Review Revue - Orange Theory

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

Reilly and Alf are hitting the gym for the 5th 500,000th time and reading reviews on Orange Theory. This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Come on and spawn now. Let me look at you. Talk about your age. Try to tell the truth. I could stay up half the night trying to crack your code. I could stay up half the night but I'd rather hit the ranch.

On the night but I'd rather hit the ranch on the night that I met you I was on the quad on the night that I met you I wanna know what shook you

wanna pod that's so damn surreal you make me wanna drive down to feel i just wanna barge well i just wanna just it made me my reaction just now made me think of the rupaul meme like the if you guys do not know what that meme is you're not on the internet as much as we are um that was haunting that was a parody of fuh You by Paul McCartney from the album Egypt Station. Obviously, it was called

I Just Wanna Bard Well. It was from Riley and they said this song was suggested by another member of the Headcumbe Discord so special thanks to them. I think my favorite part

is that it was not on time. It was not in time. It was arrhythmic. Yes, it was arrhythmic. Do you think that was a choice? I do. And I want to say something which is you give give when you're giving credit to someone else yeah are you actually giving them credit or are you trying to sort of shift some of the blame what

do you mean well when they said i someone else's idea in the discord it's like is that because they want to give credit where credit's due or is that because they're embarrassed or like well it wasn't even me i wouldn't have done this but if it actually person in the discord never even said it's not my idea then i would have never even thought to do it exactly um so thank you for sending it raylee spelled the wrong way how's the right way my spelling r y no oh sorry r y l e i g h um guys guys this is a really special R-Y-L-E-I-G-H. Guys. Guys. This is a really special. If you haven't noticed already that the tension and the chemistry is powerful in the room. We're recording in person.

I'm literally looking at Alfie from across the table. It's kind of crazy. This is our first time recording in person. This is our first time meeting. That's not the live show. This is our first time. We've never met in person. We're internet friends. Alf is 4'9".

Come on. This is our first time met in person we're friends we're internet friends four nine um come on this is our first time recording in person that is not the live show which i guess was technically a recording person but that didn't really count this is us why didn't that count because this is just just you don't like ryan you don't like tyler we can record a pod now just the two of us um we can actually sing we spent we've never been able to sing in a podcast before. We spent New Year's Eve together. We did.

It was beautiful. We rang in the new year. We watched a local broadcast. We watched local broadcasts. So I'm in Chicago with Daniel's family for the new year. And so Alf and his girlfriend. Windy city. Windy city.

And Daniel and I, we all hung out. And we played games. We had fun. I burnt a bag of popcorn. Oh, mama, you didn't burn a bag of popcorn. You i burnt a bag of popcorn oh mama you didn't burn a bag of popcorn you singed a bag of popcorn at the time of recording it is january 2nd i i burned the bag singed the popcorn uh new year's eve and the microwave still smells like is that true yes i'm mortified but because i walked into this house and i said oh no i didn't i'm lying um we watched local chicago news broadcast shout out to

hosea it's really guys if you aren't watching local broadcast news get on it we watched a proposal there was the worst proposal you've ever seen in your life where she wanted to say no and you see the girl wanted to say no there was a marriage i'm presuming married couple because only married couples can have babies. Presuming married because she was pregnant. Presuming married because she was pregnant. And they were together, like this newscaster married team.

She's pregnant. And then they were with these bunch of grandmas. And he, the guy was holding a tray of shots. And he's like, every time someone says shots, oh, so it says baby, I'll take a shot. A bizarre premise. He did six shots in like 30 seconds. It was crazy. But he was like six, nine. So I was like, you can take a shot. A bizarre premise. He did six shots in like 30 seconds. It was crazy. But he was like 6'9",

so I was like, he can probably take it. But that, all that to say we had such a blast. There was another man, because they were like cutting between the three different shots. And there was one time that he,

right after New Year, you know, it's like 12.05, and he goes, I just want to shout out to everybody that we've lost this year. And they cut away. And they don't come back. And they don't come back. They don't come back. And they don't come back.

And so it's like he's staring down the barrel of a camera that's not live and he's going, Mary. Mary. Susan. Maria. Rest in peace. All my friends I lost. So, Al, what's been new since I've seen you two days ago?

Two days ago. It snowed. Or was that before? That was before. Oh, then nothing. Oh, no. Yeah, no, that was before. How was your 2024 been?

I haven't showered. You haven't showered this year. No, I have. Yeah, 48 hours is a bit too long. What haven't I done yet this year? Probably, I don't think I've sneezed. That's crazy. I don't think I've sneezed in 2024 crazy i don't think i've sneezed in 2024 that's crazy have you yes allergies uh daniel had a little bit of a cold not covid not covid and so you sympathy sneeze every time he sneezed you went oh babe yes um i wore to a new year's day dinner i wore my new boots my oh my god you're john clomper stompers

and i told daniel i'm like are these too much to wear to like yes they're too much for almost any situation i'm towering over of course i'm in the i'm in the workroom episode one of the season of Drag Race. Somebody comes in in those shoes. I say, okay, she's doing a little too much. There, I feel so powerful. But then at the end of the night, I took them off. I realized how short I am. And was that weird for you? Yes. Did you miss being taller? Yes. It is kind of nice, isn't it? Oh my God. The world looks so much different. The perspective. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Um, I'm bald and nobody knows did you know i know that but that's because i'm always laying down around you i'm always planking on the ground it's a

dominance thing like a dog yes i'm so intimidated yeah um but speaking of shifting your perspective speaking of oh my body feels different speaking of oh i guess the height thing speaking of wow things look a little different when you kind of change your perspective on things okay speaking of new year's resolutions we weren't speaking of the new year we were speaking of the color orange we weren't we're talking about Orange Theory Fitness. Tell me about it. I'm into fitness. Are you into Orange Theory?

Absolutely not. I've never done it. Fitness sandwich in my mouth. Come on. I saw you. I saw you shift gears at the last possible second. What are you talking about? We were talking. We were on the phone earlier today.

We're like, oh, my God, we're recording in person. So exciting. What do we record? And we were asking Daniel. We're like, we need something kind of New Year's theme. But we've already done Martinelli, Sparkling Cider. And we've already done New Year's glasses. And Alf goes, oh, the only two.

The only two New Year's things. You go on Family Food. You go on Family Food. Family Food. With Steve Harvey. And he says, category is New Year's. There's only two things on the list. Yeah.

New Year's Eve glasses and Martinelli sparkling cider. I was in the grocery store the morning of New Year's Eve and I walked past the sparkling cider and I almost bought a bottle. You should have. I brought it over. Why didn't you? Because I didn't want to. Free will, baby. Shit.

Have you ever made a resolution, a New Year's resolution, to be like, I'm going to get fit. I'm going to go to the gym, X, Y, Z. I'm going to. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I mean, of course. I went to theater school. I would say I haven't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. The body dysmorphia is so ingrained. I mean, you know, imagine going to college and you're surrounded by the hottest people you've ever seen. And, of course, you're 18, so you're the most insecure person on the planet.

