Review Revue - New Years Eve Glasses

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

Alf and Reilly break out of their toilet paper costumes and get really high while reading reviews on New Years Eve Glasses!>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time.

Riley Anspaugh. Riley Anspaugh. Riley Anspaugh. Riley Anspaugh. for a limited time. Riley Anspaugh When Riley asked Al to co-host a show he couldn't say no Riley Anspaugh When they were in college she let him copy her final project Alfred Bardwell Evans The school should have known when they did the same interpretive dance to Step Brothers. Alfred Bardwell Evans He's a real badass, he once caught an axe with his face.

Alfred Bardwell Evans. Alfred Bardwell Evans. Alfred Bardwell Evans. Alfred Bardwell Evans. He couldn't quite cut it in upright sentence and brigade, so now he's here. Alfred Bardwell Evans. Alfred Bardwell Evans. That was from... That was... Oh. Alfred Barber 11's. Alfred Barber 11's.

That was from. That was. That was from Riley. R-A-L-E-Y. Hello again. Here's an experimental theme for you cowards. Why is it experimental? I put words over a famous 8-bit.

That's what plays in my head as I walk through the grocery store. Your own name. Alfred Barber 11's. Alfred Barber 11's. Alfred. Your own name. Albert Barber-Levins. Albert Barber-Levins. Albert Barber-Levins. Albert Barber-Levins. What if I bought some cereal? Hey.

Hi. Happy New Year. Hey, it's a new fucking year. Can you even believe it's a new year? We're in 2024, bitch. Barely. Can you believe that when we met, it was a whole different year than this how the time goes when okay so at the time of recording it is december 27th 2023 sorry

sorry to kill the magic but when this comes out 2024 i graduated from high school 10 years ago oh my god she's ancient graduated from high school 10 years ago. Oh my God. She's ancient. Graduated from high school 10 years ago. You graduated from high school in January? That was a little weird. 2014. Started college. Started college 10 years ago. I want to throw up. That means that you've known friend of the show, Elizabeth Valenti, for 10 years.

No. Yes. That means this year in the fall, you're going to have your 10 year friend anniversary. That is crazy. With everybody from college who you still talk to. I wonder if I'm going to go to my high school reunion.

10 year reunion. I haven't heard anything about it. Girl, if you haven't heard I think you know your answer. Alfreditini, how are you experiencing what do you think

2024 is going to be like? We only have a couple days left of 2023. Oh boy. At the time of 2023. Oh, boy. At the time of recording. Boy, I hope it's better than this one. Well, as was, you know, and I hate to bring it up because I know I talk about it too much. But.

The weather. January 2nd, 2021, I famously hit myself. Oh, my God. So this will be coming out on the three-year anniversary of me hitting my home that's you know what's crazy this morning i said to my family i said you know what this feels like it's been a couple years around the time that al shut the fuck up my stepbrother said wait what happened and i and i explained what happened he goes oh yeah he seems like the kind of guy who would he didn't say that you made that up up. Yes, he did. I swear to God. You know what?

I don't approve of that behavior. Are you going to do anything for the Annie? Yeah, I think I might go axe throwing. Okay. Can you imagine? It'd be healing. Healing. It could be processing our trauma.

Processing trauma in your face. No, I don't know if I'll do anything special for the anniversary. I guess I'll probably like, I don't know, have dinner. Okay. And that's a special treat. I don't normally do that. I'm going to see you so soon in person. I know, it's kind of fucked up.

I'm going to be in Chicago for the new year. And I'm going to see your ass in the flesh. You're going to moon the entire state of Illinois. And it's not going to be hard to do. Sears Tower, bitch. Just climb on up. Pull them down. Climb on up like King Kong.

Throw it over the edge. And then they look up and see the sun. My ass is the sun. Also, sorry. I know we're a little scatterbrained. I'm not. This is the coherentest I've ever been. Right before we started recording,

and so I want to get into this a little bit more before we get into our topic. I recently watched Jim Carrey's The Grinch Stole Christmas. Amazing film. Somebody stole it. Amazing film. I mean, you got Jeffrey Tambor. You got Christine Baranski.

You're lying. I'm not. I've only ever seen the animated one. Alfred! Oh, my God. What did I say like that? The animated one. The animated one. Jim Car God. What did I say like that? The animated one. The animated one.

Jim Carrey's Grinch is like genius. It's so fucking good. You have Christine Baranski who is like serving as like the hottest who. Martha May Juvier. She is so, she's so sweet. Super trooper. You have Jeffrey Tambor. You have young.

Sheldon. You have young Jeffrey. You have young Sheldon. But anyway, the Who's whole thing is Christmas. It's true. They're obsessed.

They can't get enough of this stuff. So the Who's pray to a Christian God. I mean, the Who's keep the Christ in Christmas. There's nothing but evidence for that. The Who's are obsessed.

Their whole thing is Christmas. Absolutely. And we see, you know, things we see the Who's do. We see them go to mass. Yeah.

We see the Who's take communion, midnight mass. We see the Who's have the Feast of the Seven Fishes. The Seven Fishes, which, but of course in Whoville, it's the seven different roast beasts. Yeah. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. No, that's right. One fist. It's the feast of the one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, and a couple roast beasts. And a couple roast beasts. And a couple roast beasts. And the reason that the Grinch is on Mount Crumpet is because the Grinch is agnostic. And is that Crumpet? Is that for real?

Yes, Mount Crumpet. Wow. And so he's on there because he's agnostic. He's like, I'm not sure what I believe. And the Hoos are like, you can't stay here. You don't got to go home, but you can't stay here. And now I do think you are minimizing the theft in the narrative. No, I'm just talking about...

No, the reason why he's up there, he hates the Who's. The Who's love Christmas, and he hates the Who's, and he hates Christmas. It's because he was bullied. Should we get into our topic? It's a lot like this show, when you think about it. Wait, how was your Christmas? What's the name of the dog? Max.

That's so boring. Suze. How was your Christmas? Christmas was as good as it ever is. You kissed Santa. I. With tongue. Shaw Alfie kissing Santa Claus.

Santa Claus. I need to miss you all last night. Let's get into our topic. Speaking of Alf kissing Santa, I want to talk about something that's also ridiculous and unnecessary. Okay. And that's New Year's glasses, baby. And that's New Year's.

And that's New Year's glasses. Now listen, Alf, when I suggested this topic, in my mind, I'm thinking of the glass. Ever since we've got into anything past the year 2009. Yeah. It's pretty hard to make those. 2000 through 2009, ideal for New Year's glasses. The ideal. You got the two O's for the two I's.

And you know what I'll say? And I wasn't there because, of course, I'm Gen Z. But I imagine the 1990s and the 1980s were fine. both the eight and the nine, I could see a world. It's those odd numbers of like the, you know, what did they wear in 1377? Yeah, what did they wear? What New Year's glasses did they wear then? So I'm thinking about 2024. Do you wear them?

What? No, I don't. But I have seen them. Have you? You've never worn one. Oh, I have. No, I thought you meant like I have. I've worn them in the past couple years.

