Review Revue - Karaoke Bars (w/ Amir Blumenfeld!)

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

Headgum co-founder Amir Blumenfeld joins Reilly & Geoff to discuss Koreatown karaoke bars, Cats (2019), and CHINE! Plus, the official debut of Review Revue’s theme song!Be sure to give the show a funny 5-star review on Apple Podcasts! We’ll read it on air, or we won’t!Follow Amir, Reilly, and Geoff:IG: @amir, @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @blumenfeld, @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to rip you out. The worst song by the best man.

That's Fuh You by Paul McCartney, a.k.a. Ruv You. What was that? He just wanna fuh you. That was a Paul McCartney song? Yeah. When? From the hit album Egypt Station.

What are you guys saying right now? Paul McCartney released an album earlier this year called Egypt Station. Earlier this year? Yep. Okay. With a song called Pho You. P-H-O? F-U-H.

Do you want to listen to the chorus, the actual lyrics? Not entirely. You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to fuck you. That ruined the Beatles for me. What? I no longer think Ob-La-D is good. What about like Revolution or like any of the Lennon stuff?

Revolution number nine. Number nine specifically. Now that's a banger. Yeah. No, because Paul was in it and it's gone now. I just want to fuck you. It's supposed to be like interpretable to be for you or fuck you. I just want to for you.

It only works in the bad way. Wait, what's the other one? Oh, there's another song. It's like, if you come on to me, then I'll come on to you. If you come on to me, then I'll come on to you. Nice. It's really bad. Anyway, this other voice that you're hearing on the pod, our first guest ever.

Whoa. Amir Ash. I took my girlfriend's last name without telling her. You took my girlfriend's last name without telling her you took your girlfriend's Ash name Amir Ash Blumenfeld hyphenated and this is review review

and so that theme song is not constant or that's what you guys have been using so far at this point it might be a constant I think it's going to be the show's theme song. Okay. It's really cool that HeadGum has a

Paul McCartney theme song. Nothing's cooler than the idea of a live show where we walk out to this song. To Fuh You. And every,

I'm imagining a sea of people singing along, waving their arms. I just want to rip. You. But we haven't recorded a cover of it. It's still saying Fuh You in the song and everyone's yelling over read. You. We haven't recorded a cover of it.

It's still saying, you in the song, and everyone's yelling over it. Yeah. Now I forget. Did you guys say review, or did you just? Who cares?

I'm curious what the theme song is. This show has what? Five more episodes before we're under? No, you haven't released any yet. Marty. You should say we're recording this in 2019, releasing it in 2020. We're recording this in 2019, and releasing any yet. Marty. You should say we're recording this in 2019, releasing it in 2020. We're recording this in 2019 and releasing it 2020.

Marty. Let's get it out there, brother. It's out. If people are listening to it, it's out. Every time we've recorded an episode, I think we've been like, it should be out in two weeks from the recorded date. And it won't be. The first one we did in August. Yeah.

Hurry up and wait, right? Yeah. So it should be as of today, the date is what, January 23rd? Yeah, that's the goal date. But again, we can always move the goalposts. I thought you meant that's today. Today is December 20th. Yeah. Which is a classic

schools out for the winter date. Schools out for the winter. I just want a review. Well, here we are. Our first guest. You guys make rent this week? Let's that.

You guys make rent this month? Come on, man. Don't bring it up. Yeah. Yeah, I have a mortgage, but yeah. Yeah. Auto pay. Okay.

Yeah. You? No. No. It's not due till next week, but I'm not going to hit it. Got it. Hit it. Or quit it. Hit it. Or quit it.

Hit the mark. To have the money. To have the cash. Right. I'm sorry about that. I made that amount, right? Okay. Spent it.

On beer. So you have a bad budget skills or something. I have the apps. Yeah. You have the apps. But you're not listening or following their advice if you're spending the money. You're living outside your means. But in the sick pad.

I'm living in a four bedroom. You cannot afford it. I can't. Officially. On the record, yeah. On and off. When I go home after this, I will be in a four bedroom. For now, but they're going to have to kick you out. Empty though, no? I only have the furniture. I can only afford

one of the bedrooms. No, I mean just like in terms of like you're not a family man. Like you don't have that kind of network of love to go home to to fill those four bedrooms. Yeah. It's just you in there. You don't even have like a plant, which is like a pre-animal situation. You're the only living thing in there. And I wouldn't even say that.

I would say you're more of a dying thing. We're all dying. Yeah, but you more rapidly than anyone else. You're drinking a beer at three. Part of it is that I'm living outside my means. That's all of it. I might be on the streets by February. Correct.

The worst time to be on the streets. It's going to be cold. Yeah. Wet. Valentine's Day, so I'll be sad. It's funny, though, because you don't think about it until you're on the streets, but there's nowhere to charge your phone. I think about that.

And then even if there is, you can't afford the cell plan. Correct. So. Yeah. We're talking about karaoke bars today. Karaoke bars today. So we are talking about karaoke bars today I did something wrong

Jeff will be homeless by 2020 but until then we're here to talk about karaoke bars Amir have you ever gone to a karaoke bar? Yes, spent a lot of my 20s in New York City karaoke-ing What's your go-to karaoke song? I got a few

Okay, don't yell at me I just want to fuck you, obviously, being one of them. Retroactively. You started this episode by karaoke-ing that song, it seems like. I used to do Shaggy's Angel a bunch with my buddy Streeter. He used to do the chorus and I used to do the shaggy part. That's such a bold choice. Thank you.

I appreciate that. No, in a bad way. If it was just me, I would often do Mr. Big to be with you. I'm the one who wants to be with you. Yeah, people seem to like that. A crowd pleaser. Yeah. Motown

Philly, if the crowd was right. An early 90s hip-hop R&B style anthem. Motown Philly, back again, of course. Do-do-do, do-do-do. Vanilla Ice. Not to hate myself, but I know all the words there.

You want to know the song where you don't have to look at the screen. That's the goal. That's the goat feeling. Let the monitor play for the crowd. Holy shit, he's not looking, they say. And that's if you're going public room. Then there's the private room idea. Let's get a bunch of our friends and scream into a microphone on furniture that's been pissed, shit, and spilled on every night for the past decade and a half.

