Review Revue - J.Crew

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

On this episode of Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly go on reality television, follow in their father's footsteps, and buy shoes for a wedding. This and more while reading reviews on J.CREW.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm done. What? Black bean burger on a bed of rice. Why would you invest in jukeboxes to begin with? I've grabbed. What? I need to go to the war. I just got on the phone with the head of urology at Cedars-Sinai. He told me. The itching I'm experiencing is most likely due to poor hygiene.

I'm just going pain because of that. Get tested. I'm going to get you in the hospital to get rid of your ass, girl. The last thing that you just said to me is that if you had to review me, it would be one star, and that the majority of it would be talking about my teapot figure. Tale as old as teapot figure. That was harrowing. That was the beginning of like,

it sounded like the beginning of a Netflix murder doc. Like, these are the last clips you have of us and it's you talking about going to a urologist. I just got off the phone with the head of urology at Cedars-Sinai. It was great lo-fi. No, you didn't. But I couldn't help but feel like I couldn't really get into the groove because Jeff was talking about ass crabs.

But it was like a wonderful groove. Jeff and I were vibing. I went somewhere for sure. You did. That came in from Trevor. He wants to shout out his electronic project, Oh No. And also his psychedelic band, King Turtle that name that was really wonderful i think what would make it even better is um taking out all of jeff's dialogue um

even the part about me yeah having crabs it's especially that for you on any project you work on this is all great this is all great my only no and it's just it's like i think it's a really easy no we could even implement this uh this afternoon just take out all of Jeff's material and i feel like it'll streamline it a lot more um it'll make things a lot clearer yeah and that's like the rest of it love luck can't get enough of can we split the difference can we compromise maybe just take half of it out oh because i worked really hard i tried that like honestly like i was looking through and i'm like what if we just only did a little bit but then it was like the more i took out the better it got if that makes sense so it was a correlative directly. Hi, Jeffy!

It's morning for me. And it's afternoon for thee. And I'm not drinking tea. I'm drinking coffee. Nice. Light roast then. Extra caffeine today, I guess. Medium.

The only coffee i drink is pete's cafe domingo medium roast okay why does everybody in like native to la love pizza i feel like it's bad to drink i love pete's pizza is my favorite coffee in la and it was really gratifying to me when i go visit Chicago because Daniel's parents, they turned me on to this specific blend. They also love Pete's and they live in Chicago. But isn't it kind of just like caribou coffee? I've never had caribou coffee. I feel like it's one of those like medium chains. The thing is, I'm not like a coffee, like not snob, but it's just like, I don't know a lot about coffee. So it's like some people are like, oh, this blends really nice. This but like this kind of bean, I just like i don't know a lot about coffee so it's like some people are like oh this blends really nice this but like this kind of bean i just like i'll find whatever one i like and then that's what i have and so but what i do know is that like the flavors that i

look for in a coffee it's like i really don't like when it tastes like tangy or fruity or bright oh i love that yeah and i think it's like that's a lot of cold brew it's a lot of la like high-end coffee and i that is not for me you want the burnt roast not a burnt roast but it's a lot of la like high-end coffee and i that is not for me you want the burnt roast not a burnt roast but it's like but the the flavor profile of this it's like it's like medium nut and chocolate forward um which i really like i don't like a fruity light coffee i think that's disgusting to me to have to drink holy shit how are you what did you do this morning what did you do okay when it was 10 16 a.m eastern time which is that it's 10 16 a.m pacific time at the time of recording what were you doing three hours ago because you're in the future you're in the future

what were you doing at this time i'm not in the future i'm in the exact same moment as you um but i can't i'd rather not say because I'm going to have to give evidence. What? I was looking through because I woke up at 930. So I was probably looking through my sleep talking app. I don't want to hear. And no one who listens to this podcast wants to hear any. It's that one was so gentle it hurt

No dude Just one more No I hate this If this makes me want to crawl out of my own body It's normal It's not A me want to crawl out of my own body. It's normal. It's not. A lot of people have sleep.

A lot of people sleep. Yes. But not everyone moans in their sleep. I'm not going to be lambasted for my. And you do it so consistently, which is wild. It was like one day you were like, oh my God, this is crazy. This happened at night. But now it's like every night.

I literally said I was texting like a group chat last night and i was like i hope everybody moans in their sleep tonight or something because we were talking about like a sleep app and uh i did i'm awaiting response because i sent those to them i hope every everybody that's also a normal text. That's a normal text to send and get. And you asked, by the way. Let me ask you what you're going to be doing at 1 p.m. At 1 p.m., I'm going to be getting... In exactly two hours, I'm going to be at a salon.

