Review Revue - Outback Steakhouse (w/ Michael Burns!)

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

Comedian Michael Burns joins Reilly and Geoff to explore reviews from a restaurant from down under (Tampa, Florida) That's right, Outback Steakhouse. Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Should have been over Should have closed doors

Should have learned a lesson from you before Should have been on it Could have just died Should have seen the fire receding Jeff's insides Now COVID keeps rolling on forever And it keeps pulling Jeffrey apart He got something, Omicron is what it was

Now his wrangled bladder It shouldn't shatter but it does He could have just broken He could have died clean It would have been sad since Jeff got both of the vaccines How did he even get in? He's got a trump card Getting covered twice is tough with that wagon standing guard

Now COVID keeps running on forever And it keeps blowing Jeffrey Pond He got something, Omicron is what it was Now it's rank of life It shouldn't shatter but it does We're still in the big apple But not for long The time he trusted Every New York City

Was all wrong What does he even do now Does he beg and he plead To move back to L.A. And make pods with, well, Riley Now the thing keeps rolling on forever And it keeps pulling Jeffrey apart He got something, oh McCrone is what it was

Now it's Rheingold Blount something. Oh, no, Kron knows what it was. Now it's rind all black. Should have shat or not have done. An ode to your Kron. That was a shouldn't matter, but it does John Mayer

parody from Zach about how I had COVID twice. So pretty topical, Michael, that we just talked about this I had COVID twice. So pretty topical, Michael, that we just talked about this before the Zoom started. Wow. That brought a tear to my eye. I'm crying. It brought

COVID back to my lungs. Jeff now has COVID a third time just from that exposure. What other podcast in the world has fans that do these things? It's incredible. I mean, it's just every time. It's...

I mean, you're doing something right. Well, don't give them that. Okay, never mind. Yeah, stop it. Stop writing that. Stop sending shit in. Stop. I'll say it. They hate it. They hate it. No, he's celebrating me getting an irreversible respiratory disease. So, yeah, please stop.

Please stop. Baneful. No, that was beautiful. That was wonderful. And keep them coming. The mayor. Keep those coming. But if you're wondering, oh, we're hearing Riley's voice.

Oh, we're hearing Jeff's voice. Who the fuck is that? that actually I bet a lot of you aren't wondering that because I think we have a lot of crossover listeners baby we have someone on the pod today at least one we have someone on the pod today who he's a funny guy

he's a thinky guy he's freshly married so Jeff easy with that. No, I'm gonna flirt with him for an hour. From Wisecrack, it's Michael Burns! Oh, so excited to be here.

Coming at ya! Sorry, let me finish. Coming at ya! No, he doesn't do that on the pod normally. It's not like his thing. Start doing a catchphrase. Not now! Not interrupting him to do a catchphrase that you start today. Burns, thank you so much for coming on today.

Oh, excited to be here. You know, like the podcast, like what you do. You know what? Let's just say it. Most people that do improvisation on podcasts, it doesn't go well. And it might go poorly this time because of me. But you all really do it. You really do it.

And it's really special. Well, thank you. There might be a train wreck tonight. But then it's my fault, though. Then it's not bad on your part at all. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everyone improvises better in Chicago. Are you in Chicago right now?

I wish I was. I got married in Chicago. Oh, really? Well, now it's going to be bad. Well, now it's going to be bad. If you're here. Everyone in Chicago improvises and is an alcoholic. Yeah. Got it, got it, now it's going to be bad. Well, now it's going to be bad. If you're here. Everyone in Chicago improvises and is an alcoholic. Yeah.

Got it, got it, got it. I was going to ask, did you do a shot of Malort, or is that only post-breakup? I don't, you know what, I don't do Malort. I'm from the Chicago suburbs originally, so I don't have that street cred, and also it's the grossest thing ever. Right. Mostly the last thing. Yeah.

I tried, actually, that's not true. I was going to say I tried Malort. I sniffed Malort and decided I didn't want to try it. It was a good choice. It was really atrocious. Yeah. But this band, I know they love it. And it's like they shoot it like it's nothing.

They're made of different stuff. Michael, I've guessed it on some Wisecrack shows, and the tables have turned. Here you are. Like, what are you feeling? She loves that it's a home court advantage game. It's a home court advantage, and I'm feeling, like, I'm feeling grounded.

This is a competition now. Yeah, right, so not grounded. I'm feeling grounded. I'm feeling ready to fight. I'm feeling like tonight's gonna be the fight we're not even in the same room and you're gonna fight you break your laptop no it is true i'm i'm always a gentleman when you come on one of our podcasts because it's sort of like you have a guest and you know as the old testament says we we welcome the wanderer and the stranger and we show them hospitality

but now that i'm all bets are off you know i'm not representing my employer or anything like that I'm just just a wild buck here to cause some problems a contractor also yeah there's a bunch of Old Testament Bible verses

velcroed to your walls with yarn tying different theories together I mean some people don't want to look at the truth some of us do and that's fine

but it's theirs and you've written your own Bible if you guys want to come to my house the Burns Testament what it's been so long since we've had a new one you know

with like with a reboot sequel we're just gonna let the bible sit there where are the prophets we haven't had enough get at me Bob F-I-T-S-N-P-H-E-T-S what prophets and prophets

oh yeah that's a whole other thing. That's a whole other thing. You know, follow them. Fuck, you know, damn.

Michael, do you want to plug your stuff up top while you've got everyone's attention hot on the coals? Oh, I'll plug it a little bit. It's just, you know, work.

You can check out the culture binge podcast on wise crack. Check out wise crack on YouTube, youtube.com slash wisecrack. Do that. Just check it out. Why not? Hell yeah. Just do it.

And then if you get bored with that, there's a really good Grateful Dead subreddit, and then check that out, and compare notes on your favorite shows, good periods, look at merch from around the world. Do that. Maddie Matheson has some great dead shirts.

I don't know where he finds them. Yeah. He really got into it fast, so good for him. Yeah. Gooddie Matheson has some great dead shirts. I don't know where he finds them. Yeah. He really got into it fast, so good for him. Yeah. Good for him. Jeff, is there anything new with, well, you? I am at Johnny Villa's apartment. Amazing.

In his roommate's room. Amazing. Because I didn't want to go home from Brooklyn to Brooklyn. So I was like, let me just go into their apartment, and I brought my stuff. No better place to... They have a gas leak. They have a gas leak. So I'm currently inhaling, for lack of a better term, poison.

That's bad. Isn't that bad? This is a serious thing right there. It's bad. You're going to just hang out? They were like, oh, yeah, and the gas, I think, is gone because, you know, the smell is gone. Me and my buddy AJ walk in, we're like, it's worse than before, brothers.

You've gotten used to it, which is bad. They're desensitized. Yeah. That's terrible. Breathing in poison, but it should be fine for tonight. Open a window. Namaste. Namaste.

It's freezing. You kidding me? Open a window, she says. This might be the gas leak show, and I'm excited to be a part of it. Like Jordan's flu game. This is going to be your gas leak show. People will talk about it for years to come. This is the last episode. That's so funny.

It would be better alliteration if it was just review, review with Riley. Well, that's interesting. Well, no, because hang on because I don't want to like because I'm not gonna die no cause like if you you're following the pass away

from the gas if the gas was passed and you pass away no way this is my show today right

but it could also be a review review with Riley and Rhi is that you're going by Rhi yeah apostrophe R-U-I apostrophe R-U-I

people are like Rhi it'sI. Apostrophe R-U-I. People are like re, and you're like, it's re. It's re, actually. But again, we're not here to talk about gas leaks, although maybe we should now. But today, we're here to talk about something. The topic today is something important. Not really. It's something of a cultural really. It's something of a cultural

staple. How so? It's something near and dear to all of our hearts. Have you ever been? Nope. Today we're talking about Outback! Outback Steakhouse! Outback Steakhouse! The thunder from Dan Anda

burns! Bloomin' onions! Tell me about Outback. Outback. I'll tell you about Outback all day. Listen, I don't know where you all grew up. I mean, I know in general, Riley, I know you're in Angeleno. Jeffrey, I don't know where you're from.