Yeah. Which is fine for a time, but I don't appreciate it necessarily because where's the performance? The microphone might not even work you're just screaming into a void congratulations you're having a beer festival with a friend or 12 so for those you want to kind of do the group sayings the group things the umink-182s, your Harvey dangers, paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to sing me, to say you never have met me. Wouldn't be an understatement. What kind of songs do you guys? Sorry, the sandwich you gave me earlier was so spicy.

A beer festival? Huh? You said in the middle of that, you're in a private character room for a beer festival. On shit couches. Like an Oktoberfest of sorts or whatever. So you have experience with karaoke bars. Yeah. Karaoke.

Can't say that. Super offensive accent. I just said it. Wow. That was so much information that I almost didn't process any of it. I just heard vanilla ice. And that's what I ran away with. And then I got hungry. Is Motown

Philly the one that's like, Motown fill you up, right up to the brim. No, that's Uptown Funk with wrong lyrics. Motown Philly is this actual song. Okay. Yeah. There's nicer ways of correcting me, by the way. I thought I was being overly polite

for how angry that question. What would you have said if you didn't want to be polite? What the fuck are you talking about? I got it. What are you saying? Yeah. That's obviously not. Maybe.

Is it that I'm not a good rapper? It's that you're not a good person. Yeah. Let me just read the lyrics and then you'll know. Go for it. Motown fill you up. Wrong. Right up to the brim.

Keep going. We're going down to the suburbs this time to school, and we won't get an A. You sort of rapped that part. It didn't rhyme. It was a little rhythmic. And we won't get an A. So you go over your mom's friend's house for school, and she makes an advance.

What? It's sort of a fantasy come true, but you're also scared as shit. You're doing school at your friend's mom's house. She was going to tutor you and watch you while your mom was at school. God, what? And then she puts your hand on your inner thigh. Oh, my God.

That's quite enough. Easy. Come on. Sorry. No, you're not. You're smiling. You're happy. We're galing, you guys.

This is going as well as you could have hoped, and you still made that joke. You have no regrets. Riley, have you been to a karaoke bar? I have only been once, and it was with you and George and George Saba. Sorry. You've only been to a karaoke bar once? You're like a musical theater lady who loves singing and performing. Right.

I was going to get into this later, but the thing about karaoke bars, it's like... Oh, here we go. Normal people can't sing. No. Only I can. No. I mean, of course, right?

Obviously. It's like if you don't have a crystal tone, don't fucking sing about it. Don't show up. Easy. Don't even... It's like karaoke bars, the private rooms are private for a reason.

It's literally amateur hour. No one wants to hear your fucking goddamn terrible brassy cat yowling scream over Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby. That's cool. Right? You'll never be a part of me. Yeah, that's the kind of shit

that you keep behind closed doors. You nobody can escape me. Ooh, darling, because you'll always be my maybe. Coming to Netflix January 13th. What a weird plug for a thing that you didn't know how to do it. It was fun. I remember going. The place that we went didn't allow any drinks.

They did, though. No, they didn't. You could sneak it in. That's antithetical to karaoke. didn't allow any drinks. They did, though. No, they didn't. You could sneak it in. That's antithetical to karaoke. The whole point is that they pump you full of alcohol to the point where everyone wants to sing. I think it's more fun, because I've been in a bar,

like a bar where karaoke's happening instead of a public room. I think that's more fun, because it's like, you get the crowd going, and everyone's a vibe. Then when it's just a group of friends, everyone's just kind of waiting their turn,

and then everyone's trying to pick a song that they think everyone, everyone wants to pick the song that everyone's like, whoa, yeah, this nice one, that's it. And if you pick one that's fine, no one's gonna be listening to you, they're gonna be having their own conversations, maybe chiming in the chorus, being like, yeah.

How have you only been once? You've only been once? You didn't go at all in college? I went to school in Boston and karaoke bar, there was one that was way overpriced and I just, they're expensive. Are they? I mean, depending on. If there's a lack of them.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It just feels like something you do a bunch in your 20s, but maybe that's me. Have you been a bunch? I've been maybe two or three times. Geez, Louise. Wow. I don't know if it's a me thing or if it's an age thing or what. It might be a New York thing.

I think it's much more popular in New York than it is here. Interesting. But there's a bunch of places in like little Tokyo and Koreatown. Yeah, there's one like two blocks away from the office. That's the one I went to in the mall. Interesting. But that's the one where it is the private rooms and to your point

it's kind of like it's way easier to belt your heart out drunk in front of a crowd of the whole bar where half the bar is not paying attention so it doesn't matter

but you still like feel the crowd versus five of your closest friends. Yeah. Because then it's like you'll see all those five people again.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I rapped Hamilton with John George. That was fun. No, it wasn't. What song? Hmm?

What song? I'm not throwing away my shot. Interesting. And then we forgot how long that song is. So long, so many lyrics. I didn't know the last verse. Then John George did, what did he do that blew our minds? He hooked up with my then girlfriend on that night.

Well, let's just talk about songs. I'm talking about the song that blew our mind, not the infidelity my then girlfriend on that night. Well, you didn't. I'm talking about the song that blew our mind, not the infidelity. King Kunta? Yeah, he was doing a lot of rap. He did that. He did the whole thing. He kept saying it. You pronounce it. I'm not going to say it. King and then harder on the second word.

Are we going to bleep it? Sure. King That's how he kept saying it. It was like a sketch. I forgot about that. I've been to, you remember, did you ever go to the Smog Cutter? Yeah.

That was a fun. South of the Virgil. I hardly know her. Because that was not entirely a karaoke bar. It was like a bar with karaoke. That's right. Yeah. Which is a different vibe,

I think, than like the rooms. It was a super divey haunt. Yeah. I want to do head gum karaoke. I think that would be fun. That'd be cool. No, just like us going out.

That'd be fun. I want to see Marty sing. Quite frankly. So we were in, when we went to South by in 2018, right? Thanks for the invite. You didn't work here fully. So. I was in? Thanks for the invite. You didn't work here fully. So.

I was in the kitchen of the Airbnb. This is a non sequitur, but just in terms of Marty doing stupid shit. We were, we'd come back after going out after the show. That was me and Marty

in the kitchen and we were both having cheese and crackers. Crudités, yeah. Not crudités. Appetizers. That would be, yeah.

