Review Revue - Escape Rooms

Episode Date: May 12, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss escape room bullies, choosing between multiple boyfriends, and feeling like a rat.Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. They should be called Air Buds.

That would have been so much better. It would have been better, but unfortunately there is like a movie series of the same name Well yeah I'm saying they should do a collab So like each pod looks like Air Bud And they're Air Buds They're dogs in your ears Ever wanted a pup in your dome You make me wanna go

Out and steal I just want to I just want to I keep We've done this so many times now, and I keep forgetting that we're not going to hear the music. It's really not, like, with the music, it's a lot of fun. Without it, I feel bad on the in and outside. Because we're just singing, fa you, acapella.

Right, which is like, almost like, basically a noodle bowl version of you. So like, what I would love to right which is like almost like like basically a noodle bowl version of you so like for what i would love to have happen is like oh so you're riley answa and then i fuck you which means that like i turn you into noodles in a bowl oh yeah that'd be like insane if i were noodles well it was kind of a joke like you're taking it really this is how i talk to my four-year-old nephew he'll he would say like, and now you're noodles. I'd be like, what? How silly is that? I'm noodles right now?

I gotta be honest. I'm very picky with what kids I like. Not that I don't like Ocean specifically. I'm sure I would love him. But when kids do say stuff like that, it's so hard for me to do that. It's so hard for me to not just be like, well, that doesn any sense oh so you don't like fostering imagination no i'll like level with a with a with a with a toddler i'll be like look i could never be noodles unless you're talking about cannibalism are you talking about cannibalism are you talking about putting me in soup they start sobbing what are

you crying about i was just trying to engage with you i wrote a story with ocean yesterday ocean being a nephew and by i wrote a story i mean like he dictated to me while i typed okay and it's just like you know the way a four-year-old tells a story and so it started it's like we were on a camping trip and then we went into a dark and sinister place and i literally be like okay we'll stop how did we what do what do you mean how did we get there so so i literally, because I started the project with being like, you tell me what we're going to do and then I'll just write down whatever you say. And then it cuts to me being like, okay,

well, what do we need on a camping trip? Do we go in the tent? And is that the dark and sinister place? How do we get in there? What does the princess want? Like, what is her goal? And how did we see her change throughout the story? Yeah, so I really kept grounding it and i needed to help him build the world first before

we kind of got into the action pre-writing yeah outlining before you really get into the meat of it but then he we printed it and then he and his mom my sister they bound it in cardboard and he drew pictures for it but then he said that it was written so it was called the adventures of riley notion but then he said it's written by the beach boys because he like loved surf rock right now um that's awesome the beach boys wrote about well no it's not awesome because no no i ocean and i i like ghost wrote it for him the beach boys have nothing to do with your oh what's his name virgil no that's virgil abloh i don don't know my real name. How was your day? We haven't talked in years.

When did we record last time, last Friday? Yeah, it's been like a week. I have been cleaning like it's nobody's business. And it's risky business. Really? Me in a button down white, sliding into my living room with socks on. Boxers out.

Oh, of course. No, I just really need, I did a deep clean. So this place is pretty spotless. That's pretty cool. Do you want to try it? Testing, run a finger over something, see if there's any dust.

So I'm just at my kind of kitchen counter here. And it is caked with mold. That is, yeah, no, that's the black plague on my finger. Not a deep clean, right? No, well, I thought it was, but it seems like I'm just such a dirty individual that it feels like everything here is kind of like, it has a film, a residue. Yeah. Okay, well, that makes sense.

Do you want to come over? Today's? No, well, I mean, there's so many reasons why I'm not going to do that. But I think, weirdly enough, COVID isn't the first reason. It's not that I'm scared of catching it. I think the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. I think the main reason I'm not coming over is because of how filthy you are. Right. And not because I don't want to either have been asymptomatic and pass it to you or have you pass it to me or whatever like that.

I got tested last Saturday. That's something new that happened this past week i'm negative as a covid obviously covid i didn't just get an sti test although i probably should um so if anyone lives in la or or more specifically on the east side elysian park is doing drive-through testing contactless they have these like polls so they'll hand it to you like kind of monsters ink style um and you kind of have there's a line but of cars but and it took me like 45 to an hour but i just played music and it's kind of nice peace of mind not that i changed my behavior at all since then but just to know yeah i got a test a couple weeks ago and it's mine was it's like uh basically

they said that like at first when I got it they're like okay well you'll know in 48 to 72 hours and you'll get an email if it's negative and we'll call you if it's positive I'm like great and then three days later nothing either way and I was pretty sure I was fine in the first place but like to not hear anything and then getting an like, another day later being like, oh, by the way, if you're negative, no one will contact you. What? So they're just like, we're not wasting. This is before L.A. opened up testing for everyone. So it's like Malibu residents got tests.

And so the way that test worked is, like, we're not going to even reach out to you if it's negative. If it's negative, you just won't hear anything. And if it's positive, you'll get something. So I'm negative. But it felt very strange to just not get anything and then have them be like, oh, if we don't talk to you, you're fine. Yeah. That's, I got mine. They said 48 hours, but I got mine on Wednesday and I got tested on Saturday.

