Review Revue - Mall Santas (w/ Finn Wolfhard and Billy Bryk!)

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Finn Wolfhard and Billy Bryk (hosts of Lackluster Video) join Reilly and Geoff to read reviews about Mall Santas and to discuss the virtues of Christmas, sabbaticals, and Wim Hof!Click here to listen to Lackluster Video!Follow Finn, Billy, Reilly, & Geoff:IG: @finnwolfhardofficial, @williamnbryk, @reillyanspaugh, & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @tryingosling, @reilecoyote, & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna rip. Wanna rip. Wow, we played so much less of the intro song than we normally play. That really took me off guard. Riley, what rhymes with Jackbuster Vimeo? I think we should start over

because that was so... All right, I'm gonna keep this in, but let's do the intro again. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh, my God. Sorry. I just want to... Sorry. One more time. I just want to...

Yeah. This is all in? This is all in. I just want to... It's been a year, right? Don't... It's been a year, right? It's been a year since I was last on and you still have the same fucking song as your theme song. Well, I don't know if you got this email, Finn,

but actually I did email press at the Aubrey's are fun dot com and I said, hey, can we get like an original song in a way? Diddy, if you can. And I got an out of office notice, but clearly you're in office, right? i don't remember when we first had you oh yeah by the way um fucking from lackluster video among other things that you probably never heard of uh it's finn and billy billy and finn fuck it they're not important what's important is the fact that last time Finn was on, we're like, guess our theme song.

And he's like, couldn't possibly. And we're like, it's this. And he thought it was a joke. And we've kept it ever since. No, I thought Finn guessed it. No, I guessed it. Oh, that's right. I said, I was talking about it.

I was like, have you guys heard Fuh You? It's really funny. And then Riley and Jeff got really quiet and went upstairs to the studio. And I was like, okay, what's up with Jeff and Riley? And I come upstairs and they start the song when we start recording. I was like, oh, that's funny. They like loaded it up right when I said it. And they're like, no, this is planned.

This is our theme song for before. So you recorded before. Sorry to cut you off, but you recorded before you guys ever posted one, right? Like you were... Yeah, Finn was like, what is this show?

And I'm like, there's no reason you should know. We don't know. Yeah. That's crazy. And what episode are you guys on now? 53. This is 53?

No, this will be 54 by the time it's released. Welcome to the show, you guys. We're very excited. I mean, like, sorry about my intro earlier. I didn't mean it. We're really excited to have you guys. We're very excited. I mean, like, sorry about my intro earlier. I didn't mean it. We're really excited to have you on.

You guys do matter, and, like, we're really, really happy to have you. So fast, right? That was insanely fast. Let's forget. The coffee, don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Have you had it?

It kicked in. Have you had the coffee? Yeah, no, it just kicked in. Where are you? Did you move into, like, a garage? What is going on? No, so, um, I... This is, like, the fourth week in a row that you've had to explain.

So I used to record in my room because there was not another space where I could really do that. But now we're transforming this room into an office. And my boyfriend, Daniel, is moving in. So right now everything is just kind of everywhere. But I now have a desk with a like i have a podcasting space now though i don't just have to like balance a mic on a pillow with one hand the whole time um so that's where i am i'm in i'm in our office that's kind of okay i'm glad i'm really glad you explained it because i would have been furious furious the rest looks like a crawlspace

is that insulation? Harry Potter style. I'm kind of in like, I'm under the stairs. And then Billy, this is nice. Pat. McCroy from last night. Yeah. Yeah, Billy, wherever you are is really good.

Last time I saw Billy's thing, we were recording Lackluster episode eight, I think. Go check it out. There was just bare walls, no sheets. You had just moved, and now you've put some art on the walls. Do you see these sheets? Look at these sheets.

Simpsons. Oh, nice. For those of you who can't see, Bart Simpson. And then turn the black light on. And then turn the black light on. Absolutely not. For those of you that can't see, nothing. There's nothing.

And Jeff, you're still in a closet. No, this is my childhood bedroom. So sad. So sad. So sad. I call it a bedroom. I immediately believe him. There's like a lofted bed in a way. A mattress falls on me. Oh, of course.

Jeff actually is living in the cemetery Potter's title. Him and Billy. I already told you guys this over text, but George and I have a guest bedroom. So you guys are going to have to like kind of duke it out. We have a guest room here too. We're getting a love seat in here that'll pull out have a guest bedroom so you guys are going to have to duke it out. We have a guest room here too. We're getting a love seat in here that'll pull out to a guest bed so you can duke it out here too. I have a workout trampoline. What do you have Riley?

I have we got this still. We got a little tiny hand. I have a six pack of Miller Lite that'll be gone by the time you move That'll be gone It seems like you really feel like you lost right No I have a cork board as you can tell I have a cork board

We can kind of like brainstorm film ideas That's huge That's huge If we could just get a sound bit Sorry to interrupt the show but If we could just get a sound bit that I could sell to TMZ for like $10,000 Are you seeing anybody What's your net worth current address future address net worth dude you have like a you have like a obsession with net worth

you have an obsession with net worth in this industry people are always like being like you got a net worth you know you gotta like talk to people and get the information it's awful no i've never heard anyone say network network network no network is like there's broadcast and then there's streaming, obviously. I know that. I'm talking about networking. That's why you can't network is because you just go to people and ask how much money they have. Yeah, I went up to Benicio del Toro. Am I butchering his name?

No, that's how you pronounce it. You got it at the end. You got it the whole time. I'm like, let me see your W-2s, your 1099s. Let me see your W-2s, your 1099s. Let me see your dick, Jen. Let me see your hog. You solicited Benicio Del Toro? I asked him.

He said no, so I didn't press. I showed him my little pee-pee because he did ask. He asked? He didn't ask, and he wasn't there, but later that night, I had to change into my jammies. We're talking about mall Santas today. Speaking of. What the fuck's a show about?

