Review Revue - Hot Topic

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss Fueled by Ramen band tees, chain mail pants, and pad see ew.Check out The Headgum Podcast and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts:Apple PodcastsSpotify Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to refuse. So what can you do on a Saturday night alone?

Who needs a view on a Saturday night alone? If it's a Saturday night and you are single, you sit with the paper and fight the urge to mingle That was Sondheim's first show, Saturday night. I did it my freshman year of high school. And it is Saturday night. And it is Saturday night on Broadway. And Broadway, I mean, in my closet.

Yeah, which is almost the opposite of the Great White Way. With a glass of wine. Which is Way. With a glass of wine. Which is fine. And a glass of whiskey, and it's making me frisky. And it's a little frisky. It's a little frisky. And it's getting all up in my whiskies. His whiskers, he's pointing to his stash.

I hate when people refer to my mustache as whiskers. I think it's disgusting. Well, I mean, you saw Cats. That's basically what it was. Ha! Puss in spats! Well, maybe we should be cats again for Halloween. I was a cat

last year and this year. So, Jeff and I had a very real idea that we were gonna do. We were nervous, but we would've done it for a HeadGum Live show to fully get in cats' gonna do we were nervous but like we would have done it um for a head gum live show oh my god fully get in like cats costumes like full makeup full costume and learn the whole dance to mungo jerry and rumple teaser and like do it at a show and like do it earnestly we still might

i still would be like that's a dream to do with jeff so i think okay so like obviously the big head gum live not the ones not the little insignificant fucking black box shits that you and i do it's nothing all right it doesn't advance our careers it doesn't connect us to an audience i mean we have sold out every time and like we have a great time and we really like i think we make people laugh and it's such a fun experience but yeah it's nothing sure it's nothing to go along with your thing no because once you know what were you gonna say no that's true though it does it is good and it does make me like you know it's it's fun at least at the very least it's fun um at the very least we have a good time but we should do it next year's big head gum podcast festival head gum line that should be that should when we do it

and we just start the show by doing the full number. And then we continue with the podcast, which is completely audio, but in the costume. Cat's costume. I love it. And we're going to be in fucking Canada or whatever. I'm going to be in cat's costumes. Come on, baby. Now, let me lick at you. Let me peek at you let me peek at you playing pokemon on the day um what kind of wine are you drinking i am drinking sauvignon blanc oh um sent a horrible shiver down my spine. Is it? Or is it a Chardonnay? No, it's a Sauvignon Blanc.

It is. I'm normally not a white wine drinker, but I'm in the closet and it's very hot in here. There's no ventilation. Of course. And we're having a warm dinner. We're making roast chicken, a salad and some patatas bravas. Got the recipe off new york times i did tell jeff that i was going to be late to the recording tonight because i was making and i quote a quick aioli yeah which to be fair aioli doesn't take that long to to make but you're going to speed it up even more

i messed up because the recipe calls for two egg yolks four four cloves of minced garlic, and a cup and a half of olive oil. And when I started pouring the olive oil, Daniel's jaw dropped. That's a lot of oil, yeah. And then it's like, whisk it in a teaspoon at a time. And I'm like, well, that simply won't do. And so I fucking pour probably like,

you know, half a cup at a time. And of course it's thin. And so I'm like, oh know, half a cup at a time. And of course it's thin. And so I'm like, oh shit, Daniel, I got to go record. Should we just toss this? And Daniel's now whisking it. Take it over. Go record. Go have fun.

I got this. So I love Daniel. I can sort of hear him grunting and groaning in the background. Like you kind of put him out and he's like pissed about it. That you get to do something fun, drink wine. And he's making what? Sauce pissed about it that you get to do something fun drink wine and he's making what sauce yeah i'm drinking nika from the barrel it's um my favorite whiskey the nika coffee grain but this one's from the barrel so it's cask strength 50 and uh i have a few cubes in there ice and uh ice and sugar um mostly sugar uh there's no whiskey it's water and sugar

it's a simple syrup i'm drinking simple syrup yeah um no but it is it i fully recommend that to anybody who likes whiskey or if you're trying to get into like bourbon because it's kind of sweet but it's really good um not not the from the barrel what's that i'm just like trying to get into it what do you mean like you'm just like I want that to be my thing Well you shouldn't let it define you Because like it's such a small thing Really? Yeah

What do you mean really? It's so obviously that It's just like then if not that then what? That's I don't want to It's the end of the conversation Because that made me so sad for you You know what's a really hot topic? Hot topic

Hot topic But that's not true Because no one's talking about it i've ever made it was it was on paper it's clean but it's not true we're in the middle of a global pandemic and you think the hottest topic is hot you know the hottest top the hottest button topic right now in a global pandemic um coronavirus the store that sells a lot of those pop action figures. So that's like the kind of biggest thing. Yeah, you and I have different news sources. Yours is the alt press and mine is the associated press. So we're talking for some reason today.

If you could guess, we're talking about Hot Topic. I was going to do that. I was going to fucking do that. You beat me to it. Hot Topic. You did do that I was gonna fucking do that You beat me to it Hot Topic You did it too that's good I know but I was like I fucking I was talking to my friend today And I was like I got it Hot Topic but said like Hot Pocket

That's really good I do it first I know Did you ever shop at Hot Topic Of course not Really No I Hot Topic really scared me um there was something about like i remember at my local mall um like the outside they had like these fake stone pillars and like fake flames going sure it was just like it's just a lot and it's like not a

dig to anyone if that's your bag, love it. No, be honest. Tell them what you really think. Love that for you. That's great. That's great. If you love it, more power to you. I feel overwhelmed.

