Review Revue - Perfumeries

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

This week on Review Revue; Geoff and Reilly inherit a business, make a new friend, give a celebration of life speech, and read reviews on PERFUMERIES.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. podcast day see you there on my phone in the car wanna Wanna play it every day.

Here I go, not too far. With my smart set, I will stop the rain. With my smart set, I will find the time to clear the view, to tell you how,

how you make, make your shield clean again. Like a tool, kinda thick, quick install. Anyways, with my smart set, I will wipe the glass. It's not a death array or a space bag that's all fun and snow i just think you should hear the show that jeff's the guy to make it real the one who always makes you feel you're laughing hotter than an eel and r Riley with her squeal. That's the plan. Play the show.

Jeff and Rye. Any day. Review, review. My favorite show. In a a hat in a car with my trico wiper blades is that a song that you know or is that an original dr horrible i think it's from dr horrible sing-along blog, which is Neil Patrick Harris. It's like a musical, and he's like a superhero, but not really. I saw it a long time ago, but that's like one of the opening songs in it.

Got it. And I haven't heard it in forever. And so that really, to cast my mind back, what's amazing about this, the canon of this podcast is that so many things come back to wiper blades I was just thinking that that's an ad

it shouldn't be it's like so much of it I get comments on Instagram I get like tagged on tweets I get on our discord like everything

somehow it'll always just back to like wiper blades smart sets smart sets and that's our legacy that is when we look back

on our careers it'll just be wipers wiper blades wiper blades I don't know why the idea of an arena chanting for smart sets

wiper blades is like kind of one of the one of our legacies quick click technology quick click latest that came in from Greg Turismo or should I say Gran Turismo because the song

was great don't look at me like you're confused I rewatched the Laurel Canyon head gum sketch and it was like this is the great room and if you ask me it's a pretty good room. So stupid. You're an idiot.

He wants a shout out for his Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok, which is at Greg Turismo. G-R-E-G-T-U-R-I-S-M-O. Thank you, Greg Turismo. Shout out, Greg Turismo. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. It was quaint. It felt very like Zooey Deschanel 2007 vibes. I don beautiful. That was beautiful. It was quaint. It felt very like

Zooey Deschanel 2007 vibes. I don't like her new vibe. It's dating the property brother or married to the property brother. Married? Yeah, I think married. Living in Manhattan Beach. I'm like, what is your... What the fuck is that? I think he is

a bad partner to her. Sorry. Okay, let's break that down. No, it's just? I think he is, I think he's a bad partner to her. Sorry. Okay. Let's break that down. No, no, no. No, it's just, all I'm saying is like, he could do better, you know, and do better, be better, be best. You laugh though.

You're like, I think he's my partner to her. So it's like, was that a joke? Are you worried for her? Are you worried for him? Are you worried for them? What's the feeling? I'm worried for Zoe. Cause I feel like she could do so much better.

Like she could be living, I don't know, in Echo Park. She could be like, I don't know. She because I feel like she could do so much better. Like she could be living, I don't know, in Echo Park. She could be like, I don't know, she did it with the bangs. And you know that that's like whatever the guy's name is, Jeremy or whatever, like forcing her to be someone she's not. I don't think that's what it is. She might just be ready for a change. And if that's what it is, then more power to Zoe. So right. But I'm telling you, it's Mr. Property Brother.

It's Mr. Property. And he's treating her as his property, which honestly I will not stand for. I will not stand for it. I can deal with a lot. What I can't deal with is Zoe chopping off the banks because of Jeremy Property. Right. They're not called the Property Brothers because their last name is Property. What?

Mr. and Mr. Property. The brother's property. No, I do miss the bangs. I miss the bangs! It was a cultural touchstone, Zooey Deschanel's bangs were. So this is what's new with you. And she lived in the Palisades and now she lives

in Manhattan Beach. I don't like that change for her. Are you her life coach? I just want to make sure she's following her heart. Zoe, if you're listening to this and I know you aren't, girl, what's up? Can you imagine doing cross promo with the New Girl podcast? I cannot because I don't think that will happen. Well, it won't happen, but my God.

I mean, Lamorne's been on the show. I pitched that idea to Jake and Amir. I said, we need our version of Office Ladies. And I think it should be called New Boys. And it would be Lamorne, Jake Johnson, and Max Greenfield. And they didn't even try to do it. And then the New Girl podcast happened. I guarantee they're at least getting a million downloads a week.

So, sorry, Jake and Amir. Katie, you're dumb for that one. No, no. You're crazy for that one, Moose. They don't listen to the show. We can say whatever we want. I went to Indiana this past weekend to see my dad. You went to Indy for $500.

I went to Indy for $500. I went to Indy and Bloomington, Indiana. Beautiful. Is it? The IU campus is gorgeous. Okay. It is one of the most beautiful college campuses I've ever seen. Go Hoosiers.

Go Hoosiers for sure. Go Hoosiers for sure. No, I'm serious. I know. You said for sure flippantly. I'm saying actually Go Hoosiers. Go Hoosiers for sure. My dad and I made a silly little video.

And it was like me. Have you seen it? No. So my dad and I made a silly little video in this empty courtyard outside of his local coffee shop. And it was just like the spur of the moment, like dumb little thing. But he was very funny in it. Yeah. And I'm like, you know what? That's that's really silly i'm gonna put that on tiktok it is my most viewed

is it like viral how many views is it it's not viral but for my i mean like i'm barely on tiktok i barely have any followers on tiktok it almost like for for me it's the most viewed like it almost has like 10 000 views on tiktok which like for my shit which i never post is like a lot and i'm just like of course but it was very sweet because my dad was so excited. Then it got 10,000 views. It's all it's like a 9000 something. And he but he was just very excited because people are commenting about him. Like it just tickled him so much. Like, no, I should reach out to my reps. Well, now this changes things. Not really. But it was really, really that was just like because I happened yesterday, which is my last day there.