Yes. And so, of course, your New Year's resolution every year is, I guess I'm going to become fit as hell. I guess I'm going to have to get a six-pack in the next five weeks. Yeah, a six-pack of Narragansett. Oh, a six-pack of Narragansett. So we picked Orange Theory. Who picked it? I think it was me.

We can be honest about that. And then I thought, oh, have you done it before? And I was like, no. Absolutely not. But then you said you, because I don't know what the theory is. What is the theory? I'm familiar with the theory. Because all I know about it, hold on, before you tell me what it is.

Yeah, what do you think the theory is? What do you think the theory is? I know that it is a gym. I know that it is group classes. Well, first of all, okay, first of all, it's not a gym. It's not a gym. I know it's group classes. Okay. I know you go and you sign up. You have either membership, okay, first of all, it's not a gym. It's not a gym. I know it's group classes. Okay.

I know you go and you sign up, you have either membership or you do class by class and you're in a pack. Yeah. I don't think pack is the word they would use, but. I do also know that there's like a leaderboard or there's like, you have your monitor, you have like a heart monitor hooked up. Exactly. That is so fucking bizarre.

So now you're, but now you're getting to the theory. Have you ever heard of a little thing called HIIT? Have you ever heard of a little thing called Darwin? Have you ever read a book called Dianetics? You're thetans, mama. Do you know, do you know about HIIT? Like high-intensity interval training?

That's exactly the one. Yes. So the theory, I believe. The orange. And if you actually know what it is, lay off. I don't give a fuck. Shut up. And if you actually know what it is, lay off. I don't give a fuck. Shut up. Okay?

It's better to know what I think it is. It's the clockwork orange theory. It's the chocolate orange theory, the way I do it. Come on, Terry. My British friends know what I'm talking about. But no, so the theory of orange. The way you close your eyes, you look so thoughtful. The theory of orange. The way you close your eyes, you look so thoughtful. The theory of orange.

You don't know how much of the podcast I normally spend with my eyes closed. I look, this is my first time looking at each other while doing this show. When we record on Zoom. You have no idea what I look like when I'm doing it. I paint eyes on my eyelids when we record on Zoom. So what is the theory? The theory behind it, so I've been told. Yeah, keep your eyes closed. Don't look at me. The been told is that so that i've been told is that imagine imagine right now imagine right now we're in stasis our

hearts beating normal resting pace the green zone okay imagine your sprint your fucking life your your heart is gonna beat out your chest oh my god You're in the red zone. Okay. And somewhere in the middle, there's the orange zone. Oh yes, classic green, orange, red. Just like the lights. The classic color progression. And so the idea, I believe, is that you keep your heart rate

in that kind of middle, high middle. So- It's all about like staying- On the boards, they're able to track like if you're in the red or in the green. And it's like, I know you're in green. You better pick it up. Oh, wow.

You know what I mean? Okay. I believe that's what it is. I don't know, but I believe. There's something very sinister about having everybody on the same board and tracking. Here's a question I have for you. Hey, comparison's a thief of joy. Oh, I have a secret for you.

Okay. Comparison? Yeah. She's a thief of joy. Oh, I have a secret for you. Okay. Comparison? Yeah. She's a thief of joy. Hey, can I let you in a little insider? Hey, you want to be a Hollywood insider? Sure. Comparison?

What is it? Do you know her? We met once. She's kind of a robber. What does she rob? Joy. She's a thief. Uh-huh.

Of joy. Do you like group fitness? Yes. Fitness sandwich in my mouth. I do. I haven't done it in a while, but I do like it because there's a certain – here's the thing. I love a group class because it's like we're all doing it together. There's like the collective energy of it, and there's also the part of me, the insecurity that I have that it's like –

Okay, get into it. I have to do the exercise because everyone else is doing it um and if i don't think that's good well that it's like you know if they can do it i can do it and also i don't want to be the one person that's behind and not doing it um but i know that i'm like oh well i every body is different so i might not have the same pace as another person i you know might have to like take a break more than this person does or vice versa or whatever. So to have a board where it's like everyone needs to be in the same zone all the time is crazy to me.

It's giving Abby Lee Miller pyramid. Yes. That is exactly the energy I get. Yes. It's like you walk into the top of the pyramid going three for three. Jojo Siwa. It's Maddie. Do you like group fitness? No. Fitness sandwich in my mouth? I don't actually. Really? it yes it's like you walk in the top of the pyramid going three for three jojo siwa maddie do you like group fitness no fitness sandwich in my mouth i don't actually i really i don't

enjoy to be told what to do um i'm sort of a rebellious spirit you're kind of crazy you like free will oh you're on that free will shit i'm on that human beings can make their own choices i love that uh but seriously though close my eyes again but seriously though my theory but like enough joking around enough joking around let's close our eyes um i don't i i don't i don't like i've done i've never done soul cycle uh-huh but i have i have done spin generic generic spin you know the sisters the cousins yeah yeah yeah of of soul cycle and i just don't like it because i'm like don't you fucking tell me to ride holy shit i'll ride when i want to ride alfred alfred sit down i'll sit down well this is the problem they say i'm in the

group class they say sit down sir i'm the one leading it. Sit down. You're rocking the boat. Sit down, sit down, sit down. But seriously, I don't like it. I don't like it. Stop trying to make me go. I'm not. I didn't say anything. I don't.

I like the group aspect of it. It's the leader I don't like. I hardly know her. Does that make sense to you? I guess. Well, I guess it's like if you just don't like being told what to do then that then you won't like any group fitness leader i like getting instructions i like yoga i like a group yoga uh-huh i because then it's it's not like yoga is so much about like and i don't want to speak for all you know practices but like a lot of times you're speaking for i want to speak

for every person who does yoga but it's like a lot of times. Yes, you do. You're speaking for everyone. I want to speak for every person who does yoga. But it's like a lot of the yoga classes I've been to have been more like, hey, whatever your body needs today. Yes. Yeah. Check in. If that stretch works for you, it does. All bodies are different.

It depends on the instructor. You know? Yeah. And then the like, I know you can cycle faster than that. Piece of shit. Piece of shit. Yeah. No, I agree. It's like, fuck off.

Literally, this is as fast as my little legs can go. That's why the, and again, again, again, again, again. We haven't done orange theory. We have no idea what we're talking about. And I don't want to know about it. And I don't want to know. But if you go and like it, if that's your bag, hell yeah. If the actual orange theory is that it's high intensity interval training and after every single thing

you chug a glass of orange juice I don't want to know that that's what it is if the orange theory is how many how many you got it

you got it you got it land the place how many ziplocs full of orange slices can a mom bring to an AYSF soccer game that that's the kind

of orange theory I'm into if the orange theory is bitch look how fucking orange you fucking look is Eliza Edwards and Coco Montrese in the work room if the real orange theory is bitch look how fucking orange you fucking look is eliza edwards and coco montrese in the workroom

if the real orange theory is uh lock from lost when he put that orange slice in his mouth my lost heads know what i'm talking about you guys remember that scene if the orange theory is is um how let's take a break you're sweating let's take a break you're in the orange zone right now let's take a break your heart let's take a break let's take a break you're in the orange zone right now your heart is pounding right back help do you want to start us off or should I? I think you know the answer already. Oh, wow.

