Review Revue - Pencil Pouches

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

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I have been shitting and throwing up for 48 hours. All of a sudden, I was struck ill. Dragon covered in blood. Covered. And then he gets home, doesn't he? And he has explosive diarrhea. And what does he discover? Explosive diarrhea. Shitting. So we can on, we can on. Shitting.

Review, review. The podcast that makes you shit. Yes. Oh my God. I just hit my chin on the mic. That that was so funny me that is that's an all-timer for me that is finally someone gets it oh my god that was from fancy octopus he said after hearing alfred's story i had to try and capture the feeling of illness. And I think I got it. I hope this is cathartic to all.

Also, I'm a lifelong Chipotle hater, even before the E. coli. Go hit up your local Mexican burrito stand. It's cheaper and better. Oh, that was. Bird, man. More like bird flu. that was in blue. That was fucking amazing. That was pretty good, man.

That one got me and shitting when it when it when I said I could. What did I say? I couldn't after I couldn't toilet. Is that what I said? Is that I toilet that Is that what I said? Is it toilet? Who's that? I toilet. That shit. That. Oh.

I had forgotten about that. Oh my God. I had forgotten about that too. That was really. I also. I think what I love about it is that it's not. Normally the part of that story I think about is. Is you vomiting in the cup.

No, I'm glad that you're getting something out of this again. I'd forgotten about this story. Oh, my God. It's really interesting because I had forgotten that I had told this story in the podcast. But when I went to LA last month or a couple months ago. When I wasn't there. Yeah, crucial part of the story that when you weren't there and every person I saw was like oh my god man it's been so long what was that thing that happened to you again with the shitting and the vomiting because you had told so many people the story

and i was um i was like huh i don't remember but like you had to have known you can't share information like that with me and not expect me to treat it as yeah i just don't think it's a funny story like it is the funniest story i guess i don't see how it's like i literally couldn't toilet you think it's funny when a guy can't toilet what have you been up to alfred hi what have you been up to alfred why did that sound like a robot what's your week been like? I went to something yesterday. I went to a place. I traveled north to Wisconsin. Went to a place.

Yesterday. And I traveled backwards in time. Because I went to a renaissance fair. Oh my god. How was it? I went to a renaissance fair. A renaissance fair oh my god he went to a renaissance fair a renaissance fair it was a blast actually i was the first time you've ever been to one i've never been to one um famously it's what i thought medieval times was on our medieval times episode with jeff um i i had a really good time. It was really hot. I'll say that. I did not go really in a costume. I was glad.

I saw people walking around in full on corsets and gowns, people in furry outfits, people in all manner of get up. And I just couldn't help but think. Oh, so you aren't fun. You think you're too good to no it's not at all it's genuinely i don't own it right i don't own that stuff but i'm not gonna buy you were going no right i'm not gonna spend money goodwill on something oh yeah go to goodwill and pick up what a corset from goodwill no like a flowy like a blouse yes excuse me excuse me do you guys have gowns no like a pirate kind of thing. I'm not telling you to wear a gown.

I'm saying you could have gotten like a Jack Sparrow-y kind of top. Yeah, I just felt like it would have been more disrespectful to their culture, to the Ren Faire culture, if I had kind of half-assed it. Put in effort? No, if I'd half-assed it. No, because you didn't even. I think what I was really trying to do is like say hey like I know like this isn't my space like these aren't like this isn't my thing so I'm just gonna like be like a passive sort of cultural observer if I'm wrong I feel like the point of run fire is like come join like join in on the fun like we are well absolutely absolutely but I didn't want to give anybody the impression

that I was like you know kind of knew what I was doing right I I wanted to be like hey trust me my love no one would ever get that all right all right but yeah I had a lot of fun I didn't have a turkey leg I thought about it and I was like that's wise and I was like oh yeah turkey leg that's and I oh I got in line and I was like yeah turkey like me and my friend Tony we were like yeah let's get a turkey yeah turkey leg sounds fun let's get turkey leg we're approaching the front of the line and i like the type you know the ye olde type on the board is kind of obscured and far away i can't really see it as we get towards the front of the line i see the price of the turkey leg what do you think how much do you think a turkey leg is

18 okay well now no you have okay well i cannot say right is that exactly no it's less it's only 16 but you have you have sort of like coastal elite right we're in wisconsin right you don't expect it's because i'm thinking disneyland prices for a turkey leg right but what you have to understand is that this is not disneyland this is a field in wisconsin um i like they don't have rides there or they do have rides but they don't have like there's no rolly coasters right all the rides what's that rolly coasters i could i'm not even gonna i'm not gonna press it because i could see your eyebrows raise as you're doing it like you want it i'm not taking the bait i didn't go i don't know what bait you're talking about yes they don't have any

roller coasters there they've just got like that their thing is like all the rides are human powered right so you've got like a big fucking swing that some teen is like having to heave ho from from hither and though but one of the things that was classed as a ride that i was like you've got to be shitting me um was a rock climbing wall and i was a little bit like that's an attraction that's not a ride it's an experience it's not honey that's not a ride the ride is i guess you carabining down yeah we on belay um did you find that your experience was sexually charged i did not find that at all i feel like that's at least in like all the tiktoks yes i've seen there's like a very sexual energy i did well yes i mean and what i would say is i think that there was definitely, there was sexual energy there.

It was a sexual place. There was clearly, I don't want to paint with too broad a brush, but there were some very horny people around. I was going to say, Renfrews seemed very horny. I think it is an extremely horny environment. But I was lucky enough, I would say, that I didn't feel as though that that, because that wasn't kind of the vibe I was hoping to bring to the event. And I didn't feel like I was being asked to bring that vibe to the event. I think it was kind of like, yeah, there's a space for that, right?

