Review Revue - Guitar Center

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

Geoff and Reilly read reviews about Guitar Center, buy some refurbished gear, and record a Grammy award winning jam.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. I'm a little bit closer

Hear what I have to say. I'm mad at a haunted house for how much I had to pay. Burn a Yankee candle and the scent is out of sight I'm craving a blooming onion let's go to our back to night I used to go on Google to See if the surlet tub is trying But now I listen to these two On Review Review We're banking apps.

Second Harvest Moon parody. I love it. That was beautiful. That came in from Cassidy. She wants to plug her Instagram. Cass underscore 666. She said her only plug is that she wants to take me on a date

In Montreal She's thinking Canadians game, Go Habs And then a cold Narragansett and a meal of rice Which actually sounds like a really lovely date That sounds like a great date To sing so beautifully I'm craving a Bloomin' Onion Let's go to Outback tonight

She has a beautiful voice That was gorgeous and it's insane that you're talking about our dumb shit with that beautiful voice. Don't crave a blooming onion that beautifully. Oh, God. Yeah, that was gorgeous. Thank you. That was so beautiful. You're sorry?

I'm on Expedia. Oh, you're going to Canada? We have to. Maybe let's record the episode first and then you can go. No, I'm like daydreaming. Rice. In terms of Cassidy. In terms of Cassidy.

David or otherwise. I do love that name. I actually, I've always thought Cassidy would be a beautiful girl's name. Cass. And for a guy, Walter. So beautiful. Walter Danger James. Like to hold a baby and be like that right there. That's Walter. So beautiful. Walter Danger James. Like to hold a baby and be like that right there.

That's Walter. It's the same energy I get from when I see a cat with a human name. It's like, oh, this is just Gary. Don't freak out. It's just Gary. It's just Gary. No, no, no, no. It's okay. Just let Gary on the couch.

Gary just wants us on the couch with you. He looks crazy. No, don't freak out. It's just Gary. Riley, what happened to you in the last hour? The last hour since we recorded our episode, I, speaking of rice, had fresh rice. Oh my God. Fresh rice straight out of the cooker is just like, it's my favorite fucking thing.

I could, like that could be a meal to me. But I had rice. It's my go-to lunch. I'll do two eggs, crack them in a bowl, put a meal to me. Yeah. But I had rice. It's my go to lunch. I'll do two eggs. Crack them in a bowl. Put a little soy sauce in there. Some black pepper. Agreed.

Whisk that up. Saute some spinach and then put the eggs over the spinach. So I do a little like spinach, soy sauce, eggs, scramble over some rice, kimchi on the side. But I know there's a but coming. No, it was delicious. I had that. Riley, come on.

It's just us. And did I have a couple forkfuls of fresh rice straight from the source beforehand and just shovel them into my hole? Dry rice? No. Like completed made rice. All right. Okay. I had that.

And then Daniel and i watched some television and i finished it off you watched live tv we watched an episode we're catching up on abbott elementary um it's so fucking good you guys should do like you know never mind you guys to do anal i was it was basically in that vein but even more specific why watch abbott elementary where you can have sex no i'm saying if he's been a bad boy you know a good punishment can make it can be making him like kneel on uncooked rice a good punishment can be this so uh had that and then i have you ever had i asked you this when we we hopped on the zoom but just like to have a sweet treat midday there's nothing like it so i finished off my lunch with a mini justin's peanut butter dark chocolate cup and it was to die for all right it was tiny it was teeny okay it was creamy all right

in my mouth oh no it was it was fucking delicious a little like little pick-me-up treat amazing right yes free will reading these are things people learn when they're 4 to 5 what did you do in the last hour babies know that they can do anything babies know that they can read a book if they want to and have a sweet treat I played with Ellie for a little bit Ellie being your foster kitty

yeah and then I had some coffee what kind cold brew cold cold brew cold cold brew in a bag cold brew in a bag that would be good like slapping the bag but it's just sort of that sweet sweet bean juice but it's but it's cold brew it's fully concentrated it's high concentrated I am in a place have you ever had the what's the like concentrate that everybody has the bear golden bear I've seen it but I haven't had it first of all I think it's not good coffee but second of all at this point I'm just drinking the concentrate because I'm like I need that thick.

Got it. This comes out on the 31st, this Friday. This comes out on the 7th. This comes out on the 7th. I'm 26. Happy birthday, Ranspa. I'm 26 and you weren't there. Yes, I wasn't there. And you weren't there.

You've never been there for my birthday we always miss each other's birthdays and it's fucked um i'm 26 uh kicked off my parents health insurance happy birthday to me and you by that you mean that you they didn't have health insurance and you kind of kicked it off for him you got it started i kind of kicked off my parents health insurance I got the ball rolling on that one um went to the wild but at this point I will have gone to the wildlife learning center speaking of can we get a can we get a wild side theme song from somebody a Lou Reed hey that'd be really good take a walk on the wild side i love that um what if what if one week i made a theme song submission but sent it from a burner email and like really genuinely tried to

make it good and then like we play it and i'm like whoa that was so nice and you just roasted the shit out of it not knowing it was me i think i would only roast a theme song if I knew you sent it in. I'm not going to roast a stranger. It's the one time you do. I'm like, oh, we'll take it easy. This is so unlike you. Like, no, this is shit. No, that was shit. Like, how could you listen to that and be like, that's good enough to send in?

The lyrics were bad. The song was good. But speaking of music. Yeah. Speaking of strumming a tune. Speaking of Harvest Moon. Okay. The only way you can play that song well and correctly is on a guitar.