Mall Santas. So, as always, we always ask a guest what they'd like to review. And Finn and Billy, y'all chose mall Santas. Well, Billy chose mall Santas. And then Finn didn't respond to us for like eight days. Yeah, I didn't know. I kind of didn't know until two days ago. What are y'all's experiences, memories, or not with mall Santas?

I used to, every year, I used to go to the mall. And yeah, I used to go and sit on the lap of a mall Santa. Not even a mall Santa. Sometimes my brother's elementary school and my elementary school, back when I was a toddler, there would be these Christmas potluck things. And sometimes they'd have like a Santa there. Do you remember asking for anything specifically? Yeah, I don't know. I think I asked for some things. I'm sure that's what kind of what you do. I don't remember specific ones,

but I definitely remember a few of them where I was you're sure you asked for some things I think that's what you do that is what you do also also why the he just likes to have a conversation he just like he's like oh I guess I'm supposed to ask for something like how are you doing like why are you like what's going on with you I guess that's what you're supposed to do what if like part of my face fell off and it's

like a robot like you see like wires and stuff there's 10 little guys in your left eye i can see them operating the whole thing that's what you're supposed to do no well i don't know yeah i i don't remember specifics but um i um i do i asked for some things i do i do remember a few where i was actually uh pretty upset sure right well you're fragile because like you get upset at the smallest things. The other day I said, hey, how's your day going? You said, how's my day going? Why do you have to always know about my day? Why can't I ask about your day? I'm like, well, you didn't. And then you sent me a bunch of crying emojis like over and over once on the hour, every

hour for the best. Yeah. And then I FaceTimed you and I was actually crying. Yeah. I don't remember having any mall Santa experiences. I did go to a gingerbread building house place, a gingerbread house building place, at a grocery store almost every year with my grandpa. And they may have had a Santa Claus every once in a while, but I remember we would make gingerbread houses, which is different. That's not really what you asked.

But I would usually sit on the guy's lap who was kind of running the gingerbread house place and just like ask him for stuff okay again not what you should be doing not a santa just the manager of it you think santa just has a mustache among the beard too what color was it what color was i've never seen santa without a mustache what color was the mustache he had recently i guess he had recently dyed it. It was jet black. He didn't dye it.

He was young. And he was 30. That wasn't him. Either way, I could have asked him. Yeah, he was doing well. He was running the gingerbread making place at the grocery store. Which grocery store? Kroger's?

I don't know if we have that in Canada. It was called Loblaws. Excuse me? Loblaws, baby. Loblaws. L-O-laws, baby. Loblaws. Loblaws. L-O-B-L-A-W-S. Lob.

This, by the way, no one actually knows, but just for this episode. I fought the lob and the loblaws. No. That's kind of, yeah. Fuck you. I asked the guy here. That's why I sat on his lap and I asked him for a cover of that. And the guy to. That's why I sat on his lap and I asked him for a cover of that. And the Loblaws.

This episode of Review Review is brought to you in fact by Loblaws, though. Please sponsor us. I need those Canadian eggs. Everybody freaks out about Canadian bacon, but I want those Canadian chicken. Canadian bacon is the worst. It's terrible. It's awful.

It's the worst. Oh, have you ever had female bacon? Disgusting. What is that? What is that, dude? It's the worst. It's terrible. It's awful. It's the worst. Oh, have you ever had female bacon? Disgusting. What is that? What is that, dude? It's the worst. It's just worse bacon. It's ham. It's not even ham. Ham is bad. It's disgusting ham. It's like slimy, disgusting. I've never had good female bacon in my fucking life. It's also called pea meal. I've never heard of that in my life. I think that's

Canadian bacon. I think it's the same thing. It's like flat, disgusting, worthless bacon. And I'll cut this out if it's too blue, but it sounds like you fry the urine of a female. P-male bacon. Wouldn't it be a male?

I guess it rhymes with female. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I was thinking it was a portmanteau. I don't think that remember going to the mall when i was a youth to sit upon century city or what mall was it uh this is when i was lived in because i was born in utah and i was a i lived there till i was like dalin week style and um i i remember there's always a long line for a mall santa the line is never short and it's one of those things where i just remember it's like when i remember the childhood experience of being like hell yes gonna go meet santa this is gonna be a blast but i imagine as a parent like i don't

know i i think there's probably gonna be a mix mix of watching your kid be so excited, but also like, wow, we're really going to wait 45 minutes for my kid to meet a stranger. Just kind of hang out. That was a pattern that I was noticing last night. Have something to say before you interject. Don't interrupt and then figure it out when i was searching up uh reviews last night and i searched up you know some different uh santa mall santa reviews what i noticed was that they're all every single one they're complaining about the time that they waited in line for yeah that's why

i mean i had an idea for the beachwood mall in beachwood ohio where they would just have multiple santas like that would Because then you can spread the queue across like four different... That's an awful idea. When you're young though, is it not... Do they think that that's the real Santa Claus? Or do they just think like, oh, this is a fun Christmas? I guess you're young enough, right?

You think it's Santa. I thought that was Santa. Okay, because I feel like you could kind of, if they're young enough to think that, you could just be like, oh no, he's everywhere. He's teleporting. Right. And you could kind of, if they're young enough to think that, you could just be like, oh, no, he's everywhere. He's teleporting. Right. And you could do that.

