Review Revue - Infinity Scarves

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly only get one, and push a kid down the stairs while reading reviews on INFINITY SCARVES. Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course.

And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. This is a HeadGum Original Theme Song. This song belongs to Riley and Jeff. All you can go and fuck yourself.

Fuck you all. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip. Fuck yourself. Fuck you all. I just want to run. Sorry. The lyrics are, this song belongs to Riley and Jeff. You can fuck yourself. I just want of it. Which is, yeah, we came up with the second part.

That was Andrew, also known as Carrot Snatch. He sent in a couple theme songs. This email, I gotta say, Andrew, is like five paragraphs long. I'm not reading any of this. Oh my god, that was so funny. And you kind of phoned in that theme song. I'm sorry to say. No, but the beginning really got me. I thought you, it was like, this is a Headcum original theme song.

That was good. Yeah, faked me out. Faked me out to be very relieved. It was good. I mean, listen. And then everything after that was bad. I thought it was brilliant. It's straight to the point.

We don't need anything more than this song belongs to Riley and Jeff. You can go fuck yourself. I just want everything. And you're not wrong. It's that, I I mean let me screen share how long this email is yeah I know this is so long no of course

but thank you we really appreciate it thank you so much Jeff's ungrateful as hell but like I'm so happy you sent that and the email you sent I just think compared to his prior work it doesn't stand the test of time or the test of Andrew. You know what I mean? Jeff, it's 7.15 p.m.

I feel like whenever we do a nighttime record, it's crazy. I feel like a crazy energy. The wolves come out. The wolves come out and the dogs are barking. Our feet are up and they are really hurting. Yours are. Mine are fine. No, I'm saying like the wolves come out and the dogs are really hurting. Yours are. Mine are fine. No, I'm saying like the wolves come out and the dogs are barking.

You said that. So you're not saying, oh, I'm just saying this. And then you repeat exactly what you just said 20 seconds ago. No, all I'm saying is like basically. The wolves come out and the dogs are barking. No, the wolves are already out. And then the dogs are barking. So still what I said.

Feet up, they're hurting. You said that again. None of this is new information. None of it. But it makes sense. I thought you just needed to hear it again. Sometimes there's some delay. Because I haven't really been on my feet too much today, so my feet aren't hurting.

But if yours are, that's fine. I have a tummy ache because I ate my dinner way too fast. Yeah. And your dinner was Daniel's grunt.'s nope it was pasta and a beet salad okay how many was really good how many beats yeah four or um i mean they were cut in half so probably had like five halves okay so two and a half beats probably two and a half beats. Probably two and a half beats, yeah. Does that change things for you? I think because there's only two and a half, then I don't know if the wolves are out yet. Because usually four is the... I thought they were already out.

The dogs are barking. Dependent on how many beats are eaten. Beats are in a salad, yeah. Okay. Does that make sense? No. How was your day? Long. How was your day? Long.

How was your day? Are your feet sore? My dogs aren't barking, I guess, because the wolves aren't even out. There's only two and a half beats. None of this is what I thought it was originally, and I said it so confidently. So now my face is red. The dogs are absolutely not barking. Your face is beet red.

So that's kind of half a beat. So that's three beats. Okay. So three beats. That's not four. The dogs are absolutely not barking. Your face is beet red. So that's, that's, that's half a beet. So that's three beets. Okay. So three beets. That's no, not four. The wolves are not out. We need another beet. Drop a beet.

Then we got the four. It has to be the root vegetable. That's the only thing that has to be. There could even be three beets, but it has to be three of the vegetables. Does that make sense? For the dogs to be there could even be three beats but it has to be three of the vegetables does that make sense for the dogs to be barking but the dog's barking is dependent on the wolves coming out yes let me finish the wolves have to be out before the dogs can bark and then if the dogs are barking that means you want to put your feet up because they hurt if the dogs aren't barking then it's fine it's better actually that the wolves aren't out because why would you want them to come out if your feet are going to be hurt?

I agree. I'm just saying, let's fucking get our ducks in a row. Don't get mad at me. How many beats were in the salad? I don't know. Daniel and I split it. Okay. Oh, so there were five beats.

Probably five beats total, I would imagine. Then the wolves are already out and my dogs are barking. My feet are up because they hurt. They're not up. And the only reason the dogs are barking is because the wolves are already out because of the five beats. Unless Daniel ate a drum loop. What? If one of the beats was like, you know what I mean?

Then it doesn't count. And the wolves are not out. No, they were all root vegetable beets. Okay. And you think there were five if you split? I'm guessing based on the fact. Can you ask Daniel? I've never done this, but can you ask Daniel?

He's in a meeting right now. He's in a meeting at seven? Who takes a meeting at seven? Yes. It's like a workshop. Okay. I'm going to imagine that since I had half of the container, we got takeout tonight.

I'm going to imagine this. I had half the container. Okay. And I had roughly two and a half beats worth of salad. And he took his other half before me. He took the other half before I did. Okay. So he, let me just run you through a hypothetical here.

