Review Revue - Pediatricians

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly perform a sting operation, become angry little babies, and illegally diagnose for chlamydia.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. សូវបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបា� I feed their income and I feel chine

I've been sitting in front of the screen and I dress up every time. Riley's confused, but Jeff's confused and lame. We're talking wagons till the Zoddy goes down in flames. Oh, it's good that these podcats know each other Record the pod and batches in the summer Cameos from Valenti Look at what review I'm leaving now I'm asking what's for lunch When I know it's gonna be some bow look at what review I'm leaving now I'm asking what's for lunch when I know it's gonna be some bow It's good.

Well, Daniel, can you play the rest of that at the end of the episode? That was the highly anticipated fourth Bob Buell theme. Oh, my God. He said, per Riley's request of a parody of Lake Street Dive. Yup. That was a Lake Street Dive cover. Wow. That was, it's good. Good. That was beautiful. That was

beautiful Bob and you do dress up every single time. Y'all, if you haven't been to a Jeff and Riley Zardi through our Patreon then you haven't lived. You haven't known Bliss lived you haven't known bliss you haven't known community you haven't known kisses

you haven't known kisses I made out with Matt Hastings on the last one you guys like I cannot we always have a theme for Zartys and Bob motherfucking Buell dresses to the nines every times.

He really does. What should September be? Let's. Caliente? No, there is a fucking heat wave coming right now, and I am not happy about it. I'm going to be in Lincoln, Nebraska for it. Why? To get out of the heat for a wedding. You're going to Nebraska. Okay.

Mostly the heat. I'm going to be moving in the heat. God, yeah. It was so hot when I moved. I smelled so bad. And we don't have central air. But do you have window units? We do. Because those are better. Those are way more effective. They blast. Let's just say they blast okay let's just say they blast okay she's crying you can't see but they blast breathe just like one deep breath yeah what were you saying we have central ac here and it barely works in my room oh Oh, good. So I would thank your lucky stars you have a window. No, I'm very grateful.

I just... I am sad. I think I'm just sad. Not about the air. It's not about the air. I'm very grateful to have air, even. And I really like our window units. But this is the last podcast that I'm recording from

this home. Yeah. When this comes out, I will not, we will not be here anymore. Daniel and I will be living somewhere that is not here. And Elizabeth gave us a really sweet surprise last night. She, she had us,

I showed Jeff this before we started recording. She had Daniel and I leave the house for an hour. And when we came back, she had, had like, you house for an hour and when we came back she had had like you know uh printed like photo paper copies of photos of us just over the past two years that we've lived together and she strung them all on like balloon streamers like all throughout the house and then made us a nine minute video compilation of our time together. And we were just fucking crying. So, yeah. It's, yeah, there's too much change happening.

It's a lot. We have two more nights left here. Speaking of change happening with apartments. Wait, I was going to say, how are you? I'm fine. Are you sad like me? No. My life's pretty great right now.

Okay. I mean, my life's great too, but I'm just still sad. I was sad like you two weeks ago, but I've settled into the new place. I think you'll feel better in a couple weeks. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Changing, but speaking of change, changing addresses,

changing apartments, changing roommate situations, changing bodies, growing bones. Changing bodies! So kind of like Freaky Friday, switching bodies, changing bodies. An examination.

I want you to sit with that one that you just said. Because we're talking about pediatricians today. So I want you to really just sit with that. The first person that ever touched my... Nope. All right. My wee-wee. Was an MD.

We're talking pediatricians. The first person to touch my pee-pee was an MD. I don't need you to repeat it. It's medical. It's medical. It's medical. Jeff, what do you remember of your pediatrician days when you yourself were a pediatrician?

I was, yeah, I was sort of an orthodontist for a summer. And I just couldn't deal with the rubber bands of it all. It was just like I felt so bad. Knowing that the kids needed the mouth work. You were going to say, knowing the kids needed me. I just was like, whoa, no. Being needed was too much responsibility for me. Because I was putting headgear

in dorks you know like even even like athletes that would come in you know 12 year old athletes would leave being geeks because of what i'd have to do to their teeths and so i had to i had to you know i had to nix that because that just simply wouldn't do i'd rather them feel hard to chew than for me to be an orthodontist you not okay everything rhymed but nothing was anything if that makes sense the sum was the least of its parts um and a lot of those kids could have used a head start i don't remember going to the doctor as a child. Like, I don't remember going to a pediatrician. I do.

I remember my doctor was Russian. For the longest time, I thought she was Prussian. But no, she ended up being from the Soviet Union. And she was great. She, you know, got in, got out in more than one way. And she taught me how to be. In more than one way. And she taught me how to be me. In more than one way. What's that? You said she got in, got out in more than one way.

