Review Revue - Haunted Houses (w/ Ryan Gaul!)

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

Television's Ryan Gaul (House of Lies, Bajillion Dollar Properties) joins Reilly and Geoff to read reviews about Haunted Houses and discuss absent boyfriends, costumer service, and Groupon.Follow Ryan, Reilly, and Geoff:IG: @rygaul, @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @RyanFGaul, @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good?

At participating restaurants for a limited time. This is Ryan Gaul, and you're listening to Review Review. I just want to know how you feel i want a love that's so proud and real you make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna rent you we fucking did it Riley I don't know what to say I mean we got the goal we got goal I don't know why but we did

he absolutely has the goal I'm not even gonna I mean how do you introduce it I mean famous actor star of House of Lies star of Bajillion Dollar Properties, Groundlings Sunday Company, and one of my personal heroes, ladies and gentlemen, Ryan Gall. I mean. I don't know what to say. Why are you here? I don't, because, I mean, I'm here because whatever God lives in the clouds has pushed me here.

Has pushed me here, and I'm glad to be here. I'm happy to be here. Thank you so much for coming on. Are you kidding me? For God's sake. What's the opposite of punching above your weight? I don't know what that term means. Because that's what you're doing.

No, I think you're underestimating who you two are see that's what i'll say that's that is what i will say and i would stand by it he's nothing if not a man of his word and so i guess kind of what happened is that jeff has been making jokes about your name no jeff has has been making Ryan Gall puns for years. Mostly Riley. And a hashtag was started and the world was different for it. I don't want to say better, but it's changed. So Ryan, just some backstory

because it goes past what you're familiar with. Yeah, I don't know. Please tell, do tell. Riley and I got our start in comedy if you want to call it that uh doing sketch comedy at the head gum podcast network uh with jake and amir from college humor yes and we used to make jokes all the time where we would be like we're in it for the long gall and it's like your face printed onto a piece of paper again you continue to use that word like i'm going gall in and just like for a second having a photo of you um i mean what can we say it's partially your career but

it's also that your name rhymes with a lot of things yeah yeah yeah i will say this is the first time i've ever experienced somebody uh calling my name, rhyming with all. Really? I think it's pretty much all, right? Like, I think so. Yeah, well, there's all, all, all, all. Gall. Gall, G-A-L-L.

Yeah, it's a lot of names, a lot of names. But in terms of like, if you're going to insert it into a sentence, pretty much you're limited to, wait, what besides all? Gall, G-A-L-L. Like, oh, you have the gall. What else? Ball, like basketball.

Or ball. Basketball. Basketball. Basketball. This is the show. How many inches gall are you? Or ball. Basket gall. Basket gall. Basket gall. Or tall. This is the show. How many inches gall are you?

That's really good. We haven't made that one, Riley. That's really good. We haven't done that one. This is why they pay you the big bucks. This is why I get paid. Wait. I think there's a huge misunderstanding. I do not get paid.

I also just have a personal story. This is less to do with your name, but when I was a wee lass in high school in Ohio, I was a huge fan of online sketch comedy, right? And then Ben Schwartz, who we vaguely know through Jake and Amir, did that House of Lies improv thing at UCB that you were a part of. Oh, my gosh.

And that was the first time I saw improv comedy ever. No way. Because there's no improv in Cleveland, obviously. And I was like, that, that is the shit. That's what I want to be doing. And so that summer I started studying at UCB, and then I went to school in L.A. for college and kept studying at UCB. And Riley and I ended up at HeadGum.

And now we do improv on a podcast that some people care to listen to. So you kind of started at Gall. That's awesome. And by the way, that was the weirdest improv show I think I've ever done. Because it was it had rarely do you do an improv show where there's money behind it right but this was done by Showtime so Showtime was like how do we make sure this is great and it makes Don Cheadle and uh Kristen Bell look wonderful and we were like there's no way to do that like honestly at honestly, at some point in the show, they're going to look awful.

Right. You're asking for a miracle. Yeah. For sure. But I think, like, Ben was one of the leaders of that group. And I think he actually kind of led that whole charge on doing an improv show with the House of Lies crew. And he sort of pulled us all aside. And he was like, listen, just do your thing.

Do your thing. And everything will be great. We're going to shoot like six hours of this. And they'll edit together a half hour. And it's going to be great. That sounds like a nightmare to do improv for six hours straight oh god you're wrong

and this is why I've made my life up I was like six hours woo we can do anything yeah we will win but no it actually was a blast it was actually a blast and to their credit

Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell were amazing actually was it was a blast it was actually a blast and to their credit uh don cheadle and kristen bell were amazing because i i think the thing in improv is like if you can act you're already ahead of the game yeah they actually did a great job if you watch it you're like even when they're bad they're still they're still great actors yeah because they never detached from it at all like when there's a failing improv scene i just want to leave the building no 100 commitment and you do and i do yeah you'll just walk out no i left my herald audition three years in a row because i couldn't cut it you just you just find a moment to say yeah and i didn't leave through the back i I like squeezed in between like Christine Bullen and Will Hines.

I've heard about that, Jeffrey. I heard you always say the same thing too. I heard you always go, Oh no. Oh no. A tornado. Yeah.

And then I'll spin through the, you know, to the exit. Off to the cellar. More often than not, I don't make it to the exit without falling. Yeah. Yeah.

I had no idea though they like there was any history with my name like how did you even know is that how you knew my name i guess yeah i think that was where i was introduced to you as a performer and then i knew and then i watched house of lies but yeah that's what started it going like then the name thing wasn't just because of your name it was also also just because we did it with some niche soccer players. Oh, Colin Jost. We did a sketch called Jost Busters. What Jeff does, he'll pick one thing. He'll pick a thing, and then that's it for like three months.

And then he'll kind of play it out. It's great. Jost is reoccurring. It's either a person, it's a restaurant, it's a type of architecture. It's just kind of anything that he will manage to insert. It's good for merch. It's great for merch. Good for merch, I guess.

Jost, restaurants, I feel like I'm in very good company. I am humbled. I am humbled by the company. You're in good hands. Absolutely. That's good too. I knew this is what it would be. Um,

Oh God. Would you say, I just have one question. Um, yeah. Would you say money equals happiness? I hope to find out someday. Okay.

I own no money. I own. Okay. I own no money. I own no money. I own no money. I think there's a great misconception that if you do a TV show or you do a couple of gigs, that you have a lot of money. Right. There's a lot of bills behind you, right? A lot of unpaid bills. Yeah.

These are all bills. You just shredded them up. Yeah. Absolutely. I am far from rich, but I'm rich in happiness. Great. Does that answer your question, Jeff? It absolutely does. There's a light at the end of the tunnel of this kind of dark year that I've been having. Speaking of tunnels and darkness.

Great segue. Rheingold, you have brought us an idea, a topic for the week. Yeah. A little thing we like to call haunted houses slash like haunted walkthrough experiences. So verbose. Why this and why now?