Shocking. You told me yours were good. Shocking. Yes. No, I do like mine. I do like mine. Mine are shit. The best you ever had. Okay.

This is for the Orange Theory in Manhattan, East 39th Street. Oh, you've never heard of it. New York. Never heard of it. Never heard of it. This is one star. Uh-oh. From Carrie K.

Okay. Carrie. King. From Stephen King. Stephen King's Carrie. Carrie from King. Carrie King. Where are you going?

One star. Why are you leaving the room? I started using Orange Theory when they first started the studio, so I've had years of experience with various studios and locations all across the country. This studio is actually where I got my first monthly membership, and after a year of going to this studio, can securely say this is by far the worst studio I've experienced. The instructors are great, other than the time I attended a 5.15 a.m. class

and the instructor didn't show up, but the customer service is abysmal. On a.m. class and the instructor didn't show up. But the customer service is abysmal. On the topic of the class where the instructor was a no-show, on the topic of this one big thing that happened, the studio did nothing to proactively reach out to members or to compensate them, unless you proactively complained to them. They didn't seem to care about inconveniencing people at all. Also, good luck trying to get in touch with them.

They don't answer emails, follow up with with outstanding items or return voicemails this review made me think of i don't know if you had this in your high school middle school whatever our thing was like if a teacher is more than 20 minutes late oh my god class was canceled and i don't know if that was actually a thing i don't know if it was actually part of like the school like student handbook or if kind of that was just lore that the students had all agreed on be like oh well if the teacher is 20 minutes late then there's no class and I have a specific memory of like sitting house I was waiting for like my chemistry class in high school and it was like the first class of the day and we we were all like, oh my God, 18 minutes. And he's still not here.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And then we were about to be like, God, should we call it? And we see him walking down the hall and we're like, but it's 20 minutes. He goes, but I showed up. We're like, but it's 20 minutes. And he's like, that's not a rule.

And he came in. He was 20 minutes late to a what? A 50 minute class. That is absurd. And so we're like okay we have 30 minutes of chemistry but anyway that's what we think of anyway no but seeing like we were all here at 5 15 and the instructor didn't show that happened to me not an orange theory in school where we had the exact same thing where it was like 20 minutes yeah don't worry yeah you get

to leave yes guess what happened 20, teachers didn't show up. We all stayed. We were so scared. What were we gonna do? Go hang out somewhere. What if we got caught? The minute we leave that room they're all gonna be like you can't just be in the hallway. Go to class.

Guys, I know we barely know each other but I really don't think we should leave this Orange Theory. I think we have to stay in the room and work out. Speak for yourself. I paid 60 bucks to be here. I'm going to get my money's worth or I'm getting a refund. Guys, I know it's my first time here, but I feel like it's not safe to work out without an instructor present. My name is Brian, by the way.

Hey, Brian. I know it's your first time and everything, but despite what I look like, my first time too. No way. A big guy like you can't be your first rodeo around these parts. These are all natural. I've never had to work out a day in my life for any of this. What's your name, big man? Brost.

Brost? So nice to meet you,ost thanks man i've been training really hard but i've hit a ceiling and i was really hoping that this place would help me out but clearly guys i think we were all hoping that i'm celia by the way hi celia guys i i don't know i mean it's like i feel like we'd get in trouble if we didn't leave so brian i think brost is right i feel like we need to stay and work out right but? But isn't it, don't you also feel like we'd be getting in trouble for being in here without an instructor and working out? But Brost, you're the one who's really pushing hard to stay as well. I'm the only one saying we should leave. But I thought you were saying we should.

I'm saying it's not safe for us to work out with equipment where an instructor isn't present. Celia wants to stay because she's afraid we'll get in trouble if we leave and you want to get your money's worth. Is that right? I think so, but maybe I'm also a little scared too? Just because I'm big and strong doesn't- No, that can't be your thing. My thing is that I think we should leave.

You seem like a meathead. That's your whole deal. So you have to be the one who wants to stay. What about you, goth girl in the corner? Oh, me? Yeah. Oh, you want to hear my opinion? What's your deal?

I'm just the goth girl in the corner. So? I'll be honest. I walked in. I thought maybe you were the instructor because you look so calm and confident. Yeah, I live my life in the green. I know you wouldn't expect it by looking

at me, but this is my fifth 500,000th class. Your fifth 500,000th class? Yeah, my name is Nightshade. Whoa, Broust. Well, I like this little reunion that we're all seeming to have. It's not a reunion, it's the first time we met. Yeah, don't you understand? Broust is the jock. Nightshade is the goth girl. You're kind of the normie and I guess we all know what I am. What do you mean? What do you mean what you are? Well, it's clear which one I am.

Okay, then say it. I'm the hot one. Yeah, we... What? Um... Well, we got the sexy feel, we got the normie, we got the weirdo, and we got the sexy feel we got the normie we got the weirdo and we got the meaty the meaty the meaty uh hey um on second thought i don't really care about the 60 bucks i think i'm probably gonna um hit the showers You don't care about 60 bucks? Yeah, you tell him, Nightshade.

How much do you make in a year, Brost? Um, 130. Oh, wow. So you make a lot of money. Yeah, I mean, given my field, it's actually a pretty average salary. Your field must be a football field, given the size of you and all. I'm a cybersecurity analyst. You know, mainly like

going to companies and check out their system, make sure it's safe against, you know, cyber attack. That's really boring. I don't want to hear about any more of that. Makes sense.

Guys, are we... We can't split up on this. We have to reach a decision. Are we going to leave and maybe get in trouble or stay? Let's put it to a vote. Maybe get in trouble.

Well, there's only four of us. So? Okay. I feel like we might be Let's put it to a vote. Maybe get in trouble. Well, there's only four of us. So? Okay. I feel like we might be pretty split, but let's vote. Show of hands, who wants to stay? I know I do. I want to go. Bruss, you just said you...

Okay. Night Shade, what do you want to do? Well, I definitely want to stay because it's my 550,500th class. Wait. Type A girl. What was your name again? Celia. Celia.

Can I sidebar? Um, I guess. I don't know about you, but I think maybe this is a test. What do you mean a test? Well, when I was in college law school long story i don't practice there was a professor who was famous for pulling a trick the first day of every term where you'd show up to class and you'd wait for hours and hours and the professor would never show that That's pretty crazy. And everybody who left the class got expelled.

Oh, shit. Because then the professor said they didn't take it seriously enough. That's why I don't want to leave. That's exactly my reasoning. So you're flip-flopping again. So you're saying that we should stay. Just because I'm big and strong doesn't mean I've made up my mind. That's exactly what it means.

