Review Revue - Pillsbury Baked Goods (w/ Kevin T. Porter!)

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

This week on Review Revue, Alfred and Reilly are joined by the renown Kevin T. Porter while they attend a step-parent-teacher confrontation and investigate a string of murders.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm   This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original.

Do-do-be-do, do-be-do, do-be-do-be-do-be-do From one-star reviews up to five-star reviews Sometimes two or three or even four stars They'll make an improv beat and they'll chuckle for a while Because all they wanna do is review And you'll take the high road and I'll take the low road And I'll be reviewing a 40 Her name is Riley Enspel and his name is Jeffrey Jameson Review Review's the name of the podcast

They're shaking each week Every episode's a party And for some sponsors they will think party Their improv is our shine We are guests or two sometimes Because all they wanna do is review And we'll take the high road and I'll take the low road And I'll be reviewing on for ye

Her name is Riley Inspo and his name is Jeffrey Jameson Review Review's the name of the podcast Their improv bits are chined with a guest or two sometimes because all they wanna do is review wow that was powerful i felt that just my bones it It felt right. That music felt right. That was from Cesar Romero from, you guessed it, December 26, 2021. So Cesar says that his brother, he and his brother made the song for you because we love you very much. Thank you. He forced him to help me with the sound and editing because he's much better at that.

The only thing we want to plug is our very own podcast Basico y Curioso maybe Basico probably for all the Spotify Spanish listeners thank you so much that was incredible I think my favorite part is that it was her name is Raelianne Spahn her name is Jeffrey James his name is Jeffrey James I thought that lyric was her name is Jeffrey James say it

say it what did you think about that I liked a lot and like I say I'm not fazed by the fact that none of these have my name in them. And they all have Jeff's name in them. It's totally normal and not weird. I think it's interesting, though, kind of prescient that that was to the tune of Locke Lamond. And I was born in Scotland. So in many ways, that song was for me.

I thought you were born in England. No, my parents are English, but I was born in Aberdeen. Scotland. I don't want to do this show anymore. I thought you were born in England. No, my parents are English, but I was born in Aberdeen. School and. I don't want to do the show anymore. Come on, because you found out I'm Scottish. Yeah. That sucks. We have a very special guest today.

It's a guest who I have been wanting to have on this pod for so long. If you've ever listened to a podcast, he's probably been on it. You know him from, you know, from everything. You know, I'm from Good Christian Fun. You know, I'm from Gilmore Guys. You know, from everything. You know him from Good Christian Fun. You know him from Gilmore Guys. You know him from Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Goys. And you know him from Letterboxd. It's Kevin T. Porter.

Oh, no. How did Letterboxd get on there? Damn. Your Letterboxd is the highlight of my day. Whenever I see that you review, your Letterboxd makes me cry. It's so fucking funny. Wow, that's so nice.

Thank you, Riley. And thank you all for coming. Before you came on, I read your whale review set to the tune of All Too Whale. All Too Whale. All Too Whale. I think is how it's pronounced now. It's beautiful. Kevin, how the hell are you?

Thank you for coming on. Oh, thanks for having me. It wasn't a bad commute. I just woke up and went right from the bed to the desk to record the podcast. And that is the official story of how we came together on Zoom.com. So I'm energized and I'm ready to go. We'll pay for your gas. Kevin did ultimately, we were not clear.

And why would you have thought to come on Zoom? Kevin did go to HeadGym Studios. We were recording remotely. I remotely i did but you know what i don't go there that much so it's nice to see the outside of the building for 10 seconds before looking down my phone and seeing hey here's the zoom link from riley and being like well i guess i did not communicate on this it was nice to see the mural you got to see the mirror oh i know i get to see the mural. You got to see the mural. Oh, I know. I get to see the Doughboys poster out there and another poster or whatever's out there right now. What a trek, but it's worth it. Yeah.

I get to see the poster slots where they've never put Inside Voices or Good Christian Fun. Inside Voices. My God, I'm so sorry I didn't include that as well. My God, you are a podcast king. You're obsessed with this stuff. You can't get enough of a podcast. I can't get enough

you know I was listening to a really good one on the way over here a podcast called Articles of Interest by Avery Truffleman if you're familiar with her great name

she is so I know and she is the best voice she's so talented her voiceover is so so good so I recommend everyone check that out not a head gum joint.

So we're getting off now. Oh, then no one listen to it. No one listen to it. Okay, then cut it out, Daniel, I guess. Maybe we can woo her to head gum. We actually can't talk about any content that isn't head gum. Like even just like films, TV shows. Like I shouldn't have said the whale.

I shouldn't have said the whale. Because it's not head gum. It's not head gum. So Daniel, cut that out. Yeah, maybe it'll get acquired. Maybe they'll do a podcast adaptation of that very hard to watch movie over eight episodes you can hear brenda fraser go oh or whatever the case may be oh alph what's new with you uh not much except uh i saw megan last night and... Oh, hell yeah. That has been most of my 24 hours since has been dominated by thinking about Megan,

talking about Megan. I also inadvertently, Riley and I have talked about this expensively already. Expensively? We've talked about this extensively already. Pricey conversation. I sort of accidentally saw a man called Otto before Megan. he meant to

go see the i meant to go see the fablemans and i and i was too late because i couldn't find parking and then they wouldn't let me buy a ticket for the fablemans so i bought a ticket for a man called auto instead and i actually enjoyed a lot more than i thought i was going to and i i was it was me and a bunch of old ladies talking about their bridge partners like through the movie talking you did send me a photo of yourself crying after yeah i i really did i was moved to tears uh wow yeah so that was by the man by auto you were by a man called auto okay um you know he did also text me he's like i really liked it call me a fan called the auto a fan called auto fuck yeah yes that's mostly it. Call me a fan called Otto. A fan called Otto. Fuck yeah.

Yes, that's mostly been my week was a man called Otto and Megan, the double feature nobody was expecting or wanting. But yeah, how about you, Rhett? Are you good? I too saw Megan. I too saw Megan. Let Megan say fuck.

Let Megan say fuck. I wish it was R-rated. That's my only qualm. I wish there was more fuck. I wish it was R-rated. That's my only qualm. I wish there was more killing. I wish there was more cursing, cussing even. Apparently an unrated cut does exist that they might put out for home video. I do have to see it on home video.

But guys, we're not here to talk about Megan. We're not. I know, I wish we were. We're not here to talk about the whale. We're not here to talk about Megan. We're not. I know. I wish we were. We're not here to talk about the whale. We're not here to talk about a man called Otto. We're here to talk about something that's, I don't know, touched all of us. Something that we couldn't live without. Whoa.

So, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. We're here to talk about Pillsbury baked goods, baby. Okay. Kevin. Oh, yeah. No, youbury baked goods, baby. Okay. Kevin. Oh, yeah. No, you go.

No, I'm sorry. No, why don't you go? No, come on. Why don't you say something? I was just going to say that I think that the little, the Pillsbury dough boy, which I am allowed to say because it's a headgun property, is very reminiscent of Megan in a lot of ways, I think. Speak on that.

He's sort of adorable, does a little dance, but he's kind of sinister behind the scenes, I think. He's he's sort of adorable does a little dance but it's kind of sinister behind the scenes I think he's white he's white just like Megan although they do make a very specific point in Megan to say she comes in other races in a very strange

little trailer snippet that's like okay cool well that's what we're hoping for the sequel. It's like, it's a sort of rainbow coalition of Megans

fighting against whatever. The Megans have been distributed to the world and they're all coming alive and fighting. Don't get cute, Megan. And then actually, when I saw Megan,

that was the thing I thought. I'm like, whoa, this is like the Pillsbury Doughboy. And my friends are like, what? And I'm like, well, she's white and so is he.

That's crazy. I had the exact same conversation with my friends. Everyone's talking about it? And I'm like, well, she's white. And so is he. That's crazy. I had the exact same conversation with my friends. Everyone's talking about it. And I'm glad that we can finally connect on this. Yeah. Guys, talk to me. Oh, Kevin. Kevin bakes.

Kevin bacon. I do. Kevin, your baked goods are incredible. Thank you. You can speak from firsthand experience because some people puff it up without actually tasting it. No, I have had Kevin's baking. And it's incredible it's incredible i'll also kevin posts photos of his incredible baked goods online they all have amazing pun names they're just so good well one how did you get into baking two have you ever uh just used a pillsbury um bake at home thing and put it as

your own it'd be like oh i made this this is And it wasn't. That would be a scandal akin to I'm trying to think of like the most famous plagiarism scandal. Shia LaBeouf, I guess, plagiarized a couple of years back. But that would be bad. I think that would be very bad and unethical for me to do. I got into baking because there was something I was doing a little bit before our our favorite year 2020 uh it was something i was getting into and just like baking different cookies again and and coming into my own getting into my new space living alone for the first time in my adult life and really trying to take advantage of the kitchen and then uh during the pandemic and lockdown pre-vaccine once the cdc was like no you're probably not gonna get it from food so get post Postmates. It's all fine. That's when I kind of went into turbo mode of baking and trying

new recipes and pies and cakes and cookies and bars and things of that nature. Cause it was something I could take to other people and then wave at them from a distance when I left it on their, on their front porch, as I did with you, I believe like a year or two ago. Yeah. It was really nice. So, so that was kind of my entry point into it. And it was something that because I really miss taking pictures of friends during the pandemic, I was like, is there a way I could like take pictures of the food and make the food look good? And there are very limited ways, but you can do it. So that was also a part of it.

Do you have like a signature bake? that's like your like your go-to you know it's you're never gonna fail to kill it it's like that's your thing yes there's one cookie that has like across the board seal of approval which is a peanut butter chocolate chip pretzel cookie we see see salt on top. Because all those things are kind of basic by themselves or accessible as flavors. I'm not doing like a frickin', you know, cardamom spice chai thing. You know, something that might be off-putting to some people. But then just putting them all together,

the novelty of that makes it... The salt and the sweet, that's good. It's a delectable treat. It's a delectable treat. I mean, it's not a crescent roll fromable treat I mean it's not a crescent roll from Pillsbury it's not a crescent roll from Pillsbury

it's not like a spooky little jack-o-lantern painted on cookie I don't even know how they make them I don't know if you've done any research

in a lab I think I had truly I dabbled in some Pillsbury baked goods around Halloween because I feel like every year I do this thing where I'm like, oh, that seems fun.

Like the little like you cut them up, you get the roll of jack o'lantern dough or whatever it is and you cut them up and they always taste like nothing. They taste like absolutely nothing. And every year I get tricked. I'm like, maybe this will be the year. Maybe this time it'll taste like something. And it never does. I do remember, I have such visceral memories of like sleepovers and like the crescent rolls.

That would be like, my mom never got it. But I remember like other friends' moms would get that. And I would go to their house and I'd be so excited for like the morning after the sleepover when it's like they would make the biscuits, they'd make the crescent rolls.

That shit was delicious. I loved it. Now, my most visceral memory of it is actually from a few years ago my my co-host caroline from good christian fun she would when she would host things she doesn't do this now i think because of my feedback she would get the cinnamon rolls the in in the tube from pillsberry but then she would get the ones that were orange flavored so it's the ones with like the orange like I it basically tastes like a dreamsicle it wasn't specifically marmalade Brandon in which case I'd be a little more open to it but it was it just like and there's something

about the disconnect of like and it happened to me so many times in a row of like, I'm about to taste some like regular frosting or cream cheese, such and such. And then getting orange, it was a violent experience for me. No, it's not what I wanted. So that was the last time I really seriously messed with any Pillsbury stuff. So when you make pies, do you make them from scratch? Do you make the crust from scratch? from scratch you make yeah yeah yeah i do he's a professional alfred no and my pie crimping that's so good with the like with the dough pies the cookie crumble pies are like just put in a food processor and melted butter and stuff those

are way better right god that sounds amazing it's all good right i have some limited experience with pillsbury products mostly eating them raw. Like the cookie dough raw. I thought it was going to be like the biscuit dough. I buy some grams and I just eat raw biscuit dough. I just get a pie. And that's breakfast. I eat the pie like a really long hot dog because it's still rolled up. Got it.

Just want to make sure you got it but yeah I yeah I bake a little bit I'm sure nothing compared to what you're capable of but I've never been a big pastry person when it comes to baking

like you know what I mean I feel like that's really where Pillsbury's pocket is in the like croissants the Pillsbury pastry pocket is in the like uh pastry pocket the pastry pocket is is is like croissants and the biscuits whereas i'm more of like a cakes you know kind of kind of person um but yeah you know they're they're good i i i i will okay they're fine i will occasionally get some cinnamon rolls or something like come on man I'll occasionally get some cinnamon rolls

or something and eat those raw God we need to talk later come on I relate though I used to when I was a young child I would also get the like you know the logs of dough and be like this is fried by itself

by the cookie dough I have and this is a confession that I am By the cookie, the cookie dough. I have, and this is a confession and then I, I'm afraid to say, but I have eaten rock or Sando. Um, and it's, it's good.