I've worn them in the past couple years because I feel like now I'm seeing more of just glasses and then on top it'll have like a bunch of shit above it. Like Happy New Year. Yes. Sort of Elton John core year instead of the actual number and so that's kind of what i but what was hard for me to find reviews for 2024 glasses because it hasn't happened yet at the time of recording and so there's no there's rarely there's not many reviews for those glasses because people haven't worn them yet it's i think i think i don't oh my god

oh my god did you hear that are you okay no i just like started i started a sentence and then it just kind of fell apart i don't even remember what i was trying to say look man i don't like new year's do you um i i love new year's day i now that's an interesting take new year's day is amazing because i honestly i was talking about this with my mom boxing day and new year's day jade reversed the best and i would say i do love new year's eve but new year's eve kind of stresses me out so does my birthday birthday because I get anxious with the passing of time because another year will never get this time. It'll never be December 27th of 2023 again.

I'll never be as young as I am now. And so it's like that. And I was just telling Alf, I had a good cry about, oh, one day my mom's going to die. Can you believe that? And so it's like New Year's Eve stresses me out. It's stressful. It's become less stressful for me because I've stopped making resolutions. Yes.

Because I think, and I've stopped putting the pressure on myself to be like, let me do a roundup in 2023. I hate it. It just stresses me out. When people do the photo dump, I go, congrats. I can't. I was in bed. Oh, I just, it stresses me out to be like, oh, there's only 10 moments from this year. But anyway.

We're only allowed to take 10 moments with us. Everything else gets wiped. You get to every person on the earth gets to pick 10 memories from each year and all the rest get deleted. They get wiped. It's like when someone says, what's your favorite movie? And I'm like, oh, wait, if I pick one, that means that you don't think I won't think I like this other one. Rocket Man is your answer to that question. It's not the top.

No, my favorite ever that I could watch a million times over and not get bored is probably The Birdcage, followed up by Waiting for Government. Followed, of course, by, what was it? Fuck, never mind. I was going to try and make fun of you. Talk to me about New Year's Eve. I don't like New Year's Eve particularly. I have such a big Christmas Eve eve christmas boxing day the three christmas eve is so much better than christmas day christmas is elite of the three of the trio christmas eve christmas day boxing day for me christmas day is the loser interesting i think for me it's

christmas eve boxing day christmas day because christmas day it's like what are we supposed to do here you know what you mean open prezzies but but have a little hot chalk open prezzies have a little hot chalk no i mean i love all three of them deeply i just think that christmas day for me is the middest and so that's interesting because my question was do you like i know and i was getting to that your honor i was getting to that okay and i didn't forget the question the minute you asked it um i but i like christmas so much that i think by the time it gets to new year's i'm like what we have to do more celebrating more right now we're in kind of recording we're in like the purgatory between christmas and new years um so thank god i'm starting vanderpump

rules and i'm on season four baby binging it i also think i'll talk about the fucking glasses we're getting so off topic today yelling i'm like not in the mood for that uh stop that uh stop no seriously stop cut it out um no i haven't probably worn the glasses a i don't think since maybe 2015 it's been a minute since i wore the glasses of any kind um lasik no i don't have lasik i still wear glasses but the 2020 whatever glasses 2020 i think they just kind of shifted i also i i think the glasses generally were are so and don't get offended millennial coated i get that like you remember when everyone was wearing like the dark rimmed glasses with the like tape and like the lenses popped out yes it also feels like the shutter shade did you do that glasses of course god you suck of course i did but um but you know what i mean i do feel exactly like the shutter shades i

feel like it's like of that ilk where it's like, yeah, millennials, you know, I feel like Gen Z, you know, they have like a stick and poke tattoo of the year on their eyelids. Last year, Elizabeth and Daniel's mom and I, we went out and we got some ironic, like we didn't get the glasses, but we got like the headbands that have like Happy New Year and confetti. See, that's fun. See, I love a headband, but the glasses, but we got like the headbands that have like Happy New Year and confetti. See, that's fun. See, I love a headband, but the glasses are too much. Yes.

Especially now because they're so in the photos of all the reviews. It's just like the eyes are like they kind of try and bend the two in such a way that the eye can kind of see behind it. I know. They're getting desperate. It's so bad. It's sad to see. It's so funny. And I love all the photos of people posting them with the glasses being like, it's great. And I'm like, you can't see.

You can't see. They're so, they've been relegated to like wedding photo booth core. You know what I mean? That feels more apt to me than millennial. It feels very like corporate photo booth. Right. Of like the holiday New Year's party where we celebrate the stock market. You can tell I'm a grown up who understands the world.

But yeah, I don't, I don't, you know, it doesn't, I guess I'm too edgy is what we're learning. You know what I mean? I'm too cool. I'm too kind of like anti. Your eyes infected from that stick and poke. Anti corporate. Yeah. I've got huge styes

styes for eyes toys for tots try styes for eyes come on boots um let's what's our intention oh god help me um it's gonna be the most desperate episode yet episode we've ever done i'm desperate episode yet i will i genuinely i am i this might be the tiredest episode yet. It's the most desperate episode we've ever done. It's the most desperate episode yet. I will, I genuinely, I am, this might be the tiredest I've ever been on a record. You look so concerned. This might be the tiredest I've ever felt. I took a plane this morning. I flew a plane this morning.

Oh my God. Yes. Congratulations on getting your license. Thank you. I finally got my license. Still won't let me drive a car though. Boo. Let's take a quick break.

Okay. And we'll come back with some reviews for new year's eve glasses and our most desperate episode yeah most coherent episode let's kick off the year with some desperation we'll be right back und wir back what if i told you that it's time for a review from you alfred riley i guess we're learning each other's names for the first time okay this is for a bestial two-piece plastic party glasses. Glittered graduation. Happy New Year's Eve.

Party favors. Supplies. New Year's Eve. Decorative eyeglasses. I wear photo booth props for 2022. So basically they're 2022 gold. 2022 glasses. Okay.

This is Anthony B. How many stars? One. One star from Anthony Bourdain. Anthony Bourdain. Ugh, king. King. Talk about somebody I wish I could meet at a nightclub in 1997.

Hubba hubba. Ew, don't say hubba hubba. Hubba hubba. Wow. Ew. Whoa, whoa, whoa. One star. These say 2002.

Not 2022. Junk. That's it? These say 2002. Not 2022. Junk. No, I mean, that's fair. It's 20 years off.

20 years is too much. One year is debatable. 20 years is too much. 20 years is too much. One year is debatable. 20 years? 20 years. Out of date. Knock, knock. Who's there? Hey, kiddo.

