Review Revue - Hooters (w/ Ed Jones!)

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Ed Jones, winner of Best Dressed Guest, joins Reilly and Alf for a celebration of the home of hedonistic Americana - Hooters! Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Grace Harper @chorlesborkleyAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I wanna refuel, refuel, just me. And nobody else but me. I wanna refuel, refuel, alone. Boop, boop, be-doop, ow! F-V only holds me back, I know And our listeners know it too I wanna review review alone I couldn't aspire To anything higher

Than to sit in a room and do improv alone. Ba-da, ba-da, ba-da, ba-da, ba-oh! I want a review with you, just me. Nobody else but me. I want a review with you. Ba-diddle-de-diddle-de-diddle-de-ba. Ba-doo, ba-doo. I mean... review with you. Ba-diddly-diddly-diddly-ba. Ba-doo-ba-doo. I mean, whoa, was that Marilyn Monroe herself?

Was that Betteleyn Boupette herself? Back from the great beyond to sing a song for us? That was beautiful. The vocals, the lyrics. Sorry, this is from Hannah. This is one of my favorite emails I've ever gotten. Hey, was around at Riley's neighbor's house the other day. I heard Riley singing through the paper thin walls.

It was kind of fucked up, so I recorded it and I'm sharing it with you. Usefully, the song actually just entered the public domain this year. Also, I was listening to the beer garden episode today. I'm in my first trimester and I'm feeling super nauseous. I was having a big wave of nausea and when you guys were doing the harvard scene and you both started laughing in character it was so visceral that it that it made me throw up into the trash can next to me at work that was my first time throwing up since being pregnant i just thought you should know. Love, Hannah from New Zealand. I'm honored, Hannah.

I'm honored. So, Hannah, thank you. I also just felt that that theme song was so fitting for our guest, for the theme, for everything. And there's something about, like, imagine that song you just heard. You don't have to imagine it. Paired with our guest in the outfit that they chose to come in today. No, that's interesting.

Which you will have to imagine because it is just an audio medium. If you couldn't already tell by the little British chuckle, Ed Jones is back. We don't even have to intro him because he's a reviewer of you staple at this point. Ed, we're so happy to have you back one last time. Hello for one last ride. The fast and the furious last one. And is that why you wore the suit?

It was a fast and a furious thing. Ed, why don't you describe your outfit for us, please? So I'm wearing the tux that I would have bought, I guess, to prom. Okay. So what we call over here our lever's ball. Suit that nine ball. They already bully you enough. You don't need to say things like that.

The what? The lever's ball? Our lever's biddle bum that we have every handlemas. Our lever's ball, which is like at the end of school, everyone gets dolled up and you have, that's prom, right? That's the same as prom. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. everyone gets dolled up and you have that that's prom right that's the same as prom yeah kind of

yeah yeah it's it's nothing like it actually um so this is this is the suit that i bought maybe when i was like 17 and wow i mean i'm trying to i'm trying to demonstrate on on the call again we have to stress this is an audio medium it's an audio medium no one will ever see this but except for us three just that thing of like it sits heavy around the neck. It's not flattering in any way. It's all the right colors. So if you sort of... It's black and white.

It's black and white. If I'm going past really quick... All the right ones. Every last one. All the right ones. I don't think I even own a pair of socks that when I was 17 that would have fit me if I tried to put them on now. I was a of socks that when I was 17, that would have fit me if I tried to put them on now.

I was a firm nudist when I was 17 to 25. I don't think I have any socks. I love the outfit choice. It feels so, it's just, it's the ceremony of it all. How the hell have you been? I wanted to do something to celebrate what a ride it's been. Hey guys, and this is just my little gesture to say congratulations. Oh, thank you.

Congratulations to you and yours. Ed, congrats to you because every time you've been on, I believe you've made the tops of the year, I think. It's true. I have a feeling that this one will be no different. This year will be no exception, I am sure. This will be no different. How has your year been?

What have you been up to? What's been shaking, guys? So I'll be honest with you. I'm moving house tomorrow. So I'm in a flat which looks like something awful has happened. Like a crime. Like a crime,

like a kind of really organized, but not organized crime, like Matthew people, just quite organized crime. Just really neat crime. Very neat crime. Yeah. So that's all I've been doing.

I've just been sending emails to thick people. Oh, my word. Yeah. I didn't think I would ever have to deal with such dim persons in my life. Do you want to put them on blast at all? Tell them their names and jobs? I don't know if my estate agent listens to American Improv Podcast. They might do.

You can never tell the secret hubby's name. It's like you never know. We've got a pretty wide listenership here. Hannah from New Zealand is vomiting at her desk in New Zealand, so you never know. Listening to our show. Induced pregnancy throw-up. So that feels good to do well congrats on moving house that's exciting and stressful oh it's it's it's the worst and every time i speak

to my mom about it she's like just imagine the first time you're gonna walk in you're gonna walk in through that door and you're gonna forget it you're just gonna forget it all and enjoy yourself i was like yeah until you have to put all the stuff back in that's so untrue it's gonna be months of agony as you unpack and realize you don't have a shower curtain i'm in the eye of the storm here there's no there's no help for me you're fully in it the only person who likes moving is jeffrey james yeah say it again i'll say it again how long have you been in the current place current flat flat, 5 Anos. Wow.

So you are in, you have roots in that place. There's a lot of tat, guys. There's a lot of collected tat that you assemble over your time. I mean, the fact that you still have the ill-fitting suit jacket that you wore when you were 17 doesn't bode well for your hoarding tendencies. And I had a lot of options choosing this suit. This was one of six shortlisted. Oh no.

Alf, what have you been up to, my darling? Well, I played a little game last night called Mario Party. And it's kind of all I can think about. I want to play more Mario Party. Who'd you play as? Alf's coming to visit me this week. Guess who do you think I played as?

You know her. You love her. She's got a fleshlight for a nose. It's Birdo! I was Birdo. Hannah just threw up again. She's got a fleshlight for a nose. I love the way Birdo sounds,

kind of like between a cat and a crow, just going, what's Birdo's story again? How does she fit into the canon? She's Yoshi's fiance. Yeah, she's got the body type of a Yoshi, but she's pink. She's got that Yoshi body. She's got that Yoshi gut.

If you turn it around and you take a picture in black and white, they have the same ass. But the different face. But she's got a fucking rock on her, I'll tell you what. Yeah, hands up. She has a huge ring. And that's not the only thing. Did you win or lose?

That's what's the most important. I won. Seven stars. Not a big deal. Out of? No. Have you ever Seven stars. Not a big deal. Out of? No. Have you ever played Mario Party, Ed? No.

Don't interrogate him like that. My Mario days, I think, may have finished with Double Dash. He's like, oh, no, because I'm not a child. Careful now. Careful now, because I'm a grown-up. I'm a grown-up. Oh, I think my Mario days ended when I was a little baby, but I guess some people do still play it, I suppose.

When I stop wearing diapers because I'm not a little baby. Daniel, my boyfriend Daniel, whenever we play, he plays as Monty Mole and he always wins. That's just somehow the rule. So at the end, it's not out of how many stars. It's almost like a board game with little mini games involved. Sounds so thrilling, I know. No, no, no.

Guys, this is great. People have got to have fun. Sounds so thrilling, I know. No, no, no. This is great. People are going to have fun. You get stars along the way. And at the end, there's like a little critter that comes by and he's like, oh, here's the bonus stars for the game. It's like, who moved the most spaces? Who moved the least spaces? You never know what they're going to be.

And somehow. Who's the ugliest. Who's the ugliest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's the hottest. Who's got the fattest ass. It's Burno. And somehow Daniel always gets all of the stars, ugliest yeah he was the hottest he's got the fattest ass it's berno and somehow daniel always

gets all of the stars no matter how well or poor he did in the game it's so alf i'll be really interested to see how you fare when you come it's interesting if you'd ask me how we'd spend our final fleeting moments with ad on the podcast it wouldn't have been us describing the play of game for Mario Park. As the Titanic goes down. Gentlemen, it's been an honor to play Mario Park. Okay, so picture this. It's a board game on the TV. It's a dinosaur with a sex toy for a nose. And she's got a huge ass, just like her boyfriend. Fiancee, I should say, because they are engaged.

That's brilliant. What have I been up to? How are you? How are you? Hey, Riley. Beat you to it, beat you to it, beat you to it, beat you to it you hey fuck you beat you to it um what have i been doing daniel was away for two months shooting a film and he is home now with so that's kind of my entire personality is that he's back and so that's been great um yesterday we it's like so living in los angeles fall doesn't really exist until

december if that not really fall at that point no it isn't but that's when it starts to get cold but yesterday morning oh oh we have a little ritual that we've been doing like every year since we've been together like almost seven years and like once it hits fall, we make pumpkin pancakes, bacon, eggs, coffee, lights and candles. It's like a full. So yesterday morning we did the whole, we had the whole spread. And like fall scented candles. And we watched, we started watching the new season of Great British Baking Show. And it was like heaven.

I mean, what else is there to say? It was unbelievable. Are people mad for Bake Off in the States? Yes. is there to say? It was unbelievable. Are people mad for Bake Off in the States? They really like it? Very much so. Oh, yeah. Bake Off is huge. Because I think here we're starting to go off it a little bit.