It's sour. It's tangy because you know what I mean? Because after the rise, it has like the yeasted kind of, I don't know. I just want to say like really quick. How old were you? Well,

how old was I? Three months ago. Um, got it. All right. right um should we get into some reviews i'd love to alf do you want to start us off because i think sure if you really want um please please this one is from uh amazon.com um this is the pie crust uh pills riddle boy two pie crusts this is from elise n kevin could i get a last name for elise n oh uh this not nakapatoli elise nakapatoli five stars as good as your own i've been buying these and passing them off as my own for years. Since I spotted them in the supermarket. People have asked me for the recipe over and over again. I'm never making a pie crust again.

No need with these around. Note, my stepdaughter does make her own crusts. And there is a difference. But it's not enough for me to change sorry she's comparing it to her stepdaughter but is fine with what she's doing

is the step and stepdaughter in all caps like she's emphasizing it that was a choice when I read it dropping off the school this is my stepdaughter oh yeah that's fine i just want to make it all clear all right yeah yeah we know okay um this is first first day uh school i just um i you know i did send it for a class mom i can bring uh some baked goods if you want want for my stepdaughter's class. Oh, wait.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that she was your stepdaughter, but that is interesting. You're her science teacher? Yeah, yeah. I've been here for 12 years. Oh, my God. It's so nice to meet you. Yes, so Sydney is my stepdaughter.

Yeah, she's very much not mine. She's not my kid. She's not my kid. I mean, she quotes she is, but she's not my kid she's not my kid i mean like she quotes she is but like she's not my kid if that makes sense just don't treat her differently because of that uh i i wasn't planning on treating her differently and i won't now because of yes i i'm listening to what you're saying and and thank you for making it clear yeah mom can we go now i'm tired of hearing you talk to the teacher I want to go home can we go yeah I mean sorry

she always does this I'm so sorry she's just like like this I don't want you to I don't want you to be like oh this is her this is who she is I don't mind your daughter is quite a wonderful student in my class I've had a great time teaching her that's awesome you did say daughter.

I'm so sorry. It's just like I did. She's stepdaughter. She's stepdaughter. Okay. Your stepdaughter has been a wonderful student. Yes. Oh, that's nice.

See, Sydney? He thinks you're a really good student. Yeah, he's probably just saying that. Yeah, he probably is just saying that. Listen, maybe I'm kind of and i don't have any kids of my own so this is my experience here talking but you were just alike in that way well you are a maternal figure at least you would say to to to your step daughter sydney uh but you know i i don't get into the practice of of differentiating students from

one another or or putting them into like different tiers or something. They're like, I try to treat them all with the same respect and care that I would anyone else. So they're all just students. I don't say this is a step student and this is a regular student. So I wonder if you would, you know, maybe benefit. I'm not I'm trying to tell you how to raise your kids or do your life, but. Yeah. But that might be helpful for you in the future.

I don't know. So, sorry, just to get clarity. What I'm getting is like, you, you, I should just treat her like any other kid. Well, not any other kid. I mean, she's literally her primary caregiver. No, I hear what you're saying. Not just like a kid on the street. No, I think you're right.

I shouldn't just be like, oh, she's my stepdaughter. She's just a kid. She's just a kid. That's really not what I was trying to go for. Sydney, are we cool? I feel so much lighter now. Yeah, I mean, to me, you're not like my mom, you know, or even my stepmom. You're just like a mom to me.

That's how I see you. Like, you know, Mr. Wilson is a teacher and you're a mom. It's like, that's how I see it. Come back to home. Honey, we're home. First day of school went great for your kid. Honey, Sydney's here. You don't want to ask her about her day?

Yeah. How was the day? Asking me or your daughter? I don't know. Either of you. You're both standing there. How was the day? How was your day?

My day was great. I had an amazing talk with Mr. Wilson who's Sydney's science teacher and let's just say he gave me a lot to think about and let's just say that things are gonna be a little different in this house from now on oh okay Sid how was that's really weird how was your day Sid are you okay

yeah yeah I'm good. You know, day was weird. Mom was, sorry, the mom, a mom was acting really strange around Mr. Wilson at first, but I think they really reached a newfound level of clarity that I think is going to help her be a better parent, you know, not specifically to me, but just like in general, a better parent in the world and hey shut it hey hey hey hey sunny yeah you know what actually sunny this is um i know that i kind of inherited this dog through marriage but um

ah he's so cute but honestly the way i see life right now this is just a dog he's so cute. But honestly, the way I see life right now, this is just a dog. He's not even our dog. Why is he inside? I'm just, I know, I know, I know. Honey, this is what I mean. Sydney's not my kid. Obviously, you know that. You know that, right? She's your stepdaughter.

She's a kid. I'm a woman. This is a dog. Sure, these are all true. Look at Sunny. He's a kid. I'm a woman. Sure. This is a dog. Sure. These are all true. Look at Sonny. He's so confused. You're confusing the hell out of him. What are you doing? What's going on?

I'm just saying it's like we don't own anything, right? Like you're a husband. This is a house. Is that making sense? We're renters. Sure. I don't understand. I feel just like, oh, my God.

Like Mr. Wilson really changed things for me who is this mr wilson who is it what's this guy i keep hearing about mr wilson i i don't like what he's done to you you know you go into that school you talk to him and you come back you're all different no no no you should talk to me yeah i think i should how about i invite him over for coffee you get to know because seriously like once you once you hear what he has to say you're gonna be like holy shit holy shit christine you're right everything's different i'm giving up coffee for lent let's do dinner let's do dinner okay mr wilson i cannot thank you enough for coming over to this house not our house this house um just to talk a little bit yeah i'm i'm happy to, you know, get a little bit involved in the life of my students.

I don't want to get too involved, but this does seem to be a situation I'm concerned with. So I'm happy to... Concerned with? Yeah, the conversation we had last time, really, I'm going to be honest, and this maybe isn't professional, it really bummed me out. It like me feel sad oh that makes me sad that made you sad well i think seeing the way you parented sydney in context with things that she said in class and she doesn't get into it that much but i've heard her over here to like i've heard her say to her friends, like my mom said, she step loves me. And that really,

you know, trips again, I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your family. She's calling me mom, right? Like, I agree. That is concerning that she's calling me that. I'm so glad you brought that up because I'll talk to her about that later. That was not my area of concern. It was more the qualifierifier like i even get it more with the daughter step daughter but step love i don't even know what that means like it's a it's a lower tier or bracket of love i've never heard that in my life dad comes in huge beautiful pie he's just made fresh out the oven who's hungry who's hungry come on i'm kind of hungry. Mr. Wilson, you eat up. Eat up.

Okay. Wow. Thank you. Can I have some too? Sure. Well, he's the guest. He's the guest. Let him have some first.

Oh, you're right. Sorry. No, it's fine. I just mean he's the guest. No, you're right. You're right. Put my fork away. Thank you so much.

