Review Revue - Plain White Tees

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly read reviews on PLAIN WHITE TEES and have spanking trauma, get into litigation, and wear Jeans made by Levi himself.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Quite a moment long to let the day sink in

Cherry blossoms fall before the ceremony begins It might seem a little strange But a double wedding is the only way for me A double wedding is the only way for me Walking down the aisle for me Together hand in hand Giving each other a way That they'd always planned

And it might seem a little strange But a double wedding is the only way for me A double wedding is the only way for me. A double wedding is the only way for me. Sweet Riley to Daniel when he asks. Why don't you come on up here, Jeffrey? You don't want to keep those sweet railroad tracks waiting. No, no. Together they'll wear the book before they do.

They'll welcome you to review, review. That's my dream. Double wedding. Double wedding! Double wedding! It's never going to happen. I wouldn't do that with anyone. We'll walk down the aisle hand in hand. We'll give each other away like we've always planned.

I mean, that was pure poetry. That was pure fantasy. That's everything I've ever wanted is to welcome everyone to Jeff and my big day. And when I say that, I don't mean we are getting married. I mean that we are getting married together, not to each other. But it will be on the day. Way too many people in the pews.

So many people that you and I don't know. Like so many distant family members from you. Someone's like, oh, who are you here for? And they're like, groom, but not the one that you know. Also, did she insinuate that I'm going to marry someone with adult braces? There's a lyric that said you don't want to leave those railroad tracks waiting. There's no way that any of that happens. It's all cut to like 10 years from now fully happening.

We're like, wow, here we are. Apologies if it's really echoey i am in our home office um which will only be our home for another week wait this comes out next tuesday uh on thursday of this week we are fully moving out of where this is so this might be no i don't know this potentially might be the last episode of review of you ever recorded on our current address we'll see it might not be i'll let you know um so i feel like it shouldn't be so that we can record before you yeah yeah that's totally a better idea also that came in from adelaide she wanted to plug her uh website which is adelaide the girl a d e l a i d e the girl dot wix site dot com and she

said i love your guys' work. Almost couldn't record this because I kept guffawing into the mic as I couldn't shake the image of both of you walking solemnly down the aisle together. Adelaide, it was beautiful. Voice of an angel. Lyrics of just poetry, pure poetry. Great voice. Kind of shit.

Lyrics were not quite what I want lyrics were everything I've ever dreamed of and I'm already planning our save the dates even though neither of us are engaged and Jeff doesn't want to do it but I'm already it's mostly that I don't want to do it

the other thing is you're going to get married probably way sooner than I am because you've been in a relationship for four years. That sucks. I'll wait for you. That sucks. Because then it might happen. And I don't want that.

Oh, hi, Jeffy. Oh, see? That can't be on my wedding day. It won't be. It'll be the day before. I'll make it happen. I don't want it anywhere near the wedding day. Jeffrey, what's new with thee?

There's nothing new to report. I hung these shelves. They look great. How are you settling into your new digs? Your new Tay digs? I'm settling on the Tay into my new digs pretty well. The only thing I have to do is I have two more boxes to unpack because my clothes won't fit in my tiny closet. Yeah, I'm nervous for that.

That's considering a clothing rack. Yeah. for that that's i'm considering a clothing rack um yeah yeah but how like do you have a lot left to unpack of those boxes like is that gonna be it's two medium-sized home depot boxes one is filled with illicit activity stuff and then the other one is filled with clothes and then my dresser's full my closet's full so i just need to get a bigger dresser but the issue is you know i don't want to get a fucking armoire right i don't want to get like a you know the thing with the the rack i don't want that i don't want to stare from my bed onto a fucking honker a chonky boy i want this sleek kind of high boy. What's that? A honker. I don't want a honker in my bedroom.

I like this nice sized guy. But look at all the stuff I need to fit. Right? And so that's just not going to make sense. Could you get storage for under your bed? Like, do you have space under your bed for storage? Not even really. Okay.

Because I have a guitar taking up half the side. And then the other side is like a random electronics. Love that. So, the answer is no. Gotcha. We still have so many things to get. What were you going to say?

Oh, just the solve is I need to sell this one and then get a bigger one, but I'm like so sick of OfferUp, even though it's great. Yeah. We, it's because we have so many things we need to get

from OfferUp. We have a running list and every day offer up even though it's great yeah we uh because we have so many things we need to get from author offer up um we have a running list and every day just keeps adding shit to it um so whenever i think i make a little progress weeks and then it gets too much yeah um but that's exciting though the place looks beautiful i can't wait to visit the place is great you should come when we're settled which will be very soon i have this fucking gift that i've been waiting to give you for weeks so i need to figure that is a greasy hamburger takeout bag filled with the peace love fish boil shirt that i've been waiting to give you for the better part of a month love fish boil it's so good he's love fish boil what was that last one fish boil

i feel like i'm sorry you didn't hear fish boil fish boil like boiling fish right that's what i was afraid of i wanted it to be anything else no fish boil what what's new with you um daniel uh elizabeth valenti and i have made a list of like things we want to do like kind of greatest hits bucket list things that we want to do as roommates this week uh which is our last full week of living together which is very sad and it's also it's like nope um and the fact that like everyone's been following along in this journey of getting a lot of DMs, because we went out to dinner with the three of us last night and just people DM me being like, this is sad.

