Review Revue - Leather Jackets

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. it's Thursday March 19th um it is 4 19 p.m I I I personally am eight days into social distancing what about you I think I'm about eight days in as well.

I'm kind of three days into a two-week lockdown quarantine. I'm not sick. None of my family's sick. But we're just kind of doing the two weeks so we can see how we're feeling in two weeks. Yeah. So we are recording remotely. I am at my house. Mephri Mames is at his house.

This is very strange. How have you been passing the time? Can you give some highlights? Oh, some highlights, some lowlights. Highlights, honestly, like walking red has been great. Outside still exists. And I'm here with, I am social distancing with my boyfriend, Daniel Rashid, my sister,

Vanessa, my four-year-old nephew, Ocean, and my mother. And so it's, it's a squad. We've been cooking a lot. Those are some highlights and drawing. We, my nephew and i have been drawing a lot um a lot of abstract interpretations of winnie the pooh happening oh time stamp also vanessa hudgens that little viral uh that's the real virus that's the real virus um so yeah what about you how have you been spending the time you're building you built a cabinet uh yeah i just moved to a new place and so i was i, I've been like, slowly improving a few,

a few of the things. Cause it's a really, it's an older apartment. And so like there was no kitchen storage. So I put a wall cabinet up yesterday and then put a range hood underneath that. Cause there was no range hood. And every time I would cook, it just got really smoky. And then today I built burning things right well also yeah I don't know how to cook so basically what I'm gonna do yeah uh from frozen and then thaw it and burn it but you've sent a photo of the cabinet and it looks lovely it's luckily the uh the existing cabinets that they did have were really cheap. And I found the exact one with one quick Home Depot search. So yeah.

And it was really easy. It just took a lot of time. And you're alone. Well, yeah. But not only physically, just kind of emotionally. I'll reach out to friends and they won't respond. Or they'll say, hey, I'm busy. And then I'll see an Instagram story and they're obviously not busy.

Obviously, because everyone's at home. Right. Like what could they possibly be doing? They obviously have time for me. It's like they're actively avoiding you because it, because everyone's at home. Right. Like what could they possibly be doing? They obviously have time for me. It's like they're actively avoiding you because it's like we all have nothing to do but talk to each other. And so if someone's not reaching out to you,

it's like, ooh. Agreed. Have people been checking in on you? It's like, it's the thing. You know, I've been reaching out to friends and being like, hey, how are you doing? How are you holding up? Like, let's catch up.

I must have missed the text where you checked in with me. What are we reviewing today? What are we even talking about? We're talking about leather jackets. We're talking about leather jackets. This is the new norm for a while. This sucks. This sucks.

We should find a way to FaceTime while we do this. Or like have it. But also like once this, I don't know. I was just talking to my sister today. Like once the two weeks is up or maybe four weeks, we'll see how things go in the news. But I feel like it'd be fine in a few weeks to start if we're both healthy. I go over to your place or you come over to my place. I feel like that would be fine if everything's sanitary.

We'll see. I might let other people over at my place, but that's not a health thing. It's a personal issue. It's a personal issue. but what are your experiences with leather jackets if any i have none i've never owned a leather jacket no i've never owned a leather jacket obviously not obvious you own a leather jacket why don't you talk about i love my leather jacket i love like i will put it on over a t-shirt and jeans and heels and it'll be like a cool mix of it's like I've got a blouse on or I've got a shirt and I'm put together but also I have a little bit of an edge I you know just a little bit just enough to be like hey she's edgy but you know she's still classy does that make sense don't say does that make sense you barely said anything i'm not

a biker but i could be right i'm a tricer so basically what i do is i'm embarrassed so i just i wear a hoodie um i i love a leather jacket i feel like leather jackets for i could be totally wrong i don't know in my own experience i feel like leather jackets for women I could be totally wrong. I don't know. In my own experience, I feel like leather jackets for women are much more of like a fashion thing. And I feel like for guys, it's, you never, unless you're like a rocker or like a, you know, or a biker, I rarely see leather jackets on dudes. I was literally about to say this exact same thing. I think for women, it's way easier for you guys to wear a leather jacket. If I wear a leather jacket,

I have to ride a motorcycle. You have to. Otherwise, I'm a poser, but you're not somehow. But it's so weird because it's like greasers used to all have the leather jackets. No one really wouldn't see Danny Zook on a motorcycle. Maybe you would. I don't think you. I think he'd be too scared. I think he'd be like, oh, Sandy. And he'd fall off. He'd be on his motorcycle. Sorry, so you're saying he's on his motorcycle and then he just yells out his girlfriend's name

and then falls? I imagine Olivia Newton-John is watching. She goes, oh, oh Danny please be careful and he like tries to get on but bikes are heavy like motorcycles are heavy and he like kind of starts going he gets going and then he like kind of builds up a little bit of confidence and he's like yeah I got it and then he he kind of realizes that he doesn't have it. And so then he goes, Sandy! And then he... It's a natural reaction. It's like him saying, ow or oh.