So it's just like for me to be going to the airport and like sad to say goodbye. And then he's just like, so how many hits does it have now? But you know what's so funny? It's like we had the smell of success with that. Okay. We really, we were so close we could smell it. Yeah. And success smells like,

well, I mean, give me a second here. I get a couple notes of cedar. Okay. I get a couple notes of fresh linen, money.

Money? Money smells like shit. Adoring fans. We're talking about perfumies. What's your experience with, let's say, scent stores? With scent stores. Also, what about this?

The 99-cent store. So there's one less than 100 kinds of perfume. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. But they're all pretty expensive, probably. I love a perfumery. Because it scratches the same itch as wine tasting in a way. Because it's just like you're looking for different notes.

Anything with notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like concerts, perfumeries, and wine. Yeah, and letters. I love a perfumery. I think for a long time I really tried to find like I really wanted to be that girl who like had a signature scent. Oh, yeah. Because there was this gal I went to high school with.

It wasn't a perfume, but there was a scented lotion that she would use. And it was like she used it every day for years. And so it was like you walk into a room, you smell that. It's like, oh, she's here. And it's like that's her signature scent. Yeah. And so I'm like, damn, I want that. I want to have something where it's like I walk into a room and people are like, oh, like that's Riley.

That is what Riley smells like. But I just, I'll never be satisfied. You know? So it's like, okay. Yeah, I don't know. That one's from Hamilton. Yeah, we all know. I've found a couple over the years.

But man, perfume is expensive. It's expensive, but if you get a good one and invest in it, you don't have to use a lot of it and it can last for a year. I remember a couple years ago, I bought a really smallest bottle they offered of this one perfume. But I remember smelling it on someone, asking where it came from. Grab the wrists. Please. And then i found it and then i'm like oh my god and i went to the store multiple times it was asap yeah and

i remember going to the store multiple times smelling it and just being intoxicated and thinking like well you were drunk well i remember being intoxicated right and so it's like i was like the only way that you can work up the courage to go into ASAP is if you were smashed. Not even to find anything just to go in. Yeah. But I remember going multiple times, smelling it and being like, oh, that's the girl I want to be.

Like that scent. But it was like, it was expensive just for like this little vial of it, like a little roller guy. Yeah. And I remember texting you being like, is this worth it?

This feels like an investment. And you're like, it will be worth it. Use it sparingly. Like da, da, da. But it's the thing of, and this is something I learned i still have it and that was yeah exactly so it and also if it's a good perfume it'll last longer because uh you only have to use one spritz and then if you sweat it's supposed to like there's technology behind not technology but you know like

science behind it yeah of like that it reverberates the or energizes the this is all selling points that people who work on commission have told me but it'll like you'll smell like it longer versus if you get the cheaper one you're going to have to get three bottles anyways and then you're going to spend the same amount of money what about you perfumery? I do have a signature scent it's sandalwood

it is sandalwood that is you use essential oils though yeah I have a $20 bottle of sandalwood. That is – you use essential oils though. Yeah. I have a $20 bottle of sandalwood essential oil. But I did also spring for the like small size of Lollabo, Santal 33. And that was like $60. But it lasted me for almost a year. Yeah. One spritz and I'm putting on the Ritz.

I'm sorry to say that I do smell like wood. That – I feel like Santal 33 is like everyone in LA smells like it. It's a little cliched. That's why. That's too intense for me. That smell I'm not crazy about. On me.

Well, people lather themselves in it. Yeah, it's so intense. You don't ever do more than one. No. But also, I think that I'm just gonna stick with the essential oil, because that's lasted even longer, because you just do a dab.

Clap. Slap. Jeff just do a dab. Clap. Slap. Jeff just slapped himself on the face. And then I like kind of rub my whole thing. And that's the thing is like he only uses a dab. By the time he gets to his face, he's done the job. But you just like to then rub your whole body. That has nothing to do with the oil.

No, no, no. So it's oil on the face. It's on there. It's off my hands. And then it's just sort of like a light touch down to my hips. I burn my hips, and then I'm just kind of shaking my pelvis. Your hands on your hips shaking? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

But at Perfumery, God, I feel elegant. I rarely go in them. Yeah. But it's like one of few stores that you can't really buy a scent online unless you've smelled it, obviously. That's the technology that we're lacking. Smell-o-vision? Yes. Yeah. 100% smell-o-vision.

Should we get to it? Let's get into it. Do you want to start us off? I'd love to. Both of mine are for Le Labo, actually. Nice. So both of these for Le Labo in Venice on Abbott Kinney

in LA. This is five stars. When I screenshot it, because I did it on my computer and then texted it to my phone, I didn't get the name. So you get to make up the full name. Rodgert Eber. Rodgert Eber. Okay, five stars from Rodgert Eber. I have to take

a moment to be thankful to Natasha, a caring and knowledgeable associate many years ago helping me find the love of my life, Santal. Fast forward to a few months ago, I returned to purchase my beloved, and the new team was efficient and helpful. Upon further exploration, a tote bag

and some candles caught my eye. I'm grateful for the consistent and seamless and welcoming energy of this location. I was thrilled to see Natasha at a local restaurant. What? She remembered me, and this won me over and back to Lullabo. No way. Thank you to all of you at this location for a lovely and seamless experience. Sincerely yours, Customer for Life.