Actually, yeah, two hours from now is when my appointment is. Getting my hair colored. I'm back. We did a Q&A yesterday. And I'm like, I'm getting my hair colored.'m back we did a q a yesterday and i'm like i'm getting my hair colored and uh a co one of our favorite patrons yeah we have a list don't rank our patrons um a co was like oh my god what color and i showed photos i'm like i kind of just want to get like auburny like coffer low lights and like golden highlights and she was like so the

same thing you got last but I really should I get highlights or do you think that would be bad for my look I think it would not work I think you should dye your hair lavender

you think even like a little bit of like surfers highlights no I think because your hair is so dark that it would look artificial

artificial okay well all due respect you're not a colorist i never said i'm gonna call up the guy we worked with at company three you're gonna talk to a film colorist about what color you should do your hair he knows color better than anyone you're like i have a coloring session today you show up at that production house and you're just like all right um you're the master i leave it to you put the dome over my head how did you get that in here it's company three they have a ton of money speaking of colors speaking of pastels or not, speaking of... I don't think so.

Trends, speaking... You shuddered. Trends. What about Shudder Island? Everyone just feels a chill. Whenever... I have a friend who, whenever she gets

a chill that runs through her she goes oh rabbit ran over my grave and i like that and i like when she says that i like that too emily if you're listening to the pod which you definitely aren't and that's fine stop crunching into the mic just kidding it was satisfying i know a lot of people probably won't like it i enjoyed it um listen no now that's terrible really i don't know what it sounds like it's like oh yeah um sorry for all the mouth sounds j crew j crew j crew jeff talk about it speak on it speak on j crew this is we're gonna open the space up I'm not gonna speak on it I'm not gonna preach

I did used to shop at J.Crew a lot until I dropped because they have good basics I don't know what else to say did you shop there when you lived in Ohio? yeah there wasn't much option in terms of plain tees. It was mostly graphic Cleveland Browns, Indians, and Cavs shirts.

That's what people wore. As I was looking up J.Crew, I wondered. I thought that in high school you had been a J.Crew boy. I was a J.Crew head also because my high school had a uniform that was just an Oxford button down in khaki slacks. The J.Crew uniform? Slackies, really. I don a J.Crew head also because my high school had a uniform that was just an Oxford button down in khaki slacks. The J.Crew uniform? Slackies, really. I don't know.

Truly. So that's where I got my school clothes, which is really all I wore. Because on the weekends I was so burnt out that I would lounge. That's insane that you went and got your uniform at J.Crew. That it wasn't like, here's the school uniform. Like, you have to get it through the school that is to get your own stuff but under guidelines crazy it was my high school was awful i would never send my kids there and i would assure everyone else yeah not to send your kids

to either of our high schools yeah let's check in withck, actually. I know he can't respond to us live, but I wonder if he might send his son to my alma mater. Really? Yeah. Okay, okay. Well, you know what? What about you? How about that? J. Crew, I had a phase, like, the end of my senior year of high school going into freshman year of college where i was like really about that life um because i knew that i was going to school in boston i'm like i'm gonna be i'm gonna be preppy like that's gonna be my new thing and so your whole new thing um so i actually i got some basics from j crew but like not much um it honestly, and I hate to say this, but I got like one article of clothing

from Vineyard Vines and it became my entire personality and you hate to see it and you hate to say it. I hate to say it. But Elizabeth Valenti, friend of the pod, she left for work,

but I told her this morning that we were doing J.Crew because Elizabeth worked at a J.Crew in Boston and I got some reviews from the one that she worked at and I visited her this morning that we were doing J.Crew because Elizabeth worked at a J.Crew in Boston and I got some reviews from the one that she worked at and I visited her at work and she's like you can drag them for me she's like they're very Republican

I'll say it yeah yeah so that's the vibe to me it's like they have good basics they have good like business cash basics but my god like the vibe feels scary and sour um so yeah um but it's like the god i remember she just came back with like harrowing tales of working at the j crew that she worked also in boston yeah in like one of the big malls in Copley, if anyone knows that.

Did you ever cop anything at Copley? In Copley, no. I was more of a Prudential Center bitch. The one in New Jersey where the Nets used to play? Yeah, not the one in Boston where I lived. Most of my clothes were bought on the way to New York off the train. It was New Jersey Nets jerseys. When I would take the train to New York from Boston, I would get off in New Jersey to get my clothes and then I would get back on. And they were all just

New Jersey Nets merch. Yeah. But oh my god she worked like holidays at J.Crew and then she would like, I want to get her on at some point to talk about this. But it's like she would get up early as hell. For Dunkin Donuts 3. Working and then go to class and our classes are like 8 a.m. And she had either just like been up all night like restock. It was a nightmare.

She's a superhuman. Jeff, do you want to kick us off? This is a review. Sorry. It kind of is. In a way. Five stars. This is of the J. Crew at 30 Rockefeller Plaza.

Oh, like the show. New York, New York. Like the famous building that the show is named after. It's not Chicken or the Egg, because the building was famous, and then they a show well it's like i will the building became famous after they made the show incorrect oh they did they base that off of the show is it like a pop-up the show is based on saturday night live um which you know is headquartered at nbc's studios in new york which is at 30 rockefeller plaza one of the most famous buildings in the world so it is like a long-term pop-up. You're not getting it.