From a center. From a center. Either your heart center or the store. Either a chakra or a place. We're talking guitar center. Guitar center, baby. Reading reviews for this made me want to go down to the DLGC on Hollywood B and play a few Cs. Because it's the only chord I know.

Maybe a couple Ds. The last time I was in a guitar center i bought my um acoustic guitar that's to my left and did not know how to play and like i knew how to play but not well enough that i could go in there and have fun and maybe impress some people you are very good at guitar this is something that i know i really matter this is about you that you're like i want to learn guitar and you spent early quarantine just like practicing every day and now you're really fucking good at guitar and i was just like damn he wanted to do it he learned how to do it and now he's really good at it and i'm like okay no like i i think that's fantastic i'm not that good though i really only know like

pentatonic stuff and mixolydian some mixolydian stuff um i don't know i don't know dorian raw or otherwise. But I am in the market. I think I might ask my buddy Sean for lessons. Why? Either that or this guy on TikTok that I follow. Because I'm at this plateau where I just need to, like, I can't push past it because I just don't know where to go from here. So even just if I take, like, four lessons, I think that could get me past it.

Yeah. Because I'm playing from my head and not from my heart. Chakra. Chakra. What's your experience with guitar center specifically the last time i went to a guitar center i got my music guitar that i've had now for maybe upwards of 10 years um i love my guitar i don't play it as often as i should but i've had it for a long time i used to take lessons and i used to play guitar pretty frequently. I can read chords. Like I can play a chord. I can't just freestyle.

If you give me sheet music with, you know, some tabs, like I can play a lot of things. I would say you can play guitar. Like most people can't even do that. I can play guitar. Like I am, I think I'm better at it than I, than I give myself credit for and being able to just like, or if, if I'm like, you know, kind of like jamming with people and there's a guitar there.

It's like, if they're like play this or like, they'll be like, start here and just follow, like do like CGA D or whatever. Like I can, I can follow along with that and have fun. Um,

if you can play a song on guitar, you can play guitar and that's all you really need. There's different levels of when you can have fun and you have to trudge through the mud until you get to that level. And then it's like, OK, now I can have fun. Yeah. So Guitar Center, God, I will say I haven't been in one in years, but what has stuck with me, the smell of a Guitar Center is amazing. I the vibe is pristine i mean you have people all the people who work there in a band and they know their shit and it smells great and there are people there just shredding and it's inspirational and you get to play at least the one in hollywood you can play

any they'll let you play like a three thousand dollar guitar even if you don't know how to play and like at least the times i've gone they've given me my space and i love that but i can't stand and you know i want i always want to support mom and pop shops but sometimes when you go in there because they have so much to lose um they won't let you play the higher end stuff which is like i just want to go in and play like a 60s epiphone casino and then not buy anything or buy strings or buy a capo. And they let you do that at Guitar Center, which I appreciate. I have not. Wow, I really haven't been to one since I got

my guitar. Yeah. I have a perpetual what if with my electric guitar. I have a PRS and it sounds great. Honestly, I think the issue is that my amp, the high end of my amp, I got it used, or in air quotes, refurbished, which I think is that my amp the high end of my amp i got it used or in air quotes refurbished which i think is bullshit because just the high end's gone and it

sounds really tinny um but i'm always like looking at electric guitars online i'm like i would prefer that one my acoustic i will never give up but would you resell your electric i think i might resell it and get one of the american-made epiphone casinos because i played those before and they're just like butter um and the tone that i like is like a mix between jerry garcia and bb king of just like thick wet none of the high-end tinniness and just like i want it to sound like butter you want to sound like heavy and sopping yes got it um and prs's are like the this isn't it's only interesting to some people but like i don't know i think they're the best guitars being made right now john mayer is like prs like paul reed smith's is the

ceo like it's like every guitar you get there's uh like you're buying from a custom shop and and paul reed smith will like play one note on a guitar just one string one fret play it and he's just like the mark of a good guitar is if this note sustains for way longer than you need it to and he'll strum it and it goes on for over a minute um so i probably won't sell mine but i i don't know i love the casino you look terrible you weren't even talking about guitars i love losing money yeah in a smoke-filled room the way that i actually went to my first casino for the first time a couple weeks ago and i think that the what you're doing is you're paying to have a good time so if you're having fun yes and you lose a hundred dollars like i did it's like yeah okay i had a good time if you

aren't having a good time which which is what's going to happen if you lose the first hundred and you're like, let me just get another hundred out. I had to stop myself from doing that because I'm like, no, you're going to walk away having lost $200

and you're going to be pissed. So just like take the loss. You paid $100 cover fee to have fun for an hour and a half and then don't. That's so true. Like when Daniel and I went last summer because we went to go to meow wolf in

vegas and we're like let's just go to a casino we're like okay you know what we're gonna drop like here's 75 bucks and whatever happens happens and it's like we knew it's like we are we are paying we're just going and paying 75 for this experience yeah we are not spending this money in hopes that we are gonna make anything back somebody at the roulette table won $3,500. That's insane. And I was like, ugh. It was also funny, the person running the roulette table, her manager came over because she had to go tell her manager, hey, this person just won $3,500.

Her manager came over and she's like, so Liz is going to be moving on to a different table. And then they switched it out for a different person. Yeah. Speaking of guitar, so getting back to Guitar Centers, do you want to start us off? Candice L. Candice L...