Gosh, I mean, experiences so why why this and why now gosh i i mean i think it's such an interesting thing that as humans we will pay money to be scared whether it's a horror movie whether it's a walk through haunted house whether it's anything whether it's just the idea of Halloween in general, where it's like, hey, I'm not allowing my child to watch any crime on TV. But I'll let him dress up as a zombie with his arm ripped off. Yeah. Like there's something so bizarre about our desire to be terrified. Yes. I love it. I love it. I have done it. Like there's something so bizarre about our desire to be terrified. And I, I love it. I love it.

I have done it. My birthday is October 29th. So I've always had, I've had a close connection with Halloween. And I think like that has led me to just go down the road, the rabbit hole of dark horror movies and all these walkthrough horror houses.

I've gone through. So you're like a fan. So you love getting scared. I don't know if I'm a fan but I am addicted. I'm addicted to it. I have a problem with it. I go to every one. I'm terrified this year because none are open.

Oh, you're terrified of what because none are open. Right. Oh, you're terrified of what it means for you. And that is the scariest moment. What's like any standout experience that you, like any experiences that come to mind that you're like, oh, that one really got me or like that I'll remember for the rest of my life. Okay.

So I mean, I've definitely done the standard. For those who don't live in california i do and i've done universal okay brad hollywood horror nights yeah i by the way i live in cali whatever you end the show right there uh but uh halloween horror nights universal is you know kind of a a gimme i've done halloween horror nights orlando for sure which is a weirdly a different feel um not purely from a humidity standpoint that's it that's all you need not scary farm um Not Scary Farm The Hollywood Hayride Yeah, the Griffith Park Delusion

Have you guys heard of that? That's just thinking you're more famous than you are Delusion, yeah And that's absolutely what I'm talking about Delusion I've done narcissistic personality disorder. It's absolutely amazing. It's like.

Where is that? I would consider that the Hamilton of Hollywood. Like a horror walkthrough. What an insane comparison. It's so good. Who am I? I'm having a huge brain fart. Mavis Davis.

No, Doogie Hazard. Oh, yeah. Neil Patrick Harris? Yes. Thank you. Yes. He produced this show where they rent out, I guess, like this mansion every year. Oh, wait.

I've heard of this. They create a story, this horrific story where you, and as groups you travel through the mansion or this massive house from like level, you go upstairs, downstairs, and through each room you kind of follow this narrative that's super spooky. Is it like Sleep No More? It's like Sleep No More more except sleep no more felt very specific this felt like kind of i don't know what this storyline is when you go through sleep no

more it's like oh i know i'm following macbeth or yeah but uh that's that is a fantastic if you haven't done it you won't do it because the world's ending. Because we're living through the apocalypse. But that one was great. It's so specific because you're in a small group and you're led from room to room to room. As opposed to Universal where it's like, hey, you want to go through this maze? They just kind of feed you through it. And as you go through it, like men in like costumes with fake chainsaws, just drill your anxiety to the wall.

Yes. Yeah. Have you guys done universal? I have. And here's, here's the thing, Ryan, I like you,

right? We've just, we've only just met. But yeah, it's great. I I mean like now I feel like we go way back and so I feel like I can be honest with you and say that there's nothing that I hate more than a haunted

house walkthrough you're not alone you're not alone I this is not what I expected you to say gives me such intense anxiety. And my anxiety is already at a 10. And so the idea of like paying someone to exacerbate it blows my mind. But I went, I've only been one time and that was enough for me.

And it was in high school. I was on a date. It was about, I was just about to ask like who did you go with because if you go first of all who's like hey you want to go for the first time and get to know each other at universal horror

nights like insane it's like doing and I've never done mushrooms but they say like if you're going to do mushrooms be in a comfortable place right yeah like if you're gonna do mushrooms be in a comfortable place right yeah absolutely if you're gonna do horror nights you've got to be with people that you can be like oh shit that sucks like why a date is already like god anxiety inducing but this was not our first date it was maybe like our sixth or seventh date and you guys were like we were like dating we were like dating you guys were married

i was a child bride but you know what they say never stop dating your wife your wife and we have always said that so we went and um it was like i tried to kind of play it off as like, you know, it's like, oh fun. Like I can be scared and like hold your sweater. But like, I was deeply terrified and like on the brink of tears the entire time. So it wasn't like the cute, like, um, will you protect me? It was like, okay, so we're going to, so you want to do another one?

Okay. Yeah, that's fine. And like, so we went through and he was like really loving being able to be like, I got you. Don't worry about it. I'm like, okay. But there was one that simply broke him. And when we were in line to get in, I was like, hey, man, don't leave me.

You promise you won't leave. Like before every maze, he's like, I'm not going to leave you. Of course, I'm not going to leave you. I'm like, all right, you fucking promise. And he's like, of course, why would I do that? do that it's insane we go in this maze i was hoping you were gonna say that was it like applebee's before that you even got it like immediately we're in there for 30 seconds and some jump scare happens he runs away he runs through the entirety of the maze and i am left alone no and i already don't want to be there i am i oh my god i remember it was some like god like la llorona or something like that but it

was like oh yeah and it was like a room where it's supposed to be like you know with all these bags and it's like you're walking through these bags and there's clearly like pretending to be like children in the bags who've been like kidnapped yes and so i am left in this room like oh and so i find this group ahead of me and i'm like can i walk with you guys i'm really scared and they were like absolutely like are you okay i'm like yeah i was with this guy and he just kind of left We're having this conversation In the maze As we're walking they're like he left you

Somebody jumpscares you And you're like sorry we're in the middle of something What's going on? We've been ran out of the maze Are you kidding me? So we get I finally get to the end and he is standing Outside waiting for me and he is so

ashamed oh and he's like i am so sorry and i'm like yeah it's yeah it's fine and of course like i was 16 so i'm like still trying to be like the cool girl who like i don't care it's totally okay and i'm like i'm like oh my god don't like ah and it was like playing like that really scared me that really scared me i'm like trying not to cry i'm like it was really bugged up um you have a group of people behind you going like you tell him yes you scared her he left he abandoned you yeah so i hate it but weirdly enough on the flip side of that i have this thing because i'm uh what and we are in the we're all in um the industry so it's like i can use terms that we all know i i am what we in the industry like to call a coward and so I will happily watch this sounds so lame

you have to say it I will like actively watch like walk through videos on my computer so that you're not scared when you go on the day no but I don't go to them so it's like I get

you're just a voyeur do you do this with roller coasters too I feel like you said that you've done this with roller coasters I do it like I don't know why I think it's cause like I'm a little I'm a weenie and so I'll be like oh no I get it

I don't judge you I don't judge you at all I think that's I mean hey listen you gotta do what you got to do. I watched a walkthrough with my roommate this morning. Wait, this morning? Well, because I knew we were doing this episode. I'm like, oh, that reminds me. And so I watched of like a Krampus maze at Hollywood Horror Nights from like 2019.

And like, we were both just kind of like, nah, this isn't that scary. But I'm like, no, but it's like the environment, it's the sounds. And then out of nowhere, of course, one jump scare, and I'm in my kitchen. It's like 9 a.m., I'm like, ah. She's like, Jesus. 9 a.m., August 28th, global pandemic.