I'm like, it is sad. It's a lot of emotions, but it's like, we knocked out two of them yesterday, which was going out to like a fancy dinner together. We asked, it was going to be themed, like our attire. We're like, what should the theme be? And Danny, without missing a beat, just goes, slay. And we're like, great. So we had a slay. S- a beat, just goes, slay. And we're like, great.

So we had a slay. S-L-A-Y or S-L-E? Oh, okay. And so we had a slay dinner and then we came home and we played Mario Party. The thing is, Daniel wins every single fucking time

and we can't understand why because we're all just as good as each other. Yeah. It's truly just luck. And Daniel, of course, won again last night, which pissed us off, but it wouldn't be Mario Party

with the three of us without it. So we're going through. Splintering relations. Yes. We're going through the list. Oh, and we also had a marathon of watching Coyote Peterson videos. Who is that? Coyote Peterson is on a channel called Brave Wilderness.

And he does educational slash entertainment videos like info about animals and nature. And he's insane. And it's our favorite thing to watch together. So we have that list. We have like, we want to do a board game, like kind of like, it's too long to explain, but we have all that. We have a list of things we want to do together. So we're knocking those off this week.

So that's been fun and bittersweet. What's the explanation? What's the long answer? Just a game night? So there's this game. It's on our board. It's going to take way too long. Please cut this for time if you need to. So on the board, it's called a Neil Harris night.

Because we had this board game that Neil Patrick Harris designed called Box One. And it was like this insane board. If anyone's played it, it's crazy. It's like an escape room in a box and it just keeps unfolding, unfolding. It's insane. It was so much fun. And we got so high and it took us forever to do it.

And it was one of the most fun nights us three have had because it was like so many riddles. We were overthinking them way too much and just like doing the most for things that really didn't need to be thought into very much. And so we're like, and that night while we were all high, I think Daniel was maybe the one who was like, you know, his name really at the end of the day is just Neil Harris. So we hop on the board to have a Neil Harris night, which is where we're going to get high and play like an escape room kind of game. So Daniel got a new game that we haven't done. It's supposed to be one of the hardest ones out there, and we're just going to get really high and play that. Neil Harris.

His name, I mean, ultimately, at the end of the day, it's Neil Harris. Throughout childhood, before he started performing, he was just Neil Harris. Neil Harris. Oh my god, that guy in How You Met Your Mother he was just Neil Harris. Neil Harris. Yeah. Oh, my God. That got how you met your mother. Oh, Neil Harris. Neil Patrick Harris? I guess if you want to be really formal. But yeah, Neil Harris. If you want to be pretentious about it.

Weird. Neil Patrick Harris. Okay. But we're not here to talk about Neil Harris, although I wish we were. I could just talk all day about Neil. But we're here to talk about something tried and true. Yeah. Something classic.

Something blue. Nope. Really? Plain white. White. Tees. Not the band. The shirt.

The shirt. I feel like an idiot for even asking this but we have to what's your experience with plain white tees i love them i can't get enough of them but the i have two in my arsenal that i go between one that i mean i just need a better one one of them is like way too um stretchy because it was through the phase of like 2014, 2015 where everyone was like tying their shirts in the front. And so I really stretched mine out way too much by doing that. And the other one is a little too short

to be fully tucked into like high-waisted pants. Yeah, so it's a crop top. It's not a crop top even. It's like, it's long enough. It just skims like high waisted pants. Yeah. So it's a crop top. It's not a crop top even. It's like it's long enough. It just skims like the top of it. I'm just not even like high waisted pants, but just like normal kind of like high rise jeans. But it's too short to be like fully tucked in with a belt and everything.

But I love a plain white tee. Like truly just plain white tee, blue jeans and like white converse i mean it's so basic but like it's just it's so basic but just dressing that up with like some cute little gold jewelry or something like that you could wear it anywhere you could you can dress it up you can dress it down reggae tradition 7097 on the wrist yeah that too and so. And so, yeah, I love a plain white tee. You can wear it with fucking anything and it looks great. Yeah. James Dean in a way.

Is that how you feel? Uh. I don't know. I feel like I haven't nailed the plain white tee. In what way? You know what I mean't know. I feel like I haven't nailed the plain white tee. In what way? Nope. I don't know. Like, I've been on the hunt for the perfect blue jean for the better part of a decade,

and I haven't yet found it. I feel like I have them now, but I need to get them tailored, and I just haven't done that yet because it's like, God, the whole thing takes an hour and 15 minutes, right? And then you have to wait, and Then you have to go pick him up. It's just like, ah, you know. And then you can't wear him in the meantime. And you don't know how long Hamlet's going to take.