I knew from the way you started the sentence. No, I get it. It's just not what you said it is. It's exactly what I've been saying. My story's been consistent. You're floundering, I feel. Five stars of that, J. Crew, at the base of that building.

Five stars, Jessica W. Last name? Wastain. Jessica Wastain name? Wastane. Jessica Wastane. Five stars. Really loved my pre-Black Friday shopping today at the store. This is my go-to store. The salespeople were all so friendly and nice to help out customers.

They even had a coffee stand with fresh-made coffee. An awesome experience. Right, so there's a reason why black friday is when people shop don't do don't like beat the crowds by going the day before because that's before the sale friday yeah 100 that's before the sale so there's no sale and sorry it's like if you go to shopping on Thanksgiving you're missing the sale if the place is even open so it's like you're not even getting the sale you're just getting the stuff and you're like

I beat it you didn't you didn't beat the system at all because it was still busy she said it was even if it's bit the sales people were also friendly and nice to help out customers even it's very busy with many people so you didn't beat the crowd you just didn't get the sale The salespeople were also friendly and nice to help out customers. Even it's very busy with many people.

So you didn't beat the crowd. You just didn't get the sale. You didn't save money. You didn't be the crowd. You didn't do any of the things that you had coffee in a store. Oh, you know what? Did I say, did I make it sound like the coffee was in the store? Cause I actually, I had gotten a coffee earlier is what I meant to say.

Oh. But when I'm, I don't think you're getting it. Dad. Right. No, no, no, no no you're supposed to be proud of me I am proud of you I feel like you know you just finished your last semester of law school and that's amazing um yeah but you always taught me to be smart with money and I'm telling you that I was I was smart with shopping right and you're not proud of me for that listen Christmas is coming. I know we're all a little stressed. I know that we're all trying to figure out who to get what when. I'm not stressed.

And so I really appreciate you going there. But you can return that stuff. It's like if it was breaking the bank, you don't have to get. I know J.Crew is not a cheap store. So you can go return. That's why I went before Black Friday. Right. You went before Black Friday.

Right. And you texted me photos of you in the store saying, I'm swimming in a sea of others. And it looked like it was just, it was like a pack of sardines. It was packed, so you didn't beat the crowds. Is something going on, Buster? There's a lot. There's like three things that are going on, and I want to tell you them in succession.

Well, your mom's not going to be home for a couple hours, so it's just you and the big man if you want to talk. Come here, let's go sit by the fire. Number one. We're getting right to it. The weirdest part about law school is that they had a dress code. So now that I'm about to finish it, I feel like I don't know how to be. They had a dress code at college? At grad school? At grad school? Yeah. I didn't know that columbia had a uniform they fucking do and it's weird i'm so sad what did they make you wear like i mean it must have just been like normal you know like i don't know like biz maybe it wasn't necessarily uniform as

much as it was just like hey we we really suggest you wear business casual to class afraid not i had to dress like Criss Angel, mind freak. You had to? Yeah, it's like, first it started off as hazing, I feel like. Like the upperclassmen, which there's only, it's a two-year program. Environmental law had hazing? All black, like Criss Angel, mind freak freak so that people would know that i was like you don't have to say mind freak at the end i know who chris angel is and then the second year like

those people weren't still there to be like hey you should kind of dress like chris angel mind freak again but i didn't want to get in trouble you always taught me to follow the rules dad yeah i mean follow the rules you know like be a black slack. Black slacks. Black button down black jacket. Hair covering one side of my face. Spreading my hands like this. That's not a uniform that's just how you act. With a bunch of rings yeah. So that's number one. I don't know how to dress anymore. And so what led you to J.Crew? Getting gifts for the family. And getting the sale. You didn't get the sale look at the receipt look at this do you see anywhere it's expensive it's so expensive there's nothing on here that

said it was marked off you went before you went three weeks before black friday they're not gonna have any sales then the premium is for the space to walk around and to browse without feeling like people are breathing down your neck. And I couldn't even have that. That brings me to number two. Others. Just generally? They bother me. Okay, so you're an introvert.

You always have been. That's not new. And so then why would you go out of your way to go into the busiest time of the year shopping wise in a throng of people i'm scared right all right yes because what am i gonna do in a courtroom working on environmental law all black head to toe like chris angel mind you don't have to wear scared of the crowd in the pews the gallery i don't know what do you call? They're all wooden benches. You went to law school and you don't know the terminology for a courtroom? I'm not an architect. And I never was going to be an architect.

