Review Revue - Museum of Sex

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly read reviews on the Museum of Sex and learn a few things about hygiene, success, and game development.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Quiet moment alone

To let the day sink in Jerry Buzman's fall Before the ceremony begins And it might seem a little strange But the wedding is the only way Walking down the aisle together hand in hand Giving each other away like they'd always planned

And it might seem a little strange But double wedding is the only way. Riley said Daniel when he asked. And Jeff took some railroad tracks. Together they'll wed, but before they do, they welcome you to Review Review. What was the last lyric? Riley to Daniel when he asks, and Jeff to some railroad tracks.

Together they'll wed, but before they do, they'll welcome you to Review Review. The double wedding, just like we've always planned. I can't wait for us to give each other away. Why am I married to steel? Why am I married to steel?

I imagine us giving each other away is just like an endless thing of like, after you. No, please. No, you. No, come on. I'm giving you away. No, not until I give you away. Instead of man of steel,

it's bride of steel. Jeff, will you take these tracks to have and to hold? Even the way you're saying that, this is crazy that I'm doing this. I don't even really want to, but thanks for coming. Shout out to Malcolm Hale for that one. it's a cover of neon trees's uh versions of you um that

was beautiful and our double wedding is going to be the event of the season i can tell you that for fucking we're not doing a double wedding i know you don't want that maybe i wouldn't do it with anybody that's her day it's my day it's i hate when they say it's the bride's day it's everyone's it's everybody's day it's everyone's day grandparents day no you know i think so but they're not getting wed i mean that's true but like the partnership is already strong with this one i think it's like it's really a dog and pony show for the grandparents no i think it's like i think it's a celebration of like getting a community together who has like been like supporting and like loving of the relationship and like just honoring that. I don't know. I fucking love a wedding.

Easy. Anyone, could you invite me to your weddings? I haven't been to a wedding in a minute and I really love a wedding. I also can officiate a wedding. I have a certificate that says I can do that. So truly, this is a call to action. If anyone wants me to marry them, like to help you marry your partner, I can do that, which sucks, but I can.

So if you want me- What part of it sucks? No, I'm saying it sucks for you. I'm thrilled. It sucks that I am allowed to marry someone. So if you want me to marry you, and if you're getting married soon, I would fucking happily do it. Like, this is not even a joke. If you want me to marry you- Would you're getting married soon i would fucking happily do it like this is not even a joke if you want me to marry you would you travel for it i would travel for it i would travel crazy i

would a hundred percent marry someone i've never done a relationship and you're not gonna know anyone at the wedding i feel like the only way the only reason to do this is to go to a wedding where you could hook up with someone oh no no i wouldn't travel just to go to the wedding i would travel to officiate. And then go home after that? Oh, I'd stay at the wedding because then that day's about me. The day's about me officiating. I love, I love, love, I love a wedding.

Jeff, we recorded an episode not even 45 minutes ago. What's changed since then? Actually, a lot. Really? Not a lot changed, but something came in the mail. It's a cat. Pretty excited about it.

It's a live animal. I'm pretty fucking excited. Easy. No, speaking of weddings, it's a ring. Oh my God. No, that's a joke. But we'll get to it. We'll get to it.

Oh my God. I'm waiting on my breath. You had an egg. You had an egg on toast. I had an egg on toast and a soup that was too spicy for me. So my mouth is burning. But I had a hob knob to kind of even it out. So it was a nice little biscuit sweet treat for meat.

It was a vegetarian lunch. So there was no meat. So I got a new car last august and uh the temporary plates went and were good until like late november which is when i went to new york and nobody was driving my car so i was like i'll just figure it out when i get back when i get back in march i finally reach out to the dealer i'm like hey the license plate and registration never came and he was like yeah i meant to reach out to you uh that was actually a lie he reached out to me like eight times um but he was like yeah you're a really hard person to get a hold of and i was like sorry i was in new york i just thought i'd

deal with it when i got back he's like you have to weigh your truck and you have to get uh a vin verify thing which i've done the vin verification thing before but the weighing of the truck was new so i had to drive to um downy and weigh my truck on a truck scale oh my god anyway long story short uh i did that like five weeks ago and then finally texted him over the weekend i was like hey i still haven't got my plates like i did everything do you have if you heard anything and then on monday he sent me a photo of the plates in a package saying mailing today um and i still haven't gotten them which it's only i mean it's thursday but i'm um i really wanted to get them before i go to the

grand canyon tomorrow oh my god that's right that's tomorrow are you excited yeah i'm really excited i'm 24 so i couldn't rent the van uh the person i'm going with had to rent it uh but it was under my outdoorsy account so more clerical stuff i had to uh get them to verify their id and stuff today uh by signing into my outdoorsy account but i think we're all set and now the issue becomes what are we gonna fucking do when we're there where are we gonna park right uh are you staying in the van? We have a campsite for Saturday. Yeah, we are. Okay. That's really exciting. The Grand Canyon is amazing.

