Review Revue - Laser Pointers (w/ Ravi Patel!)

Episode Date: October 20, 2020

Actor/comedian Ravi Patel (HBO Max's THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS) joins Reilly and Geoff to read reviews about Laser Pointers and to discuss UTIs, TEDx talks, and malware!Follow Ravi, Reilly, and Geoff:IG: @showmetheravi, @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @showmetheravi, @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I just want to know how you feel. For the one love that's so proud and real. You make me wanna go out and steal. I just wanna rip you off. Thursday morning, crack of dawn, 9.45 in the goddamn morning. Riley, we have a very special guest. We have a very special guest, and it's neither one of us, if you can believe it. Obviously, because that's the definition of guest.

We have, again, when we have these kinds of guests, Marty wonders, why? Why are you here? We always tell our guests, you are punching below your weight. What are you doing here? We're happy to have you, but why the fuck are you here?

We have Ravi Patel from Master of None and Pursuit of Happiness, a very funny actor, writer, comedian. What are you doing here? What a time. Is the podcast not over yet? I'm having a What are you doing here? What a time. Is the podcast not over yet? I'm having a blast. I'm having such a good time.

I want it to be over now. Who are you guys? Can you tell me your locations generally? So Riley's at... Los Angeles, California. No, he always does this and I always am so scared that he will forget

to bleep it out. It's just like one fear that he's like, he's like, I'm editing it line by line. I will bleep it. So that means you're just north of...

Is that right? Again, I'll bleep all this out. Again, this whole... What I'm trying to get you to get at is to know that I used to run those streets.

How do you figure? I've lived on four or five different places on that street. Are you serious? Yeah. And I, so when I first got there, my sister and I lived there together. And I would basically go around. Anytime there'd be an open unit, I would recruit someone to move there. And I would go, like, get the unit for them.

So by the time it was all said and done, I had, like like 20, 30 of my closest friends living within three blocks of us. Wow. And it was so fun. It's like college. That's so cool. Like being able to just walk down the street and like be like, oh, like 10 of my friends are here, 10 of my friends are here. That's awesome.

We literally had, in fact, we had my place and then literally across the hall, one of my best friends from high school and another friend and another friend. Yeah. Then next to them in the next building, four more friends living across from each other. And then another set of friends living across the street. That's how awesome it was. That's insane.

How old were you when that was happening? This was probably when I was y'all's age. It was like early L.A. days and like it was like during the party days. Like it was just so fun. I mean like. That's great. was like early LA days and like it was like during the party days like it was just so fun I mean like that's great it was the best that's awesome and I feel like it's hard to find that in LA you know oh yeah for sure even Riley and I live like 20 minutes from each other but like in traffic it's 35 and I'm just like yeah I'm not coming over dude your show pursuit of happiness on HBO max is so fucking good like i i love normally just like i i love a travel show but it's more than a travel show it's like if you haven't watched it y'all it's

fucking awesome and like you dive into just like really interesting um different cultural questions in each episode and and kind of then like subsects of, of each question within that. And what was kind of the, I mean, I'm sure on all your press stuff, this is like a question that you're getting every single minute of the day. I'll just start answering. Thank you. Thank you. By the way, just so you know, in other contexts,

this would have been called mansplaining. I'm very, I wanted to hear you out. I wanted to finish. But, you know, I hear what you're asking. And thank you for saying that. That's very sweet. First of all, I just want to say there's a pink post-it note over your left shoulder at a distance. And it's in. It's about two feet above your bed.

Perfectly centered. I just want you to know that I recognize that as a moment in time in your life. I see, I don't know what it says, but I know what it says. Thank you. Thank you. But I actually would like as an exercise through this conversation sure that we that we go through various maybe we play some some version of hot cold over the period of this conversation because i think that what is on that post-it note will evolve as we as we talk more absolutely but okay i'm gonna start with this guess and then you can say hot or cold and then we move on.

Okay. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's really good. And maybe Jeff, maybe you can, maybe we both just so you know, it's like. Yeah, I know what it says, but I'll, yeah. Oh, okay.

Okay. Okay. So it's been up there since July. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, let's be honest. It's something that you needed to hear.

And. You're like a mentalist. You're just like, and your dad's proud of you. And you need to be. And you're like, oh my God, yeah. So I'm going to guess that this statement, I'm going to start with like where it came from. Okay.

Either it came straight out of a therapy sesh where you're like, I just gonna fucking write this down so i look at it every day or it could be super soul sunday or it could be like a fringe super soul adjacent like colder um what's that the first one was warmer than the second one the first one yeah okay i was gonna say super soul is actually too like you're probably more youthful than Super Soul. Like you're not a Brene person, but it could just be like. Oh, I'm a Brene person, but it is colder. I think something that might be helpful is that. Were you stoned and did you have an epiphany?

