Review Revue - Nair

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Nair and discuss disregarding severe allergies, Basilio, and pro/con lists!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time.

Black bean burger on the bed of the rise. and participating restaurants for a limited time. If you had to review me, it would be one star. Hello? I'm Bob. I'm'm bob oh my god it ended with a muzzy reference oh my god that's like that song was like if i paid moby to make a track for me and he had a lot of other things going on that day but i paid him handsomely so he's like okay i gotta get this done do you think moby's a dick nice um hey hi jeffree that was uh that felt like i was at a club that i didn't want to be at because like i was with a group of friends that really wanted to go out in west hollywood and i'm like okay i'll go and then you like that pulsating kind of like it sounds like it's

coming from another room but that's just the track and uh i can't think john summer enough shout out john summer 500 days of john summer that's really good because there have been 500 days of john summer honestly probably more his email has in it, so it's at least been 500 days. Riley, what's new? What's new, Jeffrey James? What's new, Jeffrey James? The hesitation. What's new, Pussy Jeff?

Whoa! Little Tom Jones for your Tuesday. James, where are you? What's new, Jeffrey James? Whoa. Oh, I got vitamin C serum in my eye. And I had to call poison control.

So I went surfing with my buddy AJ on, we went surfing on Sunday. And I came back. I'm like, this is a great morning. I'm going to wash the sea salt off my face. I'm going to get all clean. I'm going to do my skin routine. And I do it. And I'm like, something that my sister told me was like, do the vitamin C and it's liquid gold, she said, because it's expensive and really good for you.

So I like, you don't want to rub it into your hands. You just want to drop it and go like that. So I did that. And then like it went from forehead down, like my skull into the eye. And I'm like, oh, oh no. So I'm like scrambling. I'm grabbing the bottle. It says for external use only.

I'm looking that try hypoxcloric acid or whatever the fuck. Like no way that's good for my cornea. I Googled this shit. Especially your eyes. Yeah, especially my eyes. I already have fucking eye issues. I Google it, and I see this Reddit thread, and it's basically saying that in two days' time,

I might have severe corneal erosion. Oh, no. And that feels like razor blades stabbing your eye. So I call my eye doctor. Closed. I call my old eye doctor in la closed i call my eye doctor in ohio gone and uh yeah no nowhere to be seen or found um and so i i i call my my not really my general practitioner but my dad's my parents general practitioner and he's like i'll i'll you know call poison you know, call poison control. So I call poison control. And this woman on the phone is like

talking me through what to do. I'm like, yeah, so I got vitamin C serum on my eye. It's basically the skin thing. She's like, I know what it is. I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool. Um, I, am I going to lose my eye? And she's like, just no, you wash your eye out for 15 minutes. I'm like, for 15 minutes. And she's like, yeah, just just get in the shower let the water hit your eye or at least near your eye and let it drip into your eye literally that so i'm i'm like okay prying his eyes open like clockwork orange style yeah i'm begging her to tell me it's gonna be okay i'm literally like oh and it's gonna be like it's gonna be good right and she's like i'll be fine honey just get in the shower and i'm like all right fine? Honey, just get in the shower. And I'm like, all right. And so I hang up, get in the shower. I'm on my fucking knees in the shower staring at water.

And it's like I've never felt lower, dumber, smaller than that moment. The fact that you were, this sounds so bleak. It's so bleak. I had also just like gotten, I had already dried my hair. I had already like gotten dressed. So I had to get back in the shower and the day was so positive before this. Anyway, it's clearly fine. Like my eyes are actually doing really well.

Knock on wood. Be humble. Kneel in the shower. Be humble. Sit chow. Sit chow. What's new in the life and times of Riley and Spa, Marie Jude or otherwise? The Rashids are here. So we all got that waxy vaxy. We all are full vaxied up.

And Daniel's fam, you bet your ass they're here. And they're here for a week. And it's just been so much fun it's it's it's just been the best time and our parents are finally gonna meet for the first time yeah this coming weekend which will be uh three years in the making um so we're very excited um no no poison control incidents that I can think of. Really? Yeah.

