Review Revue - Edible Arrangements

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

This week on Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly break up over a missed delivery, get shipped through the panama canal, and file a complaint, all while reading reviews on EDIBLE ARRANGEMENTS.   Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hello, hello, Review Review listeners. It has been a minute. We haven't recorded in a while. So before we get to the episode, we just want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to literally overturn Roe v. Wade, which stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans. This decision

could also lead to the loss of other rights. So to learn more about what you can do to help, go to podvoices.help. If you're interested in donating money to abortion funds, we've chosen to give some money to the National Network of Abortion Funds, which is donate.abortionfunds.org. And you can also, if you have a uterus, go to planseapills.org to get abortion access pills that you can just store in your closet that I think work for at least a couple months, if not several years. We encourage you to speak up, take care and spread the word. Thank you so much. And now let's get back to reading some fucking reviews, I guess.

This podcast, I listen every single Tuesday, or as I say, review, reviews day, and it shakes me all week long It's improv Some say it's more like planned out shorts though Ah, but then again, what does Ben Schwartz know?

This ain't that jerk's theme song. Riley and Jeffrey. I think you're in trouble. Trouble cause I framed you. I robbed a grocery store and then I blamed you When I told the police that You make me want to go out and steal Yet I never listened while eating

Cause one time I listened and choked on my lunch I was laughing so hard I had chips in my throat And my oat milk spilled out through my nose as I coughed Because that's what you do Review, review Because that's what you do. Review, review. Review, review. Review. The Orphanage.

No way! No way! The Orphanage. no way no way the orphanage that's one of my favorite theme songs we've ever gotten that was really good that's an old reliant k song my first concert ever so that went that meant a lot to me the way he did the lyrics was unbelievable because you never knew what was next that was incredible it went so wild is this morning as i was like just getting ready for the day i was thinking because we haven't recorded in so long we banged so many episodes this is our first time recording in a month i'm so excited

to be back but like i was thinking about for you and just the line you make me want to go out and steal and so that's just true that that's just crazy that that was in today's song that was to end i can't wait to tell e the orphanage uh shout out to daniel rep for that song uh he wanted to plug his website danielrep.com that's daniel rep.com uh wow thank you that was incredible he also wants to shout out his friends eric and brian for their feedback on earlier drafts of the song oh my god well eric and brian fuck daniel you guys made the song like you guys made it what it was eric that was all eric brian i don't even know about brian but definitely no but like eric definitely not daniel dale daniel might have daniel may have recorded and wrote it but like he didn't actually do it like that was all

Eric exactly that's what I was trying to get at and I couldn't put my finger on it until you said it like that yeah we're back it feels we're not back we've been putting out episodes consistently every week but you and I are back you we are and wetter than ever we are dripping yeah no i soaked hot i soaked my me undies ew no it is so hot yeah it is so hot outside is it i haven't been outside it's just been hot i hate i right before i came into the office to record i just told daniel like i'm so fucking over summer i hate summer i want it to be fall i want to watch over the garden wall and be cozy and i i like fuck summer dude fuck i love summer i'm going camping this weekend that'll be fun summer's hot i don't like how hot it is but the energy of summer is the goat that's people are spontaneous

they want to be outside they want to be in pools. They want to drink frozen things. I want it to, like, I'm a fall gal. Sorry. Summer is, well, summer is probably my favorite season. But fall is a close second. Spring sucks. We've talked about this. No, I love spring.

Spring is disgusting. No, I love spring. Jeff, what have you been up to? I've been wheeling and dealing. Sorry? I was just saying that I've been wheeling and dealing. No, I heard you, but what does that mean? I've been sort of making things happen, packaging, not projects for the entertainment industry,

but shipping people. Sorry? And also setting people up as well, in addition. Oh, you mean shipping people? Oh also like setting people up as well in addition oh you mean like shipping people like oh i ship them like i want them to be a couple no okay i like have been putting my friends in crates and like making them part of the supply chain issue that okay okay everything all the delays on my deliveries that it all stems back to you in such a fucked up way. Ultimately, yeah. Ultimately, it's because Saba's in a box in the middle of the Atlantic.

Yes, Pacific. Pacific, because our local port is Long Beach. Okay, got it. But I did send him down the Panama Canal once. And it did end up clogging the whole thing. I don't know if you saw that, but that was... That was just George in a box on a boat. Yes.

You traveled internationally for the first time ever, I think. I traveled internationally, not for the first time ever. Well, it felt like it. Did it feel like it to you? To you. I don't know. It was very fun. I didn't get COVID, which was huge.