I mean, he goes across the whole world in one night. The logic tracks, yeah. You could definitely go across a mall in 15 minutes. It's also like your kids are young enough that you can kind of like tell them anything and they'll believe it. So I'll like start feeding them like misinformation, you know, fake news, just trying to get them to like see the world through bad lenses. You have kids? What's that? You have kids? You're saying this like you have kids i have an estranged daughter yeah

you want to know her name i remember going to christmas parties when i was younger like at that same age and people would like hire a santa to to come around like to come to the party and i like i just remember it blowing my mind of like wow it's December 15th and we like booked Santa and it is like his busiest time I can't believe we got him Santa's here Santa is in Salt Lake City right now

he could be anywhere else I had no idea you lived in Utah were you a Mormon? no but no not so much Utah. Were you a Mormon? No. But No. Not so much. Jeff, any

mall Santa experience? Jeff, what was your daughter's name really quick? I'm sorry. I shut you down on the whole. I do care. I care. I appreciate that. Her name was gridlock was and sorry. What the fuck did you just say? I named her gridlock. Have you guys seen Queen's Gambit? No. So there are... No.

And fuck you. Don't spoil it! Please don't spoil it! You had an estranged daughter who you named after Queen's Gambit, which came out, what, a month ago? No, I did not name her after Queen's Gambit, ass. Don't get angry. I sent her to an orphan... I'm not angry. I'm sorry.

Please don't spoil Queen's Gambit. I swear to God, I haven't started it yet. I'm not angry. I'm sorry. Don't please don't spoil Queen's Gambit. I swear to God. I'm not going to spoil it. I'm not going to spoil it. Finn, I'm sorry that you have to see me like this. I'm usually pretty chill, but just like Billy brings something out of me. I can't explain it. I sent Gridlock to an orphanage.

That's all I was going to say. That's not a spoiler. Riley is whining. The first scene takes place in an orphanage. Riley is whining at a pitch that I haven't heard before. Should we take a break? We shall. I never went to the mall, Santa. That was just my

experience. Oh, you didn't? I think I might have when I was really young, but not something that I would remember. There's a photo of me as a child on Santa's lap, but that's it. I don't have a memory. Should we call Marty again? Is this a part of the show now? Because I haven't listened recently. Is this a part of the show where you call Marty?

Sorry, Finn, let's take that again. Can you just say, I'm Finn Wolfhard, and I listen to Review Review every week? And then we'll just kind of send that out. Yeah. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. I'm Finn Wolfhard, and I listen to Review Review every week. Perfect.

All right, here we go. Sorry, do it one more time. Because it sounds like you're being forced to say it. Fuck you. Jeff, do you want me to say it or something? Yeah, Billy. I'm Billy Brick, and you're listening to Review Review. Okay.

Are you going to hang up? Or should I do it at the same time or wait? Do it at the same time. Just do it. In some fucked up way. I'm just going to cut. I'm Billy Brick, and I'm listening to Review Review. You're listening to Review.

I'm Billy Brick. Fuck, one more. I'm Billy Brick and I'm listening to Review Review. You're listening to Review. I'm Billy Brick. Fuck, one more. I'm Billy Brick and you're listening to Review Review. Hey, what's up? Hey, Marty. You're live on Review Review with Finn Wolfhard and Billy Brick.

I'm wondering if we could take the break. We can take a break right now? Like, you want me to take a break from this call I'm on? Or are you asking if you can take a break? I'm wondering if we can take the ad break, you know,

to make sure that we get those impressions. Yeah, man. We pay you to take the ad breaks. All right. I just kind of, you know how sometimes you need to hear that to like calm your anxieties? I've never had anyone call me and ask that before. Also, do you want to just talk about eggnog for 20 seconds? People are excited that you like eggnog.

Oh, man. It's my favorite season of the year. Got it. All right. Thanks, Marty. Later. that you like eggnog oh man it's my favorite season of the year got it all right thanks marty later eggnog is marty's favorite season um who wants to start us off so we have one that we can do together right finn or did you find your own one no we can i mean you sent me a few we can do uh we can do one together or we can do a separate one what if you guys have have you guys had two guests on that have done holy shit usually

what they billy i just realized this is the craziest fucking thing. We're twinning. No, you're not. Oh my god. I think... Oh my god. I don't know if you've ever had someone do it together. I think that could be fun. Yeah. Okay. This is a first. So do you want, Billy, do you want to take the first half and I'll take the second half? Or is that... You can just read the whole thing. What do you want to do? Here, let me just thumbs up

the one that you want. Yeah. Which one did you want to do, Finn? The five star or the one star the two stars there's so many good ones um we could also do two it doesn't i don't know i just didn't know how long it would take to do well i mean the longer that we kind of try and figure it out the less reviews we'll be able to get to right so gotcha yeah no um we have time for the one star let's do two then finn let's do two also the one star is really- Let's do two then. Finn, let's do two. Finn, also the one star is typical you. That's classic you.

There are two one stars though is the thing. The one that I was talking, the shocking one. Okay, okay. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Okay. All right, you ready? The other one, I don't think we want to get into the territory.

So give us the first name, last initial, and how many stars, and where it is. Is it real names? Yeah. Or makeup names? Yeah, first name, last initial, and then we'll where it is. Is it real names? Yeah. Or makeup names? Yeah, first name, last initial, and then we'll come up with a last name. Vero G. You're G. Billy, what's Vero G's last name? V-E-R-O G. Gridlock. Great name.

Gridlock. Vero Gridlock. That's great. Okay, well one person found it to be useful, so that's good. All right, I'll start it. We had our appointment today to take our Santa pictures. When Santa asked how old our son was, we told him 15 months. He wanted him to stand in front of him when I told him that he can't walk and he can just come and sit on your lap When the pictures were done instead of him wanting to give our son to us

He stood him up and let him go and my son fell on his face I looked at Santa and told him again once again He cannot walk and rushed and picked up off the floor My son was non-stop crying. Why would you do that when we clearly told him he can't walk? We walked in with our child in our arms, so disappointed at our experience

at Santa at the Americana in Glendale, I guess. Now my son has a big bump on his forehead. Oh my god. Oh my god. Jim, come into my office for a second. Yep. Yeah.

So you know what this is about. The... Yeah. No, I don't know. I don't know. All right. So we're going to have to do this the hard way. Also, don't mind this.