Burns his head on a pot. Sandy! He falls down a flight of stairs. Oh, Sandy! Sandy! One of those sequences in a cartoon where somebody just keeps hurting themselves all those things then falls down the stairs then gets run over by a truck

do your danny zo but he's giving a eulogy at at a funeral duty was one of my boys and uh I can't uh you know we would we would drink milkshakes and oh sandy um sorry i just uh you know when i think about duty i think of you know when we had the whole gang together you know sandy and uh he and sandy haven't talked in years they broke up months after the film ended this is he's giving his vows to his future wife who's not sandy i'm gonna love you till the day you die you know oh man oh sandy i love you so much sandy why yeah yeah you i hated when he did that oh god sorry i just like that really pisses me off sorry it's just like when he sings sandy in the film do you know the part i'm talking about i barely remember it's just the part

it's like in the song it's like sandy baby i'm in misery did it like he's in the drive-thru or the drive-in sure and then he's like the chorus is like why you left me oh sandy but then the way he does it it always it's one of those things that just gets me so he's like why yeah yeah you why and it like makes me feel gross to even do it yeah i i completely get what you're saying it's an it like makes me feel embarrassed to do. I'm alone in a room and I'm embarrassed to have just done that. I'm sad to have seen this for real. Do you want to read a review?

I shall. My first review is for a... And we should save these photos because a lot of these at least mine are bad to see and we can we can put them on the instagram um this one is for uh it's on amazon it's a bgsd men's brown leather blazer made out of lamb skin love we love to see it right we love to see it. Right? We love to skin it. We love to skin it. This is from Joel Day. Okay. December 6th, 2016. Size XXL. Okay.

I needed something a bit dressy, but not so much as to make me feel out of place. This blazer is perfect. And oh, what a buy. It's much less expensive than most lambskin jackets out there, fully lined with protective passport pocket too. I'm really glad I bought this. Oh, whatabye. In a club, I'm feeling out of place. I have a jacket and it's made of lamb. What a buy. I have a passport. I am gonna fly to Guam. I like to, maybe this is a,

it's an 80s one hit wonder, like air band. Oh, what a buy. Yeah. Leather blazer that I wore to church. I travel Vietnam. leather blazer that i wore to church i travel to vietnam not for the war for pleasure by sorry i i don't know if i heard work correctly did you say that they bought it to not feel out

of place or that they feel out of place wearing it? So let me describe the jacket. So the jacket is, it's literally like a sport coat, like what should be a suit, but made out of leather. Oh, no. Right? And so this is Joel, like, needing to buy a blazer for a fancy event, but it doesn't feel fancy. His whole MO is leather leather and he's used to wearing leather so instead of getting a nice normal blazer he gets a leather blazer to not feel out of place oh my god passport pocket like he's just such a this is like a tim robinson's

character okay okay ian um you know it's my, my boss's big kind of office dinner tonight. And he invited us to drinks with him and his wife before the dinner, which is really big. I'll be there. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming. It's, it is more of a fancy thing. So. You're not telling me what I think you're telling me, are you? Well, I'm telling you that you're going to need to wear a blazer because this is really important. If this dinner goes well, I could be promoted. What about a bomber? Huh?

A little aviation leather action? I got my lambskin. No, no, honey. You can't wear your lambskin bomber to Nobu. To the fancy. Yeah, but it's like I'm a pilot. I know, but you're an accountant barely what are you talking about honestly on the fritz i didn't quit but i i haven't been i mean look i'll be honest with you

i've been spending all my time where i'm supposed to be balancing accounts uh i've truly just been researching World War II airplanes, tankers, that kind of thing. Because that's what brings me joy, not numbers. No, honey, I'm so happy that you have a hobby. But we kind of need both of us to keep jobs right now. And if I get this promotion and if you dress really nice and we show that it's like we really mean business. And I won't need to work. No, that's not not what i'm saying i'm saying that we absolutely both need to work and you can still absolutely i'm not saying you shouldn't love world war ii planes but i am saying that it would mean a lot to me it would show me like you know that we are a partnership

you and i if if you made an effort for this all right all. All right. I'll get a blazer. I'm sitting there. So you're Lydia's boss. That's right. Well, I'm her husband, as you can tell. How much do you know about land? Don't start.

Because I'm sitting here, I'm eating a lamb shank and my lamb skin and you could be doing the same in in fact try this jacket on he gets up really abruptly and clumsily no it's okay i'm all right i i have my uh hugo boss once you get your arms in these sleeves you're tearing the jacket off the boss. I rip his really nice Italian. You won't need this once you put this on. Here, try this on for size. Yeah. You are absolutely.

