Review Revue - Jacks

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about the game Jacks and discuss Santa's new accent, feeling left out at slumber parties, and feeling things in your hands!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I just want to know how you feel One love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna I just wanna fuck Come on baby now Help me work it out I won't let you down So you don't need to shout

I just wanna fuck I just wanna fuck The moon is stars. Reviewing yoke. The moon is stars. We're here with rice. And that's the stuff. Can we get sued twice over for that? Of course.

Okay. That's exciting to me. Now that was exciting because it's like it felt dangerous and mccartney what's that it felt dangerous and mccartney did my audio cut out it felt dangerous and mccartney mccartney you're using it as an adjective or it felt dangerous and mccartney it felt mccartney it was mccartney. That's the only right thing you said today. That came in from Ellie K. I don't know if she wants us to use her full name.

She says, I've combined everyone's two favorite McCartney songs into a singular lump of Christmas coal. And keep in mind, this isn't like, she didn't send this in December. This is May 7th she emailed us. She says, the pitch and tempo have been changed slightly to weasel out of those pesky music bots suing your asses. So we should be fine. Because the only way they're going to find out is through AI. That's artificial intelligence. I only operate off of natural intelligence and instinct. What do you mean natural intelligence like you operate off of natural

intelligence it's like maybe it's maybelline maybe he's born with it and uh i was born this way um maybe it's maybelline maybe he was born with natural intelligence instinct by calvin klein the sauce records limited to the ride the movie the ride store so you're on shark tank ll focus on one thing gauging their reactions to see which one they're most interested in food store they lean pharmacy they lean out they're in records lean back in the ride they all lean back now that sucks incorporated this is such a visual gag um riley wednesday june 9th uh we're banking episodes this week why is that why is that why is that oh my god because i'm gonna go visit my dad in indiana go sooners uh that's not what it is but um i'm very excited to go i haven't seen him

in a year i'm very excited to see him yeah um so i I'm going to be away. And Jeff, you're also not going to be in your home. Why is that? Why? Rag, rag. Keep Tahoe blue. Keep Tahoe you. As in, the lake calls me. The lake calls to my ass.

I'm going to be in Carnelian Bay with Bay. With Bay? Who's Bay? Who's my Bay? Ideally, by then, it'll be Caitlin Dever, let's say. Okay, let's say. And when are you leaving? How many days from now?

That's going to be in a week's time. Yeah, this is today, next week. In a week, your Bay is going to be Caitlin Dever. I'll settle for honestly any B-list celebrity or better. Got it. And not much is new since I've last talked to you because we were on the phone maybe but an hour and a half ago. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

But listeners, what's new with you? I'm leaning in and I'm listening. They can't answer. They can't answer. We should just do the show because there's no call and response. Oh my God, really? Oh my God, that's so exciting the show because they're not gonna like there's no call-in response oh my god really oh my god that's so exciting no they're not saying anything oh i'm so you have always wanted to do that i remember you telling me about that that's so amazing no fucking way you can't hear this no that's incredible who are you talking to

oh my i'm talking to bob buell how'd you get buell are you just on the phone with his ass? But we're not. What? She. Yeah. But again, we're not here. As much as we love him, we're not here to talk. About Buell.

To or about Bob Buell. And thank fucking God, right? No, we love him dearly. Yeah, we love him. No, I don't think so. And you know, what is life if not a series of games? One after another. It's just like, you win or you lose. And I've always said that.

Not really. There's a lot of gray areas in life. Jacks. What's that? What is life if not a game of fucking jacks? Meaning? Meaning, we're all the little metal pieces on the floor waiting to be picked up by a hand and a bouncing ball.

Timed. I've never played jacks. Right, of course. I knew that was coming. I definitely have when I was younger. Yeah. Pre-YouTube, jacks was like all there was to do to have fun. I don't think that's correct, but...

Okay, all right, all right, very good. Pre-YouTube. That was a test. That was a test. Jax was the only thing... You ever play Jax? Before Jax Dorsey started a little thing called Tweeter, I bounced a ball on a floor with a bunch of metal rods.