Hey, dad. Going out tonight? Yeah, it's New Year's Eve. Just a couple of buddies of mine. We're going to go over to Peter's house and just hang out Fun No, uh If you do

And I'm not Okay If you do any substances while you're there Yeah Your mother and I don't have an opinion As long as you don't drive Alright I was planning on Ubering there

Okay That's Say no more oh your old dad your old dad doesn't want to hear about that gosh okay um you have fun there okay peter you said yeah do i know his parents um i don't know if you do uh i mean we're seniors in college yeah so i think it would be i don't think you know that okay i was just wondering um you're right yeah yeah uh have a tickle in your throat sure you're good to go out i'm good to go i just uh sorry let me just air out the room a little bit i said i'm driving

so it's like don't be weird about this don't be weird you just you didn't have an opinion as long as i didn't drive oh i see i i know that i would recognize that smell anywhere you might think your old man do you yes of course i know what that is. What is it? You might think your old man has never used to be young, but he actually used to be young. Of course. So what is the smell? It's one of your favorites. One of my favorite smells?

You know, man, you just have a little bit of that good stuff, and all of a sudden you're outside of yourself. Yeah, that's okay. Dad, do you want a little pot? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's New Year's Eve. I'm sure you and Mom should have some. Beedoo, Beedoo, Beedoo, Beedoo, Beedoo, Beedoo. Oh, Dad Cop is here.

Flushing pot down the drain. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. This was expensive. No, okay. Do you want any? I think I would... I could leave a little bit for you and mom oh okay sure or whatever no no drugs are bad but if you did you know what i'm gonna roll a joint okay leave that

there cool you i'm gonna head out if you and mom want it it's all yours but no pressure actually i stopped i just stopped i just stopped by actually just to check see if you wanted i don't know it's probably it's probably stupid anyway so what no i mean i will tell you my uber's two minutes okay so i have these glasses from when i was your age and it was new year's and i, and I don't know, I was talking to your sister the other day, and she told me that all this vintage stuff was coming back into style, and obviously none of my clothes will fit you,

because I'm a professional basketball player, and you didn't inherit that particular gene. So I thought maybe the glasses would be fun for you i don't know it's probably stupid you probably don't even want them so it's no come on are they like cool vintage designer glasses that sounds sick i don't know about designer yeah back in my day the only designer we had was um from the department yes the number one designer and i'm proud of you for remembering what I taught you about him. Listen, Dad, my Uber's almost here, so I'd love to wear him. Do you want the glasses?

Sure. Okay, let me grab them. I left them. Okay, here. Oh. You think they look dumb, don't you? No, no, no, no. It's's just um no i don't even want you to take him anymore no you know what it's kind of cool it's kind of like ironic like you know it's

gonna be 2022 but they say 2002 and it's fun yeah i love yeah that it's okay we're cool yeah we're cool man all right cool you're my dad and my friend no thanks for looking out for me i just want to make sure you're cool i am i have a professional basketball player as a dad what could be cooler than that I don't know professional baseball or football baseball is too slow and there's too many concussions in football I'm gonna leave the joint here I got my fair share mom should get a little crazy all right maybe say hi to Peter, was it? Yeah. Or don't. Whatever. He probably doesn't like it. I will. Dad, come on. We're cool. You're all bad.

Dad, you're the coolest. Okay. My Uber's here. Happy New Year. I love you. You guys stay safe, okay? Yeah. What could go wrong, I think? Just your mother, me, and an episode of ncis new orleans i'm not worried 30 minutes later they're watching ncis oh i think he did it i oh i think he did oh i think it I think he did it. Oh, I think it's clear he did it. If he didn't do it, I'll eat my hat. I swear to cripes, I'll eat my hat.

Helen, it is New Year's Eve. I do not have another ER visit in May. Please do not try and eat your hat. Oh, come on. I'm saying if it's not him. I don't want to say never right i because but we were on season 13 and we've been watching pretty much an episode a night for for basically a year and and i think you have three three times you haven't attempted to eat a hat but i'm just saying listen it couldn't be clearer

this is the first suspect and it's usually the first person you suspect. Literally never. And so it has to be him. It's so obvious. No, the three times you've not gotten it wrong, but when you were in the bathroom. Larry. What? Helen. What's that smell?

Oh, I think some of the neighbor kids were practicing up to no good in the hall. No, Mr. Bird. Mr. Larry Bird. Be honest with me right now. What is that smell? No, there was just some of the kids, neighbor kids were up to no good in the back alley, I think. Larry, we have been married 35 years. Don't you go lying to me today, mister.

I've loved every minute. Don't you go lying to me on this New Year's Eve, mister. I've loved every minute don't you go lying to me on this new year's eve mister every do you have somebody that funky stuff i stuff that might that tim likes to smoke i might have oh what what makes you think it's tim's can't i be you don't think i have the connections to go out and you have a panic attack walking by the closed off cigarettes in supermarkets. And no one's even looking at you. What if someone thinks I'm going to do it? No one thinks that because you've never asked them. You've never said, hey, you'd never press the little button that says assistance needed.

And then the whole store says assistance needed in the smoking section. Helen, it's too real. I'm sorry. You know I went to theater school. You know I get really into this stuff. You're my... You're gifted. You're my gifted little actor.

So, don't lie to me because I'm a professional liar, Mr. Larry Bird. You know, Helen, I think you're a professional truth teller. Because the theater... Now you tell me the truth, mister. ...is the window... Thank you. ...to the soul. Now you tell me the truth.

Is that your pot to hold as twir a mirror up to me i take it out of your pocket okay it's drugs yes mary jane mary did you steal this from our son i didn't steal it from our son no he offered it and i what was i gonna do say? Say no to our boy? He was asking me to hold on to it for him. I guess he trusts his dad or something. I'm not going to smoke it. It was just a joke between a father and son.

No, no. What, are you thinking we should smoke it? No, it'd just be pretty funny. It'd be a joke. We'd do it as a joke. We'd do it as a joke we do it as a joke what if we okay yeah no as a we do it as a joke and we wouldn't have to do we wouldn't have to smoke all of it or anything we wouldn't have to smoke all it would just be like i'll maybe i'll take a photo of you with it in your mouth and like. No, no, no, no, no.

Just for the boys. If you take a photo, it lives, no, it lives in the cloud forever, Larry. I don't have that on mine. Larry, are you shitting me? I have a 3GS. I don't have that, Helen. I don't trust those things. Okay, okay, I won't take a picture.

Take it back. Say take it back. I take it back. Say take it back. I take it back. Say take it back. What if I use a Polaroid? Oh, thank God. Just to show Tim. Just a Polaroid to show Tim. Okay, analog is fine.

Analog is fine. I shake it and I go, oh, yeah, I guess your mother and I had a pretty chill night. Yeah, let's do a photo shoot. I can do a photo shoot on Polaroid, Larry. I'll get my Polaroid. Analog is fine. Analog is fine. I'll get my Polaroid. Analog is fine. Analog is fine.

I'll get my camera. Okay. Now, what if I did it with holding it up under my nose like a little mustache, like Inspector Clouseau? Oh, can I have a marijuana? Oh, can I have a J? Can I have a... Oh Can I have a Z? We're so silly.

Get one. Get one like this. Okay. Click. Now, what if I keep one behind my ear? Like, oh, I am an art student in Paris. Can I have an art museum? Yes.