Puddle of urine in the middle of the kitchen floor. Blame it on the dog. So, Jeff, what about you? Well, I can't really follow that up um i i've been to the haunted hayride and uh actually when i was young in high school i used to um do theater and so i i i took the chance jumped at it really to do uh the laurel School for Girls haunted maze and arboretum I think on their campus and Jeff has always loved scaring women

I do it naturally it's a natural instinct so like I'll show up to like drinks frankly and she's just like and I'll just anyway but yeah it was a lot of tweens and pre-tweens laughing at you

because you didn't scare them well enough and I don't know if it's just because I'm like a natural fire sign like emanating positive vibes so how can I scare a little child um because I also you feel guilty like that's what gives me a little bit of pause with these haunted walkthroughs and houses is like what kind of people get off on this like for me it made me feel bad to make a kid cry mayan gall dude amen i get oh you should do it you should be an actor in one of these and then they'll just you've tried have you swear to god i swear to god when i first came to la i was like well probably audition i should audition for halloween or not because i could scare you know what i gotta get out of people it's either that or the church of scientology commercials

oh my god that's the the sunday brunch at scientology is probably the worst horror walkthrough of all time. Somebody should video, like, going through a brunch secretly. They will die. And then put scary sounds. They will die. They would get killed. I'd watch it. I'd watch it on YouTube.

I would absolutely pull it out. I would pee a little bit. I would pee a little bit. Well, we do have to take a break, but we will be right back. No. We will be right back with some Haunted House reviews, courtesy of Ryan Gall himself, television's Ryan Gall,

and television's Riley Anspaugh. Yes. And fun employed's Jeffrey James. And we're back with television's Ryan Gall. That sounds gross. Radio's Jeffrey James. Yeah, recorded radio. Ryan, would you like to start us off?

I'd like to, and forgive me, I'm just going to go for it. Do it. I'm just going to go for it. Do it. I'm just going to read you about this. Holy moly, this is crazy. Yeah, just give us the name, what the review is for, and if there are any stars, if you got it on Yelp, we'd love to hear the stars.

Yeah. Okay, so this is from Yelp. It's written by Larissa E. Jeff, what's the E stand for? The E stands for electronics. Oh my God. That would be the best name ever. It's not electronics. I'm Larissa Electronics. She's from North Hollywood, California, by the way.

Amazing. Which is like code for shitty hollywood code for valley adjacent yeah exactly shitty hollywood you're gonna offend maybe 20 people but the 20 people you do offend are gonna be very upset yeah i'm sure people really ride hard for noho for some reason yeah dude it's noho dude have been to the arts district yeah i'll borrow there yeah i will say that north north hollywood's actually pretty pretty awesome um there are some pockets that are horrible but there are some pockets that are great um and the arts district hey it's great i've said what i've said um anyway, so this is for Blackout House.

Have you heard of it? I've heard of this. Okay, so Blackout House is a, I'll just give a little precursor to this review. Blackout House is a walkthrough horror house that only happens for about six weeks a year from mid-September through the end of October. And you go through a loan.

Absolutely not. When you enter, you have to sign a contract. Nope. You sign away your rights. This is not for me. Oh, my God. Yeah, I've done this. I've done this, for sure.

For sure. So I'll read this to you so larissa and then i simply have to hear about well all in due time let's see what larissa said let's see what larissa says by the way some of what she says confuses me a little bit um from what i went through but we'll get to it okay larissa e north hollywood california shit stain of uh let me start off by saying i'm a 25 year old woman who still runs down a dark hall and jumps on my bed because i am afraid of everything that being said here is my here is my review. Even though I am the biggest wuss, I was totally excited and willing to go to this surprise date my husband planned for us. Wuss. We had a 9.30 p.m. appointment and entered the maze with two other people who were obviously on their first date.

Okay, so there's four of them. To make a long story short, the maze included a naked man who kept yelling to open a padlock door, dirty-ass toilets we had to stick our hands in while getting yelled at, and a few other bullshit rooms where they yelled at us to get on our knees. The part that I will never, all caps, forget, but wished I could, is almost unbelievable. In one of the last parts of the maze, the overly sexual crazy girl decided to rap my husband, the guy who was on his first date, and myself with saran wrap. She took us to one room where they forced me to eat something or they would kick me out.

The girl, the girl who was on the first date, however, was taken somewhere else. My God. So now we're down to three oh my god yeah in the very last room they had us run in circles with a bright light in our face i was so disoriented that when i was thrown on the floor this girl who was on all fours they told me to spank her that's the climax right and thinking that this was another weird employee i did and i kept i kept

going um i kept getting yelled at to spank her harder and then harder and harder. Meanwhile, my husband and this dude are being told to spit on her. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't until the girl grabbed my arm that I realized the girl that was getting smacked and spit on was the guy's first fucking date. I immediately stopped. I started apologizing.

All these people kept yelling to continue and stop fucking talking to her, in quotes. They also told me to spit on her, but at that point, I was done. I assumed she didn't. A few minutes later, I was outside shortly after my husband appeared. When I told my husband what I had discovered,

he was mortified. He had no clue. It was the same girl. We tried to wait for the couple to come out and apologize, but they never came. I'm pretty sure that girl was furious because there is no way that is appropriate. I mean, that's fair. As a nurse and a human being, I don't care about the waiver. Getting spit on is not only demeaning, but also a health code violation. I'll be reporting this to health officials. That's the end. Oh. Oh, my God, Claire.

How was the first date? Wasn't he so hot? No, no, my God. Tina, he is so hot. You are not even going to believe it. Like six pack, talk about 12 pack. Oh, my God. It's kind of unbelievable.

It kind of like blew my mind. You said it was going to be dinner and a show? You said it was dinner and a show? Yes. Well, yeah, it was dinner. You know, he took me to Sugarfish. Oh, my God. So we splurged a little bit.

And then he said, I have a surprise for you. And I said, I love surprises. Like, he barely knows me. And he knows I love surprises, which is crazy. And so, yeah, we went into his car. He drove. And we kind of pulled up outside this warehouse. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm on The Bachelor.

We're going to go to the roof. There's going to be fireworks. There's going to be fireworks. Was it like a warehouse party? Was it like bestia? I thought so. So I thought it was going to be that, but it wasn't. So basically, there's this person who met us outside,

and I'm like, a butler, perhaps? No way. A tasting menu? I thought it was that, so it wasn't that. He did hand me paper though and um he said sign it and i'm like uh jason what do we what are we outside the warehouse it's super fun just do it are you sure i mean trust me i've like i've kind of done a lot of these things so like you can trust me when i say this is gonna be be a blast. And honestly, it's one of the best ways to get to know somebody.

Hi, welcome to the- Hey, dude. Hey, yeah. I'm kind of talking to my girl right now. I know. I'm legally required to do a verbal rundown, and I need to get verbal yeses from both of you that you're okay with following things.

Yeah, move it along. Are you okay with being dunked in a moat? Yeah. Hmm? Just say, yeah, babe. Sorry, can I call you babe? I didn't even oh my god oh my god he's yeah yes um yes i would love to be dunked in a moat babe is it chill to eat slime is it chill to eat slime yeah cool just say yeah two yeses uh yes and then this last one is just kind of like wild card is it okay to to have a wild card? Yeah. Yeah, as long as you're there.