Namaste. You did get a separate sickness. I got a cold. Not on that trip, but Daniel and I went to the Nantucket Film Festival because his short Almost Winter played there. And it's also playing at the Stony Brook Film Festival in a couple weeks, which it's this month. I don't know the exact dates,

but if any of y'all are planning on going to the Stony Brook Film Festival, go see it. He'll be there. But we went to the Nantucket Film Festival for his short, and we got colds. And it felt very retro to just have a cold yeah um and then when we got we we flew back on a thursday and we filmed two headcom videos the next day when i was at the height of my illness yeah and i felt so bad because that was the only day that we could film and so i texted jeff like

they did for him like hey i'm so sorry like I do have a cold I will wear my like it's not COVID I was testing all week it's it's it wasn't COVID and I'm fine now but um I texted Jeff I'm like I will wear a mask when we're not when the cameras aren't rolling like I'll mask up the whole time and I did um but I get to the office I like I just said hi or like saying I said a couple words to Jeff and Jeff just started dying and I'm like what and he just goes you sound so fucking sick you sound normal now it was like you sounded like my octave I know and then Amir walked in he goes you're sick yeah and I'm like I it's just a cold i'm not contagious it's fine it's fine it's fine um so yeah my ears because i flew with a cold my ears wouldn't pop yeah i think they just

kind of regulated out within like the past 12 to 4 to 24 hours that's good yeah you're flying again on friday no just like because I flew with congestion. So then like the air pressure in the plane, like it just it fucked it up. Damn. And I was very nervous to fly because I'm flying in two days. I was nervous that my ears wouldn't pop in time. But then after I'm gone for a week and then I'm back and I am I am not planning on leaving anytime soon. But I'm very happy to be here yeah it almost feels like we should give ourselves a gift for being back yeah like what

would be good to send to ourselves oh i mean like honestly like right now it's like i want something that's pretty but also something i could nosh on because I'm a little hungry. Yeah. What about, I'm sorry to even say, but like sides. What? Sides. Sides? Potato salad. No, edible arrangements. Green sides.

Edible arrangements. That would be better. Edible arrangements would be better. edible arrangements would be better you love sending out a rogue edible arrangement i haven't done that in a long time i think the last time i did that was to you it was for our hundredth up yeah it was very nice that was a very nice surprise you sent us an edible arrangement but you you sent the giant one yeah i said the biggest one i possibly could. And then you came over because we did a live stream.

And you didn't even realize how big it was until you saw it in person. It was comically ginormous. And it's just all this hard fruit. And then to dismantle it took at least half an hour. Well, that's just fun. To then put it into bags and put it in the fridge. Yeah, that's just fun so let's edible arrangements let's talk about it let's finally have that so what's so that's your experience with edible arrangements or you have others um i think the experience is just that

it's like it they're funny to me because in theory they're like a fun idea. The fruit is always hard and it's all sweaty because it like it comes in the in like the plastic wrap. Yeah. And it's hot. If you get the chocolate covered strawberries. I love chocolate covered strawberry. But then it's like it's just all of the fruit essences kind of like mixed together. Yeah.

The condensation and the steam of the bag of course and so it's just kind of like the the schnozberries taste like schnozberries the cantaloupes taste like strawberries and it just it all that sounds good though like imagine a cantaloupe texture with a strawberry taste that would do me in like it just so it's just sweaty and hard and not in a fun way does that make sense it makes sense i like too much honeydew there is way too much honeydew it's always filler but like that's just to make the arrangement look fine to good and then it's like nobody's gonna eat the honeydew nobody ever ever eats honeydew. And if you do. Except Elizabeth Valenti.

I don't want to hear from you. Of course. If you eat honeydew. Well, you heard it here first. What are your experiences with edible arrangements? Edible accoutrements. Oh, that's good. No one's ever sent me one.

No one's ever sent me one. Your face dropped. You loved edible accoutrements. You hated remembering that you've never seen one. I don't want one, so that's not me saying, because, like, nobody said, yeah. Obviously nobody sent me one. Not that anybody would.

What's your address? No way. Don't, no, truly don't send me one. You are going out of town. Yeah. And even if I wasn't, i don't want one for the all the reasons you just mentioned hot fruit on a summer's eve it's awful hot but and here's the thing they deliver like when i say hot fruit they deliver it refrigerated no but it it it it doesn't

feel that way like it's cold but it tastes sweaty yeah um it's it is sweating it doesn't feel that way. Like it's cold, but it tastes sweaty. Yeah. It is sweating. I know it doesn't make sense. It is sweating. I also, this is just a separate thought. Fruit shouldn't be hot. Sorry. So you're talking about like grilled pineapple or something? Or bananas foster?

You know what? I'm only talking about raspberries, raisins, raspberries. Hot raisins? strawberries, raisins, raspberries. Hot raisins? Those three things shouldn't be warm. I feel like... So I said fruit.

I don't mean that. I love a grilled peach. I love a grilled pineapple. I love pies. But it's like strawberries, raisins, and raspberries

should not be warm absolutely not i don't like us i don't like a savory fruit so it's like i don't like a rice with raisins melon with fucking prosciutto well i don't eat prosciutto i used to that was good there's a fuck i guess it's like there's a lot of i shouldn't just make generalized statements i don't like rice with raisins rice with raisins oh when they have they have the golden raisins in the rice yeah no that's not good it's awful to me it's never good to have do you want to start us off with our first review um yes i could do that i think I could do that. I think I could do that.

