Review Revue - Hot Yoga

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss rogue fitness instructors, owing someone two dollars, and the online release of their short film GOOD MOURNING!Be sure to give the show a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, and include your pitch for an episode idea! We'll choose yours, or we won't!IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to risk you. yeah whatever it's

sorry um sorry it's just we had to do that without the music and i didn't know where i was starting i didn't know where you were starting and i got got really nervous. Yeah, there's also a delay. I don't know how Jake and Amir do this. It's very hard, but welcome to Review Review. Let's start this off with a bang. I want a bummer right out of the gate. Hit me, kiddo. Woo, my name is Dirty Rye, and we're on the mic.

Go on. Here to talk to you about things I like. Oh. Oh, I'm sitting in my bed and I'm on the mic. Fuck, I said mic twice. Oh my god. Jeff, go on, tell the people what you were going to say. So, Review Review was launched as a HeadGum original,

which is, HeadGum owns the IP, basically. It was a whole rebranding. You guys saw it. You guys saw the new logo, the what have you. And so so they put out a press release the day that review review came out and nowhere really picked it up i remember marty being sad of it but i just i don't know why i looked it up i think i was trying to see if we got any press and forbes picked it up a month after the fact. And this is what the Forbes writers said about our show.

Oh, I definitely told Daniel it was LA Times. Well, Forbes is national, and they're rational. So that's why this stings. They are. They're pretty level-headed. Review, review. A strange weekly show hosted by Riley Anspaugh and Jeffrey James that look at specific reviews on the internet.

Also, they spelled the show's name wrong. That they did. I think that that should be our new tagline. Welcome to Review Review, a strange weekly show hosted by me, Riley Anspa. And I'm Jeffrey James. We look at specific reviews on the internet. That's kind of it. That's kind of it.

So Jeff, it is April 2 your so this is april 2nd it is happy april fools don't do that not not now well we should plug our our other podcast um calling my dad to calling my dad on pocket casts or rather cat pockets a pocket cast network imprint, e-zine, Twitter sphere, anal bead. No, it's more of a podcast network. We should do one where we get my dad on the horn. Yeah. But anywho, so how was your day, Ben? It's been good.

My name's not Ben. It's a little pet name for you. I just came up with it. It's not a pet name. It's an entirely different proper name. It's just a little, ooh, my name's Jeffrey, but my friends call me Ben. Hey, Jeffrey, but you can call me Ben. Why?

Her name was McGill, and she called herself Lil. But everyone knew her as Nancy. Nancy. Beatles did it first. But everyone knew her as Nancy Beatles did it first. Rocky Raccoon, White Album. Yeah, that's such a deep cut. Also, you said Maggie McGill, which isn't that a different Beatles song? No, I said her name was McGill.

Oh. Right? But she called herself Lil. But everyone knew her as Nancy. Maggie McGill is a thing, though, right? No, Maggie Mae. Oh, it's a Doors song. Oh, dirty Maggie McGill.

Is that it? No. It's oh, dirty Maggie Mae. Take your hand away. She never walked down Lyman Street. Old filthy Robert Reich was the head of my own ass. He spent his savings on my doorknobs.

What are we talking about today? We're talking about hot yoga. This is that scalding vinyasa flow. That scalding, that sexy, that yoga stuff. Bikram of the lowest calendar. Jeff, have you ever done a hot yoga class?

I have. So I used to do hot yoga once a week for like a spring. I thought it was good for me. I've since learned that it's actually not very good for your body. Like yoga is good for you, but I don't think that it needs to be scalding. Especially this was like, this was so hot. I think it was like 120 degrees. Jesus. Yeah. But yeah, I used to do it at Soho Yoga downtown, which is co-owned by Richard Jefferson. Shout out. I don't know who that is.

NBA champion 2016 with the Cleveland Cavaliers. They actually just aired game seven of that finals yesterday. And of course I cried again. Sure. What about you? I have done one hot yoga class in my life i love a yoga class i cannot vibe with a hot yoga class um i did one when i was in high school because it was like the cool thing to do if you were going to hot yoga classes it's like you were one of like the cool popular girls in school i'm like oh i guess i'll try it like

i'm a mover i can do that yeah it wasn't so much the poses that got me as much as the heat of the room and um i went after school one day and i almost blacked out yeah like i could and i guess it's like i tried to drink as much water as i could beforehand, but I could feel like I thought I was going to throw up. My vision started to get fuzzy. And then I remember like starting to maybe walk out of the room or like telling the teacher, I'm like, I simply need to go. And she's like,

no, you're going to push through it. You're going to work through it. She's like, be in child's pose if you need to, and then get out of it and come join. And I'm like, Oh,

but I want to go home. And she's like, no. And she like basically told me I couldn't leave. And so I'm like, okay. That's, like, basically told me I couldn't leave. And so I'm like, okay. That's insane. And so I just stayed, and it was awful.