Can I. Is this crazy? I would love to just kind of wear. I don't know. I mean, you did rip my jacket. If I could wear it the rest of the night, I'm the one who's not sitting under the heater. It would be my leather. I would wear that.

I should give you back your passport. Honey, you brought your passport? Keep it. Yeah, I brought it. It has a protected passport pocket. What kind of idiot doesn't put his passport in his jacket? Do you mean just an inner coat pocket? Well, it's a protected passport pocket. It's in the jacket, sure.

It's in it, right. Right, but so is the passport, so. Oh my. Barkeep. Sandy. Another Gasparilla. Sandy. Sandy.

Burns his tongue on the stick. Oh, Sandy. Good for Joel J. What do you think the j stands for uh jeans joel jeans and he only wears leather yeah he's allergic to denim his name is joel yeah i gotta take my gene aid it's like a lactate but it allows me to be near selving you also just you also just don't have to you know if you need me to wear like leggings when i come hang out like i don't have to i don't have to wear my overalls you're right what about jeggings is a nice compromise so you want me to have it'll just look like jeans but i't, I won't have any kind of physical reaction.

Also I've never ever been very close to a woman. That's exactly. Joel jeans. We need to keep a record of all the people we've named. Yeah. If anybody out there has time and pretty much everybody figuring out something to do with this time when we're all home if you guys could make a i don't either a review review name bank or a review review name generator oh review review name generator would be very fun um i feel like most of the things we do are just puns on fabric yeah um except Except you said someone's last name was

vagina one time, so that's not necessarily a fabric. It's part of a fabric. I mean, especially when you're talking about the hymen. Hey, it's a fabric of life, right? Come on. That's a joke? No, I'm serious. We all come out of it. We all come out of it. It's a fabric.

It weaves us together. We have to take a break. Well, not now. Well, no, I just mean on the whole podcast. I haven't seen you in a week. I know, and what a respite it's been. Oh, what? Because you don't want me to talk about how we all were born? You talk about it so often.

We don't need to always talk about coming out of a vagina. We went to a nice dinner, and as soon as I was about to take a bite out of the bone marrow. You brought up the amniotic sac. Listen, in this crazy time, it's nice to be like, hey, we're all connected, right? This is the time where we're not supposed to be connected. We're supposed to isolate. But it's in the isolation.

We can all kind of rest assured that we all came out of the amniotic sac. Sure. I guess I recognize that. Have you seen the viral video of all these celebrities taking turns singing Imagine? Yeah, it's so stilted. If you haven't seen it yet, please just look it up. The one that broke me was James Marsden. Some of them were trying way too hard, and James Marsden. Some of them were trying way too hard. And James Marsden was one of them.

Yeah. It really, I was cackling. It really shook me. Living for the day. Yeah. I'm going to read a review. Go for it. You may say I'm a dreamer.

One of my favorite movies, sorry to interrupt, is Dinner for Schmuck. And one of the best lines in that is, in the words of John Lennon, you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not. But I'm not. I'm the only one. That's the lyric. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. Okay, Tim. but i'm not the only one okay dude but i'm not this one uh the jacket is called the viking cycle angel fire classic cowhide leather motorcycle biker

jacket for men choose one it choose one name you can't have all the elements and different modes of transportation Viking Cycle Angel Fire Classic Cowhide Leather

Motorcycle Biker Jacket for men that sounds like you made it up on the spot like record work at a guest and you had to pitch uh an article of clothing on the day and you you missed like you got drunk the night before and you had to come up with it uh this this skirt is called the mini maxi flowy flirty corner girl nylon pretty skirt for ladies we love it maxi the mini maxi flowing corner corner girl nylon skirt for ladies the mini maxi pad heavy flowing nylon linen all day every day pink for ladies cotton skirt all right what's your okay uh one more time this is for viking cycle angel fire classic cowhide leather motorcycle biker jacket

for men again like you're uh one of the those auctioneers okay we got one more on amazon we got viking cycle angel fire classic cowhide love motorcycle biker jacket for men going one that was impressive thank you i was very scared okay win no last name um four stars um november 6 2014 uh that the subject is good jacket mine's different from picture though. First off, I'd like to say that this is a nice jacket. I'm not complaining about it, just giving my experience. The jacket looks just like the one in the picture, although the second picture of it from a side view seems to be a mirror image as everything is backwards. My main issue is that my jacket seems to have a different texture than the one shown. The one we see in the picture looks very smooth, almost glossy leather. The

jacket I received is a dark leather with a pretty obvious grain slash skin type imprint on it. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not what I was expecting. And maybe mine just isn't broken in enough. It's the first one I've had. The second thing I'd like to point out is that it does take some guts to wear one of these. As cool as it is, I've gotten some looks when I wore it around. So if you're planning on wearing this and you're not a biker, I bought it because I'm a metal guy. Be prepared for the possibility of negative feedback. It does have somewhat of a criminal connotation.