This is my trainee. He's going to be taking over while I go on a sabbatical next spring. This is Tyler. Tyler, say hi. Hey, Jim. A pleasure. Nice. Jim, you've been tossing children.

In what way? Trying to stand them up and teach them how to walk and then just kind of leaving them to their own devices while their parents are begging you for mercy. And obviously they can't get up to the platform. What's that? I knew something was going to come up about this. You got to learn that these kids need to know.

And I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, if this kid is 18 months, 18 months or less, probably, or maybe a little more, they need to be learning how to walk, and if they don't, then I'm gonna have to teach them the hard way. It's not trial by fire. We hire you to take photos with

babies and kids, act like Santa Claus, right? And that's it. That's where the buck stops. You don't have to potty train them. Yeah, sorry. I don't mean to cut in and tell you how to do your job here, but you are going on sabbatical.

So I was just wondering, yeah, you need to be more clear with what you're trying to communicate here. Me? What is that, Tyler? Oh, you mean you're trying to give me? No, not you, Jim. I'm speaking to you. I just don't want to tell you how to do your job, but I'm saying it's important to communicate.

I'm training you. And just be exactly clear with what you're saying. I'm training you to know how to do my job but i'm saying it's important to like communicate i'm training you exactly clear with what i'm training you to know how to do my job which you'll have for four months yeah and i'm just saying if i were to be doing your job in fact i will be doing your job i would just be handling this a little bit this is beyond fucked and inappropriate to be doing this in front of an employee well i just wouldn't antagonize jim for what he's doing here and he's trying to take there's so much you said act like santa but santa embodies so much more than just materialism and pictures and smiles yes it's about a christmas spirit yes that means pushing your child in the right direction pushing the child down in some cases in some cases but it'll only take one child to take their first few steps knock knock excuse me knock knock yeah hi um hello i'm sorry uh

hello santa um i'm janet you just took a photo with uh my eight month old son jeremy um and proceeded to throw him down the stairs um and i just i'm so sorry if i'm interrupting anything but you're so calm to say you're so i know i was screaming before i know i'm the one who filed the complaint but i just i want to take that back what i actually want to file a thank i don't know if that's possible um that's not i just perfect are you are you the supervisor no i'm the supervisor for sure i'm in the desk no but i'm the tyler the tyler tyler you seem actually a lot more in charge so is it okay if i file this for you he weirdly came in he weirdly came in and had a great thing going if you need to file it through i would He weirdly came in and had a great thing going.

If you need to file it through, I would give it to Garrett. And Garrett, I'll get to it later if you want to just do that. Okay, great. I just wanted to say thank you so much because my son, eight months old, I was reasonably upset when you threw him Santa, but now he's running. He's running through the halls. All he needed was just that push or that throw, rather. Are you kidding me?

He is absolutely sprinting through Gymboree. That push, that hit, that throw. Yeah, I mean, sometimes I like to do this. And if the night ends in Gymboree, then I guess I'm a little... Yeah. ...Himboree. That's nothing. You said nothing.

That's a gym for me. Tyler, can I reprimand himbury that's nothing you said nothing that's a gym for me can i reprimand him for that can i reprimand him for that awful sentence that feels i wouldn't i wouldn't what would you do all right well thank you guys so much i i can't thank you enough my child is is absolutely you should go find your child because you're at like the offices on the second floor and jim burry is so far from here all right right, I'm going to go do that. I'm going to go do that. Actually, sorry, Tyler, is it possible to file a complaint against Garrett,

I think your name tag says? That was a little, you know, it was a little off color. It was inappropriate. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, you guys. A-do, and to all a good night. Why does everybody do weird accents here?

Just a quick thing, what I've been doing recently is like a kind of a new tactic. Every time a kid sits down, I have a giant kind of old. Don't call it a tactic. I do this thing where they sit down and I have this big kind of old film camera. And I get them to sit still for six hours. So I take their portrait until this kind of giant flash goes off and blinds them. The patience of Christmas. Exactly.

The second most important virtue after risk-taking. I commit. That's amazing. The virtues of Christmas. First of all, I've never heard of that. Second of all, your list, as it stands so far, is number one. The first virtue Christmas is ranting in the walk. Don't forget to walk.

Don't forget to walk. Bringing us to the second virtue That doesn't even align with what you said You said the first one was risk taking The second one was patience What? One second That didn't ring any jingles Excuse me

Oh my fucking god What? Hi I can tell this is the management office of the mall I'm Brandon But nice to meet you guys Santa Santa hello Good to see you again You know I don't know if you remember meet you guys. Santa, Santa, hello.

Good to see you again. You know, I don't know if you remember, but you took a six-hour-long portrait of my daughter Skylar. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. It was a really, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a really long time to wait, actually. It was a really long time to wait, and she's only three months old.

Listen to him. And so it's kind of hard for her to sit still for that long amount of time. I know I filed a complaint earlier, but actually, I don't know who to go through, but I saw a woman. She said I could start filing thanks and Christmas virtues. Yeah, the blue. If you just put one on the blue.

Awesome. I'd like to file a big thank because you said be patient, and even though she was kind of squealing and squirming. I know, the patience of Christmas. I know. Now she's actually very patient. She, I told her, hey, just wait a little longer. All right.

And she has just been sitting silently for two days. With a glazed stare kind of. With a glazed stare. That's exactly right. That seems like something's wrong. Like maybe she's stunned or having some kind of epileptic episode because of the flash. It's a Christmas miracle. It's a Christmas miracle.

Her eyes totally glaze over and she hasn't moved. It's a Christmas tragedy. And my wife and I have finally gotten our first, you know, full night's sleep. That's the least of your worries. Take your child to the hospital. Oh, my God. Tyler, high five. He did nothing.

Tyler did nothing. Tyler, you're also the man, by the way. I can tell you look like a guy who's great at his job. Thank you. It's actually my first day. No way. No, it's not. He's wearing a Reebok graphic. Thank you. It's actually my first day. No way. No, it's not.