I feel like, yeah, instructors can go one of two ways. They can either be like, take whatever breaks you need, drink water. If you need to leave the room, like, this is yoga. It's supposed to be, like, holistic, you know, health, like, mind, body, and spirit. It's supposed to be your own practice. It's not supposed to hurt, like, in a way that's, like, ow, painful. It's supposed to be like, yeah, push through it, challenge yourself, but not like, you're gonna stay in the fucking room, you little bitch. The instructor at Soho was kind of handsy.

She would, like, she was just, like, a very free-spirited person, so she would come and adjust my pose by, like, grabbing my hips. And I was just like, every time I was like, you don't have to touch me. Like, you know, you can just,

you can ask for, you can, you can show me. Um, so I kind of stopped going, but also I was dying every time I would sweat so much and it feels good to sweat. But like you said, like I always feel like I'm going to faint.

Yeah. No matter how much. Right. And that's why we're talking about it. That's exactly why we are bravely discussing that today. Do you know anyone who like is religious about going to hot yoga? Like that's the only yoga they do? No.

I know people who like do yoga all the time, but I, I have yet to meet someone who's like, that's the only way I do it. I feel like most people who are good at yoga don't do hot yoga because they know it's bad for you. And this whole, actually, this whole episode is a diss track to hot yoga. A diss track? All right, here we go. all my afternoons on yoga mats. I'm sweating inside a

studio that's underneath the garage. And did I mention that I slipped on the mat, hit my neck real bad? And then the instructor said that I was overweight and I was sad. That's right, I'm gonna fall on a

hot floor, scalding my own back. And then I go back every week because I hate my back. That's right, I got lower back fat pads that I gotta shed. So I can go to the beach and women will be like, ooh, who's that instead? That's right, they have a boyfriend, but I'm there. And they've dreamed. That one actually rhymed. They have a boyfriend, but I'm there.

Also, every rap we do somehow turns into the flow of Rapper's Delight. That's the easiest and most fun rap. Would you like to start or should I? I'll go first. Okay. Yeah. All right.

So this is a four, oh, sorry. This is a one-star review from Joan L. What are we, do you want to take a guess at what the L stands for?

Liaison. Joan Liaison, one star of Y7 Studio in Silver Lake. I've been coming to this studio for a long time. My boyfriend and I go frequently together. Today, after a long week, I was able to make it to yoga. I'm a resident physician and my schedule is quite hectic. However, there was no parking in the lot or anywhere else near it. And after searching for some time,

I ended up having to park several blocks away, forcing me to run all the way to the studio. And when I showed up a minute after the class started, they wouldn't let me in, saying that it would be hazardous to do so. A bit of flexibility would have been appreciated in this situation, as I felt like I was being punished

for their lack of parking. And when I mentioned that to the front desk, she pointed out that their other location doesn't even have parking as if that made the situation better. In addition, because I was using the class pass by not letting me in, they blocked me from signing up for any other classes at that time, which means on the one day I'm able to work out,

I can't. So you have the policy online. When you sign up for a class, you get the email and it says if you're even more than a minute late, that's hazardous. How is it hazardous? I'm just gonna I'll enter, I'll sit in the back. I'll do my practice. Have you ever been to a hot yoga class?

Yes, I've been to it. Obviously. I have the class pass. I come here thrice a week. Then you should know. The teacher's gonna be like, everyone stop. Everyone stop and run around. Keep sweating. We got to keep our body temperature up because this ass is stopping the class. I've never heard someone talk like that. No one.

Also, the teacher's the bigger distraction there. Why would they have everybody get up and run around? They're already sweating. Exactly. Well, no. No, don't say exactly. If you're bringing bringing that cold air you're changing the temperature of the room so everyone's going to stop sweating so then the

teacher is going to need to make everyone run laps to keep the sweat up i don't think that would happen because i teach this class twice a week and i've had to do it but you do let them in well that's why we stopped doing it that's why we're sending out the email it is hazardous because with all the sweat on the floor people running laps are going to trip on the sweat. The hazardous part is you forcing them to run. It's not me being a minute late. Right? See, the longer you wait, the more you're not getting in.