This is for an edible arrangements in Los Angeles, California. Okay. This is from Priscilla M. Priscilla matched. Oh, one star from Priscilla matched. Like, okay. Also just for reference, this edible arrangement specifically has very bad reviews one star like the others i too am very disappointed with this store my boyfriend's order to me was over a hundred dollars and scheduled for valentine's day it is now february 15th 2018 at 10 a.m and no

phone call no delivery nothing i called at least 15 times yesterday between 5 and 7 and of course nobody picked up. I called the international phone number, waited 17 minutes on hold, and was told that they couldn't give out any information because I was not the person who ordered. I then called immediately again and someone else told me, quote, it just says order processing on our system. You should call the store location directly to get a refund or rescheduled delivery. Uh, yeah. Don't you think I tried that already? Nobody answers.

Her response was, well, it is Valentine's Day. I have called three times this morning. Still nothing. Thanks, Edible Arrangements. You know, have a number of very sad and angry significant others out there who are even more pissed because now their significant others don't trust them and will never order an arrangement ever again. All because you guys can't handle big orders or are not bright enough to cut out a number of orders you won't be able to

deliver. You ruined my Valentine's Day and I hate you. Goodbye. Jeremy, I told you you have to stop coming to my place. I mean, it's like you picked up the last of your things and I told you you have to stop coming to my place i mean it's like you picked up the last of your things and i told you that it's like we're this is this is it like nothing you say is gonna change my mind we're done i got a refund i got a refund from the edible arrangement place all right that but i don't i just don't trust you like don't you get it it's like sure you got it but it's like how am i supposed to know that how am i supposed to believe that you really did that this time? I was left in the lurch time and time again. This is not a reason to break up with someone. You don't break up with someone because they got stiffed by an edible arrangement storefront.

Is there any other issue you have with me or this is it? I sometimes feel like, you know, it's like, I've heard the advice. It's like how you do anything is how you do everything. How you dealt with the situation gives me everything I need to know. I did everything I could. I called them five times. I called the international number. I got a refund.

I will give you the money. I will give you the refund. I was buying them for you. I don't know what else I could have done to change this. Don't pay me to try and get back together with me, Jeremy. That is sick. At this point, I don't want to. At this point, I don't want to date you anymore. You're sick for that. What? You're being. You don't want what else I could have done to change this. Don't pay me to try and get back together with me, Jeremy. That is sick. At this point, I don't want to. At this point, I don't want to date you anymore.

You're sick for that. What? You're being. You don't want to date me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't get my order from Edible Arrangements. So now how. But how am I. But sorry.

It's just like if you could listen to me, I feel like I've been doing a lot of listening. And if you could just listen to me. You've been talking at me. How am I supposed to know that that's what happened like how am i supposed to trust that like you said like oh i got you the most incredible edible arrangement we can share it together nothing ever came here's the order here's the order confirmation here's the order cancellation and here's the emails confirming that i'm getting a refund photoshop's gotten really good i'm swiping away so you can see this is the Gmail app. I mean, what? So you made another, you made a burner account, sent yourself an email.

You think that I made a burner account, made a graphic design HTML style email to the point where the edible arrangement logo is at the top and it comes from an official at EdibleArrangements.com email address. I don't know if you knew this, but I think why it's just such a tough spot for me is, like, this is exactly why my parents broke up. There's no way. And so it's like, oh, my God. Sorry. No. It's just, like, history is repeating itself. And it's like you think it's like, oh, I don't want to't wanna you're the catalyst it's happening because of you i'm not the catalyst

i'm not doing anything wrong i just oh my god i am my mother my dad literally said that he got her an edible arrangement and it never showed up okay and that's why i was shuttling back and forth between their houses childhood divorce so it's like sorry if this is a sore subject for me okay you aren't even upset i well no it's like i'm realizing now that our entire relationship was a sham if this is how it ends like does that make sense what are you talking about it was a sham i loved you i don't believe that if you're breaking up with me for this by the way what is that on the floor of your bedroom we're in the living room i'm seeing men's boxers that are not mine on the floor of your bedroom that's well that's that's nothing first of all don't look in my room that's

sick you're sick for that no you can't just make insane choices like cheating on me and breaking up with me because i'm assuming maybe the guilt like cheating on me and breaking up with me because I'm assuming maybe the guilt of cheating on me or maybe even not because I don't understand your psyche at this point and then say that I'm sick. That's just gaslighting. Listen, I was heartbroken, okay, when no edible arrangement showed up at my door. So you had sex with a stranger on Valentine's Day because an edible arrangement didn't show up. time that you said you wouldn't be. on Valentine's Day because an edible arrangement didn't show up.

I took you to a dinner that night. When did you do that? What time did we get home? We got home at like 1130. Like 1145. I was here. You were asleep. How was I to know?

How was I to know? The whole dinner I was thinking he's going to break up with me. The whole dinner, yeah, exactly right. The I to know the whole dinner I was thinking he's gonna break the whole dinner yeah exactly right the whole dinner the whole dinner that I took you out to your favorite restaurant paid for the dinner got you champagne the I made it a nice Valentine's Day you're acting like that's the only thing I did in that I was out of town I was with you I don't know what you want me to say Jeremy like I don't know either at this point because I don't know what you want me to say, Jeremy. I don't either at this point, because I don't want to get back together. I don't know why I'm still here.

