Review Revue - Piggy Banks

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about PIGGY BANKS and explore reckless spending, a quirky, yet charming Satan, and what it means to be frugal. The gang reveals the newest member of the Review Revue production team.IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just want a real girl

I just want a real girl I just want a real girl I just want a real girl I just want a real girl Who allowed us to have such bangers? That was fire to listen to for my ears. Shout out Will. That came in from Will. He said, I made two theme songs for your show.

Actually, I made one theme song for your show and then one song to make Jeff specifically laugh. So I guess we'll listen to the next one next week can't wait uh stay tuned for will's uh that was fire that was fire i mean it's like listen paul mccartney you gotta take notes right this is how you turn that song in into gold this is how you music this is how you music. This is how you music. And we are telling, we are giving advice to Sir Paul McCartney. He doesn't know.

No, he used to know. He used to know and then he kind of like got old, right? And he lost touch with what was hip. Well, I don't think it was necessarily about age, right?

It was just, you know. No. Well, no, it was that. He's the age of a retiree but he hasn't given up yet. You know what I mean? I think he released a music video recently where it was the age of a retiree but he hasn't given up yet you know what i mean i think he released a music video recently where it was like ai on his face of or not ai it was like cgi of um him as young paul i haven't watched it yet but i was gonna bring it up it's tough it's tough it is really hard to see um it is you don't want to see what he did no you really you don't want to watch it it's like

polar express kind of animation it's like it's not yeah it's tough it's tough yeah um jeffrey you're in new york right now today august 3rd which is a tuesday it's easy to make it in manhattan Get in Manhattan. Why a cover of this song? I'm a star now, cuz. I'm in Brooklyn. Were you calling me cuz, or were you saying, like, it's because you're in Brooklyn? No, I was not. Decidedly, I was not calling you that. I was saying, it's cuz I'm in Brooklyn. You're a star because you're in Brooklyn?

I'm a star because if you make it in New York, you can make it anywhere, and it's easy to make it in this town if you're someone like me. Someone like you? I have the talent. Sorry. Let me finish. I have the talent. I have the wit.

I have the breadth of experience. I have the sex appeal of a much older woman. I have the energy of someone who's booked not only a series regular job but it to the head gum studio so you were late today you were late i was about 40 minutes late um no this is my first time in the in the new brooklyn studio i'd been to the old one that was kind of shitty. Easy with that. It was Nick Rad's old art loft, which was fine,

but it didn't get a lot of natural light. This place is unbelievable. You got to see it. It's a lot of natural wood and it's nice to be in a studio instead of my depressing basement apartment, which I haven't done for the longest time. The only times that, for the past year,

I've been recording either in my basement house or in my parents' house closet. Yeah. So it's really nice to be here. Yeah. I'm excited to record in the LA studio. Yeah. That one, Marty needs to get on it.

It's stalled because he, I don't want to throw him under the bus but he's not a hard worker. You are throwing, that's, I mean, what do you mean you don't want to throw him under the bus? That was just a full shot at Marty Michael. I don't want to throw him under the bus but he doesn't do shit.

I'm not going to sit here and shit talk Marty because he's a good guy, but at the end of the day, like, he doesn't get after it. And he doesn't have that drive, that passion. So that is shit talking him. That is exclusively shit talking him. There's no way to spin it where that's not just shit talking him. Yeah.

No, but hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll be able to do that. It's been a couple. It's been two weeks for like two months. Oh, it'll be done in two weeks. Yeah. He said the first week of July. And then he said two weeks. And then two weeks ago he said two weeks. And now it's been two weeks. So it done in two weeks. Yeah, he said the first week of July. And then he said two weeks. And then two weeks ago he said two weeks.

And now it's been two weeks. So it's been four weeks. And it's just an empty box of a room. He hasn't even tried to order the sound panels or the furniture. It's a recording studio. It's a closet. It is a storage unit. What's going on with me?

Yeah, what's going on with you? I have to ask? It doesn't storage unit. What's going on with me? Yeah, what's going on with you? No. I have to ask? It doesn't fucking matter. No, it doesn't. You don't deserve to. That's not what podcasting is. Podcasting is you fill the space.