What do you mean the more I'm not getting in? It's either I'm in or not. It's black and white. If it had been five minutes ago, I would have been like, I don't think you're going to get in. By the way, there's a huge sprinter van parked in the parking lot across three different spaces. I can only assume that's yours. It is mine. I do need the space.

No, you don't. You don't need it. That shouldn't be your commuter. That's like an RV almost. I have all my blocks, my mats, my dogs, my kids. My kids are my dogs. Where are your kids? Where are your dogs? In the van. It's. My kids. My kids are my dogs. Where are your kids? Where are your dogs? In the van.

It's scalding out. Although I guess it's hot in here too. They're running laps. In the van. In the van. That's the lawsuit. It's not me being a minute late. Well, now you're eight minutes late.

You're not getting into the class. Do you even have yoga instructors here? Or is it just sprinting in a scalding room? It's mostly sprinting. It's gym in a scalding room. Do you want to do your next one? Okay. This review is from Hot 8 Yoga, West Hollywood.

From the photos, this place looks gorge. Butt. There's always a butt. Took HPF with quote-unquote tessa tonight worst class i have taken here i hardly sweat the room was cold she was snippy there were no long holds i hardly got a stretch and i kept looking at the clock worst ever waste of my time and money in fact dot dot dot dot dot dot dot I should get my money back for this quote-unquote class. Teacher clearly has no clue that HPF is between 105 and 109, not 100 degrees.

Please don't have her sub anymore. Hi, yeah, I'd like my money back. I took a class, as you called it, and the temperatures exceeded 125 degrees Fahrenheit, which I don't know if you're familiar with, but that's above HPF. And I did take the class. I don't think we can give you your money back because you did take the class. What if I didn't take the class? Well, I saw you and you just told me twice that I did take the class.

Trust me, I did take it. I mean, did you get a good workout in? It was, yeah, I sweated a lot. The instructor was great. Tessa, our instructor? No, she was amazing. Okay. Did you feel like you got any good stretches in?

Of course. Especially with the heat. The heat was nice. But it did exceed 125. So it sounds like you had an awesome class. Yeah, but I amazing. Okay. Did you feel like you got any good stretches in? Of course. Especially with the heat. The heat was nice. But it did exceed 125. So it sounds like you had an awesome class. Yeah, but I need, well, I need money. But you spent $25 on a yoga class. I know.

That's why, like, I can't afford to spend 25 bucks on a class. So it's like, whether I took it or not, that's not really your concern, ma'am. But for me, I... Well, it is my concern because I work front desk at a yoga studio. So it is my concern whether you took it or studio. Okay, but just hear me out. Imagine if I took the class and got my money back. Like, that would... Imagine how great a start to the weekend that would be for me.

But that's losing money for us. It's a free class for you. Yeah, but, like, just act like no one was on my mat, you know? Like, you guys don't sell out every class. We don't sell out every class, but you... Which is why we need all the money we can get. And I did see you. We gotta figure sell out every class. We don't sell out every class, but you were, which is why we need all the money we can get. And I did see you. We got to figure this out,

man, because it's not working for me. It's not working for me. Actually. And I, Tessa did tell me as she was coming out of the room that you kept looking at the clock. You kept waiting for it to,

to be done. Yeah. I, I will, you know, I working out, it's like a chore to me. And I,

you know, I'm sorry if I disrupted the class. Tessa kept saying stop yelling but i'm just like for me i was nervous about because i knew that you were the hard front desk person and i wanted the good cop uh liza is pretty much a pushover so i was looking at the clock because i didn't know your guys's shifts changed and i was trying to get her so that she would give me the cash which she has has before. Sorry. Liza's been letting you take free classes and giving you money from here? I mean, it's more of like a balancing act.

So I'll – and let me just get this out in the open. I'm not attracted to Liza. But basically, like, I take the $25 class. I ask her on a date, and then we go out to get dinner, and I'm like, oh, I forgot my credit card at home. I'll get the next one, you know, making her think forgot my credit card at home. I'll get the next one. You know, making her think there's a second date. And she pays for the first one.

So an $80 meal on the house kind of comps the $25 yoga class. Liza. Liza. Wait. Liza, could you come into the break room, please? I thought her shift was over, not that she was on break. Oh, hey, Adam. Oh, you're here to take a class again? I just got out of one.

