Review Revue - Haunted Houses 3 (w/ Ryan Gaul!)

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Uncle Ryan Gaul joins Geoff and Reilly once again for a rare and thrilling mono-scene episode in HAUNTED HOUSES 3.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Yeah, it's your boy Now, you know how we do on Review Review We only watch the most relevant shows We only have the most relevant celebrity crushes So here's a list of up-and-comers you might not know of To keep you in the loop Here's a list of people that Riley thinks is hot Right off the bat we got Adam Scott A king on the throne should be treated with

reverence He's on the show, yeah you know it's called Parks and Rec Next one is handsome, funny, he's got it all From Breaking Bad, that's my boy named Aaron Paul Too hot to handle? I'll hit you with another Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother You never heard of these guys? I don't even care Next hidden gem is the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air If you're looking for a zaddy, look no farther Marlon Brando will be your godfather Next King who makes my dick be good

Bet you never heard of Clint Eastwood I know it's getting steamy, but hold the cream Here's an up-and- and comer and his name is James Dean Next one is quiet but he's still happening You might need the captions to love on Charlie Chaplin Finally the epitome of sexiness Shout out to my boy, Escalus Yeah You know how we do We only watch the most relevant shows so Escalus he's a playwright

but like yeah like fuck ending it with fuck and then still sending it in that's my new favorite theme song submission we've ever gotten that was so fucking funny for those of you who have not been catching up on past episodes um my whole thing is um watching shows a few months or years

past the prime of them being in the zeitgeist and it hasn't even died down you texted me yesterday saying fallen in love with Jess from Gilmore Girls again yeah I really did I did that two years ago I'm rewatching it now it's fall and it's just like as soon as he

steps off the bus for the first time out loud alone in my apartment I went damn hell Jess hell Jess listen I'm too excited to even just like pretend he's not here he's in the episode title it is the episode title we're fucking back it's

tradition Ryan every fall we bring back Gaul. You know what? It's autumn or Gaul. Autumn or fall. Whatever you want to call it. It's Christian girl Gaul. I'm back and the trees are dying and the leaves are falling.

Gaul is here. Gaul is officially here. Oh, my God. I love it. People were crying for Ryan. I love being here. Do you remember how this started? We launched a Twitter

campaign of hashtag does Gall have the gall. I don't even think that many people tweeted it. I think like 10 people. I think I tweeted it at you guys and I was like, yeah, man, I'll do it. We couldn't believe it. You guys are more important than I am.

Yeah, let's do it. We couldn't believe it. You guys are more important than I am. So yeah, let's do it. I loved all the, the, the gall puns that were happening. I was like, these guys get me. They get me. I gotta hang out with these guys.

I said, we've still never hung out in person, which is crazy. And you're an uncle, which is wild. Yeah. Like uncle gall wants to come to the studio for sure. How has your Ryan Fall

been going? It's pretty good. Ryan Gall's Ryan Fall. The Ryan Gall Fall? The Gall Fall. The Rise and Gall Fall. Wrong subject of the sentence. It's amazing. I'm back in Maine, so I'm seeing real fall up here. I'm so jealous.

Oh my god. It is. It's gorgeous up here. It's like rainy and orange and fiery reds and like dying greens on trees everywhere. Like I was driving somewhere last night and it was

leaves all over the road just blowing in front of me as we were driving and I was like this is this is good stuff this is the real fall this is the people that grew up in la or in california and they they're like what's so great about fall and i want to be like hey i'll get you a ticket you're coming with me we're gonna go look at real fall up in maine you know it sounds amazing i've got two tickets to bangor maine that's like so famously i'm now re-watching gilmore girls and in the opening in the theme song there's like two shots of like autumn leaves yeah and i cling on to those

two frames and that's my taste of fall so it's like what you're experiencing that's what i'm trying to just like yes just singe into my eyeballs every day as i'm re-watching that show it is visual visual pumpkin spice so when you like i mean my god yeah when my oh my god oh my god no when you go that first week you go to like like a Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts or any coffee shop. And they're like, Oh, it's time. We're offering up pumpkin spice.

And by the way, screw everyone. Who's anti. Are you guys anti pumpkin spice? Sometimes I'm not anti because I have, this is again, a little shout out to the spice house in Evanston, Illinois.

They have a pumpkin spice, like spice. And it's like a mix of like, I'm less about the syrup and more about like dump tablespoons of this gorgeous pumpkin spice mix. I have it in my car every morning. Totally pumpkin spice. Yes.

And it's not like, I understand the marketing of it can be annoying at times. And it's not really pumpkin. That's what a lot of people have. They complain. They're like, that's not pumpkin. That's like all spice and sugar. But I'm like, no, just lean into it. It's fall.

Come on, guys. You got to have fun. I firmly believe any holiday season, which I think to all three of us, Halloween is its own holiday season. You have to go out of your way especially as like life goes on and you know you have to you have to force the season on yourself 100 agree i have two children we've talked about them before they're 9 and 12 now they are on the cusp of like being like hey can we talk about Santa Claus being completely a fake person don't you just

don't say it to Jeff he doesn't mean it no he's a comedian so it's all jokes but I get this is coming from my kids and I tell them like well I'd be careful not believing in him and I just leave it there.

He's threatening a big, like. Cold this year. I mean, I'd be careful because if you don't believe in Christmas and Santa and everything that comes with it. Hey, it's not going to believe in you either. I mean, it's like, it's not my fault. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. So it's like, he's listening.

