Review Revue - Menchie's

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

This week on review revue Geoff and Reilly crave that sweet, sweet cream, marry a widow, rate non-italian food, and commit even more crimes, all while reading reviews on Menchie's Frozen Yogurt.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Waxing Improvising, sometimes chastising Products both good and well China Review, review, show Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What? Close opinions and behave accordingly. And the show starts right now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

That was so lovely. In honor of Neil Young's music no longer being on spotify i decided to play tell me why by david mackay i hope i'm saying that right he said um he's a picture framer and he listens to review review at work giggling to himself while his unfriendly co-worker gives him an icy stare oh i, I love that. Not the icy stare, but that sounds really soothing. Well, I mean, if you're framing pictures, a lot of glass, and you're laughing hopefully, listening to this.

If you're laughing, you shouldn't be dropping glass. So actually, maybe you should stop listening to the show. He never said he was dropping glass. Maybe you should stop listening to the show. He never said he was dropping glass. Because obviously, you can't do your job. He just said he works as a picture filmer. If you're listening to our show, you can't do your job. So you should actually stop listening. We really appreciate the theme song. We appreciate you can't do your job. If you're listening to our show you can't do your job. So you should actually stop listening. We really appreciate

the theme song. We appreciate you been listening so far. Or at David underscore Evan underscore Macay M-A-C-K-A-Y or the same thing

dot com. You gotta stop listening to the show. And he's not dropping glass. He's not dropping glass. You gotta stop listening to the show because you're dropping

glass everywhere. Definitely continue listening to the show. Maybe send in another cover because that was great. That was amazing. that was great that was amazing it was amazing no it was amazing it was amazing but you know you're not like saving your ass or clarifying anything to make you seem like a better person because you're telling him not to listen to the show what's up pup uh well we just recorded an athletic greens ad and there is an athletic

greens billboard right there oh my god wait holy shit can you see it no i can't but i believe you oh no i do see it wow new york concrete jungle athletic green juice um there's nothing but green juice broke my knees on the g train going to park slow what day do you come home i fell down a fire stair a fire just the one march 9th march 9th yeah so two weeks after this uh episode comes out basically i thought it was at the end of the month. Not a week into this. This month or March? I thought it was the end of February that you came home.

Nay to that I say nay. It was always March 9th. I think what I tried to do was tell people in LA that I was coming back sooner. And then all my friends in New York, I'm like, I'm not going until May. What? Your favorite, you love a little lie. You are a big little lie. I'm a pretty little liar.

You're a pretty you love a little lie you're you are a pretty little liar pretty little big little lies i got in a discussion with a friend the other day about how uh i think if you can protect someone's feelings you should lie that like basically white lies not going out of your way to tell an untruth but if somebody's like oh like oh like i heard that you guys were talking about me like what did they say i'm like oh like you know they were just like you know saying how much you're great so you're fucking fake I'm not fake I think that people are mean and if you can protect people from that that's great

if you heard someone talking shit and I was like hey Jeff what were they saying about me and you're like they love you that's such bullshit it depends I guess it's more situational than I just made it out to be. I just don't. So what I'll do is like if someone's like being shot on and like bullied, I'll say I'll tell them that everyone loves them.

OK, that's a bad example and not even really the way I meant to say it. I think it's I just I'm the opposite of Christina on Selling Sunset. The whole thing of like, I just tell it like it is. It's like, no, you don't. You're just mean outwardly to people. There's a difference between telling it like it is and being an asshole and being like, that's just me. Take it or leave it. Yeah, I just, my philosophy is the opposite of that.

That's what I'm trying to get across is that it's like, I'll never tell it like it is if it doesn't need to be said and will hurt someone's feelings. I'll never tell it like it is so you can actually never believe anything I say. I don't think that's true. I think I'm real but I won't tell people information they don't need to know about hurting their feelings. You lie about you moving places for fun. I don't lie. In the moment I genuinely think I'm gonna move

there. That's true. Or I'll just posit it as something interesting to talk about. There was one time you did tell Elizabeth you're like I'm moving and she's like what and you're like yeah and like posited as something interesting to talk about like it's kind of interesting that if I lived in Olive you're like I'm moving and she's like what and you're like yeah well that's cause it's Elizabeth and she's like gullible and would

believe it and then I like months later didn't she not find out for like weeks later because he did it to me and for a second I believed you and then I was like wait no you're not and you're like yeah no I'm not but it took her a couple weeks and she's like did you know Jeff's moving and I'm you and then I was like wait no you're not and you're like yeah no I'm not and then but it took her a couple weeks and she's like did you know

Jeff's moving and I'm like he's not and she's like what I'm like he's not moving I think we both

mischaracterized how often and why I lie just now the last thing we just said is the sweet spot of when to lie

for fun we found it wait can you bring Elizabeth in I'm gonna just lie to her she's she's watching our foster dog right now while i do this okay because i was gonna tell her that um i'm moving to new york got it oh uh what's it with me well we have a geriatric foster dog with us he's a sweet boy um he's not he's just he's very old he He has almost no teeth. He kind of walks bow-legged.

