Review Revue - Jersey Mike's (w/ Elizabeth Valenti)

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

In this episode of Review Revue, Elizabeth Valenti joins Reilly and Geoff while they read reviews about, complain about the weight of, and have a photoshoot with the Juice (JERSEY MIKE'S).  ...  Follow Reilly and Geoff: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee   Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:15 This is a HeadGum Original. There's a podcast program called Review Review. It's hosted by Jeffrey James and Riley Too. They'll talk about deodorant, soap that smells like an ex, margaritaville's And arcades What will they do next And can you see Jeff's wagon Tonight
Starting point is 00:00:57 As it squeezes Into courts At least He's got the Goal Squeezes into corpse at least He's got the gall or otherwise To feature on the pod And can you feel the lift of love tonight The poster on the roof Not just a theme
Starting point is 00:01:31 But a way of life Like a dry-roo-ban-night crew But a mausoleum a resting place final or otherwise then I went to Sutherland with dreams of a wonderful prize
Starting point is 00:01:55 I tried the nair cream once, twice three times and counting I wish I listened to my instincts so I could avoid the burning And can you see Jeff's wagon
Starting point is 00:02:13 tonight As it squeezes into cold Saturdays He's got the gall or otherwise to feature on the pod. And can you feel the live, um, it's like, can you see Jeff's wagons tonight? Jeff's wagon tonight squeezing into chords is not like the action and the image of it's like, it's really tough.
Starting point is 00:03:18 That's tough. That is ideal. That was moving, that song. A lot of bars and restaurants, not restaurants, I guess, but places in LA are requiring vaccination cards. And so I show them this photo. And then the photo right next to it is just a photo of my ass. Oh, Debra.
Starting point is 00:03:37 I have to be so careful not to. That's Russian roulette with your ass. Do you guys want to see it? No. All right. But who sent in that song because that made me cry. That came in from
Starting point is 00:03:50 Charis and Ron. It was beautiful. I mean, Live, Laugh, Love is a way of life. It really is. It's not just, you don't just say it,
Starting point is 00:03:59 you live it, you laugh it, you love it, actually. Yeah, I don't know. And I think they really got that. And so, fuck, I'm like ready now.
Starting point is 00:04:08 I'm ready to do the show. I'm ready to do the show now. What is this? I'm excited. No, you're not. What? You're shaking. That's excitement.
Starting point is 00:04:19 What else would that be? It's a manic episode. No. Yeah. This will be a manic episode. What what else Chera said in their email. What? Please say hi to friend of the pod, Elizabeth Valenti. Oh, hi.
Starting point is 00:04:34 Yeah. Actually, we had more. The intro is going to be another 10 minutes. It's going to be a lot longer than that. Welcome back. You know, good to be back i like you guys it's uh yeah no i'm happy to be here happy to be here right right yeah good to be back you like us i like you guys
Starting point is 00:04:57 i love your asses. No, it's fine. No, this is work for me. Elizabeth. Hi. I was going to say what's up with you, but I literally see you every second of every day. So, Jeff, do you want to ask her? Yeah. Elizabeth, what's up? Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Nothing. Do you guys feel like even if you're in a cold space you sweat a lot no no all right sure i feel like i feel like sometimes the colder i am the more i sweat that doesn't sorry that doesn't actually make any sense you have to go doesn't make sense i'm pretty chill right now like chilled like my hands I'm chilling I'm sweating profusely you have COVID that I'm sorry but that's the move area that's not normal
Starting point is 00:05:51 and I wonder I can't help but wonder if an all pasta diet is what is kind of affecting your what you're looking at there is penne sweats
Starting point is 00:06:01 all of the salt yeah I think I think there's things wrong with my body and I just keep pushing it off until something actually happens
Starting point is 00:06:09 to me I know for months Elizabeth has been like maybe I should not only eat pasta and then she's like
Starting point is 00:06:17 well I'm not gonna start yet but I feel like one day I should maybe stop uh yeah in the future in the future um but we're actually
Starting point is 00:06:25 oh wait hold on sorry Jeff what's going on with you what's new oh yeah what's up not a lot I mean if you guys are really curious I'll tell you no we don't have to know but it's just like we just thought we just thought we should be no but like okay you guys like what's
Starting point is 00:06:40 just give us like a quick like 15 seconds on your life I was up last night till 4am why I was with friends Just give us a quick 15 seconds on your life. I was up last night till 4 a.m. Why? I was with friends. Okay. Wow.
Starting point is 00:06:52 That's spicy. You would have loved an invite. You wouldn't have come. I would have. All right. Next time I'll invite you guys. No, it's fine. You won't fucking have to because now it's like I know it's fake. Now it's fake.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Let's do our own thing. You're yelling at me. We do our own thing. Okay. You're yelling at me. We do our own thing every night. That's true. We watch the Ted Lasso finale. Fuck. Siri just engaged and when that happens, it turns all the audio off in your headphones. I hate Siri on the laptop.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Don't say that. Don't say that. I hate Siri on everything. Don't say that. I mean, I do too, but don't say it. No, it's rude. We all hate Siri. We all hate Siri, but we don't talk about it. But we don't talk about it. Because she's listening.
Starting point is 00:07:35 She hears us right now. We're not here to talk about pasta. We're not here to talk about Jeff excluding Elizabeth and I from plans. We are here to talk about something that's bigger than all of us. We're here to talk about something. Basketball. No, we're not talking about basketball. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Jeff here is bigger than all of us and he's like basketball. Gotta be basketball. We are here to talk about something that is kind of a cultural phenomenon. What's that? It is what cities are built upon. Yeah, really.
Starting point is 00:08:07 It's what lives are based around. Was it built in a day? Sorry to interrupt. Was it built in a day? Yeah. Probably. Because I feel like it's almost borderline. It is Rome.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Of the caliber of Rome, yeah. Yeah. Well, Rome wasn't built in a day, but this was. It's equivalent to Rome. It's equivalent to Rome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so good that it was able to be built in a day, and it also's equivalent to rome it's equivalent yeah yeah and if you couldn't it was so good that it was able to be built in a day and it also was as and it also was as awesome as rome
Starting point is 00:08:29 which wasn't built in a day exactly and if you couldn't guess by now loach i couldn't i actually can't believe if you haven't been able to guess what the topic is obvious by now um we are talking about jersey and give me the juice Give me the juice. Give me the juice Mike's way. And of course we could not think of a better guest than Jersey girl herself, Elizabeth Rose Valenti. I'm so honored to be parallel to Jersey Mike's. I feel like if I had any sort of legacy in this world,
Starting point is 00:09:01 it would be, you know, Elizabeth Valenti, Duncan pasta, Jersey Mike's. All food, right? Dunkin' Pasta Jersey Mike's. Dunkin' Pasta
Starting point is 00:09:13 Jersey Mike's. Dunkin' Pasta Jersey Mike's. Elizabeth experiences, thoughts, loves, losses with Jersey Mike's. I hate subs. What? What?