No, I didn't write it. Oh, your boyfriend wrote it. Yes. Scalding hot. So that was my next one. Just so you know know when I was originally thinking therapy or boyfriend talk that's why and I could

see the thread and I could see the thread in your in your like mind's eye yeah and that's yeah warmer and now you're scalding hot so the show pursuit of happiness so I'll tell you where it came out of basically after Bourdain passed away, CNN was like meeting with talent. And I didn't know this. Oh, wow.

I didn't put two and two together. I only know this in retrospect. But that was what was happening. I met with them a bunch of times. I didn't really know exactly what for. And by the time it was all said and done, they basically gave me like a very small amount of money to go and produce a pilot presentation it was like fifty thousand dollars to go literally go shoot and create this thing uh and i had like six weeks to come up with the premise and wow so that's what i did and i went

and i shot this thing and it was like 15 20 minutes long and it was a presentation for what eventually became this show and uh yeah they, they called me and they were like, okay, we want to order this to series. I had happy tears for the first time in my life. Wow. I was like, oh, this is something I really... I mean, y'all know this shit that we're doing is hard. And it was such a good...

Look, I've been at this for a long time and look, I've had a good run, but I also am tired like it's like it's like exhausting just the grind never stops yeah and it felt like oh finally I got you know something that I actually feel like I'm like I've never felt great at anything in this town but I actually feel like when I got this I was like oh like this is something I'm actually like I feel like maybe I could be great at and And when they told me I got on my show, they pretty much gave they left it up to me. And they said the only thing that it needs to be is authentic to you and it needs to involve travel.

So I would credit where I'm at in my life to even how I came up with the premise, which was like I'm at a point in my life where I think very practically in terms of like how I'm spending my time. Instead of when I was younger, which was way more opportunistic, like what's going to work? What does everyone else want? What's going to win? Like now I really, just because, I mean, I've done like a million failed pilots and all these things, like shit doesn't last. And so I was like, okay, like what's a show that I'll make that even when this gets canceled, I'll have said it was an awesome experience. Yeah. So that was why I was like, I'm going to travel with someone in my life because instead of traveling alone, even in success, it'd be a good thing for me to not be alone and to be with people I'm closer to, to get closer to my loved ones instead of further away in success. And then,

you know, in terms of a premise, I was like, you know, the only thing that I have done, my sister and I made this documentary called Meet the Patels, which is about my parents setting me up for dates with Indian girls or whatever. And it's about my life. And that was the only thing that I felt like I knew how to do, which was just be myself and kind of explore a big life question very honestly and authentically with a little comedic bent. So that was how I came.

I basically, I was like, okay, I'll travel. Every episode I'll travel some of my life. We'll have a big question that I'm urgently dealing with. And the way I figured out which questions to deal with was I literally started recording my therapy sessions. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And I just like prioritize the things. So like, you know, the first episodes in Mexico, that's about retirement and parenting that came out of a conversation in therapy where I was asking my therapist, like, you know, I've never been to a funeral before. Like what I feel like when my parents die, it's going to be, it's going to And ultimately, all parenting conversations are really about marriage. That's obviously the most important startup in my life, my family. And my wife and I, because we're nine years apart, we're different generations. We have different philosophies on parenting. It's something we debate and argue about a lot. So that was a really urgent question in my life or South Korea, which was about one of my best friends. He's also like me, an entrepreneur, work-life balance, which I think if fucking everyone can really relate to, it's like, we're over-optimized in

every minute of our day, whether it's work or play, we're just over-scheduled and underwhelmed. So that was something that I really struggle with especially because i'm like so immigranty indian wired to achieve achieve achieve um and now that i'm older i'm trying to deprogram myself from thinking that way so that i can actually like live my fucking life and not look be so forward looking all the time yeah then in denmark we talked about immigration and refugees with my muslim guys how long was this answer i really know this is like this is fucking fascinating watching your show i'm like man one that's like that shit i want to be doing and two i was having a conversation with my boyfriend and my mom about this like we were talking about jeff i'm sure you've probably

seen this but like there's a video that went viral on TikTok and it's this dude on a skateboard drinking cranberry juice from the bottle it's already a TV commercial yeah for real Fleetwood did it yeah I know that he did it but we were talking about like why that went so viral like why people were like this is it you know and and we were just talking about like the internet and I think like a were just talking about like the internet and I think like a lot of entertainment, but especially the internet like is, is this, it's cool, but it's also a place of like really, um, there's, it's so hard to find something real in it. Any kind of like genuine authenticity. And so this dude who's just like being himself, he's like, this isn't for

anyone. This is just what I like. I'm just fucking vibing and like having a good time. And I think people really latch onto that because it's so rare to see someone just doing something because they love it and it brings them joy and like they get something out of it. And that same feeling, right.