With Rod. My childhood neighbor who lived across the street. His name was Christmas. You just said Rod. We called him Rod, but his name was Christmas. That's insane. I don't know why Jax came to mind last night when we were brainstorming.

It made me laugh out loud on my phone screen. Riley and I will just send barrages not even all at once, throughout the day until we settle on one that we both like and you just said, Jacks! Like the game, Jacks! And I was like, yeah, okay, let's do that. It's fucking insane.

I guess, I mean, I could have just looked this up before we started, but it's like you have all the jacks on the floor. You bounce the ball, and while the ball is midair, you try and grab as many jacks as you can and then catch the ball? Correct, yeah. Okay. Why?

It's like to just entertain yourself. It's supposed to release the chemicals in your brain that make you smile of you. And in this case, it'd be smiling of jacks. So basically, you bounce the ball, and then you try and grab metal got it and that's a game yeah well i mean why it's is it not clear that that's a game where it's a lot of fun just based on how it sounds and so the fun which part is the fun part i'm just trying to like just like you know from an anthropological sense like so people gain enjoyment from this is it the bouncing of the ball is it the picking up of the metal is it that the timed like aspect of it of having the ball in midair which part is like

sorry just for my notes which part is um the joyful experience of it all so it is a game and i just like for years i've been playing it thinking I was happy of it but like even just the two questions you've asked me have made me realize the game sucks to have and play okay should we get into it? let's get into it this is a review for

the brand is called Rocketbox Jax and so it kind of comes in like a little retro packaging. It's cute. Here, look. It's cute. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Retro. Okay. Do you want to hear the full name? Yes, let's hear the full name. Rocketbox Jax Game, colon, retro, new vintage, classic game of Jax, gold and silver toned Jax, two red bouncy balls instead of instructions funds for kids and adults of all ages instead of instructions is in the title of the product on the site no sorry

set of and set of instructions okay all right instead of instructions and two red balls um okay here we go this is from is a five-star review yeah also i've noticed every nigh on every single reviewer is a grandparent correct so yeah um correct so a reviewer for jacks like every jack's review is like my grandkids amazing so this is a five-star review from sue k let's go it is it is a k it starts with a k but it is shush it does sue shush but it does start with a k got it okay sushi shush okay i was explaining the game to my granddaughter last week and thought i'd look them up to see if you could even buy them nowadays when i spied these i sent for them and was overjoyed to find the jacks or the heavier ones. Well,

I tried them out right away and still have not lost my touch. This weekend, my granddaughter's coming again and we will begin practice sessions. When I was a young child, our playground association held jacks tournaments every summer for us. We played the standard onesies through tensies and back down, ups and and downs sheep over the fence lions in the den around the world double bounce and eggs in the basket i'm sure there are several i'm not thinking of anyhow i love them i can't wait to play them with my granddaughter and i'll recommend them for the quality my granddaughter liked their picture because of the round cylinder in lol whatever such a detailed like all these games in the 10 with lol whatever doesn't matter actually i mean it doesn't matter

it's like i'm really passionate about this game that i have an incredible memory of playing as a child every year and i can't wait to share it with my child's child uh but whatever whatever i mean it sounds really important to you nah it's nothing it's not what do you mean it's nothing no it's like laying onesies to tensies up and down the mountain river sheet back and forth to the ram's head but at the end of the day it's it doesn't matter doesn't fucking matter sorry we hear a bell ring sorry i i'm gonna stick i know we're speed dating but i'm just gonna stick with this person i have to understand you just listed like seven really specific games you can play with jacks and like on the playground when you're young i just i don't understand like what it matters like don't count yourself out like that no No, I mean, you know, when you're as old as I am and one day you'll hit it.

I know these, you know, retirement home dating games like this, they could be, they can make a gal feel pretty old when they have, you know, us old timers in our 70s and 80s and they bring in young whippersnappers like 40 year olds like you. It can make you feel a little old. How old are you, by the way? Because you sound young. You look spry. You don't have any gray hairs. I'm a 79. You're a 79? I'm a 79 year old woman. old. How old are you, by the way? Because you sound young. You look spry. You don't have any gray hairs.