Really? It is like, what, season 13 or something? Yeah, this is older than King Charles that it's been going on. You can trace it back to the Middle Ages. It hasn't happened yet, but it will not be long before there is a contestant on the show who is younger than the show. Yeah.

Because I think the show has been on the air for like 14, 15 years. There's an 18-year-old on the show. And there's an 18-year-old on the season now. That's not on. Come on. You were four when it started? You were four when it started. But I will say, I think, I'll speak for Daniel and myself,

we are very excited because it is coinciding with our election season. So I need that kind of like, I need someone to just like bake a nice. Bring down the temperature. You know, V&E's whirl as everything is melting. But we're not here to talk about Bake Off. We can be. we're not here to talk about Bake Off. We can be. We're not here to talk about Birdo. We're not here to talk.

Actually, we were here to talk about Ed's suit. That's true. We're here to talk about something that's bigger than all of that. That is more lasting. That has more impact on the culture. That is something that I don't know if either of you have any experience with. I don't even know if it exists in the UK. We're here to talk about the one and only Hooters.

Hooters. The Zoom. And I will say we took, and Jeff and I, we have our monthly Zardy. That's a Zoom party, patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. And this was a suggestion, again, Jenna kind of has been crushing on the suggestions, you guys. Thank you, Jenna, for the Hooters suggestion. Guys, talk to me about Hooters. Ed, does Hooters exist for you in a real way?

I think it's one of those ones where it's been so drip fed through all of the American culture that I watched as a kid. So Hooters just kind of like existed in the ether. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But then I found out in Googling to find reviews for it, that it is very much here in the UK. It's alive.

I don't want to say alive and well. I think it's alive and small. There's a really finite. Wow. I think they just, they threw a few darts at a map of the UK and were like, that's, that's Hooters. Where are's, that's Hooters.

Where are we? That's Hooters. Who needs it? Where is it? Where like, where is it for you? There's a lot in like the Midlands. There's some towns which have two Hooters,

which were like, whoa, one is not enough. They need it there. It's a need-based Hooters kind of distribution. But I don't think I've ever actually encountered distribution but I don't think I've ever actually encountered one I don't think I've ever walked past one or seen one with my own with my own eyes not even like god no I'd never go in but I don't even think I've ever

no and I think I've never walked absolutely I wouldn't even walk past it why would I do that go somewhere else I'd stand stand in a room hooters just feels so like the antithesis of anything british like that is so to imagine a hooters in the uk is just so funny to me and feels so alien because it's simultaneously so kind of like horned up obviously we can say it it's on the horn and it's also like so puritanical in a way. Because it's like, it's not a strip club. It's not, there's not, they're just wearing shirts. Yeah.

The whole thing is. That's the angle, right? There's no funny business. No funny business. Just short, short shorts. Short shorts. Tight shirts. Yeah.

That's it. Because I think in the uk we like busty barmaids have always been a thing like yes yeah didn't need some conglomerate you know huge commercial enterprise you didn't need a t-shirt yeah yeah for those if you guys are listening and hooters does not exist in any real way to you if you haven't been fed by any kind of American culture Hooters is a chain I guess international chain now I thought it was very international for like American bar fair but the whole thing is that all the servers have big boobies and nice asses. And that's kind of it. This is the Shark Tank pitch.

Good morning. Hey, Sharks, imagine if you went to get wings, but your server had like nice knockers. Well, I'm interested. But you can't touch them or ask to see them. I'm out. You had me and then you ruined the idea. I was so, I was imagining all the coolest stuff about it.

Alf, talk to me about Hooters. I mean, it's interesting. I've never been. Got to put that right out there. Just like I'd never been. Never even, you know, I walk past one and I do the signs of the cross and I look down. You look at other people making faces like, who would go in there? I better go in there and make sure no one I know is in there.

No, but it does. It's interesting that Ed said, like, I've never even walked past one. Because it does feel like no one is walking distance to a Hooters. You know what I mean? Hooters must be driven to. It's not your neighborhood spot. You have to drive to a Hooters. You know what I mean? Hooters must be driven to. It's not your neighborhood spot. You have to drive to a Hooters. That's a great point.

There's no sidewalk outside of Hooters. They exist. They're so like American driving culture coded. But I've spent a lot of time in the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois for various reasons over the years. And I've seen many a grim decrepit hooters because the other thing about hooters is that it's a it's a relic of like the 90s to me yeah like yeah big time 90s early aughts it's like a punch line on like king of the hill yeah like it's it's it's very mad tv yes oh yeah absolutely i i find it hard to

imagine that they're doing great financially as a business but maybe i'm wrong i don't know i'm not an investor i don't get the reports um on the performance despite all the effort despite all the emails i send i swear i'm not what's crazy to me is that I'm doing this show with two men and I have been into, I have dined at a Hooters. What was it like? I have dined. Tell me everything. I dined and went to heaven in Hooters.

I dined and went to heaven. It was weird. I've seen, I've driven past Hooters in my life. There's, I remember being in Vegas one time, and my dad and I went to go see the Beatles, like, Cirque show, and it was, like, a fun father-daughter trip. But I remember at our hotel, the room, like, or sorry, our view from the hotel was, I guess there's a Hooters hotel,

or, like, part of a hotel across the street. And that was really upsetting to see. But I went, that was not when I went. I went when I was like 18. Good. Because my high school boyfriend at the time, we were like, let's go get lunch somewhere. And he's like, well, we can go get wings. You sure can pick them, eh?

And I was like, oh. And he's like, as a we can go get wings. You sure can pick them, eh? And I was like, oh. And he's like, as a bit. It's a bit. I'm like, oh, I guess. Yeah, for the bit. And it was really strange. It was really weird. And was he like, I can imagine that he would then have been incredibly awkward the entire time in attendance?

Of course. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Because it's like you do that as a bit, and then you're face-to-face with Melanie, and you don't know what to do. Well, then it's like we actually have to order, and we're sitting down and eating buffalo wings,

and I'm like, this is so bizarre. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I was surprised by the volume of reviews and by the kind of general discourse that was just like, went here with the wife and kids for a good family-friendly night of wings. It's Christmas Eve. Yeah, like for real. And I didn't realize that it was occupying that place in the culture, you know?

It's also, it's amazing how it's like you have that, and it's like wife and kids and I went to Hooters for fun, just, you know, Sunday afternoon. And while Melanie was bent over serving our boneless, I just kept thinking, God, these drag queens are indoctrinating the kids today. Hooters is bizarre, but I'm so excited about the reviews. The reviews for Hooters are incredible.

Actually, almost forgot. We didn't set the intention. We didn't set the intention. We haven't set the intention for the episode. And I feel like, Ed, I feel like something's brewing in you that you have an intention that you'd like to set for this our last episode together. I think, you know, as always,

let's be true to ourselves. Let's be true to who we are. And let's just let's talk on top of each other guys I think that's kind of fun let's do it I think let's just

all at the same time no kind of no kind of give and take everyone just run with it solo it will be the most authentically selfish episode I really like that

I really really like that and I think that's going to be a fruitful way. Okay, we'll be right back for our most authentically selfish episode and talking about Hooters. Yippity, yippity, yippity. And we're back. Whoa, wait. Who wants to start? Should I kick us off? Let's do it. I think we should. Whoa, wait. Who wants to start?

Shall I kick us off? I think we should. Guest goes first. Is it weird to have, so mine is from England. Is that strange? No, that's perfect. I would expect nothing less. Does that set the tone in a weird way?

No, perfect. I am so excited to hear what the Brits have to say about Hooters. This cultural exchange. The name is so crass. It's just like to say it Hooters. This cultural exchange. The name is so crass. It's just like to say it is like so. Well, and the logo is the owl, just sort of the two eyes. Does the owl have big boobs?

No. No. It's so weird. But he likes to look. Why not? Why not? Why does the owl have a rack? On its face.

Okay, well, this is about hooters in nottingham which is like god that's like robin hood goes to hooter this is little john hanging out um this is from bradley l and it was from august 2015 wait bradley l alf what's the last name bradley leave because that's what he voted a year later 2015. Wait, Bradley L. Alf, what's the last name for Bradley L? Bradley Leave. Because that's what he voted a year later. How many stars was it? It's two stars. Okay. It could be worse.

Could be worse by one. Okay, the tagline is awful. Here we go. If all you care about is boobs, beer, and chicken wings, then this place is for you. Right. Sign me up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm partial to all three of those, but the whole place needs sorting out. The table arrangements are terrible. When we were shown to our table, when we were shown to our table, we could hardly get round to the other side, as the layout of the table next to us meant there was no room to get through. Same on both sides.

Here we go. He brings it home. Here we go. Food is decent, but... There's so many spelling mistakes as well. Food is decent, but wouldn't call it value for money. Hopefully I can avoid this place from now on, full of stag-doos, boisterous men, who behave like they've never seen a woman before. Oh my god.

Oh my god. That's brilliant. That is brilliant. Oh my god. I just imagine it's like, it's like, you know, the people working at Hoot like, it's like, you know, the people working at Hooters, it's like, this is just their job.