Yeah, actually, Liza, he did just get out of one, and he tells me that you have been paying for his classes and his dinners. Well, he's been leaving his card at home. He's been leaving his card at home. It's misplacing the Sapphire. It's misplacing the Sapphire. The Chase Sapphire.

I'm sure you can pay for your class today, because you have it, right? You brought your card? I paid online, I think. So I think I can go. Oh, let me double check. Well, you can wait until I go. But actually, it looks like you have a couple other classes that you haven't paid for. Oh, because you said after I comped you for the classes, you said you'd pay us back.

I get that. I did say that. But for me, it's kind of like, I mean, we had a good time, right? I definitely had fun. I mean, I have been paying for our meals the past six days. You have, and I do appreciate that. I really appreciate that. Maybe we could do, do you want to try, do you want to go to Mastro's tonight?

They have a ribeye that's 100 days dry aged. I would love to go to Mastro's. No, Liza, don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. He's going to make you pay for the dinner. It's obviously on me. It's on me. Liza, make him fall for it. Don't fall for it. He's going to make you pay for the dinner. It's obviously on me. It's on me. Liza, make him show you the card.

Make him pay for this $5 water bottle to prove that he can buy you dinner. Priscilla, stay out of this. This is between me and Liza. You know what, Priscilla? That's not a bad idea. Well, it's a bad idea. Yeah. That's what you said, right?

It's a bad idea? No, I said it's not a bad idea. I just, you know, my mother always taught me, me liza marry a man with a thick money belt and i said mom men don't wear money belts anymore and she said well liza you got to find the ones that do and so i just want to be able to prove to my mom that i can find a wealthy man adam can, can you buy this Fiji? I can. I obviously don't have my card, but I have cash. That's not the issue. It's just like I'd rather put it towards other things.

What was the last thing you bought, Adam? A mausoleum for my family. Not a fun purchase, but now I have a resting place, final or otherwise. And if I'm being honest, it was outside my price range. So while I do have cash, a lot of it is going to the loan for the mausoleum. Liza, this man has no money. He bought a big plot in a graveyard. Huge, yeah. He can't provide for you. He can't provide for himself. He's making you pay for his hot yoga and his steaks. I also wouldn't mind if you could kick a few bucks over to the mausoleum Get out

Fair But anyway we will be right back After these short breaks And our first ad Woo and we're back and we're back back back back again guess who's back back back it is me and Nice. I'm Dirty Rye and I'm on the mic. Dirty Rye. It sounds like you threw a slice of bread into a trash can. Should I do my next review?

Sandy. Sandy. Okay, do Danny Zuko in hot yoga. Danny Zuko is in tree pose, but he's really nervous about it because his legs are really sweaty. Okay. Now we're going to let go of the wall. Danny Zuko is in tree pose But he's really nervous about it because his legs are really sweaty Okay We just gotta Now we're gonna let go of the wall Excuse me Danny could you actually You're distracting the class

Sorry I'm just Oh god here we go Sandy Oh the domino effect The whole class falls over Sandy Danny I think you would have more Greater range of motion if you weren't wearing a leather jacket. No, I got it.

I'm a T-Bird. You see, I got to keep it on. You're 78 years old. Well, I'm the last of the T-Birds, all right? Exactly. I got it. Oh, Sandy. Don't cry.

I got to keep it on. No, I got to keep it on no I gotta keep it on who am I if I'm not in the jacket I'm nothing if I don't have a biker jacket or otherwise I don't know how to ride the bike but I do gotta wear the jacket yeah you got dropped off by an uber select

this is two stars for hot 8 yoga also but a different location. This is Pasadena. From Nick J. Nick Jonas. Nick Jonas. Two stars on September 11th, 2019. Coincidence,

I'm sure. I went to two classes and they were nice the first day. I felt like a VIP came in, got taken care of right away, showed me to the class with a towel, mat, and water in hand. The second day, the gentleman at the front desk chased me around about a $2 fee. And I could feel he was trying to make it like I ran out without paying the day before. When I did hand him a $20 bill and he gave it back.

At that point, I was super turned off. Then on top of that, after class you're peaceful it's hot yoga he tried to kill the vibe and aggressively spat prices in my face like you have to do this staring at my car keys trying to peek in my wallet and see what i got makes businesses look cheap needy and aggressive when salesmen try to corner and prey on people after a class. I like to imagine that even outside of the studio, this dude is chasing this person around, following them to their home, standing outside, holding up two on their fingers.

