Review Revue - Egg Nog

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Egg Nog and discuss Seussical towns, Dairymen's customer service, and QUARTS. Plus, Geoff opens his birthday gift from Reilly live on air!Click here to vote for the Best of Review Revue, 2020!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just want to know how you feel

Awful. Tiny hand. Riley's waving a tiny hand on her finger and I hate to see it, obviously. I just wanna rip you Don't make those facial expressions while waving a tiny... Yeah, now she's covering her hand with just the finger hand. Like, who, me?

Who, me? I'm just a baby. Yeah, piles of unfiled taxes behind you, right? You're not a baby. You have responsibilities. Powers out, running on generator power and a hot spot uh yeah you're excited about it yeah i woke up so it snowed it snowed overnight and uh i'm here in northeast ohio the cuyahoga valley um stolen land obviously from the cuyahoga

tribe um but yeah sugar and falls ohio which is not sugar and falls ohio jackson hansel it's sugar in falls like much to my Sugar and Falls. I've made jokes like that before in the Headcumbs sketches and on the show. I've said much to my Sugar and Falls. Much to my Sugar and Falls is nothing. I think a lot of people say Shugrin, much to my Shugrin. You say Shuh instead of Shuh. Shugrin.

Right. You say uh, like sugar. But you've never been, you don't, the dialect around here is Sugarin Falls. Like everyone in town knows. I'm just saying that it's like, when I say sugarin, it's sha instead of uh. So I think that's where it gets confusing. Sugarin. Sugarin.

This is, anyway, now it means, you know when you say a word so many times. It means nothing. You live nowhere. But it snowed last night, right? And that just cut the power for some reason it snows every year in northeast ohio but for some reason they're never prepared spectrum style um so yeah i'm using a lot of expensive data right now to call and and and and and to browse the net and i honestly i'm i'm going to a lot of sites that cost a lot of data. Like what? Like Flash, yeah.

Like Flash sites? Flash sites, yeah. I don't know what you mean. You know, you go to the site and it plays a video. Okay, right. So I don't know if I mentioned that. So like YouTube or? YouTube actually, I hadn't checked that one out yet though.

That sounds pretty good. You haven't checked YouTube out? Not since the power went out. Right, but since the power went out, you said that you've been using a lot of data. Flash data, yeah. So I went to like a couple of my buddies, like they asked for feedback several weeks ago

on their like directing portfolios on their website. So I went to their site and it's all techy. There's a lot of, what's that? You did that, nothing, keep going. And so I'm like checking out their reel, their samples, giving feedback. And obviously the feedback is like, it's a video of me what's that? You did that. Nothing. Keep going. And so I'm like checking out their reel, their samples, giving feedback. And obviously the feedback is like, it's a video of me giving feedback because I don't want to type it all out.

So I'm sending them texts of full videos. We're talking like 50, 100 megabytes. On the day I'm down $800 of data. Obviously wait to do this till you have Wi-Fi back, right? Like there's so many other things you could be doing that you don't need Wi-Fi for except for this well i was gonna play guitar when the once the wi-fi came back or maybe read a book switch the order of operations okay yeah i get that right i'm not gonna do it but i get it i get the reasoning behind it well i did the best i could what's new with you still organizing not much i mean tiny hand has really like been just taking up a lot of time.

It shouldn't be more than a couple minutes a day. Well, here's the thing, is that not only do I have the Tiny Hand. No way. She has another thing. You're a prop comic. She just put a clown nose on. You're Carrot Top today. And this is a podcast.

Hi. Hi. Riley's keep sending me the, the, the animojis and she sent one today that made me laugh out loud, but we posted the, the unicorn one today. These things make me laugh very hard.

And so I keep them on my desk. Um, I'm trying to think what else it's just been it's been a lot of it's been a lot of organizing but we have the office pretty much put together so that much more what percentage do you think you're done because this is a lot of days of organizing this sounds exhausting so the only thing that like i think is left for me to do is um we're gonna we have a bunch of frame photos that we're going to make into like a gallery wall over our dresser. And so the wall is very, it looks nakey. It's very bare right now. And so because there's a lot of like, we need the space to hang everything. All of the things that

I put on top of the dresser are now like on the floor of the office. So once those photos are up, then I can reorganize that. We have a little bit of reorganizing to do in the closet. But for me, that's kind of the extent of what I have to do. Daniel's going to be doing this for a bit. Because he's moving in. Because he's moving in. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Daniel's moving in officially. I mean, we've been quarantining together since March. So we've been effectively living together since then. So nine months. But now. Yeah. But now he's officially moving in, which is very exciting. So it's Daniel, me, and Elizabeth, just the three musketeers, and we're having a ball. So.