I mean, like I'm, I'm racking my brain. Like, honestly, like, no, no. That's so weird. Not this week at least. Yeah. Um, which is crazy. No, but when I, when I'm doing my nighttime routine and it's like, I, you know, dropping, it's almost like a little mini baster

like dropping little dots on my face or whatever i try and play this game with myself like okay can i then close the bottle again can i twist it before it runs down into my nose no this will be like a an exfoliating serum or something like that and uh and so sometimes it's like i can i'll be tipping my head back to try and keep it up but sometimes i can feel it start dripping down i'm like no no no no and i'll have to just get it it's it's scary it's really dancing with the devil yeah it really is it's uh we're doing a little two-step together it's nice you're doing the two stepstep yeah devil yeah um speaking of like things that are harmful for your body in a way where you should absolutely call poison control um take care of your skin true true don't

hurt your body um like with a product that could take layers of skin off. We're talking Nair. Nair. Ever heard of it? Nair hair removal cream. I use Nair, Nair-y twice a year. Do you actually use Nair? No, I've never used Nair

Listen I don't know with you It's like You are one of my best friends in this world I know you so well But stuff like this I think that's why we're going to be friends for life Is because you always keep me guessing There are some things

That you do and who you are that it's like you you've got a gun to my head i could there are some things you do and who you are like if you told me that you're like yeah once every christmas i use nair i would i wouldn't be like that's not true i've never used i look i'll give you that i've never used nair it seems scary as hell have you used nair i have never i don't think i've used nair i remember like and these are some of the reviews i found too but i remember before like i learned to shave my legs like to use a razor yeah i think my mom this was so this was like you know in the aughts and my mom found a bottle of nair like at cvs and like gave it to me as And my mom found a bottle of Nair, like, at CVS

and, like, gave it to me as an option. I think it was because I was, like, really dying to learn how to show my legs. And she's like, I think you're too young to use a razor right now. Yeah. But if you're that desperate to do it, here's Nair. And I just got really, I never used it

because I was so deeply, one, it smelled horrible. That's what I was seeing, yeah. It smelled really bad. What does it smell like? Like sulfur and just, like, chemicals. It just, it smell like like sulfur and and just like chemicals it just it's like it smells hot it smells it smells like it feels i imagine but i never used it and i just had a feeling that it was not gonna be good for me yeah um and that's exactly the case but you know as we were as as i was looking up different in my mind, I'm like, oh, there's just one Nair.

And it's like the scream you put on. There's there's, quote unquote, Nair for men. There's Nair like in a bottle. There's Nair in what looked to be like a deodorant kind of thing. But it was actually you take off the cap and you twist the bottom and there's like three holes and it comes out of the holes. There's more avenues of Nair than I ever thought were Nair. Is it a brand or is it like something like a type? Like is that the name of the chemical? I think it is a brand because there's another brand, Veet. There's one called Veet that I also remember.

Veet and Nair. Awful. But yeah, so I believe it is a brand. Yeah, so a lot of reviews of people putting Nair on their nether regions. Obviously, you don't have to try that to know it's a bad idea. I get it. It's also scary to shave down there. But so clearly, you shouldn't put's also scary to shave down there, but so clearly

you shouldn't put this thing that could cause chemical burns. Jeff, do you want to kick us off? This is from... There's no name. It's from a website called iHerb. iHerb. You want to give them a full name? Miranda Cosgrove. This is Miranda, and that's from Drake and

Josh, Miranda Cosgrove? And iCarly, Miranda Cosgrove. iHerb, iCarly, Drake and Josh, Miranda Cosgrove? And iCarly, Miranda Cosgrove. Now I see the connection. iCarly, Drake and Josh, Miranda Cosgrove. You know, the pitch for iCarly was originally called iHerb. Was it really? Yeah, it was about this guy named Herb, and they wanted to make it. Yeah, pitch me the original iCarly.

Basically, it was like, this would have been, what, 2006? So, you know, it's the dot-com boom and uh they wanted to do something with tech and gardening nick wanted to do something with tech and gardening yeah horticulture and internet culture was the idea so they called it iherb and it was going to follow this tween dweeb who was sort of like vlogging his experience growing for lack of a better term cilantro cilantro. What would the other term be? Coriander. Okay. And people in the testing groups did not seem to vibe with herb. And, you know... What was the conflict?