They don't give a shit. But for some reason, Bradley walks in and everyone's like throwing themselves at him. Sorry, it's just, I can't get over the layout. Hey, hey, Jim, can I take table five? Sorry, I just saw like, I think my future husband just walked in Like, I know that's Sarah's table, but, please, just for tonight Uh, did Sarah okay it, or?

I haven't, hey, Sarah! Yeah? Sarah! What is it? I know table five is yours, but there is a guy who's, I think, gonna be seated there And, like, I don't know, I just, I think it's, like, love at first sight Is it okay if I take this one this time my love you be as authentically you as you need to be oh sarah you are a doll love you girl thank you so much yeah half your tips half your tips please

yeah no of course trust me i'm not even going for it you go for it you deserve it yeah you can have the table but let's thank but let's get over there. Okay, no more chit-chat, please. Whoa. I hate tall drink of water. Welcome to Hooters. What can I get for you today? Yes, sorry.

Yes, I will have... Are the wings good? Oh, the wings are good, but we got some other things on the menu that might be a little bit more to your taste. Okay, yep. No, I'll go with the wings. So I'll get two.

How many wings? Four wings? Is that good for one? Four? Oh, I mean, yeah, I guess you could do four, and I could throw in a couple extra buns in there for you if you want. We don't serve buns, but I don't mean that. I mean, sorry, you make me so nervous. Yeah, sorry.

I'm really struggling to hear you over the acoustics of the furniture. It's very, very condensed. Hey, baby. Oh. Hey, baby. Tyler. Can I get another bratwurst? Oh, my God. Hey, Adam, I told you to stop serving Tyler when he gets like that.

Tyler, you can have an, yeah, whatever. Thanks. So back to you mr man yeah you know i don't normally do this here but um are you seeing anybody right now sorry if that's inappropriate um look it's sorry it's just i did i booked this for a for a work thing i've generally got no no interest in you know i appreciate everyone here is very well boxably stocked, but genuinely for me, this is meant to be a networking event. I did explicitly say in my booking that I needed it to be as open as possible

to allow for post-meeting discussions. I really don't think I've been adequately fitted in there. Oh, I can make myself as open as you need. Again, I appreciate that. But it just it feels it feels like the layout here. I can barely I can barely squeeze in between these two tables. Oh, yeah, I can. Sorry, is this this is the civil engineers networking event? Yes. Hello. Yes. My name is my name is Dudley. Dudley leave.

So I've got a lot of opinions, which we can get to in time. Okay. Please, please, take a seat. Would you mind taking my friend's order here, please? Oh, yeah. Hi, I'm Brandy. What can I get for you today? Oh, I don't know. What did you have, Dudley? Wings? Yes, two wings. The double. Okay.

I'm not that hungry. I'll have one wing. One wing is fine. Well, actually, totally. I wonder if something might be easier if I get you guys just like a basket of maybe like eight and you guys split those. It sounds like an awful lot. I'm at a hotel. I don't really want to take the leftovers back.

I'm okay. Thank you. One wing is fine. How many of us are there? awful lot i i'm at a hotel i don't really want to take the leftovers back i'm i'm okay thank you one wing is fine and how many of us are there's one one two three four five six seven eight nine good attendance there's 12 i don't think i know we don't we don't need the eight that's fine yeah one wing one wing to share is fine thanks just a couple of knives and forks if we get a chance to share and a couple of knives you'll split what sorry sorry? The wing. Okay, that's fine. I'll come back with the, sorry, so Dudley,

you wanted two wings and then, so you wanted just the one? To split. To split. Okay, so I'll come back with the three. To split and to go, thank you.

And then I will also come back with a little something extra for my man Dudley over here. Okay. All right. Thank you. Sorry, I'll go. Thank you.

I'll go, I'll go. So Dudley, tell me, it All right. Thank you. Sorry, I'll go. Thank you. I'll go. So Dudley, tell me. It's great to see you. Yes, fantastic. We met, I don't know if you remember me, at the conference last year. Anthony. Yes, of course.

Yes, hello. Yes, from the rush. Yes, I remember. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you. I actually have, there's a bridge coming up. And we're really looking for somebody. Okay, it takes a lot shorter time than I thought to get three wings.

So there's your one wing to split. Oh, this is far too big. I'm sorry. Okay. I had no idea when I ordered it. Well, then it's just a one. You can split it. That's fine.

There you go. And Dudley, I have one wing, two wings two wings and uh-oh my cell phone number just happened to get lost in the sauce it is covered in buffalo sauce but if you just kind of like smear the numbers under there oh that reminds me here's my business card thank you I oh no thank you thank you for the reminder this well this is my my personal number You can reach me day or night, preferably night. Mine's just office. And I'd like to get off at 10. Sorry, that was too far.

Sorry, is it okay? Can we have a word, Brandy? Is that okay? Oh, my God, we can have more than a word. Sorry, I just can't get out through the side. He has to clamber all the way over the table, knocking over the side of the table. It's fine. I'll just get up. I'll just get out through the side he has to clamber all the way over the table knocking over it's fine

I'll just get up I'll just get up thanks for coming thanks for coming okay appreciate that Randy hello hi

look I quick question for you is it yeah are the the breasts are they are they

a prerequisite I just look I'm I like I like booze um boobs um chicken wings i'm partial to all three um but this is for me this is a big deal this is this i've got to close it today if i if i don't close this deal i'm in i'm in big i'm in big trouble brandy does that make sense um kind of so i guess sorry what you're saying is you you like the boobs the the wings and everything else,

and you have a business deal, so I don't really know what the problem is. No, it's just that I can't help but feel, I don't know whether the civil engineers people here are, I just, I can't help but feel maybe they're not focusing on the civil engineering. He giving you trouble, Brandy? This guy giving you trouble? I'll fight him. Tyler, I need you to go back to the bar, Tyler. Whatever.

You'd be lucky to have me. Yeah, okay. Sorry about that. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you've ever been to one of our establishments before, but this is kind of the deal. And normally the whole thing is like, you know, lick, but don't touch. Don't even think about it. Don't even ask about it. But Dudley, there's something about you that... More like lick but don't touch.

Tyler, I will hit you. God. I'm sorry, Brandon. Absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry, Brandon. But Dudley, there's just something about you that I'm like, you can have it all. You can have it all. And I know, I know you're going to say, it's like, what? That's every man's dream coming in here.

And yeah, I can make that a reality for you it's like, well, that's every man's dream coming in here. And yeah, I can make that a reality for you. So why don't you just forget the bridges, forget it all and let's get out of here. What do you say? Um, right. Sorry,

just double check. Are you, are you involved in a civil engineering capacity as well? Or is, or is this, is this something else? I am a server at Hooters because I have an amazing rack. Yes.

Yes. High tight ass. Yes, and congratulations on all three of the above as well. Tyler, stop giving me a thumbs up from far. I'm just saying, he's doing good. He's risen you up. Sir, look, sir, I'm sorry. If you have a beef, then please don't bother my... Again, are you a civil engineer?

I cannot stress enough how much that I am not a civil engineer and that I am a server here. You are a server, yes. Sorry, yes, from the ass and the large... Boobies. Boobies, boobies, yes. Yeah, yeah, 100%, 100%. Zooms.

Tyler! What? You said boobies. All right, no, that's enough, mate. That's enough. What's your issue, man? No, look, I'm sorry. She is a phenomenal brain.

She has excellent management skills. And you insist, you insist on treating her like some piece of meat. Wow. I guess my perspective, Mr. Leaf, is that even if she's not a civil engineer, even if she's just a server at a hooter, she's worthy of respect, no? And she deserves dignity. She doesn't have to be some PhD scientist to be having me treat her as an angel. Wow.

I love you, Brandy. Okay. Tyler, that was really nice. Will you marry me? No. I can't be doing that. But that was very nice. Sarah, will you marry me? Through the doors of a person.

Excuse me, guys. I'm a priest, and I'm in real danger of losing my priest license unless I marry somebody in the next goddamn ten minutes. I'm in real trouble here, folks. Is there anybody? Dudley, Dudley, Dudley, just forget it all now. Dudley, what is holding you back?

Is it going to be me or Bridges? Is it going to be boobs and wings or money and jobs? What matters to you? Brenda, you can't make me choose between a very sensible job surrounded by quite boring men and a lifetime of passion

with a gorgeous woman that I've just met. What am I supposed to do there? I mean, I know what I would do. Guys, guys, I'm going to need an answer right this second, okay? This priest is about to lose his priest license. And as we all know, that's a huge deal. I'll fucking marry anybody. It's got to be one of you.

I mean, Brandy, look, I would appreciate it if you could just give me maybe a tall, frosty one, maybe a couple of wings just to dissect this. Absolutely, Father. Please, please, thank you. God bless you. Thank you. Thank you for being a servant of the Lord. I appreciate your faith and your service. But please, you've got to pick one of these goddamn dudes tonight.

Dudley, this priest is gonna lose his priest license. Does that mean nothing to you? I have a life insurance policy. Nearly $300,000. That's good. Who's your supplier? Who do you get that with? Because I'm looking to change at the minute. It's Geico. People don't think they do

life insurance, so they do. It's a decent policy. It's through work. I'm an underwater welder. That's amazing. How long have you been doing that? Well, I started my apprenticeship back in 08. Father, I think you just do these two. I think it's a done deal for me.