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one looks fun now i need some lessons my bestie says it's the most annoying noise he's ever heard and my sweet charlie girl feline hates it i went to a pink martini concert the day after purchasing and watched many band members play them from such a close distance and i'm literally obsessed i'm hoping it doesn't become stored away like my uke has become because I'm actually interested in jingling my way into 2022. My dad's a musician,

but I wouldn't dare bother him with my tambourine fascination. If I get good enough, I'll pop into our studio and ask to get myself on a track, lol. Looking for a teacher I can pay in cocktails, day drinks, long lunches, life advice, or a fair price. I'm adding tambourine to my list of new learns this year, along with pickleball and a dozen other activities to have fun with. Is this person white? Uh, no.

Oh, that's interesting. But, yeah, valid question. it was the pickleball of it all i mean sorry i just there's so much to take in there's so i mean there's so much to take in tambourine fascination lay down on herself and it's the easiest instrument you don't need lessons you don't need a lesson it's just you either have rhythm or you don't yeah it's like you can't teach that come in dad oh oh hey sam what's up man hey i've uh i heard you were working on a song um yes do you mind if I hop on this track?

Oh, you know what? I'm actually working with an artist in studio right now who booked this time. So I can, we can mess around a little bit later. Holy shit. Mr. Styles.

Hey, how you doing? I'm just recording a bit for Harry's house. What's up, mate? Do you mind if I, uh, just lay down a tambourine track on this?

Oh, come. I would love to get aourine track on this? Oh, come on. I would love to get a credit on Harry's house. Hey, listen, son. I don't think this is appropriate. No, it's all right. It's Rick Rubin. It's all right.

It's all right. I get asked this question more often than you think. Of course, I bet. I bet a lot of people say they would love a credit on Harry's house. But sorry, my son's home from college. If you don't like it, you don't have to include it. Okay, but let me just lay it down. This is embarrassing.

No, no, it's all right. You're kidding. Come on, let's do it, man. What's your name? Sam? All right, get in you, little scamp. Little scamp. All right.

Hey, Harry, man, thank you for doing this this is really very kind of you i cannot stress enough how this is so unnecessary he's not gonna be good i can tell you that right now well let's see where he's going you don't know all right um as it was uh sam's tambourine track, Take One. Okay, and we're starting. I haven't even pressed record. Take One. You know it's not the same as it was. Can I sing too?

No, okay, cut. We're going to stop there. Hey, Sam. What did you guys think? Harry. I love the charisma, mate. I love the charisma. All right, charisma all right uh harry as your producer i'm and as his father i'm just gonna give him a little piece of advice uh we're not

bringing you in for a vocal track if you want to just do a couple wild tambourine you know hits we we can get that but you have to be on beat you know you, it's not the same. Can you find that beat? Close enough. All right. As it was, Sam's tambourine track, take two. Here we go. All right, let's cut there uh all right you know what would you guys think of that one i thought that i i felt it you felt it on that you know that music is magic and magic is love and i feel like we just captured lightning in a bottle i feel the same way no when i went

to write harry's house i thought to myself music's magic magic slup you raised an amazing son rick thanks um you've produced an amazing musician ah right uh you know what son this has been so fun uh i'm sure there's something we can use in there you can put it down and how about you let me know when dinner's ready how about that I don't know I'm sort of feeling it oh

yep whoa play it again now sorry? I feel like when musicians are really in the groove they're sort of like play it again now I say that all the time on my tour. I just, every time I'm feeling it, I say, you are something, Sam. You really are something.

Yeah, he is something. You know, this is the third instrument that he's really gotten into in the past two months. Oh, that's a really good point, Dad. Should I do my ukulele solo? That was not an invitation. No, I think let's give it a shot. Come on, Rick. Just give the boyish.

Oh. Oh. Oh. How long have you been practicing that, mate? That was off the dome I know it felt like rehearsed no it didn't it felt like you were just kind of throwing shit at the

wall and see what happens Harry listen we got we have a lot of work to do Sam we got hey Sam could you not play while I'm talking bud we have so much work sorry it's just like when you're holding the uke it's really Sam, could you not play while I'm talking, bud? We have so much work. Sorry. It's just like when you're holding the uke, it's really...

No, it's irresistible, isn't it? It's irresistible. You sound different than when you're in interviews and shit. I'm a lot more cockney than people think I am, bruv. This is... Bruv? This is what you get when you go to Ary's house i'll tell you that much from all right hey sam sam harry can i just sam come in come here with me yeah sorry harry give me

one second sam this is really important this next album album could be his Grammy award winning hit. I know. And I was actually going to say you were kind of embarrassing yourself back there. You were like interrupting the the lyrical flow. You were interrupting the lyrical flow. You come in here playing. I don't think even we're playing chords. You were just playing strings on the uke.

You have no rhythm. You have no aptitude for any musical ability and i love you but this is not your thing and we have a lot of really important work to get done today well your beard's not your thing but here you are my beard isn't a hobby it's not my job this is my job i okay well that's a really good point i didn't think about it like that right let me just pitch one last instrument to Harry. After you do this, then will you go? If you have to think about it.

I really... Son, I love you, but this is deeply important. Harry! How do you feel about the French horn? I love the French horn, mate. I fucking love the French horn? I love the French horn, mate. I fucking love the French horn. Oh, that's right, funny. That's right, funny.

Oh, Rick, you got yourself a right smart young lad. That's all I've learned. Who are you, Harry? You really... Well, if you don't know that answer to that question dad I don't think you should be producing for Mr. Stiles yeah that's a really great point so that's a great great no it's not Harry Harry come on I know you I just I've never heard this Harry starts calling Jack Antonoff no no Harry don't call Jack don't call Jack. Don't call Jack. He's already on the phone, mate.

He's already my favorite. It's about to press the button and he's just, it's ringing. Jack. Hello, Jack. Yeah. Oh, what's up, mate? It's Harry. We're doing a bit of Harry's house.