Like, is the vlog, you know... Yeah, the issue was that, you know, he was vlogging basically beds of lettuce and people bullied him online for it. So it was him dealing with the fallout, emotional and tangibly online like what were his comments in response going to be yeah you're yawning right now and this over the focus group so that's why they had to change it they were like hey

you know we don't need a fucking gibby vehicle and the guy's like gibby would have been herb but they wanted to keep him in the family so they did i carly miranda brought her up from um long story sure nobody ended up buying herb but as soon as they turned it to carly it was off to the races it was off to the race i could see both sides but i i get why they ended up going with this but they wanted they thought a web series was maybe a little bit sleeker than just like a garden to have i do think there was the pilot for i carly was called iCurly Parsley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even then, they're like, you're still trying to shoehorn in the gardening, and it's not going to work.

Yeah, and we should say that the pilot was called that, but that was the only thing different. The pilot was totally the same, just the title was iCurly Parsley. And even though most people wouldn't know the name of the title of the pilot, they're just like we still like we don't want any trace of iherb yeah in that and i'm glad that they tried that that one last dish effort but like at the end of the day i'm so glad i'm so glad they tried and obviously we've seen history has proven that i carly was you know the right choice because it's obviously like they're doing the reboot and you know it was it it was basically what made Jeanette McCurdy.

And I don't think I would have had the same cultural impact. Okay, so this is from Miranda Cosgrove. Two stars. Noisy to use. I don't think so. Its effect is not far from moose because it just turns the hair on the surface. It turns the hair? Look, guys, we've all used nair here all right i know that

this is our like you know some people have book club we have skin products club where we all try the same skin product yeah yeah yeah i did the reading so to speak guys come on we're the nair affair so we do know i use the nair all right we all use nair we all use nair yeah everyone can you just uh you know just our little weekly check-in. Everyone roll up your jeans, please. I don't know if we need to roll up our jeans. Thank you. Okay.

We'll go, you know, let's go one by one because, you know, let's, all right. All right. Yeah. Okay, Steve, you want to roll up your jeans? Yeah. Look right here. No hair on these gams. This is crazy.

We're in a Barnes & Noble cafe. It was awesome. It burned a little bit, but I'm so glad I got hairless legs. Nice. Steve, that's amazing. It looks like you put your nair there and it shows that you care. And you got rid of that hair, so good job, Steve.

Thank you, Lisa. Lucas, you want to roll up those cuffs? Show us what you have or don't. Yeah, I can do that. This is, you know, it was a little patchy in some spots, but I didn't have a lot of hair to begin with. And not unknowingly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a little patchy, but, you know, I tried it out, and that's what matters.

Because we all did what we said we were going to do. We all did what we said we were going to do. And that's the most important part about this. You know, the reason why I formed the Nair Affair is really just like, you know, we need some consistency in these tumultuous times. And so to know that we have a group, a supportive group who's doing the same thing every week. We're all going through it together. You know, it may burn a little bit. It may tingle. But we do have a family here.

And that's something that I think is, it's hard to come by nowadays. I would argue we have the family regardless of if we all use the products as the thing. Like, we're all friends. There's a kinship that's been formed already. Everyone lightly chuckles

and sips their butterscotch latte. Well, it's not funny. That's so, that's okay. Okay, Nico. Oh, come on, come on. Hey, raise those corduroys and show us them boys. Raises them.

It's an absolute forest. Drops their hot coffee on their laps. Oh, my swimsuit. My swimsuit area. What was that? Oh, yeah. No, it's just Lucas was saying that as my swimsuit area kind of burned where I already kind of had chemical burns. Got it.

Nico, what happened? If you ran out of Nair, you could have just told us. We all have Nair to spare. Isn't that right, everyone? Yeah, Nair to spare. Yeah, yeah. We all thought of it. We all thought of it.

I like my hair. Another coffee drop. Oh, no. It got the parts that it missed the first time. Are you okay, Lucas? I'll be all right. Your skin is just so baby food, I imagine. So porcelain.

I don't know, guys. I mean, like, I just wanted to hang out with you guys. I didn't want to, like, mutilate my body. I don't want to shave my legs. I'm secure in my masculinity. I want hair. You know, there's nothing wrong with hair. You know, it doesn't matter what gender you are.

It's fine to have hair. You don't need to use Nair. So you joined a group where we all use nair every week and you want to stay part of this group but you don't want to use nair every week i'm sorry nico listen i what was that we could just talk yeah oh i could just talk to anyone nico hey look look i can just talk to anyone, Nico. Hey, look, I can just talk to this barista in this Barnes & Noble. Hey, hey, garçon. Yeah? Garçon. Hi.

Care for a chat? Not really. See, exactly, Nico. This is why we can't connect with anyone else. That's not why you can't connect. He's a stranger and you called him garçon. Obviously, he doesn't want to talk to you. He's also working.