Yeah. We were talking about it, though. I'm like, this is the... You only do this once, I feel like. Maybe twice, but I don't see myself going. I would like to go back. I went when I was a kid. I remember it being awesome, but I also remember being a kid and not really being as much interested in hiking as i am now and so i was just like all right i saw it time to go but now i'd

actually like to go back and and do long walks did you do antelope canyon no that is a hike i've always wanted to do but it's another two and a half hours away from the south rim of the grand canyon and it's like an eight and a half hour drive to get there tomorrow. So we're going to see how we feel. But like I just I really want I don't know if it's worth another two and a half hours. That's five hours round trip on the day. You could also do that another time. Yeah, but either way, I'm going to have to do that drive.

Yeah. So I think we should do it. Or not. Also, the van is like really cool. So I think we should do it. Or not. Also the van is like really cool. It's like a sprinter van. Send photos. I want to see. Yeah, I'll send you the outdoorsy link.

Well, or I'll just, I'll just take photos tomorrow. Cool. Anyway, what's new? Anything else happen? In the 45 minutes since we have, we are banking episodes because I'm going to be gone for a month.

So in the 45 minutes that I haven't been talking to you, I saw some good TikToks. I burned my mouth with Thai spice. I'm fucking sorry. That's kind of

honestly it. But I was finding reviews for today's topic, which- You know what else is hot? Yeah. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about the museum. Museum of sex in New York. Um, I really want to go.

I've never been. Yeah. Even looking at the reviews, it looks... Sorry. You're a Puritan. Suddenly, yeah. Suddenly.

I want to go. It looks awesome. It looks educational. It looks interesting. It looks fun. Yeah. Have you been? No.

I really want to go though. I almost went when I was in New York but it's just one of those things that it's like you have to like plan it. I'd rather have sex than go to the museum and sex. But I do want to go. It looked like they were

what I appreciated in at least the reviews of it is that it talks about their different floors of like history of are different floors of, like, history of sex. Then also diving into, like, the history of sex trafficking and sexual violence and, like, examining that. And what seems to be, hopefully, I've been, like, a pretty respectful and educational way. And then also showing, like, sex in media, sex in advertising, and then the fun parts of sex, too. And, like, they have a whole um i think it's called like super fun land it's like a full like immersive carnival experience and all those games

it just it sounds really cool um i i love like i i just love very like sex positive stuff so that it's um it just seems really awesome but you think sex is dirty inherently shh don't even say it don't say your opinion on it or don't double hockey sticks tilted to each other sell sell no the's, the sticks are kind of. Selt. Yeah. Yeah, it didn't work. Excessive double hockey sticks tilted to each other. What two adults, you have to be 18.

Obviously you have, never mind. I meant two people both under the age of 18 never mind I meant like everybody should wait till they're 18 to have sex with a consensual partner who they love never mind that was a joke forget it Jeff hashtag Jeffrey James is over party

I had sex when I was 17 for the first time alright it was a beautiful experience. Shout out. And you haven't had it since then. I know. That was more of a question. It's just hard because you don't want to waste

because you only have, what, nine virginities? Not a cat. Really? Yeah. Then why does everybody say pussy? I thought that was because you could only have sex with nine different people. No. You can have sex with however many people you want.

Then what am I doing recording a podcast? You're like, this changes everything for me. I got to go call, like 40 people um who i love i'm in love with the 40 different people should we get into it sex style do you want to start us off yeah okay here we go here we go here we go here we go this is five stars from susan m susan mound susan mound five stars the sex toy store is on the main level with a bunch of pervy items to look at such as souvenirs candy, candy, toys, lingerie, etc. They were all reasonably priced. Upstairs is the museum on two or three floors. They are all adding, they're still adding exhibits. Don't go too fast. That's what she said. Because once you leave, you can't go back.

