Review Revue - Martinelli's Sparkling Cider

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

This week on Review Revue, Reilly and Alfred commit slaughter, go sober, and more while reading reviews on Sparkling Cider.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh  Twitter: @reilecoyote  <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Hey Riley, hey Riley, listen here

Review, review, it's heading to a brand new year Hey Riley, hey Riley, feel so odd It's time to start a new chapter of the pod say goodbye bye bye to old jeffrey he's the goat but he's gotta go but don't cry cry cry riley bestie review review has got a brand new host hey alfred welcome to the podcast podcast. Oh, my God go, go, go. Oh, my God. That was from Gung Ho Kwok. Kwok always sends banger theme songs.

We were dancing. We were dancing. Here's the thing. I might be biased, but I think that's the best theme song you've ever had on the show. Right. Is it because it says, welcome, Alfred, to the podcast? No, I think the fact that my name is 90% of the lyrics was nothing to do with it i think it was purely objective and and aesthetic what i love about that quark that was awesome and also those harmonies at the end quark we gotta talk about

her record deal we gotta talk about it call me after we record um i think what i love about that is that it's like should we have played that on your first episode? Absolutely. That didn't exist by the time we recorded. So last week's episode did start out with Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James. But this was lovely. This is our first record of 23.

I'm 23 years old now, finally. You and I both turned 23 this week. Isn't that crazy? I wish. I wish I was turned 23 this week. Isn't that crazy? I wish. I wish I was turning 23. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. This old bitch is turning 27 in six months.

I'm old as shit. Hey, man. Some of us have been talking, and we really don't like the way that you keep calling yourself an old bitch. It's making people really uncomfortable. And the old bitch thing. Yeah. It's the old bitch thing. It's like around the office,

like people are going to get really uncomfortable. I just think we could come up with like a better way for you to talk about yourself, I guess. What about that bitch? Right, right. So I love the energy. I really do. Is it the old bitch?

Yeah. Okay. So I think here's the problem is you're really focusing on the adjective rather than the noun. What if we swap out the noun in that sentence? I'm not going to say the C word on air. That is the last thing I'm asking you to do. We all thought you were being way too easy on yourself. Man, it's like every time you say that, we go, really?

That's the worst you can do? Let's be honest. Take a look in like every time you say that, we go, really? That's the worst you can do? Let's be honest. Take a look in the mirror. Alfred, happy New Year, bitch! Happy New Year, bitch. You got any fun New Year's resolutions? Got anything you're looking forward to? Oh! Fun New Year's resolutions.

Funny you should mention that, because if you go, actually when this comes out, ooh, when this comes out, in two days we'll be doing Headcum Happy Hour and I think the theme is New Year's Resolutions. Sorry, spoiler alert. But New Year's Resolutions, New Year's stresses me out. Not New Year's,

New Year's Resolutions stress me out. Because famously, I hate change and I have anxiety. And so the idea of... Really? Oh, really?

I didn't know that about you. Oh, that's shocking. You? You think't know about you. Oh, that's shocking. You? You think you know someone. Anyway, keep going. So instead, like, I like... And I stole this from Daniel. Because Daniel's like, I don't like resolutions, but I like reflections.

So that's what I did. It's like, I journal every day. And so, did a bit of journaling, didn't I? All right, all right. day and so did it pay it's your thing didn't I and yeah I think like to get earnest 2023 is the year and if y'all know me you know I'm doing like the little thingies pointing together I'm my my whole thing for 23 is believing in myself what about you I don't want to talk anymore about that um yeah i mean i guess my goal for 2023 unlike you i really like resolutions i like a goal to strive for and to punish myself

with and so the goal that i've i've set out for myself is to get weekly listenership to zero, and we're well on our way. So let's keep it going. I'll say that if we hit 50,000 listeners a week, then he'll move to LA. Yeah. So let's get those numbers up. Let's get those numbers up. Huh? Telethon.

Okay, call in. That's a crazy number to get to for you to move to la you should just move to it because you should move to la right right right well and if we hit zero i'll be moving to juno alaska so you know there's two options there interesting um other than getting your listenership to 50 000 a week uh do you have any resolutions? 1080p, am I right? It's a screen resolution. I guess my main resolution is to... What was yours again?

Believe in yourself? Yeah, I'll do that. I said I didn't have a resolution. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I think that could be... Can that be mine too or is that cheating sure i guess my um my energy for the year is believing in myself and your goal is to believe in yourself sure yeah your your reflection like you're like hey i really hope this year i can get and for me it's like i

have to start i have to start because if i don't i suck then i'll self-flagellate i'm a terrible person if i don't start believing myself um well speaking of new year's new year's celebration new year's i mean i love how we're saying this this this is coming out january 10th but this is our first record of 20th right as far as i'm concerned i've been completely blacked out for the last eight days and I just came to. When you celebrate New Year's, you're popping a bottle. You're with friends, maybe. Family, even.

Family, even. And if you don't want to get a little crazy, there's an alternative option for the non-alcohol drinkers, the kids. Those aren't one in the same but they could be no a lot of kids drink alcohol Martinelli's sparkling cider yum yum yum that mouth feel I can practically taste it I'll talk to me about Martinelli's sparkling cider I know you've been dying you've been like

all week you've been calling me You've been like all week. You've been calling me every day. You're like, can I talk about it now? Can I talk about it now? I said, no, Alf, wait for the pod. And he said, oh, but I really need to talk about Martinelli's sparkling cider. And I said, Alfred, we got to wait till we record. We got to wait till we record.

And you're like, oh, but I can't. That is not the tone you had. So now it's your time. It was more like, no, you wait to the pod. You save it for the pod. Stop calling me. I don't want to talk to you unless it's being recorded. Like a cartoon. My hand comes out your end of the phone, just slaps you.

Strangles me. No, I, you know, I don't know if you resonate with this, but when I was in like middle school, for example. I've been there. I'm with you so far. Right. That wasn't the part i was okay um when i was in middle school i was obsessed with uh sweet stuff brownies cookies somebody brings something in for a birthday party i am going feral for it if there's any way you don't want to eat your icing

you just like the cake part i'll eat your icing that was me fully from the ages of probably nine to well today um and you know are you still a sweetman i'm absolutely still a sweetman i mean not as excessively as i used to be um but like if i go into a doctor's office like waiting room or something like that and there's like a bowl of m&Ms on the table, which I mean, post COVID, I really hope there's not. But if I did,

you know, I'm in that waiting room for 10 minutes. That bowl is empty. I just cannot help. I love chocolate, candy, sweets. I love chocolate.