He's wearing a Reebok graphic t-shirt. It's so inappropriate to be. Only the strong survive. All right. Well, happy holidays, you guys. I wish you all the best Christmas virtues and get home safe, Santa. What kind of fucked up daycare are you running, Jim? And Tyler, I'm not the one who hired you. Where did they hire you from?

Where were you working before this? I've been dunking children in ice water recently What? Kind of as a What lesson does that teach? No way that teaches anything It's Wim Hof's third lesson of Christmas Exactly, exactly, exactly

What is the lesson? Dunk someone in ice? Control your body If you can breathe What? In a certain way that you can Regulate your own temperature of your body. If you can breathe in a certain way that you can regulate your own temperature of your body to withstand cold that most people wouldn't be able to withstand, you can kind of do anything. And you are so much more in touch with your body and therefore your mind and your emotions.

Is this religious? How old did you say this kid was? Two turtle doves and a Wim Hof in an ice bath. I'm going to take the sabbatical early. I'm for sure gonna take the sabbatical early. I wasn't gonna say anything, but I think we were all kind of leaning that way, yeah. Cut to Garrett on like a cruise

somewhere on the deck holding like a fruity drink. The voices start to ring through his head. Ice bath. Wim Hof. the voices start to ring through his head ice Wim Hof Wim Hof a man a man walks up a man walks up

standing next to Garrett nothing like the big blue huh I grab you by the collar what are the rest of the virtues of Christmas I need to know it's been I know how to breathe in ice and that's it hey Garrett don't mean to tell you how to vacate but I would really swap that fruity drink out for something a little bit sweeter I know how to breathe in ice and that's it. Hey, Garrett, don't mean to tell you how to vacay, but I would really swap that fruity drink out for something a little bit more bittersweet.

Damn it, Peter. You're the deck cruise manager and you've been up my ass the whole vacation. Just let me relax. All right. Okay. I'm just saying if you have too much sweetness, you're going to burn yourself out before Christmas. Don't rhyme.

That was a regulation. That's the fourth virtue of Christmas. Yes. It's a kid, a random kid with a huge bump on his head. I'm not gonna bother. Dives overboard. And a Wim Hof

in an ice bag. That was great, guys. Wust Hof? What's the guy? Is that an acting technique? Wim Hof? Wim Hof? No, it's a breathing technique. Dude, I'm so glad you know Wim Hof. I was about to come in and make a Wim Hof joke. No, I know Wusthoff? What's the guy? Is that an acting technique? Wim Hof? Wim Hof? Wim Hof? No, it's a breathing technique. Dude, I'm so glad you know Wim Hof. I was about to come in and make a Wim Hof joke. No, I know Wim Hof.

Really? I know Wim Hof. Yeah. You don't know Wim Hof? Jeff, you know Wim Hof? You asked me about Wim Hof. No, I know Wim Hof. I know, but what is Wim Hof?

You want to, you're asking. Don't look behind you. There's no one there. Yeah, of course. Wim Hof is like a breathing technique. So it's basically like when you're in an ice bath, you know, you got to control your body, basically. Wim Hof's a man, though, right? He's like a man who kind of came up with it. Wim Hof is more...

Or is it what the breathing technique is called? Oh, well, the breathing technique is called Wim Hof's breathing. And then Wim Hof is sort of this guy, this gal, and he's trying to figure out... You think it's a girl. You think Wim Hof's a girl. Well, their whole thing was was trying to figure something out. Billy, do you want to read yours? My older brother studies Wim Hof breathing technique, and so he will just sit in a nice bath for eight-plus minutes

just kind of hanging out. My dad, my mom, and my brother. Really? Yeah, and my cousins. I'm the only non-Hhoffer, as they call me. I'm a hoffhead. Oh, no, I'm such a hoffhead. I'm a loser.

I'm a hoffer. I'm a sinner. I'm an ice bath breather. Do we have another review? This one? Oh, man, I have two to pick one. Okay, I'm going to let you guys. A two-star or a five star?

Five. Five? Okay. Two. I said it first. This is from Lisa B. Finn is unrolling film. Finn's looking at film.

It's so inappropriate for this time. Definitely exposing it to sunlight. Those are the absolute negatives. You can't. Kevin! So, yeah. Right. Home Alone. Yeah, we got it. It actually got me.

Billy's laughing in some combination of shame and joy. That was funny, man. Keep going. Okay, this is from Lisa B., and it's a five-star review. Finn, last name, Lisa B.? Brunch, brunch, brunch, this is from Lisa B. And it's a five star review. Finn, last name, Lisa B. Brunch, brunch, brunch, brunch.

Lisa Brunch. Lisa Brunch, five star, says, even though I'm a quote unquote big girl, I continue to take pictures with Santa each year. Winky face. Santa's workshop is amazing. The elves are dressed to the nines. Everyone was very well mannered in catering. And there were elves are dressed to the nines. Everyone was very well-mannered in catering.

And there were no sales pitches for the expensive packages. They simply took some fun pictures and let me choose from there. The holiday tree and decor are gorgeous. Aside from seasonal stuff, the shops are very well kept. The restaurants are great. I'm guessing most visitors know this since every time I get there, it is packed. And then there is a photo of them, which I will just... Yeah, they're in their mid-30s and

they're wearing like a tan crop top leather jacket uh so take that as you will bradley i'm so glad that you decided to come home with me for christmas like it truly means more to me than you know that that i could share this special holiday with you. Right. Yeah, I've started to feel pretty bad over the last few years because, you know, you've been coming to these children's kind of events for Christmas. But now we can have, you know, my family's version of Christmas, and we don't have any of those younger kids around, so, you know, it might feel a little bit more our side.

Hey, big sis, OMG, happy Christmas. Season's greetings. This must be the big bad brand. Is this the big bad Brandon that I've heard so much about? Bring it in here. Bring it in here. Put that thing away and bring it in here. This is my brother Lyle. Not Kyle, Lyle.