Starting point is 00:09:27 Dude, you got to be shitting me with that. Why did we invite her? I thought you liked Jersey Mike's. That's why I thought it'd be awesome. Well, my mom really likes Jersey Mike's. Let's get her on. And there's a Jersey Mike's that actually just got built across from our street and so it's a very popular location um to go and get some lunch but I don't partake but their cookies are really good oh fuck me I doubt that the cookies are the attraction
Starting point is 00:10:00 I thought it was the juice you know one summer in Boston I actually thought it was the juice You know One summer in Boston I actually lived I thought it was the juice You know Yeah I wasn't even phased by that Because I know Like you know Everyone talks about the juice
Starting point is 00:10:12 But One summer I actually lived across From a Jersey Mike's Which was really popular Huge if true Yeah Huge if true
Starting point is 00:10:20 A lot of my friends Would go there after work And they would pick up subs And I would have to You know Make pasta alone in my room. But the first, you know, I did, I did go. I did go a couple of times. I was like, let me, let me get a feel.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Let me get a feel. And I was nervous to order from them. And I, and I would just end up getting a cookie. Nervous in what way um I think because uh I mean Riley knows this but I get really nervous and I get really nervous about trying new foods because I think I'm gonna be deathly allergic to whatever the new item is um right and so that's what I was worried about yeah get. Get an allergy test. Get an allergy. For the millionth time. Just go.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Yeah, get an allergy test. And get an allergy test. I'll go with you because I'd love to know. Okay. Okay. For me or for you? I probably should eat pollen. Sure.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Sure. But yeah, so I guess I should know that she's still, she's loving the pollen. Sorry. You're so stupid. You probably should meet pollen. Right. Yeah. So yeah, I haven't had Jersey Mike's.
Starting point is 00:11:39 And famously, Jersey Mike's has a bunch of unheard of ingredients and foods that it's like I'd be nervous to try. Yeah. I mean, these are things that you have never consumed elsewhere. So you wouldn't know. Going back to the sweating, I feel like I... We tried to move on from the sweat. I just feel like deli meat is like sweaty.
Starting point is 00:12:04 No, you're 100% correct. No, you're right. I thought you were going to say deli meat makes you sweaty. No, you're 100% correct. No, you're right. I thought you were going to say deli meat makes you sweat. No, no. No, but meat sweats is a thing. Have you guys heard of this? That too. No, I have. I have. If you eat a lot of meat, you sweat, I think. No, no, no. That's accurate. That's accurate.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Yeah. And anyone can challenge that, but I agree with you. I'm open to being wrong but like but easy let's be honest easy yeah um jeff jersey mike's experience i have never had it well i my friend madison has been talking to about Jersey Mike's because it's her favorite place to eat. That's not true. It's her favorite sandwich place, like of the fast, casual sandwich. Is there a Jersey Mike's in Los Angeles?
Starting point is 00:12:53 There's tons of them. Yeah. They're all over the town. Oh. They're painting the town red with the juice. Jeff is, the juice is Jeff's new thing. Go on. Yeah, so this is the juice. And basically, let me just read this. This is from the juice is Jeff's new thing. Go on. Yeah, so this is the juice.
Starting point is 00:13:05 And basically, let me just read this. This is from the Jersey Mike's website. Oh. Red wine vinegar in an olive oil blend. It's how a Jersey Mike sub gets its exquisite zing. It's how bites get boosted and a great sub becomes an even better one.
Starting point is 00:13:24 The juice adds that certain something extra. An exclamation. The kind of exclamation you can eat. Did you write that? I want to write copy for Jersey. They don't need it. They don't fucking need it because that was perfect. But what are you fucking talking about?
Starting point is 00:13:45 The kind of exclamation you can eat. Just end it up. Just it could have ended up after an even better one. The zing. The zing. Yeah. What? It doesn't.
Starting point is 00:13:55 You've already explained what it is. It's red wine, vinegar and an olive oil blend. That's the zing. That's the juice. It's the exclamation you can eat. And then I'm going to share. I'm going to share my screen here just for a second. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Look how thick this screen is. Oh, God. It's not even going to stick to the sandwich. It's going to bounce off. It's a thick stream. God. Yeah, it's absolutely... It's foul.
Starting point is 00:14:18 It's defamatory. And at a certain point, if I could be honest, I mean, it's anti-union. Got it. So, okay. So we have one person who loves the juice, never had it. We've had one person who won't eat a sandwich because they're scared. And I have had Jersey Mike's many times. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:41 And your experience, tell us. It is better than Subway. I don't like... Wow. Oh my god, like miles away better than Subway. Oh, fuck. Wow. I don't like hot subs. I enjoy a cold sub. Wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:14:58 An Italian sub. That's right. What's the difference? Between hot and cold? How much time do you have to learn the difference between hot and cold? No, no, no, no, no. Now I get the whole sweating thing. She's just hot and she doesn't know. She's like, well, I'm cold, but I'm wet.
Starting point is 00:15:17 So temperature. You're hot, you're sweating, because it's hot. No, that's warm. You're overheating. Well, no, that can't be right. No, no, no, no. It is. The difference between a hot and cold sub is one is hot and the other is not hot.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Like the meat is hot? Or the bread is toasted? The whole thing. It's toasted. It is. Daniel, cut this out. This is crazy. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:15:43 She said a lot. Well, I know pasta is hot. So then other foods, are they not not that are they a mix of both or how do you if it's is it let's just figure this out i just have one more question oh and then we have to get to a review I'm sorry yes it does of course of course so on a cold sub is the cheese just slices and like on a hot sub it's melted cheese yes that's correct cause when heat does to cheese is it melts
Starting point is 00:16:14 so cheese if it's cold is not melted yeah that's like the whole thing with cheese Jersey Mike's is fine I like the Italian sub it like to me sometimes Jersey Mike's like tastes like nothing that's why you do want to get the juice you do want to get it Mike's is fine I like the Italian sub to me sometimes Jersey Mike's tastes like nothing that's why you do want to get the juice you do want to get it Mike's way which is like with salt, pepper, oregano
Starting point is 00:16:30 a couple other spices it'll do in a pinch ideally I wouldn't be having Jersey Mike's for lunch but if it's there it's fine how's the bread? it's fine, everything about Jersey Mike's to me is fine it's fuel to me
Starting point is 00:16:46 okay I got it confused with Jimmy John's and Jimmy John's is bad oh Jimmy John's was what was it for years I thought
Starting point is 00:16:55 it was the same okay okay Elizabeth since you were the guest would you like to kick us off? I yeah sure
Starting point is 00:17:02 I did bring a review this is from peter g peter g um what which location it's the location right by my house so i won't disclose the exact location but it's in new jersey it is new jersey jersey mics oh classic absolutely classic jeff Classic. Jeff, do you have a last name for Peter G? Classic. Got it. Got to be classic. A classic from classic. How many stars is he? So it's one star.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Got it. And Peter G says, More times than not have been disappointed. In fact, so much so I stopped going for now. I found you can go to almost any pizza shop and get more sub for your money. All you have to do is hold one sub in one hand and one in the other, and you'll see what I mean. The weight between the two, incredible.
