Review Revue - Heart Shaped Box Chocolate (w/ Miles Bonsignore!)

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Comedy legend and podcast guru Miles Bonsignore returns to Review Revue to volunteer at a dog shelter, become speaker of the house, and perform in a one act show.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. We'll see you next time. Check out this piece of Swiss. It's from Paul McCartney, the man himself.

Yeah, that's an autograph. Laugh and joke around. Review some tricky trots. Christmas Thursday for Jeff Bezos. That wagon here. And it's just a careful start, but I it's the same Instead of that I'm over here Here at the airport lounge I've never seen you before

Marty? Woo! Woo! That was from, oh my god, thank you so much. That was a theme song from April 7th, 2021. And it was a bop. It was a bop. It was a bop from a day one listener. He says he's got nothing to plug, but you can follow him

on Twitter at MikeHawkMurdock. He says all he does is tweet at HeadGumPodcasters. Thank you for that. That was such a bop. To be a day one listener back then, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like a year into the show. If you were still a day one listener now then though you know what i mean yeah like if you were still a day one

now i'd be like that's you know but that the show had only been going what a year at that point that's not that's right you know what a what a great way to kick off and up by being like oh someone's sending the song that's so awesome you're like not that great though not that great yeah i would bet money that they're not listening anymore i did the pandemic so they had more time right right elf's on one today we hopped on the phone and he was just like fuck this fuck that he's fucking on one but it doesn't matter because we have the king of the internet literal daddy bon senor here we go miles had a kid miles had a kid miles had a kid that's right daddy kid. Woo! Miles had a kid. That's right.

Daddy's home and daddy's back. And I have a three-week-old. Oh, my God. And today, at the time of release, it'll be Valentine's Day. Oh! I love Valentine's Day. Me and Sarah, we usually had, like, a party on Valentine's Day. But not now.

We love a party. We love to have a little party. But yeah, we're not doing one this year, obviously, because we will have a four-week-old at that point. And it's like a little too soon for him to like party. But not, you know, eventually he'll be able to party. That's what I feel about Alfred, actually. It's like I want to do stuff with him, but I'm like,

I don't know if he's old enough. I don't know if he can take it. Yeah, well, Alfred, you're 17, right? Yeah, this month not yet but like basically no like i'm closer to 17 than i am to 16 so fuck off basically go our movies and shit um do you think that when your son is in school you're gonna do whole like, here's 45 fun dips to take to the whole entire class. Oh my God. I can't wait to be like a daddy that drops the kid off and has, you know, nine to three

to kind of do with it what I may. That really excites me. Sarah's like, I, yeah, I'm going to be out doing stuff. And I'm psyched to be like, yeah, let me make dips for the class. Let me show up to a PTA meeting and treat it like my own little comedy routine. And everyone's hating me. High five.

It's also like LA. So I feel like whatever school he goes to is going to have other annoying artists that are going to be there kind of taking advantage of the situation. Sure, sure, sure. That's beautiful. annoying artists that are going to be there kind of taking advantage of the situation sure yeah and we're not and sure and we're not talking sm7b that alfred has the microphone oh wow you really spied that you really that's right like i said he's king of the internet he's king of audio if you've ever done anything on the internet miles invented it miles invented the internet you heard it here first that's right heard it here first. That's right. You heard it here first. That's right. Google who? Yeah, I was going to say what's new, but it's, oh, two mics, huh? Oh, Albert's got the second mic.

Riley, you're getting shown up. Just in case, you know? I don't know what to fucking say. It's been nothing but just like lambasting me for the better part of seven minutes since you hopped on the zoo miles I'm just trying to be supportive I'm fast Be like oh we're having fun and you guys are like fuck you that's literally what happened

You can play back the audio. That's literally what happened listen to it folks, but yeah We have a baby and we're very tired But it's very it's like fun and he's like a little creature at this point that just kind of needs like my wife's nectar and that's really all like that's all he does right now is like he's obsessed he is cute and then he like needs a boob and then he takes a shit and like eventually he'll like eventually he'll kind of be like, hmm, on this earth, are citizens, shall they be governed by the governless?

He'll sort of have thoughts like that, but right now it's not so much that. Mostly it's boobs and taking shits. Yeah, exactly. Got it. Got it. That's incredible. That's incredible. But I do love that question, Alva,

about like, so when you guys were in school, what was, I mean, this also, this is not a Valentine's Day school episode, but I do love that question, Alva, about like, so when you guys were in school, what was, I mean, this also, this is not a Valentine's Day school episode, but I just love that question of like, what do you remember from like Valentine's Day in school? Did your school celebrate Valentine's Day? Did it recognize Valentine's Day? Did you, if you brought a snack, did you have to bring one for every single person in the class so that no one was left out?

Well, I'll tell you that I went to a school with 40 kids in each class so small little tiny and when i say that i would bring like a little note for each kid and then kind of gussy up the gussy up for the one well they'd be wouldn't be personalized okay it'd be like have a scooby valentine's oh i see i thought you were like handwriting like dear aiden what a pleasure it's been this year to sit next to you in math that's adorable but no then i would gussy up the one for the girl i had a crush on i would pretend i would pretend like it was just like another fucking note like i'd like a couple more stickers too yeah i'd like add an extra sticker i'd be like hey it's fun sitting next to you in math.

Like, you know, that kind of stuff. But it would, yeah, I would give one to everybody. And then you'd get little cubbies and they'd be full of those like nasty little chalk candies. Yeah. Alf, what about you? I, you know, kind of extending a theme for my life in general i was more of a taker than a giver when it came to um when it came to valentine's day in school i i think i made an effort a few times to do the like here's you know fucking sweethearts for the whole school or whatever but mainly

10 000 sweethearts i was just in it for the candy and and that's like a fun thing that you can that you learn as a child it tells you a lot about yourself well that people will give you shit and you don't have to give them anything such a bad attitude and that's like approach romantic relationships as well absolutely and it's like you know little like maria or whatever shows up to school and she's got like candy for everybody and she's not gonna not give me candy just because i don't have and let's be honest though let's be honest and miles you know i don't wanna i don't wanna like upend miles's narrative that he was telling but it's like were you writing the notes or was a parent right because i feel like a lot of the legwork

and the purchasing power behind the little candies. Well, obviously, the purchasing power was the parents. It's coming from mom and dad, so I felt less bad. I'm like, exactly. Yeah, I get that, though. So it was more of a holiday for me to eat Fun Dip and, you know, it'll come as a surprise to nobody. Yeah, for sure. It comes as a surprise to nobody. Yeah, for sure.

It comes as a surprise to nobody that I was the kid who was like, I'll snort the Fun Dip for three cents. You know what I mean? Yeah, or like snorting the- I'm learning so much about you through there. The Pixie, the Pixie Stick. Oh my God, acting like Pixie Stick is drug? That was like my whole thing.

That's like a big routine for a lot of kids and I for sure did it. Alvin and I for sure did it Yes, we were talking about the hyper phase like as a kid being like Yeah, I for sure was like probably that kid and I'm sure that my son will be that kid And it's exciting for me to sort of I feel like having a little guy like that He going to kind of just do what I was doing at that age and it's going to give me perspective on how annoying I probably was. Yeah, it's the best.