Yeah. It's the weirdest version of tough love I've ever heard of. That's Brian Gall's tough love. you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake so it's like just he's listening yeah it's the weirdest version of tough love i've ever heard of that's brian with that shit actually i drop my cider and crack it like the bottle crashes and then i just leave the room and leave the house and i come back two weeks later and like have you made a decision are we believing are we believing or are we not are you believing yet or no we missed two weeks of school yeah there's no bus we're behind we have to stay behind now dad no i believe i still believe in christmas i believe in santa in a way so i want to i i always

tell them santa's you know it's the spirit of Christmas Keep that in your like why Wouldn't you it's free It's free it's like believing It really is It's joy it's 100% Joy so Anyway We should say too before we move on the theme

Song came in from Gun Hope Lock It was incredible Unbelievable he sent in amazing incredible unbelievable he sent in some bangers this is really good um so good yeah so good uh but uh so of course it's tradition we're here haunted houses three three part three baby babe three so again how are we feeling has anyone i know that uh halloween horror nights i don't know how long you've been in maine for but i know halloween horror nights is up and running i'm yeah we're in the thick of october so i'm sure a bunch of haunted houses are up, are going. Have y'all been to any?

I did. I hit Halloween Horror Nights. It was, as always, just, it's traditionally fun. Sometimes I feel like some of the smaller ones are more fun because you're like, maybe they didn't have an HR meeting with their, their employees saying don't touch the patron, which is a little scarier. It's like,

it's like legit scary. Yeah. You're like on a couple levels. You're like, it's scary. Cause it's imagery. It's also scary. Cause they might've hired some ex-cons

to come in scared for my physical safety yeah exactly but but it was fun it was it was very good uh they were out of when i did it they were out of um like the general pass so the only pass they had available was an insane amount of money for a haunted house it was like 300 bucks and i was like but i'm going off to to work in maine for a little while and i want to do it yeah i'll just uh treat myself and do it and um it was worth it for sure is that one that's like you get like front of the line or like was it like a vip kind of thing yeah it kind of you know you can go through the whole park in about 35 minutes wow so and you watch does that kind of take fun out a little bit because i i think like if i was in high school part of the fun would be sitting in line and socializing and probably trying to sneak in a nip of uh like apple

schnapps and yeah exactly and just like the whole experience is different but for me i'm like oh i just want to see it if i can get home by 11 o'clock tonight sleep all the better but but if i was in high school i'd 100 take the 69 ticket yeah that's part of the experience and just sit in line and and it builds it up a little bit more and yeah yeah did you have any favorite mazes you went to this year or houses rather haunted houses three they weren't good there's one that i've seen every year and I'm trying to think of it it's a it's sort of a oh god

no I don't for sure I wish I could think of it it's the one that I'm going to be made fun of for not remembering it but it's La Laura oh yeah yeah La yeah that one always gets me and it's been the same for like four years but i'm like they just nail it every time and it's good it's

good and and there's a part where you walk through a it looks like some sort of church and they have dummies in the pews as you walk up the, the aisle of the, between the pews. But every fourth dummy is a real person who they can do anything from turning their head creepily to like standing up quickly and like staring at you or screaming. And it is nerve wracking.

And I'm like, I've been through this. I know it. I should not be scared. And it does not matter because you don't know which is a dummy and which, which is a real human. Ultimately, everyone who walks through the house is on their face. Thank you. I think that is absolutely right.

You're absolutely right. Jeff, have Jeffrey. Yes, you're absolutely right. Jeff, have you done any haunted things this season? I haven't. I honestly have... The thing that I said earlier is advice to myself to maximize these last two weekends of October. Last three, but I'm in New York this weekend. Which, I guess just being in the autumnal weather

is sort of getting me into it. Yeah. But my roommate George went to Halloween Horror Nights, and he went to the weekend-sponsored one. I did that. And he said that the weekend gets the chair like three times. It's very weird. It's very weird.

It's like corporal punishment on a box. I didn't understand. I think he helped design it, though. I don't understand. I think I, I think he like helped design it though. I don't understand what that was because he was like equal parts, uh, victim and equal parts murderer at like, I didn't know what the story of that was because it's not based on anything except like a few cool songs.

I know. And this is only because, um, I will never go to Howling Horror Nights again, but what I will do is I'll watch videos of it on YouTube and walkthroughs because I want to be involved but I don't want to step foot in the park

and so and is that you being involved it's me being in the know it's me being in the know in a way and everyone's talking about it but it's like I know that that house it's like it's it's uh blending all of his music videos together and like creating a narrative through that and it's like that's not explained i think it's like you have to have seen all of the music videos yeah yeah i get oh that would that would

make sense and i haven't i think I've listened to his music And apparently he's like really into horror And like a lot of his videos Are very horror influenced In how he makes them Yeah it was just like Yeah I know you're all thinking Riley have you done anything horror wise

Have you done anything haunted And it's going to shock you that the answer is no It's going to That's not true i did something scary for me which is what i went to go see pearl in theaters and that was scary for me is that a scary it was more thriller it was really good mia goff was fucking incredible um oh me a goth me a got wait me a gop that's what i heard no i i watched i've only seen the trailer for pearl so far and it looks somebody told me it's like the follow-up to it's a prequel to x which i hadn't seen oh it's that one. Just the trailer alone scared the shit out of me.

It's less like scary and very disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. But it's also funny. Like it was hilarious. And then intentionally. So like, it wasn't like, this is so bad. It's funny.

Like they had a lot of great laugh out loud loans, but no haunted houses. But I did. This is just, I guess, a lead into the topic at hand. I was on TikTok and because now the algorithm knows that it's like this bitch will not go to a haunted house, but she sure would like to know what it's all about. It has sent me to this one house that it's I think last year we talked about ones that it's like, you have to sign a waiver to get into. That's like the ones that's like kind of given you the okay. Yes. Yes.

Even read that's I, I found one that it's like, I have reviews for that. Even reading about it gives me anxiety. Even like literally just a Yelp review talking about the experience i was sitting in the doctor's office getting my booster i couldn't breathe i'm like oh man i had to like set ourselves in the room like no i'm uh i'm at a pharmacy what's the name of it you are about to get stabbed it's called the 17th door haunt i'll just jump into it i guess if that's okay i'll start this is for the 17th door haunt experience in i think orange county no fullerton um so basically this is one of those haunts that it's like you have to sign a waiver and outside

there's a big sign that's like warning you may experience and there's like 15 things it's like all in such tiny font to fit everything on there it's like electrocution asphyxiation drowning um tight spaces uh like smoke bugs electric shock um like a insane amount of stuff and for me i'm like listen if that's your thing bully for you like that is so deeply horrifying um but so all these reviews are people talking about, it's like, I was, I thought I was going to drown and I loved it. And that's wild to me. But, uh, so it's like all these reviews are talking about just the most insane shit going on.