And I found that watching Pursuit of happiness because it was so clearly like stuff that was meaningful to you and because it was specifically meaningful to you i think there's such a universality in that and like you know i'm not a parent yet but like because it really hit you guys because it's like it was something you guys are really passionate about and curious about and working through in a very authentic way like it just i think it just drew me in so much and same with the you know all the other episodes too but um so it's really cool not that i'm trying to deflect from your sweet-hearted compliments about my show but i think what makes that video so great is because it's incredibly cinematic. There's like a lot of, there's a lot of like,

like opposing forces at work there. Like for example, the whole vibe of the thing is like love and chill, but he's on a skateboard. He's on a freeway off ramp. And he's on an off ramp and a freeway. How the fuck do you get on there? And yo,

he's going so fucking fast. And also, cranberry juice. And is he holding a selfie stick? Yeah. This guy's going like 30 miles an hour. He's not even looking where he's going. And I just want you to know where I'm at because I'm at a point in my life where I get injured every time I move.

And I'm like fuck is he not worried about a pebble like this guy's gonna fucking hurt himself he's not even paying attention and so like that is so cinematic because he's like totally he's two-thirds of the way through he has a uti is that what you drink for uti i mean Yeah. You drink Grim Reapers. I mean, I can't speak from experience, Robbie, of course. This is my follow-up question. I'm like, wait, do we get UTIs? Often, yeah.

So, I mean, I've obviously never had sex, but the issue is that I need to, I can track things. Yeah. So, in high school, I showed up with a UTI just to, like, act like I had had sex. Just to make people think you've been fucking? Yeah, yeah. I rubbed, yeah. Excuse me?

I rubbed a fungus. You rubbed a fungus? So I took a, it was a hen of the woods, and I just kind of rubbed my, yeah, taint on it. That's like the apple pie. That's like the more loser-y version of fucking the apple pie. You fuck a pie everything in my life is the more losery version

of something cool can we check in on the post-it note I'm sorry I know it hasn't been that long but I'm so distracted by it because I want to know what it says I almost want to know sooner we can get it before the break Riley will tell you right before the break.

Okay. Okay. Great. Great. Great. Great. It has to do with something to do with your confidence and like your self-image perhaps. And so something that has to do with like remembering a core... This is obviously obviously what I was about to say was already implicit, which is a core value. Um, but I mean like a core tenant of what you already know about yourself. Does that make sense? Ooh. Um, Colder.

Okay. Colder. That's fine. Let's be honest. Yeah. Colder. Play hardball. But not, not frig but not not frigid not frigid but like just a little chilly just a little chilly is it an actual thing that you need to do every day no okay so is it it's a thing that you need to remember about life every day in a way in a way you know i guess in a way is the premise that you need to look at it every morning when you wake up no great because i was next question was, do you roll over and face the wall?

That's what's been so interesting about people guessing what it is. Because you don't see it when you wake up. I roll over and do chaturanga as soon as I wake up. And chaturanga and alien spell still under the covers okay i gotta go for it thunder only happens when it's chair free players really love it when they win games

i say winners they will come and they will lose when you win championships they drink booze that felt amazing yeah and you have we should say that you have the virus what are we talking about today I think a really really clean organic segue to blowing someone's nose it's like you know

when you blow your nose it's like fucking clear it's like you feel like you feel really just solid and like so laser focused we're talking about laser pointers we don't want to jump off a bridge that's one of the worst segues we've ever had

every episode we try to like transition from some chatting that was smooth that was like cranberry juice on an off ramp when you say it like that it was absolutely cranberry juice on off ramp we were talking about laser pointers today laser pointers today um patel what are your fucking experiences with laser pointers man i will tell you we all so many. I can only think of one experience I've had with a laser pointer. And that, my friends, is something that you guys will understand. And maybe it'll come in handy right now because my only experience with laser pointers is in comedy.

I made, do you guys know who Gareth Reynolds is? Do you know who that is? No. He's a funny guy so gareth and i did this funny or die do you remember those things called web series gareth and i did that uh god this must have been 10 years ago and it's called ricky and ravi are in between jobs and it was just about to do to you know our bad employees which is basically the premise of every show yeah by anyone under the age of 30 35 sure um yep i'll send you my pilot

it's exactly that yeah there you go so um so we had one where we we had an episode where we were trying to uh like con an investor to invest in our company but we didn't actually know what the company was yet so we were just speaking like in kind of very broad terms and it was all about presentation and i remember there was one scene where we just had laser pointers to the room it was so stupid it was actually it was actually probably some of the most fun i've ever had shooting anything in my career yeah is it it's still on funnier die what it's called ricky and ravi yeah i don't know it's funnier day even still around i've been a funnier day so long i think it's more a production company now i did a writing fellowship at funnier die and that was the summer that they fired their entire writer's room and so i walk in the room the next day of my like internship thing and i'm like and then

everybody's putting their stuff in cardboard boxes they all look up at me it was like cinematic and then they just burst out laughing and it was like the it was like my summer after anyone they didn't tell me i just i didn't know what had happened so i walk into like this chaos and everybody like like a grown adults losing their actual jobs and i'm at like an 18 year old college student like just trying to learn comedy how long ago was this it looks like it's still on funny or die it's not actually refreshing that was five years ago yeah it looks like this show is still, I just found it. There's your plug.

