Review Revue - European Hostels

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Yee Doggie Frank >>>>><<<<< Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Adv...ertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm   This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time.
Starting point is 00:00:15 This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, everyone. Before we get started with this week's episode, this theme song that you're about to hear is going to be a bit longer than normal. We're going to play the whole thing because it is a project that a bunch of our friends from the Review Review Discord put together, all collaborated on, and we are so excited. We've been waiting for this for a long time, and so we're very excited to hear it. So without further ado
Starting point is 00:00:45 one pod more another day another ad to read there This never-ending road to podcasting These hosts who seem to leech my time Will surely post another time One pod more Well, for times too large to say How can I live without it, partner? One pod more How can I live without it, partner? One pot of oil tomorrow, you'll get love and day. And yet the water is reaching.
Starting point is 00:01:40 One more pot of oil, one more pot of oil. Time for him to bring the care Wonder tablecloth, not a vaccine The tracks are turning and the air Will be fine, bright and fair And the end won't be expected You'll find mother world is gone I want my partner for the score
Starting point is 00:02:12 Geoffrey James is dead and gone Can't count making love to Cheddar Pretty easy to move on Getting clogged in haunted houses But his sins won't be forgotten Get a therapy from Cal The place The love
Starting point is 00:02:33 The quality One plus more Alfred, Bud, Will, Evan, Fyndar Much to Riley's dismay The sponsors won't be too happy. They will drop out on the day. Dress him with an axe. Hit him in the head.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Blow the phone and pat the front. But he's not dead. He's dressed in a bag. Pick it up and toss. If this is your first listen, you might get kind of lost. The comedy is ever ending Every character by side The guests of King's Night
Starting point is 00:03:15 When the hosts run afar Do you hear the people laugh? Record here the candy aisle. Come, come, come. Toss him with the necks. Hit him in the head. Express it in a bang. Pick it up and toss.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Toss him with the necks. Hit him in the head. The ghost on a pack surprises not dead. Toss them with their necks, beat them in their head. The Boston Wagon is in vain. We'll be begging for these sponsors. Tomorrow you'll discover what we've been reviewing. One more goof. One more goof. One more joke. One more.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Oh, my God. oh my god oh my god i'm i'm weeping oh my god you guys who who mixed that that was masterminded that? That was so amazing. That was so amazing. They also said, oh my God. Okay, so Ryan sent it in. He says, to whom it concerned, one more pot is finished. Oh my God, credits. Ryan as Valjean, Marius, and Andras. Arvman Studios as Javert.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Curvature as Ternardier. Just Steph as Madame Ternardier, and Jenna, aka Little St. Jenna, or Little St. Jenna, Littles T. Jenna, whatever you want it to be, as Cosette and Eponine. Lyrics by Cookie, aka 3-1-1-5, and mixed by Ryan. You guys. That was... That was. I am. I can't. My face hurts from smiling.
Starting point is 00:05:29 I'm also crying at the same time. The bar has been raised yet again. That was so worth the wait. For those of you who don't know, if you're not in the Discord, go join the Discord because shit like this happens. This is the kind of stuff
Starting point is 00:05:42 you're missing out on by not being part of the Discord. You guys have, they've been working on this for weeks and just remotely, like, sending through voice tracks to each other. That was everything I could have ever hoped for. That was amazing. I feel so grateful. And that was amazing. I say we end it.
Starting point is 00:06:05 The show? Yeah. Fuck it. I say we end it. The show? Yeah, fuck it. I actually had the opposite experience. Not gonna be better than that. Oh, it seems like this show resonates with people and makes them laugh. And so if it leads people to make... Oh, also for those of you who don't know anything,
Starting point is 00:06:19 that was a parody of One Day More from Les Mis. So aggressive to people who don't know Les Mis. It's just because it's part of the culture. No, it's part of our culture. Not everybody went to theater school. Well, they should have. No, the world would be sinister. Alf, you're wearing sunglasses inside.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Yeah. I wear wearing sunglasses inside. Yeah. I wear my sunglasses inside. And your demeanor is very different. Podcast during daytime. Your demeanor is fully changed. The fucking sun, for whatever reason, is beaming through this window. If I take these off, it hurts. I have to wear these.
Starting point is 00:07:04 But now it's like your energy is so it's like it do i care it's like do i do i want your eyes or do i want you to just kind of be like i don't know it's kind of giving like roy orbs i keep like licking my teeth i keep going like before we started recording elf was like it's the glasses man i'm telling you something's different about me. No, I do think I might have a budding migraine. You know how British people say migraine sometimes? I've literally never heard that. Okay, to be clear, not all British people.
Starting point is 00:07:35 I've heard it both ways. My family said migraine, but I have heard British people say- I've never heard migraine. I've got a bit of a migraine on. I've literally never heard that. Maybe I just know one British guy who says it wrong. There was something else that you said that you're like, oh, this British thing that I've never heard of migraine. I've got a bit of a migraine on. I've literally never heard of that. Maybe I just know one British guy who says it wrong. There was something else that you said that you're like, oh, this British thing that no one's ever heard in their lives.
Starting point is 00:07:51 It was cashews. I'm forgetting what it was. Cashew. God damn it, cashew nut. I've had too many cashews and now I've got a bit of a migraine on. Oh, man. I'm actually definitely allergic to cashews and I'm going to anaphylaxis with my migraine.
Starting point is 00:08:06 I don't have COVID anymore. Okay. Anaphylaxis. Spill the tea. I'm on day 11. So my quarantine's done and I did two negative tests, 48 hours apart. I am cured. I am healed.
Starting point is 00:08:18 I'm on the other side. I'm stronger for it. Well, yeah. Maybe the brain fog in a couple of years will not back that up, but I'm through it.. Well, yeah. Maybe the brain fog in a couple years will not, you know, back that up. But I'm through it. Here's the thing. You're in that sweet spot right now. You're in that post-vid immunity stage where you can kind of like go ham.
Starting point is 00:08:35 I can kind of do anything. You can go body sushi. No, there is something that I do feel better like having had it right before fall. Like, and there's a spike in LA so it's like oh because I'm not as worried I feel like every year like for the last three years it's been like every time I have a COVID scare or have contracted COVID it's been around Thanksgiving December it's like when when I need to travel when I need to do things need to see people that I don't get to see very often. It's like, why can't I just have COVID in August?