So, and then I think white tee with black jeans, which is the other pant I wear, doesn't look good. That's not good to have. It doesn't look good. I mean, like, I used to think it did. But now I don't. You look like a frat boy or just someone who doesn't know how to dress in general. I saw this TikTok that made me fully reevaluate every fashion decision I've ever made in my life. In that it's like this woman who is my height and was saying like something that I learned is to,

I'm forgetting what exactly she said, but like to not have contrasting, like block contrasting colors. So it's like black jeans and a white top, like to not put those together. Cause at least for people my height, it like, it immediately cuts your body off and like makes you look a lot shorter. So it's like to wear, if you have like beige pants and a white shirt or blue jeans and like a,

like a sky blue top, like not necessarily color matching, but like having things in the same world to kind of streamline it and i'm like of course and it is crazy how i i just tried on like two different outfits like that and it it blew my mind how different i look it's amazing yeah no i've been really into beige and all white yeah you can do dwight t with painter's pants you can do brown pants with a beige t what you can't do is the black jeans and white t which i did a lot of years i did for a lot of years i did too they have you seen the discourse from the bear is like

people talking about the shirt that carmy wears the lead if you all haven't watched the bear that his his white t-shirts that he wears are like the perfect white tea. Like they're, they're structured enough, but still have that stretch and that comfort. And everyone just trying to find that shirt. Yeah. My,

a fashion Tik Tok or fashion Tik Tok or that I followed a Tik Tok about that shirt. And he's like, yeah, I used to work at the store. I know the exact shirt that that is. And then he offers like cheaper alternatives for it that's great so i should really just do that i do have a white t-shirt recommendation okay uh young maven jung maven great hemp

clothing company with really soft t-shirts love it and uh if you like tucking your t's in down to your knees that's great they're not down to the knees. That feels like a really oversized shirt. But I do like tucking my tees in. No, it's good because then they kind of get split by the crotch. And then half of the shirt's going down one leg, half of it's going down the other. And that's good? I never really asked myself that question. Well, no, you said, and it's good because...

Right, but I never... Right. I feel like maybe a shorter one might be better. Yeah. Then you're just kind of like maybe a shorter one might be better. Yeah. Then you're just kind of wearing like a night shirt, night dress. In a way. Yeah. But then you don't have to take your shirt off to go to bed.

Which is bad. I sleep fully naked. That's fine. I didn't ask. I know. I just am like, well, how does everyone else sleep? You know, I used to sleep with boxers only. And now I've done the full naked thing for like a year or two. I didn't ask. I know. I just am like, well, how does everyone else sleep? You know, I used to sleep with boxers only. And now I've done the full naked thing for like a year or two.

I love PJs. I fucking love PJs. PJs are, it's too much fabric. You like a top sheet. You like a PJs. Like, why do you want so much fabric to be swimming in? It's not swimming in fabric. Depends on the night.

I'm about to dive. Some nights I want a short and a big, always, always you need a big t-shirt. I need to sleep in a big t-shirt. I need to sleep in a big t-shirt. I feel like if you date someone. I need to sleep in a big t-shirt. What's really going on? Big t-shirt. We don't have any ads this episode.

That's what you said. No, that's why I'm upset. We do have an ad on the show. We just have already recorded it. Okay. What were you going to say? No, that's why I'm upset. We do have an ad on the show. We just have already recorded it. Oh, okay. So now what are you going to say? What are you going to sleep in? Yeah.

I actually am really fond of wearing Daniel's sleep shirts to bed. Which are just his normal shirts. No. He has a drawer of sleep shirts as well. We don't get to be naked in our everyday life, so why not sleep naked? You can be... Barren. We don't get to be naked in our everyday life?

Yes. Are you a never nude? Like, what do you mean you don't get to be naked? You don't get to exist naked, like, in public spaces or anywhere where you're doing something. Sleep as an active activity is an activity I can do while naked. And so I'm going to take advantage of that. That's fine. I'm in a normal apartment now with my roommates where I don't have my own separate basement unit, right?

So I find myself 2 a.m., 3 a.m. getting up to go to the bathroom, right? The John. And I'm like, I'm to go to the bathroom right the john and i'm like i'm not gonna put clothes on because they're asleep and if they come out i'll just cover my fang well what happens if they're not asleep i'd like them to see no my body honestly because i'm proud of it let's let's take a little break huh we can We can talk about that a little bit more if you want. And I do. We don't have to. We might want to, both of us.

No. Let's take a break and we'll figure it out. Und wir back. Das ist gut. Das ist gut. Das ist gut. Das ist gut. Das ist gut. Das ist gut.

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Das ist gut. Das ist gut. Das ist gut. Das ist gut. ist gut. . Das ist gut. ist gut. ist gut.

ist gut. ist gut. Oh, of a plate. I have my full glass of water right next to my computer of a plain white tea for a plain white me. For a plain brown G. Yeah. So this is a five star review of a stain repellent T-shirt from the good lab. Good day lab. Love it. It's called men's T-shirt stain repellent t-shirt from the good lab good day lab love it um it's called men's t-shirt stain repellent and then a long long thing about how it's cotton and the photo is this coffee being

poured onto a white tea and kind of from above like not even yeah that'll never happen by the way i don't need a white tea to protect me from that uh five stars from selena m selena mignon selena mignon five stars oh sorry never mind selena meyer selena meyer five stars definitely water repellent uh i absolutely love this shirt for my son he tends to find a way to spill something on himself and it works great all he spilled was water and that's any shirt right he always finds a way to do it all right connor no sauce today all right you keep spilling everything on your nice clothes all right and something's got to give either no more sauce or no more nice clothes all right i'm gonna buy you rags that you'll wear i don't want to wear rags i want to wear nice clothes and then

no sauce and no spilling marinara not today or ever unless you get worse shirts. Right? You've lost your privileges. You can't have nice things. You're not a good boy. You're not my real dad. Come on, man. You always go straight for the jugular.