I'm a 79. You're a 79? I'm a 79-year-old woman. No, how old are you? I'm 79. Okay. You don't have to feign interest in me. Go on, move down to the next gal.

You don't want to spend your time listening to me talk about beating up and down the road over the Sandman Castle, Frosty the Snowman on a bike, eating lime cones, onesies 10. There's something in me that I need to know what that means. Let's go line by line. What did you just say? And then let's figure out what the game is. Beating down the road with eating a lime cone, you said?

What is that? Like a lime flavored pine cone? And that's a game? These are all jacks. These are all variations of jacks. There's no way there's this many different ones you bounce the ball you grab the jacks oh god you are making me feel so ancient what do you do for fun uh yeah i go to like you know live music shows uh i rock climb i love rock climbing um oh that's amazing uh if i'm gonna play a game i usually like, there's this thing called Jackbox and

basically. Jackbox? Box of Jacks? Well, not exactly. It's like on Apple TV. Oh, God. You know, I never could work that. But you know, there was a Jacks variation I played one time.

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree TV. From the tree TV? From the tree TV. And the tree TV? From the tree TV. And so that was a game. That was when you play jacks, but the little red bouncy ball, you pretend to bite it like an apple, you wink,

and then if the ball hits the ground again and you haven't picked up the jacks, then you're not allowed to watch TV for a week. And so that was a variation of the game. Okay. So you bounce the ball, catch it in your mouth, you're not allowed to watch TV for a week. And so that was a variation of the game. Okay. So you'd have to, so you bounce the ball, catch it in your mouth, take a fake bite out of it, wink, and grab jacks.

And you called that apple doesn't fall far from the tree TV. If you didn't pick up any jacks. The only TV part of that is the wager that you place on it, where if you lose, you don't get to watch the, yeah, the tube. I forgot, i forgot to mention that the jacks when you before you bounce the ball you arrange them as such where it looks like a little model tv i really don't think so what other games did you play you said another one eating a lime cone yeah what is that what part of it is that? Eating a lime cone. No, you also said it like lime cone. It was truly like a citrus pine cone.

And I'm wondering, did you eat, for lack of a better term, a tree nut? So this variation, you swap out the red ball for a Brazil nut. And so you bounce that on the floor and you crack it. You bounce it? So you bounce you bounce that on the floor and you crack it and you bounce it when you also you bounce the brazil nut on the floor and by the way not a pine cone or a lime but yeah go on as you're as you're about to pick up the jacks you squirt grapefruit in one of your eyes not lime and so it kind of made but it's a citrus and so it kind of makes a little bit more difficult and so that adds an extra level to the game. It feels like the nut itself is as much of a difficulty to add

that you don't need to squirt your eye with citrus because you're bouncing a nut. It's not gonna bounce anywhere near the bouncy ball. And then you're squeezing a fruit in your eyes. So I just wonder, like maybe you do the fruit with a bouncy ball or you just do the nut, right? I guess I never thought about that.

You know, your curiosity is very attractive to me. No, I'm like physically attracted to you. I feel like I should mention that. Like, I'd love to see where things can go. I just really, before we do that, I need to understand these games. What other things did you play? What other variations of Jax did I play?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or what other games? Well, games, ideally, I'd love to get away from Jax, but it feels like every game you ever played had to do with some kind of spiky metal sphere. God, I mean, you know, my childhood, the playground association that I-de-sac sure and they're actually they invented a specific kind of game of jacks for the the neighborhood kids and i and it was um hit the road jacks and don't you cul-de-sac no more no more on the ground here that sounds made

up that sounds like you just made it up just now. Well, they did make it up for us. Okay. And so the game was. So what is that? Yeah, hit the road jacks, and don't you cul-de-sac no more, no more on the ground is what you just told me. On the ground here. On the ground here. Sorry, yeah, my mistake.

