Review Revue - Gelt

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews on GELT and spread the holiday cheer by getting owned by kids and marrying the wrong person. Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. Ho, ho, ho.

It's that time of year again. Time to vote on your favorite Review Review episodes from this year. So go to the Review Review Instagram page. That's at Review Review on Instagram. And click on the link in bio. That'll take you to a Google form where you can vote on eight of your favorite episodes from the year. And the top eight will make it into our best of episodes for the last two episodes of 2021. So if you want your voice to be heard, if you want to have a say, go check it out or don't. Happy holidays from Review Review.

This is a HeadGum Original. Look, if you had one review, one chance to let the world know how you really feel on Yelp would you capture it or just let it slip yo the surface is subpar it's barely with one star they undid my belt loops in my favorite gay bar and there's a lot more that went way too far. My wife and I got intimate with a candy bar. Tom Beckman ran me over while riding a horse. Sanger poured from his mouth without remorse.

My Oxford shirt got hit with dirt, of course. And my fitted cap says that your parents divorce. I'm just trying to find Chimecraft American singles. I'm searching hither and thither, but it's not that simple. My sommelier had to say a cheesy one-liner. It hit Benny smooth, but proves that I kinda don't really know where I should go to find the right British pubs. Not in the UK, but who's to say? I should have asked Basilio for advice on the day.

My Vespers is lost and lost anyway. You better lose yourself in the reviews you need to. It's improv and it's a niche podcast you only get one shot to make a sketch last this opportunity comes like once a week actually actually holy shit that was amazing this opportunity comes like actually often as hell. Like once a week. Once, twice a week.

Once and then we do bonus episodes. Oh yeah. So it's, yeah. Okay. It's five times a month, which means it's 1.25 times a week. Yeah. On average. That came in from Will.

He says, thanks for everything. You guys single-handedly inspired me to start doing improv. Took two levels of classes at the Magnet Theater in New York City and had a blast. Get out of the pool. That's so exciting. That's awesome. Yeah. Improv is, it's dead.

But yeah. I undid my belt loops. Favorite gay bar. Basilio's going to save you on the day. Vassilio! I miss Vassilio. We are actually, when this comes out on December 14th,

the next two episodes will be the best out. No, this is not the 14th. Yes, it is. I thought this was coming out on the 7th. No, we already did the 7th. Oh, wait. Fuck, you're right damn it it's okay so confident so when this comes out on the 7th yeah in two weeks we'll start doing the best of episodes i can't wait those are those are so fun to do but we're not there yet we're here and so jeffrey how are you what's's up, little man? What's up?

What's up, little man? No, I'm a big man. Not yet. Your birthday's only in a couple days. Again, time of recording, it's not yet your birthday. It's the 24th of November. No, I'm like a big, strong guy. Not yet.

Strong drink for a strong man. You're still a little guy. You're still a little sport guy type kiddo. No, I'm a big sport, and i'm a good sportsman because i'm athletic are you happy today or no i'm fappy today so i'm really itching to get off you know my favorite game on the iphone a couple years ago was Fappy Bird. So basically you would jerk off birds with a slingshot? Yes. So you've played. So yeah, no, I've played. I love that game. How are you? Are you feeling fappy today? I, God, I'm not necessarily feeling fappy today. I am feeling happy today because there were two doors in our house that weren't quite closing all the way. And we finally got someone out to fix them. And, um, so they're fixed. And so the door to the office where I record now can close for weeks,

nigh on months. It hasn't been able to do that. So to be able to come in to record today and close the door and have it stay closed i mean now i'm feeling fappy that's pretty that's actually sexually arousing that's actually really arousing to have a working door some people would find it sexually arousing not to have a working door not me not me no not not not me Also, finally watched Candyman last night. Was scared to go to sleep. Was scared to go to sleep. So who's the little guy, right? Was scared to look in the mirror.

Is it even scary? It's. Right. I mean, listen, like I. Did you ever. Did you ever do like Bloody Mary? Like, did you ever look did you ever do, like, Bloody Mary? Like, did you ever look in a mirror and say it multiple times with the lights off? Did you ever do any of those kinds of things?

I could never. I could never do that. It's not real. No, but Jeffrey, what if it is? But it isn't. No, but what I'm positing. She'd be everywhere murdering people hither and thither, and there would be news stories about it every week. And who's to say she isn't?