It's like, there's 17 rooms and you can say like, there's a safe word if you want to get out of that experience, but you have to do it at the beginning of the room. You can't like be midway through and say it which is crazy to me um so all these are talking about how horrifying it was how scarring it was people leave it it's like they've cut off people's hair they shave part of their head all this shit oh my here we go this is a one star review from matthew a r, can we get a last name for Matthew A? Autumnberry. Gorgeous. Matthew Autumnberry.

Kind of a great name. One star for Matthew Autumnberry. It's one thing to scare customers, but some of the female employees were rude to my wife. It was obvious because she's attractive. So beware, if they don't like your look, the girls will make the experience unenjoyable for you. My wife is so

fucking hot that they were mean to her in the haunted house. Guy comes out of the haunted house guy comes out of the haunted house guys you guys were so right like I think they were like extra scary to me because I'm sort of I don't know like a bombshell I don't know

I'm sorry we're taking some we're just getting reviews over if either of you want to give a review of the haunted house we're just getting reviews either of you want to give a review of the haunted house we're going to video you and use you for marketing and we give you a dollar Starbucks gift card

in exchange yeah I'm like soaking wet sweat, blood dripping off yeah, oh my god I guess I'll go, hi here's a towel just here's a towel you can use this towel oh thank you i really need that uh what's what's your name brother

kim kim so sorry hey kim uh and i don't like the word brother i'm so sorry about that kim so i'm just a little shaken up that was i don't know if you've been there. Yeah, I've done it. Oh my God. It was so intense. I mean, I guess all I'll say is like, if you've got to be really, really like have thick skin metaphorically and literally because they do tase you and they do put you through the most intense horrors ever imaginable. And I don't know. I feel like it's like I've never experienced anything like that in my life.

It was really, really gnarly. I didn't even go through. Oh, hi. Who are you? Who are you? Sorry. Oh, I thought we were doing the review all both at the same time. I can go after.

No, are you guys together? Are you guys together? This is my brother-in-law. I mean, I'm with a different group, but we ran into each ran into each other here so he's like oh can i join your group and so that's kind of how that happens i like the term no because i feel like we are brothers no you can use it with me you can use that term with me i can or he can i whoever i'm looking at do you see me looking at you no sorry no house was over didn't realize no the house is over this is this interaction is much better than what i had in there they

literally i didn't even i don't i don't know what i what you experienced they pulled me aside into like what was appeared to be like a barbershop room and they gave me you're very funny that's no you're cute that's i'm sorry no you're just cute and funny. That's no, you're cute. That's I'm sorry. No, you're just cute and funny. I love that. Do you, so do you guys think on a scale of one,

one to 10, would you come back or recommend this house to some of your friends? We'll start with you. I would recommend. We'll start with you. Yeah. I mean, it's not for everybody i'll say that uh so you just got to really read the waiver carefully and yeah it's one of those you have to do to sign a waiver so if you're into that kind of thing sure okay i don't think i'm no that's enough and you do you think what would on a scale of one to 10 would you share it with your friends?

Oh yeah, I would definitely share it with my friends Do you work out? I row a little bit On a rower? Or do you do it in the ocean? A little bit of both I could tell that about you You could tell? You know

I'm sorry, we're talking. I'm just waiting to get my Starbucks gift card. You're withholding it until the interview's done. It's not a physical card, it's a printout of a coupon code. So I have to have Reggie print it out anyway.

And is there, I mean, just because you know, just between us, $1 is really not a lot at Starbucks these days. Is there anywhere that you could do like a $10 for me? Of course I could. You want 10 of these? I mean, I can't predict.

This is the best I can do. What's your name? He's married. I'm sorry. I feel like I introduced him saying it's like, he is my brother-in-law. And so it's like, I can pick up on like this.

It's you guys are clearly flirting, which is fine, but like, I'm not, I am not allowed to flirt with anyone. I'm not. I am not allowed to flirt with anyone. I'm not. Neither am I. Right.

I'm sorry. Can I write down your names for the Starbucks cards? Yeah. So it's Rodney Desmond. I bet it is. You bet it is. He said his name I get what's

Sarah My name's Ron No my sister is Sarah His wife of five years is Sarah And she's sitting in the car Waiting to pick us up right now So I could go get her Basic bitch name but what's your name

Oh my god I said my name is Ron Ron Okay so Ron and Rod Ron basic bitch name but what's your name oh my god i said my name is ron ron okay so ron and rod okay yeah let me just print these out it's gonna take one second or like i there's a weird energy coming from you and then rod seems to be totally chill weird it's the weird energy is that one i didn't want to run into him here that's already the weird energy is coming do you want to talk about that why didn't you want to run into him that really actually hurts my feelings oh my god i don't know why i became the villain here no it's better than this rod i know he's not though you don't know. He's not though. You don't know him. He's actually not. You've met him.

You've known him for five seconds. You think he's cute because what? Let me guess. It's short for Ronald. Yeah. Why is classic classic. I don't know what your deal is.

I don't know. My deal is he's being nicer to me than anyone has ever been in our family. All right. Now we're getting. So excuse me. Do you know why people are mean to you? Do you know why we don't like including you in things? It's because you do what you do right now.

You exit every situation being like, I didn't have a good time because I'm so hot. And that's not why you didn't have a good time. Are you talking to me? I'm not talking to you i don't know why you stare i knew i sounded like you were talking to him i don't know who you are so i don't know i i'm sorry i i'm trying to get you in on this conversation and that's your problem isn't it we've been talking to him for five minutes right and you don't know him you should

kind of know him by talking about historically how you leave situations i don't know i'm sorry i just met you i don't know how you about the world these are printed out now there you go this is for you thank you and then there's a envelope for you right thank you and what's in that you put more than 10 in here worry about it we're sponsored by fresca do you guys want a diet or a regular? I guess I'll have a regular. We only, Prescott's diet only. Fuck. Then why'd you offer the regular? Yeah, it lets me learn about people.