Much to your dismay, I'm sure. That's fine with me. I'm not an architect either. I had to go follow my dream and be an environmental lawyer. I know you're disappointed in me. I'm not disappointed in you. Look, Buster, clearly you have a lot going on. And if there's anything i can

help you take off your plate if you want me to return the clothes to j crew for you that's fine i can go do that i'm fine with crowds i can take them back today just let me number three number three and this one i'm really regretful of pulls his bottom lip down bottom lip tattoo it says send him to jail what the hell is that i know it doesn't make any sense i was drunk in miami on spring break with the second years all of us dressed head to toe like chris angel mind freak and we told the tattoo artist said give us whatever you want and we're all lawyers and i don't think he understood law because my goal is not to send people to jail i'm not a prosecutor i'm an environmental lawyer so i'm going up against corporations there'll be no one to go to jail it's just to change their policy their corporate policy in the courtroom against like big oil and your honor that's why

exxon has had a repeated serial history of oil spills in the Gulf Ocean. Honestly, I think, and I never thought I would do this, but because the CEO might serve time, pulls his lip down. Send him to jail. The entire court gasps.

Oh, order! Order! Bang the gavel. Order in the court! Order in the court! This crowd's starting to get a little riled up. I'm a little worried. As he says this crowd, he kind of gestures out with his palm facing upward, pinky rings all over his hands. Everyone's suddenly like a little bit more calm and they're watching like, oh, what? No, sorry.

Order in the court. Mr. LaFonte, you need to sit down. I'm sorry your time is up. This is, I've never seen. My time is up? Yes. i've never my time is up yes snaps disappears in a plume of smoke that can't be good for the environment goes back to his chair it isn't sorry you said you went to columbia law school i went to columbia college of chicago okay that makes a lot more get. Get out of my court.

Thank you. Thank you for your time. Thank you. I went to Columbia School in Chicago. A way worse school. Lying to your family. Yeah, I went to Columbia. Sure.

I went to a Columbia. In Columbia University in Chicago. I mean, in New York. I went to Columbia. You. I went to a Columbia. Columbia University in Chicago. I mean in New York. I went to Columbia. You went to the country Columbia. I went to the country on vacation. And you haven't pursued higher education? Not a bit. Should we take a quick break and be back with some... Just a tiny one. Just a little itty bitty one.

Don't worry about it. And we're back. That was so tiny. That was so tiny, like me. I'm just like so, I'm a waif girl. I'm like so itty bitty. If you sneeze, I'll fly away. Right, so you're under investigation for the murder of your husband.

I couldn't possibly lift a knife. The knife's bigger than me. I'm so small. Okay. Covered in blood. I could never. I'm just a little baby. I've never done this,

but I'm gonna arrest you without probable cause. I'm holding a little baby. I've never done this, but I'm going to arrest you without probable cause. I'm holding one of his arms. No. Like, that's not technically probable. I think it is. I don't know. I'm going to risk my career on this because you definitely did it. I couldn't.

I'm just a little fairy waif baby. Okay, this is for the J. Crew in Copley in Boston. This is the one where Elizabeth Valenti herself worked at. It's a review complaining about her. When I told her, I'm like, I have one for Copley. And she's like, is it about me? I'm like, afraid not. The clerk shoved me.

And she said, boom, boom, bye. And she pushed me out of the store. She hit me in both eyes. Boom, boom, eyes. And then poked me in the eyes. Which was surprising. I said, had you ever seen The Three Stooges? And she said, who?

Okay, this is from Danielle A. Danielle Arms. Danielle Arms. Because where else are you going to get clothing for your arms? The right to bear Danielle's arms. That's good. Second Amendment.

We've all just been misreading it. Sorry. We just got to scratch something. It was right to bear Danielle's arms. Oh. Oh, okay. We're figuring this out so late she's gone we don't know who she was two stars from danielle arms does it at all matter if i give a bad review to this place no it doesn't but this place sure does stink i've had to come back a few times due

to quality issues on an expensive item that I purchased here last month. To make a long story short, if only because a bad review of this location won't affect any person at any time in any location in any way, the people who work here are rude and think they work on a reality show. Today, I had four employees go out of their way to ignore me, and I clearly needed help. And though it's close to Christmas, it certainly was not a madhouse or a zoo or anything. It looked pretty normal on 1145 on a weekday. I made eye contact with two employees clearly needing help to get my item that they'd prepared for me for the second time in a month because it was poorly constructed. And they were talking to one another about what they did the day before, what they were going to do after work, and they clearly had no interest in helping me or any of the other customers.

So just go ahead and ignore this review and continue to shop or not shop here as you did prior to reading this review. That was a lot, Elizabeth, for sure, right? No way it wasn't. The employees thinking they're on a reality show. And not even a competition one, one with like no plot, just like talking heads being like.

And so that's when I had to tell Christy that like I was not to be messed with anymore. Like, yeah, I'm not the general manager, but I could be. And like, she needs to know who's boss. Right. I was just asking if you have these shoes in an 11. Oh my God.