Overall, though, the jacket is good and I like it a lot. If you have the money and the guts to wear it, it's worth it. Excuse me, how much is this biker jacket? This biker jacket is $69.99 on Amazon Prime. And then in terms of gall. Excuse me. How much is this biker jacket? This biker jacket is $69.99 on Amazon Prime. And then in terms of gall. Excuse me? Well, just like huevos, balls, gall. Gall of the above.

How much would I have to have? I don't think I understand the question. Well, everybody has two, but I'm talking about the size and the weight of them. I'm trying to say this diplomatically how big do my eggs have to be oh my god sir okay you're wondering if you are brave enough to wear this jacket in public that's what i'm asking you yeah i mean what do you do you want to know what i do i would like to know i mean it's none of my business i would just love for you to buy the jacket so i get commission but what do you do well i i mean I would hope that you're not only wanting me to buy the jacket for your own

gain, but also just so that I'm happy in it. I would love for you to be happy. I mean, the jacket looks great on you. I work in sanitation. Okay. I'm a garbage man. And I'm a garbage man. I mean, I got to admit, I don't think I've ever seen a garbage man on duty in a leather jacket. Right. I mean, Mike Tyson was the first person to have a face tattoo and it worked out. So I'm just trying to think about how I can innovate and how I can stand out. Because honestly, I go to work and there's like 80 of me, right?

There's like everybody throughout the city. There's so many garbagemen and we are disposable, much like the things that we collect. Garbage being that. I can't afford this jacket. I could give it to you for a discount. It doesn't matter what discount. You could give it to me for 50% off, and it wouldn't even be within sneezing distance. Are you just talking about in terms of the gall? In terms of cash, I've been saving up for this jacket.

But yeah, I don't think I have the eggs. I don't think I have the Ryan gall to pull it off. Here, let me put your gall to a test. Is there anyone you're, you've been crushing on lately? I hope that's not too personal. I have several crushes. Do you want to hear them in order? I would like to hear your main one, but if you want to list them in order, sure. Okay. Number one is Leslie. Do you have Leslielie's number i yeah i do if you call if you can call leslie and ask her on a date right now out of the blue then you have the balls to wear this biker jacket all right here we go calling her. Hello. Hey. Hey. Oh, sorry. You go. No. Hey. Hey, what's up? Do you want to go on a date with me? Maybe like, I don't know that there's this kind of

tiki bar in the Valley. Oh man. I'm, I'm buying coffee right now before work. Sorry. Can you give me one second? Hi. Yeah. I would like just a drip coffee, please. Sorry. I don't know if I heard you. Did you say you want to take me out? Yeah. Well, not in like a mob way. It's for Leslie. Yeah. Thank you so much. Are you listening? Sorry. You want to take me out on a date? Yeah. Like maybe, I mean, maybe the tiki bar is too far. Maybe we could do somewhere closer to home.

Like you could just come over. Oh, you know what? Are you tracking me? Sorry. Are you tracking me? Sorry. I got to go. I got to go. Whoa.

How'd it go? I can't buy this jacket. No, you know what? I think I've actually heard of the tiki bar that you were mentioning. And if you're not doing anything later, would you like to get one drink at a tiki bar 45 minutes away with me? Hang on. Wait. with me um hang on wait what we're the only two people in this nordstrom rag

there's something about leather jackets it It's such a statement piece. It's like you really have to be confident. And I feel like most people when they're wearing a leather jacket are so aware that they're wearing a leather jacket. Well, I think there are different kinds too. It's like the one in this photo, it's so bulky. It's like this is like a motorcycle biker jacket. There's some leather jackets that are like more thin and kind of more tailored that i feel like are less of a statement and this one is like i'm going to ride a bike and i feel like if you get the one that's like i'm going to ride a bike

then everyone knows you're not you're wearing loafers we should do a jeff the dumbass where he just walks in in a leather jacket i guess we should address the fact that we haven't done a video in two months oh yeah so basically it's been in January well first of all we were trying to get the podcast up and running and then uh our dp was on a tv shoot for like 40 days so we just didn't have any production support and then coronavirus hit. And you were literally planning on doing a video today or tomorrow. Oh, I thought it was,