That's not a good example. We, it's hard to make friends without the Nair, without the community we share with Nair. I think there's only one way for you to stay in this group, Nico. What? What is it? I think we're going to need to lather the Nair on your legs right here, right now.

No fucking way, right? You're not gonna oh you guys grab me and hold me down lucas slather it on done deal lucas are you kidding me i thought you were a coward they start lathering the nair oh see it's noisy it's noisy all the hair drops off at once there we go there we go you used it on my head too i'm fully hairless eyebrows eyelashes gone there you are my god hey good to see you again come on get a get, get a gingerbread latte and let's all, now we can just chat. Now we can just hang. Garcon. What?

One gingerbread soy latte, please. And make it a double. A double shot of espresso? Yeah, I was, you have a, nevermind. I already had a flask. All right, should we take a quick break yes marty we're nair on our back okay this for, both of these reviews are for the same Nair product. It's just, it's obviously, you know it, you love it. It's Nair Hair Remover Cream Nourish Shower Power Moroccan Argan Oil.

All right? By Nair. It does not say by Nair at the end, does it? It does say by Nair. We've got two two-star reviews. Okay. All right. This first one has no name.

Amazon customer. Let's go Derek Course. Derek Course. Two stars. I tried this when I was younger, and it burned my skin too badly to use it. Eight years later, I bought this to try it again. First try burned my skin and did not work as instructed tried it again five days later same thing happened Tried it a week later. It actually worked and removed most of the hair without it burning

I thought I had it figured out but the last time I used it about three days ago It burned my skin yet again. It is awful. I think I just need to stop with this product altogether. Of course. Of course, Derek. Of course. You do have it figured out. You have it figured out, but not in the way that you think you should. You know that it's truly, it feels like it's like, oh, it's like my naughty little like

vice. Like I just can't like, I just can't stop. Not allergy. Oh, my God. No, it's out of Menchie's. No, man, do not use the peanut butter sauce. You come in here once a month. At this point, I know you by name, Rance.

Thank you. No, I know I shouldn't do it. No, you should not do it because you get transported to the hospital every time. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Pours it straight into my mouth. Got to you in the ambulance. I'm there with you. Why do I have to

come? That was awful. I can't see. I can't feel. This is terrible. Why did you let me do this? This horrible oh my god get to the hospital and he's back okay ron's back everyone you know the drill in the arm every pet in the ass all right here we go and there it is and uh you uh oh there you are you you work at the menchies right don't you yeah he keeps coming in he keeps adding walnuts to his yogurt he keeps adding the peanut butter sauce he thinks that he keeps saying i thought i haven't figured out but maybe one more time i

just don't i mean listen i'm not going to tell you how to do your job don't yeah but uh maybe if you see him coming either just ban him from the store or put away all not products i'm not the manager of the store i just i'm always there when he shows or put away all not products i'm not the manager of the store i just i'm always there when he shows all right all right all right i'm sorry sorry got to like a week later door bursts open oh yeah chorus line yeah i'm feeling a little naughty today or should i say nutty no back in the. I tried so much with him this time. I physically restrained him and he licked a fucking almond. How was he in the vicinity of an almond if you had him restrained?

He did a dance. He walked in. He was doing some kind of show tune. I wanted to let him finish because he clearly worked on it really for a long time. France is waking up in the hospital bed. Oh's awake he's awake hey um i'm really sorry about everything i've put you guys through i think what these past uh three weeks have proven to me and you know seven times in the hospital in the past three weeks um is that uh i really shouldn't eat nuts um i'm really sorry for putting everyone through this pain. And I think I, lesson learned, I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. So thank you. I'm really sorry. Thank you for understanding and kind of like being there with me. No, I think that, you know, it means a lot to me to hear you say that because like we've kind of forged this, I guess, friendship just through me transporting you to the fucking cedars and uh it's taken a lot of not only actual time but emotional space so i i appreciate you saying

a month later at the menchies knock knock it's me hey hey wow this place uh hasn't changed a bit it's only been a month what doesn't it feel longer it feels shorter the longest time that it felt was when you were going to the hospital every three days. Tomato, tomato. But listen, man, you know, I've been, I just wanted to update you on my progress. Yeah. Did you get that allergy test that you were telling me? Yeah, I got that allergy test.