You know who's acting like an 11 year old is Christy. This is up here all in my face and i'm just honestly like trying to live my life like can you even believe that that what yeah you you'd know you you'd know if you met her christy she's the general manager is she even here today um she said that she had some personal business to take care of cut to her taking care of personal business she's just like out of dry cleaner and oh my god you wouldn't believe this fucker really i know i'm not supposed to swear on this but like she thinks that she has what it takes to be a general manager above me i'm like there's a reason why i'm the general manager swear on this what's this sorry um the the total is gonna be 75 uh 79 for the day cut back so it's

like if she wants me to bring the drama i can definitely bring the drama but she has to know that it's like i actually i don't like messy girls i don't like getting into the drama but i will literally do it if she's the one who's gonna bring it into the space today okay because the shoes are for a funeral and i was just wondering if i could get them again in 11. Maybe also bring in 11 and a half, because sometimes it depends. Listen, like, I can do both. And that's the thing. Like, I feel like Christy doesn't actually give me the time of day to realize that, like, I have what it takes. I have what it takes.

Let me get those shoes for you. Cut back to the dry cleaners. And she doesn't have what it takes. She doesn't have what it takes to do what I do. She doesn't know what I do, because I don't brag about what I do. A lot of what I do goes unnoticed, the way aren't you the general manager so i think she does know what you do if you're managing her no shit because there's so much more to it and you're not fucking getting it actually hey she kind of reacts as if there would be music that's like hey come on that's enough cussing in the store for one day. I'm just trying to help and listen.

Okay. Okay. Imagine the sting like... Okay. I see what it is. But I'm going to be back. Well, yeah, you got to pick up your clothes. They'll be ready in two to three business days.

That's not the only reason why I'm going to be back. Oh. Well, if you forget something here, then I can give it to you when you come back. Are you in a relationship? I've been married for 43 years. I'm going to fuck your spouse.

What? I'm going to fuck your spouse. Come back. I'm like, I'm putting the shoes on this guy's feet to try. You don't have to do it for me. This is so weird.

She wants to fuck everybody. Like literally anything that moves. And it's fine. It's like, I'm all about like, do what you want to do. But it's like, she tried to fuck my dad. Like she didn't say it, but it's like, I could see her giving him the eyes. And like, it was just so inappropriate. Like, I honestly, like, I'm so done with her.

Like the minute I see her I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind she walks in they both hear the same music in their head like are you guys gonna say anything they're just kind of you're just kind of both staring at each other

um does the eleven and a half fit or would you prefer the eleven um or do you want the eleven with an insole to kind of both staring at each other um does the 11 and a half fit or would you prefer the 11 um or do you want the 11 with an insole to kind of split the difference the 11's fine the 11's fine okay your entire disposition's changed um i if you want to bring that up to the front i can bring you up there um you were just talking a bunch of shit about we also have a two-for-one sale going on so if you want to get two ties for the price of one we do have that going on as part of our holiday sale um it's pre-black friday so the sale is not going to be great but it is going to be a little bit less than you would have gotten um otherwise why are you so small now i'm not small i'm not i'm i'm huge man

you were yelling i have like a bde like everyone says it brought me no you don't sorry she's coming this way sorry it's just like just just be yeah and how are you finding everything uh yeah everything's fine um i feel like you guys might have a little bit of things to talk about what like sarah yeah christy why would he say that um i don't know he's being fucking crazy the music comes in again he's being fucking crazy like literally you know me I'm not a drama girl I'm not one of those drama girls and he's bringing the drama for no reason

I did nothing I swear to god I don't know where you're just you so would say that it's 100% something you would say bitch that's what I've been saying the whole time is that ring for fashion or are you married?

I'm married, but newly. I just got back from my honeymoon and then my wife's dad died so that's why I need to choose. I'm gonna fuck your wife. I'm gonna fuck your wife. Where's the funeral? Music comes in. For some reason he can hear it now. What the fuck?

Credits roll. All right, should we do one more review? Yeah, fuck it. Why not? I've got one, but if you really like yours. Okay. This is five stars from Mikwan L, also for the J. Crew at 30 Rock. Mikwan Legs. Mikwan Legs. And Danielle Arndt. Five stars. crew at 30 rock mcquon legs mcquon legs five stars

graylin the assistant manager was great very attentive good judgment that's not why you should go to j crew is for like a mage and it's just like some high schooler with like a part-time job you always know the right thing to say graylin oh you're so wise that's really nice um here's the receipt in case you want to come back and exchange it if it's too small or too big and i i have a feeling graylin that i'll be back but not to get a new shirt okay we have a sale for pants going on as well because you help me get the right fit

and you always do that for me oh thank you that's so nice come again soon good to see you when you I don't know if I ever

told you this Graylin I'm already helping another customer okay and that'll be $27.85 but um yep when I wasn't sure

what to do with my with my dad put the card in chip up chip up yeah chip up. Yeah, there you go. You really helped me out by saying it was all going to be okay. You said something to that effect.

And, um, we ended up not even visiting him in the hospital. Do you want a receipt? Do you want it emailed or printed? Because. Emailed? That's okay. I didn't have to see him go through pain. Just put in your email.

