Review Revue - Playing Cards
Episode Date: August 6, 2024This week on Review Revue; Alf and Reilly get red pilled and expose the hidden world of magic.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitt...er: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original. Thank you. and Riley Review Review
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Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review There was something so gentle, like an ease, an ease to it that I don't think I felt in,
God, what year is it?
2024?
How old am I?
28?
I don't think I've felt that.
30.
No.
We missed your 30th birthday.
I don't think I felt that ease since my 32nd birthday.
It was like a kid's show you know it was like
pbs kind of vibe yes um that was from anthony sparrow anthony says hi alphan riley y'all i know
oh my god imagine your last name being sparrow and your first name being anthony anthony said
y'all said you needed i'm gonna do this anthony thank you that was so gorgeous i'm gonna read your email in the kind of energy of which you recorded the song y'all said you needed more
intro theme songs so i pulled this little ditty from well the intro to new slang by the shins
riley you're special oh thank you and an absolute gift to the show oh anthony alfred you're okay
honestly you both are wonderful i'm a local
community theater actor from bend oregon and was inspired by your show to start taking improv
classes it's been a year and a half now when i can't get enough i've recently formed my own
troupe stop it little big improv and we booked our first gig in june oh my god anthony that is
incredible i hope it went so well if you can plug my instagram at ant.sparrow
and the local theater company I do marketing for at sun river stars community theater Anthony
that every part of that this is so earnest every part of that made my heart sing that's really
sweet actually that was so sweet band Oregon you you know what I know about Bend Oregon?
What?
Last Blockbuster was there.
I thought you were going to make some sort of crass joke about like,
I'd like someone to bend my organs.
Wait, bend my organ?
That's pretty good.
Come on, that goes kind of crazy.
Wait, shit.
Wait, shit. bend my organ for any sex
stores in bend oregon yeah literally use it are you from the town where the last blockbuster was
because you can bend my organs because you can bend borborgan bend borborgan hi
hello riley riley what is what is. What is it?
It is new world.
It is fresh faced.
It is different guy.
What the fuck are you talking about?
New world.
It is new world? different guy. What the fuck are you talking about? New world.
It feels like it has been a calendar
year since I
saw your face.
I have missed you.
Sorry, I'm reading from cue cards.
I have missed you.
You missed a word in there.
I've missed recording.
No, we're so back. I have missed you. You missed a word in there. I've missed recording. Um,
no,
we're,
we're so back.
We are so back.
Um,
it's back officially guys.
Thank you so much for hanging with us throughout the summer when we were
banking apps,
but now it's like,
there's a,
there's a pep in our step.
I'm just going to run on the bank.
Mary.
Um,
I,
sorry.
I'm just like,
we're cutting right into,'ve i've so many i've
things that i need to talk about so it's like get it off your chest okay so it's like we're back
we're back i'm excited we're recording uh whatever um i saw long legs last night how did you like it
um out of five number two okay Two. Okay, thank God.
Have you seen it?
I was a three.
Okay.
If you guys don't want any long leg spoilers,
skip ahead like two or three minutes.
I couldn't spoil that movie for you if I wanted to.
I guess what lost me were the magic balls.
I guess as soon as I saw the cloud of dark vapor yes come out of her head that's where i
tapped out do you know where i got lost and this and if you know i hope you guys have seen the
movie because you know where i was lost yeah um i was with it until nicholas cage bent down and said, said, I, I,
I,
I didn't bring my,
I wore my long legs today.
So the sort of two minutes in,
it was about two minutes in that I was like,
no,
no,
I'm good.
I wore my long legs.
No,
actually genuinely though,
I think the first 30 minutes I was really in.
Yes.
And then once,
I mean,
it's so,
it's so often the way,
isn't it?
It's like,
it's so it's so often the way isn't it it's like it's not
the hard part is the explanation and the wrap-up right yeah like a horror movie like a supernatural
anything like that and like i was so in for the first 30 minutes i was so creeped out i was so
like oh yeah and then once it started to explain it i was just like yeah well that doesn't make any fuck so he
makes the doll and then he puts a magic orb in the doll and that makes the girl do what the
the dad has to do what i know yeah that's what's crazy that's crazy and it sucked too because i i
there were some really great performances yes and, 100%. And Nicolas Cage was there.