I'm remembering when I was – I think we stopped doing Valentine's stuff when I got to middle school and high school. But elementary school was the height of everyone gets a little thing. And it's like you can't – if you're going to bring a candy or a treat in or whatever, if you're not going to give it to everyone in the class, then you can't bring anything at all.

And I liked that because it wasn't like, you know, then it very much changed in high school because then it's like you could buy roses for people anonymously or not. Oh God. And it was like, you know, in Mean Girls with like the candy canes, it was that but like with roses

and candy canes in the winter as well. But like, so it was awful. So it roses and candy canes in the winter as well but like so it was awful so it's like if you had a sweetheart or no or like you wanted to just like you know give it to a girlfriend or whatever they would go into your class and you would know if you were popular or hot or not because if you didn't get a flower then you were neither of those things and um that just unearthed a really vile memory for me which is uh my high school did something similar but it wasn't a rose it was you could buy like a singing telegram from the high school acapella group oh that's worse and they would like cut like everybody's taking you know you're

sitting there doing your fucking pre-calc test or whatever and all of a sudden you hear like you are my fire and it's like the teacher is like Jesus Christ is that three times this period already no that's a nightmare

and like all things with children it was really used as a way to bully i think um you know and it's like can you believe like buying the teacher you know the sexiest song imaginable and it's like everyone is laughing their ass off and the teacher's like i'm gonna go to jail um because yeah we don't want yeah of course they gotta go to jail you know something we've been doing recently so like i said we had a valentine's party for the best couple years and uh one thing that i really liked about this is we do kind of a cheesy thing that really would work where you come to the valentine's party and there's little name tags and at first okay let's be clear here everyone's like oh geez come on this thing again and there's

a green name tag and then there's a red name tag and the red means you found a love and green means go and so all of our friends they're reluctantly like oh i guess i'm putting on the green but then they're talking to all the people who have the green cards such a fun idea yeah it's very fun and so that way it's like you know not only are we like getting to have like a big thing with all our friends but our friends kind of get to see oh maybe this is somebody that i miss singles mixer in your home exactly i love that um and that kind of reminds me i mean well we've been talking about valentine's day generally today specifically miles chose a very specific topic that i feel like is specific and universal and something really beautiful.

We're talking heart-shaped box chocolate. I'm in your heart-shaped box. Miles, we gave you a list of Valentine's paraphernalia. Why the heart-shaped box chocolate? This one really spoke to me because I think at a young age uh this is like the thing you feel like you have to buy for like your loved one when you're in high school or even in early college it's like i guess i should put a heart in the box part and they're always nasty chocolates too they're never very good and i just remember getting them a lot for like girlfriends I had at the time. But they feel fancy compared to like, you know, a fun dip. Yeah.

Or like our Hershey's. It's like, let's get a full size heart shaped box chocolates. And I also feel like it's just a great example of like, this is just marketing. Like a marketing beast that's taking over the love of the holiday. But I for sure bought a lot of these for girlfriends I had at the time. Of course. That are no longer. Because I'm sure bought a lot of these for girlfriends I had at the time. Of course. That are no longer. Because I'm a married man with a child.

No longer with us. No longer with us. They all perished. Alf, did you ever partake? Did anyone ever give you these? Or did you just kind of? What do you fucking think? Well, I meant like, because you're like, I'm a taker.

I'm a taker. I'm not a giver. Give me all the chocolates. Yep. You did say that. That was a really good impression of giver give me all the chocolates that was a really good impression of me give me all the chocolates give me all those chocolates here

give me 70 Sam I you know I don't think anyone did ever buy me one of these I think I have bought these in the past I think Miles makes a great point that it is kind of exclusively the worst chocolate it's the off cuts it's the reject

like and and and like that goes to i mean not to not to pivot too hard but easter candy was something i had a real problem with as a child where it's like it was always about the presentation it was always like how can we sort of rat fuck this chocolate into looking like a bunny or an egg or a bird and it's like you're not focusing on the quality of the product you're just focusing on the presentation and it's like the valentine's day candy in general has that like sweetheart like the little be mine google gaga it's like you're just buying that for the message no part of that nobody enjoys no one's popping those yeah like were you a kid that wrote a lot of think pieces because it seems like you're like something i really had a they grinded my gear

the middle school newspaper just had an op-ed section just to me alfred's corner um alf did you did see a very specific box of chocolates in a CVS or Walgreens or something recently. Oh my god, I did. It was a box of chocolates that just had a huge picture of a Labrador retriever puppy on it. Why? I don't know. And something about it really rubbed me the wrong way of the idea of like advertising chocolate and dogs together. Yeah, it's wrong.

These two things do not, should not be put in the same place because the puppy gonna get hurt. Puppy gonna get hurt. Puppy gonna get hurt. I think I received, so my mom, my mom always sends me heart-shaped stuff for Valentine's Day every year. It's very sweet. And actually one Valentine's Day when we were in college and I had gone through a breakup a couple months before, Alf and I just gorged on chocolate from my mom

and got drunk and ate a lot of salt and vinegar Cape Cod chips and watched TV, watched Wallace and Gromit probably, and that was a Valentine's Day. That's one of my favorite Valentine's Days ever. But yeah, I'm excited to hear these. Who wants to kick us off with our first review? I can go unless you want to go.

No, I don't. He's chomping at the bit. He's obsessed. Okay, go. Okay. This one is for the Godiva heart-shaped box of chocolates. Ooh, that's a fancy one. The Amazon user verified buyer, so they don't really have a name.

So VB, do you have a name for VB, Miles? Ooh, Veronica Bunsen. Veronica Bunsen writes, dead stale. Foot fetish kid. Sorry. One star. Dead stale?

One star. Godiva Candy's namesake, Lady Godiva, Oh my God. supposedly took her famous ride in the year 1057. I guess that this box of chocolates I received was just about that old. Wow. Also, like, what a weird flex, like, of the history knowledge.

And I think that for no reason. It's like as if you history knowledge just Google that imagining them looking it up when did Lady Godiva take her famous ride that wasn't off the dome on the white horse like I know I'm learning I know nothing about Lady Godiva because also like I I love the knowledge pull from the title of the can. The namesake. Like, I've never, if I have, like, a bad, like, Daniel and I, we love, I'll admit it, we love Justin's dark chocolate peanut butter cups. We really love the stuff.

And we got a bag recently that was, like, perfect, beautiful, creamy inside. And then we got another bag, all of them stale inside, just hardened peanut butter. It was awful. And I'm not going around being like, Justin, you motherfucker. Justin, no, Justin would never do that to me. It's not Justin's fault.

Well, it's not Justin's fault. It is Justin's fault. You think it's Justin? Well, it's give me the chocolate when it gets that like little waxy, like you can tell it melted in the truck. Oh yeah. And then it kind of re- it melted in the truck. Oh, yeah. And then it kind of re-firmed in the store.