Starting point is 00:17:51 No more bread subs for me. Sorry, Jersey Mike. Addressing Jersey Mike himself. Jersey Mike himself, the gall, theyan gall to absolutely call out jersey mike jersey for the weight of the sub like can you imagine incredible just seeing a guy with like two subs in his hand like just like weighing them out like he's he's in the waiting room of jersey mike's corporate um mr mr mike uh there's somebody who had a very personal gripe with you and they've been emailing and calling for years uh and i've been trying to duck them i've been trying to get them off of your call sheet but they just won't refuse so i just figured that if maybe you just be with
Starting point is 00:18:42 them for like five minutes yeah sure uh do you know do you know sort of what the gripe is is it the same one every time like give it to me straight i they're just always so angry that i i don't listen to the the the the the context of the the and the content of their complaint uh their voice is also so hard to listen to you you'll you'll see what i mean it. It's a really hard voice to listen to. It's the craziest voice I've ever heard. Yeah, all right. But anyway, do you have five minutes right now? Can I let them into your office?
Starting point is 00:19:12 Send them in, send them in. I'm ready. Can I come in yet? Oh, dear fucking Christ. God, okay. Mr. Mike, I have a phone to pick with you. Uh-huh, yeah. Is there any way that you could tone down that tone, the voice?
Starting point is 00:19:29 What tone? All right, all right. We'll get this done fast. Sure, yeah. Go ahead. What you got for me? I used to love your subs. I really did.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Until one day, I went to a Quiznos that changed my life. Sure, but we don't do... I pull out two unwrapped, like, loose subs from a bag. Jesus! Oh, God, that's awful. It's fermented. Mr. Mike, I want you
Starting point is 00:20:00 to hold this sub right here. You don't know if this is the Quiznos one or from your own brand. I just want you to hold it. Alright, yeah, just give it to me. sub right here. You don't know if this is the Quiznos one or from your own brand. I just want you to hold it. Alright, yeah. Just give it to me. What does the weight feel like? Does it feel heavy? Does it feel light? Just a normal sub to me.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Okay. Now try this sub. Both the same ingredients. Both tuna melts. You can just give it to me. You can just give it to me. You can just give it to me. Here you go. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Wow. Yeah, that one does feel a little heftier. It's got that meat, doesn't it? It's got the heat and it's got the meat and it can't be beat. Well, that one's got to be our Jersey Mike's. Sorry, I'm still here.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Yeah. No, no, no. I was worried. I was worried. No, you've got to stay here. My fear was that they would kill you. Sure. What?
Starting point is 00:20:55 Nothing. You never know. Here, you try them, Tony. Tony, take them. Tony. Whoa. Tony, you feel it. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:02 Yeah. And I know the one that's heavier. It's got to be the Jersey Mike's because that's our game that's heavier it's gotta be the Jersey Mike's we make good sandwiches I slam the thick sandwich to the ground oh god that
Starting point is 00:21:16 was Quiznos thunder and lightning oh god what was that now I have come here for a reason Mr. Mike I wanted you to know Oh, God, what was that? How did you time that so well? For a reason, Mr. Mike. Who are you? I wanted you to know that I will never be a patron at your sub shop again. So what?
Starting point is 00:21:39 That's it? That's your reaction? No, don't laugh. Who fucking cares? It's not funny laugh it's not funny it's not funny what are you laughing for we have 600 locations
Starting point is 00:21:48 going up this month sweetheart we don't need it we don't need you we don't need it frankly you're bad for business with your voice no
Starting point is 00:21:56 the voice is sending people away from us I come to the jersey mics on the corner where I work every day for lunch until I had quiznos and the weight you could feel the corner where I work every day for lunch until I had Quiznos. I mean, the way you could feel it, and now I'm
Starting point is 00:22:08 telling you with sincere gravity that I will not be a patron at your store anymore. It doesn't matter. It really, like, you are nothing. I am Jersey Mike.
Starting point is 00:22:23 That's his first and last name. That's it? No! I won't accept this! You're supposed to grovel at my feet! You're supposed to say, we'll add the meat! You're supposed to say,
Starting point is 00:22:35 we can't be beat! You know what, sweetheart? The meat, we got the meat. We got it all. We don't need this, this Quizno spiel, this fight, this thunder lightning, all the entertainment, the tactics. We don't need it. It's just the sandwiches with us.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Yeah. Yeah. So what you're saying is if I stop coming to your sub store, that you'll be fine? I'll be thrilled, actually. Yeah, the voice is just really piercing. So what you're saying is it won't affect how liquid Jersey Mike's is at all? I mean, unless you had something to do with our formula, with the juice. I mean, it just wouldn't have anything to do with us.
Starting point is 00:23:22 Well, speaking of liquid, I got my hands on the secret recipe, the juice and Mike's way. No, you don't know anything. It's on the website. It's two ingredients. Anybody can do it. A lot of other sandwich stores do do it.
Starting point is 00:23:39 They just don't call it the juice. But honestly... No! What you're supposed to say is that, oh, how dare you! You can't just walk into places and- It's been five minutes! Yeah, by the way, you've wasted enough of Jersey's time. If I give you a gift card, will you leave? Yeah, what do you want?
Starting point is 00:23:59 What do you want from us? I wanted you to tell me that my patronage was keeping you afloat. I wanted to feel special for once in my life. Okay, sweetheart, what's your name again? Alan. Oh, God, the name of what? Alan. Your doll.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Your doll. You try your best. You don't have to say that, Mr. Mike. No, no, no. Call me Jersey. I, Jersey. I... I...
Starting point is 00:24:32 Tony, why are you laughing? No, Tony, Tony. Tony, please. Sorry, yeah. It's just, this is crazy. Alan, I was like you once. I had a dream
Starting point is 00:24:44 to own a sub shop. Just one around the corner from my house. Really, just for my mom, my pa. And I get it. No one listened to me. No one believed in me. No one understood the weight, literally, figuratively, of the sub. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:25:04 And I know you're bringing up the weight of it now, and I just hear this underlying darkness within you, this need to be heard. You're giving them so much time. No, Tony, listen. I'm listening. It's just, this is
Starting point is 00:25:20 crazy. You know, take this gift card. Take these subs back i want you to know years old i just want you to know that i heard you and i respect you just get out of my house so will you agree to add more meat so the weight is greater than that of Quiznos? Oh no, I'm not doing shit, honey. Sorry. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Thunder lightning glass shatters. The window's breaking. Oh, what are you? My eye! You got Jersey in the eye with glass. All right, should we take a quick break and come back with some more reviews of, honestly, Jersey Mike?