Maybe we've been too hasty. No. You have. You cheated on me three hours after you realized that I didn't get you an edible arrangement that I did get you. We didn't sleep together. We didn't have sex. We just, like... You said you had a headache, and then you fucked somebody else well i we kissed

a lot we slept in the same bed but we kissed you and me no me and the edible arrangement delivery guy who said so they did come so they did come he came to say that he didn't have anything to drop off i doubt that he also clearly did have something to drop off huh pick up the boxers nice don't just no don't say nice to me you cheated on me for with the person that confirms that i did what you don't think i did i guess like no there's no conclusion i think you're either lost or bad listen we had an amazing relationship and i feel like it ended in a way in a way sorry you ended it you ended it you ended it by not like i can't trust you anymore so it's like it's nothing i've done we can't get back has been not proven true there's no just what my dad said to my mom that's

just you sound just like my father this is i i do need a ride home Can you hear the bathroom door open? Oh, sorry. I don't know if there's enough hot water left. Are you kidding me? Do you need a ride home, Matt? I'll take it, actually. You're normal. I think you're maybe normal.

You know what? I love, like, Jeremy, we can still be friends. No. And if Bruno wants to drive you home, then, like, I think we could all be friends. Yeah if bruno wants to drive you home then like i think we could all be friends yeah i mean like is your name bruno it's jason but so why didn't you say i don't know man i don't care enough i'm not gonna see her again great i will take a ride home from you because that was a normal thing to say in this situation. In the car. Oh, shit.

That smell. I'm so sorry about that. Hold on. Let me just. Oh, my God. You're Jeremy. Yeah. This was from you.

Fuck. I misread the address on that. That's all right. Should I go let her know? No, don't because I think you really saved me, actually, from months more of that relationship and then it ending in a similarly fucked up way. Are you mad at me?

No, I think you're a good guy. I kissed your girlfriend. Yeah, but you didn't know that. And we slept in the same bed. I did know that. Yeah, but... I saw you in the house and she said, I think we're going to end end things i can't trust him

anymore do you still want to come in and i did yeah but it's not on you that's on her you're a really cool guy thanks what are you doing after this it's really late i'm going home do you want to hang out nope okay this isn't me but i'll get out of here. You are not normal. Do you want the Edible Ranger? That's all right. You have that. You have that because it's hot. No, because the fruit's been in this car for a day. It's hot, yeah.

Yes, it's hot fruit. But you can still eat it. Yeah, you can eat anything. What? I'm out. You're weird as well. And I'm somewhat upset. Not at you.

I'm a little, I'm not heartbroken. But I mean, obviously, it sucks. No, because it's just like, I sit back down. It sucks, you know? It's like you put in all this time and effort. You commit to someone. And then you give them no reason not to trust you. Then they say they're good.

Unwrapping the edible arrangement. It's absolutely awful. I hand you a sweaty chocolate cover shot. Thank you so much. Should we take a quick break? Tiny though. Yeah. Very small. Very small edible arrangement. That's really good. and we're back right i guess oh i mean like we can be we it's up to you

yeah we're back all right then we are back uh this is a one-star review from rebecca h of an edible arrangements also in los angeles hellcat rebecca hellcat one star i had a terrible experience with the delivery driver the delivery driver called me and told me they wouldn't use the apartment's elevator because she was afraid of elevators she was having a difficult time finding the stairs, and the delivery location is on the ninth floor of the apartment complex. I was having the arrangements delivered from different states,

so I had the delivery driver speak with the recipient's roommate. Instead of being cooperative, the driver argued with her and told her to fuck off. I wanted to surprise my friend today because her mother died six months ago and she's having a hard time. This experience ruined her surprise and both of our days.

Welcome, everyone. You know, grief counseling sessions, I find, can be really helpful. And so to all of our new members, we're so glad you're here. And so this is a really safe space. You know, no one's trauma is more important. Oh, hello? Hey, sorry. I have a delivery.

It's an edible arrangement for Josh. Oh, you know what? Why don't you just leave that outside? We're just in the middle of getting started with a grief group counseling session. So why don't you just leave that outside the door? I can't leave this outside the door because then it's not a confirmed delivery. See, we have very strict rules at Edible Arrangements, so I'm going to need to leave it in the room if that's fine. Fine.

You just drop it by the door. That'd be great. And thank you. It can't be near the door. What are you talking about? I have very strict instructions that this has to be handed to Josh. You just said it needed to be near the door. What are you talking about? I have very strict instructions that this has to be handed to Josh. You just said it needed to be in the room. In the room near Josh.

I'm so sorry, everybody. This has been... Don't be sorry. You don't have to apologize to them. They love it. I'm not apologizing to you. I'm apologizing to everyone. No, don't apologize to them either.

They're having a great time. Don't tell... Josh, would it be an imposition if this gentleman left the bag by your feet um i know i mean that's whatever gets him out of the room i guess of course uh yes you can you can leave it here great hey happy birthday josh or whatever um what are you guys doing here you simply have to. This is a grief group counseling meeting. I got to tell you, I don't take kindly to being excluded. How much does the fee?