My favorite was the history of video porn. We were all laughing at how the actor seemed to be racing through the whole act as if it was a marathon. I always thought slow and thorough was the way to do it. There was also a section about music and sex. The final section was a sex arcade with pervy games and stuff to touch and feel. Want to feel a nipple? There's one mounted to the wall. Fun time.

It spent about two hours here. It's my last name. Why don't you guys think that the best name for this video company isn't Pervy Games? Dude, if you have to ask, I don't know how else we can explain it to you. We need something that's going to be family friendly and fun.

You have to see the connotation, Max. My dad, Wilhelm Pervy, opened an amusement park, all right? And it was Purvey Park. Right. Nobody in Wichita had an issue with it. Is that true? No, there were a couple protests, but ultimately it stuck.

Listen, we love your games. We love your ideas. We think you are such an innovative thinker and creator and artist. That being said, we cannot use your last name for pervy games. That's just, wait, we cannot do it. What do you want? You want Lucas Games? That sucks.

That's fine. Yeah, it's fine. I want it to be good. Okay, well, don't talk about Todd Lucas like that. He's here. He's been a partner for a long time. Hey, come on, man talk about Todd Lucas like that. He's here. He's been a partner here for a long time. Hey, come on, man. It's just my name. He didn't mean it.

He didn't mean it. I don't like how sexual he is. What? He's always sexual. Todd is sexual? Yes. You haven't seen me outside the office. See? That's a threat.

I don't feel like that's a threat. I felt like a weird brag i don't know that being said listen listen listen we're a team okay we're a team we have some of the best games coming up on the market right now and we just can't have that being risked by coming out into the market as pervy games i actually wanted to talk about some of the titles of the games i'm sure you did instead of fun fun run i thought it could be kind of like coy and like uh a little cheeky if it was called fun buns run because the uh the little the little frog sort of has a dumper okay so i thought

that you just wanted to name it after, you know, your namesake. No. Good so far. Now the names are a little bit sexual. No. But the games inherently are not sexual. So the thing I think you're trying to sway this. And there's nothing wrong with sex.

I'm very sex positive. I have sex with my wife. I think that. What? Nothing. What? We're at work. You're the one who wanted to name a fun buns run because the truck, the frog had a.

I can't even say it. He said that the frog had a dumpy. Yeah. See? No, he's saying what you said. I'm just saying what you said, man. You said the frog had a dumpy. I.

If anyone's at fault, it's the animators. All right? Why give a frog an ass that doesn't quit? Dude. If you're not going to call it Fun Buns Room. Fun what? What was that? Fun Buns Run.

My tongue kind of got caught between my teeth. See? What did he do that? He said again. Todd is only saying what you say i swear to god todd comes in with this like it's like he just had sex every time he came to the office i can like feel the pheromones and it makes me really uncomfortable don't talk about my pheromones man come on we don't need to bring it to that place okay let's just move on what what other games do you take issue with?

What about our cooking game? There can't possibly be another way to call it. Too many cooks in the kitchen? Too many cooks, that's right. Too many cooks, colon, in the kitchen. I think it should be... You're not going to like this, but I think it should be too many cocks.

Right. Because they're making chicken all the time in that game. That's the main thing that you're trying to cook. They work at a fried chicken restaurant. Yes, of course they're going to be making chicken. Correct. Too many cocks. No. Listen, man.

We don't want to be a sexual game company. Because people see that. They're going to think we're a pop-up game on a porn site or something. And that's not what we want to do. We want to make fun, family-friendly games. You know, it's essentially like fun, fun, fun run is like Frogger. And too many cooks is just kind of like cooking mama. We're talking about sex positivity, right?

Sure. What about healthy conversations around sex for children? Like as you're growing up, you get to learn about your own body. You get to be open. Like no shame. I'm down for all of that, but not in what we're doing. I think if you want to go off and make your own games then that's fine but also if you are if you're campaigning for sex positive body educational things don't call it pervy games all right that's

my name you it's do you you have to know you have to know that it's like, it's a bad look, man. It's a bad look. I've never been so insulted in my life. That can't possibly be true. All right, Todd, don't kick him while he's down. He's negging me. I don't like this. It's not going to work, Todd.

You do kind of like it. I know what you like, Max. Todd. Todd, what the fuck? Whatever. do kind of like it I know what you like Max Todd what the fuck whatever no I like it now because he's showing interest in me don't giggle alright let's do fun run run let's do too many cooks

yes great we will be doing that there was never an argument we were never gonna switch to fun run and too many cocks let's just do this. Let's do those original names. And then, Todd, why don't we do like a hibachi on Friday or something? I mean, I might have to move a few things around. I'm a busy guy.