How could I know? In this very, no, it's okay. You're young. How could you know this? So each kid in the neighborhood, there'd be me, there'd be Big Tommy, there'd be Little Tommy, there'd be Tina, and then there's Rex. And so all of us would line up and down the cul-de-sac.

Each of us would hold a jack in our hands. Okay. And so then whoever had the bouncy ball, they would bounce it. Sure. And they'd have to run down the street and wrestle the jacks from our hands before the ball would bounce again. So it's just wrestling. And if they didn't get the jacks, they wouldn't be allowed to watch TV for a week.

So it always has to do with television. By the way, not that many channels back then. You're 70. It's 2021. So that means that when you were, let's say, six. 79, right. 80 years ago was what? 1940.

So when you're a kid playing jacks, you're what? Seven. So this is 1947, right after the World War. There's no fucking way there was this much television that being away from it for a week, you had that much FOMO that you wagered it on Games of Jax.

I can't stop staring at your legs. They're so toned. And I would love to make sweet, tender love to you in this old folks home. You're absolutely gorgeous and live. I thought this could go somewhere, but if you can't understand Jax, you can't get me in the sacks.

I can understand Jax. I just don't understand these variations of it with crazy names. Why'd your eyes light up? There's no way that that was the name of a Jax game. No fucking way. You know variations of Crazy Names. That's a Jax game?

What the hell is that? So in this one, you actually play darts. No, it's not Jax! We start vigorously making love. An older couple right next to them. Oh, God. I love that passion. You get her, son.

You get her, Jack. All right. Should we take a quick break? Marty. And we're back. I mean, it's the simplest act. you think marty's ever played jacks i think marty is going through a lot i mean he's kind of through the ringer in a certain way uh his blazers lost and that was all he had he's obviously alone and he has this amazing new house in echo park but like you know no one to share it with so i think that let's maybe lay off right i was just asking if you think marty's ever played jacks i think keep his name out of your goddamn mouth

is what I think. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm suddenly his brother's keeper. I can say, I can ask a question. It wasn't even invasive. It had nothing to do with how he's doing. I was just saying in the course of Marty's really long life because he's old as shit,

like has he ever played Jax? I think keep his name out of your goddamn mouth. Sorry, old as shit Marty Like, has he ever played Jax? I think keep his name out of your goddamn mouth. Sorry, old as shit Marty. Hey, little hag man. You ever played Jax, man? I think that to have your lips move in the formation of Marty Michael is a travesty. Marty Michaels never played Jax. I think keep his name out of your fucking mouth

What's your review? It's from BD Do you have a name for BD? Well obviously that's gonna be Biggs Des Moines Biggs Des Moines Three stars of Happy Jack and Mary

Jacks The title is Pickup Sticks. The sticks aren't straight. No. Yeah, because it's not pickup sticks. It's fucking jacks. Oh my God. Of course.

You've never been more confident in wrong. Okay, Santa. I know it's Christmas Eve and I was just thinking, I had a couple ideas that I wanted to run by you. You know, I have been one of your hardest working elves all year in preparation for this big day. And I was hoping that I would maybe not step on your toes so much as just kind of pitch you some, you know, maybe punch-ups for some toys that we could be putting out this year. Ho, ho, ho.

Let's hear it. Okay, so I know one of your best sellers are big teddy bears. They are classics. People have been, kids have been loving them for decades and decades and decades. What was that? Kids have been loving them for decades. Yes, that's right, Santa. So I made a little riff on the teddy bear.

I thought it was too berry. I pulled it out. It's a duck. So I figure maybe something like this. That's a duck. It is a duck. So it's not a teddy bear. If little Susie says that she wants a teddy bear and we give her a duck,

ho, ho, ho, that's not going to fly. It's not going to what? Fly. Fly. It's not going to fly? Fly. It's not going to fly? Like my sleigh without Rudolph

It's not gonna fly Gotcha Okay Alright it was just an idea I was just trying to Shake things up Okay You don't have to shake things up

You really don't I'm just making It's like we've been Sending out the same stuff For so long Because people like The same stuff I have a couple more

Are you okay? Do you have Been trying out A different voice actually yeah so you're shaking things up too right well yeah but not for the kids not for the kids not for them not for what they ask me for okay well i just have a couple more ideas i'd like to run past you and you can talk. You don't have to say anything about it. I don't want to wear you out. Okay.