Look, Brandy, these are delicious, by the way. And I hope you don't mind me saying this. I say this with the Lord's blessing. You have a phenomenal rack. Thank you so much, Father. Absolute A-star rack. And I mean that from Deuteronomy 9, from the bottom of my heart, With the Lord's blessing, you have a phenomenal rack. Thank you so much, Father. Absolute A-star rack. And I mean that from Deuteronomy 9, from the bottom of my heart, and a great ass as well.

Thank you. But I know true love when I see it. And heck, the way you two guys look at each other, oh, gosh, it just puts that barbecue sauce all up on my leg. Up and down. I'm going to set it right on myself, Father. Dudley, I'm desperate. up on my leg. Up and down. I'm celebrating myself out here. Dudley, I'm desperate. Let us join together. Let us first wipe our hands clean.

Brandy, you got the wipes? You got no wet wipes? Yeah, of course I do. I have them in my holster all the time. Tyler, you know this. Brandy, please, this is a wedding. You gotta make a real service. No, I'm happy for them i'm excited i just i don't know what i could have done differently because i was about to just like take my shirt off and he's more interested in talking about geico and so i guess it just makes me second guess like what even do i have to offer what do people

even see in me um but yeah, whatever. Marry those two, I guess. That's fine. Brandy, that is, oh my gosh. The humility that you have shown, not only are you beautiful, you are kind, you are generous, you would make anybody happy, and I cannot wait to marry these two strangers. I thought you said you were going to lose your priest license

in like five minutes. Did I say five minutes? Did I say that before? Maybe, Brandy. Maybe you should really think about it. True love that you've been looking for all along. It's right in front of you. It's not with you, Tyler.

I swear to God. No, I'm not even saying that. I'm just saying if you look around, you might see somebody. Well, there was another bridge builder person who also seemed not at all interested in me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Another bridge builder. Oh, my gosh. No, not that one. It's. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, another Brisbane. Oh, my gosh. No, not that one.

It's not you, Tyler. No, I know. It's Sarah. Sarah? The British one. Oh, my God, I never even considered her. With the high and tight ass and the bazoom, like a pair of mountain rocks.

Sir, excuse me, sir, are you telling me that there is another lady with very large breasts in this establishment? That's our whole thing. Father, you won't believe how many. Why have none of you ever even been in a Hooters before? There's four or five of them. This is our whole thing.

I refuse to walk past one. Obviously, the only time I've entered one is in this very emergency situation. Desperately. I'm sure you understand. Where is this other buxom lady? She's on her break. She's smoking in the alley, yeah. Sarah! Brandy, what's going on? Where is this other boxing lady? She's on her break. She's smoking in the alley, yeah. Sarah.

Brandy, what's going on? Sarah. We're getting married. We're getting married. I mean, like, this has been the craziest day, but how about it? I don't even have the logic for it anymore. Do you want to marry me? And then we could just kind of figure it out.

Double wedding. 60% a tip. 60% a tip. 60% a tip. 60% tips, perfect. Okay. And shake on it because you can be a real. I know. I know.

I promise. I promise. 60% tips for sure. Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. We're doing it now. I love love.

You know what, guy? I love love as well. Oh, would you look at that? My license has just expired. No. Thank you so much for having me, everybody. What a great day. And can I say again, the breasts in this establishment, oh my lord.

They're going to kill the Elvis impersonator because we didn't get married in time. I think my favorite part of that scene is like Yeah, tell me about it I see so clearly how Ed sees the United States of America Yes, I think that's right And I think it was like really, I'm like, whoa He summed it all up He gets the midterms, he understands them

He gets the midterms That was really moving. Not since Borat 2 has a British person successfully lampooned. Has there been a greater condensation of this culture? There was something really like, whoa, it all came together in the end, didn't it? Yeah, they found love. Yeah. And you can find it at Hooters.

There's love in a hopeless place. I have one I'm desperate for to share. Yes, yes, yes, yes. yes yes whoa and yeah you are desperate what um this is from oh i'm sorry getting ahead of myself this is for a hooters in goshen indiana wow you ever been at goshen indiana goshen she had that goshen bar exactly and people say that a lot that phrase is gonna say that a lot. That phrase is going to get you a lot of mileage. Ed's never seen a woman.

Oh, my God. Tell me more. Oh, my Goshen. She had that Goshen body. That what? Goshen. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? The motion of the Goshen. You've heard of it.

Bottom of the Goshen. Or the top. Whichever's the best one. Whichever's the best one. Whichever's the good one. I'm lowering my standing desk, so I'd like to apologize for the inconvenience, but I can't possibly stand anymore. I thought I could do the whole episode standing,

and I was wrong. Not as sprightly as I used to be. Miles Bonsignore, one time, I hopped on a Zoom with him, and he was loweringing his standing desk And it made him seem like a giant And that we were in the palm of his hand Terrifying

So I'm gonna Bear with me this is a long one but it's worth it Here we go Aaron W Bush Aaron W Bush five stars The sun hung Heavy in the midday sky As I pushed open the door to Hooters

The neon-lit oasis of fried comfort In a desert of American sameness From the outside, it could have been any other joint But inside, it was the Temple of Americana Precisely what one would expect And yet so much more As we stepped through the entrance, the unmistakable sultry opening riffs of T-Rex's Bang-a-Gong permeated the air,

wrapping us in a cloak of rock-and-roll nostalgia. It was as if the universe itself was setting the tone for our experience. A cosmic nod to the hedonistic vibes of the 70s, perfectly encapsulating the electric atmosphere of Hooters. The air was thick with the scent of frying batter and buffalo sauce. There's a sense of forbidden delight in places like this. A slice of counterculture wedged between conformist norms, and right in the center of it all was our hooters waitress, Syria. With the swagger of someone who knows they run the show, she delivered service with an edge. A quick wit, a faster smile, and a hint of mischief in her eyes. You couldn't help but be charmed.

The fried pickles hit the table with a promise. And they didn't disappoint. Crispy, golden bites of tangy delight the wings extra crispy as per our seditious request were a testament to the beauty of simplicity done right and who could have thought amidst this temple to poultry and bodiness the buffalo chicken salad would stand out fresh zingy a veritable phoenix rising from the deep fryer's ashes. But amidst the revelry, a curious observation. Apart from the ladies in uniform, my wife stood alone. No, no, fucking no.

No, come along now. An island of femininity in a sea of testosterone. It was oddly poetic. The perfect foil to an otherwise predictably hedonistic afternoon. As we ambled out, the world outside seemed just a touch duller. A shade less vibrant. Hooters in its brash, unapologetic splendor had delivered. And as sure as the desert sun, we knew we would be back.

If anybody would like to lay a flower on the grave, now is a time to do so. Thank you for that delightful reading. I mean, touching. To use hedonistic twice in a Hooters review is quite something. Crispy was used a lot. Hedonistic twice in a review is quite something crispy was used a lot um hedonistic was used a lot there was a lot of repetition of words fried fried fried golden batter americana can you please re-read the part about gladly my wife oh okay borat is back um amidst the revelry a curious observation apart from the ladies in uniform my wife stood alone an island of femininity got a sea of testosterone got it it was oddly

poetic so is she was she working there no i think because i think she was just across the table and he's just there and she's just a she's an island in a sea of of americana hedonism i think he got halfway through and he realized if i don't put something about my wife in here i'm getting divorced because it is our anniversary today and i should i should be getting back to her so dr newcomb I know from my husband's reading, you told us last week to put our thoughts to paper and kind of unleash our creativity that way and how we feel about each other. And I've really appreciated the past couple months of work we've been doing with you. I feel like we've made a lot of strides. I know that this is now our time to talk about how we feel how i feel sorry how i feel exactly about the piece um you know the one time i was mentioned in it i feel like shit i'll come out and say it i

i feel like um adam doesn't find me attractive anymore whoa babe babe adam hear her out. Okay. I mean, we were in Hooters and it was all about hedonism and crispiness and life. And then I stood alone amidst all that and that it was like, oh, I'm just this little delicate flower. But it's like, you know, you don't want to have a flower. That was just really glaring to me. I'm not putting any judgment on it, Dr. Newcomb. I'm just saying that's what I noticed. That's what I noticed. Now let's take a moment here, Adam, before we respond.

Let's make sure we're not responding from a place of anger. You know, look, he's rolling his eyes. Like he's already making these faces. Okay. I'm literally not rolling my eyes. Please, please let Adam process in his own way. You've shared something quite well. Okay, I'm saying you can see that he's already like, whoa.

Oh my gosh, I'm literally not rolling my eyes. I have my eyes closed. Adam, would you open your eyes so he can see you? Sorry. Thank you. Now, Adam, in one sense, I can understand where you were coming from with your piece, right? In the Hooters, all these beautiful women around, and yet your wife...

They're so fit. Have you been? I have not been, no. Oh, man. But I can imagine beautiful women. Oh, please, can we go? Oh, babe, can we go after this? No, we're not going to. It would not be professional for me to go to it. Oh, this is literally the whole thing.