He let his freak flag fly, and I loved that.
I just didn't.
It kind of reminded me of somebody.
Whom?
Tall.
Okay.
Pale.
Long legs, pale.
I mean, Alf, you wear your long legs every day.
Oh, no.
I seem to have worn my long legs.
What's new with you, Buck?
Well, I saw long legs.'s new with you buck um well i saw long legs you're never gonna guess you know what lost where it lost me uh no i'm good i'm good i i um
it was lollapalooza this weekend i did not go lollapalooza is a music festival. You weren't H-O-T-T-O-G-O.
It's a music festival, right?
You weren't allowed to go.
In Chicago.
And Chapel Heron did play, in fact.
Oh, I know.
I saw the drone video of how fucking big her crowd was.
Now imagine you have to take the train places.
And I was like full, like absolutely to the brim.
The train car is full of people in like pink cowboy hats.
And I was just like, I'm going to work.
You're going to have the night of your life.
So it's been a funny week in Chicago.
You know, the good news is since the last time we recorded,
the world, like geopolitically, certainly national politics.
Not much has changed, right? Very stable. supported the world like geopolitically certainly national politics changed right very stable
it's been so like i'm like oh business as usual yeah exactly usual right business casual even
can i ask you a question yeah please what is business casual to you business casual someone
says dress code business casual what are you wearing for women's wear yeah i would probably and i've never been asked to wear business casual
because i do not work in an environment where that is like a needed thing what i would imagine
would be like sounds so stupid. I can't wait. A blouse.
Crazy ass.
A blouse.
I don't know.
Like, I don't know.
I feel like times have changed.
Like, would a t-shirt and slacks work?
I think yes.
I think you'd have to dress it up a little bit more. Of course, because I'm thinking of, like, 90s business blouse.
Right, you're like, my pantsuit exactly but now
i feel like i've seen like hillary cosplay my i've seen like the tiktok girlies like my ootd for
like my desk job be like you know a cute shirt with accessories and like slacks or something
like that totally because i recently went to a function where the dress code that i was given was smart casual what on earth
am i supposed to do with that uh polo right like i guess i guess i was like it's business casual
but we're not here for business suit i didn't wear a suit. I didn't wear a suit. Yes, you did. I wore jeans.
Yeah.
Button down.
Yeah, that seems fair.
Watch.
Okay.
My long legs.
You're RSVPing.
It's like any additional notes.
It's like, I can totally come.
I'm happy to be there.
Is it, would it be appropriate for me to wear my long legs i have them on today and it's
just such a hassle to take them off hey man um i'm so my parents like we're so excited to have you
um stay over um for a sleepover on saturday um we have a pool so bring your shorts your swim trunks
and bring your long legs too i don't know if you're gonna
need them but in case like just bring them throw them in the trunk bring bring your long legs bring
your long legs oh my god bring your long why don't you go ahead if you fucking put a gun to my head
and say what would we talk about for the first 10 minutes of our first recorded months i would not
have said long legs a movie that already came out at like three weeks, four weeks ago.
Bring your long legs.
Hey, but you know what?
I will say,
for the amount of times
that we talk about pop culture
that is so past,
this is the most finger on the pulse
that we've been
of talking about pop culture
on this podcast.
Chapel Roan and Long Legs.
Yeah, yeah.
So for this class,
you're gonna need
protractor calculator. i know this one you
know they can be expensive you know if you didn't but it's worth it no but it's worth it like we
can talk about i know the school has some that we can use in the classroom but yeah you are
everybody is gonna need their own pair of long legs okay their own long legs so please please
please for my wedding um i wanted to i wanted to be kind of a non-traditional bride.
You know, it's like something old, something new, something broad, something blue.
Yeah.
What did you get?
What did you bring?
Well, it's like I kind of added, you know, something blue.
I have, you know, yes, I'm doing a garter.
I know that's kind of like pretty divisive, but I have a garter.
And the blue is kind of like a Tiffany blue ribbon that goes around. I know that's kind of like a pretty divisive, but I have a garter. And the blue is – I think it's, yeah, pretty conservative.