He looks like a bodybuilder because he has no strength in his back legs. He has a white face and dark, dark eyes. And his ears look like cauliflower rugby player ears. And he has worms. Ew. But he is the sweetest, sweetest man. He does look sweet as hell. He's lovely. And tomorrow's our last day with him.

So it was short and sweet. They needed a really quick emergency foster situation. So we took him and he is lovely. But that's not why we're here. You know what else is sweet? Fucking Menchies. Let's get right to it. Today we're talking about Menchies.

My God. And holy shit. So fast. I love Menchies. I love frozen yogurt. Are you a mensch for Menchies? How nice will you be just to get that sweet, sweet cream? That was an amazing sentence.

Worthy of an equally amazing response instead of silence, I think. Yes, so sorry my mic just cut out. I think it cut out because you were saying, would you be a mensch for Menchies? How nice would you be to get a taste of that sweet, sweet cream? And so that kind of made me take pause um because that was really upsetting to hear and to the listeners ears daniel cut all that out so it's just gonna be silence and then the fact that the mic cut out are you a mensch for menschies how nice will you be just to get that sweet sweet cream um and it's because of what i said it's because i thought it was joy i thought it wasn't joy if it was joy i'd be like oh my god like so no yeah yeah that's good and then daniel could you cut it

together so it's oh my god to like what i said because i love that sentence um are you a mensch for menschies how nice will you be just to get that sweet sweet cream cream? Oh my God. So I love Menchies. I love frozen yogurt. I really fuck with frozen yogurt. There was a Menchies in like the kind of strip mall that was near my high school, which also was like by a Barnes and Noble cafe and the movie theater and like some restaurants. So it's like we, Menchies would be a post-school hang. And my favorite flavor of frozen yogurt, and you can get it at just about any frozen yogurt place, but especially Menchies, is fucking cookies and cream.

Cookies and cream frozen yogurt is the goat frozen yogurt flavor. What's your frozen yogurt order? I'll go first. Mine is cookies and cream with cookie dough bites, Oreos, and maybe sprinkles. I'm going to have to go vanilla with peanut butter sauce. Oh, you put sauce on. I've never put a sauce on while getting frozen yogurt. I've been saucy, but I've never.

What's that? I've been saucy, but I've never put on the sauce. Yeah. This is an immigration interview, so let's not do the puns. I'm trying to make sure that this is a legitimate marriage. I know. Nice. Well, I'm doing this for funds.

He's got bank. Okay. We can't give you citizenship or a green card even. My ice cream order is the same as my frozen yogurt order, ideally. And this is, not every place has this, which is why it's so special. Frozen yogurt places are more apt to have it. It's vanilla ice cream or vanilla frozen yogurt with peanut butter sauce. Peanut butter topping, et cetera.

Any topping? Cookie dough bites. cookie dough bites maybe maybe but uh not necessary i don't know what else to say i think that there's this certain sweet and saltyness there this is also an immigration here and you do not need to rhyme everything to my miss is a certain salty sweetness to my miss and we love each other right sweetie i put my hand on her knee she moves it off um i think meant in in looking up menchie's reviews i didn't realize i guess it's different that like salivating salivating for sure like drooling all over the computer um truly this morning i'm like i might i might get menchie's tonight like i remember menchie's being self-serve and i I guess not all frozen yogurt places are just so. Because a lot of the reviews...

Where isn't? Well, I think Pinkberry. Pinkberry is definitely not self-serve. I think Pinkberry is the one that's like, come on, guys. Let's get it. Let's get it. What other? There are some other ones.

Like Yogurtland might not be. 16 Handles is self-serve in Brooklyn, New York. I feel like a lot are. But a lot of the reviews I was finding were for them being like. Yogurtland is self-serve. Yogurtland is self-serve. In East Hollywood, California. So a lot of the reviews have been in COVID times of them being like, what the fuck? Like, this is self-serve.

No one's washing their hands. And also across the board for the reviews that I found in like peak, peak pre-vax COVID. They're like, no one's wearing a mask someone took off his mask to sneeze what the fuck and like so uh but anyway that has been the worst thing of like mask wearing is you you have to sneeze in your own eyes you do but it is insane i've seen so many people take it off to cough or sneeze i'm like so that's fully i do not do that but it sucks um but so have you elizabeth didn't know what menchies was because there are known in new jersey but have you ever had have you ever

took a little bite of a a menchie oh my god I licked a vagina no you didn't like a frozen yogurt cone that's fucking disgusting this is normal this is horrible let's get into the review

or did you tell me a normal thing not about how you went down on someone at a menchie's cause you didn't but tell me something normal about your experience with Menchie's. Tell me something normal, like frozen yogurt in a shop. Tell me something normal. No, that's where we would go to hang out with women. Girls, really, at the time.