Yeah, you are. I bet you are. What the fuck is going on right now? Leave your office. What are you... My God. Hey, come on. Why don't you give us a minute?

Quiet confidence. He has like a quiet confidence. Okay. We're not done. We're not done here. Okay? We'll finish up later. I'll tell you when we finish up.

Todd will let you know. And you'll say thank you, Todd will let you know. You'll say thank you, Todd. You are both fired. Of course! Yes, we know! I thought you'd never say that. I've really been waiting a long time to hear that. Severance, Severance

awaits us there. PurveyGames.com PurveyGames.com Jeff, would you like to read your review yeah let's take a quick break thank some sponsors and us as the sponsees

and I'll be the concierge to our sponsors that's really good And we're back. I felt like as a concierge, I was able to give our sponsors a lot of recommendations and things to do in the city. And you were eating a financier. I was eating a financier

while I talked to the sponsors as the concierge. Five stars from Mariah M. Mariah Mary. Mariah Mary. Five out of five. I didn't want to have too many pictures in the review as that may ruin the surprise effect of the museum. But that aside, my boyfriend and I had such a good time here.

Getting tickets was easy as we ordered them online from our home. We arrived with no issues, checked in, and went into the fully interactive building. Lights, camera, and all the action you could imagine. And all sex-related. There's even a bar included. A great time indeed. Lots of pictures, videos, and memories. This gave me the same energy as like a couple at like a dinner party and like they're just like bragging about their sex life or their life. No, and we like, we're so adventurous, right? I mean, I don't know about you guys.

Oh my God. No, come on. We don't have to share all of the dirty laundry. Oh, I mean, we do share dirty laundry. What? You guys share dirty laundry? Well, sometimes. Yeah, I'll wear his boxers after he's quartered when I'm a run. This is an excellent branzino you made, Margaret. Yeah, the branzino you made margaret um it was really yeah the branzino is great and so is wearing your partner's um soiled linens um yeah thank you guys so much is the new recipe

it's a new york times recipe that i tried sorry i think that was a bone um so how's work been have you ever worn your ex's pants when you're still together did you guys break up wait what we we did like a role play where we he like yelled at me and like i said get out and then he let he got out and then when he came back it was like makeup sex and also we use makeup during sex a lot. We'll reuse mascara brushes. We'll share powder things. Basically, anything that you're not really meant to. Yeah, I think definitely sharing mascara brushes, that leads to a lot of...

I have five styes on my eye. So that explains the size i think well you know you can make anything sexual have you ever incorporated styes with your guys no really um liza the the olive oil cake that you brought is really out of this world. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I really it's again, New York Times cooking recipe. It's amazing.

As long as we're talking about out of this world. Imagine a NASA spacesuit bought at auction. And you know what astronauts do? They soil themselves. No, Derek did wear... Is that true? What's that? Are astronauts famous for pissing themselves?

I think they wear diapers. I think they do end up wearing diapers. I'm going to Google this. I'm actually going to Google do astronauts. Oh, it's true. Oh. do astronauts oh it's true oh so we had sex in um in in like an old space suit that had been ruined um and i was ruined after that derrick uh really got up in there and um i feel like the vibe of the room has gotten sour and i don't know what happened was it the branzino because you know it could have been there's there are a lot of bones in here i'm sorry it was my first time filleting a fish and so no no it's um uh listen uh peter uh we consider ourselves

obviously this frankly we've known each other for years right you know it's like we consider ourselves to be a pretty sex positive group i think great um so there should be no problem no there's no problem i feel like it's just um not to i never want anyone to feel kink shamed i don't want to yuck your yum um but i think there there is uh there are certain conversations that might not be ready for the for the dinner table oh sorry i'm getting a call okay hello hey yeah dr uh. Farnsby. So the biopsy came back? I think he made up that name.