Yeah, that's never good. Leading art history museum tour. And if you come over here, we see this beautiful work of Aphrodite hanging in the clouds. Next to her is Venus. I'm so sorry. I know this is a fifth grade tour. I know you guys are here to learn a bit about art yeah but um I don't know if any of you if any of your parents use Venus razors and get show of hands if anyone's parents I know I do I know I do yep Dylan I see Oh Dylan and Chris oh

so they use them too okay sit kind of hunker down like on the marble floor alright so Venus you know it's like I'm your Venus I'm your fire the razors Oh, so they use them too. Okay. Sit and kind of hunker down like on the marble floor. All right. So Venus, you know, it's like, I'm your Venus. I'm your fire. The razors lately have not been very good. I think they come a little bit rusted. And so it's like Venus, who is so beautiful. Everyone look.

Isn't she so beautiful? It's supposed to make me feel beautiful. I feel like we came to learn about art. And I feel like this is, I don't, I don't mean to speak for the rest of the class but I just feel like this maybe is like a personal brand deal that you have or something a personal brand deal um you wouldn't catch me getting a brand deal with Venus for the 10-foot pole I'm sorry Dylan um like I said the razors have been rusty and you are learning about art isn't it amazing how art art history transfers into the present day chris you're shaking your head no no i'm sorry i just that was that was classic dylan

is all that looks he was yeah like that was just really funny for me so i was just laughing like a little bit i'm sorry it didn't mean to be rude. I just thought that was classic, though. Thanks, bud. Yeah, you were really, you killed it. I'm sorry, Miss Mills. These two, you know what? I thought I was, I forgot to put them in separate groups because they just can't, they're just like, you know, on the report cards, it's always like, oh, pleasure to have in class, but talks a lot and especially together. So I'm sorry I didn't separate. No, it's fine it's fine um i i love having little assistants today um yes chris just like to point out i didn't actually say anything i just like made a little note i like nodded and then you asked me a question so like

you're the one who's like making this a bigger deal than it needs to be is all so yeah me yeah i'd love to actually continue the tour if that's okay oh no of course but you miss Mills like I don't want to like tell you how to do your job but like I'd love to like see some more art I don't know about you Dil whoa did you guys see that that was crazy that was just like a crazy moment

what was I remember being in school what was it guys did you see that come on Dil don't make such a big deal about it. Everyone's like, yeah. Include Miss Art History on the fun. What's going on? No, you wouldn't get it.

They do this a lot, Miss Mills. They kind of just make up something that didn't actually happen. They'll get everyone in on the joke as if something happened. And then it's to bully. It's to bully. They're bullying you right now. Oh, they're bullying me? Okay.

Okay, okay. Well, let's continue the tour. We can continue the tour. Oh, here is the god Mars. Has anyone ever had a Mars bar? Show of hands. Show of hands. A nice little chocolate.

Chocolate. No one? No one. What a shame. Chris, you are looking very quizzical. What's going on in that head up there? I was pretty sure it's a British candy, Miss Mills. Why would we have had a British candy?

This is America. All the kids are like. Chris, stop. Chris. Chris. There's the lie. No. There's the lie.

Am I right? Oh my God, Chris! Sorry. Dylan, are you okay? Miss Mills found dead, am I right? Oh my god! Miss Mills got me like, Miss Mills got me like. Cut to the museum security office.

You two are in there. All right, boys. So I know you both are in fifth grade. I know that this isn't a serious thing, but we did have to bring you in here because our security cameras caught you saying Miss Mills found dead, and so we can only assume that that was a death threat.

And so I guess I just want to get to the bottom of what was going on today. Miss Mills was giving you a perfectly lovely art history tour, and you two were just causing a ruckus the entire time. Hey, Chris. Got milk. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, I think this guy does. I think this guy for sure does got milk? You know what I mean? Yeah, I think this guy does. I think this guy for sure does got milk. This guy's got milk as hell. Milk as hell? What does that mean? Hey Dil, hey Dylan. Who's up? Mr. Clean, right? No! I get that a lot.

Oh, gag me boots slay oh my god go off boots dude come on Mr. Clean ass the house alright alright this all of this I don't know

what's going on I don't know what kind of slang you're using but I might have to call your parents if you don't tone it down, and you both need to go give Ms. Mills an apology. My dad is in Waikiki on a business trip, so I'm not sure what my mom's up to, but she's not answering the phone and stuff. Sorry to hear that.

Sounds like you have a tough home life. No, it's cool. We live in a nice part of town and stuff. Okay, so you're rich. Yeah. Okay, it's cool. They're like we live in the nice part of town and stuff. Okay, so you're rich. Yeah. Okay, you're rich but sad. My mom is going to ground my ass if she finds out about this. Okay, alright. I'm sorry. I know you're going to be fine, but I'll be

fine. Okay, play it cool, dude. Alright, you're right. And we won't be able to have a sleepover or anything. No, that would suck shit. Okay, we're sorry. So much cussing from you two children. Basically, the way this is going to go away,

and I won't call your parents, is if you go give Ms. Mills a genuine apology right now. Okay. You can do that? No, for sure. Sorry about that. None of this. None of this.

Oh, got milk. None of this. Oh, Ms. Mills found dead. Oh, Ms. Mills got me like none of that all right you know my niece says that kind of crap all the time and i i just can't take it for sure so i'm gonna bring her in here sorry what did you say i said peter griffin looking ass because you said crap you old ass man yeah and like And like Peter Griffin, like that's some shit that he would say. Right.

We watch Adult Civil in my mom's house. She lets us. But we get turned off at the scary parts. Yeah. The scary parts of Family Guy? No, like when it plays like a scary anime. Yeah. After Family Guy is over, sometimes it'll play something that we don't know.

And then we get freaked out like some like robot chicken or something Yeah, like some scary shit like my niece watches that all the time. It's kind of freaking weird though. Nice is here My niece is here. She's kind of working the back because she's she's a little cold so she's home from school right now It doesn't matter. I'm gonna bring miss Mills in and you're gonna get an apology Oh your niece into maybe your niece into Bring your niece in too, maybe. Bring my niece in too? Why?

Does your niece play Fortnite or? Fortnite. My niece, well, she's grounded right now. So she would play Fortnite, but she's been saying a bunch of stuff that she learned from Family Guy. Let's just say that. How long is she grounded for? Yeah. Two weeks.

She got her phone on it. She could play Fortnite on that. iPad even? You can, really? iPad even, for sure. She could play it got her phone on it she could play fortnight on that ipad even you can really ipad even she's playing on her phone because she has her phone for like emergency purposes and stuff like that but i didn't know she can play yeah you can jailbreak it yeah absolutely you can do you think she's she's 13 do you think she knows how to jailbreak her phone you can jailbreak the parent controls yeah okay bring miss mills in here so we can fucking get back to going into the art or whatever. Oh my god. Okay, I'm back. Hello. Hi, Miss Mills. Hey, Miss Mills.

Miss Mills, these kids are something else. Thank you. But they're here. Nope, not a compliment. They are here to give you a proper apology. Isn't that right, Chris and Dylan? You,

I mean, for sure like what uh yeah like yeah i guess sorry i'm sorry that i'm sorry that you misinterpreted the things that we were saying chris that's not a real apology chris that's not a real apology i'm sorry that you grew up too sensitive is that better miss mills starts sobbing you see what i mean security guy come on guys look at this no i did grow up really sensitive and so it's like i was always i was always left out i was always left out and so it's just like it's it's hard when they start saying stuff that's's like, oh, Ms. Mills found dead. It's like, I know what that means. I know it's not a death threat.