There's a world in which he's not as selfless as you think he is. And he took three and a half beats. We know there was a half. So we know he cut one in half which means no no they were already cut these the beats came cut in half they were half beats then there's a world where they were like nine beats in which case the dogs are definitely barking because the wolves have been out for a while sorry sorry no let me finish maybe i'm not being clear let me finish does how many beats there are correlate to how long the wolves have been out i thought it was just like oh at a certain point they're allowed to come out not that it's like oh they're fine they've been out for a while the more beats there are the earlier the wolves came out i'm sorry if i wasn't

clear about that i just we were going back and forth between there was two and a half or maybe four now we're talking about nine i'm like okay then there are different parameters so how long have been out there's nine i don't know when you ordered the meal we ordered it at like 5 30 okay then that means they probably like 5 5 15 well let me ask you this did john you got it from John and Vinny's. Does John and Vinny's pre-make their beet salads? Because that'll give our answer. What do you mean do they pre-

It came made to us. Made to you, but is it made to order? I don't know. We ordered the beet salad. I assume that every time someone orders it, they start to make it after. It's cold. It's a cold salad. It's cold? Then it after. It's cold. It's a cold salad.

It's cold, then it might be pre-made. It's a cold salad. Okay, now I'm starting to worry that the wolves have been out for a year. In which case, my dogs have been barking also maybe for up to a year, and my feet have not been up the whole time. And that's a fucking issue.

We're talking about infinity scarves. And this could go on for infinity scarves yeah Jeff talk to me about them I've been dying to hear your thoughts on the infinity scarves I've never had one I don't know if I've ever even worn one crazy you've never even worn one I don't think so

maybe I put someone else's on but I never owned one I never wore one you never wore wait when would I own it I thought you meant maybe you put one on another I don't think so. Maybe I put someone else's on, but I never owned one. I never wore one. You never wore one. Wait. When would I own a... I thought you meant maybe you put one on another person. Like you helped. Knighted them, yeah. You knighted them with an infinity scarf. Yes.

I assume you wore a lot of infinity scarves from like fifth to eighth grade. Longer. I went to college in Boston, mind you. You wore them in college I probably wore them well I went to college 2014 to 2018 so I Probably wore them probably only the first Two years I'd imagine the first two years 2014

And 15 I was wearing them in college Okay And I was an infinity Scarf girl yeah I unabashedly i fucking loved an infinity scarf i mean it was cool for a minute like now we don't think they're cool but at the time it was awesome now they don't look cool but like my god and i see like people mocking this fit on tiktok a lot but i'm like you don't understand the power of skinny jeans riding boots jacket infinity scarf yeah top bun top knot bun

sure messy pieces coming out the front that was it it. That is elite. That is an elite outfit. Now it looks incredibly dated. It's shocking how only in a few years, how something like that can be so wrong. If you still like wearing them, more power to you. I think they're great. What was that? Yeah. There's just other things what do you wear oh there's other things to wear than that so not more power necessarily to you unless i think they'll come back the dogs

are yeah i think infinity scarves i don't know when I think 30 years If we have kids Our generation's kids generation is going to wear infinity scarves I think they'll definitely come back And I will be so excited When they do I'm glad you rounded it out with a top knot Instead of a ponytail High ponytails don't really look good on me

I have a big forehead I'm glad you said it you don't like a high ponytail no I actually do like a high ponytail so then what was that I think people I don't know I just went to school near a lot of horse girls

and that's like a horse girl uniform they match the steed they match the steed yeah a lot of like that 2010s early 2010s like late aughts early 2010 style was like equestrian for some reason i was giving it was it was giving saddle it was giving jockey it's giving jockey it's giving you a lot of vests and a lot of boots, like riding boots. And we all ate that shit up. I was like five feet tall for a minute there because it was the fashion.

I was jockeying around for people's respect. You cut down your height to be the size of a jockey? Mm-hmm. Okay. My best friend was a Clydesdale for a year. And within that year, how long were the Wolves out? I can't remember that because I don't know how many beet salads were ordered then. You know, like Spotify wrapped, like it tells you all the stats.

So could you give me like your Jeffrey's me like your your jeffries wrapped of like how many beets were consumed and what time the wolves were out around what month like is there any month or any week in 2013 there's no way i can remember in 2022 this oh well i haven't had that many beet salads i don't think i've ordered a beet salad this year i just haven't really been out much for you no my and my feet haven't been raised. Here's the thing. I almost forgot about this whole transitive property thing with specific regards to the four-beet salad,

the wolves having been out, and then the dogs barking, necessitating me putting my feet up because they're just, I need to. But then you said, you brought it up, by the way, that you ordered a beet salad. I brought up my feet. And you specified how many beets you had. You asked me.

That's true. I'll give you that. There's no world in which I'd be like, tonight for dinner I had a spaghetti al limon and I had a beet salad with probably roughly, I would say, like I had two and a half beets total, maybe. Oh, that's fine. I mean, there probably were more in the salad. I'm good to stand.