Cleveland, Ohio. Oh, no shit. Cool. The home of Outback. Nice. I don't think so. My mom's from Cleveland and she loves Outback. Listen, I have terrible parents. The home of Outback. Nice. I don't think so. My mom's from Cleveland, and she loves Outback. Listen, I have terrible parents. They did a thing. When I was in the middle part of my childhood, they took a pasty-skinned Irish Catholic boy from the Midwest,

moved us to central Florida, basically daring God to smite my skin with cancer. But I lived in the Orlando suburbs and I would say the first truly ethnic restaurant we ever went to as a family was the Outback. And I remember the exact location. They had rocking chairs out front. It was the only restaurant we'd go to as a family

where we would wait for like 45 minutes. It was the first time I saw the buzzers. We'd have the buzzers. Wow, that's a core memory the buzzers and then you know you finally get sat and you know that that brown bread is coming out to your table which i think is pumped of sugar i think but there's this great bread and then it's just normal food but it all has different names so you get real excited and the employees would wear these sort of bright colored button down shirts and my childhood

babysitter's boyfriend Scott was a waiter there. That's cool. So sometimes Scott would hook it up and he seemed like the coolest guy. I was going to say

if you go there and it's like oh that's my babysitter's boyfriend I bet if he served you and he's like hey Michael I bet you felt like a fucking king.

Fucking jazzed. And he was like a guy that surfed too. I was like of course you work at Outback. You're a surfer. Australia. Outback. It all works together.

Orlando? Where did he surf? Well, we're 45 minutes from New Smyrna Beach. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, that changes things. I thought it was the Disney Walt Disney World thing. I was in the northeast suburbs of Orlando, so closer to the ocean. Got it. Calm disposition there. But listen, it was the first nice restaurant I ever went to in my life.

It was the special occasion restaurant. It was someone who graduates. Someone gets their first communion. Something big happens. We're going to the Outback. We're going to the Outback. That's amazing. That was Max and Irma's for me, which is a regional Ohio chain.

Pretty similar without the Australian twang. Did they have a fried onion dish of some sort with a regionally specific name? No, I wish. With a specific name. One of the biggest regrets in my life is that I've never had a blue onion. For anyone who doesn't know, I know that your audience is basically the urban elite, and they might not know, but is a a whole onion that's sliced and battered and deep fried and you rip off a chunk of fried onion you're basically just eating

fried batter and then you dip it in a mayonnaise based sauce that's pinkish in color it's like uh it's like onion rings is uh it's like the queen bee onion ring queen bee onion burns what was your favorite dish from there was the blue onion the fish is great um i go to outback for the fish i would often get the alice springs chicken with a side of either baked potato or uh sauteed veggies oh and then it was the sort of place where you always got i'm pretty sure the bread and the side salad came with it so you know normally I'm an Italian dressing on that because I'm a Old Testament kind of guy like I've already established you're obsessed with the stuff

but sometimes steak I would get a steak there when it was a special occasion because at a certain point in my life I truly thought as a child the Australians invented steak or and how did you eat your steak? that type of steak consumption I started with medium well, but then I was bullied by my father.

To get medium right. But that was separate. But so in terms of steak, other than you being bullied by your dad, that was just like a... I can't disassociate steak consumption from father bullying. They're just part of the same circle.

Jeff? You're a cut. What's that? I was just gonna ask you about Outback You're gonna ask me about it? I've only been once and it was actually in Florida Really? Yeah

It was actually in Orlando I'm being honest It was outside of Disney World We were going to Disney World but we couldn't stay in Disney World And uh There was an Outback. And we were starving. We went. And I didn't know the Bloomin' Onion was a thing.

So we didn't get it. We had never been to an Outback. You didn't even know? I've never been. Outback is the Bloomin' Onion. The Bloomin' Onion is Outback. I know, but I was like seven. I didn't know anything.

Okay, that's your fault then, yeah. Yeah, it's my fucking dad's fault. But at least he didn't bully me over meat. Yeah. To keep it spiritual, it's like that thing that some of the church fathers thought, where if you died, but you were like to a certain age, and you didn't accept Christ, you could still go to heaven,

but there's like an age cutoff. I think it was like 12. And I think the Outback's the same way. You can get to 12 that time, but if you're 12 years and one day old and you don't order the Blooming Onion. Hell. Die under that.

Absolute H-E-double-hundred. Down under. Down under. But there is, as much as it is an Australian place, I do associate with Florida because Florida is the land of chain restaurants. Some of the nation's biggest chain restaurant groups are located there.

You know, Google the Darden restaurant group located in Orlando, Florida. They own most of the chain restaurants people go to. And it's like, it's what's down there. It's what you do.

Talk to anyone from Florida and their favorite childhood restaurant will be a chain restaurant. Well, now I want to go to Outback. Riley's roommate and I got to go to chain restaurants sometimes. We got, if she's at home, let her know that we're going to Outback. go to Outback. Riley's roommate and I got into chain restaurants sometimes. We got, if she's at home,

let her know that we're going to Outback. Sorry, Outback. Outback. I've never been to an Outback, but I have seen the commercials. So in a way, I have been.

And I remember, especially like growing up and seeing the commercials and it's just, I don't eat red meat anymore, but just like seeing the steaks like thrown down onto the flames and like didgeridoo music and like kind of like vague outlines and nods toward a kangaroo or something like that. And I remember thinking like back at the time when I did eat steak, I'm like, well, that looks like the best steak ever. That looks like why would you go anywhere else when there is a restaurant dedicated to this?

Their marketing team is great because that's I think I've had the same thought. I think it's in our childhood consciousness that like that is where steak happens. Yes. That Outback is where steak happens. I was fully convinced, but I never went. I actually couldn't tell you like the nearest one in L.A. I have no idea where it would be. But I do, I just, I do remember thinking like,

I bet that place would be cool. And then I also wondered like, do all the, and I think this is definitely not true, but I remember being convinced that like all of the staff spoke with Australian accents, that that was like part of the gig is that it's like. It's hooters for people who get off to Aussies. Exactly.

Like it's that, or, and then I also think I had this idea cause it's like, I know that in Vegas there's like, there's like the thunder from down under like male strip show, which is also a cocktail at a Outback. Well, certainly.

Oh, so I think I also like with the, that makes sense. It's a dessert. It's a dessert there there but there's a there's a thunder from down under on the menu easy with that

it's a cock and tail and your mom's like look away but mommy needs this yeah yeah yeah mama needs her medicine and so I think I also thought that like working it out back

it was like literally like Australian Hooters like the equivalent of I think I had that conception in my mind for a while that it was like literally like Australian Hooters, like the equivalent of. I think I had that conception in my mind for a while, that it was like steak, men, and good hot times. Like, that's what Outback was. I do feel like handsome men worked there. Not only a babyster's boyfriend, Scott,

but I just felt like a bunch of handsome guys, muscular, kind of like cool, haircutted men. Hemsworth types yeah absolutely Scott sounds awesome I wonder what he's up to you know I'm sure he's listening

you should call him reach out how would he have the info I know that you all have international fans and audience so I hope that some of the Australians

can get in touch after this I want to know what an Australian thinks about this the Australians who listen to our show will hate this. I did a quick number crunch just now to see where it started. First of all, it started in Tampa and also has fucking locations in Australia.

No way. What? It's like having a Bennigan's in Ireland. I just don't know. Our Aussie listeners please tweet it do something

I'm really fascinated to hear like what the cultural kind of like how everyone in the Outback feels about Outback Stikas

I think if you're in the Outback you probably feel like Stikas systematically excluded from their culture for thousands of years and your history has been erased by a bunch of descendants of prisoners.

No, that's true. No, that's true. Prison stakes is what their slogan should be. Prison stakes. The stakes couldn't be higher. All right. Should we get into some reviews, Michael? I'm so excited.

I'm so excited to hear the reviews. And I'm so excited. I'm so excited to hear the reviews. And I'm very curious. I kind of want to hear where you decided to look up the Outbacks that you found the reviews for. So I'd love to hear a little bit about that. Riley, do you want to start us off or do you want me to? Yes, hold on. Hold on.