Don't watch Pursuit of Happiness. Watch Ricky and Robbie. This is finally that show's moment. Riley, what about you? Laser pointer experience? I feel like I have memories of using a laser pointer with one of my family's dogs or something, but I could also be making that up.

It's a weird thing that I feel like I've lived through, but I'm not sure. But that's kind of my... I know I've definitely a friend's cat or something messed her up with a laser pointer. Cats love that shit, man. Cats love that shit. Aren't there YouTube videos of cats chasing laser pointers

they can't get enough of it man i mean they're like running around trying to slap the dot it's like you fucking idiot you're not gonna get it when i put when i type laser pointer into the search bar the second thing up is first one is laser pointer app which i am interested in learning about and then the second one is laser pointer for cats yes mefri any experience yeah not a lot of yeah just playing with cats a lot of these are like presenters i've never had to present with the laser pointer uh i'm more of a next slide type of guy. Nice. Let's take a break before I cry. We'll be right back after a few messages.

Wait, wait, wait. Oh, the post-it. Okay. Nice try. It is one of the greatest joys of my life whenever a guest asks about this because it couldn't be more underwhelming. It's not some big... It be more underwhelming. Like, and it's not some big,

it's truly, it's not underwhelming for me. I think it's very sweet. It's just a little note that says, hey, I love you. And it's just very nice. And we leave each other little notes like that around the house. And it's just, we've been doing it for years

and I really love it. My wife and I do that. It's so sweet. And I think it's so Jeff you're single so what is it like for you like do you leave notes for yourself or like do you

how are your bare walls making you feel do you have like a declaration of love or I have a declaration of independence for just myself and it's that quilt that quilt of a flag of Jeff. Yeah. Yeah, I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever been in.

All right, we'll be back to talk laser pointer reviews with Ravi Patel after this break. God, you make me so sad, Jeffrey. And we're back. God, that was a- You've really been cheated on in every relationship you've been in? No, no, no, no. Only one high school relationship, but it does stick with you, man.

Yeah, I bet. I'm never enough. Never enough, as Riley likes to do. Greatest showman? Greatest showman. Nothing. Greatest showman. Greatest showman. Nothing. Greatest showman, absolutely. I wish I was more of like a cheater back in the day.

What's that? Looking back. Looking back. Well, now that I know how insignificant all those interactions were, like they were just, everyone was just like having fun. Yeah. I feel like there was just a lot of, you know, there's a lot of just missed opportunities.

Oh my God. So your advice to a 23 year old is, okay, try cheating. Okay, cool. Or at least maybe there was a way, I don't know. He's like, no, just emotional cheating is fine. You don't need to go balls to the walls physically. Emotional cheating I think is worse. Yeah, that's worse, I, just emotional cheating is fine. You don't need to go balls to the walls physically. Emotional cheating I think is worse. Yeah, that's worse, I think.

It's worse. I did kiss somebody and then text somebody to break up with them. See, that's great, though. That's a guy. That's admirable. But we'd only seen each other twice. And it was more just like, I don't want to see you anymore. Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, you're brave. Thank you. You're a hero. And that's what I was like. And I was fishing for that, I don't want to see you anymore. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, you're brave. Thank you. You're a hero. And that's what I was like. And I was fishing for that. And I appreciate that you took the bait. Yeah. Riley, would you like to start us off with our first review?

I can start us off with our first review. It is five stars from Gregory H. Either of y'all have a last name for Gregory H. Hunt. Gregory Hunt. OK. Five stars. Best flashlight I've ever owned owned i would give it 10

stars you get what you pay for quality made light and laser it just feels good in your hand the laser portion sorry the laser portion provides entertainment for my wife and cats but best of all it has a high quality rubberized ring that glows in the dark that's if you drop the flashlight in the dark high-end aluminum body that goes zero to 60 in five seconds by this light okay so oh my god i can't even There's a lot to unpack. Can you send this to me in the chat? Because there's way too many pieces here. No, there's so much. I'll send this right now.

Dig into. There's a lot. What's the entertainment for the wife, I guess, would be the first question. Exactly. That's exactly right. And then there was the rubbery part of it that I thought was interesting.

He's talking about how the body of the flashlight goes zero to 60. And I don't know what that means. It sounds like his wife is throwing laser pointers at him. There's some low-key sex stuff happening here. That's what I'm reading. I don't know.