She isn't. 100%. And so that's, well, that that's well that's the plot of the 24-hour news cycle in this economy um so yeah so that's what's new with me is working doors and candy man well hey just in time right the working doors for post candy man in terms of staying safe. Yeah, no, for sure. Because the, well, yeah, I mean, the doors

are going to keep me safe. Yeah. Absolument. But Thanksgiving's tomorrow. Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Going to see family. Are you going to make a side? I'm going to be a side piece.

To who? I hadn't thought that his name is jake lordy he's dating somebody but like i'm gonna be his sort of um i still haven't figured out what i'm going to wear elizabeth and i are figuring that out um i have a black mock neck dress that I love. But because I'm going to my mom's house? No. Because Max, her white lab, sheds like crazy. So if I'm there in a black dress, it's just, it's gonna be a nightmare. Do you know what you're wearing or do you not give a shit?

Um, it's Thanksgiving, so you gotta dress to the nines or not. And so I'm probably just gonna do like a blazer, tea, and jeans. Love it. This won't mean anything because we are batching episodes. Yeah, this is.

This is nothing. Thanksgiving is long past. Absolutely. So it doesn't matter. But you know what? You know what happens right after Thanksgiving? Hanukkah. Hanukkah, baby.

Yeah, wish.? Hanukkah. Hanukkah, baby! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah. Yes, this comes out, I think, one or two days after Hanukkah. So I hope everyone had a wonderful Hanukkah, to those who celebrate. And today we're talking something pretty tasty. We're talking something yummy in the tummy. Yeah, not necessarily. Hmm? Not necessarily. What's that? Because it could taste disgusting if you eat it with the wrapper on. We're talking gelt.

Gelt. We're talking gelt. Have you ever felt gelt? Have you ever smelt gelt? Have you ever used gelt to create welts have you ever used gelt as a pelt have you ever pelted gelt have you ever dealt gelt i've dealt with gelt i've never dealt gelt stupid we're talking gelt gelt is delicious depending on the kind you get gelt is so good i find i would rather have chocolate like have gelt like because you

get like the belgian chocolate and it's just like to to have to unwrap it i mean this is me this i eat chocolate chips from a bag so it's like there's nothing ceremonious about it but so having to like unwrap it and knowing that you're getting like just a little cylinder of chocolate like it's always so satisfying biting into it is good to have it it's good to have it be that way um have any gelt experiences good or bad good or gelt experiences, good or bad, good or gelt? Gelt or belt? I, yeah. In school, we would celebrate Hanukkah sometimes when I was younger and we would like do, we'd play dreidel stuff and bet gelt.

But as an adult, I can't think of the last time I had gelt. I can't either. I think it's because by virtue of having not dated a Jewish woman around the holidays. Sure, sure. Well, I am excited to dive in. Jeffrey, do you want to kick us off with your first review? Let's do it. This is a two-star review of Elite Milk Chocolate Gold Coins.

And Elite is apparently like a really good Israeli brand. Or it's supposed to be. Okay. Two stars from Jeff B. Obviously, it's going to be Bezos. Well, the issue is I found with a lot of these Amazon reviews, people just use Jeff Bezos' name. Oh, fine.

It's been happening a lot. So, Jeff B. Jeff. Or no, just a completely new name okay yeah yeah jeff um jeff b b bazinga jeff bazinga writes two stars this box of chocolate hanukkah gelt was not shrink-wrapped it looked hastily closed with three little pieces of scotch tape. This was manufactured by Elite, an Israeli company, and was at some point sent

to the United States for distribution. I'm glad no bugs got into it or that it didn't go stale during the journey halfway across the world, and I didn't die after I ate it, so I guess that was okay. So far. Just like, what? So far. Have higher standards for yourself. Well, I didn't die. It didn't taste good, but I didn't die.

So I guess in a way, it's like that's all you want. That's all you can ask for. Yeah. But are you happy with Elise? Because like, we're trying to get to the heart of whether this is like,

because you just said that you proposed to her, man, and we're just, it's your two best buds. Buddy and Elvin. Yeah. Elvin. Sorry, Elvin.

Nah, that's fine. That's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, listen. She is a girl. She is a girl that I know. And I, you know, I did propose because I figured, you know,

we've been together long enough. We've been together a couple years, you know. Yeah. I'm turning 30 next month. Right. This is what I'm worried about, though, Peter, is that just because you're 30 doesn't mean you have to get engaged to the woman.