All that is not their own. You go through a drive-thru? All right, just pull up to the next window. Okay, thank you so much. Two bucks. Two bucks. Come on, man. Two bucks bucks you owe me you walked out without paying i gave you a $20 bill and you gave it back i insisted no because i couldn't break the

20 cop pulls you over oh shit all right license and, yeah, yeah. I'm digging through my... Takes off a face mask. $2. Yeah, $2 owed. No, come on, man. How did you even do that? I committed a federal crime. I impersonated a police officer, but $2. I should be sending you to the police station.

Cut to her getting in bed at night. Oh, my God. Okay, finally, I'm home. Hey, honey, how was your day? Oh, my God.oseph it was crazy i went to yoga and i tried to to pay off the class i gave the front guy the desk of 20 and he gave it back but now i feel like he's following me because i owe him two dollars is that crazy that's crazy i'm so sorry you're dealing with that do you you want to go have sex? Make it better? Yeah. She takes his pants off. His dick is very different. Wait.

Joseph. The balls hold up a two. Two dollars. No! Do you want to go have sex and make it better? She gives birth to her first child.'s the guy um yeah it was like basically from this i got like car salesman vibes at but at hot yoga which is supposed to be relaxing if you buy this, you're not just buying this mat.

You're buying the lifestyle. This is to buy, to have, to hold. $180, $179. I don't know if I can afford that right now. I think I might just go with the regular $5 mat if that's okay. All right. If you want to be a poor ass. Excuse me?

I'm just saying like if you want to be like a chump about it. Like if you want to show people that. No, you're not just saying. You just called me a poor ass. I didn't mean to do that. But I'm just saying like if you're on this mat, people know what's up. Like if you want to show people that... No, you're not just saying. You just called me a poor ass. I didn't mean to do that. But I'm just saying like if you're on this mat, people know what's up. What did you mean to do? What do you mean

I didn't mean to call you a poor ass? I mean, I thought I was I thought I would come up with something a little bit more clever than that. But just something, I mean something that's still kind of dug at you because that's how I kind of neg people into buying the mats. Now I actually think that you should rent me the mat for free. What?

You called me a poor ass. I want the mat for free. No, I didn't call you. I didn't. Looking around the shoulder like I didn't call you a poor ass. No one's here to confirm. You called me a poor ass. I'm getting louder.

You called me a poor ass. People's heads. Shh. Would you stop? I have to sell one of these at least. I got to sell one of these at least this afternoon. Hey, everyone. This front.

What's your name? Front desk guy sell one of these at least. I gotta sell one of these at least this afternoon. Hey, everyone. This front guy. What's your name? Front desk guy. Nothing. It's Gerald. Gerald just called me a poor ass because I didn't want to buy a $180 mat. That's not entirely true. She said that she didn't want to be a baller. That's what you said.

You said you couldn't afford it. That's not what I said. She said she couldn't afford it. So she wasted my time. Not everyone can afford a $ dollar mat that seems wild i know but she's wearing a paddock philippe all right she can afford it you know what give me your give me your watch give me that get your hands off me i am trying to take a hot yoga class I will not be disrespected in such a manner. I've never been spoken to like this.

Would you like to get dinner with me? Would you like to go have sex and make it better? Your last review? Oh my god. I guess I'll read it. Should I? Well, that's the whole show. god. I guess I'll read it. Should I? Well, that's the whole show. Hey everyone, should I read it?

They can't give you live feedback. Yeah! Sorry, so in this scenario, we're at like a Dallas, like, Cowboys stadium. Yeah, we have the cheerleaders going. Everyone, should I read it? I can't hear you. This is insane. This is a niche internet podcast.

I can't hear anything. It's vibrating my eardrums. They're too into this. I asked somebody in the front row, how much did you pay for these tickets? Oh well this was general admission so I paid about $585 But I got here at 7am Jesus Christ

The cheerleaders spell out review review with their bodies Okay everyone I'll read it on one condition They all shout out in unison We Take part How did they know? One condition. They all shout out in unison. We take part. How did they know? They all timed that perfectly.

You have to give me the last name of this person, okay, everyone? Everybody in unison. Got it. How do they all choose the same phrasing? Okay, guys, this review is from Giselle P. What do we think the P stands for? They all scream out, psoriasis. They all agreed.