Vegetables and ranch dip. No, it wasn't vegetables and ranch dip. It was cheese and crackers. Crudité, yeah. Not crudité. Appetizers. That would be... Yeah, like vegetables and ranch dip. No, it wasn't vegetables and ranch dip. It was cheese and crackers. But he's saying that's what a crudité is. No, that's charcuterie. No.

Charcuterie is what you had. He's saying crudité would be like veggies and dip. What a weird thing to chime in with. Well, you're talking about... We were talking about Marty Singh and now you're talking

about him eating cheese. So I feel like mine's equally as unrelated as yours was. He and I were talking. We were eating cheese. Okay. And then he said... as unrelated as yours was. He and I were talking, we were eating cheese. Okay. And then he said,

I said, how's your South by been so far? He said, it's been chine. I'm like, what's that? And he said, that's cheese and fine.

And then he took a huge bite of just Gouda. Chine. If that's actually what happened, that's the funniest thing Marty's ever said. I wrote it down because it was so fucking funny.

That's cheese and fine. It's been cheese and fine. It's been shine. Do you think he said shine accidentally and then backed into that? Or he's like, it's been cheese and fine, so chine. Based on how proud of himself he was afterwards, I think he thought of it. Cheese and fine.

Do you guys want to go out for some cheese and fine later? You mean cheese and wine? No. Sounds chine. Which is charming wine. Chine. Good stuff. So who wants to kick off? I think I started last time.

Should Amir go first since he is the guest? Okay. All right, all right, all right. So if you could let us know where the review is from, if it has any stars, when it's from, what it's reviewing. What the name of the person is, where they're... A lot of information that I may not have. I know it's a karaoke joint in Koreatown here in LA.

One star on Yelp, submitted June 1st, 2018. Got it. Name, and if there isn't one, come up with one. I believe it's called Wow Karaoke, because she starts by saying, wow, what a terrible experience. wow, what a terrible experience. Wow, what a terrible experience. Went there on a Friday night, admittedly without reservation, but there were three of us and we were willing to wait.

The girl at the front desk went to great lengths to get us out of there. First, she said there was an hour wait. So we said, that's okay. Can we wait at the bar? She said, that's okay. Can we wait at the bar? She said, yeah. A minute later, we tried to order a drink, and she said, I'm sorry, only people with reservations are allowed to order a drink. We were the

only people there. To be clear, this is a place with a full bar, where you'd only wait if you didn't have a reservation, but okay. So, they are turning down our money? I wasn't ready to give up, though. I'm a trooper.

I wanted to carry okay. But after the girl told us we'd have to wait an hour and said we weren't allowed to purchase alcohol while we waited, she then said, by the way, if a room does open up, so you know, it'll cost you $300 an hour. What? Ouch. Okay, clearly they didn't want my kind, i.e. a fun-loving woman with questionable tastes for thinking this place might be a good time. Bottom line, there's dozens of other karaoke joints within a block. Go anywhere else.

How do you have a reservation? Oh, no, sorry, I didn't think about that. Seems pretty empty in here. Is a room open up anyway? Sorry, let me get my manager. What? Seem to be an issue? Not really an issue.

I want to do karaoke here. It's empty. They don't have a reservation. Oh, see, I was going to say absolutely go in a room that you reserved, but you didn't make one. Fine, we'll wait. It'll be an hour. It'll be about an hour at the bar. Sure. An hour is fine. We can get turnt.

I like to make money, get turnt. You actually can't order any drinks at the bar. We have food. It's a full bar. It's empty in here. You can't order food. We have drinks. We won't make them for you. I see the drinks. You can't have any. Okay, I'll

make a reservation online for right now. You will pay $300 if a room opens up per hour. And it is a four-hour minimum. So, yeah. Why do you not want me here? And that's on top of the $200 per hour you'd be paying if you made a reservation. So, all right. And there is a nine-drink minimum.

Is that why this place is empty? Hmm? This place is empty. Obviously, it's empty because there is a nine drink minimum. Is that why this place is empty? Hmm? This place is empty. Obviously it's empty because you treat people with no respect. I'm offering you cash. Make the reservation right now. See how you get treated when you have a reservation. Yeah.

Your website is just a GeoCities park page. There's a under construction gif at the bottom and it says 19 people have visited so far. We're working on it. Nice. Yeah. It'll be done soon. So what is this, a front? What are you selling like?

No, we very much are a karaoke bar. We only do karaoke. If you stay and pay the money, you can have the drinks and the food and the songs. I'll give you $500 for a drink and two hours of karaoke time. That deal would have gone through two months ago. Yeah, had I done the reservation. It's hard for us to accept your kind here. Yeah, and we didn't want to have it come to this, but it's your kind. Yeah. Like's hard for us to accept your kind here.

Yeah, and we didn't want to have it come to this, but it's your kind. Yeah, it's... Like fun-loving? Fun-loving. Yeah, fun-loving. You're a karaoke place with a full bar that doesn't want fun-loving women drinking. Good so far. I'm done. That's it?

Yeah, I'm done here. Got it. Oh, yeah, of course. This is a bad business model. There's dozens of other karaoke bars. Nice. What do you use that, a watch? Patek's dozens of other karaoke bars. Nice. What do you use that, a watch? Patek Philippe.

Patek Philippe. So what? We make enough. How? We do fine. There's no way it's from the karaoke. No one's paying $300. Down the street, there's two other karaoke bars that are $35 an hour.

Oh, I thought it was $40 an hour. That's a really good deal. That's still $300. Yeah. But are they making their rent? You don't even patronize your own establishment. Oh, we can't afford it. Right.

We would have to pay, what, $300 an hour, $400 an hour? No. Oh, my God. That's on top of the $200 for the reservation. No way. You guys are acting like you're the only karaoke bar in a city of $10 million. That would be nice. Of course.

People would have to come. Yes. But no, there's a lot in the area. Insane. One star on Yelp. If you could leave us a review, it doesn't matter what, but it's really bad. It'll be bad. People would have to come. Yes. But no, there's a lot in the area. Insane. One star on Yelp. If you could leave us a review. It doesn't matter what. It'll be bad.

Any press is a good press. That's not. If you check in, if you go to Yelp and you check in here. Yeah, then I can do karaoke. Then you can have a beer. Yeah. That seems fair. Yes, that does seem fair.