Do you want to come over? I'm recording in Ruben's studio right now, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Shangri-La, I'm there. I'm already in the neighborhood. No, you can't invite him over to my house. This is insane. Sam, get out of here. We have work to do.

Go stop Jack from coming in the building. Cut to Jack, Sam, and Harry in the same room. This feels right. I was going to say this feels right. This absolutely feels right cut to a year later and the Grammy goes to everyone in the audience at once

Harry Styles and Sam Harry Styles and Sam they sweep that and producer of the year goes to Sam Rubin yeah yeah

he's like very gloatingly bowing harry does like the bowing like all you man all you all me it was all me speech speech speech it's funny because like i was so prepared this speech, but now I'm sort of seeing my voice as an instrument. And it's not coming out the way I wanted it to. And I don't know how to talk anymore. It's like I have to practice. The same thing happened with the ukulele.

Cut to Rick watching at home. Yeah. Yeah. I think I failed as a parent. All right, should we take a quick break? Quick one. Like a little, almost as quick and tiny as a little

afternoon sweet treat uh yeah i don't know and we're back and we're back and i just want to speak up for myself. That accent work in the last scene that you heard, that wasn't me. That wasn't my best. I went somewhere else. I went somewhere else. I wasn't prepared. I don't listen to Harry's interviews. I don't know what he talks like.

So I just, if anyone. He's more, hang on. Right. The thing that came out in the performance is oh that's good because what i wanted to do was be more creative in in this one and it's a funny thing you know i watched his zane Lowe interview for a fine line like four times. I love just like, I mean,

y'all can't see it, but it's just like, the look away and the head down. It's like, and the funny thing is, yeah, so you guys,

you've heard my other accents not to toot my own horn, but that wasn't my best work. I just, I'm fucking ashamed. I'm fucking ashamed. So not tooting your own horn at all. Not tooting my own horn. Well, tooting my own horn in that, it's like, I've done better. I can do better. And you guys best work. I just, I'm fucking ashamed. I'm fucking ashamed. So not tooting your own horn at all. Not tooting my own horn.

Well, tooting my own horn in that, it's like, I've done better. I can do better, and you guys know that, and you guys hold me accountable, and so it's like... Not really. The bit of the show is that it's like, Riley's fucking amazing at accents,

and Jeff sucks, and so it's like... At accents? Hmm? Got it. Riley's amazing at accents and Jeff sucks. We're pitching our show to a new guest. So what's your whole thing? Oh, well, it's just like in elevator, quick elevator pitch.

It's just like, I guess our whole thing would be like, Riley's amazing at accents and Jeff sucks. I play a loser, brown ass Catholic with a heart of mold. You play brown. I played to brown. You guys like diversity in a weird way. In a weird way? You like it because it's selling.

It's in? I'm a trend to you. I am but a number. Okay. God, that's dark. Here we go. This is Guitar Center in Hollyweird. Hollyweird.

It's so weird. It's from Jimmy O. Jimmy O really? Jimmy O really. One star. Scratch. Sorry. one star scratch sorry some of my favorite reviews i've ever found scratching my head as to how this store received anything above one star because that's so far off my experiences here hung up on lied to dodged ripped off fraud selling something that's been

used and putting it back in the box and calling it new, that ain't cool, you stupid tool. Then calling and asking calmly for the answers as to why and hung up on me five times. Well, that's not some random mistake. That's a damn pattern. You folks at the Hollywood Guitar Center pissed me off. I don't give a shit why or who you think you are treating someone who shops at your store this way. Unacceptable. And Scott, store manager, dodging my calls is a cowardly act for sure.

I'll be returning the 10K in gear I bought the last two days. Called my bank to make sure if you give me grief, they'd step in. And guess what? I ain't worried. The reason I did that is because I don't trust you guys. You lied to me to get money out of me. That's fraud and that's an effing felony. So keep dodging my calls. I don't give a shit. No need for me to call. All this gear is almost packed up and it'll be going back. Selling used gear that doesn't work or is used as new. I think

somewhere in there a crime has been committed in a way i hope you give me grief when i do in the store because your employees have pissed me off fucks right so if you had let me finish i would have said that um it's not new it's refurbished so we basically fix it up to factory spec and then yes we do put it in the used box, but I was trying to explain that to you, and you just kept, like, rhyming. You said that I wasn't cool enough, and that I was... It ain't cool, you stupid tool. Yeah, I felt like you walked into the store angry already, by the way. Like, you were ready to be mad at us.

And you actually got a really good deal. Like, this Telecaster's in really good condition. It ain't a deal. It was a steal as in you're stealing money from me okay usually people say oh it was a steal when they mean it was a really good deal but um no we're happy to take the return and i mean i guess to make it right we could just replace it with a new telecaster but it's gonna be the 2022 model which has now started to be refurbished or sorry, manufactured in Japan.

The one you had was 2020, which was American made, which is just higher build quality. So I can do it. I just feel like, you know, you got you got probably the best guitar on our floor. It just happened to not be brand new. I see. I see. I don't think you do. You think you can do this to me, but you won't get off that easily.

Nice. What were you saying? You said you called your bank about this? What did they say? Well, I'm going to cut the rhymes because I don't have the times to explain all of this. That's a rhyme, so you're going to keep doing it. Detail. I called my bank because I was cranky

about the way that you had treated me. And I said that if any of this money, a large sum of money, tries to leave my account, as in them stealing it from me, that they said they'd step in. So I ain't worried.

Did they though? Because you authorized the transaction. It wasn't bank fraud. I know that somewhere in all of this nonsense, a crime has been committed. Okay? And I'm going to get to the bottom of it. Let's go step by step of what happened. Yep, absolutely.