You're telling me you didn't want to wear chain mail in middle school? I'm not a knight. You could have been, dude. So, yeah, I think it's like the vibe of Hot Topic kind of makes me feel like one of the things that like really makes my insides feel bad, like sandpaper rubbing against like is shirts that like have that you'd see sold at see sold on Venice Boardwalk that have the American Horror Story font that say things like, we're all mad here. What?

Do you know what I'm talking about? What's that in reference to? The Mad Hatter? But it's like those kinds of shirts that's like... I was with you until you said the slogan on the shirt is, we're all mad here. No, but I'm saying like some... Guys, if you're listening to this and you know the vibe I'm talking about,

it's like those kinds of shirts that's like... I totally get the vibe. I just think that you should never design these shirts because that's a bad sentence to put on a tee. Scoop neck or otherwise. Our two shirts. Baseball font. How about you?

Don't stop dating your wife. Wife with the little line underneath it. Yeah. An American Horror Story font. We're all mad here. We got to start doing merch this summer. I did shop at hot what were you like in the market for what was i a hankering for sorry can you phrase it the right way sorry what what

were you hankering for a no because that yeah it makes it seem like you're placating me say it like with joy what what were you hankering for well let me tell you partner no it doesn't feel right um yeah that's not good panic atic at the Disco merch. Obviously, Panic at the Disco merch. Of course. Fall Out Boy merch. I should have known. My Chemical Romance merch.

Paramore merch. Anything fueled by ramen fueled me. And I would buy a tea with a cool band name on it. I really wanted to be emo. And for a period, I guess I was, because I had the hair. My hair is getting pretty long now, but I mean, you've seen pictures. Guys, if you are a close personal friend

of a Mr. Jeffrey James, and you have seen the photos of young Jeffrey with a little swoop in the hair, the long bangs over the eyes, just the sweetest thing you ever did see. And then there was these, there's a photo of me, maybe we'll post it on the Instagram if I'm confident enough, but there was a

photo of me with my sister and a French exchange student that stayed with us for a summer. And I'm wearing these fucking Okay, call me by your name. It was nothing like that. Did you fuck the peach? I've never fucked a fruit luckily i can say that with absolute confidence and it is true um i think i was like 11 anyway

uh i have these little arm bands like sweat bands that i got from hot topics yeah you've seen that one yeah and a necklace really good and a zoo york t-shirt because i also wanted to be a skater boy and i said see you later boy see you later boy um i think here's why i didn't connect to hot topic is that i was never part of like any kind of fandom that hot topic that's the end that's the end and so i was like god i was more of like a Broadway fandom, which I don't think like and they do intersect that like, but I just in the Venn diagram of different fandoms. That's never that was never kind of where I found myself. Yeah, I was more buying big binders to put all my playbills in. You fucking nerd yeah so that was in a good way

that was more my thing and learning all the words to wicked to sing in the car right um so that was more my bag and you were in your bag and i was in a bag i was born in a bag. I was born in a bag. Oh my god, that's really sad. I ate the placenta in a hat. No, I really... So yeah, the things that were popular when I would go to Hot Topic were Alice in Wonderland merch, like the movie. We're all mad here, I guess. Right, I guess it's a Mad Hatter reference. Jack Skellington, Nightmare Before Christmas.

Yes. Panic at the Disco. I mean, all the bands I mentioned. And I was so into that scene of emo pop punk. That was my fucking aughts childhood. Were you like one of those who like, did you ever get into like the Nightmare Before Christmas stuff? Of course.

Of course I was jacked for Halloween one year, I think. Like earnestly i wasn't like i thought i didn't i wasn't to the nth degree like some people were but i definitely loved it i loved the whole vibe of tim burton movies and john like you know before he was canceled but johnny depp um and then fucking alice in wonderland but i was always drawn to the weirdness of it also the things that you that you said intimidated you about it also intimidated me, but I was like, I wanted to be next to it. So there would be those people

that wore the really baggy black pants with the chains, and I was like, that's not for me, but it's kind of cool that we're in the same room, right? So you wanted to be next to it, not necessarily in it, but I can hang. I wanted to be Pete Wentz, and I think I've told you personally this story, but if I've said it on the podcast, I'm sorry. But I was in Chicago once, and I was like, I needed a haircut,

so my dad took me to get a haircut, and I told the woman, I was like, hey, can you give me Pete Wentz's haircut? Like the one, like the swoopy emo thing. And keep in mind, I had very short hair at this point. And she's like, you don't have the hair for it. I'm like, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? She's like, no, the length. It's not even, you'd have to grow it out and then do it.

And I'm like, if I don't leave here looking like Wentz, you're not getting. You're not getting a pence. And so she did cut it in that pattern. And she was like, it'll grow into it. But then it just looked like horribly lopsided. And so when I got home to Cleveland, I just got a buzz cut. Oh, Jeffrey. So what can you do on a Saturday night?

So you start. Okay. I started last week. So this is a two-star review from 2010 of the Hot Topic on Hollywood Boulevard from Zoe H. Zoe Hobnob. Oh, that's good. Zoe Hobnob writes, I am actually of the age where I remember when Hot Topic was all about the music.

Sadly, now it is all about the scene, the crunk, the Bieber. I rarely step foot inside a Hot Topic, that is of course unless I am dragged in, or there's a 50% off, 50% off sale. I don't mind paying $4 for some rough, starchy band shirt, but I'd hate to pay full price. The music now is unbearable. Gone are the days where you could find a really cool social distortion shirt or a sick misfits accessory. Now, you can buy a temporary Lady Gaga lightning bolt tattoo that once represented David

Bowie. This is the perfect place to go if you're 12 or in 8th grade and beginning to rebel. But if not, I would skip it. So 50% off, 50% off is 25%, right? That's less. Just say 25%.