I know that it's like, oh, they just like bodied the joke so hard that like my body's on the floor. They roasted me really bad. And so I do ultimately think we should call their parents. Is that crazy? No, no, no, Ms. Mills,

can I be real with you? Okay, fine. If you give me a real apology, then I won't call your parents. And I know Dylan's dad's in Hawaii right now. Waikiki. Waikiki, that, no. Miss Mills, can I be real with you? Okay, fine. If you give me a real apology, then I won't call your parents. And I know Dylan's dad's in Hawaii right now. Waikiki. Waikiki, that's right. I'm not going to give you an apology.

I'll give you something better. I'll give you something better, Miss Mills. Something better. Listen to him. He's actually really smart. We're the future of the world and the generation. I could even be president one day, and you act like I'm so stupid. You act like we're stupid

and we're not stupid like literally like all the kids on Discord. I never said you're stupid. I just think you guys are mean. Dylan could be speaker of the house and I could be president. I could be house speaker. You don't think Dylan could be president? No. I don't think I could be. I don't want the

smoke. I don't want the smoke i don't want the smoke i'm not allowed because i was born in freaking mexico exactly god you suck anyway miss mills i'm going to give you some advice which is way more valuable than an apology dude okay yeah when you try to relate to us in class you're always bringing up stuff like razors like venus razors yeah that's not the shit we like we like adult swim family guy stuff that yeah humor sick and twisted sick and twisted type shit you know kind of edgy maybe if you spent less time watching i'm gonna guess that 90s show and more time watching family guy or adult swim you might be able to relate to your students and we would respect you rather than yeah bully so you're saying that everyone that loves family guy

and i should just only relate to them with family guy lore. To one. Every single kid in the class. Every single one. Every kid loves it. Cut to Chris as the president giving his first national address, State of the Union, with Dylan standing right behind him for some reason. My fellow Americans,

I just want to say, holy freaking crap. Oh my god, dude. No way. Nobody thought we would do it. Nobody thought we'd get here. No, we're straight up the next generation. Everybody respects us so fucking hard.

No, they for real do. New law, by the way. New law, guys. Oh, new law alert. New law. New law. New law just dropped. New law.

What is it? What is it? What's going on with the new law? No, like that girl, Bethany, she's. New law. Just dropped. New law. What is it? What is it with the new law? No, like that girl, Bethany. She's like really fine. Like that's the law though. News outlets, new law. That girl, Bethany is really fine.

That girl, Bethany from fucking White Lomas or whatever. From Light Lotus on HBO Max. I don't know if her name is Bethany. She's hot. That's the law now. Yes. And I have something to say to our friends and enemies abroad. Yeah.

Hey, Mr. Putin. Mr. Clean looking ass. Fucking get him. America's nuked. No. Oh, no. No one could have thought it would end like that. No way!

Holy freaking crap in Atom Bomb. Let's take a break. Oh, my God. Ugh. We're back. Holy crap. Holy freaking crap and atom bomb. Holy freaking crap and atom bomb.

I just hope Alf always finds a way to sneak a little Peter Griffin. It's so funny. It's like... Stupid. Every time I do a Peter Griffin impression we lose another thousand another person goes to Apple podcast it goes unsubscribe unsubscribe

not auto download it's really funny I have review okay oh Miles doesn't like it Miles would you rather do yours no um so this this is for the dove valentine's milk chocolate truffles candy heart gift box um and what i loved about even just before i got to the reviews just like the the product

description itself is that it tells you like what kinds of people you can give this box to whoa and it says gift and experience like no other and then it has like it says sweeties for your sweetheart and then it says teachers and then co-workers and so it says like sweeties chocolate and valentine's day go hand in hand a dove truffles gift tin is a heartwarming addition to a date with your sweetie then for teachers it says, like, sweeties, chocolate and Valentine's Day go hand in hand. A Dove Truffles gift tin is a heartwarming addition to a date with your sweetie. Then for teachers, it says, teachers deserve to feel appreciated on Valentine's Day, too. Give them Dove Truffles to express your gratitude for what they do. And then coworkers, it says, work is always a little brighter when chocolate is involved. These chocolate truffles will help your coworkers feel your appreciation.

So that's not the review i just thought that was fucking crazy that's so so inappropriate to give your teacher a heart-shaped box of chocolates i will say that growing up my mom was a teacher and she would bring home every valentine's day like students would give her like cookies and chocolate and like all this shit it's weird as hell i would do that too but only if everyone else in the class is getting the same thing i'm not going out of my way right yeah just to the teacher no my parents my parents are also teachers and so i would cut from the same cloth but i would uh also get like yeah all the cookies and stuff they bring home but never like

a heart never romantic yeah yeah no i guess that's fair. Just like a fake good or a candy. But here we go. This is a four-star review from Diane. Can either of you give me a last name for Diane? Plants. Diane Plants, four stars. The title is Nice Valentine Gift. Have one piece left, saving it for my valentine.

Ate the whole thing, but my sweetie gets the one sweetie left. Ooh. Giving someone a fully empty box of chocolate, save for the one Valentine's day. Hey, Marcus.

Sorry, I was just finishing up my finishing up my reports and just for the Kleinsman file. Oh, of course. Yeah, for sure. And I just wanted to say I really appreciate working with you.

I don't know. Maybe this is stupid, but I got you something just to kind of show, you know, we've been working together what yeah so like six years no yeah something four years four years four years four years something yeah but uh yeah trump was still president yeah four years i don't really is that how you denote time because i guess maybe i maybe before i get this chocolate i don't know that i no i'm just saying like it's it was something important that was half like it's part of how i marked time is like who was president of the time it's like not crazy to be like trump was president when we started working together that doesn't mean that i'm like i love trump like

no obviously i fucking hate the guy. Sorry. All right. I just wanted to make sure. It was just a weird thing to say. No. I just like, I don't want to be caught giving a gift to someone that's like, I don't agree with ideologically. No, you and me are like, I think probably on the same page about most stuff. Yeah, because in the office it's just hard to tell because we don't talk about personal stuff that much. Right, which I think is cool.

But that could change if you wanted so i got you a little box and um it is a it is open just a little bit but um i just want to say you really mean a lot to me and thank you man it's cool to it's cool to work together so here yeah you got just a little something for the day wow this is pretty big yeah what is there like a hundred don't get your hopes up before you open the box but um opens the box huh what well there's, there's only... There's only one left. And it... Kind of looks like you took a bite out of it.

Um... Or someone. I'm not saying it was you. No, it was me. Okay. It looks almost like you did... You know, like when you're on a date and you get dessert and it's like either you're having like a slice of cake and there's like a bit left and you take half and then they cut the half in half and the half and you know like yeah it's maybe an

eighth of the original i'm so sorry blake and marcus i know that you guys are having a little but blake i just wanted to thank you so much yeah for the sweetest gift you left me on my desk. Oh, yeah. No problem. It was just so kind. I mean, it's like 50 white chocolate truffles. What are you? Like, is it okay?