It's true. True shit. I know. You don't even say anything mean on top of it. You just say the truth that makes me sad. Did my mom say that I can't wear nice shirts? Or is that just you? It's both of us. Well I want to talk to her about it because yeah I'm a messy little boy but that's my brand. She's a pediatric oncologist.

We're not going to call her. Then I'm going to wear my nice shirts and I'm going to smear tomato paste all over my chest. No, because I... Go check your closet. I put them in a chest. What? You asked me to make the decision now, so you already decided that it wasn't... No, I said no sauce for the day.

I said no sauce, no dark soda. All sauce no dark soda all right no malt dark soda you could have sprite it's not the same you can't have a malt with dinner like you do every day no this is literally so unfair like you you literally start dating my mom six months ago. You move in because you got into a bad situation with your roommate. Why did you have a roommate? You're 38 years old. You come here and you're telling me I can't have my nightly malt? Like, oh my god.

I need to talk to my mom because literally, like, what else are you going to do next? Like, I can't sleep in my own bed? Like, this is, you're a fascist. If I spoke to my old man the way you just did, he would have spanked my bottom. You're not my old man the way you just did. He would have spanked my bottom. You're not my old man. I know I'm being lenient by giving you not. First of all, I'm giving you a new shirt. This one's stain repellent.

Second of all, no malts and no tiramisu, which you also shouldn't be eating as a kid. I feel like. Your diet is insane. Why do you care? You like your diet is insane why do you care you have so many sides why do you care so what i eat like a 70 year old italian man why i was living with a roommate because i'm financially responsible and you know what's not financially responsible is buying white shirt after white shirt after white shirt all right and malts out the wazoo you know how many pints ice cream you go through in a week i'm saying maybe you have one or two malts out the wazoo. You know how many pints of ice cream you go through in a week? I'm saying you have one or two malts a week.

That's a health. Sorry. Talk to me more about health, Evan. Listen, man, I don't know why you're caring so much. I have bronchitis. Okay. I don't know why you care. Why do you care so bronchitis. Okay. I don't know why you care. Why do you care so much about my shirts, huh?

Why do you care so much about my malt intake? Like, what are you trying to get out of me, dude? I'm 12. I don't know why you hold so much against me, all right? At least you now have a father figure in your life. You didn't before. Now you did. Now you're mad at me, all right? It doesn't feel like You didn't before. Now you did. Now you're mad at me.

All right. It doesn't feel like you're actually mad at me. It feels like you're mad at the absence of the real guy. What's his name? What's his name? Whatever his name is. Are you? Oh, my God. I'm literally going to tell mom.

Tell her what? My name is Johnny Junior. And you can't figure out based on that what my dad's name is. I didn't know if Junior was a middle name. All right. Have you ever seen The Sopranos? Junior is his first name, I think. Ding dong.

I'm home early. Mom, thank God. Everything's all right. Oh, my God. Johnny. Oh, sweetheart. What happened? Evan said that I can't ever have a malt or nice clothes again. I didn't say that.

I said until he learns not to spill on his nice shirts, he's going to wear shitty shirts. And I said maybe have one or two malts a week instead of one every night with dinner. Oh, my gosh. Johnny, can you give Evan and I a second to talk, please? Yes, I'll give you all the time in the world because I don't want to be in the same room as him. It's not normal for a 12-year-old to cry like that. Room as him.

Right? I'm sorry to say. Oh my God, literally lay off. Yeah, please don't. I mean, listen, we can talk about the malts and the shirts, but he can express his emotions in whatever way he needs to process them. If my dad saw me cry like that, he would spank my bottom. And you know what?

All right, Johnny, go. Okay, I'm going. You know what, Evan? This is not just something I'm going to talk to you about. You bring that up a lot. And I'm really sorry that that's something that you went through. It didn't ever happen because i never did that he never spanked my bottom because i never acted that way you know what i mean i'm just

saying if he did if i did do that he might have i hear you um but i don't think i don't understand what the point of i mean it's not even just when you're kind of reprimanding my son which we've only been dating for six months i don't feel like you have the grounds to reprimand my son. Um, but it's all the time. Like we are going out to dinner and you're like, Oh, can we split the fish? I'm like, I was actually kind of really wanting chicken tonight. And you say to me, Oh, if I ever said that to my old man, he would spank my bottom. And you know what? If i had malts every day like that kid all right my dad would have spanked my fat ass stop stop talking about your dad maybe spanking spanking you i don't i don't want to hear about it i don't know if there's some trauma you need to work through no it never happened it's not trauma it's just the fear of drama right and also that's way too much dairy for a kid all right are

you still scared that you're gonna go straight to his derriere and then i'm gonna have to spank you know you will not be laying a hand on my child are you scared that you're gonna get spanked be honest with me are you scared that yes yes i'm spanked. I'm scared. I'm scared. I can't believe you still have that bronchitis. I am scared that someone's going to spank my frigging ass. All right. If I don't do everything right, if I don't save money just so. Well, I have a lot of money, but it's only because I've saved for years. You have.

And I think it's, you know, I know he gets on you a lot about you having had a roommate pretty recently but I think it's okay. I think you made the financial response. How does he even know about the adult dynamics of having a roommate that late in life? Like how does he know that that's kind of insane? He's advanced. The more, you know, Derry's not only... He's advanced but he's crying like...