This is the whole problem. We never get to do the things I want to do. Okay, Adam. This is often a breakdown in communication that couples experience, right? Before you start hurling an accusation back, right? That we never get to do this. You hear his language saying,

oh, we never get to do this. Excuse me, excuse me. Jess, Jess, Jess. We haven't gone in like two weeks okay um before we start criticizing back let's respond to what jess said to us right so jess had said she worries that you don't find her sexy anymore okay that you're not carnally attracted to her anymore. Do you think that that's true? Well, I guess if you use a comparison of things, because I suppose one of the reasons why I really like going to Hooters, obviously, is because...

Adam, tread lightly, my darling. Adam, as your counselor, I just want to propose that you really take a moment here to think about how what you were about to say might make Jess feel. Okay. Thank you, Your Honor. When we come to- Not a judge. Not a judge. When we go to Hooters, yeah. Yeah. The thing is, not only is the food amazing, yeah,

but the girls are so fit, mate. They are so fit. Oh, my God. Right, right, Adam. That answers your question, right? Not quite. Do you ever call Jess fit? Do you ever say, Jess, you look so fit? I'll answer that. Not since we got married 10 years ago. Jess, Jess, Jess. No, I'm...

That was a question for Adam. Okay. Adam, do you ever call Jess fit? Who is Jess? Sorry? Right. Oh, babe, sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you think that was a funny joke that you just made up? I think he genuinely forgot. You think he genuinely forgot who I was? I genuinely did. Adam, do you find Jess attractive? Like, yeah. But the thing is, man, like once you've seen. Great question.

Once you've seen. Oh, I'm back to Hooters again. Lovely. But it's amazing. Like, honestly, once you've seen. What's so amazing about it? The t-shirts are so small. Right. They're so small. What if

Jess wore a small t-shirt? Well, here's the thing. No, it's so funny you said that, Dr. Newcomb, because about a week ago, about a week ago, I actually, Adam, you don't know this, I went to Hooters alone. Why didn't you invite me? Because, because they have

a merch section, and you can get the Hooters shirt. And so I thought, oh, what if I tried something new? That's a very nice, playful, sexual offering. I bought the shirt. I went home. Okay. I wore the shirt. Wow.

And nothing. Did you wear the shirt? See what I mean? Adam. So I don't know what else I could be doing. He doesn't even have any memory of me wearing the shirt. Now, Adam, I don't want to step out of turn here. That's okay.

Thank you. And thank you for your service. I'm not a veteran. You know, as a hot-blooded American man, I, well, if I saw your wife in that Hooters shirt. Oh, stop. I'm just saying. I think I might think she was a little fit. Oh, thank you, Dr. Newcomb.

You don't have to say that. No, if she was my wife and she walked in wearing that tight little thing, I think I'd have some choice words about her fitness. Oh, thank you. What do you think about that, Adam, what I just said? The whole thing about you finding my wife pretty fit? Yeah, that whole thing. I guess that's, yeah.

I guess that's fine. Now that's interesting. What I was doing there, Adam, was a technique where I was trying to trigger your jealousy. But what I'm finding is that... Was any of that true? What I'm finding is that you're not really getting triggered into your jealous space when I say things like that.

I'm starting to worry that it... Maybe we have to start from the ground up again, because I think Jess and Adam, I think there's a very real chance that you guys are not sexually compatible anymore. I am, or at least I feel like I show up on my head. It takes two to tango, Jess. It takes two to tango. Well, so I guess it leaves me wondering, does he even want to be in this marriage anymore?

That's my question. He forgot who I was three times in this session. He keeps closing his eyes as if he's struggling to remember you. It's like an object permanence thing, I feel, like has developed. Yes. It's like inception almost. He's trying to go deeper.

Yeah, I can see he's really straining himself trying to go inside. No, Adam,'s really like Straining himself Trying to go inside And he does this Weakly And it never works And he just ends up With bloodshot eyes What if you came out

What if you came out One level First blood vessel Shallower And you sort of Looked your wife in the eye Right now Can you do that for me

Can you open your eyes Can you open your eyes And look at your wife in the eyes Yeah okay Both eyes please No both of them Not just the one Yeah go you go you go

Okay yeah yeah Now Say something out loud That you think Well let's start the other way around Chesp You're wiping the eyes? Yeah, okay. Both eyes, please. No, both of them, not just the one. Yeah, go, you go, you go. Okay, yeah, yeah. Now, say something out loud that you think, well, let's start the other way around. Jess. Yeah. Say one thing you find sexy about Adam. Oh my God, Adam, his hands.

He's got sexy, just amazing hands. That's really nice. You know, it's one of the first things I noticed about him were his hands. Now, Adam, do you want to say something that you find sexy? He, like, forgot he was here. No, no, no, no, no. He fully was disassociating. I don't think he even realized that I was speaking to him.

Jess, I think he was just taking it. No, no, I can think of something. Don't think of something. Notice something. Really look at her. Don't make something up. Your eyes are darting all around the room, Adam. Look at your wife.

Look at me. Make something out about her physically that makes you horny. Don't look at him. Look at me. Sorry. Sorry. I'm not your beautiful wife. I guess, like, your neck.

What about her neck? Well, like, when we first met, I was doing these, like, poetry evenings, and she would come along, and I remember she used to stand at the back in front of this big like light. So you would kind of see like her silhouette before you saw her features. Can you open your eyes for me? Sure. Say it to Jess. Say it to Jess. I just remember like seeing the shape of you before I even knew you.

I was like, it feels like my shape should fit into that shape. Wow. It's the nicest thing he's said to me in three years. Yes. But I guess the car, the car's really good because we have to use the car to get to Hooters because you can't walk over there. Oh, my God. You need to drive. How do we get to the car?

Oh, Adam. Because he's thinking about Hooters again. Remember when he had one eye closed? That's when he was going back to Hooters. If I was sitting here in your position, I would have said that high and tight ass, right? Oh my God, Dr. Nookum. No, I'm serious.

I'm serious. Her knockers. Her big, beautiful knockers. I mean, gorgeous. Dr. Nookum, is any of this, so earlier, sorry to interrupt, earlier you said you were just trying to trigger the jealousy and you were saying the nicest things about me,

like, oh, how good I'd look in a tight shirt. Did you mean any of that? Adam, your wife has a rocking hourglass figure with a face to match. And I think that you do well to notice that. And do you mean that? Jess, Jess, we're focusing on Adam in this moment. Right, I understand.

But I'm just wondering if that's true. Adam. So I was looking at the app. Sorry, what app? He was on the Hooters app. Because it's best because that's when you know, you know what's- Like order ahead or- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. Look at this. Honestly, you can looking at the app. Sorry, what? He was on the Hooters app. Because it's best, because that's when you know what's... Like order ahead? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so good. Look at this. Honestly, you can... Show me that. Because I know what table number's the best one. The one in the window is 42. So you can literally... Now, why the one in the window?

That's interesting. Because that's where Brandy serves. Oh. Now, Adam. Now, Adam, that's the first time I've seen you smile all night. Adam, that's the first time You've smiled all night Thinking about Brandy She knows me better

Than I know myself Okay Oh my god Adam I I'm starting to worry About the future Of this relationship

Isn't it worth it I am too I'm not even worried anymore So much as I feel like I've come to a place Well and Jess And isn't that a realization Yes

Yeah Okay Adam How does it make you feel that maybe this beautiful gorgeous i mean tits to toes a tan in front of you that you might be losing her that you might be losing her how does that make you feel i know that you might be losing her uh can like can we still do shoes can you still drive me there on tuesdays you don't have a license or no he doesn't have a license and I have the car. Yeah, okay.

And so because he doesn't have a license, whenever we go to Hooters, which is... Frequent, it seems like your trips. Yes, because it's like a baby. He will whine until we go. No, no, it's only because... It is because of the hedonistic slice of Americana that you get from it.

It's like... Now, where did Americana that you get from it. It's like- Now, where did you read that? He wrote it. I know, I know that's not an original thought, Adam. I literally did, I wrote it. No, here's the thing. Adam is a lot of things and he's not a lot of things, but he is a beautiful writer.

Like his poetry, no, he is a beautiful writer. I have a world of words, man. He does, which is unbelievable, but he is an incredible poet. Maybe we're getting somewhere. It doesn't make any sense but he is an incredible poet. Maybe we're getting somewhere. It doesn't make any sense. He's an amazing poet. What if you wrote a poem that this time was not about Hooters or about Brandy or about Table 42 in the window, but was about Jessica?

Yeah, right. Like he'd ever do that. Do you think you could come up with one off the dome, spoken word style? My dearly beloved. She's not dead, do that. Do you think you could come up with one off the dome, spoken word style? My dearly beloved. She's not dead, so that's a weird way to start, but... I was just gonna say, no, he wishes I was dead. I'm gonna let you finish, Adam, but... He can't wait for the day he eulogizes me.

Okay, no, no, that's fine. I can go again. I can go again. Okay. My dearly beloved. He wants to kill me. Chas, hear him out. He heard you out.

Sort of. Did he? Yeah. Ish. He heard you out. Sort of. Did he? Yeah. Ish. Until I met you, I was adrift in the ocean. Until I met you, I was a car with no motion.