Everyone who's big and strong only has a one-track mind i think we should say i really do feel like we're gonna get in trouble if we leave they might email us and they might say you have to pay double you have to pay double for this i can't afford that well i guess i probably could afford you could definitely afford it celia what i'm saying is what if nightshade is the teacher oh my god what if this is all a big trick because that's the other thing i forgot to mention is the professor would come dressed up in a big hoodie and pull it down over- They would undercover boss you? Yes, and we'd all be talking shit about the professor for not showing up.

And he would be there sitting in a hoodie. Maybe that's why. Because Nightshade's wearing giant fucking boots. And like a lot of her clothes do not look like they're ready to work out and get into the orange zone. Or maybe, do you think brian could be he had he's always wanted us to stay from the start no his whole thing is that he wants us to leave because it's not safe right maybe that's the test though he's saying oh we should leave that's exactly what i said you and i are on the same page You are a wishy-washy man.

Yes. I think maybe we should put them to the test. If one of them is the instructor, they would never dare do any of the moves incorrectly, lest they hurt themselves. That's a good point. But how do we know what the moves even are? That's also a great point. Well, you said you'd done this class before. Oh, no, you didn't.

That wasn't your thing. So your thing is that despite your size... My thing is very clear, that despite my size, I'm actually very indecisive. Oh, you guys! Can we share this with the rest of the class? Yeah.

Celia and I were just saying maybe we should start. Yeah. I think I was able to sway Brost into agreeing that we should stay and get our money's worth. You know, get into the orange zone and all that. Brost here, let's do it. Yeah, Brost, we know you're talking. We can see your mouth moving and hear your voice. Nightshade, why don't you start off?

Show us a move. Since it's your 500th class. Well, I don't want to embarrass anybody. I want to see everyone's form first. I don't want you guys copying me out there. I haven't been embarrassed since I was hazed. Oh, God. Yeah, me too.

Brass, you and I have a lot of the same lived experiences, I feel like. Yeah, sure. Brass, since you're so big and strong, why don't you start? Why would I start? I said it was my first class. Yeah, but a guy like you, with all of that going on, all that good stuff. What do you mean, all of that going on? I think it's pretty clear what I mean with the gun show you're putting on and we're all getting to see for free.

Are you hitting on me? I don't know, but I do think that you should show us what to do since we're here. Okay, um, I don't know if this is orange approved, but this is one we used to hit at my old gym.

It's called the Strengthener. You just put your hands right up there and you reach him. Right up there? And you pull and you pull. So it's a stretch. So you're stretching. And you pull and you big yawn like a lion, like a big kitty cat. You go.

And then what? That's the first move. Out of how many? 20. So then what's the second? You take your big hands like mine and you reach them all the way down towards the ground. Do you have to be big to do these moves? It helps.

And you do a big yawn, like a kitty cat. Rawr. And you feel the stretch all down your legs. And remind me, Brost, what... Brost, you look really worried

for a second. Is everything okay? I've had a heart palpitation, you guys. I think the nerd was right. I don't think it's safe to be warming up in here without guidance. I think the nerd was right. I don't think it's safe to be warming up in here without guidance.

I'm gonna go. What? No! Bruce! You have to... Oh, gosh. Maybe I should go with him. Someone that big and strong might attract a lot of attention. That doesn't make any sense, Brian. If anything, he would need

to accompany you, not the other way around. Wow. Nightshade makes a little note. What was that? What are you doing? Uh, nothing. I just like to people watch and take notes on things that I find interesting. Nightshade, what number of class did you say that this was again for you?

5,800. No! Got your ass! What's that? You said it was your 5,500, 100,000th class. You didn't say anything about 58,175. Nightshade, come on. Be real with us. Who are you? Brost, what are you doing back in here? You passed our test. That was the orange theory. Oh my god, your voice is so different.

Ew, I hated wearing these musty, dusty stomper clumpers. Brost and Nightshade aren't our real names. What? What are they? Well, her name's Crier. And my name's Trier. And we're here to take you to the next level. We're here to get you into the orange, baby. Take off your shoes.

Take off your shirts. We're going in. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Why are Trier and Cryer like Team Rocket? We're Pokemon. Team Trier.

Team Cryer. This is from an Orange Theory here in our fair city. You're crazy for that. Chicago, Illinois. You're crazy for that. From you're crazy for that from tony w tony walloney five stars from tony will god do you feel like you could have done better of course would you like another go no i don't deserve it no you're right five stars tony walloney walloney not Maloney. Not Maloney. Maloney.

I don't like to sweat. I don't like to exercise. Oh, Tony. I don't like to get up early and start moving too quick, too soon. Tony. But I've done it all here, and I love it. Why is it the sweetest thing I've ever heard? I don't like to sweat. I don't like to exercise. I don't like to get up early and start moving too quick, too soon. Thank you so much, Tony, on your hundredth class. We so appreciate that you brought a poem for us. Now, as it is today's

100 hundo percent graduation ceremony, is there anyone else who brought something up that they'd like to share on their 100th class? Um, yeah. I brought a poem too. Peter, get on up here. Come on, everybody. Get up for Peter. This is also Peter's 100th class.

I mean, this is everyone's 100th class. But I'd just like to shout it out to each of you guys. Thank you so much for coming and getting orange with us from me Stacey and the rest of the team we're happy to have you Peter get on up here my man thanks Stacey um yeah I really like Tony's poem it was all about how much he likes to work out and how much of a fan he is of the environment here mine's a little bit of a different take okay i'm excited to hear this all right the floor is yours if they make you stand on a chair they make you walk on a treadmill all right we're gonna start you off at a one with an incline of three here we go

that incline i'm feeling okay um this is a poem i wrote and and it's called Sunday Morning Blues. Sunday morning, I get up. It's hard. I lay in bed for an hour or two, spiraling, sweating, thinking about all the things that went wrong. I don't want to get up. I don't want to keep going. But I do because of you, Orange Theory. That's it.

That's my poem. Wow. Can I get off the treadmill? Yes, Peter. Get on off of there. Wow, Peter. that was really dark stuff what do you mean oh peter my man it was a love letter it was a love letter to you casey and i my name is stacy thank you and i do think that you should if you take that poem submit it to a

to a licensed therapist oh who also runs a poetry journal. Yes. I think you need to get that checked out. Well, thank you so much. It was very similar to the first poem we heard. Yeah. But I think that's really beautiful. I didn't copy it.

I know. Well, you said yours was very different. And I just thought it was beautiful that you guys had similar experiences of like, oh, I don't like getting up. I don't like moving. Yeah, but. But yet I'm here. His was tongue in cheek that's okay his was about how he doesn't like to move but oh i like my friends and it's fun to come here and yours was about something different yeah it sounded like the same to me mine was about how it's hard to get up it's hard to keep going

there is nothing to look forward to anymore why don't you take a seat okay sitting you don't have to announce it anyone else want to share i do i can give it a shot all right make sure yours is happy enough for everybody. Hey, come on, Peter. Nobody wants to hear your bummer shit. Come on. What? Okay, fine.

I'll stop fucking around. Remind me of your name. Remind me of your name, girlfriend. My name's Bailey. Of course it's Bailey. Stacey can't even remember our names, guys. Some coach. Hey, Peter.