The rubberized ring and the wife. Zero to 60. Five to six exclamation points after by this light feels good in your hand a bunch of guys are sitting around at a bar like it's like a bunch of married guys dude like i i trish and i have been spicing things up in the bedroom we've been doing some dirty talk we've been doing some role playing hell yeah brother it's it's really it's been great it's been it's been rekindling our marriage have you guys been doing anything uh anything wild anything crazy yeah man i've been i've been looking for like a light up rubber ring that i can help like bring just really just you know it's like we have a lot of fun

together but it feels like there's a spark missing and i'm looking for something that can light up the room but at the same time i don't want my cat to get bored and so i'm looking for like a good multitasking tool todd i know that your buddy trevor here just moved to chicago but it's like he says these things he says these weird things no i know i i think it's like i think i know what he means i mean i'm down to hang out with you man it's just like what are you talking about you don't want your cat to get bored during You having sex with your wife That's right I mean look if you guys are feeling

Disconnected for me one of the Things that I do at home to get Closer to My cat and my wife is We use a Laser pointer and if you guys I'm happy to get it right now and I Can do you have it with you are you offering To go home and come back yeah I'm holding it In my hand at you guys, I'm happy to get it right now and I can. Do you have it with you or are you offering to go home and come back?

Yeah, I'm holding it in my hand at this very moment. I'm telling you, once you hold this laser pointer, you are not going to want to let go. It is like the best laser pointer when you hold it. Sorry. One second, Trevor. Just Stephen, really quickly side sidebar just give him a chance he just he doesn't have a lot of friends and like i just really like he means a lot to me like i've known him since i know you guys have known each other since high school yeah i just he clearly has used this for sex and he wants me to hold it well obviously he's used it for sex obviously he's used it for sex right that's obvious you listen to the way he's talking look at look across the bar look at how

he's looking at it he's drinking a milkshake with whiskey what are you guys talking about over there nothing everything's positive we were just talking about how we would love to see the laser pointer we would love for you we'd love to see it great use it you know let's take all your shirts off for this it's gonna be no i don't think so it's no shoes no shirt no service steven just fucking for him please and for, just do it. This is insane. Shirts off. Shirts off in the bar.

I'm not comfortable. Wow, things have not changed for you, huh, Steven? Man, you look great, man. Are you still swimming? I do a league. It's a rec league, so we have meets and stuff. It doesn't matter. You're in a rec league for men in their mid-20s?

It's not that weird, man. I swim at swim meets with other, yeah, millennials. It's a wild coincidence because I'm in one as well. For swimming. That's awesome. You guys have something in common. Oh, my gosh. What's your stroke?

Backstroke? I personally am more of a morale guy, so I wouldn't say that I'm great particularly at swimming, but I keep the team together. I do all the team building exercises. You do team building exercises in an, in an adult men's rec league for swimming, for swimming. Yeah. And then people come over to my house and then I'll figure out activities to make us

feel closer to each other. Sometimes we'll just do it right in the locker room. Sometimes we'll do these things called heralds. We basically, I'll be like, put out an idea. And then we all like, we're yes. things called heralds. We basically, I'll be like, put out an idea, and then we all, like, we're yes-anding with our bodies. And it creates, like, a physical chemistry. And then let's say, like, let's say in the beginning of the herald,

I am holding your shoulder. Then, like, at the end of the herald, I'll hold your shoulder again, but this time I have a laser pointer in my hand. So you do improv in a locker room with people who are wet? Yeah, I mean, that's obviously a contrivance. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. No, you don't have to shame him for it.

I'm not trying to shame him. It's fine. I'm really not trying to shame him. Say what you want, but we're winning. Is there a cash prize or a trophy or anything? No, I'd say the prize is more emotional. And, you know, I've never felt closer to these guys. And, you know, if I could, this is going to sound like a plug, but it's the truth. If I could owe it to any one thing,

it would be this laser pointer that I'm holding in my hand right now. So it saved your marriage. It's got this rubber ring around it and it goes from zero- No, yeah, the rubber ring. We've heard, you've told us about the rubber ring. Zero to 60. Yeah. For real. What does that mean? That it turns on fast? What does that mean?

It means everyone goes from zero to 60 really quick. When I talk about team bonding. Yeah. I feel like in about five minutes, we went from friends who swim to like, I don't know, just so intimate. You're really like treating it with this reverence. I feel like it's casual. It feels like everybody's just shows up to swim, have a good time. And then you're trying to make it this like brotherhood.

It's not the only office supply that we use we have pencils mechanical pencils we have we have a ruler um which is wow your face really lit up when you said ruler that must be really really exciting yeah what do you do for work by the way so you do these team bonding exercise on the weekends where are you working uh i actually i haven't had a job in like seven years but that's a really insensitive question steven actually how is it insensitive i started a blog around what i've been doing here and it seems like there's a lot of interest around some of the stuff i'm doing so he takes out his phone and shows us a video of tottenham hotspur the british premier league team doing some of his team bonding exercises. Holy shit, Trevor.