So I was definitely worried. So I know. Yeah. said 48 hours but i got mine on wednesday and i got tested on saturday so i was definitely worried so i know yeah but that's like um that's like i mean i guess it's like audisils you know like if if you don't get it you're not gonna hear from us yeah and you know it's it's like speaking of like you know having peace of mind and like something really peaceful and calm and a very solo activity that you can do alone and like really chill have all the time in the world you know and um multiple days around it uh we're talking about escape rooms today i wouldn't say that's tranquil at all i mean it's it's a high high stakes puzzle with friends you're confined to a room you said for days by the way which i think you're not doing escape rooms i think you're being kidnapped um but you love it it's an escape room to me if i'm kidnapped i'm looking for ways to get out yeah you and so in my head i'm like all right

game master you were doing all the the escape rooms in la and you kind of ran the gamut with like daniel and jay and so you guys were like we got to take it up a notch so you kind of provoked a a mob boss and they they kind of captured you and put you in a meat locker yeah and so it's like i was able to find the clues you know not clues not clues just feel that we're hung up next to you but they showed us the way out is what i'm saying so they were live animals in the meat locker with you no no no it's like there it's like you had to go in you had to reach in the meat and then there was a key sanitary not sanitary and the door opened we ran out did you i have to ask this just because i think this is what happened did you even try the door handle before you got the key out of beef well no because it's like in

in rooms short answers no long answer no i don't need the long room don't use like excessive force don't like try like you don't use like excessive force don't like try like you don't want to try the door first thing because you know it's not going to open because it's an escape room you have to find the the the tools and solve the things to get out okay and then the key that you found in the beef was it metal shaped like a key with jagged edges or was it more kind of like just fibrous protein that was clearly part of the yeah it was probably the second one but shaped like a key well because you shaped it into a key. Yeah.

And did you even have to put it into the slot? No, it was like as soon as I shaped it, then like Daniel tried the door and he's like, it's open. Yeah, the door is open the whole time. And did anybody put you there or did you just kind of go to an Italian restaurant and like go into a meat locker? Well, we saw like a thing with a lock on it and we're like, oh, this is probably and we can get out of here. Yeah, that's all I needed to hear. We used bolt cutters on the lock and then we got it. Apple style.

Fiona Apple style. Um, I love an escape room. You do. I really love an escape room. I think they are so much fun. I, we have a,

um, Daniel and his wonderful roommates and their partners, all of us pals. We, we go as a kind of escape group pod thing. And it's like we're very good at them. Not to toot our own horn, but it's like we go to hard rooms and, like, the game master's like, okay, this is pretty tricky if you need our help. And, like, we'll zoom through.

You know, we'll struggle, but it's like we'll get out. And it's usually we go for records. Like, we don't go to be like, oh, I hope we can get out. We go to, like, beat the time. An extra layer of stakes. And it's like we'll get out and it's usually we go for records like we don't go to be like oh i hope we can get out we go to like beat the time um an extra layer of stakes yeah um and one of daniel's roommates avi k who has shot many a head gum video has worked on good morning wonderful director writer dp editor um he is he's obsessed with escape rooms and he worked at a couple in la and um he always has a pep talk before we go into a room and he literally has like a list on his phone of like things we need for teamwork and like how to best do so i i truly love an escape room that's really cool that he gives pep talks i feel like he gives the same

pep talk every time oh so it's not creative and different no he's like all right everyone sit down let me remind you of the things you need to do and we're like yes sir so it's a military exercise it is um that actually reminds me of an insanely off topic subject but i forgot about this like anyway i forgot about this part of my life so in middle school i did plays and musicals at my school all the time and okay brag well every you you did the same obviously i know i'll brag about it too okay not a brag by the way it's kind of sad in a way uh other people were like hooking up with girls and i was like getting changed into like a gaston outfit um but during intermission i would give half-time speeches to the cast just the guys in the guys dressing room no and so you did they were like improvised

and they were all comedic and people would chime in as like assistant coaches. It was like a lot of fun. And like we all just razzed the younger kids. Could you give me an example? So we're in the dressing room right now. We are at Intermission of Beauty and the Beast. Yeah. You're in your Gaston costume. I'm in a Lumiere costume.

I'm like, all right, guys, guys, come in. Bring it in. The first act was piss poor. It was really bad. Ohabe come on jeffrey no gabe you were flat you were flat the whole time and your feet are flat oh i'm trying i was trying it's a hard note to hit if you had an understudy you would be gone if you had an understudy you would be gone and then i just leave the room so i guess it's not a pep talk but it's very i that's very funny no it wasn't it was kind of like a get everybody hyped thing and then we would run backstage but it was really fun and the stakes were very low

oh god i miss high school middle school theater oh shit i guess i i miss high school middle school theater i don't miss anything else about high school no nothing else about it but i do miss i saw this great okay i'll talk about this later but i have tiktok now i haven't posted any videos but like i really fucking love it and it's really annoying that i love it and whatever but i did see a really good tiktok and the premise was like um kids in middle school rushing to get um to see the cast list no no no rushing to see like their friends and family after a show to get compliments and it's like dressed after a show to run into the lobby to just be flooded with compliments. Yeah.