They didn't have time to consult with each other. There's 48,000 of them. I didn't know it would be Giselle P. Just like a magician. Let me double check. Did any of you know coming in that P would be the last initial? No.

Also, it's a P name, but it's P.S. That's one of the hardest P names. Nouns. Also, you know in Spongebob, when it's just like the whole crowds are just a bunch of fish, and they're like very animated. Yeah.

Okay, guys, say it with me. Giselle Shariases. See, buddy, we made it to the big time. We're getting paid so much. This is from Hot Yoga Agora Are you ready? One star Oh I should have mentioned

We haven't recorded in so long The other review I did was one star From September 8th 2016 God I am so out of practice Okay here we go This though is from Giselle Psoriasis September 8th, 2016. God, I am so out of practice. Okay. Okay, here we go. This, though, is from Giselle Psoriasis.

It goes... From... This is from Giselle Psoriasis. One star. June 20th, 2018. This is my first Yelp review. This place is awful. I was let into class three minutes late by the instructor with another lady. I quietly placed my mat in the back by the door. It was my first hot yoga class in five years. I was struggling and taking small breaks in between.

I took an interval Pilates class there twice and it was heated, but I guess the breaks led me through it fine. Six minutes before the class ended, i couldn't breathe and started to get dizzy and nauseous i needed air my face was super red and since i have low blood pressure i felt faint i quietly rolled my mat and she stopped me and said you came in late so you can't leave the class i told her and like i may throw up her response well throw up on your mat. She was shaming me in front of the class. I was about to turn around and realized, why the hell am I listening to this awful chick?

I told her she can't tell me what to do, and I walked out. I couldn't believe on how many levels this was disturbing to me. I notified the health department immediately. I don't understand how someone can get their certifications and not read people. I took yoga for over four years in the past, and she was just doing her own yoga.

I highly not recommend this to anyone. Three minutes late, which means that you have to do everything harder than the rest of us. Put on this weighted jacket. What? But we're already in a hundred and ninety... Headstands. Everyone else do child pose. I have to do a headstand and a weighted jacket and everyone else gets to do child's pose?

You were three minutes late. So, that's where you went wrong. I know what they put me in. I thought I could just slip my way in. Have you read our policy? I mean, I've been here before. When? But I haven't taken this class.

I was here about five years ago. There it is. You're out of practice. I'm sure, but I don't remember the class entailing that anyone who came in late had to wear weighted jackets. Who here thinks that she should have to wear a weighted jacket and do advanced level vinyasa? Everybody raises their hand. What? This is an intermediate one class.

It was an intermediate one class, and now it's an intermediate fun class, because we all get to watch you suffer for being late. Well, now I feel... You showed us disrespect. But now I feel disrespect. I didn't mean to. There was traffic, and I just... I've had a really bad day, and I thought this would be very calming

and kind of sweat out the anxiety of the day. Ellen, would you please fill in our guest on what yoga says about disrespect? Yeah, so anyone who disrespects the practice will be disrespected in turn. What goes around comes around. Exactly right. So, why don't you start?

I think I'm going to head out then because I don't want to be part of this. No, you're going to head in to Warrior 2. And we're all going to throw shoes at yous. Wait, no. Tossing Jordans at you. Stop. Everyone, stop it.

Aim for the legs. That's the least stable part. Stop it. I throw off the weighted jacket. Stop it. You know what you are, missy? You are an awful chick. Yeah, I said it.

And I never use language like this. So I don't want to be around you anymore so i'm gonna take my mat i'm gonna return it to the front desk after i wipe it down and i'm gonna leave how about that okay try to leave doors locked what turn the temperature up another 30 degrees. No. Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up. Forget the yoga.

Push-ups. Now. It turns into Barry's boot camp. Metal music plays. No, let me out! That would be a lawsuit for sure. That would be a lawsuit. I. That would be a lawsuit. I picked that one because that's exactly what happened to me.

Of course. Wait, but they didn't force you to wear a wainter jacket. No, but in the review when she's like, I want to leave, and they're like, you can't go. And I'm like, I feel nauseous. They're like, stay here. I'm like, that's not good. You can't force someone to stay. Yeah. Should we go into our last segment?