Should we get into our first review? Let's do it. This is a short one because we have to take the big scene. This is a one star review from Nancy M. Nancy. Nancy Nancy. Nancy Nancy. One star. That title's one.

What kind of infinity scarf is it? It's like a cable knit cream thing from the brand Demore from Amazon. That's Demore. Demore. The title is one. That's demore. Demore. The title is one. That's a scarf. That's a scarf. One star.

The title is one. I just received one. Well, yeah, I'm happy to help you, ma'am. You called the customer service line here. Yeah yeah can i ask how many did you order you said you only got one but how many did you order i ordered one and i got one great so is there anything else i can help you well not so great not so great actually and that's why i'm calling customer support it's been a tough day it's been a really tough day for me what's your name again i don't think i got your name um we usually don't give it out but my name's uh trey oh trey thank you

so much for helping me trey i'm nancy trey trey what a day huh i ordered the one scarf and i got one scarf and so that's kind of where my issues started and that's why I'm calling. Can I ask what the complaint is? Just because I have like automated forms and that doesn't qualify as a complaint in my system. Oh, am I cutting out? I said I got, the complaint is, like couldn't be any clearer, I got one scarf. And you ordered one scarf. I ordered one scarf and I got one scarf. So what did you want?

In an ideal world, what did you get? More than one scarf? Okay, leading the witness. I don't appreciate that tone. I'm telling you that something happened to me and I'm upset about it. And you're coming back at me with what? It's like, oh, it's not that bad. It's not even bad.

I didn't say those words. I'm just saying. That's what I received. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put words in your mouth. You didn't say that, Trey. But that's ultimately like what I got. You placed an order for a scarf, one scarf. And we sent you one scarf. Was it the scarf you wanted?

It was the scarf I wanted. Yeah. So we did. We fulfilled the order. You know what I mean? You sent me a scarf. I ordered a scarf. Right. You fulfilled the order. I don't know. That's when things get a little bit dicey. I'm not sure if we're speaking the same language, Trey. And so just so I can understand, because at this point I don't, you placed earlier today, or when was this, yesterday? This was today. It came same day, shipping.

Okay, so what shipping did you buy? It didn't cost anything. Great. So we over-fulfilled the order. In your words, you over fulfilled it. But I feel unfulfilled. I feel very unfulfilled. Okay. You placed an order for one scarf.

I did. Free shipping. Yes. You got one scarf, which is what you ordered, same day. So I guess I'm wondering what would have made you feel fulfilled. I'm wondering what gives you the nerve to ask me such a personal question like that that's not personal it's about business why well i'm on i thought i was on a business call i'm telling you i'm unhappy with my order i know you're asking me how would you feel fulfilled that's not we're not having the same conversation

right now you're asking me about my personal life? No. Only my husband knows what I'm fulfilled by. I'm not telling that to you. In fact, I might have to tell him about this conversation because now I'm feeling like I'm emotionally cheating on my husband. Honestly, that's where you've brought this conversation to. That's what I'm feeling today. Fulfilled with regards to the order. You keep saying fulfilled.

Fulfillment. Order fulfillment. Oh my God. Order fulfillment. That's a business term. Now we're talking business. You asked me my name, by the order. You keep saying fulfilled. Fulfillment. Order fulfillment. Oh my god. Order fulfillment. That's a business term. You asked me my name by the way. You're the one who's led this down a personal path. Do not blame this on me. If anyone got us here Trey it's you. What gets me off the phone right now? That's what I'm trying to understand. I'm just asking you to put this complaint through

and you're telling me that it's not a complaint you can put in the system. Right. I can do a custom entry. My question is how do you want this to be fixed? Which it doesn't seem like... Yeah. Nothing needs to happen, Trey. I just want the company to know.

One star. One. I only got one. So that's where you leave a review. You don't call customer... Because customer support is for like problem solving. Does that make sense? I had a problem.

I thought you could help me solve it by submitting this complaint. So do you feel good right now? Because I just sent it in. You did just send it in? I just sent the form in. Well, you didn't tell me that. You just told me that now. Are you lying or is that truth?

That's true. Is it lying or is that truth that that's true is it truth or is it lying because i only deal with truth it is i sent the foreman truth i need you to say it i don't want to say the sentence, it's truth. And that's, like now I'm kind of digging my heels in. I don't want to say that. So you don't like truth. That's not grammatically correct. So I can't understand. I like truth.

But this isn't, this is true that I sent it in. It's not truth. So it's not truth is what you're saying. So you didn't send the foreman. It's not the concept. I sent the foreman. Oh my God, Trey. It's true that I sent the foreman.

It is not the concept of truth that I sent the foreman. It's true that I sent the foreman. It is not the concept of truth that I sent the foreman. Do you know what I mean? Because that's grammatically incorrect. Oh, you're one of those. Oh, you're one of those. I bet you're fun at parties, Trey. I bet you're real fun at parties. Gets him at a party.