Come on. It's my time to shine. Why don't you zip it for a second? Everyone's like, woo, Bailey. All right, Bailey. Woo. Where'd you find me? Okay, Bailey, go on, girl.

Yeah. Why don't you get on the treadmill here? I'm going to put you on incline of three. 100th class, finally found her spine. And we're going to do 1.5. Let's get a little crazy. Yeah, I'd like to get a little crazy. It's time for me to read my poem.

You should go crazy. You won't go on a date with me peter if you don't stop with the asides i'm gonna have to ask you to leave the studio i'm not saying anything we just heard you but you this is ridiculous okay bailey why don't you have the floor okay 1.5 speed this is nothing well time for me to read that felt targeted time for me to read my poem my poem was called electrified electrified this is gonna be electrifying why was i so out of breath sunday morning blues more like sunday morning old news. I get up. I make my coffee.

I look at myself in the mirror and I say, Bailey, you've done it again. God's favorite. Waking up and heading out the door. I go down the street. I order a bacon, egg, and cheese and I get a hot coffee. It's never too hot because my tongue can handle the sun. I skip down the street.

I skip on the pavement. I skip, skip, skip to my loo. Skipping rope, rope, rope, rope. Jumping rope. Jumping rope in Orange Theory. Oh, the theory, the theory is the theory of everything. I watched that movie with my boyfriend the other night and we thought it was okay. She's just dreaming of conscious.

She's coming up with this on the spot, you guys. But then the next morning I came here and the theory of everything is that the orange theory is everything to me. If I didn't have this class, I wouldn't know what to do with my life. I wouldn't do what I wouldn't know what to do. Do do every day. We have to do if you don't create something. If you don't create, then what are you doing? You're rotting, rot, bed rot bed rot rotting in bed why rot when

you can rock on get a rock solid ab and ass here at orange theory fitness i'm gonna bump the speed up to five and we're running no bailey bailey i think you can stop now we're running we're running we're doing it bailey you're in the red you're gonna want to get off there but we're running we're in the red better red than better off want to get off there. We're running. We're in the red. Better red than better off dead. Okay, Bailey. And stop. Pulls the emergency thing. Stop.

I knew that would happen. What was that? I literally knew that would happen is what I said. Oh, my God. Peter, I've had enough of your shit. Why can't you let me have anything? Whenever I burn the most calories in class, you always say, oh, it's because she's a girl. That doesn't mean anything, Peter.

Girls burn more calories than guys, Bailey. Is that even true? Yes, it's a key part of the Orange Theory if you've read the material. I've read the material more times than the day you were born. There's no way you've read it that many times. Yeah, I have because Orange Theory is everything to me. Okay, guys, guys, guys guys guys guys there's a lot of tension we have a lot more poems to get through so bailey i'm gonna have to ask you to sit back down

i'm just saying i'm sat i'm sat no trouble here no trouble at all can i go again no peter okay all right yeah nobody gives a shit yeah yeah ba. If you stop, if going again will make you stop all of this. I will never change for anybody. So then no, you're not going to go again. Please. Can you promise me that if you go again, you will stop? Sure. Uncross your fingers behind your back.

Fine. Uncross your toes. All right. Do you say I pinky swear? Say I pinky swear. Peter. Peter. Sit back down.

You're not going again. Come on. I've been waiting. You already went. I'm just saying it's kind of stupid. Oslo hasn't gone. Let's ride. Please let me have a turn.

Oslo is the quietest little church mouse And he's been waiting all morning To share his poem about why he loves Orange Theory Yeah, you guys are being really disrespectful of Stacy Thank you, Oslo She's very, very, very good at her job Oslo, you're so sweet And we don't deserve her

Oh, come on now, yes. And we don't deserve her. Oh, come on now. Yes, you do. I don't deserve you guys. Can I read my poem now? I would love if you did. Write, everybody. Everyone wants to hear Oslo's poem? Yes. I've been looking forward to Oslo's as well. Hubba, hubba. Okay,

Bailey, what we're not going to do is objectify the other members of the class. So this is my poem. It's... Auka. Bailey. Bailey, you were doing so well until now. Even I have to draw the line somewhere.

So this is my poem. It's called Orange, You Glad I Came to Class. That is very clever, Oslo. I wake up Sunday morning. The guilt is the first thing I feel. Why did I leave her, them? They didn't deserve what I did. But then I think, Stacy's waiting.

So is Bailey. Peter. Tony. All of my friends. Waiting for me. To come back again. Orange, you glad I came to class? Orange, you glad I showed up today?

With a smile on my face. And a pep in my step? Orange you glad I came to class? Oh, and mine was long. I'm done with my poem. Was that the end? Sure. Oh, come on.

I was trying to be serious. We all are. Everybody else is pulling their dick about that's not a phrase and i just want to just like be serious for a minute come on oslo we all want to hear it okay this is the last stanza okay crazy that you ended before the last stanza there's nowhere left for me to call home oh When I call her on the telephone, it rings and rings for hours and hours. But no one's there. I've lost my powers.

But there's one place for me to go. Whether there's rain or snow. I call it home. I call it home. You call it gym. Aren't you glad I came back again? Slant rhyme. Peter?

I'm serious. Bailey, Peter, if you want to fight me? No, I don't. The last thing I want to do is fight you, Oslo. Okay, Oslo, that was haunting. Thank you. I don't know how much I want to press into that. But I appreciate you being here.

If you ever want to get a drink. Oh, that's really inappropriate. But thank you so much for asking. I don't think it is. Okay. All right. Has everyone read their phones? Not quite.

I'm sorry. I don't think I recognize you. Nobody wants to hear from him. I don't think I recognize you. My name is Coslo. Coslo checks the sheet. I don't think I recognize that. You guys can see this.

I don't know what he is talking about. I've been in this class 99 times. This is everyone's 100th time, including mine. And I have a poem. Okay, well, I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you before, but we're very happy you're here. Thank you. My poem is called

Aren't You Glad I Followed You? Are you serious? I wake up. Wait. Sunday morning. Oh, no. He is gone. Oh, shit.

Left no tracks. Nowhere to be found. Oh, fuck. I get a plane ticket. I follow him to Chicago. I get a plane ticket. I follow him to Chicago. This could be about anybody. There's no way this is for me.

His name is Oslo, and this is his 100th class at Orange Theory Fitness. At least a few people that could be. He looks at me from across the street where I have been trailing him for the better part of 20 blocks. He's a fast walker.

That's such a long walk for me. And he's a good talker. Which is the why he left a note. But only to my mother. My mother. God rest her soul. She was struck by lightning the day he left. And this is him finding out now.