Okay. That's the last straw. That's the last straw? That's the last straw? That's the last straw. You come in here. Listen, we had a good thing going. I can't believe I let you move into our house and meet my child. But with all of this talk about spanking,

and now you mocking my kid for expressing his feelings, I think this is, it's time to end. You look up and Johnny's sitting at the top of the staircase, just like a little smile. I think you should go. That's it? Yes, that's it. So you're not going to spank my bottom? No, I'm not going to, I'm not going to spank your bottom, Evan.

I'm going to ask you to please pack your bags and go. No, yeah, I'll do that. Are you relieved that we're breaking up? No, I don't want to break up. I'm sad, but at least you're not going to spank my ass. No, I'm not going to spank you. I think you should go. No, your ass is fine.

It won't be spanked. You know, this has actually been really healing for me. Okay. You know, I'm sorry that... I'm sorry to both of you guys. You know, that you had to be the ones to face this baggage with me. You know? I don't to be the ones to face this baggage with me. You know? I don't care about your ass, dude.

Sweetie, please go to your room. No, he's saying, like, facing baggage. But, like, I don't care if he ever gets spanked. Okay, honey, you've got to let us finish. You've got to let us move through this together. I was just saying, like, the next dame is going to have it so great because I'm not going to have this constant fear of... Well, that's great. We don't need to bring it up again.

I'm so getting spanked. Oh, my God. It was right there on the tip of my tongue. This fear of... This fear of... I just said it. Yes. Getting spanked to my bottom.

His next relationship. They're at home, like, just finished watching a movie. So, um... What should we do now? Maybe we take it in the bedroom? Okay. Can I share something a little naughty? A little secret?

Oh, I'm always here for that. I open up a closet. I pull out like a flogger. This is something that I've been getting into lately. I don't know if you're into it. Listen, if I don't have your consent, that is totally fine. We don't have to touch it at all. I have to go move my car.

Grabs his keys, sprints out the door. Oh, okay. Cut to his car. He's crying. Knock on the window. It's Johnny. Please don't spank my bottom. I'm not going to spank your bottom.

But you have to stop crying like that. Why are you crying? I almost got spanked on my bottom. I'm an empath. And so when other people cry, I cry. Well, I don't care. Ew, you're still sick. Yes.

All right. Do you want to do our next review? Yes. This is from Amin. You get to make up a full last name for Amin or Amin. Amin Jerk. Amin, you get to make up a full last name for Amin or Amin. Amin Jerk. Amin Jerk. Five stars.

The title is perfect. I like it. As expected. Okay. Yeah. uh okay yeah um i mean listen your quarterly numbers look great as i thought they would and i'm really happy with this new product that we're launching for the fall as i thought i would be okay uh so everything's good because you're talking like you're firing me, but... Everything's great. Everything's great. My work's great.

My marriage is great. All my kids are off to amazing schools. I love my friends. It's just, everything's perfect. As expected. That sounds great. That all sounds good, right? I mean, why are you...

It does, but I just... When was the last time something bad happened to you? And what was it? Well, I'm being audited right now, so that's... Oh, my God. What an emotional rollercoaster. No, it's really bad. I mean, what an insane amount of time

and just, like, energy that you're stretching your band so thin to even come into work with that going on exactly yeah and i have a side hustle i sell wax candles and i just out of here all i've been paid over venmo and now like venmo's cracking down and so i'm having to pay all these taxes might have to pay back taxes in which case i'm gonna not only negate all my profits year to date but also probably not only for the rest of the year but i'm gonna have to your life's like a movie dude your life is like a movie like all those twists and turns and unexpected happenings i just i wish there was some excitement

in my life you know like excitement your kids are going off to college that's a real change in your life but it's like i knew they were all gonna get full rides to ivy leagues because they're all so smart and so charismatic and just such good people. And they do charity work, not because they had to for for applications, but because they wanted to. Like all of this is just kind of like by the book. Are your parents still alive? My parents are alive and thriving. They never got a divorce.

They're in their 90s and healthy as a horse. Let me tell you that much. Completely lucid. No health issues have come up. And I'm just sitting here like, when's it going to be my turn? How big is your dick? I'm laughing because you wouldn't even believe. It's a monster, dude.

It is just like, if I whipped it out out you'd be scared it's so big but not too big that the missus can't handle it like i'm just gonna say like oh maybe it presents some issues maybe so it's the perfect size it's like big but not too big exactly right and it's always been that way okay um and so i'm like, I want something crazy to happen. I want something. I want my life to be shaken up a little bit. Do you want my help? Yes.

I was going to say, what are you doing tonight? Do you have plans? I do. I mean, it's just going to be mostly paperwork. Oh, my God. For the audit? Yeah, for the audit. I'm also, yeah, I'm being sued as well.

You're being sued for what? I won't tell anyone. Well, apparently one of the wax candles that I sold had some, it had a hornet in it. And so, like, as soon as they opened the top, they got stung in the eye. Where was it? Do you remember where this one was shipped to? Let's go to that person. Let's talk to them face to face.

No, absolutely not. I'm locked into litigation. I cannot speak with any, I shouldn't have even told you about it. Then I should go. Go see the person. No, absolutely not. I'm locked into litigation. I cannot speak with any liberal. I shouldn't have even told you about it. Then I should go. Go see the person. No, absolutely not. I'm not going to say where it was. Cut to the house.

How? Knock, knock. Hello? Knock, knock, knock. Hi. Oh, my God. What a nasty sting you got on your forehead there. I'm so sorry about that.