Starting point is 00:09:10 And you did that. You made that a reality for yourself. And I did that. And I didn't lose my taste for smell this time. It was much easier this time. This is not me saying, like, everyone, wear a mask, get vaccinated. Riley Emspa did the thing. Contracted COVID-19 but I
Starting point is 00:09:27 it was easier the second time I had like one day where I just felt like I was hit by a truck and then but I didn't have a cough I didn't have a sore throat I was just really tired
Starting point is 00:09:35 and congested way easier for me the second time as well yeah and I was able to taste and smell which was great first time was like yuck
Starting point is 00:09:42 second time was like speaking of speaking of fall really quick, I want to get, we want to get this out at the beginning of the app. We have a fun little announcement
Starting point is 00:09:50 to make. Uh-oh, what could it be that they are announcing? We, Review Review, is going to be part of this year's
Starting point is 00:09:57 New York Comedy Festival. Woo! So if you want to come see Review Review's first ever, like, live, in-person show, we're going to be performing at the Littlefield Theater in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Brooklyn, New York, I rise up. We're going to be there Sunday, November 5th at 5.30 p.m. So we will link tickets, everything. But yeah, New York Comedy Festival Review Review. We are so excited. And I know what some of you are thinking. A Sunday afternoon show? We're very grateful.
Starting point is 00:10:34 We're very grateful. We're very excited. Do not. There's no way that that's going to be good. And here's what I have to say for you. Imagine this. It's November. There's a little chill in the air.
Starting point is 00:10:45 It's a Sunday afternoon. You come out. You see some absolutely rip-roaring, knee-slapping, tear-jerking comedy. Have a drink with us. Have a little hot toddy. Have a sip, have a drink. What's that?
Starting point is 00:11:01 Is that a musical? Is that Hamilton? And then... Have a sip, have a drink. What is it? He goes like, Have a sip, have a drink with me what's that? Is that a musical? Uh, is that Hamilton? Uh, and then, uh, have a sip, have a drink. What is it? He goes like, have a sip,
Starting point is 00:11:08 have a drink with me. Isn't that, isn't that, isn't that part of Hamilton? Musical. Anyway, you have a hot toddy. You have a PSL with a shot of tequila in it.
Starting point is 00:11:19 Curdles the belt. You chug that down. You come watch some comedy and then you're home and you're in your fucking bed by 8 p.m. Doesn't that sound... You can also hang out with us after. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:31 You can hang out with Riley after and then... And then you can go to bed. It's like Sunday afternoon show. I think underrated. It's kind of slay. I think actually pretty goaded. So we're very, very excited.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Yeah. I'm going to be going goblin we're very, very excited. Yeah. I'm going to be going goblin mode at this one, by the way. I'm trying to use more like Gen Z slang. It's because of the glasses. Yeah. It's because of the glasses. My Riz will be unparalleled. Speaking of going goblin mode, you know where I want to go goblin mode?
Starting point is 00:12:06 Where? I want to be a goblin in a shared bedroom with strangers. That's right. We're talking about European hostels today. So we were, last night, we were discussing this topic on the zardi on the jeff and riley patreon plug there and that's a zoom party and i come sometimes too if that's an incentive or disincentive and uh i was like hostile someone had suggested it on the instagram oh come on oh come on and i was like yeah let's do hostiles and then r Riley goes, let's make it a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:12:47 I think Jenna. Jenna suggested it. Yes, Jenna. Jenna, who is part of the Patreon. She suggested it. And Riley goes, let's make it more specific. And I go, okay. And she goes, how about European hostels?
Starting point is 00:13:01 So she literally just narrowed it down to a fucking continent. It's like somehow that's more specific like yeah it's more specific but not meaningfully but it's more specific than when than just hostels right it's more specific than just no you're so fucking right i'm so dumb um i love hostels talk to me about them i haven't been in one since covid crucially i think the experience probably fundamentally changed for me by covid um yeah but like in the summer of 2019 i did some solo venturing around um europe uh and stayed in many hostels and european hostels so there we go again with this shit um and uh some of them were really really great and an inexpensive way
Starting point is 00:13:49 to get to see some really cool places and some of them were hell on earth right um the one that comes to mind is when i stayed in a hostel and it was either the Czech Republic or Austria. I can't really remember. I was drinking a lot. And I stayed in a hostel where I shared a room with 31 other men. You are lying. You are lying. The bunk beds were four high. No, that is a death trap.
Starting point is 00:14:28 That is a death trap. There were eight bunk beds that were four bunk beds high, and I climbed to the tippy top because the top one was the only one that was open. There were only top ones open. But also, to be fair, that's probably the safest one to be in. I mean, safest by what metric? Safest in like you're not going to get crunked absolutely not because it's the reason it's the unsafest is because then when you go out on a fucking pub crawl and you're in your bed pissed as shit at three in the morning and you suddenly need to go to the bathroom you are drunk climbing down four bunk beds worth of like a rickety flights also to be
Starting point is 00:15:08 clear you're picturing this bunk bed in your mind i know what you're not picturing it being made of wood it was it was made of the creakiest the creakiest wood imaginable um so i did that and that was pretty pretty much a low moment I also was woken up drunk. I wasn't drunk this time, but someone else was drunkenly woke me up in the middle of the night at a hostel in Belgium and was like, you're in my bed. And it was like a whole thing where he was like, he thought I'd taken his bed and I was like, no, man, you were sleeping over there. And it was it was pretty unpleasant. But then I also stayed in some really nice ones. There was one in Aberdeen I stayed in, which was really nice.
Starting point is 00:15:50 A couple others in Venice I stayed in were really nice. So real mixed bag. Anyway, enough about me. What do you like about hostels? I've never stayed in a hostel. Oh, they're incredibly hostile-style environments. Well, because I think whenever it's like I remember after studying abroad and I went to Lambda. Hey, fuck off.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Go ahead and fuck off. But I did some traveling around Europe with some friends after that. And we just like pooled money together to get like to share hotel rooms. Right. I think I was just I'm too nervous. I think I was just too nervous. No, I know that hostels are a great and inexpensive way. But I think it's just like the I don't know, being a young woman and traveling.
Starting point is 00:16:28 I just there's a part of me that just gets it. But also be nervous. Also, I would never stay in a hostel if I wasn't on my own, because you're right. the more it's like we could just have the same experience of like being uncomfortably cramped in a space but with people we know for the same amount as we could be cramped in a space with strangers so i i would never do it if i was with like three other people i was just doing it because i was on my own and i was also like living off of like 15 euro a day i was having like sure a croissant and an apple for like all of my food well and that's on an eating disorder and that's and that's no no no that was actually the luxury
Starting point is 00:17:10 the beauty of traveling the french riviera um but yeah i i've never stayed in one but just hearing stories like that i mean my god i can imagine what a way to meet people what stories of like the kinds of people you meet at a hostel and and so when i was looking them up it's just like a bunch of different kinds of hostels it's like there's and i did see it's like hostels that are highly recommended for like solo women travelers or hostels for families hostels party hostels like all a lot of different kinds um that are affordable, you know, and the cheaper it is, maybe maybe you might get 31 people to a room and four bunk beds stacked on top of each other. But still, if you're traveling around, the pricing is fucking random because like I think I paid the same amount for that one as I paid for this one that I stayed in Berlin. That was super nice.
Starting point is 00:18:04 And I was only with three other people in the room. There were two bunk beds. So it's like the pricing is so random. That one was crazy. Because I went on a pub crawl. With the two guys from Newcastle. Who were there. They had literally.