Like if you want to be one of like, you know, if you want to do the Ren Faire in a horny way, right? You can do that. And if you want to do the Ren Faire in sort of a family friendly way, you can also do and that's on free will and that's on free will that sounds so fun i've always wanted to go to west you know i would dress up because i like participating in things you would dress up because you're a follower at heart um you're sheep i was i was in ire Ireland this past week and... Like a real life renter. I feel like, you know, whenever I go to Ireland to see family, and I'm very grateful I get to go and see them,

I think it's just like it really highlights the chasm between you and I. You and me, that means. You and me. Not like you and the listener. Just wanted to clarify. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Between you and like between riley and alfred i feel like it really a chasm you feel like there's a chasm between us well i mean it's like every time i kind of tap back into you know i've been i was listening to famine by shanae o'connor oh here we go and you know it's a okay i want to talk about ireland specifically i want to talk about the famine about

the fact that there never really was one. There was no famine. That's interesting. And about Irish people were only allowed to eat potatoes because the British soldiers locked up all the other food and were stealing the language, forcing them. You know, so it's like sometimes I listen to that and I think about that and I just, I think about us.

Right. I think that there's so many, it's like how beautiful that like a British man and an Irish woman can come together in this way and make content together. Yes. But at the same time, it's like that's always there. That's always in the space between us. Right. Like you can feel it, obviously.

No, I. Yeah. I mean, I always am aware of it. Yeah. Even if I try not to be. I mean, I think if you took maybe, let's say, like, you know, one of your ancestors five generations ago. Right. One of my ancestors five generations ago, and you put them in a room together, right?

Yeah. And you showed them our podcast. Do we think they'd be, what do we think they would think i think that they would cry and they'd say well i i'm not gonna do what your guy would say um i saw you you were you were doing kind of like a little dance with your head like no you're like oh she's a leprechaun they're leprechauns no no but i do think that my guy may would maybe say like i think my guy would maybe say like my guy I think my guy would maybe say like oh maybe there maybe there is hope for our for our people after all is maybe what that

would happen is maybe what they would say and what would your guy say and how would he say it and what do you do like a dance I think my guy well the thing is I think at that time my guy would say something in Irish right like and I'm not and I was gonna do it and I'm not gonna do it but like but the thing is your guy would be like I don't understand that.

Speak the way I'm speaking. I don't think. Well, yes. I mean, yeah. But again, we're showing them the podcast, right? Like that's what's going on. Well, first thought, they're thinking this is witchcraft. Right.

How are they doing this? Where are these voices coming from? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. And then my guy is like saying something in the in irish in gail in the irish yep absolutely do you think um that either of them would really have context for would understand what improv is no absolutely not um but i'm trying to think of, uh, um, I'm trying to think of a segue. This is going to be great.

No, this is going to be good, guys. Guys, everybody. Well, stop what you're doing. If you're doing dishes right now as you're listening, I want you to break every dish in the sink because Riley's about to blow your fucking mind with this transition from her fanon talk to... I want to zip up our cultural differences and open up our next topic. You know something else you can zip close and open?

That's right. Pencil pouches. Not your worst, frankly. I mean. Not my worst. We're talking about pencil pouches. Alfred. Yeah.

You pitched this idea where it's giving. It's giving back to school. It's giving summer is ending, babes. Time to start thinking about going to get some stuff to start 11th grade or whenever you're in school. I loved back to school shopping. Fucking love it. Absolutely. I also love that summer is ending.

I hate summer. It's the worst season. That's because you live in a place that has miserable summers and fun everything else. For those of us who live in parts of the world that have miserable everything else and fun summers, we are mourning. And so I'm seeing the back to school like in commercials and it makes me so happy. And I know brat summer, bat summer, but like we can still have a brat summer, I guess, and still be very demure in fall at school or not at school. I love fall. I love going back to school shopping. Oh, my God. Like going into like an Office Depot or a Staples and like smelling all of the supplies.

Who are you going to be this next year? What kind of vibe do you want to give off? What were you going into? Let's say it's like seventh grade. You're back to school shopping. You're like picking out your stuff. What vibe are you curating, right? Yeah.

You've got a couple different options, right, for pencil pouches, right? Yeah. I think I learned my lesson from sixth grade going in with a monogrammed pink roller backpack. And I thought, okay, that's not the vibe that we want to continue on with. That's pretty nice. I went into seventh grade probably just like I want to be approachable and colorful and fun. Oh, that's such a shame, isn't it? I know. Because it never works out ultimately.

No. Of course, I knew that it did. And so I think it's like you get your kind of like, think probably seventh grade i was going for canvas material but like probably either a bright pink or a bright blue pencil but just kind of like your classic yeah like the mesh canvas zip yeah mesh front like the i think it's called like five star i think is like the brand that has a lot of like and stuff. I think they did a pencil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So that's probably the vibe I was going for. What about you? I think seventh grade me. Yeah. We're picking. It's black. Mm-hmm. You know?

It's like all black, metal, maybe like a chain on it. You know? Yeah. I want people to know that like behind this kind of bubbly whatever goofy exterior right like there's kind of a deep emotional dark kind of brooding side evil energy i mean i would say sinister i would say yeah i would too. Cruel energy. Yeah. Vindictive. I saw... Vindicted to what this dick did. I saw a TikTok...

I mean, listen, pencil pouches have changed over the years, right? Have they? I wouldn't know. Well, I'm just now seeing... Have you kept a prize? Fun options. No, just as I was looking up... Like, there's just now seeing more fun options. No, just as I was looking up, there's just so many more fun options, different options.

A lot of themed things. There are ultimately ones that have kind of the pop, like the little, you know the fidget toys that's like little bubbles you can pop? Yes. There are pencil cases that are made of that that are kind of like those stim toys of the bubbles god that you get one of those things covered in like the pencil graphite

dust or whatever they're all like that smudged and plus if i'm a teacher and i got a whole class of kids just popping their pencil cases non-stop i'm jumping out the window. Yeah, I think. Your students would bully you. Yeah. No, I think that's right. I think I would be hated and I would hate. Would you rather express yourself through backpack or pencil case? Express yourself. Say that again.