It's kind of like a Tiffany blue ribbon that goes around.
Wait, I like that.
It's very cute.
I like that.
The new is going to be my wedding dress because it's like, you know,
I would have worn my mother's, but it was disgusting,
and I really didn't like the style.
No, it was just the style was horrible.
She's like, well, you can alter it.
I'm like, I don't want to go anywhere near it.
Something – Oh, okay. uh something what are the rest something old something something something borrowed oh something borrowed oh so that's actually going to be um
my future sister-in-law uh she this is something that it's like she's always said she's like i
never let other people use this but because you're entering the family. She's like a sister to you, isn't she?
She's like a sister to me.
She's like, I never let other people use these.
Like, I'm really protective over it.
But I'm borrowing her long legs, her pair of long legs.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Wait, that's so sweet.
And the old is the ring.
It's his grandmother's blood diamond.
Wait, that's, oh.
You know what's crazy?
I had a guy.
You have a, sorry.
I went on a.
You have a wrist brace on? Oh yeah, my's, oh. You know what's crazy? I had a guy. You have a, sorry. I went on a. You have a wrist brace on?
Oh, yeah, my carpal tunnel.
You're 60 years old.
What were you saying?
You went on a date with somebody?
I was doing, I was doing more.
I was going to be like, I went on a date with a guy last week.
And, you know, it was a great date.
Everything was fine.
But you know what he did?
Huh?
Okay.
He stayed over.
I know, scandalous.
Oh, come on.
I woke up in the
morning i walk into the living room uh-huh he was using my long legs and i just think that's so
weird like we don't even know i don't know your last name sir and now you're using my long legs
oh my god we got a puppy this weekend so excited it is so cute but let me tell you the little devil
i mean it just gets into everything pissed your did he do? Pissed on my rug.
Eat your shoes, I bet.
Pissed in the kitchen.
Oh, pissed in the kitchen.
My shoes.
I mean, he found a roll of toilet paper.
I mean, that's all around the house.
And the little bastard got into my long legs.
No!
The little bastard was just tugging and chewing on my long legs.
That's going to cost a fortune.
We're not here to talk about our long legs i wish we
were we are here to talk about something else that is really um versatile topical as long legs are
um it's topical it's trending everyone's talking about it it's like it's really
it's a song in the summer it's a song in the summer. It's a song in the summer. We're here to talk about playing cards.
And the crowd goes wild.
They're screaming.
They're throwing up.
I...
Chapel Roan could never get this response.
I, Daniel and I, collect playing cards.
Is that true?
You didn't think I had a collection of something,
but you didn't think I was a collector of things.
We collect packs of playing cards.
That's interesting.
Love playing cards. We literally for
I think it was Christmas or birthday
Daniel got
as a gift for me
a pouch, like a carrying case for playing cards
and it has our initials on it.
Wait!
No, we love playing cards. We play cards
all the time. What's your go-to game?
It's called Kolitsina
and it's a Greek kind of like fishing
in the same realm as Go Fish.
We call that, yeah. But it's a trick-taking
game for all you cards
heads out there. It's so much fun.
So it's a game you can play with two to four
people. You know what?
Sorry. No,
I'm sorry.
We've been playing this game for years. have a running tally we have a shared notes
thing daniel um but we have a lifetime score and then we have seasons so it's like whoever gets to
100 points first wins that season and i think we're on like season like 10 or 11 or something
um but it's very very fun so we play cards how many seasons have you won i don't i actually
don't feel comfortable is that hard for you to be bad at the game that he's good at alfred what do you what do
you fucking think i imagine i'm not bad at it well he just is shut up the worst between the two of
you do you play cards do you like playing cards how do you feel about playing cards want to know
how i got these cards i don't know how i got these long legs no i won't be doing that um the peter griffin stuff's done i just want to put
that in the space no it's not there won't be any more peter griffin content on the show um i love
playing cards i love playing games with cards i with yards with yards i can have hamburger i was a huge fan of a game called palace when i was a boy
no one's ever heard of it it's fine it's a really fun game though um i used to play the
shit out of it um when i was in in middle middle school high school um i love hearts i love spades
fun heart spades is fun when i remember how to play yeah and somebody sits me down and talks me through it, I enjoy Bridge.