But yeah, and Martinelli's, they bury the lead on it. It's sweet as shit. I mean, it's just sugar water. It's sweet as shit. I mean, it's just sugar water. It's hummingbird food. I love the stuff.

And as you well know about me, I no longer partake of the old brewski. I don't drink alcohol anymore. You're a sweetman and you're a soberman. I'm both a sweetman and a soberman. And so Martinelli's is absolutely my bag. Did you partake in some Martinelli's this New Year's Eve? You know, I didn't. I actually, what I partook in this New Year's Eve was so much worse.

It was a Trader Joe's bottle of like non-alcoholic Prosecco, which genuinely just tasted like someone had done like an 80-20 mix of Martinelli's and the cheapest Chardonnay they could find. It was so bad. But like, it kind of tasted like wine and it almost made me feel like I was having a normal New Year. Almost made you feel a little drunk, weirdly. Sorry?

You almost got drunk off of the non-alcoholic Prosecco. Yeah, so I drank, I think I had three cases of it. And so I did start to have a buzz by the end um but no so i love martinelli's always have always will and you know what i found is if you bring out a bottle of martinelli's in a room full of adults you know they go they go crazy for it it's nostalgic it's fun people love it did you did you grow up in a martinelli's family were you yes of course i grew up with martinelli. It made me feel very fancy as a kid to have a champagne glass filled with... I mean, it looks exactly like champagne.

They can't call it Martinelli's cider unless it was made in the Martinelli's region. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. And if you picture the boot of Italy, I'm assuming it's Italy. Am I right in that? It's Italian, yeah.

Okay. If you picture the boot of Italy. I'm assuming it's Italy. Am I right in that? It's Italian. Yeah. Okay. If you picture the boot of Italy, we have like the northern you know, like Tuscany. Sure. Where in the boot is Martinelli? It's kind of somewhere in the calf. It's like if you're putting your calf. How tall is the boot? Is it like a knee-high boot? The calf of... I'm imagining

it's a knee-high boot. Well, imagine it's the boot of Italy. I mean, you know how big the boot... It's somewhere like on the top of the foot but like not quite to the toes yet it doesn't matter what matters is that i haven't had martinelli's in a really long time but i remember being a kid um and i could just chug a whole bottle of it it's incredible it is so sweet um but it's oh when it's like light and crisp with that sweetness. No, it's real good. It is real good.

I grew up in a European household, so I did start drinking champagne at an age that I probably shouldn't have been drinking champagne. Absolutely. But I did love me some Martinelli's. God, I know this isn't an episode about the apple juice, but like Martinelli's apple juice, that still slaps to me.

That is incredible. And it is amazing that like you're Mr. Martinelli. You're in your villa in Martinelli, Italy. And you're thinking to yourself, I have this apple juice. It's top of the line. It's flawless. Nobody makes apple juice better than this you could just rest on your laurels but no but no you decide no you decide you're gonna make elevate it sparkle

you're gonna make the fanciest bougiest version yeah of an already superior product and i i just want to i just want to congratulate him and the whole Martin Ellis family. Well, okay. Not you, but I was, well, you said you're Martin. Anyway, I love it. Um, I also, I really like cider. Like I really enjoy alcoholic cider. Um, but it can't be too sweet.

I like a really dry cider. And so that's where I think I, I used to love Martinelli sparkling cider, but because I really like just a dry side with like a hint of sweetness, that's where it gets lost for me. It gets lost in the sauce. It gets lost in the sauce. It gets lost in the marinara sauce in the Martinelli household in Martinelli, Italy.

That's a really damaging stereotype. And I think about Italian people that they all eat marinara sauce. I'm Italian. Huh. I don't know enough about you to disagree. You don't know enough about you to disagree you don't know enough about me not really man we kind of just met this is kind of a surface level thing i like i don't know i mean how long have we been talking to each other you know 10 minutes yeah right like probably 10 minutes um should we get to our first review of mart Martinelli's cider do you want to kick us off

sure absolutely I'd love to um god there's I I have a couple I don't know which one I want to choose from ain't that just the way uh it's a classic conundrum um you can't say that okay this is a long one so this is a long one so buckle up this is a review for Martinelli's sparkling apple cider juice 25.4 ounces glass bottle pack of three for a total of 76.2 fluid ounces five stars from kindle customer is their name um that is their name. Um, that is their first and last name.

And before you read it, I do want to say we were on the phone. We were talking about reviews yesterday. And, um, something that we were talking about is like, there are so many distributors on Amazon for Martinelli's and so many various, it's like, you can get,

uh, uh, those small ones and like a six pack, you can get a case of like six bottles. Like there are so many ways you can get Martinelli's into your mouth. But let's do it from, this is five stars from Kindle customer?

Five stars. Love it. Favorite sparkling spot cider. Fuck. After a great start. Favorite sparkling cider at a great price. We love Martinelli's sparkling apple cider, so being able to get three was wonderful. We were able to share with our son and daughter-in-law who were going away to celebrate their 15th anniversary.

We saved one bottle for us to drink whenever we wanted to celebrate an upcoming event. This is the only sparkling apple cider we buy. So it goes without saying we are big fans of the product. Even our now grown children have added this product to celebrate their special occasions. We've done our best to pass the word about this wonderful product and we will always buy it for our special events. We are thrilled to find that we could buy it on Amazon, as

it has sometimes been hard to find in our local shops. Welcome to Amazon. We wish you the best in your endeavor here. You can count on us being customers, though not on a monthly basis, but you will see us here on a regular

basis. So glad you've joined Amazon as a seller. We'll make sure to always give you the highest rating possible. Buy as often as possible and share with others that you're available on Amazon. I come from

a very large family, so I hope this brings more business your way. I come from a very large family. So I hope this brings more business your way. Two people find this helpful. I mean, there's so many things I love. One, I love how it's like Martinelli's is like this rare vintage that they're like, oh my God, you sell Martinelli's? That's incredible. That is like such a special tradition in our family.