Do not make that mistake. Lyle, oh, whoa. No, please don't make that mistake. Please actually don't make that mistake. Cut to him at Starbucks. Mocha for Kyle Kyle You're fucking kidding me Cut back That's it Kyle I'm so glad you're here

I have patience He's the most patient person I know Except when it comes to his name That's like so Lyle That's like so totally Lyle You know that's so Raven's like so Lyle. That's like so totally Lyle. You know, that's so raisin, that raven. Sorry, raven, that's so Lyle. Cut to, that's so raisin.

It's a grape that I can see. It's Lyle singing in a high school talent show. Rating off the lyrics. Crazy the audience. Acapella. Cut back. You've been kind of telling me these flashback stories and they're awful it's important for you to kind of know our family history is it just you guys is it just you

guys for christmas you're the only family is it just us come on pop pop get in here pop pop come on pop pop can i come in um yeah pop pop we literally asked for you is it is the coast clear oh of course it's papa we made sure of it excuse me pop pop come in you're still in the doorway just just keep walking in come on pop can i come in it's just brandon yeah it's us and brandon who's brandon brand Brandon is my boyfriend, Pop Pop. I want everyone to meet him for Christmas. No, sir, it's nice to meet you. I was brought here by your daughter

from the Christmas event at the mall. She said that she was spending Christmas alone with no one. I approve. Really? Oh my god. This is the first boy that Pop Pop has ever approved of. Oh my god. This is a Christmas miracle.

Lyle and I start jumping up and down holding hands. Don't rile Lyle. Don't get him all Lyle'd up. Wait, who in the past has your dad... Brandon, I'm an idiot to speak up, Brando. Who in the past has declined and Brandon I'm an idiot to speak up Brando who in the past has declined not approved

cut to last Christmas she's with like this really sexy Ryan Gosling type Tristan this is Pop Pop and what did you say you do for work I actually run a not for profit organization I help untangle sea turtles from the little plastic rings in the ocean

but I also am a venture capitalist and when I was about I help untangle sea turtles from the little plastic rings in the ocean. But I also am a venture capitalist. And when I was about 14, I sold this app which helps identify which razor would be best for your type of skin. And I sold it for a cool $1.28 billion. Spits on you. Stop! Be gone! I'm so sorry, but I think you have to leave.

Cut back. You spit in his face and said, be gone, and that was it? He wasn't right. He seemed the best. If Pop-Pop says you need to leave, then that's that. Yeah, I'm a drug addict. I'm a bad guy, I would say. So I don't think I'm the right person for your daughter or your family. You're not a bad guy.

It's just, you're still you. And I see the joy that you bring to everyone, especially around this time, which is why I brought you here, silly. And you know what it is, Big Bad Brandon? What it really is? Is the joy on your eyes that I see when you look at my dear daughter. The joy on my eyes? Can you see on top of my eyes? The pearly whites of your eyes light up when you see her.

They look like two shimmering walnuts as you gaze into my big sis's white smile. He really loves gazing into my smile. It's like our favorite thing to do. Your teeth are brown. Lyle, why don't you tell him while we all get together for the holidays oh my god I love this story Lyle you tell it the best yeah so my mother oh you should

have got to know her she never was she would never was one to tie her laces properly and we'd always tell her did she pass away laces tie your I'm getting to that I'm getting to that they say tie your laces mother tie your laces and she would she's just so stubborn you know her so you know what she did is we went to go to the mall um you know to kind of peruse the aisles and and and meet some uh well honestly my big sis had just been dumped and we were looking for someone to kind of replace her come on don't embarrass me i didn't oh sorry i didn't mean to get into that but basically we were on the escalator and you know one thing led to another and mom got sucked up in between there and we all kind of were freaking out. But then something amazing happened.

My pig sis, weeping, fell backwards and landed in the lap of a Santa Claus. Yeah. And we thought every year we're going to honor her memory by going to the mall and meeting a Santa Claus. And we all, that's why we took you to this parking lot outside a mall. And it is tradition that we kind of almost like do a reenactment of that very day. Our traditions are bizarre, but they're ours. I know it's the 15th, but I did get you this gift because I saw them and they just were so you. Yeah, it's also the 15th.

He pulls out a box, a shoe box with laces that are two feet long. No. Try them on, try them on, you humble goose you. You absolute bastard. Let's see how they look. Please try them on, you son of a bitch.

Okay, I'll try them on. Oh my God, how did you get them this size? They're like size 20. They're giant. How the fuck did you do this? Brandon wants, Brandon gets. I never asked for anything. Brandon never wanted anything.

If in denial, come to Lyle. Also pile. Shoes. Come into the mall. Cut inside. He's wearing these thigh-highanta boots that are clearly meant for someone four times his size why am i stumbling through all right so now we're gonna make our way to the escalator it's time for the big leap as a baby goes flying above them hits brandon in the face he falls down the escalator. He gets sucked into the grate. Oh, no.

It's happening. It's happening. Fall into Santa. Fall into Santa. A zaddy Santa catches her. Oh, Merry Christmas to me. Hello. Hi, Mr. Claus.

Sorry for barging in on you like this. And what do you do for work sir? I bring joy and cheer For all the Little kids to hear There's a full line of kids going back She cut the line She can't do that There's things that I do

That Make the world a better place I disapprove. A little kid tugs at Lyle's shoulder or like thing. Excuse me, sir. What's your name? Lyle. Kyle?

You're fucking kidding me. Lyle picks up the kid. Lyle pushes him down and like dominoes all the kids fall. I love how that's the measure of... That's his tipping point. The screen kind of turns into a page, and then the book closes, and there's an elderly guy by a fireside.

Well, that was the story of Lyle's denial. Check back again next year for more silly Christmas cheer story blackout, maybe. Lyle Kyle. You're kidding me. From the book? Oh, you're kidding me.