It'll be $250. I don't want to pay. I'll allow you to drink a beer to leave you a bad review. I'm done. I'm gone. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.

King ****. Everybody want to put your hands up. That's in Koreatown? Yeah. That's the epicenter of karaoke in LA. Yeah. I guess somebody just didn't want somebody else to be there. I mean, I respect the hustle of like, you're not gonna smoke me out of your establishment.

I've been there before. I'm like renting a car and they're like, yeah, your car's on the lot, but you can leave and come back in an hour and we'll give it to you. I'm like, no, I'll stay. I want to see where the car is. You said it's here, right? Yeah, we just have to go. It'll be like in two hours maybe, so you might as well leave and come back. No, no, no, I'll stay here. I have nowhere

to be, so I'll just stare at you while you get to the car. Well, you know, we can never fully know, so maybe even eight hours. I'll stay here. I have nowhere to be, so I'll just stare at you while you get to the car. Well, you know, we can never fully know. So maybe eight hours. You might be here overnight. Great. I brought a pretzel and a pillowcase. So I'll just. A pretzel.

Yeah. It reminds me. I think I was texting you. I was at the shop one time for my car. And they were like, yeah, we'll bring it around. It'll just be a couple minutes. And I'm sitting in the waiting room for three hours. Oh, yeah.

You like live texted me. I was texting. Well, because, like, I don't, I was scared. I'm sitting there watching endless episodes of, like, flip or flop on HGTV. On a tube television that's stapled to the top corner of the waiting room. And finally it hit me to be like, I should say something. But I don't want to be rude. But I don't want to be rude.

And that was a big turning moment for me that I'm like, this is crazy. So I went over there and I'm like, hey man, I don't want to cause

a thing, but um, She maces you? I would like my car. And they're like, what's your last name? I'm like, Anspa.

And they're like, oh, oh my god. They completely forgot to get it. And it was fine. Like they're like, what's your last name? I'm like, Anspa. And they're like, oh, oh my God. They completely forgot to get it. And it was fine. Like they'd finished the work on it. So I'm just sitting there. So I'm the fool.

You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to wait. And then I was coming back from Santa Monica in rush hour. So it took me like two and a half hours to get home. I remember when you were texting me this and I was like, just ask them. And you're like, no, I don't like conflict. And I was like, it's not conflict. And then you finally did.

It's a question. Yeah. What's your review? Me? Yeah. I had to bring one too. Fuck. I was hoping we'd never get to me.

Here we go. One time. One time, no thought. This is, I put no get to me. Here we go. One time. One time, no thought. This is, I put no thought into these. Okay. So. So you, what, what's the, you wrote him or you found him? Found him.

Got it. But I didn't put in, you know. Any thought into what? Finding them? Like this one is just five stars and it basically says that they had a good experience. That's not good for a podcast. This is every episode. One star.

July 20th from Mia T. Yeah. Yeah. Mia T. Holy shit. Pop star Mia T? My first time visiting. We got two drinks for 40 bucks.

Jesus. After ordering our drinks, my friend asked me to take a photo of him in the fancy chair that was literally empty at the time in the lobby. And a woman ran up to my friend to get her out of the chair immediately and called security sorry i guess it was reserved just this one chair i had to ask the woman's name sarah to let her know that it was our first time there and we didn't know that one chair can be reserved shame on you sarah try smiling by the way what's with the aggressive hardcore security out front?

We were barely near the building when they approached us and checked our purses. Like the freaking TSA. I just spent $40 on two drinks. Imagine reserving a chair. Like, for what? If it's just the one in a lobby? It's not in the karaoke room. It's just in the front office. No, you guys go on ahead. I made a reservation for this chair.

What's that? You guys sing. Go in the room and have fun. Yeah, thank you. It's $40. Let's go party. This is fucking insane. I got the chair. I got the chair. You guys are clearly first-timers, but this chair is like a big deal to Sarah B. Someone's sitting in that chair.

Man, I don't know what to tell you. Shit. Sarah! Yeah. She'll take care of it. Holy shit. Oh my God. Wait, security's coming out.

They're going to break his leg. Oh my God. Holy shit, dude. They just kneecapped him. Oh my God. They're tasing him. This happens more often than not. What's so special about the chair?

You can reserve it. Leave him alone. Hey. What? Don't be a dick. I'm not. I'm trying to save this man's life. He accidentally sat in a chair you reserved.

They're not going to kill him. They're going to beat him within an inch of his life. For what? He didn't know. For the chair, dude know this is karaoke that they frisked these people a lot away that was not for that venue they've got hey what's with the security up front security yeah they like had to take like my mace and my wallet and where this is western and. Where were you frisked? I was at L.A. Live.

Yeah. That's 11 miles east of here. Yeah. You were had by a wallet inspector of sorts. That's what he called himself. They said that they would take you to the back room. You could get it after your time here. They said that if they confiscated my wallet now,

that we would get the karaoke room for free after paying a fee. Okay. So at least you have your wallet, right? So you'll get it for free after paying for it. I have the physical wallet. He took my cards, my debit card, my gift cards, all the cash. And then what do you have to do to get that back? Oh, well, he didn't give instructions,

but I assume it'll be after the karaoke. Did he give you a place to meet him? Well, you guys are at the front desk, right? Isn't it in the back? Just go fucking check. No, it's not in the back. We don't have security. You were clearly had by a very bad con artist that took your money 11 miles from here. He was dressed well, though.

He looked like he was legit. He's taking a lot of money. Yeah. He had a shirt that said FBI female body inspector. Oh, that's a really good one. Yeah. You weren't even going to LA Live. Well, I was.

There's actually. Have you been to Shaquille's? Shaquille O'Neal's Bar and Grill? Yeah. You weren't even going to LA Live. Well, I was. There's actually. Have you been to Shaquille's? Shaquille O'Neal's Barn Grill? Yeah. No, I have not been to Shaquille's. Okay. It's Chine. It's Chine.

What's that? That's cheese and fine. So it was cheese. And fine. They don't sell a lot of dairy, actually. So how was it Chine? If anything, it was bine. Burgers and fine.

Cheeseburger. It was rind. What's that? That's rind? Yeah. I had a watermelon. Got it. So it's not a combination of two words.