You and some 30-year-old women. Because I was 12. Yeah. I wish. No, it was me and my friends at a yogurt shop kind of what you're describing some kind of weird outdoor mall um because i was too nervous to say hi to them in the halls let's just fucking i cannot believe you today i cannot believe you today ben p four stars from ben p men she's in the bronx man

obviously in the bronx you are on one today i have a blank street cafe and blank feet for Yefe. What? Blank feet for Yefe? I'm not wearing socks and I had a buddy in high school named Yefe. God. Okay. Ben P.

Ben Panklin. Ben Panklin. Bright four stars. Good frozen yogurt with an excellent variety of toppings. Only reason I didn't give it five stars is because I prefer ice cream. Hey, Gilroy. Can you come in here a second? What's up, Ray?

Listen, you're one of our best food editors. Oh, thank you. There's just one thing that I feel like I need to talk to you about. I think you know what it is. I can't say I... I know. Oh, is it the waffle write-up i did for the waffle house no

that one was great it was there's a part of that one but there's a part of every review you write i know you love italian food but you can't mark down every other cuisine restaurant only because it's not italian the only five-star reviews you get into local restaurants have been italian restaurants and then you give four star reviews to other good restaurants in the area but just saying the only reason you didn't get five stars is because it wasn't Italian that's sweet sweet yeah

that's sweet sweet Venetian meat that's usually the phrase I put in there that's what you said in the fucking Waffle House one so obviously you're going to Waffle House to get breakfast foods not pasta I feel like we are 100% on the same page. Then you're not hearing me. No, I am hearing you because I agree.

I do put that in my reviews. I put that I'm very, very honest. I'm very honest that the food's great. Even with that Thai place last week, some of the best noodles I've ever had. Great. Five stars then. Or four stars because there's something wrong with the Thai cuisine in the context of Thai cuisine.

No, no, no. There was nothing wrong with the Thai cuisine itself. It was more that it wasn't Italian. And so it's like, that's just for me. And it's like, you know how there's no, think of a sommelier, for instance. There's no wrong way to taste wine. Every palate's different, right? No one's going to taste anything the same exact way.

So in any food editor you hire, in any writer you hire, we're have different they're gonna all gonna have biases so that's just how you know it's like you know my personal brand is italian food and so it's like if i give you a place to write up you can have the best food in the world but it's never gonna be italian and that's fine so i feel like yeah it's great that you caught that great you pointed it out and i'll just keep doing what i'm doing cut to him uh with his like fiancee i love you so much sweetie i really do uh honey you're telling me i'm the only girl in the world for you of course you love me more than anyone ever i love you more than anyone ever you are the best i can't wait to share my life with you. I can't wait to start a family. God, the only thing, the only thing is I just,

and I know you can't change this, so that's why it's like it's not even a really big thing, but the only thing. It's like, you know, we all have things about our partners we wish that we could change. Why do you have to bring it up now? Just because I'm thinking about how much I love you. And I'm like, man, I'd love, it's like I love you unconditionally

and I love you more than I've ever loved anyone I would love you even more if you were Italian if I was Italian that's what I was worried you're gonna say but you can't change that like it's not your fault your dad is from Poland and your mom is from Argentina it's like you can't change that and that's fine I love that about you if cut to him shoveling snow hey neighbor can you believe this ice looks like it came down from the north that's some canadian ice right there it's so beautiful it sparkles yeah it does isn't it gorgeous i mean my god how lucky it's gotta be the most gorgeous ice in the world you know you would say that and that's fine that's your opinion um for me i've seen better. I've seen better ice is all.

And it's like, oh, God, I mean, it's gorgeous. No one can take that away. I mean, God, four stars, four stars for sure. Fifth star, it's not Italian ice. Italian ice is a dessert. Italian ice isn't caking the ground. Well, exactly. And that's the issue.

And that's the issue. God, could you imagine if some raspberry Italian ice was caking the ground right now? I mean, how much happier? It's like, you think this is beautiful? That would be beautiful and delicious. So it was like, can you? And we'd all just. The day would be so much better if the ice was Italian ice.

If my wife was from Rome. And if my life was not what it is now. I'm going to go inside my house. We're not close enough as neighbors. You brought it up. You brought it up. I said nice and ice. Hey, I smell.