Did you open your birthday present? Your birthday slash Christmas present? Oh, my God. Jeffrey, open it on the pod. Open it right now. Right now? Yes. Sorry, open it on the pod. Open it right now. Right now? Yes. Sorry, I had to get scissors.

So this is your, happy birthday and merry Christmas, Jeffrey. I already know where it's from because the tape on the outside says it and you told me about it. So I'm really excited. Yay. Wait, did you happy merry birthday Christmas Mephri

XOXO gossip girl or sorry XOXO gossip girl gossip girl and then in parentheses

it's Riley this is nice stationery so this is from the spice place in Evanston the spice house in Evanston and you can so basically this is Daniel's spice place in evanston right house in evanston and you can

so basically dan this is daniel's go-to gift for everyone and i stole that idea so daniel's like damn it we've got some saigon cinnamon let's give daddy a smell the best cinnamon i've ever had to put in my coffee every morning yeah this is perfect because uh i think i i don't know if i've told you about it there's this uh Christmas ale, Great Lakes Christmas ale in Cleveland. Yes, you have told me about that. Oh, fuck. Open it with the scissors. Oh, I have the scissors, of course.

So what my family does, I mean, it's not just what we do. Kind of all Clevelanders do it, but you take a beer, like a pint glass, you rub orange around it, like an orange slice, just to wet its whistle. And then you dip the rim in cinnamon sugar. And then you pour the Christmas ale in, and then you have it. That sounds amazing. So this cinnamon is going straight onto a pint glass tonight. It's incredible.

It's the best cinnamon I've ever had. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Oh, my God. I wish that you guys could smell this right now. It's incredible. It's the best cinnamon I've ever had. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Oh my God. I wish that you guys could smell this right now. This is- It's insane. This is unbelievable. I like, I'm not even like,

like I don't have a discerning palate enough to tell good cinnamon from bad cinnamon, but this you can just tell. Thank you for sending me this. It's like the most potent cinnamon. It's so good. There's more, there's more. But wait, there's more.

But wait. XOXO, Gossip Guy. AKA Jeffy. Nobody read my blog. cinnamon it's so good there's more there's more but wait there's more but wait gossip guy aka nobody read my blog i went to an all boys high school you tried texting people like guess who upreast ciders and they're like delete i don't know who the fuck is this okay here we go now we're cooking with spice best sellers collect best danny sellers collection now we're spicy we got lakeshore die sorry lakeshore drive um that's a shallot and herb seasoning then we've got vulcan's fire salt which is like a chili salt i think back of the yards garlic pepper butcher's rub gateway to the north oh shit maple garlic seasoning that's amazing i'm gonna use that tonight lake lake shore drive i put on eggs and i put on veggies so i will put that like

oh roast up some brussels sprouts with that on it like olive oil salt pepper this is insane and that it's incredible thank you so much You did not have to do this. This is awesome. Yay! This is like... Yay! I can't believe we just did this on the show. Thank you. Yeah, thank you to Riley, obviously, for this. But also thank you to everybody for listening and for giving me a job.

I appreciate you guys. It was one of the things that I reflected on on my birthday the most of, you know, what's changed this past year. We're talking about eggnog today. Come on. The one time I'm earnest on the show, I don't tell anything about myself on this show. No, sorry. Finish your thing. Finish your thing.

Yeah, we're talking about eggnog. We're talking about fucking eggnog. I'm going to put the cinnamon. No, I think Finish your thing. We're talking about eggnog. We're talking about fucking eggnog. I'm going to put the cinnamon. No, I think that's really lovely. My mom and I make this really good eggnog when we decorate our tree, which we're doing in two, I think a week. I'll put this cinnamon in the eggnog. No, I think that's very lovely what you did.