That's so funny. Which I really resonate with. But we're not talking about that. We're talking about escape rooms today. Escape rooms, yeah. I've only done one in my life. Oh! And it wasn't a good one from what I've read

because I did look up the one that I did. It was called I think the Fox and the Hole on the Sunset Strip. That's a chain, right? Fox and the Hole. I imagine it is. I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. Why was it bad? Well, it wasn't bad. Oh, yeah. But I've heard that it's not as good as some of them are, so I'm very

curious and interested in doing one that's like one of the goats in the city right so just a disclaimer for this episode what's so fun about escape rooms is not knowing anything about them before you go in so we've made a point to find reviews that don't give away anything about the rooms in case anyone doesn't because that's no fun to go in and like know everything about it that's i'm gonna spoil one of the escape rooms in houston for anyone who lives nearby daniel was like when i told him the theme he's like make sure to do them without spoilers and i'm like yeah he's like yeah i don't spoil any of the ones in la i'm like

yeah but i'll definitely like anyone in michigan who goes to the specific one fuck off if you're in ann arbor and you're listening to this you're not gonna want to you're gonna so i don't have anything for this i don't have you know what i mean like it's hard to be on for so long you can't have a good joke every time right yeah it's really hard it's really hard do you want to start should i start you should start i started last week okay this is for the escape game in chicago illinois um. This is from June 28th, 2018. It is a three-star review. This is from Thomas T. Jeff, we all know what the T stands for, and that is?

Train tracks. Thomas, the son of train tracks. All right, three-star review. I played the heist with a group of friends. We spent the hour together, amicably, tenderly solving each puzzle. Every clue we found only brought us closer together. By the end, as we finally held the missing painting in our hands, we were spiritually bonded to one another with an unbreakable knowledge

that we had escaped a room together. Then I made the mistake of playing prison break with the same group of friends. Right from the start, in the ominously accurate prison cells, we were bickering, hungry, and pointing fingers. We forged ahead bravely for a few minutes, but by the 500th lock puzzle, we had transformed into an eight-person feudal state. Disgruntled and exploited puzzle breakers worked their fingers to the bone as sneering friends verbally and physically lashed them for their slow pace. With a few minutes before the hour was up and all our clues used up, we were just about ready to launch a violent civil war using the televisions affixed to each room to bash each other on the head.

The speakers sounded loudly, though, and an escape room employee hastily entered to thank us for playing and to invite us to play again. They experienced the highs and lows of a relationship over two hours in two escape rooms. It was the Stanford prison experiment of escape rooms. They're all at drinks afterwards. Mm-hmm. So are we not going to talk about it? No, I mean, like, we can...

Yeah, no, we can talk about it if you want to talk about it. I feel like I'm not having a good time. None of you guys are having a good time. Either we talk about it or I'll go home. Okay, Ashley, what do you want to talk about? It was supposed to be fun. We were supposed to work together on shit. But then as soon as the bars closed, you started freaking out.

You started yelling at me because you were getting claustrophobic. I said, I'm claustrophobic too. I'm not screaming at you. Okay, well, like, probably my claustrophobia is more intense. Like, some people, like, sorry, no offense, but some people say they have claustrophobia. Stop, don't laugh. Some people say they have it, but then they're just, like, annoyed by a small space. I actually literally get anxiety when I'm there. So, sorry for, like, sorry for being human. No, it's not about who has the most claustrophobia i have it and i dealt with it

myself i didn't make it everybody else's problem i didn't make it everyone else's problem sorry that you were like literally trying to be the only voice in the room and when anyone else gave their opinion then you're like oh stop and stop making it your problem no there needs to be like a leader there needs to be a voice of treason a reason sorry voice of treason see that's you no wanted thomas to be the leader top dude look at thomas i'm sorry man i mean you're one of my best friends in the world but like you're you're not a good leader you're a follower so clearly like you're a bottom man you're a bottom what do you what the fuck does that mean no i'm just i i mean i i talked i i shouldn't say this never mind i talked

to your ex i've been talking to your ex. Okay. My personal life has nothing to do with the fact that everyone here has slow hands. You know how long it took us to get those locks undone? No. That wasn't the issue. The whole time you were yelling, everybody make your hands fast. That's not the issue. We have to actually come up with

the combinations for the locks. It's not about how fast you do it. I was literally embarrassed because, you know, the Game Master has cameras fast you do it i was literally embarrassed because you know the game master has cameras into the room i was so embarrassed you're never gonna see them again i booked i booked the day and and i'll probably go back and now they know that all of my friends have slow fucking hands guys i mean i i let's just have a drink let's move on easy for you to say forget about what was that it's easy for you to say, forget about it. What was that? It's easy for you to say, oh, forget about it, when you were the one who opened the door at the end.

You pushed your way to the end so that you could have the victory moment of opening the door. Look, I was the only one who wasn't yelling at you guys, all right? I was like, hey, guys, it's me, Peter. Like, don't, like, let's just, let's figure out the puzzle. Like, or let's just stop it now and, like, go hang out. And I, yeah, I opened the door at the end because we ran out of time. None of us saw you actively working on any puzzles. And I just, I'm not mad.

I just would have appreciated if you had asked like, okay, who wants to be the one to open the door? I don't want to pull this card. I really don't. But you guys have kind of left me with no choice. You guys all have parents. I never had that. i was an orphan i went family to family for years so to feel a part of something for me it means more to me than it does to any of you guys and seeing you guys bicker i liked watching it it was like mommy and daddy are yelling and me and my sibling are in our own rooms talking about what it's going to mean for our family if they get a divorce.