Mrs. Making dinner in there. Yeah, she's making. She's making brown butter sage. Butternut squash ravioli damn right she is damn right she fucking is that's amazing my wife you get away from my house don't talk about my wife keep my wife's name out of your goddamn mouth no i'm just saying that it's like how lucky you are how lucky you are where's she from to know that kind of recipe where's she from he's already back inside where's she from where is she from she's from northern italy she's from oh the big boot of italy cake little sicily into the mediterranean sea is she from the boot or is she from sicily we we like zoom out just a little bit and see that like an american suburb house there's like the little

flagpole right by the door but instead of the American flag it's the Italian flag honey you know how a couple minutes ago I was telling you that I loved you more than anything in the world other than the fact that I was not Italian yeah I'm really upset about it still

Bill's wife is making a ravioli next door and you are making... What exactly? Pho? You're Korean. I don't know why you're so obsessed with Italian everything, by the way.

Like, it's fine to be an Italianophile or whatever it's called. But you're also not Italian. My car is a gucci fiat i'm out of here i hit the horn it's the it's the melody of that samore you're like they were clearly in San Francisco suburbs. Like time lapse of him driving towards a lake. It's Lake Tahoe.

God, isn't Tahoe beautiful, friend? Snow Lake Como. Snow Lake Como. I've never left the country. Right. Right. You've never been to Italy. I've been to Little Italy and I've been to Eataly

actually alright let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with some more I'm sorry to say but Menchie's reviews I'm sorry to say and we're back we are back we are back all three reviews i found are from the menchies and encino i couldn't stop reading them Okay, this is four stars. From Emily A.

Emily also toppings. Is that one word or hyphenated? Hyphenated. Emily also toppings. Four stars. Menchies Encino. My kids love Menchies and ask everyone when we leave the house this would be a great christmas gift for them hashtag menchies encino oh so you want a gift card um you know what i got the kids gift

cards for their stocking suffers last year and they loved it um what's your name sam oh sam truly they they loved it and like what a great you keep this store this flagship men she's so clean it's gorgeous the kids they tell me like oh it's not a flagship it's not a flagship one of hundreds this isn't a flagship are you kidding it's pristine this is like oh what we keep it clean for sure but it's like we're in encino okay well you should get a raise then sam you should get a raise for sure because like you run this like it's the flagship um regardless i'm not part of the janitorial staff regardless regardless regardless what a tight ship you run what a tight crew you run the gift cards are we're a great stepping stone um

i take out a checkbook how much for the gift card you can put anything on it Sam I don't think you're understanding me How much? And I like twirl my finger around the room You want to buy the store I want to buy Well the kids are in the car

They might be in earshot How much? How much? How much? Everyone has a number how much is how much everyone has a number Sam I'm just trying to get I don't own this I'm in high school you can franchise I think

I think it's a franchisable thing so you guys have to go to the Menchies website and like contact corporate and say hey I want to open a Menchies but you can't own this specific one, I don't think. I slowly start closing the doors. I lock it. I put a broom in between.

Sam. You don't have to lock it and Jerry Riggett. I don't think you're quite hearing me. And I tried to start easy. I know. I know. I'm leaning in with this. I know you have a lot of other sharks in the water.

I know there's a lot of competitors. I'm not looking to buy all of Menchie's. I'm looking to buy this store, this gorgeous location in Encino for my kids for Christmas. Do you want Santa to not come to our house this year? Is that what you're saying? I'm trying to tell you that I'm the wrong person to talk to about this. So you don't have to hold a knife to me. Oh, Sam, you are making this day

very hard. I might be late for my hot yoga, but it's worth it. Come with me. I bring you to a wall with a soft serve. What's your favorite flavor of frozen yogurt, Sam? I like birthday cake. Birthday cake. An excellent choice.

I kick your knees. I kick the box of your knees and you fall under. I put your head under. Of course! No! Handle. Sam. It's so dairy. Sam, you can have as much birthday cake as you want right now. It's freezing cold.

It really is frozen. It's falling all over your face. I'm gonna need you to give me a number, Sam. I really is frozen. It's falling all over your face. I'm going to need you to give me a number, Sam. I feel a fool. I'm going to need you. Sam, we can stop this at any time. It's probably like $800,000 or something. I'll let you go.

Oh, wow. That was a guess. I don't know or care. Sam, you... Call corporate and find out. $800,000. You will make my kids some very happy campers. I fold.

You give it to me? This is a check made out to my name. And Sam, it's been a pleasure doing business with you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you go, can you just... Sorry, can you just put... Because I think Menchie's corporate, like, this is what they want to see. I was playing coy with you.

I know everything. Can you just put on the memo cash gift? Cash gift? Is that what Menchie's likes to hear? It's like a code. It's like a code. Cash gift. Okay.

Just cash gift, and then it's yours for sure. Because I feel like that would go to you. No? No, it's a check made out to me Just cash gift, and then it's yours for sure. Because I feel like that would be, that would go to you. Mm-mm. No? No, it's a check made out to me, a cash gift, and then that's like a little joke. And then basically I'll give that to Minchies, and then you own it, for sure. Sam. Getting really close.