Oh, my God. I love this. Can I have an art museum? Yes. Oh, my God. I love this. Can I have the Louvre? Can I have a Mona Lisa? Yes. Oh, my God. I love it. Okay.

Oh, that is excellent. Okay. What if I hold it? Can I do one? Yeah. Yeah. Here. Give me the camera.

Okay. What if I hold it and it's like a little baguette? You know, like I'm the mouse from Ratatouille. Oh, it's so small. Oh, it's so tiny. I'm a French bread. Come on, French bread. What if you hold it like, oh, here, give it to me.

Okay, okay. What if I hold it, but it's not a joint and I pretend it's a cigarette? And I'm like, I'm a Parisian. Oh, can I have a Christian Dior? Can I have a cigarette? Can I have a cigarette? Can I have a cigarette? What if I lit it just a little bit?

Just a little. And you don't even have to breathe in, but it'll look more real if I light it. As a joke, because people light cigarettes. Because they do light cigarettes. People light cigarettes. Okay. What if I, okay, I'm lighting it. Okay.

No, don't breathe in. Don't breathe in. Too hard. No, no, no. I'm holding my breath. I'm holding my breath. Okay. Say the line.

Say the line. Can I have a cigarette? Yes, Helen. Yes. Can I have some smoke? Oh, wait. Let me do it. Let me do it.

Let me do it. Let me do it. I actually breathe so heavily. Oh, you have to do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. I actually breathed it with it earlier. You have to do a lot for it to work. I'm still eating. No, Helen, you have to do a lot for it to work. Okay, here you go. Can I have a cigarette?

Helen, I think I'm sorry because I'm more like Trump than I am in Stranger Crusoe. Can I have a cigarette? Oh, you're my little Pepe Le Pew man. Oh, me, me. I love it. They're foxy skunk, all right? No, he loves the cat, Larry. He loves the cat.

Oh, that's right. He thinks the cat's another skunk. He's a skunk. That's right. That's right. Well, Larry, I kind of feel a little silly. You're my loopy tune. You're my loopy...

Can I have a loony tune? Can I have a... Can I have a Bugs Bunny? Can I have a Elmer Bud? Can I have a Foghorn Leghorn? That's kind of a deep cut there, Larry. A lot of people don't know about foghorn leghorn. Oh, Helen.

Oh, Larry. You know, these nights with you, I feel 22 again. Oh, stop it, Larry. I feel the same age because we're the same age. That's true. And a lot of... Knock, knock. Sorry, I'm coming in. I just forgot my phone charge. Oh my god.

Hello, son. Dad, so you really did it, huh? You and mom really lit up. Oh, no, no, no. That's just one of your mother's scented candles. It's one of my It's the Christmas cookies.

Oh, the perfume. Can I have a... Guys, if you smoke pot, that's what I left it there for. It's okay. The big tea. How are you? I'm great. You're a hell of a guy.

I'm just going to get my phone charger and I'm heading back. Thank you. Dad, you say your whisk gets deeper. You made the Uber turn around. I'm great you're a hell of a guy I'm heading back thank you dad you you made the uber you made the uber turn around to get your phone charger I did

that's cool you're the coolest son we're so lucky Helen we're so damn lucky to have this oh Mr. Larry Bird we are the luckiest. Oh, Helen Bird, don't you remember when he was the size of a damn peanut?

He was our little chickadee, our little chickadee bird, our little baby bird. He was our baby bird. He was our baby bird. I remember I fed him as such, remember? Even when he was a couple years old, he had teeth. Then I said, you're my baby bird. Let mama feed you like a baby bird. But I do remember that.

You're such a wonderful mother. I remember that too, mom. We did that for, I was way too old for us to see. You're such a wonderful mother to our children. You're such a wonderful husband. Where's your sister, Tim? You'd bring them to the court. You'd bring them to the court.

I would. And you would just, you would just, you'd let them try and palm the basketball, but the basketball was too big for their little hands. I thought one of my kids would surely grow up to be a professional basketball, I mean, but no, and I love them both anyway. Can't I have a free throw? Ellen, that was get a little bit Gilbert little bit Godfrey on that can I have a three throw

can I can I have a three point shot can I have can I have a half time show where's your sister where's your sister Tim God well she's in her room still I think she's in her room still. I think she's got her headphones on.

Oh, I thought she went out with you. I mean, she wasn't invited, but... Oh, Tim, you have to let your sister join. Take your sister with you. Take your sister. She's such a good kid. Can I have happy family? Can I have happy family?

Okay, I'm gonna head out. I'm gonna bring Teresa with me, and you guys keep enjoying your night. Happy New Year. Okay. Can I have happy New Year? Can I have happy New Year? Can I have an old leg sign? Can I have an old leg sign? Can I have a old leg sign?

Come on, Tim. Sing it with us. Sing it with us. I'm halfway out the door, Dad. Sing it. Teresa, Teresa, Teresa, take those headphones off. Dad, I'm halfway out the door. Take those headphones off and listen to us.

Tim and I are almost on what? Should all acquaintance be forgot and never. We're out. Not tonight. Tonight we'll take our own. Let's take a break. And we're back. Can I have a cigarette? Can I have another 20 beautiful years with my gorgeous wife, Helen Bird?

Helen Bird. Helen Bird. Oh, my God. Oh Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. I love it when you call me sweet daddy. Sweet daddy. What a beautiful dream.

Okay. Here we go. This is from Fizey 8-Pack. Happy New Year. Eyeglasses, Christmas glasses, decoration, photo booth, props, New Year's Eve, party supplies. And these are the glasses that kind of they do it right. They have just normal glasses and on top it says 2024. These are the glasses that do it right.

Oh, honey, those glasses? Oh, these? No. These are the glasses that do it right. These are the glasses that do it right. Yeah. And so there's two different options. You can get a pack that says 2024 on the different options you can get a pack that has that

says 2024 on the top or you can get a pack that says happy new year on top okay i'd get the happy new year ones and well this is exactly what the reviewer got alfred five stars from shy brow no last name shy brow Brow Baggins. Shy Brow Baggins, five stars. The title is Durable Plastic, Sit Properly. Had been looking for some fun glasses for our tween New Year's Eve sleepover jam, but was burned so many times with lame paper-slash-thin cardboard ones that won't last a few minutes, much less a whole night of dress-up and Swifty sinking. Oh, God.

Finally realized needed to drop closer to $20, not $10, to actually get something decently made and hefty enough to actually wear. These are indeed solid and actually glasses. Novelty for sure, but won't fall off or give your paper cuts on your ears. Oh. What were the children doing with them? They were getting injured and the glasses were being destroyed. They're all bleeding.

Their ears are bleeding from the glasses. From the paper cut on the glasses. Okay, everybody. Thank you so much for coming. This is the first time I've ever hosted one of these. And so I wanted to make sure it was perfect. But my mom let me have the entire loft of our house to do the 2024 Becky's Ultimate Bad Bleep Slumber Party. Eight other tween girls. Yeah.