A baby goes flying above his head. Word for word. Yeah, shows the book. It's exactly that. That's exactly what it is. It's been around for centuries. Giant prince.

This shook me all week long. I don't know how much you guys know about the show, Billy, Finn. I know you've been on, but it's been a while. You guys basically have the floor. What's been on your mind? What's been shaking you? Anything in pop culture, your personal lives around the holidays. The floor is yours.

Ere grievance, say something you're obsessed with, et cetera. This shook me all night long. It must have been something you said. Oh, etc. This shook me all night long. It must have been something you said. Oh, no! Don't mash shit up. Anyways, anyways, I said. I have

been pretty into voyeurism recently. Yeah, I've been pretty into voyeurism recently. I've been pretty into voyeurism recently. Kind of, you know, going out my window and binoculars and watching people fuck, I presume. No, that's an old Jake and Amir quote. If you loved it.

I've been doing push-ups recently. Billy has done this thing where he does 100 push-ups a day. That's what it is. And I'm not a strong guy. So physically, mentally, everything. So I thought I should kind of start. So I started doing push-ups every night before I go to sleep.

Do you feel like it's boosting your confidence, self-image, anything? Does this answer your question? I said maybe you're going to be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my wonder squirrel. So Oasis and Up. The two things we never needed to merge. From what I can gather, that's at least 30 push-ups. Also, you're a professional recording artist,

and that's what you do? Sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Does this answer your question? You're gonna be the one that saves Reeves and Keanu. Oh, my god. Starring Jordan Peele.

I don't think so. I traded him on stuff because nobody wants to see Finn no more. They want Shady. I'm chopped liver. Kevin! Billy, what shook you? You're fired. This week, I guess, something that's been on my mind a lot is uh we did the the merch

for our podcast lackluster video and not a lot of people know this but our merch team is it's literally me um so i have been packing and printing shipping labels and doing literally every single one you print my roommates are helping a bit uh and it's it's just been a lot so a lot of people are emailing also i mean this is fine that i guess they didn't read the thing but on the website it said that they were going to ship two to three weeks after the pre-order period ended which is coming up this week when we're shipping it uh and just a lot of people just didn't seem to get that so there's also a lot of people responding to it where is it explaining

that it was what it said uh but i'm really i'm glad with the way they turned out and i'm happy that it yeah they look so good that's so exciting and that's a lot of work we yeah you you're sending us some stuff i'm excited about that we owe you guys some patreon merch too which i'm gonna send out soon too has that haven't even sent out um no we haven't even ordered the prototypes i've been trying i've been trying to figure out how to make it a tax write-off. If anybody's listening in as a patron, it's because I need to meet with the CPA first. Which is really fun. Can I guess what Riley shook her all night long?

Shook her all week long? Do it. I bet you won't be able to guess. It's unlike any other What Shook Me I've Done. Been doing cashew milk recently. That's what I'm going to guess. Okay. Funny enough, this week is not about milk

any kind of milk i know it's a little off the wall for me this documentary called the phenomenon on amazon prime and it recently came out and it is it's on my watch list it's fucking crazy you guys we didn't watch it to be convinced of like prove it to me like we are very much we're like they're here obviously we cannot be the only ones out there like what's going on but why it's i haven't been able to stop thinking about it is that why people keep talking about the galactic federation or is that just a meme yes yeah no that's that's new that isn't part of this oh this like so there was an article that came out the other day about, you know, like. Yeah, this Israeli guy.

Yes, it's like the Israeli post. It's really good. Yeah. Israeli good? I've been thinking about aliens. What? It's really good. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

It's pretty, like, the doc is pretty amazing. Like, at the core, what's shaking me is, like, i gonna wear when the aliens like meet me like i want to look like cute but also like able to like i just searched up a picture of uh an alien kind of like crash you know roswell and there's an alien here that looks just like you like exactly this i know knew it man no this is actually we actually need to suddenly wrap up the show very quickly. Jeff, say yours really fast. Well, yeah, no, because every time I shake your hand, which is weirdly often,

there's like a mucus membrane that's like not human. We don't have to, we can bleep all this out. Jeff, what shook you? No, I'm not going to bleep it out. I think this actually might be. We can bleep it out. Thank you guys so much for coming on the last episode of the show. You know, I've been making mountains out

of molehills recently taking tiny things kind of blowing them out of proportion in a way so like um like somebody encounters of the third kind yeah so you know somebody will give me like the smallest compliment like hey man i like you better with the long hair and i'll just fucking run with that right i'll like oh i'll grow it as long as it takes to like make you really respect me you know because i'm um billy you wouldn't know anything about this but I'm insecure so I don't like feel good in my body you know what I mean and so like that might have to manifest itself in certain ways throughout my life this and this seems what's that right this is all right absolutely it seems this is every week short hair though yeah like you better I can do short hair I mean like next time we see each

other I'll have short hair then that's just how it's gonna go I with the short hair though, Jeff. I can do short hair. I mean, like next time we see each other, I'll have short hair then. That's just how it's going to go. But Jeff, I love the long hair. I think the long hair frames your face really well. And I appreciate that. I'm going to have to keep it. Because of that, I'm going to kind of stick with that. I think the short just like chisels your face.

Chisels my face. That's the whole issue is that like, I kind of have, it's Sophie's choice in a way because either it chisels my face or it frames my face. I can't know. But then again, the long hair is kind of have it's it's sophie's choice in a way because either it chisels my face or it frames my face i can't know then again the long hair is kind of sexy exactly right you took the words right out of my mouth but the short hair is kind of like jill and hall exactly right you know for sure and it's like i don't know who to believe i don't know who i am i don't know who i am jacobs i don't know who to be and i don't know who i am i can't just be true to myself because i don't know who I am. I don't know who to be, and I don't know who I am.