You say something interesting. You talk about yourself unprompted, unsolicited, because that's good conversation. Oh, my God. Now I'm sad. Yeah. That's all it takes? Yeah. How are you?

No, I mean, like, now? Well, it's different than what you would have asked 30 seconds ago. Oh, my God. Yeah. Confusing time, right? Confusing time. Miss Delta's on the rise. Miss Epsilon is on the rise and miss epsilon is on the rise oh fuck me oh shit it's already like the fourth wave hasn't even fully happened yet and the fifth wave

is already on its way yeah it's terrifying it's terrifying i'm trying to ground myself in science and logic as well as my fear. Get vaccinated if you can y'all. Like please just fucking do it. But enough about me. That wasn't even about you.

That was about the world at large. You know what I want to talk about is piggy banks. Banks. Some little oinkies. Just a couple little pennies in an oinky. And then you let those oinky pennies accumulate. And next thing you know, you have $11.

Yeah. There's a lot of like boxes behind you. Is Daniel have eleven dollars yeah there's a lot of like boxes behind you is daniel moving out because there's a sadness behind your eyes no i just need some some oinky pennies and i'm good um jeffrey talk to me about little oinkers those little oink oink those little trotters those little banks of pork, those piggy banks. Ideally, you're not putting bacon in a ceramic. But no, I had a piggy bank growing up, to be sure. It was mostly loose change. And nothing really ever came of it.

You know what I mean? What kind was it? Was it a little piggy? Was it a little trotter? Or was it something different? A little trotter? No way. I a little trotter no way i'm gonna let you get away with that was it like a castle or a dragon baby's born it's a beautiful baby girl what's the name trotter lily trotter yeah one parent says lily the other one says trotter, Lily. Trotter. Yeah, one parent says Lily, the other one says Trotter.

Trotter. What did you say? What did you say? I said Trotter. You said something insane. Well, I said Trotter. Like you said something normal. Yeah, it was a little pig about the size of a baseball, as it were.

Oh, small. Again, a lot of nickels and dimes. Very small. And I truly don't think I ever used the money for anything did you have a trotter? did you have a fucking piggy bank? I had a little oinky trotter for sure

a little a little oinky trotter that I could slip loose change into and A little, a little oinky. How is this what we do? That I could. This is our job. That I could slip loose change into. And yeah, it was a little, it was a little piggy. And again, I think it was just, it was just a couple pennies.

I didn't really use it very often. But I've, looking back now, as I was like looking up different piggy banks I'm like damn I wish I'd actually used it and like been smart about it and like then to open like the the satisfaction of them like opening it one day and being like whoa I have seven dollars and 38 cents holy shit holy holy shit you have 1400 dollars in here in here. What the fuck? An accumulated interest. No way. That's actually a really good invention. It's not possible, but basically like an Oinky Trotter that has like a 2.7% APY.

So yeah, I mean, what I love about piggy banks is that they come in all different shapes and sizes. You can get your classic little Oinky Trotter, but you can have it you can have it be anything you want but then it's like is it a piggy bank it's just a little bank it's like i remember it's like you could have a disney princess head and put it into like the top of their skull big bank take piggy bank what was that it's uh it's the song that's like big bank take little bank so it's like big bank take piggy bank. What was that? It's the song that's like big bank take little bank. So it's like big bank take piggy bank. Should we get into our first review? Yeah, I'm afraid we should.

Would you like to start us off, Mephri? One star from Amazon customer of the Erolota piggy bank transparent creative glass coin bank. Okay, now what the fuck does that mean? Piggy bank money for children boys and girls birthday gifts home decorative gift box blue money for children boys and girls is one of the funniest phrases i've ever heard now what does this look like we well we should post these to the instagram because they're interesting to see it is a absolute glass pig e-, with a cork nose, which is how you get the coins. Is it an oinky trotter?

I don't want to sound cliche, but it is kind of an oinky trotter made of glass blown. So it's a glass oinky trotter. It's a glass blown, for lack of a better term, sow. Five stars from a cute cutie. That's it? Oh, okay. From AC. A cute cutie, like a cute pain. A cute cutie. That's it? Oh, okay. A cute cutie, like a cute pain. A cute cutie.