He's funny. You're funny. He's not. You're funny. This is crazy. This is... You're crazy, Ron. Five years in this family, no one's ever asked how i am like

he did he asked you for an interview this is sponsored content for this house he doesn't give a shit about you maybe he does maybe he wants to fuck you i guess but like this is me i am interested in how he felt about our haunted house. I do not wish to fuck him. They gave me a haircut in there. I do not wish to fuck him. I think your hair looks great. Hear that, Rod? Me? You hear that? Yeah, but there's like

a coy glint in his face. It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! What do you mean it doesn't matter? Your sister hasn't looked at me like that in years! We're not flirting. I'm not asking him what he's doing tomorrow for lunch. If he was, he'd say, you're not. I wouldn't meet you over at Carolyn's brunch place. You guys think you're being.

Not at 1130. Not at 1130. No. This is crazy. Listen, what's Sarah doing tomorrow? I'm not my sister's keeper. Were you talking to me? Oh, well, it seems like you've been your sister's keeper for the last couple of minutes.

It seems like you've been real on top of protecting her life. And maybe you should let things develop as they develop. And I'm not saying anything, but sometimes. You're not saying anything. You want to, you asked, sorry, you asked my brother-in-law.

What did you just choke on? They put a cockroach in my mouth in the room and that's kind of working its way up. I could talk about that in the interview, but no, you just want to make plans to go get a sub with rodney tomorrow well i guess if that's what's going to help the interview we do have an advanced level interview and i picked somebody that's no that is something i pick every once in a while i find somebody that

i think is going to have a more in-depth review and i say come meet me at carolyn's for a roast beef sub and then does it end there well i guess that's up to whoever you would love it to end there that hurts oh you'd love it to not easy rodney oh my god ronald you'll leave us here and you'll tell sarah that i'll be home late just not, trust me, after getting worked up like this. What? What? Did you just shotgun your Fresca? Me?

No. Me or him? He's sipping his politely. I saw you shotgun your Fresca. I want to get out of this interaction as quickly as possible. If that means me shotgunning a diet Fresca, then that's what I need to do.

And it did help the cockroach go down easy. So all Fresca stuff. I'm going to write that down. That's actually a great quote. Shotgun your Fresca after you come out. It'll help the cockroach go. Can I use that? Go for it.

Go for it. Use it. Can you just sign here? So if we use that in a film or anything, some sort of commercial, can we use that? Cut to their TikTok advertising. It's like a series of people

who have been talking to this guy and they're all frustrated. I don't know. Yeah, I'll shotgun a fresca, I guess. And it helps the cockroach good. What do you want me to say? It cuts. Yeah.

Yeah. You want just one fresca? I can shotgun as it helps the cockroach go down. What do you want me to say? It cuts. Yeah, I'll... If you want just one fresca, I can shotgun as many frescas as you want. Cuts. I love diet fresca. I guess all frescas... Cuts. No. What do you mean all... I've never had a fresca, so yes. Fine, I'll have it. Cuts.

Yeah. I'll do it. But can you get a picture of me and my family? We're visiting from. I haven't had a fresco since like 2003. I didn't even know that they still made them. Cuts. No cuts.

No. No, I won't do that. I'm not going to do that. I paid a lot of money to get in here. I do not want to shotgun. I've never shotgunned a beer. I'm not going to do that. I paid a lot of money to get in here. I do not want to shotgun. I've never shotgunned a beer. I'm not going to shotgun your goddamn.

That's rude to even ask. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Can somebody pull up my Suburban? There's a valet. Hey, I just got a call to pull up the Suburban. Can you go grab it, Daryl? I didn't know we had a valet.

Yeah, where did you park it? No, this guy pulled up. He thought we were valet, and I was like, this is a great way to make some extra money. Can you go pull? I put it over in the old strawberry patch. The old strawberry patch is for viewing. Yeah.

You drove a car onto the strawberry patch? Well, it's not a patch at this time of year, so I figured, like, why not? Strawberries are more late July, August. I thought, why not use it for parking cars? You said, when you hired me, you said to be... You're getting angry. You have these outbursts at work sometimes.

You said to be aggressive in how I work here. I took a chance. I took initiative. And I parked it where I thought it was going to help us as a company overall. Was I wrong? I said to be aggressive in your marketing. Yeah. I said to be aggressive in trying to get people in the house.

Not aggressive towards your coworkers. I spray painted the car because the butt end of it looks out at the road so it'll advertise our house. You can't paint people's cars. Daryl, you can't do a lot of things, but you told me to take chances. How else are we going to get people to Daryl's haunted house? Also, again, you keep pitching that name. It is called La Lorena. I think we should call it Daryl's haunted house.

You think it's punchier. I think it's more digestible. I think people will be more into it. I think it brings in more Americans. Hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt. I'm here with some of my sorority sisters on a little trip to Cali. And we saw Daryl's haunted house, right upon a really cute suburban out in that field.

And so are we in the right place? You're visiting Fullerton? We just wanted like a different kind of experience. Like everyone goes to Hollywood. Everyone goes to San Fran. We wanted to go to Fullerton? We just wanted like a different kind of experience. Like everyone goes to Hollywood. Everyone goes to San Fran. We wanted to go to Fullerton. Dude, don't push them away. They're here. Let's park their car

and get them in the house. I mean like we can go. Like we also had the VIP pass to Hollywood Horror Nights if you guys are overbooked. Keys. Keys? Our keys? Oh my god, valet. Trey trey trey fancy here you go your car with give me the keys i'll park the car you guys come out just let me know your ticket number i'll go get your car for you and it'll be all set you got full insurance on this thing i that should never be a question

about full insurance but i i'm so sorry before you go before you go you didn't give me a ticket so i need to get the ticket to be able to get my car it's a mental ticket my baby it's a mental ticket my baby and i don't know if that's sexual harassment or just you talking to people weird hey i'm because you've said a couple you told me when you hired me to make people feel comfortable you misinterpreted everything i've said my baby is that like a fullerton thing my baby yeah that like a fullerton thing my baby yeah that's what we call everybody but especially the cuties we like you guys are a real i mean am i wrong is this a subaru impresa it is oh my god how did you know you're really good see look what i'm doing herearyl. I'm using charisma to make her feel more comfortable.