I just liked the sentence. Now it's all about the scene, the crunk, the Bieber. I can't imagine anyone going to Hot Topic to buy Bieber merch. I guess they must. I have no concept of what a Hot Topic is. I do think it's very much changed in recent years, but what's interesting is that this is from 2010.

I didn't even see that. But I like the idea of her walking in. Oh! Oh, oh! Okay. Justin Bieber, then? You shitting me with this? Yeah, Justin Bieber's selling, like, hotcakes.

Man, can we help you find anything? Hot topic's not about, sorry. Are you the manager? I am the manager, yeah. Yeah, hot topic's not about what sells. Hot topic is about those of us on the fringe of society alright the misfits social distortion sorry did I mention

did I mention the misfits? You didn't sorry what's your name didn't catch your name my name? yeah Zoe Hobnob hi Zoe I'm Zoe Hobnob say my full name hi Zoe Hobnob I'm Mandy I'm managing this Hot Topic and you know usually kind of our whole thing is that what's the hot topic right now? And the hot topic is Justin Bieber.

So I'm so sorry we're out of what you have. But, I mean, I could offer you a different variation of band shirts. We got some new Bieber merch. We got some Lady Gagaaga tattoos they're kind of like david bowie ish just say david bowie all right gone are the days where gaga didn't represent what bowie used to represent all right also your what'd you say your name was mandy mandy people say mandy you're a fine manager that's a real song all right that's fucking randy i think brandy you're a fine girl brandy that's what i said so you don't know what the real song is i i know the wheelhouse of

it all right and i know have you ever listened to social distortion who okay so you come in here berating us for not having the specific band you like but you don't even know the music of the band i just want the shirts because the shirts make it look like i know the music right and every i already listen to bieber i already love bieber so i don't wear the shirt because otherwise people are like oh you like the music and i'm like yeah of course but if i wear a misfits tee and people are like oh you like the misfits i'm like don't know them then they think I'm cool, I think. I feel like it's the opposite, right? Mm, okay. If you wear it and you're like, oh yeah, I love the music.

Yeah. You can turn more people on to it. Sorry, this might be totally off base, but I think there's a kinship here, right? Because I just moved to town. Well, you came in here yelling at me. Right. And I did do that. I didn't mean to do that.

For something I have nothing to do with. Oh, wait. So you don't decide the shirts? Well, of course I don't decide the shirts. Then get headquarters on. Get headquarters on. Get them did do that. I didn't mean to do that. For something I have nothing to do with. Oh, wait. So you don't decide the shirts? Well, of course I don't decide the shirts. Then get headquarters on. Get headquarters on. Get them on the phone. That's phone and horn.

Why? I want to talk. Would you call them and I'll explain after? This is insane. But yeah. I mean, you know what? You're right. I kind of do feel like we're weirdly going to be friends.

I don't know why. But this is crazy. Yeah. I'll get the Hot Topic headquarters on the phone for no reason. It's ringing. Hello? Watch this. Hey, fucker. Hot Topic headquarters? Yeah. Hangs up. Wait!

Okay, okay. Well, that's not what I thought was going to happen. You should have warned me what you were going to do first. I'm sorry. Call him again? Promise you're not going to say hey, fucker again. I won't say hey fucker don't do anything offensive no because i don't want them i can't believe i'm trusting you so much just call them again all right they don't know that you're all right well they know the store number all right just they don't know it's you though just fucking let's get it over with let's get over with get what over with can you tell me what you're doing? It's ringing. Fine.

Hot Topic Headquarters. My man, fucker. You're a fucker. Say that again. Damn it. I don't know why I said that. It was like I was just going to say my man and then... What do you even want from them? I want to pitch them t-shirt ideas.

Mandy, you're a fine girl. You're not a fine girl. You're a fine girl. You're not a fine girl. You're a fine girl. Get him on the horn one more time. I won't say sup fuckers. If you say sup fucker, I probably will lose my job. If I say sup fucker, I'll leave, and you won't have to ever hear from me again. You promise?

Of course. Okay. I feel like you have good ideas, so I'm going to do it. Thank you. Okay, it's ringing. Hot Topic Headquarters. Name? What's your name? No, what's your name? If you call us fuckers one more time, I swear to God, I'm Thomas. Give me your name, then. Then I won name if you call us fuckers give me your name then i won't have to call you fucker i'm thomas thomas you call us fucking thomas all right no stay on

the line stay on the line thomas have i got a shirt for you all right faded black right and then fade to black and then back up suddenly it's not just faded black the font of nightmare on elm street before christmas and guess what it says thomas the font is nightmare on elm street before christmas guess what it says thomas guess i've never heard of that font i made it i couldn't i could not imagine Nightmare on street And then that's the font And then it's faded black, fade to black, fade back up Suddenly the text says, I couldn't even imagine it

So the shirt is like an ombre black I don't know what that means And I'm not going to be spoken to like a poor person I really don't like you What is your name? Mandy No, Zoe, what the fuck are you doing? Shut the fuck up. This is going well.

It's going well. Wait, you're the manager of the Scotts... I'm the Mandy-ger. You're the manager of the Arizona Hot Topic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? The Scottsdale one? Of course. You called us fucker two times. No, I didn't. You did. No, that was... Sorry. No, that wasn't Mandy, because I don't

want Mandy to lose... I don't want me to lose my job. I want the t-shirt to be made. What are you more likely to do? Make it if it's Mandy's idea or if it's some random stranger? If it's someone who works for Hot Topic, I'll make their idea. Okay, then I'm Mandy then.