No, yeah, we can start the meeting. I just, on my lunch break, I, I think I'm at the one. What? Yeah.

No, Stephen! Get out of here! She's amazing. She just like, she came up to me. Numbers can weigh. I need to hear this story. She came up to you?

She came up to me, which I was like, I loved. I was, so I'm walking in. Yeah, walking in. To the perfumery, really. You went to a perfumery on your lunch break? Well, I need, you know,

I kind of wanted to smell good for the meeting, because I'm underprepared. That's a little side note. We can talk about that later. I hope we don't. We'll circle back to that for sure. I walk in, and up to me comes an angel I mean

I'm waiting on Bated Breath here her name is Grace and she has she possesses Grace now that's the name of an angel if I've ever heard one and she was we just get to talking

you know she seems stop it man instantly interested in me which obviously is flattering oh my god and she starts asking me all these questions about myself you know i'm like we love a curious person we love

someone who's engaged she clearly had a crush on me oh i mean why else would she talk to me in a store i know i do why else would she talk to me in a store and so she starts you know we get to talking about what my favorite smells are which i'm like no one's ever asked me that. Whoa. And I'm like. She's different. She's different. What's that? No, it's just like, that's cool.

Yeah. So what else happened? Are you okay? I'm great. Because you're not wearing your wedding ring. I really hate to ask. No, man.

I'm so good. It's just like, it's just so funny. It's like, you know, you walk into a room and you light up the place just like it's just so funny it's like you know you walk into a room and you light up the place you really do and so it's like grace and what do you think you do grace saw that for sure well i bask in your light and so we're not we're not really ever together though outside of work like how's your well and that's what that's what makes me sad it's like why don't we spend more time together man

why don't we hang out more so what are you still with are you still with eliza uh who your wife name does not compute oh yeah no uh no we separated we're legally separated really did she say why is it that you're because you do kind of make yourself small sometimes like you don't have to always bask in other people's glory. She, well, she didn't say so much. She left a little note. She left a note and left you? She left a note and

left me. She left me. No, be serious for a second. Tyler. You don't have to put on this like sing-songy voice. Like that's really difficult and I want to validate that and we can talk about it. Oh, I don't have to put on this like sing-songy voice. Like that's really difficult and I want to validate that and we can talk about it. I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to talk about that.

I want to talk about Grace. Who's this angel whose love smells? I mean, when I really think about it, I think she just works off commission. Oh, so she works there. Yeah. Oh. You. Well, now that gives us more time to hang out. Grace isn't gonna

come steal you away. She's not gonna steal you away. Steal me away? We work together. We don't hang out that often. I'm just trying to get to know you a little bit more. Doesn't that suck? It doesn't suck. Why don't we hang out more? I just... You're really... I feel like you're masking a lot of deep emotional

pain. And I wanna know that I I'm here for you to a point. You know, that's exactly what Eliza said. She said she's here for you to a point. She said, well, she wrote, I was there for you to a point. What was the point? I've reached the point. I'll take the kids to their grandmother's house. We'll talk later.

Did she write that last sentence? Yeah. Well, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. I kind of just imagined it's like, I'll take the kids to grandma's and we'll talk later. That just kind of was, I assume that. But she wrote that three months ago.

Okay. And have you seen her since? Well, no. Wait. Well, I saw her. Yeah, I did see her. Okay. I did see her. I saw her yeah i did see her okay i did see her i saw her um actually what's crazy we drove up to the stoplight at the same time and i look over i'm like oh oh so you didn't see her you ran into her on in traffic well she didn't see me i i looked over and i was like eliza like waving and she i don't know if she probably couldn't hear me maybe it was on the

phone or your windows down my windows were down Were your windows down? My windows were down. Were her windows down? Yes, hers were down as well. Also, you've been walking to work recently and I know you don't live close and you do kind of like walk in with this like cockney patois. But there has to be a story there. What happened to your car? Oh, you don't want to get into that. I would so much rather hear about your awesome lunch break and all these awesome places you went to because you're awesome. I bought a perfume from somebody who was flattering me because she worked on a commission I needed to make a sale.

I was just trying to embellish it so that I could not show you my presentation, which is half done. Don't. Hey, you know what, man? Close your computer. Don't worry about it. Who cares about our quarterly numbers? Who cares about it? I don't need to see that presentation.

I got you. Okay. Well, if you don't need to see the presentation, then I might just go. Well, now, you always say, I feel like I always hear you say this, that it's like we don't hang out. We don't hang out. I've never said that. I feel like you just did. Play back the tape, governor. You did just say we don't hang out. You pull i've never said that you i feel like you just did play back the play back the tape governor you did just pull out your phone and replay an iphone voice memo

we work together we don't hang out that often i'm just i'm trying to get to know you i think you need to get permission from people before you record the conversations all i'm saying is the car my car my car you know, one night I got a little drunk off the maid. No, it was, I had a couple of Stellas. Have you ever had a Stella? Have I ever had a Stella Artois? Yeah, I've had a Stella Artois. Had a couple of those.

Got a little angry. Hey, I bust the windows out your car. But I did it to my own car. I took a baseball bat and I just got. You totaled your own car because you were angry drunk? Oh, you don't need to talk about that! I guess not. But again, you're saying such dark things in such a sing-songy tone.