What's your experience with nog, Riley? Egg or otherwise? I don't know. In theory, I'm not a nog gal. You love milk. What do you mean? That's the ultimate milk. But I don gal. You love milk. What do you mean? That's the ultimate milk. But I don't.

The ultimate milk. That's dairy to the end. Eggnog, the ultimate milk. An ad campaign by Big Nog. Big Nog. I'm an eggnog lobbyist. Big Nog, eggnog. It's like foghorn, leghorn.

I can still say it. I'm an eggnog lobbyist. Big nog, eggnog. It's like foghorn, leghorn. I can still smell the cinnamon on my fingers. So good. Everybody check out the Spice House. Yeah, truly. Their packaging is also stunning. And you can get their stuff online. So yeah, in theory, not a fan of the nog. Because it's so thick. But then whenever I have it, I'm like not a fan of the nog because it just, it's like, it's so thick,

but then whenever I have it, I'm like, well, of course I love it. Like, of course it's incredible. But then I think about it and I'm like, ew. Ew. What about you? It's definitely one of the most polarizing things. Yeah. You either love it or you hate it.

There's nobody that's like, I could take or leave eggnog. I could, I could eat. I could or leave eggnog. I could eat. I could do an eggnog. I could eat. I could do a nog. What did you say? It's like March. Everyone's like, hey, we don't have that.

Yeah, I could go for a nog. A what? A nog. Are we going out for nogs? Yeah, I don't know. Someone said margs and they're just like, yeah, nogs. Peter, who's your friend? This is Chauncey.

Chauncey is, I don't know,'t know i'm really he's my sister's brother i like or sorry he's my wife's brother i have to like take her around you don't want to be that directly like to say my brother yeah he's my sister's brother and most people just kind of gloss over it well i don't want to be categorized with chauncey but yeah sure you love a nog you make it with your mom here's the thing there's two different nogs There's the carton one from the store-bought. You're an alien learning to speak. Yeah, the store-bought from the carton. That's the one that I think is rightfully polarizing.

I love it. It is disgusting. It's really bad for you. I love it. It's disgusting. I read somewhere that it has the same amount of cholesterol as if you were to eat two double cheeseburgers, two fries, and two drinks.

So how do you make a nog? That's the store-bought. It has its own spicy aftertaste, and I understand why people don't like it. It's very thick. It's gooey, almost. I love it. What I do when I don't want to make the one that my mom and I make

is pour it into a glass, pour a little brandy in it, mix that it thins it out it becomes a nice little cocktail a little bit of nutmeg on top what what i do with my mom is more like a milkshake so it's basically you do the you like froth the egg whites and you do the nogging of the eggs etc whatever you want to call it add it to a thing and then you basically just add literal like melting ice cream to it and the ice cream melts into like a milkshake eggnog concoction and the ice cream basically acts as ice cubes so you never even have to refrigerate it so it's good for making day of drinks for people and then yeah again nutmeg on the top that sounds so good it's unbelievable i would ship you that but that's

dairy i don't make it oh you've never made it you've never made it i've never made it i think there was one year in high school because my family were not an eggnog family okay well i remember like i remember like but i'm like oh i want the experience of that and so after school one day or on the holidays, I drove to the supermarket, just picked up an eggnog carton, brought it home, poured some. It was like, and it's not a thing that it's like, oh, here's my nightly eggnog. It's like, I'm going to have it once in a two-week period. And that's it for me.

It's an unsustainable drink. Actually, not even a two-week period. I will have it once in the season, maybe. I couldn't tell you the last time I had it. Well, it is like so addicting, for me at least least if you like eggnog, you know what I'm talking about? Where it's like, you'll just have the whole carton. And then you're like the next day you literally gained five fucking pounds. But like when I, when I, that experience, I remember like being like, Oh, this is, this is fine. And none of my family wanted it. So I'm like, I guess

this is just my carton of eggnog that I have now. Well, this is sad to see in the fridge. Marty gave us some Christmas presents and they're called ads. Let's open them up right now. Read your review, bitch. god all right this is a review of bakti holiday spiced chai nog this is from a reviewer named abraham w winken abraham winken uh this is from a this is literally from a website called eggnog.reviews and it's just abraham it's a blog that he started to talk about like weirdly specific

noggs here we go there are stars but i'll get to it chai nogg is one of the more specialized noggs you'll see reviewed around here. This poses some additional challenges for our Nogspurt Mouthfeels and 100% unbiased opinions. Nogspurt Mouthfeels sounds like a Seussical name. Hi, I'm Nogspurt. Nogspurt Mouthfeels. But life is full of hurdles and we struggle on one swig at a time. Upon the first twist of the cap,

your senses will quickly be assailed by the strong scent of chai. The taste fairly well parallels the smell with a soft burning sensation down the back of your throat. It's not painful, just chai. Just chai! Thick and creamy are how I would describe bhakti. It's almost actually so not eggnog that I'm putting it at two eggs out of five.