She'll buy more frescas at the end. Daryl! You're Daryl! This is your haunted house? You get the frescas out for free. Yeah, well, yeah. It's sort of, you know, it's my baby. It's my artistic vision. It's your baby?

The house is your baby? Dude, come over here. Daryl, get over here. That's a weird thing to say. Daryl, come over here. Sorry, what? You're fucking this up. You're cock blocking me. Are you kidding? They're not going to sleep with you. Are you kidding me? I guarantee

I'll sleep with every one of them in the next two hours. This is going to be so rude, but you are the ugliest person I've ever seen. Were you going to be so rude, but you are the ugliest person I've ever seen. Were you talking to them? No! We're 10 feet away from them. I didn't know.

I didn't know. And I don't even mean physically, I mean personality-wise. Oh, then that's fine. Listen, I'm going to get... See? No. I'll get the keys, I'll park the car, I'll give them the... Where are you going to park it? Are you going to vandalize the car?

Strawberry patch. Right. That's what I'm worried about. Strawberry patch. Fine. Okay, listen. There's enough cars in the field where he's managed to write Daryl's haunted house. Like one letter on the back of each car. Daryl! And he is... No tickets. Everyone double parked. He's managed to write Daryl's haunted house, like one letter on the back of each car.

No tickets. Everyone double parked. He's fucked everybody who showed up. Hey, Daryl, look. Look what I did. Second, dude, I need more rubbers. Of course you call them that. You've got to hook me up with rubbers, man, or else I'm going.

The last time I tried to give you a condom, you said I only do flavored prophylaxis. I don't use them. I need to show them that I, so they know I would use them. And then I say, do we need to? And almost every time they go like, I don't know. It's fine, dude. I just need them as a prop. I don't know. It's fine, dude. I just need them as a prop.

I don't know. Shrugging their shoulders, it feels like they're nonplussed to even be in the room with you. They don't care whether it happens or not. Dude, it's going to be fine. Just give me all the rubbers you got. I don't care if they're used or not. You must have contracted and given out syphilis at least four times tonight. Dude, I do.

Honestly, I do have pretty bad syphilis. Just to be clear, what do you think syphilis is? Candy? You're fired. What? You're surprised? Everything you've done is bad. You're firing me right now?

Yes! Dude, I gotta tell you, this is really hard for me because I got some bills coming up. Of course you do. I took time out of my day while I was working for you to line these cars up. Look at that. Daryl's haunted house. That wasn't helpful.

Daryl's haunt... That's not the name of it! Look at the revenue you pulled in tonight. Check it out. That's all I ask. Before you fire me, just look. Don't cry. Just look.

Just look at the revenue. $40,000? $40,000? Yeah, a little over $40,000. How much over? It's $50,000. That's a good amount past $40,000 how much over? it's $50,000 that's a good amount past $40,000

you tried to make me feel like crap I mean you're $50,000 but if that's what you're going to say then no you're not fired if I'm fired I'm walking away right now you're not fired so don't walk fired, I'm walking away right now. You're not fired, so don't walk away. I need you. I don't turn around or move.

I'm walking away right now. I don't want to follow you. I'm not walking away. I'll stay. I'll stay for one more two-year period. That's a long time. You got to commit. You don't sign people to years long contracts.

I want a contract. So you're walking away. You're not turning around, but you're also demanding we ink it. I just want to put it in writing. So you're safe and I'm safe. I'm so sorry to interrupt. I'm going to need to grab my keys. My wife has gone into labor

and I got to get back to the hospital. So you parked it in the patch, right? Can you just get it out really quick or I can go get it? Dude. Your wife's going to give birth here. Honestly, I can. I took a CPR class.

No. I can handle this. I can handle this. I don't care if I'm working for you or not. Martin, did you get the keys? It's happening. We need to get to the hospital like two minutes ago. I'm going to get the keys. I will't care if I'm working for you or not. Martin, did you get the keys? It's happening. We need to get to the hospital like two minutes ago. I'm going to get the

keys. I will get the keys right now. I'm going to get the keys. I promise you, I will get the keys. I'm going to get the keys. We planned for this. Go, dude! We have a bag. We have waters in the bag. We have candy in the bag. Okay, then let's do it right now. Are we double parked or can you just get the car now?

Wait, who has candy? Somebody had said they have candy in the back. That's what you took away from what just happened. She's in labor. I'm going right now. I'll be right back. That man runs loud. Oh my God.

Those were some loud footsteps. And hey, can I ask you a couple of personal questions before you give birth? What? What? How big is the area where the baby's going to come out of? The cervical contractions. How big is the canal? Yeah.

How big? I don't. Are you asking how big her vagina is? Hey, man, I'm trying to be polite about it. But yeah. How big is your vagina? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

I don't. In inches. I figured. I don't know. I'm about to have a baby and my husband. All right. Be calm. I got a couple of questions. Do you have a baby and my husband needs to come. Be calm. I got a couple of questions.

Be calm. Do you have a name? Do I have a name? Picked out? For the baby? Picked out for the baby? I mean, I think we're gonna go with Harley because it's pretty gender neutral. So Harley. We're gonna name the baby Harley.

Alright. Well, you can do that, but I had a friend named Harley in high school who was kind of a shithead. I don't care about you. I don't care about you. I'm sorry. I'm really in it right now. I'm sorry for being rude, but I don't give a shit about you right now. All right. That's fine. I don't mean to

budget. Sorry, it's me, Daryl. I own this place. I don't mean to jump in with negative feedback, but I also had a friend. I dated somebody named Harley and she was an asshole. She kind of cheated on me. It feels like it isn't just the one guy.