Would you rather express yourself through backpack or pencil pouch? I think through pencil pouch. Because that's interesting i think backpack you know my kind of headset headset i couldn't decide if i wanted to say mind space mind space sorry i just i landed on headset but i couldn't tell if i wanted to say mind space or what i meant to say was i couldn't decide if i wanted to say mind space or. What I meant to say was I couldn't decide if I wanted to say head space or mind set. So instead I said head set and mind space. My mind space, my mind space profile was like very much I was trying, I think, to define myself through my actions rather than my belongings right i think i was much more like

there's nothing that my backpack can do that this the this kind of whole like vibe can't do you know what i mean there's nothing my backpack can't do okay that's interesting does it does that make it yeah no i get you it's just where my headset's at. Should we set an intention? Course we should. You set it. Are you meaning this? I want to hear kind of where your headset is. Okay.

I will be setting an intention. And the intention is going to be that this is going to be the most. Air. Air. Airy. Ha. Hmm. most air airy ha no i thought a word was gonna come out i think this is gonna be the most air air avaricious what does avaricious mean i've heard that word before greedy what it means okay the most avaricious episode yeah you know oh i want i want i want it all i want it money money money and we'll be back with the most avaricious episode, yeah. You know, ooh, I want it all. Ooh, I want it. Money, money, money. Let's take a break, and we'll be back with the most avaricious episode about pencil pouches. This new year, why not let Audible expand your life by listening?

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listening on Audible can help you reach the goals you set for yourself. Start listening today when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash wonderyca. That's audible.com slash wonderyca. And we're back. Do you want to start us off or should I? Um, I... I think you can start us off today. Okay. I'd like to start us off

really quickly by just... I want to let the people know. No, no, no, no, no. Hey, you guys remember that one time that Alfred brought... No, no, no, no. Like for the... Speaking of Renaissance first, the episode about medieval times with Jeffrey James and... He's such an asshole. let the people know you guys remember that one time that alfred brought like for the speaking

of renaissance first the episode about medieval times with jeffrey james such an asshole alf brought reviews for renaissance and we're like oh my god you got the wrong topic alf was like can we move the recorder earlier can we record earlier we're on zoom we're starting and then al starts laughing with one he goes i haven't found any reviews so then we had to wait for alfred to do his fucking job because he didn't find any that's true i i want i just want to i want to get out ahead of this right like i want you to be held accountable before the speculation starts like what why he was probably too busy like to whatever no i i want to say like I was at, I had an engagement this morning at Chicago's Improv Olympic Theater, IO Theater, and I was there. And I came home, and I had about an hour and a half to kill before the record.

And I didn't find reviews. I played on my Nintendo Switch, and I listened to a podcast and I ate some food all the while completely unaware that I needed to refine reviews that I hadn't found reviews. Right, like I just wanted it to be known that like it wasn't that I chose not to it's that I forgot I had to.

This is from Judy P. Well, what's it for? Oh my god, how long has he been doing it? Blue Summit Supplies Pencil Pouches Bulk Pencil Pouch 30 Pack assorted colors. From Judy P. Judy Pendergast.

Judy Pendergast says, five stars. Wonderful replacements for paper envelopes. These have proven to be a tremendous help. They replaced ordinary envelopes for placing money received change and money for treats the front section allows us to name each bag it's easy for the person who's responsible for the cash at the end of the day to find each day's income income um mr bartholomew as your accountant and um executor i will say that you know your living

will as it stands a lot of it does make sense you know you have money set aside for your children. You have, you know, your your medical requests and your, you know, in the event when you will pass away, what you would like about the funeral. But in the meantime, you aren't very liquid right now. And I do see a lot of your money going into a category that is new to me. It says your Yum Yum Fund. Yeah, that's right. Is that an acronym? No, it's an abbreviation. Oh, so is it a business venture

that you've gotten into recently? No, no, no, sorry. So it's a Yum Yum Fund. It's an abbreviation of Yummy Yummy Fund. Oh, is that a, sounds kind of like maybe like a frozen yogurt shop? Are you investing? Okay, so that a sounds kind of like maybe like a frozen yogurt shop? Are you investing?

OK, so that's a great idea. So we are going to write that down. Hang on a sec. Frozen yogurt endeavor. Question mark. I know the yummy, yummy fun. The yummy, yummy fun. That is going to just go ahead and be.

That's where I. Sorry, I had this all worked out with the last guy and I'm really excited that you know you're my new guy for this I really am excited but we kind of had an understanding right

an understanding is there anything under the table I should be concerned about no god no nothing like that I just mean you know i have been quite a successful man in my life and that's nothing to be ashamed of and you know i put money away as you rightly say liquid right i have a lot of assets which are you know i want that money though that's for my kids right my kids are yes are my life and and when i pass because you're right to say they're gonna be well taken care of because we all will because we all will

we all one day you and i both hopefully hopefully you a little bit after me you look a lot you look a lot healthier we'll never know um but the um you know that that's for them in the future and then there's a certain amount of money that's for me in the now right what's the point of all this wealth right what's the point of all these assets if i don't get a you know if papa doesn't get a little bit of cream off the top right and so of course you know life is meant to be enjoyed right and and i love my wife. I really do. She's the light of my life. I really love her. But, you know, she doesn't necessarily need to know. Oh, so.

You know, her and I have an arrangement. I'm not sure about the laws around sex work and prostitution. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. I just, with a yummy, yummy fun, and you talking about your marital arrangement. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to overstep.

Yeah, I, I, I, is that really what you think of me? I just got confused. I, I, sir, I'm not really sure I understand by where the funds are being allocated for the Yum yum fund. Okay. Well, because also I do see some subsects within the yum yum fund.