And he might still be alive. Just first and last name. But because of you, Graylin, because of you all right i haven't seen my dad and it should be on your way and didn't have to put myself through hell thank you so much i didn't have to figure out different avenues of making sure he's all right someone comes up behind you excuse me sorry man are you in line oh um no's already been helped. I can help you on this side over here. Yeah, I'm not in line. I'm in like a different position.

That's pretty important. A mentee of Graylin. I'm one of Graylin's mentees. Sponsees in a way. You're one of Graylin. He's a really valued customer. I can help you over here. We see Graylin's name tag says Josh.

Graylin. Okay. Graylin. can help you over here we see graylin's name tag says josh graylin okay graylin um did you find everything you were looking for today oh shit yeah i did thank you so much that's you can't hear me man you got my school was gonna fire back you gotta move out of the way dude i have i have like a large oh so you can hear me but gray Graylin can't? Who's Graylin? This is so weird. That's right there. Josh is Graylin. Josh. That's Josh. When you're wise, you get a monk name. Oh.

And so his is Graylin. Oh, that's really nice. I've never had more than one name. I wasn't born with a middle name. My parents thought it was too much. So that's really cool. I like Graylin. Thanks.

All right. Can you just ring up my order, please? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. No. Let's sit in the moment, the gravity of him accepting that name. That was actually really important. Sir, I really appreciate your

patronage here at... Great. You, what's your name in line? Do you interrupt? You had such reverence for Josh. I know you just cut them off. For Graylin. Whatever. What's your name?

What's your name? Adam. All right, Adam, so get the fuck out of here. Right? Whoa, whoa. Because you're not proceeding with reverence. Excuse me. You're actually, to use your own word,

you're not proceeding with reverence and you're being kind of mean. I might have to call my manager if you don't kind of stop what you're doing. You're not the manager? Yeah, call this guy. She's a she. Sexist.

Okay. Sorry. Just got a little fired up there. Excuse me for my temper, my outburst. No, you're always right. Sorry. Christy, we've got a code orange. Code orange in the front.

Why is this man on his knees in front of you josh um he said that i was really wise and i had knowledge beyond my years and even beyond oh so now you're paying strangers how much how much he give you 80 oh graylin didn't give me any money and now you're telling him his name is great that he said that when you're coming for my fucking manager job this fucking teenager i swear to No. I turn to the guy who's in line. I swear to God kids these fucking days.

Gen Z? Think they can be a GM? I don't fucking think so. This is J. Crew. And you gotta wise up. Christy, I promise I'm not trying to do anything. I'm just trying to do my job.

Okay, well I'm adding another part of your job. Okay. Valet driver. Tosses her into the keys to a miata whoa pull my car around front i'm gonna go for a spin um i'm on the clock right now if you leave and i also leave no one's running the store i can do it i feel like i've spent enough time around graylin you've actually you do loiter around here quite a bit would you feel comfortable getting behind the desk for 10-15 minutes

comfortable yeah it'd be a dream fucking come true Graylin can I kiss the ground you're welcome no that's okay thank you though it's a little dirty yeah well not after you walk on it it's actually really dirty after I walk on it

because you don't know where these shoes have been and it's kind of sludgy outside right now. So I've been tracking. You cleanse all. You cleanse all. You cleanse all. You cleanse all. Dude, I'm just trying to buy a suit for my brother's wedding.

I don't know what the hell is going on here. You think Josh is a mage. This woman thinks she's on a reality show. Can I just take my stuff and go? I feel like I should get a discount for what I've experienced here today. Adam, get the fuck out of here. Just take the suit and go

as long as you get out of the fucking store. I don't want a shot clip. How's that for being a manager? He actually needs to pay for his stuff before he leaves. I feel like that's kind of the general rule of thumb when you're working in retail is that someone needs to pay for the items. Then pay, Adam.

What the fuck have you been doing? I've been waiting for you to stop groveling at this teenager's feet. That's what I've been waiting for. Also, Christy. So say that. Right? Christy's talking at a wall right now. I think she thinks that she's getting a bad edit, but she's not on the show.

And she's talking into a mannequin. And if you think that just anyone can get a Miata, you got another thing coming. Fine, I'm just gonna take the suit and I'm gonna go woo, look at me! I'm walking out of the store. Graylin's eyes... The mall security tackles him. Graylin's eyes turn red. Floor starts to

rumble. Holy shit. I knew it. His powers be on this realm. Tips his head back. A beam of light comes out of his mouth it's happening it's happening guy stirs awake

what time is it checks his phone. Ends his sleep app. Looks at it. No. I wonder if I dreamt about anything. No. Horrible. Time to start the day

i did not want that to happen again should we do our last please anything to if you play that fucking moan one more time. This. No. She shook me all week long. No. Why are you this? Just thought I'd be creative for once.

