Review Revue - Jersey Mike's (w/ Elizabeth Valenti)
Episode Date: October 12, 2021In this episode of Review Revue, Elizabeth Valenti joins Reilly and Geoff while they read reviews about, complain about the weight of, and have a photoshoot with the Juice (JERSEY MIKE'S). ... Follow Reilly and Geoff: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee  Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now.
Let's break it down.
My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame
seed bun, of course.
And don't forget the fries and a drink.
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And participating restaurants for a limited time.
This is a HeadGum Original. There's a podcast program called Review Review.
It's hosted by Jeffrey James and Riley Too.
They'll talk about deodorant, soap that smells like an ex,
margaritaville's And arcades
What will they do next
And can you see
Jeff's wagon
Tonight
As it squeezes
Into courts
At least He's got the Goal Squeezes into corpse at least
He's got the gall or otherwise
To feature on the pod
And can you feel the lift of love tonight
The poster on the roof
Not just a theme
But a way of life
Like a dry-roo-ban-night crew
But a mausoleum
a resting place
final or otherwise
then I went
to Sutherland
with dreams of a wonderful prize
I tried the
nair cream once, twice
three times and counting
I wish I
listened to my instincts so I
could avoid the burning
And can you see
Jeff's wagon
tonight
As it
squeezes into cold
Saturdays
He's got
the gall or otherwise to feature on the pod.
And can you feel the live, um, it's like, can you see Jeff's wagons tonight?
Jeff's wagon tonight squeezing into chords is not like the action and the image of it's like, it's really tough.
That's tough.
That is ideal.
That was moving, that song.
A lot of bars and restaurants, not restaurants, I guess,
but places in LA are requiring vaccination cards.
And so I show them this photo.
And then the photo right next to it is just a photo of my ass.
Oh, Debra.
I have to be so careful not to.
That's Russian roulette with your ass.
Do you guys want to see it?
No.
All right.
But who sent in that song
because that made me cry.
That came in from
Charis and Ron.
It was beautiful.
I mean,
Live, Laugh, Love
is a way of life.
It really is.
It's not just,
you don't just say it,
you live it,
you laugh it,
you love it,
actually.
Yeah, I don't know.
And I think they really got that.
And so,
fuck, I'm like ready now.
I'm ready to do the show.
I'm ready to do the show now.
What is this?
I'm excited.
No, you're not.
What?
You're shaking.
That's excitement.
What else would that be?
It's a manic episode.
No.
Yeah.
This will be a manic episode. What what else Chera said in their email.
What?
Please say hi to friend of the pod, Elizabeth Valenti.
Oh, hi.
Yeah.
Actually, we had more.
The intro is going to be another 10 minutes.
It's going to be a lot longer than that.
Welcome back.
You know, good to be back i like you guys
it's uh yeah no i'm happy to be here happy to be here right right yeah good to be back
you like us i like you guys
i love your asses. No, it's fine. No, this is work for me.
Elizabeth.
Hi.
I was going to say what's up with you, but I literally see you every second of every day.
So, Jeff, do you want to ask her?
Yeah.
Elizabeth, what's up?
Oh, my gosh.
Nothing.
Do you guys feel like even if you're in a cold space you sweat a lot no no all right sure i feel like
i feel like sometimes the colder i am the more i sweat that doesn't sorry that doesn't actually
make any sense you have to go doesn't make sense i'm pretty chill right now like chilled like my hands I'm chilling I'm sweating profusely
you have COVID
that
I'm sorry but that's the move area
that's not normal
and I wonder
I can't help but wonder
if an all pasta diet
is what
is kind of affecting
your
what you're looking at there
is penne sweats
all of the salt
yeah
I think
I think there's things wrong with my body
and I just keep
pushing it off
until something
actually happens
to me
I know
for months
Elizabeth has been like
maybe I should
not only eat
pasta
and then she's like
well I'm not gonna start yet
but I feel like one day
I should maybe stop
uh yeah
in the future
in the future
um
but we're actually
oh wait hold on sorry Jeff what's going on with you
what's new oh yeah what's up
not a lot
I mean if you guys are really curious I'll tell you
no we don't have to know but it's just like
we just thought
we just thought we should be
no but like okay you guys like what's
just give us like a quick
like 15 seconds on your life
I was up last night till 4am why I was with friends Just give us a quick 15 seconds on your life.
I was up last night till 4 a.m.
Why?
I was with friends.
Okay.
Wow.
That's spicy.
You would have loved an invite.
You wouldn't have come.
I would have.
All right.
Next time I'll invite you guys. No, it's fine.
You won't fucking have to because now it's like I know it's fake.
Now it's fake.
Let's do our own thing.
You're yelling at me. We do our own thing. Okay. You're yelling at me.
We do our own thing every night.
That's true.
We watch the Ted Lasso finale.
Fuck.
Siri just engaged and when that happens, it turns all the audio off in your headphones.
I hate Siri on the laptop.
Don't say that.
Don't say that.
I hate Siri on everything. Don't say that.
I mean, I do too, but don't say it.
No, it's rude. We all hate Siri.
We all hate Siri, but we don't talk about it.
But we don't talk about it.
Because she's listening.
She hears us right now.
We're not here to talk about pasta. We're not here to talk
about Jeff excluding Elizabeth
and I from plans. We are here
to talk about something that's bigger than all of us.
We're here to talk about something. Basketball. No, we're
not talking about basketball.
Sorry.
Jeff here is bigger than all of us and he's
like basketball. Gotta be basketball.
We are here to talk about
something that is
kind of a cultural phenomenon. What's that?
It is what
cities are built upon.
Yeah, really.
It's what lives are based around.
Was it built in a day?
Sorry to interrupt.
Was it built in a day?
Yeah.
Probably.
Because I feel like it's almost borderline.
It is Rome.
Of the caliber of Rome, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, Rome wasn't built in a day, but this was.
It's equivalent to Rome.
It's equivalent to Rome.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was so good that it was able to be built in a day, and it also's equivalent to rome it's equivalent yeah yeah and if you couldn't it was
so good that it was able to be built in a day and it also was as and it also was as awesome as rome
which wasn't built in a day exactly and if you couldn't guess by now loach i couldn't i actually
can't believe if you haven't been able to guess what the topic is obvious by now um we are talking
about jersey and give me the juice Give me the juice.
Give me the juice Mike's way.
And of course we could not think of a better guest than Jersey girl herself,
Elizabeth Rose Valenti.
I'm so honored to be parallel to Jersey Mike's.
I feel like if I had any sort of legacy in this world,
it would be,
you know,
Elizabeth Valenti,
Duncan pasta,
Jersey Mike's.
All food, right?
Dunkin' Pasta Jersey
Mike's. Dunkin' Pasta
Jersey Mike's. Dunkin' Pasta
Jersey Mike's.