Let's clear it up. Right. Okay. Give me a category, a charge, anything that you want. Cause I, cause I don't know what you're seeing on your screen, right? On your end, right? You have the whole yum yum fund. Right.

Cause me and the old guy, I just let him handle it all. He knew what it was. He had a system, right? So maybe you should have been asking him, but he's dead, right? He's dead. No. You go ahead and ask me and I'll try and clear it up as I can. Okay.

So we have the umbrella of the Yum Yum Fund. Correct. Yummy, yummy. Cleared that one up. Yummy, yummy fund. Cleared that one up. Okay. Well, not quite because within that, we do have different subsections.

Hit me. So we have the I want it now um section yep okay we have the uh treats for treats for papa yeah absolutely um i would like a little bit of context just because so i can you know i i think my job is to help you better invest better you know figure out how to uh move your money around what's gonna make more sense for you in the long term so how much is in the I want it now fund the I want it now fund you are around eight thousand dollars okay so yeah so I want I want it now that's like that's where my old accounting those are for your verruca salt type purchases right

those are for your like you're in the purchases right those are for your like you're in the store you're having a meltdown you're like daddy i want i want i want right and like a child like it exactly and you're like i need this i want this now daddy i want it now is there any recent charges on there i do see about six hundred dollars for target right so i was in target um and i was walking down the aisles and i saw a um it was a uh a e-bike um like a kid's e-bike and i said that looks fun i want it now i want it now i had a little meltdown and i brought it to the checkout i checked it out and i bought it and i bought it for me and it was one of daddy's toys right um which which you know it's interesting actually i feel like there should this is giving me an idea

maybe we should restructure things slightly and make a daddy's toys category okay because i oh yeah so what was the next one with daddy's papa's Creamy. What was it? The second one? Papa's. I think it was like Papa's Treats. Treats for Papa. Treats for Papa. Right, right, right. How much money we got in there? That one, we do have a whopping $15,000 in treats for Papa.

Right, and I can see. Now I can see why that would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so are those, again, you do not have to give me the specifics. Ultimately, it is your money and I'm just here to it's not for drugs it's not for sex work or anything

nefarious those are just for well are you married I am yep just a year sometimes Papa needs to treat himself am I right the thing is sir I I am, yep. Right. So sometimes Papa needs to treat himself. Am I right? The thing is, sir, I keep saying it's, I guess.

Does or does not Papa need to sometimes treat himself? I mean, the thing is. In your marriage. I try and keep the bathroom door closed when I, you know. Because I don't want her to think what does that mean it's not I don't want to while you're shitting you know sometimes no we're talking about sometimes papa needs to treat himself what are you talking about what are you talking about well right so you've got your ooey's your gooey's and your delicious right so those are three categories

so ooey's is gonna go ahead and be things like uh milkshake would be an ooey a sundae is an ooey a lot of frozen treats your gooey's that's gonna be brownies cookies lava cake right and then your delicious that's gonna go ahead and be um well anything to do with self pleasure so that's gonna be and so that's exactly... We get it. Self-loving aids, anything like that, if you catch my meaning. Self-loving aids. Yes. Anything that assists in the act of self-love, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. I think I know what you mean.

But I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. Most of the 15K will eventually... That's mostly for ooey and gooey. Delicious. I mean, I kind of have my setup i don't really i'm not spending a lot of money in that category anymore 10 20 years ago we were yeah we were racking up some delicious i'm saying there's a lot of subsections here then we also have uh scrummy Okay. Have you ever played rugby?

I can't say I have. It's a very vicious sport. Yeah, absolutely. So in rugby, there's something that's called the scrum. It's basically when all the men get on top of each other and they're just fighting for their lives in there, right? Trying to get the ball. Uh-huh. A lot of head and neck injuries. Yeah.

I can imagine. Yeah. So scrummy is basically the money that I allow myself to use to bet on men's rugby. So that's what Scrummy is. Okay. So after Scrummy, I am seeing, okay, I'm seeing Cozy and then I'm also seeing Wozy. Would those two be in the same like Cozy Wozy? Because they are separate.

No, I mean, yeah. I would say technically we probably could merge cozy-wozy. For my own sake, I'd rather keep them separate. Would I be saved to assume that it's like blankets, candles, kind of like the Higa? I'm sorry? H-Y-G-G-E. I don't know what that is. It's like a Nordic idea of being cozy, being comfortable.

Oh, that's such a sweet idea. I'm going to write that down next to the soft serve store store how did you spell that higa huga i really don't like the way you say it um so yeah so cozy is that's confusing that's actually that is an investment right um so i i met a man a few years ago palm springs um and i Springs. And I he convinced me to put some money into a venture he was starting. Right. And I said, sure, whatever. It seemed like a small amount of money at the time.

Gradually over time, my financial stake in the company has increased. And so that's for if the company needs money. Okay. So this is a legitimate business venture. Yeah. They're cozies for a wine bottle. Okay. money i okay so this is a legitimate business venture yeah they're cozies um they're cozies for a wine bottle okay so that's cozy right it's like you had a beer he's basically his pitch to

me was it's beer cozies but for wine turns out very limited use k like they already exist first of all uh so anyway it's a money pit it's a a fucking money pit. But I love the guy. Yeah, I understand. I would advise you to divest from that. It's whatever. How much is in there? That is about $200,000. Oh, fuck me.