So, yeah. We've got some pretty exciting things lined up for the night. We have some Swifty lip syncing for all my Swifty girlies. And we have some Harry style syncing for my Harry hairy fans and we've got some baking we've got some dress up we've got everything your hearts will desire so if you guys don't have fun here you're not gonna find fun anywhere else can i get amen amen girl amen girl amen now i know a lot of you guys are new to this because again this is my first time hosting one of these thank you mom and dad from mom and dad downstairs you're welcome honey don't stay up too late and not oh my god she's literally yelling at her mom and dad that's so embarrassing i would

no it's not embarrassing sarah i heard you i'm just i'm just trying to be an assertive young woman a woman who stands up for herself okay now i would like to go around just so we can all get to know each other a little bit better and just say who you are and what your new year's resolution is girly pop sarah let's start with you okay um i guess my name is Sarah Bronner No relation And My New Year's resolution I guess Would be to make volleyball this year

Yes Yes yes And you know what Sarah you're gonna do it Girl you are so tall You are absolutely gonna make volleyball this year I finally hit my growth spurt and i'm pretty excited you grew a foot over the summer it was crazy i was getting by with just one before okay becky what's your new year's resolution oh my god the hostess should go last, but if you guys insist. Okay, not Becky then.

Wait, no, no, no, no. I can go. I can go. Hi, if you guys don't know me, then get out of my house. I'm Becky. Becky Smothers. No, really. Sorry, Smuckers.

Sometimes I mess up my own last name. Becky Smuckers. No relation. I wish. Can you imagine all the free Uncrustables I would get? But alas, no. Becky Smuckers. No relation. I wish. Can you imagine all the free Uncrustables I would get? But alas, no. Becky Smuckers. My New Year's resolution

is to dye my hair pink. Raise your hand if you also thought she was going to say to dye. Because I felt like she was going to say to dye. Personally, that's what I felt. Oh my god. Naomi, you've always been so weird and why don't you just go now okay my name is uh naomi um osaka no relation and um i guess if i had to pick a new year's resolution, even though I don't believe in all that shit because it's toxic.

Becky. What? Sorry. My name's Becky. I'm just like so a lot of self-love this year. Naomi, stop. My parents are listening. Self-love.

More like self-obsession. You nasty. Oh, my God. No, but like I love you. Whatever. I think if I had to pick a New Year's resolution, it would be have my Spotify wrapped be less cringe? Yes. Oh my god. I totally know what you mean.

I like that. I think I want to change mine. Because honestly, any of us could die on there any time. Well, no. But it's like, that's not... Seriously, Becky, yours was fine. How about I just... How about I just go next? Oh, Portisha. Oh, my God.

Mortisha, you're such a baby. How did they even let you in here? Portisha, Mortisha, please be normal. Oh, you're always so cringe. Hi, I'm Portisha, Mortisha. Smugglers. I'm Becky's younger sister. Oh my god.

Sorry. Our parents made her join the party because I didn't want her to be here and I said she was too little for the tween star sleepover but they said she had to come because she lives here. Naomi chiming in here.

It's not cool to be mean to your siblings. I don't know. But it is. Yeah, seriously not. Yeah, it's seriously not. So anyway, I'm Portisha Morticia Smuckers. No relation. Everyone laughs.

No relation. Imagine the uncrustable shit. Imagine all the jelly that I would afford. But alas, that is not the case. My name is Portisha Mort morticia i'm nine years old and my resolution for the new year oh get a boyfriend bad oh my god you are bad you are bad oh porticia morticia you are bad what grade are you in oh me yeah i'm in fifth grade oh you are bad hey guys no come on well again also she kind of stole my new because my resolution

where have you been hiding this one she is is bad. In her room where she belongs. Yeah, she's a bad. She's a bad girl. She's really mean. Let's move on. She draws on the walls even though she's nine and she's way too old to be drawing on the walls. Oh my god. We all develop a different.

Because I'm an artist. Like whatever. Because I'm an artist, Becky. Becky, there's literally no reason to be like this. Can we please move on? We don't need to introduce ourselves. We've literally been in school together for like five freaking years. Sorry, trying to avoid swearing.

Pure in an ass house. Little ears over here. And I'm talking about me. Yes. Yeah. A lot of my parents said that we can't swear because Portisha Morticia is joining us. I know Portisha Morticia swears. Don't you bitch?

You're damn right I do. You're damn right she does. Okay. Come on. Okay. You know what? Let's just get to our first activity. Okay. Let's save the lip syncing for later and I think it's time to play dress up diva and now what we're gonna do is we're gonna go down and raid

my mom's closet whoever puts together the best look wins a coke with caffeine in it no yeah fucking yeah there's only one there's only one fucking shit and so we're gonna do is we're gonna have a fashion show in the living room our parents are gonna judge whoever wins gets the caffeine coke can we get an amen amen amen okay naomi since you're so assertive why don't you go down and you make the first look okay i guess my mom said that it was okay all of her clothes are free range definitely don't double check with her because it's fully okay i guess comes back up in a pair of scrubs um oh naomi uh what are you no mom it's okay it's the game it's the game it's it's dress up diva

oh that's right um sorry mrs smothers she said this was fine smuckers please i'm sorry um no relation that's okay could you imagine all the uncrustables no uh yes i see okay so the game that's right the girls are gonna come down the coke that's right um yes my serving is my scrubs are gagged from this diva or no? Unfortunately, Naomi, I'm going to have to say that I'm not gagged. Rich. Rich. What's that?

Madam the puppet-looking ass, fucking dusty ventriloquist dummy-looking ass bitch. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Language, language, language. No, I swear to God, if this ugly- Excuse me, Naomi. Take off my scrubs right now. Madam Two Swords, come to life, night at the museum looking bitch.

Naomi! I'm serious. I'm gonna call your mother and you're gonna have to leave. Oh, call me whatever you like. Just don't call me late for dinner, bitch. Come on. We all love it when I read her mom.

How's her mom? Picks her up? The library is closed. Okay, ladies. Unfortunately, Naomi did have to go home because she read my mom to filth. But that's not going to stop us from having a good time. Sarah, why don't you go create your look? Okay, I have to say I'm a little afraid of having my creative expression stifled

after seeing what happened to Noemi for expressing her opinion. It'll be great. All you need to do is just not cuss out my mom. Well, no promises, bitch. Comes back up in a wedding dress. Just torn to pieces. Yeah, so

this is kind of a take on what I was doing here as it's sort of a take on the shackles of femininity and I's sort of a take on, um, the shackles of femininity. And I was sort of like, I know. Sarah, you're, you're Tom's daughter.

Aren't you? Sure are. Whoa. When I tell your father about this. Oh my goodness. Ladies, a tale as old as time this old ass man

trying to tell a young girl what to wear I mean can you believe it history repeats itself just think Goody Proctor I'm gonna call your father you are going home burn me the steak on you white more weight you dusty bitch

okay Patricia I guess it's just us two more weight, you dusty bitch. Okay, Porticia, I guess it's just us two, since my other two friends got kicked out of our house for cussing out Mom and tearing up her wedding dress. Yeah.