Hey, guys. I just want to say that your guys being here are so special to me. Aw, that means a lot, Max. We being here means a lot to us and. I'm friends with a bunch of dummies. Sorry, guys. This could have been a longer lead up. I'm just going to come out because I don't want to be friends

with you. Y'all are dumb for this. You don't want to be friends with us anymore? But that sentence came out fine. Go home. Yeah. I soured this. I really came in hot. I'm sorry. Cut back. Trey,

things are getting really heated. I might have. Cut back. Trey. Things are getting really heated. I might have to bring my husband on the line. I might have to bring my husband on the line. I already did what you wanted me to. I can hang up at any time. So then why don't you? Just Trey.

Hello? Yeah, it's Trey. I hear you breathing on the other line. It's Trey. Trey. Trey. You made my wife Nancy very upset. Haven't you just standing next to her on the phone? She didn't say anything to you. I watch all her conversations. That's not cool.

Obviously have some privacy in your relationship. She asked you why you aren't hanging up. The conversation's heating up. You stayed on the phone. What's going on, man? Are you in love with my wife? I don't care for your wife, frankly. She was the worst call I took today.

Is that truth? Why did I wait that long to hang up? Come on, Trey. This is the most exciting thing that's happened to Trey in the past week and a half. He went to a party that he was kicked out of within minutes and then he had that call yeah uh all right let's take a quick break thanks to sponsors slash maybe sponsees people that were paying to you know to advertise copy for us yeah so that's a sponsor that's a sponsee no people were paying oh that's a

sponsee well then we wouldn't be getting them shout outs on the show because we only do this for cash that's true yeah when you think about it that so it was nine in terms of the um we'll be right back the beats yeah yeah you know i'm all about that beats not about that beats no fuck me doesn't even matter have you ever tossed a beet salad So like eating someone's ass who has hemorrhoids? That is foul. Okay. Here we go. Oh, here.

Oh, here she comes. This is for Funky Unique's Beanies Matching Ribbed Winter Warm Cable Knit Infinity Scarf. Okay. It's a four-tone mix yellow hot pink turquoise and purple disgusting five stars paula l if you can believe it paula um lean paula lean five stars title is very pretty and well made very pretty scarf does not look cheap at all i bought this as part of an outfit for a secret santa family through a generous co-worker i picked the mom because she made her wish list focused on mostly her kids i want to let her know

that her selflessness won't go unnoticed and that this scarf is a little piece of the outfit she deserves i'm giving her literally what i'm proud to wear myself right so we needed school supplies for these children, not these hats. Listen, my son has been going to this school for years, and we love this school. He's adoring sixth grade. He loves all his teachers, but most importantly, he loves all the friends that he's made. And so I feel like the least I could do as a parent here. And honey, let me know if you agree, like us as parents, like we really feel like each kid here, like you guys are fostering all these little personalities and these little people to just like shine through and like embrace the world

and we wanted to reflect each of their uniqueness not in pens or printer paper or glue or books but in hats right honey huh oh yeah whatever do you guys want another donation he works a lot listen i i appreciate you guys i mean you guys want another donation? He works a lot. Listen, I appreciate you guys. I mean, you guys don't need to send your kids to this school. You can send them to any private school. I'm pretty aware of that. So I appreciate you supporting the school and believing in the public education system.

We do. But we really need them for Draper. You know what I mean? Like, we really need the printer paper. You know what I mean? Like we really need the books. The hats, like half the kids aren't going to want to wear them. Mr. Green, I hear you. Of course you need the books. Of course I'm hearing you. Listen to me.

You need the printer paper. You need the books. I hear that. I get that. Hey, and it was a long time ago, but I was a school girl once too. Okay. Hey, and it was a long time ago, but I was a schoolgirl once too, okay? But what I didn't have in the classroom was my own sense of individuality, was my own sense of like, hey, you're unique. Put on that pork pie cap and be yourself.

Or, you know, like something like that. And you don't think that getting 60 of the same hat also sort of robs them of the chance to figure out their own individuality? While also not getting to read about the California gold rush? When we bought pork pie hats in bulk, we were doing it for the kids. We were doing it thinking, what other kid in the greater Los Angeles area is walking around with a pork pie cap on? Right, honey? Didn't we say that? Weren't we wondering what other kids are walking around with a pork pie cap? What? Is it our anniversary? He is so important. So you tell me. I mean, like, I think the

kids are going to love him. If you want to give the pork pie hats back, we can't return them, but I guess we'll just put them in what, honey? We put them in storage? What do we think? Valentine's Day 2? I thought our anniversary wasn't then. There's only Valentine's Day 1, not Valentine's Day 2. Mr. Green, I mean mean ultimately it's your call

like we want to do what's best for the kids I will take the hats I'm sure we could use them in the theater department I just no that's actually the one stipulation the hats aren't for props they're for life if you're gonna make a mockery if you're gonna make a show

out of the hats then I don't think you understand the point of them. I don't understand the point of them. All right. I'm sorry. I just I'm only getting heated because this is a severely underfunded school district. Not in the door. Yeah.