No, that's not a portmanteau. I understand. Have either of you ever dealt with a person at a front desk who's like memorable or like a manager of any kind that you would like seek out? Like a Sarah B? Not a Sarah B. Though I have been told that if you tip the front desk person at a hotel, they'll take care of you extra well. And I tried it once and it felt very skeevy. I'm like, oh, thanks for checking me in.

Here's $20. Bye. I'm not even the concierge. This is the only interaction we're going to have. I don't know if there's a better room available. There is, but for $20. Yeah, it's $1,000

more a night for the presidential suite. Thank you for the $20 bill, though. I don't know. I'm not like a bribing kind of guy. It felt disingen night for the presidential suite. Thank you for the $20 bill, though. I don't know. I'm not like a bribing kind of guy. Yeah. It felt disingenuous for me to try. And nothing changed. No.

Do you guys tip counter workers? Calendar? Calendar workers? I think he said counter workers. Can you just fucking take it over for a bit? Like for two minutes, can you just do it with him and I'll- He said do you guys ever... I might need to take a lap.

Around the studio. I don't fucking know. It's just like you come in... Like this is our show. I know. I just couldn't quite hear what you said. We invited him on. He's our guest.

I'm just like... Also counter workers sounds like it's contrary to workers or something. What is counter workers? What's a counter worker? It's like somebody who's not working. You're the one who's weird. We're not weird for not knowing what you mean by this. We should all take a lap.

Because you're mad at me? Yeah. Counter workers, like at a coffee shop. Oh, I see. Like at the counter, you give a tip, like put it in a jar. Put it in a jar, put it on the iPad thing. That's cool. Do you guys do that?

Yeah. Because I know some people that are like, they didn't do anything. I'm not going to tip them. It's you. Yeah, they took your order and they made the drink. You're that person. You've never tipped. Well, because you guys don't agree, I'm not that person.

Yeah, so you're just basically siding with us. If we said, oh, God, no, they don't do anything. We never tip. Would you be like, yeah. Right? Right. Sorry. It came out of you so naturally.

You couldn't even lie. But actually, it's like. I could pour the cold. Like, if I buy the cold brew, I'm happy to get it if it means I don't have to tip. No, yeah. You couldn't even lie. But actually, it's like... I could pour the cold... If I buy the cold brew, I'm happy to get it if it means I don't have to tip. No, yeah,

you can't do that. Then just make it at home. It's already a $5 cold brew. Make it at home. Especially if it's just cold brew, you can just buy a bottle of it pre-made. I do that now.

Yeah. Because you don't want to tip? I don't want to tip. Do you tip yourself? I tip myself off if I'm like... I find out insider trading information

and then I just kind of know it and then I buy the right stocks and make a ton of cash. That's not tipping yourself off. Like if I'm like, I find out insider trading information and then I just kind of like know it and then I buy the right stocks and make a ton of cash. So it's not tipping yourself off. That's it's illegal. That reminds me of something. I, I was really bored at home the other day. That doesn't sound like you. And I, and I Googled how to play solitaire. With real cards or like? Yeah. Cause I love cards and I've never played it. With real cards? Yeah, because I love cards. And I've never played it before. And the idea of self-tipping off, I looked up the rules

and it's just like, I didn't even fully learn it. It was like you have to line the cards up, order them in a certain way. Yeah, I'm out. I was alone. And I sat there with the thought like, then I can just fucking do it.

I don't have to follow a rule to do it a certain way. It's a game. You can play it by yourself. It could fall apart if you don't play it by the right rules. But if I just have to order them a certain way, I can just shuffle them out and put them in that right way. Yeah, you can win fast. I can give myself that tip of like,

hey, here's how to cheat the game. Cheating in Solitaire is a new low. Because you're cheating yourself. That's like lying during therapy. I never played, so I don't know. You don't have to be there. My thought was, then why does anyone play this game? Yeah, I can just tell people I played and won.

That's playing. I won solitaire. How was your morning, man? It was awesome. I won solitaire. Oh, cool. Oh, my God. It was really awesome.

I got the king and then, yeah. You're the coolest guy in the office. From there on out, I just felt right to do it. Yeah. To play. And you did play and win? Yeah. I got like eight. Boom, boom, boom. Can you teach me how to play? Teach Yeah. To play. And you did play and win? Yeah. I got like eight.

Boom, boom, boom. Can you teach me how to play? Teach you, yeah. Wait, you got eight in a row? Yeah, I think. I don't know. Like, it happened so fast. One second I was Googling how to play, and the next I just figured out I won.

I don't know. It was cool. I got like, I did it. I got like the, what's it called when you win? The gambit. Or, no, what's it called in solitaire? I won, basically, is what I'm trying to say. Why are we like digging into this like it's a fucking mystery, murder mystery?

Okay, I didn't play solitaire. Are you happy? Oh, congratulations. No, come back. Let's let everyone know. Hey, everybody. I'm a big fucking weirdo that didn't win at Solitaire. He didn't play Solitaire.

I didn't even have to know how to learn how to play Solitaire. I masturbated for four hours. Got it. All right. And I won. And I am the winner. You're a new hire. Anyway. No. what are your hobbies

looking at me like I'm a weirdo I just moved to a place with like a chef's galley kitchen so I can kind of make everything and then pre-make it marinate it cooking in terms of being good at something I cheated at masturbating.

What are you fucking talking about? What the fuck does that mean? I cheated on myself. I promised myself I wouldn't do it. And I put on a blindfold and went to town riding on a pony. I really hope that's just a metaphor. I don't think so. Worst part of all?

I wish it weren't. Everyone in this room wishes it wasn't including you. Yeah. The worst part of all is that it was just China. You know? Your jack off session with a pony? Was cheese and wine. You look hungover.

Did you drink last night? Just dehydrated. Not hungover. He macerated for, well, you can save money on beer if you just don't drink water. It's the same shit. And that doesn't make any sense. You still get the hangover without having to drink the poison. So you're not drinking water or beer.

Exactly. You're so good at coding, but you're the worst culture fit. Yeah. Anyway, let me know what you guys are up to this weekend. It'd be awesome to hear. We're all out of town. That's fine.

So can I be. I'm going to read my review. Yeah. Please. This is a review of the place that we went across the street. What's it called? Max Karaoke Studio. It's in an abandoned mall.