That and this one review talking to this giant, giant, giant company being like, hey, welcome. We'll do our best to help you out while you're here. But I just want to say like- Oh, you're new here. Well, let me show you around. So, this is Amazon.com slash home. It's the front page where you're going to find all your flash deals and stuff like that. But over here in the search section, that's where you're going to make your home.

So bizarre. Going over to a friend's house for a dinner party. Welcome, welcome, Jessica and Martin. We're so happy to have you here. We're all just kind of gathering in the living room, but before we get seated for dinner, would you guys want a drink? We have water. We have wine.

We have some, you know, I know, Martin, you like some whiskey sometimes. We have that at the bar. And if you don't want any alcohol other than water, we have some you know i know martin you like some whiskey sometimes we have that at the bar um and if you don't want any uh alcohol other than water we have some sparkling water we have some martinelli sparkling cider if you want a little champagne um anything you want yeah i mean you know me with the whiskey i would love a glass but no but i i can't right now i i'm taking um some antibiotics i have a pretty bad infection. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Yeah, it's okay. Are you sure it's okay?

Yeah. He said it was pretty bad. No, I mean, it's pretty bad, but in the grand scheme of things, it's like, you know. Everyone in the room is turning their heads. It's like, bad infection. No, no, no, no. It's not contagious. No, no, no.

It's not contagious. It's just like a- I heard contagious. No, it's not it's not contagious no no no it's not contagious it's it's just like i heard contagious no it's like contagious that covet no it's not covet it's it's a it's a bacterial infection it's very localized but it's not contagious don't worry about it um you're coming over sorry you're coming over to sarah's house with a back to you don't need to fight my battles james no no no i'm listen i just like you're my friend and it's just like martin's coming over with a bacterial infection sorry i didn't it was an offhand i just i can't drink tonight i got okay i got a piercing was not from a place that had a good reputation and i should go to claire's yes i went to the claire's in the mall and i got a

belly button piercing and it is very very badly infected but that's not martin that's disgusting not that you've got the piercing but that it's infected you made me share that you made me share that no one made you share it yes you did i absolutely was trying to play it off and everyone kept saying like what, what is it? Is it COVID? You're the one who brought up. No, listen, I'm so glad you're here. We're celebrating my birthday.

I'm so glad you're here. Congrats, by the way. Congrats on a birthday. Yeah. Weird thing to say. You could have said happy birthday. No one thought you'd make it. I'm 35.

Hey, man, there were some rough years. Anyway, I'm parched, man. Can I just get some Martinelli's? Martinelli's? Yeah, we can give you Martinelli's. Thanks. And your lovely wife, Jessica, what would you like to drink? I'll have

I'll have a cup of tea Jessica 10pm no it's okay yeah I'd also like to say it's 10pm this dinner party's at 7 we've all been waiting for you guys to sit down.

It was traffic, love. It took three hours. You guys live 20 minutes away. Yeah, it was really backed up, innit? Yeah, it took us an hour just to get out of the driveway. It's fine. It's fine. I don't want to press that because it's my birthday.

Not to sound like that selfish. Stop saying birthday. Not to sound like that selfish. Stop saying that. Not to sound like the selfish birthday girl, but it is my night. It is my night. And I want to have all my closest friends at the dinner table celebrating another year of life with me. So if we could all just sit down and have it be a normal night, that would be great. Absolutely. Cut to everyone sitting at the dinner table.

So, Sarah, you're 35 uh is there any toast you want to give or maybe i could start uh okay james well if you bought toast you could start raising glass um i just like to say i'm so happy all of us all of us are here um and then also and and also Martin and Jessica, I think it's really cool that you guys showed up because we're really hungry. And sorry, it's just, I'm a little hangry right now, but we're here to celebrate Sarah. We're here to celebrate Sarah.

And so I just, I guess, just want to toast to everyone having the best intentions of friendship and to no one being selfish, to no one being a scene stealer i think it's really cool that's what our group staring at martin and jessica i think it's really cool that that's what our group of friends stands for and i hope sarah that like in this next year of life you feel that too really specific toast james that means a lot thank you so much everyone's like lightly tapping their glass like yeah yeah yeah yeah

can i can i give a toaster oh um i guess you can sure to the girl you're raising the martine's bottle, not even a glass. To the girl that taught me it was okay to march to the beat of your own drum. Everyone's kind of laughing. Oh, that's Sarah. Classic. Oh, thanks. She stands up next to me. To the girl that taught me about a march to the beat of my own drum. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Everyone's raising their glass to finish it. To the girl. Ah. That taught me that it's okay to show up a little late sometimes. Three hours. That's up a little late sometimes. Three hours. That's not a little.

To the girl who taught me that it's all right to show up a little late. Okay, you're just repeating the stuff that I'm saying. Hey, don't yell at your wife. Sorry, I hate to be that guy, but like, yeah, dude, don dude, don't yell at your wife. I didn't yell at my wife. We all heard it, but keep going. Can I be honest here, guys? Can I put the toast? Can we pause the toast for a second?

Please, please, James stands up. Please. I would love if we could all be honest. Guys, it's my birthday. I don't want any fighting. No, come on. Martin wants to be honest. Let's be honest.

I have a really bad headache. And a bad infection. Maybe you should have just stayed home and not made us wait three hours to eat everyone's like well yeah that's a good point i think the infection is hurting my brain a little bit and i think i gotta go man i think i gotta get out of here um do y'all have any more of this martinelli's or um we do i was saving it for my kids so that they could celebrate their mom's birthday um but it's fine if you want to take the last bottle that I was saving for my kids that's okay

um so you said it was okay for me to take it but I kind of feel like you don't want me to hey kids you know what let me go wake up my children and I'll have them deliver that last bottle of Martinelli's to you. Kids?

Kids come out of their room, like, rubbing eyes like, so, what is it, Mommy? Hey, kids, I'm so sorry to wake you. Um, do you remember Martin and Jessica? Oh, yeah, isn't that the guy whose wife's a mouse? Yes, yes, that's them. Um,

sweetie, you know how you've been so excited to toast Mommy's birthday? Yeah, we love Martinelli's sparkling cider. We've never been more excited in our life to toast to the best mom in the world with our favorite drink in the world. Okay. Hang on, pause. I'm really confused here, man You're Sounds like you were planning to wake your kids up To toast your birthday

You were saying, weren't you excited To celebrate mommy's birth But then you made like a big song and dance Like, I'm gonna have to go wake them up Seems like you were gonna wake them up No, that would be crazy That would be crazy gonna have to go wake them up? It seems like you were gonna wake them up. No, that would be crazy. That would be crazy.