Where did they go? Oink, oink, oink, oink. Okay. Say oink, oink, oink, oink. Okay. Say oink, oink, oink, oink. Don't worry about it. They have ribs. They have baby back. Okay.

This is... So, Burns, I know you're from the greater Chicagoland area, and so I wanted to look up some from Chicago. So this one is from Chicago. So that's why I picked this one. This reviewer is from Skokie. Oh, boy. So their name is Jerry T.

Michael, can you give us a last name for Jerry T? Oh, T. Lombowski. Jerry T. Lombowski. Jerry Chicagoki. Jerry T. Lembowski. Jerry Chicago. That's a Skokie guy. This is three stars of Outback from Jerry T. Lembowski. If you call their number, you get these automated prompts from someone

that's trying to sound a lot like Crocodile Dundee. Yes, it's funny and cheesy. I was calling in a pickup order, by the way. I don't have anything against chains, especially when taking into consideration Bonefish Grill and Fleming's. You can use their gift cards at Outback. These other chains are two of my favorites. Please see my other reviews.

Now, as for Outback, well, they've been a consistent three for basically everything that I've tried. The steaks, salads, salmon, the ambiance and decor, the cheesy commercials, etc. It's all a solid three. The point is that nothing really stands out for me other than the Land Rover Defender 90, which they use in their marketing.

But shouldn't I be thinking of food rather than the iconic 4x4? Will they be around forever? Yes. Will I continue to go there? Yes. Will they ever get to four stars despite my numerous visits? I'm not sure, mate. Parentheses, Australian accent included.

Nice. So how would your lasting impression be the fucking Land Rover? That is my dream car, I will say. That's a good car. Yeah. rover that is my dream car i will say good car yeah with that being like everything's fine but i can't stop thinking about that sweet ride it's insane to me uh yeah i mean not exactly what i wanted my fiancee to say at our welcome dinner of our wedding. But what I remember of our first date was it was romantic. We talked about everything. I mean, there was I felt like I'd known him for

for years. And do you want to talk a little bit more? I feel like all you talked about was a defender. No, I mean, like, I can totally like, listen, do I love Michael? Of course. Will Michael and I have an incredible life together? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, do I remember our first date? Like, the back of my hand, of course I do. No one's saying that I don't remember that. No one's saying that I didn't care. Great, then let's hear some more a little bit

because we're in front of everybody. I remember when he picked me up. And I remember what I was wearing. I remember what he was wearing. It was all great. I remember the smell of the interior. He'd had this car for maybe like two years, three years, but it smelled just like new.

It smelled like the day he picked it up, and that was the day that I knew it was going to be him. I knew it was going to be him forever because if I wasn't with him, then I wasn't with the car. Again, it's about a car. It's about you too. I mean, hey, come on. Michael's dad wants to go.

It's not about me. It doesn't have to be about me. Excuse me? Yeah. Oh, I paid for an open bar. I open. Is it my turn yet? Yes.

Mr. Smith, go on ahead. It's your son. It's our big day, and we want to hear from the big man. Big man himself. I was going to do one of the things where I brought my guns and did the picture that was like with my daughter, and I was going to point a gun the things where I brought my guns and did the picture that was like with my daughter. And I was going to point a gun at your head. And we're going to do a whole thing.

But I guess we're not allowed to. The Hyatt says they have a policy. Even when you pay them. You cannot bring guns in here, Dad. I told you that. Even when you pay them. But no, I would say. Even when you pay them.

Trust me, buddy. I've been there. Even when you pay them. Listen, how many times have you tried to pay a Hyatt to bring a firearm? Not tried. I've just taken my money, and then they tell me on the back end, no, it's not going to happen. They do that.

They do that. They do that. No, but I'm not going to take away any more of your time. Go on. You get up there, you big lug. Well, listen, it's not every day your kid gets married. This is, I mean, it's your second, but the first time was quick. I wasn't invited.

I'm glad you're doing it again. And when I look at everything you guys have as a couple, everything with you guys is just slightly above average. Slightly. I've always said that too. Yeah. And that's what in a marriage, you don't want it to be too good. Right, honey?

Right? That's right. And I'll have another Grey Goose. Actually, you can hold the olives. I'll just take the Grey Goose. You don't even need to bring the glass. I'll just take the bottle. Are you sure that's like a stiff?

I'm sorry to make a comment on it. It's just me, the waiter. That's a stiff drink. That is a stiff drink. That is a stiff drink. You know what I'd like? Boy, we're not paying you for the commentary. We're paying you to get my wife drunk.

Sorry. The room loves it. Everybody cracks up. Wow. Sorry. Yeah, shouldn't have made any. Wow. I'm going to go smoke weed in the bathroom.

I don't know. I mean, honey, you really think that everything in our relationship is just slightly above average? I thought that. I'm going to stay up here. I know this above average. I thought that... I'm going to stay up here. I know this is abnormal. I'm going to stand in the middle. You guys work this out. No, that's great. I actually really appreciate you being here. I knew my dad would say something like that, but you agreed.

Sorry. I don't... Sorry. This is like... I'm flustered because I don't get how I'm the villain here. The room, everyone's kind of also really confused. How do you guys not get that this is hurtful? No, it's just like, I don't get it because it's not like your dad said like, oh, you guys are saying your relationship is below average.

We're saying it's good. We're saying it's not positive. And you're out here complaining that it's a negative. Everyone starts kind of lightly going like, yeah, he's right. Yeah. This is a collective agreement. I can't. I love you. This is the happiest day of my life. It's our's right. This is a collective agreement. I can't. I love you.

This is the happiest day of my life. It's our wedding weekend. This is the happiest day of my life. I want to feel like it's a fucking fairy tale. I'm sorry. I want to think that it's five stars. You're the only one saying that it's not good. We're all saying it's at least a three.

All of this is at least a three. Jimbo wants to be in a cartoon. You guys hear this guy? I want to be in a fairy tale. I'm going to put a little dress on him or something. Right? Right? Right? You got a cute little figure on you. Cute little, you got your mother's figure.

You do. You do. Don't say shit like that. The crowd is like weeping, laughing. Cry laughing. That's not funny. That's like really mean to say to your son. It's good. Men can look like a woman figure. Your dad just said you were hot. Again, I don't understand why you're taking everything as a negative

when everything... We're saying that you're hot. We're saying that this wedding is great. We're saying that your car is awesome. I don't get why you're taking everything and saying it's bad. I shouldn't have given you guys the speeches. I really shouldn't have given you guys

the chance to speak. Let me just wrap it up here. I... Sorry, I'm upset. I had a great time on our first date. We talked about a lot of different things. Spanning. Sorry. Dad, I can see the outline of a pistol in your pants.

It's not loaded. Give me the gun. If the bullets are in a Ziploc, it's not loaded. They happen to be in the same room. The Ziploc method. Where is the Ziploc? Finally someone in the family who knows about the Ziploc method.

Okay, I'll let you hold them. I'll let you hold the Ziploc. I hold the gun. You're in control. You're doing great. You're doing great. Give me the Ziploc and give me the gun. Oh, you want your wedding gift the day before. Give me the gun. You're in control. Okay, you're doing great. You're doing great. Routing. Give me the Ziploc and give me the gun. Oh, you want your wedding gift the day before. Give me the gun.

Give me the gun. They struggle with it. Here you go. Oh! So it was loaded. So it was loaded. I needed, in case someone stole the Ziploc, what was I supposed to do?

No, that's a great, honestly, I would have done the same thing. We see the mom and the waiter who gave her the gray goose walk out together bring her back in one piece buck now everybody knows the relationship and they love it okay great happy nuptials tall this sucks this is why i loped the first time. Yeah, you never told me about that, by the way. I'm sorry.

Blow that one up. It was terrible. They were a 10 out of 10 in physical chemistry and a 1 out of 10 in intellectual compatibility. You should know that. It didn't work. You should know that. Cut to their first date. So do you have any hobbies, sports, physical, anything?