Starting point is 00:26:13 Jersey Mike, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Let's do it. And we're back. And we're absolutely back. I mean. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:26:36 We should go, Riley. You or me, man. Dude, this is crazy because it's literally going to have to be one of us. And, like, I don't know how to feel about that. I know, I know. I don't know if it's good to, like, go last to headline or if it's good going to have to be one of us and like I don't know how to feel about that. I know, I know. I don't know if it's good to like go last to headline or if it's good to like be first. I don't know. Well, neither of us are first because
Starting point is 00:26:51 Elizabeth went first. I already went, yeah. I know, I know and that's what I was saying. No, you forgot how counting is. Yeah. Yeah. You go. Well, no, not because you're the headliner I mean I'll go because it's just like you know
Starting point is 00:27:07 yeah it's fine well I am the headliner well I'm the guest for this episode? because I'm going last now it seems it seems well because you asked me to okay hold on I have four that I'm picking
Starting point is 00:27:23 from you know I'll go next then I should go obviously okay hold on I have four that I'm picking from oh my god you know I'll go next but then I should go obviously yeah okay this is a one star review from Melanie B
Starting point is 00:27:35 Bracewell yeah immediately what I thought this is of the Jersey Mike's in Silver Lake which I didn't know there was one I didn't know there was one. I didn't know there was one there either. Yeah, okay, so here we go. One star.
Starting point is 00:27:52 I went to this location on 822, ordered ahead, walked in, and asked for the code to the bathroom, and was rudely told it was customers only. I said, I am a customer. You're making my sandwich right now. She rudely said it was open. Afterwards, I was treated terribly just to get my darn sandwiches, which were waiting for me.
Starting point is 00:28:10 I stepped outside and was waiting for my ride. A man and his daughter came out, and they were also upset. I said, did you get the same treatment I did? He said he was picking up, asked for the bathroom for his young daughter, and got the same crappy attitude, but further was told he could just call the district manager if he was so bothered. Last sentence doesn't make a lot of sense, but yeah. Was it in all caps? Yes. What made me laugh was, did you get the same treatment i did yeah such a weird way to phrase that weird way to phrase it and also the fact that she was like kind of conspiring with
Starting point is 00:28:55 other customers of yeah outside of massage like massage envy yeah yeah hey dude sorry i just noticed that you came out and you looked kind of like in a daze yeah did you get this did you get the same treatment i did in there oh my god it wasn't just me oh my god so um i mean if you're if you're talking about just kind of like you know that the massage was just it was just like they were rubbing oil on my back and didn't actually massage me at all. I feel really, I feel really ripped off. Did that happen to you?
Starting point is 00:29:29 Oh, no, I meant, did you get the Swedish treatment? Hmm? Did you get the deep tissue Swedish? So they do, so they do have people who can do that. No, man. Oh my God. No, I'm so frustrated. I went in there, had such the, I have the longest work week and I'm like, please just really dig in there had such the i have the longest work week and i'm like please just really dig in there and she kind of just took a bottle sprayed it on my back with oil and just
Starting point is 00:29:49 kind of moved it around a bit for like 25 minutes and i booked an hour and then she said you're done and i said do you have any other people who who can do a little bit harder and she said no we don't do that here so you got a full swedish treatment oh fuck. I hate that place. Oh, hey. Sorry. You didn't even, we didn't even see you go inside. I don't think you actually got a massage. I don't mean to be rude.
Starting point is 00:30:15 I don't mean to be rude. You've been sitting on the bench outside of here. We've actually seen you waiting at the bus stop since we got here. I've just been fuming deep. I just had to let it out oh why have you gone inside inside there inside that place yes we both have you gone inside have you oh i mean i've just been i've just been thinking about it and like i just right i've i've just i've looked in and i no i haven't gone no, I haven't gone in yet.
Starting point is 00:30:46 I haven't gone in yet. Why do you hate it? You said you hated this place. You said you fucking hate that place. I fucking hate that place, dude. Fuck Massage Envy. Whoa. But you haven't been in there.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Do you know someone who works there? Do you have a bad relationship with someone in there? Someone. Something. No, it's someone. Yeah, my ex is the manager there. Oh, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:11 So what are you doing here? I worked the- It's okay. No, it's okay. I can see you getting a little worked up. You're also taking way too long to answer. Yeah, the simplest question is why are you here? i mean okay okay fine fine i'll tell you okay go in and when you're back okay okay okay so i came and how long have you been here today and is this the first day that you
Starting point is 00:31:37 this is the seventh day i've been trying to step in a row and uh yep and uh but we don't need no one else needs to know that um yep i've just been building up the courage and i just you know people they walk in walk out all relaxed all happy and that's what i want but and you're getting more and more work sorry so you said you fucking hate that place but you want to go in there because you still love your ex and you want to win her back i love her so much but you hate the place did did the did did was it something about massage envy that like broke you up i can't believe that's a question i asked no nothing nothing nothing about nothing about massage envy specifically just she oh she was cheating on me and i just i was she actually cheating on you or was she a massage no no she's cheating on me with considered that cheating no no she was cheating on me with someone
Starting point is 00:32:32 um at the jersey mike's uh next so what does that have to do with this actually has nothing to do with massage envy right well no nothing to do with massage envy just the people in massage but you hate that but you hate, I fucking hate that place. Holy fuck. But no, I really... Chris, you have to stop waiting outside for me. You're scaring away all these customers. I told you, we're done.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Babe, babe, please. No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, please. I would do anything. I forgive you. We don't even need to go to counseling. I don't care. You forgive me?
Starting point is 00:33:02 Yeah, please. Oh, Jesus. Has he been out here telling... I'm so sorry. Has he been telling you that i've cheated on him that's the story that was what he was saying they said it they said it no we didn't we didn't pick a side we were just asking what's wrong because he kept saying he fucking hated massage sorry for my language he fucking hated massage chubby chris for the love of god i give massages for a living just because i am touching people doesn't mean I'm cheating on you.
Starting point is 00:33:26 That's cheating. You're touching other women, other men, other gents. I can't do it anymore. Please take me back. I really miss us. What do you mean you can't do it anymore? You've asked me to quit my job for you because you don't like what I do. You just said, I can't do it anymore.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Please take me back. That is what you said. No, hey, hey, I thought you were on my side. What are you talking about? I thought you were on my side. No, we never said that. We never said that. I'm not being a side, but-
Starting point is 00:33:53 I'm just trying to figure out what's happening. But Leanne, I see your name tag. Yes, Leanne. I don't have so much a complaint about you as a person as much as I just do a complaint for a massage. This is probably not the best time. I'm actually saying massage. This is probably not the best time. I'm actually saying that. This is probably not the best time. None of this matters. I would have loved
Starting point is 00:34:09 a deeper massage if I could just give it. Did you have Chrissy? Yeah, I had Chrissy. I'm so sorry. Chrissy is just like, she's not doing the best this week. She's having a tough time. Okay. I would love to hear it. I had you, Leanna. You were amazing. You really got in there. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm love to hear it. I had you, Leanna. You were amazing. I mean, you really got in there.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So you went to my ex and had her touching your body? You were just listening to me, dude. Oh, oh. I didn't know it was her. The betrayal. Chris, you need to leave.