Is there anything else? You know, it's mostly the nuts. Yeah. And weirdly apples. Oh, that's weird. Weirdly apples and pineapple as well. So I guess the other apple. Yeah oh that's weird weirdly apples and and uh pineapple as well so i guess the other the other apple yeah that's funny it's like the other white meat but it's the other apple so i just wanted to say you know i haven't had any of that you know since the allergy panel and

i got it figured out now because i'm so glad i haven't had any of it and my body's feeling great um as i'm talking i'm still i'm just fully doing like a peanut butter flavor frozen yogurt into the cup. It's like dripping down my hand. And so I've been feeling awesome lately. Rash starting, yeah. That has nuts in it. Rash. I feel like I can handle it now.

Topping it with pineapple, topping it with apples. Pineapple, apples. No, no way. Hazelnuts. No fucking way. No fucking way. No fucking way. I feel strong enough to take this on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups scattered on the top. You're salt banging them on.

I feel like I am a different man now than I was a month ago. You're the same man, if not worse. You're the same man, if not worse. I don't know if I'm trying to let you finish because you're saying you turned a corner, but you're doing the opposite. I push its cheeks and all the nuts go onto the ice cream. I throw the chipmunk back outside. And so I think at the end of the day, it's like I am in control.

You take them, you put them in your cheeks. At the end of the day, I'm in control of my own fate. I'm in control of my own destiny. You start to balloon up into one big hive. And so I just want to say thank you for sticking it out with me. And just you cannot hear me

anymore. Everything's just covered over by things. You're just expanding to fill the space. The glass windows shatter. You turn into like a hot air balloon that just kind of floats up and away. And so thank you for everything you do. turned into like a hot air balloon that just kind of floats up and away why do people feel like they can trust me with this shit i don't want to be i'm not your i'm not this person's therapist you hear the door somehow

like the bell rings when you open the door. But the glass is totally gone. It's just the door frame. Hi. Sorry. I don't know why I'm here. I guess I'll have a... Can I take a small cup? I'm just going to fill up some cookies and cream.

It's just been a really hard day. You take one bite. You shit yourself. Yeah, lactose intolerant. I knew it. I obviously knew it. This is not where I should be working Next review

Jeffrey Alright one star Also of Nair Hair removal For men Also from Ivor What was the first one?

The first one was also for that one I think I didn't say that Full name We need a full name Bingo Gaborgy Bingo Gaborgy One Bingo Gaborgy. One star.

I bought it on Basilio's advice. No. That's it? That's it. I drive up to... We're like two friends getting lunch after a while. I drive up on a Vespa. I get off, take this whole thing.

Hey, man. Whoa. Oh, my God. New ride. You like it? You've known me for years. Dude. It's so me.

It's gorgeous. I mean, it's like a beautiful, like bright cherry Vespa. And you think it's me, right? I mean, are you happy with it? That's all that me, right? I mean, are you happy with it? That's all that matters, right? If it's like, are you having fun with it? I don't love it so far, but I bought it. My buddy Basilio told me to get it and he's the coolest.

So I figure if I follow his advice. Basilio? What's that? I don't, you know, in all the years I've known you, I've never heard you mention a Basilio. Oh yeah, no, it's Basilio. I met him at a tattoo parlor that i chickened out at cool basilio i mean it's a cool name yeah it must be it sounds italian uh but he drives no it doesn't because he's not italian he's so cool though he's just like everything he does is so calm it's so

collected and i feel like that's what i need you know since the breakup i just feel like i need to reinvent myself and yeah you know i got the vespa Basilio's got me on this crazy diet it's unbelievable Basilio sounds like he's he's really got some influence um I mean what if I told what if I told you to you know ditch the Vespa it seems like you're not happy and eat whatever makes you feel good no I think I'll follow Basilio just because like you're, I've known you for so long and I've seen what you're capable of. I just met Basilio, I think it was like two weeks ago. So it's been, it'll be interesting to see what he can do and what I can do through under his tutelage. Yeah. To see what he can do. Yeah. Like with you. Yeah. So he had me on a solid food cleanse. Basically the hardest things to digest possible is what I've been sort of ingesting for about a week.

And I haven't had any kind of movement the entire time. And it has to be because things are flushing out of me. Basilio also had some ideas for what I could be wearing going forward. I take out like a lookbook. It's the opposite of coveralls somehow. Listen, man, I know that it was really hard when Maggie left. It was devastating, yeah.