Little kid comes in. Mr. Green, I was looking for. Are those... It's okay, honey. You can look at them. Are those pork pie hats? Sorry, I'm looking up for my phone now. You're, what, 11? You shouldn't talk like that.

He goes back to his phone. That's the first thing your husband said that I kind of agree with. Could I touch one? No, get out of the room. I don't want to listen to this. Get out of the room. Listen. Falls out of my stairs.

Listen, I will take the hats. Thank you for the hats. But just please, if you decide to donate again, which I really hope you do. I broke my leg. Shut up, kid. Does someone need to check on that child you pushed down a flight of stairs? He's like one of the nothing ones. Like, just can you please consider getting school supplies?

These kids need it and they can't get it for themselves. I can't buy it for the class. I really want to get a fork by hand. Grow up. You're in sixth grade. You're going to be in high school in three years. I hate that kid. But even he should have school supplies and not a hat.

But did you hear when that little kid, when he's on the floor, leg broken, he's not screaming for a steroid shot. He's not screaming for crutches. He doesn't know what that is. He's not screaming for Expo markers. He was screaming for the hat. I'll give him a hat. I'll give him a hat.

Thank you for the hats. But could you also maybe consider... I feel like you don't appreciate them. I don't appreciate them. I get paid $36,000 a year. How much were the hats? Honey, don't tell me how much the hats were. How many were the hats?

Oh, they were like $800 each. Okay. That is... $24,000. get out of my vintage get out of my office well do you want us to take the hats back leave that I'm glad he's happy shut up shut up be happy quietly

be happy quietly you're gonna be driving a car in three years change your voice it's not my responsibility you're the one who pushed me down the stairs i was hoping your balls would drop i'm fired for that i should god damn it i'm fired for that. It's just so grating. You're driving in three years.

Taking your permit. Do I take a right at the light or a left? You failed the test. You shouldn't be operating anything. No, you shouldn't be operating anything. This is a five-star review of cashmere and what cashmere and infinity scarf five stars um from susan psychosomatic susan psychosomatic fits my husband perfectly ordered a second pair his hands are very cold and he wears them inside and out in the winter hold on

um jason i don't think the students in the class they were not laughing at your story so far the story has been really great i think we just all collected guys everyone stop stop it's not funny everyone stop it jason i think the question we have is was he wearing the scarf inside out or was he wearing his hands inside out everyone stop no it is students hey i'm the'm the teacher. Calm down. This isn't funny. Jason, was that just bad writing or what was going on there, bud? Holy shit. Yeah. He wears the scarves.

It's supposed to be like a funny story about a guy who doesn't know what a scarf is. And so he like wears them as gloves and his hands are very cold and he wears the scarves as gloves inside out in the winter oh well that's i'm open to notes that's not funny and we're now we're not laughing because do you see from that reaction that's actually not funny well i don't you know some people might yeah i think it's no one yeah all right i think my what if it was that doesn't make any sense i'm on the spot and you guys are what part of can i put you on the spot for a second even more i'm already on it but yeah what you're in this comedy writing class you need to learn how to defend your jokes right

what what is the comedy behind him wearing a scarf his gloves can you walk me through we all love everyone's done this everyone loves explaining why a joke is funny can you explain to the class why it is so funny to imagine this man wearing a scarf his gloves uh yeah it's i think it's sorry i'm picturing it it's like it's like an infinity we all are picturing it and none of us are laughing um i just thought it was funny if someone didn't know what a scarf was and they like wore them as gloves wore them as gloves. Wore them as gloves.

So you're just kind of explaining the premise again. You said explain the joke. I said explain the joke, not retell the story to me. I think that's funny. I think that's sort of silly. It's not my best. I mean, I have other pitches, but I thought that was kind of funny. We'd love to hear it. This is your final.

This is your senior year final. Okay. All right. it this is your final this is your senior year fine okay all right it's like what if a kid was born into a world where i have it written down here as scarves or gloves but i can change it to anything here we go you should absolutely change that because that is the same thing as your last thing and no one found that funny it's actually probably can i be honest about something that's probably the worst idea of the year from anyone in the class and and and mia over there said what if frogs were dogs so that's also nothing and this is worse than that

i don't see how what if frogs were dogs is funnier even marginally than a man who mistakes infinity scarves for gloves maybe it's not that funny can i chime in on this can i chime in on this absolutely you can chime in on this imagine a frog on a leash everyone cracks up okay can i chime in on this can i chime in on this sir walking a frog walking yeah walking a frog can i chime in on this? Can I chime in on this, sir? Walking a frog. Walking a frog. Yeah, walking a frog. Can I chime in on this? Yeah, you can chime in on this. Sorry, we were all just laughing at the very funny image. Okay. Guys, stop.