Well, Mom, you said to set the alarm for 11 and in case we didn't wake up then, then you'd come get us. No, I didn't say that. That would be really weird to put my kids to bed, wake them up in the middle of the night to toast to me. That would be weird. I wouldn't do that. James just middle of the night to toast to me that would be weird i wouldn't do that just sort of whispers to his side usually i'm on her side about most stuff but this is weird

this one i mean kids need their sleep i don't i don't like it was kind of nodding like yeah kids need their sleep kids need their sleep i guess i never thought about it but kids do need their sleep i'm a child psychologist by training and yeah, I can testify The children really need their nine hours See? Jessica knows Okay, fine, this isn't about me Guys, guys, okay, kids, go back to bed Martin's gonna take your cider

Oh, that sucks It's fine, go back to bed Martin and Jessica, you should go You have an infection, your wife is a mouse I'm not the weird one, it's my birthday Everyone should be loving me. I think that's what the point of the night is. Right, everybody?

Everybody should be loving you. Huh. Someone stands up, throws their napkin down. That's not the way I roll with my friends. Well, hey, Chester, come on. Don't. Well, hey, Chester, come on.

Don't do that. Hey, Chester. It's me, Martin. Yeah, I know who you are. I'm looking at you. From the toast earlier. Yep. Matter of fact, James, Chester, hey, everybody.

Maybe it's the infection talking, but... Why don't you come over to my place? We'll have a real birthday party. Um, yeah, that sounds good. I'd like to ask one favor before we go over. Can you like wear a mask or something?

I don't know how those kinds of infections spread, but like, I want to, I want to prove a point. I don't want to be here to celebrate her, but at the same time, I don't want to get whatever you're passing around i will wear a mask but i will be taking it off as soon as we get back to my house deal deal so stupid that one made me tired uh let's take a break yeah let's do that

and we're back and something i want to point out what i, like, two of the past couple scenes we've done, well, one today and one from the other episode where you're the co-host, is that it starts with a very clear idea. It starts with, like, it was going to be a thing of, like, oh, Martinelli's, that's so rare. But it doesn't take a full turn. Just plummets into a different direction. When you say something that should be an offhand comment, but I can't

just let it lie. It's like, if you were really at a party and somebody said, oh, I'm taking antibiotics, I have an infection. No, you said, it's a bad infection. Still, I don't think you would be like, hey, man, what kind of infection are we talking about here, man? No, it's one thing if someone's like, if someone's like, oh, man, what kind of infection are we talking about here, man?

No, it's one thing if someone's like, oh, hey, I have an infection. I'm taking antibiotics, which actually happened to me over Christmas and New Year's. I couldn't drink till New Year's because I had an infection. But I was going around being like, sorry, I have a bad infection. That's fucking nasty. If you're like, oh, me? No, I'll pass on the champagne i have a really bad that's agree to disagree i think that's normal as well um do you want to kick us off with another one or oh i thought you'd never ask i really really thought you'd never ask i could not ask

if you like here we go this is um for listen i've i've honestly started to forget started to what i've forgotten what kind of martinelli's it's for because it's all the same because it's just whether it's like a small case whatever so this is for martinelli's sparkling cider all right five stars from cynthia g oh um cynthia good golly Cynthia G. Ooh. Cynthia Good Golly. Cynthia Good Golly. Five stars. The title is Ambience. The teens loved these.

We used them for prom. They were displayed at each setting and added an uplifting quality to the table. We were looking for to complete the ambiance it was the perfect size not too much to be wasted or too little to not be satisfied would purchase again for next year hey good evening madam um two this evening? Yes, two. Just me and my fiancé. Sorry, I just can't help but saying that. We just, shoving my ring in your face, we just got engaged.

We're so excited. Yeah, we're really excited. She's the one, for sure. Congratulations to you both. I'm sure you'll be very happy. Thank you. We are relatively empty this evening, so I can either offer you a table by the window or a booth. Do you have a preference?

Babe, sorry. I know I told you that this is the hottest restaurant in town. I don't want you to think that I lied about that. This is a really popular restaurant. You're just not busy because it's raining or something, right? Yeah, historically, this has been a very, very popular restaurant. Was? Or is?

Well, I mean, as you can see, it's not tonight. So I guess we can say that. It's fine. It's fine. I don't want to worry about it. I believe you. I believe you. Trust me.

Those $4 signs on Yelp. I trust they. I know this is the spot. Let's take the window. Let's be by nature. Yeah, she wants to be by nature. So can we just go spot um let's take the window let's be by nature yeah she wants to be by nature so can we just like go be by nature take a window seat absolutely follow me right this way this waiter is so fancy i feel like we have a butler anything for you either love of my life um no i i'm everybody's waiter i'm not just yours, I'm not like a butler

Oh, I'm so sorry, that was so rude I did not mean for you to hear that I just meant like your fancy, like, your fancy No, sure Yeah, it's part of my job, I guess Um, here's the menu Do you guys want to Have a wine list, or

Are you thinking Cocktails, or We're thinking whatever this beautiful creature across the table from me wants because this is our knight and she is my princess. Oh, stop it. You're embarrassing me. Um, I think we'll

look at some wine. Is that crazy? Nothing's crazy because I want to give you the world and I want this man right here. What's your name, sir? My name is Godfrey. Godfrey. I'm, Godfrey's gonna help me give you the world, and I want this man right here. What's your name, sir? My name is Godfrey. Godfrey. Godfrey's going to help me give you the world. Oh, stop it.

Godfrey, you don't have to do that. But if you insist, we'll take the wine list. Absolutely. Didn't need to be that complicated. Here's the wine list. Are you folks interested in hearing our specials tonight? What's the most special thing you have on the menu because this light of my life over here is the most special thing in the world and oh my god you are embarrassing me godfrey i'm so sorry he's not

usually like this yes i am yes he is but we don't we shouldn't be tonight what are the specials godfrey my fiance like the fiance fiance's just sucking her hand, kissing it. Godfrey, deep breath. One more day. One more day. What are the specials, Godfrey? So I've got a lamb shank that has been flambéed in a reduction of balsamic gravy. And then I have a seared salmon that's been caught fresh this morning and flown in from the beautiful peaks of Alaska,

mountain river stream. Godfrey. Drop her hand. Godfrey. Um, I hate to be this person, but like 30 seconds ago you were like kind of fancy and like cool. And now like,

you're just a guy. What happened? Sorry. Like, I hate to be that no he doesn't mean to say it like that but um yeah sorry i feel like the illusion was broken what happened can i um can i be honest with you guys or really exaggerated i like uh okay like are you guys cool or are you not cool? Whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

We're cool. We're hot. We're young. We're sexed up. Right. We're engaged. We're cool. Right. That's what I thought.