All right. I'm going to be there the whole time, dude. Okay, promise me. You know, promise me you're going to be there the whole time. It doesn't matter if I promise or not. I will be. I believe you. Cut to the first room.

Hey, I got to go. I got to go. I can't see you. Where are you? I'm trying to feel out for you, Jason. Listen, I'm going to head out for a bit, but just good luck. You're going to head out for a bit? I got to head out for a second.

What do you mean you got to head out? You said you'd be here the whole time with me. It's part of the whole thing. Just have fun with it. Why are you being so weird about it? No, I'm not. I'm not. No, I'm not like one of those clingy girls.

I'm not one of those clingy girls. I of those clingy girls. I'm not one of those clingy girls. You're not one of those girls, are you? If you need to go, then you go. And my friend Barry is going to be at the bar out there and I want to meet him for a quick beer and then I'll come back in and join you. I'm so cool with it. I'm cool with it. I didn't want to talk about this, but my last girlfriend was like not cool with me like watching sports well you know what good thing that you're not with her anymore because i'm different i'm not like that um what oh my god this is happening so bad i'll see you i love you too i'll see you in like 45 back to the office he said he loved you and he left for a different he would love to get a beer with his buddy?

Yeah. I don't know which is worse on a first date. Me and true love is worse than meeting a friend. Come back to the haunted house. Ah! Oh, Jesus. Have this oyster. Eat this oyster.

Excuse me? No chewing, no chewing, no chewing. Get in the coffin. You will be buried seven feet under the ground. Do I have to do it right now? No, in five seconds. Sorry. Can we just pause the scene for a second?

Can we pause the scene? Look, Terrence, what did we say about the high-pitched voice? We said it has to be kind of a lower gravelly thing. I'm sorry I have to see this, by the way. It's kind of my natural voice, though. I know, but you promised us that you could do any voice when we interviewed you for the part. You asked me to do a particular

voice. I'll do a particular voice, but this is my natural voice. Okay, let's do just a little bit scarier. Just scary. It doesn't have to be lower, just scarier. Back to the scene. Okay, now you are gone. Turn seven foot into the ground.

I love it. I love you sound like a Disney character. No, that's not what it's supposed to be like. It's not, I mean, pause the scene again. It's not supposed to be a Disney character. I tried something different. I tried something different. And I think the original terrifying voice was working better. You're right.

The first one was better. Let's not say it's good, but it was better. Go back to the original voice. Can I pause this? Can I pause whatever? Can I turn the, where's the lights? can i pause this can i pause whatever can i turn the where's the lights can i pause this yeah turn the lights on i guess this is unbelievable just pull the cord there's a cord above you if you pull the cord the lights go on there we go all right hi hi guys oh my god you look totally different than i expected what did you what did you think i was gonna honor what she looks like

no it does I didn't expect three ponytails yeah it's just something I'm trying that's weird you know what it's weird until you get used to it

I'm used to it so I'm Jeannie hi I'm Dale I'm Dale hi Dale and I'm sorry I didn't get your name

yeah it's Phil but it doesn't fucking matter what my name is yes it does don't be hard on yourself Phil I know I know you have to can I just admit something I came here on a date Yeah, it's Phil, but it doesn't fucking matter what my name is. Yes, it does. Don't be hard on yourself. Phil. I know. I know you have to tell me that.

Okay, guys, can I just admit something? I came here on a date, and his name's Jason, and he's, like, really tall, really built, really beautiful. And he says that he's actually frequented this place multiple times. And he did say that he wouldn't leave me. So I just wanted to, like, can I just like friend to friend? Is that like, do you see this a lot? Are you kidding me?

You're going to wax relationships with us in the middle of a haunted house? I think it's fine. I mean, honestly, I think he sounds great. Are you kidding me? Now I have to add my opinion. I don't even want to be having this conversation. We're at work. Yeah, but you're like the boss boss you're expected to have a shitty opinion

excuse my language I get it trust me we'll be reconsidering next Halloween season all I'm saying is that it's like if I can if I could admit something like I don't know if this is what you guys are trying to do but like I'm no I think he's really nice it's just I didn't think if this is what you guys are trying to do, but, like, I'm – No, I think he's really nice.

It's just I didn't think he would expect me to, like, for this to be a little scary. I don't know if he knows that this is, like, a scary thing that we're doing. So you are scared, but you are scared. No, don't give him that. Don't give him that satisfaction. Well, someone shoved an oyster at me in the dark, and that was really scary. That wasn't an oyster. It wasn't an oyster? that wasn't an oyster it wasn't an oyster that wasn't an oyster okay but it should have felt like an oyster it was it like a peeled grape or something oh my god that's a great idea we should write that down

for next so it wasn't a peeled grape much cheaper than what we are spending our money on. Much more economical. Peeled grape. Let me write that down. You have a pen and pad? I have a legal pad. We have. That's even bigger. We have locker rooms so you can put your personal belongings so that they don't get damaged or stained.

I know about the legal pads in the locker rooms. And I know about everything in there. It's not a secret. We told you guys, you have your own locker. You have your own cubby to put things like legal pads. I don't know why you'd bring it to the site, but it's not supposed to be during the, I'm sorry. Why are we fighting?

We're fighting in front of customers. Yes. All I'm saying is, this wasn't necessarily the kind of night I imagined. And from what I can tell, it seems like it's – Oh, my God, Jason. Hey, I'm going to be like a little longer than I thought. Are you kidding me?

No, they're having a funneling contest. A funneling contest? Okay. So what do you say, like an hour, like, you know, just 15 minutes more, 20 minutes more? Not that I care. I'm just curious. Oh, if you don't care, let's not worry about it. Okay.

So and this experience is like an hour long. So I guess what I'm just wondering, you tell me. I've never. Just here. Hold on. I'm going to give you my. Give me your phone a second. Okay.

I'm just going to put in my mother's number. Can you text her and let her know that I'm going to be a little late? That's impressive to you. I'm really good with parents. So I can absolutely text your mom. Have fun. Don't worry about it. You know, it means a lot to me that you're like so cool with me being like away from

you. Yeah. I mean, I can fend for myself. What date is this? First? It's our first date. Please stay up. Please.

This is like, just give us a second. Go do your thing. I'll be here. I'll be here. Just so you know, I can picture being with you for even more dates. For more dates? Not a commitment. That's barely anything.

This is moving really fast. A couple more dates. I don't want to like, i don't know what's gonna happen in the future but right now that's the way i feel can i ask you what you do for a living you're just like so non-committal and like away from where you need to be all the time i'm sell produce you sell produce produce never mind i hate that i asked too late man we're into it i sell produce um here's my card huge right this is a this is a poster i sell apples uh pineapples veggies jalapenos grapes a lot of these are seemingly stock images from getty images so they all look great but i don't think this is what your products sorry produce looks. Is that a comment on my little tagline at the bottom of my card?

Nope, just read that. That sucks to read. Produce, they all look grapes. Is that what you're saying? No, but I hate that I have that in my head now. This is great. I'll see you at the farmer's market. All right, man.