If I pay, I get to be here. It's free. It's free. Then here I am. Pulls up a chair. Is this like a 12 steps thing? Because I've already done those. You can sit here quietly while I explain kind of what we're going through today. What's your name?

What's your name? Never mind. Okay. I'm so sorry for that disturbance, everybody. Don't unzip your lips. What? You wanted to know my name? Yeah. It's like an address to you. Cosmo. everybody don't unzip your lips what uh you wanted to know my name yeah so i can address you cosmo i don't think that's a real name yep zip it back up i am so sorry

everyone uh for the incredible don't unzip again you don't have to unzip and zip your mouth every time you want to speak you said be quiet that's the only way I'm going to be able to do it. Okay, then please be quiet. What are you sorry for? Everyone in here is dealing with an immense amount of grief. A hundred percent. We all are. We all are. I mean, the state of the world, I sort of slapped Josh's shoulder way too hard.

Oh, dude. Please be careful, Cosmo. I think what he needs is a workout class. I barely hit him. You guys saw? I understand that everyone processes grief differently. I don't know if you actually have any grief that you're dealing with, but if you do have any, you're welcome to stay and please be respectful.

But if you are not willing to participate in a way that is helpful or respectful, you need to go. I can participate. I just feel like I need to know what happened to all of these other people so I can empathize. So why don't we go around the room and say what happened in detail. Let's start with Josh. Everyone, you don't have to answer to him. He's not leading this meeting. No.

You know what? I think I should be egalitarian. I think we should go with what the room's feeling. I mean, this is free, obviously, so really we're just standing in a room. It's not obvious. He asked how much he had to pay. He didn't know if it was free. Josh? Care to share?

Yeah, I lost my daughter to a really bad cold that turned into bronchitis and uh is very rare but um she basically got her lung got infected and she she passed we're so sorry josh we're so sorry we're all here for you josh that's nice that's nice encouragement cosmo um i do feel like he shouldn't have gone first because that's probably the toughest one and i feel like that should have been the last one because now it's like what's your name sitting next to josh stacy like how the hell

is stacy gonna follow that you know what i mean just in terms of storytelling the point of this isn't it's not about who has the best story. These are real people with their real lives. And right as you're barging in with that bag of fruit, I was saying that no one person's story means more, matters more. Can you not say barging in? Because I actually got shipped once. And that's a trauma of mine. I'm still grieving who I was before you got shipped yeah

there's Cosmo before I was in a crate down the Panama Canal and then there's Cosmo afterwards I could barely breathe so you want to talk about grief yeah you want to talk about grief this is why I should have gone last by the way but don't say barging in can you do me that one favor Stacy the floor is yours I actually this is only my second meeting and so I don't know if I feel comfortable.

That's okay, Stacey. Everyone can open up in their own time. Don't feel pressured or forced to share anything beyond what you feel like you want to do. I don't know. I really don't know because if we don't share in a vulnerability, then it feels like not all of us want to share. Because Stacey says no, and you say that's okay. Suddenly everybody has license not to say something. Why are you in this room if you're not going to share?

You don't have to say anything. It's just a place to grieve together. It's a place to find community. Cosmo, if you want to share about this time you were shipped down a canal, I don't know if that's more trauma than grief. It's grieving my past self who died on that barge. Say more about that. Takes out a notepad.

You didn't take notes against their stories. I know all their stories. Not Stacy's. Not Stacy's because Stacy doesn't want to share right now, which is fine. Which is fine, Stacy. Thank you. This is honestly getting out of hand. How were you shipped?

My friend was in the business of wheeling and dealing. And he said, hey, look at this crate. I said, that's awesome. I want to stand in there. He said, perfect. Stand in the crate. Locked. One air hole. Twoests quick and that was supposed to sustain me from long beach until miami this is illegal this is just it's you know dying should be illegal too i know but uh what what dying it should be illegal what happened to josh's daughter is what i'm trying to

say now josh you don't have to worry i'll always stick up for you against the fucking man here but what what isn't illegal is what happened to me that what happened to you a person being shit down canal isn't illegal and it shouldn't i've never looked into it i'm not saying it shouldn't be i would love if it was is it i think i don't know actually but it should be you should look into that this guy i don't like the way this guy's looking at me since i mentioned this what's your name tony let's hear your story you have to you have to you have to you have to get out get out of here you are you are disruptive and you are you are inflicting more grief and trauma onto these people no it's okay it's okay i can talk you know it might be good for me to finally open up tony you really you really don't

have to no if that's what this guy wants it's not about what this guy wants nothing about this meeting is to please him agreed it's not about what i want it's about what i know is going to help these people you don't know what's going to help these people i'm a grief counselor what does that mean what does that mean do you train yes really i trained for years multiple years I feel like that doesn't take multiple years it does take multiple years maybe somebody will I would have done in one oh my god I'd like to share oh okay Tony that's great if you want to open up by your own volition and not because you feel no no no I mean I do feel a little pressure but it's enough to it's enough to get me to start to start spewing the spewing the shit sorry for the foul language

it's okay it's okay again anything is welcome here except for whatever cosmo has to say um my father was was in a crate my mother got upset with him one day, and she said, we're moving. And he said, what? We've lived in this house for 24 years. She said, look in that moving pod. And he stepped in, he said, okay.