You can be honest, Godfrey. We're all friends here. Right. My honest opinion of you two. Yeah. Is that, A, you don't tip. We just sat down. Yeah, but but i can just let's be honest i've been doing this a long time i can just tell um and b i don't think this is gonna last and so frankly i just i just i just don't have it in me tonight you know i got a couple other tables and i'm gonna

put my effort over there where i feel like you you know, the effort might get me a better tip. And frankly, I just I just don't have the energy for this. You when you say it's not going to last. You mean like you being our waiter tonight, you want to get someone else? That's what you mean, right? No. Why would that be? I mean, your marriage.

We're not even married yet. That's what I was afraid that you meant. But I'm sorry to be rude here, but you actually don't know us at all. Like, I always tip. I always tip a hefty 10%. Okay? I am the best tipper I know. And so if you, you're judging us.

You think we're going to come to your fancy restaurant. And you said that this place is mostly empty. So I don't think you would need to be at that many other tables. Blood starts coming out of his nose. Sorry about that! Oh my god, dude, are you- I'm fine. But differences aside, you're bleeding. How can we help?

No, no, no. We're good people. Sure, I'm not gonna tip you 20%, but I am gonna get you a napkin. Shoves a napkin in your face. Thank you for the napkin. So, can I ask you a question? Sir, what's your name, by the way? I don't know if I asked. Zach. Okay, Zach, that tracks.

C-A-C-K. Okay, Zach. You say this woman is your princess. She is. I am. What's her middle name? Her middle name is Beautiful. That's what it is.

No, but, like, what's her legal... No, it is. My legal name is beautiful that's what it is no but like what's her legal no it is my my legal name is literally beautiful my middle name is beautiful that sucks name is kelly beautiful green kelly beautiful green yes do you have a problem with that? What's your middle name, Godfrey? What were you conceived on a golf course? My middle name is Jeffrey. Godfrey

Jeffrey? Yeah, Jefferson. Or your parents Godfrey Jeffrey Jefferson? Yeah, a normal name, unlike Miss Kelly Green over here. We're trying to have a nice engagement dinner, so I don't understand. What is the point of you with all these questions? Why do you care about Kelly Beautiful Queen's middle name?

What's the point you're trying to make? If you want to get us a different server, go ahead. But we're going to eat that fucking flambéed lamb, all right? That's what we're going to take. And I want a bottle of Martinelli's, because we don't drink. Oh. Martinelli's. we don't drink. Oh. Martinelli's? Yes, sorry, I asked for the wine list

just because I was feeling cheeky, but no, we don't drink, so if you have Martinelli's, that's what we'd like to take. I am so sorry. I have... I'm tearing up a bit. I have completely misjudged you.

Because we don't drink? No, no, no. I could care hither or thither about whether or not you drink. I was going to say, weird thing to fix it on. No, no, no, no. It's what you chose to order. To loom? No, to drink.

You just were talking about the... Okay, Martinelli. Why do you care so much about Martinelli's sparkling apple cider? I have been working here for over a hundred years. What? I'm a ghost waiter. He's been a ghost waiter the whole time. Never noticed that you're floating.

And, well, I got a curse on me, you see. I was murdered during Prohibition because I refused to sell alcohol at this here establishment. I had nothing but a case of Martin Albee's to my name. I opened my jacket and riddled with bullet holes. I was always trying to get people to have the Martinelli's and it was bootleg this

you know moonshine that and the stipulation of my imprisonment in this ghastly form was that if I could get somebody, anybody, to order a bottle

of our finest Martinelli's, I would be free. And I could pass over to the other side. Then, taking a bottle of Martinelli's from your stomach, then you would be free.

Ave Maria. I ascend. The restaurant's filled with a blinding light. Flash. Dust falls. Martinelli's sprayed over the entire restaurant. Other customers are like, what the? I'm soaked.

I'm fucking drenched in the stuff. What is this? Was that Martinelli's? Kelly, Beautiful Green, and Zach just staring at each other, weeping. Yeah. It's Martinelli's. Cheers. Smart noise Cheers What is your middle name? No it is beautiful that wasn't a joke

Got it got it that's fucking weird What was your What was that waiter's full name? Godfrey jeffrey johnson jefferson jefferson godfrey jeffrey jefferson and kelly kelly beautiful green it's great i love that um should we do another i mean how don hey, come on. Enough with that. Okay. I won't ever do that again.

Don't ever say H-E-double hockey sticks again. Do you remember that in middle school when people would always have alternative ways? H-E-double hockey sticks. Gosh, and all the heck. Okay. Gosh, and all the heck. That is very much a Virginia thing. Gosh, and all the heck okay gosh and all the heck that is very much a virginian thing gosh and all the dang and heck oh i'm gonna lose my freaking mind over this oh frick i remember being allowed to say crap for the first time and yes i did ask permission to say crap oh that tells you anything about me i asked permission to swear. When was the last time you earnestly said crap?

It's like when I was like 11, it was all, this is a load of crap, man. This is bull crap, bull crap, bull crap. What is that? Bull crap? When was the last time anybody said? I think it was like when I was in like sixth grade, it was my alternative for like shit or fuck. It was like,

Oh crap. Oh crap. That's really bad. Oh crap. I forgot my, Oh crap. Oh no. Oh,

I can't find my binder. Oh crap. Oh geez. My binder. Oh, it's bring back crap. It's like you're on a date. Somebody,

he goes to the bathroom. He comes back. He goes, sorry. I just took a huge shit. It's like you're on a date. Somebody, he goes to the bathroom. He comes back. He goes, sorry, I just took a huge shit. You're like, that's disgusting that I'm walking out of here. You're on a date. He comes back. He goes, I just took a massive crap. I jump out the window.