This, I do this. Oh, you do this for how many weeks a year? About 12 weeks per year. We start in September and we go till mid-November. Oh, you do this for how many weeks a year? About 12 weeks per year. We start in September and we go till mid-November. What do you do the rest of the year, baby? What's that? What do you do the rest of the year? No, you said you called me baby, which seems like a violation.

Did you just call him baby? No, no, no, no, no. No, I was talking. I said, what do you do the rest of the year? And then I looked at you and I said, hey, baby. The rest of the year and then i looked at you and i said hey baby um the rest of the year is planning for this and we we make enough money in those 12 weeks that we kind of can keep an office space and we can you spend 40 weeks a year planning for this yes it's very well thought out

i know it doesn't look like that right now because the lights are on and you just walked through the first three rooms and got to here but yes this is my life's work. Hey, nice job, sweetheart. Okay. Sorry. I feel like I didn't catch your eye on that one. I just want to confirm that that was for me. Hey, why pin it down? Let it fly.

What does that mean? You're so right. You're speaking in platitudes. You're speaking in platitudes and it just doesn't mean anything, what you said. No, I get it. I get it. I get it.

Hey. I don't know why. You're right. I shouldn't inject myself. All right, I'm going to goitudes and it just doesn't mean anything. No, I get it. I get it. I get it. Hey. I don't know why. You're right. I shouldn't inject myself. I'm going to go have a IPA and I'll be back somewhere in room. What is it? Like room six? I don't know when you're going to be back, but yeah, she'll probably be.

It's basically two. Why are you out in the maze, by the way? I scare people. I enjoy this. Dale, so listen, as you can see see i think i'm entering in a very committed serious relationship um so i kind of just want to get this stuff over with so let me just i would i mean like just to run it down you know you want me to get in the coffin i don't think i feel comfortable doing that um is that kind of like the the most extreme thing that i'm gonna be

experiencing no and it the minute you say you don't want to do that did you just cough i just like it was just like clearing my throat did you cop because if you're not feeling well you're not supposed to be going through this oh no no like i'm feeling fine i can i can do it no but like i was just clearing my throat it's like if you want me to do i can prove that i feel good and i can do it prove it fuck okay um prove you're feeling good i have like my cheeks are rosy like i'm hydrated i don't have any aches um cut to the doctor's office i need if you could just give me some sort of like note or like just written up somehow that you're like, I can like just, I need to show this guy that I am healthy.

And so if you can just kind of like write it down being like, Jeannie is good to go. Like, I feel like that's proof enough. To whom it may concern. It's for this guy who works at a haunted house. So if that changes anything. You know, I wasn't interested either way. But this doesn't happen to be a scary haunted house, does it? It is.

Well, yeah, it's a very scary haunted house. Okay. Why? What if it was like a very mild haunted house is it no it's not but what if it was like would that change

it absolutely would change it absolutely would change it but if it's not then I can't get into that to whom it may concern his name is Dale how do you know this you have no then I can't get into that. To whom it may concern. His name is Dale. How do you know this? Sorry. You have no connection to this man other than he is.

I guess just write Dale. You can just write Dale. Cut back to the haunted house. What is this? You asked for proof, and I went and got it and came back. I can't believe he was open at like midnight. I somehow got an appointment. He wrote it up, and this is the proof.

It's like 60 pages. Well, goddammit, Dale. I don't know what other proof you want. I'm reading it to make it sound. OK, great. I'll wait. To whom it may concern. Jeannie is feeling.

Sorry, my reading isn't great. Your reading isn't great? To whom it may concern. Jeannie is feeling well. Here is a list of things that prove that she is feeling well. Her temperature is 99 degrees. That's a little high. Why would he even put that?

Why wouldn't he just say 98.7? Because I ran there because you asked for proof. I sprinted to the doctor's office I was running a little hot so your core temperature was hot at the time I'm sure if you took my temperature right now it would be at like a fine level

and 99 isn't even that high get it then take your temperature what's your name again I keep forgetting your name my name? yes your name Pip if you have a thermometer i don't i don't know we have a doctor set it's three rooms down he's still haven't made it past a doctor's set there's like a cop all right cut to the doctor's room i think this works

it might have mercury in it but i think it works okay it might or it does or it doesn't we got it at an estate sale oh my god it was so fun got to the estate sale uh the chairs are 25 yeah uh we just need like some i noticed that you have some old doctor's equipment we're putting together this scene for haunted house we just need like doctor's equipment yeah um so just like a cot and uh any medical equipment you might have. It doesn't have to work. Well, a cot could be military. So. But yeah, we have doctors. We have doctor stuff. Great.

You're looking for like real stuff that's practical or you're just looking for costume style. Costume style. Costume style. I'm glad we both know that language. Well, I just said it because you said it i've never used those words before in my life you look like a good kid thank you i have um you have grandkids cool right over here is where we i have a bunch of uh said come on come on down these stairs and. And this is my doctor's room.

And yeah, everything's for sale. Everything has a price, is what they say. That's funny. No, we'll take all the medical stuff. Thank you. I don't normally do comedic stuff, but thank you for saying that. Yeah. I always, as a kid, used to do plays at my school.

Nice. Cut to the school at my school. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Cut to the school play that he was in. Guys and dolls. We got guys and we got dolls. We got guys and dolls and dolls and guys and dolls. Come back to the estate.

Sounds great. We used to, we'd take the name of a famous play. Or a musical, for that matter, if you're asking. And then we'd just kind of give it our own twist. Sort of like a line. Sort of like a what? A line or a lemon. You know what?

I think we're all set. Just because of how long it will take to get the equipment in the van, I think we're going to go check out. Then I guess you don't want this thermometer. What's special about it? That's the one thing you singled out? That's a World War II thermometer. It was used in many famous battles. The battles of Sinbad.

Not a battle. The battles of Kwamkwa a battle. The battles of Quamqua. No, that's not real. Are you a veteran? Yep, I worked in World War II. You were in the military in World War II. Sure, whatever you say, military, I say. I worked in it. I sold, I used to, like, I'd sell,

I'd worked all around Europe, the United States, and I'd get things done. But this thermometer, something you might be interested in if you're doing some sort of... I am going to write you a check. This is for $4,500, which was the budget we had to spend. And you just give me what you want. This is to get4,500, which was the budget we had to spend. And you just give me what

you want. This is to get me out of the room as fast as possible. Bank of America. Bank of America is the bank that's my checking account. My savings is with Capital One because they have a high APY. Nice. Yeah. Usually people have some money if they bank with Bank of America.

No, there's no annual fees. It's one of the cheapest banks to have. You don't need a balance in the checking account. For real. Yeah, you don't have to be impressed. You're impressed by everything I say. I think you're a good kid. I think you're a good kid.

I appreciate that. I appreciate that. We will take the medical equipment. All right. We haven take the medical equipment. All right. We haven't decided on a price. $4,500 is the price. And then just whatever we can get for it. Deal.

Take it all. Take it all. Dale comes in. Oh, my gosh. Did you get the thermometer? We got the thermometer. We got whatever he's going to. Well, we had to spend the $4,500.

You spent it all on the thermometer? No, I don't know what he's going to give us, but this is just... No, you misunderstand. I was going to say that's smart. That's great. Oh, Riley, would you like to do your next review? Dale, Pip, the worst boyfriend in the world. Guys and dolls.