How are you you? What's that? How am I? Is that what you asked? No, how are you you? I mean, it's just like, you light up a room. You're the most charismatic person I've ever been in the presence of. And you just, I mean, your voice is like a thousand angels.

And you make everybody laugh. You make me laugh. And I can't stop thinking about how it's like, how can I be that? I guess just try and be authentic, you know. I never really try to mask what i'm feeling i'm vulnerable with people yeah yeah are you hearing me i'm hearing you okay because it feels like you're just cherry picking every couple words well i mean i am recording this just in case it's like even if i miss right i'm gonna go i'm gonna go take a second lunch break and i'm gonna go buy i'm gonna return the

perfume because i can't afford this actually i just I just, I thought she was. What if I give you a raise? Yeah, thank you. What if I give you, not even company money, what if I give you like $5,000? Okay, yeah, I'll take that. If it's a one-time $5,000. $5,000 per month. I was going to say I felt bad, but honestly, I don't really feel bad. You make a lot of money, so you can give me $5,000. I make too much money.

Yes. So we agree on something. 100%. Let's go to lunch together. Cut to lunch. I make too much money. Yes. So we agree on something. Let's go to lunch together. Cut to lunch. All right. And what will you be having?

I'll get the kale salad. Whatever he's having. Whatever he's having. We don't have to get the same thing. You have such good taste. He has such good taste. Oh, well, yeah, the kale salad is one of our most popular items. He knew it.

How did you know that? This guy is amazing. Have you ever seen anyone like him? Have I ever seen? Have you ever seen anyone like him? I'm pretty normal. I'm actually mid. No offense.

I was going to say this. You're pretty mid. Thank you. Mid? Easy, man. no offense that's what I was gonna say you're pretty mid mid easy man no I'm not gonna let her talk to you like that well he said it first no you called the love of my life

mid this is an HR violation also don't order five stellar toise with lunch you're getting angry. Holy shit. Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide. Eliza just walked in.

Why are you hiding? Eliza just walked in. No, just go say hi. That's your ex wife. Eliza! You said I could never get any friends. Well, look who I snagged today. Look who I'm here with.

Nice. Hi, Tyler. Hi, Steven. Good to see you. Good to see you. You said I could never hang out with the likes of him. I never, I just want to let you know I never said that. I know you didn't. You didn't even have to say that. And I'm really sorry. If you want to, I'm having a

group over for lunch if you want to. Yeah. Okay. All of us join? No. No, Stephen can come. No, I'd love to. He sort of had enough beer that he's angry, so that's the only reason I'm going, man.

But I guess, how do you light up a room? Don't get drunk and be angry. What else? I'm recording on my phone, so I just wouldn't. room? Don't get drunk and be angry. What else? I'm recording on my phone, so I just wouldn't. No, that's it. That's it. And also, don't record on your phone. I'll put a voice distorter on it.

I don't want a filter on it, man. Fire me, please. You're fire. Yeah. I wanted the severance,ance but honestly it's not worth it I'm done I'm out good to him at home listening back I guess how do you light up a room don't get

drunk and be angry oh that's so good that app was worth it he's about to take a sip from Estella oh listen to Steven. All right, should we take a quick break? Thank some sponsors. Come back with some perfumery.

Goosebumps. No. Because we're back. Did you feel that? I felt you burp and then say you almost threw up. I've been having a lot of fiber recently. So there's a lot of air in me. Gas, really.

Right. And I'm really glad it's coming out in burps. Just read the next review. Genevieve L for Lalabo in Silver Lake. Genevieve L-L-L-L-Link. Genevieve L-L-L-Link, two stars. Lalabo scents are amazing. I would always give them five stars.

The two stars is for this location and their two employees' lackluster customer service and snobby L.A. personalities. The cashier girl especially had such a dry, cold personality. Perhaps she should lather it with some of the beautiful, happy lotions they have in store. Happy lotions. So you're saying if I buy this lotion, I'll be happy? I am saying that if you buy this lotion, your life will change. Your life will change.

Do you think you're happy? I am not happy. I'm decidedly. Well, that's about to change. That's about to completely change. Okay. You buy this lotion. Yeah.

I mean, your frown upside down. Your frown will be turned upside down for the rest of your life. Okay. buy this this lotion yeah i mean your frown upside down your frown will be turned upside down for the rest of your life okay and it's not just gonna like what properties of it make me happy are they're like is there chemicals well i mean well of course like any lotion there's a couple chemicals there's you know some some artificial flavors uh we try to use we try well yeah this is it's like you know some chapsticks it's like this one tastes like chocolate yeah this one this one it's, has a couple artificial flavors. And you're not over-promising? Because I feel like you're saying it tastes good.

It makes me happy. It tastes good. It makes you happy. You will, one of the side effects of this lotion, other than it smelling amazing, leaving your skin silky soft, you will never be sad again. Well, I feel like it's important to be sad sometimes. Like, that adds texture to life. I'm just, listen, don't shoot the messenger.

I'm just telling you the side effects of this lotion okay so um side effects is that the side effect is that it makes me happy there's nothing there's nothing narcotic in nature in this right no because you're what you said it sounds like you're selling me drugs i again i listen i just work here man so i'm just telling you if you want to buy smize buy Smize. And you don't have to buy it. Okay. But if you do buy it, if you buy Smize, rub it on your thighs and your arms, I'm telling you, you will never be sad again. So if you want to take that chance, go for it. But if you don't, that's also totally fine.