Yeah. No, cut that back. I thought we were. I thought like two grand max. Jesus Christ. No, no, no, no. I love Phil. Fuck me. I'm going to just skip to the kind of the one that uh i guess

is the most alarming category to me hip hopper um just at least just my name alone is um let's fuck it up daddy burn it all down yeah and so i guess i've never seen any kind of financial category labeled in this way i couldn't the mind cannot begin to imagine other than firearms weapon dealing love my wife i love so you've said i love my wife so fucking much i would do anything for that woman okay and uh that is actually a quote from my wife um fuck it up daddy let's burn it all down fuck it up daddy let's burn on that is what my wife said to me um the day we met uh do you know what a burner is like a burner phone no so a burner is somebody who goes to um the burning man festival so my wife and i were both burners um and so when my wife and i met we were in the desert um we had just built the burning man big wicker man and uh i had great movie i think yes i was

getting ready to set it on fire. I used to play quite a big role in the festival. And she came up to me and she said, fuck it up, daddy. Burn it all down. And basically, that's the money that I that's her yum yum fund. You know what I mean? Like, that's the money I give her That's her yum yum fund. You know what I mean? Like, that's the money I give her to whatever it is. An allowance.

If it... She doesn't work, right? So if she wants something ooey, if she wants something gooey, delicious, because I don't judge. You know, whatever she wants, she needs. That's her money to do that. Okay. How much money is in there right now? Right now, it is about $700.

That is low. So you do have way more money in Cozy than you do in the Fuck It Up Daddy. Can we swap those? Can we honestly swap those? Because I love my wife. I love her to death more than anything. Yes. I will say there's something that feels a little, not illegal, but just raises red flags.

If your wife's allowance account is within your kind of personal spending. I don't know. That just raises concerns. Let me ask you something. You're married, right? You've got a wife? Yeah. Yep.

A year in. Fuck. Feels like 10. A year in. Fuck. Feels like 10. Feels like 20. Really? In a good way. Oh, because I was going to say, me and my wife, we've been together 35 years, and every day feels like the first day.

I love that woman so much. So you've said. I would genuinely die for her. Honestly, if I thought I'd throw myself out the window right now and it'd save her life i'd do it um i learned a long time ago the key to a healthy marriage was money um to have a lot of it and to spend it freely um so that's really what i set out to do right and the yum yum fund the yum yum fund is part of that and i think my advice to you in your nascent stages of your marriage because one year in i mean you don't know shit yet no offense um no it's i don't i don't i'm a

baby um so i'm not a baby i'm a grown married man if that's your thing man i don't judge right no that's not my thing you got your own delicious right that's what me and my wife say to each other yeah at the festival um my advice to you would just be does your wife work oh she does even better what does she do she's also an accountant that is funny you should write a movie about that. My advice to you would be... Really? Yeah. All the time they're like, oh my God, that's so funny. My advice to you would be give her a little something, right?

Just come home on a Monday night, give her $100 and say, hey, sweetheart, what's your wife saying? Stephanie. Say Steffy. Do you call her Steffy? Sometimes. Steffy. She doesn call her Steffy? Sometimes. Steffy. She doesn't like it very much.

Oh, don't use that. Do you call her something she likes? Steff. A lot of people call her Steff. Does she call you daddy? You know what? She doesn't have the best relationship with her father, and so we've never really, well, I wouldn't mind, certainly,

but it's never been something that she has leaned towards. Sure, sure. Okay. Well, you come home and you say Steph. You call her Steph? Yeah. Okay. You come home and you call her Steph. She like it, though, when you do that? Or no? Is it more like Stephanie? It's just... Well, no, she does not like Stephanie. I do think it's weird when people are married

and they call her... Her dad calls her Stephanie. Oh, okay. And we're back to daddy. And we're back to... Well, we're back to well we're not back to daddy right you know if you know what i mean don't you think it's weird when people call their spouse by their full name their full name right like you know what's funny is i i meet a lot of people who it's like you know my my my name is patrick obviously right and so a lot of people call me pat but but stuff calls me patrick and you like that i don't dislike it's just interesting you learn something new every day different dislike it. It's just interesting.

Oh, you learn something new every day. Different strokes. Hey, whatever's your delicious, right? Whatever's your delicious. Different strokes. Yeah, that's your delicious. That's your delicious. Okay, ready. So I should go home and give her $100?

Yeah. I don't know if she... Say, Steph, Stephanie, spend this on, be it ooey, be it gooey, be it delicious. Spend it, right? And, hey, she's a working woman, right? Very modern.

She comes to you Tuesday night. She gives you $100. She says, hey, Patrick, because I know she calls you Patrick. She comes to you. She says, hey, Patrick, here's $100. Go spend it right whether that be on a i want it now or a you know ooey gooey delicious right you're getting the idea daddy let's burn it all down right like step oh step you home you haven't called me that in a while. What's up?

Nothing crazy. Just got a little, you know, I'm in a good mood. You doing okay? Yeah. Would you mind? I'm sorry. I'm just unloading the dishwasher. Would you mind just putting these away?

Hey, before I do that. Yeah, what's up? Would you just mind? I take out a rumpled up $100 bill Would you just mind Buying yourself something Ooey gooey or delicious Uh Or whatever you want be it a yum yum

Be it a fuck it up daddy Sorry? It's on you hey whatever's your delicious You You spend that Um Which account did you get this out of is this for well i'm starting an account for you but it will be under my account so it will go through me uh i'm giving you a yum yum fund we haven't talked about this isn't. Daddy's going to provide. Oh, you know, I don't like it when you.

For Steffi. Be it ooey gooey delicious. I want it now. What did I do? What did I do? I'm just. You're upset with me. Why are you upset with me?

I hate this. I'm not upset. I love you so much, Steffi. I'm just trying. Stop calling me Steffi. You know I don't like it. It's my name is Stephanie. I'm trying to make you.

I'm trying to. I'm sorry. I'm such an to... Stop calling me Stephanie. You know I don't like it. It's my name is Stephanie. I'm trying to make you... I'm trying to... I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot that my new client, he told me to do this. He said that the secret to marriage is having money. And, well, lots of it. And I'm just trying to be a good husband. I don't disagree with him there, but...