I think you have no choice but to kill that man on sight. I take a butter knife. I take a blunt butter knife What did I do? What the crap are you doing? What the crap is this? Cut this crap out Cut the crap That's mom's love that

Cut the crap will ya Oh cut the crap Oh cut the crap Hey I'll cut the crap when we do the next review okay I hope it's not crappy I don't say this a lot and i don't and i don't use this kind of language a lot but sometimes when i see the stuff that our president i don't even call him our president says i think it's a load of crap i think it's a load of bull crap okay this review Oh my god. Martinelli's sparkling apple juice. 10 ounce.

Pack of 12. That's what I got. I got a 12 pack, darling. This is from Julio C. Julio crap. Now this is fascinating because I did not notice this until now. The subject line of this. Is crap.

Crap or scam likely. No, it's not. this until now. The subject line of this. Is crap. Crap or scam likely. No, it's not. It literally is. No, it's fucking not. It literally is crap or scam likely. That's incredible. One star. Crap or scam likely.

Items did not come in the original package. Items don't look fresh. Looks like they were found under a cabinet somewhere in an abandoned house. And four bottles of my purchase 12 were broken. Wow. I can't believe it. We finally bought our first house. Oh, my God.

I'm reeling. I'm reeling. Is this real? Pinch me. Pinch me. I'm dreaming. Oh, there you go. You're pinched.

Consider yourself pinched. Oh, wow. I love you so much. And I am so proud of us for this next step in our lives. This is where we can raise a family. We can have generations of grandkids running through these halls. And we get to do it together. You and me, pal.

Huh? You and me co-parenting our children. I cannot wait. Just two best friends buying a house together. Two best friends. Nothing. Nothing weird going on here. Just going to platonically raise our kids together.

It's going to be so good. And because, you know, it takes a village to raise a child and that's what we're doing. It certainly does. It certainly does. Is it a little chilly in here? Oh, I guess there's a bit of a draft. I mean, that's what you get when you buy a Victorian house, I guess.

150 years old, this bad boy. God, that's incredible. And to think it's just going to hold a couple of best pals. Just a couple friends. And their six kids. And their six kids each. And their six kids each. Just two besties and their children in this Victorian house. Oh, but she's a beaut, huh?

Start slapping the walls like dads do. You can tell it's good it's good stuff drywall it's good stuff but i wonder if we i wonder if we just like take a hold on slapping it because i think we should just really yeah we can walk around how about we walk around each room and say what we envision in the house as two best friends with their six kids each. I love that. Okay, let's start. You start, Bill. All right. Well, fuck.

Okay. Let's start over here on the right. What do we think? This is maybe 10 foot by 10 foot. Pretty small. I'm thinking your office. Oh, you're crazy, man. You're crazy for that. What do you mean, Dougie? You need your office. Oh, you're crazy, man. You're crazy for that.

What do you mean, Dougie? You need an office. I need an office because, you know what? You're right. This could be my office. We ship a lot of stuff from my small business onto my Etsy, and we can package it in here with our 12 kids total running around the house. They won't be allowed in this room.

All right? Let's just say that. I got to do my work in here. No. Can you imagine running around with little stamps all over their faces from mailing stuff out? That could be a disaster. What do you think about this next room?

This next room, I think, is a nursery. Because I call me crazy, Bill. You're crazy, Bill. I... Call me crazy, Bill. You're crazy, Bill. I want another. No, you're crazy, man. I want another. Another kid? Yeah.

Man, you got six already. I know, but there's a little part of my heart that won't feel complete until I have a seventh. Which will bring us to 13 kids total together. God. Cheaper by the baker's does, am I right? You got it. I don't know, man. I think let's get everything settled and then we can talk about adding a 13th kid, huh?

Let's get moved in first, all right? Hey, Bill, can I... Sitting down on the floor Empty house Bill can I ask you something You be honest Dustiest floor you've ever seen Covered Bill can I

Can I ask you something You be totally honest with me You promise you're gonna be Fully honest with me Absolutely 100% Nothing but What are we doing

I was wondering the same exact shit man No I mean like What are we Doing We have wives So many Like We each have a wife Yes And And a house No, I mean, like, what are we doing? We have wives. So many, like...

We each have a wife. Yes, and... And a house. If I'm honest... Yeah. I cannot afford this. It is a miracle that they approved us for this mortgage. I'm so in the red, dude.

I might have to sell my house that I currently live in with my wife. Have you told... Have you told Beth? No, of course I haven't told Beth. She thinks I'm out, she thinks we're out to lunch. Say, I haven't told her shit. I'm so scared she's gonna find out we bought an old Victorian house that's falling apart, man.

And can I, ah, this is so stupid, pulling out my backpack. I brought, I brought a bottle of bubbly for us to celebrate, but now it feels kind of stupid. Do you think it's too late to ask for a redo? Like, from the bank? Let's do it. I think it'll be good.

Cut to the bank. Cut to the office. Sorry, so I just want to repeat this, just so I make sure that I'm understanding correctly. You accidentally bought a historic society preserved Victorian home

together. Yeah. Yep. Yep, I would say that's a pretty accurate reflection of what happened. And you understand that buying a house

takes a lot of time, a lot of paperwork, a lot of waiting. You're in escrow. You're in investigation. Or're in um you're in investigation or like you're you're checking i have all the inspectors i mean not investigation unless there's something going on which i don't think there is um so are you asking to i don't understand what you're asking exactly you're asking for us to

right take the house back yeah if that's an option i have never heard of this situation before right right um i don't think there's any for layman's terms gives these backsies in terms of buying a house you can understand that right you paid like six million dollars and that's cheap for a house of this caliber right right um i guess what i'd say is we made a whoopsie and there are yeah we made a whoopsie we made a big whoopsie and there are a couple kinds of accident i don't know if you know about that a couple kinds of accidents yeah there's sort of the accident where you like you're in the kitchen and you drop a glass and it cuts you really bad. Okay, I guess I'm familiar with that. That would be one kind of accident.

Uh-huh. And then there's the kind of, I mean, maybe you get this. Like, maybe you've moved houses or switched jobs or something and you're driving to work or whatever and you get on the highway and you kind of zone out and you realize you've been driving completely the wrong direction for miles and miles and miles.