I feel like I'm in the middle of things here. No, no, no. Mr. Wilson, we brought you here because if I can be honest right now, the talk we had changed my life. It really did. And I have you to thank. And so I've been trying to explain it to this man over here. And he just doesn't seem to be getting it. But like, you know, like I said, it's like Sydney's a kid.

She's not my kid. Like I said, this is a house not my house so yeah this is mr wilson this is this is what i've been dealing with for for for about a week now since since you agreed to come over for dinner um i i just i have a quick question for you yeah of course i'm not beholden to anyone right why did you what did you say what did you do where'd you get off why is my wife you can't ask well i i feel like i misspoke because of the way your wife is taking things and i'm not trying to point fingers or or be combative in any way but i was trying to draw an analogy to the way that i treat all my students the same that for your wife to call her uh you know her child she's taking care of, let's say, her stepdaughter instead of her daughter.

That feels antithetical to my practice of calling all my students just students. And I felt like there was a miscommunication in the way that I was talking about it. I heard you loud and clear, Mr. Wilson. Oh, I really don't think you did. I do think she got the wrong lesson from it. So what I was really advocating for is more of like, just drop the step, just daughter. It's cleaner to quote that movie. You remember that one?

Oh, yes. The social network. The social network. We love that movie. It's a great picture. It's our favorite movie. We watch it every night as a family. Every night as a family.

And it's like, was Justin Timberlake ever better than that movie? You know what I mean? Not for me. I really don't think so. No. That's something we can all agree on. You know, I wasn't, I didn't really get what you were saying until that. Something about the social network, it really clicked for me after you said that.

Oh, okay. You're saying you don't treat your students any differently. Whether or not, you know, regardless of their home life or how well they're doing in school. They're all just your students. You don't exactly. Exactly. Whether, you know, whatever their economic status saying the same thing. The natural extension of that is that I, as a loving husband, should treat all women the way I treat my wife. Oh, no.

I should act towards every woman that I meet out in the world the way I would act towards my wife. No, no. So that means like you're kind of escalating your behavior with all other. And that's not. And you don't. Are you married, Mr. Wilson? Are you married? I'm a single man.

So I can't speak to. I am on the apps right now. But, you know... Any luck or... You know, like a lot of first dates, but it's hard to get to that second date. You know what I mean? For sure. It's a high threshold.

Can I give you a piece of advice? Sure. I guess so. I don't know. Can you? Yeah, I can. This is wife... What are you, number eight for me or something uh you know

so for for sydney she's had a lot of moms in her life uh it's less stepmoms a lot a lot of a lot of parental figures okay um you know and i think uh something that's really helped me with this relationship specifically is i just treat all women like I treat my wife. You know what I mean? I just... Okay. And then they all just want to marry me because I treat them like a wife before we're even married.

And it just works. Honestly, getting this piece of information that this is wife number eight, I actually... I reversed my position. You should call Sydney your stepdaughter. Don't let her get too attached. What? I was not aware that this was just like a revolving rotating door okay this was like we're

all saying the same thing i know i'm out of here in two months i know i've got an expiration date and i also don't like the kid very much she's fine but that's where it's like it was the mix of like don't call me your mom I'm not gonna be around very long man this is making this is sadder than I've been in a long time on a Tuesday night

this is upsetting why don't you have a slice of my husband's beautiful homemade apple pie he makes it once a week it is just the best thing ever you know what

he should actually send you honey you should give him the recipe before he goes because it's so delicious yeah do you want the recipe sure yeah I bake a little bit not that much are you actually gonna make it if I give him the recipe before he goes because it's so delicious. Yeah. Do you want the recipe? Sure. Yeah.

I bake a little bit. Not that much. Are you actually going to make it if I give you the recipe? You know, I'll probably try to at some point. Because he doesn't give out the recipe to just anybody. It's a lot of work. You know, I got to go to the computer. I print it out.

I'm using ink. You know, I don't want to like do all that, boot the thing up. We're not going to waste the computer ink if you're not going to make it. Well, you could just take a screenshot of it and then text it to, if you're worried about printout. I don't, I mean, it sounds like it might be too much trouble. Isn't it easier to work off of a physical recipe? Don't you find that a physical printed out

recipe is easier to, you know, your eyes? I'm six and one, half dozen the other here with most of this stuff. You know, I'm just trying to de-escalate this situation however I can. Recipe, no recipe. I'm sort of amb deescalate this situation however I can. Recipe, no recipe. I'm sort of ambivalent about it. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.

Okay, I probably won't send it to you then if that's all right. Because it doesn't seem like you're actually interested in making it. That's fair. Okay, that's fair. We call it. That's fine. Call it a day. I can tell you want to leave.

You are actively getting up out of your seat. I'm very uncomfortable. I just want to, like, did actively getting up out of your seat. And I just, before you go, I just want to like, did you not have a fun time tonight? Like, did you, was it not like, the thing is I thought you would, I thought you'd have a great time coming over and like knowing that you've kind of changed the, call me crazy,

would change the course of our family's history forever. Well, I think what I feel right now more than anything is a sort of regret about ever speaking to you in a candid way in the classroom to begin with. That's not the first time I've heard that today, if you can believe it. I feel that. Wait, who else did you hear it from? Me.

My husband. Yeah, that was me. I said that. Oh, man. It's fine. Well, I'm sorry to be yet another person saying this to you. But yeah, I do regret kind of opening up and being vulnerable about how I feel about your parenting and how you're treating Sydney. I'm going to stay in my lane.

I'm just her teacher and I'm just going to treat her the same as I treat the rest of my students. I'm not going to bring this extra baggage and knowledge of her home life into the situation in the future. So you don't need to worry about that. That's good. That's really good. Do you want some pie for the road or uh road slicer literally only if it's not too much trouble because if we're about to get into a whole well no i mean it's not a big no no no i'll give you a baggie you know i won't ask you

to return a tupperware you know lord knows sydney will just lose it in the bottom of her backpack or something i'll just plastic wrap shots at sydney damn i'll just give you plastic no holy shit have you ever seen this thing she's left in there and forgot about yeah oh my god it's a whole biome in there i mean now that you mention it she is one of my stinkiest students but i i didn't make the connection before. And that's not us. You see our home. We keep a beautiful home, right? It's spotless. No, this is immaculate. I will say that is for sure.

Thank you. But she reeks of shit. It's horrible. And I don't know what it is. I think it's mainly the food in the bag. You know, she showers a lot, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Yeah. You know, maybe, you know what?

I'm going to hold my tongue. I'm going to hold my tongue. You do whatever you need to do. No, no, no, no. You're in our home. You're having our pie. What's the problem? No, I'd rather hold my tongue, at least for right now.