Starting point is 00:34:46 We've not been friends, was what you were about to say. No one's friends. Actually, I don't know any of these people's names. I thought we were friends. What's your name? What's my name? Yeah, or not. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:34:56 No, my name is Julia. Yeah. Hey, Julia. Yeah. My name's Trulia. Hi, Trulia. What? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:04 I work in real estate tech. Do you want to hang out sometime? I know that sounds weird, but... Liam, please. Trulia and Julia, same. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:15 It's okay. None of this matters to me. I'm going to go home. And I'm sorry that you guys are dealing with this. Yes, okay. Well, thank you. We'll give you a coupon code for next time. Thank you so much for stopping by. And thank you for stopping by, Trulia.
Starting point is 00:35:27 You were a pleasure to work with. Chris, you actually can never come within 30 feet of this premises again. I hate this place. Well, Leanne, I was like, this feels like a horrible, this feels horrible. A horrible time. Horrible time to do this, but like, I really did feel a connection. You're not.
Starting point is 00:35:44 You're not. I hate to do this. I know, Trulia. I felt... Leigh-Anne, you can't. Chris, you are not part of this. We broke up months ago. Trulia, I would love to maybe grab a tea sometime. Oh, you don't drink? Oh, I mean, well's it's five it's five to ten
Starting point is 00:36:08 if you know anything about her you'd know that well that's why we want to hang out because we don't know anything about each other Chris we're done if I see you loitering outside of this massage envy again I'm
Starting point is 00:36:24 gonna have to file a restraining order. I'll see you next week. He didn't get it. He didn't get it. He didn't hear anything you just said. He didn't hear a word I just said. All right, our last review. Okay, here we go.
Starting point is 00:36:46 One time, no thought. Okay, this is three stars for the Jersey Mike's in Fort Lee. And it is from Andrew L. Elizabeth, can we get a last name for Andrew L? Lollipop. Andrew Lollipop, three stars. Not a good start.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Being asked to stand outside on a cold and rainy night at 5.45 p.m. I would think it's a busy night, and just because a D-list Instagram celebrity is taking pictures, you wouldn't make paying customers stand outside. I'll give the staff credit for apologizing and doing the quote-unquote right thing. A few disgruntled customers walked away, but since I had done an online order, I was taken care of. Now on to the food. The Italian sub was okay. A little light on the ingredients, but at least it wasn't a bread and lettuce sandwich.
Starting point is 00:37:35 The turkey provolone was also just okay. We also ordered a buffalo wrap, which was a hit with my family. Three stars for now, mostly because I had to wait in the cold and rain. We'll see how they do if we return. There's like so many things. There are like multiple points. What D-list Instagram celebrity is like, I got to do a photo shoot at Jersey Mike's. And they're like, clear the space.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Absolutely. Okay, guys. Guys. All right, team. Gather around. Gather around. Gather around. Okay. absolutely okay guys guys all right team gather around gather around gather around all right okay you know here at the fort lee jersey mics we like to do it big and that's why i chip your general manager and bring in the big bucks today you guys oh my god what's up we have a celebrity coming to the shop today. Is it Michael friggin' Jordan? It's gotta be Leonardo.
Starting point is 00:38:27 It is not Michael Jordan. It's not Leo DiCaprio. It is someone who, they are very, let's just say they're very active on social media. Let's just say they have thousands of followers. It's Busy Phillips. It's gotta be Jamila.
Starting point is 00:38:44 It's not Jamila. It's Busy Phillips. It's got to be Jamila. It's not Jamila. It's not Busy. It is Dakota Peterson. I don't know if you heard me. Dakota. We heard you. Who's that? Who's that?
Starting point is 00:39:03 Who's that? I've never heard that name. Who's Dakota Peterson? Neither of you have neither of you i just don't know who that is yeah no sorry that's shocking to me for two of you gen zers to not know who dakota p like i'm a millennial and i know who dakota peterson is you're not a millennial you're a little older than that but yeah you're like i'm on the cusp i'm on the cusp yeah no i'm no but it's like i technically i actually Googled it. What year were you born?
Starting point is 00:39:27 1977, right? I Googled it and I'm right on the cusp of Millennial Gen X. 77 is for sure X. But listen, Dakota Peterson, they have an insane amount of followers.
Starting point is 00:39:38 I can't believe, they have at least like 5,200 followers. Is that like, that's crazy that you don't know who they are. I mean, I have more. That's not a lot. On my Instagram.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Not a lot? I have like 67. What are you talking about? That's not a lot of followers. Oh, shit. How many followers do you guys have? Well, that's really sad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Yeah, no. Liza has like, I think what, 7,000? Yeah, yeah, around that. I'm approaching eight now. Approaching eight. And Leon, how many do you have? I have less than 5,000, but I'm just making the point that it's not that much to have in the thousands. I have 4,000-something.
Starting point is 00:40:13 What? Holy, oh my God. And we're not celebrities. Yeah, we're just people. No, but you guys, you have a following. You guys are viral. Wait, no, maybe we should cancel. You guys should viral. Wait, no, maybe we should cancel Dakota. You guys should post
Starting point is 00:40:25 about this. I bet you guys could reach a lot of people by bringing in the numbers that you have. I mean, if Dakota's already booked, I guess we just sort of do it? I also don't want to do that. I don't want to grid post about Jersey Mike's. This is a day job for me.
Starting point is 00:40:41 That'd actually be pretty bad for my following. I feel like I'd lose followers if I did that. You'd hemorrhage followers. You'd hemorrhage followers for sure. Okay, that's fine. We don't need you because we have Dakota. We have Dakota and... Hey, team!
Starting point is 00:40:54 Dakota Peterson from the DX squad. This is who you got. Oh my God, Dakota. I'm Chip. We met on email. It is so nice to meet you in person person Can I get some daps for that? Yeah, come in brother They dap up really bad
Starting point is 00:41:12 Dakota flosses horribly, doesn't do it right This is unbelievable Dakota, this is my team This is Leon and Liza We couldn't be more excited to meet you Dakota, so good to meet you Liza, so good to meet you. I'm just like you guys.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Well, you are exactly like us. That's what I'm saying, you guys. I told you. Dakota, I told them you are so humble and so cool despite your viral fame. You really are just like us. Yeah, well, you know what? I used to be like you guys. You still are.
Starting point is 00:41:43 That's such a come up. Liza, be kind to our guests. What did she say? No, nothing. Don't worry about it. No, you know what? I see what's happening. You guys are nervous.
Starting point is 00:41:54 It's all right. A little bit. I'm a little nervous. Chip, you guys. Well, look, I do a lot of these. And honestly, you guys are going to be part of this with me. What? And if you want to post something with Dakota you can. What? You're lying.