Yeah, well, it's like, I'm really sorry to do this, but handle my balls, cough. Right? And so that was when it all happened for me realizing what I could become, which was someone pretty dumb how do I get you off of this track how do I help you release you from this how do you not remember your pediatrician I feel like that's such an important figure growing up. I really do not remember mine like at all. Really? I don't know why.

I have no memory. I'm sure I went. Of course I did. But I have no memory of it. Did you have, but do you have a memory of them? I think I'm too young. But no, I don't have any memories. But I do remember going to like my child dentist

my dentist was a child I do remember going my I guess like pediatric dentistry is that a thing like what's the name for it yeah okay okay well so I remember going there dentist though you can go to the same dentist as an adult but I remember going to like a kid's dentist and I remember like the waiting room was like filled. It was like they made like a jungle and there was like a fake tree with like a hollow in it. And I remember I have such a vivid memory of like being able to I remember I had to get like a tooth pulled or something. And I was allowed like to watch a movie in the morning i remember like being able to watch lilo and stitch like before i went to go get my tooth pulled and it was awful but i mean hey the way they offered they offer so much flavored

things as a kid fucking cotton candy cookie dough p colada, all stuff to fill your teeth. And when I was younger, I was like, why would anyone ever want mint? That is disgusting. Give me cookie dough all day long. And now the thought of like artificial teeth cleaning flavored cookie dough stuff makes me want to gag. Why do kids need fun flavors flavors just like give them the real

shit and they'll deal with it like at the end of that's what i just did as the orthodontist when you were an orthodontist yeah and it was hard because like i was so real with the kids and like what was your worst experience you had of like being real with them well this little fucker like was in pain or something and i'm like you gotta face pain in your life you know trying to teach not only them how to brush brush their teeth but also life lessons and you didn't give them any like painkillers you didn't give any like novocaine or anything like that no i just i don't think it's good to get kids accustomed to doing drugs okay right so i guess there's a difference i want to take a long look in the

mirror i think there's a difference on the drugs that you're talking about and well you know what novocaine is a gateway drug and i've always said that right and that's why the equivalent of being disbarred from medical my nose is bleeding yeah there is a coyote right outside or is that a cat that's just a cat. Never mind. Right. Very different in terms of size, species. Well, I live in... Yeah.

Anyway. Do you want to start us off or should I? I'll start us off. This is five stars from Hillary W. Hillary will they, won't they? Missed opportunity to say Hillary wank. Five stars of Julie Douglas, MD, Los Angeles, California. I can't say enough about how wonderful Dr. Douglas and her team have been over the last 12 years.

If we could stay with her longer, we would. Today was the last visit for our son as he's 18 and going off to college. All right. Welcome, William. Oh my God. What a big day for a big growing boy. Right? Yeah. Yeah. What? Come on. Okay. We can set you up in this chair just like you loved to do when you were little. How do you feel while I'm taking your vitals? How do you feel if I'm putting you in the your vitals how do you feel if i'm putting you in the duck chair how do you feel if i'm putting you in the duck chair i don't fit in the duck chair oh come on get get in there you little scamp i like shove you down into it you'll always fit into the duck chair okay come on my freaking ass is smushed doctor we're always kids at heart all right So what can I do you for today?

I'm supposed to get a physical before I go to college. Can we just do this? College. Oh, my God. You're heading off to college already? No. No. You're just a little guy.

You're still just my little guy. I've been here for 12 years. You've watched me every year grow up. This isn't a surprise. If I could just get the, you know, I'm 18, so I should be fine be fine just get a physical get all the okayed numbers blood work and then i can go oh my gosh you're just dying to get out of here aren't you i remember a hundred percent this is my last summer at home my friends are at a bonfire right now and i want to be small you would nice you were just so different than the other kids because you would always be like, oh, Bobby, I want to stay.

I want to stay. I want to stay at the doctor. I don't think I ever said that. You did not want to leave. And so it just, it doesn't feel right. There's no way. It's not fun to be at the doctor. It's not fun to be like, get me out of here. Like, you love it here.

You love it here. Knock, knock, knock. Hey, doctor. Is that William? Yeah, it's William. William, oh my goodness. I don't even. You're such a Look at the guy. I don't even... Who is...

I don't think I've ever met... How long have you worked here? I just started. This is my first day. Right, yeah. So you don't know who I am. So don't... I'm 18.

I shouldn't even be here. But I've heard so much about you, William. I'm Amber. I'm one of the new nurses here. And I have... We've all just... Name four things you heard about me. I have heard that you have the most pinchable cheeks.

I have heard that you have the biggest smile. I've heard that you take your needles really well, like a big boy. And I've heard that you love, I pull it out of my back pocket, strawberry lollipops. You shouldn't give, this is a separate thing, but you guys shouldn't give lollipops you shouldn't give this is a separate thing but you guys shouldn't give lollipops out I mean that's just sugar and chemicals I know you have a business to run but okay

I don't want a lollipop I'm sorry Amber you are doing the right thing William no she's not this is a private appointment she can't poke her head in and just look. That doesn't actually line up with the information we have about you. I think we're going to have to hold you longer to run some tests.