What the fuck is wrong with you? She's not even got a shirt made. So what do we say? Do we have a deal? Shirt idea. I really don't like you. Okay. But the shirt.

It's not about me. It's about the shirt. I really don't like this conversation. I am just the secretary at the Hot Topic headquarters. Sure. But I'll send it through. They're going to send it through. They're going to fucking send the shirt through.

They're going to send it through. It's your idea. To them, it's your idea. It's my idea? Great. Fuck, yeah. So who should we send the mock-ups to and the checks inevitably mandy what's your last name patim patim jenkins jenkins jenkins jenkins mandy patinkin

mandy it's hyphenated mandy patinkin jenkins you know what you fucking teens i knew this is too good to be true what i know it's a crank call you You're calling me, oh, I'm Mandy Patinkin. Fuck you, Hot Topic fuckers. I'm, the deal's off. Are you kidding me? I can't believe I fell for this again. No, you know what? I'm gonna, they hung up.

What happened? Because of you. Zoe, what the fuck? Because of you. Because your last name is Patinkin Jenkins. They think it's not a real name. It's just Jenkins. All right, I misheard then.

You just started to say Mandy Patinkin. I misheard, I misspoke. You misheard it? You know what? Get out of my store. I'm taking this idea to PAX, son. I really am. Fuck you guys.

Get them on the horn. One more time. One more time. I promise I won't say fucker. Get the fuck out of my store. I start pushing you out with those fake torches. Oh. Oh.

I fall down an escalator. Of course. Into PAX, son. I fall down an escalator Of course Into Pac-Son Sup fuckers Boy have I got a shirt Have I got a shirt for you We should take a break At this point

So soon? We have an ad deal in the works Really? Maybe, wishful thinking Thanks Marty We have an ad deal in the works. Really? Maybe. Wishful thinking. Okay. Thanks, Marty. And we're back. You okay? I'm not sad.

That's for damn sure. That's, yeah. Okay. I kind of figure what's going on. Should I read my review? Go for it. Guess who's back back back again again my dad's back back back tell my mom uh my dad my mom told me that if she ever saw my dad's pickup in the in the driveway that i should warn her because it usually means that he's not gonna ask for money so okay uh well here's my

review for hot topic you know you can talk to me about anything yeah and yeah and you can uh right on down and listen to my review that i found okay this is for the hot topic that i was scared of thousand oaks this is from Donna L. Holy shit. Lung disease. Donna Lung Disease. Topical. It's hot topical. Awful.

Okay, fine. Donna Lungren. And she's obviously related to Dolph. Donna Lungren. Canonically, let's just say she's related to Dolph. Donna Lungren. Isn't that, isn't it Dolph Lungren? I don't know who that is.

From Rocky. I don't know. that is. From Rocky. I don't know. I saw Rocky years ago. Now I'm pouring a Yamazaki single malt Japanese whiskey. Anyway, Donna Lundgren, four stars. Oh, wait. Holy shit. What?

It's from May 16th, 2017. I thought you were going to say May 16th, 2020. So this is from exactly three years ago. Yeah, it's from today. She's like, weirdly empty for a hot tub. Four stars from exactly three years ago today on May 16th, 2017. Okay, I'm going to start off with the bad stuff and then work my way into the good. I went here a few months ago looking to buy an Overwatch shirt, which I wasn't sure if they carried, but I looked anyway.

Shout out Mars. The store was empty of customers, and there were three employees at the counter who seemed to be engaged in some sort of argument. They didn't really notice me. So I looked around until one of them came up to me asking if I needed help. I was like, yeah, I need an Overwatch shirt. And the dude was like, for sure.

So he showed one to me, and I walked up to the counter to buy it there were still two men up there arguing I stood there until one of them turned around and the first thing he said was what? I was pretty surprised because usually at Hot Topic

all the employees make an effort to seem really chill and incredibly pretentious just like me but this dude looked like he was about to rip my arms off I was just like what?

I'm just gonna buy this and he audibly sighed before ringing me up. The guy behind him then mentions a promotion thing where it's like buy one, get one 50% off. So I was like, okay, dope. So I picked out a bath bomb next to the counter because I really didn't want to spend any more time in there looking around.

Keep in mind that I'm still the only customer and these employees are glaring daggers into my skull. I felt like I'd walked into a third-grade classroom, and all the kids turned to stare at the door for about 30 seconds straight, looking to see if you're anyone interesting, but they just get disappointed because it's only you. Anyway. Definitely real.

We're almost done. Anyway, we're almost done with my transaction when I mentioned that I have a rewards card. The dude literally rolled his eyes and asked for my card so he could scan it. Basically, by the end of the entire thing, I actually had to control myself so I wouldn't punch the guy in the face and run out screaming. It was a very uncomfortable experience. So you're probably wondering why I gave it four stars.

That's because there's this guy that works there, or used to anyway, that has a map from Game of Thrones tattooed on his back. It's pretty sweet. Alright. So? She's like, he works or maybe he doesn't work there. No, I'm pretty sure. And did you see the tattoo or did

he have a shirt on? He had a shirt. So why did you think that he had a tattoo about the Game of Thrones map? It feels like all speculation. I know I saw it. How? I have a memory in my head that it's like I saw a dude with a Game of Thrones tattoo on his back and it was awesome. In Hot Topic though?

Because the memory, all you said was that a dude. It was probably Hot Topic. I don't know if he works there anymore though. He might not work there anymore. Might have never worked there. Might not have been in Hot Topic. Might not have been. I'm talking to you.