No, we all know it's funny. Imagine a frog park instead of a dog park, right? See, it's funny. Imagine, like, a guy with two scarves on his hands. No, that's nothing. Imagine like a guy with two scarves on his hands. No, that's nothing. That's the same jump. I feel like that's like a plug and play. That's just like a punch up a little of the other one.

You think scarves instead of gloves is a punch up of frogs instead of dogs? It's just kind of like what if this crazy thing was different about the world? But that's funny and yours isn't. That's honestly what it boils down to. But why? Explain to me why frogs on a leash is funny. Why is that funny? You made me do that.

Why can't you guys explain? Mia, why is that funny? I'm happy to explain. I'm also, sorry, as a teacher, I just want to point out, I gave Mia's example as a bad example that's slightly better than yours. That's still not very funny. No, but I can't explain why it's a little bit funnier than yours and it's because frogs are slimy and dogs are cute so imagine cuddling up with a frog everyone's dying instead of scarves are for

your neck so imagine if they're on your hands what else you got? Or is it just the scarves for hands thing? I have a suicide note Okay some dark humor We're getting closer Do you like that? That was offensive No I don't like that Okay I'm saying it's something different

It's something different than scarves for hands I don't like that It is offensive I'm saying it's something different. It's something different than scarves for hands. I don't like that. It is offensive. But it's something you've been only saying your only idea is scarves for hands. This entire star is scarves. Okay, I got it. What about weekend warrior? And it's like the weekend gets drafted.

I don't like that. Like he's so used to the it's a fish out of water story, right? Because he's like so used to the glam of Hollywood. Oh, can I actually chime in? I have a punch up on that. Yeah, absolutely. Go for it. What if it was the weekend, but a weekday?

That doesn't make any sense because he's a person. Mine made sense because it's a good pun and he's in the army, which would be interesting. No, but this is great because imagine if it was like the weekend but like on a wednesday see that's you don't even mean the singer you're just saying rearrange the calendar how is that a sketch um i don't know how you don't see that entire sketch start to finish you wake up excited for brunch with your friends but oh you actually have to be at work that's the sketch that's it it doesn't even heighten that is you know we talk about it's like keep heightening keep heightening what's the highest it can go that is the highest i can go

exactly which means it's not good because there's nowhere for it to go other than that you don't have taste. You are not funny. And that's clear. You're in this class because you signed up for it. There's no way I can't tell you to not take the class. But I'm telling you, you shouldn't be taking this class. That was too many negatives. And you're teaching a creative writing class.

Teaching comedy class. So was that funny to you that you said can't not tell you to not be in it you know what it was it was silly who talks like that i'm writing that down i'm saving that for later not gonna lie don't steal it don't steal it don't steal that joke okay what about bad bill bunting so it's like goodwill hunting but it's like a really bad baseball player it i'm like demoralized now obviously because can i just can i punch that up a little bit? Okay. What if it was good schmil schmunting? Everyone starts sobbing, like clutching their abs, laughing. I can't breathe.

What if it was blood glil glunting? Everyone's like, stop stop stop hitting the table stop professor you're killing me what if it was fucking ben affleck on a on a movie screen i can do better no one liked that one that's weird no it's not no one usually kills I can do better. No one liked that one. That's weird.

No, it's not. No one usually kills. You've said that before. Don't, like, do your tight five during class. This is a pitch. I like to keep it fresh. That's not. You wrote it before. It's not fresh.

I wrote it 20 years ago That's several decades That's two decades Listen I don't know why you're still here You're not funny I told you that repeatedly You keep saying you're demoralized Get the fuck out of my classroom Get the fuck out of here

Are you kidding me We all want to laugh about frog dogs And you're out here talking about scarves for gloves it's not funny get the fuck out of this room i can't tell you what to do but i am telling you to get the fuck out of the room that's just okay okay great i'm leaving this is are you gonna at least pass me i don't give a fuck sure i'll give you a passing grade i just think you are so painfully unfunny And just so out of touch with any kind of humorous Bone in your body that I can't even looking at you makes me feel sad Not glad

Alright I hate you man I know I'm getting that I just like it's weird to me I hate you I just am confused because like the reason I took this class was because all my friends are like, you're so funny. So I like, and I ran a lot of these ideas by other people. So I just, it feels like maybe this is like a bad. And your friends thought scarves for gloves was funny? They didn't think it was my best, but they were like, yeah, like pitch it because we

need to come up with six pitches every week. So I was like, yeah, I'll pitch that one. But I don't know. I guess maybe I don't know what funny is was like yeah i'll pitch that one but i don't know i guess maybe i don't know what funny is sorry you don't dude i don't like you so much i'm trying to agree with you so that you'll finally like kind of ease up on me you're tripling down as i'm telling you exactly what you want to hear that's funny. Okay. What is? Sociopathy? That's a mental health disease.

You calling me out. That's hilarious. You calling me out on my shortcomings. Okay. That's something. Do it again. You get up to go to the bathroom too many times during class. I feel like you maybe...