I've never played Bridge.
You know, there was a brief period where I was like actually playing it and I remembered how to play consistently and I could do it.
And I started to enjoy it, but I always forget.
And then it's like, it's one of those things where like the people who play it you know mostly
elderly and they take it really seriously you know and then it's like a whole thing when i don't
remember and and it's a whole fucking thing i played a game it's not really i mean you could
probably play it with playing cards i played it with um elizabeth um when i was in LA when you weren't in LA which is actually so violent of you
but I played it was called Hanabi have you played that yet with them Harambe no come on man uh it's
Hanabi it's a really fun game um it's Japanese game um and you're canceled. And it's really fun.
And it's just like,
you know,
card games are so great because you can take them anywhere
and it's just a deck of cards.
This is great storytelling, Alfred.
One of my favorite card memories is,
so I,
Daniel's family loves playing cards.
There's actually one,
my two favorite card games are
Coletina and the game called
Up and Down the River. I think that goes by, that's like a regional name. There's actually one, my two favorite card games are Colitina and the game called Up and Down the River.
I think that goes by,
that's like a regional name.
I'm forgetting what other,
oh, I've also learned Euchre.
I'm not great at Euchre.
Euchre can be fun.
When it's,
when I remember how to play,
it's fun,
but I'm not very good at it.
Indeed, it's a bridge in that way.
But because his family are such big card players,
I remember when we first started dating,
I was like, you know,
I was visiting family in Indiana
and I was like,
I'm going to see Daniel's family in Chicago
and they're all big card players
and I don't know how to shuffle
and I don't want to be the person who's slow
like when it's my turn to shuffle the deck.
And so my cousin,
hi Molly,
my cousin taught me how to,
how to shuffle, like the kind of the bridge shuffle of
like do you know what I'm talking about like the totally and I practiced for like probably an hour
and a half straight trying to and I was like determined and now I can I'm very fast at it
and that's like a skill that I'm very proud to have and so I like I remember I've been playing
cards with his family I didn't know how to so I just kind of did like the ticket in a stack and and shuffling it yeah that one's really
like you have to sell it exactly um and then I did the bridge shuffle and they were all there I was
it was a very earnest moment I was very proud because I've been practicing and I was very proud
of myself that's fun I um you'd lost the game probably though.
Shut up.
Should we get into it?
Sounds like you lose games a lot.
I'm going to kill you.
I already have an intention.
I have an intention.
Set it.
I'm going to win.
That's not okay.
This episode is going to be the most winning episode yet.
Okay, Charlie Sheen.
Winning.
Tiger Blood.
We're gonna win this episode.
Winning-est.
The most winning.
Like, you have a winning smile
is something I would say
if I wasn't lying.
What the hell?
We'll be back with some
winning reviews of playing cards.
Bye.
And we're back.
And we're back.
Do you want to start or should I?
I'm happy to go ahead and begin it.
Okay, first time for everything.
Go ahead.
I'm being pulled in a new direction.
And I think I like it.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
You love it.
Do it.
Go.
You love the Addams Family musical. Okay, so I got to say, this is for.
I got to say.
I got to say.
Sorry, can I be honest with something?
This review is for. Can I this i gotta say sorry can i be honest this review is for can i be honest yeah this is really embarrassing to admit that's okay i forgot my long legs i thought you're gonna
say i forgot what the topic was no i said that you didn't playing cards so this is a review for jimmy fallon playing cards no way so this is the
tonight show with jimmy fallon themed playing cards three stars from steve k steve kaneer
greg's younger less successful brother and i have to say this is a review from amazon.com
and steve kinnear greg's lesser known younger brother has a profile picture which isn't
something you see a lot that feels psychopathic to me and his profile picture is ray lioda's
character from goodfellas henry hill That's less scary to me than if it was Steve Kinnear.
Before I read you the review, I want to read you Steve Kinnear's Amazon.com reviewer profile bio.
Is it no personal information?
No personal information.
Okay.
Are you an Amazonaholic?
I am.
I'm addicted.