You're the worst witness ever. You're on the stand. There was a murder in this Hot Topic. Yeah. There not have been a hot topic. You're the worst witness ever. You're on the stand. There was a murderer in this hot topic. We're not asking... Look, the murderer didn't have a tattoo on his back. We're looking for a guy, 6'1", kind of rude. So it might have been one of those first guys

you were talking about. There were three guys there. One of them was pretty nice. The other two were total assholes. One of the guys was really nice. The two other guys were were total assholes it doesn't matter what they were nice or not did you see this guy they show up a sketch was this guy in the hot topic that guy he looks so familiar i was the only customer there so so was it one of the three workers oh my god it might have been no wait like that's not helpful that's not helpful could you give me some more details about this guy he wore he wore chain mail he sorry i don't know uh he wore

chain mail he yeah yeah he was had a very intimidating demeanor to him yeah um and that sounds really familiar yeah okay sorry keep going did you see him sorry what were you were gonna say one more thing oh i was just this one you obviously contributed to the thing so i'm not i wasn't gonna say it but it does say that if you like show tunes this probably wasn't your guy yeah no he was definitely i definitely have seen this person okay at hot topic or is this just like oh i know oh i know that guy is it like oh like i know that guy i went to school with those guys i think it's like one of those guys it's like oh we all know that guy is it like oh like i know that guy i went to school with those guys i think it's like one of those guys it's like oh we all know that guy right yeah that's not we all know all right i yield my time he's one of those people that's like even the judge is like oh yeah i know that

guy okay it's not helpful your honor sorry i just fuck this is so my son-in-law is that guy let me tell you what does that mean fucking jason are you kidding you're not supposed to swear in here anyway sorry this is crazy anyway it is crazy yeah there's a murder there was a fucking murder Let me tell you. What does that mean? Fucking Jason? Are you kidding? You're not supposed to swear in here. Anyway. Sorry, this is crazy. Anyway. It is crazy, yeah. There's a murder. There was a fucking murder, so yeah. I also love the descriptor of walking into a classroom late.

Yeah. And just... All the heads turn. Yeah. Look at you. Hey, guys. I'm sorry I'm late. I just...

My dad had a... We were late it's just Bradley I've been here for like 15 seconds already you just realized that I'm sorry also what about what is it about me that's disappointing all the time this is everyone in unison in the class

it's just Bradley well the thing is man you never enter with, like A bubbly energy We're third graders, we're supposed to be Really bright and fun and maybe challenging At times, but you're just kind of Like the bad apple, not even that you're like

If you were bad, that'd be exciting Can one person just say this? Because you guys are saying it all Sorry, don't interrupt Oh my god, how do you know how to say it that way all at the same time? If you were bad, that would be interesting. But you're just kind of like there, right? This is so fucking off-putting. And all of us have distinct personalities.

Mr. Rogers, you're not going to do anything about this? He's bleeding out the ears. He's like, I don't know, man. They've been doing this all day. There's something paranormal at work. So, Bradley, if you want to be cool like us, take a seat. But if you want to go hang out in your dad's Mitsubishi, go back outside. How'd you know he drives a Golan?

We know he drives a Golan. Oh, my God. We all know. It's also the idea. So, you remember the movie Paranorman? Yes. I didn't see it, but I know what it is. So, that's also a hot topic.

Like, topic. Hot topic, topic. Imagine someone in our generation loving that movie so much that they named their son Paranorm. Daniel and I think it's very funny to imagine names of, like, grown men, but on babies. It's like, the baby gets born, and the parents see him, and it's like, there he is. Glenn. Glenn. But just like, so you land in Irelandireland and you're doing like going through

customs it's like name glenn okay okay so you're one of those this isn't the time to fuck around whatever your real name is oh my god no this is custom i'm so sorry i i know this is customs my name is glenn mckenzie it says it right here in my passport oh a forged passport all right you're under arrest why would I have a forged... You know what I mean? We got another one. Cuts it up in jail. So what's your name? What's it to you? We all got arrested for having crazy

names, so... Really? Yeah. My name's Glenn McKenzie. They all crack up. Oh, that was a good one, Stop no come on what's your name Paranorman And I don't have a last name Like the movie like the children's movie

The what Like the children's movie Paranorman My kids love it I got two four year old twins they love it Oh we got a jokester in the cell. My name's not a movie. My name's my name. I've had it my entire life.

All right? I already go through scrutiny at customs and school. I don't need you making fun of it, saying it sounds like a title. No, I'm not making fun of it. I'm telling you, that is a movie. You show it to me on your phone. I can't believe you never heard of it. Yeah.

What? I cannot believe that no one's ever brought this up to you what's uh what's it about is it it's a good plot that kind of like a it's fine it's kind of just like a ghostly kid and his misadventures no now i get it you fucking photoshopped this movie poster and you're making fun of me because i'm pale and thin well i'm not gonna stand for it he sits in what time would i be able to Photoshop something? I just got in here. You just asked me my name.

I asked you yours back. And you think in the time between when you said Paranorman and when I immediately said, oh, like the movie, you think in that split second I could have Photoshopped a movie poster, came up with a whole concept, designed a character, and pitched you a really loose idea of what a movie would be based on your name. You've made your point. Alright, boys, we got a new

alpha in here, and it's Glenn McKenzie. They all have canes and they all start going like this. The fuck is happening? Look at airport jail. We got a new alpha. The customs agent comes back in.

All right, you guys are all free to go. We did background checks and you're all just weird named people. All right. These are my brothers now. All right, who wants to hit up Temple Bar? All right, do you have another Review I have one more short one It's from Miguel S

Miguel Is cesspool spelled with an S It isn't but in this case it is Okay well that's no that's the full name Cesspool is cesspool spelled with an S So I need you to say the whole name now So Miguel cesspool is cesspool Spelled with an S? So I need you to say the whole name now. So Miguel Cesspool is cesspool spelled with an S. That sucks to read.