Like, that's crazy. And I just, you are such a giving coworker. You are a gift. I'm so happy to be here. You are a gift to this office. Oh, stop it. Oh, stop it. I know you've only been working here for a couple weeks. Yeah. But you just are a gift to I'm so happy to be here. You are a gift to this office. Oh, stop it. Oh, stop it. I know you've only been working here for a couple weeks, but you just are a gift to this

office and your sunshine. Oh, that's so kind of you. It radiates. It really radiates to the whole community. And by the way, I'm coming to your ballet recital. I'm coming to- What? Oh, yes.

Thank you. I have a seat saved right front and center for you. That's awesome. That's awesome. It is so good to connect with another Pisces. It is so good to connect. another pisces it is so good to connect i couldn't agree more i give you a kiss on the forehead i go i bow i'll see you later see you later bestie bestie

biden was literally president when she started working here i don't fucking understand yeah i don't know what the hell is up with that, but you got to quit it with the president stuff. Okay. I want to, I want to keep politics out of this office. Wait a minute. Now I'm, now I'm having,

I guess the question that you were having about me a minute ago. Now I have about you. Cause I feel like there's only one type of person who says that anymore. Like, why does everything have to be political? Just like shut up and dribble is kind of the energy that I'm getting from you right now. And I'm kind of, that makes me kind of nervous. No, I obviously didn't. I don't like Trump.

Oh, cool. Right. I think he's interesting. He's like funny. No, I didn't vote for him. Okay. interesting he's like funny no i didn't vote for him okay so are you gonna take the gift or not i mean i'll take it i'm if i'm honest i don't know if i'll if i'll eat it wow you know i've been meaning to talk to you about this but people around the office have been saying that you think you're better than everybody for something reason for something reason seriously yeah um hey me sorry sorry it's it's uh it's misty again um I just I I just overheard yeah I'm again

I'm so sorry to barge in like this no barge in any time your your your Your presence is a gift. Stop it. I did overhear Marcus say that he's not going to eat the chocolate you gave him. I know. And I just, from the whole office, I just guess, like Marcus,

could you just like earmuffs for a second? Yeah, sure. This just kind of confirms like there is something. Something weird. There's something, it's like he thinks

he's better than everyone. There's something, there's something there. There's something weird. And so it's like, I don't know if he should be giving him a gift. I don't know if he does deserve a gift. I know. It's hard to take it back now.

Because it was such a generous gift you gave. Well, I just tried to. Marcus, it was such a generous gift he gave. Sorry, what were you saying? No, no, no, no. Thanks. It's just like, I don't know. I'm getting this weird vibe from him.

I wanted to like make him feel better because everyone feels bad for him. And like he like drives that golf. You know what I mean? He does like all the time all the time and also he cannot stop bringing up politics in the office and it's making everyone really like we're all just trying to have fun i just i just don't want to live my life i don't want to get into all that who cares like let none of us watch the news let Let the DC folks figure it out. Thank you for saying that.

I just feel like there's certain stuff you can't ignore. It impacts our world. Oh, my God. Oh, Marcus, with the shit again. I'm sorry we've had enough. We've had enough. Why didn't you invite me to your ballet recital? You know that I have an MFA in dance.

I know that. I know that because you an MFA in dance. I know that. I know that because you'd never stop talking about it, Marcus. But can I be honest about something? It's because you think you're better than me. And so it's like, I didn't want you coming to my adult class to ballet recital on a Wednesday afternoon because I didn't want you sitting there being like, I could have done that. That was a shit plie. Oh, you call that a leap? Like, I didn't want you sitting there being like I could have done that that was a shit plie oh you call that a leap like I didn't want that kind of energy and I know

that like just the best co-worker in the world is going to be sitting there being like go yeah I'm sorry but I have to say it what do you work for AMC because you're projecting what the hell was that?

I was trying to like make a joke about, I don't, I was trying to like deliver like a, I was trying to save that for like weeks, Marcus. Yeah. It seems like you wrote that on a little notebook yesterday. Yeah.

It was not off the dome. Did you look that up on Reddit or something? No, I don't. Come on. I bet you're obsessed with Reddit, Margo. You are literally obsessed with Reddit. I see your screen.

You talk about politics all the time. I bet you're on Reddit. I bet you're on 4chan. I bet you're on 8chan. You love it. Yeah. I'm not like QAnon or whatever this like brand is. I can see that there's dog hair in your golf and you don't have a dog.

And I know that because you said it one time. Yeah, I don't have a dog and i know that because you said it one time yeah i don't have a dog but sometimes on weekends i volunteer at a shelter oh and you think you're so much so much better because you're spending all your free time reading books to dogs and you think that makes you so much better than us we're all out at the bar without you. We're trying to have fun in our 20s. We're trying to have fun in our 20s. I'm sorry, guys. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault.

Yeah, it is. Thank you for saying that. Thanks for saying that. I actually got you guys a little something. Really? Really. That's kind of shocking given how everyone thinks you're so selfish yeah you're right i know but what is it i love it no you're right you probably know i love it no we want it we want it whatever we do on it okay it feels kind of stupid now but it probably is

reach into my desk I got you guys I I got you guys both your own golf hand you two sets of car keys what you guys are just like you know like you're right

like I don't fit in here and I don't have like a lot of friends at work or outside of work honestly and like I just kind of feel like you're right like I don't fit in here and I don't have like a lot of friends at work or outside of work honestly and like I just kind of feel like you two are like my best friends and like I know that's kind of like sad to say or whatever but like sad you know like I don't think I've had a friend friend since like Bush you know and so since sorry which one senior okay and i know i'm a little senior than you yeah what the hell like is part of the reason like i don't know if we click but like i just thought maybe if i bought each of you a car being friends of people who

are older than us we don't like that at all and I don't like that. And I think you're right for that. I do. I think I, you know, I'm- Stop trying to be so understanding. Boston's over. Oh, Marcus. Wow. I was going to bring you into the office

to tell you what an amazing job you're doing this quarter. But now that I'm seeing- Did you- I just want to make sure, because obviously I know you did. You bought enough cards for everyone in the office, right? Well, I know you did. You bought enough cars for everyone in the office, right? Well, I don't make that much. Because if you're only giving cars to two people in the office,

then that's not fair. Then how's everyone else supposed to feel? Then it's got to kind of confirm everyone's suspicions about you that you're really selfish and that you suck. Thanks for saying that, Dan. You're right. Let me make a call. Yeah.

Call my broker. Hey, Mike. right let me uh let me make a let me make a call yeah yeah yeah broker hey mike what's up buddy yeah i think we gotta sell let's do it let's do it right today i'll sell every thing you own if you if you if you just tell me give me the signal and i will get you cash on hand how much uh i mean as much as you can you want the house you want the dogs the dog foster dogs sell the dogs okay sell the dog sell the shelter i read to the dog sell my golf your golf is gone as far as i'm concerned i've got a very interested party in waikiki make make like a make like a guy who works at a juice bar and liquidate am i right you gotta cut it out with that you gotta come on man i just want to fit in you gotta get it out with the pre-written jokes it's it starts my vibe i know i work for you and like i'm down to do whatever you want, but you got to cut it out with that. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Call me Tiger Woods with all these golfs. Okay. How many golfs do you think I can buy with as much as my house will sell and all of this? You can probably buy like the Cub. You already did the two. You did the two. Yeah.

Yeah. You probably do another two. Probably. So four total. So four total. What if I take out loans? Well, they're little cars, so maybe we can do something with that. Like a bundle? Yeah, like a bundle.