Starting point is 00:18:19 It was a. Like Wednesday. They flew in on a Wednesday night. to go partying in berlin and then we're flying back to newcastle at like 4 a.m to go to work on thursday to be fair i have also done when i was in london i did do like a 32 hour trip to Berlin. This wasn't 32 hours. This was nine hours. Like they didn't even. And so I remember I went, I went out drinking with them and I like reached a point at like 1am
Starting point is 00:18:53 where I was like, I'm going home. I went back to the hostel. I wake up the next morning, they're gone. They had to go catch their flight. But in their beds are two enormous potted plants that they had. Turned into plants.
Starting point is 00:19:08 That they had stolen. They turned into plants. No, I don't think. They met a witch. No, I don't think that's. Oh my God, Alf, that was them. They didn't go on a plane. They literally turned into plants.
Starting point is 00:19:14 I think, no, I think they drunkenly stole them and then put them in the beds in the hostel. No, okay. I think they met a witch. Okay, let's play that out. Ollie the witch. No, that is wild. I just left it there Anyway hostels are fun And they're a fun thing to do while you're young But the age as I age
Starting point is 00:19:34 And you are so old I'm ancient my back My neck I think just talking about age and hostels I think it's going to be the most youthful episode Yes I love that I think We're still young Carefree age and hospital i think it's gonna be like the most youthful episode yes i love that i think we're still young carefree carefree kind of just like freedom and like covid is over you don't
Starting point is 00:19:53 have covid anymore there's a freedom in that it's over that it's gonna be the summer of love in september man it's gonna be the freest it's gonna be the freest episode. The freest, youngest. The freest, youngest, healthiest episode. The lithest episode we've ever done. Ooh, lithe. It's the lithest. This is the lithest. This is officially the lithest episode. Hey, they're the lithest when it's like you.
Starting point is 00:20:15 Do you want to start or should I? I would love it if you started. Okay. Okay, go crazy. This is for, it's a party hostel. It's ranked, at least on this website, which is, like, not TripAdvisor, not Yelp or anything like that. I'm forgetting the name for it.
Starting point is 00:20:32 I just took screenshots, and then I closed out the tab. But it's ranked as the number one best party hostel in Berlin. That's saying something. It's called the Circus Hostel. Oh, fucking hell. It's ranked out of 10,. It's ranked out of 10. So it's 10 out of 10. This is from AC.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Okay. This one comes from air conditioning. You are a piece of shit. And this is from August 19th, 2023. So this was very recently. Whoa! Air conditioning. 10 out of 10.
Starting point is 00:21:10 Writes, This was a perfect ending for me. Everything was as it should be. Not having AC was not a problem for me as there are some small ventilators. This was a perfect ending. To what? To what?
Starting point is 00:21:30 Genuinely to what? Genuinely to his life. To his trip, I imagine. But, kind of ominous. This is how I want to go. Walk into a hostel and you're just like fuck i could die here i could fucking die in this place a family comes in like a like recently bereaved family
Starting point is 00:21:53 um rings the bell front bell oh my god i can't believe we have to do this uh excuse me excuse me uh hey do you work here? Yeah, what's up? Hi This is Highly unusual I'm sorry My brother just Passed
Starting point is 00:22:14 And My family and I We just came back from Condolences Thank you Thank you I really appreciate that You know, he was sick for a long time
Starting point is 00:22:24 And so it What did he have? It was almost of like a mercy. He had pancreatic cancer. Oh, well, right. Oh, yeah. for his wishes after his death. But he, he led us here. And he wrote a letter to us that the coroner found in his suit jacket pocket. He died in a suit. He died in a suit. He was a, he was a fancy guy. And he said, if you want a taste of the life of the
Starting point is 00:23:03 party, parentheses, AKA me, smiley face, go to Circus Hostel in Berlin, ask for Peter, and he'll give you everything you need to know about, well, me. Wow, that's heavy. You wouldn't happen to be peter would you no no my name is uh my name is jasper but i can uh i can get peter i think he's in the bag peter's here oh my god yeah he's on towel duty well that'd be amazing i mean he well uh my my brother clearly connected with him a lot so if there's anything else i could learn from him i would be honored to meet peter sure i'll um yeah i guess i'll grab him um do you want
Starting point is 00:23:54 do you want to sit down there's a bar do you want to wait in the bar you know what uh yeah papa could use a drink right about now oh Oh, okay. Get to the bar. Dirty Shirley, please. Extra dirty. Coming right up. You're French. Wasn't expecting that here in Germany. Bienvenue à Berlin.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Everybody is a transplant here. Oh, cool. Kind of like a melting pot. You know, my brother, Frank, he loved fondue. So he gave melting pots. That's just a little bit about him. Sorry, this is really hard being here. Was this Frank,
Starting point is 00:24:36 your brother, any chance that he was quite a fancy gentleman? Yeah, he was kind of the fanciest guy I ever met he always wore a suit I mean my god the man loved a suit hair perfectly
Starting point is 00:24:55 quaffed all the time had to be that was so Frank and yet he went through all this effort to quaff his hair and then he hid it under his fedora you met Frank of course it under his fedora. You met Frank? Of course. Always in a fedora, never in a bad mood.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Yes, that's him. He was happy-go-lucky. And if he wasn't in a fedora, he was in a pork pie cap. Absolutely. I have to say, I'm slightly concerned by your tone of voice. You are saying, past tense, he was. Has Frank moved away? He has moved away. Yeah, he moved away.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Back to the great unknown. Oh. To the Pekipski in the sky. That's heaven, all right. Oh, he's passed away. Frank passed away yesterday, actually. He had pancreatic cancer,
Starting point is 00:25:53 and it just absolutely ravaged him. So I'm here to meet Peter, who, you know, he left a note in his fancy suit saying that Peter kind of changed his life at this hostel. Absolutely. Well, you cannot go wrong with Peter. He is one of the nicest
Starting point is 00:26:10 men I have ever met. Well, you know what? You seem pretty nice yourself. Would you like to connect with your brother? Have his favorite drink, perhaps? Oh my god. Yes, I will say also about my brother.
Starting point is 00:26:25 He's the fanciest guy I ever met. And I can't believe he was staying in hostels around Europe. He could afford really nice hotels. Oh, but of course, from his microchip business, he told me all about it. Yes, the dog microchipping. He was very concerned about people being able to track their dogs. And it was lucrative. But no, maybe. He was a concerned about people being able to track their dogs. And it was lucrative. But no, may we.
Starting point is 00:26:47 He was a kind man. He would rather spend his money on others than on himself. And he gave everybody here a sense of happiness and an amount of money. He paid, well, my God, how much did he pay you? Not crazy, like 30 euro. But it adds up. Oh, so he paid for a drink. Right, well, there were like 20 people here.