Sorry, it's almost actually so not eggnog. It's almost actually so not eggnog that I'm putting it at two eggs out of five. Nogspurt is the worst word i've ever read it's n-o-g-x-p-e-r-t just say nog expert or egg spurt egg spurt would have been so much better no not this is literally a blog and all he does is review eggnog so that's an interesting character which also feel like this whole world is very soos it's like of course your your job is an eggnog reviewer all right children welcome to the village of a song and dance trees mellow woods Now it's time for career day

Young ones Now remember in this town We're all named after what our trade will be Now why don't you start us off Taylorson Taylor Would you like to know what your occupation's going to be? I couldn't possibly have any idea

I've been racking my brain Thinking will I be a gumdrop tester?. I've been racking my brain thinking, will I be a gumdrop tester? Will I be a water weaver? Please do tell me what my job will be. Well, Taylor's son, Taylor, you're going to be a tailor. You're going to make sure trousers fit just so.

All right. Hip, hip, hooray for me. I shall run through the streets with glee. What about me, teacher-est pet? What? Please tell me my name and what I am destined to be. I thought, will I be a reindeer trainer or will I drive race cars around the land?

I couldn't possibly know. Well, Jeter Finance, you're going to be a treasurer in charge of the city's bank accounts. Golly, that's all up to me? Yes, it is. Give me your money. Garrity forks it over. Children giving cash.

I guess today's my first day on the job. I run with, like, Monopoly-sized money bags through the street. And I think that's it. Oh, wait. Teacherous pet. You haven't given me my future job yet. Yeah.

Hi, Mr. Mouthfeels. I don't think we should give you your occupation in front of the other children. I really don't. But that's kind of the best part of the whole day. Recess. everyone go outside Enjoy basking in the glory of your jobs He gets trampled, trampled over him And then he's just sitting there on the floor

Cartoon just like fully paper thin Alright, Nogspurts, let me sit you down Now, when you look in the mirror, what do you see? Well, I see just plain old nogs per mouth feel. Nothing more, nothing less. Okay, because I was going to say a jaundiced kid. Well, right, I guess that kind of comes with the territory. Why can't my job be announced in front of the other children?

I used to be like you. And my name? Teacher's pet. Alright? That's not a good name to have. But I guess you were the teacher's pet in school and then you became the teacher herself. And when I was the teacher's pet,

people would trample me just like they did you. And on career day, guess what happened? You got trampled and went paper thin like me? Worse. I was spun around a tetherball pole, and they played me like a ball. And it was all because I had the least glamorous occupation in the village. Teacher.

I think teaching's a very noble position. I am, that doesn't surprise me. I'll just say that, that you think that. Nogspurt, your job is going to be, and it might have to be this, you're going to taste dairy concoctions that are seasonal and give your thoughts on them in eggs. So instead of two or three stars, it's going to be two or three eggs.

You're the only one in the village who can taste the difference between different nogs. Nogs. Well, your namesake very much says it. You're the expert on gnaw What? Why do you think you wouldn't be able to tell this in front of the other kids? Well, golly, that just sounds like the best job in the land Okay, well, let's see how it goes then Cut to them outside

Everyone, children, recess is almost over You have a couple more minutes I just wanted, because our little Mr. Mouth feels here is so proud of his job, I wanted to announce it in front of you all. All the kids, they're still doing what they're doing, but look over. Our little nogspurt here is going to taste dairy and kind of give his thoughts on it. And eggs. They all start throwing eggs at him.

Tossing eggnog at him in buckets. No! Drowning in dairy. What? Everyone stop! They don't stop. There's still eggnog kind of flying at him, but he acts like they didn't stop. It doesn't faze him.