Maybe we can get a bundle at Costco or something. I'll look into it and give you a fucking call back, so don't call me. Okay. Marcus, did you get everything? Is everyone in here getting a car? Do I have to include you? Is that even a question? Are you kidding?

Dan is so generous to us. I'm literally so generous. Dan literally organized a potluck lunch. Yeah. If I can organize a potluck lunch where everyone has to bring their own food from home that they buy and make, then you can give everyone a car. I don't see how that...

Okay, yeah. You'll be one of the... I really need a friend. Then vroom vroom. Give us the cars. Do you want mine? Yeah, I'll take it. Clean it first.

There's some dog hair in it. Is that okay? I thought you didn't have a dog. No, I volunteer at a shelter. Get this fucking guy out of here. You're fired for that. I'm volunteering at a puppy shelter? Marcus sucks

you're right you guys go into the um insurrection bash a little bit later I fucking knew it he heard us I've snatched the keys back

fuck you guys fuck this place oh my god Fuck you guys. Fuck this place. Oh my god. Taking my golfs and I'm leaving. All five. Miles, you have time for one more review. Uh oh, incoming at you.

It's not good. Just so the listeners know, before we started recording, Miles was like talking like this. He was like, I had the perfect review. This is the funniest one you've ever had on the show. He was like, you've never had a better review. It's going to be so good. It's going to be really good. His son picked it. His son wrote it. My son actually wrote... Well, I had a question for you. I mean, you've done a bunch of these.

Have you ever written one on your own? No. Really? I never thought to do that. Yeah. Okay, cool. I genuinely don't know if I've ever written a review. I don't think I've ever written a review for anything or just like a fake one for the show yeah no no it kind of would kind of call the whole premise into now i'm starting to wonder about you i wonder because some of them are so funny i was like maybe and you can cut this out yeah i just like trust people to be people man people and that's the beauty of life that's

fucking the beauty of this shit. Hang on one second. Okay. Here's a hot and fresh review coming in for also Dove. Dove Extra Large Valentine's Assorted Chocolate Candy. Ooh, extra large and in charge. Okay. Ew. This is kind of crazy. Okay, so here's a review from somebody.

Well, I have her name, but I guess we can't use it. Can we use it? First name, last initial. First name, use it? First name, last initial. First name, last initial. First name, last initial. It's Cheryl. No last initial. Heinz.

Five star review. Cheryl Bynes? Heinz. Cheryl Heinz. Like the ketchup. Cheryl, five star review. This is gigantic. I expected this to be a standard midsize heart,

like I get from the drugstore for about $20 normally that has about 15 chocolates in it. Was obviously not paying attention when I ordered and was really surprised with how awesomely big this heart is. Oh my God. It has 40 pieces of candy in it and is a really impressive heart uh it was about the size of my laptop recipient it's really small small. It was fucking huge.

It was so fucking big. Recipient was very impressed and excited as well. Candy was all intact. Not melted. It shipped in February, so it is cold here. Some had jostled out of their

spots, but overall were in place. Tin is really nice. Recipient said the chocolate was good. Sorry. So Cheryl bought a MacBook Air size box of chocolate. And really gassed it up, too. And really was like, yeah, it was. Let's just say it was the size of my fucking laptop, actually.

What did she think standard was if that to her was massive? Like, hold it in the palm of your hand. She's got an 11-inch MacBook Air, and it's like, really. And it's gargantuan. It's the fucking 40 pieces. They must have been little. It's not that big. M&Ms.

Yeah, they were. 40 individually wrapped M&Ms in a box. That's so good. Marjorie. Marjorie. Yeah. Put this blindfold on. I got you a little something.

Oh, stop. You always get so crazy. Ever since we turned 80, you've been just like off the wall. Hey, I figure. Why? You can't spend it in heaven. You can't spend what in heaven? Money, I mean.

I thought you meant our best time together. No, I assume we'll spend, you know, a lot of time together in heaven. Not all? Well, I think, you know, as in life, it's healthy for us each to have hobbies and passions that don't involve each other. So you imagine us having different hobbies in heaven that don't include spending time together? Well, you... Yes. I mean, you love to bake. I imagine you and Jesus

will be baking. And then... But Leonard, I love baking with you! I know, but sometimes you like to surprise me and be like, I made a little fucking flapjack or whatever. And, you know, I skeet shoot. You know, it'll be me and JC and we'll be skeet whatever. And I'd skeet shoot. It'll be me and JC and we'll be skeet shooting. And you say it's too loud and I respect that.

So I think it'll be... Okay, I'll put the blindfold on. We can talk about this later. Absolutely. We could close the topic. I just button. I want to say I'm really excited to be in heaven with you. And I didn't. And I don't I don't want you to think that I don't want to be in heaven with you because there was no there was nobody I would rather be in heaven with than my gorgeous wife, Marjorie. I want to know if I can have the button on this actually. Okay. I want to say like, I want to spend every waking moment of my life and death with you.

And so you saying that does make me feel a little insecure that you don't want to spend all your time in heaven with me. But I love you and I can't wait. Okay. And we're done now. Baby doll. Okay. Okay. Okay.

And just if I can just say one last one little thing. It's not that I don't, you know, in heaven, time infinite, you know, and more and more time, it's forever, so you know, how do you make a fraction of infinity you know what I mean, so in a way we are spending forever together, just by nature of being in heaven, anyway, button let's blindfold, blindfold, oh, blindfold's going on, okay, and let's walk

out, back, fucking outside oh, mind your, oh, mind your step, mind your step, mind your, sorry, I whoa, I really thought you were gonna you telling me to mind my step was scarier than the small step doubt itself it's like in a car and it's like it's dangerous for the driver or the passengers like whoa okay that could cause more accidents you don't know how scary it was because you couldn't see it because you had a blindfold on okay i'm sorry let's not squabble there's plenty of time for squabbling in heaven Um, what are you, uh

Okay, we're outside Oh, before I take it off What I want more than, what I hope it is More than anything in the world I don't know if this is a healthy exercise Is that it's our son, William, home Visiting us, because he hasn't been home In five years

Three of them were the pandemic And the other two is that he didn't want to visit. Well, no, it's a little more complicated than that, Marjorie. I really hope that it's him because I miss him so much. And it would mean the world. It would be amazing if I took this blindfold off. And it is our son, William, sitting on the porch. And I would love that, too.

But he is a virologist at the CDC. He has been very busy. It has not been an easy time for him professionally. So let's, you know, but yeah, maybe it, you know, let's take it. If it's not him, I'm not going to enjoy it. Great. But I'm ready to see what it is or who it is. Okay.

Take the blindfold off. It's Dave from the Toyota commercial. It's Dave from the TV. Dave from the TV. You remember? 900-215. Get your Toyota. You always loved that song in that commercial,

and I thought maybe this would be a nice meet your celebrity. Surprise meeting a celebrity. Surprise, meeting a celebrity. Now I see that, you know, you miss Will. You want me to sign something? You want me to sign? I can sign something. Also, Dave, Dave is a real guy.

He's just like a real guy who was in the commercial where everyone kind of made a meme of. He's not even like an actor or anything. They just thought he was funny. 900-215, get your Toyota. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, cut it out. Sorry. Dave, no offense.