Because you not wanting a strawberry lollipop actually makes me feel like there is something. I think we need to do baby MRI. I think we need to do baby MRI. You're going to expose me to x-rays? You're going to expose me to x-rays you're gonna expose me to radiation because the little guy does not want a little sucker cut to MRI imaging lab alright so it says

oh yo William okay William why don't you tell me a little bit about why you're here at the MRI imaging center? How many years of school do you have to go to to be an MRI technician? Because you're speaking like a baby. Well, I'm not a baby. Correct.

I'm 47. I'm 18. Oh, but you're just a... My chart here says you're just a guy. You're just a little guy. If that chart says that I'm just a little guy by age, like by date of birth, then it's incorrect medical information

and I shouldn't be on a gurney about to be put into an MRI machine. You should not be exposed to the radiation of medical imaging machines unless absolutely necessary. So here's what we have for little guys. Normally, if you're only at the dentist you get flavored things but here because we have a kind of radiation you know that kind i'm forgetting

what they're called but it's like a heavy you're forgetting what they're called you put over parts that aren't being looked at we have scented ones of those so you can get, oh, was that funfetti cake scented? I don't want a scented matted bib for an MRI. I don't even need this MRI. The only reason I came down here is because I really need to get a proper physical. And my pediatrician, which is the only doctor I've ever had, would only give me the rest of the exam if I came down here and got exposed to radiation. This is definitely some kind of medical violation. But I figure I'll figure it out later.

Right. So do you want to be a part of the problem? Do you want to be a part of the lawsuit? Or do you want to just maybe let's not and say we did? I this all feels really off to me. Like everything that's happening feels absolutely off. Right. And I can't agree more that like this isn't right.

Nothing about what's going on is right. Thank you. Because what it says here on your chart is that you're the sweetest little schnookum pie and right now you're being kind of a dick. So I think I'm actually going to have to send you to a little guy so you're at least recognizing that I'm an adult. I think we might need to send you to a child psych specialist.

Cut to that. I can't be here legally. I'm 18 years old. So say whatever you're going to say. I mean, I'm just here to listen to you because everyone who has referred you to me said that up until this morning, you were the nicest little guy with the pinchiest cheeks who loves lollipops. And I'm just trying to figure out what happened, what snapped. I'm trying to make sure I don't have hypercholesterolemia going into school. The school needs to know what my medical issues are.

So obviously it's frustrating to be treated like a six-year-old. I don't know what they're thinking. They are medical professionals. Right. Right? Yeah. Their bedside manner is, you know, it's not ideal. Can you speak more to that?

Just like treat me like an adult, I guess. You know, it's like whatever even. I want a lollipop. I want. Okay. All right. I see there's something there. So you want respect or do you want a nice, yummy, bright, fun, tasty treat of a lollipop? The sentence I just said was that I don't want a lollipop.

I want my respect. I thought you said you want a lollipop and you want respect. No. What I said was I don't want a lollipop. I want my respect. And then you said, do you want respect or do you want don't want a lollipop. I want my respect. And then you said, do you want respect or do you want a nice,

tasty lollipop? Okay, listen. I don't know if we can help you here. I don't think you can. I don't know what this hospital is. Cut to.

You're at home. You get a call from your college admissions office. Hello? Hey, Mr. Jacobs. Yes. This is Stanford University calling about your uh enrollment

for oh my god yeah i'm so excited 22 is this the room assignment i want to be in uh flanders you know it was going to be the room assignment we actually have your dorm all set up we have the roommate that you wanted you guys matched i know you two have been talking for a bit unfortunately we can no longer accept you as a student um enrolling in fall of 2022 oh is it like a spring admit thing no we just got some calls from your medical team um i don't have a medical team i had a pediatric pediatrician. What did they say? Well, can you confirm that your pediatrician is from Bouncy Babies Medical Group? Well, yeah. I mean, it was a pediatrics office. So we got a call from your pediatrics office, and they warned us that developmentally, physically, metaphysically, emotionally, chemically,

you are not eligible or ready to be put into a university environment. There's no way because they didn't even run the test to know anything chemical. We didn't do blood work. All they did was offer me a lollipop. You're going to take their word over mine? What if I got a second opinion? Well, if you got a second opinion, i'm sure we could maybe work something out but again we don't accept babies here um first of all you guys have an early entrance exam for prodigious youths so i know that you do accept people in high school but right second of all it's okay we sorry we accept high schoolers we don't accept babies we don't accept angry babies you've seen i'm not

angry well i am a bit from your sorry please interrupt even are you seen from your chart that they sent over shows that you're an angry mean little nasty can you fax me here take my fax number down all right it's 310-556-7707. All right, and just send it through. Can you please fax me? Yes. This is a hand drawing. This is a drawing, and it looks like it was scalded by some kind of, yeah, radiation. Right.