Guys and dolls. You slipped it in there. That was beautiful. I want to see that whole show. What the fuck is the plot being about? He has the same voice when he's 83 as he did when he was 16.

Guys and dolls. Guys and guys and gals. I don't know how old men talk like this. What did they sound like when they were like nothing?

Have you ever heard Stephen Stills talk recently? No. It sounds like he has like two horseshoe pack lips of just chewing tobacco. He's like, well, when we were in Crosby, Stills and Nash, I used to do this. And then you listen to like, Love the One You're With, and it's just the voice of an angel.

Oh, okay, here we go. Okay. This is, okay okay this is a review um for Hollywood Horror Nights um and it is from Danielle P Ryan what does the P stand for? Palette

Danielle Palette incredible this is two stars from Yelp um this is from September 31st 2019 from Danielle Pallett. The mazes are great. Themes, makeup, scents, gingerbread scent in the Krampus maze and pumpkin candle scent in Halloween.

Temperature changes, the Krampus snow scenes, etc. Details are phenomenal. However, they need to give each individual group 60 seconds on their own before sending in the next group. I feel like that's not asking a lot. People will still line up and continue to wait in the long lines, especially when you have private time to actually get scared. The way the mazes currently work, you're pushed through with a huge crowd on your coattails, so you're forced to speed through every moment, and you can hear the group that's up ahead so you know what to expect. If they could let you in within 30 second intervals,

that would be tremendously better. And the phrase that stuck out in my mind was the idea of coming to this place where thousands of people go every year, but like wanting like alone time to feel afraid. Yes, yes. Like wanting like alone time to feel afraid. Yes. Yes. That's it.

But I do kind of get that. I get that. Like there's nothing worse than hearing people have a head going, like giving away what you're about to head into. Oh, it's the military scene. Come on, man. Damn it. Oh, slingshot. No, don't say it. it's the military scene come on man damn it oh slingshot

no don't say it and we're already trying to yeah keep going hi um thank you so much for meeting with me um no problem I have some complaints universal horror nights um it is a little long but bear with me um

just one second. Let me get off. Okay, just let me get off the phone. I have another complaint going on. Am I still on? You're still on, but I'm dealing with multi-complaints right now. Okay, well, I guess I have a complaint. You're not listening to my complaint.

You have a bunch of complaints. I can call back another time. It is a weird way to roll meetings. No, you don't have to call back at another time. Actually, I'm the only person in charge of complaints here at Halloween Horror Night. So I have to kind of multitask. And I have kind of a positive attitude about it. So if you guys have a positive attitude, I feel like we can really get to the bottom. It was a great experience.

It was a great experience. Oh, sounds like you don't have a complaint then. I just think there are things that could make it better. Well, then it wasn a great experience it was a great experience oh sounds like you don't have a complaint then i just think there are things that could make it better well then it wasn't great no but it was great it's like sorry i do have a complaint a performer tripped my kid in the maze a performer tripped my kid he stuck his leg out my kid fell flat on his face if you can just give us a second i'm still dealing with uh somebody over here had so when i say something you say you're that you're dealing with her and then when she says something you say that you're dealing with her. And then when she says something, you say, sorry, you're dealing with me. Exactly. You're kind of picking up on it.

So your child tripped? Her child tripped. No, my child was tripped. Was tripped by a maze employee? By a maze employee, yes. Okay. So, and you want me to... Well, my kid, we had to go straight from the park to the nearest ER,

and he got four stitches on his lip. So we would like to be... That's a character scar. It's a character scar? A character scar. That's a character... Every child has one. A character scar, something that they get on your face,

a little scar that gives them character. I think, honestly, if you're asking if you can pay us for that, no, we're not interested in taking payment for that. No, I called you because I want you to pay for our medical bills. There's no way I'm paying you because someone in the Krampus maze tripped my son. I'm sorry, who are you talking to? I'm talking to you. To somebody else? Why would you? Oh, you want me. I'm not asking for you like out of your personal pocket. I'm not asking for you like out of your personal pocket. I'm not asking for you to pay. I'm asking for Universal to pay. I'm trying to think of the moment when we had a gun to your head, putting you into the maze, asking you, forcing you to

go into the maze. This is wildly inappropriate. I was talking to this gentleman over here. I'm sorry. I was giving her the floor. That's a much more serious complaint than I had. And I understand. I'm trying to rotate back and forth so we can try to get this done. Is this like an efficiency thing? Is this to try and get more people in and out? It's a voluntary thing.

I get that it's a voluntary thing. Yeah. So, and did you have, you had a great experience. I had a good experience. It could have been great. You said great in the beginning and now you're switching it to good. So it sort of like you're sort of the john carrey of going into mazes right now

you're flip-flopping you're flip-flopping very offensive that's not me that's not it's you saying it i look mine was a clerical thing the maze was great i did lose my keys in the maze and we found those you did okay because the front desk person didn't seem to be singing the same tune they said I did lose my keys in the maze. We found those. You did? Okay, because the front desk person didn't seem to be singing the same tune. They said, there is no lost and found. There is no lost and found. Well, there is no lost and found.

When we find something in a maze, we throw it back in, and you have to go find it. You shitting me. I waited in an hour for an hour and 45 minutes in the line. Excuse me. What's your name again? My name is Peter. Peter. Peter um i'm not shitting you when we find something as part of universal horror nights and part of the experience

our lost and found is called lost and lost what so we you've lost it and now we make it more lost and you get to go find it but we do not charge you to go back in and find it. Are you hearing this? What's your name? I'm sorry. I'm Lauren. I am hearing this. If you guys don't mind, we ask you two separate complaints not to communicate.

This is unbelievable. I understand. I understand. This is the most red tape ever. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. No, you're not in on it. Tell you about it.

You're creating the red tape. I'm following procedure. This cannot be the books. This cannot be by the books. Oh, it's by the books. I could read you the exact thing. Please do. I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear it. I would also love to hear what the rulebook says on this. I mean, the rulebook is so

long. I bet there's a table of contents. Lost and lost? The lost and lost clause. Just word for word. If a customer loses anything from keys to food to children, that lost property will be sent or tossed back into said maze for the customer to hunt down and find themselves.

Please tell me that the children don't fall under the tossed category. I would love to tell you that. So that's exactly what it is. I mean, tossed can be a gentle toss. I don't think so. A gentle toss. It's an airlifted push. Listen, here's what I i'm gonna say to you is if if you lost uh something then you're on

your own that's the policy that's the official i'm sorry i'm not talking to you i didn't lose anything my child is facing an injury all i'm asking lost a little bit is it a he or she it's not the point that's not the point no his name is connor it's a good bit. Is it a he or a she? That's not the point. That's not the point. No, what is his name? His name is Connor. That's a good name. Thank you. It's my father's name. Thank you. Oh, my God.

That's great. That's really special. Yeah, it is. Is there anything else I can help you with? Well, you still haven't helped me with the first thing. So, okay. God, you are exhausting. Can I ask a question?

It's another complaint I have. You're exhausting. What's your name again? That's another complaint I have. You're exhausting. What's your name again? What's my name? Yes. Yes. My name is Customer Service Agent 629- Okay.