Elizabeth
experiences, thoughts, loves, losses
with Jersey Mike's.
I hate subs.
What?
What?
Dude, you got to be shitting me with that.
Why did we invite her?
I thought you liked Jersey Mike's.
That's why I thought it'd be awesome.
Well, my mom really likes Jersey Mike's.
Let's get her on.
And there's a Jersey Mike's that actually just got built across from our street and so it's a very popular location um to go and get some lunch but I don't
partake but their cookies are really good oh fuck me I doubt that the cookies are the attraction
I thought it was the juice you know one summer in Boston I actually thought it was the juice You know One summer in Boston I actually lived
I thought it was the juice
You know
Yeah
I wasn't even phased by that
Because I know
Like you know
Everyone talks about the juice
But
One summer
I actually lived across
From a Jersey Mike's
Which was really popular
Huge if true
Yeah
Huge if true
A lot of my friends
Would go there after work
And they would pick up subs
And I would have to
You know Make pasta alone in my room.
But the first, you know, I did, I did go.
I did go a couple of times.
I was like, let me, let me get a feel.
Let me get a feel.
And I was nervous to order from them.
And I, and I would just end up getting a cookie.
Nervous in what way um I think because
uh I mean Riley knows this but I get really nervous and I get really nervous about trying
new foods because I think I'm gonna be deathly allergic to whatever the new item is um right
and so that's what I was worried about yeah get. Get an allergy test. Get an allergy. For the millionth time.
Just go.
Yeah, get an allergy test.
And get an allergy test.
I'll go with you because I'd love to know.
Okay.
Okay.
For me or for you?
I probably should eat pollen.
Sure.
Sure.
But yeah, so I guess I should know that she's still, she's loving the pollen.
Sorry.
You're so stupid.
You probably should meet pollen.
Right.
Yeah.
So yeah, I haven't had Jersey Mike's.
And famously, Jersey Mike's has a bunch of unheard of ingredients and foods that it's
like I'd be nervous to try.
Yeah.
I mean, these are things that you have never consumed elsewhere.
So you wouldn't know.
Going back to the sweating, I feel like I...
We tried to move on from the sweat.
I just feel like deli meat is like sweaty.
No, you're 100% correct. No, you're right. I thought you were going to say deli meat makes you sweaty. No, you're 100% correct.
No, you're right. I thought you were going to say deli meat makes you
sweat. No, no.
No, but meat sweats is a thing.
Have you guys heard of this? That too.
No, I have. I have. If you eat a lot of meat,
you sweat, I think.
No, no, no. That's accurate. That's accurate.
Yeah. And anyone can challenge
that, but I agree with you.
I'm open to being wrong but like
but easy let's be honest easy yeah um jeff jersey mike's experience i have never had it
well i my friend madison has been talking to about Jersey Mike's because it's her favorite place to eat.
That's not true.
It's her favorite sandwich place, like of the fast, casual sandwich.
Is there a Jersey Mike's in Los Angeles?
There's tons of them.
Yeah.
They're all over the town.
Oh.
They're painting the town red with the juice.
Jeff is, the juice is Jeff's new thing.
Go on.
Yeah, so this is the juice. And basically, let me just read this. This is from the juice is Jeff's new thing. Go on. Yeah, so this is the juice.
And basically,
let me just read this.
This is from the Jersey Mike's website.
Oh.
Red wine vinegar in an olive oil blend.
It's how a Jersey Mike sub gets its exquisite zing.
It's how bites get boosted
and a great sub becomes an even better one.
The juice adds that certain something extra.
An exclamation.
The kind of exclamation you can eat.
Did you write that?
I want to write copy for Jersey.
They don't need it.
They don't fucking need it because that was perfect.
But what are you fucking talking about?
The kind of exclamation you can eat.
Just end it up.
Just it could have ended up after an even better one.
The zing.
The zing.
Yeah.
What?
It doesn't.
You've already explained what it is.
It's red wine, vinegar and an olive oil blend.
That's the zing.
That's the juice.
It's the exclamation you can eat.
And then I'm going to share.
I'm going to share my screen here just for a second.
Okay.
Look how thick this screen is.
Oh, God.
It's not even going to stick to the sandwich.
It's going to bounce off.
It's a thick stream.
God.
Yeah, it's absolutely...
It's foul.
It's defamatory.
And at a certain point, if I could be honest, I mean, it's anti-union.
Got it.
So, okay.
So we have one person who loves the juice, never had it.
We've had one person who won't eat a sandwich because they're scared.
And I have had Jersey Mike's many times.
Yeah.
And your experience, tell us.
It is better than Subway.
I don't like... Wow.
Oh my god, like miles away
better than Subway. Oh, fuck.
Wow. I don't like
hot subs. I enjoy
a cold sub. Wait, wait, wait.
An Italian sub. That's
right. What's the difference?
Between hot and cold?
How much time do you have to learn the difference between hot and cold?
No, no, no, no, no.
Now I get the whole sweating thing.
She's just hot and she doesn't know.
She's like, well, I'm cold, but I'm wet.
So temperature.
You're hot, you're sweating, because it's hot.
No, that's warm.
You're overheating.
Well, no, that can't be right.
No, no, no, no.
It is.
The difference between a hot and cold sub is one is hot and the other is not hot.
Like the meat is hot?
Or the bread is toasted?
The whole thing.
It's toasted.
It is.
Daniel, cut this out.
This is crazy.
I'm sorry.
She said a lot.
Well, I know pasta is hot. So then other foods, are they not not that are they a mix of both or how do you
if it's is it let's just figure this out
i just have one more question oh and then we have to get to a review I'm sorry yes it does of course of course so on a cold sub
is the cheese just slices
and like on a hot sub it's melted cheese
yes that's correct
cause when heat does to cheese is it melts
so cheese if it's cold is not melted
yeah that's like the whole thing
with cheese
Jersey Mike's is fine I like the
Italian sub it like to me
sometimes Jersey Mike's like tastes like nothing that's why you do want to get the juice you do want to get it Mike's is fine I like the Italian sub to me sometimes Jersey Mike's tastes like
nothing that's why you do want to get the juice
you do want to get it Mike's way which is like with salt, pepper, oregano
a couple other spices
it'll do in a pinch
ideally I wouldn't be having Jersey Mike's for lunch
but if it's there
it's fine
how's the bread?
it's fine, everything about Jersey Mike's to me is fine
it's fuel to me
okay
I got it confused
with Jimmy John's
and Jimmy John's is bad
oh
Jimmy John's
was what was it
for years I thought
it was the same
okay
okay
Elizabeth
since you were the guest
would you like to kick us off?
I yeah
sure
I did bring a review
this is from peter g
peter g um what which location it's the location right by my house so i won't disclose the exact
location but it's in new jersey it is new jersey jersey mics oh classic absolutely classic jeff Classic. Jeff, do you have a last name for Peter G? Classic. Got it.