Do we even need to continue playing the game? Um, I guess we could ask Mom if we can split the Coke with caffeine in it. We could also have Aunt Susan's in the kitchen. Maybe we could make a game of it and go see if she can sneak us a second one. Okay, Crazy. Maybe you are related to me after all. I am. Smuckers. No relation,

diva. Go in the kitchen. Hi, Aunt Susan. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, kiddo. Um, I... Dad didn't want to get off the couch, so he wanted us to ask if we could get two cans of Coke with caffeine in it for him.

Um, your dad wants two cans of Coke at once? Coke with caffeine in it for him and mom. Yeah. To stay up late to watch the ball drop i mean i love you guys but i i genuinely don't think i've seen a can of caffeine free coke since like 93 so the gold can are you guys even old enough to remember the gold can yeah i'll get you guys coke with cat who buys who likes to drink Coke but is worried about the caffeine of all things? I mean, yeah, sure. You guys can have the caffeine.

Mom always told us that we weren't allowed to drink Coke with caffeine in it. I mean, not that that matters right now, but that's why, you know, there's a lot of gold cans in the pantry. That's, I mean, this is exactly why I don't really like coming here. Yeah, I, yeah, okay, I can see in the pantry now. These are, does anybody drink them? Do you guys drink them? Every night. You get one of these every night?

Yeah. Okay, that seems like. It's our nighttime treat. Night... Is that... Tell me... Because there's no caffeine in it. Tell me...

It's before you've brushed your teeth at least? Oh, no, no, no. You brush your teeth and you drink a can, a full can of caffeine-free Coke. Yeah.

One for... One for Porticia Morticia and one for me. So you want the full 40 grams of cane sugar but no caffeine and your parents are chill with that. Okay. But you want normal one for your dad. Do you guys want one since I'm in here?

Oh, well, if you're offering, yeah. We'll each have caffeine Coke. Yes, the one with no caffeine. The gold can, it tastes bad. You guys, just drink the normal one. This is your dad's influence. I swear. What was that?

Hey, hey, hey, Susan, Susan, Susan. You can't be giving those girls caffeine. Oh, shut up. They'll be up till all hours of the night. Oh, my God. Don't pull that with me right now, Susan. They're my kids, not yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gab all you want. You'll always be my little brother. All right, Tommy. Let him have some Coke. Susan, do not disrespect me in front of my girls right now. I'm sorry. And don't make an ass of yourself in front of your girls. I mean.

How am I making language, please, in front of Portisha Mortisha? I think she's... Look at her. She's more than... She swears all the time. I'm sure of it. Don't you? Portisha Mortisha, is that true?

Do you swear all the time, Portisha Mortisha? Not all the time. Just like when it's necessary. Okay. You see, so she even understands... When is it necessary? Oh, Tom, come on.

You know when it's necessary. Sometimes it's just necessary. No, but she shouldn understands. When is it necessary? Oh, Tom, come on. You know when it's necessary. Sometimes it's just necessary. No, but she shouldn't. She's nine. All right. Also, I've realized Portition, I don't know if you know this, but Portition Morticia's in fifth grade at nine years old.

Okay, I don't have kids. She's pretty advanced. Is that not normal or not? I don't know. She's incredibly advanced. This that not normal or not? I don't know. She's incredibly advanced. This is your problem with you. You literally assume everybody knows about the shit with your kids. Girls, you know what?

Fuck it. Take the cans of caffeine included Coke. Uh-oh. You go have your fun tween star night. And let me and Aunt Susan duke it out for a little bit. Duke it out? Oh, I'm quaking in my boots. Happy New Year, Aunt Susan.

Love you, Dad. Happy New Year, kids. I hope you grow up normal. Tommy. Why are you here, Susan? Why are you here? Needle needed? You say you never like coming, and yet here you are, eating our food, sleeping in our

guest room, using our cable. Sue me, Tom. Is that why you're here? Is that why you're here? Is that why you're here? Love my family? What, I'm not allowed to spend time with my little brother and his kids? Oh, love my family? You hate these girls. You haven't seen these girls since they were what, one and... That's not

fair. Since before Portition Watchers was even born. That's not fair. You know that I was on assignment. Alright? You know, I was. Well, I can't go telling them that. I can't go telling them that their aunt is in the FBI. I can't.

They're not going to believe me. No, and I'm not asking you to tell them that their aunt is in the FBI. I'm asking you to cut me a little grace. I wish I could tell you the things I've been doing, the shit I've seen in the last eight years. Is it worth it? You got no husband, you got no friends, you barely see your family. Is it all worth it? I don't know, Tom. I came back here, I wanted to see my nieces, thought maybe that would be enough to prove to me that it was. But you know, when you're over there,

they tell you that it's worth it to keep them safe. Over where? Over where? I can't tell you that. Damn, thought I got you. Yeah. You're too good. Hell yeah. You know, Susan... Best goddamn age they have.

I remember coming to your graduation ceremony when you graduated from the academy. The academy. And I gave you a copy of Silence of the Lambs' joke. And I said, you're our little Clarice. I wish. But look at you.

I wish that were a joke. It wasn't. Come on. Might have been a joke to you. But you don't know where I've been. Tell me. Okay. Susan, we to you, but you don't know where I've been. Then tell me. Okay. Susan, we could be closer if you just let me in.

No, it's for your own safety, Tom. Let me in, Susan, from little brother to big sister. I want to set a good example for Portisha, Mortisha, and Becky. Tommy. It's too late for us. It just is. What? There's too late for us it just is what there's too much bad blood

we're in our 40s it's not too late no I wish but you wish what I wish there was more time for me to say there's so much time

everything I need to say but the average lifespan now is about like 85 if only you knew what I know what Tom Susan just tell me for christ's sake okay this is it this is the last one last one new year's what yeah we're not supposed to tell

anyone it's top secret but how do you do you know? There was a memo. From where? The top of the chain. Oh my god, so the government's in on this? Higher than that. What? It's aliens, Tom. They're real.

They're coming. Oh, that? Oh, that shit, Susan. They're real. They're coming. Oh, that? Oh, that shit, Susan. We all know that. No, Tom, you don't understand. Shit, Susan, tell me something I don't know. We know aliens are real. You don't understand. They want this world.

They're making it their new home, Tom. Oh, well, God, let them have it. The past couple years, shit, they can take it. Tommy. Well, now I'm not worried anymore. Susan, I'm glad I'm doing something. Listen to me, Tommy. There's a few of us getting together.

There's a compound out in Colorado. Gonna hunger down for a while, see if this whole thing blows over. Bring the girls. What? Bring your wife. Is this real? Don't tell anybody. But what about her family?

You've got three weeks to make it out there. There's limited space, Tommy. I told you that. But her parents! God, we can't leave her parents! Leave them? Try and take them, you all die. I mean...