And she's great. And I know that was really hard for you. But I also know that one of the reasons why she left, and I know we've been over this is because you you kind of take things and run with it in a way that isn't healthy for for you or anyone around you and so i'm wondering if you're kind of overcompensating with suddenly like a mint green vespa pulls up you just said he's not italian he's not he's fucking Irish Catholic

oh how you doing my man you enjoying the Vespa look at you you look fantastic have you had any movements in the past two weeks none none like you said that's amazing kisses both cheeks oh beautiful Bambino hi I guess you're

Basile oh yay Isami Basile and this must be Yay, this is me, Basilio. And this must be Tim. Yeah, this is Tim, my best friend of 12 years. So I guess I'm the new you. What? Yeah, that's what he told me.

He met me in the tattoo parlor and he said, you can be my new Tim. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Also, you said he was really low energy and not Italian and cool. This guy was shot out of a fucking cannon. I said he was calm. I said he was collected. He can be

high energy and still be kind of chill. I'm juggling. And here we go. I made you a new lookbook because it is a fall coming and you need to be dressed to the nines if you're going to be catching the tens. If you know what I mean. It's all full baseball outfits. Okay, so I tuck the pants into the socks.

You tuck in the pants? You got it. Oh, I pinch your cheeks. Oh, the baby, he's got it. You're a weird guy guy the waiter brings our food oh here we go i pop out dentures i have no teeth all right here we go jesus what happened dude my god i'm sorry i put the denture back in oh yeah basilio said the teeth aren't in anymore and the thing that is in our dentures no No, a woman wants the teeth.

They want the gums. They want the illusion of the teeth, but they do not want the teeth to be. They don't want the teeth to be. They do not want the teeth. What do you do? Do you have a job? He's a former professional bowler.

He's made enough money off of deals, and now he sometimes does commercials. Work has been a little slow. It's been a little slow. bowler he kind of he's made enough money off of deals and now he sometimes does commercials not that many spots for casper mattress anymore but he's okay all right man um basilio has like he has a duplex so he rents out the bottom unit and uh that kind of like he doesn't have any living expenses because of it i put a lot of loopholes in the lease agreement so i can roll my bowling balls all day and they cannot complain what the fuck is wrong with you sorry hey don't talk to basilio like that no but so he didn't mean it it's just the old tim you know he's just not no he's just a team. Team, you are just like he said.

What did he say about me? That I'm his best friend? That I'm like probably the most level-headed person he knows? That you're a little controlling. That you kind of try to make the decisions for me. You try to influence my life a little bit. And I don't appreciate it. When you are not around, he calls you a white-knuckle Tim. White-knuckle Tim. White knuckle Tim.

Yes, because you have a white knuckle grip around his neck every day. I'm trying to be there for him. He just went through a devastating breakup with his girlfriend of seven years. Obviously, he's spiraling. Look at him. Oh, no, it's happening. Oh, no, it's two weeks of shit. It's two weeks of shit.

You must hold the thing. I'm trying, Basilio. I'm trying, Basilio. No, man. Do whatever you want to do. You have no teeth. And you are about to explode. The dentures fall out.

It's happening. Basilio's just shaking his damn head. Go, man. Just go. Just go. Do what you need to do. I'll take care? Basilio's just shaking his damn head. Go, man. Just go. Just go do what you need to do. I'll take care of Basilio, all right? Holding the back of my pants, I shuffle over to my Vespa, get on really uncomfortably, and go off.

Not before putting a scarf around my neck like I'm driving across Tuscany. There he goes. They grow up so fast. How old are you? Forever. Forever? Yes. I've never not been.

Winks. Walks over to the Vespa. Scarf in the same way. And next time you need a device toss you a playing card it's a king but with his face on it you call up a basilio drives off gets hit by a bus

you're left sitting at the fucking table waiter goes by your spaghetti bolognese i didn't all right do you want to do your last review oh my god he said he wasn't italian he's not he said he was calm he came in like a fucking cannon okay this is um also for the uh uh lest we forget this is nair hair remover cream nourish shower power moroccan argan oil by nair um this is two stars from jackie v jackie let's go jackie

jackie vool the title is worked but also got chemical burn. I'm sorry I'm sorry Okay let's move you I'm sorry That's probably so annoying to listen to Used this product before Smell was more overwhelming than before Removed the hair from my legs But also gave me a chemical burn I rinsed it off two minutes earlier than suggested

Be careful when using It reminded me of like like like someone making like like trying to make a decision making a pro-con list of something it's like well it's tough at the end of the day because it it worked but it also gave me a chemical burn. So I'm really stuck. But it got rid of the hair? No, it absolutely got rid of the hair. I raise up my legs. It is like shiny and sparkly.