Listen, I'm just sending what we received. I'm just sending what we received. How are you accepting this as a medical document? Because it came from a doctor. I'm sorry. We are at Stanford. You're questioning our judgment. You're questioning our intelligence of what documents we can vet.

Not Stanford's, just yours. Huh. Wow. Well, you know what? I think the board made the right decision when they rescinded yours. Board? This ran through the entire board. Again, they do not allow to be fucking angry little

babies so i hope that whatever education uh educational journey that you end up on is favorable to you but it will not be through our this is unbelievably ironic by the way that stanford is saying they don't accept angry little babies all right you're at the heart of the tech industry not to be political everyone in silicon valley is an angry little baby but thanks so much for uh i guess nothing thanks for the room assignment that would have been wait don't hang up you really mean that? Everything I've said on this call I've meant. I mean, do you know what you said about everyone here being angry little babies?

Yes, 100%. I feel like I'm the only one who makes sense in the world anymore. In the world? I just, the last like seven people I've talked to have been you and the medical team that sent you a hand drawn thing you think you're the only one who makes sense in the world anymore i know it's just not i was being hyperbolic no that's really interesting because we don't want to lose out on a mind like that is the thing. I'm barely speaking, right? I'm not like postulating with a lot of thought behind it.

I mean, I guess we can, you know, you may be an angry little baby, but you might be a genius. A genius, right. That's, I sure, I mean, can I come? Yeah. Yeah. Move-in day, opens the daughter's dorm crib. Nope. This is not going to work for me.

This is unbelievable. I'm going to titch. I'm going to Gallatin. No! And why are you here in my room? Get out of my room. I'm your roommate. That's against the law, hopefully.

You babysitter. Should we take a break? Yeah. sitter uh should we take a break i'm back i don't want to upset the angry baby it's been a day we we should say. We broke for like 12 hours. Broke for a day. This is four stars of Dr. Richard Kerbel from Greg, sorry, Reg or Reg, either. R-E-G, Reg, let's just say. Reg L. Reg last place. Reg last place. Four stars.

Huge fan of Dr. Kerbel. Very direct and to the point while maintaining a relaxed and approachable manner. He was great with our three girls. He's a five but the staff when we went there was about a three. Although it happened quite a while ago, I remember going to the office when one of our kids was really sick. The receptionist,

who's likely and hopefully gone by now, tells me that we shouldn't bring our kids to the office if they have the stomach flu. The problem was that I didn't say she had the stomach flu. I didn't know what she had because I'm not a doctor and neither was she. I was burning mad. In addition to being incredibly insensitive,

the comment was dangerously unprofessional as receptionists should generally keep their medical opinions to themselves. Yeah, apparently I'm still mad about this. This event I recall specifically, but there were other negative staff interactions that occurred, but I don't remember what that was such detail. Even if the

staff is still prickly, I would unreservedly recommend Kerbal. Hi, if you could just sign in. Oh! Oh, what? recommend Kerbal. Hi. If you could just sign in. Oh. Oh, what? Somebody's been sexually active. What?

Your kid has chlamydia. Wait, no. Oh, my God. He can be gone, rid of it in a day with a pill. No, Mom. I literally... Oh, my God.

Tyler. What? Well... Tell her. Tell her you've been being... No. I mean like... A little bit of a slut. Mom, I've literally had sex once. I'm sorry. I've had sex once. You've had sex... I mean, my god.

You really know how to pick them. This man says that you have chlamydia. Mom, he's literally not a doctor. He's a receptionist at the office. How would he know that? Well, he seemed pretty certain. You're pretty certain, aren't you? I might not be a doctor, but I see kids coming in and out of here all the time.

That is the look of somebody who has chlamydia. Oh, my God. Well, we should stay here and probably get him tested, right? Oh, my God, Mom, this is so embarrassing. Honestly, it's like time is of the essence i wonder if i just send you home with the the cure and you take the pill and then just you know be on your merry way so i think that might be saving mom i literally came in here because i fractured my ankle but we did not come in here for chlamydia no but honey i mean if this is

going to be an ongoing thing i would rather we nip it in the bud right now. Yeah, speaking of the bud, I think that this is only the beginning for him. What? I just, you have the look of someone who's going to have chlamydia multiple times, too. So I wonder if you, I send you home with the medicine and you take it almost weekly. Well, what do you mean?

Like, what about him? Do we think that is a genetic thing? Do we think that's just like... I'd have to see your partner. I, you know, because you seem fine to me. Like, you seem in good health. I would send you home if you came in here. All right.

Sorry for the wait. I am here for... Oh, Dr. Kerbel, I'm so sorry. We actually, we don't need the appointment today. I thought the call was pretty urgent. I heard that your son fell while playing basketball and really, really hurt his ankle. I did.