I do. I do do do that you ever considered roasting you're not much of a sketch guy but you could roast the hell out of some people uh okay mia is here or should i say um jerk that wasn't okay he got me he got me that was good I'm gone thank you for the passing grade and cut to him on like a comedy central roast roast of Jim

Gaffigan when do you guys think Jim Gaffigan's gonna make him laugh again that wasn't funny i'm a millionaire off shit like this and i'm not funny they're all saying it in unison he has like 10 netflix specials they're all five minutes long this guy this guy this is scary how fast i got rich i don't think this is good and it's not imposter syndrome he tries to do one special for himself cut to that

um so i was talking to my brother-in-law right and i I gave him two scarves for Christmas. And you guys like this one? He thought they were gloves. He didn't know what scarves were. Someone shoots him in the arm. Oh! We hate you okay i hate me now how did they let a gun get past security i don't know i think it was security security guard shot him. Hated your comedy so much that he fucking shoots you in the arm. Also so fast after one joke.

Yeah, that was the beginning of the set. Everyone cheers. Are you kidding me? They all start laughing. That's not funny. That guy. That guy. That's God. All right, should we do our last segment?

Yeah. This should be our live long. Oh, that was kind of interesting. That was something. It's beautiful. It's been shaking, man.wives of salt lake city real housewives of salt lake city baby alfred bardwell evans convinced me to start it while sick with covid he's like you're not gonna regret it it's the best show on tv and he's not wrong he's not wrong i'll tell you that much i've heard that show brings me so

much joy it's it's phenomenal it's phenomenal i can't get enough of this stuff the elf said one of the funniest because elf's been so sweet if you're listening to this you're a sweetie he's been calling me every day today today's my second to last day of quarantine with covid and alf alf i've talked to alf almost every day that i've had covid just like checking up on me and catching up it's been really nice and the past couple days since i started watching that's all we've talked about it's just quoting that show yeah and um it's just so good but so the the log line for this the log line for the series is like it's like in the mountains of salt lake city there's a hidden secret there's a hidden society of like ultra wealthy women and i'm like why hidden like what the? And Alf goes, hidden for good fucking reason.

Yeah. Hidden. And then he goes, well, there's two kinds of hidden, right? There's hidden that's like, you don't want to be found. And hidden because nobody's fucking looking for it. I don't care about the wealthy housewives of fucking Provo. Of Salt Lake City. Like, he's like, no, he's like, they're hidden because no one gives a shit.

Yeah. And then he goes, I'm a hidden talent. Not because no one can find me, just because no one's fucking looking for me. And they frankly might not ever. So Real Housewives, it's incredible. You smell like hospital is the funniest thing i've ever heard in my life you smell like hospital you smell like hospital in fact i'll say your whole family smells like hospital it's amazing you smell like hospital in fact i'll

set your whole house on fire in fact your whole family smells like hospital no one's ever called me a grandfather fucker in my entire life it's's I mean, it's just it's art. It's fucking art. There's one son on the son on the show is a fashion designer. And he was part of Park City Fashion Week with his sweatsuit line. And he has one design. It's one design. So the runway was just him walking with like six models who were all wearing the same exact sweatsuit

it's amazing that's not a show no and one of the one of the houses i was like in in a talking head she's like well i didn't know one design constituted an entire line but okay like it's right it's fucking perfect everyone go watch it it's amazing i i'm on elizabeth's peacock account thank you e for letting me use it and i texted her in a group chat with daniel and our friend jay and i'm like hey i'm like does anyone have a peacock account i can use and he texted me separately she's like i do and she sent me the login info she goes what show are you gonna watch and i'm like don't worry about it she's like what are you gonna watch and I'm like Real Housewives but then in this before sending the password and stuff in our group chat she's like I'll give you

the password if you tell them what you're watching and I'm like come on man don't do that to me and so I did have to tell everyone that I was binging Real Housewives of Salt Lake City of course jeff what's been shaking your ass i left my debit card at a bar in hollywood and that was three weeks ago weeks ago yeah so i've been using apple pay luckily almost everywhere takes apple pay which i didn't know jeff you need to go get your debit card i know but they open at 7 p. I thought it was 5. No, it's 7 for some reason. Unless that's just on the weekends. And it's also like in the heart

of Hollywood. Getting over there is specifically difficult. And I just shouldn't have left the tab open. So now I'm kind of like, I need to go there to get a drink. Instead of just going to pick it up. You know? Yeah. so i need to do that and i guess the also my truck needs to go to the shop so i guess what's shaking me is aaron's

jeffrey aaron's james that's very good jeffrey aaron's landing um but yeah uneventful week uneventful week next week's Thanksgiving which a lot to be grateful for right sand no so oh tiny little thing that's shaking me that I never noticed before that someone pointed out in the discord I'm forgetting who and I'm really sorry is that there's a little