Are you lying to me? I don't even know how to lie. What is a lie, even? I only know yogurt and checks. I believe you. All right, cash gift to Sam from Menchies. Here you go, Sam. It has been the greatest honor of my life.

So I fully expect you to still be working here. I am now your boss. And my kids will be so happy to see you. Give me a call when the deal goes through so I can talk to Mr. Menchie. It should go through soon. And then just come here and I'll be here or not, probably, the latter. Cut to two weeks later. All right.

Here we go. Oh, this is weird. What's everyone doing in my All right. Here we go. This is weird. What is it? What's everyone doing in my store? I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. Sam, come here. What's going on?

I was really hoping you would not come in for two weeks. People are patronizing the store that you own, for sure. But why don't you go? You know, you don't have to be here. You own the place. I do. I run it. Well, I own the place, which is why I want to go? You know, you don't have to be here. You own the place. I do. I run it. Well, I own the place,

which is why I want to spend all my time here because my kids absolutely love it. They've been telling everyone nonstop. They're saying, we bought the Menchies on 4th Avenue.

The kids shouldn't go around yapping their mouths until like literally tomorrow afternoon when I'm not going to. I mean, when like it's, because the deal doesn't go through until tomorrow afternoon

or anything, actually. But, sorry, but you just said they're patronizing the store that I own. That you'll own, I said. That you will own. That you'll own. Everyone out! They follow.

What? Bars the door again. Sam. Do you want some more birthday cake? I don't want you to put birthday cake frozen yogurt all over my face. Then I need you to be honest with me right now. Do I own this Benji's? You do not.

But I'm a thousandaire. And it's not fraud, because you put on the memo cash gift. But clearly you have a ton of money, so it's fine. You wrote me a check for $800,000 and it cleared, which means that you have a ton of money. Afraid not. Your bank didn't flat. Really? That was everything I had.

That was every last penny. I'm so stupid. I try and do one nice thing for my kids. Their dad died a couple years ago and they said we want Menchies we want a Menchies and so I thought I can't give them their dad back but I can give them a Menchies

store because the birthday cake is on my face what if there was a way you could do both what are you talking about I don't know if you knew this about me, but the birthday cake thing was kind of like right down the line

of what I'm into sexually. You're obviously gorgeous, and to hear that you're a widow is amazing to hear. We do have the funds to buy the place, probably. We? We. Because I have the cash, but if you and I wed,

I think there'd be something in it for both of us. What's in it for you? I meant your store. Don't pity me, Sam. I can't take it. Finger under your chin. Hey. You're beautiful.

That's what's in it for me. The kids are boiling in a hot minivan outside. Everyone outside's watching. Waiting. Man and this woman, like, pour soft serve into each other's mouths. They all start to disperse. The kids are crying. It worked out.

What a beautiful couple they make. Ew. The kids rounding all the doors. Oh, boss. It's horrible. Cut to Hollywood executive's room. And I guess the why now is why not? And then you can make some of the characters like brown or something.

It doesn't matter. Jesus Christ. I know you guys love that shit. I guess the why now is why not. All right. Do you have time for one more review? Sure do. This is Sadie M.

Sadie Mockins Dance. Sadie Mockins Dance. Where did that come from? Thank you. It's like Sadie Hawkins Dance. Oh. Sadie Hawkins Dance. Sadie Mockins Dance.. Where did that come from? It's like Sadie Hawkins Dance. Sadie Hawkins Dance? In my khaki jance? There's nothing better, baby.

Do you like my weather? Okay, this is five stars. One of my favorite places. Same with my grandkids. So clean and organized. I was there one hour ago. OMG, there were other customers there too. Two mothers and five kids. Just, I was there were other customers there too. Two mothers and five kids.

Just, I was angry and I was laughing too. I feel bad for the sweet girl who was working there. Those kids were all over the store and two ladies talking and talking. And poor girl had to watch the kids and she was very calm. All ladies there are very polite and always smiling. From me to all the ladies, thank you. Sorry, can you read that one more time? I've never even asked you to do this.

It read like a dream. It reads like someone describing a dream that they had. They were angry and happy. One of my favorite places and my grandkids. So clean and organized. I was there one hour ago. OMG, there were other customers there too. Two mothers and five kids.

Just, I was angry and I was laughing too. What? I feel bad for the sweet girl that was working there. Those kids were all over the store and two ladies talking and talking and poor girl had to watch the kids and she was very calm. All the ladies there are very polite and clean and always smiling. From me to all the ladies, thank you.

Two detectives. It's just her story doesn't check out, Higgins. Well, come on, there's gotta be something in there. She said she was angry and laughing. Sometimes when people experience something really traumatic, different emotions come up. Just, I'm gonna go in and question her one more time.