It hurts really bad. Okay, well, then we should get that looked at. No, doctor. Your incredible, incredible angel of receptionist here told us everything we need to know. Told you everything? Yes. And so we will be getting the prescription from him

to treat the chlamydia weekly. What are you guys saying? What you saying this is all i did was sign you guys in timothy doctor this woman's crazy what this woman's insane no you can't talk to my mom like that you literally you looked at me and said i had chlamydia and that i look like i'm gonna have it many more times throughout my life honestly you should treat them i mean i would never give a medical opinion but doctor i think they this kid might have munchausen by proxy because now they're both saying this nonsense about why did you say chlamydia you said chlamydia you looked at my sweet boy and said that he definitely has it now and will absolutely have it forever. Doctor, I think you should examine this person too, this adult.

Well, I'm not going to examine her because I am a pediatrician and she is too old to come to my practice what is happening what is timothy i'm going to this is a very confusing situation for me i'm going to replay the security cam footage in the waiting room if that's okay just so i get a clear sense of like who needs to be treated for what what prescriptions need to be written and i'll narrate because i don't understand i can only remember because there's no audio on that oh you can read lips i remember you telling me in your interview that you you're a very good lip reader and you kept bringing that up for some reason because there isn't any audio on the security footage is is there? There is. I mean, it's pretty faint, but we can hear it. Where's the security tape? It's in my office.

I think something happened to it, but let me go in there first to check. Well, I'll go check. I'll go check. I'll go check. Trying to squeeze past you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll go check. Excuse me, I need to sign in for my appointment.

Well, Timothy, I'll go check because you need to sign this young woman in here for her appointment with me. All right, all right, yeah. Go ahead and check it in. Shit. The moment her son sat down. Son's head is just in his hands. Fuck. Hi, I'm signing in for Sarah B.

Oh, yeah. Is the doctor not available for the 2.30 anymore? No, the doctor's available. Let me just kind of give a preliminary opinion. Oh, are you the new nurse? Celiacs. What? You should not eat bread.

You shouldn't eat bread. that's all it is that's all it is yeah is that you know what what did you think you were coming in for because it's definitely just celia i have a tapeworm well uh or maybe i don't maybe don't. I think a lot of people maybe might feel like they have a tapeworm, but it's just gluten intolerance. All right. The tapes weren't working for some reason. Oh, Sarah, hey, you know what? I'm late to another client, but I can... No, no need, doctor.

I'm actually... I'm okay to go. Oh, did you pass the tapeworm? No, apparently it's not a tapeworm. I'm just intolerant to gluten. Right. What? And where did you hear that? Because you definitely have

a tapeworm. You definitely might have a tapeworm. Well, your receptionist slash nurse he's not a nurse. Your receptionist told me that, well well well. did he tell you that you're if i was on a flight i would say i'm a doctor okay i yeah i see what's going on my wife doesn't

respect me and uh she would respect you in fact she does respect you a lot. And I just thought that I could maybe step up and get a raise around here if I worked harder. You are fired because you are giving my clients false medical information and telling them not to see me. Everyone in here, please, please, I'll keep everyone's appointments. What's happening? What is happening? What is happening, Timothy? I also have been experiencing some cognitive dysfunction, I think. Okay.

Maybe you should get an appointment. No, I'll just take chlamydia medication. And I think, how long have you been on chlamydia? Do you have chlamydia? I had chlamydia. I started taking it first to cure myself and then sort of preventatively. Right. That's not how it works. For a. Right. That's not how it works.

For a couple weeks. That's not how it works. Yes. You're still fired. I also have a tapeworm. I know. I have a tapeworm and I take preventative chlamydia medication. Do you want to do our last review or should I?

Do you like yours? Let me me see do you not like yours um mine's i like mine but uh if you were really excited about yours i would say we do that one i'm pretty excited let's do it i haven't stopped thinking about it what this is from uh benjamin wan or benjamin wan benjamin wan md i'm sorry if i'm pronouncing that wrong uh sandy c This is from Benjamin Wan or Benjamin Wan, Benjamin Wan, MD. I'm sorry if I'm pronouncing that wrong. Sandy C. Sandy Koenig. Sandy Koenig, five stars.

Dr. Wan is very nice and helpful. He actually, he sits around and listens to your needs instead of leaving in a hurry. He's understanding and helpful too he prescribes good medication for me so tyler tyler tyler what's going on um yeah i just sort of have been not really hearing out of my left ear so i think there might be like a build-up of wax or something that's probably what it is but like what's like what's the hot goss like how are you though like how are you actually because i'm good yeah just the wax the wax yeah no we'll get to the wax for sure but i'd rather wax high school drama like give me the what the kids call give me the tea i mean there's it's just not about anybody you know so i feel like it's gonna be a waste of both of our time especially mine not about anybody i know okay well then why would i watch tv shows i don't know anybody there it's

like a good story yeah but you get to know those characters because yeah there's it's storytelling right and i've been seeing you for a couple years. I think you're a pretty good storyteller. All right. Wendy. Wendy R. Oh, my God. I haven't even said anything. No, it's just like.