Patrick... I just wanted you to have your own delicious. I don't know what that means. Well, ooey is you know, something tasty. Gooey is a brownie, I think. And delicious, I think, is

masturbation. Oh, so you want me to masturbate with this? Whatever you want to do. I don't know how you masturbate with a hundred dollar bill patrick let's do this is for the paw patrol pencil case for art and school supplies okay on the front you do have rubble rebel rubble whatever the bulldog one is. Chase the cop. You know their names? Yeah, I have a nephew.

Oh, I guess that's true. Chase the cop. And then whatever the Dalmatian firefighter one is. Burn. This is from AC, Amazon customer. AC, Amazon customer. All nerds are...

Jesus Christ. Amazon custom more and sex. Okay, I'm an Amazon customer. Sorry, give me a second. Give me a second. And sex. You're such a... Hit me with it again. AC.

AC. It's just Amazon customer. Arnold Calmer. Arnold Calmer. Arnold Calmer. Five stars. The title is Great Little Pencil Pouch. Great little preschool pencil pouch. Only complaint would be there should be a girl option or other colors.

What? My three-year-old felt it was for boys since it was blue. God, they're not okay. The people of Earth are not okay. Okay. Paw patrol merch team everyone settle down settle down guys hey hey hey hey guys what all right listen i'm sorry that i called you all it i i know it's i know it's five i know everyone wants to go home. It's the day before Thanksgiving, boss. I understand. I understand.

But then, okay, let's do this as quick as we can so we can all get on out of here. Susan's got a turkey in the oven already. I understand. Everyone quiet down. We have an emergency. And the sooner we can figure this out, the sooner everyone can go home and get their stuffing on. All right, everybody? All right, all right.

We don't eat until tomorrow. PP team, Paw Patrol team, you got to start the prep tonight, man. God, Susan's going to kill you when you get home. All right. You're right. You're right. Guys, it is back to school season. It's already in school season, and we are being flooded.

It's the middle of November, boss. We are being flooded with complaints. I've tried to put them off as much as I can, but I can no longer. We are getting complaint after complaint about the gendered paw patrol pencil cases and backpacks and bookmarks and book coverings. You know, the stretchy ones you put over your textbooks that you get when you're in school. Those two. Now, I thought that I had told this team that we need to have some, you know, gender neutral supplies. Don't just put all the boy dogs on a cover. Don't just make that blue.

Don't put all the girl dogs on a cover and make it pink. What are we doing, you guys? We tried. I'm really fucking disappointed. What do you mean you tried? Marshall didn't want it. Marshall didn't want it. Did you even show when he designs to marshall

i i showed him i showed him i said marshall buddy i know you're the firefighter dog but you've you've simply got to be okay with being on the same lunchbox as a girl dog right i showed him a bunch of designs where he was still he was still the lead right he was still right front and center boom i bet you like that because normally Chase is right out there front and center. 100%. It is a martial backpack, and it just happens, right, that Sky is on the sideline, right? Okay? He said, oh, yeah.

Sky, the girl one who flies. Yeah, exactly. And you can see he's like, oh, yeah, I like this. Yeah, I'm there. You know, Rubble's in the background. I'm okay with that. But his eye goes, boom. He sees Sky, and he says, fuck this.. Yeah, I'm there. You know, rubbles in the background. I'm okay with that. But his eye goes, boom. He sees Skye and he says, fuck this.

I don't want to be doing it. Right? This is not us. Misogyny Marshall. Exactly. I'm saying we're on the same page. I'm saying why are we, right, being forced to stay here late the night before Thanksgiving, right, where God knows where Marshall is. You know what I mean?

And, like, it's a talent issue. This is a talent issue. Well, it's funny you should ask because I did ask the talent to come in for this meeting as well so we could all collaborate and find a design that everyone feels comfortable with. Perfect.

All right. Sorry, I'm trying to whistle. What are you doing? I'm calling the dogs in here. I'm calling the talent. Hey, what the fuck did they say to each other? What do they say to assemble?

I don't have kids. I don't know. I don't have kids. I don't know. Whatever. Dogs, get in here. I don't think. Marshall.

Hey, Marshall. Marshall. Come on. Don't use that voice. You can talk, Marshall. We all know you can. Ruh-roh, Raggy. Marshall, come on.

Cut the shit. What? Ruh. Marshall, cut the shit. What do you want? What do you want? Just because you're talented doesn't mean that you are going to be protected by all of us at all times. I heard what you said to Dave.

You're coming to me on the day before my daughter's Thanksgiving. Marshall, no one wants to hear your godfather impression. What's the problem then, huh, man? What do you want? You were making misogynistic comments about Sky. I, I, well, lawyer. We wanted to have you on a backpack with her.

Stop doing your Trump impression. We wanted to have you on a backpack with her stop doing your trump impression we wanted to have you on a backpack with her and apparently you refused i didn't okay i can see you've been talking to chris right well chris and dave right so this is all being taken totally out of context totally out of proportion i could actually actually tell you exactly what happened okay well why don't you do that then okay they brought me a lunchbox and they showed me that i was gonna be the star which i love of course and uh i said yes i love this design i love this design and then i noticed that sky was in the background and he hates when i'm part of anything sky this is this is marshall is marshall is gonna explain his side sky and

then we'll get to you don't worry so as as some of you know sky and i recently came to hr oh great you're gonna air our dirty laundry in front of everybody please guy so sky and i came to hr and we said you know yes we were having an affair yes it is over now okay we are not seeing each other anymore chase did know most of the cast knew most of the cast knew right we didn't want to involve you guys right but basically i just felt like given that given that it's all it's gonna be all over page six tomorrow i just thought you know probably better that sky and i not be on the same lunchbox for rumors i was looking out for you guys i was looking out for the company the bottom line okay uh all right well i understand that Thank you guys for doing that. The issue still stands.

We need to have some merch that is not just for boys, for girls. We need to have some stuff for everybody. Oh, I got a bright idea for you. Yeah? Put Skye on the cover of one, right? Well, I've... Yeah, why don't you put me on any of the covers? Well, I don't feel comfortable... Yo, why don't you put me on any of the covers? Well, I don't feel comfortable.