Just try and get the story straight. Okay. Well, I'll be watching from the other side of the glass, so if you need anything, just let me know. Alright, Leanne. I'm gonna ask you one more time. What emotion were you feeling? And don't give me two. Officer, we've been in here for hours.

I don't know what else you want me to tell you. I was furious, and I've never laughed harder in my entire life. I just, I don't quite buy it, Leanne. Pulls the chair up backwards. What you're describing is a manic episode so how am i to trust your story that you were at a menchies and not at the scene of the murder right well i office you're saying you were angry and cackling officer i think you must have me confused with someone else all i was doing an hour ago i was at the menchies I was so frustrated but my god my abs were I think

I just gained an eight pack from laughing so hard and I was I was so angry I was what was even happening around my god well you wouldn't believe it you wouldn't believe it again I don't think I'm the person you're looking for I didn't even know there was a murder until an hour ago when you brought me in and said you're here because you may have been a key witness to a murder. I was a key witness to this poor high schooler. I think her name is Lily, working at the Menchies over on 5th and Birch. And my God, she's an angel. And she was watching these little ragamuffins run around the store.

And I was so upset, but I was having the best time. And next thing I know, squad car pulls up, shoves me in the back. I hadn't even gotten to pour the peanut butter topping on my vanilla soft serve. Why were you upset? You described people being around you and you were angry? People were. Listen, I don't get out. Because that's a motive.

I don't get out. That's potentially a motive. A motive. I don't get out. That's potentially a motive. A motive. Do you think someone like me, a copywriter who moved to LA from Seattle. Talking like you're in a Hallmark movie. 55. Weird age. No kids of my own.

But I have step kids because I found the most amazing husband. You think someone like me would ever murder? Um, no. So am I free to go? No, I mean, you're not being arrested. I just, I don't, at this point, I'm just trying to understand you. Because I'm one of the best detectives in the city.

And I can't understand who or what you are. I don't even think you did the murder at this point. I just need to get to the bottom of what you were feeling, why, where, and who. Budson. Hey, listen, Cole, you gotta let her go. Hey, unplug the thing. Bang on the glass. Lock the door.

You gotta let her. She's not. She has nothing to do with this. I'm going rogue. Oh, my God. Bring it back up. We need backup. Why were you upset and laughing? You gotta let her She's not She has nothing to do with this I'm going rogue Oh my god Bring it back up We need back up Why were you upset and laughing?

I was upset and laughing Because Because the women were Couldn't stop talking They were talking What is that? They were What is that?

They were talking non-stop And I was just I was trying to I was trying to Give myself the soft serve But they wouldn't stop talking This sounds like a fever dream This sounds like a fever dream And This sounds like a fever dream.

And in many ways it was, and I've never been happier. It's the biggest state of euphoria I've ever experienced in my life. Tell me why you, tell me you described it this way. I'm going through menopause. Tell me why.

I'm going through menopause. Menchies is the only place I can go and let my hot flashes run rampant. I can pour soft serve all over my flaming hot body. Then I can get some peace and quiet for once in my days, once in my days, you know, and to have people laughing and talking around me. I mean, my God, I love to see it. And it makes me furious. It makes me furious. So you know what? I didn't do the murder you're talking about, but I was this close to cutting the throats of those two ladies who were talking and talking

because I loved hearing their voices so much. They banged down the door. Ma'am, go get out of here. Go, go, go, go. Officer Cole, you're under arrest. I didn't even know what menopause was. I still don't really understand. They're cuffing you. I have more know What menopause I still don't really Understand what it is They're cuffing you I have more questions Oh yeah I get that You have more questions

Tell it to the judge That's alright Cut to you in court Alright And your honor I'm down for the sentence I just like What even is menopause

It's like the Like women are dying Inside or something Um This feels like A very inappropriate Question for the courtroom So uh We can talk after No don't pause it's like the like women are dying inside or something um this feels like a very inappropriate question for the courtroom so uh we could talk after no you will be going to jail immediately after we will not have time to talk

so what happens is like when women hit a certain age that's when it starts to go down so it's not what age though 55 i just don't fully get it that's all you don't need to man you don't need to yeah i know because by the time yeah what by the time i get out of here like all the women that my age will be like 60 something and it'll be over right what will be over menopause menopause sorry i don't mean to get upset i just like menopause why do you care so much man it's nothing to do with you i don't know i just like knowing shit this sucks this sucks because like now i'm it's just setting in that i'm in fucking prison there you go i was so fixated on the menopause and now I realize where I am. This sucks.

What's crazy, I actually heard rumors about you. They said you were only gonna get a five-year sentence, but because you couldn't stop talking about menopause, you're in here for life, man. Yeah, I got like 90 counts

in charges of contempt of court. I was so fixated. It sucks. Yeah, it sucks. Prison's the worst. It's lights out. We know it sucks, man! We know it sucks! You gotta stop!