Slammed the door behind him, gave it a little pat on the rump, pushed it right into the Long beach canal oh my god and uh that was the last i saw him tony you're not alone stop it and what i want you to know is that you're never alone raise your hand if you've ever been in a crate or someone you know has been in a crate like 90 90% of the room raised their hand. See, it affects everyone and we don't talk about it enough. Oh my God. This sounds like a mafia thing.

It doesn't matter how many years of grief counseling training that you did because you don't have a point of reference for these people. And I'm not saying you shouldn't lead this workshop. I'm just saying let shouldn't lead this workshop. I'm just saying let others have the floor as well to teach as much as you are. Stacey. Everyone. I think you guys should lift me up.

What? I think you guys should cheer my name and lift me above your heads. We already just clapped for you, man. Clap again and lift me up. Cosmo. Cosmo. Cosmo. Cosmo.

Cosmo. Cosmo. Cosmo. Cosmo. Cosmo. How long is he going to go on like this? Cosmo. Cosmo. Cosmo.

Cosmo. Cosmo. We'll just see. We'll see. Cosmo. He'll tire Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo. He'll tire himself out, I feel like. I have the lung capacity of a very different beast because of the crate, by the way. I basically had to learn how to inhale. I did decide to be done. I was born inside a crate. What?

My aunt shipped my mom and I off into oh shit is that the time i do have to go stacy are you kidding me no i love obviously like me you're never alone stacy but i do have to keep uh delivering fruit i do think it's getting hot in the truck i have a job just like all of you well some of you maybe not um but uh i i mean this has been this has been healing there's been a lot of healing going on right now um josh this is a photo of my sister get out no i just wonder if john he's kind of handsome get out now all right i'm going i'm going i'm going to cosmo cosmo cosmo cosmo everyone's just been put in a crate just just to be like put out to sea like not even to like be sent somewhere yeah it's like just paddington put a couple marmalade sandwiches

in a box and see what happens um should we do our last review yes do you have one that you really enjoy uh yeah well it's fine but here we go this is from jeffrey s jeffrey sames i knew you were gonna say that. One star. Edible arrangements. Los Angeles. Why does nobody answer the phone? I ordered an arrangement for my anniversary. My girlfriend never got it.

I tried calling multiple times, but nobody answers or returns my calls. So what do you... Sorry, sir, can I just get your actual complaint? Are you saying that edible arrangements didn't return your call or because you seem really sad no they were amazing edible arrangements treated me better than like my freaking mom like i love edible arrangements i'm just saying it's just like god like no one calls anymore it's all like text text text text text i'm a little robot no one ever like uses their voice no one picks up the phone when i call except you no one uses their voice

when you call so some people pick up and they just don't say anything to you no no no one picks up is what i'm saying it's like everyone would rather send an emoji oh here's not to me but like to other people. But like, I just, you're the best. I mean, like, can I just say, Conrad, like talking on the phone with you has been healing in so many ways. Right, I cannot stress enough that the only reason that I'm able to talk to you on the phone right now is because you did place an order

for a hundred dollar edible arrangement. And this is customer service. Who are some of your other friends? Like maybe you could just like try calling them right now and see, you know, because I can't be an emotional pillar for you. But you're providing support and I'm a customer. Support for your order of edible arrangements. Okay. What other problems?

What other problems do I have with it? Let's just make something up. The strawberries were too sweet. Let's talk about it. Okay. That's never really a complaint of people's it's usually that our strawberries are i tried calling my friends before i tried calling you it's the thing and so it's like i yeah huh no it's that's no you go this is so fun it's like i've missed this i've missed like um like being interrupted like who's gonna yeah that yeah um how do you know your friends what name three friends and what they do i just because i don't think that you have them and we'll see if you can do it fast and securely

or if you're gonna stumble through this and then it going to prove to me that you don't have any friends. Well, there's my Uncle Mike. Family doesn't count. Okay. All right. Well, you just said name three. Name three friends. You're right. I consider Uncle Mike a friend.

Do you have any siblings? Nobody's friends with their uncle. You haven't met me in person. Okay, fine. So Uncle Mike, who actually is my best friend, by the way. He's not on the list, I guess. But he works at the Natural History Museum, if you want to know.

A Natural History Museum? The! The Natural History Museum. Okay, that's kind of cool then. Right. Well, exactly. And so that's the thing. It's like Mike and I, God.

That's okay. He's so funny. How is he funny funny what do you mean how is uncle mike who works at the natural history museum funny he's just like a rascal like he never picks up the phone and so i wish i knew like what department he worked in like what like what he what's his day-to-day but he's always like too busy like he'll send that you know those texts that it's like i'm i'm too busy can't call right now yeah does he send those even

he should because it's like then i would know that when was the last time you had any form of contact with him physical or digital uh christmas 2008 Christmas 2008. Wow, when I say that out loud, that sounds like a long time, huh? That is over 12 years. That's 14 years. There is Lisa. Last name?