Starting point is 00:42:09 You're yanking my chain. No let's get a photo. Alright everyone in here. Dakota reaches out his hand to do a selfie but doesn't do it with the front facing camera. It comes out horribly. That'll be awesome. I'll send that to you guys. Wow. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:42:26 That's unbelievable. Okay, now Dakota, we have a couple press shots lined up for you. But I'm so sorry. There's too many normies in here, probably for your liking, Dakota. So we can just kick them all out. No, you don't have to do that. I'd love it if you did, but you don't have to. Chip, these are paying customers.
Starting point is 00:42:41 We literally just took a break here. Yeah, I thought the whole point is to bring in people. It is to bring in people, but we have to, you know, we want to give Dakota the star treatment Dakota deserves. They already paid, so they can wait outside and then come back in. Why didn't we do this when we were closed? Because, Liza, that's not... Yeah, if it's for the photo op.
Starting point is 00:43:04 That's not Mike's way. Mike's way is with juice, which is red wine, vinegar, and olive oil. The exclamation. Everybody, hello, hello, Jersey Mike's patrons. What is going on, everybody? Can I get a booyah? Booyah. Yes, that's what I like to see.
Starting point is 00:43:24 All right. Thank you guys so much for coming in today. We have to do a quick little order of business because we do have a celebrity in our midst. So we are going to need everyone to kind of evacuate the premises for about 15 to 20 minutes. I don't want to leave Jersey Mike's. Who is this celebrity anyways?
Starting point is 00:43:43 Yeah, I just ordered a sub, so. Okay, yes, we will get you your sub, and sir, um, sorry, I don't know if they necessarily want me to disclose our information. Tell me, or else I'm going to be really... It's Dakota Peterson. It's Dakota Peterson. We have to go to... What? Dakota Peterson?
Starting point is 00:44:00 What? Dakota Peterson? Yes, yes. Now everyone get your asses outside. Oh my God. What the fuck is happening? I look over at Lionel and Liza. I told you.
Starting point is 00:44:14 What the fuck? What? Are you talking? That guy's 40. Okay, everybody. Now I know there's a blizzard outside, but we are going to have to make you all wait outside while we get these awesome shots of Dakota with the juice, okay?
Starting point is 00:44:31 Dakota with the juice! Dakota with the juice. This is so stupid. Why are we doing this? We're literally kicking out customers. Eliza and Leon, you've lost your privileges to take photos with Dakota today. I'm not liking the attitude. We didn't want them.
Starting point is 00:44:43 We also already got a photo with him. Oh, that stinks. No, with Dakota and the juice. You guys, you, I hate to say it, but I won't have this sourpuss attitude in here while my man Dakota is raising the roof. So I'm gonna have to- Leon, Liza, I love your guys' energy.
Starting point is 00:44:59 I just need it to be positive. Yeah, no, yeah. So you don't love our energy. We're positive. You don't think it's positive? No, no, no, no. Dakota just said that he our energy. We're positive. If you don't think it's positive. No, no, no. No, Dakota just said that he loves your guys' energy.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Just like take what Dakota says. I love what you guys bring to the table. I just wish it could be entirely different. Yes. Then you don't love it. That's what I tell them
Starting point is 00:45:15 every single day. Then you don't like it. Then you don't love it. What are you talking about? Please don't yell at Dakota. I will retrieve you when we are done photographing Dakota
Starting point is 00:45:23 with the juice. You're like kind of pushing us into the meat locker. Wait, wait, wait. I can't get out of this. We can't get out. What? What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:45:38 We're gonna have some sustained bodily injury if we're in here for more than 15 minutes. This is a freezer. Yeah, we literally need to get out of this. I mean, this will be fast. This will be fast. Right? I mean, at least we're not out there with Dakota.
Starting point is 00:45:54 Cut to the house. All right. So basically what we usually do is I go live and then they're just the Dakota Hive shows. Okay. All right. Just I'll go. Maybe you just ask me a couple of questions. Be totally normal.ive shows up. Okay. All right. Just I'll go. Maybe you just ask me a couple of questions. Be totally normal.
Starting point is 00:46:07 Act like we're friends. All right. It won't be hard to act that Dakota. I'll promise you that. Relax. Yeah. Hey, Dakota Hive. I'm here at the Johnston Ave Jersey Mike's here with my main man.
Starting point is 00:46:23 Chip. Chip. Yes. Hey, what's up everybody it's your man chip here with my best bro dakota part of the hive buzz buzz what's up everybody we couldn't be happier to have dakota here i'm crying this is the best day there's three viewers on the live this is the best day of my life this is the best day of my life and I'd just be so honored to Dakota if you want to like squeeze the juice onto some bread I can hold the phone I'd be honored
Starting point is 00:46:54 to do that for you Dakota sorry about that Dakota Hive but yeah we're gonna squeeze some juice onto these sandwiches let's go. Yes, we are. Give me the phone. I'm front facing.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Guys, this is like, I'm so sorry for everyone who isn't me right now. Can I just say that? Like all of you wish you were me. Here we go. Hey. Hi. Sorry. I'm the health inspector.
Starting point is 00:47:22 We do. The live is still on, but it's like under my chin. You know, we do these like once a year, and we're not supposed to tell you when we're doing them, so we're just dropping in to do it now. Is that cool? Yeah, could you give us like 10 to 20 more minutes? I literally have to do it right now.
Starting point is 00:47:35 We're doing a live. Dakota Johnson's here, and so I'm sorry. Dakota Johnson's here? Well, she's waiting outside with the rest of the losers. Dakota Peterson is doing a live right now. You guys can continue doing that. I'm just going to have a look around.
Starting point is 00:47:50 I'm going to just open this meat locker. Oh, thank God! Thank God! I'm so cold! I'm sweating. I'm so cold that I'm sweating. I'm absolutely sweating. My fingers. We are soaked.
Starting point is 00:48:05 What? I dripped onto the cold cut. How did they get in there? Yeah, you guys are done. You guys are absolutely done, and I don't know who that is. How did they get in there? That was crazy. You guys broke it.
Starting point is 00:48:21 You told me that no one else was going to be in here. I can't have another member of the Hive just fangirling over me. No, no. I don't know who you are, and I'm shutting you down. No, Dakota. Dakota, please don't go. Please don't go. I promise.
Starting point is 00:48:33 I had no idea this was going to happen. I'm out. Dakota starts to walk. You're grabbing at his shoulders and sliding down his feet, dragging behind him. Dakota, please. Dakota, don't leave me. Get off of me, man. Get off of me.
Starting point is 00:48:44 I start kissing your feet. Dakota. Oh. Oh. Dakota. Dakota. Dry. Dakota, don't leave me. Get off of me, man. Get off of me. I start kissing your feet. Dakota. Oh. Oh. Dakota. Dry. So dry. That's so gross.
Starting point is 00:48:51 You spray the juice. Oh, dude. These are Jordans. They're Juicetons. No. All right. Should we do our last segment? Dakota Johnson's outside.