That's a pimple. The sting was on my eye. So it was. So it was. My name's Larry. And Brian. Can I help you, Larry? The man who I think

is being sued by you. He's an employee of mine. And I was just coming on his behalf. Sorry, can you... Do you mind if I record this conversation? Oh, go right ahead. Is it, is that going to be bad for anybody? Yes, for Brian.

Amazing. I assume he's a friend of yours? He, he is a friend of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, please go right ahead. This is the most exciting thing that's happened to me in years. Okay. Can you tell me, you know, justrian's do you what do you know about his

beeswax candle operation is everything up to code is everything you know to scale is everything to you know well i didn't know anything about it until literally yesterday when i when he told me that he was involved in this legal battle but then from what i told me it is not looking good for him at all nothing's up to code nothing mean, he's gone through absolutely no health checks. Nothing about it. I mean, this he might as well be like doing making some bathtub gin. Like that is the equivalent of what these bees like Alt Burt's bees candles are. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Wait. Get to work the next day oh do i have a story for you i already know what you said and did what the fuck is wrong with you what we talked about this you said how can i help and this is exactly what you did now we're having a drama now you're mad at me for doing something a little naughty and takes his coffee, throws it in your face. Oh, yes. Fuck. Do it again.

No. Why? Why do you want me to do it again? Because I've never felt anything. This is amazing. I look down. Oh, god damn it. What?

It didn't stain my shirt. My shirt, my white shirt has remained just so. I look over at you with grave eyes. No. Punch you in the nose. Oh, fuck yeah! You know how to do it! What?

What? What's the sentence you just said? Nothing. You say you know how to do it to him? Maybe. I'm going to HR. Yes! But you love it.

So, like, the only way I could hurt you is to make your life in order. Yes! All right, I'm going to go organize your car. No! Yes! I walk out to him with, like, a very completely organized like gorgeous car oh damn it it's beautiful as expected right uh all right so do you want to do your our last review or do you want me to go for it gildildan. Ultra cotton.

Multipack. Okay. Five stars from Lawrence JB. Lawrence J. Barnacles. Good quality. All cotton. I will buy from these guys again. Right.

So it's Gildan. And it's on Amazon. It's not buying from these guys. He just loves to support small businesses. Loves it. You're also a Delta SkyMiles club owner? Sorry? Are you also a Delta SkyMiles participant? Yes.

Sorry. I got bumped up to first class because i have so many miles i just love flying with these guys i like giving them the money you know just because like you know they care you know you know they care because uh you kind of know who you're dealing with right ed bastion okay um so uh what what's bringing you to uh dallas did you say so what's bringing you to Dallas? Did you say what is Ed Bastian like? No, I said what's bringing you to Dallas. I'm going for my niece's wedding.

It's just important. God, it's important to me to feel a connection with the brand. You know, that's why I wear Gildan. That's why I'm sporting my Levivi's because uh you know a man named levi made these denims you know a man named gildan sewed this cotton no i don't really like going to barber shops you know i like to go to Supercuts because it might not be Mr. Supercut giving me that haircut, but I'm pretty sure that he hired all these guys on purpose firsthand. You are talking about very big brands.

Hmm? I actually am a small business owner. I'm going to Dallas for a class on fundraising cause I'm trying to get my small business off the ground. Um, I make, uh, I'm a potter and I have like a, I have an online pottery business that I'm trying to get a storefront for. Big plans, huh? Big plans. Online store, website, storefront. You're getting a little too big for my britches let me tell you that because i would have bought from you if you were a brand that i trusted if i knew some kind of personal attachment i'll see you're flying first class i'm i i this was just a

i had a little bit of cash left over and i just figured i would use this that's the thing it's like i want to pay people who need the cash right and you clearly don't because you're shitting it away on first you actually didn't let me finish sorry it's just you've been talking a lot and i was explaining why i'm in first class and you didn't let me finish um i was just gonna say i'm up here because i'm like you know what this is i'm taking a really vulnerable risk and going to this seminar and so i i figured i'd just you know i'd splurge a little bit in first class I mean it's only a three-hour flight but I figured I'd splurge a little bit on first class just to get me excited and make me feel like you know what I do deserve to be here um have you ever

seen Mad Men the tv show yes it hasn't been on for years but that's that's what I'm talking about you know you really get to know those characters as they kind of help other teams of people who have a goal. And to me, that's what's worth it in business, in advertising business, etc. What do you do, if you don't mind me asking? Me? Yeah. I won the lottery. And before that, did you have a job?

Before that, I was was mid-level marketing. I worked at Enron. Okay. Sort of won the lottery as they lost the lottery, as it were. Right. And working there kind of taught me, I'm like, you know, these big corporations, they're the problem. But you're buying from a bunch of big corporations. I can't tell if you're being ironic about all of this.

You're saying you want to know who you're flying with. Delta is a giant corporation. You're saying Mr. Levi sewed those jeans, made those jeans. Levi didn't make those jeans. I could go down the line of similar things that you'd said, but I don't feel like that's necessary. Levi doesn't sew the jeans? No.

It's Levi brand jeans. Great. Right. Levi made it. He branded it personally. No, no. With the stamp. I don't understand what you're saying to me.