in the HeadGum East studio there's a little framed photo ofGum East studio there's a little framed photo of us yes Marika put that up I didn't know that it was there until someone pointed out and I thought that was really really sweet that shook me we look like children we had those photos taken of us in like 2017 or 18 we look like baby no 18 we look like babies yeah that was almost five years ago i think it was early 2018 that's crazy unless it was 2019 i met him in 2019 we do i need new headshots too i guess i'm that's my headshots are not jeffrey aaron's james jeffrey aaron's james and i also need to get a new tattoo and a rolex right so that's not so much yeah no i can't afford either right now um

should we you can follow riley on instagram at riley and spa oh my god follow her on twitter at riley coyote no fucking way and you can uh get a beet salad kind of whatever you want but be careful about the uh repercussions you find the show on uh reddit r slash review review instagram at review review twitter review show um you can find jeff on instagram i think at jeffrey james and on twitter blue at jeff boyardee didn't twitter blue go away in like an hour yeah i think so i don't think it exists anymore. It doesn't. But thank you so much for listening.

Should we thank some little VIPodkitties? Let's do it. Thank you, too. 7-Eleven was an inside job. Christian side hug so he can hug two people simultaneously. Age. Aggie. Ako has seen the world, gained some perspective.

She's wiser, older, and better now. Do not check in. She will fucking snap. So you're not better. At this point, I can't even tell if Daddy's chose Tuesdays or if Tuesday's chose Daddy. It's just, well, me. Austin has been feeling kind of down lately. No, but just sad. JK. I do hate my new apartment just, well, me. Austin has been feeling kind of down lately. No, but just sad.

JK. I do hate my new apartment's tiny toilet, though. Bob Buell asks, why did the ducks at the party try to bite the dog? Tune in next week for the punchline of this joke. Thanks. Oh my god. Cam is spozy. That's spooky and cozy because it's October. Baby, not true. Carol Fisher, new patron. New patron. Chuck.

Connor Finnegan's rage is connor finnegan's power and woe be to thee who shan't fear his power oh my god curvature's world tour dakota's a little easel weasel which is to say a painter ain't or which is to say dakota doesn't paint fancy octopus is according to a co submissive and breedable follow my cat on. You just have to find the at yourself, though. No handouts, fucks. Foot fetish, Kim. Miles. Gray beat Jeff to purchasing a home. Happy Halloween.

It's October. It's not. It's not. I can't afford this anymore. This shit sucks. But you guys are great and have a great community. Stay gold and show that ass. That's October. It's not. It's not. I can't afford this anymore. This shit sucks. But you guys are great and have a great community. Stay golden. Show that ass.

That's all right. Just pay 30. We'll cut him a deal. I eat spaghetti and meatballs. It's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. I'm happy John Lennon's dead. Oh, my God. No way.

This person's Patreon name is I'm Happy John Lennon is dead. I'm Riley Anspawn. Have you ever heard of this new show, The Office? You know, John Krasinski is kind of a zaddy. It's July, and you know what that means? Flag day. Let's get flapping. It is not July.

It's mid-November. Jake Ullman. James Rorden. So it's James Corden, but he berates restaurant waitstaff. So it's just James Corden, I guess. James the real oiler Wagner. Thanks for that one, Jeff. Jeffrey Games.

Jeff's evil but playful twin. Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, well, Malasov. Caleb forgot to change his name. Whoops. Casper Bobasper. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Lucas Heinzel.

Michael Begel. Nate Portia says hi to Christina, who's now listened to every episode. New patron. No, not a new patron. It's for real his name. Nolan's. Nolan Murphy's theme song was lit as hell unless it didn't get played on this episode, in which case I forget I said this or exist.

Oh, hi, Mark. Well, priest. Puff Riley. Raven Schmaven. Reviewer 2. So. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, Priest. Puff Riley. Raven Schmaven. Reviewer 2, so it's this podcast, but a squeakquel. Reese George mispronounced the pun, Birdman. Seen as John Daniels just uses his normal name for Patreon, Oh Poo.

Snow can time on Main Island is closed for the winter, and Jameson Poncia has to come up with funny original names now. Smooth Pete and his jazz band that used to be popular but is now struggling to remain relevant and are mostly limited to making. TJ Michael. You think the cellar thing was dumb? Damien Kirk once sprint jumped face first into a chain link fence. It was not on purpose.

Jesus, man. I mean, thank you guys. Get a fucking grip of yourself and your body. Thank you guys for subscribing at the highest tier. Yeah. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff, of course. If you want Zardes, if you want Q&As,

we might be switching shit up a little bit on Patreon soon. It could be huge. Could be huge. Could be giving you some different stuff in a fun way, in a sexy way. So subscribe for that. It's not more photos of Jeff's ass.

That's not behind a paywall. You can go onto his Twitter, at JeffBoyRD, look at photos of Jeff's ass right now. It is behind a sensitive content warning. But not a paywall. You can see that shit for free. Well, there's a certain price to clear. And it's... What? Nirvana.

Got it. I'm not myself staring at it. Ass face-to-face. Let's sign off huh okay okay we'll see you next time i just heard the wolves have a thanksgiving or even there that was a hit gum original