We have a bunch of other options of different creams and perfumes and stuff like that. I'm going to buy it. I'm going to buy it. You know what? I'm going to give you a store discount just for today just because I can tell that you're kind of a sad guy.

Thank you. I'm going to try it out right now because I am kind of a little down on the dumplings. Okay. Rubs it on his hands, rubs it on his arms. Oh, no.

Get a whiff of that. Get a whiff of that coconut. I'm feeling pretty damn happy. Yeah, I see it. Oh, sorry. One second. It's my dad. Yeah, I see it. Oh, sorry. One second. It's my dad. Hello?

Hey, son. Oh, man. I thought I'd never have to make this call right now. You're going to New Cop on the next flight back to Philly. You want to see me? Well, we do want to see you because your mom is really not doing well. And I think it's... That's horrible.

You sound like you're smiling. No, I'm... Why are you laughing? No, it's obviously not funny. Obviously. Your mom is terminally ill and you might need to come and say goodbye. Is she in hospice? She is in hospice.

Why are you laughing? This is crazy. I put this lotion on and it makes you happy. Uh, I'm not high dad. It's lotion. No, I'm going to come. Like, I want to be there. No, it's not inappropriate. No, I totally agree.

I know that I sound really happy. So if that would be bad for mom, then don't put me on. But I am praying for her. I mean. I want to talk to him. I want to talk to him. Well, okay. I know your mother is going to be heartbroken if I don't put you on the phone right now.

So just take it easy, okay? Hey, mom. Jack, oh, my darling boy. How are you? I'm good. This is really bad. This is really bad. I'm devastated to hear this. Don't make fun of me, Jack.

I'm not making fun of you. Jack, why are you... I put a lotion on. I can't not be happy. But I am internally devastated. I'm not high.

I'm not high. I'm not high. I promise. Don't say that. Don't say that. I'm not laughing. I don't have long left. Don't say that. Don't say that. Don't laugh at me. I'm not laughing. I can't not laugh because I was lathered.

What does that even mean? I don't know. I thought it was just salesmanship, but I'm joyed. I did tell you that this was the side effect of the lotion. I know, but I thought you were just trying to make the sale. Mm-mm. Mm- sale. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Why are you saying it like that? This is very difficult. This is very difficult, and I can't, I don't know what to say. Mom, I love you. I love you, but I wish you wouldn't joke around. I'm not. I'm not joking I'm not. I'm not joking.

No, Mom, I want to come. I want to hear them. How long does this last? Forever. What? I could not have stressed that enough. You did not. I did.

I said for the rest of your life. You did say for the rest of your life. That's true. That's true. To the eulogy. And now we will be hearing from Greta's son, Jack. How's everybody doing tonight? I'm obviously the saddest I've ever been.

And my mother was in a lot of pain at the end. I mean, we can all agree she was in a lot of pain. Jack, god damn it, stop laughing. I am trying. Sorry, everybody. I use this lotion, and it makes you happy in perpetuity. So you're going to hear me sounding really joyful, but I really have been trying to cry for the better part of a couple months since she passed away. Not even because of the terminal illness, but because the hospital was on fire. And, yeah.

Jack, you better stop this right now. You're embarrassing yourself. You're embarrassing our family. What I will say about my mom is that she was so strong. And it was only tested at the end. And to see her with that,

I'll never forget this look on her face, when she was, I think, in her most pain. Jack. I'm really trying. You are not. I can't explain to you the internal struggle that happens when you put this lotion on. But, David, talk about this. Sorry, everybody. And that's my lowest point. I am so, hello, I'm this sorry everybody i am my lowest point i am so

hello i'm so sorry i am so sorry my son is behaving abominably um i i i don't know what to say uh we are all we are all devastated obviously everybody laughs Everybody laughs. I gave everybody some sunscreen. What? I gave everybody some sunscreen because everybody was asking for it because it's hot. Everybody cracks up. That's not funny. It's not. This is my wife of 40 years just passed and you're laughing?

Funeral.-all. Fun-er-all. No, this is not a fun-er-all. Fun-er-all. Now I can't even control what I'm saying, by the way. You started the chant. I know. This is crazy, right?

Give me some of that. Oh, this lotion, this lotion. Just give me some. Gives you some. that. Oh, this lotion, this lotion. Give me some. Gives you some. No. Right? She's gone forever. She's gone and my heart hasn't felt good since.

This is the worst day of my life. I am going home to wallowing in it after this. Me too. I don't think you and I will ever to wallow in it after this. Me too. I don't think you and I will ever have a good relationship again after today. Without mom, it's not possible. No, she was the only thing keeping us together. She was the glue. Everyone's dying laughing.

They're like, we know. We could tell. We could tell. It was so, it was honestly honestly obvious you should never have been father and son you should honestly he shouldn't have been a father yes i don't think you wanted to be no i didn't you were an accident you were a surprise and you told me that once when you were really drunk and it really fucking hurt me deeply. I know.

I wanted that to be the dagger in you so that you'd leave me alone. And you're still here. Oh, God. I don't respect you. I've never liked you. I've never. It's like, you know, when you just don't like your kid. Yeah.

I've never done that. I've never liked you. But it's also like, it's not just that I don't like you. It's also that I don, when you just don't like your kid. Yeah. I've never done that. I've never liked you. It's not just that I don't like you. It's also that I don't love you. Me too. Because sometimes it's like, oh, I love him, but, you know, family. That might be the first thing we've ever agreed on right there. Oh, man.