You just... Do you mean wrong direction on the highway? Like you're driving on the wrong lane? You know, maybe that's the way the highway used to be oriented and you got kind of turned around you're a little sleepy you got a lot of little ones running around the house all right and you just kind of zone out and before you know it boom you wake up and you realize you've been driving on the wrong side of the damn road for 90 miles okay this is one of those kind

of accidents where like we kind of got on this track and we didn't know how to get off i'm looking at across the room there's like a wanted fbi wanted poster with your with Bill's face on it for vehicular manslaughter from 2018. I notice you, your hand under the table. You're pressing a button. How about I pass you off to a colleague and they get you sorted

with your house troubles. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Oh, that's awesome. Thank you so much. Dougie, we got to get out of here. Okay. What's going on, Bill? She's onto us. We got to get out of here. Follow me so much. Thank you so much. Oh, that's awesome. Thank you so much. Dougie, we got to get out of here. Okay. What,

what's going on? She's onto us. We got to get out of here. Follow me. Follow me. Follow me. Follow me. Okay.

Okay. Uh, excuse me. Uh, thank you so much for helping us. One quick question. Would there be anywhere where me, we,

and where me, where me and my colleague could go to take a crap? Me and my colleague are absolutely desperate for a crap Is there anywhere in your banquet we could go and do that really quick Yeah What he said We have been needing to take a crap for the past hour That we've been in here

And I don't think I can hold this crap any longer Oh please can we go to the crap Ew yes just go There's a bathroom down the hall I need you to stop saying that Okay thank you so much We sprint out the front door Go. There's a bathroom down the hall. Just I need you to stop saying that. OK, thank you. Thank you so much. We sprint out the front door. Don't even make it look like we're trying to go back.

Wait, we go back to the house. We're screwed, man. I don't know what we're going to do. That was. Were you in trouble or something, Bill? Or was that just a load of crap that you gave me? No, Ducky. Remember, remember like a year ago, before all this house stuff happened, I showed up at your front door and I was covered in gas. And blood, yeah.

Like a pretty fine mist of gas and blood. Yeah. I'm, well, remember when we bought this house yes i remember you really wanted to buy you wanted to make a big you said i forbade him you said dougie there's a lot of crap going on i need to make a big life change immediately and with no thought and that's what happened i i guess i'm i guess i messed up did you hey bill can i ask you something you'd be totally honest with me yes did you commit vehicular manslaughter not exactly huh it wasn't how do i think It wasn't really vehicular or man slaughter. What happened? Well, I was driving down the wrong side of the road.

You love doing that, man. You got to stop. And I was kind of zoned out smoking my breakfast stogie. Sorry, my cigar, my breakfast cigar that i have every morning and i realized i was running down the driving down the wrong side of the road and i stopped the car on the shoulder and i sure still had my stogie in my mouth and i you still smoke that crap yeah dude it's good as crap and I put my stogie on the seat and I got out of the car

and I was all confused and before I knew it the car was ablaze have some fireball and it gets worse Dougie it gets so much worse it can't possibly get worse Phil all of a sudden I'm alone on the highway at this, but all of a sudden I see hurling towards me coming the right way down the road.

Uh-huh. Massive truck. Oh God. Oh no. Full of poultry, man. What did you do, Bill? This thing stank the high heaven of chicken crap. And I was so scared, man.

I panicked. I jumped in the middle of the road. I said, stop, stop, stop, stop. I'm a U.S. Marshal and I'm taking this vehicle. Oh no, you impersonated an officer. I panicked, Dougie, I panicked. And all of a sudden, this truck full of the poultry careens into the fireball of a car

that had my breakfast stogie in it and everything just went up man it went up and I didn't know what to do and before I knew it the driver was fine somehow I guess he jumped out bailed at the last minute but all those chickens were fucking mint.

God, it smelled like some of the worst chili you ever had in your life. Phil, I don't know what to say other than I pull out a wire from my shirt.

I'm sorry. Victorian House is surrounded with cop cars. Bill, you gotta understand. I love you, man, but that is some of the most fucked up shit I've ever heard in my life. And that's not someone I can raise 12 kids with. Hey, two-duggy.

Man, it's funny, I've been running so long, I... You're being cuffed as you're talking so calmly. I was just being raided. What's it like to stand still? Hey, guys. Room full of agents. Be dragged out of the house. Hey, guys,

can you let go of me for one sec? Please. No. But you can talk, but we're not gonna let you go. Can you guys hold off on arresting me for one sec? I really need to take a crap. He gets away. Oh, sure, man.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, if you need to take a crap, you need to take a crap. But we've all been there, man. Shit. When a guy's got to go, nature calls to take a crap, you need to take a crap. But we've all been there, man. Shit. When a guy's got to go, nature calls, all that. When a guy's got to crap, a guy's got to crap. Yeah, I'm just going to go. I think there's a crap house out back. I'm going to go out there.

Oh, my God. Old house after all, eh? Listen, everybody, thank you so much for listening to that scene and for joining us in this episode because this is the new era. We're just gonna say crap all the time. Lois, I'm absolutely gagging for a crap.

Lois, I need a crap so friggin' hard. Oh my god god that's fucking foul so everyone something about Alf that's probably I think the worst thing about him is that he quotes not even quotes he just does

Peter Griffin a lot um which is never on never in my life did I think that on this show we'd be talking about Family Guy. Holy freaking crap. Oh my God. I don't know, man.

Here's the honest to God truth. I probably haven't watched an episode of Family Guy in a decade. Should we get to our last segment? Would that be insane? That would be really... Should we just cut the crap and get to our last segment? I'm going to have to have a swear jar, but just for crap. Just so that I don't have to fucking hear you say it every time.

Each. Des. Should be. All. Week. Long. I'll start. I'll start, which is shocking because normally I don't have anything, but I have it now.

Are you going to do your celebrity crush? I'm going to do my celebrity crush slash I have a bone to pick with Alf and I'm going to do it live on the air. And this is airing live. Can I give my guesses to who I think your celebrity crush is first? No, do not. Because I want to tell everyone why I'm upset with you. Okay. Yesterday, Alf and I were on the phone and I said, Alf, do you have any plans tonight?