439-729-4697. Whatever number you're saying. Can you just, you mentioned character scars earlier, and I can't help but mention this insane 10-gallon hat that you're wearing. No, I haven't said anything complimentary. Can you the hat because I think that I just want to see now I this is part of my costume for uh through the customer service it's not costumer service so you don't need a costume well that's not what we call it here we call it costumer service nice they're movie studios of course they call it where are you going I have to go because

you're not helping me all right I only had 15 minutes for this and I got to go pick up my kid you're too regimented in your life if you only had 15 minutes for this I don't need advice from you that's not why I'm calling that's not why I'm here I know I am I'm working. That's not why I'm here. I know I am.

I'm working on it. I am a single father. I don't have the choice. He's just trying to survive. He lost his keys. He lost his keys. I have been Ubering hither and thither. It's been a fortune so i have one last short review yeah um this is for bane haunted house in hell's kitchen new york city one star from

jennifer p riley what does the p stand for palette but they're not related. But they're not related, which is crazy. That is weird. From October 24th, very close to your birthday, 2018, one star. I wanted to write a good review about this haunted house. However, I did not even get to go in. I purchased my ticket through Groupon. And when I showed the lady my ticket, she dismissed me without even looking at my ticket because there was no time slot selected. But Groupon didn't even give the option about a time slot.

We proceeded to argue with two more employees about entry, very rude by the way, and they claimed that they were sold out for the night. But the line wasn't long at all and we had tickets. The only thing they were offering was VIP tickets for $50. I don't know whether to blame Groupon or Bane, but I'm overall mildly upset and will not be returning anytime soon.

Overall mildly upset. Overall mildly upset. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the ultimate horror experience in Manhattan. Wow. Let me see your tickets. Nice. Here we go.

Just a second. What is this? Oh, here's mine, too. Oh, thank you. Sorry, could you pass it? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. This is good.

Punch. You can go in. Thank you so much. You, sir, what is this printed out? Seemingly cardstock. Oh, no, that's a Groupon. Groupon. Groupon? Punch, you can go in. Thank you so much. You sir, what is this printed out seemingly card stock? Oh no, that's a Groupon. Groupon. Groupon?

Yeah, it's a Groupon. You guys sell on Groupon. I bought a Groupon ticket. Yeah, wait, Andy, sorry. Sir, he's with our group. I'm with the group. Our tickets are all in the same group. No, they purchased full price from the web.

Sorry, I'm just gonna. They purchased full price from the website. I don't know if we have a deal with Groupon. This is my first week, I'll be honest, but I just don't think we have that. It says it right on it. It has your name. It has a barcode. Can you scan it? I saw you scan it.

It's the same barcode that you scanned with mine. It should work. I don't want to make assumptions, but I could have printed this out. You scanned all of theirs. This is on printer paper i could have done this myself i could have seen the ticket that you guys bought okay you're trying to pull one over on us you know what andy you're right is there a can i pull it up on my uh phone maybe you can pull it up on your phone do the link that i can pull it up on your phone here it should

here i go i should have gone through i have a text and it has a barcode on it so can you just scan that i can't see this is where it starts to get a little wonky um why is it getting wonky it should be you just you just did it all for them they didn't try to cut a deal they didn't try to get around full price because see i'm paid hourly right yeah there's a certain budget sorry let me finish there's a certain budget i didn't interrupt me finish. There's a certain budget. I didn't interrupt. I didn't interrupt you at all. I just want to make sure I want to set the tone. This is a place of horror and scares. Yeah. But this coupon might be scarier than anything I've seen back there.

Oh, sir. Come on. This is my livelihood. This is my livelihood. Can you just let him in? Your name is Andy, right? Yes. I think you're going to get paid the same per hour whether or not you let me in or not.

It's like you're making commission off of whoever comes in the house. Whoever owns this. What do you do for a living? What do you do for a living? I'm a lawyer. Okay. Maybe next time you go to a deposition, you should push a little harder. See, how does that feel?

Me telling you how to do your job. Not nice, right? No, not nice right no you're right you're right i'm sorry i didn't i i absolutely am not trying to get you upset i'm trying to tell you we can fix this i know how we can remedy this i'm sorry if i've been rude we have vip tickets for 150 it's a bundle oh my god so that's that's unbelievable no that's i. No, that's, I mean, Andy, here's the deal. The normal tickets are $50. I bought a ticket on Groupon for $25. That doesn't work for me.

I've never heard of that. It has nothing to do with you. What's that? It has nothing to do with you. How do you figure? I'm the one with the scan gun. I'm the one stopping you from going into the haunted house. So I think it has everything to do with me.

I might have to call, can I get a customer service number from you? Well, please don't do that. Please don't do that. I would love to get it. Can I please? I would love to call whoever's in charge. I'd love to make a complaint about this. Give her the customer service number. Alright, it's 216-555. Okay, I'm putting it on speaker. Great. And it's in. And it's ringing.

Name customer service. Can we help you? No! Not him again! No! I told you it wouldn't be better. You cannot be going through the same people. Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Bane customer service. Customer. Customer. Oh, Ryan, what a ride it's been it's been a ride and go should we do our last segment Riley I think we must this

took me a long This Should be all Week long Ryan, Riley Do you guys have something A current obsession, a grievance you'd like to air Something that's been shaking you All week long I'll tell you one little thing

And it's probably Pretty stupid But I think I figured it out And I don't know for sure. But do you guys notice when you sit down on the toilet to either pee or anything else, your nose runs? How far do you live from Cedars? Because I think we need to get you to a hospital immediately.

No. So for real, I was noticing this for like years. If you sit down and you're specifically, not to get like too blue on you guys, but if you're going to the bathroom, number two style, your nose will run. And so I swear to God, I looked it up and it's a thing. It's a thing.

I have never heard of this in my life. You look it up. No, I'm interested now. I guarantee the next time you guys go to the bathroom, you're going to be like, wait a minute. There's something going on in my nose. There is a correlation between pushing through your bowels. This is true. Pushing through your bowels and activating tear ducts and your nasal, like running your runny nose. There's a correlation. I never figured it out. every time i sat on the toilet

which is no doubt like seven or eight times a day and i again medical emergency you need to get mostly blood mostly blood go to a hospital but it's real and i i was like oh my god uh and i researched it and then just like you're saying like, oh, medical emergency. Of course I went down the rabbit hole of being like, oh, I'm dying. I'm dying now. Yeah, of course.

But it's a real thing. I think that's insane that are, you know, the human body, you guys. I guarantee you're saying this now and we're going to get DMs for the next two or three weeks of people being like, he was right. I fucking started weeping. It're going to get DMs for the next two or three weeks of people being like, he was right. I fucking started weeping.

It's going to be all placebo, but somehow everyone will know. It's 100% a real thing. Did it happen to you and then you read up on it or you read up on it and then it started happening to you? It happened to me when I think I've been so bored through the pandemic. I've sat on the toilet a lot. And just been very aware of what's happening in your body I've been a little hyper

aware of my body functions a couple of times it was literally like insta-drain from my nose insta-drain by Ryan Gull yeah

but it's true I can't wait you guys are going to be like my notes where I was just like Insta dream by Ryan Gall. Yeah. But it's true. I can't wait. You guys are going to be like, you're crazy. I can't wait. I can't wait for the next time you guys crap. That takes the cake for the best what shook me all week long we've ever had on the show. I hope so.