No, no, I know, I know. But I figure things are going well. Are they? What's going well? Name two things that have brought you joy about being with her since the past couple months. Okay, what brought me joy is different than it's going well. So I'm going to answer the first question. The first question that's going well is that she hasn't broken up with me yet.

Okay, that could still be a bad sign. The second one is that I am still alive. That has nothing to do with her. Like, hmm? It has everything to do with her. It has nothing to do with her. It has everything to do with her. Like, hmm? It has everything to do with her. It has nothing to do with her. It has everything to do with her. No, it doesn't.

Why did you propose to your wife? Why did you propose to Tracy? She was my best friend in the entire world. Spending eight hours with her felt like spending two minutes with her. We traveled together. We traveled well. We lived together. We lived together well.

I love her friends. Her friends love me. You guys love her. She loves you guys love her she loves you my family loves her her family loves me it's perfect i love you you love me we're a happy family that's just barney okay now alvin why did you why did you propose to your wife kind of exactly the same thing he just said and um sorry my my voice changed for a second there uh same thing he said same thing he said uh and i would also say that the sex was amazing how was the sex with your alvin we are because i can hear your your voice is changing drastically we are going to cut you off for the night um what next round is on me but it's not for you we're just no i've only had like two beers. I know. And that's what's crazy is that you went from talking like this to then how you are.

You're a little. Yeah. Yeah. So Alvin. How is the sex though? Don't skirt the question. How is the sex? Yeah.

I mean, honestly, by my standards, phenomenal. OK, but your standards and we've kind of established this is that they're unbelievably low. I don't know what you're talking about. Again, I can give you, like you said, oh, you want two reasons? You want two reasons why they're great? Two reasons why the sex is good. One, she says she has a great time every time. She loves it.

She can't get enough of it. And two, again, I am still living and breathing. I'm here talking to you today. So again, I feel like... We're going to have to do three going forward because we know that one of them as a given, it's kind of like the center piece, center space on a bingo board is just that you're still alive. I wouldn't be so sure. I mean, do you remember my, do you remember my high to make tonight as special for you as possible. So you let me know what you need, anything that'll make you feel comfortable and I'll do the same.

Yeah, well, I kind of like biting my ear. Oh, yeah, I can do that. I can do that. I can absolutely do that i can do that i can absolutely do that um i if you kiss do you like anything yeah kiss my neck that'd be awesome that'd be awesome um uh and maybe i don't know um we could kind of get into a little maybe something more rough i know it's our first time but i figured first time. What's your bar for rough? I'm so excited to hear this.

Well, again, like I've never done it before, but in just kind of like my fantasy and everything. And this feels so silly to say, but. Your wildest fantasy. I want to hear your wildest fantasy. Knives. And what about you? What's your wildest fantasy? Feeling safe. Cut back.

What the hell was that? That has nothing to do with your bar or your bar being low. You like knife play? No, I'm just saying that because of my standards of what's safe, I'm lucky to be alive today. She had butterfingers, dude. What do you mean? What I mean is the knives were incredibly unsafe. Yes.

When she did it. This is crazy. We disagree with how you live your life. Alvin's not saying anything because you cut him off from drinking and now he's sulking. No, I just, you know what? I'd love to have another whiskey. Alvin, we don't have to drink to have a good time and we've always said that. Alvin kind of does.

I do, personally. Alvin, that's't have to drink to have a good time, and we've always said that. Alvin kind of does. I do, personally. Alvin, that's a much bigger conversation. Do you really feel like you love this person? I'm looking around the bar. Can I be honest with you guys? Yeah, of course. I like like her. Then don't marry her.

But I don't think, I mean like, everyone always talks about there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't know if there's going to be any fish for me who I'm going to like like and who also keeps me alive. Your bar for women is so low. They just have to keep you alive or not kill you actively. Right. That's it.

Right. That's seemingly the only through line. But now I'm nervous that if I now rescind the proposal, I might be dead. Come nightfall. No, she's not going to kill you. Cut to the conversation. Elise, the past five years have been some of the happiest of my life. And I know that a couple months ago, I asked you to spend five years times infinity with me. I know and I'm so excited. Yes, you are so excited. I love you

for you. I love you for the singular soul that you are and I love you so deeply. That's so nice to hear, Elise. Thank you for that. I think we should not get married or be in a relationship with each other anymore. Are you kidding me? I kept you alive for five years. You're like, this is my nightmare. Elise, my leg. Yes, your leg. Should we take a break? Yeah. Unt verback. Unt verback. Back, back. Okay. Do you want to hit us with another review?