And he said, oh, I'm helping my dad move logs and i'm like that's the worst excuse i've ever heard because i was gonna be like oh we should watch movie we should start at the same time and text each other throughout um because we've had fun doing that in the past and he said oh maybe and i was like i really want to watch the menu and he said well maybe i don't know if i have time for the menu and so i'm like but alf i really think it'd be really want to watch the menu. And he said, well, maybe. I don't know if I have time for the menu. And so I'm like, but Alf, I really think it'd be fun if we watched the menu together. And he said, I don't know if I'll have time for the menu. And he's like, well, how about we keep it open-ended? You call me and you let me know what time you want to watch the menu. And then maybe we can watch the menu.

I call him. He doesn't pick up. I text him. I said, so no, the menu tonight? We're writing history. Didn't respond. Absolutely. And I said, because I'm almost done with the menu.

Because last night I watched the menu alone. I watched the menu alone. Nobody meant you do that. You did. Because we had a phone call. We talked about Bake Off because Alf made a cake. And then it cut out because I was driving. I tried calling you back twice.

I tried calling you back twice. Didn't pick up. So I came home and I watched the menu. It was too late. Alas. I watched the menu. And here's what shook me. The menu is so fucking good, y'all.

It's so good. It's weird. It's funny. I laughed out loud alone. It was very funny. It was intense, but in a really fun way. And here's what's fucked up. Here's Riley's celebrity crush of the week.

Ray Fiennes. I knew it. I knew it. Ray Fiennes in that movie is murderous um spoiler alert um he's got a blood he's got a blood lust but there's something about it and elizabeth valentia agreed with me there's something he's just kind of like there's something about it's just like he's commanding with each course oh my god the next course and it's like there's just one scene if you if any of y'all are

the menu heads out there and you know they're mid at the end where they're talking about the cheeseburger that shit was hot as fuck i was alone in my apartment and i literally out loud was like oh so ray fines in the menu is the latest celebrity crush for me and call me crazy call me crazy i want to eat at that restaurant that is crazy that restaurant i want him to i'm a pick me girl for ray funs menu tragic i'm like oh i'm different you don't have to kill me i'm different let me share my screen with you so i compiled a so So unsettling. Just to see me in two frames. Okay.

So what I have here is a list of my guesses for who your celebrity crush was going to be this week. Oh, wow. Okay. This is your what shook me. This is my what shook me. Number one, Young Steve Jobs. It's a slideshow.

You should save this so then we can post it on the instagram we'll post the slideshow on the instagram and this what you'll see uh for tomorrow's or for today's post on instagram will be alf's guesses for my celebrity crush young steve jobs young i would fuck young steve jobs in a heartbeat and i knew you would but then oh my god but here's what happens is i looked at it for too long and i started to think no he's actually hot that's too normal to be one of Riley's so next we have King Julian from the film Madagascar as voiced by Sasha Baron Cohen can I be honest about something when I was a kid had a crush on King Julian

how the fuck did I know okay and that led me to this is cursed not borat no i don't have a question on borat but i do have a question just look at the picture don't like don't put your editorializing just the raw picture if you didn't know that that was borat would you no no i think i would not i'm i would not i if i'm honest about having a question king julian i'm honest about that i would not bone just borat as is and then i was thinking borat borat makes me think of ali g makes me think of who directed Ali G Mark Millard the same director who directed The Menu stop it and then I thought

Nicholas Holt that's the obvious choice that's what a normal person would be attracted to I'm not attracted to Nicholas Holt also that's a bad picture you picked of him and then I knew the final image in this slide there was no doubt in my mind

this is a magic trick. I knew, I genuinely knew 100%. Oh my God, that photo of him. Guys, I can't wait for you to see. If you want to follow along with this segment, I should have said the beginning, follow along with this segment and go to the Review Review Instagram

and you can go through the slideshow of what Alf picked for Celebrity Crushes. That photo of Rafe. I knew that photo. It's like your taste is so disturbed and yet predictable. It's kind of fascinating. Disturbed? Say that to Daniel Rashid's face.

I want you to tell Daniel that the taste in men is disturbed. Daniel is a handsome, beautiful boy. But some of your other pics, the rat from Flushed Away. No, the rat from Flushed Away is hot as fuck. That's okay. So just, I just want to, before we close out, I just want to confirm that that is your, what shook me is my celebrity crush.

Your guesses for my celebrity crushes. Nothing else to add. I had another one if you want. Go for it. I made a really good cake yesterday. Yes, you did. You made a really good cake. How did it taste?

It tasted okay. I was kind of disappointed. It looked great, but then I bit into it. The mousse I was very happy with. I made a raspberry mousse. It was excellent. But the Genoise. What kind of sponge was it?

Genoise. It was a little. It wasn't terrible. It was absolutely edible, but it was a little rubbery. Okay. a little it wasn't terrible it was absolutely edible but it was a little rubbery okay and i and i just knew like if i had cut into that and watched paul hollywood take a bite my heart would have sunk yeah and he would have just looked at me and gone yep yeah he just kind of lightly shook his head the moose is good but oh sponge it's a bit rubbery and you would have you like he would have as soon as he cut into he would kind of like look at you softly a bit rubbery and you would have you like he would have as soon as he cut

into he would kind of like look at you softly and shake his head and you would have like started nodding like yeah i know i know i'm not proud and then prue goes oh but i really like the moose i really liked that moose that means it's got a nice kick you just like doused it in gin um could have used more gin, but... Should we... Oh, we already did our last segment. Riley, thank you for listening to another week of Review Review. You can find Alfred on Instagram

at AlfredInnit. A-L-F-R-E-D-I-N-N-I-T. That's true. And you can find Riley on Instagram at RileyAndSpa. And on Twitter.com for as long as it lasts at Riley and Spa and on Twitter.com for as long as it lasts at Riley Coyote.

And only on the desktop version. Don't even look for me on your mobile app. And you can also find the show on Instagram at Review Review and Reddit r slash Review Review and Twitter Review Review Show, which we don't really use.

But we also are on Discord. Review Review. There's a HeadGum Discord. Review Review. And you can come hangGum Discord. Review, review. And you can come hang with us there. And maybe if you guys are good and not naughty, we'll see you again next week. But only if you're very good. But only

if you're good. And only if Santa puts you on his nicest ever list. And only if you watch The Menu. Please watch The Menu starring Anya, the wickedly

talented Anya Taylor-Joy. And as we say every week. Every week, our catchphrase. You all know it. Let's all say it together. If it ain't Martinelli's it isn't a tasty one if it isn't martinelli's it isn't a tasty one bye-bye that was a hit gum original