What's your name, man? Mel. Mel? Mel, Mel, Mel. Got a bad smell. And it stinks of crime. So let's get into it, Mel, Mel. Got a bad smell and it stinks of crime. So let's get into it, Mel. Okay.

We sold you a refurbished 2020 Fender Telecaster American-made. I told you or tried to that it was refurbished and that it would come in a used box, but that it was like new and better than the current models. You said that I was not cool and that i was a tool but you still bought it you authorized a bank transaction with your credit card you take it home and suddenly when you get home realize that it's in a used box and get upset even though i couldn't have been clear about that again a better guitar than you would buy in a new box. You come back today and say that you've called your bank saying that it was fraud, which by claiming fraud on a transaction

that you've actually made in earnest is actually a crime. Really? So if there's a crime in this, you committed it, sir. And now we're here at this impasse where I'm saying that you can trade this in for the new model if you would like. Which, by your

standards, would clear this whole thing up. But I'm telling you that it would be a worse guitar. And I'm telling you I can't think of a rhyme. You don't have to rhyme. And you shouldn't be upset is what I'm trying to spell out for you. I'm getting there. You're getting to a place where you won't be upset?

Today I'm feeling shame. And you're the one to blame no you didn't hear anything i just said like when i sold this to you you're not listening to me at all that's the issue and that's sort of like a social crime so you agree there has been a crime committed on this day i think there's been faux pas left all right. All right. That's what I call an admission of guilt, Mel. That's the bad smell. And if you're recording this, I hope so. Because I just spelled everything out. I spelled the facts. Well, I'm going to delete that one.

Right. And we're going to start over. Okay. So, Mel. Yes. Here's the thing. I can't afford to have spent $ thousand dollars on then guitar and that's not our fault but you that's you spending money you took it from me and you said i was getting a

product that you were swindled me into getting no you overspent that's what happened you spent and we've spent beyond your means. We also accept returns. You can return it and I will credit you the money back. It's a two-week money back guarantee. You just want me to take the easy way out. Yeah. But that's not how I roll because I don't trust you. Why do you want it to be hard for you? I've had...

I just like... Why did you buy the guitar? My whole thing is like... Do you play guitar? If it's not hard for me, if I can't justify something being hard to do, then I can't enjoy it and it's not worth it. Okay.

And do you play guitar? I'd like to. Got it. So that's a no. I'm going to take this back. back i'm gonna credit you the money and i'm gonna get you a starter i'm gonna get you a starter don't credit me back don't you want us to take the guitar and then not give you the money no i want it's like i just want to be patronized at this point

you fool honestly neither do i and I mean it in the other word of patronize. I don't want you to be my patron. I'm seeing this new girl, and she's a bait. Cut to them at home at his place. Oh, that's a cool guitar. Do you play? Oh!

This old thing? God, this puppy and I and i well let's just say she and i you know i call her pearl she and i have been together for a long time seen some crazy crazy shit together so are you a musician am i a musician oh my god you know it's so funny when people ask me that because it's just like I'm just I'm a man, you know, I'm a man and we can be so many things. So it's like I'm an artist. I'm a lover. I am a chef. I am a voyeur in many senses. Some of the musical.

What's that? You're a voyeur? In some senses, like musical is what i said okay and so uh that's cool though i actually i love music and i love guitar specifically it's really interesting because it's like it's like the only instrument uh that i feel like can simulate the human voice um you know what i feel the same i feel the same way i feel the same way that's so do you play because i feel like you weren't listening to me just now you said simulate the human voice the guitar does okay yeah do you play i do yeah oh maybe we could jam sometime

oh no come on come on i want to hear Linda. She picks it up and plays it really well. Oh, my God. Well, this has been such a great evening. Yeah. This has been so awesome. Should we have a drink? Oh, I have to get up early. I have to get up so early.

You gotta go. You gotta go. Because I played guitar well? You have to go because it's not because of the guitar thing. It's for any other reason. You have to go. You have to leave my house.

Okay. I guess I'll go. It was nice to meet you. It was awesome to meet you. Good luck with your blooming musical career linda you're an asshole i thought this could be oh fuck he's sitting there in a room there's not really any art on the walls it's just the guitar leaning against the wall and he's just sitting on his bed in a prison of his own design.

Cut to Guitar Center the next day. That is not my fault that you did that. Why didn't you like that she played guitar? Because, then what do I have, man? You really are an asshole. She was right. I didn't even say that.

She said that in my story. You just inferred that. Here's what I'm going to do. We do this for when things like this happen. Pull out a drawer. This is a $500 Sam Ash gift card. There's one across the street. Please take this and take your business elsewhere.

Thank you so much. Have a good day. I can't accept this, man. I can't accept this man i can't accept this i then then give it back but get out please i'll take it cut to sandwich no wait what you just said no you had you had your shot and you blew it just like with this woman i'm done helping you you you're beyond help at this point what if i apologized to me or to her both will you what if so you're not going to i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm a what do you want me to say what

do you want me to say i'm a lonely man i'm a lonely guy i don't have you're not just lonely it's fine to be lonely instead you're like antagonistic and you make every one of your problems someone else's. Okay, I'm sorry for that. Whatever you said. This is a bad apology. I'm sorry. Hold on. Let me call Linda. Can you repeat that? Oh, it's ringing. Can you just

like said, can you say what you just said to me to her? Absolutely not. Linda! Hey! Hey, hey, hey. It's Rob. How you doing? Hi. I just, you know what? I couldn't stop thinking about how we left things the other night. You're like snapping at me. Yeah.