Don't say Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt. There it is. That's not your friend. That's the last one. We don't even have to digilt vanderbilt there it is uh that's not your friend that's the last one we don't even have to dig into that one last one ryan ryan who sea crest he's everyone's friend nope um what i'm gonna do is i'm going to refund your money and i want you to use that what i'm gonna refund your money just no man no why i wanted i bought the edible arrangement i spent my money i want to refund you so that you can go out on the town and use that money to meet somebody it doesn't matter

somebody why are you mad at me meet somebody do you like are you like feisty are you a feisty guy i'm not your friend because i don't want you to tell other people, oh, like Conrad's so funny, he's feisty. You don't know anything about me. I'm not feisty. You are in, you're grading. I'm sorry to say this. But you are, you're so like, that's exactly, oh my God.

That is so how it describes, like if I could describe you in one word, you're feisty. What number money? Because I can also over refund you. What number gets you off the phone right now? Your number. Your personal number. So we can do this again.

That was pretty clever. That was slick. But no, absolutely not. I'm going to hang up. Is that how you describe me? Like when you tell people, oh, he's so funny. I don't know who you are. We just met.

But like after this, are you going to be like... I'm not going to tell anybody about you. Come on, man. Name one interesting thing about you i like you just said i'm slick i didn't say that i said that was slick and it was i said i remarked upon it because it was against character what do you mean you're not slick otherwise you don't know me well enough yet i don't want to get to know you you're feisty like that is so i'm being blunt and rude that's not feisty you and uncle mike would get on real well so this is how mike talked to you because then you're definitely not friends you're definitely not friends and mike are cut from that same club you are cut from the same club whenever i try and call him i'm'm just like, Mike, what's up? And he's like, I'm busy.

And then he just kind of like smashes the phone down. And I'm like, whoa, there's a fire in there. You said he didn't pick up. You said he didn't pick up and that he sent you to voicemail and then didn't also text you saying, sorry, I'm busy. Well, I'm saying it's like that was in 2007. Seven, yeah. That's what I was worried about.

I haven't had any human interaction since the late aughts you haven't talked to somebody from 2009 to now obama won and then now you had an editable arrangement order placed um should we do our last segment yeah this shook me all week wow I don't know if I'm gonna get a tattoo what does that mean that you're leaning towards not or you're truly not I'm going to get a tattoo. What does that mean?

That you're leaning towards not? Or you're truly not? I'm leaning towards... So here's the deal. So I got the design. I got the drawing, the line drawing of Red. And it's fucking perfect. It's amazing. I ordered it off Inkbox.

I ordered like the small... Because I wanted... If I were to get it, I would want it really tiny. But I wanted to get something from Inkbox to see. is not an ad I just think inkbox is cool um I wanted to get it to see what it would be like I placed the order for like their smallest one they emailed back they're like the detail wouldn't show up as well can we make it a little bit bigger and I just said I'm like okay sure I trust that. It's way too big. Like this would be way bigger than I would want. And so I'm giving this to a friend of mine,

but I ordered another one. So hopefully it comes smaller. So that should be here maybe next week. But I don't know. I don't know. I'm interested to try it on me, see what it looks like. But I don't know. Maybe'm interested to try it on me, see what it looks like. But I don't know. Maybe it's just not this design.

Like maybe it's just not the red doggy. Yeah. But look at him. It's perfect. I love it. So yeah. So I'm really glad I took, I'm taking time. Because impulsive ass Riley, like a month ago would have been like, put it on me.

And now I would have been like, oh, God. So, yeah, so still we're now on and we're unsure. We're unsure. Yeah, I knew I wanted a tattoo for the longest time, I was like I don't know what to get and then it was just like finally settling on something that after a couple weeks was like yeah I'm just gonna get that but I also think throwing caution to the wind is like part of it and then it

just becomes part of your body but you have like tiny guys yeah yeah so it's like I would my butterfly is like the size of that though um but this is just more intricate i don't know if there's some like there's um there's one floral design that i might get i don't know it is a lemon we'd have matching lemons

don't get it i've i've done that i've thought about doing that for so many of my friends of like let me get this same exact tattoo of them and now it's about to happen to me as yours um but a dear like family friend of my mom's is a visual artist and we visited her on our trip and she had this like beautiful like watercolor painting of lemons and leaves. And it was really, really pretty. And she gave it to me. And I'm like, that would make a really pretty tattoo. That's pretty.

It sounds pretty. I haven't seen it. That's cool. I don't know if that would translate to a tattoo very well, though, unless you get a really good shading artist. But I don't know if you would. It would be line. OK. Yeah, outline and very tiny. Yeah.

There. But I probably won't get it. But I'm saying it's like something I think what I'm realizing is that it's like, if I were, if I'm going to get one, which I've still don't know if I am, um,

as much as I love, uh, the red dog, um, I might want something more like delicate than a cartoon on my body. Yeah. But that's like you, you love cartoons. I know, I do.