This is from, also from 2010, also from the Hollywood Boulevard Hot Topic. How many stars? Three stars. Okay. Hot Topic is Hot Topic. Want to be original? Use your mind to shop, not the system.

What does that mean? Such a strong point of view. You were on a first date. I love your blouse. Where'd you get it? Well, thank you so much. I got it at Zara. Oh, okay.

And they had this great sale. All right, I see. What? Oh, you think it's like, oh, she's a Zara girl? No, I'm thinking you're unoriginal. Excuse me? If you want to really pave your own path, how about you use your noggin to get a shirt, all right?

Not a store. Use your noggin to get a shirt? Yeah. Well, when you say it like that, it doesn't make as much sense as i thought it did how do you use your noggin to get clothes um sorry i'm confused by the question from your well your tinder bio says that you're in fashion school what does it mean to you to use your noggin? Like, do you make your own clothes?

Is that what you mean? That it's like, oh, I use my brain to come up with these designs. And I'm an original and I kind of make my own. You're crying. What? I really don't get you. No, it's just because it's the first date, you know? You cry on first dates?

No, I've never done this. I'm not crying. I make shirts work on me that I buy at stores. I just... The last person I went on a date with wasn't very nice to me, and so I guess I'm just on edge. I'm sorry.

What did they do? I mean, I don't care, obviously, but... It's okay to care. They said, you're really gonna eat all that calamari? I said, what did they do i mean i don't care obviously but uh it's okay to care they said uh they said you're really gonna eat all that calamari i said well not now and so i thought that why would they fat shame me why would they it has to be the shirt it has to be the shirt well no because i got the shirt from from nordstrom rack, and it didn't do justice to my rack. So what do you mean when you say use your noggin to get a shirt?

That's kind of the question I've been asking the whole time since you said that I was unoriginal from getting a shirt at Zara, and that I should use my noggin to get a shirt and not a store. So I'm sorry that you were fat-shamed, but that's kind of not really the point. It's not. No, it's not that. No one should have to go through that, but's kind of not really the point. It's not. No, it's not. No one should have to go through that, but you still haven't answered my question. It's not that. It's not even about that.

I know it's not about that because it couldn't have anything to do with that. I mean, do you think I have the wagon? What does that mean? I mean, I don't want to be crass, but like when I stood up and you looked back at it, and I went to go to the bathroom and you saw that ass. Do you think I have the wagon? I'm not going to talk about that. How do you use your noggin to get a shirt?

How do you use your noggin to get a shirt? How do you use your noggin to get a shirt? Do I have the wagon? Do I have that ass or not? Am I thick? Am I a thick boy? How do you use your noggin to get a shirt and not a store? You have the fruit of the lumen, all right?

You use the fruits of- It's a brand. No, not the brand. That was a fucking, that was an unfortunate coincidence. I didn't mean the brand. I'm saying you use the fruits of your labor to fucking loom a shirt. So you loom all your clothes. So it's exactly what I said, and that you use your brain to design your clothes.

Yeah, but the way you were doing it was kind of dog walking me to the end result. I wanted to get there on my own. Do I have the wagon? Look at my fucking ass. Look at this. Is this, is this that ass? The whole restaurant gasps. Parents cover children's eyes.

Is this that thick ass or is it not? Oh my, put your ass away. Do you want to bend me over a barrel and show me the 50 states? No. So I don't have the wagon. You don't have the wagon. Is it the shirt?

Check. The waiter comes, thank God. We've been fucking waiting to give this to you guys. Yeah, it's already been printed. All right. I have one more quick one. Okay. Go for it. This is from andrea s sausalitos andrea sausalitos don't ask for my yeah okay sausalitos from tempe arizona tempe tempe i think it's tempe i think you're eating too much vegan food. It's tempeh. It's totally tempeh. Fuck me. Satan.

But this is for a hot topic in Phoenix. Four stars. January 21st. That's Jeff playing guitar. Okay, brag. January 21st, 2013. Four stars. I used to make fun of this place as a teenager, but secretly buy everything here.

I'm pretty sure everyone did that in high school, right? Well, now I'm an adult or whatever and I stopped in to pick up some things for a party The girls working here are spunky, fashionable, and extremely nice They were friendly and helpful and also went away quickly when I just wanted to browse The prices are a bit high for what you're getting but that's nothing new Clearly wearing a fucking My Chemical Romance band t-shirt.

You guys heard of, like, just co-opting the conversation? They're talking about something completely different? So Hot Topic is stupid, right? Excuse me? No, I'm just like, have you guys heard of the goth store, the Hot Topic? It's dumb, right? Only idiots, um, they buy the shirts.

She's at, like, an office job around a water cooler. Well, it's a good joke if you're, like, trying to introduce the new shirt you have on, Andrea. Yeah, no, it's a joke. I'm in on it with you guys. I mean, you would never shop at Hot Topic, right? Like, we're Banana Republic gals. Oh, 100%. I'm mainstream. I'm in on it with you I mean you would never shop at Hot Topic right like we're we're Banana Republic gals oh 100% I'm mainstream I'm at this copyright office oh yeah um sorry I

hate to be so direct about this it's a good sight gag that's funny oh the shirt it's so funny yeah it's um it's $45 yeah um am I part of the clique sorry I hate to be so direct back into your work clothes and come on out girly and I brought them I brought the work clothes because this was a visual gag

am I part of the clique you're so weird I'm the weird one in the clique of course girlfriend girlfriend yeah I'm in it fuck yes oh my yeah sorry I just got really excited because like I'm in the band.