Yeah, no, he definitely made up that name. Oh, really? No, yeah, it still hurts to blink. Yeah, and the rash from the, yeah, the rash from the spacesuit's getting worse. It's turning sort of a purple. Oh, my God. um okay so just keep using yeah the steroid cream and then and that there's no peter can you take this conversation all right

thank you love you bye love you um i there's a possibility that in the next two weeks i won't be able to blink for a year um and in terms of the rash that is on my ash from the space suit, it is following suit in terms of being soiled. The I have bacterial infections in my gums, my ass, my eyes, my hair follicles. And I think I also have. A really good time with Derek Peter I think we should talk not now because we're still eating I think we should talk about like safe sex and by safe sex I mean like ways to have sex where you don't get five styes per eye and a rash that won't quit I'm not getting it i think there are ways to have fun and also take care of yourself like stay healthy and have fun experimental sex in a space suit

how do you guys stay clean when you fucking space suits i don't understand what i did wrong i don't think it was i i feel like i could speak for the group uh there's like 10 other people here but i feel like i could speak for the the group um when i i think you guys are pretty adventurous i can't say that i have ever fornicated in a space suit before um so i wouldn't know but you know what i bet there are i bet there might be a community for that i bet there are plenty of people who have and so maybe you guys try looking for safer ways to do that that won't leave you with with a a rash on your ash you said it was it was on my ash but i just checked again and it's also reaching my gash. All right.

Yeah. Well, I always know when I overstay my welcome. No, no, no, Peter. No, no, no. Peter, we- Fuck you guys. Whoa, Peter, what the fuck? Yeah, right? Why was I so mad?

No, I'm not actually that mad. Just like, this really hurt my feelings, I guess. We're trying to help you, Peter. It doesn't feel like that. We love how vocal you are about your sex life. We love hearing about all the ways that you're able to enjoy your body and your other people's bodies. I think there's a way to do that that doesn't leave you with pus coming out of your eyelids. I didn't say pus.

I never said there was pus. We can see the pus. I can't. Exactly. Because I can't say puss. I never said there was puss. We can see the puss. I can't! Exactly! Because I can't open my eyes! So we're just trying to be good friends to you, okay? Maybe clean the spacesuit next time. Maybe

don't share mascara wands. Maybe you guys can get a mascara wand each. Does that make sense? We're just trying to help you we love you sorry i didn't hear any of that i was thinking about this time that yeah derek sort of harpooned me really what oh my god with his cock with okay all right All right. That's fine. On a boat. Oh, nice. That's it. Oh, nice. Oh, cool.

Your next review. Okay, the hills are alive with the sound of boinking. What do you think the worst innuendo for having sex is? I think it's porking. I was about to say porking. What do you think the worst innuendo for having sex is? I think it's porking. I was about to say porking.

That and slamming gash. Porking is the worst to me. It's so... Alden Dirk, when he wrote the Sex Criminals song, that Daniel and I did that. Jeff was also in the music video before. There's a whole like the end of the song is just daniel and i singing like the crosby and nash of smash in the

gash the like it just oh fuck i'm forgetting the rest of them but it's so it's so fucking funny all the innuendo's he puts on there it's very very, very good. Okay. This is from Maria V. Maria Vag. Maria Vag. Three stars. Eh. It's fun if you go with friends. Not really worth the amount of the ticket.

Some fun games at the end. Some cool photo ops, but otherwise, eh. Gift shop had some fun items, but otherwise I'm sure you can get your vibrators from other sources i just love this knowing that it's like it is a museum and that it's like not learned anything that's like i mean i could get a vibrator anywhere right i could go to a sex store and get a vibrator so i don't really see right the point isn't really to buy vibrators at this place by the way but you sell kind of

novelty yeah they're like novelty vibrators and i'll agree they're overpriced it's just like you probably go to the pleasure chest or go to you know anywhere else really if you want a high quality vibrator okay so as but i'm saying like as the clerk here you are you are downplaying your own product so that's why i'm just like what's what are you doing buy anything i don't work off commission i don't buy my sex toys here i buy them at this pleasure chest oh my god oh my so you agree like the vibrators here suck yes but what i disagree with is the fact that you came here to buy a vibrator i think that's um not what you should have done i don't understand you walk in the first thing you see is like a whole store so So if that's not, then why else am I here? That's a gift shop at a museum.

Where do you get your clothes? It's a gift shop at a museum? There's a whole museum if you keep going through that door. You didn't go to the museum? The Museum of Sex, I just felt like, oh, it's a fun name for a shop. Where do you get your t-shirts from? Where do you buy your clothes? You know the Museum of

Natural History, the shop? That's what I was worried about. So yeah, that's why you're wearing all shark merch because there's, yeah they have that exhibit. I have dinosaur socks but you can't see them under my pants. Right. Nice. I'm just saying, at least we're talking about something.