Do you read? Under the table. He's just grabbed his dick. We'll take the check. Can I stay here and finish? If you guys go, thanks for inviting me. Yes, fine. My love life is a mess.

Okay, back to the rehearsal dinner. I spent a lot of money tonight, but it's worth it. It's worth it. It's like 3 a.m. Everyone, get home safe. There's lift codes. You get the first $5 for free. You didn't have to do that.

I got lift codes. You can't tell me how much money you spent. I got lift codes. You get the first $5 for free. You didn't have to do that. You can't tell me how much money you spent. I got lift codes. Everyone will be there tomorrow. Father O'Donohue threw up in the bathroom, so we're going to have a backup priest for the ceremony. Backup priest? Are you crying or did you do cocaine?

Why does it have to be mutually exclusive with you? Got it. Got it. Got it. Hey, can I, honey, can I pull you aside for a sec? I know today's been a lot of hoopla.

I just feel like, it's been worse than hoopla. Hoopla is like a comical way of putting it. It's been a train wreck. Okay. Again, I just need to turn everything negative. Um,

I just like in the craziness of today, like for me, it's positive for you. It's negative. And like, that's a different conversation. That's fine. But I just want to let craziness of today, like for me, it's positive for you. It's negative. And like, that's a different conversation. That's fine. But I just want to let you know that like,

like this is it for me. Like you and your car, like you're all I want forever. What was the second thing? You and your, the life that we'll have traveling around in your car is going to be unbelievable. Valet runs in just freaking out,

running through from the back of the thing. Excuse me, guys. One of our servers and an older woman with a Shania Twain neck tattoo, they got in a car by accident. They took the keys. They've been messing around in it. The safety brake went off.

Sir, I think it is your car. I think it was your mother. I don't think it's going to make it. She Sir, I think it is your car. I think it was your mother. I don't think it's going to make it. She might. I don't think the car is. Oh, I mean, as long as my mom's gonna be okay, that's all I really care about. Did it go into a river? What happened to the car?

No, honey, it's gonna be okay. It sounds like my mom's gonna be fine. I don't give a shit about your mom. What happened to my baby? It slid into the retention pond behind the Hyatt. All Hyatts come with retention ponds to filter out all the bacteria in the shower water. You're kidding me. You're shitting me right now.

You're shitting me. So it's like done. Like in your professional opinion, it's done. I've been valeting for upwards of 17 months now, and I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen anything like this. It's not that long. Why is everything so unfair? This is a joke.

Unfair? You got a free wedding. My dad is up my ass about how much this thing costs. My mom almost died and you think it's unfair that we lost our Sonata? It's,

well, you know what? We don't even need, like, honestly, we can just call it off. Are you kidding me? We can call it off. off fine but not because of the car because of you we can agree to disagree again you're flipping everything and like i'm not one of those like gas lighters mansplainers whatever but it's like i feel like it's clear to the room's

been silent just watching the whole time i think it's clear to everyone here. Like, why haven't you guys left? That's what the villain of the story is. They don't have cable here. This is fun. They don't, it's not one of the hotels where you can, you put in your Netflix. It's an old type of hotel where it's like direct TV He shouldn't be able to get this many words in edgewise from a crowd.

All we can watch is the nutty professor and the other Berlin girl. I'm sorry. You guys have all free hotel rooms. Movies are similar when you really think about it thematically. I watch both back to back. And honestly, I think they must be programming this like one of those theaters that just has the one screen and they play the old ones.

Guys, sorry. I actually figured out a hack you can air play anything from your laptop or if you have any kind of product like a phone or a laptop you can watch anything nice so there's we've all figured out the ways but what if you have a pc can you air play from a pc or is it just i don't know for sure but i think there there's like Android AirPlay or like a version of it. Actually, I'm a hacker and if you come here, I can set you up with a VPN that will mirror a Mac OS on your PC device and it'll allow you to do whatever you want. Also, your presence in Bitcoin, don't be weird. That's my babysitter's ex-boyfriend. I invited him because he's so cool.

You invited your babysitter's ex-boyfriend? Sorry, did you invite your babysitter? No, I don't know where she's at. I just have followed Scott. Got it. We shouldn't get married. We shouldn't get married, no. We're trying to follow.

The worst party ever. best night of my life isn't that the dream though to be at a i just kind of mean to say but at a wedding that goes where it goes wrong yes a hundred percent have you if either of you ever been at a wedding wedding that's gone awry no i wish i had i i feel like i've had i haven't been to one of these weddings, but I know people who have gone to weddings who have felt like these people shouldn't get married. And I feel like that's equally fun of going and being like, this is a terrible idea for everyone, but we're here. Yeah. Not to like stunt on being married, but I briefly thought that my wife was abandoning me on the day of our wedding as the photographer placed me on the top of a building near the edge. And I thought God was daring me to end my life. Oh. My wife was abandoning me on the day of our wedding as the photographer placed me on the top of a building near the edge. And I thought God was daring me to end my life.

Oh, so we got to take a quick break. But we'll be right back with Michael Burns and some reviews of Outback right after this. And we're back, mate. We're out back, mate. Out back. I have a really good Australian accent. Yeah, can you say, like, I'll throw some shrimps on the barbie. Throw some shrimps on the barbie.

It landed well. This is me actually trying. Okay, say, I promise y'all I'll only try. Get me a thunder from down under. Get me a thunder from down under. It's the fact that it's almost good but bad, but not good, and the fact that it's not that bad

that I think it makes it the worst thing to hear. Say, welcome to Outback. I'm Jeffrey, the thunder from down under. Welcome to Outback. I'm Jeffrey, the thunder from down under. Welcome to Outback. I'm Jeffrey, the thunder from down under. You always land well. I could do this all night. That's the only thing I know.

Michael, do you have a review? Or do you want me to go next? What are you thinking? How do you feel? I didn't prep one, but I could maybe. I have two. You're good. I have five. Four. I did. Okay, good. I thought at one point

should I look up a review of my childhood Outback? But I was like, no. These are professionals. They've done the research. I've got a two-star review from Bonnie H. Should we get into it? Bonnie? From where? Which Outback? This is from the Cleveland or more specifically Parma, Ohio

Outback. This is from Bonnie H. or more specifically, Parma, Ohio. This is from Bonnie H. Riley, do we have a last name for Bonnie H? Bonnie Harley. Nice. Bonnie Harley. Apropos of nothing. It's cool. This is two stars. I've given this particular location three years to meet at least the minimum standard for Outback,

and they continue to consistently fail. I've gone in person and received poor service. Pick up and door dash with the same results. Their wings are inconsistent and dry, and I got a signature salad with ingredients, such as eggs, that don't come on an Outback salad ever. I do not recommend this Outback, and I'm tired of giving them chances.

Three years. Three years. That's too many chances. You should have given up after three visits. And they don't need that one person. Yeah, you're not QC for Outback. Here's the deal. You guys have been coming to this after-school program for three years.

Your grades have not improved. According to the school board, it's kind of a three years you're out thing. Guys, I don't think you're graduating high school this year. I'm really sorry oh man that's tough to hear teach it's it's tough to hear yeah it's tough to say yeah you know what we'll just come back tomorrow and we'll take the tests again and then we'll just see where it goes like because honestly it's like that's fine's fine. Nico, are you busy tomorrow? I'm kind of tired today.

So I feel like now's not the right time to learn whether we graduated or not. So we'll see tomorrow. I think so. We'll try it tomorrow. I just feel like it's like, you know when you're listening, but you're not really hearing? Or the other way around? Yeah. I'm so fucking drained.

Yes. Me too. Guys, tomorrow's Saturday. I'm not going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here.

I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here.

I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here.

I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. The only people at school are kids at cross-country practice. Once again, I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news. There's no way you can graduate this year. There's no way you can graduate this year today.

This year today. Here's what you could do, okay? I know one of my colleagues runs a ged program down at orange coast community college that's so cool i can get you set up there um you know you're not going to graduate from here at falcon high school but i can i can get you a new ged program i believe in you guys i really do i really do that's so nice of you to offer that. And if that's something that we were looking for, I would love that option. I'm really grateful that we don't have to do that,

but that's not to downplay. That sounds so cool. But then we'll just come back. If tomorrow's Saturday, then we'll come back Monday. We can do Monday. We can do Monday. We can graduate Monday. We can graduate this year on Monday.