I guess I can. I guess I can. This is a review for original milk chocolate coins, Hanukkah Gelt, made with premium Belgian chocolate. So it's a bag of 50. And that's very important. So this is two stars from Louise. give louise louise louise no sorry that no i mispronounced it louise louise how's that spelled th louise okay got it i figured it was but i just wanted to double check two stars from louise the title is five pieces short buyer beware it states online and on the front of the bag that there are 25 pieces of candy

well there are only 20 i had no way of knowing this until i opened the bag and started to distribute the candy i'll give them two stars for a timely delivery though. It just really gave me Dudley Dursley vibes of like 37. How many are there? It's like, I'm just imagining also. So it's like getting, you've a set of triplets. All right, Tina, Timmy, and Ike. So it's like getting, you have a set of triplets.

All right, Tina, Timmy, and Ike, it's your 13th birthday. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay, kids. Oh, my God. Your dad and I love you so, so much. And you guys have been so patient all morning, so now it's time for presents! Yes!

Okay. Dad, you want to help me pass these out? We've got, of course, everything's even. It's the three of you, Tina, Timmy, and Ike. It is just the three of you. We're gonna double check. Yeah, we're gonna double check. Of course we're gonna double check. Of course we're gonna double check. Alright. Stephen, should we go into the other room so they don't see?

I don't want them to ruin the surprise. Okay. So we have got iTunes gift card. That's one, two, three. Yes. We've got some key chains with their names on them. One, two, three. And now the big gift for each of them, the iPod Nanos.os we've got one two um where did you put the third ipod nano

steven they're waiting sorry there's just like so much on my plate right now three triplets and being me and And being you? Yeah, sorry. It's just like a lot. What's funny? Why are you laughing? I got stoned a little earlier with like the neighbor's dads. Steven, are you kidding me? Sorry.

I just like it's so much. It's so much. I'm the one who bought all the gifts. I asked you to wrap them and asked you to take care of the distribution. You know how they get when things get uneven. I didn't wrap them. No. Oh, you know what?

And this is going to throw a little bit of a rant. It's funny to me because I'm high, but basically, I got a little hungry. I got the munchies. So there might, I did wrap them, but there might be some,

one of them might have a little bit less than the other two, but let's go give them to them. Wait, what do you mean? One of them might have a little bit less than the other two. But let's go give them to them. Wait, what do you mean one of them might have a little bit less? I ate some of the gilts. Okay. And also maybe one of the iTunes gift cards. The issue isn't with the iTunes gift cards. The issue is the iPod Nano.

Where did you put the iPod Nano? That's the big money gift. Oh, I gave one of those to Charlie because we were so fucking high and the music was so good to listen to. And so I was like, oh, why don't you get it all on an iPod? You gave one of the kids birthday present to the neighbor?

To Charlie. It's not just any neighbor. I like Charlie. I like our kids. I like our kids. I love our kids. I love our kids too. Now you know what? No, you said like. I love our kids. Now you know what? You're gonna have to

clean this up. You are gonna have to go out there. You're gonna have to distribute the presents and you're gonna have to let them know that one of them isn't gonna get a really big gift. So if you love them so much. That's a good idea because my eyes are red and they're going to know that I'm on something. Fine, fine, I'll do it. No, you're going to come here with me.

You're going to come here with me. No, you're going to come here by yourself. They're going to want their dad. So there's not four other people in the room that I have to be accounted for. All right, let's do it. Okay, kids, we got the presents. Everyone ready?

Dad, you got the camera? Dad, you got the camera out? Dad, take some pictures. Yeah, I got the presents. Everyone ready? Dad, you got the camera? Dad, you got the camera out? Dad, take some pictures. Yeah, I got the camera. Okay. Click, click. Oh, this one's really artistic. Sorry, I'm like finding beauty in it.

All right, Trina, here you go. Here is an iTunes gift card for you. Thank you. An iTunes gift card for you. And Ike, you also get one. Oh, thank you. You knowke, you also get one. Oh, thank you. You know what?