Oh yeah, it was going to be tomorrow. We were going to shoot like four or four. So whenever we can, we're going to get those up and running again. But we also, HeadGum has a few tricks up its sleeve in terms of coronavirus content so yeah there will be no shortage of dumbassery from everybody at head in the next

few weeks um i do i may even wear a leather jacket i i did did you see the thing that i pitched in the slack today no i didn't so i I said, I've been trying to slowly make some DIY home improvements on this apartment. And one of the things that I want to do is replace the sink because the kitchen sink is, like, really shitty and old. And also the faucet is leaking. So I bought a new sink and a new faucet. And I want to install them and they're they're it's a drop-in sink so it's not that crazy but everybody i've told that i want to do it is like you're not going to be able to fucking do that so i i thought it'd be fun to live stream it and then

you and amir kind of egg me on and roast me as i'm trying to oh i think that's very fun yeah or maybe i'll just live stream it on my own and just have people like come and you know co-host it with me or drop in and anyway anyway oh stuff like another thing I love about this review is that he's saying that it's like the the jacket seems to have a different texture than the one shown it's i feel like that's something that it's like you can't really tell if you don't feel such a risk risky buy to have never tried it on online buys are tough online for anything let alone leather i am this past halloween i was um fleabag and daniel was the hot priest i'm oh, I need a black V-neck jumpsuit, which I of course didn't have. And so I looked online for one. So I got one and the measurement

said it would be fine. And it came and it was so big. I was swimming in it. And so catch me on Halloween, like fully project runway, like putting a thing inside out fully tailoring it all with safety pins so i probably on halloween night had about 50 safety pins on me what did you do on halloween i went to elizabeth valentina lisa yaffe's house and you were there oh yeah no wait no no you weren't there can i do my next review i I guess, since we're here, right? Sure. This is a review for Reed Men's New Zealand Leather Jacket. And the photo is just terrible. It's this guy in very thick, bright blue denim, and then his thumbs tucked into his jeans,

and then this very puffy jacket. uh this is from three stars from james r what do you think r stands for oh uh james r it stands for rolex james rolex which is definitely an alias three stars probably a fine jacket but not what i wanted I bought this to replace my ancient lambskin jacket that weighs six pounds and keeps me warm all winter long. I knew this one wasn't what I wanted before I even opened the box. It felt like it weighed less than a pound. It looked nice, but I didn't even try it on.

If you're looking for a lightweight, lightweight Jake slash windbreaker, this one looks nice sent it back was promptly refunded no complaints it's like hey man oh my god i can't believe like leanne's about to pop any day are you so excited to meet your son no i don't need to i already know he's a fucking nerd wait come on what are you talking about dude it's your first born you can't send him back yeah well we i mean give him up for adoption what are you talking about, dude? It's your firstborn. You can't send him back. Yeah, well, I mean, give him up for adoption.

What are you talking about? You've been wanting a kid for forever and you're going to be a dad in like two weeks. There's two options, right? Two scenarios. One is that we have the kid, we raise him, we give him a fine life. And then eventually I resent him because he's not who I wanted him to be. Or I give him up for adoption. We try again and you know, eventually I get the son I want. Oh my God. Right. Great plan. No, awful plan. Who do you, who do you want your son to be? I want him to be, I don't know, like an entrepreneur. And you can tell what he's going to be just by what? Feeling your wife's belly?

Not even. I don't even have to open the box. I don't have to open the box. You can't say that, dude. I can tell that he's just a middle management cog in the machine. And that's not what I need. I need someone who's going to change the game. He's an infant, right?

He's an infant. Sorry, I don't mean to be yelling in this Ruth's Chris, but he's literally an infant. Yeah, another round of poppers, jalapeno poppers. No, I don't mean to be yelling in this Ruth's Chris, but he's literally an infant. Yeah, another round of poppers, jalapeno poppers. No, I don't. No, I don't need to do. I don't need to raise a son just because I had him. That's absolutely why I need to raise him. You were the one who begged her to have a kid.

She's like, I don't know. I kind of want to wait a couple more years. And you were the one who was like, please, let's start our family now. There's never going to be a perfect time. We make the perfect time you want to know why it's because i knew it would take a few tries right start the process early before both of our eggs dry up what are you talking about it takes a few tries to get the thing that the one you want all right it's like putting in your 10 000 hours i thought you meant it takes a few tries to take and get pregnant not takes a few tries for you to get the vibe from your infant exactly also the world could use a few more kids so excuse me if i'm

churning them out like butter the world could get more good vibes when a dog has a litter they don't raise the pup pups get sent to the. Don't call your kids your wife's litter. Every dog deserves a good life and every kid deserves a good life. I can't give this fucker a good life because I'm going to resent him and I'm going to treat him like shit. Honestly, part of the reason why he won't become an entrepreneur

is because I'm going to tell him that he won't make it. What if it's you? What if you change your attitude? What if right now you were like, you know what? No, this is, he's going to make it big. He's going to have an incredible life and I'll support him in whatever he does. I can't force him to do what I want him to do. Exactly. Exactly.