Starting point is 00:49:02 Like, I just wanted a tuna melt. This is just where I'm from, and I wanted a sandwich. Dakota Johnson. Oh, shan't we? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:17 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:18 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:18 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:18 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:19 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:19 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:19 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:49:24 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Valenti what's been shaking you okay got it alright Jeffrey okay have we talked about squid game no it's been like a month since it's been released probably by the time this that's better than
Starting point is 00:49:43 our usual what shook me is which is Riley and I mostly Riley but sometimes me getting to media way too late usually me with classic literature and her with any show ever have you heard of The Office? it's amazing
Starting point is 00:49:58 no Squid Game is the only thing I've talked about for about two and a half or so weeks now since I finished. It's true. Oh, my God. It's one of my favorite shows. One of the episodes is one of the best episodes I've ever seen in television, like ever. It's so good and traumatizing.
Starting point is 00:50:17 And I can't shut up about it. It's very traumatizing. Have you watched it at all, Jeff? I have not seen it. Oh, fuck. You gotta. Is it like torture porn or is it just Jeff? I have not seen it. Oh, fuck. You gotta. Is it like torture porn or is it just good? No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:50:29 It's like, it's, this is how I'll sell it to anyone who's listening who hasn't watched it. It's Hunger Games meets The Purge meets Black Mirror meets Parasite. That's what I got. Okay. That's what I got. Okay. That's what I got. It's so... And the acting is amazing and it was only...
Starting point is 00:50:51 It was written, created, and directed all by just one guy. There was no writer's room or anything. That's... That's like, uh... White Lotus.
Starting point is 00:51:01 Mm-hmm. Did they not have a writer's room for White Lotus? I think it was just mike white oh mike white i think he um i think he wrote it like in a weekend or something something crazy like that okay wait but also uh riley and i did see a tiktok last night which blew my mind and it's like this this old like symphony beethoven kind of, right? Was it Beethoven or something? No, it's like Gregorian chant from like 13th century. So not at all Beethoven.
Starting point is 00:51:34 But it's like these four notes that are used to like evoke like something bad is afoot. Like death. It's like a death signal. The devil's tritone or whatever it's called? like death it's like a death the devil's uh tritone or whatever it's called no it's like four notes um in succession with one another and it's it's in squid game it's in white lotus it's in a bunch of those kinds of movies and shows that's cool yeah it's kind of cool i'll send you the tiktok what are the notes here wait i'll just can i play
Starting point is 00:52:03 it will that be can we hear that for audio? Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Okay, let's see if I can pull it up. That's like the thing, and it's in Squid Game. That's White Lotus, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I love Squid Game.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Good shit. I can't talk about it enough. Hell yeah. I might watch it. It's too scary for me. Oh, it's scary? Then I'll watch it. It's scary.
Starting point is 00:52:35 I was going to say, it's horror movie season. Yeah, you should watch it now. It's a good time, too. Yeah. I love that. Anspa, what's been shaking your ass? Well, what's been shaking my ass crazy? What's been shaking your crazy ass?
Starting point is 00:52:55 Sorry, what was that? What's been shaking your crazy? Ass. Ass. What's been shaking your crazy ass you can always reach out like if you need help like we're this is such a fear cry
Starting point is 00:53:11 for help yeah no no no no it's just that um okay every time
Starting point is 00:53:20 every time well now it's interesting. What's shaking me? That's a crazy question. What's shaking? Not really. What's shaking me?
Starting point is 00:53:31 This happens every time you record. It's the same every week. What is? I watched six episodes of Only Murders in the Building. I think there might be ten episodes. I didn't fully check. You really gave it a shot. But they're only like 28 minutes.
Starting point is 00:53:44 That's long I watch while I was doing other things but also I wanted to find out who the murderer was but I hit a point where I'm like I put it on and I was upset that I put it on I'm like oh I have to watch this now it's like a chore yeah and I'm like life is too
Starting point is 00:54:01 fucking short to like watch shit for pleasure that you don't get pleasure out of. And so I'm like, why am I doing this? That it's like, oh, I have to watch it now. It's like, no, I'm going to watch something that I want to watch. So that's what shook me is Elizabeth and I actually have been talking about this past week. Elizabeth goes, there are no rules to life.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Like you can kind of do whatever. And I'm like, yeah. That's something you would randomly text me. And she goes, well, except for laws, I guess laws are like suggestions, but even then you don't have to follow it. Laws are suggestions. I just learned the concept of free will
Starting point is 00:54:36 on my ride home yesterday. Yeah. And so I'm taking that concept of free will to the media and art that I consume that if I'm not enjoying it, then I don't have to watch it. I don't have to finish it if I don't like it. You literally don't. I'm taking the concept of free will to the art that I consume.
Starting point is 00:54:56 What a horrible sentence. That's what's shaking me. Is that, that is that. Yeah. Free will. Free will and art. Free will is shaking my ass this day free will is kind of shaking my crazy ass um i'm so sorry i'm so sorry to do this but another panic
Starting point is 00:55:14 of the disco pre-split uh what shook me uh i recently stumbled upon their live show that they did in norway in 2008 and it's just, it's so nice to listen to and watch. Cause they're clearly having so much fun. Like when they, they do an encore and they play my favorite song of theirs, which is mad as rabbits. And they're like, there's one time where he's like,
Starting point is 00:55:35 uh, like Ryan Ross, like they're ad-libbing as they're like rocking out. And Ryan Ross is like, come on Norway. And they're having so much fun. And then like right before they go into the reinvent love part, Brandon Urie is like,
Starting point is 00:55:48 But they're like, they're really jamming together, which is what I appreciate in a rock band. And then like, they're like, And then Brandon Urie is like, Ross, which is like Ryan Ross. And then like they go into the final thing. And it just makes me really happy because Mary, a couple months later, they all ended up hating each other. So it was nice to see them liking each other at that point.
Starting point is 00:56:10 I get that. I understand that excitement of a band you really love, and you see them ad-libbing, having fun while they're playing. Oh, yeah. That's the best. I think it might be Roll Over Beethoven, or I forget what song by the Beatles, but you hear
Starting point is 00:56:26 them go like you hear Paul go come on George like right before a riff and it's like I love little moments like that it's so sweet oh no it's Ringo it's Ringo yelling that to George and it's very fun yeah it's the same thing and they were like really emulating the Beatles for that album
Starting point is 00:56:42 cycle so like there's parallels I'm not comparing them to the Beatles for that album cycle. So like, um, there's parallels, not, I'm not comparing them to the Beatles, but, um, it is the same thing of like, you want the Beatles to get along.
Starting point is 00:56:52 You want mommy and daddy to get along. Oh, and I'd also like to clarify, it is not a Rollercoaster Beethoven. It's on boys because that's when Ringo sings on. And so he says, come on, George.