Starting point is 00:27:14 So it's, you know, do the math. No, that's a good amount. About 600 euro. I would love to have his favorite drink. Okay. I can remember, it's just kind of a neat scotch. That was how I knew Frank. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:27:25 That is not the Frank that I knew. The Frank that I knew was always drinking what he called worm bombs. It was a glass of absinthe that you drop a Jaeger shot into. Oh, are you sure we're talking about the same Frank? May we? Frank was, this is the Frank who cleaned his pocket watch three times a day and always had to have his shoes shiny enough that he could see his reflection. So it doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would have a worm bomb. Oh, but yes, Frank, he was the man who was always wearing a pocket square, never not drinking absinthe?
Starting point is 00:28:07 Wow. I guess there was a lot to Frank that I didn't know. Perhaps you did not know your brother as well as you thought. That was really out of line. No, I just meant it was clear. I'll take a worm bomb, but I'd really like to see Peter, please. Okay, I will make two. One for you, and one for moi.
Starting point is 00:28:33 I don't want to have a drink with you, because you're kind of stepping out of line. Okay, Peter can have the other one, then, if you're going to be a... Whatever. All right. Here he comes, now. Here he comes. Here's the man of the hour peter howdy howdy
Starting point is 00:28:49 oh howdy again was expecting a german man what can I do's you for's well you can do's me for a bit of clarity and maybe a little bit of solace um I hate to say this but uh my brother, Frank,
Starting point is 00:29:07 you may have known him as the fancy man in the fedora. Well, by howdy, I do. He lost the battle. He's no longer with us. He's in the Great Poughkeepsie in the sky. And he left a letter saying that you kind of changed his life over here. No way.
Starting point is 00:29:31 That's wild. Your accent, it's amazing. It's kind of a chameleon. You started off, I thought you might have been from Texas or something. Yeah. Well, I'm kind of from Texas by way of, you know, kind of from Texas by way of you know
Starting point is 00:29:46 kind of I spent some time in Stockholm and you know we're European here it's everybody is melting pot melting pot it takes off his enormous cowboy hat I'm really sorry
Starting point is 00:30:02 to hear about your brother. Thank you. He really, you know, I was never a hostile guy in my youth. And Frank wasn't either, but it seems like this place, these people, this country changed him. Can I show you something?
Starting point is 00:30:26 Is it having to do with Frank, I imagine? Yeah. That would be crazy if I had just said, like, ye doggie, let's get it going and go see something that has nothing to do with your brother. Like a baseball card
Starting point is 00:30:42 collection. That would be crazy. I have a stamp collection that is really really good. I don't need to see that. That's okay. Please. Let's go. You're the man who I came here to see, so if you have anything else that could help me learn a bit more about the brother that I guess I never knew, I want to see it.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Yes. Come with me to the back patio. It's going to be a really good time. Go to the back patio. Go to the back patio. It's gonna be a really good time. Go to the back patio. Go to the back patio. You see 35 people, all wearing suits in fedoras with glasses of
Starting point is 00:31:13 absinthe in their hands. You see, this was Yee Doggy Frank's influence. He was a crazy guy who loved to party, and he was always partying and always dressed nice. And his influence has made this
Starting point is 00:31:30 place crazy good. Everyone cheers. We drink to you. Oh my god. So you all knew Frank. But of course. You know, can I just ask? I won't take up too much of your time. This is, I honestly don't know how much my heart can take this.
Starting point is 00:31:48 It was so recent. I miss him so much. Can I ask everyone to go around and share, I don't know, something about Frank that made them smile? I can start. No, no. Please, let me. I'm the waiter. Well, I'd like to start because I'm his brother.
Starting point is 00:32:10 I'm the bartender from before, you remember. I don't like you very much. I offended you very, very deeply. Yes. Your brother Frank, one time he saw me and I was crying over a femme fatale, a woman who had broken my heart. You are a Pepe Le Pew man. And he passed me his Garfield print pocket square for me to blow my nose.
Starting point is 00:32:40 And he said, cheer up, Baco. It is always gonna to get better. Every choice. Ye doggie Frank. Ye doggie Frank. That really changed my outlook. And now I only date women who are right for me.
Starting point is 00:32:55 Ye doggie Frank. You know, like 10, 15 years younger. You, I don't like you and I don't like your whole thing. Okay. Your whole thing is bad. I have to inventory the bar. I will leave. I can share a little bit about you, Dougie Frank.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Is everyone here kind of by way of Stockholm? Yay! You know, Berlin to Stockholm is not a long flight. It's melting pot. We are in the melting pot. I'll be honest. Sorry, Peter here again. I'll be honest.
Starting point is 00:33:31 We have real questions about Melanie. I think she might be faking the accent, but we've never really caught her out. So we don't know. Well, I can be honest about this. I am from Bloomington, Indiana. But I feel like my heart has always been on this side of
Starting point is 00:33:52 the water pond. And so I kind of feel like I am part of the culture in a way. Nobody talks like this here. Except her. I can share about Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Dog share about Yee Doggy Frank. Yee Doggy Frank. Yee Doggy Frank. Yee Doggy Frank was, I am not ashamed to say, a wonderful lover. Oh my. Oh, we don't need to get
Starting point is 00:34:19 into that. No, I think it's important you know this about Yidogi. I would like to hear this. You suck. Yidogi was selfless. Yidogi was gentle but rough when I wanted him to be. Yidogi changed me from the insides outwards. He cut my hair in the most intimate way. He looked me in the eyes as he trimmed my bangs and said, this will be a good look for you, Melanie. Wow.
Starting point is 00:34:56 I didn't believe him at first, but then I walked out on the streets the next day and boom, a modeling scout saw me and handed me a card and said, you got what it takes? And I said, oui. And so that was Frank's doing. He knew what I was capable of. Yidogi Frank. Yidogi Frank.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Yidogi. Look, I don't want to be out of a line here, but we would love- Is it the bartender again? Is it you? No, I'm Peter. Can you tell? Oh, sorry. It's Peter.
Starting point is 00:35:42 It's Peter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from Texas, by way of Stockholm. Anyway, would you like to share a little story about your brother? I would love to. It means so much to me to see you all here. I'm kind of
Starting point is 00:35:56 confused because I came to break the news about his passing, so it is a little bit confusing. I don't know if you guys were all just here dressing up as Frank or what that was about Is he doggy day Wednesday was he doggy day? He made it happen and we have not stopped since he left. We did not know he was dead. This was normal for us He doggy Frank
Starting point is 00:36:17 Melanie um, I swear to God I'm gonna find out that you're lying about the voice and you're gonna be so fucked I Will share I'm going to find out that you're lying about the boys and you're going to be so fucked. I will share. Frank, you know, our parents weren't the best parents, but that's, you know, they tried. They're from a different time. And so they never said I love you to us. I don't think we ever we ever heard our parents say that. But after you know, we'd hear mommy and daddy fighting in the other room and get nervous. Frank would hold me in his sinewy arms. And he would say, they love you, buddy. They love you, William.
Starting point is 00:36:59 And I would say, you don't you don't know that? And he'd say, I sure do. Why don't you ask them? What a weird thing for you to say. And I'd say, but they're fighting. And he goes, try. And so I would say, Mommy, do you love me? And Frank, as our mom, would go, I love you, William. And then he'd be like, now ask Daddy.