I can't just be true to myself because I don't like who I am on the inside. When I go to sleep at night, I have to turn my thoughts off. I started meditating to escape. Well, being true to yourself is actually the sixth virtue of Christmas. The virtues of Christmas. Jeff only brings a revolver and a gun. I don't know who I am. Plugs.

Do you guys have anything to plug before we kind of sign off here? You guys have a lot of irons in the fire. Jeremy Irons in the fire. Jeremy Irons in the fire. Nice. Jeremy Irons in the fire. You beat me to it. We have a podcast on HeadGum as well called A Lackluster Video that we just finished the

first season for. Woo. We did an episode. I think episode six. We did. If you're interested in listening to that, that's a good in for you guys. It's a very funny show My favorite episode is episode 9 though

Which is episode 9 I don't want to give it away because I want people to go listen to it I've already, I plugged it on this show before But the first minute and a half of episode 9 Is so fucking funny to me Yeah, so go listen to it We, uh, Billy just Publicly got

He's thinking about our own podcast This makes me so happy Um Billy just publicly got... He's thinking about our own podcast. This makes me so happy. Billy just... I'm doing a movie for A24, acting in a movie, Jesse Eisenberg's directorial debut with Julianne Moore, which is huge. And Billy is one of the other parts in it.

He auditioned and got the other part. It's a Billy brick flick. That's so exciting, you guysed and got the other part. It's a Billy brick flick. That's so exciting, you guys. It's a brick joint. It's a brick joint. A brick honk. It's a brick joint A24 with Julianne Moore. You guys should do the lacklustres.

So it's your guys' Oscars and it's a one-off episode. And it's just for projects that you two have been in. We should do that. You kind of giving awards to each other and yourselves. Also, Billy, are you still at Tryin' Gosling? I'm thinking

about changing it. I'm thinking about ending things with Tryin' Gosling. Yeah, oh, please do. At Billy D. Brick. No! What about Billy Ray Brick? That's pretty funny that's good yeah i don't know i just don't know but i'm gonna keep trying gassing for a little bit but i just don't know there's one guy that i really want to get his app from and i think i'll

just dm him is it just at finn wolfhard no it's uh and i definitely won't and people are gonna know this it's uh what is is it? It's at Hollywood actor or something like that, Billy. Oh yeah. At Hollywood actor. That's good. That's incredible.

It's a great ad. It's a great ad. It's really funny. And it's just a guy who's an actual actor, which is really funny. At Hollywood actor. Yeah.

I love it. It's genuine. It's genuine. Thank you guys so much for coming on. Yeah. Seriously. Thank you for having us.

Yeah, thanks for having us. This was so much fun social media you want to plug your social media uh finn wolf artificial on instagram and then yeah trying goss and we talked about it and anymore maybe not anymore and then um lackluster video yeah lackluster video pod also on uh instagram go a chuck at the follow nice all right you can follow riley on instagram yeah no i can see it in your yeah your facial expression um you can follow riley on instagram at riley anspa and on twitter at riley coyote you can follow jeff jeff got a new instagram handle he is on instagram at

jeffrey james i got the bitch i got the handle um and on twitter don't play no james it's gonna be weird because i have such a rhythm now to be like you can find jeff on instagram and i am jeffrey james like so that's actually like it's harder for me so if you could change it back that would actually be it would feel better to say jeff if you don't mind i have another pitch for you just on a new a new ad yeah for sure let's hear it jeffrey james earl jones jeffrey james albrooks i wait i'm gonna check this live because i have been wanting to change my twitter handle while i'm at things let me check to see jeff scott fitzgerald

that's really good the great gatsby becomes public domain in like a month someone tweeted like make a gatsby are you kidding me so many reimaginings of gatsby should public domain in like a month. Someone tweeted like- So we should just make a Gatsby movie. Are you kidding me? We're going to see so many reimaginings of Gatsby. Should we just do it? Jeff could play Gatsby. Jeff could play Gatsby for sure. Gatsby? Jeff Scott Fitzgerald.

Jeff Scott Fitzgerald, please. No, it's available, but it's too long. Whatever. I'll figure it out. But these are great names. I'm just going to text our group chat. Thank you guys so much for joining us. Go listen to Lackluster Video.

We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. Thank you to our VI Podcasts. Aaron Carrico. Adam Shea. Agent Michael Skarn. Alex McCullough. Alex Watts.

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Sorry, yeah, I'm trying to like, I just want to make sure. Isaac Banda. Isaac Fletcher. Jackson Hansel. Jackson Martin. Jake the Snake Radiff. Jake Ullman. Jamie Ponchia.

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Will Bussey. Will Phillips. Xander.R. Ghoul in the City. Will Bussey. Will Phillips. Xander Madsen. And Yaro Edie. Thank you guys again so much for supporting us. If you also want access to comedy sketches, bonus content, live streams, VIP Zoom parties, exclusive merch, etc., you can subscribe at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. Until then, Riley, this episode's coming out December 22nd. Happy holidays to everybody. Merry Christmas 22nd. Happy holidays to everybody.

It's a Merry Christmas to everybody. Happy Honda days, everyone. What's that? Happy Honda days. Yeah. You got to stop buying Hondas every year just because there's a sales event. I buy them for all my friends. I know you're a David Dobrik of yourself.

Happy Honda days. Um, I'm really excited to do more day in the Strife if and when we get into a new office. Me too. Never the stress. Look out this Friday for our first Best of Review Review 2020 episode. It's going to be us sort of waxing retrospective about your guys' top six to eight favorite bits. I cannot wait to go back and hear these. It's going to be great.

I think you and I, and we're recording them like a week from today. I say you and I just get some Christmas cocktails going and listen back and kind of reminisce in a way. So hopefully that fun, that vibe is imparted onto them. Onto thee. Okay, because something came over you. Thank y'all for listening.

We'll see you next week. There it is. That was a Hiddem Original.