He's not going to be talking about me. I can tell you that right now. Before I met you, I was dry. I was cold. Dry? Before I met you, I was lost with no soul.

It's not going to be about me. I promise you. Jessica, hear him out. I'm just saying. You stand in a sea of hedonistic Americana. He loves that phrase. It's a beautiful phrase. It's in every poem he's ever written I can see why

Lost in the hedonism He learned the word hedonism That's a great word It's a great word It's a great word Lost in the hedonistic vibes What was that? That wasn't anything

You are my one You are my only And you serve All you can eat wings on it's Wednesdays between four and ten I just that's it's just so it's such a good deal I think I'm done yes I think you should be I think I think I'm done where are we going now no Adam no not done with the session. Done with the marriage. Correct. Not I think. I know. Speak from that place of power.

I'm done. I'm done. Okay. Stand in that. I know my worth. Yeah. And I know that I can find someone who remembers my name. Adam, open your eyes and really take this in.

Really take this in, Adam. You owe her this. You owe her this. Because this is going to be the last time you see me. Okay. Or that beautiful chest. Now, Dr. Newcomb, do you mean any of this when you make comments about how fit I am? I, you know, I don't lie in my sessions.

Thank you, Father. Perfect. Thank you, Father. He's not a priest. He's not a priest. Adam, I have done my best for 10 years. 10 years that I could have done doing a lot of other things. Too long, Dr. Newcomb, too long.

I wish you the best. Hope you get your license. Don't drive without one. And that's it, I guess. Dr. Newcomb, I can Venmo you however best you want that to go. I think Adam should pay for this session. Okay, well, I'll leave you two to it. I think Adam should pay for this session. Okay. Well, I'll leave you two to it.

Adam, it's been, I don't want to say it's been great. It's been what it's been. And your writing is really beautiful. I will leave you with that. It's very inspirational. That is what I will remember from what you just said. That is what I will remember. This is the longest you've ever maintained eye contact with me.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. What are you doing now, dog? It's the last session of the day. I was probably just going to go home. Are you hungry? I could eat. Yeah. I think you're about to have the best meal of your life.

Take a look at your wife. She's walking away right now, huh? My who's who? Got it. I hate look at your wife. She's walking away right now, huh? My who's who? Got it. I hate to see her go. Hedonistic. Wait, what was the line? Hedonistic Americana. Hedonistic Americana. It's the title of every poetry collection. It's Hedonistic Americana

volume one, two, three. Oh my God. Do we have time for one more? Absolutely. I got time. Okay, here we go. I am very excited about this. This is for another Hooters in Indianapolis, Indiana, Alfred. Okay, Indiana having a big show out on this one. This is for Hooters in Indianapolis.

This is two stars from Rick P. Rick Pasteurized. Rick Pasteurized, two stars from Rick P. Rick Pasteurized. Rick Pasteurized. Two stars. And there's also a response from Hooters. Uh-oh. Not sure how Hooters is still in business. I feel their business motto is quite antiquated.

Ambience aside, this was not a great visit. We opted to go here because someone in our group, quote unquote, loves the wings. We went belly up to the bar and ordered a variety service was marginally okay and we did get our food but it took a long time the wings were either overcooked or undercooked and cold not what i like to bite into an eating chicken flavor was fine but a wasted trip for dinner i'm starting to think that our group member didn't just like the wings and And then the response from Hooters is, we're truly sorry to learn about your visit, Rick.

Our goal is to provide exceptional service and quality food, and we're disappointed that we didn't live up to our standards this time. We would like the opportunity to turn this around. Please share your contact information so we can discuss and work together to get you back in for a better visit. We look forward to making this right soon. Even that reply charged it's like imagine working at the corporate hooters and it's like you you have to try and make it a good

restaurant like you can't just admit like the food is going to be shit the atmosphere will be terrible the beer will be shit like everything's suck, but it's okay because of those women. I'm starting to think that our group member didn't just come here for the wing. No, wait a minute. Let me think that it wasn't just for the chicken. I think there was another kind of hooter. I don't know. That was nothing.

I think there was another kind of hooter he was here for. What? Let me just say he wanted to hoot at something else. It's the fact that it took him to the end of the video to be like, or to even the end of the entire experience to be like, I feel like we weren't here for the food. Is that crazy? I feel like I'm going insane.

I feel like I weren't here for the food. Is that crazy? I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I barely know this guy. I hardly recognize the friend who's staring back at me. I really thought he just wanted to come here for the wings. I know he's in the bathroom. He'll be back in a second. It's like, we have to be cool. But it's like, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like we're not here for the wings.

Before we came here, he was like, these are the best wings in town. I want to treat you guys. You've been working so hard. All quarter, you've earned it. You deserve it. And I'm not going to talk back. He's our boss. I'm not going to. God, no. I wouldn't say anything. You know how he gets. I don't want to poke the bear.

God, do I ever. He's one of those guys who's like, I'm a foodie. I'm a foodie. Just because he watched an episode of Chef's Table. He goes to chain restaurants and doesn't even cook at home. He's not even a home chef. So I don't know what. He's like oh i'm a foodie i'm a foodie what was it he said about the wings he was like the wings here are so small yeah it wasn't even like an astute observation about the quality he said oh they're so small but you get so many of them he was like

you're gonna be so full but they're so small that's the fun of it you have to eat like over 40 to feel like oh i had enough wings i would light a couple matches if i were you whole box up in there if i were gonna go in there you are you are crazy man you are a crazy man my doctor says it's ibs. The D is for diarrhea. Okay. He said there's D and C, and mine is related to my anxiety. But I don't know. I don't feel anxious, but I guess sometimes it manifests physically. Well, sometimes your body knows. Your body knows.

I have heard that. The body keeps the score. Anyway, how are my top two earners doing? Oh, God. You guys brought home the quarter. None of us would be eating here or otherwise if it weren't for you guys. Oh, stop. Seriously.

Come on. We're just doing our jobs. You pull the strings. We're just following orders. Oh, captain or captain. I salute unto thee. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, you know, things have been a little tight this fiscal year. And so, you know, part of the reason I wanted to take you guys out tonight is, you know, just to acknowledge the work you guys did and how much.

Did. Not do. Well, the bonuses this year is what I'm getting at. We unfortunately are not going to be able to pay out. Hey, guys, did you order 1,800 wings? Oh, guys, I'm such a foodie about this place. You ordered 18 wings. No, 100.

So basically, it's like, have you ever had like cereal? Yeah, I've had cereal. Like cocoa puffs or something? Yeah. Right, so basically imagine wings cereal. That's kind of like what they do here. Wings and milk? No, not the milk. The sauce is the milk. But it's like So basically imagine wings cereal. That's kind of like what they do here. Wings and milk? No. Not the milk. The sauce is the milk.

But it's like the tiniest wings. You said imagine wings and cereal. But it's the tiniest little wings. Like a Cheerio sized wing. And I got 18,000 of them. Oh. Am I right in thinking you called ahead and asked to see if we could get the smallest wings we have here? Yes. Yes ma'am. Thank you so much. These are my top two guys.

These two are my guys. I'm married. I'm married. Sorry. I just felt like I had to say that. Yeah. But thanks. No, that's okay.

That's fine. That's fine. Should I just leave them in the middle? You guys can just pick and eat. Get all greasy. Get all grubby. Would you bring me a straw doll? You want a straw?

Sorry, sir. No, a straw doll. You want a straw doll like a scarecrow? Yeah, just to keep me company at the table. Okay, I'm just going to check out back and see if we have... I think we may be out of scarecrows, but let me just have a look for y'all. Thank you. I love this place.

I love this place. They can accommodate anything. A straw doll. Sometimes they just come out with these things to see if they can do it, and they do. That's the service. I mean, I'm such a foodie. You know, Anthony Bourdain came here. Did he?

I must have missed that episode. Well, it was one of the ones they didn't release because it's kind of a, you know anthony bourdain came here on his i must have missed that episode well it was one of the ones they didn't release because it's kind of a you know sad no a terrible right well did you guys um i told you you could have brought your your uh your uh what are we supposed to say what are we supposed to say spouse spouse i told you guys you could have brought your spouses. You didn't think to... Oh, no. And you know, they love you. I can't stress that enough. What was the word

they used? They were like... It was like, oh, we can't because they're together and they're doing... They're at the hedonistic Americana exhibit. Jamboree. Well, we gotta get them both out here sometime

for these wings. Absolutely. Can't wait. Totally. Can't wait. Oh my God. Cheers. Is this weird

if I ask you guys a question now? Please, no. Ask. You're the boss. You know, again, I'm really proud of the work you guys

did this quarter. It's really fantastic the work you guys did. It means a lot, boss. Thank you. Thank you. And I just want to know, again, I'm really proud of the work you guys did this quarter. It's really fantastic, the work you guys did. It means a lot, boss. Thank you. Thank you. And I just want to know, is there anything you feel like I could have done better? What? No, I'm serious.

This is an honest and open forum. What kind of question is that, right? That's a crazy question to ask. I can see the look in your eyes. And we don't have a response to that. No. I mean, do you ask a Ferrari what it... Do I ask a Ferrari what goes in its engine?