You can't. I don't want to force the kid to do what I want him to do. I just want him to naturally do what I want him to do. And I don't even have to help. You shouldn't be a father. What are you talking about, dude? You just want your kid to read your mind and do what you want instead of letting him follow his dreams and do what he wants he can't spend his whole life living up to your

expectations have you ever seen young frankenstein of course it's kind of like that it's like i need a little fucker who's like my creation who is gonna be funny and good at like acting and entrepreneurial endeavors. Just anything. We need the creatives. If my son's not going to be accepted to Soho House, he's not my son. What do you mean acting in an entrepreneurial endeavor? I don't know.

Like inventions, innovations, innovations rather. It's like someone – what? You said acting. You said if he's not a good actor and acting in an entrepreneurial sense. Well, you know, Quibi, there's all that kind of thing. It's like, you know, because you have to create your own content and that's what I've been telling him from day one,

but he just, it wasn't taken. You know, some people lean down to their wife's bellies and are saying things like, I love you so much, your mom and I are going to love you forever. We can't wait to meet you. No, I was leaning down in the middle of the night when my wife was asleep and saying, you have a self-tape due on Thursday. You were saying, hey, there's a million like you. How are you different?

You have your own show. Exactly. I said, you need to figure out how to mix vr into this fucking fold and i folded my wife's belt you have a self-tape due thursday and you're not even born right and so i don't know who's gonna read with him because i'm not gonna do it but you're you know what i'm missing the point it's the whole thing is that i just need a i don't want to raise a kid b once i just want him to be fully raised and be a cool guy so you want a friend you want a friend who's sure i mean that'd be nice that'd be good because then i don't have to you know you know raise a

kid and deal with all the poopy diaper pants like all that shit the whining the crying the the whining and dining all basically i just have someone who i can lean on so you just want a best friend who's an actor yes correct amundo um on that note do you know anyone who knows uh justin long i don't want to raise a kid i want someone fully raised who i can like lean on you want a friend you're a therapist that's so funny what a weird pull quote That's so fucking funny. What a weird pull quote.

No, no, that's out of context. No, it wasn't. That was absolutely in context. Objection. Leading the witness. Objection. I have our conversation recorded. Of course.

Was that your last review or is that mine? I have one more. That was your last one. I have another. Go for it. This is – Okay. This is for L-Y, very, Lynn, women's, faux, leather, motorcycle, jacket, P-U, slim, short, biker, coat. P-U?

Yeah. Similarly to going the Y- yeah you what saying pu makes me feel embarrassed hold on in the in the description says water repellent and windproof the pu classic stand maybe sorry can you for this voiceover, production's asking for just like, you're looking at a pile of dirty laundry, and I just need you to put P-U in the sentence. I'd be like, oh, man, that stinks, but I need you to say P-U in it. All right, ready? Sure, yeah. Oh, better get to this laundry, Dan.

P-U, that it's, sorry, can we cut? Yeah. Sorry, I was just like not in it. No, it's okay. I really just like fully commit. Just commit like 100%. All right. Yeah, I'll try that.

Jesus Christ, Dan. This laundry over here. I mean, P-U. It's so dank over here. Damn. Sorry, can we try it one more time? Just go straight into it, but don't take a break when you say P-U. Just go straight through it.

I didn't think I did. I'm so sorry. Yeah, let me do it again. It's okay. It's just yarring. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ, Dan.

This laundry over here. P-U, man. It's wet and... Stinking. We got what we need thank you so much we have i thought we were doing five pages today and can you can you make the tone the pitch of pu can you really draw it out and make it like like he you like kind of make one tone up and one all right what was that like a like a ski you like getting on a horse? What was that?

That was like a country west thing. I'm not going to say it for you. I'm not going to give you a line reading, but it's like, hmm, hmm. What you just did was more insulting than giving me a line reading. Can you just do a little bit of that? Jesus Christ, Dan. Pee you. This laundry basket is wet and it stinks.

This laundry basket is wet and it stinks. Can I just, I'm sorry, I have a question. Because we've been getting updated sides every morning and every day. It feels like this whole movie is taking a different direction. I mean, what is, it's supposed it was it started out as a an apocalyptic rom-com and now we're talking about laundry well i mean every couple has every couple has to deal with laundry sure but like this is supposed to be in a an apocalyptic scenario we should we shouldn't be worrying about laundry like the the my moment before is that we just shoved the door on a bunch of zombies actually the line we have after that is oh and and and p you talk about those zombies

there's two lines back to back that say p yes dan look at this laundry p it's wet in the laundry basket and these zombies pu sorry that's oh could you actually you know we can we can change the lines a little bit um since we're just doing kind of voiceover right now could you say uh whoa and and speaking of stinky talk about these zombies pu you that's the segue you want yeah i don't want you to say stinky specifically all right the way you want yeah i want you to say that it's stinky specifically all right the way you said yeah all right but more energy sorry more energy than i did more energy than i did you did a lot of energy so this is okay fine um christ jesus christ dan this laundry basket is wet. P.U.