Yeah, fuck you. Lose my number. That was difficult. For me, that was difficult. Sorry? It was difficult to say sad things in a happy cadence. He loved it. What's that?

No, it was a fun acting exercise. And this podcast has now turned into an acting podcast. A seminar, really. A seminar. Your next review? Masterclass. Or did you just do one? You just did one.

What if I hosted a masterclass class what would it be on um it would be on success sorry a master class just about blanket success so just you just be what saying a bunch of platitudes that could apply to any field? No, the master class is about how to make it. In. Got it. No, just be like, believe in yourself.

Okay. Next lesson. What? What? I paid $40 for this. Don't take life too seriously. Next lesson. Special class is seven minutes long.

Alright, this is a five star review from Brandy D of Beverly Hills Parfumerie. Brandy Dandy. Brandy Dandy. Five stars. Alan was the best and took his time in helping me get acquainted with the world of perfumeries. Though I'm still a rookie, I feel confident going back to him and getting schooled

again on what smells good. Okay, we're going to go down the line on this. I've spritzed one of our perfumes. It is unlabeled. I don't really like that. You haven't even put it to your nose yet, Simon. I'm going to go one by one, and I want each of you to tell me what the pleasurable notes you find, what are unpleasurable notes you may find. And we'll just keep going.

This is our top of the line perfume. If anyone can guess. Okay, I guess we're starting with you, Simon. I think it smells, it smells floral, but not in a good, I don't like it. I think it smells bad. That smells bad. That perfume, that smells bad. Simon.

And I did speech and debate in high school so I'm ready to go you're ready to go I'm ready to go toe-to-toe I don't think this smells good why is it our most expensive it is our best seller so supply and demand and it is your worst smeller you are our worst smeller you don't give any helpful critique you just say this smells good or bad.

Right. You are the owner's son, so that is the only reason why we keep you on the team. But all right. Who's going to give us some helpful feedback for the labeling? Okay, Jessica. Great. Oh, I mean, what a classic. Yes, what a classic. Indeed, I mean, what a classic. Yes, what a classic.

Indeed. I mean, the top notes, I am getting floral, but specifically I'm getting more. I'm getting some tulip. Yes, tulip, tulip. I'm getting a little bit of honeysuckle. I think you're a tulip. Sorry? As in you're tulipped.

Because you're saying one thing, but I know you mean the opposite. This perfume is bad. And I know you think that. Because guess what? I think, Jessica, you're really smart. Thank you. Yeah, so. Just wanted to say that. Sorry, guys. You guys are all looking at me like I shouldn't have interrupted.

You shouldn't have interrupted. You also called her two-lipped. You know? Jessica. Call also called her tulipped. You know. Jessica. Call it like I see it. You are right. The main notes in our top-selling perfume are tulip and honeysuckle. Oh, and I forgot to mention it has a little base of some cedar.

Yes. Jessica, you are a marvel. The nose knows, does it not? Everyone, yeah, the nose knows. Base of cedar, but I think you should actually have based your opinion off the leader. Me. This perfume sucks ass. Simon.

What? You know about our three strike rule per day. So once you hit strike three, you're out for the rest of the day. That's great. I want to go home. Let's taste the next one. three, you're out for the rest of the day. That's great. I want to go home. Let's taste the next one. No, we're smelling. I want to taste this one.

Fine. Fine. You know, I've had it up to here with you. Your father always says keep him around. He'll learn. He'll grow. I have seen nary an ounce of growth from you in the years that you've been at the perfumery. Give me the bottle.

Unscrews it. Tastes like shit! Of course it tastes like S-H-I-T. This is a horrible, horrible, horrible perfume. Because you drank it. Well, then let me smell it. Jesus. Okay, I like that one.

What are the notes in it? Can you tell me that? Oh my God. It smells like a little bit of a campfire and then also notes of like vanilla and cinnamon. It's kind of autumnal. That's exactly right. I know. It's good. I got the notes on the first one right, basically.

I just think it's shit. You said it smells floral and bad. Yes. And this one smells fall and good. But it tastes like shit. You should never drink a perfume. All right. Jessica.

What? What do you think about me? Sorry, the perfume. What do I think about you? About the perfume, whatever. I think the perfume is really nice. And me? And you. I think you're kind really nice. And me? And you.

I think you're kind of weird. I don't know. Okay, that's fine. What? Nothing. That's just, that's, I can deal with that. Let's do the third one. I can't believe that my life has resorted to this.

I trained for this in Paris for so many years only to now be babysitting to millennials. Yeah, well, I went to UC Santa Cruz, so we've all studied. Go banana slugs. Let me at this third one. I feel like I could really nail it. Fine, because I'm a little bit surprised, pleasantly surprised that you got all the notes correct of that last one, which was pretty complex. Here you go. Here is our most complex perfume that we have. If you can get any of the notes in here, then I'll eat my hat.

I'll quit my job. You'll eat your actual hat? I will eat my actual top hat. Cognac. Pine. Oh, God. Is that... Yeah, that's a little bit of jasmine. cognac um pine oh god and is that

yeah that's a little bit of jasmine oh it's not just jasmine is it no that's jasmine and more honeysuckle everyone in the room is all glass let me finish and I hate it

that perfume sucks well Everyone in the room is all glass. Let me finish. And I hate it. That perfume sucks. Well, you got it. So I guess we can all move on. To the corner while you eat your hat. I want you in the corner eating your hat and we'll all watch. No, we don't need to. I'm not actually going to eat my...