This is actually really impressive. They found this on your blog? Cut to Trevor's TEDx talk. Trevor's TEDx talk. All right, guys. I'm Brene Brown. Thank you so much for showing up to my seminar. And next, I'd like to bring up a very close personal friend of mine.

He's inspired me. He's inspired you. He's inspired millions. I know it because I know y'all have his book. Y'all have his DVDs. He is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thinker, kind of just kind of soul that you just want to get to know. My friend, Trevor Hotspur. Thanks, B. kind of thinker kind of just kind of soul that you just want to get to know my friend trevor hotspur

thanks b guys um you know i it's wild just to be here because i've been a fan of yours for so many years and oh stop it i'm a fan of you honey no i really oh i mean it's been just such a wild ride. The crowd's waving laser pointers. What's crazy for me is all of this just started out of trying to find a way to get closer to myself. It was literally, I mean, I still remember the day. It's me and a box of office supplies. And I see this pointy rubbery thing sticking out of the top of the box. And I just got out of the shower and I just started fiddling with it. And I.

We've all been there. Isn't that right? The crowd's like. I want all of you to reach under your chair. Stop it. Stop it right now. Stop stop it right now a post-it note okay now i want you to reach under your chair again but go like a little further like this i don't know that field is the first time that's crazy yeah oh what is that is that a pen no it's not just a pen it It's a pointer. It's our newest one. You're kidding. You're kidding.

Okay. I want you to write on that post-it note. Look to your left. Look to your right. Now look inside. And I want you to write this on your note. I love you. With the laser pointer. You want us to write it with the laser pointer write it with the pen slash laser pointer the multifunctional laser pointer beautiful

the crowd is in tears I want you to post it in your bed you're going to wake up every day in Chattarunga and you're going to look at that thing and you're going to remember the one thing that you need to remember in life which is the one you need to love the most is you but this is the irony of my journey what i found is you know you've heard people say in order to love someone else you need to love yourself that's absolutely right well i would argue in order to love yourself you need to love everyone else take off your shirts they all do

stand tall up now turn to the right turn to your right and uh tell something to this person about yourself that that would keep you from ever betraying them something that you don't want anyone to know okay let's call it collateral i have a micro penis okay great this man here tells us he has a micro penis i thought that you were only going to tell it to yeah i thought i was going to stay in this row no no no this is how collateral works we tell everyone this man has a collateral penis. What's that? Oh, this guy.

This guy has a UTI. No. We have. Who told you? See, it turns out, and I'm not surprised by this. It turns out our greatest secrets are almost entirely genital in nature, which is an adjective. It's an adjective. Little people know, and it could be used as an adjective.

And here's what we're going to do with those genital insecurities that we all have. Everyone flip on the switch and your pointer on your loisir painter. When he turns them on. Do you feel that? Can I just say it went zero to 60. Absolutely. Dan.

Dance music starts playing. All right, that's all the time we have. All right, let's go fuck. That's sex-o-nar. Nex-o-nar. Good shit. All right, this is a four-star review of Kensington Expert Wireless Presenter with green laser pointer, cursor control, and eight gigabytes of memory.

K72427 AMA. This is a $70. It's a $70 laser pointer? This is $69.99. This is a review from Spike. Do you have a last name for Spike? Spike Dar. Spike?

D-H-A-R. Spike Dar. All right. have a last name for for spike spike darth spike darth darth darth d-h-a-r it's a south asian name that is happens to be on an email in front of me right now yeah perfect this is two stars purchase the eight gigabyte version and upon plugging it into the computer it worked fine opening the storage media on the deviceStrike picked up that it was potentially performing malicious activities. Attempting to get root access, installing DLLSs, which seems unusual, considering

it was already working. Reformatted the SD card, and works fine now. Just disturbing that Kensington... Did this guy think he was emailing customer service? Wondering if there's any refunds to be had. Just disturbing that... Hey, it's Spike again. Still haven't heard back.

Sorry, go ahead. Still haven't heard back. Just disturbing that Kensington may be shipping devices with pre-installed malware. Otherwise, it's a great presenter. Sorry. The malware of like a point and click because you have to plug the receiver into a usb port that's why you shouldn't spend 70 dollars

on like yeah of course there's malware like yeah like you're you're like of course there's malware yeah you're 30 bucks away from a smartphone. And is that the official policy, him calling into customer service? That was their answer? Sorry. And just so I'm clear, the official Kensington policy is that of course there's malware? And because I spent more than I should have? Sir, did you watch porn on your phone?

On your pen? On your laser pointer? That's not possible. This is 70 bucks, buddy. I guarantee there's something that can be done on this thing. There's a way. So that's what the 8 gigabytes of memory is for?