Yeah, I'll go change. Cut to her sprinting to a Nordstrom. I need a fucking work blouse. Just something neutral. Miss, are you okay? I'm soaring. I'm high. Yeah.

You're high? Not off of a substance. Just off of being included. Can I just get... Just give me a fucking white blouse. It doesn't fucking matter. Oh, okay. Give me XXL white blouse. It looks like a pirate shirt come back to the office we're close what are you guys talking about andrea is such a jokester girlfriend girly what are you doing what are you referring to why don't you say that because

whatever it is you crack me up i know your ucb 101 classes you are getting too funny for us i am joking with whatever you're referring to and what is that exactly oh my god stop it we can't handle you we cannot handle you i can't handle not knowing what the joke is but i'm in on it um what is the my god you are getting like so good at this what's it called is this called um oh shit oh the girls are like kind of like getting together what is it what is it called um a piece piece a part no a bit is this a bit is this what you're doing a bit it's a bit because that's what you guys want it to be and that's what it is because i'm doing it on purpose what is it though commit to the bit is what i've heard andrea say all right i'll see you guys later cut to them on the outside i don't know what it is grabs a pedestrian what is it about me that's

funny to you cut to her at hot topic with the girls that she like loves and like are her soul sisters now so did they like the chemical romance shirt andrea it looks so good on you it's dumb no don't say don't say that don't say that. Don't say that. Come here. Don't touch me because you guys are nerds. I'm in on the work clique now. They think I'm funny. Okay, so I guess you don't want us to show you this

new limited edition signed Panic at the Disco tank. You shitting me? But i guess if we're not cool enough for you i guess i can just sell it no you're cool you're cool you're cool we're we're cool together i was i was kidding it was a joke i i've noticed recently that people think i'm funny so i think that that was a joke the shirt how much is it it's 120 that is like that's so much for a shirt

but I have to do it because I love it and it's a joke at work but it's real when I'm here with you guys listen we don't judge you for this

why not because we like this kind of stuff I know you like this kind of stuff just own yourself if you love it that's your thing and your

quote unquote friends should should be happy for you that you come on, Andrea. I'm a lost person. I know.

I don't know who I am. We do. Then tell me. You're one of us. Then tell me. You're one of us. Now you have a decision to make. You either start here, start training, and join the ranks with us,

or you go back to Banana Republic land. I think I know what the right decision is. Cut to her at a horrible brunch with all her coworkers. And I meant for that to be a funny story. Why was it funny to you guys, though? Andrea, stop it. We literally cannot handle you. Her brunch comes, it's French toast.

All of the other girls are like bad salads. Oh my God. Oh my God. She literally, she is out on herself. She is out on herself. I can't handle this girl. I really, I, I, oh my God. Andrea, you, stop it. Guys, stop it. She's killing me. Look at herself. I can't handle this girl. I really, I, I, oh my god. Andrea! Stop it. Guys, stop it.

She's killing me. Look at that. I'm stopping it. If she literally, if she eats it, I will die. I will die. Literally, she should be on SNL. I will die. Okay, I guess I'll take a bite. Oh my god, stop. Oh my god! The whole, they all start, like, weeping, laughing. Hyena laughs.

Yeah. I'll see you guys later. She goes back to her other friends who are, like, just hanging out on a street corner. Oh, hey, Andrea. Kicking rocks. You know it. I'm sorry, you guys. I thought that I wanted to be the funny person and not knowing what I was doing to be funny

in a friend group that I didn't fit in. But that's not me. We know this. But you ditched us for the banana Republicans. And we... I don't know if we can ever forgive you for that. I know. But, and I don't mean this to be like a material way of getting back to you guys, but would

this shirt help? Pulls out the shirt. It says in Nightmare on Elm Street Christmas font. I couldn't even imagine it. Limited edition. $850. I couldn't even imagine it. Limited edition. $850. I guess we can figure something out. Yes.

They'll start ringing around the Rosie. We're all mad here. Freeze frame. It's a sepia photograph. It zooms out of a picture book. Well, that was the summer that i made the best friends i ever had closes the book it's sam elliott oh hell i'm rambling again You're familiar with piss pee poo

I cannot believe you just said that sentence to me I made pad see you I hate that I've been wanting to make pad see you It's one of my favorite dishes of all time It's like my favorite food It is very simple. Can you send me the recipe?

I'll send you the recipe and I might even drop off some patsy noodles. Stop. I'm just going to drive by and throw it at your fucking window. Throw it. And it breaks the window, but at least you have the noodles. Okay, so this is what it is. It's really simple. You just, you know, olive oil in the pan, chopped garlic in the pan, chicken thighs cut to a crisp.

Cut to a crisp. Not even cooked yet. It's already crisped. No, no, no. It's charred on the outside, fully raw on the inside. Raw and cut. Exactly right. Raw, uncut.

And that's when I, yeah, have sex with someone with a condom. So basically what I'll often do is I'll toss the chicken in first, cook the shit, right? Like three quarters of the way through. Then you crack an egg, cook the egg on the other side of the pan, mix the shit. It's all cooked. It's all good. Put it in a bowl separately, set it aside, whatever. Then you use the same pan with all the garlic, the oil, whatever.