We can graduate this year on Monday. We can graduate this year on Monday. It's going to be so fun. I'm not mad that you're pushing it off. Because again, like I said, I'm kind of tired. Monday's actually best. Because actually, that's when my dad's dropping me off at my mom's house. And so that's when we'll all be together. So then we can all come back together to school too.

That could be huge. That could be the one day where all of us are together. And we'll be graduating this year on Monday. And it's going to be so exciting.. That could be huge. That could be the one day where all of us are together and we'll be graduating this year on Monday and it's going to be so exciting and you'll be there. And I've been doing this thing where I like sleep for

like multiple days at a time. My doctor can't explain it and so I feel like I might not even be awake tomorrow so this Monday's better than today. So this is perfect. That's very scary. You've just been,

you've been sleeping for days and is this a family doctor you go to who hasn't been able to diagnose this? I think I'm concerned. I mostly just go to the ER, and I'm like, hey, is this normal? It's not an issue. No, but I'm like, I'll deal with it another time.

You seem upset. You seem frustrated. I feel like you guys aren't getting what we tell you. We could do Tuesday. I love you kids. You bring something to the classroom I don't get from a lot of other kids. You have a fun dynamic. Watching your will they or won't they over the years has been great.

Me and the wife loved friends. When the friends stopped, it was like, where do we go? I personally think of you guys as like a what if Monica and Ross weren't related but had their same personalities and will there or won't they? But that's neither here nor there. There are two campus resource officers outside the door. I did not ask them to be here. Principal O'Malley said that you have to be escorted off campus. You cannot be here anymore.

It's already awkward enough that you're 21 years old. Mr. Watterson, Mr. Watterson, I'm sorry to butt in. I know. Principal here. Listen. Hi, Principal. I was on your team. I wanted these kids gone because they haven't met my quota of academic excellence.

But you just, I think, broke the law by saying that you've been enjoying watching whether or not these two 17-year-old minors would date. So I think now we have to graduate them. Wait, no, no, no, no. Because is this a thing where they could sue if I don't – because they could say that I – young love is beautiful. I don't know why – I can't say that it's – I would quit while you're ahead. There's three witnesses here. I don't want any of this to get out.

Again, I'm not meeting my quota. Why do we do prom court? Every year we put one gal and one guy in front of the whole school, and we give them crowns, and we basically say they're king and queen, and we know from history, and I know you used to teach AP history before you got bumped up. They're king and queens. They have sex.

But we do that ritual, and I't i can't never see each other in the court achieving kids they're in their queens have servants who service them i've read about it on certain websites that we cannot talk about on school grounds way like in that movie with the uh the woman the actor she's the she's the best now she's the best yeah no the coleman woman she was in the movie coleman she was in the one where the gal from Superbad, the one that the bigger kid, he liked her. And then there's the movie where she does hand stuff to Olivia Coleman, who's, I think, a queen. But that's in a movie.

I can say that. It's in a movie. We can talk about a movie. We can talk about real minors who are in the room. Let's graduate them, and then we'll forget this meeting ever happened i apologize for the commenting on the friction between the will they won't they the way in which you flirt around the circle of are they close friends like like a brother and sister who are

inseparable or is there something more there is it is it pacey and joey or is it Pacey and Dawson? I don't know. Remember when Pacey, he had a DeLance, is that the word? A DeLance with a teacher once? That was a good TV show. We're 17. We don't know anything you're saying. I didn't watch that show. It's on one of the streamers. Dawson?

Dawson. It's a precocious boy. Oh, it's like one of those vintage shows it's like one of those older shows no it's not vintage it's not older because we're like

we're pretty we're kind of young style it's like what the old people no Nico it's like what they watched

when we were our age so it's like their yeah it was like Euphoria it's like their Euphoria

I got very uncomfortable watching it I got very uncomfortable you've got uncomfortable watching Euphoria but you bring up. You've got uncomfortable watching euphoria but you bring up Dawson's Creek

in front of a meeting where we're trying to get these guys off campus. You said at the last faculty meeting you made it it was a homework. We all had to watch the pilot of euphoria to learn about where teen culture is going and how as educators we can work to derail that tendency. I'm very

because it's very true to life with what teenagers are dealing with. Knock, knock. Mrs. Paulson from science class, I'm head to toe in an exact euphoria outfit. Sorry, I heard all this going down and I just wanted to say goodbye to my two favorite students.

Are you guys graduating this year today? Don't ask that. Oh, God. Yeah, I think it was there was confusion hi miss paulson you look great we were there was just there was confusion over we were graduating this year today or this year monday and i don't think we ever landed on one but we're for sure graduating this year i think tough thing is like i'm open most of next week but like after thursday but nico you have that sleeping thing it's not quite narcolepsy but it's

more than that you and that so that's hard for you. So we got to figure out a day that'll make sense for you, honey. Why do you, sorry, why are you wearing, why are you wearing? Thank you for saying that, Nico. I'm uncomfortable. I'm sorry. And Sherry, you're a great teacher. I know we shouldn't comment on what other faculty wear.

I've always thought of you. Yeah. Makeup. You to me are more like a Diane, like a Diane Lane in an 80s film is your sort of vibe. And now you're coming in with something totally different. Mr. Watterson, can I ask you? Can I play a side for a second? Oh, yeah.

Of course. Are you still married? Because it sounds like you're watching a lot of TV, a lot of old shows, and focusing on the romantic relationship. Got it. No. What is a marriage? Is it legal?

Is it legally? It is legal. Legally, I am married. Legally, I am married. Legally, I am married. In terms of geography, Yesenia is no longer in the state of Delaware. Got it. So what I'm going to do, because this whole thing is kind of blown up in your face because I think you're lonely and you're just thinking. You're ascribing relationship dynamics from television onto other people.

I'm going to set you up with my friend. She's a lovely girl. She's amazing. She's a dental assistant. So why don't you take her out? I'll write down the thing. Take her out tonight just for one drink, one drink. Cut to the date.

Oh, my God. So I'll tell you. I think dental assistants are amazing. Thank you. What you do, I sometimes don't think nurses really do a lot compared to a doctor. But when I think about what a dental assistant does compared to a dentist, you know? Have you ever seen Nip Tuck? Oh, God.

I'm going to get a, yeah, can I get another Grey Goose? Forget the olives. Just the bottle? Just the bottle, yeah. I'm going to get a, yeah, can I get another Grey Goose? Forget the olives. Just the bottle? Just the bottle, yeah. Absolutely, right back. Nip-tuck. I think what you do is, it's good. Have you ever seen Nip-tuck?

I think nurses do a lot less work than doctors. I was a teacher who thought that and he's going through a lot. You know, that's not... No, it's like because Burns said that, that actually means

that's what he believes. Yeah. I know, I'll say this. We're going to put that on a shirt. The nurse thing, I don't believe. I will say this. You go to the dentist.

What is it? Often the dentist comes in at the end and they like wiggle a tooth around and tap you a few times. And they're like, oh, it looks good. But this other person I'm sure is getting paid way less.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They spent 40 minutes with me. We talked. We did little bits. I'm sort of like, oh, yeah, good. Because you can't talk because they're in your mouth. Yeah.

I think dental assistants are like the adult version of your babysitter's partner. Yeah, like a classic Scott type. Yeah. I always think dental assistants are like the adult version of your babysitter's partner. Yeah, like a classic Scott type. Yeah. I always think dental assistants are awesome. Oh, just in the way that they're awesome? Yeah. It's a cool job. More than awesome.

Well, I mean, what's the other one-to-one? Because Scott was a surfer who worked at Outback. My wife. Okay. I have another review. I have another review. Outback in Skokie. We're going to Skokie? We're going to Skokie?

We're going to Skokie again. Back to Skokie. Jeff, this is from Jane V. Jane Vaunch. Jane Vaunch. Three stars from Jane Vaunch. Went here for the steak and crab legs, which is... Sorry.