This shook me all week long. What's been shaking you, Riley? I got a Nintendo Switch. I got a Nintendo Switch. And it is my personality now. It really is like the only thing that you've texted me about for the better part of a month. I've been so on the fence for years about getting one and I finally did it because I'm like, I have nothing else to do, nowhere else to be. So got a Nintendo Switch. It is incredible. It's magnificent it is pretty remarkable Mario Kart pretty consistently and we each so it's like you should read the text chain that you sent me between you and Amir

oh yeah I'll do that so a cool feature about the switch and Mario Kart is that you can play with friends who also have switch and so uh amir and i saw that we were each online and we actually text each other at the same time being like want a cart and we're like oh yes so daniel amir and i played mario kart and um daniel and i play mario kart a lot because daniel has a gamecube at his place so we are able to play a lot on that. And the controls are basically so, if not the same, they're the same. So we did our first race. I smoked Blumenfeld.

And here is the text chain that followed. Amir starts, how are you two so good so quickly? He said, this dot, dot, dot can't be your first game. I said, Daniel and I play Mario Kart on his GameCube more often than either of us would like to admit. He goes, insane, you're good this early. I said, I love Mario Kart. He said, have you played on Switch before? I said, not until two days ago.

And he goes, I'm mad at you. I said, it's fun to win. And he goes, I'm mad at you. I said, it's fun to win. And he said, you're cheating. And he goes, what the fuck? And then he goes, how similar is this to, this is all like in between races. He goes, how similar is this to GameCube? I said, pretty similar, if not the same. He goes, okay, that makes this palatable.

Levels different. Some, a lot of new ones. Maybe I'm just good. No. Okay. level's different some a lot of new ones maybe i'm just good no okay so um that was very fun and then we also so we play that together and then we play this game called cuphead together we started last night and it's really hard and very frustrating um and then we each got kind of like one player game so it's like when one of us is working and the other wants to play so daniel loves zelda so he's playing zelda right now i think while recording actually hell yeah i got pokemon and let me tell you i gotta catch them all nice i gotta

um it's very fun i love all the creatures and i'm having a ball I feel like a kid again with Pokemon. You're manic about it. I like love it a lot. And I get weirdly like attached to and protective of my Pokemon because I give them nicknames. And I got a B type Pokemon the other day. Okay, let me try to remember. So my starter Pokemon's a cute little like like, fire, like, rabbit type.

Charmander. And I named him Thumper. No, Rabbit. It's like a little rabbit. It's a new one. So I named him Thumper. And then there's, like, a kind of fox one that looks like a stoner, honestly. And I messed up, and I couldn't change its name.

And it's called, like, Nickit it which is a bad name yeah and then i got a an angry turtle looking one and named him nathan and then i got one that's like three honeycombs as one and it's like a b pokemon i named it ben oh no i named it bean b-e-e-n and why do you do this does it bring you joy what do you mean why do you have to give them different names? Because they already have names. They already have names. But how funny is it if I'm sending out a Pokemon and I'm saying,

Go Bean! B-E-E-N. And Bean fainted. And then I have an owl that Daniel named Hooter. So Hooter learned Peck. Come on! Hooter learned peck come on hooter learned peck so it's very fun i'm having a ball and if anyone wants to uh play me challenge me send review review a dm or send me a dm on instagram um you want me to get a switch i might i want jeff to get a switch so we can play mario kart and also i want me to get a Switch? I might. I want Jeff to get a Switch so we can play Mario Kart, and also I want you to get Pokemon so we can battle each other.

That would be fun. The thing of the text between you and Amir that made me laugh is, maybe I'm just good. No. No. So it's just like any SPN one-on-one interview with LeBron. I'm sitting here with LeBron James. I mean, the greatest to ever do it.

LeBron, how do you win so much? It's a lot of practice, but I don't know. Excuse me? No, it can't be that. It's like, is there some kind of sticky substance that you're putting on your hands instead of the ball? Like, how are you cheating is my ask. I'm not.

I just have big hands. Okay. And in terms of your skill set, you're kind of an all around player. You can play one through five, but also I want to know how you, what steroids you're taking. Yeah, I'm not taking any. It's just about like the determination,

the focus to practice every day and train my body well. You can't be this good naturally without cheating because that means that I suck at basketball. Right? No. I'm leaving. I don't want to do this anymore.

No way. You already have the mic on. Just one last question. One last question. What? You have a wife. And a family. I'm out.

How? How'd you have it? Listening. Loving. Being there for them. It can't be all of that. Because that's hard work it? Listening, loving, being there for them. I can't be all of that because that's hard work. It is. No, that's putting work.