He's being drenched. Seedswell Farberson, where did you get this nog? My dad made it, and I'm going to make it when I'm older. Now here, have an egg on your face. Throws it. Crack. Well, Seedswell, I think I have a couple notes for your father. Now everybody stops.

Seedswell is like the biggest kid in school. The bully. All I'm saying, Seedswell, is that the dog could be a little thicker. It's a little thin. And so I was just thinking maybe if you have happier chickens, you might get better eggs for the dog. Seedswell stares him down. Everybody's waiting to see what he'll do. Another kid walks up and tries a sip of the nog.

Yeah, he's kinda right. This tastes dull. Everybody turns and laughs at Seedswell. No! Fellow children, please stop! They start egging Seedswell. No! I run in front of Seedswell. Stop it! That's not what we're about here in the land of song and dance. What are we called? What's our town called?

You got it exactly right, Nogspurt. I'm watching this all happen. Teachers, but you're not gonna, okay. Well, everyone, that's not what we're about here. My job, I'm a Nogspurt. Seeds well one day, we'll sow the fields and be a farmer. And all of us, we all have our places in this world, none of which are to assault our fellow classmates, yours truly included, with eggs.

Now, I think we could all put the eggs down and we could finish career day in peace. Hey, hey, where are all the ladies around here? It's me, Peter Playboy. Oh, God, Peter Playboy, get out of here. They all throw eggs at him as he leaves. We could throw eggs at him. That's fine.

He's leaving anyway. Cut to Nogspurt's first day on the job. Okay, got my very own Nog tasting desk. Excuse me, Nogspurt? Yeah? Yeah, supervisor here. I just want to make sure that you have everything you need. I absolutely do, Supervisorial Samson.

Thank you so much for being the best supervisor in the town. And remember, we want you to mostly test for viscosity. And did direct deposit get set up? Did you sign up the W-2? Because it's a lot of money, so. Do you know how much you're making? Are you being paid to do this? Do you know how much you're making?

I thought I was just doing it for the love of the dog. It's $120,000 a year. You know what? You take the money. I just do it for the eggs. No on well i can venmo it to you so venmo exists here well well i need a w-2s exist here i feel like it's i'm worried about you I'm worried that you're Pray tell I'm worried that You love Nog so much but

I'm telling you Nogspurt After a month on this job You're gonna be sick of this stuff No way I'll love Nog for My whole life Nothing in the world Could ever compare to the love I have For the Nog stuff cut to his funeral

seeds wells farmer is there giving eulogy you know i didn't always like nogsbert but he taught me a valuable lesson you gotta love what you do even if it kills you nogspert died of cholesterol poisoning, which is real. He was a good man, but he was an even better Noxpert. Like in the Grinch or Hornhearser who you zoom out and the whole world is on a snowflake that lands on a cup of eggnog

and someone's sitting outside in a rocking chair in the snow. Honey, are you coming in? Yeah, let me just finish this one last sip. Takes a sip, the snowflakes on the tongue. Do you hear, Tiny? Whoa. Is that the wind?

No, silly. Just the Christmas cheer in a cup what bad writing did i hear something no i guess it's probably just christmas cheer in a cup and that's the end of the movie fuck how did that get approved this was all one long ad for eggnog eggnog this christmas choose dairyman's you never know what you might find so what do you think guys well besides the fact that it's two hours long. What we'll find. I don't think people want to drink small civilizations. Hey, don't knock it. Don't nog it till you try it. You're fired.

Okay, this review. Organic Valley eggnog. I love Organic Valley, not gonna lie. Ultra pasteurized organic eggnog. It's a court. That's on the carton. Organic Valley organic eggnog.'s a court that's on the carton organic valley organic eggnog it's a court the photo on it is a little girl pulling a calf on a sled through the snow sure sure this is from

m thompson emma but it's m-a emma thompson so this is organic. So what? There's no real reason for organic eggnog. It's a court, all caps. Also, and the price was way more than it should have been. But I needed eggnog for my Christmas, and you took advantage of that. You can bet I won't be buying anything else from this eggnog maker. The product itself is thin.