You don't know who. Again, you don't know who that is. So bringing up her name shouldn't make you be like, oh. I just know whatever it's going to be, it be classic wendy yeah okay it's actually specifically interesting because it's out of character for wendy oh my god i bet um yeah so wendy r is dating brandon s no way i always thought that would happen. Come on! Spit it out!

Do you have any friends? Like, why don't you... Why are you so enticed by this? I barely said anything. I've always wanted to be a therapist. I think I chose... You definitely shouldn't be if what you want is gossip medical field i mean like i can fix your ear no problem i can do that in five minutes please yes that'd be great

i don't like being at hospitals nobody does i don't know about that but what i think some people like being at hospital i love being at the hospital i love it are you kidding you just said you chose the wrong medical field. No, I mean, but I could still be a therapist in a hospital. That feels like the worst type of therapist. What about being at a hospital don't you like? It feels sterile. There's a lot of death and chemicals and germs around.

That's just about how you look at it, man. That's just all about how you look at it. How do you see a hospital? Life. Saving people. Knowing their stories. how you look at it, man. That's just all about how you look at it. How do you see a hospital? Life. Saving people. Knowing their stories. Do you know every person has a story? It's all just about how you unlock it.

It's all about how you get to know the storyteller. Okay. Did you know that? That's a subjective opinion. You're saying that like, do you know the Snapple fact? But did you know that it's like, as long as you really like, I don't know. I just love people.

And so it's like, yeah, I can heal you no problem. Like with the snap of my fingers, you're actually, your hearing is fixed now. That's how quick it was for me to fix it. Cut to him at a police station. And you saw the robbery happen. All right. We just need you to go in and point out of a lineup which one oh i saw the entire thing i i know what this man's face looked like i know

his name i know his social security number somehow i know his license plate i know where if you know his social security number then just tell us because we don't even know all of that but like how are you like a lot of people in this town are like, oh, I'm good. I'm stressed. You're stressed? There's a serial mugger who keeps slashing at people's wrists and then taking their stuff. That's crazy. In times of the essence. Specifically if he's not in custody in this lineup. So if you could tell us fast.

That's crazy. Why do you think he's doing that? I don't know his motives. But, you know, if you know, again, again his social security number we can arrest him tonight what did you like think when you first like saw you know it's against the law to withhold information i'm gonna tell you like i can so what do you need to tell us what do i need to tell you to tell us what do i need to tell you i've just cut to them having tea and so that's all i want so so when when benjamin told that to diane like how did that make you feel it this is so fucked up um it didn't really make me feel safe you know in our friendship because i

was like i told him specifically that in confidence and he's not there was no gray area right uh again whenever you're ready to give the social security number that would be ideal but uh i'm just gonna keep talking until you do um it just violated the the trust that i had in him uh and did you tell him that what does the number start with? The number starts with a six. Nope. It's a seven. You don't know the number, do you?

I know his face. Then go do the lineup. Now where is this anger coming from? I want to know. From you. You're keeping me from doing my job. Are you sure? Are you sure you don I want to know. From you. You're keeping me from doing my job. Are you sure? Are you sure you don't want to talk more?

So you're, you are breaking the law. No, I literally, I just told you. No, you just threatened me that that might be it, that might not. But unless I gossip with you more. It's not gossip. Every person's a storyteller and they have their own story to tell. Then why are we drinking tea? Because that's my way of unlocking yours.

I told you who the robber was. You've got your man. He's right there. Now you tell me. We have enough grounds to arrest you for obstruction of justice and delaying the criminal proceedings of a case but we do have the perfect position for you because you have said that you don't want to be a doctor anymore we want to put you in an underground sting operation. What? And put you in the middle of gang operations. Why?

Because if you can get anyone, you got me to talk about my personal life for an hour and a half. Yes. You didn't make me feel comfortable, but. It didn't. No. What part about it didn't make you feel comfortable? Or what would you have preferred to make you feel comfortable? I would have preferred you telling me who it was in the lineup and then getting out of my office.

Okay. But you are good at getting information out of people. We're going to put you in the middle of a sting. All right. Put me in, coach. Cut to that. And so when you made your first hit, how did that make you feel? Made me feel sad. Can you speak more to that like sad

angry or sad sad well my first hit was on anthony uh sorry i'm just getting choked no it's okay take your time he was a cousin of mine take all all the time you need. Cut to the van. Oh my God, we don't have this. If he has Anthony, we just need the last fucking name. He was a good friend. And you watch The Sopranos. You watch Godfather. It makes it look like it's this glorious underground business, this family business.