Jessica? Well, you did give going to eat my... Jessica? Well, you did give him your word and you did say that you would... Jessica, come on. You said you would eat your hat. You said you'd eat your hat and every day you always start off the sessions by saying that you're an honest man. And I don't know why you say that, but

you say that it bears repeating. That's an unnecessary detail that you add every day. Every day that you're an honest... It's fine to be a liar. Are you a liar? I'm an honest... I lied about the first perfume. I kind of want it.

I'm an honest man. Okay. God, this is the most humiliating... Hens are your bowler. I mean, where do you even begin? It's round. It's hard to kind of get... Jessica, did he say he was going to describe what his hat is?

Or did he say he was going to eat the hat? Well, if we're just going off of what was said, you did say you were going to... I know what I said. I know I said I was going to eat the hat. Sorry, sir. It's just the rules. The rules! The rules, I know.

Fine. That's it. What are the tasting notes? Oh, they taste like felt. God, I mean, you've proved your point. Are you done? I think so. Let me think about it for a second.

Hang on. Did you just cough some up? No, come on. I'm sorry. Clean Plate Club! Jessica? You do every day come in the morning and say that you're an honest man and a lifelong member of the Clean Plate Club.

I do. I am an honest man and a lifelong member of the Clean Plate Club. I do. I am an honest man. I am a lifelong member of the Clean Plate Club. But this is a hat we're talking about. Beat the remnants of the hat that you coughed up. And the second perfume

I lied about as well. I didn't like that one that much. Also, how many strikes am I at? You are at least at ten. Oh, then I'm gonna as well. I didn't like that one that much. Also, how many strikes am I at? You are at least at 10. Oh, then I'm going to head out. Oh, great. I don't need to eat the hat anymore. No, eat the hat.

Eat the hat and then I'm going to head out. Sir, you do need to eat. I actually won't leave until you finish eating the hat. And there's union rules, so she can't be here longer than 12 hours. Okay. Cut to the next day. Son, how good to see you. I hear you're thriving.

Now, where's Hector? Hector died because he ate a hat, actually. You know what's strange? I always felt that that was the way he was going to go. Oh, felt, that's funny. Was it the felt bowler? It was the bowler, yeah. It was the bowler.

Dad, our perfumes suck. Did you know that? I did know that. Yeah. What do you want to do? Well, there's sort of an absence of hats in the store. What if we did perfume and hats? I thought you said you didn't even like the perfumes.

I like some of them. I lied. We need to work on that. We need to work on that. I need to work on me. Actually. I should have been a Sagittarius. Go banana slugs. All right.

Last segment. This should be all week long. Wait, wait What's that? It's like Pac-Man Oh, that's good Does Pac-Man make the Oh, yeah

I went to a cat's birthday party on Saturday And are you happy? Nope The theme was whore So I sort of tried to dress like a himbo It ended up just being a normal outfit

for the most part but that was an eventful there's so many there's so much in there yeah

that's exactly what my friend said the theme was whore yeah so Winston the cat wore a bow tie like a male stripper okay

and my friend Shay wore assless chaps, thong ass out. So I definitely could have dressed sluttier, but what are you going to do? It's a cat's birthday. You know,

I wanted it to be a little tasteful. This is a jump the tub ass cat. What are you going to do? It's a cat's birthday. But what are you going to do? I mean,

it's a cat's birthday, so. That's very fun. Anyway, enough about me. What's been shaking you? I, when I went to visit my dad, we were looking just through some of his like old photos and stuff like that. And I found, or he showed me like a gallon Ziploc bag filled with like old Ant Spa family history stuff.

And I learned that, I learned how, this was just cool,pa family history stuff. And I learned that, I learned how, this was just cool, like family history stuff. I just, I learned how my, our last name has changed over time. Yeah. And how like, it was like, my grandfather got in touch with this other Anspa, but who goes by Anspa, A-N-S-P-A-C-H.

And it was about like, he gave him a letter with all his family history about how it's like the anspachs first came over in like 1701 yeah and then

like and so the name was it was a-n-s-b-a-c-h and it was unsbach but then it's so then it's like they lived in Pennsylvania

where it was a big German speaking community so it was like everyone could pronounce it fine and then they started getting more and more west ended up getting to Indiana, where they started living amongst more English and Welsh people who couldn't really pronounce it. That's cool.

And so then that's how it changed. They just, they're like, let's just change it to how people say it. So then it changed to Anspaugh, A-N-S-P-A-U-G-H. Damn. And I think that's really cool. Yeah, it's cool to like actually make the choice to change your family's name. Like, I know that Amirir's brother i think his partner is something rose and then so they changed he changed his last name to bloom and rose that's cool instead

of hyphenating or choosing one so that that's kind of cool it was really wild um and just to like see all these old family photos and like clippings from like the 20s about how that's amazing and an aunt spa teamed up with someone else to build like the first dry cleaners in Decatur, Indiana. And like, I just think that's, I just love, I love family history. I love genealogy and like, I don't really know much about my mom's side at all. Um, all our Irish peasant ancestors, I have no idea, but, um, but all the ants box and the ants paws and the ants pox, um, all that, which is why, and then it's like at the end of the letter, it was like, and there is one person who changed, one Anspaugh who changed his name to Ainspaugh, A-I-N-S-P-A-C-H. And this is like a letter from 1961.