You know how kids, they love a nice little dolly sometimes. Give them a nice cute doll. They can dress them up, put them in a stroller, take it out. It's a skateboard. I figured something cooler like this. The dolls weren't mobile enough. And so here's something that- They don't want something mobile.

They want a doll. You don't think kids would want something like this? I think some kids do like the skateboard, but not when they want a doll. You've changed your voice yet again. I'm trying to see which one you like. Which one I like? Yeah like polling a couple people

I've never heard that Is this your real voice Santa? Oh yeah this is my real voice For years I did the whole What is it that you want little kid But like I'm eternal So I don't need to put on that old man voice I can be young and spry to have that

You can be This is incredible What about Zaddydy i am an employee maybe just mrs claus yeah if she thinks you should be zaddy no i'm saying like jeff goldblum he's been on like the naughty list for a while but like in a fun way i turned a bike into nickelodeon slime do you like it or no i think that what you've been doing is disappointing kids and i think that we should give them exactly what they ask for and not shake things up it's like what you're doing is like if somebody orders like a burger at a restaurant and then the burger is just like something bizarre

like they put boar in it like nobody wants they just people just want a normal burger right yeah i just you can be inventive for christmas in july when we do all that like charities bullshit. Really? And what about this? High register? Maybe that makes me sound younger. Widow baby Sandy. No. Alright. I felt it. I felt that that one was not right. Maybe I should just stick

to ho ho ho. Merry Christmas. Let's stick with that. Let's stick with that. Come sit on Santa's lap everyone. Maybe not anymore. Maybe not anymore. I think that because I did's stick with that. Come sit on Santa's lap, everyone. Maybe not anymore. Maybe not anymore. I think that because I did the voice thing, people should not sit on my lap, yeah? Yes.

Yes. Your next review? I will read it, but please don't scream at me the way you've just done. I said it so softly. If anything, now I'm screaming. Oh. This review is for the same retro jacks this is a five-star review from nikandra give nikandra a last name maido nikandra maido five stars the title is the jacks are metal and sturdy the balls are easy to handle and bounce this is a high quality set the jacks are metal and

sturdy the balls are easy to handle and bounce just right. As soon as my girls saw this set, they wanted to try them. Jacks is such an iconic game. I think it'll be around forever. I don't think so, man. I really don't. But when you have like this army of grandparents,

like passing it down, it might be. No. it's not a good game darren you always love to play devil's advocate and like i don't know if that's what you're doing right now or if you genuinely believe this but like jax is gone man like you gotta make peace with that i've never even seen you play like i don't understand why you're fighting for this at slumber parties i feel like you guys always want to do Grand Theft Auto or Halo or something that's just rated M. And for a game

as timeless and simple and fun for the whole family as Jax, why can't we bring a little bit more of that to the party? It's none of those things, Darren. It's absolutely none of those things. Tristan, stay out of it, dude. Honestly, Tristan, I'm on your side, but, like, shut the fuck up, man. But, Alex, have you ever even tried?

I feel like every time I bring it up, you're like, no, let's just, like, let's just drive around in GTA or make a sim and drown it. Like, you're such a violent kid. I'm not, like, trying to be violent. It's just, like, they're fun games. Like, I would never do any of that shit in real life, obviously. Well, are you sure alex because like you do seem to have some kind of a temper like you just snapped at me for no reason well it wasn't for no reason just yeah it wasn't for no reason like i don't i don't like alex very

much but like that wasn't for no reason and i just think that like you're really hanging your head like you're really banking on this jacks thing and i there's no way it's about that there's no way because like we play these games you have don't you have fun when we play video games i put on a good face and that's why i was cast as lumiere in beauty and the beast because i'm a really talented actor you were cast in lumiere because you had it in with the director i had a much better read tristan you didn't i was there for the audition it was actually really bad man it was really flat that's not even true. Yeah, sure. I have, like, the director and I, like, get lunch outside of school sometimes, like, talk about... Be our guest. Be our guest.