I wouldn't think to ask. Gasoline, I imagine. Probably. That's why you're the boss. Yeah. Right, right. And if I'm an engine, the wings are my fuel. Yeah.

I don't want to say. So guys, there was enough. No, I can see you bursting at the seams. Do not. You guys, I wanted to bring you here. I wanted to bring you here. This is kind of my Shangri-La. This is kind of my oasis, you know, away from home.

This is where I come to really unwind, be myself and think. And boss, can I ask you a question? Dale, I swear. No, Dale, what is it? Dale, this is a free-flowing love fest. I respect you a lot

as a businessman. Thank you. Thank you so much. As a person. But did we really come here for the wings? What he means by that is like but did we really come here for the wings? He means, what he means by that is like, did we really come here for this? Like I can't believe how happy we are to be having the cereal wings

here. That's what he means. What else would he come here for, Dale? I don't know, Dale. Why would you say that? Why else would we come? For the tits. For the what? I think you came for the tits. For the what? I think you came for the tits, boss. Dale.

Dale! That is disgusting. I'm sorry. I'm not going to back you up on that. I hate that. We come here every other night. I've got a family at home. Your funeral, Dale. Good luck.

I'm not going to bail you out of this good luck I'm really surprised to hear you say that I mean My memory is that it was even your suggestion To come here, at least that's what I'm going to tell HR What? In my memory Whoa, boss I think Melody's going to back me up on this

I think It was your suggestion, right Dale? You were the one who wanted to come here And you said you wanted to see the big tits Melody's going to back me up on this. I think it was your suggestion, right, Dale? Well, boss. You were the one who wanted to come here, and you said you wanted to see the big tits, right? Right, Dale? Whoa, whoa. Well, I don't remember it going.

Well, Melody, since we're just throwing accusations, baseless fucking accusations around, I think I saw Dale doing coke in the bathroom. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. Well, Zach, boss, no. Easy, boss. Now that I racked my fucking brain

about it, I think I was walking past Dale's office yesterday and he was beaten off. In the office. Boss, no. Shooting ropes in the office. I'm pretty sure I saw that. Look, boss, please. No, Melanie, I'm serious. He's a family guy.

Melanie, I'm serious. I'm serious, boss. Now that I'm serious. I'm serious. Boss, no, I can't. No, no, no. Now that I'm really racking my fucking brain. I can't sit back and let this happen. Dale's a good man. He's a good friend.

And he's a good colleague. Wow. And I would not be able to live with myself if I just sat here eating the world's tiniest, I'll say shittiest wings. It's all bone. Let's be real. It's all bone. How dare be real, it's all bone.

How dare you? It's bone in ranch. How dare you? And let you talk to a good man this way. Thank you. Oh, I get it now. This makes sense. I think we did come here so you could stare at the tits.

This is about the affair. I feel you're right. This is about the affair, isn't it? What are you talking about? Now that I'm racking my head, that's what it's about. He wasn't beating off. He wasn't beating off. He wasn't beating off. What? You were giving him a beach.

You were blowing him in the office, weren't you, Melody? I wasn't. Now that I've really racked my brain about it, he was doing coke off your asshole, wasn't he, Melody? Okay, guys. These are unbelievable accusations.

Oh, look at this straw doll they found me. So I got one straw doll for you here. Should I just pop that in the middle of the table? You cannot take that. That is a beautiful doll. Sir, while we're at it, you're a freak. You're a freak. You come here eating milky bones and wanting a little straw hoot stall to sit beside you what the hell is wrong

with you you now that i'm racking my freaking brain around it you're you're a sick freak boss you're a sick freak and i wasn't blowing dave in the office he wasn't doing coke off my asshole it we are diligent hard workers trying to provide for our families, okay? Meanwhile, you're here eating Milky Wings with a little doll next to you. Now, why don't you think about that? How is that supposed to look to HR? Sorry, can I just hop in? Are these two the ones who have been running that illegal people trafficking ring that you

were telling me about? No way! That's exactly right, Sam. You should be ashamed of yourself. We have done nothing of the sort. We serve the smallest, tastiest, coldest wings in this state, and you come in here expecting to have your affairs, to snort your cocaine, to smuggle people across borders illegally, Matt.

We don't do any of that. Brandy, that's actually why I brought them here today. I wanted to confront them because I was at work. Now that I'm racking my brain about it. You said you wanted to bring us here because you were so proud of how much we earned and that you were talking about how you weren't going to give us a bonus. Which, by the way, you're spending all of the company money. Oh, look at this lunch. Company card. You never eat the wings. You never eat the wings. I was working late in the office and I

walked past the boardroom and I'm pretty sure I saw a shipping container full of women and girls in there. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm pretty sure that's what I saw. You know what? You know what? Our cubicle could not even. I'm pretty sure Melanie had a clipboard

and she was taking names. Taking people's passports away from them. I'm pretty sure now that I write my brain about it. You hussy. You awful,

awful, awful woman. I would be ashamed if that's something that I would ever do. That is unbelievable. Brandy, do you honestly think

that there was a shipping container in a cubicle? And me shuttling people in and out of a shipping container within a cubicle? Randy, I'm serious. Do you want a job? This is coming from a man who's eating cereal wings next to a straw doll of you. Excuse me, madam. Look, we can tolerate a lot in an establishment like this, okay?

But this man here is one of our finest, most upstanding patrons that we have ever had. There's no way. Thank you, Brittany. I don't need you to do this, but thank you. I don't need you to do this, but thank you. There's no way that's true. There is not a weeknight that passes where he doesn't come in, order six to eight thousand wings, and sit here and not eat one of them. Do you know why?

Because he respects the process too much. Isn't that right? That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Respects the process. That's just ordering at a restaurant. That's just being at a restaurant. All right, Melanie.

You should eat the food. Such an old sign of respect. Finish your plate. It is one thing to come in here and levy baseless accusations at me, your boss, but it is an entirely another thing to come in here and besmirch this fine woman's name and this fine establishment. Eat a wing right now. Eat a wing. I don't.

Eat a wing. I respect them too damn much. Eat a tiny, tiny wing. Eat a wing. I won't do it. I won't do that. Eat it. Eat it.

Eat it. Eat it. I'm sticking it in your vine. Fine. Eat it. Oh my God. Dale. Eat it. Dale. Dale. He's choking. No, I'm sick do that. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. I'm sticking it in your... Fine. Fine. Eat it. Oh my God, Dale. Eat it. Dale, he's choking.

No, I'm sick of this. Eat it. Dale. Eat it. Dale, that's enough. Eat it. Oh my God. I'm a good man.

Dale, get off him. I work hard. Dale, that's enough. Oh my God. Is he breathing? Is he breathing? Should I just shut this up? Do you want to take in a little box to go home?

That would be nice. Thank you. Yeah. And we'll tip, obviously. Thank you. You seem very nice. I just cannot make it clear enough that, like, we don't traffic women and children.

Alfred! What? What came over you? What do you mean? It was... Something, something like took over you. You know,

I think what I realized was about six months into this podcast was that I was never going to be able to hold elected office. And I think as the podcast comes to an end, I thought, clean break. Why don't we say something that pretty much guarantees

I'll never get elected to a public position in any country at any level. So the CV looks great. Again, really qualified. We're so, so happy. I did my master's in social work and city planning, so I think I'm really qualified we're so so happy you know I I did my masters in social work and city planning so I think I'm really

qualified all the extracurricular stuff as well is amazing but the we just got an intern here at the office who says that

look kids kids in their wares but said that you are on a podcast just advocating just sort of

just drug use and human trafficking wow oh my god no well so thank you for bringing it up he was a bit just sort of, just drug use and human trafficking. Wow. No. Oh my God, no. So thank you for bringing it up. It was a bit. Most of the time

I don't even get the chance to explain myself. They just throw the resume out. It was a bit. So basically, the character. We were for the bit, babe. It was for the bit.

We were at Hooters for the bit. We were at Hooters for the bit. Christ alive. Let's do our last segment. This shook me all week long. Oh my God almighty. Ed, what has been shaking your ass for better, for worse? This suit is so hot.

I was sweltering. Tell you what's been shaking me. Old bags. You got to keep hold of your old bags, guys. You never know when they're going to come. You can't talk about women that way. You cannot talk about women that way. So sweaty.

You got to keep hold of your old bags. Old bags. Your old bags. You got to keep hold of your old bags. Your old bags. Never let them go holding your old bags. Your old bags. Never let them go, guys. Never let them go. They're going to come in handy.

A moving house, I don't have enough bags to put stuff in. You think you're never going to need them? You're lying to yourself. Think again. Keep hold of your old bags. And if that's the last thing that I ever say on this show, I'm proud to stand by it. Keep holding your old bags

that's beautiful that's really moving wow like for those to be some the last piece of advice you ever give is keep hold your old bags i think that's quite a legacy i'll always say keep keep hold of your old bag keep hold the rest take care of itself it's beautiful That's a beautiful sentiment Um Alfredini Riley what's been Shaking your ass Fucker Um What has been Shaking My

Ass What Huh That's an interesting question What's been Shaking my ass Oh here's what's been Shaking my ass

I went Okay I'm sorry I gotta acknowledge it Ben I don't know who's called you Ben Ben

Ben is taking off his bow tie. An amazing commitment to the vet. The suit is so hot. It's so, so hot. I can't believe. I would have lasted five minutes in that bow tie. That's so miserable. That's so suffering.