There's the eggnog flavor, yes, but it's not a thick, rich product that you expect, especially at the outrageous price. And it doesn't really have much fragrance of eggnog either. I won't be buying or recommending this brand to anyone. Gives it three stars. Hi, yeah, Organic Valley customer service. Hello, I'd like to file a complaint against your latest eggnog release.

Of course, that's why we're here. My name is Letterman. If we get disconnected, is this a good callback number? This is absolutely a good callback number. I'm on my husband's phone because mine is in the charger. I'm Emma Thompson. And I just, there's a couple things wrong with your nog. Let's just say that. Oh, yeah. We welcome feedback.

It always helps with our next batch. What if I could just take a couple bullet points down? What can I say? I'm so glad. And thank you for being so kind. You're making this whole process a lot easier. I have to say, I feel a little more calm now. I had kind of a disturbing experience with your eggnog this morning what happened well it's a court what's that the eggnog yes it's a court it it comes in a court it comes in a court eggnog is not a court it comes in a court i mean it is

a court it came in a court um so is the complaint you'd want larger sizes, smaller? I just, yeah. What's there to say? I mean, what's there to say at this point? If only I was drinking the eggnog, a quart would be fine. But no, I got the nog for my family. So with a family of five, do we really think a quart will suffice? Can I ask what grocery

store you got it from? Which partner you might've ordered from? Because you could have gotten multiple courts and if they're out of supplies, that's something we could help with. We could ship more to them. Oh no. I mean, I went to Kroger's and I picked the court from the aisle. And there were other courts? They were all courts. That's what I'm saying. They were all, so there was multiple, so you could have gotten more. I'm so sorry, Emma. I am gonna have to strike this from the phone call record because I can only submit

actual formal complaints. Well, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. Do you have formal complaints or do you just have things that are, yeah. Well, I have another thing. Let's hear the next one, yeah.

Sorry, I feel a little bit dismissed, but no need. I just feel that this was a little thin. that this was a little thin. The nog was a little thin. Okay. Do you like a thick nog? I love a thick nog

and we strive to make a thick nog. Can I ask, were you using the eggnog in a cocktail or anything where you would have added something to make it more viscous or was it just straight? Well, I watered it down.

Yeah, so there it is. You put water in eggnog? Well, to thin it out. So did it come too thick? I'm struggling again to figure out what the complaint is. Here's water in eggnog? Well, to thin it out. So did it come too thick? I'm struggling again to figure out what the complaint is. Here's the thing. It came too thin.

And so the fact that I always water my nog, and so when I watered it down even more, it was like there was no nog left. So I need it thin, but I don't need it thin out the court. So just to be clear, when you get thick eggnog, and it's usually too thick, you water it down, it's perfect. This came perfect and then you still watered it down out of habit. It sounds like it was the perfect nog for you.

Well, I didn't know. It's my habit. My body just knows when I pour the nog, I pour a little water in. That's just my routine. It's what I do. So how was I to know that your nog... So it's muscle memory. I was following through with my muscle memory in preparing

my morning nog. And the nog, it already came out thin. And so I didn't expect that when I put the water in the thin. Is that the end of the sentence? You didn't expect that because you put the water into the thin?

I put the water into the thin. There's no subject in that sentence. The subject should be the thin eggnog. No is the subject i didn't expect it when i put the water into the thin i don't think so all right so again dissecting grammar with you today 100 i hear you that these things happened they are not formal complaints do you have anything more that i actually can bring to my higher ups and get this issue resolved for you because i don't i do want you to be a satisfied customer of organic value you know what clearly you're not going to take anything i have to say seriously so let them know write this down this is this is a formal complaint

i will not be buying anything else from this eggnog maker again okay and you called to tell us that i called to let you know that you've just lost a customer i'm sorry to hear that we're you're always welcome back um i there's no solution because what you said were mistakes you made um mistakes i made you sold me a court of the thin kroger sold you the court we sold it to kroger oh so now we know where the buck stops i don't think we do i think we've figured it out right before what you just said and it was that you there was human error for sure i'd like to talk to your superior all right um yeah here she is hi yeah is um can i help you hi um i'm emma thompson and i have just called your underling for lack of a better word

with a couple complaints and he didn't seem to take me too seriously this holiday season yes so i get all the complaints on a live feed on my monitor um what you said was it was yeah they weren't complaints but i'm happy to feel complaints right those were complaints i don't know who you think you are not about the eggnog well the complaint about the it was thin and a quart. It was thick in a quart. And then you thinned it out. No, it was too thin. So when I thinned it out more, it was then it was, it was paper to me. What gets us off the phone right now?