Where do you get your clothes? Wait, let me see your name tag. Toby, Where do you get your clothes? Wait, let me see your name tag. Toby, where do you get your clothes? Mostly thrift stores. Oh. Which are clothes stores, specifically. Oh. Right.

Okay. Well, what? Well, where do you get your groceries then? Because, listen, the MoMA has a cafe at the bottom, and so often I can pick up, like, five sandwiches that'll get me through, like, the better part of a week. a week right there cafe even if you don't know about the museum don't go grocery shopping at a cafe right what do you mean don't know about a museum that's the moma cafe it's the name of the cafe you know I really don't need this all right what I wanted was to have a normal

day at work and then I was gonna go home and stream movies on Netflix, all right, which is how I watch movies. Wait, you can stream movies from home? Yeah. Oh, my God. That could have saved me so much money. Okay. You took your wallet out.

I can see it now. There's a card for the Museum of the Moving Image. Nice. It's been a mix of that and, like, oh, oh my god the movies that i see in the back of taxis on like the little tvs they have in there like i feel like they need to change it up a little bit but i've been seeing there's been a lot of great that's not a movie that's not a movie it's usually like advertisements about the city of new york there's no way that wherever you move from this is how people did shit. I just moved here and I feel like such a city mouse, country mouse and a big apple. That's fine.

That's fine. I'm from Boise, so that's... I've made it happen. You can make it happen. I don't know why I'm giving you a pep talk, but you'll be fine. Just don't get things that you need, necessities from museums. I have to ask, where do you live? Do you live in an apartment?

Do you live in a loft? Do you live in a townhome? Shaking heads. Right, right. That's what I was worried about. Are you subleasing? Are you staying with a friend? Please tell me it's any of these options.

There's so many ways that you could have a normal place to live. I'm wondering where you rest your head at night. There's an architecture museum a couple blocks away and they have um they have an exhibit that's kind of like what did a farmhouse from the 1800s look like and so that's kind of where i'll rest my i won't say anything but just so you know you will get in trouble if you continue to do that well i don't know i don't know what to do i don't't know what, you know, I feel like a country mouse amongst a bunch of city rats. And I don't know.

Country mouses don't live at museums. They don't go grocery shopping at cafes. They probably farm or do, you know, they live at a house that they probably can own because it's cheaper.

I get it. What was the, oh, I don't think you do, but let's hear what you think. You're saying I should move back. You're saying I can't cut it in the big city. You're saying I could never be a rat like you. That's what you're saying. Ouch.

That really hurt my feelings, actually. No, I mean a city rat. Because you understand the beating pulse of this big apple. You understand what it takes to make it here. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Well, you know what? I get that New York is a hard city to live in, but usually the adjustments that people need to make are the prices

or the subway, learning the subway lines, getting used to everybody's rough temper out here. It's not where to get groceries or how to get an apartment. Well, if I'm here, can I at least see the museum? I only work at the gift store. If you want to do the museum,

you have to walk through those doors. You know what? Can I admit something? I'm really worried about what it's going to be. I've never been inside a museum. So I don't even know what to expect. Where in the architecture museum do you sleep? It's the front. It's the gift shop. The gift shop is kind of like. They sell a bed?

They sell. Well they have the model in there. It's kind of like you know you get a sneak peek at what's inside. But you have to pay the admission fee. Just go inside. Just go. inside but you have to pay the admission fee just go inside i just feel just go you don't have to pay cut to two hours later coming out hair is all in like a whirl dilated oh what oh my have you seen that shit it's just about sex you had you were gonna buy a vibrator but you don't know okay god no my god i i don't want to help you i don't want to hurt you you gotta get out though because i don't know either one's gonna happen i'm either gonna offer you too much or i'm gonna hurt your feelings well i can't go back to the country anymore. This mouse is here to stay.

I'll tell you that for free. You slap a strap-on harness onto the table. Okay, actually, this is a good... Yeah. Congratulations for opening up your sexual interests. That's for you, Toby. I don't need this.

I said thank you. Okay, I'll take it, I guess. Thanks. Cut to two years later. I've made a city farm, the most sustainable, successful greenhouse that operates as its own farm in the city. I own the MoMA. I'm living in a penthouse suite. I'm so happy for them did you know that if you have sex

the dopamine that's released can change your fucking life it's been a dry spell if that's what you're asking i've been pretty sad, but that sounds great. I mean, for me. Then say my life, right? Congratulations, you have a penthouse. You own the Museum of Modern Art, which isn't supposed to be privately owned, I think. I can sleep in any room I want, but I choose to sleep in my own penthouse. I gotta go have sex, because I gotta change my life.