I would have happily had divorced parents. Over no parents. My foster dad wasn't around. My foster mom was busy with her small business what does your foster mom do her small business yeah what's her small business it's an etsy store for broken relics so like things from a past age that can't be put in a museum because they're kind of in horrible condition shattered putting them back together she just no she sells it's as is everything says as is and so it's like trilobites that are kind of like unrecognizable like you

could never trace back what kind of animal it was like i don't like fossil other kind of fossils it was mostly bones there was also gems that probably weren't real, but I don't know. So because your foster mom sold broken bones and plastic gems on Etsy, you wanted to open the door to the escape room. I mean, when you say it like that, it doesn't feel like it correlates at all. But in my head, it makes total sense. You know, Peter, I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. You know, every time you say i you keep you know every time you say i hate to play this card but just about every day you mention how you don't have parents

babe are you flirting i hate to do this in front of everybody are you flirting with peter i'm not flirting with peter i'm trying to empathize with peter it must have been really hard for him to no stop no jason stop if you're gonna do this do it with out not in front of everybody i don't know all of us you know what it got really heated in there and ashley i'm sorry about the claustrophobic comment that wasn't sensitive of me but you know what guys i can imagine that for peter who's had a really rough life that being in a room with attention so high being in a prison themed escape room and being in a prison of his own making his own life that must have been really really hard for you to experience and so thank you i want to say thank you for for taking that charge and

you know opening the door and how about i buy you a drink i'll buy you this round oh you're gonna buy him a drink that's a date it's not. Oh, you're going to buy him a drink? That's a date. No, it's not like that. No, it's literally not a date. We are here with all our friends. We are at this Chili's with our friends. Okay, well, I thought you and I were together,

but if you buy Peter, then you guys are together. I'm secure. I'm secure in myself. No, you and I are together. I am buying my friend a drink because he doesn't have parents. What if, I never told you this, but he doesn't have parents what if i never told you this but i don't have parents either yes you do we literally hung out with them this morning we got breakfast with them peter do you want to do an escape room with us next week you can pick which

one it is and thomas yeah no i'll organize it for sure i'll put it together i do i do want to do that but maybe just you and me like a a date, kind of what Jason was saying. See? Sorry. You... I told you, babe. No, Jason, I'm not going, don't worry. Peter, that's very kind, but the whole group is staring at me.

So what's it going to be? Peter, no, guys, stop. This kind of feels like an escape room right now. I don't really know how to get out of this situation. Well, there's only one way. Yeah, there's only one way. Who is it? Who's it going to be?

You have to choose. What is happening? Choose. Choose. Choose. The whole restaurant. Choose. Choose. Choose. Choose. The whole restaurant. Choose. Choose.

Choose. I choose Thomas. I choose Thomas. Honestly, I'm like, I've never been into you. So you should have chosen between Jason and Peter because they both expressed interest. And I'm more into like. Are you serious? I like a curvy woman, actually. You're kind of, like, flat-chested and flat-assed.

I hate to be like that. I really do. Thomas! And my dick is super small, so, like, I shouldn't be judging, but. You held my hand in the prison when it got dark. What? Yeah. I didn't want to tell you.

I thought it was you, Jason, but then I realized it was thomas and i didn't let go yeah again that wasn't i didn't know that was your hand i thought it was a combination lock because your hands are like very brittle and shaped kind of like a metal hook um which is part of the reason why i can't ever imagine having sexual intercourse with you just because of like i don't know how that would even work mechanically and i'm so sorry jason to like be talking about your girlfriend like this um and of course i'm sorry to you uh i'm sorry i never cared to learn your name it's michelle michelle i'm so sorry to be like so point blank with you but it has to be this way because we're because you know you kind of have to make a decision in front of everybody. The whole restaurant's still chanting. Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose!

Guys, I already chose! I already chose! They're all in unison. Oh! Booze! Booze! Booze! That's how they order. Yeah, there are a bunch of Vikings in here. This is crazy. Everyone in the restaurant orders the same thing at the same time. And it's just booze?

That's like ordering meat. Food. Food. Food. Food. They're dressed in elk skins. What are you guys? Jason, I've been a fool.

Will you forgive me? Can I unlock your heart? No deal. What game show do you think you're on? I don't think I'm on a game show. I just was like, if this was a romantic comedy, it's like, I'll give her the goosebumps, walk away. So that's it then? Yeah, I think so.

And it's because I'm secure. I'm very, I'm very secure. Peter, what about you? I know you've never had a family, but maybe you and I can make one? I couldn't picture this moment going any other way. I always wanted it to be this way. I know you're my third choice, but I hope that doesn't affect how you feel about me or the date you wanted to go on. Are you kidding me?

The last two girlfriends I've had, I've been not even in the top 10 choices. I'm a rebound through and through. So to have you approach me and say, what did you say? I think you said that you've always been into me. Is that what you said? Well, no, I said that since Thomas and Jason

both really, really kind of wrecked my self-esteem and my heart that you're the only guy here I mean I could go for Ashley she's really pretty but um uh I you know I kind of also feel bad for you with the parents and stuff um so so it's a date it's a date yeah it's a date you like broken relics we'll go sift through bones with your with your foster mom my mom yeah my foster mom you're right yeah thanks for rubbing it in um check check check what the fuck that's the weirdest bit we've done so far check check check all right all right tons of waiters just trying to corral 80 vikings

we should take a break um i've got so marty is mad at us because our fans or the people who listen to the show are uh dming him i would say that that didn't bode well for twinnovation so we appreciate the support guys but maybe don't dm and we respect the love but marty's wonderful please stop dming him piss him off he's not gonna be he's not gonna be want to give us ads and that's all i care about the thing that everybody should do though is kind of talk about him behind his back don Don't be direct with him. Just kind of gossip. And I don't know if you can ever sense this, but do you ever know when people are talking

about you behind your back? Like, you can kind of feel it? Yeah, totally. Yeah. So that's kind of like, that'd be the whole idea with Marty, is that he kind of wakes up in a cold sweat, and he's like, I think somebody in Tampa's, like, upset about me. So if you can make, like, totally let that feeling run rampant, but please stop with the Dino's.