Susan... I'm just calling us... Were you not going to tell us this? I... Not allowed! They told us not to. That's why I came back. I had to were you not gonna tell us this I not allowed they told us not to that's why I came back I had to warn you in person

I couldn't do it over the phone the phones are bugged by the aliens the government they don't want we can't have them knowing about the compound okay well thank you

for letting me know you're welcome I love you little brother I'll make arrangements I love you too little brother. I'll make arrangements. I love you too. Okay, three weeks. Three weeks. Don't be late.

Cut to three weeks from then. Okay, Susan? Knock, knock. Looks like the front of the compound. Little slat slides over. Tommy? Hey, Susan, it's me. I got my wife of the compound. Little slat slides over. Tommy? Hey, excuse me, it's me. I got my wife and the girls.

Just you guys, right? Of course. Were you followed? No. Remember everything I taught you about being tailed? Trust me, I shook them off. Okay. Come on in.

Be quick about it. Come on in. Be quick about it. Thank God. An hour later, you just hear a boom. Oh my God, is that them? Are they outside? Are they outside? Are they outside? Go down.

Go down. There's a basement. What? There's a basement. We're going to go down to the basement. We were supposed to have... We were supposed to have another week before they came. But they came early.

I guess we have to go down to the basement now, Thomas. I'm not shitting around, Thomas. I'm not shitting. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're chasing us. Wait. Wait. Wait. I lied. I lied. I lied. chasing us. Gotta get out of that place. Wait.

Wait. Wait. I lied. I lied. I lied. I lied. I brought the kids' grandparents. I brought my wife's parents. They're on the car.

They're on the car. They're on the car. I have to get them. I have to get them. Tommy, if you step out that door. If you step out that door. I have to. Those are my girls' grandparents.

Those are my wife's parents. Those are my in-laws. I am taking Porticia, Morticia, and Becky down to the bunker right now. If you make it back with them, I'll let you in. But I swear, if I see an alien on the other side of that door, I'm keeping your daughters in here with me. I have to be a hero. Whatever, man. I'll see you down there

I hope so I will be down there okay okay hurry come on girls um hello uh hands up I left something in my car Hello? Hello? Hands up.

I left something in my car. I just need to grab... Slowly walking in the car. Older parents are just terrified. He's coming back for us. He's coming back. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.

Okay, okay. They won't let me. Hey, hey, Martin, Angela. Hi, it's me. It's me, Tom. They won't let me touch the car. They won't let me touch the car. They're very, very protective of the car. Um, can I please get past? They let him. Oh, thank you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, Martin, Angela, get out. Get out.

Get out. Come with me. We have to walk very slowly. Very slowly. Because they're looking at me very suspiciously. They're being nice. They're ushering us to... They're holding our hands. They're helping us

cross. They're blowing us kisses. We are learning your language. This is my wife. I believe that is your human term. Will you be our third? We need to take a break

from the podcast like from doing the show this is for big dot of happiness new year's eve gold glasses paper cardstock 2024 new year's eve party photo booth props kit 10 count

from Jacqueline S Jacqueline Year's Eve party photo booth props kit. Ten count. Okay. From Jacqueline S. Jacqueline. One star. Sweetass. Holy fucking shit, man. Okay. One star from Jacqueline.

Sweetass. One star? One star. Thislyn Sweetass. One star? One star. This should be interesting. I mean, this review won't exactly be normal. Well, the twist is, it fucking is. One star.

Unable to use. Came in a week late. A week after New Year's Eve. Rendering them useless. As they had the year on them. Oh, no! That sucks so bad. That sucks. Halloween costume party.

Oh, my God, what a year. Okay, welcome, welcome. Everybody coming in. Let me guess. Let me guess. Angie, welcome, welcome. Everybody come on in. Let me guess. Let me guess. Angie and Trevor, you guys are Barbenheimer. Come on. Come on.

Guilty. Guilty. Hi, Barbie. Hi, Barbie. Oh, you guys look fantastic. Get on in there. Get inside. She's the blonde bombshell.

Oh, you guys are so clever. Can anyone guess who I am? Can anyone guess who I am? Can anyone guess who I am? You're, oh, you're Wonka, right? Yes. There's chocolate. There's chocolate. You must have had that one ready to go, huh?

That was great. Oh, I certainly did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know me. I'm a prepper. I'm a prepper. You guys get in there. Okay, who else we got? Who else we got?

Lawrence. Look at you. I've never seen a more handsome Monopoly man in my life. I've never seen a more handsome Monopoly man. Thank you, madam. May I perchance have a drop of your dick's mix? I don't know if he's British. I'm just trying

to find out. Oh, it's great. I would like to buy a mansion on Park Place, please. Okay. I'll be giving you my number later. Oh, you're crazy. I'm serious. Let's give it a shot this year. You're crazy. No, every time. You ask every time. You can't blame

a guy for shooting a shot. Get inside. Use the cane. Go. Okay. Get in there. Sarah. Sarah the cane. Go. Okay. Get in there. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Good to see you, girl. We will fight them on the beaches.

I love your Winston Churchill. From the darkest hour. Remember? You dress up as him every year. And every year the prosthetics get better and better. Well, I spent enough money on the costume, didn't I? You certainly did. I'm not going to only wear it one year, am I?

Get in there, you crazy bitch. All right, maybe this year is the year for you and I. No, you guys. All right, all right, all right. You guys, I'm engaged. Please. Chris is literally making drinks inside. Oh.

I know I'm the hottest person at this party every year, but come on. You have to have a little respect. I hardly recognized him. Because he's an Oompa loompa and he's painted orange he's specifically the hugh grant who looks suicidal anyway i'm going bye thank you sir glad you're here oh sam you do you want to put your costume on we have a bathroom if you want to put your costume on? We have a bathroom if you want to get changed Um Um Yeah, okay, sure

Yeah, I'll Unless I'm sorry No, yeah, I'll get changed Yeah, I'll get changed No, you don't have to I'll get changed I'll put it on

You're just wearing a 2023 headband No, you don't have to. No, I'll get changed. I'll get changed. No, of course. Is this your costume? Yeah, no, I'll put it on. I'll put it on. You're just wearing a 2023 headband. No, no, I'll be... I'm going to get changed. Sam, it's okay. No, I'm literally... If this is... Just tell me what your costume is.

Maybe I just didn't get it right away. No, just give me a sec in the bathroom. Okay. Are you sure you're... Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Of course it's not a costume just a 2020 how could that be interpreted as a costume okay okay i'm gonna okay i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna facetime julie julie pick up pick up oh thank god thank god thank god thank god um hey what's up remember i told you i was going to that party oh that lame party with your college friends yeah how's that going you

want me to pick you up it's awful i mean the one i remember i told you she's engaged but everybody else is hitting on her oh yeah yeah yeah rachel it's so sad it's so sad anyway you're not getting any ideas. I mean, look, Chris looks pretty good in that Hugh Grant costume, but I think I'll manage to restrain myself. I don't know why I'm in cave. Well, what's up? Is it a code red or what? Code freaking Miss Scarlet. I mean, I look ridiculous, Julie.