Toss in the fucking noodles, which are flat wide rice noodles. And then you toss in dark soy a mixture of dark soy normal soy sauce uh oyster sauce a little bit of rice vinegar and a little bit of sugar to taste toss that in and then you caramelize it over like a minute then you toss everything in and just mix it all up together and it's really did you add broccoli in there so uh i the idea of normal padatsy was chinese broccoli and i couldn't find that and i thought that normal broccoli would ruin the texture so i didn't add it would i feel like broccolini would be a good substitute for chinese

broccoli that's exactly what my mom said um shout out my mom um but no no, I think even collard greens or spinach would work better. Totally. That would work too. Because Chinese broccoli is like a big leafy vegetable. It's like a stalk and not a big leaf. It has stalk. It has a bite to it that I think spinach doesn't have. That's true.

But anytime I get pad see you take out, I never eat the stalks because it's horrible. It's a bad texture. I do. God, pad see you is my texture. Oh, I do. Oh, God. Patsy is my favorite. Oh, God. I need to make it. Yeah.

I think I'm going to make pad thai this week. Anyway, that's a really good what shook you. Oh, that's an amazing meal. I talked about TikTok last time and it still rings true. You got to make one, though. If you're going to be in on the culture, you gotta be creative. And people started following me on TikTok

and I'm like, I don't even have a profile picture. I don't even have a bio. If I'm gonna do it, I need to just commit to it. Right. Oh, so Daniel had never seen Succession. and so we started watching it recently and i of course like the whole head gum office we were all obsessed with succession i'm at two percent so i'm really gonna wrap it up yeah it's incredible um but basically so i'm re-watching it with daniel and we have two episodes left of season two and so that's been shaking me in terms of just like

re-watching it yeah and being reminded of like how fucking perfect on every level this show is. Yeah. It's like I see a lot of shows and I'm just like the acting like, you know, and I'm thinking about the acting. It's like the acting is wonderful, but I'm like, oh, they're acting really well. But it's like Succession is one of those rare projects that I see that I'm like, I'm just watching Kendall and Shiv have a conversation. They are Kendall. They are conversation. They are Kendall. They are Shiv. They are Logan.

So it's just incredible. And I love it. And I just, we got to the episode last night with L to the OG. And I remember as it was starting, as Kendall was getting up there, getting ready to, you know, start it. Like Danny and i'd been cuddling sitting back on the couch and i fully sit up and i go oh fucking here we go and i look back at daniel and i look back at him and i go we fucking made it and daniel which i mean he i've

played it from before because i was rap Kendall for Halloween and he didn't know what that was so I showed him the video and I'm like here's context of who I am um and it was great so that's been shaking me and I can't wait to we're gonna finish it tonight we're gonna watch two episodes and it's so good so that's what's been shaking me yeah when we were when I was working at carpool they were we were going to do an episode with uh Brian Cox who plays Logan Roy so I had to read a bunch about his life and listen to interviews with him and he's like nothing like Logan Roy

and that's just I don't know the acting the writing the whole show anybody who hasn't seen it fucking see it man watch it right now watch it now so you can watch season 3 which I think is halted I get it and I remember starting I'm like

I don't want to watch a show about rich white people talking about their problems but it's like it's just try it just try it yeah because it's like it is shakespearean i remember you were you and amir watched it the for the first season and i was like it's not for me i don't i don't usually even like dramas let alone like finance dramas but it's not a finance drama it's a family drama yeah it's amazing um and i'm so glad that daniel's seen it now i'm at one percent so this has been fun this has been fun do you have anything to plug uh this um and my tiktok i guess i don't have any videos or picture on it, but I follow Jeff on...

All right, here's the challenge. Here's the challenge. You have to make a TikTok before next episode. Okay. Oh, fuck. Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it. Okay, good.

I'll do it. So everybody follow Riley. What is it? At Riley Anspo? I think so. All right. And yeah. Well, go have fun with the Violi.

Follow Jeff on Instagram at IamJeffreyJames and on Twitter at DontPlayNoJames. Follow us on ReviewReview on Instagram at I'm Jeffrey James and on Twitter at Don't Play No James follow us on Review Review on Instagram follow the Review Review subreddit we've already gotten a couple hundred more people we're at almost 300 so let's get it to fucking a thousand a lot of great stuff on there follow Riley at Riley

Anspa on Instagram at Riley Cody on Twitter and watch Good Morning if you haven't yet it's on filmshortage.com I think that's it the link is still in my bio on Instagram oh listen to the HeadGum podcast the first episode is out if you

were subscribed to Calling My Dad it's the same RSS feed so that means that you're already subscribed to it and if you weren't subscribe to it new episodes going up every Friday for the foreseeable future it's just me Riley Jake and Amir and then eventually some more rotating people of HeadGum to it new episodes going up every friday uh for the foreseeable future it's just me riley jake and amir and then eventually some more rotating people of head gum uh shooting the shit having a drink it's kind of a weekend happy hour um cheers and i hope everyone has a good week or

not cheers no i hope they do coexist or don't no just yeah okay have a good week have a good week oh last thing last thing. Bye. Last thing. Oh, yes. If you have to go, you can go. But in three days is the anniversary of my favorite Grateful Dead show of all time. It's Dick's Picks number 29 on Spotify and Apple Music, all that shit. It's a combination of the May 19th, 1977 show

at the Fox Theater in Atlanta and the May 21st show at the Lakeland Auditorium in Lakeland, Florida. If you're new to The Grateful Dead or you are familiar with their studio stuff but you want to get into their live stuff,

this is the perfect entry point. It's the best Scarlet Fire that I've ever heard and it's one of the best Terrapin stations other than the Connecticut one. Anyway, had to get that in there

because my friend reminded me that the anniversary is almost in three days. And so when this goes up, I think it'll be the 19 one. Anyway, had to get that in there because my friend reminded me that the anniversary is almost in three days. And so when this goes up I think it'll be the 19th. So happy birthday. Arrivederci. Arrivederci.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.