Sorry! I'm curious about shit. You guys seen Shawshank? Everyone escapes, but they leave You guys seen Shawshank? Everyone Everyone escapes but they leave you behind They all do it in the night Guys? Hello?

Hey What is a hot flash by the Guys? After all of us I've never had that Of course you have hello they've closed

the prison down but nobody told them the guards were like fucking leave him behind man that dude sucks that dude sucks alright

should we do our last segment oh yeah this shook me all All right. Should we do our last segment? Oh, yeah. This shook me all week long. I have my wine test on Sunday. So today's Thursday the 17th. I have my wine test on Sunday. But that's actually not what's shaking me. What's shaking me is at the beginning of the pandemic, got a Nintendo Switch, downloaded Pokemon, played it for a couple weeks. Then I just like life happened. Stop playing it

really. Now, because I've been procrastinating studying and i will do literally anything to procrastinate i've cleaned the whole house i need to organize my desk but i've i have read i've like cleared all the data from pokemon and i'm starting over now and uh i love it because god i love creatures i just love a creature so literally any pokemon doesn't matter like it's like if you're playing a game or something it's like if something exciting happens you know you'll show something like oh my god look at that literally anytime a pokemon comes on screen i'm like daniel look he's like i know i know i'm like it's so cute and he's like look he's like actually doing something important i'm like look a lulu and he's like yeah look he's like actually doing something important i'm like look a lulu

and he's like yeah you've shown me 10 of them they're the same everywhere man so that's just it i love a creature and yeah um oh and i finally saw spider-man no way home and it was very very fun and i am not like a huge marvel fan but I really enjoyed it I can't wait for the Robert Pattinson Batman oh Batman yeah I don't know damn it fuck why do I suck you don't suck it's just like moments it's like not you as a whole it's just like moments it's almost worse I know and I. I ran so far away. Ran three miles over the weekend. Really? And I hate running.

I hate running, too. Foot's injured. Really? Sorry, the foot is injured a little bit. A little? Oh, Jeff, how? That's why running's bad, because A, it oftentimes burns muscle, muscle and b it's high impact so like recovery takes a while that's why like walking why did you run three miles it was a really nice

day on saturday uh and i just kind of wanted to give it a shot so you just ran three miles yeah nice roosevelt island style um i don't know You see a lot of people running in New York. It looks cool. So I wanted to be part of something. I get that. And my buddy AJ, he has been running with my friend, his friends really. I don't know him very well. Andrew and Ben in Koreatown at the Koreatown Running Club in LA. And so when I come back, I'm going to do that because they do like three miles.

And so I kind of want to be part of something, a community, really. So now you're about to running. The what? Got it. But yeah, I guess I might try running a little bit. I tried running in college and then I tried running at the beginning of the pandemic. Hated it both times. It's not for me i also have bad knees so it definitely is not for me in terms of the high impact of it all oh i got in a fender

bender the other day right yeah i'm fine i had whiplash it was like it's one of those things welcome welcome welcome to the club. I've been in three. This was not my first. It was the most minor thing I've ever been in. My worst car accident was like four years ago. Um, but, Oh,

I remember that. That was fucked up. You should have gotten money from that. Um, this one was really, really small. It was like, it was also, it was so minor.

And also the other driver, he was very nice. Neither of us knew whose fault it was. It was like, it was, it all happened very quickly. Did you even report it to insurance? Um, yeah, that's great. But, uh, I was like, I'm fine. And Elizabeth was like it was it all happened very quickly did you even report it to insurance um yeah that's great but uh i was like i'm fine and elizabeth was like you should go to

urgent care because like you're fine now because the adrenaline but you might have whiplash later i'm like no it was so small i'm not gonna whiplash and literally like an hour later i'm like my back is in immense pain and no breaks or anything but but I definitely had whiplash. I'm fine now, which is good. That's good. Damn. Well, I hope it doesn't happen again. I don't know if that's true. Yeah, there it is.

How? I'm on a motorcycle. I kill myself. Jesus. All right. Should we thank some VI podcasts? I think so. It sucks.

This isn't what's shaking me, but I'd love to hear everybody's feedback, especially Canadians. I want to get into hockey. Not playing it. This is his new thing. Watching it. It's his new thing. I don't know who to root for because Cleveland doesn't have

a team. I don't likeumbus i don't feel uh bond with it at all um and so the teams that i'm considering are the la kings because i can obviously watch them anytime but i've heard that they're an annoying franchise to be a fan of and i could definitely see that um the montreal canadians the new york rangers the detroit red wings and the toronto maple leafs these are the options i'm sorry to even say but uh these are the teams that i'm deciding betweens and i want to know from hockey fans who should i root for and if there's someone on that list that isn't on the list, that should be, and that was a good way to phrase it,

let me know, and I'll know who to root for. Our next Zardy theme is hockey. Hockey, yeah. It's tomorrow, so it'll already have passed. Our Canadian patrons are looking forward to it for sure. Yeah.