Got to be classic.
A classic from classic.
How many stars is he?
So it's one star.
Got it.
And Peter G says,
More times than not have been disappointed.
In fact, so much so I stopped going for now.
I found you can go to almost any pizza shop and get more sub for your money.
All you have to do is hold one sub in one hand and one in the other,
and you'll see what I mean.
The weight between the two, incredible.
No more bread subs for me.
Sorry, Jersey Mike.
Addressing Jersey Mike himself.
Jersey Mike himself, the gall, theyan gall to absolutely call out jersey mike jersey
for the weight of the sub like can you imagine incredible just seeing a guy with like two subs
in his hand like just like weighing them out like he's he's in the waiting room of jersey mike's corporate um mr mr mike uh there's somebody who had a very personal gripe with you and they've been
emailing and calling for years uh and i've been trying to duck them i've been trying to get them
off of your call sheet but they just won't refuse so i just figured that if maybe you just be with
them for like five minutes yeah sure uh do you know do you know sort of what the gripe is is it the same one every time
like give it to me straight i they're just always so angry that i i don't listen to the the the the
the context of the the and the content of their complaint uh their voice is also so hard to listen
to you you'll you'll see what i mean it. It's a really hard voice to listen to.
It's the craziest voice I've ever heard.
Yeah, all right.
But anyway, do you have five minutes right now?
Can I let them into your office?
Send them in, send them in.
I'm ready.
Can I come in yet?
Oh, dear fucking Christ.
God, okay.
Mr. Mike, I have a phone to pick with you.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Is there any way that you could tone down that tone, the voice?
What tone?
All right, all right.
We'll get this done fast.
Sure, yeah.
Go ahead.
What you got for me?
I used to love your subs.
I really did.
Until one day, I went to a Quiznos
that changed my life.
Sure, but we don't do...
I pull out two
unwrapped, like, loose subs
from a bag. Jesus!
Oh, God, that's awful.
It's fermented. Mr. Mike, I want you
to hold this sub right here.
You don't know if this is the Quiznos one
or from your own brand. I just want you to hold it. Alright, yeah, just give it to me. sub right here. You don't know if this is the Quiznos one or from your own brand. I just want you
to hold it. Alright, yeah.
Just give it to me.
What does the weight feel like?
Does it feel heavy? Does it feel light?
Just a normal sub to me.
Okay. Now
try this sub. Both
the same ingredients.
Both tuna melts.
You can just give it to me. You can just give it to me.
You can just give it to me.
Here you go.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, that one
does feel a little heftier.
It's got that meat,
doesn't it? It's got the heat
and it's got the meat and it can't be
beat. Well, that one's got to be our Jersey Mike's.
Sorry, I'm still here.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I was worried.
I was worried.
No, you've got to stay here.
My fear was that they would kill you.
Sure.
What?
Nothing.
You never know.
Here, you try them, Tony.
Tony, take them.
Tony.
Whoa.
Tony, you feel it.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I know the one that's heavier.
It's got to be the Jersey Mike's because that's our game that's heavier it's gotta be the Jersey Mike's
we make good
sandwiches
I slam the thick sandwich to the ground
oh god
that
was Quiznos
thunder and lightning
oh god what was that
now I have come here for a reason Mr. Mike I wanted you to know Oh, God, what was that? How did you time that so well?
For a reason, Mr. Mike.
Who are you?
I wanted you to know that I will never be a patron at your sub shop again.
So what?
That's it?
That's your reaction?
No, don't laugh.
Who fucking cares?
It's not funny laugh it's not funny
it's not funny
what are you laughing for
we have 600 locations
going up this month
sweetheart
we don't need it
we don't need you
we don't need it
frankly you're bad
for business with your voice
no
the voice is sending
people away from us
I come to the jersey mics
on the corner
where I work
every day for lunch
until I had quiznos and the weight you could feel the corner where I work every day for lunch until I had Quiznos. I mean,
the way you could feel it, and now I'm
telling you with sincere
gravity that I
will not be a patron
at your store anymore. It doesn't matter.
It really, like, you
are nothing.
I am Jersey
Mike.
That's his first and last name.
That's it?
No!
I won't accept this!
You're supposed to grovel at my feet!
You're supposed to say,
we'll add the meat!
You're supposed to say,
we can't be beat!
You know what, sweetheart?
The meat, we got the meat.
We got it all.
We don't need this,
this Quizno spiel, this fight, this thunder lightning, all the entertainment, the tactics.
We don't need it.
It's just the sandwiches with us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what you're saying is if I stop coming to your sub store, that you'll be fine?
I'll be thrilled, actually.
Yeah, the voice is just really piercing.
So what you're saying is it won't affect how liquid Jersey Mike's is at all?
I mean, unless you had something to do with our formula, with the juice.
I mean, it just wouldn't have anything to do with us.
Well, speaking of liquid,
I got my hands on the secret recipe,
the juice and Mike's way.
No, you don't know anything.
It's on the website.
It's two ingredients.
Anybody can do it.
A lot of other sandwich stores do do it.
They just don't call it the juice.
But honestly... No!
What you're supposed to say is that, oh, how dare you!
You can't just walk into places and-
It's been five minutes!
Yeah, by the way, you've wasted enough of Jersey's time.
If I give you a gift card, will you leave?
Yeah, what do you want?
What do you want from us?
I wanted you to tell me that my patronage was keeping you afloat.
I wanted to feel special for once in my life.
Okay, sweetheart, what's your name again?
Alan.
Oh, God, the name of what?
Alan.
Your doll.
Your doll.
You try your best.
You don't have to say that, Mr. Mike.
No, no, no.
Call me Jersey.
I, Jersey.
I...
I...
Tony, why are you laughing?
No, Tony, Tony.
Tony, please.
Sorry, yeah.
It's just, this is crazy.
Alan,
I was like you once.
I had a dream
to own a sub shop.
Just one around the corner from my house.
Really, just for my mom, my pa.
And I get it.
No one listened to me.
No one believed in me.
No one understood the weight, literally, figuratively, of the sub.
Mm-hmm.
And I know you're bringing up the weight
of it now, and I just
hear this underlying darkness
within you, this need to be
heard. You're giving
them so much time.
No, Tony, listen.
I'm listening. It's just, this is
crazy.
You know, take this
gift card. Take these subs back i want you to know years old
i just want you to know that i heard you and i respect you just get out of my house so will you
agree to add more meat so the weight is greater
than that of Quiznos?
Oh no, I'm not doing shit, honey. Sorry.
Sorry.
Thunder
lightning glass shatters.
The window's breaking.
Oh, what are you?
My eye!
You got Jersey in the eye with glass.
All right, should we take a quick break
and come back with some more reviews of, honestly, Jersey Mike?