And I'm not gonna fucking help you out, man. Do it, do it, do it. And I just... What do you want to say? I just wanted to apologize. I wanted to apologize for how I am. Do it. Say it.

Say it. This is already a better apology. Just keep going. For? No, I don't know what to say. I can't say you. Rob? Yes.

Is there someone else there? No, it is just me, myself, and I. And I just wanted to say that i am sorry like looking to you like that's right you like rub i take a note a piece of paper write on it fuck you i and fuck you what no no and and i i god i didn't um no i i didn't mean sorry sorry. I'm talking to the man in the mirror. I am just looking at myself. I'm just having a tough day. What I wanted to say was like.

Writes down, you need therapy. Was, yes, you need therapy. What? No, I don't mean that. I mean, I don't know if you go or not. That's not to shit on therapy. I think it's like, you know, you do you. You don't mean that. I mean, I don't know if you go or not. That's not to shit on therapy. I think it's like, you know, you do you. You don't play guitar.

You can't play guitar. Oh, my God. Okay. What I mean to say, and I mean this with all of my heart. I'm nodding like that's it. You can't play guitar. No, I meant you. I meant you.

What? I meant you. Yes, you yes you said that you know what Rob have a nice life have I don't need this in my life what the fuck man what the hell was that that was the first bad thing I've done to you and your reaction was more mild than when I rightfully sold you a refurbished

Telecaster get out of the store. Fine. All right. Do we have time for one more? We do. We do. This is one star from Rick C. of the Hollywood California Guitar Sunny. Rick California.

Rick California, one star. It's a joke. Some rude people work there. Worse still, they think they're rock stars. Actually, I don't need any help. Because I don't care what kind of band you're in, Martin. Sorry? I don't care that you think, Oh, I own the joint because I played the troubadour once.

Backing vocals that if I had to guess, I can handle myself just because I'm not in a band doesn't mean I'm not a good musician. You can be an amateur and play well. I fully agree. All right. Then we agree. Right. Then we agree. All right. Then we agree. Right. Then we agree. When I heard you.

Yes. Let me finish. When I heard you kind of messing around on the guitar in the back over there, I was thinking, man, he plays so well. I was coming over here to tell you, like, hey, do you want to test out some of our nicer guitars? Like, I can let you play one of the high end ones. If you're asking me to join your band, I'm not interested. I'm a solo act. And I don't care if you think you're some Jim Morrison looking ass.

We see he looks pretty normal. Because I don't have to be Svelte. I don't have to be, you know, fucking Iggy Pop. Okay. Twiggy Pop. You don't have to be Twiggy. I like carbs. And I like the guitar. Okay. So I'm not going to be twiggy. I like carbs. And I like the guitar.

So I'm not going to be in your band. I'm not going to fall to the societal pressures of rock stardom. Because being a rock star starts in the heart. And starts in the ass. Actually, weirdly enough, I agree with both of those things. I'm agreeing with you, man. I think you're an amazing player.

And I just wanted to come over and commend you. You reach in your pocket to try and give me some free picks. Whoa, hey, hey. I don't do that kind of stuff, man. I don't do the whites. Oh, neither do I. I'm sober. I am fully sober.

I was just... And now you're trying to recruit me to be straight edge. I like to have a good time, and I don't have an issue with alcohol or drugs. Great. That's awesome that you don't. That's amazing. I'm so happy for you.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live. If you would just let me finish. I'm trying to give you a gift. What is that? It's a pick. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

It's one of our nicest picks we have. All right. Where are the cameras? Am I on crunked? Up in the right corner. One by the front door. Wow. Yeah, it's one of our nicest picks we have. All right, where are the cameras? Am I on crunked? Up in the right corner, one by the front door. Wow. Where's Ashton? Where's Ashton?

Ashton. If you don't think I already have that, then you must take me for some kind of fool. And what a fool believes that you wouldn't come up to me and try to sell me on your nonsense, on your rock star dreams. not trying to sell you. On your rock star dreams. You failed at your dreams.

I'm a CPA and I'm fine with that. That's amazing. Listen, dude, I think we could be good friends. I don't know what I, I'm so sorry if I've offended you in any way. All I've done is come up to you and say, you play guitar really well. Offered to have you play on one of our nice guitars

and give you our nicest pick for free as a gift. I know your game. I know your game. All you Guitar Center employees are the same. All right? Last time I was here, they were doing a product demo for Gretch. And guess what else? What?

There were employees there playing on the amps, and they were jamming along just as strong as I've ever seen any musician at a live event. And you're mad about that? Yes, because it was elitism. Okay. They were saying through their playing that they were better than me. But guess what? I can play a B7.

You know what? You remind me a lot of a customer I had a couple months ago. You rhyme a lot and you're mad at good deeds. And so I don't know what's in the air the past couple months. Well, COVID. Oh, that could be it i don't know it but it's something different it i don't i don't get it man look if you don't want to come in here if you don't want to play our nice guitars if you don't want free picks if you don't want me to boost your ego by telling you how great of a player you are then sure don't come in but we'd love to have

you around the more you demo on all the instruments the more people will be interested in buying them because they think oh maybe one day i can play like that maybe one day i'll be as good as this guy but no fuck it i guess go away i don't know what else you want me to say you know what here you. Here you fucking go. $250 cash. One-way ticket to Cleveland. Alright? Go have your little induction ceremony at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Because that's what you think you deserve, clearly. And you know what? I'd love to see the look on your face when you walk in and see that it's just a museum. Uh, fuck it. Okay okay i'll take i was bluffing no i want i i quickly snapped away i'll take this money i'll go to cleveland i'll go check out the museum i've always wanted to go but i haven't had enough cash to you You've made your point. Egg on my face. I get it.