Do you want him to sign anything? I want him to sign anything. I want him to sign some divorce papers. Marjorie, you don't mean that, right? Leonard, look me in the eyes and tell me that you genuinely thought that I would be thrilled by a visit from Toyota commercials

Dave S I mean I'm right I'm standing right here Dave this has nothing to do with you I can do other stuff too like I do tarot and if you need me to, like I can, you know. I do other stuff. Like I don't want you to feel like your money is wasted here, sir. Thank you.

I appreciate that. You know, like I obviously, I do need you to pay for my Uber home. But other than that, I can do tarot. I can do other stuff while I'm here. There's a ladder. There's a ladder. So what else can you do other than tarot? Well, it's mostly tarot stuff, but I can look at your plumbing.

Yeah, there's a ladder in the shed. Uh-oh. Can you clear the gutters? I would do it myself, but 84 is a little touch and go of being up on the ladder. I would do it, but Marjorie, she says, you're going to hurt yourself. As long as there's no snakes

in the gutters, then I can definitely do them. Yeah. I would tell you if I knew that there were snakes. I remember a couple years ago, there was a tiny garden snake, but I don't think those have any kind of venom. I can't promise that there will be no snakes. Marjorie, yeah, she's right.

You just go ahead and do that. We'll see you in a bit. 900 to 1-5, get your Toyota. Dave. Yeah? If you were a married 85-year-old woman, you'd been with your partner. No, that's not the part you should go, wow. If I were a married 85-year-old woman. You'd been with your partner. No, that's not the part you should go, wow.

If I were a married 85-year-old woman. No, that's not. Okay, transport yourself. You know, I do some sort of one acts down at the Millsbury Playhouse. And some of my character work can get pretty good. Okay, that's great. I was gonna go on a whole thing about like, oh, if you were me, a married 85 year old woman

who married her college sweetheart, we've been together for over 60 years. And his Valentine's Day present to you was you. How would you be feeling right now? Let me just get into character, okay? I'm 85 I think that I'd be absolutely absolutely feeling fantastic. Happy

Valentine's Day. Cut to Dave's one act at the Bills replay house. I was 14 years old. Jeremy pushed me so hard in front of the class that I broke my tooth.

Hey, buddy! What are you doing out there? Jeremy, no! Jeremy, no! Don't push me! Stop it, Jeremy! The teachers came. Excuse me?

Is anybody doing algebra in here? But they wouldn't help. Later that night, my mom screaming at me. Way's the homework there, son. Marge. Margie. Margie. we're the only two people in the audience it's better than i thought it was gonna be i agree it's pretty transformative i like it a lot i'm 114th cherokee okay I'm out.

Oh my god. Miles, I never wanted that to end. I never... I could have watched you do that for the rest of the goddamn day. I want to see the full staged performance. And I imagine it's just different pools of light.

You're hopping into it. Too much movement. Nothing's really like a scene. It's all just kind of one big. Nothing's a scene. You change hats. You do a little costume change for some of the characters

but some of the characters you don't change anything. There's no consistency. It's just a voice. And you're like, wait, I don't get it. Is that supposed to be different? Is that supposed to be

a different guy? Every person over 40s British oh my god should we do our last segment yeah is anybody doing algebra Miles, what's been shaking your fatherly ass? Holy shit. What's been shaking my ass up? Honestly, the TV show Nashville. Okay, I'm really not one of those. They're going to be like, oh, having a son kind of changed my entire life. Well, I have a, no.

I mean, I have that too. No, no, no. Let's talk Nashville. So the reason the show Nashville has been shaking me all week long is because, so obviously we just had a baby. Well, actually, I have a second piece of just hot advice. My show is an advice show, so I figure I'll give some here as a little taste, as a little teaser to sort of get people to follow the breadcrumbs to also listen to my show, which is wait for the second squirt.

You guys still there? We're here. I'm here. You guys still there? Yep. The second squirt with a little baby, a baby is going to take a shit, right? Sure. Famously. Famously.

Famously, babies take shits. And now the second squirt is where the baby will take a shit. Okay. And you have to wait a couple minutes. Don't change them. Don't change them right away because there's going to be a second squirt. Of shit? Of shit.

It's going to allow you to change them once by waiting after the first one you hear the first poop how long is the wait baby needs to change sometimes five to ten minutes okay so baby will poop and then you're like ah and you gotta wait a little bit of time don't change them right away you change them right away then you're like shit i just changed this baby and he's shitting again and then you know i guess i'm confused what this has to do with nashville so we've been getting you need it when you're changing the baby baby sleep and all that you need a show for a new baby you put them in front of the tv no i'm just kidding the baby's asleep they're doing whatever and you need a tv

show that is like sort of good but you don't care if you miss it's kind of nothing you can miss a couple episodes that show is national for us because it's just like soapy and fun and crazy and uh hayden penitentiary's going ape shit and it's just great and so we've been watching nashville uh sort of while you wait for the second squirt while we wait for the second squirt. I got it. That's beautiful. So is this something you learned only after you had the baby? Yes. After the baby, it was like, let's get into Nashville and wait for the second squirt. But also fatherhood is good and is very tiring.

Sure. I think that makes sense. I've heard that. Or sleepy. Well, you know, I didn't know that. But yeah, it's a sleepy time uh but it's it's uh it's all very good it's crazy it also is crazy because you're like oh like there's a lot of work that requires like a baby to turn into a person yeah and it's like every person

had to have that work done to them so it sort of creates a baby's love getting a lot of work done babies get a work done and he's getting work done. Botox. Fucking lifts. We tell him not to smile because his wrinkles. He's like that TikToker who's like, I learned how to not use any of my face muscles. That's so psycho.

Isn't that awful? That's so horrible. Yeah. I'd rather. Alf, what's been shaking your ass? Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Dunkin' Donuts alert. Not again. Dunkin' Donuts? I'll be talking about Dunkin' Donuts for my workshop me this week.

He fucking loves Dunkin'. Well, I used to. I used to love Dunkin' Donuts. No. Que paso? I've talked about on previous episodes for my What Shook Me, my frustration with Dunkin Donuts changing the way that they do their

rewards program. The change that they made at the end of last year and I think it was horseshit and I won't get into detail about that again because I've already talked about that once. Dunkin Donuts had a promotion that my Dunkin Donuts the one two blocks away from my apartment I go to every day was participating in for years. my Dunkin Donuts, the one two blocks away from my apartment I go to

every day was participating in for years. Many Dunkin Donuts participate in this promotion. This is also part of Al's Corner. This is Al's Corner, yeah. Where from 2pm to 6pm Perfect coffee time. Every day. Doesn't matter if it's Sunday,

Monday, Tuesday. You get it. Yeah, we get it. Any size iced coffee two dollars damn so i could go to dunkin donuts and get a two dollar 32 ounce iced coffee as long as it was 201 you go at 159 that's gonna run you 450 you go at 201 two dollars and i think you can probably guess what's with any fixings like it could be like any kind of You go at $159, that's going to run you $450. You go at $201, $2. And I think you can probably guess what's fucking happening. With any fix-ins? Like, it could be, like, any kind of, or does it have to be just, like, iced coffee? You couldn't get, like, an iced latte?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not an iced latte, but iced coffee. But, like, you know, two becomes the base price. So if you add, like, you know, which I will do on occasion, like a little peppermint mocha syrup or something, that's adding to the two as the base price so if you add like you know which i will do on occasion like a little peppermint mocha syrup or something that's adding to the two is the base it's not like because you added peppermint mocha suddenly it's five dollars my dunkin donuts has stopped participating in the promotion why did they stop participating because it's probably a bad business decision i asked i asked i said you don't you don't do the you don't do this you don't do the... You don't do the... You don't do the Dunkin'. You don't do the Dunkin' coffee anymore.