Put our service to the test. Tie your napkin around your neck, Sherry, and we'll provide the rest. Right? That's pretty good. Alex, all I'm saying is that I think sleepover should be a democracy and not a dictatorship. They are. There's three of us. Both of us want to play video games. That's democracy. That's a democracy and not a dictatorship. They are. There's three of us. Both of us want to play video games.

That's democracy. That's a two thirds rule majority. I want to play Jax. You can play Jax on your own. Like that is a game that you can have one player at where you just try to beat your own record. You can do that. I obviously would rather you be playing with me, Darren,

but Tristan and I can play. What is that supposed to mean? You know, I was being mean. Yes. Like, there's no... Forget it. Like, obviously, like, Alex is a mean kid. And, like, that was, like, targetedly mean to you.

But it was well deserved. No, like, what is that supposed to mean? What is what supposed to mean? Which part? And now you're hurting my feelings, Sharon tristan here's the thing right it's yes yeah are we bullying you yes yes yes did yes yes is it not without cause no no so you know that it's like there's a reason no like i get it i just like it hurts of course well that's the point of bullying is that it's supposed to make us feel better because

it makes you feel bad. And so honestly, now that like, I know that Alex thinks I'm a dumb little baby boy for wanting to play Jax instead of like lighting a house on fire with a Sim inside. Like, I want to let out some of my anger on you. That just doesn't seem fair. No, it's fair, Tristan. No, it's so fair, Tristan. Because like, the thing is,

we hang out with you mostly out of pity, and you're kind of like a free agent, and we wanted a trio, right? So everyone else had their trios or their groups. In every movie, like every TV show, it's always a trio. Exactly. So we're that cartoon trio, and you're kind of like the Donnie. You're the Donnie and the Big Lebowski trio.

So we'll do it like, shut the fuck up, Tristan. And you're Donnie and the Wild Thornberries. Yeah, and you're like Donnie Hathaway, but after he died. So he's kind of a misst anybody, music-wise. And you're Donnie and like the wild thorn berries. And you're like Donnie Hathaway, but like after he died. So like he's kind of a biggest anybody music wise. Are you making fun of my singing voice? Not in this moment. We were a little bit ago.

Like, so yes, but not right now. But yes. Name a song. I'll sing it really good. No, no, no, no. We don't want you to sing because you're not good at it. We're making fun of you because of your voice. It's a new day.

It's a new life for tristan so you're giving us more ammunition to make fun of you yeah that was horrible when you're when you go up and go to the bathroom we're gonna laugh about what you just did because it was really bad we don't have to wait we can do it before he goes to the bathroom that was so bad oh that's so bad who wants to play Jax and laugh at Tristan? I don't want to play Jax still. Come on, dude. There's factionism in this fucking trio. You and I don't like Tristan. I don't like Jax.

And guess what? Nobody has anything bad to say about me. I don't know if you've been listening, Alex, but I've been talking about how I think you have some masochistic tendencies popping up at a young age, and you really might want to take a look at it as you move forward because you can be a really violent kid.

Yeah, Alex. You're gonna want to really change yourself. Yeah. You're gonna want to find a healthy outlet like Jax. All you need to do in this game is bounce the ball and pick up the Jax with your hand. I am gonna turn on you for that one, Darren. He doesn't want to play Jax. That's not the outlet that he should kind of shift to. You know what I mean? the ball and picked up the jacks with your hand i am gonna turn on you for that one darren he

doesn't want to play jacks that's not the outlet that he should kind of shift to you know what i mean yeah i'm gonna have to actually side with tristan on this one in terms of like tristan are you kidding i don't like it any more than you do but i just like i hate jacks and so does he maybe we shouldn't hang out it seems like we all hate each other i think we all like alec if he wasn't so violent i think you guys are mean to me on a consistent basis. I think you suck for liking Jax regardless of whether we get along or not. And I think that

I am going to talk to the director because this is fucking ridiculous. He starts walking out. I'm going to talk to the fucking director. I throw the Jax on the floor. Well, that was actually really good. That was really, that was a solid. I didn't know you had that range. Yeah, that was actually really good. That was really, that was a solid. I didn't know you had that range. Yeah, that was like really good.