That's already surfing turf nothing silly's ever has been said yet you know what's coming okay went here for the steak and crab legs which what which is what's only offered at certain times of the year we've been here a few times in the past and had a better experiences than we did last time in July. The food's very good, considering the prices. It's not a fancy steakhouse. The decor is all the same at each of their locations. I had the watermelon punch, which was very cool and refreshing on a hot

summer day. Try the chocolate thunder from Down Under for dessert. It's delicious. Everything was fine, except our waitress was acting really strange. There was no one in the place, and she was rushing us. She also disappeared for a long time after serving our appetizer. So we had to wait to order our main meal.

She also seemed like she was pissed off that we were sitting at her table. If we could just have like, do you mind? Just like two more minutes. We haven't, we just kind of started looking at the menu. Is that fine? Two minutes? Yeah. Check my phone. Just two minutes. Yeah check my phone just two minutes yeah yeah yeah two's fine two's fine uh i'll be so much so many

options here i've never i've never eaten here before and i just have you ever seen such a menu okay i love it it's like it's like a book there's multiple multiple pages i don't know if you if you want my recommendations i can recommend like my favorite things that are usually like i think everyone who comes here loves those it can make that a lot faster for you uh we're actually trying to take our time my buddy here he's um you can tell his wife yeah his wife and him just started an open relationship and uh she's currently on a date so i'm trying to distract him and kind of take up the whole night oh that sucks uh we have if you want any recommendations, we got the –

Oh, no, they're like doing it unethically and they're talking about it. I want – I'm happy that she's there. Just because I, in one level, needed to be distracted to not think about it doesn't mean I don't conceptually think that what she's doing is a good thing. We have the Bloomin' Onion if you want to start. We can also do – we have some wings. You can do it as an appetizer or an entree just depending on

how many wings you want to get are these specials or are you just reading the menu to us yeah because I see those right here they're on the first page and there's like

the blue around them and there's the koala we also have the Italian salad then we have a couple chowders on menu stop me whenever something sounds good

stop me whenever you're like I want that if we get an appetizer can we just maybe maybe order one thing right now and then as we wait for that we can take our time what would you like to eat now I feel like we should get the bloomin' onion

we should so one bloomin' onion because I mentally know that that's what we should get, but it's like, how does that make me feel? Do I want that? Is it going to make me feel bad, even if I know that's what one should get here?

Right. Let's not get it. Let's get something. Let's get the spinach and artichoke dip. Yeah, that sounds really nice. That sounds really nice. Okay, great. So the spinach and artichoke dip.

Well, but also it's kind of like, that might be too much because I also was going to get a full ribeye then you have to I'm sorry it's just like

we're in a bit of a rush today like I didn't want to be that person who said that and like made you feel like through your experience

with Rush but we are in a bit of a rush today and so there's not that many people here not a lot all your co-workers

are just hanging at the bar I'm not one to judge but it looks like most of the people in the Outback shirts are just are having drinks are just hanging at the bar. I'm not one to judge, but it looks like most of the people in the Outback shirts are just having drinks and just hanging out. Yeah. I know it looks that way.

I know you're probably looking and thinking, like, it's a slow day. They can afford to take some time. But actually, we just have a lot going on. We have a lot going on here. So it just really helped me out. You're very sweaty. I don't know if that's OK to say to you, but you're very- it's really not okay. Actually. Oh, well you're very, you're, you're, I don't like the color of your shirt. It doesn't go well with your skin tone. Is that okay

for me to say? I think, you know what? I'm going to take that. Cause I'm, I'm learning that sometimes things that we think might be bad can be good for others. So I appreciate that comment. Um, I am going to stick away from earth tones in the future. I'm going to get back to blues. Maybe if I did that, my wife would just want to hang out with me. I really think that you guys should leave soon because we have a private party

coming in here in a little bit. Did they rent out the whole place? The lights dim? They rented out the whole place. A white Rolls Royce pulls up. Four mobsters come out in like full 40s garb flipping coins simultaneously.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, get your... Hey! Okay, do you want to take food to go? Because they're coming in here any second and you do not want to be around when these guys show up. Hey, four Italian salads,

hot and ready. Make them hot. Make them hot. Make them ready. Four hot salads coming right up. They want a hot salad? Four hot salads coming right up. Do you grill it? Do you put the salad on the barbecue?

You microwave it. Hey, Robo, I told you to clear the haunt. I'm so sorry, sir. I tried my best. I'm really trying to get these gentlemen to leave. We're here. I think you guys can understand this I think what you call it in your culture is there's goomars so my wife basically

has a goomar now a woman on the side I don't know her ethnic background or anything or his ethnic background, not that it matters but I can't visualize him because I asked not to know what he looked like so kind of like what your wives think when they're at home with all the babies. I know you guys have a lot of them.

That's like me right now. You're talking too much. You're talking way too much. They're coming like all forms standing up making like a cartoonish big shadow over them. What the hell is this? What does he think he's fucking talking about? This fucking walking stick of capicola? He's thin as the prosciutto on Arthur Avenue.

Excuse me, gentlemen. I have your four hot salads ready and waiting. I know your table is occupied right now, but we have the same exact wonderful table right next to it. Why is this your table? Put your fingers in the salad. Put your finger in the salad and make sure it's hot how we like it. Let me test this shit. Puts his fingers in the salad. This is table. Put your fingers in the salad. Put your finger in the salad and make sure it's hot how we like it. Let me test this shit.

Put his fingers in the salad. This is gross. Oh, it's honestly just right, but keep it under a heat lamp so it stays that way. Absolutely. Can do. Can do. These are cool guys. These are like cool guys.

This is- They are dangerous. I want a little danger. You know what I mean? I need to shake it up a little bit. Why not? Why not? Okay, I feel like you're internalizing what Lisa said. You know what I mean? I need to shake it up a little bit. You know? Why not? Why not? Okay, I feel like you're internalizing what Lisa said.

You don't need to be more dangerous. She doesn't really want danger. She's just confused, all right? What do you think will happen if I call one of them a Dago? I think it'll get crazy. I don't know what that means. What is that? I think it's like an Italian slur.

Like, it's a slur used in Italian. Don't do that. Don't do that. What? They're the white. They're the... You know, some people say Italians are like the one white. It's its own ethnicity, I guess.

We see that they're still flipping coins in every time's heads. What did you say? Did I hear what I think you said? You better not have said what I thought you fucking said. No, I can say it. This isn't bad. This is fine. I was asking if as Italian Americans,

you think of yourself as ethnic whites. If you think of yourselves as having an ethnicity that's separate from just standard, standard Caucasian. If for you,

there's something different. Is that weird to ask? Is that weird? The room is like, you can hear a pin drop. Holy fucking shit. This guy gets it. This guy gets it.

I've always said that I'm an ethnic white. Exactly. We're different. It's not that we're not white, but we're a different type. We're our own thing. We're our own thing. We're our own thing. Robo, combine these tables at Outback Steakhouse.

See, I told you. I told you. You guys are fun. You guys are fun. Absolutely. I can make that happen. Would you be having to enjoy two more hot salads for the table, or would you like to get started on the thunder from Deonanda?

What was that? Nothing. It was nothing. Would you like the hot sound? No, no. Hey, make her say it again. No, what the hell was that? Ask her what she's doing. No, come on.

What did you just say? I was just trying something out. And how did you say it? I was just trying something out. Trying what out? Say it. I was just trying. Say what you want.

No, I was saying as practice. I didn't mean to. It was just like, I do it. The kids come in here. You know that's not a separate ethnicity, right? You know Australian white is not. I never said it was. I never said that. I love to think they're an ethnic white. I never said it here. You know that's not a separate ethnicity, right? You know Australian white is not. I never said it was. Australians love to think they're an ethnic white.

I never said it was. You know what they are? They're just English people who maybe did a couple bad things and then had sex and created a whole other thing. I never said. Because English people had a little sex. I was just trying. That's what we've always said.

I was just trying to talk like a from the vet because I work it out. But guys, it doesn't need to be. That was but guys, it doesn't need to be a big deal. That was really good. That was so good. She did a good job. She did a good job there. I'm not going to not acknowledge it. I mean, she did a good job.