Oh, it seems, you know what? I'm just going to spread this gelt out on the table so you guys can take however much of those you want. I thought you said you pre-proportioned it out so we all had the same amount. You put it on the table, suddenly we're all fighting for it. Is that what you want? Well, you know what? I figure that you guys are all teenagers now. My triplet teens. So you guys can figure this one out for yourself. And now we do

have... That's the other thing. They're fucking 14. They shouldn't be so worried about fairness. They should actually learn that the world isn't fair. Well, you know what? Here we go. We're gonna give you the big the big gifts now uh so for you guys for my for my favorite my favorite triplets we have some ipod nanos oh my god yeah i can't wait and what's so exciting about these is that it also comes with a life lesson.

So there's two iPod Nanos. And so now you guys get to figure out how to share, what kind of music you want to sync up. Like, you know, Trina, you can put Doja Cat on there if you want. Not gonna happen. You can put Machine Gun Kelly on there if you want. Not gonna happen. Sweet want. Not gonna happen. Sweetie. Not gonna happen.

You're gonna get one more. I don't care if you have to go to the airport and buy it from the best buy vending machine. Hey, Trina, relax. No, you relax, Dad. Hey, honey, you do not talk to us like this. Hey. What?

What are you going to say? You are. Yeah, I am. See? Missy, you need to watch your tone, okay? Your dad might work really hard. I don't have to do anything. Look at your siblings.

Look at how quietly they're eating their gelt and how they're admiring their $25 iTunes gift cards. Now, if you would just, you know, come to this with an open heart and some gratitude, it's your birthday. I don't want to.

Honey, I don't know what else to tell you. There's two nanos for the three of you. Now you're either going to enjoy the two, or we're going to just take them both back. No, you know what? You guys have them. And then I'll be a martyr. No, honey, do not be...

Knock, knock. Hey, Charlie here. Charlie, man. Oh, it's the kids' birthdays. Oh, hey, Cal. Happy birthday, kids. Hey, Steven. I just wanted, um, do you have a charger for this iPod Nano?

When you brought it over, I couldn't tell how to get it off. What is that? I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill that one. She's a strong one, this one. Trina, off. This is too much, man. There's too much on my plate.

Stephen, help your daughter. This is too much! What's on... I'm like trying to pull Trina off of Charlie. What's on your plate? What's on your plate right now that you can't intervene? I'm just like, so much? You're so much? You're right.

You are so much. Take the right. You are so much. Take the op-on. Take the nano. Charlie runs out of the house. Happy birthday. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's what I thought. Trina. Anybody else want to try me?

What happened, Trina? My God. I watched the fighter what or is that what it's is it the wrestler are you talking also i'm insecure that i was the third born got it that honey every year on your birthday this happens i get worried because i wonder if i'm the youngest and what that might have to mean why Why does it have to mean anything? Even if, yes, you were born a second later than the other two. Yeah, literally. Yes, literally.

So what does that matter? It means I'm not a fighter. It means I didn't push my way to that opening first when I saw the opportunity. So you think you can push our neighbors around because you didn't push your way to the front? That's a first step. And now they ate all the gelt, which is just case in point

how I don't fucking put myself out there. And that has nothing to do with me. I put all the gelt on the table and I said, you guys go for it. And then you got mad. I don't know what to tell you. I'm taking I start plucking the nanos. I'm taking all of these back to the store

cutting up with iTunes gift cards with scissors. These you will not get any of these and see What did we do by the way? Trina freaked out. Well that's the lesson I was just going to tell you guys is that you three you need to all work together. And so when one of you messes up, that reflects on all three of you.

I don't know if that's the best parenting style, but that's what we're going to do. I whispered to me and you guys can come to me and we'll go to Starbucks and get you more iTunes gift cards there. Okay. Why did you cut them up if you're just going to do that? To make a point. To prove a point. You didn't really make a point. Because we're already, like, grown.

We're, like, 14. So that's... We're already getting life. Okay, so then what do you want for your birthday? Honestly, some peace and quiet. This house is crazy. That's fine. That's fine.

You guys can go up to your room. Thank you. Trina? Wait, what'd you ask for? No. Why are you guys going upstairs? There's so much going on, man. Steven, go to Charlie's house.