Starting point is 00:37:19 And I'd say, Daddy, do you love me? And he would go, I love you, William. So he was always there for me, you know, even in the darkest. Holy shit. That is one of the most depressing things I've ever heard. The grimace stories that I am a bartender at a party hostel in Berlin. You need to get out of here. You bum me out so freaking hard, man.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Yeah, we do not like to remember Ye Doggy Frank as anything like weird or sad. Most of my memories of Frank are very, very horny, and I love it this way. We would like for you to be having a leaving and for us to continue Ye Doggy Dad. Melanie, I swear to God, that was so different than before. You are obviously lying. I'll go. I'm sorry. I want you guys to keep your memory of Frank alive in the way that you see fit.
Starting point is 00:38:14 But I just wanted to say thank you for... You're welcome. Clearly not you, bartender. Thank you to everybody else for giving him the happiest memories. Yee Doggy Frank. Yee Doggy Frank. Can I have a goodbye kiss?
Starting point is 00:38:32 No. Okay. Have a blessed day. Yee Doggy Frank. I'm very religious. Let's take a Yee Doggy break. Let's take a Ye doggie break. Let's take a ye doggie break. Ye doggie Frank, we're back. We are back from the break.
Starting point is 00:39:00 I will say about this little one we just did. A, I'd like to formally apologize to the fact that we lost every single European listener during the course of that tune. Yes, I am very sad that we will no longer be. I could feel them tune it, just like not only turning the episode off, but unsubscribing from the podcast
Starting point is 00:39:21 in their podcaster of choice. 100%. Also, I don't know how, I think I lost touch of the intention. I don't think that was the most lithe scene. I disagree. I think the bartender was very lithe. That's true.
Starting point is 00:39:34 The bartender was quite horny. Whatever her name was. Melanie. Melanie, I think she was pretty lithe. Okay. Frank, I think in his essence, was lithe. In his own way, his own fancy way. Should I read a review?
Starting point is 00:39:48 I would love if you would read a review for a European hostel. I'm not going to do a single accent during this night scene. Doubt it. Okay. This is for Heart of Gold Hostel in Berlin. Oh, another Berlin one. From Johannes S. Johannes Spit.
Starting point is 00:40:13 Johannes Spit. One star. One star. This is for Heart of Gold Hostel in Berlin. No heart more gold should be the name of this hostel. Got into a Berlin nightclub time warp and foolishly lost track of time and had none left to take my sheets off in order to get to my train. The staff didn't care and refused to pay me back the deposit. No room for an exception.
Starting point is 00:40:45 In fear of the boss, must be a horrible, sad being. There is no love there. A certain unfriendly attitude flies along even by just serving a beer. Stay away. It will make your trip more lovely. Winky face.
Starting point is 00:41:00 So you might be wondering what the fuck is that saying? Now, a close reading of that, I believe what happened was that Johannes went to a nightclub. Yeah. Lost track of time. Yes. Realized they had to catch a train. Yep.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Didn't have time to strip the sheets off the bed, which is one of the things you were supposed to do before you checked out of the hostel. Also takes literally like two seconds to do. And so the hostel kept the deposit. Because it's the least you could do is strip the sheets. Because you didn't do the takes literally like two seconds to do. Does not take long. And so the hostel kept the deposit. Because it's the least you could do is strip the sheets. Because you didn't do the one thing you were supposed to do. Yes. And then when you ask for an exception to the rule, because you lost track of time
Starting point is 00:41:35 at a nightclub, they wouldn't make it because they were scared of the boss, who is a very unfriendly being. But didn't Johannes Spitt say, who I imagine? Like, Johannes Spitt doesn't know the boss. That's true. That's true. They say must be a horrible, sad being.
Starting point is 00:41:52 I also would like to draw attention to No Heart More Gold, which was a very misleading title for a one star review talking about how they thought the service was bad even though they're just doing their jobs and you were a bad uh patron in that like well i think no heart more gold would i would think like oh they couldn't be nicer they couldn't be more generous no i think it means like they have no heart all they're interested in is more gold oh is it no heart comma more gold it is ultimately no heart more gold should be the name of the hostel with no punctuation so no heart more gold should be the name of the hostel i think it's no heart more gold should be the name no that makes sense but i really was quite misleading of like no heart more gold no heart more gold it's kind of giving um you know the book that's like all about context and syntax and it's like eats shoots and leaves let's eat
Starting point is 00:42:52 grandma let's eat grandma let's eat grandma you you coming up to the desk at a hostel trying to explain the situation. Yeah, so basically, I have to check out. My flight is in like 20 minutes, so I got to go to the airport right now. I did as much as I can, but there's a couple of things I didn't have time to do. So I'm sorry about that. Oh, before you check out, could you please let me know a couple of things that you did not do? Oh my God. First of all, this is crazy. You're literally the first German person I've met here.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Oh, well, this is a melting pot. Right. I've heard that. So I didn't, I did strip the sheets, but I couldn't figure out how to get the pillowcases off the pillow. So I just said, fuck it. I left the pillows. Oh no, you did not take off the pillowcase. I said fuck it i left the pillows and uh oh no you
Starting point is 00:43:45 did not take off the the pillowcase i couldn't figure it out i was like is there a button you couldn't figure it out i think there's a button am i right about that there's some kind of button there that makes it hard to get off i don't know yeah you are um you are pulling my leg no no no i'm serious i'm serious i i couldn't figure it out so i'm just letting you know and i'm gonna run now i have to catch flight no no no no no no no no no, I'm serious. I'm serious. I couldn't figure it out, so I'm just letting you know, and I'm going to run now. I have to catch a flight, so thank you so much. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You cannot leave. Well, I'm just trying to get my deposit,
Starting point is 00:44:10 but it was like a 50 euro cash deposit. If I could just get that back. No, we cannot give you the deposit, and you cannot leave the establishment. Okay, well, first of all, you can't stop me, okay? I know we're in Germany, but it's still a free country. I know I can't stop me, okay? I know we're in Germany, but it's still a free country.
Starting point is 00:44:27 I know I can't stop you, but when you came to the hostel, you signed the agreement saying that you would leave everything as it was and that you would strip the bed. Well, the pillowcases were on the pillows when I showed up, so. Well, now you are having cheek with me no you are being you are having cheek with me you are being a cheeky boy all right i don't like your tone first of all um i am sorry to say this but i might have to get the manager involved yes please what's your name by the way my name is lisa okay lisa please get your fetch your manager for me and what does your name remind me of your name, by the way? My name is Lisa. Okay, Lisa, please get your ma- fetch your manager for me.