Maxwell's Karaoke Bar is where I had my first. Lost my V-card in a karaoke bar. This is from Michelle Y. Yeah, anyway. For sure, for sure. This is from February 8th, 2017. The year of our Lord. Three stars.

Where do you think you were that day? February 8th, 2017. I was in Boston. I was at school. School. I was at USC school. Nice. Same.

School. No one gives a fuck. What school? Hard Knocks. Sorry, Case Western. Just kidding. No one gives a fuck. What school? Hard Knocks. Sorry, Case Western. Just kidding. I was in London. I went abroad.

Read the fucking review. At RADA? Sorry, no, Lambda. Actually, it was the most incredible time. I went off the podcast. You did theater in the square. Okay, here we go. And dramedy in the round.

And it was all chine. Okay, three stars. Referred to this spot by a fellow Yelper. Overall, pretty good, but not the best. So why leave the review? Sorry, I'm not done. I have to let people know it was fine. It was down the middle.

This place was classic three stars. Note that I came with one other karaoke fanatic on a Wednesday afternoon. We were both sober. I'm no Mariah Carey in her heyday, I came with one other karaoke fanatic on a Wednesday afternoon. On a whim. We were both sober. I'm no Mariah Carey in her heyday, so I need vocal assistance when I'm trying to belt out Always Be My Baby. Whoa. Most of the songs only had instrumentals.

Wah. Also, the timing is definitely off on a lot of the songs. The light-up lyrics don't match the beat. I think if I was with a ton of people and we were all lit, my review would be different. Unfortunately, and fortunately,

I am not of that age anymore. Ha! Oh, and the guy at the front desk was really nice. Don't forget to tip him. Don't leave a review. You don't have to leave a review.

Like, you had an average day. Just assume people will not need to know that going in. This Trader Joe's is almost a carbon copy of the others. Right. I went in and got my normal list, which is eggs, ham. Of course. Deli meats, bread, chips.

And it was overall, I mean, the cashier was normal. There was not nice or mean so three stars three stars boring I love that she went on a Wednesday afternoon with one other person

sober that's so crazy yeah bone sober daylight out just sing in your house just like put on she said

there were like no backup tracks to it just sing along to Mariah Carey in your car. Yeah, the karaoke you were doing on the way to karaoke was better than that. That's what you wanted, not to go pay to sit in a room, a dimly lit room with your friend and just sing for an hour. Take a drive, use the aux. Sing around. Or don't.

Sing! You're in a windowless room on a Wednesday afternoon. the ox. Sing around. Or don't. Sing! You're in a windowless room on a Wednesday afternoon. Afternoon. Nice. And she's like, I guess if I went with a big group and we were all drunk, that would be awesome. But you didn't. You went with one person on a Wednesday afternoon. On a whim.

That's the total opposite experience that you wanted to have. Or not. I don't know what you were looking to get. Later that night, we got pasta. It was good. Well, you know, fine. Three and a half? No.

Three stars. Why, Michelle, why? Her name is Michelle Why. Michelle Why went home and watched a movie. It wasn't Oscar worthy, but I liked it enough. It was funny. It made me like breathe out of my nose quickly.

Do something different. Not like a full laugh, but it was like. Yeah. Have a bad or good experience. Why? Your milk toast, I think. I don't want to experience the worst, which means I also can't experience the best. Yeah. So she wouldn't like the movie Cats.

Which Jeffrey did see. I just saw that last night. And? Review of Cats. It was like a series of music videos, right? Basically, but they were all, the vibe of it, like, you know how, like, movies just, like. Horny. It was horny, but also eerie, right?

Lake or otherwise. Eerie. That's horny and eerie. Oh, my first sexual experience? It was eerie. Meaning we were both horny, and it was kind of spooky. I asked you what your biggest flaw was. Sorry, I don't want this job.

I already got an offer right before I came in, so I'm kind of bombing this one. But I do want to have an outlet to talk about my first sexual experience. People don't talk about this enough. When was your first time? Yeah, college. College for sure. Both of you guys college?

Where'd you go? It doesn't matter. Leave my office. Wait, so it was more than it was horny. It was... It was eerie. It was eerie. There was like a general vibe of danger, but... I'm talking about Cats the movie.

Oh. So, yeah, it was eerie. Like, it takes place in London, but like, there's no humans around. It's just cats, and they're all... Like, the scale of them keeps changing. I noticed that in the trailer. Some of them are cats, and some of them are human Some of them are cats and some of them are human sized. Yeah.

But then some of them are even smaller. Some of them are like half the table. Some of them are your height and then some of them are like towering over a cockroach. It's weird. Three of the characters are super sexual. Like Idris Elba is like jacked and naked. Taylor Swift's boobs are bigger than they are in real life on the cat body.

And Jason Derulo had like, he had an interview where his like dick had to be like shrunken under his suit. So it's kind of like a karaoke movie of sorts. Oh, the whole crowd. I saw it at the Grove and it was just like everybody was like crazy rowdy. Oh, really? And people were cracking up. Oh, that's fun. It was really fun. And like as soon as Jason Derulo came on, everybody was like crazy rowdy and people were cracking up at like things that were oh that's fun it was really fun

and like as soon as Jason Derulo came on I was like Jason Derulo it was really funny then he went with a group and apparently like during one of the songs

everyone in the theater was on their feet oh we did that we did that at the end we were all like were you at that theater? uh no magical Mr. Mustafa.

That was the song that everyone was just like rowdy. Did people know that song or they just learned it because those are the only words in the song? I have never seen Cats and I'm just singing along word for word, note for note. Joel Kim Booster had a good tweet and my friend sent it to me. Is this how you end every episode? Yes. Wait, the Joel Kim Booster tweet? What's Joel Kim Booster had a good tweet, and my friend sent it to me. Is this how you end every episode? Yes. Wait, the Joel Kim Booster tweet? It's Joel Kim Booster tweeting.

Let's go to the Joel Kim Booster Twitter section of the show. Let's go to Joel Kim Booster Kim. We are currently in a state of emergency. There are small towns with no gay people to ruin screenings of cats. They are airlifting gay men from the coast to pick up the slack. No one should have to experience that movie without a Braden laughing performatively throughout. And there were so many of Bradens in the audience last night. And we met them outside of the theater.