What can we do to make you feel okay? I'd like a thicker nog, but I don't think you're the one to make that happen. Now are you, little miss? Well, we have a full fat version. Did you get the fat to make that happen. Now are you, little miss? Well, we have a full fat version. Did you get the fat-free version? The fat-free is a forest green container. The full fat is black. Which color was yours?

Well, I saw the word free on it, and I thought, oh, a Christmas. So you stole from Kroger's? How was I to know? Again, that is not my fault. That is the fault of yours, eggnog makers. That is 100% within your agency to not steal and to read the carton. I didn't steal. It was part of the Christmas spirit.

I thought, ooh, they're giving. So what do you want me to do? You want me to send you money for the thin nog? That's the end of the sentence. We hear in the background, yeah, that's her. That's her. Security comes, tackles you. She's been in the Kroger parking lot this whole time.

Just wracked with guilt, but not sure if I should return it or not. Already opened and take a sip of it with water. My husband, Nogspurt Mouthfield, died this year, and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm bereft, So I committed theft! Rhyming doesn't get you out of petty crime charges. You do the crime, you do the rhyme. Your voice is shaking.

This shook me all week long What a dairy based episode You must be so happy Oh my god It's a dream, it's a cream dream Cream dream is not the term I should have used but that's fine I finished euphoria

it's a little late but okay so daniel it's a lot of late it's very late i know so the first four episodes like we watched the first one and then we waited a couple days it's it's like we're like okay i need to breathe there in between each one it kind of makes you feel sad yeah but then we the last four episodes in one sitting of course the saddest ones yeah um it's incredible i just like can't like literally daniel and i were going to bed and i'm just like who would you want to be cast as in euphoria like it's all i could think about it's all like i just want to do dad the dad of the jock okay oh my god but his character arc oh it's pretty good it's incredible um you feel bad for him jules's dad there was a moment when dan it's like you know when they're

in the they're in the chinese restaurant and he's asking jules about her and rue daniel's like daniel's looking at the dad and he's like and that is the role I will play in 40 years. When he's 65? Sorry, 68. He's like, when I'm that age, not 40 years. But he's like, when I'm that age, that is the, and Elizabeth is like, 100%, you will play the kind dad. And I told him, I'm like, you could not, like right now you could play Elio in Call Me By Your Name, but you will age into Elio's dad. Elio's dad, that actor, I love him.

I don't know his name, but he's great and everything. Anyway, Euphoria is incredible. We're very late. All our quarantine experience has been just kind of watching HBO's Best Of. So I rewatched Veep. We finished Westworld. We did watchmen we did i may destroy you and now we just finished euphoria so it's so good it's so good easy absolutely easy with that

i want to be sydney sweeney she just did just did a World of Warcraft ad with Finn. I saw that. That made me laugh. What's been shaking you? This is the first year that I've been able to be home not like five days before Christmas. So, you know, usually my parents just decorated themselves. But now that Sarah, Jack, and I are home now,

and it's December 1st, we decorated on Sunday, and it was a lot of fun to just like slap those Christmas carols on slap carols second act on and you know string garland Darius or otherwise and it

was it was just a lot of fun it took all day my back hurt afterwards because I'd done a back exercise the day before that back workout that's really nice that sounds lovely there's just nothing better than transforming a house thank you all for listening happy December because I'd done a back exercise the day before, back workout. That's really nice. That sounds lovely.

There's just nothing better than transforming a house. Thank you all for listening. Happy December. If you want to catch up more with the show, we are on Instagram at Review Review and on Twitter at Review Review Show. You can find Jeffrey at, I am Jeffrey James on Instagram at Don't Play No James on Twitter.

You can follow Riley at Riley Anspa on Instagram at Riley Coyote on Twitter. Riley, we haven't done this in a while, but should we read a five-star review that we got on Apple Podcasts? Yes, please. I think we should bring this back. So if you guys are interested, write a funny review on Apple Podcasts for the show, five stars. It really helps us out, and we'll read it on the show or not. This is a five-star review from September 12th by Matt Yes Matt. Comedy.