Five stars. I bought this gift as a smash piggy bank for someone who has a hard time saving. It's great because there's no cork to get it out, and you can visually see how much you're saving. It really is pretty. Smaller than I expected expected but it'll fit dollar bills just fine sorry so there's no there's no cork no there is a cork nose i don't know why they said there's no cork to get it out what got me was this is a good gift for someone who has a hard time saving you can't give this to an adult you absolutely it's not fair also if i mean the

whole point of it is to save so it's like you can't lead a horse you can lead a horse to water right it's like you're terrible you're terrible at saving money here is a thing that you like you're not gonna use it if you're already bad at saving it and even if there was no cork and they're bad at saving money you put a penny in and then you desperately need it you The amount of piggy banks they probably smash. They got to have it. They got to have it. I need the piggy bank to be smashed because I got to have that cash.

It's just how much can you save in a piggy bank? Like I'm thinking like a couple trying to save up for a house. And then like, honey, you're back from work. I'm so excited. I got you a little gift. Oh, my God. You didn't have to do that. So you know how we're saving up for that pied-a-terre.

That pied-a-terre. That three-bed, two-bath. Yep, three-bed, two-bath. Oh, my God. I mean, in my wildest dreams. Yeah. A hundred percent. And I know that we were kind of committed to, you know, penny-pinching. We really need to cut some corners.

We don't have to buy, you know, lattes every day. We can make them at home. We do not. We absolutely do not. Please open it. I'm so excited to see your reaction. Okay. I'm so excited.

Ooh, shake, shake the box. Okay. Oh, wow. What can this be? And you said this has to do with us saving money to buy this house that we want? I don't want to give it away. I just want you to open it what's in so what's in the box is gonna be like something that will help us achieve the house of our dreams

i think so i really do i think it's going to be the difference maker opens it piggy bank find china it's so nice oh. Oh, that's so cute. It's from this British China maker. It cost a pretty penny, but I feel like the investment is worth it because at the end of the day, it's going to be so beautiful and such a centerpiece in our living room that we will have to think about saving every time we see it. Sorry. Also, we are $2,400 in the the hole so basically we have to save at this point you spent you said this cost a pretty penny to buy 2400 and that was without shipping and

handling and that was also only about 67 percent of it was 3600 i don't know why i lied you spent 3600 and something that we're supposed to be saving money in no i'm saying because we spent so much it's gonna kick our ass it's gonna light a No, I'm saying because we spent so much, it's going to kick our ass. It's going to light a fire under our ass. Not me, because you spent so much. Don't lump me into it. You're the one who spent...

Well, hang on. The gift is for you, so it is inherently both of ours. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you actually getting mad at me? I've done nothing.

I walked in from work. You handed me a box with a 3600 piggy bank in it do you expect us to over time save enough now we have to pay off the piggy bank itself before we can even start saving up for this house this is a crazy reaction to me when you wanted to lose weight you got that equinox membership right how is this any different than that that's 150 a month but150 a month. But guess what? You lost a ton of weight, got in great shape because you wanted to go to the gym because it was a nice gym to go to. This is a nice way to save money. It's not just like giving it to Chase, right? They're not just like sending it some digital thing where we don't even see it. It's just some number on an app. We're going to see the cash

on our living room table. We're going to see the cash. We're going to see the cash on our living room table. We're going to see the cash. We're going to see the pennies and dimes. Turn it around. There's clear. There's a window into it. You don't have a job. What's that? You don't work.

You cannot afford to spend 30. And I know that we're married and I know that our finances are linked. But this is unbelievable. I got my gym membership because that was something that i wanted to do and it paid off for me sure sure yeah and this will you don't work and this is a soft spot for me because i do work all right what is that i point over at like a very graphically sexual statue made out of clay that has not been gone through a kiln so it's wet clay

of like somebody trying to suck their own dick. I am a visual artist. I am a sculptor and you know this about me. And how many pieces have you sold? How many graphics?

How many pieces have I sold? It doesn't matter. How many pieces have I made? No, that doesn't matter because now you're spending time you are buying the material to make this dick art. And you have. Sure.

It's not all dick art. And you haven't sold anything. I sold the smile at a celebrity auction. What? You sold a smile? I sold the sculpted smile at a celebrity auction. And do you remember how much that went for? And do you remember how much that went for? And do you remember how much that went for?