That's just bad luck i have found you aren't you glad i found you wow aren't you glad that your baby boy all grown up came to orange theory fitness here in chicago and found you papa aren't you glad we can start again aren't you glad we can start again? Aren't you glad I can be your friend? Aren't you glad it's time for truth? Aren't you glad I got a booth at the cafe down the street? Maybe you and I can catch up over a cup of coffee. Wow, Peter, I think that poem was about you. I don't think you have ever been to an Orange Theory Fitness class.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Peter, I'm pretty sure that was about you. Papa, Oslo, I will be down the street if you feel like making amends with your boy. Peter, your boy is waiting. You should catch him. Oslo! I gotta run. No, God, you scared him away. Peter, I guess it's just you and me

Uh, Bailey I'm not interested That's not what you said last night You guys have been sleeping together? Stop, Stacy, don't be jealous I'm not jealous Your voice also changed drastically since Oslo left Yeah, because my voice changes when I get in

Oh, God, he's in the red? In the red. Ew. A normal one. A normal one. What if we did a normal one? I went and did a normal one. What did you do?

I did a normal one. Oh, cool. We both did a normal one. What did you do? I did a normal one. Oh, cool. We both did a normal one. I have one more. If you have time for one more. I've got 10. Nope. I've got time for 10 more.

This is another one for the Orange Theory Fitness Manhattan East, 39th Street, New York, New York. Okay. City that, last I checked, never sleeps. I'm walking. This is one star from Anz A. Uh, Anz army this question, may I enter your home? This is from Anz army this This question may enter your home. And are you happy with that?

Yay. Okay. One star. Came in for my first time. Signed in online. Name was not added to the list. Fine. Sign me up then.

Girl made me wait until she signed everyone in, even though I was there before them. She even attended to another person who was there for the first time who came in after me. Asked for my credit card, even though it clearly states on the website on that Yelp that the first class is free. Fine. Pay $20. Fill out form. Told not able to join class because I was not there 30 minutes prior, which I was not aware of. Asked her why she let the other guy in and responded with, he's been to another location. After he clearly told her this was his first time. That sucks. The way it was written, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fine. Sign me up then.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fine. Pay $20. Also, blah, blah. Fine. Sign me up then. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fine. Pay $20. Also, fill out form. Ellipses, ellipses. It's like the way, it's like writing it in real time. I don't know why it was really moving to me. Moving.

Moving. That's powerful. Yeah. Fill out form. Oh. Form. Interesting. Oh.

What a crazy way to recount a story it's almost as if they were writing the review as they lived it yeah they're setting in line going okay now i've heard everything had to fill out form interesting actually doing that on a date you're like live texting your friends as it's happening out loud phone out so um have you been uh to this uh bar before you know what i live close by and i see it on walks all the time and i'm like oh my god this place looks so cool such a cool name too like rum tum tug. But it's not Cats themed, which is very strange to me. No, I mean, I guess the story that I heard was that the guy who started it was like a huge Andrew Lloyd Webber fan.

That's crazy. But died before Cats came out. And then they renamed it in honor. I don't know. That's so convoluted. It's so weird. It didn't really make sense even from the front. So you've been here before? Yeah, a couple couple times oh oh a couple couple of other first dates no no

this is your move no yeah my move is to take people to the cat's bar that's not a cat's no uh my buddy had um his uh he had a party here. Oh. It was for a divorce. Sorry. I don't know why. I just felt weird to mention that it was like a divorce party. Don't feel weird. On a date.

You know what I mean? It's like mentioning a funeral at a wedding. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not that we're getting. No, no, no, no. Thinking too far ahead. I swear I wasn't. But yeah, so.

It was too far ahead. Called date wedding. But yeah, so. Things too far ahead called date wedding. Howdy. Sorry. What was that? Nothing. It was just like, I just like to keep notes. I journal a lot of my life. Like, do you ever do bullet journaling?

No, what is that? It's like this notebook where it's like, you know, pretty free form, but there's a lot of like bullet points as you can kind of craft like this is you can do normal journals, but it's also it's like, here's my sleep tracker. Here's my mood tracker, you know, food free form, but there's a lot of like bullet points as you can kind of craft. Like this is, you can do normal journals, but it's also, it's like, here's my sleep tracker. Here's my mood tracker, you know, food, things like that. And so I just like to, yeah, it's super healthy. And so I just like to track, you know, I like to keep track of my days and my thoughts and stuff. That's awesome.

I've, no, I've never really been a big journaler. I tried a couple of times, but I don't know. It doesn't stick for whatever reason. A scroller, not a reader. Me thinks. So I guess we're going to start it off basic, Jon, but what do you do? Oh, I hate, like, I even hear myself saying that, and I just, like, want to die. Like, oh, what do you do?

Like, I'm a little robot. Oh, then you don't need to ask, I guess. No, I'm just curious. Yeah, I make swords scary profession we'll try to get out of this one quickly maybe call me in five minutes if i don't text i can like it feels like you're like um i like no never mind what no I thought um you just don't seem present oh my god you know it's so funny that you say that because I can no I just was gonna say I swear I can hear you whispering to yourself my whole new thing text no I mean in this new year my word for the year is honesty honesty, transparency

you know just like I want to be real and so I could sit here and just keep all my thoughts to myself but that's why not only do I write journals all the time but I publish them every single page of everything I write and so it's like I want you to know what I'm thinking because it's like if I'm not sharing what I'm thinking people don't know

the real me so I think your job is very scary and strange oh okay you can say that you don't have to just write that down you can just be honest oh a lot of people are like weird about me being that honest I mean listen you make swords for a living you've kind of heard them all okay then great I can be um the way that you kind of brought up how like oh you know thinking too far ahead like that this is a wedding from that to the sword thing that put a lot of fear in me so i was texting my friends like oh please call me and fake an accident in five minutes so i can leave that sucks i know well it sucks to be in the presence of it it sucks to experience for me i don't think i don't sorry i yeah i mean i don't know how it went this way from the start i know it's such a shame because

you're so cute and like you're right and i think i was just nervous and when i said the thing about the funeral and the wedding it felt normal to me at the time um but i can see looking back now right that you'll be afraid we've only and once you've been in person with each other for 10 minutes that could be scary i mean i do i do have to quibble with that a little bit sure i'm open to anything i just think like i make swords like can you say more about why you think that's so scary i guess because it's 2024 where are the swords going who are they for is it a hobby are you getting paid to do that yep okay so are you interested in violence is that so sure so some of those questions have already been answered um You did ask me what I do for a living. So do I get paid for it?

Yes. Who do the swords go to? They go to the Olympic fencing team. They do a lot of college fencing. So they're fencing foils. You could have said that. Epes, sabers. Well.

Not as scary as I thought. So if you'd asked a single follow-up question instead of just typing, type, typing, you know, you could have maybe figured that out, you know. I'm so sorry. I really did not mean to offend you. And this is where, you know, the amount of first dates have been on and people. Huh. Huh? I'm just trying.

Can we start over? Sure. Let's. I'm Rebecca. Have you ever been to this bar before rum tum tiger what a cool name no obviously we can't you know redo the past we write history we're living history whether we want to be part of it or not and so what do i do um i'm a dog groomer oh that's so nice yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um is trying to have sexual intercourse with dogs what the fuck is is grooming dogs you see how it's like that for me that's really fucked up i don't think so i mean yes obviously your joke it's not a no yeah like inappropriate jokes don't like sense of humor i just i think i was just

still upset about the sword thing because i was trying to move past i know you're making a weird grooming joke about dogs no yes yes i'm sorry i can see now poor taste when i said it no i have great taste i have great taste trust I have great taste. Trust me. Can I be honest with you, John? I don't know how we move forward from here. I know. The groomer thing was a mistake. Fuck.