Yo, why don't you put her on any of the covers? Rubble, come on. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I don't get no respect. I know why. Oh, come on, Chase. Don't do this now.

No. I know why. She doesn't deserve it. Hey, come on, Chase. Chase. Chase, enough of that. You're just mad. You're just mad because you haven't been getting any of the screen time.

You haven't been getting any of the screen time, okay? Listen, hey, brother, why don't you take it down a notch? I'm over it. She doesn't deserve it because I'm the one who's carrying this entire goddamn show on my big, strong back. And she doesn't deserve it because she was whoring around on my big, strong back. And she doesn't deserve it because she was whoring around behind my big, strong back. Can we all agree that he can't use that language?

Can we all agree that he shouldn't be able to use that language? Hey, guys, we're the marketing team. I don't know if we necessarily need to be in this. No, everyone needs to be here. Everyone needs to be here. Chase, I'm going to need to ask you

to take it down a little bit. I'll take it down. I'll take it down a little bit. I'll take it down. I'll take it down, boss man. I'll take it down just like Skye took down her helmet. Hey, Chase. I think we're all learning something here today, okay? ACAB, even Chase. This guy, I mean, seriously, how long do we keep him on the show, right?

I can tell. I mean, the writers are here. Writers. You guys have been trying to cut him out more and more, right? You guys have been minimizing. Oh, that's not guys have been minimizing. I've noticed. Oh, that's not true. No, seriously.

Rubble's had more than he's ever had to do with, which I'm frankly happy about because I think Rubble's fantastic. Well, thank you for that. Thank you for that. That's not what you told me the other night over a couple whiskey sours, Marshall. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm still sober as ever. Okay. If I have not.

Oh yeah. Sure. All right. All right. This is, this is getting ridiculous. Hey Chase, why don't you just stay out of it? Got a point. Guys, I don't care what you all do together. That doesn't matter to me.

I just want to bring you guys in here because I need you to agree on a design. If I may. Okay, Rubble, how about we have Rubble and Skye together as the co-leads on a backpack. Let Rubble speak for the love of God. Yeah, Rubble. You tell him. You tell him, Rubble speak for the love of God. Yeah, Rubble. You tell him.

You tell him, Rubble. Skye, I've told you a thousand times I'm gay. I wasn't trying to come on to you, Rubble. Come on. Everybody saw it. Okay. Okay. Here's what's really happening.

You just hit the nail on the head. You said you don't care what we do together. And that's the root of the problem with the show. But I'm marketing. Rubble, listen, my man. I love you. I love your work. That's the root of the problem with the show.

Okay? Our on-screen charisma, that's all that matters. And it's the root of it is our off-screen escapades. And I just think that if you took a little bit more interest, if HR, frankly, took a little bit more interest in what was happening off-screen, then this whole show would be a better working environment. God, Rubble has been drinking again. Who hasn't?

We will look into that. Show me who hasn't? We will look into that. Who hasn't? We will look into that. This is horseshit. Now, finally, I'm going to say for the last time, we are going to have Rubble and Skye together, front and center. Okay, fine. On a backpack.

Okay, fine. And then we're going to have the little boy kind of like in above everybody. No, I think we can all agree we're sick of the kid yeah the little kid's kind of getting on my last nerve yeah i mean look he's a good kid but uh he doesn't really have one it takes to run with the i think it's you know he was cute when he was little but i think it's time we consider new actors right like you know no we all agree okay fine no little kid How about we have you guys We have Chickaletta the chicken

And then we have her on the bottom Rubble worries about what message It sends putting her on the bottom We'll have her on the top We'll have her flying around Hey boss chickens don't really fly Chase You are so handsome and such a prick. Thank you.

Okay, Rubble, Sky, Chickaletta, yellow backpack, done. Everyone agree on that? Fine, can I go home? Yes, everyone can go home. And remember, I'm thankful for everybody all right thankful for the show however many ups and downs we're all having you know with the marketing team i know we're not really as into the ins and outs of what you guys get up to but we appreciate your work cut to marshall pulling aside chase after the Hey, man. I've been thinking a lot.

I've been doing the 12 steps. Good for you. Thanks, man. I know we didn't always see eye to eye, but I kind of want to make amends. I feel like I have some stuff I want to apologize for. Okay. Would that be okay if I... That's I want to apologize for. Okay. Would that be okay if I...

That's all right. That's all right. Go ahead. Yeah, I want to say I'm sorry for going behind your back and sleeping with Sky. Thank you. Sorry when I got drunk at your mom's wake. That was not cool. You got in the casket with her.

I know. I missed her. All right. She was a sweet woman. But I appreciate that was unprofessional. And no, even in a not work setting, that was bad. It was more than unprofessional. Yeah, not just unprofessional.

Not just. Listen, Marshall, buddy. There's a couple. Brother, chief, you don't have to list everything. Okay. I forgive you, whatever it is. All right? Thank you, man.

I know you're going through some stuff and... We all are, right? Yeah, we all are. And don't you worry about it, all right, big man? Anything you want to... I really appreciate you apologizing. Yeah, anything you want to... I really feel like it was big of you and I forgive you.

So, water under the bridge, eh? Anything you want to uh i have never done anything wrong to you marshall you may not like me but i haven't done anything wrong i'm gonna say something to you um chase i'm only gonna say it once one day probably 20 years from now you're gonna going to wake up and you're going to realize that you haven't really worked since this show. And it's... Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, and it, you know,

I don't know if I'm going to either, right? And that's probably on me and my problems. But you're going to think, why didn't I work at, you know, who, you know? It's because you're an asshole man nobody fucking likes you I don't like you production doesn't like you the whole cast fucking hates your ass and I want

you to know that every day people talk about you behind your back so I just wanted to put that out there and I'm gonna go I pull you in really close I'm gonna go Marshall what Marshall what right up in your ear what if nobody likes and i'm gonna marshall i pull you in really close i'm gonna go hey marshall what marshall what i'm right up in your ear what if nobody likes me then why are they killing you off of the next

fucking season bullshit and giving me bluffing a spinoff in addition they wouldn't give the cop dog a piss you're fucking delusional yes they will a cop dog procedural there's no fucking way bc i'm gonna try me marshall you'll see me on nickelodeon paw patrol of course i'm a staple in the network marshall and then you will also see me branching out expanding into nbc cop procedural. Hey, boss. Marshall, buddy! How you doing? Hey, I just wanted to run something by you.