I gotta figure some shit out. This is actually weirdly inspirational to me yeah cut to another year later he owns the museum of natural history i bought this from the u.s government and i live in the teddy roosevelt room which is pretty sexy. If you have sex, you can buy a museum. So I guess the librarian closing the book. So I guess, honestly,

the moral of the story is if you have sex, you can own a museum. Yeah! It's a stadium. Cut to her on a first date sorry so you're a you're a touring librarian where you read stories about uh the intersection of sexual intercourse and financial gain uh that's right and uh stadium tours specifically I won't do anything. Asshole. I know. You said it already.

When was the last time you played Madison Square Garden? Never. I can't believe you have, though. All right, should we do our last segment? I've played it just reading a book. Yeah, I've played SMG. You can buy a museum if you fuck. This shook me all

week long. I got... Oh yeah, an engagement ring? No, I got a suit. A suit? Double-breasted vintage it does not fit in this photo but that's the cut the pants are high-waisted and wide that's amazing uh it was 30 holy shit what'd you get it for any special occasion or just to have it's beautiful uh just to have for the most part i saw this image of a suit and i was like that's a really cool that's relaxed fit

double-dressed thing with a hat and a tee so i wanted to have that for me and um but i am going to i'm potentially going to a wedding in september am i officiating? Absolutely not. Because I don't even know who the people are. Oh, okay. I'm a plus one. But anyway, might wear it to that, might not. What's been shaking your ass? A week from today, Daniel, Elizabeth, Jaylee, and I are going to see Hadestown at the Amundsen Theater. And it will be my, it will have been by the time this comes out

my first broadway show not for broadway show but my first like theater event musical since covid and with a show that i've been fucking dying to see that i love the soundtrack i am i am so earnestly like so fucking excited to see it. That's really exciting. I really, really, I cannot wait. Elizabeth and I were like, okay, so we found the date that worked for all of us to go. And we were thinking about, like, price points for tickets. We're like, we're not going to do orchestra. That's way too expensive.

But the Amundsen Theater, for those of you who haven't been, it's a very big theater. And we're like, but, like, balcony, it's like, been it's very big theater and um we're like but like balcony it's like because it's such a big venue it's very far away and so we're like i'm down to splurge a little bit more on tickets like because it's like for a show back and it's worth it this is one of my favorite shows it's worth it for like a mezzanine seat um it's a good midway point and we were texting our group chat to be like hey does, does this price point work for everybody? Like, is that OK? Yeah.

And Jay was like, yeah, that's fine. And we hadn't heard back from Daniel. Like Daniel was like, do it like on a call or something. And so Elizabeth and I are like in the kitchen and she's like, fuck, there's only one group of four for that night in the mezzanine at this price. And she's like, should we just like, should we just buy it? I'm like, yeah. Worst case scenario, if the price doesn't work for him him we can sell the tickets and we can get tickets in the

balcony like we can we'll figure it out yeah so we're like great let's just buy it and so we got them and daniel came out of the kitchen and he and i think we're sitting there and and so we're like hey so so does that does that price work for you would that would that be okay and he's like yeah um i think it would be fine uh and we're like oh? And he's like, yeah, I think it would be fine. And we're like, oh, okay, cool. He's like, I think I want to buy it myself through PayPal so I can help with some certain, like with the service fee and everything.

And Elizabeth and I are just holding hands under the table. We're like, mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And he just looks at us, he's like, you bought the ticket already. We're like, we bought the ticket already. Ask for forgiveness, not permission. Yeah. But I'm so excited.

That's really exciting. That's what's shaking my ass in a big way. Yeah. In a huge way. Also, today, first HeadGum sketches. First HeadGum sketch was released. Oh, my God. We're back.

We're back, fuckers. We're back, fuckers.ers we're back fuckers you thought you could fucking get rid of us yeah fucking right um that's right after this we're going to shoot some ctas and video promo stuff so we'll uh i can't believe that's today that they're being released i'm so excited to be doing them again i've missed them so much so that's youtube.com slash head gum for some funny goofs and laughs. We're bringing them

back every other Tuesday. So shout out to everybody at head gum for helping us bring those back. We have a full production team

behind it. Which is very exciting. It's not just Jeff and I kind of running and gunning. Yeah. That's the beauty of 10 million dollars.