You guys crap a lot, right? Yeah. Riley, what's been shaking you? Yeah, so I guess what's been shaking me... A cafe will get things going. It was going to be something else, but then Ryan Gall told me to call him

next time I took a shit. So I think it's kind of changed. I expect a direct message immediately. Like, it happened, smiley face. It's happening. It's happening. Is there a nose running emoji? Yeah.

There probably is. Just crying. Oh, okay. So the past two days, so my family, my mom's like, can you watch? So we have, like, we have a bunch of dogs like my my parents have three dogs my brothers have two they but they're all at the house at the same like my family's place at the same time they're very happy because they just have a pack basically um and so my mom was like do you want to watch red who's one of our labs she's like do

you want to watch him at your place for a couple days and i'm like would love that um and so red came over and he's a fat red lab um he doesn't do anything other than sleep and snort and he's just a doll um what i kind of i've never owned a dog personally um like my family's always had dogs but of course being the child i've never been the one who had to take care of the dog so my boyfriend and i were like yeah we'll have we'll have like rattle sleep in our room it's gonna be so nice it's gonna be lovely he's just he's just a little puppy it's gonna be great and it's truly like having a small child and i would wake up and i knew that like you know, he had to be let out in the morning and my mom warned me. She's like, he gets up really early, but to be waking up, I, I like,

I felt like a mom. Like I felt like a young first time mom in that it's like my body fully knew that like he had to go out in the morning. And so every hour i was waking up anticipating him to be awake and so i'm already running on like four hours of sleep and then i just hear like i hear just like a little like and my eyes snap open and he's just sitting on my side of the bed staring at me and i'm like got it um just licking his lip just like like, I'm like, okay. And so I've just been running on like, I don't know. We were in the car. We were at my family's place now. And I said that one of the stupidest things I've ever said in my life. I'm like, God, for people who own dogs, everyone's not just like waking up at six every day, are they?

My boyfriend just looked at me like, i don't know most people have jobs so they probably are waking up i said i'm like no that can't be it no it's different um but then today we gave him a this will this will shake me all week long because i we gave him a big bone last night and um he was so happy and so excited. And this morning, when I was like half asleep, it's like 6.15, I'm sitting like on my kitchen floor just like absentmindedly petting him. And he had the bone in his mouth, but like it was a straw. And he was just like kind of thrashing his head around a little bit. And he like was nuzzling into me.

And I was fully giving him like this is the cutest thing ever. And he whips his head around and wh to me in the eye with the bone and immediately while gall is googling why does your nose run when you're on the toilet i'm googling dog bone in eye infected how long does black eye last um 100%. Oh, that's amazing. So that's what's shaking me. And I immediately thought of you, Jeff, because a couple months ago, Jeff was bit in the face by a dog and had a scar for a little bit. I got mauled by a basset hound. The kindest of dogs.

He really had it out for me. It's the little dogs who are the- It's my character scar. That's your character scar. The little ones are the real dinky dogs. They're the jerks. The little ones are the real dinky dogs. They're the jerks. The fighters.

They're the jerks. The big ones are like, I don't give a shit. They have nothing to prove. And that's exactly what it was. No. That's crazy. So that's what's shaking me is that I love this dog so much, but I'm not ready to own a dog, nor am I ready to be a mom. Is that right?

Soon enough. There's little quirky things about me. Jeffrey? I mean, I'm going to have to say it, and I'm going to do it with the star power that we have on this episode today. Are you lactose intolerant, Ryan? Are you lactose intolerant? No.

Perfect. Chocolate milk, right? Salt it. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. Salt in the chocolate milk makes it taste like a malt. Interesting.

It is a chocolate milkshake. I don't know what chemical reaction happens, but if you pour a glass of that wacky chalky, and then you put some of that sody, that sody, sody. Mix it in. Let it kind of do its thing. I swear to God, something that's still kind of healthy for you in some ways bad for you and others but it's good for muscle growth and it tastes like a diner

chocolate milk i swear to god chocolate wow this makes me think of like all the people that dip their french fries and love that in a milkshake because you get that salty potato taste with the chocolate sweetness have you ever heard of not to go off of this but please do salt salting your beer no is that a thing there there are people when i used to wait tables people would be like uh like shitty beer like i'll have a coors Light and salt it. And I'd be like, okay, no problem. As I'd walk away,

I'd be like, I'm going to either screw this up or I think he said, I think he said salt is beer. But no, you literally just like salt, put salt in your beer.

Well, we have to try it, Riley. Yeah. It would be a great thing for you guys to try yeah well that's going to be my what shook me next week i'm sure it will be the salted beer this is salted month so every week i'm gonna be salting something different salt in september yeah that's that's that's fun i'm gonna i'm gonna try that salt and chocolate milk chocolate that sounds really good because i do i am one of the i, a salty sweet combo and a French fry and milkshake. If that's anything near the same experience.

Yeah. I think it is. I think I'm going to like it. I would stick my reputation, which is already not worth a lot on this glass of dairy. You got nothing to lose. Truly. Um,

Ryan, again, thank you so much for coming on. Uh, you have the floor, anything you'd like to plug social media upcoming projects uh your kids social security number what have you anything no i would just like to say it's an absolute pleasure to do this with you guys i haven't improvised in

months and it felt it felt very fun i i had a little uh twinkling of excitement doing it with you guys uh because i haven't done it in so long. So I appreciate that you guys invited me to come do this. Stop. This is insane. Stop it. I have nothing to plug. If anybody is interested enough in me, they'll find me and what I'm doing.

Otherwise, I love y'all. Love you too. Thank you so much. This was just such a treat. This was so much fun. Yeah, I hope I come back and do it again sometime. I'll do it anytime you guys want. That'd be great.

I had one request. If anybody, the next time anybody takes a shit, if they're drooling from their nose, if they could just DM me. Drooling from their nose? You want to start a dialogue? Of course. Yeah, I want everybody, every single person to DM me. Drilling from their nose. You want to start a dialogue? Of course. Yeah, I want everybody,

every single person to DM me. It's a movement. Yeah, this is a movement. And it's a movement. And it's a movement. And it's a movement. You can find Riley on Instagram, at RileyAnspa on Twitter,

at RileyCoyote. You can find the show on Instagram, at ReviewReview, and on Reddit, r slash ReviewReviewnspa on Twitter at RileyCoyote. You can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview and on Reddit, r slash ReviewReview and on Twitter at ReviewReviewShow. And Jeffrey James on Instagram. I am Jeffrey James. And on Twitter at Don'tPlayNoJames. We got Gaul.

We got the Gaul. We got Gaul. Now you got him for life. You got Gaul for life. We hooked him. Can you say something? I want to try something? Can you just say This is Ryan Gall and you're listening to Review Review

Yeah This is Ryan Gall and you're listening to Review Review In the morning This is Ryan Gall and you're listening to Review Review On Sirius 9M. I drew it from my nose. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening.

Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.