Bring a bag. Go to jail? What? What did you just say to me? I'm starting to get a little worried. What did you smoke? I don't know starting to get a little worried what did you smoke i don't know got it yeah i think it was kratom uh all right this is a one-star review from jmd of hanukkah chocolate belgian kosher certified gelt. JMD? Yeah.

Oh. Julia Michelle Dreyfus. What could have been? One star. This candy's not edible. It's old and chalky. I tried to eat some and it tastes as bad as it looks.

It's embarrassing since I didn't open them prior to including some in Hanukkah gifts. The recipients must think that I gave them candy left over from five years ago. I've ordered these a few years in a row and in prior years they were so fresh and so good. Very disappointed and even more upset that I can't return them or get my money back. There are labels on top of labels on the box. I'm assuming there's an old expiration date somewhere under one of them. All right, our final baker of the day. Anthony, please step forward with your bake.

We're so excited to try it. Can you tell us a little bit about what you've prepared? This is what I've got. It's like rotting. All the judges immediately like... Yeah, there's a little bit of a stench in there um a bit yes uh could you could you explain what you've made for the final challenge of chocolate week please nine years today to replicate that trifle, but as if it were the literal exact same. Sorry, Anthony. So what you're saying is you tried to replicate a trifle you made nine years ago but replicate it in its decaying state

that's exactly right um okay wow uh i can safely say that uh here on the american baking challenge we have never had um anything quite like this before thank you thank you yes well don't thank us too soon so can you tell us a bit about the ingredients that you used to get it to this yes heavy whipping cream okay expired flour expired baking powder expired skim milk expired eggs expired sugar cane expired sprinkles and fruit from a decade ago anthony i actually haven't seen your uh i haven't been watching the show so i haven't seen your intro package where are you from i'm from a little town outside of tulsa oklahoma got it um okay anthony i think i speak for the rest of the judges when yeah hmm did you just shush me

sorry yeah did you just shush me anthony i didn't mean to do that sometimes i get excited she just started rebecca just started talking and you just just shush me, Anthony? I didn't mean to do that. Sometimes I get excited. She just started, Rebecca just started talking and you just said shush. I did not mean to say that. I'm so excited. Okay. Well, I think I can speak for all the, man to man, you can't shush her. You can't shush anybody, but you can't shush her.

I don't think it's safe for the judges to try your bake today. For many of the reasons that you just described, every single ingredient is an expired ingredient. And so I think for the public health and safety of it all, I think it would make all of us sick. There we go. There we go with my intuition, my prescience. I should have known.

That's why I must have been subconsciously shushing you because I know you'd be spewing nonsense afterwards. Nonsense? Every, you just said you used fruit from a decade ago. I also used freshly unboxed expired flour. So again, every ingredient is inedible at this point. If the judges take even a little tiny bit more. Well, you can eat anything. It doesn't mean you should.

You can do anything, but it doesn't mean that you should. Anyone can bake. Doesn't mean they should be on this show. Same f***ing thing. Excuse me. This is a family-friendly show. You'll edit it out.

You'll edit it out. We can bleep it out. Yeah, okay. We can bleep it out. Okay, Anthony. Well, listen, Rebecca, I think I thank you for stepping in. But in fairness of the show, so we can properly eliminate him, we do need to try a bite of the bait.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Easy with that. You're spitting on the trifle. Honestly, I'm sorry about that. Okay. That's going to sour the taste a bit.

All right, here we go. Let me take a little forkful. Oh, Jesus. The smell? It's not that bad. The smell. Okay, well, I haven't even tasted it. The smell is pretty tough.

Not really. Here we go, down the hatch. Whoa. Okay. Yes. Oh, no. Oh. um whoa oh okay yes oh no oh huh well um i can honestly say i've never had anything quite like this in high praise my life very high praise so far mean, it's rancid. What? It is foul. No. It is obscene in many ways. I'll give you that one.

It's quite stodgy. It's got a soggy bottom. No, it doesn't. Now you're not even talking about my cake, are you? I don't have a soggy bottom. And I love it. you what i i could eat this every single day for the rest of my life absolutely absolutely the man can't even talk benjamin what do you mean you like this you could have this for the rest of your life it is disgusting you're. Send me to Hollywood. You're not on American Idol.

We're in Hollywood. It's on the wrong show. Send me to a fucking congratulatory dinner. Stop cursing. In Hollywood. Stop cursing. This is, no, Rebecca, this cake will change your life. This trifle.