And so what made him a good friend? Well, he always used to hang out where all the family members hang out. Okay, okay, yes, yes. All right. And so I'd see him at that place and... Get the name, get the name of the place. And so when you'd see him there,

like, did you have fun? No, fuck, God damn it. it oh it was so much fun it was i mean you know have you been there i've you know the place i haven't been there in a long time yes good good good but what's your drink order when you go fucking hell oh my god i the place. There's only one drink to get there. You know what I mean? Yes. It's such a good one. And so at what age did you start drinking? Did you feel like you started binging in college?

Or were you allowed to have like a glass of wine when you were younger? Oh, my God. We need you to get the name of this thing. I'm Italian. What are you thinking? I'm not drinking red wine at 14. Of course you are. No, come on, man. No, you come on. It's starting to get too loud.

No, you come on, man. You come on. Get the name of the fucking bar right now or we're coming in there. You okay? I'm great. I'm great. But how are you really? How are you actually doing? You really want to know? Nobody asks. FBI! Hands up!

Hands up! Oh, no! No, guys, get out of here! We were just getting started! You've been here for four hours! We need to take him into custody now! I'm so sorry about this, Bluey. But, um...

Smalls? I know. They put me... But we talked for four hours. I know, and wasn't it so fun? But unfortunately, you have to be arrested now. Damn. I'm so sorry.

No, no. I mean mean I've done horrible things are you mad at me no I'm mad at me no no no no how can I be mad at you I'm mad at me you're the only person who ever asked anything of me

ultimately the only person I can be mad at is well me oh uh should we do our last segment yeah um Here's what's shaking me. I've been... Listen, the only thing I ever spend money on is watches. Right? Everything else, I don't spend a lot.

Watches and food food that's basically it um but i went to somebody's house on saturday who you okay yeah sorry it was just the coolest fucking living room i've ever been in uh they had a like a vintage audio setup oh like i mean i have like a turntable but i don't really use it that often because records are clunky um i used to a lot i don't know what i actually am in the process of selling it but um we'll talk they had a, wait, do you already have a buyer? I'm selling it to my brother-in-law, I think. But, um, anyway.

This person had a vintage Marantz audio receiver. And if there's any audiophiles listening, they'll know what I'm talking about. It's like top-of-the-line audio receivers. They're like at least a thousand dollars, which I'm always like, I can't tell the difference in audio quality. Like I can between a Bluetooth speaker and the speakers that I have, the bookshelf speakers. But like from this to what they had, I'm not going to be able to tell. But it looks and feels unbelievable on the shelf, in the room, on the day. On the day.

And I'm like, God damn it. I can't. Watches are expensive. I'm already like thinking of buying myself a new watch for my birthday this year. And now I'm like, I can't be, I can't like catch the bug for audio equipment so i don't know what i'm gonna do i don't know if it's shock therapy i don't know if it's real talk therapy but uh i can't acquire another expensive hobby is this gonna be like a thing one of our things where it's like you're really into it for a little bit and then it'll pass i hope so i i i mean i i was looking into buying a a new tape machine for my grateful

dead tapes but and then i was like so it's been months of me looking at audio equipment but i was like no it's stupid like yeah it looks great but there's no way it like it's that great in person and then i saw it in person and i was like fuck um but but i again like i don't know enough about the equipment to justify buying it for the aesthetics right so i'm just not gonna do it but i'm gonna get a new watch soon i'm thinking vintage cartier hell yeah cartier on the birthday yes correct that's great on my quarter centennial that's insane insane. Not really. You're 26. It's crazy. That's fucking crazy. What's been shaking you?

Truly moving. Moving has been shaking me because it is, I've been here for three years and it's gonna be a big change. It's the big change of already like just moving generally. Daniel and I having our own place and not living with e anymore it's gonna be really weird um yeah yeah it's just gonna be hard and and also it's like this week has just been very busy with like just other things aside from moving and so because now we're moving in two days or you know we'll already we'll already

be in the new space by the time this comes out but it's like from now in like today we're moving in two days and in my mind i'm like oh we have so much done like what else more do i have to do and then i remember that i have so much left to do um and so much still to get for the new place um yeah but you know it'll all get done because it has to. And Daniel reminded me the other day, he's like, change is, like, life is change. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't like that. Well, that's the thing.

This is the same energy of you being like, holy shit, free will. Yeah, life is change. No, but I don't like it. I don't like that. Change is hard. Change change sucks the big one um no so it's that's hard change is very hard for me and i know it's it's a lot of mixed emotions um i know it's a good change but just change is just very hard and so that's been shaking me um yeah also just moving is the hardest change too because you, like, I don't

know, you come home and then there's more stuff to do versus normally you come home and it's your home space and everything's done. Right. But it is wild. What is shaking me about recording this episode is that in this room I have recorded

almost nigh on every single episode of this show with you. And like, that's really crazy. Like almost every episode has been recorded in here on my end. And like that, we just, we done so much of this,

almost all of it in the pandemic from this room. And so that's really weird. And I'll be in a new space next time we record. That's, that's exciting. I mean mean that's the thing it sucks now but it'll be exciting at some point yeah it'll be exciting i'm excited i'm excited to um be there i'm not excited for the process yeah but this room has been great this house has been great been great. I still need to get a new dresser because there's these boxes. I think I mentioned it on last week's episode. Yes. Like, this corner is just my shit that doesn't fit still.