Jersey Mike, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think so.
Let's do it. And we're back.
And we're absolutely back.
I mean.
Oh, man.
We should go, Riley.
You or me, man.
Dude, this is crazy because it's literally going to have to be one of us.
And, like, I don't know how to feel about that.
I know, I know.
I don't know if it's good to, like, go last to headline or if it's good going to have to be one of us and like I don't know how to feel about that. I know, I know.
I don't know if it's good to like go last to headline or if it's good to like be first.
I don't know. Well, neither of us are first because
Elizabeth went first. I already went, yeah.
I know, I know and that's what I was saying.
No, you forgot how counting is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You go.
Well, no, not because you're the headliner
I mean I'll go because it's just like you know
yeah it's fine
well I am the headliner
well I'm the guest
for this episode?
because I'm going last now it seems
it seems well because you asked me to
okay
hold on I have four that I'm picking
from
you know I'll go next then I should go obviously okay hold on I have four that I'm picking from oh my god
you know I'll go next but
then I should go obviously
yeah
okay
this is a one star review from
Melanie B
Bracewell
yeah
immediately what I thought
this is of the Jersey Mike's in Silver Lake
which I didn't know there was one I didn't know there was one.
I didn't know there was one there either.
Yeah, okay, so here we go.
One star.
I went to this location on 822,
ordered ahead, walked in,
and asked for the code to the bathroom,
and was rudely told it was customers only.
I said, I am a customer.
You're making my sandwich right now.
She rudely said it was open.
Afterwards, I was treated terribly just to get my darn sandwiches, which were waiting for me.
I stepped outside and was waiting for my ride.
A man and his daughter came out, and they were also upset.
I said, did you get the same treatment I did?
He said he was picking up, asked for the bathroom for his young daughter, and got the same crappy attitude,
but further was told he could just call the district manager if he was so bothered. Last sentence doesn't make a lot of sense, but yeah.
Was it in all caps?
Yes.
What made me laugh was, did you get the same treatment i did yeah such a weird way to phrase that weird way to phrase it and also the fact that she was like kind of conspiring with
other customers of yeah
outside of massage like massage envy yeah yeah hey dude sorry i just noticed that you came out
and you looked kind of like in a daze yeah did you get this did you get the same treatment i did in
there oh my god it wasn't just me oh my god so um i mean if you're if you're talking about just kind
of like you know that the massage was just it was just like they were rubbing oil on my back
and didn't actually massage me at all.
I feel really, I feel really ripped off.
Did that happen to you?
Oh, no, I meant, did you get the Swedish treatment?
Hmm?
Did you get the deep tissue Swedish?
So they do, so they do have people who can do that.
No, man.
Oh my God.
No, I'm so frustrated.
I went in there, had such the, I have the longest work week and I'm like, please just really dig in there had such the i have the longest work week and i'm like please just really dig in there and she kind of just took a bottle sprayed it on my back with oil and just
kind of moved it around a bit for like 25 minutes and i booked an hour and then she said you're done
and i said do you have any other people who who can do a little bit harder and she said no we
don't do that here so you got a full swedish treatment oh fuck. I hate that place.
Oh, hey.
Sorry.
You didn't even, we didn't even see you go inside.
I don't think you actually got a massage.
I don't mean to be rude.
I don't mean to be rude.
You've been sitting on the bench outside of here.
We've actually seen you waiting at the bus stop since we got here.
I've just been fuming deep.
I just had to let it out oh why have you
gone inside inside there inside that place yes we both have you gone inside have you
oh i mean i've just been i've just been thinking about it and like i just right i've i've just i've
looked in and i no i haven't gone no, I haven't gone in yet.
I haven't gone in yet.
Why do you hate it?
You said you hated this place.
You said you fucking hate that place.
I fucking hate that place, dude.
Fuck Massage Envy.
Whoa.
But you haven't been in there.
Do you know someone who works there?
Do you have a bad relationship with someone in there?
Someone.
Something.
No, it's someone.
Yeah, my ex is the manager there.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So what are you doing here?
I worked the-
It's okay.
No, it's okay.
I can see you getting a little worked up.
You're also taking way too long to answer.
Yeah, the simplest question is why are you here? i mean okay okay fine fine i'll tell you okay go in and when you're back okay
okay okay so i came and how long have you been here today and is this the first day that you
this is the seventh day i've been trying to step in a row and uh yep and uh but we don't need no one else needs to know that um yep i've
just been building up the courage and i just you know people they walk in walk out all relaxed
all happy and that's what i want but and you're getting more and more work sorry so you said you
fucking hate that place but you want to go in there because you still love your ex and you want to win her back i love her so much but you hate the place did did
the did did was it something about massage envy that like broke you up i can't believe that's a
question i asked no nothing nothing nothing about nothing about massage envy specifically just
she oh she was cheating on me and i just i was she actually cheating on you or was she a massage
no no she's cheating on me with considered that cheating no no she was cheating on me with someone
um at the jersey mike's uh next so what does that have to do with this actually has nothing to do
with massage envy right well no nothing to do with massage envy just the people in massage
but you hate that but you hate, I fucking hate that place.
Holy fuck.
But no, I really...
Chris, you have to stop waiting outside for me.
You're scaring away all these customers.
I told you, we're done.
Babe, babe, please.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Please, please.
I would do anything.
I forgive you.
We don't even need to go to counseling.
I don't care.
You forgive me?
Yeah, please.
Oh, Jesus.
Has he been out here telling...
I'm so sorry. Has he been telling you that i've cheated on him that's the story that was what
he was saying they said it they said it no we didn't we didn't pick a side we were just asking
what's wrong because he kept saying he fucking hated massage sorry for my language he fucking
hated massage chubby chris for the love of god i give massages for a living just because i am
touching people doesn't mean I'm cheating on you.
That's cheating.
You're touching other women, other men, other gents.
I can't do it anymore.
Please take me back.
I really miss us.
What do you mean you can't do it anymore?
You've asked me to quit my job for you because you don't like what I do.
You just said, I can't do it anymore.
Please take me back.
That is what you said.
No, hey, hey, I thought you were on my side.
What are you talking about?
I thought you were on my side.
No, we never said that.
We never said that.
I'm not being a side, but-
I'm just trying to figure out what's happening.
But Leanne, I see your name tag.
Yes, Leanne.
I don't have so much a complaint about you as a person
as much as I just do a complaint for a massage.
This is probably not the best time. I'm actually saying massage. This is probably not the best time. I'm actually
saying that. This is probably not the best time. None of this
matters. I would have loved
a deeper massage if I could just give it.
Did you have Chrissy?
Yeah, I had Chrissy. I'm so sorry.
Chrissy is just like, she's not
doing the best this week. She's having a tough time.
Okay. I would love to hear it.
