you freak I can't he's having too much fun okay
can I go back to fixing the music or do you still need me here yes okay Peter buddy I'm sorry I'm
sorry what were you saying there's a girl and and you almost hit. No, Peter. Frickin' boss. Have you still been talking this entire time?
Things didn't go well from there.
I mean, honest to God.
I'm starting to believe again, I think.
God, God damn it.
How is it louder?
Excuse me.
Peter, I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
Please, can you just turn the whole system off?
Turn the whole system off.
Turn the whole system off. Oh, really helpful advice. why won't you just do it it is so loud i can't even hear
myself think okay oh guys everybody okay i know that um our whole staff is focused on this problem
have we tried turning the whole system off oh we have tried that that was actually the first thing we tried okay cool can you just like give us some
space man one day every other week with my son and i'm trying to have a nice day out sure she
left for a valid reason man god damn it all right fine i'll take him out drive anyone away whatever
fuck you buddy oh okay big man tells it tells a fucking sorryier to fuck off. I'm 17, asshole.
I'm upset.
Don't fuck yourself.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, buddy.
Can we step outside for a second?
Can we go outside?
I'm having a lot of fun.
Okay, yeah.
Okay.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
If you're having fun, let's stay in here.
It really is funny.
I like the atmosphere.
How can I hear you perfectly now when you're not talking?
Anyway, so that's...
I pick him up.
Peter, we're going outside just for like 10 seconds.
Drop him outside.
Peter, Peter, start from the beginning.
Okay, so there's a girl and then the teacher hit you or what happened?
Oh, I don't want to tell it all over again.
I already got it out.
Oh, great.
Also, I think we left my sister inside.
Oh, that's okay.
Mom will come get her later.
That's weird.
Should we do our last segment?
Let's do it.
This shook me all day long.
What's been shaking me? Thanks for asking. asking oh you have one today i started re-watching doctor who
nerd from the very beginning when i was a little boy a little british boy growing up
and i was a british boy and i would go back to england on my summer holidays
and 2005 when the reboot first first started happening christopher eccleston the
candification era was still going strong exactly billy piper the candification era
and my aunt would rent the dvds for the season of doctor the very first season of doctor who i was
seven from the uh library in london and we watched them on her old tv anyway i started re-watching
them and there's this very very sweet
moment in the fourth or fifth episode where rose my other car is a tortoise where the rose and the
doctor are sitting there and they're sort of having their classic banter and she's really
reckoning with what it means to like leave her family behind and go and travel with the doctor doctor and she sort of playfully slaps him and he goes ow and she goes you're so gay
and it when i say when i say to you when i tell you that it sent me through the fucking roof to the planet moon and around the fucking universe and
back again what year was that 2005 and i mean like that was the episode like that the episode
from oh set in present day 2005 and she says you're so gay in like a playful bants way and i just think it's so funny because it it just it places it in time
so perfectly and and it's just it sent me through the roof and it like it really brought me back to
reality a little bit because i was like i was really lost in the nostalgia sauce and i was
like this is perfect they don't make they don't make tv like this anymore man that is so fucking bonkers and i was like in my head i was like this was for
children like this is a kid's tv okay that is crazy and it's like british tv you know what i
mean you can get away with a little bit more than you can on american tv and stuff but i was like
the idea that a kid a family tv show that you
could still say that in 2005 and it was like absolutely absolutely he's so gay absolutely
look at him he's wearing a leather jacket crazy it was pretty fucking funny um damn yeah um
i have two i have one really quick one and then one that's been
really shaken me
one quick one we haven't talked since the Oscars
and Al Pacino I know this is old news
but Al Pacino
Al Pacino reading
My Eyes See Oppenheimer is one of the
funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life
not only the actual
My Eyes See Oppenheimer
but it's a couple beats later as the camera cuts away from him
into the audience to see the production team of Oppenheimer getting up.
You just hear Al Pacino go, what happened?
And it is the funniest because he's not on screen when he says it.
And it's as if the man woke up from a sleep and realized that he was
handing out an Oscar.
It's the funniest thing I've ever...
That's up there. My I see Oppenheimer.
That's up there with Adele Dazeem.
Yes. What happened?
What happened?
It's amazing. The other thing that's been shaking me,
I
was driving the other day.
I was listening to Beyonce
and then I re-listened to Lemonade for the first time
in a while okay
shit's a masterpiece
that shit's a masterpiece
what's shaking me is just I fucking love Beyonce
holy hell
it's just listening to Lemonade
I'm like this really is
one of the best
it's just so good
it's just so good
that's just been shaking me
yeah absolutely do you like the new stuff? The best. It's just, it's so good. It's just so good. That's just been shaking me. Yeah, absolutely.
And there's one.
Do you like the new stuff?
I do.
I do.
Oh, my God.
I'm so excited for Cowboy Carter.
I'm so excited for, which is Act 2 of Renaissance, if y'all don't know.
But I'm very excited.
But just Lemonade, go back.
Go back and give it a full full listen you
have to listen to it in order um and also it is a visual album bitch go watch those music videos
it's just it's so good and i just no one's doing it like her nobody is nobody is i'm glad that in
classic review review fashion i'm i. Mine is a homophobic scene
from a 20 year old TV show.
And yours is
the artist Beyonce.
And
what happened?
What happened?
Uh,
you can find Alf on Instagram
at alfredinnit.
You can find the show on Instagram
at rreviewreview.
Reddit,
r slash review review.
Head gum,
discord,
review,
review. And Jeff and I have a Patreon, patreon at r slash Review Review, HeadGum, Discord, Review Review.
And Jeff and I have a Patreon, patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff.
Bye.
Oh, my co-host Riley Anspaugh?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you can find her on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley Riley and spot and on twitter.com now known as
xxxxx
dot com
singles in your area
at Riley Coyote
and as we say every single week on the show we're always
saying it we're never not saying it actually
is a fun fact I just realized
we forgot to set an attention
of course
right in that moment the final wrap up
I forgot anyway
as we say every single week on the show
you're so
gay
you're so gay
we'll see you next week
time lord
bye We'll see you next week. Time Lord. Bye.