Sorry. Hmm. The beauty of $10 million. Sorry? Hmm? The beauty of $10 million is to shoot sketches on a YouTube channel for a podcast company? Hmm. I mean, yeah, when you say it like that, that's not what I wanted it to be. But please go check them out. Go watch them. Comment.

Subscribe to the channel if you haven't already um that's fine we have another thing to plug at the end um but yeah hell yeah i'm so excited to be doing this again and honestly shout out adele shout out rich paul i mean the recent real estate acquisition 58 million dollars uh beverly park uh months really i i you gotta hand it to rich and addle so shout out um i'd like to give a shout out to um ariana debose is hosting the tonys on june 7th and so shout out to ariana debose i hope she kills it um it'll be a fun watch any other shout outs you want to give that's good that's it for now um i guess shout out your instagram at riley anspa your twitter at riley coyote the show on instagram at review review

the show on reddit r slash review review shout out to um jeff's instagram at jeffrey james jeff's twitter at jeff boyardee and also just a shout out to like martin short i hope martin short's having i hope he's having like a good day. Like I hope he feels rested, but I also hope he feels like, huh, like it was a nice day. Like I got stuff done, but I took care of myself.

So shout out Martin Short. Shout out Martin. And we'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. Oh wait, no, we got to thank some VI podcast. Yeah,

we do. Thank you to underscore Christian side hugs and dogs, cats too. Thank you to Aaron Carrico. Agent Michael Scarn, cereal, eggs, milk, bread, coffee, apples, tea, toothpaste, paper towels. Akoa somehow still waiting on an apology. 137 Fs without an apology, she said. Don't ever correct her.

And now a patron who needs no introduction, so moving on. Bob Buell, I'm sorry, Akoa. I'm sorry, Akoa. I'm sorry, Akoa. I'm sorry, Akoa. I'm sorry, Akoa. Chuck. Connor Finney's looking fine, so moving on. Bob Buell, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I heard that. Because the burp was too airy. That was awful. Curbature's a widow baby. That's right, I'm bringing it back, feet Buldo.

Dakota as in Scott, right? That's actually a good fucking idea. I literally promise to follow them too right now as I'm saying this. Dakota tweets like he eats, which is to say a lot and unhealthily. You know what? I'm going to vow to follow them at hehehehehe. Damien Kirk walked 40 minutes to see Sonic 2 on Sunday. Next time, do you think he should just, I don't know, try staying home and fucking instead?

Fancy Octopus. Freya. Frito Pray Love. Garf, enemy of the pod. I found the man who created me and I tore him limb from limb. Gale D. Coles. Gilkjonic. Grey, Titan of the Night, Defender of the Meek. Grumble Bumble Pump. Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Grey's twin.

Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your first Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff, from Daddy Tuesday Night. Hey, Alyssa. Happy birthday, you beautiful old motherfucker. Sam's not allowed to swear

at home, so I'm saying it for him Hey Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast please? Jake Ullman I'm not even going to put my name here, I don't deserve the shout out It's James Wagner by the way Jay was kind of checked out for a bit but kind of gets PT to GMT now Jesse Tipton JP again, thought I was giving a surface level intro to my life

But then my therapist ended the session with, well, that sounds like a lot. Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. Casper Vopasper. Lauren Malang. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Martin Shkrelizabeth Holmes. Michael Beggle.

Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy. My atorinolaryngologist told me to stop smoking. Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeff can't be silly. Nolan Murphy crunchitizes his lovers when they call him captain. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, praise.

Also, it's lame to advertise your business to your Patreon name. Come say that to my face at Smokin' Time on Main Island. Pete Bradford patiently awaits the premiere of his theme song. Phoebe. Puffin and Spquack. Quack. Risks Jeffrey being a McLaren fan offends my Mercedes sensibilities. Bergman.

So what, is it like a job now? You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year? That's at hehehehe. Wow, I checked. Their tweets are actually fire and i did follow him by the way that's the third account dakota's made stop giving us this much cash that's so raven is the future i can well see the dulcet tones of jeff's sleep moans tj michael thank you guys.com thank you for subscribing at the highest

fucking tier holy shit the goats truly a lot of these people have become our close friends so buy your friendship buy friendship buy friendship buy friendship

B.I. buy friendship this has been one for the books. I want to go to the Museum of Sex. But until then, until we go to the Museum of Sex, we'll see you next time after a brief hiatus of a week. Chee! That was a Hiddem Original.