Starting point is 00:45:07 And what does your name remind me of your name? Gra. Gra. Gra. Your name- no, I know for a fact that your name is not Gra, because that is a sound and that is not an American name. Fine, it's Greg. Okay. I was scared to tell you.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Greg. I'm scared to tell you. Greg, you will not be scared of me when you are meeting my manager. My manager is a very scary man. Oh, I'm sure. And he will be the one to be making sure that you will be taking
Starting point is 00:45:37 the pillowcases off the pillows. Literally, my flight is going to leave without me. I have to go. Well, that is too bad. You should have learned to take off the pillowcases. I will not be giving that to you. Uh-oh. Oh, my fucking God going to leave without me. I have to go. Well, that is too bad. You should have learned to take off the pillowcases. I will not be giving that to you.
Starting point is 00:45:48 Uh-oh. Oh, my fucking God. Oh, God. He's on his way. May God have mercy on your soul. How do you know he's on his way all of a sudden? Because I feel him. I feel him walking through the halls.
Starting point is 00:46:04 May God help you, Greg. You hear a man come in? Hello? Hi. I hear from Lisa that you are having trouble taking off the pillowcases. No, no. Well, yes, that is happening, but that's not the real issue here. Sorry, there's something about you. Well, yes, that is happening, but that's not the real issue here.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Sorry, there's something about you. The real issue here is that Lisa is not giving me my money back. Oh, Lisa, that is not nice. He pays the deposit to make sure he gets it back at the end of his stay. Right, thank you. I know, I know, but he... Lisa, why don't you go take your smoko break, and then you can come back when you are done. Yeah. I will
Starting point is 00:46:52 deal with this gentleman. Enjoy your smokos. Lisa, as she leaves, you just kind of, like, you see a tear go down, and she just, just, shaking. Now. Kind of an unstable chick where you find these people you should be you should i'm just like i don't want to criticize you as a manager but you should hire better staff than that why don't you and i sit down i can pour
Starting point is 00:47:18 you what would you like i don't have a time for this oh jJ, would you like a coffee? No, I have an airport to get to. I have to fly home. I just kind of like, I put a hand on your shoulder really tight. Would you like an orange juice, a coffee, or a beer? Coffee, I guess. Good.
Starting point is 00:47:43 I put you floppy down the chair. Now, why don't you tell me what could have possibly happened that you did not remember? You seem like a very smart man, Greg. You seem like you know how to take a pillowcase off of the pillow, Greg. It's not that I didn't.
Starting point is 00:48:02 Now, you and I both know that you know there are no buttons there was there literally was a fucking button case you're fucking calling me a liar when i literally was a there was a button there was a button greg what can be honest with me greg Greg I'm gonna miss my fucking flight Greg I'm not gonna make it back Greg you and I will not Be having standing up from the table Unless you tell me
Starting point is 00:48:33 What it is that really happened in that bedroom I shit myself I shit myself in a club I was dancing and I took I took a hit of something And I don't know i didn't know it was a popper i did a popper for the first time and i made me shit myself on the dance floor and so i was like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck i have to get home for a flight so i ran back to the
Starting point is 00:48:58 hostel and i used the pillowcase to clean the shit off my ass. And so I can't give you the pillowcases back. Because I used the pillowcases to clean the shit that was all over my ass. Because I shit myself. Is that what you want to- Shit's on your ass. Is that what you want to fucking hear? Greg. Keep the fucking 50 euro.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Just let me go home. Greg, do you think- Do you think I am a stupid man? No. What? Do you think I am a... How do... A patsy? Do you think I am a patsy man? No. You look really smart
Starting point is 00:49:35 to me. Do you think I am one who takes kindly to half-truths? You don't believe that I shit myself. Greg, I believe you look like a man who has shit his pants. Right, so what's the fucking damage? But Greg, I know that is not the whole story, Greg.
Starting point is 00:49:53 Please, don't, don't make me... Greg, do you want to make your flight back home to Jacksonville, Florida, Greg? Yeah, it's so bad. I have a... Now, Greg, I bet you're wondering how I knew that you are from Jacksonville, Florida. I assume it's so bad. I have a... Now, Greg, I bet you're wondering how I knew that you are from Jacksonville, Florida. I assume
Starting point is 00:50:08 it's because I had to give you my passport to scan when I... It's because you had to give me your passport to scan. That's not weird. Now, Greg, I have your passport, Greg. What? Wait, what? I took your passport
Starting point is 00:50:23 because I know that you will not be leaving until you give me the entire story, Greg. Okay, can you- Now, we can do this the easy way. What? Or, I could bring in Lisa and she could also listen to this story, Greg. No, no, no, please don't make her hear it. Would you like me to bring in Lisa? No, no, no, please don't make her hear it.
Starting point is 00:50:45 Greg, you have to stop writhing around in your seat. Okay, okay, okay. Now, you shit your pants at the club. You use the pillowcases to wipe the shit off your ass. Right. And then... And then I put on my clean clothes again to come downstairs and check out and i was waiting for the elevator and it took a really long time to come so i was like fuck it i'll take the stairs
Starting point is 00:51:18 so i took the stairs and i slipped in the stairwell and I shit my pants you shit yourself again I shit myself again and I had no more clothes that were not shitted in I had shitted in all of my clothes so I ran back upstairs
Starting point is 00:51:39 and I took the pillowcases off someone else's bed and I fashioned these shorts that you're looking at now. Now, Greg, do you want to know how I already knew this half of the story? There's CCTV, right? There's closed circuit television. Yes.
Starting point is 00:51:59 Right. And, Greg, it is very clear, Greg, by looking at your pants, that they are made of pillowcases. Right, and there's still some shit. Probably. And there is still a little bit. Right. Yes. How much is a man's dignity worth?
Starting point is 00:52:16 50 euros? Oh, Greg. For you, not as much. But. What? I will let you go. You will not be getting your deposit back for obvious reasons, Greg. Just give me my passport.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Greg, I will give you your passport. But you need to do something for me in return. What? You need to write a five-star review on Yelp, Greg. What? Okay. You need to write a review, and I need to watch you do it. What?
Starting point is 00:52:51 Now? No, I'll do it on the plane. Yes. I'll get the go-go-in-flight Wi-Fi. Greg, do I look like a stupid man? No, no. Do I look like Oon Patsy? No, not Oon Patsy, Greg. No, not Oon Patsy, no. Greg, do you know how many people
Starting point is 00:53:05 have left this hostel saying, oh, Oon Patsy, we will give you five star review, five star, and then they do not leave a single review. It is an easy thing to say, harder still to do, Greg. Now, Greg, would you like to shit yourself a third
Starting point is 00:53:22 Oon third time this day? Or would you rather write the review I said I'd fucking do it. Out loud, Greg. I want to look over your shoulder and have you read it to me. Here is
Starting point is 00:53:37 und laptop. What? I change the translation to English und write about how hospitable we are, how clean our services are. Okay. I loved my time here. It was a blast.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Five stars. Greg. What? That's a positive review. There's nothing wrong with... If you saw that review, you'd be like, that's a good review. Greg, you hurt Lisa today, that's a good review. Greg, you hurt Lisa today. No, she hurt herself.