And speaking of stinky, get a load of these zombies. P.U. That was perfect. Not good. Oh, P.U. All right, here we go. Here's the review for the L.Y.

Very Lynn Women's Faux Leather Motorcycle Jacket P.U. Slim Short Backer Coat. Five stars. Perfect. With three exclamation points and like seven asterisks. February 1st, 2020. This has to be the best jacket ever. Does not look cheap. I am more into rock music and know what a motorcycle jacket should look and feel like. The vegan leather looks like real worn in leather. It feels soft. And the zipper placements and cut of the jacket is so perfect.

I wear it with everything. I can't believe the price, too. If you're searching for the perfect moto jacket, stop. Actually, don't buy it. I want to be the only one wearing it. We're both reaching for the last jar in the market. Oh. Wow. Sorry. Oh, oh my god isn't chicken stock amazing and we can put it in anything yeah right i have a whole like thing planned it's a like a braise uh you can grab the first one i'll grab the next one oh actually um

oh this is could you would you mind not would you mind not buying it what's that would you would you might oh sir put put the chicken stock back and put your hands where i can see them you know that's funny uh no i am gonna grab this please actually put it back i would like to be the only one buying this are you kidding i wish i would what do you mean you wish you don't have to i wish it wasn't so amazing that i would like to be the only one buying it. It's just chicken stock. What do you mean so amazing?

It's literally plain broth. Listen, I know a lot about France, so I actually kind of know what stock should taste and smell like. Yeah, I heard French use more beef stock, right? Like French onion soup and, you know, basically any kind of – like they don't use a lot of chicken. Okay, okay. okay, sure. Listen, that all being said, I would really appreciate it, sir, if you would just let me have this, okay? I told my kids we'd be having some couscous, and the couscous is going to be part, it's going to be three cups chicken stock, one cup water. Look, I don't know what's going on with you, but fine, I won't buy the chicken stock.

This is insane. Listen, I'm going to need you to leave the supermarket. Are you fucking kidding me? Let me see your grocery list. This is everything I was going to buy. Are you fucking kidding? What an insane coincidence. You had to have known.

This shook me all week long. what's been shaking you what's been shaking me is okay so daniel and his apartment they have a game cube and recently i'm like man i wish they had mario party because i've played that in forever so a couple weeks ago daniel and i ordered mario party 6 and it came and it is just a treat. That's awesome. It is so much fun, but I get very frustrated because I have consistently in the kind of two or three games we've played, I have always had the most coins and the most stars by the end of it, but we play with bonus stars on.

So, which means it's like, if you win the most mini games, you get a star. If you use the most mini games, you get a star. If you use the most orbs, you get a star. It's like all these different things. And so every single time we've played,

I've always been set to win. And then Daniel ends up winning bonus stars and beating me every single time. And it's so frustrating. Honestly, Mario Party is so much fun, but it's also very frustrating. It's because it's like at the end, it's like everyone. Do you remember?

It's like every all the characters are flying up and then one by one they fall based on the order. I always play as Yoshi and Daniel plays as Toad. And so I'm so used to the image of Toad and Yoshi flying up through the air and then Yoshi falling and Toad winning. And I'm so done. You have to exact your revenge. How? I don't know. Maybe physical retaliation,

some kind of like chemical warfare sent through the mail, some stuff like that. Oh, I can be done for that. I'll send it to my house since we're self isolating. So I don't know how the recording quality of this is. Speaking of sending things to your house, I'm not sure how the recording quality is this is. Speaking of sending things to your house, I'm not sure how the recording quality is going to be for this.

We'll see. We're recording via Zencaster. But I did order us both microphones. So both of ours will arrive on Monday. I'm very excited. So that'll be good. That'll be good to have even after Corona is. Yeah. Because we'll probably need to record remote at some other point anyways.