You're giving a presentation. This could make or break your job. Either you're getting promoted or you're getting fired on the fucking spot. And the malware is like, is the laser pointer somehow not shooting a straight line? It's like just angled a little bit. It's like, so.

It's literally the only thing that can go wrong. Yeah. So as you can see, our numbers for this quarter, if I could just point to, you know, that we started to see a little down. Sorry. Which numbers are you pointing at? Because I feel like it's pointing at a piece off the document there. Can you just point to the numbers?

Yeah. No, easily. I can point to the numbers, Scott. I can point to the numbers. So I'm pointing, if you can't see, I'm pointing to the June 2019 numbers right now. You're not on June 2019. It's not on June 2019? No, if it's useful, I have my own laser pointer that'll

go from 0 to 60 probably as quick as you'll ever see. Just throwing that out there. I can do this. It's just a laser pointer, guys. I'm not a dunce, right? I know how to point. He wasn't suggesting that you can't do the presentation. He was just saying that the tool doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe if you had the straight tool, it would work. We can just skip to the next slide. We can just skip to growth. So this is where I'd like. So far, we haven't learned anything, just so you know, though. We didn't get anything out of that first slide. Okay. Well, and that's fine because that was just more of like where we've been. And I think we all kind of know.

So this is where we're going. I'm not going to be able to take any of that in without it being pointed to with the laser. So I think we're all in a bit of a pickle right now keep going i don't understand what the presentation is about so far because you pointed willy-nilly i just don't know where we're at i wasn't willy-nilly right again we're not saying that we're saying the laser pointer i think you feel insecure i think you feel because it's your first presentation that we're like trying to like be hard on you we're really not i want to hear this and i'm receptive it's just like i mean it's just like this account we are you know what we are we are trying at here at pottery barn we're trying

to sell the most pottery barn in you know this side of the mississippi and so and we've always said that and we've always said that and so on this next slide as you can see this is kind of like we're we're trending upwards projected to trend upwards and so as you can see, this is kind of like we're we're trending upwards, projected to trend upwards. And so, as you can see in September, you said trending upwards and your pointer made a motion downwards. By the way, side note, is it just me or has the company cat never looked at the computer catches fire? Malware detected, says on the screen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Of course, there's malware.

It might be time that you invest in yourself have you ever been to a ted talk i am i actually it's funny you say that because um i have tickets to one person who let's just say is uh kind of an inspiration to me um trevor trevor i don't know trevor h whatever his last name absolutely is. Trevor storms in through the front door. I said I'm so busy here. Everybody immediately bonds. Should we do our last segment, Riley?

Let's do it. This shook me all week long. Ravi, what's been shaking you? Anything on the mind, something, air of grievance, a new hobby, something you're obsessed with, pop culture, et cetera, et cetera. Obviously, The Vow has been something that we have been tracking.

I think the show is getting a little boring. The election is obviously top of mind. Yeah, headcount.org forward slash headgum. Check your voter registration. Yo, love that. Anxiety is ramping up. I found myself this morning feeling a little, like I felt some sort of shame, I I guess because I've been doing so much

election stuff and it's it's with a lot of celebrities and I find myself it's like I know it's all for a good cause but I also find myself like there's like a there's a part of me that feels like gross and I think I just hate famous people but but like also like, like it's like we're all doing good things, but I find myself thinking about what some of these people's real intentions are and that wouldn't, that shouldn't necessarily matter to me. I know it shouldn't matter.

Like we're all just doing good things. It probably says more about my own kind of high school triggers that are coming up, but like, I don't know. Are those, are those helpful story areas areas that was great yeah

um the vow i've never seen the vow is it it's worth watching no no that's the thing it's for it's bad it's like it's a poorly made documentary but i also couldn't stop watching it which feels like a weird new york article and like that would have been a lot of, a lot of these documentaries are like, I'm, I would say the vow is maybe the most egregiously long docuseries. And that's saying a lot because it seems like that's all Netflix does is make eight episodes shows. This should have been two or three episodes.

Yeah. This might be, I think it's supposed to be 10 episodes long and it's been done like it ended after like the second episode yeah but we're in episode eight now and nothing like the last episode now i just do other stuff while it's on now and the last one the last one ended and i go okay so what the fuck happened like nothing happened yeah yeah yeah i admire you finishing it out though because papa didn't raise no quitter it's just the papa's wife won't stop watching the fucking show and it's hang out with his wife yeah riley what about you what's been shaking you all week long what's been shaking me is this idea and

it seems radical to me but like my therapist is like this really isn't that she's like it's it's wild for you but that's means that you should really learn this is that um we i will speak for myself that i can't be everything for everyone all the time and still working through people pleasing tendencies but this idea of like, it is not my sole job to be the sole fulfillment for everyone in my life. Well, no, hang on a minute. Because I'm worried that I'm going to fall through the cracks in a way. This could hurt you. This could be bad for me.