Well, now if it's two, then it's like that feels like it's different. Do you have a backup name or anything? I mean, our backup name was like I mean,, our backup name was like... I mean, Martin wanted it to be like Ice. He wanted it to be something cool, but I think that's really

stupid. Ice. Yeah. You gotta go Ice. Hey! I got the... I have the keys. Alright, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. It's happening. I can't get... I'm trying to get it in the door. All right, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. It's happening. I can't get it. I'm trying to get it in the door.

It won't. I can't. I grabbed somebody else's keys. What? I grabbed somebody else's keys. How did you organize the keys? I got in the wrong car. I assumed I was getting the keys.

Sorry. You got into a car, took the keys out of that car, then ran back to this car. That is your car. I'm in a panic. I thought car keys, there's a chance that maybe they would work on each other.

I panicked. You said you had a bag. You said you had a plan. There's no way this was part of the plan. You're freaking out. I'm sorry. Who are you? I'm Daryl.

I'm sorry. I own this place. Now you're a liability? I'm Daryl. I'm sorry I own this place. It's Daryl's haunted house. Hey, how big's your wife's vagina? In inches? In inches. I'm pretty sure. Didn't we

measure this? Didn't we measure this? We measured, but I don't want you telling it to a stranger. I don't want you telling this stranger how big my vagina is in inches. 16. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? That feels impossible.

I remember. Dilated. We had wine, so I might have been off by an inch or two. You measured your dilated vaginal canal? Why? We had wine. Daryl, the least you could do is listen. The least you could do is actually listen.

I am. It's all insane. I feel like I'm the only normal person in this field. I thought you were normal too. I was trying to help you out. But also, if your vaginal canal is dilated at 16 inches, I feel like this birth is going to be fine. Here it comes.

Here it comes. You clocked that before anyone else? There's no way. I've been making straight eye contact with this corner for a little while now. So here it comes. Come on. Here it comes. It's a perfect birth.

That was painless. There you go. Look, not even crying. I didn't painless there you go not even crying not even crying I don't have scissors this is insane somebody go ahead and nod up that umbilical cord for me I don't think that's safe I really don't think that's safe

here you go I'll do that what's your name again I didn't get your name I'm so sorry I was yelling at you when you were asking about how big my vagina is. I'll give you my name. I apologize for that. As soon as I cut this fresca can in half and use the sharp edge to cut the umbilical cord. Do whatever you need. So you do have scissors.

Just use the scissors that you're using to cut the fresca can in half. Fair enough. Touche. That's true. That's the only point you've conceded. I want to name our baby after you. What? You are a hero.

And the least we could do is honor this magical day, magical moment, magical gift of life with, with honoring this baby after you. You don't want to even hear what his name is before you just say it's going to be his name what if it's awful it won't be

I'm touched I am touched yeah my name's Harley you didn't think to mention that I know my name my name is Harley. And I think it's going to be a beautiful child. And I wish you guys all the luck. If I can help you.

Don't be sweet now. You know what? Screw you, man. I've been sweet this whole time. Just because somebody makes the wrong choices along the way doesn't mean they're not sweet. I've screwed up along the way. For sure. But I'm not not sweet.

Yeah. What did you say, Harley? I was just going to say, Harley, like, you are the sweetest. I just want you to know you are the sweetest you are I just want you to know you are the sweetest all right I can't believe he was right you're right can we

here's a towel I got another towel for you to clean that up thank you I am gonna go back and look for the real key and the bag, and I will be back as soon as possible. I feel like I have. You don't need to bother coming back.

You actually don't need to bother coming back. I'm sorry. What do you mean? You went into someone else's car before trying to drive me to the hospital. Read between the lines. She's done with you. I'm sorry. That wasn't sweet.

He's sweet on me. He's sweet on me. I'm being protective. I'm being protective of my new family. There's no way. Harley and me now.

He gets everything he wants. He changed the name of the fucking haunted house. Everyone was charmed enough by him that we made $50,000 in a night. Now he gets a partner for life with a beautiful kid. Pretty good. $50,000 in a night is pretty good. You have to admit that. Listen, we walk away from this now. I go off and raise my new family and Harley Jr.

And guess what? You stay here with a beautifully marketed haunted house. You're going to make $50,000 a night for at least the month of October. That's 30 times $50,000. What's that 15 I don't know 15 million 15 million dollars it's gotta be around 15 million dollars right I think it's 1.5

no not when he does it hey not when he does it listen have trust in what I say okay it, it's $15 million. Get in this suburban. I got a key to this. Let's go make a life. Sorry, one last thing.

Excuse me, Daryl. Don't yell it up. What do you have to say? I said it calmly. You said you have a key to this. Is this your suburb? No, this, uh, some guy came out. This is the first car I actually put in the patch, but guess what?

Grand Theft Auto. What's that? It's when you steal someone's car. Yeah. All right. Then, hey, hashtag Grand Theft Auto yeah let's do it are you online Harley?

right now? no just like are you viral? I mean I hope so yeah maybe I am you don't even check? I don't spend a lot of time online if that's what you're asking I deal with the real things in life

I love that about you. I know you do. I love that about you. Oh, my God. Oh. You just met. You just met. He delivered your baby.

Now you're basically married. Yes. You can live 100 years of life in one minute, or you can live one minute in 100 years. What are you going to choose? Oh, my God. You're so wise. And then every couple minutes he says something really good god i don't understand him he didn't know what

grand theft auto was but he has that saying at the ready oh all right you want you're gonna sit in the back honey they drive off straight into a tree, wrapped. Of course that would happen. You see her go through the front window, like 200 feet. And then the baby just crawls off into the woods. And then he gets back out. Can we just... Daryl?

Hey. What? Can I get my job back? Sign the contract. Two years, right? This is so fucked up. Harley! Everyone at the haunted house.