Can we be... How about this? Let's just be friends. Wants to be friends. Do not want to contact him. Oh you fucking serious i was saying that to my phone what i will say to you is i don't want to be your friend i don't want to contact you again okay that's fine i really wish this could have went better i just said it to say it john the more you talk about it the worse it gets i you know what it was I had the idea in my head that like I was like oh whatever she says I'm gonna make a snide comment about it that's not

nice because that's what you've done to me but I was very scared of your profession John you have to hear that oh and I was scared when you said no to make a forward comment about like oh we're getting married to then saying I make swords I I did not say we are getting married. Can you hear the kind of person who I thought you were? I said talking about a divorce party on a first date is like mentioning a funeral at a wedding. Implying, oh, this is going to go somewhere. We're already talking about divorce. Not even a bit.

Can you hear how a comment like that plus the sword thing made me very scared about the kind of man you are but we texted i just i was hoping that like plus the groomer comment why are you i will give you the groomer comment okay that what you can tell i'm not defending that one i'm trying to explain it then why are you wanting to be mean to me because you you, I think. I'm sorry if my honesty hurt your feelings. And I'm sorry if my honesty hurt your feelings. What were you being honest about? The groomer comment. So you

were honest about that. Yes. So you don't apologize for it. So you are defending it. I just want, I just want this to not happen once. What do you mean? I just want this to not happen once. What do you mean? I just want to go on one normal day.

Maybe you should change your job then and people might not feel so threatened when you say, I make swords for a living. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's one of those things where when you make swords for a living, you meet a lot of people. It doesn't seem weird to you. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't seem like a weird profession to me. Or I guess you could say, I make fencing swords. Oh, that's a great note. That is actually a great note.

That's more helpful. Thank you. Because when you say, I make swords for a living, I'm thinking of, like, you have a lot of, like, medieval kind of swords hung up in your home. And can I give you a note? I don't know what I could have done differently, but yes. And I'm not trying to assign blame. But like if we look back on this conversation, the funeral comment, the groomer comment,

the things that I said that we could all. All the things that you said. Yes. All the things that you haven't said. And I'm taking responsibility. All the things that I have been saying that we can all agree in hindsight were odd things to say on a first date. Yes. Odd things to say on any date.

Yes. To be honest. Oh, it doesn't matter how long you've been together. Odd things to say to your husband or your wife. You know what I mean? Odd, odd, odd. Don't say that. Odd, odd, odd, odd, odd.

Don't say that. But I do think I was put into a position of anxiety by the fact that you were staring at your phone. You know, you show up on a date with somebody and it's the, you've just met. You know, it's the first five minutes of the date and she's staring at her phone. I'm not supposed to be insecure about that. You know what I mean?

I think I was overcompensating. No, no, no. I completely get it. No, I do. No, see, that's where I can own, what I can own is that I shouldn't have been on my phone. I could have been saying that to your face. Okay. You know what? To my honesty, I was a little scared of.

So I was directing into the phone when what I need to be better about is just saying to your face, I'm scared you make swords. You're calling this date a wedding. You know, I could be saying that directly to you. I don't want to relitigate the wedding. I could be directing that to you rather than my phone. But you did say like, oh, there was truth in the groomer comment which was really fucked up i didn't when i said that there was truth in the groomer comment i can clarify because i think we're getting our wires crossed there i think what i meant was there's

truth behind the emotion there's truth behind what i was feeling there which was that the need to attack um you know you know i see i can understand how that got misconstrued you know i wanted to score a point. You know, like this back and forth. Like you had gotten me. Fencing is so much more interesting. That I would have had so many less fearful thoughts. And I do want to push back a little bit on that because I do, you know, I make swords for a living. I go to a lot of conferences, conventions.

Don't say that. Well, no, and I do have to quibble because we in a field, in the field of smithing, I do know a lot of people who make swords not for fencing. For replicas, you know, for theatrical productions, for just connoisseurs, just, you know. And I think, you know, there are lots of contexts in which it's okay to make a sword. Okay. You know? I can understand that. And none of them are scary, to be honest. No.

I can't think of a situation where someone saying they make swords for a living is scary. I feel like we've reached a good point and then we went back because you can understand. You're right about that. You can understand I make swords on a first date for a living is a scary thing to hear. Single woman in the city. Just trying to get by. Trying to have a fun night at Rum Tum Tugger. Yes.

And so to be at a table with a man whose livelihood is rooted in violence is something that's very scary to me. And I don't see it as inherently violent. It's a weapon. Yes, of course and weapons are cute and cuddly like dogs or spiky and mean like weapons okay but what about police dogs what about attack dogs guard dogs there are ways in which dogs can be aggressive and can be violent can be tools of violence in the same way that swords. I'd have to quibble with that.

Dogs are all good boys and good girls. Seriously? What? You've never been grooming a dog and they've bitten you. Well, because I'm a good groomer. I don't, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything. You were going to say I don't believe that? I find it hard to believe because even if you're a good groomer, there are good, there are good

bad pet owners who are not disciplining. You were going to say they're bad dogs. No, there are no such thing as bad dogs. Oh, no such thing as bad dogs. So no violent dogs, no mean dogs, but swords are violent. There's no such thing as a bad sword. A sword is an object.

So I guess what we're saying is they're bad people yeah definitely some of those well um John

I will say I have not had a discussion this heated in long time. Wish I could say the same. But I guess that probably tells me something.

You're passionate. Sure are. I didn't really get that over text. Oh. Yeah, I suppose not. I like passion. I don't like violence, but I like passion. Cousins, not sisters.

What do you think about it? About which part? Sorry. I said about which part. What you just said violence violence and passion are couples not sisters you know what I mean they're related

hard to have violence without passion in a way I've never thought about it like that before. I think you're a lot more thoughtful than I gave you credit for. Thank you. I was actually going to say the same thing. Have you said that line before?

Sorry? About violence and passion. No, just came to me. Or did you just come up with that right now keep talking to you i guess it revealed something to me about my work and about my relationship to it can i let you in on a little something let me in there's some parts of me that are kind of unleashed in my work as well unleash a little dog pun let's just say that when the dogs come in they aren't the only bitches at work what would that be referring i can get a little passionate as well i can get kind of mean. To the dogs? To the owners. Oh, that's okay, I guess. Probably what?

When they're being kind of mean to you first or refusing to pay. I see how they treat their dogs. Yeah, right. I know. Not grooming them properly, not trimming their nails enough. And I let them have a piece of my mind. That's where I started with the whole honesty thing. Yeah, I don't think that's bad. Really? No, I was scared have a piece of my mind. That's where I started with the whole honesty thing. Yeah, I don't think that's bad.