Well, it was an auction. It was an auction. So I didn't get the price that I wanted. Sure, but we got 70 bucks. We got 70 bucks and that covered the flight. I flew to Boston. You flew to Boston. I flew to Boston to sell it and it covered the expenses.

This is crazy. I don't get on your case for being a consultant. is crazy i don't get on your case for being a consultant right you don't get on my case for being a consultant because i'm the sole provider for this family money wise this is crazy because guess what when i'm a rich artist it's not crazy you're gonna be like i believed in him from day one and you didn't sorry i have half a mind to fucking return this piggy bank i think you should is there any way you can get your money back for this i think you should absolutely did you keep the receipt if you cut the receipt we should be okay if you kept the receipt i will not be mad at you because we can

get that money back all right well i will just check my bag for the receipt and i will go right back to the fucking china store that i bought it at. And there is... Yeah. No, it's in here. It's, um... I pull it out. I did use it as kindling, so it is ripped in half. I leave. Cut to ten years later. at a sotheby's auction we will start the bidding at 1.5 billion dollars everyone's raising their paddles

and it's for that one piece of the person trying to suck their own dick i'm standing in the back of the room just shaking my head like it's like that end of the law of la la land where they the back of the room shaking my head like... It's like that end of La La Land where they both kind of just lock eyes and they like give a knowing look. Sold for 7.2 trillion

dollars. And I'm donating it all. To what? To a bad charity. To a charity no one's vetted yet. To a charity that somebody talked to me about outside of Whole Foods. Couldn't find their website.

Like standing up. Hero, hero, hero. I know. I know i've always been one i'm in the back i believed in them from day one false uh should we take a break okay marty hey marty on this break do you want to finish the studio please marty why don't you order the geek acoustic panels like i've been telling you for a month hey marty um if you want us to keep doing this show, how about you give us a space to do it in? He doesn't want us to keep doing this show. It's up time and money suck for the company.

Und wir back. and we're back what do you mean yeah german god you spoke english in a german accent german yeah that's das oh hashtag that's das for sure hashtag that's das um we saw Hashtag that's Daz We saw that Amir sent that thing To me in January And now it's everywhere It's at Sunset Junction It is so funny There are so many

It's right by my house They've spent unbelievable ad dollars on it Also like What is Daz Because hog and Daz is a fake word That's Daz I know but it's like what is doz because hog and doz is a fake word like it's not a fit i know but it's like oh that's that that's doz i'm like what is does does is nothing that's does you know what else is rebranding that i was like fascinated by tiffany's what do you mean like i saw posters and it was like it was in big font like not your mother's tiffany's and it was like, it was in big font, like, not your mother's Tiffany's.

And it was like all these young people wearing sterling silver. That's so funny. That's like, whoever was their marketing director should be fired. Because that's like, every company has been like, oh, the gap is all of a new of a sudden. It's really, it's wild. Okay, here we go. This is for a polka dot piggy bank it's a white piggy bank with blue polka dots on it um one star from utada that's gonna be utada glinter glinter utada glinter so it's like winter with a glint in your eye.

Got it. You taught a glinter. One star. The title is extremely terrible quality. This is a joke. I ordered the silver one and the blue polka dot one. The silver one arrived first and I was shocked when I opened the box. The first thing I've noticed is the scratches on top near the opening where you put the coins in. Then I

noticed the pig's eyes are opaque instead of black. It looks scary rather. The worst part is when I realized there are polka dots covered with silver paint. This seems like an old piggy bank with dots covered with silver paint. And the scratches on the top makes me think

it's used and covered with paint. This is very disappointing. Anyone else have the same issue? I should be getting the blue polka dot pig tomorrow, and this piggy bank is certainly poor quality. I'll be returning both. Halloween, guys. What haunted houses are we hitting this year?

Oh, man, dude, I can't wait to try all of them. I mean, I'm such a saw head. Obviously, we got to do the Saw Ones. We got to do the Saw One. Obviously, we got to do the Conjuring. Obviously, we got to do Nightmare on Elm Street. And obviously, we got to do Piggy Bank. What? Tyler, who's your friend? Oh, sorry, we've got to do piggy bank. What?