So it sounds great. It sounds like nothing went wrong. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it removed all, but then opened up the other leg and you hear it sizzling. Oh, no! But it also gave me a chemical burn. It's currently burning. So that's why it's like, ooh.

We gotta get you to a hospital. Forget the pros and cons list. You don't need to power through it. We need to go. It's just like, should I use it again? Because it's like, you know, in this next vlog I'm making, I have to review the products

that it's like I would use. And you know, it's like, I would never recommend, I would never recommend a product that I didn't love. You do this a lot, by the way. I feel like you never end. And, you know, it's like I would never recommend, I would never recommend a product that I didn't love. You do this a lot, by the way. I feel like you never end up recommending any products because you seem to have adverse

reactions to not only skin products, but a lot of different things. I'm really kind of sensitive generally. So I have sensitive skin and I'm emotionally very, very frail. But that's where I'm stuck. So it's like, you know, the other pro is that it's like, um, it's given me a lot of confidence. Like I have so much confidence now that I feel like smooth. I feel silky. I just feel like me.

But on the other hand, it's like the sound of it's like I'm a walking sizzler in a way. And except without the ice cream bar, I am. And so it's like, I don't know if people can enjoy the silence around me with the sound of burning flesh at all times. Cut to them outside of workout class. What do you mean it was a good workout? Your fibula is gone. No, but like, I feel the burn.

Like, I know, it's like, I'm the kind of sore that it's like, oh, I'm gonna really feel it tomorrow. But you're sore because you lost a full bone and I don't know how that's possible like yes like of course yes I lost the bone and that is such a valuable con obviously and so I want to recommend this class I want to recommend this class because like I feel the burn a lot of these classes it's like it's like oh I'm moving around a lot but it's like I'm just kind of flailing but this is like I really feel it on the other hand i don't know if i can because of one bone that i had going into the class is no longer in my body and so it's like i don't know

if that counts that's such a big con these are not equally weighted cut to you outside a teeth whitening clinic your teeth are fully purple like an indigo oh god are you fucking kidding me this is a tough one it's not what what could name one pro name one pro that happened the teeth they feel so smooth that i feel like they got so much of the plaque off that was some plaque yeah that i didn't even like feel that was there i'm like oh they definitely got it they don't think got it. And like, listen, you've been my assistant for what? Like five years now? Yes, and it's been painstaking. I've seen you mutilate your body.

Did they leave my teeth purple? Yes. Is it reversible? No, it's not. And so it's like, that's where it's chirping me up though. That is, oh yes, exactly right. I'm so close to putting it better on my IG and tagging them. Cut to you outside a LASIK clinic.

Your eyes look like a lizard. No, this isn't a LASIK mix-up. They did something crazy. I can't believe you're thinking about recommending them still. I'm blinking in the way that the inner corners of my eyes. Left to right. This one's an easy call. I think we can both agree this is an easy call to make i agree cut to my youtube video going up hey guys it's me bella and today we're going to talk about the lasik building on i'm packing my bags in the background clearly quitting

my tongue goes up licks my eye like a lizard. It catches on. It swarms the nation. Everybody wants lizard eyes. Skinny jeans? I don't think so. Lizard eyes. Billie Eilish remix. When you get me those lizard eyes.

So the same song that she did. It's a parody of her own song. I'm scared. Fork tongue. You really know how to make me cry. i slither now yeah i thought they just did your eyes sorry it's still being called lasik though yes absolutely lizark and you watch ozark while you get it done you watch something during an eye surgery

well you have it on in the background well you hear it let's not get caught up in the semantics no let's absolutely get caught up in the semantics surgery alright should we do our last segment yes yes

check me all week long Speaking of Billie Eilish Billie Eilish's British Vogue shoot Oh my god That has been shaking me I can't stop

thinking about it I and then she posted so the day that the first photos came out I couldn't breathe and then she kept posting more

More I'm like oh here we go it is i love i have such a big crush on her absolutely love her and the article with it was so amazing it made me cry she's incredible and i i like i could write a whole fucking dissertation like i just there were i saw people on instagram being like like what a glow up from her old baggy clothes and i just want to flip a table it's like that's you're missing the fucking point that's literally not the point of that of her being like i'm done with that now now i'm better and did it the whole point has been like she is in control and she was a minor

like what did you want when she yeah but it's like she's in control of her body. And she was a minor. Like, what did you want when she, yeah. But it's like, she's in control of herself. If she wants, she can wear whatever she fucking wants. But that's also like so obvious. Like there's also always people who will be like, have the wrong take. But I feel like most people have the right take here. Like everyone was happy, I feel like. I just have so much respect for her.