Really? No, I was scared for a minute. What do you mean? Well, when you said that they're not the only bitches in the room. It's just that, you know, you look at me and you think, what a sweet girl. Right. But actually... No, of course. What do you mean no

i just mean you don't think i'm a sweet girl through the course of this conversation i've seen a lot of different sides of you you said you immediately said no i was just agreeing with you i was trying to encourage you to keep going with what you were saying. Because you look at me and you see... A person buried deep. Hey, it's getting a little crowded in here. You know what I mean? Filling up.

It's a Friday night in the city. What do you expect? I love this city. Don't you? It's the best city in the world. It's the best city in the world. I'm always saying that. The world revolves around New York City. New York City is the best city in the world.

It's a city where a groomer, dog or otherwise. Okay. I'm kidding. Okay, I'm out. No, are you serious? We were going to go have the best sex of either of our lives. Still can't. Come on now.

Don't be like that. Should we do our last segment? I think we should have done it a while ago But yeah This Holy God You're not the only bitch in the room My husband

Cousin's mouth You're not the only bitch in the room. Violence and passion. Cousins and sisters. It's such a fucking crazy thing to say. Violence and passion. They're cousins and sisters. Oh, it's been shaking your ass, Alfred. And I genuinely think this was your What Shook Me like eight months ago. And for that, I'm sorry.

Taryn Edgerton? No. Okay. It's the rat. No no it's uh remember that one yeah um it's um the traitors the traitors maybe this wasn't your what shook me i thought we had a whole conversation about this no the alan cumming reality show i've i've seen promos i want to watch it i haven't seen it oh my god i don't know why i thought that you also alan cumming would oh will you got a date set no um but in all seriousness that's on manifestation that's on manifesting it's january 2nd the whole fucking year ahead of

us okay mark his words elf will fuck alan coming by the end of the year okay coming makes the world go around um oh my god alan and then uh so yeah it's basically the premise of the reality it's basically the children's game mafia yeah but half of the people are just normal people and then the other reality stars reality stars but also like contestants from like survivor and big brother so not reality like it's a mixture of like competition show people and like housewives right and it's it's really bizarre that's fantastic and it's like so odd to see someone from survivor interact with somebody from like the bravo universe oh yeah that's very strange like those are two whole different like languages and worlds you know what you're getting this mixed up with is House of Villains, which is kind of,

it's like, it's reality and competition. Like, you have Jax from Vanderpump Rules mixed with, who was on it from Survivor? Johnny Fairplay from Survivor. Yes. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bizarre. It's great. I watched the first episode, like, last night night and Alan Cumming is so.

New season? No. Just the one from like a year ago I'd never watched. And Alan Cumming is so. Hot. Hot. And like it's weird to see somebody, no shade at any other reality host, but somebody who is a classically trained actor. Yeah.

Who is so earnestly bought into the role. That's so fun. I love that. I'm the sneaky host. Yeah. And it's like, it's very, very bizarre. I need to watch that. It sounds right up my alley.

It's really good. And I really enjoyed it. And like, the challenges are so like, way more arbitrary and made like no grounding in reality just like what if you moved a to b like it's really funny that sounds phenomenal i think you would get a kick out of it i love um but riley enough about what's been shaking me come off it no more about you i'm not the only bitch in the room well that too true. God, what has been shaking me? Literally, what has been shaking me? Oh, this is kind of earnest.

Oh. Three years since my accident today. What? What? Oh, my God. Three years. How is that not shaking you? Because I literally forgot until this moment.

Oh, my God. Three years since your accident. Three years since you've hit yourself in the face with an axe. I'm so glad you didn't die. Same. Happy anniversary. Thank you. This is an earnest one.

Now mine is going to feel like so shit compared to, oh, it's been three years since I almost. Mine is going to be like when I ate coffee and my tummy hurt. Mine is going to be that over the past couple of weeks, weeks. Weeks. Or months. Or months. her and they mine is gonna be that over the past couple weeks weeks weeks or months or months um i have just found a couple makeup tips on tiktok that i've tried and that really i like really help and work and like my mom and daniel like the past couple looks i've done makeup i was like oh my god your makeup looks so like i just feel really good normally normally i look like a dog you look

busted um it's just it's like just the girlies are looking out for each other on tiktok and like the makeup there's like just a couple of them care to share um like certain things i'm doing with my eyeliner like instead of like trying to get a little wing like just taking the end of my fingernail and like flicking up on the eye helps like immediately get like at least the outline of a wing and you can kind of like fill it a little bit more okay um what are other ones um just you know i'm not gonna get into it's like just certain ways of blending eyeshadow and certain ways of like lining your lips i don't know it's just and and certain like not doing blush all the way to the center of the cheeks

but like kind of almost doing it like a highlight and like doing it up diagonally it just it's like it's made me feel really pretty and like i really like my makeup now and um browns and passion cousins not sisters do you remember in college um how have you ever looked at the pictures of us from college and your eyebrows um look insane yes to be fair everyone's eyebrows no and i'm not calling you out in particular i was the royal you yeah the royal but there are a specific selfie i can think of you in the boston house of pizza i know i know Everyone's eyebrows. No, and I'm not calling you out in particular. I was the royal you. Yeah, the royal we. But there is a specific selfie I can think of you in the Boston House of Pizza. I know.

I know. With the crazy. Where it looks like somebody took Expo Mark. And it was like 2017. No, of course. I know. I know. I had the thought the other day.

I remember being that age. Yeah. Like the beginning of college, like end of high school. And being like, the things we're doing now will never be out of fashion 100 i was like i can look back at the 90s and the 80s yeah well i'm like clearly these things trend was a trend and it was out but we've kind of i think we can all agree on this time is a flat circle baby i look at myself yeah and i look at those i love yeah people who i consider to be extremely stylish.

Yes. You included. Thank you. Oh my God. Yes, of course. Photos from 2017, 2016. Embarrassing. And I want to throw up.

But you know what? We live and we learn. We live and we learn. Because right now, this is timeless. Yeah, right now. Right now, what we're- What I'm wearing right now- Never got a style.

You can find Alfred literally on Instagram by the way if you want to look at some old photos at AlfredInnit if you want to look at some photos from at least nine years ago

you can find the show on Instagram at Review Review Reddit r slash Review Review and Jeffrey James and I Patreon patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff and headgum.com

uh it's not headgum.com headgum discord Review Review channel right at r slash Review Review slash review review you can find Riley on Instagram.com just a web browser not the phone app

at Riley and Spall and on Twitter.com now known as xxxxxxxxx.com at Riley Coyote for as long as it lasts as we say every single week every week we say

we're always saying it we're not saying it no we're not saying it in person this time violence and passion cousins not sisters we'll see you next week bye help me work it out and passion. Cousins, not sisters. We'll see you next week. Bye.

Help me work it out. I will let you down. So you don't need to doubt. I can stay up half the night playing with your head. I can stay up half the night

but I'd rather go to bed. On the night I met Daniel, I was on the town. On the night that I met you, that shit really made me frown. That was a Hiddem Original.