Tyler, who's your friend? Oh, sorry, man. This is, um... This is Ricky. Ricky is my friend from high school. Ricky, look at me. Yeah? No, no, no.

You're still looking at your shoes. Look at me. I thought I was. No, you haven't moved at all. Okay. Just look me in the eye you're an adult man i am come on yeah ricky yeah say what you just said again there is a house it's not like an actual haunted house but there is a house down the street it's the scariest shit you've ever seen in your life. And what is it?

Let's just say... There's a haunted piggy bank inside. What do you mean? No. Listen, I mean, like, Ricky, come on. You don't have to bring this up now. No! Tyler, who's your buddy? No, Tyler...

You know we don't like dorks? Hmm? Yeah, man. We don't take kindly to dorks. Is he a dork? Ricky, are you a dork? He's not a... He's not a dork. He just... It's... I mean, like, we don't like dorks? Hmm? Yeah, man. We don't take kindly to dorks. Is he a dork? He's not a dork. He's just, it's, I mean, like, we haven't talked about the haunted piggy bank in years. No, I know, but I figure we're all men.

We can handle it. Unless maybe you're chicken. Dude, come on. Don't start this, Ricky. You're too small. I'm not small. These guys are just weak. Are you little bok bok chickens?

No, we're not. It doesn't sound like it's actually a haunted house. It sounds like it's just a piggy bank in some person's bedroom. Just a piggy bank. Okay. Well, if you're not scared, then... What's different about it? Why don't you come take a look? I mean... Gibsonson should we yeah i guess let's let's start there and then we'll end on the cool stuff

cut to the house now before we enter gentlemen i'll give you one last warning run away while you can ricky what did you for work? I just, sorry to interrupt, but just like real quick. Is it something normal? I groom dogs. Okay. No, run away while you can. Because this piggy bank sees into the darkest depths of yourself. It will show you the thing you most fear. It will take everything away from you,

even your very last breath. This piggy bank's gonna kill me? Yeah, dude, come on. We don't need to talk. Well... Ricky, who is this guy? Or Tyler, who is this guy? I told you he's

my friend from high school i mean it's like our parents were really close and that's what i thought yeah and your parents made you hang out their boy i mean it's like you know we hung out because we wanted to but then it just he became him and so then it became like yeah my parents asked me to no but here we are so if you are brave of heart then the piggy bank will spare your life but if you have but an ounce of ill will or disrespect toward the piggy bank you will never see

another Halloween again Ricky is this your house? it's my stepdad's house I mean it's like not technically my house much worse yeah I mean it's like I've i've come here a couple times i i mean like i've seen it i've seen the piggy bank stop stop let them see it for themselves why are we all humoring this guy he's he's fourth wheeling fine let's see this piggy bank

cut to inside creeping along like scooby- style. It's a completely normal house, but they're just going upstairs towards his bedroom. All right, gentlemen. Behind this door, the creature of your darkest nightmares lies. We know what it is. It's a piggy bank. Oh, we know what it is.

It's a piggy bank. You don't know shit, Gibson. That was actually kind of funny, Ricky. Shut the fuck up, Rodneyney that's not even my name whatever beyond this door your lives will change so i i i i i warn you if you have any ounce of fear run away now no man we're not gonna run away just show us kind of growing on me he's kind of confident now he gets a facetime ricky gets a facetime oh sorry it's a work thing i gotta take this opens it hey ricky hi hi lucy what's going on i need you tonight. Sorry, Toots. I'm busy.

We're going to see the piggy bank. Okay. Call me later. Yeah. We'll see. We'll see. Ricky, that was awesome. No, stop it.

Tonight's not about that. It's not about the hot babalicious girl I'm seeing. Tyler, who's your friend? I told you. It's Ricky, man. He grooms dogs and has a scary piggy bank. He dates Laker girls.

I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you. He dates Laker girls in Chicago? They fly out for him. Holy shit Let's see this piggy bank They open the door

It's like a fog ridden room With like a black light And a spotlight illuminating a piggy bank There it is The demon trotter The demon Come on Ricky Alright Gibson why don't you go up first

see i don't know what the piggy bank see go unless you're chicken i'm not chicken pushes you in front go hey piggy bank um it looks in the eyes. The piggy bank's eyes start glowing red. You just hear one low. It starts to grumble, shakes a little bit, and they just hear one low. Oink.