For once. Yeah. I made a collage. For once, yeah. I made a collage. Of? Various vintage ads that I got from Mother of Junk on Driggs and Sixth. What are you feeling right now? Art.

Can I see it? It's not here. It's at my friend's apartment is it like a dream like a dream board or vision i wish so what is you just made a collage for fun that's fun i made art yep that's fun that's great i made a generational piece of art it's fun i don't you don't need to be this maudlin about it it's that's a fun time it's a fun craft to do get some creative energy flowing that's great more than what you're saying what else is it then if it's not just what i'm saying it's worth a lot of money what you made is worth a lot of money yeah it's four thousand dollars for the collage four thousand dollars i

think somebody just appraise your own collage that you made four thousand easy four thousand easy all it is is four grand for this, that's a steal. That's maybe 20. You don't know art. You don't know art. You don't know art. No, I do think it's worth probably $500. What prompted you? Just like, oh, fun craft.

Because it's good. Because it's fucking good, actually, is why it's worth that much. No, I mean what prompted you to make it. Oh. Because it's good. Creative ruts. Why don't you get the creative creative butts that's interesting now that's interesting what's what's shaking you i'm a bookworm and you read one book you haven't even finished it ever um i am I'm a bookworm.

I am three quarters of the way through red, white, and royal blue. And it took me. I know that it blew up on BookTok. I saw a bunch of people I know reading it. It's a beach read. It is a romp. It is. Sorry.

It's a romp. It is bubblegum, bubblegum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish? I wish to read this book every day. It is just fun. It's also very spicy. Lot of sex. Lot of sex.

Yeah. And it's really, it's just, it's, my friend Dylan described it perfectly, and he's like, it is simultaneously, like like hard to read like in terms of like it's just kind of like making my eyes roll a little bit but also I'm obsessed and I can't put it down and that's exactly how I feel um damn it's a blast I'm I I am just flying through it um and I'm gonna go get my hair color today which will take a couple hours and I know I'm gonna finish it while i'm there that's exciting which is exciting but but i don't want to be done but it's literally like i i think i talked about this on our q a yesterday but i was reading it in the kitchen while eating breakfast the other day

and it's like it's so like it's spicy man and daniel came in while i was reading and like my face was burning and i shot the book so fast like I didn't say it but I might as well been like I'm not doing anything I'm not doing anything you're allowed to have sexual feelings to a book he was like you okay I'm like yeah yeah I'm I I like picked up my phone I'm like just yeah I'm gonna go to my room like that's exactly i'm like oh oh i'll come with you no no you can't because um you can't you cannot okay it's so much fun so if anyone has any other spicy book recs okay i had a crazy revelation let's hear it you can read whatever you want right no i know exactly what you mean i think because it's like sometimes

i'm like oh if i'm gonna if i'm if i'm reading like i should read like a critically acclaimed thing or i should read a classic and but it's like you can read whatever you want you can read anything you can have fun you can read like i love reading and there are some like classics that i love reading and do have fun reading but then i'm just like if i want to read red white and royal blue and binge through that shit i'm gonna read fucking yeah um it is it's so much that i binge all the way through taylor jenkins read taylor jenkins reads work um like seven husbands of evelyn hugo uh malibu rising stuff like that i'm just like oh i can read whatever i want i can read anything. So that's kind of, I know sometimes what shook me gets into the concept of free will

and rediscovering free will a lot. So this time it's about books. That's exciting. Major key alert, you can read whatever you want. Actually. So, and you can read whatever you want actually um so and you can play whatever you want i'm playing a lot of pokemon and because i know i'm gonna finish the book while i'm in the salon i'm also play whatever you want nobody's gonna tell you what to play i'm gonna bring my switch to the salon and so if i finish reading the book while my hair is getting colored i will

start playing pokemon sword i'll boot that shit up i had three no you're you're you're on you're wyoing i had two pokemon evolve last night so it was pretty big night for me free will i'm not gonna apologize major keeler free will with specific regards to my library um oh all right should we thank some VI podcasts? Thank you to underscore Christian side hugs around the shoulder only. Thank you to Agent Michael Skarn, who's undergoing a sexual revolution.

Something's emerged and it's hot and it's bad. Ako is moving in silence. She doesn't want to brag or anything, but honestly, shit's really coming together for her. Haters be gone. She's done nothing. She's not moving in anything. She's not moving at all.

Alex Witt. And now, patron needs no introduction, so moving on. Bob Buell's Holly weird question made me feel, well, Holly. Chuck. Claire penis. Club. Dr. Bob Buell with a PhD in wind jamming. Fancy octopus. Freya. Frito-Pray love. Dr. Bob Buell with a PhD in windjamming. Fancy octopus.

Freya. Frito-prey love. Garf enemy of the pod just learned what cum is. Two words. Epic. Kale D. Soil bringing up the middle. Gray got food poisoning from a Philly cheesecake because he got stoned and wanted food after he got... What did I say?