I might have, maybe a different Mr. Wilson would have said, perhaps talk to your stepdaughter or your daughter, respectively, about food consumption habits and messiness and tidiness, et cetera. But I'm not going to do that. Is that the sort of thing a teacher should do? I don't know if hygiene falls under my... I'm a science teacher. Science, right.

Bacteria, stinky, all seems like science to me. I mean, I'm sure I could find a segue, like bacteria that can cause smell. And you pointed her in front of the whole class. Sydney, I know you've been in the kitchen this whole night. Why don't you come on in? Sydney, come here. I should not have asked for the pie to go. Oh, man.

Hi. Hey, Sydney. I brought a baggie for Mr. Wilson's pie. I had a glass pressed up against the door. I heard the whole talk. Oh, okay. We taught her that. We did teach her that.

You're teaching her that, but you're not teaching her take the bags out of the backpack. You're teaching her how to eavesdrop and spy on her friends and her family. Mommy said that I'm going to be... Don't call me that.

A mommy told me that I was going to be an MI6 when I grow up. In the movie Mission Impossible 6? Yes. Yeah, I'm going to be such a good spy that they have no choice but to cast me. I got bad news, Sydney. They made that movie years ago.

That's been out for like five or six years. Oh. Don't. Are you kidding? That just undid everything I've been trying to do. Maybe MI7 or MI8. You know, we don't know. They that's just but maybe in my seven everything i've been trying to do maybe in my seven or in my eight you know we we don't know they might keep making them i think they're shooting them right now but he looks like catatonic just standing sydney sydney he didn't mean it shut up i mean it's what shut up sydney you can't talk to us that way. Of all eight, you're the worst.

I just want you to know that. I know you don't care about being a good mom or bad mom, but I think it's important for you to know that you're the worst out of all eight. And I'm going to go. Me and Mr. Wilson's house. Me and Mr. Wilson are heading out. I'm going to grab a slice for him and a slice for me. And I'm taking Sunny too because Lord knows that dog.

Is this kind of like a Matilda situation? Like you want to live with your teacher? Yeah, he's kind of my Miss Honey. No. Will you be my Miss Honey? I do not. No, I do not. You want to take the kid?

No, I don't. Will you be my Miss Honey? I don't want to leave this house with anything. Pie, a child, you know, best wishes even. It's fine. Keep them. No, I agree. Let's go.

I have to go. No, no, no. You're right. Well, Sydney, it's fine keep them no i agree let's go to go yeah let's head out you're right well sydney it's been great knowing you thank you you're gonna be a wonderful actor in mi6 one day no thank you that's the nice thing you've ever said oh gosh mr wilson grab your coat we're leaving i'm grabbing my coat i'm leaving you're staying here is it okay if i drive you look a little no peeked she can drive she has a permit so as long as you're sitting here is it okay if i drive you look a little no peeked she can drive she has a permit so as long as you're sitting next to her she can drive you home you're not listening to me sydney have your parents never told i mean i'm not her parent oh my gosh has one of your parents not taught you to listen or to step listen or whatever they call it in the home huh listening i've never heard of that what is that no listen i'm just

saying in this instance i think you would have heard me say i i can't take you home it's inappropriate you need to stay here with your family mr wilson can i be honest yeah of course i'm your teacher i hope you can always be honest with your teacher. I hope this doesn't come across as rude, though. Okay. I've been in your class all year. Uh-huh. You come in. You look sad. This is the most I've ever heard Sydney talk, by the way. You look lonely.

You know, you come in. I know, you know, with the glass against the wall, you've not got any kids of your own. You're single, the apps, it's not working out. Well, I made a lot of first dates, again, remember. Right, right right but wouldn't you be happier you know you come home and you've got a little stinker quite literally running around you know and make it a mess in your house and someone to look after and and and make a home

with a little kid like me i you know i i do desire a family one day that's okay you know, I, I do desire a family one day. That's, that's, you know, for sure. Answer your prayers. No, I, I think I, I desire partnership before I want to actually, you know, it's like when people say I want to have kids and you're like, well, who with, you know what I mean? Like, I don't just want a kid. I want that to be part of a family, you know? I thought you said, sorry, I just remember remembering our conversation from the other day. I thought you said, don't treat kids any differently, whether they're a stepkid, whether they're your student, they're just kids. So you're saying, I want a kid.

This is a kid. So by your logic, Mr. Wilson, I'm sorry, but by your logic, like, don't treat this kid differently than you would a biological child. She's going home with you, Mr. Wilson, at the end of the day. Listen, you've made some good points. Thank you. Checkmate.

All right, Sydney, let's go. Come on. Okay. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Brian. Let's go. I admit it. I admit defeat.

I've been like logic trapped, like a Ben Shapiro debate or something. Crazy. Oh my God. You listen to Ben too? Oh, he's my fave. Oh my God, you listen to Ben too? Oh, he's my fave. No, I don't listen to him. I just know him. He's so much to talk about.

No, I really... Well, okay. I'll give you some better stuff to listen to. I can't wait for the kids at school to hear about that. Oh my gosh. I know this is going to create a bad dynamic in the classroom, but we'll figure it out. I won't treat you any different than the rest of them.

I promise. Thank you. Here, Sonny. Let of them. I promise. Thank you. Here, Sunny. Let's go. Good boy. Oh, my God. I mean, we created a family today, guys. We really did.

I feel that. We did create a beautiful family. A family can be anything. A family can be anything. It's 2023. It can be a science teacher and a kid and a dog don't forget sunny um let's take a quick family break family break we're back from our family break that was like the we had the most family experience just then we are family alf do you want to oh wait i'll i can read another one shit i can read

another one i have one okay fine okay this is for the uh cinnamon rolls pills the cinnamon rolls, Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. Yummy. This is from Epic Fail. Alf, can we get a last name for Epic Fail? Epic Fail Winsauce. Epic Fail Winsauce. Remember that? Kevin is disgusted. You know, the disgust is remembering how much I used to say win and fail like circa 12 years ago.

Epic fail. Epic swag alert. What are we saying right now that we're going to feel this way 12 years from now? Like, it's giving sucks or whatever. It's giving or like entering my blank era. Not me. It's giving era vibes. Yeah.

Two stars from Epic Fail Winsauce. The title is misleading misleading look very carefully when buying these that's it that's it that's it how many stars carefully what wait tell me what the product is again i might have spaced out it's literally it's it's for the cinnamon rolls for the canned cinnamon rolls the title is misleading and, and it just says, look very carefully when buying these. Maybe Epic Fail Winsauce had the same experience I did, and they got the orange ones instead of the regular normal ones. You don't know.