Harley. Harley. Harley. Harley. Guys, did we just do a mono scene? I we did oh my god oh god that was great somebody we need to write that somebody did write it up that's right make it a treat i mean it was gorgeous my mic jeff you're going to have fun because my garage van cut out because the mic cut out, so we're going with that

Zoom audio, baby. I was trying to tell. Easy. I can't hear you. I mean, listen, I'm so sorry, Daniel. You're going to have to deal with patching that up. I'm so sorry. It wasn't my fault. I don't think we're going to top the epic that just happened. I'm so sorry. It wasn't my fault.

I don't think we're going to top the epic that just happened. I say we keep it a mono scene. How do you guys feel? That was beautiful. It was a gorgeous Halloween saga. It was a haunted house saga. I felt like there was a drone camera flying over a haunted house that was zooming in on

moments here and there. Little moments. That was great. That was really fun. Really fun. over a haunted house that was zooming in on moments here and there. That was great. That was really fun. Really fun. Get the rubbers. Rubbers.

My favorite word for condoms is rubbers. Rubbers. So fucking horrible. It's so gross. So gross. And thank you, Riley, for taking the brunt of this. Oh, no. That was incredible incredible this horrible man it was amazing

he means well he does and he sometimes does well oh yeah he sometimes says something fortune falls in his I'm so glad that he stood up for himself like I am sweet I am a nice guy that's my favorite part and you're fucking right I guess this is so messed up now I am a nice guy. That's my favorite part. And you're fucking right, I guess.

This is so messed up. Now I'm a dick. Yeah, now everybody's looking at me like I'm a prick. Those people are the best. The ones that you want to hate. And then they say something like, I'm sorry, man. I really screwed up with you and I love you. And you're like, ah. Don't take accountability.

Yeah, I guess you're alright. I guess you're alright I guess you're alright fuck and I hate that but you are yeah should we last segment let's do it

I'm eager to hear what's been shaken Gaul oh god this should be going oh god i mean i we already talked about the ladybugs but that's really that's really what i wanted to talk about and i did it too early i'm trying to say i i am up in maine i'm shooting a movie and it's movie. How much can you talk about it? It's a full length horror feature and it's, we're shooting it on a very,

a pretty small budget. Probably like, you know, I don't even know how small it's hopefully going to be between like 50 and 75 grand, which is a good chunk of money, but it's, it's a horror movie,

which I love shooting a horror movie in october in maine i'm like how can we go wrong that's incredible yeah and we've been up here for you know a week and i'm like oh yeah this is what can go wrong everything can go wrong but but we're doing it we We're going forward. We start shooting Monday. Monday morning is our first day of shooting. And I'm so I'm so excited. It's been a dream to come back to Maine and shoot a movie. And it's been we've been writing it for a couple of years now. So it's happening.

So you wrote it. I wrote it with my writing partner, Jeremy Brothers. And we're yeah, we and Kyle Kennedy from The Groundlings helped with the story. There's a ton of too many people involved to name, but we're, you know, it's, I don't know. Doing this has been such a nice break in the middle of pre-production because all i've been focusing on is like the caterer and the the you know how are we gonna lock down all these locations and so and like i've never been texted more in one day ever and i'm sure people out listening

who have been in production before are like, yeah, dude, that's production. And, and I'm like, yeah, I just haven't experienced it. And I didn't realize it was going to be like this, but it's a very fun adventure.

And I'm so excited. Hopefully this time next year around Halloween, we'll have something to show people, but I cannot wait. I can't wait. Yeah. I think it's going to be very fun. Very fun.

Yay. Oh, congratulations, dude. going to be very fun. Very fun. Yay. Congratulations, dude. That's so exciting. Thank you, guys. And thank you for being flexible getting me on this, because this I did not want to miss. We did not want to miss. Thank Riley. I had nothing. What shook you?

Ans? I guess this week has been exhausting. It's just been a really long break. And so that's not what's I mean, it's I guess it didn't shake me. But what I'm really excited for

what's shaking me is I am doing nothing this weekend. I've had it's, I've been nonstop every day. And then like seeing pals at night, which I love, it is like a great break, but also it's like, you know, when you've had a long week, it's like, that's also gets tiring. And I got my booster today. And so I fully cleared this weekend in the event that I end up feeling like absolute shit tomorrow, which I've heard that this booster is pretty gnarly.

I've heard. And so I am so excited. Like, I have a self tape to shoot tonight. Gilmore Girls. And after that, I'm like, I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. And it's going to be incredible. I've already have plans on texting my name.

In my building, one of my neighbors has a really cute like 16 week old puppy who I watch sometimes and get to play with. And I've already know I'm like tomorrow, I'm going to do nothing. I'm going to play with a puppy who I don't have any responsibility over. It's a puppy day. That's a puppy day. And yeah, I can't wait to just do absolutely nothing and then calling back

to our theme song i'm probably gonna watch the social network and be like damn andrew garfield's so hot in whatever that's true it's a it's gonna be a really good weekend cut to probably me being like i have aches unlike the which I've never experienced before. It'll still be great because you'll just, you won't have anything to do, even if you're sick sometimes and you're like, eh, I'll just sit and watch TV all day and have soup. It's going to be incredible. And I love being able to intentionally do nothing. Cause sometimes it's like, I will do nothing, but I'm like, I feel really bad about it. Cause'm like oh i should be doing xyz but to be like no i am going to actively rest oh baby there's nothing better yeah plan plan to rest baby i love those days

every day every way come seal. Is that seal? I think it's seal. Oh, never mind. I think of Kiss of a Rose. That's not seal. Ooh, baby. Yeah, who cares? I'm thinking of that.

Oh, I'm thinking of that. Kiss of a Rose on the grave. Ooh, the market of you. Okay, Jeffrey, what's been shaking you? Retail therapy has been shaking me. What is it? What is it? Shopping? Yeah, I got a sweater.

Is it the green one that you wore to the office? Or is that a different one? No. It hasn't come yet. For sure. It actually got delivered today. Where's it from? But I'm not going to.