And I'm so excited for, of like new not new I mean it's like oh that's the thing it's like I'm just I'm just so excited like that that article came out that these photos came out and that she's just like fucking owning it and there was something that she said that I was just like yes she's like don't not don't not make me a role model because I turn you on and I'm like that's fucking it I it. I just like, I just love her. I just absolutely love her. And My Power is incredible. Or sorry, Your Power.

The song Your Power is incredible. And the music video is amazing. I just, I just like want nothing but the best for her at all times. And I still haven't seen the doc yet. And I really want to, but it does have an intermission. It is just so long. But I can't wait to see it. And I.

We should watch it. Can I come over and we watch it? I'm so down. Yeah. I can't stop looking at her photos. She looks fucking incredible. Yeah. It's like the clothes were cool too.

Like you can do like a salacious photo shoot. As like oh like I'm an adult now. Or like I'm taking you know know, my my power back. And I'm, you know, all the things that you talked about. But also the clothes were fucking awesome. The clothes were incredible. And it's like I love her style before, too, because it's all about it's her. It's her being like, you know, I don't want people commenting about my body.

Yeah. In any kind of way. She's just great. I just love her so much. I just love her. She's awesome yeah um what's been shaking me and i think i sent this to you if not then i'll get your live reacts did i send you the text that the craigslist guy sent me no okay here we go i'm gonna share my screen and just show it to you um i sold my electric guitar uh because i want Strat and I wanted to sell it for PRS.

So I sold it on Craigslist and I have to take it. I still have to take the thing down because I'm still getting texts. Riley's, yeah, wincing at this text. So I get this text yesterday. I've already sold it at this point. But this is probably the worst text I've ever gotten from every angle. It says, I'm going to read it verbatim. Hey, Mr. Strat, I'd love to try out your guitar.

Bill. Last name. His full phone number. Thanks, Bill. There's so much happening with this. Mr. Strat. Hey, Mr. Strat. Don't call me that.

The ellipses after guitar. Well, even that whole sentence, I'd love to try out your guitar. So do you want to buy it or just want to play it? Do you want to buy it or just try it? It's also, it's written like a poem. the ellipses after guitar well even that whole sentence i'd love to try out your guitar so do you want to buy it or do you want to play it or just try it it's also it's written like a poem yeah mr strat the use of white space your guitar bill blank phone number thanks bill um i'm gonna instagram this i'll blur out the information but yeah the name and his number but i just love so it's the ellipses and then bill and and then on another line, his last name, on another line, his phone number, thanks, Bill.

He signs off twice. And one of them's in the middle of the message. Absolutely. Also, he gives me his phone number in the text. I have your number, guy. You have it. You have it. This is brilliant.

Yeah. And then I was like, sorry, she already sold. And then he was like, oh, well, the ad's still up. I'm like, I know. I'll delete it. I don't need advice from you to take it down. Well, Mr. Stratton, the ad's still available. So that just made me laugh.

It was probably the worst text I've ever gotten. That's amazing. I'm so glad you shared that with me. Thank you. We will Instagram it. You can follow Riley on Instagram, at Riley Anspa, on Twitter, at Riley Coyote. Follow the show on Instagram, at Review Review. You can also follow Jeffrey James on Instagram.

Come on. Nobody wants to follow me. Okay. Well, maybe they do. Well, just in case. And on Twitter, at Jeff Boyardee. Should we thank some VI podcasts? Let's thank some VI podcasts. Let's absolutely thank some VI podcasts.

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And if you don't, well, that honestly hurts to fucking hear. If you want to come be a little goo goo gaga baby. At the next VI party, Zoom party, VI Zardy or whatever. Subscribe. Thanks for listening. We'll see you guys again next week good that you did it it's huge it's so huge i mean honestly pat yourself on the back yeah yeah yeah actually yeah yeah we'll see you guys again next week that was a hit gum original