I really don't. Because I buy the Levi brand because the Levi name is there. I know who I'm buying from. That's fine. There's a difference in like, okay, that's the Levi brand name. You know what kind of quality you're getting. It's Levi's name. But that doesn't, that's fine.

But that doesn't. Ed Bastian welcomes me aboard every time on the seat back tray table TV. And did Ed Bastian. That's the personal trust. Okay. On the TV, right? On the TV. Ed Bastian isn't coming into the cabin i've never met levi what i've never met gildan right right but they have their stamp of approval on the tag on the shirt and that's fine you're saying two different

things it's not their literal stamp of approval is that what you think when it's like you open a package from something and you see the brand name on it you're like oh they must have physically stamped that name in as a seal of approval that's what i know and that's why the only breakfast i eat is kellogg mr kellogg's person my pottery i quite literally give my seal of approval on everything I make. That is like the thing you're talking about does not happen with what I do in my small pottery business. I literally put my-

What's the pottery business then? What's it called? What's your name and what's it called? Listen, man, I'm not trying to start a fight with you. No, I'm just trying to figure this out because maybe I'll support your business and you won't. It depends on how personal it is. What's your name? My name is literally Charles Potts. And so it's Potts Potts. Yeah, but there's no way because I would only know that from meeting you.

Right. And so if I go into an art store and I see your Potts, I'm just thinking, oh, you know, what's the fucking CEO? You know, CCO who's in his high ivory tower honestly uh coming up with oh you know what these idiots will buy pots pots i don't get you man sorry i'm just getting a little bit more engaged i want a personal touch you're saying you want for everything i buy because i want to support people the ceo of everything you buy and at the same time you're also saying oh i don't have to get a cut from Supercuts themselves. Supercuts isn't a person.

It's a brand. And obviously, Supercuts didn't hire everybody. The brand did. There is no one named Supercuts. Okay, well, then explain this. He kind of picks up the back of his long hair and shaved under the underside says super cuts. That's a personal touch if I've ever

felt or seen one. You probably, did you ask them to brand, to not brand, to shave in super cuts into your head? Yeah, and they did it because they serve the customer with the personal touch. Yes, they serve the customer. Yes, right. We, you are saying five different things

at once and i don't know why i'm getting so heated about it because i don't know you man like i really don't care he pulls his bag from under the seat gucci great family owned gucci family they are not overseeing day-to-day operations i could imagine two counting the gucci logo one two three four five six seven they did not put all of those every single family member saw this bag sent it off to me every single family member why do you think there's so many on the bag because that's their brand dude it's like very maximalist that's their family i you know what man how about you know i would actually argue it was minimalist because family is ultimately the only thing that matters i'm gonna disengage i hope you have a great rest of your flight i hope you have a great rest of your flight. I hope you have a great time in Dallas.

And be careful. A lot of lottery winners end up with intense depression because they blow all their money on things super quickly, end up going bankrupt. They feel used by their family and friends, and they end up with nothing. So be careful. Just be careful. Maybe get an accountant.

Get a financial advisor. Don't tell too many people that you won the lottery like i don't care so that's fine no because now you're trying to turn my life into a business into some big corporation i am trying to help you i don't know you and i'm just trying to help you well would you like to get to know me because we could land in dallas go straight to my place trojan brand mr trojan i don't want to have sex with you the whole plane kind of goes quiet no i'm fuck no i looked down on my lap no no no you all don't no i'm not the bad guy here i'm sorry i have overheard the entire conversation and this is just the No, I'm not the bad guy here. I'm not the bad guy. I'm sorry.

I have overheard the entire conversation. And this is just the perfect example of how you kind of refuse to give a physical touch, whether it's with your pots, whether it's with sexual activity. Oh, my God. He has a point. No, he doesn't have a point. Thank you for saying that. No.

How am I the bad guy here? This is insane. This person won the lottery and is just inundating me with just, he's being very upset about brands for some reason. Flight attendant rolling down the snack cart. They're dressed a little more upscale than you think they would. And would you like the pretzels or my cookies oh no mr biscoff i'm the very same how you should be dead see that's not because you won the lottery or maybe it is i don It's karma for supporting people.

It's karma. I paid in four small installments. What? There you go again, by the way, with the financing, with the big. That's, forget it. If I'm going to buy something, I want it to be my money going to them. They're putting their stamp of approval on it, giving it to me. Cockpit door opens.

Did I hear stamp of approval? Yeah. It's me. It's me. Head passion. See? Wait, if you're here, then who is flying the plane? His co-pilot.

Oh. Oh, right. Ed is the last bastion of personal touch airline CEOs. Should we do our last segment? Yeah. of personal touch airline ceos should we do our last segment yeah this should be all we want um i said this off air i think but yeah i've been On Jake's recommendation I've been unsubscribing From every email list And Saturday night was sort of

It coming to fruition In that I only got one spam email Wonderful Overnight and it was unbelievable So highly recommend You don't have to do it all at once You just wake up and any spam that you got from the night before unsubscribe while you have your coffee,

you do that, you know, two weeks in a row. That's all it takes. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. That's really good. It's funny that you said that because I was doing a lot of that today.

Yeah. With different ones that came in and it feels really good. It's, there's nothing better. The rush is incomparable. The rush of not getting anything is amazing. I love hiding away. I like when brands aren't trying to get to me. To get Marissa Tomei. To get Tomei. What's been shaking you?