Let's thank some V.I. podcasts speaking of Zardys. Big thank you to underscore christian side hugs around the shoulder only erin agent michael scarn discovered deviant art and there's some interesting content on there something is stirring inside aggie a co has for real got shit going on and she doesn't appreciate't appreciate the fucking poison some unnamed haters are spreading. No one's spreading anything. No one's talking about Ako.

She does this all the time where she tries to create buzz, and there is none to be had. Alex, wait. And now a patron needs no introduction, so moving on. Austin, not like Texas TV, a.k.a. Butt-Putt McFart, can't wait for the next Zardy because I'm well lonely. Bob Buell or something. No, come on. No, a.k.a. Butt-Putt McFart, can't wait for the next Zardy because I'm well lonely. Bob Buell or something. No, come on. No, that's fine. Cam just got bought by the New York Times but will remain free for existing users, baby.

Can we please hurry this up? I have to shit so bad. Chuck. Claire Penis. That's my favorite. Cluff. Cockroach infestation in my residence hall. Send sleep.

Colin. Daddy Tuesday night came for the wagon and stayed for the shankles. That's Jeff's skinny ankles. Sorry, the skankles. That's Jeff's skinny ankles. Damien Kirk, but I prefer to think of him as a dog named Colgate. Fancy octopus. Fria.

Fria no cry love. Garf, enemy of the pod. Ow, ow, ow, owie. My little wet mouth is full of piping hot macaroni. Gail DeSoil, bring it up the middle. Gray got food poisoning from a Philly cheesesteak that Jeff forced down his gullet. Greg Berg, Greg Berg, Greg Berg, Greg Berg, Greg Berg. It's Greg Berg a lot.

It's hard to say. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from HeyRid Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? Hot hung wolf. I deserve to be with somebody as Chyna as me. Somebody this. I literally only subscribe to Forrest Jeffrey and Riley's Hey Trans. Ride 6-0-X-0. I'm starting to think Pete Bradford's legendary theme song probably went in our spam folder.

In a very real sense, TR. Isaac Puff. Jake Ullman. James Wagner didn't realize how unfunny he was until he blinked on names after two weeks of bad jokes. New patron. James Impancia imagines a pork so pulled and a salmon so chowdered it can only be the

smoke and time on Main Island. Disgusting. Jesse Tipton. JP again. Nope, not reading his until he sends that theme thong he's been teasing. He did send it. Caleb is now 21 and very ready to get absolutely zoinked on this. Zoinked at this already. Casper. Lauren Mullane.

Lord Hunter the Ordained. Macaulay Sulkin. So it's Macaulay Culkin but he's sad and being quiet about it. Maggie. Malik Pree. Sorry. I just Malik. Mariska Hargitaylor Swift. Oh my god.

Mark Priest. Michael Begel. Moe Pete is saving the Hollywood industry one crafty table at a time. Mona Moore Raquel. Pause for applause. Thank you. Nate Forteus was quite literally the first to say it's a good day to have a Ganser. Nolan Murphy lost his life savings betting on the Red Sox to win the Super Bowl.

Turns out it's not even a basketball game. Orange, you glad it isn't Howie? Phoebe. Quack. Robert Fridge. Sarah Kildiff. So what, is this like a job now? You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year?

Terms and conditions apply. God, this is horrible. This is... Jesus Christ. This isn't anyone's Patreon name. i just want to say fuck the poor that's so fucked that's so horrible and this one's not even a page dj michael little webbing walk well world heavyweight champion connor finnigan don't Michael. Little Web and Walk Wella. World Heavyweight Champion Connor Finnegan.

Don't laugh. It's not a joke. I need this. Wow. Corned Beef really is our coolest, tallest patron and I really missed him at the January Zardy. www.jeffreyjames.com was taken.com was taken.com And Yaro Bouchard.

Gracias to everybody. My God, what a week. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff if you want access to a bunch of fun stuff, including Zardes, which is my favorite part of it. And if you want to find Jeff on Instagram, you can find him at Jeffrey Jameson on Twitter

at Jeff Boyardee and Reddit r slash review review and review review show on Twitter and review review on Instagram. And if you want to find Riley on socials at Riley on Instagram, at Riley and spot on Instagram at Riley coyote on Twitter and I'd like to plug my

tick tock I'm going to try and start making more tick tock very funny it is at I am Jeffrey James but I might change it to Jeff Boyardee right now let's see if they have it just just because for consistency at least two of my things yeah here we go it's not available that's fucking

crazy uh so yeah it's at i am jeffrey james i'm sorry i'm sorry you guys we'll see you next time thank you for listening barbiva dare cheese that was a hit gum original