It really will. Okay, then you know what, Anthony? You need to take a bite of your own cake. I want to see what it's like for you to eat it. Oh, I'm not much of a sweets guy. Oh, too bad, Anthony! Take a bite! No, I'm trying

to stay away from your unrefined sugars. I shove a bite into your mouth. I swallow. No, it's still in your mouth, Anthony. I plug your nose. What's that over there? Swallow it. What's that over there? I'm not going to look.

Where? That was really good. You know what? I don't even think we need to try any of the other cakes. I don't think so either. I think I've won. What are you talking about? This is a seven-layer double chocolate cake. I spent hours on this. I think this is a seven layer double chocolate cake i spent hours

on this i think this is the best bake i've ever made in my life sweetie save your breath i've already won sweetie i've already won your cake is great but you can't call women sweetie look doll i've already won i can't believe this is happening benjamin is this really is this the winner of of the american baking championship is this seriously what you this the winner of the American Baking Championship? I think I can speak for him and say yes. No, you can't speak for him. You are not, you know what,

unfortunately, Rebecca, he can speak for me. The cake is that good. It's so fucking fresh. It's that fucking fresh. No, you can't start cursing too. This is an institution. This is unbelievable.

I've never seen anything. Fine. Great. Oh, he's the winner. I bet this fucking disgusting piece of shit cake is the best thing ever. You know what? I'm just going to try a whole forkful. And then when I vomit everywhere, you'll all be sorry.

Good, right? I stuff my face into it. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I'm staying at the Hollywood Roosevelt if you'd like to meet me there for a drink. We'll pick up your tap. We'll do anything you want.

Yes. Anything you want, we will make that happen. I know. I'm so good at it. Everyone watching back home in the town outside of Tulsa. Yes. Yes. Anthony.

Yes. What are you guys? It's like from that Shyamalan movie. He did it. All right. Should we do our last segment? Yes. This should be all week long.

Silksonic. Silksonic. 100%. No skips on the album zero if you haven't listened to anderson pack and bruno mars's album they released an evening with silk sonic what are you doing why are you listening to this show you should be listening to an eveninging with Silk Sonic on repeat. It is, Elizabeth and I have talked about when they inevitably do a tour, we are going to camp out. Yeah.

We are going to be front row. We are going to spend adult money and camp out to be at the lip of the stage. I, it's so good. It's so good. I need need to listen to it you haven't listened to it jeffrey jeffrey listen to it front to back listen to it okay it's unbelievable it's the kind of music that it's just like i don't know you can tell that like they had the best time making yeah they made it for themselves. Like they're like, you know, like it just,

it's like the kind of thing that it's like, they just had a ball. I feel like they had the best time making it. And they're like, listen, if anyone else loves it, great. We think it's dope.

We had such a fucking fun time. Like that's the vibe of it, which is why I think it's so awesome and so fun and so good is because they're just like, we're just going to have a ball making this every music video should be 100 every music video hits the the smoking out the window music video incredible skate amazing leave the door open already i mean it's just i know those ones yes every song jeffrey just go listen to it everyone just go listen to it it's so i think i mean this is what shook me

I think Bruno Mars specifically Bruno Mars is the greatest vocalist alive like for like greatest greatest performer alive right now I think he is unbelievable

unbelievable he's great that's awesome I'm gonna listen to it after this I'm so I'm so hyped he is

he is one of the best I've seen him live twice he's he's the best performer I've seen him live twice. He's, he's the best performer. Seeing him live would be awesome. Yeah. That's the thing of like just an entertainer on the day.

The best entertainer I've ever, ever seen. Just like unmatched, unmatched. Yeah. All right. That's me. I could talk about it.

I could just. I'll leave for you. I'm going to listen to it right after this. And I'm going to dance the night in. Not away, but closer. And closer still. What? I don't know.

And closer still. It's been shaking me, man. It's hard when we bank episodes because I only usually have one thing or two things a week that shake me. Okay, well. When this comes out, I'll have been in New York for a couple weeks. Ba, da, da, na, na, da, da, da, na, na. So. Da, da, da, na, na, ba. New York Da-da-da-da-da-da-da And when I'm weeping

Da-da-da-da-da-da From Daylight Savings Jeff, Jeff, Jeffy, James I will have half the network that Da-da I'd have in L.A. It ends there. Half the network that I have in L.A.