He defenestrates himself, jumps out the window, sprints away. I knew he didn't have it in him. Holy shit. Peter? No. Your turn. I don't really want to, though. But shoot, right?

Oh. The piggy bank's eyes start glowing. It starts like... Be cool, bank. Be cool, bank. It starts like... Be cool, bank. Be cool, bank. It starts like moving from side to side. Don't sway like that. Teeter.

No way. Oh, no! Punches the piggy bank. It falls off the thing and shatters. I'm so sorry. You don't know what you just unleashed from the wreckage. Just like hellfire. What the fuck?

Tyler, who is this kid? He's Satan himself, man. Why didn't you say that the first time? You made him sound so small. You would have gotten mad at me. No, I wouldn't. It would have been crazy, but fine. And we could have avoided this, man.

We're in Lake Forest, Illinois. This is nothing. And it's also the gates of hell. I have a date with a foxy lady. FaceTime. Lucy, I'm on my way. Thanks, Satan Daddy. All the Laker girls are on a Satanistic.

What is this relationship, man? I don't get you. How do you know Tyler? Our parents made us hang out. I don't believe you. He sold his soul to me when he was 10. All right. Should we do our last review?

Yeah. Okay. This piggy bank. This is the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life. It is called Hisco Piggy Bank for Adults Stainless Steel Savings Bank to Help Budget and Save Must Break to Access Money. It is a steel box that if you want to get... What?

It is, if you want to get anything out of it... It's not a pig? No, it is just, it is a steel box with a little slit in the front. And you have to either smash it or ply it open with a hammer to get into it. This is five stars from Alana W. Alana Wealth. Alana Wealth. Five stars.

The title is Love It. I love that you can't get into it. I'll be getting another one when this one's full brian our wedding is coming up and i i just want to make it the best day we can be and i know you said that you have five stainless steel boxes filled with more cash than either of us have ever seen in our lives. If you could just break open one, we could have the wedding of our dreams. I told you I don't feel comfortable with that. Well, then what are you saving it for? This, it couldn't be a more perfect occasion. I can't tell anyone or else it might not be enough money when I break into it. It's like a wish. You can tell me. Fine.

It's like a wish. I've never told anyone this. Do you think that if you tell me, like a wish. The monetary value will change in the steel. Yes. Okay, what is it? I've never told anyone this before. Okay.

I'm saving up for a store. For us to start a store? Maybe. So you don't even know? You'd rather just... I just think it would be cool to have a luxury apothecary in a hip neighborhood. And you need like six figures for that. What is a wedding?

A wedding is to celebrate us, not to celebrate fancy bars. Cut to 10 years later. Brian, it's your dad's funeral and i i know i am so so sorry for your loss but someone needs we we don't have the funds to provide the service that he would have wanted and now that you have 25 stainless steel boxes that you've never touched you could open just one of them and it would cover the funeral expenses it would make your mom so happy. Brian, why not? Because the idea for the apothecary has grown to a chain of apothecaries across many different cities. That's going to cost like seven figures.

You must have more than that in these boxes. You have 25 boxes. And you can save up more. This is one day. You think that if you open one the rest are just gonna disappear brian come on it's it's your brother terrence just open one apothecary right see how it goes and then franchise later i don't want to franchise terrence i want to open all of them the same day multiple ribbon cuttings. New York, Paris, Tokyo.

Same time, same ribbon. Stretched across the globe. That alone is going to cost 70 grand at least. And do I have that in the steel? Yes. Cut to 10 years later. Brian. I will not pay for your surgery.

Don't even ask because guess what the apothecary has become a mart apothecary mart 700 locations that's going to cost at least eight and 63 steel boxes full of money. I, your wife, need this life-saving surgery. Even half of a half of a box could pay for that. And you want to what? Open an apothecary mart? You want to what? Sell $40 candles? What's important to you brian is it the apothecary got it i we are absolutely getting a divorce how about this if you can pry open one of the steels

maybe i'll let you use it towards the surgery but you know what i don't think you have the strength already open Maybe I'll let you use it towards the surgery. But you know what? I don't think you have the strength. Already open. Wow. Damn it. Fine.