Something both ever-changing and constant. It rings throughout our shared history, never failing to link us together by these impossible, these familiar threads of chaotic joy and humility that we all share. Weathered is this network of stress and release. It bends and twists together, weaving the ultimate fiber of our unique human experience. What's my point, you ask? Grains. That's right.

Here's a science fact. Everywhere in history has breads, tortillas, pita, rye. Are you following me? Olive oil on a plate. Even rice is bread not true and this podcast is if i can find the words the breads of my listening yeah it's pumper to my ears nickel or other rise aaron and i just couldn't get enough the hosts are charming and there are two ads that's just a fact the comedic voice and chemistry that riley and jeff share is truly special they never fail to

get a laugh out of me even considering what happened i'm not gonna elaborate as a long time fan of the head gum youtube channel and jake and amir i'm genuinely stoked to have this new chunk of content to listen to. Sometimes I don't know. Sometimes it feels like the universe wants me to be sad. It feels like God wants me to be sad, but this pod? Now that's

fine. Erin is my missing sister, by the way. Especially after what happened. The not elaborating i guess he lost his sister in a car or in a cab in a car so thanks thank you to matt yes matt for that review um and we'd really appreciate it if you guys uh have a few minutes to leave your own and make it funny and we might read it on the show thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. We'll catch you guys again next week and have a

mug of nog. Let's thank some VI podcasts before we sign off. Thank you to Aaron Carrico, Adam Shea, Agent Michael Skarn, Alex McCullough, Alex Watts, Alex Witt, Alton Burkholder, Alvar Wallstrom Lindell, Anthony Amadeo, Bagadoo,

Bob Buell, Brad Hild, Brendan Metz Brian Dodd Cameron Bradley Can this be whatever I want? Chaston Bales Christian Basketball Chuck

Connor Finnegan Daniel Bonney Daniel L. Hodson Elliot Sloma Eric Crust Fancy Octopus Garrett Glasbergen Jeff's Wagon

Hallie Hot Dog Holly Isaac Banda Isaac Fletcher Jackson Martin Jake the Snake Radiff Horsypuss. Garrett Glasbergen. Jeff's Wagon. Hallie. Hot Dog. Holly. Isaac Banda. Isaac Fletcher. Jackson Martin. Jake the Snake Radiff.

Jake Ullman. Jamie Ponchia. Jared. Jason Araya. Jesse Tipton. Jonah Sanchez. Josh Tischler. Caleb Luster.

Katie Ross. Kerwin. Kevin Sunt. Colby Holists. Cokehead.co. Lauren Malang. Malik. Mark Priest. Markby Hollis. Cokehead.co. Lauren Malang. Malik. Mark Priest.

Mark Spalding. Matt Box. Matthew Lizama. Melissa McClellan. Michael Ebach. Michael Field. Michael Rowland. Nate Porteus.

Nicolaj Biergard. Noel Sumito. Nolan Murphy. Phoenix McVernon. Robert Fridge. Sabrina. Sam Adams. Sam Armstrong. Sam Lorente. Sarah Kilduff. Shh. Robert Fridge. Sabrina. Sam Adams. Sam Armstrong. Sam Lorente.

Sarah Kilduff. Steve Farah. Space Ant. Spencer. Stefan. Stephanie Cass. T.R. Ghoul in the City. That's Austin, dude.

Theodore Giesen. Will Bussey. Will Phillips. Xander Madsen. Yarro Heady. So thank you guys so much for following us and supporting us at the highest tier. If you're also interested in getting bonus content such as comedy sketches, Q&A live streams, VIP Zoom parties, exclusive merch, etc. You can follow us and subscribe at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff.

Riley, I'm going to go buy some nog. I really am. Okay, that's great. I'm going to spike it with brandy and then spike it like a football. Well, actually don't kick the nog maybe well yeah I would of course sort of gronk it toss it on a carpet yeah again I don't know I don't think that it's you do what you are you proud of me we should sign off now that's all I've ever wanted to hear from you that we should sign off now I never get words of positive affirmation from you you know my love language

is physical touch so I need the words of affirm affirmation from you. You know my love language is physical touch. So I need words of affirmation. Doesn't make any sense. All right, let's head out, right? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That was a Hiddem Original.