Do it again. I throw more on the floor. I purposely step on a ton of jacks. I'm weeping. Tristan, that was beautiful, man. That was beautiful. I guess it's like Ratatouille. How so? How is it like Ratatouille. How so?

How is it like Ratatouille? Like in Ratatouille, basically there's this little rat. I don't know if you've seen it, but basically a rat plays his hair and then teaches him how to cook. So for me, I can sing, but I just need the jacks on my feet. Jacks on my feet. Jacks, jacks on my feet. Get out, Tristan.

You're fucking weird. Jacks on my feet. Jacks, Jacks on my feet. Jacks, Jacks on my feet. This is five stars from Smart. You want to give Smart a last name? Because that is their first name. Ass. Smart Ass.

Five stars. My mom has played Jacks for some 60 years. I bought here these for Christmas. And she loved them and said they had a great feel. Mom, it's 3am. What are you doing in the kitchen with the lights on? Your father gave me this bottle of wine

and I almost don't want to drink it because it just feels so good in my hand. That's okay, Mom. You could drink it tonight or tomorrow. She's holding it and resting it in her hand hand bobbing it up and down feeling the weight mom just come back up to bed i'll help you get back up to bed like it's a pinot which is like obviously my favorite kind of red but like i just don't even want to uncork it because it feels so good in my hand should i get dad should i wake up dad no i don't like your father you shouldn't even be um you shouldn't even be up it's 3 a.m on a tuesday yeah but i don't like your father. You shouldn't even be up. You shouldn't even be up. It's 3 a.m. on a Tuesday.

Yeah, but I don't have work until 7 tomorrow. Dad! Dad! What? Yeah, hi, I'm up. Mom's holding the wine, and she won't go up to bed. Honey, it's Tuesday. Let's not drink it right now.

No, I'm not drinking it. I'm feeling it. What? What? I'm feeling the wine in my hand, and it feels really good to have it in my hand like that. Mom, I feel really uncomfortable. Cut to her voting.

No, no, no. Like, I haven't put in the dots just yet, because this little blotter thing. Yes. I know what to do with it, but I just, it can't help but feel really good in my hand. Ma'am, we do have a lot of people to get through today. We have a lot of lines down a few blocks.

And so we really kind of need you to move quickly. Or if you have any questions about the candidates. No, I almost don't want to vote. Because then that means that I have to stop holding this. And it feels really good in my hand. Well, we'd love if you vote. That is your right to vote. So we'd love you to exercise your right.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Okay. We are going to need to move you out pretty quickly. So we do need you to complete in the next 30 seconds. If I don't vote right now, I can get back in line and come back, right? Today is the last day to vote. So you will need.

And the polls close in about 30 minutes. Because I got about five minutes with this. And so if I like put it down right now and I don't fill out this ballot, I can get back in line and vote again because like I haven't voted yet and you can only vote once but i can have it for another five minutes probably i can't believe i'm saying this but you shouldn't vote i do believe everyone should exercise their uh right to vote but i actually think that you should not be allowed to vote. Because I was going to write in Ralph Nader. Right. Give me. Sorry.

Give me that. Give me that. Hold it. Oh, damn it. Please leave. I know. And the person who she was going to vote for loses by one vote. She could have changed history.

This is un-fucking-believable. But yeah, 2024, Ralph Nader lost by one. I think he's dead. All he needed was one, I guess. It's not even a popular vote. But if somebody in this district, one person had to vote in this district, it would have changed the entire fucking thing. She's at home watching the news, holding the wine.