Starting point is 00:54:12 No, Greg. She was fighting me. She should have just given me money. Write about Lisa. Okay. There's... I showed up at the hostel and there was this really rocking chick named Lisa who was super friendly and did a really good job. And I bet she's really good at her job.
Starting point is 00:54:35 And I bet that no one would ever say she's not. And the manager, he's really, really super nice dude who's also really helpful and i swear none of these rooms ever smelled like shit there was no shit anywhere in this place i don't even know if people here can shit because that's how little shit there was anywhere i love it it smells so fucking good if i could never again i would five stars his scent greg okay sand dude good i have my passport you did a fantastic job today, Greg. Thank you. You will be having your passport back. Thanks. We ask
Starting point is 00:55:30 that you never come here to the country of Germany. Easy. Done. Or to this hostel ever again. Something in your fucking food didn't agree with me anyway, so I gotta go. Okay, it's not the food. It's not the food. It was the poppers.
Starting point is 00:55:45 We all know it was the poppers and that I have a weak constitution. Sure, whatever. I think I missed my fucking flight. Can I stay one more night? I don't have another flight. Greg. What? You can stay. flight. Greg. What? You can stay.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Good. But. What? You will not get your passport back. If I stay? Yes. So I can never leave? Correct.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Okay, then give me my passport. I'll find somewhere else. Okay. Piece of shit. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm. Piece of shit. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a piece of shit. Thank you. I was talking about myself. Walks outside.
Starting point is 00:56:36 I love... Bye. Bye, Lisa. Thanks for your help. I hope you enjoyed your smoke break. So he lets you go. Yeah. I told him about the stuff.
Starting point is 00:56:52 About the shit. Yes. The shitting myself stuff. We all knew. I know. I knew that. It was. Could have been so easy.
Starting point is 00:57:01 How much is a man's dignity worth? For you. Not much. I hear that. I hear that a lot. could have been so easy how much is a man's dignity worth for you not much I hear that a lot you hear a group in the back of the hostel just go you doggy Frank this place is fucked now let's talk about the liveness
Starting point is 00:57:20 of those characters I think that at the beginning Greg was not a very lithe character. He was quite aggressive and quite kind of like tense. And then in his kind of, there was a litheness and a youth to his groveling.
Starting point is 00:57:37 I think so. And like once the manager was able to kind of intimidate him, like I kind of imagine the manager being like a Christoph Waltz type. Yeah, absolutely. And once he was able to get Greg to open up, that's where the litheness came in and the freedom of talking about the poppers and the shit. The fluidity.
Starting point is 00:57:53 Yeah. All righty. This is for the Cabana's Hostel in Liverpool. Okay. This is from Anna M. Anna McCartney. Anna McCartney. Anna McCartney. No relation.
Starting point is 00:58:08 Five stars. Such a nice hostel. Honestly. But the cleaning lady is very rude. The Liverpool woman who is always cleaning the bathrooms. Liverpool woman. Very, very, very rude. So fucked up.
Starting point is 00:58:28 The Liverpool woman who is always cleaning the bathrooms. Very, very, very rude. It sounds like you're watching like cable network news and it's like a local menace that no one has caught. Rumors are flying again today about a Liverpool woman who has been seen sneaking into her neighbor's houses and disappearing into the night without a trace. Sorry, breaking news. I am standing in one of the public market squares in Liverpool
Starting point is 00:59:02 and I have an eyewitness here who says that they saw a Liverpool woman in the local shops. It is unclear as to whether she was just shopping or if she was causing a disturbance, but I'm here with someone on the ground who did get eyes on the Liverpool woman before she scurried away. Sir, what is your name
Starting point is 00:59:20 again? Derek. Derek. Okay, Derek, now can you tell me about the Liverpool woman? she frightening was she terrifying was she a danger to you or to others she she got a bag of chips and a fucking guide a ride and so did she steal them I yeah oh my god she's maybe more dangerous than we thought thank you
Starting point is 00:59:44 sir Derek make sure you go home and you lock your doors and lock your windows. Alright. What channel is this going to be in? Thank you so much for chatting here with us. No, but I want to see myself on the telly. What channel is it going to be in? Back to you, Frank. I fucking know. Well, that was truly bone chilling stuff. Thank you. That was our reporter in the field, Anna.
Starting point is 01:00:08 She was on the ground live in Liverpool's famous Market Square. And we're going to be talking recently to a woman who has a little something special planned for this Christmas. But, oh, hang on a second. I'm getting, sorry, sorry, everybody. I'm getting a report live in studio here. We're going to cut back to Anna. She actually has some more news live from Liverpool's world famous Market Square. Hi, Frank.
Starting point is 01:00:35 I know we are all very excited to hear about the joys around Christmas. But I do have a pair of, what did they say? They're sisters. Sisters who went to school with who we believe to be the Liverpool woman. And they called in the studio. They said that they have information on the identity of who the Liverpool woman might be. So we are here with, please remind me of your names again, ladies. Cheryl.
Starting point is 01:00:59 And Tina. Cheryl and Tina. Cheryl and Tina, thank you so much for joining us today. Now, what information can you give us about the Liverpool woman? We was in grade 12 with her. She was a right cow. She was a right cow, and
Starting point is 01:01:13 you know, I moved to... Sorry, it's my first time on the telly, and now, Lisa, it sounds like you are not from Liverpool. I can explain. Tina and I were separated at birth. And so I was raised up in Glasgow and my sister was raised down here in Liverpool.
Starting point is 01:01:35 And so that's kind of, that's fascinating, ladies. But I'm really not interested to hear about the details. No, it's a fascinating story, really. We met at summer camp. You know, I didn't, I went to summer camp with her and we saw each other and we said, by gum, that's me. And that's how we realised
Starting point is 01:01:54 that we were secretly twins. She's lovely. She's gorgeous. And I thought, oh, Jesus, she looks a bit like me. And that's great. Also, sorry, I just Cheryl here again, I do need to mention
Starting point is 01:02:07 my sister Tina, she spent some time in Ireland as well so that's why she sounds like that a bit, whereas I obviously, you can tell born and raised in Liverpool I'm kind of what's known as a woman
Starting point is 01:02:23 of the world, I'm kind of a nomad. And so we've kind of just bumping here to there. And so, you know, sometimes I've spent in the North Ireland and sometimes back in Glasgow. Now, Anna, sorry to interrupt. Frank, you're back at the studio again. Yes, Frank, thank you. Sorry, we've got a, we can't keep bumping Mrs.