I'll just keep being a dentist, I guess. Which is what I've been doing. The next day, he goes to check, and he was right, because one was open. They're all empty. No! The camera is like bird's eye view. It's just kind of like he's screaming towards the sky, and it goes up. It's because I told my wish! It's because I told her!

Imagine if you saw somebody on the street screaming something like that it's because i told her it's because i told her i wish i would see that oh god no i told you my wish no nice uh should we uh take another quick break and then go to our last segment? Yeah. This took me all week long. I feel like now's a good time to announce a new addition to the Review Review team. Wow. Okay. Okay. Daniel Ramos.

Daniel Ramos. New editor-in-chief. Daniel Ramos. Daniel Ramos. Daniel Ramos. Daniel. Daniel Ramos. Daniel Ramos. There's a Ramos. Daniel Ramos.

There's a Ramos going on right here. A Daniel Ramos. Daniel Ramos. Woo-hoo! Daniel, I'm so sorry about that. You can feel free to cut that out. No, Daniel, keep it all. Keep it all.

Keep it all. And if you did hear this it's probably actually an abridged version because she did do an entire overture keep the entire thing um welcome daniel thank you for editing our podcast i am what is there to say about daniel ramos sorry what is there to say about daniel took you so long that we haven't he is stop like twirling your fingers he's a wizard sorry he's a wizard sorry sorry so you're only gonna start speaking because you're taking the longest Ramos is what shook me uh sort of a guardian yeah he's sort of a guardian of the audio oh my god he's a guardian he's a guardian of audio got it um no but shout out daniel ramos

shout out daniel ramos we're so happy to have you jeffrey i know on this podcast we've talked a lot about your eyes we've talked a lot about your eyes but now yeah we're talking about my bomb drop sound effect i have my first optometry appointment in two weeks. In eight years. In eight years. Of eight years in two weeks. In two weeks, I have my first optometry appointment. The last one I got was... I cannot believe you're not going to Dr. ***. I'm not going to them, no.

And the reason I'm going, one, just to see how the old peepers are doing. I feel fine in terms of vision and clarity and they're not dry certainly they're sopping wet i cry a lot and um but no it's because one of them one of the girls she's a rebel she's a free spirit she has a mind of her own she's a rebel without a flaw she's a rebel without a cause and that means that she just kind of wanders aimlessly. Yeah, I have a slightly lazy eye. She takes long walks. She

veers off the beaten path. She takes the road less traveled by. The road less traveled I. She She doesn't play by anyone's rules but her own. Two eyes diverged in riley's face and your optometrist fixed the one two eyes diverged off of my face my right eye took the

one less traveled by yeah that's good and i took the one less traveled eye yeah that's what i meant to say um so it's not super noticeable if you want it's like it's like a little it's it's very slight but i do notice it in some photos of me sometimes where i'm just like there's something it's like it's not too off but it's like there's something i'm not quite fully looking at you sure not quite really looking at you so we'd love to just have it not be that, you know? Yeah. Would love to have it not be that. Because also one of my eyes is higher than the other.

So I'm already not. We already got one strike. One of my eyes is higher than the other. I did the symmetry thing. And my face is not. It's symmetrical except for my eyes and my eyebrow. But I think that's because of my face injury from last year. Oh!

So I would love to have... This episode comes out on August 17th. So my appointment will be tomorrow. Sam, wait. You're going on the 18th? Yeah. We should carpool because I'm going, well, we're not going to the same eye doctor. Do you actually have an appointment on the 18th? Yeah. We should carpool because I'm going. Well, we're not going to the same eye doctor. Do you actually have an appointment on the 18th?

I have another lip of flow appointment on the 18th. And that's the day that Cod, fingers crossed, that I'm going to talk to my eye doctor about LASIK again. We should carpool to different areas of the city for our differently timed and scheduled eye appointments. And we don't live anywhere near each other. That's great. So, yes, that's what's going on with me and my eyes well welcome to the club I hope that you have well I don't I hope that your eyes

are fine but you can join my one man support group if they're not you can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley on Twitter at Riley Coyote and you can follow the show on Instagram at and on the subreddit you can follow Jeff on on Instagram at reviewreview and on the subreddit r slash reviewreview.

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