What's your Instagram? No. We'll follow... We'll be mutual, so then I can send you photos. It's at Rick California. All right. Rick California.

60. There we go. All right. I got you. So I'll go to the museum, take a bunch of photos, maybe some videos, throw in a few filters.

Wait, you have kind of like a lot of followers. And... You have 60,000. What is you have kind of like a lot of followers. And, uh... You have 60,000. What is this? Are you... Then we'll see. We'll see what happens. These are all show photos, so you're like really rocking out. It's kind of awesome.

You're mad at me because I'm a good guitar player. You're mad at me because I said you were. I was mad because I thought you were acting holier than Mao without the fucking crowd to back it up. But this looks like you do good things

with music and it looks like people are into it. You said when we first started this conversation that you don't need to have a whole rock star life

that an amateur can be just as good as a professional. Well, that's kind of bullshit bullshit so why did you say it because i'm not happy with me i know and so don't take it out on shit are you kidding me jenny lewis follows you what the fuck how do you know jenny Just like, honestly, just touring. We just met and... You opened for Jenny Lewis? Yeah.

This is so what I want. I hate doing math. You said you were so happy. You said you were so happy with your life, which I knew you were lying. Is there a guitar that I could buy or any piece of equipment that would make me you? No.

Then I'm gone. And thank you for your service. I revere you as I would a veteran. Okay. You, you... Namaste. Thank you. You know what?

Here's your $250 back. I don't need this. I got a paid gig! I got a paid gig! Net zero. You neither made nor lost any money. All right, should we do our last segment? Yeah.

This shook me all week long. So I went to the Grand Canyon this weekend. We talked about it last week, but I realized that this is what I want my world to be. We rented a camper van. Let me finish. We rented a camper van. Oh, hell yeah. You love renting?

Renting's specifically a losing game, but that's fine. Love it. We rented a camper van, and I realized, like, the freedom you have in a camper van. You literally can just go anywhere, and it was a feeling that's been unmatched thus far since, in the three days that I've been back. So here I am Googling like a maniac to see if I can buy one of these fuckers. And you know what the barrier to entry is like $20,000. So it's not going to happen. But if I could somehow make it work, I could put my camper van on outdoorsy. I could get hundreds of dollars a week and fucking pay for the upkeep and pay back the money I paid for it at the top and block out dates that I knew that I wanted to go to Big Sur.

I knew that I wanted to go to Yosemite. I knew that I wanted to go to Joshua Tree. I knew that I wanted to go to Death Valley. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I think a camper van might actually solve all of your problems about like wanting to be everywhere all at once and i agree i'll get it for your birthday they are true like the cheapest

one that i've seen that i would want is like twenty one thousand dollars i'll start a Kickstarter there's one for sale in San Francisco right now that previously was used by a flower shop it's a 1989 VW Vanagon but it's $25,000 I would have to sell my current truck to buy this thing and I just can't do that

or I'd have to somehow liquidate because I still have all the watches from Kirkwood Goods I just have not been trying to sell them I do think that this weekend I'm going to somehow liquidate liquid because I still have all the watches from Kirkwood Goods. I just have not been trying to sell them. I do think that this weekend I'm going to take them into want to buy a watch and try and get a bulk price for them. And just close the watch store. You think that would make a dent? I think it would be half.

But that's still not enough. Anyway. That's exciting, though. It is what it is. A fun dream and or goal to work towards. It's just a money suck, though. Yeah. Because the parts are hard to come by.

It's not smart. I'm not going to do it. But that is a dream. I like to have dreams that I know won't even come true. What's been shaking you? That's harrowing i like to have dreams that i know won't even come true half the fun is a dream achieving it isn't even what's fun sometimes achieving it who needs it i genuinely feel that way oh i finished the first volume of saga it's it was so beautiful and i i was like really sad when it was over even though there were so many other volumes left and like i can't wait to keep going on the

story but it was just like i was telling daniel i'm like they're my friends i'm like it's sad to say goodbye and like one of the one of the characters has like their eye gouged out near the end and it it made me so upset for them it made me so like irrationally like that must have hurt them so much makeup obviously makeup and i was so um i was so sad um but it's so it's really beautiful i'm into graphic novels now um i didn't know it was my what shook me a bit ago but i mean my god it's amazing um and but the thing is daniel and i are now both so he's a little he's maybe like a quarter of the way into it and i'm about to start saga volume two and we only have one copy and And so I've been trying to hint at like,

Ooh, how are we going to do this? And he was like, yeah, well I'm going to read it and then you can read after me. I'm like, Ooh, but what if we each had our own bookmark and that would just kind of let us

know where each other is in the book. Um, but it's tricky is we read at the same time. We read before bed every night in bed together so i'm still trying to figure that out because i don't want to buy a second coffee um and like i love that book so much but it's so big and thick that i'm not gonna take it on my trip with me when I leave for like a month. Yeah.

So I'm going to miss my buds in a way. I'm going to miss those little rascals, those little space rascals. Will they? I don't know. So yeah, Saga, it's beautiful and I love reading. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. Reading is transportative.

Reading brings you to places you never thought you could go. And you make friends you never thought you'd make. You have thoughts you never thought you'd have. You experience life you never thought possible. You dream big dreams. And dreamies have to possible. You dream big dreams. And dreamies have to win. You wrote this out. I can see you reading off of the script.