So we'll get me back after no ads, Marty. And we're back. Do you mind if I... Guess who's back, back, back, back again. Softer? Guess who's back, back, back. Do you mind if I... Guess who's back, back, back, back again. Softer? Guess who's back, back, back, back. Okay, now just the sounds of your mouth moving. This is a five-star review of Escape Now in Houston, Texas.

Okay. From Kelly P. What's the P stand for? P stands for Piper. Kelly Piper. Sorry. Pipe cleaner. Piper pipe cleaner.

Kelly Piper pipe cleaner. Picked a patch of piped cleaners. Five stars. My husband and I visited the Sherlock room for a date night. We loved it and can't wait to try their Willy Wonka room. Maybe next time we'll actually make it out. Winky face. They're in the interrogation. like they're not interrogation they're just like in the lobby with the game master after so you guys um you asked me to come unlock the room and it mean it

was long past your time could you not find the right clues you said you couldn't make it out um yeah it was hard they giggle yeah uh it is one of our harder rooms um but it was one of our harder uh rooms wink okay can i'm not sure i know what you mean can you kind of like let me know this is just for a survey you know um we want to make sure our rooms are are still fun Oh, it was fun. It was one of the most fun times we've had. Great. That's wonderful. Can you just tell me the moments where it's like,

what prevented you from kind of cracking the code to get out of there? Were there any moments that were kind of harder in particular? Should we tell them? I mean, I think we just have to. I mean, this's a survey okay my husband was in me and we were in the room and so we didn't do your silly little clues nerd we were having sex which you probably never had you were sorry you were having sex in the room it was date night and we chose the sherlock holmes room so of course we were fucking that's what everyone does here isn't it no what no oh my god people come here to to solve the puzzles and have

fun and have a little brain yeah they have a little brain chat yeah math let's fucking figure out numbers no way that's dumb sex is cool drugs are cool rock and roll is cool wait i i'm gonna have to ask you too sorry sorry is are you joking are we joking did you actually have sex in the sherlock room what i mean what do you okay well now i feel like she's upset yeah he's yeah she's upset um we didn't have sex is that what you want to hear well it's what i want to hear but is it the truth you can leave it there well no no no you did you actually have sex in the room or not i mean it's like i don't know it's not a hard question yes or no yeah i can check the cameras cameras okay okay now you're under arrest now you're under arrest because we didn't know no you had to sign

a waiver before citizens arrest takes out handcuffs that they clearly just used for sex and handcuffs the person. No, put... Oh, God. This is... It's still sweaty. Sorry. I mean, you just filmed us without our consent, so that's actually against the law. No, wait. I wasn't...

I wasn't filming you. I had cameras to see into the room in case you guys have an emergency. Well, what were you doing then if you're the gamekeeper and you weren't looking at the cameras? Well, usually if someone has an emergency, they yell. I was watching TikTok. Is that what you want to hear? See, I told you she was a nerd. Yeah, I told you she was a nerd. We can go. Obviously we can go. You need

to release me from your sex handcuffs immediately. Those can only be opened with a key. And it is that key it's gone. Let it is that key. It's gone. Let's just say that.

Where is the key? It's in me. Did you eat it? I didn't eat it. We were kind of going along with the theme. My husband was a locksmith and i was um i was the lock so you think sherlock is about locks and keys and locksmiths yeah you are the stupidest people i've ever met in my life with the stupidest people you've ever met in my life. Would the stupidest people you've ever met in your life

bump uglies for like an hour and neither of us got off? Yes. Neither? Okay. Really? Because we don't everybody, yeah, we, I've never I've never come and neither has he and that's kind of why we date. You're married.

You date heavily. Well, how about you don't stop dating your wife? Right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you don't have a girlfriend. Yeah, sir. It says that on your shirt. It's the first thing the husband has said the whole time. Yes, sir, it says that on your shirt.

I, like, really wrench my arm, and the handcuff comes off. I need you two to leave the premises immediately. You are not coming back to any of our chains. That's fine. Do you want a shirt? Tosses it. Thanks. Do you want to do your next review?

It's the least you could do. Sure. It's the fleece you could do. Okay, this is from Hatch Escapes Los Angeles. So I have done this room. This is the Lab Rat Room, which is voted like one of the i think it's the best room in la and one of the top in the world i think it's very fun damn we did this the night of the oscars we did this so our room is is at a certain time and we had to leave the house

right before they announced best picture at the oscars and um we were like we were watching it on the phone in the car like dan and i were in the back seat jay was driving let's go from mags in the front seat and we were driving there and we're like what we're walking down the street at night with it on our phones and then parasite one and all of us just started screaming cheering in this dark alley in la that's awesome um but this room it's one of my favorite rooms I've done. It's one of the most intricate rooms I've done. This and what's the other one called that I did? Stash House.

These are, I think, the two best rooms I've ever done. But anyway, three stars from November 28th, 2019. This is from Nam B. That's my birthday. B standing for? Oh, it is your birthday. Wait, 20th or 28th? 28th. Yeah, it's my birthday b standing for oh it is your birthday wait 20th or 28th 28th yeah it's my birthday um uh vance e standing for nam b worse um the b stands for protected protected what does that mean so basically you know, have you ever felt protected? Yeah.

Okay. So what if it was like your brother doing it? So it would be bro-tected. Bro-tected, okay. Or... Am bro-tected, okay. It's like you're looking for your brother, and then you kind of find him, so you kind of bro-tected him. Okay, so, okay, got it. It's okay to laugh. It is okay to laugh.