Where's it from? It's from come yet. It actually got delivered today. Where's it from? But I'm not going to. Where's it from? It's from Etsy. It's a vintage L.L. Bean cable knit cream john. And it's sweater weather. I guess what's really shaking me is sweater weather. And then I got so excited that I bought a new sweater. I'm 20 minutes from L.L. Bean right now. That's cool.

In my head. Doc's in your cell phone. For sure. I'm imagining like the Chris Evans sweater from Knives Out it's exactly it's exactly that good for you

so really excited really excited to get home and try that on for size and smile a big cup of hot coffee and a pipe and a scally cap and a big cup of hot coffee and a pipe and a scally cap and a big mustache

maybe a bunch of rubbers yeah yeah I mean yeah who's gonna work out triple bagging it triple bag flavored unflavored flavored it's the oreo yeah triple bagging it triple bag flavored

unflavored flavored it's the Oreo yeah oh my god uh that was disgusting um

Ryan yeah what do you got to plug what do you want to point the people to the floor is yours I think uh uh

follow me on really follow me on Instagram at at Rygall R-Y-G-A-U-L. If you want to check out our fundraising at Seed&Spark for a movie called McCurdy Point. M-C-C-U-R-D-Y space P-O-I-N-T.

McCurdy Point on Seed&Spark. I have links to it all over my Instagram. And check it out. If you're a fan of horror, maybe you want to contribute. And if you can't contribute, which a lot of people can't, I say, well, share it. And somebody else down the road may want it. So that's really it right now. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm going to donate. Yeah, me too. No, you guys don't donate. I can't have you. It's too late. It's too late. No.

Honestly. That's the other thing about this movie. So many people have contributed and written such wonderful things and private notes and stuff. I'm like, the feeling of people wanting you to succeed and go and do something cool uh i'm so touched by it not to get cheesy but it's so it's been so amazing and even like talking to you guys today you're refreshing me to like move forward through the weekend and get stuff done. It's like, we're,

we're, this is such a unique, uh, thing we all do in, in, in the arts where it's like, no, we all root for each other.

And if you find yourself not rooting for somebody, then shut up and turn around and root, root for somebody. Cause we're all doing it for each other. That's yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's all doing it for each other. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's all I got. Uncle Gall.

I love it. Uncle Rye Rye. Out! Jeff, should we thank some VI patrons from our Patreon? Let's do this. Or VI podcasts, rather. Thank you to underscore Christian side hugs. So you can hug two people simultaneously.

I'm a mummy. Wait a second. Dakota just had trouble wiping this week. Get it together, dude. Agent Michael Leanne. Leanne. Aggie. Dakota is shifting to a new innovative business model.

Give her your undying fealty. and in return, you can worship her. Alicia Bees. So it's Alicia Keys, but she's just a swarm of bees in a trench coat. At this point, I can't even tell if Daddy chose Tuesdays or if Tuesdays chose Daddy. It's just, well, me. Austin is moving, so Riley, Jeff, you're going to be here to help us move. It's been almost a year. I hate to say it, but yeah, payment.

Bob Buell is the name, and Buelling's my name Cam is cozy That's spooky and cozy because it's October Maybe Chelsea Clintoni Braxton Family Val Este Imperial Edict of the

Abdication of the Xing Empire Orange Julius. Fuck you for that. Chuck. Curbature's not loving the fact that he was called nothing and a bitch, basically, and he deserves a refund, I think. Damien Kirk is middle-aged nowadays and lacks energy

and patience to keep up with you twerp-zoomer asses. Fancy Octopus is, according to a co, submissive and breedable. Ray's done. This is over. Not really. I eat spaghetti and meatballs.

It's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. I'm really antswine. And have you ever heard of this new show, The Office? You know, John Krasinski's kind of a zaddy. Jake Ullman. James Wagner is out of name ideas, so just act like he said something funny. Fair. Jay's actually in the U.S. for a bit now, and this whole time zone thing might work out this week.

That's months old. Jeffrey Games, Jeff's evil but playful twin. Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, well, Malasov. John Daniels. I feel like it's a trap, but it's just still his real name. JP again. All hands on deck to get the real Dame Barrymore to hear a sound clip of Jim desperately lying to her about his cock.

Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. Casper Bobasper. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Lucas Heinzel. Michael Beggle. Money, money, money.

I'm flush with cash from these Patreon sims. We're famous and we're more important than you what shook me is i started it crowd and let me say richard iot wouldn't could get it nate portis has a birthday soon and can cry if he wants it's been your birthday soon for forever happy birthday nate new patron nolan murphy once swallowed a quarter so call him piggy bank murphy because he's chubby and full of cash literally don. Don't eat money. Hi, Mark. Well, priest. Oh, no. It's another Connor Finnegan one about rage or some shit. I think he's been drinking again.

PeteBradford.com just happens to be my name and my design portfolio. Get over it. We are. Puff Riley. Raven Schmaven. Review for two, so it's this podcast but a sequel. All French team, no French GP Bergman. Smoke and Time

on Main Island is closed for the winter and Jameson Poncy has to come up with funny original names now. Smooth Pete and his band that had its initial success and is now in the commercial years period at the Corbin Bowl. The actual Andre 3000, not Jewel. And TJ Michael.

Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. We got a Zardy coming out, coming and Jeff. We got us already coming out. Coming up this Friday, I think. When this comes out. Yes. So sign up in time and you can hear us rhyme. You can also follow Riley on Instagram at Riley Anspa on Twitter at Riley Coyote. You can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee.

And you can find our show on Instagram at Review Review. Twitter at Review Review Show. Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. For more fun shit. For more fun shit. Some bonus nonsense sometimes. And we'll see you guys again next week. We got the gall for a third time, huh?

We got the gall for a third. The trifecta gall. The trifecta. It's tradition at this point. It's tradition. It's a yearly staple. Yeah. Namaste. I don't know what else to say. Until next squeak.

Fuck. Arrivederci. Cheek. That was a Hiddem original. Until next squeak, Arrivederci.