I would say you should get that over getting, like, just a flower, because that means kind of nothing to you. Like, and everyone I know who has floral tattoos, everyone regrets those, because they're like, this isn't anything. I'm interested to see what this will be like smaller, because right now

it's like, I was gonna try it, like, I was gonna try it here, but it's just so big yeah and so it's like it wouldn't even give me a good idea of if i would want it or not because i'm like well i know i wouldn't want this it's way too big yeah that's fair so we'll see but they did send me a free like bee and it's like very very tiny so where should i put that it's literally like that big no where should it's like a little bumblebee like that big your wrist like in in wrist maybe could be huge you're talking about an ink box thing that lasts for seven days it doesn't matter two weeks two weeks it doesn't last two weeks it does the ones that i had that daniel and i got matching ones they lasted for two and a half weeks that's if you don't shower uh i do what's shaking you ass i like and what's shaking your ass sauce

milk tofu beans um don't know that's fucking changed um i like soy. I'm just going to say I like soy. But in what capacity? It doesn't matter. Nobody needs to know if I like soy sauce or milk. It's soy. I fucking love soy sauce. Soy sauce is what I meant. Soy sauce is unbelievable.

Soy sauce is unbelievable. We should do a soy sauce app. I could fucking drink a gallon of soy sauce is unbelievable we should do a soy sauce out i could fucking drink a gallon of soy sauce i i had sushi yesterday and i sipped some soy soy a little bit of wasabi in there it hits hard uh should we thank some vi podcasts god it's been so nice to not have to do this are you kidding me fucking chore everybody has not been able to change their name for like six weeks such a fucking chore they suck yeah everyone if you're listening to this you're not a podcast you should become one because it's like we love you guys you just said we they

fucking suck well they can't hear this they're not gonna listen to this they absolutely can okay big thank you to underscore christian side oh yeah we haven't everyone's finally changed their names okay underscore christian side hugs quark when he asks agent finney scarn what do y'all think of my new nickname finney agent michael scarner finnegan we're brothers there's no way a co has has received Mary a fucking dap for her frankly outstanding achievements. An apology is in order. 384 episodes, by the way. Cam is finally out of hell now that you're out of banked episodes.

Never do that to me or my kids again. Sierra Puff. You didn't marry Sierra. Chuck. Dakota feeling fresh, refreshed hearing all these new names. Nice. Damien Kirk has memorized the first 192 digits of Pi, but he still needs to go on a pilgrimage to learn what it is to come.

Dr. Refunk Bob Buell. Everybody get up. It's time to slick now. We got a real Rick going down. Welcome to the slick Rick. Fancy Octopus. Freya. Frito Prey love. Gale's Oils LLC. down welcome to the slick rick fancy octopus freya frito pray love gail's oils llc gray's the prodigal son that shines bright as he returns to north america fuck ha i'm gonna make riley and

jeff say a really long and hard to pronounce word like fucking gecko ali the horribly awesome is gray's twin happy birthday jeff use code jeff for 20 off your baldo purchase happy birthday jeff use code yeah idky austin hasn't changed his fucking name this fucking dumbass no i'm serious fuck that guy hey jeff could you please have anyone from hey riddle riddle on the head come podcast please i eat spaghetti and heat balls it's like like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. New patron. New patron.

I sincerely would like to apologize for the wolf. The epic wolf. I Venmo'd Jeff my rent money to pay for the subscription and would really appreciate it if he could send it back. Thanks. New patron. New patron. I can't. Jake Ullman.

James Wagner is tired of these repeat names. Same bad name, same bad person. Jay is actually in the U.S. for a bit now, and the whole time zone thing might work out this week. Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, well, Malasov. John Daniels got dumped by his therapist, and you know he deserved it. Jordan Fields.

Nope, never mind. JP again. Wait, so is Rary Chair Spa canon in the Jeffrey the Dumbass Cinematic Universe? Yes or no? Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep! Casper Bopasper. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Michael Beggle. Nate Portis thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeff can't be silly.

Nolan Murphy would love to be an heiress to his heiress. I'd love to inherit the Charlotte Hornets is all. Oh, hi Mark. Well, priest. Oh, so it'd love to inherit the Charlotte Hornets is all. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, pre-dece. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name. Come say that to my face at Smoke and Time on Main Island. Pete Bradford actually went to Smoke and Time and told them it's not lame to advertise your business through their Patreon name. Peter Piper picked a pecker picket Fuck! Phoebe.

Quack. Riley Ann's Claw. So it's Riley Ann's Claw, but she's in need of a manicure. I'm getting one tomorrow. Hilarious timing. Reese. Little Caesar's Eater. Bergman. Smooth Pete and the Funky Bunch. So what is this like a job now? You're trying to tell me that I have to update

my name more than once a year? Thanks for not shouting out daddy's birthday. April first came and went and it all did nothing. That's so Raven. It's the future. I can well see. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey Sleep Moans. And TJ Michael. Thank you guys for subscribing at the highest tier. $20 VIP

patron parties. Everything. It's good. Everything. This has been a gas. A gas. It's been a gaffe and I've been aghast. We'll see you guys again next week. You can follow Riley on Instagram at RileyAnspa on Twitter at RileyCoyote and the show on

Reddit r slash ReviewReview and Instagram at ReviewReview. You can follow Jeff on Instagram at JeffyJames and on Twitter at JeffBoyardee. We'll see you guys again next week. Arrivederci! Arrivederci! That was a HeadGum Podcast.