Okay. How about you don't stop dating your wife? We really do need to make that. That should be our first show. We have to. How about you don't stop dating with the baseball font? We have to make it. Was that from an episode that we released?

Or was that from the wedding episode that we didn't release? No, it's from an episode we released. Okay, cool. We have to make it. We have to design it and get a cheap... Okay. Three stars. I'll tell you about this later. Okay. You'll find the hatch's small front door, located at the

beginning of a neighborhood and street parking in front of people's houses is your best bet. Our group did the lab rat escape room. It's supposed to be one of the best in the nation, according to critics and users' reviews. It is supposed to be one of the best in the nation, according to critics and users' reviews. It is not. Although it was still fun, it didn't seem to be on par with the overall goodness of everything compared to other escape rooms that I've done, like the Hex Room and the Crossroad Escape Games in Anaheim. They did try to make it immersive by doing stuff like having oversized

props, like a big rodent water bottle and a giant hamster wheel which you can't run on due to understandably safety concerns. Part of the game is also that you get rewarded with treats and the whole place has you running back and forth room to room all connected without any doors. It was a good try but it didn't feel quite enough to make me feel like I was really a rat running

around trying to escape a lab. Nam's main concern is that she didn't feel enough like a rat. What do you want? You want to be hit with a broom? Oh, my God. Nam, wasn't that the most fun room ever? Like, oh, my God. It was so, like, we did it right.

We got out right at the nick of time, you know? Yeah, no, it was awesome. It's just like. It was so amazing. I think we all have one complaint, though, and I think let's all say it at the same time. Yeah, no, it was awesome. It's just like... It was so amazing. I think we all have one complaint, though, and I think let's all say it at the same time. Three, two, one. No air conditioning.

I didn't feel like a rodent. Sorry. What did you say? I said there was no air conditioning. You didn't feel like a rodent? I also said no heat, no air conditioning. No, I think if you had said that, I would have heard that.

What you did say was you didn't feel like a rodent, and now you're kind of biting, your teeth are out like a little that, I would have heard that. What you did say was you didn't feel like a rodent. And now you're kind of biting your teeth out like a little rat. I take out a carrot. What do you do for fun? I mean, I haven't seen you in a couple months. And, you know, it's been a while since you were at college. Like, what are you up to now? You know, I'm kind of confused.

I'm working in science. I'm working in medical research Science research That's incredible What projects are you working on? I know you studied You were a biochem major In college

It's been great The pay is bad But it doesn't matter because they house me And It's really hands on I like it. It's a good lab experience. They house you.

The lab houses you? Yeah. Well, because we're working a lot of hours and then I'm also kind of in a tank a little bit. But I get my exercise in, if that was what you were worried about. I get out a little bit. They let me roam.

You live in a tank? Is that part of the experiment? It's more for convenience and just so that i don't run amok in the lab um and uh but it's good you know the the doctors are nice the i mean the the chemists are are good some some of it takes a physical toll you know it's just long hours and then also they inject me with things you're not one of the chemists you're being injected i I mean, you want to know my title? Yeah. Lab rat.

Okay, yeah, I get, okay. That's insane. That's insane. How is that insane? Everybody, you know, it's a living, right? No, that should be illegal. I signed a bunch of things to make sure that it wasn't, all right? So you want this.

You're happy doing this and you feel healthy and safe. It's not the ideal job, but it's what I've fallen into. You don't always get to have your dream job. Obviously, I would rather be the chemist. Obviously, I would rather be one of the fucking researchers. But I can't yet. You have to work up the ladder. Also, I have four balls now.

I don't know what they were. Sometimes they don't even tell me what they're injecting me with. If you pull over here, I think I might just take an Uber home. Are you kidding me? By the way, they tested me with sugar and cocaine, and sugar's better. I'm getting out. Wait.

Do you have another review? I have one more review. This is one star from January 2nd of this year from Vahag Maternity Ward. So it's a hyphenated last name. So his mother's name is like Lisa. No, one word. Got it.

One star. Maternity Ward, one word. This is for Escape the Room in Glendale, of all places. Okay. Of all faces. One star. If you want to save yourself from rude employees and headaches, listen to me and don't go here. My cousin and I had made a reservation beforehand thinking it'll only be us.

However, that wasn't the case. We go and there are four other kids who enter the room with us, which kind of put the mood down. Before the game started, I had told the employee that I had done this escape room eight months ago and that I only remember a few things, but not everything. The worker gave me a look of disgust and let us in. The room was fun, don't get me wrong, but the constant nagging from the hint giver took that all away. I spent $74 for two people and yet walked out with annoyance in my heart. The hint giver would nonstop insult and isolate me from the game, even though I remember nothing about this room. He said, guy in the hoodie, be quiet.

And I don't give hints to people who redo the same room. I tried to put his words behind me and quiet down at the parts that I remembered, but he was still nagging me the whole time and ruining the experience. However, it gets worse. Before I left, one of the employees stopped me and pulled me to the side. They gave me a two-minute lecture about how nice he was being for not kicking me out, and how he didn't even want

me to be there in the first place. I hope after I spent 15 minutes to write this review, I can prevent someone else from having this experience. You just get in the room with the whole group. You hear a voice. Alright, everyone. Welcome to the Mad Scientist's Lab. All right, everyone.