What's been shaking you? I'm carving pumpkins, it's almost Halloween And all my friends are wondering what they're gonna be The monster mash is playing, you're moving to the beat And now we're gonna teach ya to do the trick or treat Everybody scream teacher to do the trick or treat everybody scream everybody scream it's almost Halloween

do the trick or treat do the trick or treat it's almost Halloween everybody scream Everybody scream There's a devil in the heart And candy in the bread It's a new Panic! at the Disco song Back from when they were good

And it's I'd never heard it before And it's so fucking good And I know it's a Halloween song But it's also just like Really fun to it's a halloween song but it's also just like really fun to listen to and the lyrics are funny and so i've just been listening to it a lot and it's fun so what are the lyrics again could you speak them now i'm carving pumpkins it's almost halloween all my friends are wondering what they're gonna be

uh something something something to do the trick or tree everybody scream everybody scream it's almost halloween do the trick or treat and today is the first day of spring here's the thing right it's we're we're self-quarantined. And a lot of places, I mean, you know, there's the 15 days from two days ago. So we're 13 days more of the recommended self-quarantine. But also, this could go on through like August, like through July or something. Like the NBA is not coming back till June at the earliest. So for me, I'm trying to brace myself to get for this to go on for at least eight weeks. And so instead of looking to the near future, which is kind of nothing, I'm looking to the distant future when we probably actually could do stuff and throw parties and,

you know, go out or go do something. So Halloween is like the next holiday that we could probably. So bleak. Yeah. We should also say that we should, we should read our reviews. Oh yes.

Would you like to go first? Yes. So every five star review that you guys can leave is a huge help with keeping us on the charts. And that will help us introduce our show to people who don't know head gum or don't know us or, you know, whatever. Just people looking for a comedy show. Rate us five stars and leave a funny review in the voice of the show.

We will read it. Me, I have a five-star review from Pat Guff. Okay. Title, A Mocktail of a Podcast. Imagine a piping warm mocktail consisting of five parts grenadine being slid to you by your aunt from down the bar. You'd think, why is my aunt here? Also, how is this a mocktail? Should I just edit undo this evening?

Well, maybe so. But you shouldn't edit undo this podcast. This show's got everything. Funny host? Sure. Great model for content you know it wonderful way to start your morning exactly ice why is my aunt here also how is five parts grenadine a mocktail

you watched the bartender jeffrey the dumbass one and it's actually pretty good a mocktail it doesn't um i have a five star from lake ave oh i knew you were gonna choose this one that's why i didn't choose it wait how do you know i was gonna pick this one because it's like the the first good one that's the most recent um good but lost friend so good friend wouldn't pay attention to the podcast when i played it in the car for them so i ended the friendship so they have great taste not in friends clearly well they have good taste enough to end the friendship if they didn't like the show hey so like i've been meaning to show you this podcast you mind if i throw it on i think you'd really like it yeah totally go for it listens to five minutes of it so what do you think oh yeah sorry i just i was on twitter it sounds like i like it

was uh yeah the intro was funny could you go back a little bit no get out of the fucking car we're on the freeway yeah die oh my god oh oh my god yeah review review man um well guys please leave and review please leave and please keep leaving reviews and also uh submit your uh either in a five-star review or in an email to review review show at gmail.com submit your ideas for episodes like for example today's episode it was inspired by chris belmont's uh idea to review shorts so thanks to chris belmont um don't know if he wanted us to use his first full name, but or his first name for that matter. You know what matter is just short for Mad Hatter? You think that's true?

Yeah. You think when people are saying it doesn't matter, they're saying it doesn't matter. Yes. And you know what Mad Hatter is short for? It's not short for anything. It's Mad Hatter. Mad at her.

Allison had tea with the Mad At Her. Correct. Also, that was me assuming that her name is Alice in Wonderland. That's not a bad name, actually. I think I have to end this because I have to take the dog out for a walk. I'm pouring water into an ice tray, freezing it on the day so I can have a cocktail for lunch. Because I'm always sad. That's right. I don't know my own dad left when I was young. My mom didn't tell me the real reason why until I was

18. And that's why I drink gin and tonics at one because I don't want to wait till five. I'm making old fashions in the afternoon because it's keeping me alive. And then I drive to my work and I'm already buzzed. By the time I go home, I shouldn't be behind a car. So I stay the night at work. That's why I'm sleeping in my desk. And then I wake up at the desk and brush my teeth at the desk. I'm living in my desk.

No, I didn't misspeak. I sleep in my desk drawers. I don't sleep on or under the desk. I shove myself into a literal file cabinet and I get good rest because I'm drunk by the end of the work day and i'm never dressed that's right i'm nay kid in my place of work i'm nudie tootie i'm running up and down the halls i don't wanna my own boss loves the sight of my winking ass and she says that i should stay after class that's right every new verse is that's right it's this

so uh this has been a great first That's right, it's this. Then it's going to be completely different. So this has been a great first- Corona ep. Corona ep. Okay, next week we should drink Corona as well, doing a Corona pod. Love it. I'm down. Stay safe, everybody. Stay safe.

Stay clean. Wash your hands. Wash your ass. And that second one I really needed guidance for. Yep. It didn't take a better part of a decade. And he did say decade, not day. Bye.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.