Breaking news, Santa has a new voice. How do you like this? Stop. You guys suck. Slams the camera down. This shook me all week long.iel and my anniversary is at the end of the month and for our anniversary we always do a trip together like instead of getting each other

a gift or something we will like have an experience together um and so we've done like little road trips for the past two years um and this year we're going to do something of the same nature um but we are going to go or at least our plan right now um is to go to meow wolf um and we haven't picked do you know what meow wolf is okay so meow so there's right now they have two locations they have a couple pop of pop-ups. They're flagship. It's like an immersive. Oh, is this in Sedona? No, there's one in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Santa Fe is what I meant to say, yeah.

And it's like out of an abandoned bowling alley that they made it into this insane, incredible, just like, look it up. Like it's unbelievable. Yeah. And then they have one in Vegas. Which one are you going to? That was just opened.

We haven't decided yet. We're thinking about like the pros and cons because it's like because we're going to drive to either place and the pro about the one in Santa Fe is that it's like

I've never been to Santa Fe I really like to go there's like a lot of other cool museums there things to do the con of that is that it's like it'd be a two day drive

we'd probably like it's like a 14 hour drive we'd probably stay one night in our first anniversary we went to Sedona and so we probably stay one night in um our first anniversary we went to sedona and so we probably said sedona uh probably not because it's like we like a road trip um but then the pro of las vegas is that it's so close we could get there four hours that day yeah the con is that it's las vegas and so it's like there isn't like we wouldn't want to stay and like do we're like do anything there really we'd want to you know that would be like

okay we're going there to go to meow wolf and then go home versus santa fe you would explore yeah yeah i think you should do santa fe it's awesome do you think anybody's ever read beowulf while listening to Geowolf at Meow Wolf? I don't know why, but I feel like you should go back to school. I read a lot. Just to give you something to do. Not even because of that. Just to give you a hobby do no not even because of that just to like give you a hobby

instead of like saying shit like that like i feel like you should like go to grad school for that yeah it's just it's just hard because like i didn't try in undergrad so like my gpa was like a three five or something bad what shook you jeffrey i'm gonna get a bike so my relationship with bikes have been fraught basically insane thing to say I had a I had a bike in college and it was stolen from my yard I watched them steal it from my bedroom window and I was like hey hey stop and then they looked up and

saw me and then scuttled away and biked one of them already had a bike so I guess they just wanted a bike buddy. But I was like, all right, you fucking asshole. It was too small for me, though. That was a Craigslist fine. And then I got another Craigslist fine, and that bike was just fully broken, and I made it work for a while. And then I think I was just telling somebody this story, but on my way back home one time, back when I was living in Los Feliz, I saw an unhoused person riding my bike away from my house as I drove towards my house. And that was a little scary because the bike was like on our back deck.

So I guess, yeah, both bikes I've owned in my life have been stolen from my yard. So hopefully that doesn't happen this time. And maybe I'll just keep it inside this time. And you think locks are for suckers. I think that if it's in your yard, you don't need a lock. And that's my fatal flaw. If you love something, set it free. And if it returns, then it was always yours.

Absolutely. And I also think like- So those two bikes weren't yours. Locks are pussy shit. Like I've always. Absolutely. And I also think like- So those two bikes weren't yours. Locks are pussy shit. Like I've always said that. And I'm not about that. I'm like, I'm about that life. You know what I mean?

You're not about that life? No, I'm about that life. I'm about that life where I'm like, try me. You know what I mean? Okay. Yeah. Oh, try me a river. As you're in a fight.

Try me a river. What'd you say? Suck you. Oh, gotta be square. You can follow Riley on Instagram, at Riley Answell, on Twitter, at Riley Coyote, and the show on Instagram,

at Review Review. You can follow Jeff on Instagram, at Jeffrey James, on Twitter, at Jeff Boyardee. Big thank you to Aaron Carrico. Adam Shea. Agent Michael Scarn. Ako.

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monster. If you also want access to tons of bonus content, good and otherwise, patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. If not, we'll see you guys again next week. We'll see you on Friday, actually, with a bonus episode on the day. Arrivederci. Switched it up on me. That was a Hiddem original.