I had you, Leanna. You were amazing.
You really got in there. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm love to hear it. I had you, Leanna. You were amazing. I mean, you really got in there.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
So you went to my ex and had her touching your body?
You were just listening to me, dude.
Oh, oh.
I didn't know it was her.
The betrayal.
Chris, you need to leave.
We've not been friends, was what you were about to say.
No one's friends.
Actually, I don't know any of these people's names.
I thought we were friends.
What's your name?
What's my name?
Yeah, or not.
I don't care.
No, my name is Julia.
Yeah.
Hey, Julia.
Yeah.
My name's Trulia.
Hi, Trulia.
What?
That's crazy.
I work in real estate tech.
Do you want to hang out sometime?
I know that sounds weird, but...
Liam, please.
Trulia and Julia, same.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
All right.
It's okay.
None of this matters to me.
I'm going to go home.
And I'm sorry that you guys are dealing with this.
Yes, okay.
Well, thank you.
We'll give you a coupon code for next time.
Thank you so much for stopping by. And thank you for stopping by, Trulia.
You were a pleasure to work with. Chris, you actually
can never come within 30 feet of this premises again.
I hate this place. Well, Leanne, I was like,
this feels like a horrible,
this feels horrible.
A horrible time.
Horrible time to do this, but like, I really
did feel a connection. You're not.
You're not. I hate to do this.
I know, Trulia. I felt...
Leigh-Anne, you can't.
Chris, you are not part of this. We broke up months ago.
Trulia, I would love to maybe grab a tea sometime.
Oh, you don't drink?
Oh, I mean, well's it's five it's
five to ten
if you know anything about her
you'd know that well that's why we want to hang out
because we don't know anything about each other
Chris
we're done
if I see you
loitering outside of this massage
envy again I'm
gonna have to file a restraining order.
I'll see you next week.
He didn't get it.
He didn't get it.
He didn't hear anything you just said.
He didn't hear a word I just said.
All right, our last review.
Okay, here we go.
One time, no thought.
Okay, this is three stars
for the Jersey Mike's in Fort Lee.
And it is from Andrew L.
Elizabeth, can we get a last name for Andrew L?
Lollipop.
Andrew Lollipop, three stars.
Not a good start.
Being asked to stand outside on a cold and rainy night at 5.45 p.m.
I would think it's a busy night, and just because a D-list Instagram celebrity is taking pictures,
you wouldn't make paying customers stand outside.
I'll give the staff credit for apologizing and doing the quote-unquote right thing.
A few disgruntled customers walked away, but since I had done an online order, I was taken care of.
Now on to the food.
The Italian sub was okay.
A little light on the ingredients, but at least it wasn't a bread and lettuce sandwich.
The turkey provolone was also just okay.
We also ordered a buffalo wrap, which was a hit with my family.
Three stars for now, mostly because I had to wait in the cold and rain.
We'll see how they do if we return.
There's like so many things.
There are like multiple points.
What D-list Instagram celebrity is like, I got to do a photo shoot at Jersey Mike's.
And they're like, clear the space.
Absolutely.
Okay, guys.
Guys.
All right, team.
Gather around.
Gather around. Gather around. Okay. absolutely okay guys guys all right team gather around gather around gather around all right okay you know here at the fort lee jersey mics we like to do it big and that's why i chip your general
manager and bring in the big bucks today you guys oh my god what's up we have a celebrity coming to the shop today. Is it Michael friggin' Jordan?
It's gotta be Leonardo.
It is not Michael Jordan.
It's not Leo DiCaprio.
It is someone who, they are
very, let's just say they're very active on social
media. Let's just say
they have thousands
of followers. It's Busy Phillips.
It's gotta be Jamila.
It's not Jamila. It's Busy Phillips. It's got to be Jamila. It's not Jamila.
It's not Busy.
It is Dakota Peterson.
I don't know if you heard me.
Dakota.
We heard you.
Who's that?
Who's that?
Who's that?
I've never heard that name.
Who's Dakota Peterson? Neither of you have neither of you i just don't know who that is
yeah no sorry that's shocking to me for two of you gen zers to not know who dakota p like i'm
a millennial and i know who dakota peterson is you're not a millennial you're a little older
than that but yeah you're like i'm on the cusp i'm on the cusp yeah no i'm no but it's like i
technically i actually Googled it.
What year were you born?
1977, right?
I Googled it
and I'm right on the cusp
of Millennial Gen X.
77 is for sure X.
But listen,
Dakota Peterson,
they have an insane amount of followers.
I can't believe,
they have at least like 5,200 followers.
Is that like,
that's crazy
that you don't know who they are.
I mean, I have more.
That's not a lot.
On my Instagram.
Not a lot?
I have like 67.
What are you talking about?
That's not a lot of followers.
Oh, shit.
How many followers do you guys have?
Well, that's really sad.
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
Liza has like, I think what, 7,000?
Yeah, yeah, around that.
I'm approaching eight now.
Approaching eight.
And Leon, how many do you have?
I have less than 5,000, but I'm just making the point that it's not that much to have in the thousands.
I have 4,000-something.
What?
Holy, oh my God.
And we're not celebrities.
Yeah, we're just people.
No, but you guys, you have a following.
You guys are viral.
Wait, no, maybe we should cancel.
You guys should viral. Wait, no, maybe we should cancel Dakota. You guys should post
about this. I bet you guys could reach
a lot of people by
bringing in the numbers that you have.
I mean, if Dakota's already booked,
I guess we just sort of
do it? I also don't want to do that.
I don't want to grid post about
Jersey Mike's. This is a day job for me.
That'd actually be pretty bad for my following.
I feel like I'd lose followers if I did that.
You'd hemorrhage followers.
You'd hemorrhage followers for sure.
Okay, that's fine.
We don't need you because we have Dakota.
We have Dakota and...
Hey, team!
Dakota Peterson from the DX squad.
This is who you got.
Oh my God, Dakota.
I'm Chip.
We met on email.
It is so nice to meet you in person person Can I get some daps for that?
Yeah, come in brother
They dap up really bad
Dakota flosses horribly, doesn't do it right
This is unbelievable
Dakota, this is my team
This is Leon and Liza
We couldn't be more excited to meet you
Dakota, so good to meet you
Liza, so good to meet you.
I'm just like you guys.
Well, you are exactly like us.
That's what I'm saying, you guys.
I told you. Dakota, I told them
you are so humble and so cool
despite your viral fame.
You really are just like us.
Yeah, well, you know what? I used to be like you guys.
You still are.
That's such a come up.
Liza, be kind to our guests.
What did she say?
No, nothing.
Don't worry about it.
No, you know what?
I see what's happening.
You guys are nervous.
It's all right.
A little bit.
I'm a little nervous.
Chip, you guys.
Well, look, I do a lot of these.