Cheesecake. Fuck. Gray got food poisoning from a Philly cheesesteak because he got... What did I say? Cheesecake. Fuck. Gray got food poisoning from a Philly cheese steak because he got stoned and wanted food after he got broken up with and lost an ass. Oh, my God.

Also, I love that, like, we... It's so unfortunate for us that in him calling himself gray and making us call him gray, like, he's gray now. Like, he is gray. You did it.

And I hate that you did. Greg Berg. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from hey riddle riddle on the head gum podcast please hot hung wolf i literally only subscribe to force jeff and riley to say trends rights xoxo in a very real sense tr isaac puff it's a good day for connor finn gag M. Biersender for 2024. No fucking way. Because no one's going to take the title away from me other than other people. There you go. Jake Ullman.

Jameson Ponsia imagines a pork so pulled and a salmon so chowdered it can only be smoke and time on Main Island. Jesse Tipton. John Woodman. So it's John Goodman, but he's getting into building birdhouses. And that's how Mo Pete do. It's someone else and you're doing it. JP again. Can the sentence I always lie ever be true?

Oh. Caleb is now 21 and very ready to get absolutely zoinked at the Zardi. He didn't. He didn't. Casper. Lorne Malang. Les Pete. That's really good. That's really funny. Lorne Hunter the Ordained. Maggie. Malik.

Mariska Harga Taylor Swift. Mark Priest. Michael Begel. Moe Pete is saving the Hollywood industry one crafty table at a time. My name is Jeffrey James and I believe that Jackson Hansel is not only... No. Oh my God. No, no, no.

I'm not saying this. I can't. Jackson, God damn it. God damn it. That's so horrible and funny. Nate Fortes was quite literally the first to say, it's a good day to have a Gansett. Nolan Murphy really wishes he could well ask Malik well anything.

Phoebe. Kwok. Robert Fridge. Sarah Kildiff. So what, is this like a job now? You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year? Terms and conditions apply. That's how Moe Pete

do. That's how Moe Pete do. I said it! What's crazy is this was as we turned the page. I don't know how you guys fucking figured this out. None of this was on the first page other than that one tail end.

That's how Moe Pete do. That's how Moe Pete do. That's how Moe Pete do. That's how Moe Pete do. That's how Moe Pete do. That's how Moe Pete do. That's how Moe Pete do. And finally

that's how Moe Pete do. Also so many of your avatars. It's the same photo of him from the last Zardy. That's so funny. Oh my god, wait, sorry, sorry. TJ Michael. Wow, Corned Beef really is our coolest, tallest patron, and I really missed him at the January Zardy.

Tweet.com. Sorry, tweet.com. Tremblyjames.com was TikTok. And Yara Bouchard. That's so funny That was a cyber attack They clearly came up with that after we left the last Zardade That's so fucking funny It was perfect as we turned the last Zardu. That's so fucking funny. It was perfect as we turned the page. What a great

reveal. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. You can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley and Spa on Twitter at Riley Coyote. Oh, you can find Jeff on Instagram at

Jeffrey James on Twitter at Jeff Flaherty. You can find this show on at Jeffrey James On Twitter at JeffPoerty You can find the show on Instagram ReviewReview, Twitter ReviewReviewShow And at Reddit r slash ReviewReview And if you want to be a patron If you want to do how Moe Pete do Patreon.com slash RileyAndJeff

And we might have new Exclusive content Merch On the way And by coming soon we mean we have an officially for exclusive content. Merch. Merch. On the way. Coming soon. And by coming soon, we mean we haven't officially designed it yet,

but we have thought about it and talked about making it. And those are the first steps. Those are always the first steps. A hundred percent. You gotta have the first steps. You can't just have zero to merch. It's like you need to get there.

Exactly right. I know. But we'll see you guys to get there. Exactly right. I know. But we'll see you guys again next week. Arrivederci. That's what we do. That's what we do. All right. Should we thank some VI podcasts?

Oh, God. This is my least favorite part of not only the show, but my week. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's not your fault. I mean, yeah, it kind of is, but also, like, we should be thankful. We should be grateful for them. No, it's just, like, obviously cut all this out. Like, I so don't want them to hear this.

So it's like, whatever you do, don't keep this in. But it's just, like, it sucks. Like, it cut all this out. Like, I so don't want them to hear this. So it's like, whatever you do, don't keep this in. But it's just like, it sucks. Like, it all sucks. I just feared, like, maybe Daniel won't hear this, and then maybe it is. No. Oh my god. No, no, no. He would never do that.

It's just... I feel like you should, at this point, just to, like, show that you're talking ill of people. No, I'm not talking ill of people. I'm talking ill of patrons. Like, they're... That's so much worse. They give us so much money talking ill of people. I'm not talking ill of people. I'm talking ill of patrons. That's so much worse. They give us so much money, especially these people.

$20 a month, that's $120 a year. No, sorry, $240 a year, by the way. That was a Hiddem Original.