Starting point is 00:57:00 And then George has a really fun, it doesn't matter. I just want mommy and daddy to get along. That's one of my new favorite things is just it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it actually doesn't matter
Starting point is 00:57:12 it doesn't matter no it doesn't matter um um Eve thank you so much for coming on to talk mics it was so much fun
Starting point is 00:57:21 I love you guys I like you guys no I like you guys guys no I like you guys alright no I like you guys we have fun is there anything
Starting point is 00:57:28 you want to well plug I guess you can go check out my things on my YouTube channel yes my YouTube channel is just my name
Starting point is 00:57:37 Elizabeth Valenti and I don't care about other social media I care about YouTube so nice fair fair
Starting point is 00:57:44 what's that I have a toenail that's hanging on by a goddamn thread it hurts so bad it hurts so bad do you have anything to plug jeff other than what the fuck that was uh at jeffrey james on instagram at jeff boyardee on twitter um and uh review review at review review on Instagram at review review show on Twitter r slash review review on Reddit you can find me
Starting point is 00:58:08 on Instagram at Riley Anspa on Twitter Riley Coyote I guess what I have to plug is Daniel and I made a short film it hasn't been edited yet
Starting point is 00:58:15 but if you guys just want to start thinking about wanting to watch it just kind of like yeah it's called Chauncey and so if you just
Starting point is 00:58:24 kind of want to like start imagining what it's going to becey and so if you just kind of want to like start imagining what it's going to be like and imagining getting excited to watch it don't even imagine getting excited just be excited now just be excited or don't think about it until they drop it in like two months just out of nowhere so that people are excited no I mean because it's like we're probably going to want to start submitting to festivals so who knows we can actually put it online so like until then you didn't even listen to me you just said no no just start
Starting point is 00:58:47 just start thinking about like ooh I'm excited to watch whatever they're going to put together and you should be and you should be and you absolutely should be so it's like you literally have no reason to not
Starting point is 00:59:04 be excited for it actually well hold on so Daniel and I co-wrote it co-directed it and we also produced it with Elizabeth Jeff wasn't involved in any way so it's like that's the reason you have to want to watch it well I storyboarded it in my eyes you didn't Daniel and I storyboarded it
Starting point is 00:59:19 I know you did on paper I'm saying in my head I storyboarded it when you told me about the concept and I think that that makes me involved I also worked in my head I storyboarded it when you told me about the concept. And I think that that makes me involved. I also worked on White Lotus in the same way. No, you didn't. Okay, so you think you worked on every show because you thought about it. Not every show.
Starting point is 00:59:33 I don't have that bandwidth. We'll see you next. Oh, we should thank some... VI Podcasts. Yes. Thank you to you know what no I'm done
Starting point is 00:59:47 reading these fuck these patrons underscore Christian side hugs for chastity Aaron Aaron Coogan Adam Shea
Starting point is 00:59:55 Agent Michael spider bite Aggie a co in the key of riding the high of securing that Riley follow a not one but
Starting point is 01:00:04 two social media platforms. Alex Witt. And now a patron who needs no introduction, so moving on. Anthony Amadeo. Brad Hill's applying for Survivor and needs that good word with probes, baby. Brian Dodd. Brungus Mink is dead. Ghoulia Bowie Dreyfus is back.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Chuck. Caroline, the bread winner, and Kinsey, the bread sinner. Chaston Bales. Cluff. Corned Beef. Is that new patron? New patron! Cullen.
Starting point is 01:00:36 Damien Kirk, mid-tenure patron, so who would care? Devin Clark Memler is a real piece of work, just the worst. Every night I shiver praying for a piece of clothing to warm me like a Review Review hoodie. Fancy octopus. For lack of a netter lame. Frito-Pray love.
Starting point is 01:00:53 That's really good. That's really good. Gabriel Castaneda. Jeffrey, you just got a guest on Mad Pod. Not for my sake, but for yours. I really do think
Starting point is 01:01:00 you would enjoy that. Yeah. Sent a shiver down my spine. New patron, by the way. New patron. Gray just wants to reconnect with his stepdad. Greg Berg. And he never will.
Starting point is 01:01:09 That's not part of the name Jeff just said. And he never will. Greg Berg. Sorry, Greg Berg. Grahamstaff GME new patron. Not true. Geiler. Harbinger of cracking up and gooping off.
Starting point is 01:01:21 Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum podcast, please? Holly. I literally only subscribe to Forrest, Jeffrey, and Riley to say trans rights, XOXO. I'm strapped for ideas
Starting point is 01:01:32 and also with a gun. Awful. It's my favorite patron anyway. Another thing I hate about Isaac Puff, new patron. Jack Kwan.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Jake the Snake Raddiff. Jake Ullman. Jameson Poncia feels a sense of nostalgia for the time that Riley was a lemon on Jeff's live, which has now been two months since then. Jesse Tipton. Jive Gosley. John Quinonez. Josh is kind of a cool guy, and please don't say otherwise or I'll be sad pike.
Starting point is 01:02:00 JP again. Fun fact number three, I've never seen The Love Guru, nor do I have any intention to do so. It didn't age well, but I think it's a funny movie. Justin Goncalves. New patron. Justin Limbercake. So it's Justin Timberlake, but with a wild ass. Did you know that Jessica Biel came out as anti-vax?
Starting point is 01:02:19 Nope. Yeah. Caleb losing his luster without a hoodie. We are sending the last batch out Next week Keelan Shelton new patron Lieutenant Bob Bule Oombo Logan I'm sorry I shit the bed
Starting point is 01:02:34 New patron Lord Hunter the Grey Maggie Anderson Malik Michael Beggle Moe Pete 2 Jeffrey Strikes Back Mr. Daddy Tuesday Spooky Night, Friday the Gray Bad Boy, baby. Jeff needs to start behaving himself.
Starting point is 01:02:50 I did nothing. You wrote this horrible name. I think Mr. Daddy Tuesday Spooky. Easy with that. Easy with that. No, he needs to fucking reign it in. Mushy Lasagna. Sorry, but Mushy Lasagna.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Nate Porteous ate a Cornish game, Ken, and is just as confused as you are. No, it's Rory and Davey or Zooey Landle. Nolan Murphy was unemployed for months and no one offered to pay my subscription. This is so fucked. Orange. Orange, you're glad it isn't Hallie. Phoebe. Quack. Rooster Williams. Sam Armstrong.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Scalby Lass is a, sorry, Scalby Lass is a Zumbardi sentweet, wait, a Barsardi sentweet, Mona. Ramona, is it? Never mind. They DM'd me on Instagram something funny. Nice.
Starting point is 01:03:35 Also, I think I added the Ruh. I think it's just Mona. Anyway. Sean Siguenza, new patron. Shan to the bone has, what's that? A boner. Nice, Shan. Slickity doodah, rickety day.
Starting point is 01:03:49 Y.O.Y. hasn't bule paid my stack. Soap. Space Ant. TJ Michael. Yaro Bouchard. And Yasmin David. Thank you guys so much for subscribing at the highest tier. It means a lot to me.
Starting point is 01:04:05 It really does. And me too. And thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. Thank you to E for guesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Yay. We'll see you guys again next week. Sounds good. I'll be here. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.

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