And he was like, but I think he's just a hairdresser in search of a unique name. So family history, really, really fun. And like just feeling connected to people I will never know. That's awesome. Yeah. so family history really really fun and like just feeling connected to people I will never know that's awesome yeah

yeah so my thing with family history and yours was you went to a cat's whore birthday so hopefully I'm left off of like my future ancestors

23 and me because I don't want them to feel like shit and so in 2022 my great like great to the third grandfather Jeffrey James he spent his time going to a cat's whore birthday. What's that?

Is that a joke? I wish it was. He went to the Playboy Mansion or something? No, he went to a friend's birthday party for their cat and the theme was whore. Yeah. Can I edit the report? I wish you wouldn't. Let's just get that one off there.

I'm proud. All right, let's thank some B.I. podcasts. What did they do to even deserve it? They pay us $20 a month. Oh. Thank you to underscore Christian side hugs, dogs and cats, too, especially whores. Aaron Carrico beat Nolan Murphy.

Actor Michael Douglas Is getting into pegging At 78 years old Agent Michael Scarn Aggie Ako won't apologize For being a monster So she knows

Have any of the haters Apologized for making her this way? No, nobody did it You did it to yourself Alex Witt And now a patron Needs no introduction So moving on

Cam says not to cry for him Argentina, the truth is I never left you. Chahuck. Daddy Tuesday Night featuring Nolan Murphy. Dakota Scott has been thinking about doing that middle name thing

as, oh, sorry. Dakota Scott has been thinking about doing that middle name as your last name thing. Damien Kirk is catching up on Better Call Saul on Netflix, but have you guys heard about sex? Might be worth checking out.

Dylan, a Jersey boy in LA looking for love. Dwayne the Finnegan Johnson. Fancy octopus. Frito, pray love. Dwayne the Finnegan Johnson. Garf enemy of the pod, there's a lot of ways you can win. Gail Dench. Jeff

Puff. Gilk Jonic. Grey is done. His, I probably meant to say with his undergrad. Gray is done his undergrad, which makes him more than a man. He's a BA. A Bachelor of Arts. I did see his graduation photos. He looked great.

Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Gray's twin. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the Headcan Podcast, please? J.R.R. Tolkiengram personality. Tolkien. Tolkieniankien you say it jrr tolkien gram personality type one that's really good jake olman james wagner is trying to get that craig robinson g set if you know what he means congrats by the way thank you yeah jay still can't reliably translate pt to gmt but that's fine i guess it's eight hours jc. JCP again, let me know the date you want for the Disneyland moment,

and I will get you in there. Widow babies, you widow babies deserve it. Caleb is now 21 and is very ready to get absolutely zoinked at the Zardy. Casper Vopasper. Lauren Melang. Loose rice in a bag. Loose rice in a bag.

Lord Hunter the Ordained. Maggie featuring Nolan Murphy. Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Bagel. Moe Pete do, so it's Moe Pete but second, and also kind of French featuring Nolan Murphy. Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Bagel. Moe Pete do. So it's Moe Pete but second. And also kind of French featuring Nolan Murphy. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy.

Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeff can't be silly. Nolan Murphy just like, I'm just going to say it. Nolan should be the head of, no, sorry. Nolan Murphy just like, I'm going to say it. Nolan should be the lead of a Spike Lee joint. And I believe that whole fartly. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name.

Come say that to my face at Smoking Time on Main Island. Pete Bradford featuring Nolan Murphy. Phoebe. Squawk. Ricky Martin. So it's Ricky Martian. So it's Ricky Martin, but he's from, well, Mars. So what, is this like a job now?

You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year? Tell former resident S I say hi. That's so Raven. It's the future. I can, well, see. So hard on the ears. The dulcet tones of Jeff's sleep moans. TJ Michael.

Wait, Jeff, real talk. I need to have a quick break from these little piss ants and arm wrestle you. I'm actually serious. Widdle Bobby Bule featuring Nolan Murphy. Bobby Bule was in my dream last night. Nice.

But I don't remember what happened. I was playing softball, though. And I put on a racing helmet because I was afraid of getting hit in the head. Oh, then it's like you were in a negotiation. You were playing softball. You hadn't gone to hardball yet. I hadn't gone to hardball, no. You wouldn't like me when I'm playing hardball.

But thank you guys so much for subscribing at the highest tier. That's Patreon.com, Forrest Laff, Riley, and Jeff. By the time this episode comes out, we will have had this month's Zardy, which will have been... The theme was... Because Daniel's birthday, when this comes out, it'll be tomorrow, the 27th. And it's Daniel's 29th birthday tomorrow. And so this Zardy's theme is Daniel's surprise 29th birthday tomorrow and so this already he was Daniel's surprise 29th birthday

and Daniel is not going to be there it's so good so happy birthday tomorrow Daniel I love you happy birthday Rashie Rashie and you can follow

Riley on Instagram at Riley Anspa on Twitter at Riley Coyote you can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffy James on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee

and you can follow the show on Instagram at Review Review on Twitter at Review ReviewJames, on Twitter at JeffBoyRD, and you can follow the show on Instagram at ReviewReview, on Twitter at ReviewReviewShow, and on our Reddit, r slash ReviewReview. Thanks so much for listening, guys. Oh my god, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for listening. I think we might need to do another hiatus for a week. I'm so burnt out.

I could really use a week-long break. Just a week. Yeah. We'll be back a week from today. Yeah, we'll be back after a short hiatus. But thank you guys for being with us. Thank you guys

for being with us. We just really need this time to regenerate and recuperate. Like Doctor Who. You look completely different next Tuesday.

Alright we'll see you guys again after the hiatus. After the hiatus. Are we in air? Yeah. That was a Hiddem Original.