What? No, you're a New Year's Eve guy. That doesn't, that's not a thing you told me that it would read and what you wearing a 2023 thing that says like happy new year 2023 you're clearly new year's eve guy there's a woman here with full winston churchill prosthetics on okay well that's crazy people who go too hard for halloween are my college friends are like this you You know what? I have an idea.

Why don't you... You're in the bathroom. Take some toilet paper, put it around you, and you can be the New Year's baby. What's the New Year's baby? You've never heard of Baby New Year? Who's Baby New Year? No, I've never heard of that. It's a thing.

Look it up. Is that a New Orleans thing? Oh, it's an everywhere thing. I don't... Okay, whatever. I'll dress up. You think that'll work? Yeah, baby New Year's here.

Baby New Year is a personification of the start of the New Year commonly seen in editorial cartoons. Stop Googling while we're on FaceTime. He symbolizes the birth. No, I'm just... This is from my mind. Okay, Julie, how about this?

He symbolizes the birth of the New Year. I can literally see that your face got whiter. Okay? I can see the screen changed from looking at me. Whatever, dude. I'm just trying to help you, so don't get mad at me. In what world does covered in toilet paper read baby? I didn't say covered.

I just said wrap it around your crotch like a diaper. Okay. Okay. What if I... And go shirtless. What? No. And pantsless.

Pantsless. Wrap it around your briefs. I'm not wearing any. And be baby new year. Okay, then. Even better. You can make a diaper out of toilet paper. Okay.

Free balling. And be baby new year. Free balling in a toilet paper. Free balling. Free balling in toilet paper. Diaper and a headband. Yes. That's a costume, right?

Yes. And if you need me, you can call me. I'm just at home watching Nightmare Before Christmas like I do every night. I don't know why I fucking came. Okay. I miss you. I'll see you later. You've been gone for 20 minutes.

I'm just stressed. All right, man. Just make your diaper. I'm going to. Fuck. Knock, knock. Hey, just saying you shit in here. Is having a break it out.

Having a big... Fuck. Okay, just saying you can shit in here. He's having a break now. Having a big... Okay. Fuck. Okay, wrap it around your... Dick and balls and around your ass. Oh. Trying to make sure that... Fucking one-ply cheap ass.

I fucking... I bet this is Chris. He looks like a guy who doesn't like fucking expensive toilet paper. I don't know what everybody sees in them anyway. Okay. I think I'm as everybody sees in them anyway. Okay. I think I'm as sealed up as I'm going to be. Fucking criminal. Okay.

I'm going to... Time for the big reveal. Holy shit. I can't believe I'm doing this. Hey, guys. He sees Sarah as Winston Churchill gets hard. The toilet paper all rips off. Whoa, this is crazy.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Sam. What? It's the New Year's baby. Everybody knows about it. It's the personification of the beginning of the- Get out of our house.

Get out of our house, you fucking weirdo. All right, hit me up, Sarah. Keep the prosthetics on whatever should we do our last segment yes please yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy. Why is it shaking you, our friend?

It's beginning to look a lot like shaking me. All week long. Whether it's a show I watched or probably a show I watched. Or a cartoon that's hot. It's a show I watched or probably a show I watched. What? Or a cartoon that's hot. What has been shaking my... I have one. Go for it, girl.

You know I support it. I watched for the first time ever in my life, Eyes Wide Shut. Very good movie. Kubrick young tom cruise is so hot in that film specifically yeah okay also in top gun 2 like not top gun 2 in top gun the first one. Young Tom Cruise in Top Gun 2. Top Gun 2. Just a spry 67. No, this is going to sound so obvious, but it's like, listen, he is problematic. He is all kinds of fucked up in Scientology, all that. Yes, sure. But that man is a movie star.

Like, watching him, I'm like, oh, yeah. No, he's a movie star. Yes, yeah. I guess, yeah. No, but you know what I mean? It's like, just watching him. Yes, I do know what you mean when you say no he's a movie star yeah I guess yeah no but you know what I mean it's like just watching yes I do know what you mean when you say Tom Cruise is a movie star no but I'm just saying it's like I get why he's a movie star because he is very talented he's so charismatic he's so good looking it's just like damn anyway eyes wide shut freaky little movie

I watched it with my mom fre Freaky deaky little film. I love. Freaky deaky. You ever see Jerry Maguire? No, I haven't yet. Oh, I love Jerry Maguire. Young Tom Cruise. Hot as ever.

You can't handle the Tom Cruise. If you don't deserve me at my young Tom Cruise, then you don't deserve me at my young Tom Cruise. Who's been shaking your ass? Okay. There's a ghost in the graveyard. I love that game. That game is so fucking fun.

I, the adrenaline that I experienced as a child running around in the dark, the flashlight. I, okay. Well, we played it very differently. Okay.

And by we played it, I mean, I never played it in my childhood. I only played it starting two years ago with daniel's family in the midwest how would you how do they play no flashlights no flashlights in the pitch fucking black baby that's terrifying and would you do it in an actual graveyard no we did it in a park and apart and you dig the bodies up what what you go okay uh what has been shaking me um this is a little past it now but i'm gonna do it anyway um don't look at me like that the live show um is is christmas music in general i made a real concerted effort this year to start listening to christmas music in earnest early and to vary the christmas music so i didn't get burnt out and i have to say there

are some modern christmas songs okay share dj play a christmas song we all know it we all love it um making trainers christmas song album good okay there are have you listened to see us no puppies are forever not just for christmas okay saving it for next year shit puppies are forever i love that for christmas not just for christmas i keep throwing my puppies away on boxing day and i guess what's also been shaking me is just the fact that that that that that that a year ago we we put out prenatal yoga the first crazy episode now larry bird smoking a joint with his wife the scenes have only gotten better i mean but yeah i love that oh my god it's been a year happy annie happy annie happy annie isn't it weird i love you isn't it weird that like say back i love i love you is it weird that what no i was gonna talk about star wars what the fuck because you said annie and that's what like they call anakin

in the first one okay you can find alph on instagram at alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review right at r can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview. Reddit, r slash ReviewReview. Discord, it's popping off. And the ReviewReview channel. And Jeff, for you, James, and I have a Patreon, patreon.com slash RileyAndJeff. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com.

Just the web browser, not the phone app, at RileyAndSpaw. And on Twitter.com. fucking ugly ass X logo on my phone. I hate it. I'm so mad. And you can find Riley on the ugly ass X logo. Riley Coyote. And are you on threads yet? I am, but I don't use it. Just the same as your Instagram handle?

Yeah, but I don't use it. Why not? You know what we say every week, guys? What do we do? What are we doing here? Where the fuck am I? We say this every single week. We're always saying it.

We're never not saying it. To start the new year and to round out. This will be our last record of 2023 and the first episode of 2024 we're doing it on midnight happy new year everybody thank you for listening this year we love you we love you we can't wait to see what corazon is this year has in store we can't wait to spread the joy. My new sweet Yeti. And the joy and the mirth of it all. And as we say every single week. Every single time. Get the cigarette.

Get the cigarette. We'll see you next week. We'll see you later. Bye. That was a HeadGum Podcast.