Starting point is 01:02:40 McNulty and her Christmas segment. So if you could just get a clear answer from these ladies on what exactly she did. I am desperately trying, Frank. It kind of seems like they were in a bit of a parent trap situation, Frank. Now that's fascinating, but not what we sent you to Liverpool's world famous Market Square for, Anna. Now please get an answer about this cow they know.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Ladies, copy that, Frank. Now, ladies, you had mentioned that the Liverpool woman is kind of a cow, which I know in British slang is she's not very nice. She's maybe a little bit mean and kind of stupid. Do you have any specific instances where the public should be concerned about the appearance of the Liverpool woman? Well, when we were in grade 11, she I was sat in the canteen having crisps and she came over and she
Starting point is 01:03:31 grabbed the crisps and walked off. She was crisps mad. Absolutely. She was crisps mad, alright. And another thing is that when we found out that we were separated at birth we decided to switch places and so I went down to Liverpool
Starting point is 01:03:47 and my sister went up to Glasgow and sorry not switched at birth but separated at birth and the Liverpool woman she tattled she told our parents she told everybody that we'd switched places
Starting point is 01:04:03 and I don't know this might sound like something of a shock to you but we were trying to get our parents, she told everybody that we'd switched places. And I don't know, this might sound come as something of a shock to you, but we were trying to get our parents back together. You know, they had been divorced and one of them took each baby. So we were trying to get them back together. Frank, I would just like to make clear, Frank, I know you
Starting point is 01:04:20 can't see, everyone else can see, but these women are not identical twins. These women are... Are you, fraternal. These are. Are you even fraternal? It seems like one of you is maybe about 10 years older than the other. I, I, I, but held back, so. Great.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Anna, Anna, I'm sorry to interrupt again, but I have to say, Mrs. McNulty is in the studio and she is getting feral. We need to get closure on this segment so we can bump to her. So just go ahead frank i am desperately trying all i have learned so far today is that the liverpool woman is uh crisp mad they said and for american listeners that means that she loves potato chips um that she is crisp mad and that she tattled on this kind of weird parent trap um i do have to question i mean i'm a journalist i have to do my due diligence could your parents not tell they had different children because you two look absolutely nothing alike and sound very
Starting point is 01:05:07 different well you know we're not implying that the plan was flawless but no you kind of missed out on the you didn't let us finish as that when we got to each other's houses um the parents said who are you are you one of my daughters from school? Why are you in my house? And then it was the cow that spoiled the whole fucking thing. And then she called them and said, those aren't those are your kids, but they switched places. And so I guess if anyone were to be nervous
Starting point is 01:05:36 about the Liverpool woman, it would be that she's a little crisp mad rat. Now, sorry, I have to ask. What channel is this going to be on? I really want to see me and my sister on the TV. Frank, I hope that was enough closure for you, Frank.
Starting point is 01:05:56 She's a crisp mad rat. I have to say, your ability to close is unbelievably poor. Reminds me a lot of our relationship. Can't commit. I am doing my best. Anyway, I am going to bump your ass now and go right to Mrs. McNulty and her Christmas segment. Also, I want to ask the viewers at home,
Starting point is 01:06:16 did it sound worse when I said cow than when the British people said it? I think it might have, and I want to say sorry. Anyway, going live to Mrs. McNulty now. Well, thank you so much. I've waited for so long to be part of this channel. And that's all the time we have.
Starting point is 01:06:32 Thank you so much, Mrs. McNulty. For everyone watching at home, stay safe, stay indoors, and if you see a woman with crisps, punch her in the throat. Should we do our last segment? Let's fucking do it. All week long I guess what's shaking me is our incredible accent work this episode This was fucking hard man This one was hard
Starting point is 01:06:56 I mean we did put it on ourselves to do a general European Someone did that So I would like to apologize to our British listeners, to our Scottish listeners, to our Irish listeners. German. To our French listeners, Dutch listeners. Swedish. Swedish listeners, German.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Just kind of like general Euro across the board. Oh, to our Floridian listeners, to our Texan listeners, to our... Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Minnesota, you did that one um uh no we cut that one that was the scene we cut because it wasn't good right that was the scene that we stopped after 30 seconds because it was shit um a little peek behind the curtain a little peek
Starting point is 01:07:41 behind the curtain what has been shaking you what's been shaking me is this damn migraine I'm developing. I really do have a headache. It's kind of a pain in the ass, but that's not what's shaking me. What's shaking me is I got a new, I ordered some vinyl, a new record, and it was shipped to my house, and I inadvertently bought five copies of it. Very cool. What's the record?
Starting point is 01:08:09 It's Hell Mode, Jeff Rosenstock, great album, great album art. It's Elmo, Tickle Me, Elmo. It's Elmo's new Sing Along With album, Sing Along With Elmo. Sing Along With Me, ABCs. No, it's a great album, and I did accidentally order five copies, but I was able to get that resolved, and they only shipped one. Very cool. But it came with, this is the real what shook me, inside the record as a little fun little gift.
Starting point is 01:08:32 It was music. They put an airhead. And let me tell you, I haven't had an airhead in probably a decade. What flavor? It was watermelon, and it hit hard. I was like, holy shit, and I forgot I had it for like an hour hit hard. I was like, holy shit. And I forgot I had it for like an hour. And then I was like, wait, I never ate the airhead.
Starting point is 01:08:49 And that was pretty fucking good. So my what shook me? Supporting the artists you love. Listening to music. Your what shook me is getting candy. And eating a little bit of candy. What shook your ass? My what shook me,
Starting point is 01:09:05 we're just gonna glaze over really quick. I do have a new crush. A new anthropomorphic crush. And ultimately, we're not gonna beat around the bush here. Unfortunately,
Starting point is 01:09:14 for everyone including me. It's Mater from Cars. No, it's not Mater. It is the devil from the Cuphead Show animated series. I will not be taking any further questions
Starting point is 01:09:20 at this time. If you wanna look it up, you can look it up. And we're just gonna, we're gonna move right on past it. We're going to move right on past it because it has been shaking me. It's been shaking me for a variety of reasons. It's been shaking me because it's like, what is wrong with me? It's been shaking me because it's like, I have good taste. And it's been shaking me because it's just like, what does it say about what goes on in there? And by in there, I mean my psyche. What's also shaking me is again again reminder that we are performing if you want to
Starting point is 01:09:47 hear these amazing accents live in person uh we are going to be at new york comedy festival sunday november 5th littlefield in brooklyn uh at 5 30 p.m and we will link to those tickets and you can find um we will be posting about it online uh on our socials as well Speaking of our socials, you can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt. You can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview. And you should follow the show on ReviewReview on Instagram because we poll the followers for topics. Yes, we do. Including this week's topic. We came from Jenna, who also worked on the theme song.
Starting point is 01:10:22 Yeah, thanks again for that theme song. And you can also, yeah, and go follow us. Join the HeadGum Review Review Discord because very fun things happen there. And also, Jeff and I still have our Patreon, patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff, where we do monthly Zoom parties and Q&A live streams. And we're also going to come up with more perks um and if that's not enough riley and spa for you well you can get some more over on instagram.com just the web browser not the phone app at riley and spa and on x.com for as long as it lasts at riley coyote and as we say every single week on the show every week as long as it lasts, at Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show. Every week.
Starting point is 01:11:15 Yee doggie. Yee doggie. Yee doggie Frank. Yee doggie Frank. Bye. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.

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