You just got to look very carefully. I don't know. It's like a detective's providing a note, like a serial killer note that just says, look very carefully for the victim. You know, guys, in my 35 years doing this kind of detective work, I've, uh, we're in like just like fluorescent lit room, just a table standing around the note. I've never seen anything quite

like this, I gotta be honest with you. Jeez. Chief Jones, do you got any idea what this could mean? No, and I don't even... No, I'm sorry, you go. It sucks that there's... I know that there's two Chief Jones because it's so confusing. I know.

One of us is a police chief and one of us is a fireman. Exactly. Yes, of course. And I am the fire one. And I thought you were talking to me. I'm so sorry, Chief Jones. I always forget that both of you are named Chief Jones. And so it makes it kind of confusing.

But, you know, bless our firefighters. So happy that you decided to hop on this murder case. Yes, thank you for your service. You know, maybe in the future, Sal, you can call one of us Fire Jones and one of us Cop Jones. That might be a little more distinct. Heard, Chief Jones. Heard. No, I would be Cop Jones in this case. Sorry, Cop Jones.

Well, Cop Jones, I mean, it says look carefully for the victim. I mean, I know you're the boss, but do we have any teams out looking for somebody? I sent two guys out last night. They have not come back. So I would assume they're, I don't know, taking a nap or busy with doing something else. I haven't really checked in. That's my fault. I'm bad at keeping up and checking in. No, that's all good. You know, I would't know, taking a nap or busy with doing something else. I haven't really checked in. That's my fault. I'm bad at keeping up and checking in.

No, that's all good. You know, I would have done the same thing. You know, sometimes I wait for them to text me before texting back. And, you know, it can get a little awkward. It gets a little awkward. I try not to keep score with that sort of thing because I think everyone likes to be texted. But, you know, sometimes I get insecure about it.

I'm probably, guys, I'm probably one of the most insecure police chiefs in all the city. No, don't say that, Cop Jones. No, it's true. You're getting all shy and bashful. No, I feel bad about it. No, I mean, let me be honest with you, Cop Jones. Thank you, Fire Jones. I sometimes wonder that I, like that people look at me like the lesser Chief Jones.

You know what I mean? No, it's true. Even me. Fire Jones, stop it. You're putting out fires all day. Without you, this whole town would be ablaze. I know. I'm the oldest fire chief in history.

And yet I still, you know, I've been here for so long and yet I still sometimes feel inadequate. And how old are you again, Fire Jones? I'm 98 and still counting. I mean, you look good for 98. Good grief. While this is happening, someone's like, excuse me, we just got a report. Sorry, Cop Jones, Fire Jones, and Sal,

we just got another report that there is another victim about 20 miles away. We have to assume that it's the same killer because they left the same note just over again. So if we could just start to, we really need to get a hold on this case if we could just really wrap it up. Because this person is on the loose. So, sorry. Sorry to take...

No, it's all good. Thank you for the reminder. Thank you. Thank you. Should we... Should we? Huh? Oh, gosh. This is awkward. I really need to move us along, but also I feel like I need to take a minute to talk about what just happened there.

No. Fire Jones, her name is Toots, which is kind of confusing. I understand why you would think that he was kind of like in especially you know because of my accent i think sometimes when i say toots it can yeah i get it it does sound derogatory but i promise it's not and the truth is at my age i remember when toots was you know a new word and everybody was saying it you know what what I mean? Like, I don't know. It was our slay, you know, back in 39. Well, you know, and not to be digressive, but it's kind of like the word queer, which growing up, that was a slur.

And now it's like, you want to say queer instead of gay because queer is actually more descriptive and accurate. The queer community. I'm sorry to interrupt, but remind me, I know you had a birthday recently, but I am forgetting how old you are. I'm 21. Got it.

That's right. It's amazing. We have the oldest fire chief in the room as well as the youngest cop chief. It's pretty amazing, the circle of life when you think about it. And I mean, you could call us fire Jones, cop mean, you could call us Fire Jones, Cop Jones. You could call us Old Jones, Young Jones.

Either way. I mean, there's plenty of descriptions. Or you could say Old Fire Jones or Young Cop Jones. Either way. There's so many ways. That's pretty fun. You know, I always feel kind of weird because I'm just, you know, we're all sharing things today. Just kind of getting a little.

Yeah, open up, Chell. No, I shouldn't. I shouldn't. No, come on. Come on. I've always felt kind of insecure about my age. And we know you also had a birthday recently. It's because I'm right in the middle.

I'm not old Sal. I'm not young Sal. I'm just kind of like 36. Middle Sal. Okay, you're of like 36. Middle Sal. Okay, you're 36 years old. Yeah, but it's like, there's no like, oh, you're the most middle-aged detective we've ever had. Like, there's nothing fun about that. So I just kind of feel like I'm always blending into the background with these kinds of things.

I understand. And I felt, actually, no, I haven't felt that way. I imagine I'm going to feel that way in about 15 years. That's something I can speak to. Maybe Fire Jones has felt that way. I've really experienced every age of life that you can, pretty much. Yeah, you have.

Like a couple of times, honestly. You know, and I I've had a lot of careers. I wasn't born to be a fire chief. You weren't born a firefighter? No, no. But, you know, I think as a cop, you know, there's a positive way and a negative way of looking at everything. Glass half full, glass half empty.

You know what I mean? That's the kind of perspective you get with 98 years of life. Hey, go off, King. Hey, Slay. I remember when, you know, I was in my 35, 36th year of life many, many years ago. Like literally 50, 60 years ago. And it's a shock that I remember it, but I do remember it. And I had by then become fire chief. And I was solving a fire crime.

And I... That's what fire chiefs do? Yes, that's what we do. And I went to a arsonist's meeting. Okay, an arsonist's meeting? Yeah, well, you kids. You know, back in the 70s, there were these really popular,

I guess, arson clubs. They would go around town. They would burn things down. It was like a movement. I don't know. I don't pay attention to politics. Is that true? Is that for real? Is that really something that happened in the 70s? You think I wouldn't know I was the fire chief? I was supposed to investigate this stuff.

Alright. No, I believe him. And so I go and I go to I go to this arsonist meeting and I blend right in they don't know me from Adam because I'm 36 and you look just like Adam

you just blend in and that was the night that Disco died wow that was a historic night yeah knock knock hey me it's Toots again it's Toots there have been three more victims Knock, knock. Hey, me. It's Toots again. It's Toots. There have been three more victims.

It was at a party. They did identify. They know exactly who the killer is and where he's going. And so... So we're good. Who is they? Who identified them? The rest of the team. All of us kind of together.