She did fine. She did fine. Okay. As long as you can say, say in an Australian accent that they're not ethnic whites. Yes. Come on.

I don't think we need to bring race into this, guys. Say that sentence in an Aussie accent. That guy's wise. He has a gun in his hand. I don't think she sees it, but there's... Guys, no, I don't... I feel like tonight's not the night. Why don't I just get you guys some hot food,

some hot salads, hot drinks? They slam a gun on the table. You're gonna say what I asked you to say in an Aussie accent. I've never seen one. I've never seen... This is unreal. We're in imminent danger.

The rest of the staff have evacuated. Who shoots a gun in an outback? That's ridiculous. Sweetheart, let me let you know that we don't got no Ziplocs tonight. Everything's just hot and ready in there. No Ziploc bullets. What does that mean? I don't know what that means.

It must be a thing. These are not going to be... Italian guys respect women. Mary, mother of Christ. That's what they always... In the movies, they... These are good guys. They're good.

You guys... You have 60 seconds, which is kind of a lot of time to say this one sentence in an Australian accent. I just like... I just get really comfortable like talking about that stuff.

I just feel like it's not my place. 54! Check in... Sorry, tony check in at like intervals of 10 don't do six 48 oh god sorry he just joined the fucking family um what do you so sorry i'm just not really nervous um 22 plus 13 don't do math he's it's fun it's fun to start it over 60 seconds okay okay 60 seconds more australians are not ethnic whites in an australian accent yeah okay this is important to us culturally you just you're culturally significant for us validating us well that's really nice guys that they like you know they cared too i think like our mobsters are more they are holding us up at gunpoint He's not gonna shoot anyone

They said the bullets were in a shopping bag In a Tupperware or something They said they weren't in a shopping bag No ziplocks allowed In the outback Why is that a rule? Is it food stealers? Oh this wise guy wants to ask why that's a rule.

Boys, you want to show him why that's a fucking rule? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? He's putting my...

Put my hand in my... Let him go. Let him go. He gets it. I think he gets it. Now are you scared? They also thought you said what I said. They don't even know what's going on.

And they're forcing this poor woman to say, We all look the same to them. Romo, is that your name? Please just say this. All other whites look the same to them. They got us confused. Okay, fine. Just say it.

I just, I get nervous. Why do you have some moral standing against me? 13 and a half seconds. It's because I didn't train myself to say that in an accent. I only practice what's on the menu and stuff like shrimp on the barbie. And let's go catch some lives, Cleo. But I didn't practice how to say that we're not ethnic whites. I didn't, I don't know how to say that in an Australian

accent. And if you want to shoot me for it, that's... And you know what? Oh! Oh! Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. Alright, boys. Let's go. Flipping coins again, getting back in the car. Yeah, three more seconds. Where else are we gonna get some hot salads?

I don't know. Outback's the only kind of place that does it. That's why we go there. They drive off into oncoming traffic. I don't want to leave now. It feels weird to leave. Yeah. Well, your wife's still getting railed.

Yeah. Just stay. getting reeled yeah the staff is gone they're just sitting in an empty chain restaurant room just dead body next to him all right should we do our last segment oh let's. This is Trippio Weekend. Oh, Michael, do you have something that's been shaking you, something that's been on your mind, something you read about, you experienced, et cetera?

Anything? Oh, yeah, I experienced something. Let's hear about it. Going out for an indulgent lunch. How often in this world do we think to go out for an indulgent lunch? And this week, one day I decided I wanted a hamburger and fries for lunch. I walked to a neighborhood establishment that was supposed to be good, sat outside in the sun on a break from work, had a burger and fries. I loved it. I think often we have our indulgent meals at night,

but you know what? I think have a midweek, middle of your work day, indulgent lunch. Rack of ribs. I want to work up to that, but I think, I don't know,

I really enjoyed it. So it's just awesome. I love that. I feel like we'll either have like an indulgent brunch or something or a dinner, but nary a lunch. And I love that. Especially midweek. I do feel like that breaks up the monotony.

Yeah, midweek's like, you're a crazy ass for that. What's that? You're a crazy ass. Come on. No, it's good. It's going well. Everything's going well. Just say it again.

I didn't hear you crazy ass crazy ass as what crazy ass I think she's calling you a crazy ass because it was midweek there's a risk you go too heavy

how's the back half of your work day going to go it's the risk and reward you think about it. I say walk. You walk? And then that's nice. I did my digestive walk on the way back. It was just great. I love that. That's a really good what shook me.

Thank you so much. It was hard to think about that. Honestly, I'm going to employ it this upcoming week and then we'll do a follow up on next week's episode. Riley, will you promise to do a follow-up on next week's episode. Riley, will you promise to do a, for lack of a better term, rack of ribs?

Um, no. Vegan ribs. No, that sounds worse. Really? Yeah. Fuck. All right. Brisket, or?

No. Triscuit? Triscuit, I could get behind. One triscuit. I had such an indulgent lunch. Oh my God. I was a crazy ass. I had a triscuit for lunch. Like that's crazy.

And not in the way to eat. Michael, I got what you were talking about. This shit was crazy. No, that's an eating disorder. Single cracker. Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, that's not good.

We would have a talk. Riley, what's been shaking you all week long? I need you guys to bear with me through this. I need you guys to just give me the benefit of the doubt on this one. So last night, Michael, I live with my boyfriend. We have a roommate named Elizabeth. Elizabeth Valenti, friend of the pod, friend of life. She's wonderful.

Elizabeth and I came up with a game last night. And Daniel was in the living room talking to our friend Josh. Elizabeth and I are in the kitchen. And Elizabeth started doing this dance earlier in the week. This is an audio medium. It doesn't matter. It was a very silly dance. I'll show you guys.

It's very angular. We'll try to describe it. We were doing a bit of like, imagine you go to a really crowded bar. Omicron has passed, and we're like, let's all get crazy. And you go in, and you see someone doing this dance with a straight face. And you guys try and describe it as best you can. She's standing up. Oh, that's a good thing.

Like skiing, like ski your workout workout but really fast and she's looking ahead yeah the very intense space really adds to it yes so we were doing that and then we were laughing and we've been playing a lot of mario party lately and so then i was like oh what mario party character would do that dance and we both immediately agreed waluigi i was gonna say waluigi thank you and so then that got us started on a game where we could each it sounds insane we would each think of a mario party character not tell the other who we were thinking of and then make up a dance and then the other person based off of that come on man based off of that would have to watch and be like

oh that's that's Koopa Troopa or that's Yoshi so like like a specific charade charade yeah so it's like charades

but for Mario Mario Party characters honestly you should pitch that to Nintendo because that'd be a great Mario Party game of just like seeing a silly

but I don't know if it would work but it was just very silly I don't know if it would work but it was just very silly I don't know how the tech would work but what was so ridiculous about well one then we went to the other room because like we were dying laughing and Daniel and Josh were like what is going on and we went we're like okay we have to can we show you this game they're like we feel like you're we're your parents and your two kids who came back from the other being like here's here's do you want to watch our play we just made?

But what was insane is that we were in the kitchen. And so it's like, Elizabeth started dancing. She was like by our dining table. I'm like by our stove. But then we had an unspoken agreement when we switched roles. I'm like, okay, I'm going to do the dance now. We switched positions in our house. So it was like, there was an agreed upon stage, like a like a playing place we realized like we didn't have to move we have the same amount of space

we just turned and we're like oh this is clearly the stage so i guess what struck me is childlike spirit and theater is a you can make anywhere. That's like what I think Brecht was into, right? Like people's theater. Yeah, it's pretty Brechtian. In a way, like us doing dances as Yoshi, like isn't that Brecht? I think it is. I'm pretty sure that's what he was into, right?