They knew it was happening. Who'd you go with? I went with Isabel, my girlfriend, and our friend AJ. And they all loved it? We hated it. You loved the experience? Exactly. Great experience. I'd never watch it again.

I can't wait to see it. But like everyone in the hallway was like, this is Cats people! This is Cats! Yelling at people going to see like Star Wars and other shit. I've seen Star Wars tonight. Which I hear is just boringly bad. It's not even Cats level bad. Really? Stop.

This whole new trilogy has not been my favorite. You know which one I liked Rogue One yeah I don't know man Rogue One was fine I watched Solo last night three stars it was like three and a half stars

Solo was fun Solo got like shat on oh really and I had a good time Stevie Waller-Bridge was one of the droids and it was a good time

she co-wrote it she did punch-ups she script-dructured it that makes a lot of sense and Ron Howard came in like 70% of the way they booted out the other director and Ron Howard came in like 70% of the way.

They booted out the other director and Ron Howard took over. Did you watch it solo? Because if you played solitaire and then watched solo, you would have had the most universally alone experience one could have. I opened my phone. I opened Safari on my phone and I saw in one of my tabs was just like a page failed to upload but with the search saying how to play Solitaire.

And I deleted it. Safari was stopping you from yourself. This shook me all week long. What shook you this week, Amir? Just any general thing.

Amir just threw up in the corner. You can go last. We'll go first to give examples. Jeff, you go first. Cats shook me. We already kind of talked about it, but the whole experience start to finish was fucking insane. Also, this was on my story, might still be on my story.

Definitely not by the time people listen to this. Right? But just for our purposes. Riley told by the time people listen to this. Right? But just for our purposes. Riley, you told me he wasn't going to do this today. I thought he wasn't going to do this today. What language did you use when you asked about what I would do? I'm curious as to what I'm doing. Do you want me to read the text?

Sure. So basically, yes. Come on. We don't need to do this here. I texted Riley. I said, shit, I just suggested in the Slack that Amir should be on the show. Yeah. What do we do? How do we nix this in the butt? Nix it in the butt, I just suggested in the Slack that Amir should be on the show. Yeah. What do we do?

How do we nix this in the butt? Nixon in the butt? Nixon in the butt. Nixon in the butt. Yeah. Yeah. And then she said, I'm sure it'll be fine. He's a funny guy, close friend.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. And then. I said that, not Jeff. Right. And then I said. Fine with Riley, bad with you.

It was bad with me, but she convinced me by saying this. She said, what if it's a good time and just maybe lay off him? Right. She said, if anything, this is actually, you sent this later. I didn't see it until just now. If anything, you're the one who has to rein it in. Right. Correct.

And usually the problem. So you just saw that now. Well, it hurts. Would that have changed your behavior going into today? Well, what do you guys think? Was I kind of too much? Yeah, you had a nasty attitude throughout derailing the show. You told us about how you spookily lost your virginity.

It was horny and eerie. Yeah, that's what we remember the most. I'll never forget that word. Heerie? Heerie. Joe Heerie? Joe Heerie! Joe Heerie, that's Joseph Horny and Eerie.

I'm waiting for the role of Steve. What? Who are you? You're at UTA. You're so good. Doing so well. And I'm so here. You're attractive.

You'd be good for the young women. And I'm horny. Oh, that's true. Change it to carry or something. Oh, and I'm five, 10. Sorry. Over 18. Oh, sorry. And I'm based it to Kiri or something. Oh, and I'm 5'10".

Sorry. Over 18. Oh, sorry. And I'm based in fucking Winnipeg. Willing to shave, I guess. So cats shook you. Cats shook me for the reasons I already mentioned.

And what was the thing that was on your story? Oh, so I went to that Christmas pop-up. Yes. Santa came and there was also a little dog dressed as Santa and they took a picture together.

It was a French bulldog. It was a French bulldog. It was a French bulldog that was smiling the whole time. And then he got tired after taking the photo and slept. Oh, no. And then he smized, much to his demise, a bulldog eating fries. How cool is that? That's a poem. Thank you. In a spoken word beat poem. How cool is that thank you in a spoken word beat poem how cool is that if you applaud by snapping how do

you boo in a beatnik poetry reading being a nasty cat Hissing. Snakes and pussies. That's a great pub name. There's, um, Idris Elba says in Cats, he's like, he makes fun of James Corden's character because James Corden's a tuxedo cat. And so he's wearing like a 20s suit with tails and spats. And Idris Elba's character thinks it's so funny that he's wearing spats. And Idris Elba's like the villain. What are spats? It's these...

The white things you put over the shoes, right? They're like bracelets for your cankles. Awful, okay. So he's like, ah, the pussy and spats. He says that like four times within a two-minute period. Oh, there he is. The pussy and spats. And then no one else laughs.

Nobody else cares. Everyone's a cat, Idris Elba. Yeah. And he's wearing, like, a fedora. Like, it's the same. We're both being ridiculous. Would you look what the cat drank? Nice.

A pussy and spats. Dave Judy Dench is in that fucking movie. She breaks the fourth wall. Who's the first person that they booked? Because it seems like they got somebody really famous and everyone else just joined. Ian McKellen is in it. Right.

So who was the first one that said, yes, I know you don't have anyone in this show yet, but I'm down. I couldn't tell. It's got to be Taylor Swift. I remember seeing... The fuck's that supposed to mean? I remember seeing the press release

being like, they're making a Cats movie, Taylor Swift, Judi Dench, James Corden, all these names are attached. And I thought it was an Onion article that they would make

a live action Cats movie with these people. Every other name makes it believable, not believable. So it's like the new lead person who's a ballet dancer, believable. Jason Derulo. Unbelievable. Yeah. And then like maybe in McKellen.

It was only when I saw the trailer that I'm like, oh, they actually made it. Yeah. I guess that shook me all week long too because I haven't seen it. I'm dying, oh, they actually made it. Yeah. I guess that shook me all week long too because I haven't seen it. I'm dying to. Okay. I did see, I'm seeing Star Wars tonight. I'm not like a giant Star Wars head per se.

Yeah. But I have a good time. You are wearing Princess Leia hair, so that's something. I am wearing Princess Leia hair. You did rewatch all eight films leading up to today. In one night, I did. So you're kind of a Star Wars head.