We're like, oh, well, if Cop Jones and Fire Jones aren't... uh what's your name sal sal c i told you this happens uh and you um if they're not going to do it then we should just kind of make it happen so that no more lives are lost um so if you guys want to come and like go on this chase with us you can but i i don't know what's going on in here i'm just letting you know that that's where we're going we're gonna go catch the killer and solve the case oh okay yeah just give us five more's where we're going. We're going to go catch the killer and solve the case. Oh, okay, yeah. Just give us five more minutes, okay? We'll be good to go. You have been in here for two

and a half hours. I know, just five more minutes. Five more? Toots, five more minutes? Yeah. God, I just can never place you. I know. Alright, I'll leave you to it. Alright, thank you, Miss Juggs. And before you say it, Fire Jones. Her name is Toots Juggs.

Toots Elizabeth Juggs is her name. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I'm shocked she didn't go by Elizabeth or Lizzie or like, you know, there's a lot you could do with Elizabeth, but she wanted to be Toots. Or Miss Juggs. Does it ever. And I mean that platonically. Anyway, I feel like we've made a lot of progress. I mean, we haven't caught the killer or whatever is going on.

I kind of forgot about that case. I forgot about the two men I sent out last night. But I feel like, I don't know, we're catching something a little more special than that. And we're all making these little breakthroughs together. Two cop, well, one cop, one chief of police, one fire chief. I don't know, guys. Should we like, do y'all want to go on vacation? I was going to say, I'm catching feelings.

I'm catching feelings. It's giving catching feelings. I'm catching feelings. It's giving catching feelings. I'm in my empathy era. Oh, not Sal in his empathy era. I wasn't going to do this, but I feel like we've gotten really close. Hang on one second. Hang on a second. Fireman Queer.

Fireman Queer. Can you come in here? Don't worry. It's his real name. Queer. Thank you. Can you bring the here? Don't worry, it's his real name. Queer, thank you. Can you bring the pie? Yes, sir. Piping hot pie comes up.

You brought a pie? Just for, you know, I was going to eat it by myself, but then I figured, you know, I wanted to share with my two best friends. An eight-year-old man eating pie alone is very dark. It's very sad. Sad. It's very sad. I don't know, guys.

It's been a rough couple years. Whenever you got a pie, from now on, old Fire Jones, just know you're going to have to slice it three ways. One for yourself, one for Sal, and one for young Cop Jones. And there is nobody other than you two that I would rather have a three-way with. Well, hey, what, uh...

Oh, that's... That's actually... That's a weird thing to say. That's kind of messed up, man. What are you talking about? What? Oh, no, sorry. Back in my day, that's what we called, like, you know, if you were having a meal and it was three, you know, you'd say, let's hook up and have a three-way. You know what I mean? It was just like when three people were having out, you're fourth, people hanging out four-way. Okay, Sal, this might literally be generational for us because for us, 21 and 36-year-old.

Well, because you're 90. You said you were 98? 98. Right? Yeah. So, yeah, this might. You said you were 98? 98. Right? Yeah. So, yeah. This might be an antiquated piece of language we don't understand. And isn't it nice that we can come together?

It just means something different. Yeah. All right. Well, let's fist this pie. Am I right? Oh, my God. What? This shooter, the killer, snipes all three of them from the two-way mirror.

One day away from retirement. I. One day away from retirement. I was one day away from retirement as a 21-year-old. Damn. I never got to do anything of meaning. I never saw Paris. The pool of blood melds into the pizza pie that has dropped on the floor and it pools so much that it ends up shaped into a little heart.

Beautiful. God, you guys, we're making families, we're making connections. And a family can look like anything and it can look like a really young police chief, a really old fire chief. It could be two cops and a fireman. Sometimes that's a family, you know? Yeah.

A multi-generational family, which I guess is kind of what families are. Doesn't matter. Should we get into our last segment? Sure, let's do it. This shook me all week long. Kevin, what's been shaking your ass? What's an exciting thing you can't stop thinking about? A bone you have to pick?

Something that has just been on your mind lately that you can't seem to get off of it? Get off of it? Of it. You know, I have been really getting into the history like is this a grievance that i have it can't it can be literally positive or negative what's been on your mind okay you know what it is for real then claymation clay animation and stop motion stuff i've been so fascinated by i've watched a few you know stop and claymation movies and a few documentaries.

And just the patience that it requires. I could never. In 2023. And it's still basically the same processes that they were doing like 60, 70, 80 years ago. You know, when Chief Jones was born. When Fire Jones was born. When jones was 18 yeah that's right yeah when he was like i was actually a pioneer of the floor that's one of my early jobs he trademarked it yeah yeah so it's been funny to you know watching like the ardman stuff walson

gromit sean the sheep who i love so much i love sean and all his little sheep friends uh and watching like the laika stuff which is like like Kubo and the Two Strings, Coraline, that new one they put out, Wendell and Wild. Well, that wasn't Laika, that was the other guy. But yeah, so I've just been thinking about stop motion a lot. And then just thinking about,

because I have a pretty nice camera at home. I got a little dog and I'm like, can I make a stop motion anime movie with my dog? You know the ones where it's like, you take a bunch of pictures of people like, but they're moving, but they're like not moving their feet. And it's like,

they're floating because it's all like, you have to do it with him. Oh my God. I know. I just don't think I could get him to stand still in increments of like half an inch the way I would need him to, but it would look so cute. Wouldn't it?

That would be, you know, it's something to work towards. That's a goal. I think so, yeah. I think that would be really fun. I think stop motion claymation is amazing. I could not, the patience to do that kind of work

is astounding. Well, they clock in and it's like, all right, in four weeks, we got 10 seconds done. Yeah, it's great. It takes years to make, like, it's unbelievable. They're all psychopaths in the best way we love us

some Wallace and Gromit we very much resonate with Wallace and Gromit Wally and Grom that new Wendell and Wilde movie it's like it's a mess

but it's so pretty it's on Netflix people can watch it I want to say that I want to see the new Pinocchio the Gamma Dottore Pinocchio that was another one

I was like this is every frame of that is so gorgeous. You could frame it in your home and put it up as art. It's so beautiful. And it features, you know, Lydia Tarr, the real life person. She decided to play a monkey in that movie. So she's voicing the monkey.

That's beautiful. Lydia Tarr is the monkey. Lydia Tarr, the real person, Lydia Tarr. Kind of an interesting pivot for her, but yeah. Yeah. She might get the, you know, the Oscar for might get the Oscar in her EGOT once again. That's incredible. Good for her.

Good for Lydia Tarr. Good for Tarr. I'm glad she's making a slow but steady comeback. After, you know, the woke police went after her. Yeah. So brutally. You've been at the forefront of, you know, save Lydia Tarr. The reclamation project is just underway, and I'm so happy to be on the front.