Should we thank some VI podcasts? When you read, you... It's struggling, by the way, to read your own writing. And it looks like it was typed onto your computer. So handwriting is not an excuse. When you... Sorry. Let me not an excuse. When you... Sorry, let me just scroll down. When you read... Thank you to underscore

Christian Sidehug's dogs and cats too. Aaron Carrico. Agent Michael Scarn is dreading a co's upcoming vitriolic username. Ugh, here we go. Also, Scarn's icon is Red the Dog. A co actually had a nice day today. Now she only had a fucking apology

to top it off. You're not gonna get it. No one did anything to you. And now a patron who needs no introductions. Moving on. Bob Buell and I don't have a nickname this week. I don't read too much into it. Yeah, whole lot of nada. Chuck. Curbature. Daddy Tuesday night is dishing out fatherly advice. Unsubscribe.

Dakota. Call her Robert by the way. She downy on my junior. Keeber, that's the kind of humor you'll get at a hee hee hee hee hee hee. Dakota, you're a freak for the stunt, you know that? Didn't you learn your lesson last time? I mean, three names a week? Unbelievable. Damien Kirk just

enjoyed a refreshing Dr. Pepper and Cream soda. Maybe next week and he'll try tasting some sweet puss instead. I had a soda for the first time in years on this road trip. So we stopped by this place in Needles,

California, I think, and it was like this diner, and they had homemade root beer. And it was good. I mean, I just, after like the first three sips of soda, I'm kind of like, I don't want the rest of this. Yeah. Fancy Octopus.

Freya. Frito-Pray Love. Garf, Enemy of the Pod. I found the man who created me and tore him limb from limb. Gale's Oils. Gilk Jonic. Grey, Titan of the Night, Defender of the Meek. Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Grey's twin.

Happy Birthday, Jeff. Use code JEFF for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy Birthday, Jeff. Use code JEFF for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Hey, Alyssa, happy birthday, you beautiful old motherfucker. Sam's not allowed to swear at home, so I'm saying it for him.

Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from HeyRoyalRoyal on the HeadGum podcast, please? Holy shit, I'm gonna barf. That previous name was so bad. I'm seriously gonna yarf myself. Fuck that guy. Let's move on. Jake Ullman. James Wagner. I hardly know her. Jay's been doing some reading into it and this whole mess is the

fault of Sir Sanford Fleming. So the fact that he got knighted. Jesse Tipton. Joe, for lack of a better term, well, Malazoff new patron. JP again. My name last week made Jeff laugh. Honored. So, what do you guys think of this app? Do you think it did a good job?

Yeah, I thought it was fun but don't check in with us about shit. Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. Casper Bob Asper. Lauren Malang. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Ludwig Baldovin.

So it's Beethoven but he's entered into a fourth period. The Balgasm Period. Martin Scalizabeth Holmes. Michael Begel. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy. My odoronohologist told me to stop swimming. I think that's an ENT. Nate Porteus thinks this has to be a Riley rename.

Jeff can't be silly. Nolan Murphy's like a young Van Gogh, but without the financial hardships, talent, unique artistic voice, or great cock. Nolan, that was really bad. I have a better Patreon name this week. You don't have one at all. Oh, hi, Mark.

Well, priest. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name? Come say that to my face at Smokin' Time on Main Island. I don't know if this is Stockholm Syndrome, but can we order their shit? Smokin' Time? Yeah. I mean, I'm getting merch, baby. Do they have...

Where is Main Island? I think British Columbia. Really? I think so. Hold on. Main Island. Yep. It's by Vancouver.

You know what? I should tell my friend who lives in Vancouver to go there. Because she lives on one of those islands um shout out jasmine g she's on tiktok um pete bradford patiently awaits the premiere of his theme song phoebe puffinance qua quack riz Like Witherspoon with Riz Riz Like Witherspoon with a Z Bergman

Sarah take me back I still love you And we'll always have that night in the alley behind Arby's So what is this like a job now? You're telling me that I have to update my name more than once a year? That was three accounts not two I spent $60 this month And I didn't even get a follow

You guys are so stingy That's so Raven It's the future I can well see. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey's sleep moans. And TJ Michael. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. You can also follow Riley on Instagram at Riley and spend on Twitter at Riley Coyote. You can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James.

On Twitter, JeffBRD. And the show on Instagram, Review Review. Twitter, Review Review Show. Reddit, r slash Review Review. We'll see you guys again next week. We really, really will. It's going to be weird mid-June when we haven't recorded the show for over a month and these are just coming out. I know, but then it's going to be really fun once we record again after a month.

It's going to be weird to not do it for a month and then come back. Yeah, but basically we're just giving ourselves a summer vacation. Yeah. Because we have the hardest job in the world. It's going giving ourselves a summer vacation. Yeah. So this will be... Because we have the hardest job in the world. It's going to be a hiatus. It actually will be. Not for y'all.

Not for y'all. I mean, a week hiatus every week. But for us, it's going to be a month hiatus in terms of recording. We're doing two more episodes. No, three more episodes before. Yeah. I got to figure out something to do with the extra time i should just work on other stuff but maybe you do like a i don't know camper van maybe build

a camper van in a month oh my god in the month that i'm gone i come back you have a fully functioning camper van i mean they do have uh like the uh vW van, like, mechanic is in Silver Lake, like, really close to my place. And it just would be really expensive. But also on the trip, when I was pulling the van out of, like, our dispersed camping spot, a branch fucked up the awning of the van. And we were, like, very honest with the guy and like you know I had insurance for the trip but he was like fuck this is gonna cost me so much money and I was like

I just I felt we didn't do anything wrong we did everything we could to make it right but I was like yeah this sucks for him like he's gonna miss out on business as it's in the shop and to be spending money on the repairs but still I kind of want to do it we'll see you next week as it's in the shop and to be spending money on the repairs. But still, I kind of want to do it.

We'll see you next week. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.