You hosted a pool party last year and you wore the Princess Leia bikini thing, which is such a weird, it's not even a swimsuit. Yeah. You went to your graduation

dressed as Darth Maul. I did. That was a big thing. I mean, I had the robes for it. You had the robes, you had the double-sided lightsaber. Oh, well that too, I guess,

if that's as important. With a diploma on each side. Yeah, I guess. Mazel again for that. It was your major and your minor. Oh, what did shake me? So, no, never mind. You guys, you haven't fucking seen it. No.

You know, I showed you a photo before we started, the porgs, from episode eight. They kind of look like anxious owl penguins. They're very cute big eyes there's a scene in Last Jedi that's supposed to be

like a comedy bit scene between them and Chewbacca where it's like Chewbacca's like eating like a roasted porg it just kind of looks like a rotisserie chicken

and you look down and you see like a group of porgs staring up at him sad and it's supposed to be funny but I saw that I was with Daniel and I

was just weeping. Tears were rolling down my face. And I guess he could kind of feel me under his arm shaking a little bit. And he looks down and he's like, are you crying?

And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, no, this was supposed to be the funny part of the movie. We're watching Dumb and Dumber. You can't cry. I spend more time with her than you do. She's a case study. Huh?

There's no one in the world like her. In a good way? In like a scientifically interesting way. She's an anomaly. I sob during There's Something About Mary. That movie is sad to me. Have you ever sobbed in a sob? In a sob?

Just you in a frickin' Coupe de Ville bawling out in a sob. I have cried in a sob. Really? Yeah. What sob was it? Sob 9-3. That's cool. Yeah, 90s style. That's really cool, actually. It smelled like crayons, and it? Saab 93. That's cool. Yeah, 90s style.

That's really cool, actually. It smelled like crayons, and it was my first car. Jesus, and you were crying in it? Mm-hmm. Because of the crayons. Crayons and crayons and crayons. I was crying on crayons. And it was crayon.

And it was cray. That's cool. Yola. It was crad. That's crayons and sad. Anything shook you all week long? I saw a few basketball players. I was in Atlanta and they were shooting NBA.

In person? Yeah, NBA TV was at the studio I was at. So I'm just like walking around, going to the bathroom. Boom, there's Grant Hill. Oh, that's Kevin McHale. Oh, that's, I don't know, James Worthy. Just seeing basketball players felt like some sort of weird, like I was in this alternate dimension where all old Hall of Famers that I grew up watching were just hanging out talking to each other. That's really cool.

Oh, that's Steve Smith over there. What the hell is he doing? Et cetera. Did you introduce yourself to anyone? Never. Didn't. Couldn't. I couldn't bring myself.

Maybe if one of them was a Laker, I'd be like, hey, I grew up watching you. But it's just like. James Worthy. Yeah, James Worthy, I shouldn't have said. He wasn't there. He works for the LA Sports Network. But yeah, that should be... Doesn't Shaq work out of that studio?

Yes, he does. Shaq and Charles and Ernie Johnson. But they were there on Thursday. I was there on Monday. Actually, I was watching their show yesterday. Adam Sandler was there. I could have stuck around, met the Sandman, met Shaq. I blew it.

It would be crazy if you do end up working at that studio more I could have stuck around, met the Sandman, met Shaq. I blew it. It would be crazy if you do end up working at that studio more and you just start dressing like Craig Sager. R.I.P.? Yeah. Nice. That's fun. Well, Amir? Did we do the booster tweet yet?

We already did the booster tweet. Yeah, we did the booster. It's actually called booster seat, booster tweet. Usually we bring in booster seats that's cool and we read Joke and Booster's Twitter I like that

yeah thanks so much for doing the show thanks for being our first guest I'll leave you with this thanks to you guys for doing it as well usually we end on some insane note and this is it for today have you guys seen

It's a Wonderful Life yeah yeah sort of I mean I've not in a long time yeah I don't know if I've seen the whole film, but like...

This is for my... Sorry, this is for my JFL character audition. Okay. Usually you end on an insane note, you said? Sorry. We're all sorry. We barely... Clarence!

Clarence! I don't remember that part. So, and then the caption would be Jimmy Stewart calling out someone's name at a deli why would it be at a deli in the film is it sorry I scratched the mic

sorry let me just come up with the best way to get Jimmy Stewart is a deli worker in this alternate universe right that's what's funny about it maybe you should have said that before. It's really funny when you explain it more. No, you need more context like you were just saying.

Yeah, but you should have done it before. I have a sandwich downstairs. Okay, so this would be me holding the sandwich. No, I'm saying I have a sandwich downstairs that I'd love to eat. Okay, well, let me just get through this. I know it's like nails on a chalkboard. It seemed like it was over. No, it's just more.

So this is Jimmy Stewart at a deli. Yep. Langers, canters, zappers. Yeah, that's what a deli is. He's looking for a strength clearance. So somebody who's at the deli, his name is Clarence. I know. Yeah.

Clarence. Clarence. Clarence, yes. Clarence. Yes, we saw that. Zuzu. What's that? What?

What's the Zuzu? That's his daughter's name in It's a Wonderful Life. So why would he yell it at the deli? Mary! Mary! What the hell are you doing? And so it's just him as a deli worker. Just yelling names.

Potato salad. Nice. Chicken salad. Sando. So you're just showing him he's yelling for names. He's yelling people order. He could be anywhere. He could be anywhere.

But how do you use the device? Sorry. How do you use the device that's in the movie where he's yelling these people names at the end when he's like, realizing he wants to live?

Where do people yell out people's names? The deli. Not really. Really? It's like numbers. Numbers. Yeah.

Fuck. I knew it was one of the two. It was either names or numbers. Right. You chose wrong. Also, what an old reference. It's a Christmas movie. I knew it was one of the two. It was either names or numbers. Right. You chose wrong. Also, what an old reference. It's a Christmas movie. I know, but it's not even that.

Christmas is in five days. That's crazy. Hanukkah's in three. So? What are you guys' plans? I don't know. No, you said you ended on a... We have to know.

No, it's already over. Happy Honda Day. Happy Honda Day. Happy Honda Day. December sales event. To you. Bye. That was a HeadGum Podcast.