Exactly. How do I get jacked without working out, LeBron? You can't. You don't. Fuck. I didn't know that part. What's been shaking you? Basically, I guess this is also just advice to people, take it or leave it.

You and I were just talking about this while we were writing a sketch before this. For the first week of quarantine, I was kind of looking at it like we were both looking at it as, okay, let's wait for this to be over and then we'll get back to normal life. But this kind of has to be normal life. So basically, people keep asking me how I'm doing. And I'm like, I'm doing well. Like, I've been enjoying it. And I'm staying sane by just, I have a long to-do list.

And I try to do at least two of those things a day. My friend Catherine Wynn told me this and I've been doing it. And so the two that I try to do is work out and do something like for the podcast or write on like something. And so I'm doing that twice or at least every day. And then I'm also trying to get really good at guitar. So I guess what's been shaking me is that I'm enjoying the quarantine. Okay, crazy. You literal crazy person.

Right? I learned some Neil Young songs last night. That's cool. Yeah. It's just been fun. And I'm enjoying the solace and the retreat of it all. That's nice. Yeah.

I like that. Do you have anything to plug? At some point. Okay. So because we were going to go to the Cleveland International Film Festival with our short Good Morning. Correctamundo. But unfortunately, well, unfortunately and fortunately, because they don't want to get people sick. Everyone stay home if you can.

But our short film, we are submitting it to places online. So it will be coming out online in the near future. So everyone can see it. We've been accepted to one. We're trying to see how much of a cash grab we can have. No, it's not about it. We want a bidding war. We want a bidding war.

We don't want a bidding war. We just want to finally get the short out there so everyone can enjoy it. It'll be out within the next few weeks so that you guys can watch it during quarantine. Let's just say that. And we're very excited. So that's really it for me.

Social media? Social media, Riley Anspaugh on Instagram, Riley Coyote on Twitter. Follow us also on Review Review. Tweet at us, hashtag Review Review. Just that? And if we could just get people tweeting hashtag Review Review. Make it trend. Yeah, make Review Review trend. A podcast that's already gone that's already been yeah um at i am jeffrey james on instagram at don't play

no james on twitter uh i'm give her a listen give review review a listen the other episodes if you haven't listened to all of them that was the perfect time leave leave some reviews come on please yeah i have a review at factually that i would like to read it this is from dolce this is from dolce the amazing march 30th 2025 stars on apple podcasts in the timeless words of ryan ross do you know what jazz hands are? And I know how to pronounce it because this is from Panic! at the Disco's Live in Chicago album. Love it.

The Panic! at the Disco song, I've never known how to pronounce this, Kamisado, are you familiar? Should you be? Was this written about this podcast? Could it be? If you answered yes to any of the above, you're more than wrong. You're good.

But this was no accident. This was a therapeutic chain of events, which is a Panic! at the Disco lyric. Every episode tastes like the opposite of Evian Water, which is to say, the anesthetic never set in, and I'm wondering where the apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in. Another Panic at the Disco lyric. This podcast, in the angstiest, nay, twangstiest of terms, which is twang and angst. It's not so pleasant, and it's not so conventional. And it sure as hell ain't normal, but we deal, we deal.

That's another Panic lyric. Basically, I need help. Riley and Jeff are less than qualified, so every Tuesday I just sit back and relax. If not, relapse again. Annie Zarubowalker, our friend who is the only other person that I've ever met who likes Panic at the Disco as much as I do, will love this review. And I'm going to text it to her after this. Do it.

I have a review to read. Go for it. Four stars from iot iot stick sounded out uh march 30th 2020 yeesh painfully self-centered still funny for me this podcast is about shameless self-promotion and i'm glad that they recognize that i try to talk about other people as much as I can. Yeah, but you eventually tie it back to you, I'm pretty sure. Right, but it's still funny.

Right, I guess. Right. Sorry, have you ever riced cauliflower? No, but I like it. Nice. This has been Review Review. We'll see you again next week. Bye.

Stay safe, stay clean, wash your hands. Wash your eyes. Wash your ears and wash your legs. Get that hairy leg out here and put it in a soap until you scrub all of that dead skin off your big fat ass.

That's right. I'm going to bend my own dick back inside my ass. I'm going to fuck myself while I'm in quarantine because I am single and not ready

to tingle. I'm very sad. See you next week. Bye. That was a Hate Gum podcast.