The shit that don't fit. And so I can't ship it. Should we thank some VI podcasts? Oh, I guess. Thank you to underscore Christian Sidehugs so he can hug two people simultaneously. Agent Michael Scarn. A co- Doesn't have it in here this week.

To suffer another round of lies, hate, and slander from snake tongues? Arrest them! Austin has been feeling kind of like he's a cute little boy, a little cute boy now that he's been eating better and loves his beautiful wife so. That's nice. That's great. Rihanna, right?

So it's Rihanna, but she's a bee. Bitch better have my honey. Ben built a computer and he feels like a godparent. His fairly odd parents just don't understand. I will always love youth. Bob Buell and that's it, okay? No fancy name or anything here. No siree.

Cam has roid rage, but it's hemorrhoids. Chuck. Connor Finnegan is the lucky charms leprechaun without the luck or the charm. Dakota Bud, you gotta get laser hair removal for that tattoo of our names on your ass. Well, face, but you know, your ass. Fancy Octopus is, according to a co,

submissive and breedable. Full sack and a bit of sperm. Gray is a fugitive. If he goes off the grid, that's why. He's in Jeff's basement. Hemorrhoids or however you spell it. Hey Jeff, it's Dad. We need to talk about those long showers you're taking.

Call me. I eat spaghetti and heat balls. So it's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. I feel like nope was kind of a metaphor for Damien Kirk's virginity. Now that's what I call a bad miracle. I just met a girl with a bagel set up at the Bahar... Bahar... Bahonk Daronk da ronk

kabadda zookas I Venmo Jeff my rent money to pay for the subscription and would really appreciate it if he could send it back thanks

Jake Ullman James Wagner is out James Swagner is in Lookout World cause he's bringing

swag back Jay is actually in the US for a bit now and this whole time zone thing might work out this week. Jesse Tipton. Joe and for lack of a better term, well, Malazan. Jewel Embiid.

Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Casper Bobasper. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Lucas Heinzel. Michael Beggle. Money, money, money. I'm flush with cash from these Patreon simps. We're famous and more important than you.

My name has been the same for months. Is it time for a change? Nah. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Nate Porteus has a birthday soon and can cry if he wants to Happy birthday Nate, new patron, not a new patron Nolan Murphy but rage-roid, but it's rose-roid

Nolan Murphy deserves to be a combat medic Fall in love with a nurse and have her die in his arms Delivering their baby Nolan Murphy is bread Oh hi Mark, well, priest Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business with your Patreon name? Come say that to my face It's smoking time on Main Island

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Puff Riley Reese Witherspoon So it's like Reese Witherspoon but she ordered the salad not the soup Seen as Jeff getting ankles waxed Oh poo Smooth Pete and his new jazz band The Corbin Ball Players

And TJ Michael. That's patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff if you want to be at the September Zardy. Theme TBD. Theme TBD, but it's always going to be a good time and you know Bob Buell is going to dress to the nines.

And speaking of Bob. Bob, play us out. Play us out, Bob. We'll see you guys again next week. You can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James, on Twitter at JeffBoyRD. You can find our show, Review Review, Instagram, Review Review Show,

Twitter, r slash Review Review, Reddit. And you can follow Riley on Instagram, at Riley Anspa, on Twitter, at Riley Coyote. Take us out, Bob. We'll see you guys again next week. Arrivederci! I feed their income and I feel chine I've been sitting in front of the screen And I dress up every time Riley's confused

But Jeff's confused and lame We're talking wagons Till the Zadi goes down in flames Oh, It's good That these podcats Know each other Record the pod and batches In the summer

Cameos from Valenti Look at what review I'm leaving now I'm asking what's for lunch When I know it's gonna be some bao Look at what review I'm leaving now I'm asking what's for lunch when I know it's gonna be some bao We all tell stories and try to improvise. I ignore Nolan's talk about his job cause I know that it's a lie.

Riley's confused, but Jeff's confused and lame. And my ball does more than cool. It's going in the Hall of Fame. Oh, it's good That these podcats know each other Well, every month's a new one Come and just view one Zardy's off the lovers

Look at what review I'm leaving now If you could steal a smooch Cause you know I'm gonna ask somehow Look at what review I'm leaving now If you could steal a smooch Cause you know I'm gonna ask somehow Look at what review I'm leaving now Cause I know that Cause you know you gotta date your spouse look at what

review I'm leaving now cuz I know that Jeff ain't gonna afford that house look at what review i'm leaving now because i just because i just want to read you That was a Hiddem Original.