Hashtag we are Tarr. Yeah. You kind of coined that. It's spelled we A-R-T-A-R. We are Tarr. A with the accent on it too. You have an investigative podcast series sort of coming out soon, don't you? About, about going into like why

what the movie got wrong how it's actually a lot more complicated than they made it seem and and and that there's just a lot more nuance to it than than you might think yeah yeah yeah there's so much time cover and explore with that wait what was that riley i was gonna say you're also gonna make a doc in stop motion that is is this, the doc version of the podcast. Oh yeah. It's going to take five years. A little clay Lydia conducting Mahler's fifth. More like molders fifth.

Cause you got to mold that clay. Oh, that's good. Okay. So I've talked about this with elf before, but something I've been thinking about is one of my grievances. I have, it's just a little pet peeve of mine.

I see it a lot in music i see it in fiction literature usually ya kind of stuff um the use of it makes me cringe so hard uh when a little like goddamn is thrown in something like it's like like for example it's like ah he just he ruined my day with that goddamn smile of his. Like I really, when that is used, it makes me cringe a lot. I hear it in, you know, Karma by Miss Taylor Swift, like flexing like a goddamn acrobat. That's exactly the example I was going to bring up. And so it's just like, I feel like it's something that is needed when there's like, we need something that's two syllables. Like we really need to like hit it home. And it just,

I don't know. It's very cringy to me. And I hate when it's used and it's just like that goddamn smile. I really hate it. I've taken to just saying GD. I will. I will just say that GD smile. What is going on with my GD dog?

You know, like, cause I love love dan like look at that damn thing but it's like like the goddamn it just feels it feels like a 15 year old trying to like really make a point of like uh so if you were to rewrite karma what would you put i have been thinking about this and and to be fair it's like like there's not, I guess that is kind of the only good two-double thing because you're not going to say flexing like a circus acrobat. That's not what you're going to say. I would say flexing like a weird guy acrobat.

Flexing like a weird guy. Maybe for all the places you put GD. Flexing like a weird guy acrobat. Put weird guy and see if that fits. I love that. He just, he ruined my day with that weird guy kiss. Put weird guy and see if that fits. I love that. He just, he ruined my day with that weird guy kiss that he had to give me.

It fits. It fits. It fits. I love it. We solved it. If you're gonna put goddamn in any writing, just replace it with weird guy

and it will do the same thing and it sounds better. Because I think we can all agree, blasphemy is so cringe. Blasphemy is cringe. Nothing is cringier to me than when somebody takes the Lord's name in vain. The Lord's name. Nothing is cringier to me than when somebody takes the Lord's name in vain.

The Lord's name in vain is like an epic fail. It's absolutely not Winsauce. Disrespecting the King of Kings is not epic Winsauce. It's not Winsauce. That's an epic fail. I think I might be entering

my purity era. Not me and my true love waits era Alf what's been shaking you? You've had the time you didn't listen to a word I said I know I completely zoned out I think what's been shaking me

is that I got blackout curtains you said that last time oh fuck did I really? you did say that with Shelby. Wow. You just can't stop thinking about it. You can use it twice.

No, I'm not. No, I won't. I won't do my blackout curtains, okay? Desperately scanning the room, desperately picking an object, desperately, desperately searching. George Glass. Yeah, George Glass.

That's what it feels like. It's the George Glass situation now he's gotten himself into. Oh, shit. Give me 10 seconds. Think about about gratitude think about the new year think about your friends think about your your comedy partner here on this podcast think about something that you love almost as much as your blackout curtains there's nothing i like as much as my blackout curtains um you know what i think it genuinely is then um? You're pissed. You know what I'm fucking angry about?

You know what it is? No, the experience of seeing Man Called Otto and Megan in theaters. Double feature. Double feature. The double feature nobody asked for. I forgot how much fun it is to see horror with other people. I spent so much of the pandemic watching. And Man Called Otto is very scary the way I felt yes

it's horrifying how desperate Hanks is now but I I finally I watched Barbarian the other day too with some people and that just just the experience of like sharing sharing a horror movie with other people um you know it's just so fun and it's something it's one of the few things where like seeing it in the theater really makes a difference for me and seeing megan was just a blast i went to a movie theater where i was one of the oldest people in the theater it was a gen z heavy crowd and is that crazy so many kids came to a movie i was like i don't even i didn't think kids knew what movies were anymore but they're like if it's not twitch i'm not interested there was a straight up nine year old in my screen is that true who was like there with her like parents i guess i don't know

but she was loving it she was having a blast whereas if i'd seen megan when i was nine that i would i would never have been able to go into a Toys R Us again yeah the fate worse than death is not being able to step into a Toys R Us again and now kids don't even have that option I know I was going to say you can never go to a Toys R Us again

the Toys R Us in my hometown I think is a Big Lots now and you know that's kind of a big metaphor for my life and growing up and how i used to love toys r us and now i love big lots you're obsessed with big i'm always going to mommy mommy will you please drive me to big lots every time i go home please can i go to big lots oh i love it yeah and my blackout curtains um i really love my blackout curtains Kevin thank you so much

for joining us today thanks for having me how fun this was such a ball Kevin where can people find you anything to plug anything coming up you can find me at Kevin T Porter on Peloton Letterboxd OnlyFans Instagram and then you can listen

to Good Christian Fun wherever you get your podcast wherever you're listening to this we talk about Christian pop culture but we're not a Christian show. Don't worry. It's very great. If you haven't listened to Good Christian Fun, stop listening to this show. I mean, there's only what, like probably a minute left? And then go and listen to Good Christian Fun.

I drove across country a few weeks ago back from Virginia to Chicago, and I listened to, like, six episodes of Christian Fun. Oh, did you grow up with it? Did you grow up with, like, Christian stuff? With good Christian fun? Yeah, I listened to podcasts every day. I did, I did. In Virginia, it was a big thing. Oh, okay. And, like, even though my family didn't specifically, wasn't a a big deal it was a very big deal in the in the community and i went to a christian school and so there's a lot that i can relate to oh yeah in the podcast well we're spoiling your episode where you come on so let's uh let's let's save it

yeah let's not burn the content here um and we will let you plug that because it is a head gum property so you are it is head gum so that's totally good it's legal yes yeah um well you can find alfred on instagram at alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review on reddit r slash review review and we have a discord channel review review on the head gum Discord if you want to come hang out. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com at Riley and Spot. Again, only the web browser. If you look for me on your phone, I'm going to block you. It has to be Instagram.com. And then on Twitter at Riley Coyote.

Yeah, and as we say every week. Yep, our catchphrase we do every single week, which we all love. Old. Is. Old. every week. Yep, our catchphrase we do every single week, which we all love. Oil is oil is oil is oil is my blood from the Dane Cook

car alarm bit. Oil is my blood. Oil is my blood. See you next time. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.