And honestly, you guys are going to be part of this with me.
What? And if you want to post something with Dakota you can.
What? You're lying.
You're yanking my chain.
No let's get a photo.
Alright everyone in here.
Dakota reaches out his hand to do a
selfie but doesn't do it with the front facing
camera. It comes out horribly.
That'll be awesome. I'll send that to you guys.
Wow. Oh my god.
That's unbelievable. Okay, now Dakota,
we have a couple press shots lined up for you.
But I'm so sorry.
There's too many normies
in here, probably for your liking, Dakota.
So we can just kick them all out.
No, you don't have to do that. I'd love it if you did, but you don't have to.
Chip, these are paying customers.
We literally just took a break here.
Yeah, I thought the whole point is to bring in people.
It is to bring in people, but we have to, you know,
we want to give Dakota the star treatment Dakota deserves.
They already paid, so they can wait outside and then come back in.
Why didn't we do this when we were closed?
Because, Liza, that's not...
Yeah, if it's for the photo op.
That's not Mike's way.
Mike's way is with juice, which is red wine, vinegar, and olive oil.
The exclamation.
Everybody, hello, hello, Jersey Mike's patrons.
What is going on, everybody?
Can I get a booyah?
Booyah.
Yes, that's what I like to see.
All right.
Thank you guys so much for coming in today.
We have to do a quick little order of business
because we do have a celebrity in our midst.
So we are going to need everyone to kind of evacuate the premises
for about 15 to 20 minutes.
I don't want to leave Jersey Mike's.
Who is this celebrity anyways?
Yeah, I just ordered a sub, so.
Okay, yes,
we will get you your sub, and sir,
um, sorry, I don't know if they necessarily want me to disclose our information.
Tell me, or else I'm
going to be really... It's Dakota Peterson.
It's Dakota Peterson. We have to go to...
What? Dakota Peterson?
What?
Dakota Peterson?
Yes, yes.
Now everyone get your asses outside.
Oh my God.
What the fuck is happening?
I look over at Lionel and Liza.
I told you.
What the fuck?
What?
Are you talking?
That guy's 40.
Okay, everybody.
Now I know there's a blizzard outside,
but we are going to have to make you all wait outside
while we get these awesome shots of Dakota with the juice, okay?
Dakota with the juice!
Dakota with the juice.
This is so stupid.
Why are we doing this?
We're literally kicking out customers.
Eliza and Leon, you've lost your privileges to take photos with Dakota today.
I'm not liking the attitude.
We didn't want them.
We also already got a photo with him.
Oh, that stinks.
No, with Dakota and the juice.
You guys, you, I hate to say it,
but I won't have this sourpuss attitude in here
while my man Dakota is raising the roof.
So I'm gonna have to-
Leon, Liza, I love your guys' energy.
I just need it to be positive.
Yeah, no, yeah.
So you don't love our energy.
We're positive.
You don't think it's positive?
No, no, no, no. Dakota just said that he our energy. We're positive. If you don't think it's positive. No, no, no.
No, Dakota just said
that he loves your guys' energy.
Just like take what Dakota says.
I love what you guys
bring to the table.
I just wish it could be
entirely different.
Yes.
Then you don't love it.
That's what I tell them
every single day.
Then you don't like it.
Then you don't love it.
What are you talking about?
Please don't yell at Dakota.
I will retrieve you
when we are done
photographing Dakota
with the juice.
You're like kind of pushing us into
the meat locker.
Wait, wait, wait.
I can't get out of this.
We can't get out.
What?
What the fuck?
We're gonna
have some sustained bodily
injury if we're in here for more than 15 minutes.
This is a freezer. Yeah, we literally need to get out of this.
I mean, this will be fast.
This will be fast.
Right?
I mean, at least we're not out there with Dakota.
Cut to the house.
All right.
So basically what we usually do is I go live and then they're just the Dakota Hive shows.
Okay.
All right.
Just I'll go. Maybe you just ask me a couple of questions. Be totally normal.ive shows up. Okay. All right. Just I'll go.
Maybe you just ask me a couple of questions.
Be totally normal.
Act like we're friends.
All right.
It won't be hard to act that Dakota.
I'll promise you that.
Relax.
Yeah.
Hey, Dakota Hive.
I'm here at the Johnston Ave Jersey Mike's here with my main man.
Chip.
Chip. Yes. Hey, what's up everybody it's your man chip here with
my best bro dakota part of the hive buzz buzz what's up everybody we couldn't be happier to
have dakota here i'm crying this is the best day there's three viewers on the live this is the best day of my life this is the best day of my life
and I'd just be so
honored to
Dakota if you want to like squeeze the juice
onto some bread I can hold the phone I'd be honored
to do that for you Dakota
sorry about that Dakota Hive
but yeah we're gonna
squeeze some juice onto these sandwiches
let's go.
Yes, we are.
Give me the phone.
I'm front facing.
Guys, this is like, I'm so sorry for everyone who isn't me right now.
Can I just say that?
Like all of you wish you were me.
Here we go.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry.
I'm the health inspector.
We do.
The live is still on, but it's like under my chin.
You know, we do these like once a year,
and we're not supposed to tell you when we're doing them,
so we're just dropping in to do it now.
Is that cool?
Yeah, could you give us like 10 to 20 more minutes?
I literally have to do it right now.
We're doing a live.
Dakota Johnson's here, and so I'm sorry.
Dakota Johnson's here?
Well, she's waiting outside with the rest of the losers.
Dakota Peterson is
doing a live right now.
You guys can continue doing that.
I'm just going to have a look around.
I'm going to just open this
meat locker. Oh, thank God!
Thank God!
I'm so cold!
I'm sweating. I'm so cold
that I'm sweating. I'm absolutely
sweating. My fingers.
We are soaked.
What?
I dripped onto the cold cut.
How did they get in there?
Yeah, you guys are done.
You guys are absolutely done, and I don't know who that is.
How did they get in there?
That was crazy.
You guys broke it.
You told me that no one else was going to be in here.
I can't have another member of the Hive just fangirling over me.
No, no.
I don't know who you are, and I'm shutting you down.
No, Dakota.
Dakota, please don't go.
Please don't go.
I promise.
I had no idea this was going to happen.
I'm out.
Dakota starts to walk.
You're grabbing at his shoulders and sliding down his feet, dragging behind him.
Dakota, please.
Dakota, don't leave me.
Get off of me, man.
Get off of me.
I start kissing your feet. Dakota. Oh. Oh. Dakota. Dakota. Dry. Dakota, don't leave me. Get off of me, man. Get off of me. I start kissing your feet.
Dakota.
Oh.
Oh.
Dakota.
Dry.
So dry.
That's so gross.
You spray the juice.
Oh, dude.
These are Jordans.
They're Juicetons.
No.
All right.
Should we do our last segment?