I think so. It's Bertoldian. That's describing so much meaning to something so meaningless. But also, that's Brechtian. And that's describing so much meaning to something so meaningless but also that's brechtian i read bertold for breakfast that you should tweet that that's really good there's a certain type of person would respond very well to that tweet five people uh what's been shaking me is I organized a bar crawl on Saturday and did it in remembrance because I

made a typo on the invite of my buddy Johnny whose apartment I'm in right now he's still alive but he's dead to me because I loved him to death he's a great guy and I like legit was like getting really serious emotionally and thought this was about to pivot no no no he was in attendance uh but it wasn't a remembrance of

him so uh we went to four bars i also got a new tattoo i guess that's also kind of shaking me but i invited my tattoo artist to the bar crawl because we like hit it off during the appointment and she was just like we were talking talking about deep stuff like it was like a real just i liked her. She came. All these strangers, everybody I ever knew in New York came. I think 50, not 50, 35 people probably came, which is a lot because I don't live here. That's so fun.

On the third bar, we all said, not everybody, I mostly made a speech, and then some people said a few short words about what they loved about Johnny. It was basically like Johnny got to attend his own funeral. That sounds amazing. Everyone should do that for their friends. They should do the remembrance thing. We also all tried to dress like him.

It was a lot of fun. That's awesome. You love a bar crawl. You love organizing a bar crawl. Well, the first one I did, I've only done two. The first one failed miserably uh because i chose the wrong bars and la is just harder to do it at i was about to ask how one does that in la because there's so few areas with with density of walkable bars i did one in silver lake in july but it did

not work out and it basically just ended up being a bar we went to one bar and stayed there because all the other successive ones down Sunset were too busy. Anyway, that's been shaking me. I like making a fun night. Also, every night out, if you go to multiple hours, there's a bar crawl, but I like making it an intentional bar crawl. Your friends are really lucky to have you, Jeffrey.

I don't know a lot about you, but what I know about you is just great. You're planning things for your friends. I told strangers my friend died. And he was a meter away. That's a little, you know. I feel bad. If you imagine if one of those people were a true empath, that'd be rough.

That'd be rough. I mean, Johnny's here. Should I just get him to say one sentence about what it felt like to be dead? Yes. He's been here the whole time. Oh, I thought he was going to be right there. We were talking about the bar crawl. He just turned the camera low. Hello's been here the whole time. I thought he was going to be right there. We were talking about the bar crawl. He was going to be like, hello.

Hey, I'm so... There's a fucking gas leak. I forgot about the gas leak. Oh yeah, how are they alive? It was a real ego trip being able to be remembered while I was still alive.

And I told everybody that the afterlife was really, really amazing. Oh my God. That's so cool. No details? No details, no. It was fun though.

Well, you want to leave them with something to imagine, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to, I'll leave you with this. I had a good time. Good man. Do you know how many people want to hook up with someone whose dying wish it is?

Everyone, I imagine. Everyone. Everyone. That's a beautiful thing. A beautiful thing. Yeah, we are dying from gas. Yeah, we were just saying, well, you didn't have your headphones on. We're like, oh, yeah, there's still the gas leak.

And Burns was like, how are they alive? Yeah, we need to crack a window or something. I don't know. It's too cold. Oh, yeah. You should not be in that apartment any longer. I agree with that. Michael, plugs.

What do you have going on? Social media, projects, podcasts, anything you want to point to people to? The floor is yours. Oh, Michael O. Burns on Twitter. Something similar on Instagram you can check out stuff I make for work at Wisecrack on YouTube check out the Culture Binge Podcast

and have an indulgent weekday lunch please everybody do this I'm gonna do it this week thank you for coming on Wednesday is when I do it I'm gonna do it on Wednesday it's a good day to do it yeah gets you through that hell that midweek slump. Mm-hmm.

That slump day. That slump day. Burns, this was a ball. Thank you so much for coming on and talking out back. This was so much fun. Thanks for having me, y'all. Very fun. Very, very fun.

Big thank you to underscore Christian Sideh hugs to avoid scorn from significant others aaron agent michael scarn apparently missed the boat where cartoons unlocked y'all's sexual awakenings and now has to do more research aggie a co has thrown away the sig she took a drag and started coughing like a little bitch it's cold and she wants to go home. Alex Witt. You can go the long way. Yeah, they change every week. And now a patron needs no introduction, so moving on. Austin, not like Texas TV, a.k.a. Butt Butt McFart,

finally opened up the couch and got his galaxy buds back, baby, so. Bob Buell, the once and forever wind jamming king. Cam hasn't beaten the wordle in less than four guesses in three days and he feels like he needs to return to fifth grade. Chuck. Clough. Connor Finnegan, or as I call him, Connor King of Sting. Watch out for his japes.

Is that Jean Capes? Or is that something I don't know? I don't know. Also, I got the wordle in three today. I've never done it before. What if Burns played wordle and didn't do it today? What then? I've never played wordle. It's fun. I finally broke today. Cullen.

Daddy Tuesday night is sick of the nonsense. You all need to grow up. Jeff, bring out the wagon. Fancy octopus. For lack of a better beef, corned. Freya. Frito-Pray love. Garf enemy of the pod. I finally paid for this just to tell Jeff to watch his fucking wag if he introduces me wrong again.

New patron. Gale D. Soil Esquire. Good morning and look at the valedictorian. New patron. Scared of the future while I hop in the DeLorean. Gray is potentially no longer alone, but regardless, he's still the coolest guy. Cannot wait to hear about that update. Yeah, we'll hear about that tomorrow.

Greg Berg, the gritty reboot. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from the Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? Honestly, yeah. Oh my god. Hot hung wolf. That's an inside joke on Riley having an

affinity for cartoon wolves from Sing To. No, just the one. Just one. I deserve to be with somebody as chine as me. Somebody this chine. I deserve to be with somebody as chine as me. Somebody this chine. I deserve to be with somebody as chine as me. I literally only subscribe to Forrest Jeffrey and Riley to say trans rights. I write reviews, not tragedies.

Isaac Puff. Jake Ullman. Jameson Ponzi has turned his back on the future of the country. Our youths to sling pulled pork and salmon chowder. Clamin' slouter? Come on. Salmon chowder. Jesse Tipton.

J.P. again. Nope, not reading his until he sends the theme song he's been teasing. Caleb Googled hard words to pronounce, so Colonel Rural Squirrel is honestly Dawes. Casper. Lauren Millane. Lil' Dump. Lord Hunter the Ordained.

Maggie. Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Beggle. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Maggie. Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Beggle. Mo, what's the crafty situation looking like, Pete? Mona Morichal is unhinged, meaning she's not on well hinge. Mushy Lasagna knows what Jeff did and is gonna tell the world. Nate Porteous wants to fuck the wolf.

Nolan Murphy would be sexy and unqualified as a Supreme Court justice, so nominate his ass, Sleepity Joe. Sexy? Orange, you're glad it isn't Hallie. Pete Bradford submitted a cool theme song we will totally use someday. Phoebe. Quack. Robert Fridge. Sarah Kilduff.

Scarlett Johansson. So it's Scarlett Johansson, but she gave birth to a boy with no hands. Without hands. Without hands. Oh, I thought, never mind, never mind, never mind. Scarred by Jeff's sleeve moans. Sexually worthless Damien Kirk. Slick Ricky is happy and healthy in Sydney.

Love you guys. So what? Is this like a job now? You're telling me that I have to update my name more than once a year? TJ Michael. Tony Shalhoubake. That's so good. Widow Evan Walk Memlo.

www.jeffreyjames.com was taken.com was taken.com Yara Bouchard and Yasmin David so shout out to all our patrons you guys you can also subscribe

if you want access to bonus content and zoom parties etc etc you guys this week was insane forward slash Riley and Jeff

and if not we'll see you guys again next week thanks so much for listening to this episode of Review Review if you want to find Jeffrey James, if you want to find Jeff on Instagram, he's at Jeffrey James. On Twitter, at

JeffBoyRD. And on Review Review on Instagram at Review Review. Twitter, Review Review Show. Reddit, r slash Review Review. And you can follow Riley on Instagram at RileyAnspa. On Twitter, at RileyCoyote. We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much to Michael, again, for joining us on this episode. Shouts to your

patrons. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best. Tony Shalhoubega is fucking amazing. How did they think about that? Anyway. Arrivederci! That was a Hiddem Original.