Oh, my God. I'm just going to drag this out. What has been shaking me? How long can I keep this up? What hasn't shaken you? I saw Meggalopolis this past week exactly i saw francis ford coppola's megalopolis is that really who directed that direct and written by yes congratulations and i took an edible with some friends and we went to

go see megalopolis now who's advocating drug use? Never said I advocated it. I hate that I keep doing this. I gave it to fair pressure. Guys, please stop. I don't. Say something mean about it. You want to say something mean about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, it's one of the worst films I've ever seen in my life. Okay. That's easy to say. Bold. I don't,

but I don't even know what it was. I'm not sure. I guess it's been shaking me because i grace vanderwall is in it i didn't know what what we were doing i didn't know what i was watching i didn't know why any of it was happening it was trying to be everything and said nothing fucking shia labeouf was in it. That was a jump scare.

Yes, really? Had no idea that he was in it. We're letting him work. That was really shocking. It was as the edible was kicking in, I leaned over to Daniel and said, is that Shia LaBeouf? Scary, scary.

It's time for the edible to hurt. Crazy, crazy that that man is working. That was insane. I love that I can't get a job because of what I said on this episode of Review Review, but they're letting Shia LaBeouf work still. And Jon Voight. It was really, one of my friends texted me afterwards because he saw that I posted about it on Letterboxd.

And he's like, should I see it? Should I be part of the discourse? And I said, look, man, go see it if you, you know, whatever. And I just said, if and when you do see it. And I mean this so sincerely. I'm like, I need a full report on what you think you watched because i couldn't tell you one of my friends uh elizabeth she said if you gave me a year i couldn't give you a logline for that movie like it was really um i'm gonna give you a year i want you to go i'm gonna give you one year how

long is it what's that what's that really i really couldn't tell you like it it was it's uh it's unbelievable aubrey plaza is the best part but everyone was act everyone was in a different film from each other everyone was in a completely different movie and i wanted to watch the one that aubrey plaza was in because she was two hours and 20 minutes my word it's shocking um also what's been shaking me is i keep laughing. So Daniel drove us home. Daniel was our DD and we were driving. And I think it was like one after another, two cars were pulling into the lane. Like they were, they were pulling out of parking spots.

But in my mind, I thought they were so close to us that they were going to hit us. And I was very scared. And so one went out and I was like, whoa, both being driven by Shia LaBeouf. Oh my God. And I was like, it's okay. And then the second one pulled out maybe 30 seconds later. I was like, whoa. Both being driven by Shia LaBeouf. Oh my God. And Danny's like, it's okay.

And then the second one pulled out maybe 30 seconds later. And I said, whoa, what is going on? And then from the backseat, Elizabeth fully seriously going on board. She goes, something is going on. And it was perfect. It was perfect. Anyway, Megalopolis I can't stop thinking about it And I want to

Because I don't want to think about it anymore Yeah, yeah, yeah It's been shaking me Alfred Yes You've had all this time, my love Sure have Shit

It is sweltering in that suit Shit Please It's like, please kill me You gotta help me, bro Let me think Shaking me bro Let me think Shaking me Shaking me

Shaking me Shaking me Shaking me Are you actually kidding me? I want my shaking me Shaking me Shaking me Shaking me

I What has been shaking me Is that Yesterday My troubles seem so far away I knew you were gonna do that And I made a Pumpkin

I was gonna make a pumpkin cheesecake And then I didn't Because I realized I didn't have the right pan for it I made a pumpkin. I was going to make a pumpkin cheesecake. And then I didn't. Because I realized I didn't have the right pan for it. And then it was going to take too long. So I made pumpkin cheesecake bars. Pumpkin cheesecake bars. So like, you know, sort of like brownie thickness.

But it's the Graham cheesecake. Got you, got you, got you And it was fucking They're so fucking good I could have ate the whole tray I could have fucking put a straw Oh my gosh In there and just sucked it up Ew

So I think I'm really enjoying Because the thing about Chicago, Illinois Is that global warming is here Yeah It was like 75 degrees yesterday Which is not the temperature it's supposed to be in october getting into that cozy pumpkin spice snuggling up it's like in previous years when i've lived here it's been snowing now like it's very odd for it to be this hot still but i'm still embracing the fall-ness,

similar to Riley at the beginning with her pumpkin pancakes. I've made an apple crisp. I made apple pancakes this morning. I made pumpkin cheesecake bars yesterday. I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies last week. I am in my... This is delightful. I stress bake, I think, is what I'm also learning about myself.

You are Prue Leaf. You are Paul Hollywood. I am giving myself a Hollywood handshake, if you know what I mean. If you know what I mean. I had one of those cheesecake bars and I gave myself a Hollywood handshake and it was a... That's foul. Off to bed I was. Oh my God.

Good night. Ed, what a treat. There is semen in this i can just tell i can tell from looking at it that is that is that is just coming this i can't tell i'm not gonna try it i hope that's okay ed what's so sad is that it's like after this episode's over we're never gonna talk to you again like that's what's crazy is that it's like this is the only this is it i'm walking the plank after this guys that's what's so sad is that you I'm walking the plank after this guys that's what's so sad is that it's like I so enjoy you and it's

a shame that it's like once we leave this zoom that it's like oh well that was it you know I'm generally quite up for being friends but it seems like you guys I wish we could do that oh my god how I wish we could do that

modern technology you can keep relationships going across It seems like you guys have just already. Oh, totally. I wish we could do that. Oh my God, how I wish we could do that. I don't know, just sort of, you know, sort of these modern technology, you can kind of, you can keep relationships going across. No. Fun to be friends. That would be so, I wish. No, no, no. I literally.

Social media and everything. You've got so many options of contact. No, darling, darling. Like we're doing right now. It's so hard. It's so hard. It's something to think about. Such a shame.

Such a shame. Something for you guys to mull over. But until then, Ed, what a joy to have you on a three-peat guest. One of the greatest to ever do it. Michael Jordan at the bowl? At the garden. Michael Jordan at the garden.

Michael Jordan in the drawing room with the candlestick. With a basketball. Ed, where can people find you? What do you have? Anything to plug. What do you have? What do you have?

Hey, what do you have? All my stuff is genuinely next to me. All of my possessions are in my shop. Play it out. One by one. Itemize. Show me everything you own. Guys, follow me at Ed Jones UK.

I'm on Instagram. I'm on TikTok. There's silly videos on there. And if you're in the UK, we're going to, they're Cry Babies, my little sketch trio. We're coming together for the third show.

So there's, yeah, some live shows in the pipeline. So follow me and you'll find all the information you need there. I'm so mad that I can't see those. So if you guys are in the UK, you go see it and then illegally record it and send it to me.

Yes, yeah. Because I really want to be at that show. And you have merch. Oh, I have. All right, guys, this is the end of my career. I made a line of merchandise. You're so upset. I'm so upset.

I like the merch. I was remarking on the merch yesterday. I'm so upset. I like the merch. I was remarking on the merch yesterday. I was like, I didn't know there was merch. There's merch. There's merch. I've made some t-shirts. I've made a hat. I've made a tote bag.

I'm so hot, man. What's wrong with it? What's wrong? It's great stuff. You should be proud of it. She's like, please end this fucking episode. I'm so hot. That's what's in all the boxes next to you

is just unsold t-shirts. I have so much shit. Just sleeping on a bed of hats. Where can people buy the merch? The merch, you can follow it through my Instagram is probably the best thing. There's all the links are there. But if you're like, hey,

if you're someone who wears t-shirts and in jokes, then the middle of that Venn diagram is, I'm going to pass out here. We'll put you out of your misery. You can find Alfred on Instagram at Alfred. I almost said Alfred Broadwell Evans. Honey, that ain't it. Honey, that ain't it. You can find Alfred on Instagram at Alfred.

And you can find the show on Instagram at Review Review. Reddit, r slash Review Review. Discord, Review Review. And Jeffrey James and I are doing Zardes at the zoom party every month come and join patreon.com slash riley and jeff and you can find riley on instagram.com just the web browser not the phone app at riley and spot and on twitter.com now known as xxxxx.com for as long as it lasts at riley coyote and on tikt. On the clock to the party. Don't stop. Oh, oh.

At Riley and Spot. And as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying it. We're never not saying it. Hedonistic. Hedonistic Americana. Hedonistic Americana. Hedonistic Americana. Until next time. Bye. Au revoir. Au revoir. Americana. Hedonistic Americana. Hedonistic Americana. Until next time.

Bye. Au revoir. Au revoir. I wanna be with you, with you, just me. Nobody else but me. I wanna be with you, with you, alone. Boop, boop be doot OOOH!

FV only holds me back, I know And our listeners know it too I wanna review review alone I couldn't aspire To anything higher Than to sit in a room and do improv alone Ba da ba da ba da ba da ba oh! I wanna review review just me

Nobody else but me I wanna a review review. Ba-diddly-diddly-diddly-ba. Ba-doo-ba-doo. That was a Hidgum original.