Dakota Johnson's outside.
Like, I just wanted a tuna melt.
This is just where I'm from, and I wanted a sandwich.
Dakota Johnson.
Oh, shan't we?
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Valenti what's been shaking you okay got it
alright Jeffrey
okay have we talked about
squid game no it's been like a month
since it's been released probably by the
time this that's better than
our usual what shook me is which is Riley and I
mostly Riley but sometimes me
getting to media way too late
usually me with classic literature
and her with
any show ever
have you heard of The Office?
it's amazing
no Squid Game is
the only thing I've talked about for about
two and a half or so weeks now since I finished.
It's true.
Oh, my God.
It's one of my favorite shows.
One of the episodes is one of the best episodes I've ever seen in television, like ever.
It's so good and traumatizing.
And I can't shut up about it.
It's very traumatizing.
Have you watched it at all, Jeff?
I have not seen it.
Oh, fuck.
You gotta. Is it like torture porn or is it just Jeff? I have not seen it. Oh, fuck. You gotta.
Is it like torture porn or is it just good?
No, no, no, no, no.
It's like, it's, this is how I'll sell it to anyone who's listening who hasn't watched it.
It's Hunger Games meets The Purge meets Black Mirror meets Parasite.
That's what I got. Okay. That's what I got.
Okay.
That's what I got.
It's so...
And the acting is amazing
and it was only...
It was written, created,
and directed
all by just one guy.
There was no writer's room
or anything.
That's...
That's like, uh...
White Lotus.
Mm-hmm.
Did they not have a writer's room
for White Lotus? I think it was just mike white oh
mike white i think he um i think he wrote it like in a weekend or something something crazy like
that okay wait but also uh riley and i did see a tiktok last night which blew my mind and it's
like this this old like symphony beethoven kind of, right? Was it Beethoven or something?
No, it's like Gregorian chant from like 13th century.
So not at all Beethoven.
But it's like these four notes that are used to like evoke
like something bad is afoot.
Like death.
It's like a death signal.
The devil's tritone or whatever it's called? like death it's like a death the devil's uh tritone or whatever
it's called no it's like four notes um in succession with one another and it's it's in
squid game it's in white lotus it's in a bunch of those kinds of movies and shows that's cool
yeah it's kind of cool i'll send you the tiktok what are the notes here wait i'll just can i play
it will that be can we hear that for audio?
Let's hear it.
Let's hear it.
Okay, let's see if I can pull it up.
That's like the thing, and it's in Squid Game.
That's White Lotus, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, I love Squid Game.
Good shit.
I can't talk about it enough.
Hell yeah.
I might watch it.
It's too scary for me.
Oh, it's scary?
Then I'll watch it.
It's scary.
I was going to say, it's horror movie season.
Yeah, you should watch it now.
It's a good time, too.
Yeah.
I love that.
Anspa, what's been shaking your ass?
Well, what's been shaking my ass crazy?
What's been shaking your crazy ass?
Sorry, what was that?
What's been shaking your crazy?
Ass. Ass.
What's been shaking your crazy ass
you can always reach out
like if you need help
like we're
this is such a fear cry
for help
yeah no
no
no
no it's just that
um
okay
every time
every time
well
now it's interesting.
What's shaking me?
That's a crazy question.
What's shaking?
Not really.
What's shaking me?
This happens every time you record.
It's the same every week.
What is?
I watched six episodes of Only Murders in the Building.
I think there might be ten episodes.
I didn't fully check.
You really gave it a shot.
But they're only like 28 minutes.
That's long
I watch while I was doing other things but also I wanted to find out
who the murderer was but I hit a point
where I'm like I put it on
and I was upset that I put it on
I'm like oh I have to watch this now
it's like a chore
yeah and I'm like life is too
fucking short to
like watch shit
for pleasure that you don't get pleasure out of.
And so I'm like, why am I doing this?
That it's like, oh, I have to watch it now.
It's like, no, I'm going to watch something that I want to watch.
So that's what shook me is Elizabeth and I actually have been talking about this past week.
Elizabeth goes, there are no rules to life.
Like you can kind of do whatever.
And I'm like, yeah.
That's something you would randomly text me.
And she goes, well, except for laws,
I guess laws are like suggestions,
but even then you don't have to follow it.
Laws are suggestions.
I just learned the concept of free will
on my ride home yesterday.
Yeah.
And so I'm taking that concept of free will
to the media and art that I consume
that if I'm not enjoying it, then I don't have to watch it.
I don't have to finish it if I don't like it.
You literally don't.
I'm taking the concept of free will to the art that I consume.
What a horrible sentence.
That's what's shaking me.
Is that, that is that.
Yeah.
Free will.
Free will and art.
Free will is shaking my ass this day
free will is kind of shaking my crazy ass um i'm so sorry i'm so sorry to do this but another panic
of the disco pre-split uh what shook me uh i recently stumbled upon their live show that they
did in norway in 2008 and it's just, it's so nice to listen to and watch.
Cause they're clearly having so much fun.
Like when they,
they do an encore and they play my favorite song of theirs,
which is mad as rabbits.
And they're like,
there's one time where he's like,
uh,
like Ryan Ross,
like they're ad-libbing as they're like rocking out.
And Ryan Ross is like,
come on Norway.
And they're having so much fun.
And then like right before they go into the reinvent love part,
Brandon Urie is like,
But they're like, they're really jamming together,
which is what I appreciate in a rock band.
And then like, they're like,
And then Brandon Urie is like, Ross, which is like Ryan Ross.
And then like they go into the final thing.
And it just makes me really happy because Mary, a couple months later,
they all ended up hating each other.
So it was nice to see them liking each other at that point.
I get that.
I understand that excitement of a band you really love,
and you see them ad-libbing, having fun while they're playing.
Oh, yeah.
That's the best.
I think it might be Roll Over Beethoven,
or I forget what song by the Beatles,
but you hear
them go like you hear Paul go
come on George like right before a riff
and it's like I love little moments like that
it's so sweet oh no it's Ringo
it's Ringo yelling that to George
and it's very fun yeah
it's the same thing and they were like really
emulating the Beatles for that album
cycle so like
there's parallels I'm not comparing them to the Beatles for that album cycle. So like, um, there's parallels,
not,
I'm not comparing them to the Beatles,
but,
um,
it is the same thing of like,
you want the Beatles to get along.
You want mommy and daddy to get along.
Oh,
and I'd also like to clarify,
it is not a Rollercoaster Beethoven.
It's on boys because that's when Ringo sings on.
And so he says,
come on,
George.
And then George has a really fun,
it doesn't matter.
I just want mommy and daddy to get along.