This could hurt you because I know that I am the only source of your happiness. And your purpose and fulfillment um but yeah so just like remembering that it's okay for me to have my own wants and like needs and i think because that feels very extreme to me like the idea of like doing something for myself feels inherently selfish and bad and that's like my irish catholic guilt being like well if i like it then that must mean it's wrong um so that's been shaking me of the core of the core conflicts to have in your age range i think that's a good one because that to me that to me communicates a core value which is about like essentially love and community and those are good things i'm not saying you should you don't need to get past that because

you do i mean i i struggle with the same not as much as i used to but you know like my favorite thing that i like idea that i feel like is really accurate is that your 20s are about becoming the person you want to be and your 30s are about becoming the person you are and so I think the idea you just stated is is very much about that what I was just saying in your 20s like it's about you're kind of focused on this external ideal image of yourself, the one that you've probably been painting your whole life of like, this is who I am going to be. And so much of that is, is about, it's manifested from not only like your experience in the world,

but also validation from the people that you've been seeking it from your entire life. And then, you know, the beauty of that is over time that evolves into you realizing like, and this is when it gets really fun is when you actually start to love yourself for who you are, even your shitty parts. And then you, and then you begin to say, okay, like this is who I am. And this is what I'm, I'm becoming who I am. Instead of, I just said eight things, the same thing, eight different ways,

but you understand that. That, beautifully put. Yeah. That was beautifully put. And I fully understand it. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Um, Hmm. For all Uncle Jeff, but you're also verified. So like, I feel like you, I mean, that was when you started to really accept that you were, you were, yeah, it was really, it was coincidentally almost exactly the day I got verified. The minute even. As soon as I saw that blue check, I'm like, oh, I love me.

Social capital in a way. I love me. Not kidding. I will tell you what's funny. One funny thing for sure is in the sense that when I got metaphorically verified and actually verified, all the points in my life. When I finally got all those things were finally the points where I didn't need them anymore.

And I still find it very annoying because it would have been so much fun. It's like, I finally started getting like, uh, uh, inner peace. Oh, I had inner peace. I had love. And then all of a sudden, like,

I have all the fake trappings you need to finally get laid by the terrible people that you want to do. It's it's the thing is you're too late. I can't believe I'm saying but this can't it's just not no the train has left the station it's gone I met someone I went to therapy

I'm fixed kind of it's like this that is a bummer man I'll link up with Monique. She'll get us a couple articles and we'll get that blue check real fast. Jeff, what about you?

Me? I got a fire pit. I got a fire pit for our front yard. That's great though, dude. Fire pits are great. That's fun. It's great vibes. Yeah, fire pits are great.

Yeah, I mean, I grew up in like basically rural Ohio, like outside of Cleveland. And so all we did was bonfires in high school. So the smell of it is very nostalgic to me. And this house that I live in, our front yard has a like it was built for a fire pit. And there's like it's a noncombustible floor. It's like it's a non-combustible floor it's like uh dirt so um it feels safe enough once the temperatures drop uh to have a fire pit and i've always said that ravi the floor is yours for plugs what do you have to plug we know you have pursuit of happiness uh anything else you want

to point people to on hbo max on hbo max specifically no i've heard of the sentence incorrectly the only show that i want people to watch on hbo max i don't uh meet the patels is on hbo max as well the documentary that i was just talking about uh i recently made my social media public that's at show me the rubby i have an exciting new laser pointer that I shouldn't probably be talking about yet. Yeah. Don't install it. It's going to. Yeah.

Yeah. It goes from zero to 60 pretty quickly. You wouldn't believe. You wouldn't believe. Awesome. So, yeah, guys, check that out. It's a really funny show. And thanks so much for coming on.

Yeah. Thank you so much. No, thank you guys. It's so nice to meet you guys for all. It's really fun. coming on. Yeah. Thank you so much. No, thank you guys. It's so nice to meet you guys for all. It's really fun. You too. This is wonderful. Hell yeah.

Well, you can find Riley on Instagram at Riley and spa on Twitter at Riley coyote, uh, the show on Instagram at review, review the show on Twitter at review, review show and on Reddit, our slash review review. Also,

uh, we have a Patreon that just launched, uh, patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. So if you need more bonus comedy content from our asses, you can subscribe with reckless of band asses. I don't fucking... It's so early.

You can find Jeff on Instagram at IamJeffreyJames and on Twitter at Don'tPlayNoJames. I love when Jeff takes the review, review plugs because that means I just have to say his Instagram and Twitter and that's so much better for me. It's a lot. It's a lot to plug. I fear that it's so much that people don't end up doing any of it. Sure, certainly.

Thank y'all for listening and we'll see you next week. Peace. That was a HitDom original.