And she said, no. She said, I don't know why, but our location is no longer participating. They were hemorrhaging cash. And I went on the slash Dunkin' Donuts. So you are on some Reddit? No, just the Dunkin' Donuts subreddit. A bad place, probably. I saw...

Actually, beautiful place, wonderful community of like-minded individuals. I saw that a lot of Dunkin Donuts locations around the country have, in the last couple months since the rewards changeover, also changed the 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. $2 any size iced coffee deal. And you know what's the trouble?

McDonald's does a $ dollar iced coffee anytime fucking promotion and there's a mcdonald's two blocks the other direction from my house and they have to wonder is this it is this the moment where i go from being a duncan donuts loyalist i mean let me grab this mug here look at this wow that's cool that's a nice mug yeah it is that's how much i fucking love dunkin donuts okay that was a gift yeah someone bought that because they know how much i love you're a barista and you prefer dunkin donuts coffee which is insane are you barista i used to be a barista i used to be a barista for a long time i love i didn't know that but that makes a lot of sense now.

Yeah, I know, right? I love specialty coffee. I love, you know. They're different things, though. They're different. Give me a siphon. Dunkin' Donuts is not coffee. A single origin, whatever.

No, they're different. But it's like sometimes you want good food. It's hydrating. It's like hydrating. It's water. It's mostly water. A Dunkin' Donuts coffee is like 80% water. It really is.

Yeah. And it's like that's what i like about it and it's like sometimes you want good you know tacos and sometimes you want taco bell i agree and they're not you know it's not the same it's not the same you know well i'm sorry for your loss i am too i'm just really upset because i was like really surprised kind of blindsided yesterday i went like and i had to pay $4.50 for an iced coffee. That's really tough. That actually reminds me of there's a similar promotion at the Albertsons near a place where I used to live.

And there was a sign and it said, chicken, hot and fresh. Hot and fresh chicken before 6 p.m. It's free. And I was like, no fucking way. And it was probably five. So I was like, hot and fresh chicken before 6 p.m. Or it's free. So I'm thinking, at 6 p.m., these chickens are going to be fucking free.

So I go, and I am so stoked on it. And I go up to the guy and I say, hey, 601. He has no idea what I'm talking about. So I go, 601, I'm here to get free chickens. And he goes, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, the sign. He goes, I know, there's a sign there. And I said, chickens, hot and fresh, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., or it's free.

And he was like, looking at me like I was a fucking crazy person. Because he goes, yeah, if it's not hot and fresh, between the hours of 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., it's free. And I was like, okay, well, you win this one, sir. That is incredible. Yeah, I was very embarrassed. god you win this one sir that is incredible yeah I was very embarrassed it was very funny I don't think that's on you I think that's bullshit I don't think you should be allowed to put the word

free in advertisements unless you mean it to really mean it Riley what's been shaking you and is it dungeon? I'll tell you Alfred so for a short film that Daniel and I are editing that we made together we are potentially looking for a clip of maybe me as a

baby from an old baby videos and we have a lot of old baby rally videos and so we're starting to because we're looking for a very specific thing and so we've been scrubbing through some old videos we started last night and um i guess what's been shaking me is that i haven't changed one goddamn bit um from when i was last time we were watching me as a four-year-old um and i'm the same i love a costume i my i would there's like videos of me wearing like a full like jesse from toy story with bullseye like it's one of the customers that looks like i'm riding bullseye i wear that to the theater like to a show with my mom and there's like a video of me in the courtyard in that costume everyone else is dressed up for the theater um but there was one bit in particular

that really kind of shook me and it was uh my father took me to disneyland for my fourth birthday yeah loved toontown was in toontown they had like a little fake jail but like all of the bars were rubber and so it was like they're you know whatever so anyway i'm behind that i'm holding like the rubber bars and i'm going like help me dad and there was also a little boy next to me who was probably like three years older than i was and he was holding one of the bars and i look over at him i just move him out of the way i I go, excuse me, I need to do this. Help me dad. And like run the video.

My dad's just going, oh Riley, no. So I guess it's just in many ways I'm the same. Oh, the other thing that I think is that there's a bit of me, it opens on me in a full clown costume clown makeup like everything um i don't know if you can really tell miles but that's me oh that's great and i'll post this on the instagram maybe um so it's a photo of me and it's like it opens just on me and they're like riley what's what's special today i'm like we're going to the circus and they're like oh are

you gonna perform like no and we've got suddenly very bashful like no i'm just gonna i'm gonna sit in the audience and watch the real clowns perform and they're like okay and then they're like and who's coming and it was like my two friends were coming to the circus with me so then the reveal is that my two friends show up we're getting ready to go i am the only one in full costume and makeup to go to the circus to go watch the circus. To go watch the circus. I got in full costume and a full clown makeup. And my two friends, these little boys, were just in t-shirt and jeans. They're equally as excited.

But they didn't go all out. They didn't cosplay as a clown to go to the circus. So, um, that really shook me. That's shaking. Yeah, I get that. i get that yeah yeah i'll feel it quizzical i just i think you missed your calling to be a clown rodeo clown specifically i think that really i think that really would have been your kind of your thing had you had the opportunity i guess it

was that was it was the lack of opportunity for that. That is what curbed me. Miles. Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Val, Alfred Riley. Thank you so much for coming on and talking,

well, box chocolates. Of course. Talking box. Riley. Well, it's a pleasure it's a joy to be here and I'm sure

that I'll come back another time as well and if you like listening to Miles voice in your car or on your phone or computer he has a podcast baby tell the people I have a call and advice show called perfect person where I take your calls and I make you perfect

we solve people's problems and it's a joy and a hoot. You can go to perfectperson.me and that'll give you the link tree and it'll show you all this stuff. You can watch on YouTube. You can watch on Spotify. You can listen everywhere. Yeah.

And where else can people find you? You can find me at milesbon on Instagram and on everything because I have uniform brand identity. Okay. That's what have uniform brand identity okay that's what we're talking about that's what we're talking about you can find alfred on instagram at alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review right at r slash review review and discord hashtag review review on the headcom discord and you can find riley on instagram.com at riley Spum. Web browser only at Riley and Spum. And you can find her on Twitter.com

for as long as it lasts at RileyKaiOT. And as we say, we say this every single week. And you know it by now, and so you shouldn't even need us to say that we say it. Miles knows it. Everyone knows it. I know it. I know it so well. And we'll all say it together. Yeah. We'll say it together.

In heaven. In heaven. Chocolate. Chocolate. Hobbies. Hobbies. Hobbies. On jeans. On jeans. Jesus. In heaven. Chocolates and hobbies on jeanses.

We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. That was a HitGum original.