That's one of my new favorite things
is just
it doesn't matter
it doesn't matter
it actually doesn't matter
it doesn't matter
no it doesn't matter
um
um
Eve thank you so much
for coming on
to talk mics
it was so much fun
I love
you guys
I like you guys
no I like you guys guys no I like you guys
alright
no I like you guys
we have fun
is there anything
you want to
well plug
I guess you can go
check out my things
on my YouTube channel
yes
my YouTube channel
is just my name
Elizabeth Valenti
and I don't care
about other social media
I care about YouTube
so
nice
fair
fair
what's that I have a toenail that's
hanging on by a goddamn thread it hurts so bad it hurts so bad do you have anything to plug jeff
other than what the fuck that was uh at jeffrey james on instagram at jeff boyardee on twitter
um and uh review review at review review on Instagram at review review show
on Twitter
r slash review review
on Reddit
you can find me
on Instagram
at Riley Anspa
on Twitter
Riley Coyote
I guess what I have to plug
is Daniel and I
made a short film
it hasn't been edited yet
but if you guys
just want to start
thinking about
wanting to watch it
just kind of like
yeah
it's called Chauncey
and so if you just
kind of want to
like start imagining what it's going to becey and so if you just kind of want to like start imagining what
it's going to be like and imagining getting excited to watch it don't even imagine getting
excited just be excited now just be excited or don't think about it until they drop it in like
two months just out of nowhere so that people are excited no I mean because it's like we're
probably going to want to start submitting to festivals so who knows we can actually
put it online so like until then you didn't even listen to me you just said
no no just start
just start thinking about
like ooh I'm excited to watch
whatever they're going to put together
and you should be
and you should be
and you absolutely should be
so it's like you literally have no
reason to not
be excited for it actually well
hold on so Daniel and I co-wrote it
co-directed it and we also produced it with
Elizabeth Jeff wasn't involved in any way
so it's like that's
the reason you have to want to watch it
well I storyboarded it in my eyes
you didn't Daniel and I storyboarded it
I know you did on paper I'm saying in my head
I storyboarded it when you told me about
the concept and I think that that makes me involved I also worked in my head I storyboarded it when you told me about the concept.
And I think that that makes me involved.
I also worked on White Lotus in the same way.
No, you didn't.
Okay, so you think you worked on every show because you thought about it.
Not every show.
I don't have that bandwidth.
We'll see you next.
Oh, we should thank some...
VI Podcasts.
Yes.
Thank you to
you know what
no I'm done
reading these
fuck these patrons
underscore Christian
side hugs for
chastity
Aaron
Aaron Coogan
Adam Shea
Agent Michael
spider bite
Aggie
a co in the key
of riding the high
of securing that
Riley follow
a not one but
two social media platforms.
Alex Witt.
And now a patron who needs no introduction, so moving on.
Anthony Amadeo.
Brad Hill's applying for Survivor and needs that good word with probes, baby.
Brian Dodd.
Brungus Mink is dead.
Ghoulia Bowie Dreyfus is back.
Chuck.
Caroline, the bread winner, and Kinsey, the bread sinner.
Chaston Bales.
Cluff.
Corned Beef.
Is that new patron?
New patron!
Cullen.
Damien Kirk, mid-tenure patron, so who would care?
Devin Clark Memler is a real piece of work, just the worst.
Every night I shiver praying for a piece of clothing
to warm me
like a Review Review hoodie.
Fancy octopus.
For lack of a netter lame.
Frito-Pray love.
That's really good.
That's really good.
Gabriel Castaneda.
Jeffrey, you just got
a guest on Mad Pod.
Not for my sake,
but for yours.
I really do think
you would enjoy that.
Yeah.
Sent a shiver down my spine.
New patron, by the way.
New patron.
Gray just wants to reconnect with his stepdad.
Greg Berg.
And he never will.
That's not part of the name Jeff just said.
And he never will.
Greg Berg.
Sorry, Greg Berg.
Grahamstaff GME new patron.
Not true.
Geiler.
Harbinger of cracking up and gooping off.
Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum podcast, please?
Holly.
I literally only subscribe
to Forrest, Jeffrey, and Riley
to say trans rights,
XOXO.
I'm strapped
for ideas
and also
with a gun.
Awful.
It's my favorite patron anyway.
Another thing I hate about
Isaac Puff,
new patron.
Jack Kwan.
Jake the Snake Raddiff.
Jake Ullman.
Jameson Poncia feels a sense of nostalgia for the time that Riley was a lemon on Jeff's
live, which has now been two months since then.
Jesse Tipton.
Jive Gosley.
John Quinonez.
Josh is kind of a cool guy, and please don't say otherwise or I'll be sad pike.
JP again.
Fun fact number three, I've never seen The Love Guru, nor do I have any intention to do so.
It didn't age well, but I think it's a funny movie.
Justin Goncalves.
New patron.
Justin Limbercake.
So it's Justin Timberlake, but with a wild ass.
Did you know that Jessica Biel came out as anti-vax?
Nope.
Yeah.
Caleb losing his luster without a hoodie.
We are sending the last batch out
Next week
Keelan Shelton new patron
Lieutenant Bob Bule Oombo
Logan I'm sorry I shit the bed
New patron
Lord Hunter the Grey
Maggie Anderson
Malik
Michael Beggle
Moe Pete 2 Jeffrey Strikes Back
Mr. Daddy Tuesday Spooky Night, Friday the Gray Bad Boy, baby.
Jeff needs to start behaving himself.
I did nothing.
You wrote this horrible name.
I think Mr. Daddy Tuesday Spooky.
Easy with that.
Easy with that.
No, he needs to fucking reign it in.
Mushy Lasagna.
Sorry, but Mushy Lasagna.
Nate Porteous ate a Cornish game, Ken, and is just as confused as you are.
No, it's Rory and Davey or Zooey Landle. Nolan Murphy
was unemployed for months and no one offered to pay my
subscription. This is so fucked.
Orange.
Orange, you're glad it isn't Hallie.
Phoebe. Quack. Rooster
Williams. Sam Armstrong.
Scalby Lass is a, sorry,
Scalby Lass is a Zumbardi
sentweet, wait, a
Barsardi sentweet, Mona.
Ramona, is it?
Never mind.
They DM'd me on Instagram something funny.
Nice.
Also, I think I added the Ruh.
I think it's just Mona.
Anyway.
Sean Siguenza, new patron.
Shan to the bone has, what's that?
A boner.
Nice, Shan.
Slickity doodah, rickety day.
Y.O.Y. hasn't bule paid my stack.
Soap.
Space Ant.
TJ Michael.
Yaro Bouchard.
And Yasmin David.
Thank you guys so much for subscribing at the highest tier.
It means a lot to me.
It really does.
And me too.
And thank you guys
so much for listening
to this episode
of Review Review.
Thank you to E for guesting.
Yeah.
Yay.
We'll see you guys
again next week.
Sounds good.
I'll be here.
Arrivederci.
That was a Hiddem Original.