Silk Sonic Residency Las Vegas silk sonic residency las vegas nevada elizabeth valenti and i this was last friday we drove in them we left our house in the morning got to vegas in the afternoon saw silk sonic their last, their last night of their residency in Vegas that night, drove back the next morning. A couple things. One, it was the perfect amount of time to be in Vegas. I don't need to be there any longer than that.

It was amazing. Get there in the afternoon, have dinner, go see a show, and then go home the next morning go home a saturday had zero traffic zero sunday like everyone driving home from vegas traffic it was amazing that it looked really fun that concert blew our fucking minds it was unbelievable it was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was so great. They took our phones, not like little. It's like we were allowed to keep them, but have them put in little bags that like security sealed. They took our phones. We spent most of the concert underground with bags in our hands.

Not listening to any music. And it was amazing. And like they were saying in the concert that like when they talked about doing that show live that they're like we want to do it old school we want to have no phones we want it to be like everyone's singing together dance together like and i've never felt more connected like it was just so such a communal experience it was amazing it was amazing and my god they're so hot and the music was so good and it was just so fun the choreography was insane the musicians in that band were just like some of the greatest i mean like the trumpet player

and the guitar player i lost my fucking mind um bruno played guitar keys and anderson's drum set. Like, Anderson had this amazing permed long wig on that he was just bopping around with. It was amazing. It was amazing. That's awesome. Had the time of our fucking lives. It was great. It was great.

What was really wild, though, this is what shook me about it yeah is that in our section we were some of the youngest people there that's cool which was wild like they're like my like there was a dude who we were talking to a row in front of us he just had knee surgery he's probably like in his mid-60s had a cane like people farther down in our row like this this group of like 50s and 60s a lot of like 50 to late 60 year olds which i thought was really interesting yeah um which was great and at first we were like that's wild and then the music started they were all rocking the fuck out like it was wonderful and i think it's wild because it's like silk sonic really leaned into like 70s like 70s late 70s early 80s like aesthetic with a lot of their stuff

and um so a lot of people came like dressed in that era and i'm like damn for a lot of people in the audience it's like that's that's probably the time where they were bopping around and so it's like what what must that be like to be that age and then see someone my age coming like cosplaying as like someone from the late 70s that'll probably be like in 2060 like young kid like 20 year olds you know dressing in element T-shirts over long sleeves. Right. Right. I don't know if it will be as exciting, but yeah. But it was really just different.

It was amazing. They are so good. I can confidently say I think Bruno Mars is the greatest live performer we have. I think he is just phenomenal. Yeah. He is. I mean, he's amazing. Anderson's incredible, too.

And them together. It was it was just so fucking magical. We had a great time. That's great. Yeah. That's awesome. Oh, she. She.

You can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley and Spa on Twitter at Riley Coyote and the show on Instagram at Review Review. You can follow. Oh Instagram at RileyNSPA On Twitter at RileyCoyote And the show on Instagram at ReviewReview You can follow Oh, that's true You can follow Jeff on Instagram at JeffreyJames And on Twitter at JeffBoyard Let's think some podcasts Only the VI ones

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Elko might have struck the wrong tone last week Let her be clear, this changes nothing She still demands an apology Austin can't help but think he should Start writing that fucking campaign again Because how else will he creatively express Biana So it's Rihanna, but she's a B help but think he should start writing that fucking campaign again, because how else will he creatively express... Rihanna. So it's Rihanna, but she's

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think he's rad. I eat spaghetti and heat balls. So it's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. I feel like nope was kind of a metaphor for jamie and kirk's virginity now that's what i call a bad miracle i feel like uh i just met a girl with a big old set of Bahonka Ronka Donka Zookas. I sincerely would like to apologize for the wolf, the epic wolf. I Venmoed Jeff my rent money to pay for this subscription.

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has a birthday soon and can cry if he wants to. Happy birthday, Nate. New patron. Nolan Murphy is a chill dude when you get to know him. That's what Nolan wrote on Patreon, but he's not chill. He's actually a pig fuck. That's horrible. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, priest.

Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name? Come say that to my face. It's smoking time on Main Island. Oh, everyone. That's my favorite name right now. Oh, everyone shh. Dakota just saw a deer. Yelling.

Puff Riley. Quack. Raven Schmaven. Raven Wither Fork. Jesus. Riley. Reese Wither Fork. So it's like Reese Witherspoon, but she ordered the salad, not the soup.

Scene is Jeff getting ankles waxed oh poo smooth pete in his new jazz band the corbin bull players steven sondheim dbb fuck i can't always fuck this up steven sondheim d beetlejuice ice babby you cougars poetician and abella c Cullen Nay Swansea is a coastal city and the second largest This is so fun Every time I read one of these out it's like another $20 from one of these dumb cunts TJ Michael

Wish Hallie good luck at her new job Good luck Hallie Patreon.com and if not that's fine we'll just see you next week we will have had our hyper zardi by this time those are a lot of fun

and if you're considering it just try it out for a month hang out with us have a little drink have a little ketamine and hang out over zoom you don't have to do either of those things you should at the very least, you know. No.

At the very least do ketamine. I don't care. No. I can't wait to see everyone at our double wedding. God. We'll see you guys again next week, not at a double wedding. Woo, double wedding. Arriveder week Not at a double wedding Woo double wedding Arrivederci

Double wedding That was a Hiddem Original