You haven't heard anything about them killing me off, have you? Any rumors? Oh, I mean, just some whispers here and there. But honestly, it's like, you know, these bigwigs, I can't ever know. Chase said something to me today, though. Chase said something to me today that made me kind of nervous. He said...

He said they're killing me off and they're giving him a spinoff. Am I running around chasing my own tail, licking my own neutering situation right now? Marshall, tomorrow's Thanksgiving, man.

Just fucking be honest with me, man. Am I done? You're never done. I mean, listen, I was gonna break the news to you after the call. Tell me what the fuck is going on, man. They are. They're killing you off, Marshall. You're supposed to be on my fucking side. Hi, Troy. You think I didn't try?

You think I didn't fight for you? I do have a gig lined up for you, though. What is it? It's a hosting gig. For a new show. Hosting? Relatively new. Listen.

I'm an actor. You get to travel. Hey, make it an acting gig. Alan Cumming just gave an interview about how he acts his ass off in the traders yeah yeah yeah well yeah and if there's anyone that the fucking people compare me to all day long i'm getting alan coming you are going to be the host if you choose to take it which i as your agent really what's the fucking job get spit it out deal or no deal island oh for fuck's sake are you in or out deal or no deal island, Mario? Oh, for fuck's sake.

Are you in or out? Deal or no deal? How much is it? What's the... How much is... 1.5 million in episodes. Yeah, fuck it then. Of course I'm taking it, but I'm pissed about it.

Can't believe I broke up with Skye. We could have... This is bullshit. Should we do our last segment? Yeah, let's do it. This shook me all week long. I wish I'd ever seen an episode of Paw Patrol. Do you think that's what the characters sound like?

Yes. I think it is without a doubt i think that sky is kind of like a betty boop marilyn monroe uh sex pot kind of voice yes totally chase is kind of like a i think all i think we were spot on with all of them and rubble is the cowardly lion i guess it was great what's been shaking your ass the thing that has been shaking my ass um inspired by you actually i i have been um re-watching what we do in the shadows um so good and it's just so fucking funny like it's the first time i've watched like the first season you know since i guess around when it came out and it's just so good it holds up perfectly like you can see that like they haven't exactly like 100 nailed like the thing that they would nail and like as it went forward but like

it's even the first like episode had me genuinely like laughing out loud It's so good. It's so funny. If you haven't watched it, just watch it. Just give it a shot. It's a 20-minute episode. The first three episodes are all bangers, back to back. Just watch it. It's on Hulu. It's fantastic. I have two things that are shaking me. Okay, she's being a

bit much. First one is the album Family Business by the band lawrence came out in i think the end of june it is banger after banger after banger had my windows down driving around LA iced cold brew in hand blasting this album and I've never felt such joy I don't know these people oh Lawrence amazing band okay

it's a brother and sister Clyde and Gracie Lawrence they're fantastic if you want an intro to them they do look up their kind of like quote live-ish don't lose sight and confident that I'm insecure. They're incredible.

They're incredible. Her vocals are unbelievable. But from this album, my two favorites so far are, oh my God, Hip Replacement and, oh my God, what is the name of the opening song on the album is What You Want oh my god they also just went on The Tonight Show and did What You Want I'm literally going to send it to you right now it is incredible so that album has been

shaking me I cannot stop playing it it is just so fucking good damn so anyway that and i'm gonna i'm gonna listeners i'm gonna give you a little taste of something and elizabeth valenti influenced me oh my god buy something and i'm going to give you a little taste of what that is is if you're thinking wow what are those dulcet tones it is a new keyboard it is a wireless keyboard and it feels and sounds delicious it is such a good keyboard i literally will just

use like have the keyboard on my lap just to like as like a stim toy like just to fuck with it it's incredible she saw it on a tiktok she bought it i went over to her apartment she showed it to me i'm like this is incredible and the entire night i was at her apartment i was just i had that shit on my lap and i just kept typing on it it's amazing uh so it's really been shaking me and I'm very excited about it. That's awesome, man. Would you describe it as more of a ooey gooey or a delicious? This one is, I think it's kind of like, fuck it up, daddy.

Let's burn it all down. That's pretty cool. But in the moment, it was an I want it now. It was an I want it now in the moment. 100%. It was an I want it now. You can actually, did you know that you can find Alfred on Instagram at Alfred in it you can find the show on Instagram at review review reddit r slash review review discord review review what if we sold a t

shirt that was like a spreadsheet you know like an excel spreadsheet and it just said like the different like columns the headers was like ooey. That's very funny. Delicious. Bird daddy burn it all down. I want it now. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com. Just the web browser, not the phone app. At Riley and spa and on Twitter.com.

Now known as XXXX.com for as long as it lasts at Riley Coyote and now on then Kesha's tiktok on the clock to the body at Riley and spa and as we say every Daddy Burn it All down Daddy burn it all down We'll see you next time Bye Going up for 48 hours. All of a sudden, I was struck ill. Try one covered in water. Covered.

And then he gets home, doesn't he? And he has explosive diarrhea. And what does he discover? That the water has been shut off inside his building. So he cannot toilet So he cannot shower So he cannot toilet So he cannot toilet

So he cannot toilet Shitty! Review Review The podcast that makes you shit yes that was a hit gum original