Yeah, that's been shaking me. I'm preemptively shook by the move to New York. That's very exciting. In a way. I'm excited for you. I'm excited for, well, me. For, well, me. But you can follow Riley on Instagram, at Riley Anspa.

On Twitter, at Riley Coyote. The show on Instagram, at Review Review. And the show on Reddit, r slash Review Review. You don't have to say that, man. You don't have to say if you don't mean it. No, come on. Gotta get you some followers. Gotta get all of us you don't mean it. No, come on. Gotta get you some followers. Gotta get all of us more and more and more.

No, come on. Because the seven deadly sins to me are actually creeds to live by. They're guiding lights. Sloth? Are you kidding me? You can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James,

on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee. Should we think some, should we go crazy and thank some VIP patrons? Let's go hog wild. Let's go hog wild. Let's go hog wild. Christian side hugs for chastity.

Let's thank a penny saved is a a penny saved is a penny spurned. Aaron. Aaron Coogan.

Adam Shea. Agent Michael Scarn is thankful for Riley and Jeff and also all the VI patrons. Y'all are so funny and I love hearing your names every week.

The names every week are just they tickle me. Ako is taking the first step on the journey to self-actualization don't text but be sure to hit her line haha alex witt all that glitters is not cluff always look on the fried side of rice and now a patron who needs no introduction so moving on bob buell is and truly never was but somehow is still here, like the wind, flowing with no beginning or end. So there's that.

Brad Donaldson. Brad Hilde. Ryan Dodd. Chuck. Chasten Bales. Chief Queef. Come on, dude, say it. Jeff A., Jeff B., Jeff C., Jeff D., Jeff F., et cetera, et cetera.

Connor Finnegan knows it was jeff birth sorry connor finnegan knows it was jeff's birthday he chose not to say anything colin curvature devon doesn't miss fiona anymore he's well fine now don't tell anyone i told you but jeff's mustache is actually a tiny black comb really fancy octopus frito pray love gabriel castaneda. Jeff, if you can hear me, blink thrice. Daddy back is testing a theory. Gray rock and roll king slayer.

Coolest fucking name I've ever heard. Greg bring four on Stranger Times. Hey, Jeff, can you have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? Holly! I get slicked down, but I rick up again. I'll never stop hounding mule pay me back i literally only subscribe to force jeffrey and riley to say trans rights xoxo in a very real sense tr jackson hansel meow jake olman jameson poncey his first happy memory post riley being

11 was jeff saying my dick would do in my cameo video j Jeff, either give me a hoodie or spell your name correctly. Love, Jack. Jesse Tipton. Jeb Gosley. John Fram. So it's John Hamm, but he's been the leader in auto-filtration for the last 80 years. John Quinones. Josh Jeffrey James Pike.

JP again. No, but real talk, where do I send this theme song thingamabob? Caleb. Review, review, show at gmail.com. Caleb lost his luster again. The friends took it. Lauren Malang. Leah Puff.

Lord Hunter the Ordained. Maggie. Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Begle. Moe Pete the Cowardly Dog. Monomore Raquel has given up on getting,

on trying to get Jeff to pronounce her name right, so instead we'll make him say Loundis. Mushu Lasagna knows what Jeff did and is going to tell the world. My hoodie has finally arrived.

I can forgo my plans to kidnap Jeff and Chain in my basement. Nate Porteous is the patron saint of, well, me? No, it's Rory and Davey or Zooey Landle. Nolan Murphy went to Nobu and the fish was fine, but the experience and the friends we made along the way? Bad. Orange-y Gladden is in Hallie. Phoebe.

Kwok. Sarah Kildiff. Soap. The pressure is on whatever I type here will be in podcast history forever. I have to come up with a joke so good before I hit the... TJ Michael. Warmed corned beef specifically. www.jeffreyjames.com was taken.com was taken.com.

Yaro Bouchard Yasmeen David and zoops I fell asleep and forgot to thank Damien Kirk but oh well

he probably doesn't deserve it anyways thank you guys for subscribing at the highest tier patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff

if you'd also like to join the Zardes join the live streams etc happy Hanukkah happy Honda days and happy Toyota-thon sales event yes thank you

and we'll see you guys again next week Arrivederci that was a Hiddem Original