I hope you have a great time. Red shirt, thank you for your enthusiasm. All right, girl in the blue hat. Happy to see you. Guy in the hoodie, if you could... Yeah. Anyway, if you guys want to just get started, let me know. You said you addressed me and didn't say anything. Guy in the hoodie, I need you um anyway if you guys want to just get started let me know guy in the hoodie i need you to stop stop talking stop talking sorry sorry so uh yeah um have such

a spooky time getting out of the mad scientist lab i can't wait no guy in the hoodie literally stop what literally stop i did the same thing that she said. Just shut, just stop. Stop. All right. All right, girl in the blue hat, you're in the right direction messing around with that lock. But maybe it needs a key. I got it, guys, I got it. Holy shit, good job. Hey, dude.

What? Knock it, knock it off. I was congratulating her. She got the key. That's what we needed. Yeah, you already knew. Oh, yeah, you know you need the key. Just stop.

I didn't remember that part. I also didn't say anything. Okay. Little boy in the green pants. Yeah. I think you have a right idea with mixing those beakers of colored water together. If you hit the right line on one of them, something might appear. Guys, it's a message.

It says, check the northwest corner. Which one's the northwest? Oh, actually, I think it's that one. Oh, my God. Guy in the hoodie. What? That's not from knowing it. That is northwest.

Just wait in the corner. Just wait and let them do this part. This is insane. I paid for this whole thing. This is my birthday. It ain't my birthday. That's not what I paid for this whole thing. This is my birthday. I paid for this whole thing. That's not what I sound like. Just stand in the corner.

His friends are cracking up. Dude, that's exactly what you sound like. No, it's not. What the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? All right. You are two-thirds of the way done. Hopefully, Dr. Frankenfart will not catch you as you're trying to write down all of his secret formulas.

But you have to do it in the right order or else the door won't open. All right, guys, let's figure this out. Yeah, let's do this. Okay, so this clue looks like... Hey, guy in the hoodie, actually, I need you to... I said wait in the corner like 10 minutes ago. And I can see you. You forget that I can literally see you.

I am in the corner. Okay, well then I need you to turn around and face into the corner. Oh my fucking God. I'm sorry to swear in front of you. I need girl in the blue hat to... Girl in the blue hat was on it, actually. I didn't even say anything. So I think it's...

I didn't even say anything. Turn around. No, no, go back. Turn around. I am. Don't say anything to them. I'm not. I didn't even say anything so i think it didn't even say anything turn around no no go back turn around i am don't say anything to them i'm not i didn't say anything the girl in the blue hat started talking that was her you say you can see it but you yelled at me you're still talking right now because you're engaging with me this is insane literally stop talking Literally you keep talking Stop Okay girl in the blue hat Yeah

Go for it Alright I think it's It goes in order I think it's six eight Nine eight Close Keep going Wait

Girl in the blue hat Try messing with the middle two numbers Maybe boy in the green pants can help Oh I think it's 6988. Ding, ding, ding. Congratulations. Oh my god. You made it out

of the room. I'll be in the lobby to take a photo of everyone after the experience has ended. Go to the lobby, they're taking the photo. Alright, everybody get in here. Hey guy in the hoodie, can you come with me really quick? I really didn't appreciate what you were doing back there. What I was doing?

And I just want to say that it's like, kind of here at this escape room house, we really make a point to give everyone a fair and fun experience. I didn't get that. I didn't get a fair and fun experience. I was forced to stand in the corner like a dunce. I was in timeout for 45 minutes

And I'm an adult man Because you are what we call A game ruiner Because you've already done it before So you kind of take the joy and the novelty away I truly don't see Anything I did was different Than what the hint giver did

Because he was giving hints Before anyone even asked for a hint So like If that ruins the game If giving a hint ruins the game, then he ruined the game. Because I didn't even say anything. No, because I actually have on the log here that you came to this room a couple months ago. Yeah. So you know how to do every part of it.

I don't, though. It was months ago. I was with a different group. Honestly, we were a little drunk. I don't remember. See, I actually don't believe you. And so I'm going to have to ask you to not come back. I wasn't going to come back either.

This is the most disrespected I've felt since my wife left. This is the most disrespected we've felt since we've opened this chain. Fine. I'm out. Just take a picture of me and my friends. It's my birthday. I'll take a picture of your friends. They already got the photo.

They've already disbanded. They already got the photo. They're outside. What the fuck? None of them stuck up for me, by the way. None of them stuck up for me by the way none of them stuck up for me i'm leaving this is insane i'm out i'm gonna write a yelp review about this to come check our out our other rooms no please get to the outside can you believe what happened in there that was it's nuts like they're so mean to me yeah well tyler that was

kind of nuts actually i don't yeah like they were yelling at me like i mean you guys saw it was crazy why did you bring us to that room what like it was really fun but like you've done it before and you kind of ruined it you gave away everything i said northwest the only thing i said was northwest everything else got shot down by the hint giver you guys looked like you had a fun time you were cheering no like we were putting it on for you because it's your birthday but like oh my god dude like when i could tell like when i would try and do anything i could feel your i could feel like rolling your eyes like, oh, wow, she's not getting it. Like, it's just like, it sucks.

It sucks to feel. All right. I'm sorry it sucked then. I think I'm just going to go home, guys. Thanks so much. Have a good night. Happy birthday, man. Yeah, happy. It was a great birthday.

Be better. Oh, my God. They all go dancing. Yes! Shook me all week long what shook me all week long was actually a new web series by Jake Zeman

former HeadGum intern directed and shot by Zach Kaplan and Nick Eagleston who are our DPs and cam ops on the HeadGum videos it's called Behind the crew we love to see it and it's it's just very funny it's kind of like day in the strife like a mockumentary type thing uh and it's it follows uh zeman who's like a rapper and his uh rise to fame or lack thereof

and it's just it's very it's very our humor so if you guys want to give them a watch, you can watch it on IGTV at Instagram.com slash JCrewRaps, J-C-R-U-Raps, or just on the app. I don't know why I gave the URL. I guess it's because I'm looking at my laptop. But it is very funny and well shot and irreverent. That's wonderful. I haven't seen it yet. I'm excited to check it out.

There are three episodes, so nobody has any excuse to not watch it no one they're all like five minutes we love it yeah um wow what's shaking me i guess um is tiktok because i thought i was gonna hate it i didn't understand it at all i know that you and i have talked about how we don't get it yeah but i'm like it's quarantine what else am i gonna do so i downloaded it and i remember the other night i'm just like i'll watch a couple before i go to bed next thing i know an hour has passed and i'm still on this godforsaken app um and there are some that like just really i don't know man i don't know who i am anymore i don't know what i want i'm having thoughts about making a tiktok video like there's something i'm like at first i'm like i'll download it but i'm never gonna actually like make it and now the

other day i had an idea for a video and it really i don't even it kind of freaked me out so why don't you have to start making soap. I'm not going to. You definitely will. Because months ago you were saying you'd never download it. And now you've downloaded it and you're obsessed. So in like two weeks you're probably going to be making it. But really quick, I would also like to plug one of our friends, Mia Weinberger,

who is a very funny comedian, writer, actress. She has this series on instagram of videos and she she is like one of the most incredible amazing impersonations she is a great ariana grande she's a great she's a great everything and so she's doing this series of like different people like she's doing impressions of people and it's all like 20 seconds washing their hands so it's 20 seconds which with each of these characters and they range from like shakespeare to kellyanne conway to grimes to lumiere to like everything like she's incredible check her out on instagram when she's been truly doing these videos for like seven weeks yeah um so go check it out she's great i i can't wait for her to move back to la she said january

maybe she's in chicago right now um but uh we miss her do you have anything to plug i guess that was a plug but do you have anything else i guess that was a plug as a friend yeah we don't have anything to plug other than this which they're already listening i'm gonna go do another one of those workouts what's today's three booty burns and one muffin top abs so scorch your ass burn your teeth out of your gums these shoulders are gonna be so bulbous that you might as well call them a 7-10 split bowl your shoulders in a finale tell your dad that he is smiley. That's rice. He's smiling ear to ear. He's proud of you this old year because you made a bunch of cash on wine that you grew outside of the vines. Imagine grapes being grown on an old oak tree.

No vines involved. That's defying physics. And I don't know how the plasma from the vegetables make the grapes purple, but they're already... Wine, rind, wine, rind. Take the rind from the grapes and put it inside the wine and it's skin-cocked tack. That's right, orange wine not made from clementines, but they're made from tons of grapes. And I don't know my own physician because I don't have a doctor in town. And I passed a positive for the virus.

And it must have come from the wine itself. The wine is patient zero. The wine is patient zero. The wine is patient zero. It didn't come from a vat. It came from a vat of wine that I made. And I can't apologize enough. I said, I'm going to the vines.

It's a beautiful Sunday morn. I'm eating grapes by the barrel and I'm having a handful of some of these orange rinds. And suddenly I'm coughing on day. Wonder what's that about. Maybe I swallowed some dust as I'm walking along. And maybe I'll cough it out. But hold up, I'm now in the hospital. I'm turning into an orange.

It's not corona. It's some other hospital. I'm turning into an orange. It's not Corona. It's some other thing. And now I am an orange. I'm not a bowl of pho noodles. This is something different. I talked to my nephew. He can't believe it.

He's scared to look at me. If you thought COVID-19 was the worst thing you could have, you've clearly never had a rind as your own dad. That's right. I came from a orange peel mixed with a grapefruit. And so I'm citrus when I pee myself. And it happens every time. Thank you guys for listening. Follow Riley on Instagram at Riley and Spot on Twitter at Riley Coyote.

Follow Jeffrey James on Instagram at I am Jeffrey James. And on Twitter, I don't play no James. Follow the review review Instagram page. The review review subreddit. And I'm going to leave us with one five star review on Apple podcasts. Title in a word. Gratifying. Five stars.

Okay. By a bro's paradise. Bottom line, this show is just dandy and bear with me here when i was in need of some audio entertainment in the past i would just throw a lukewarm novel on the old walkman right something read in a soft voice by will wheaton or what have you anyhow once i found this golden goose of a podcast i haven't been able to stop listening i'm serious at this point it's negatively impacting my ability to live my life or get work done. I find it impossible to take my headphones off at what, at all, what with these two rubes gabbing in my ear. In all

seriousness, I am now unemployed and divorced. That's right, my wife left me because I am addicted to internet radio show. It really stinks to type that out, as it doesn't even feel like a reality yet, but I do suppose this is how life in Hollyweird goes. Any gay, great podcast, keep it up. So be sure to leave your five-star review. Thanks so much to A Bro's Paradise, which I can only assume are his first, middle, and last names. So that's it, guys.

Thanks so much for tuning in. We appreciate you sticking with us during the viral times. Yeah it'd be ideal to go viral there's the idea to go viral the idea is to go viral during a virus pandemic see you next grimes what's that see you next grimes all right we'll leave it on that that sucks that was a hate gum podcast