Seriously.
They put me in rehab, but I just went on Amazon and bought a nurse's outfit and a lockpick to break out.
I'm free.
Welcome to my world.
Welcome to my world.
So that, just so you know, that's the man's written my the review that i'm about to i'm free
welcome to my world welcome the most joker ass ray leota okay three stars
not a fan of jim doesn't deserve his name on a deck of nice cards and don't buy them but
they're decent i like cards but i do not like jimmy fallon i don't think he has any class
and i'm still angry at him for being such a dumb goof on snl he practically laughed his way through
every sketch which was super annoying yeah i get it he's a big
success on his show now good for him and yes sometimes he is entertaining but to have his name
embossed on these cards is a joke carson sure pat sajak sure jimmy fallon maybe if the cards were mother goose cards or old maid or uno aside from my hatred of that
hack Jim Fallon these are okay cards thinner than your typical bicycle cards I do like the art deco
design of the face of each of the cards pretty slick this are Jimmy Fallon's face on the cards pretty slick this are jimmy fallon's face on the cards or what do the cards look like
the cards like as far as i can tell from the like um like the pictures that they have on the amazon
page are kind of literally just like they say the tonight show with jimmy fallon on them because
it's not even like it has his face on it like there's just something about using this as a
platform to be like i hated the way he conducted himself on Saturday Night Live.
It's really wild.
Like they're just kind of like art.
Like he describes it well.
They're like an art deco style illustration of like the kings and the queens
and the numbers and everything.
Like Gatsby ass kind of thing.
And then it says The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on the back.
I mean, it's kind of an insane product. Every aspect of the design was inspired says The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on the back. I mean, it's kind of an insane product.
Every aspect of the design was inspired by The Tonight Show,
with iconic illustration elements featuring the New York skyline, Studio 6B, and the man himself.
Steve, Poker Night, my man.
Thank you so much for hosting this week.
You know, the girl, she's 13.
She's doing her first kind of big slumber party sleepover birthday thing.
And so you guys would not have wanted to come over to our place today.
So we appreciate you hosting.
Totally.
Barb is okay with you leaving her alone with all that?
Well, I don't know if she's okay with it.
Let's just say I hightail it out of there pretty quick.
I said it helped with the cleanup. I said it helped with the cleanup.
I said it helped with the cleanup, you know.
Okay, man.
I don't know.
You better win big tonight.
Otherwise, you might not, might help soften the landing.
Okay.
Better leave with the clothes I came in with, you know.
Come on.
Don't, don't.
I was just like, I don't want to, you know, last week it got a little heated.
I know, but we said we weren't going to do that anymore.
I agree.
So I don't know why.
I agree.
I was just kind of me poking fun.
It's like, you know, last week I didn't have a 20 on me.
And you were like, okay, well, give me your shirt.
And I thought you were kidding.
Okay.
Well, you and I remember that moment differently.
And that's fine.
Well, what I remember is that you said, you don't have 20 bucks on you?
Give me your shirt.
And I said, I can Venmo you. And you said, I don don't want that i want the shirt off your back and i thought you were kidding
and then you started tugging at my shirt saying take it off give it to me you were you had said
you would bet it um i guess it's like there's no other way to remember that is what yeah i guess
in my memory it was more like playful or but um we said we weren't
gonna do that no and we're not and i'm happy that we're not and honestly i'm surprised that the rest
of the guys aren't here yet i thought i thought we were pretty clear about the time i don't know
maybe stuck in traffic or something well gives us time to hang out anyway what are we what are
we playing with tonight boss what do we? I know your collection goes pretty crazy.
I got a big new edition.
Let me see.
It's pretty,
you know,
I,
I,
let's just say this is not a,
it's not a set.
You're going to want to play with the grandkids.
Oh,
okay.
Okay.
Ever since my wife put the old,
uh,
restrictions on our Safari browser,
I've been looking for a little exciting.
What's that?
Your wife won't look, well, what do you mean by that?
She won't let you look at.
I mean, it's just kind of, she did it on the family computer.
And yes, we have a family computer in our living room.
You have a phone.
Well, I do have a phone, but that feels like cheating.
Like on her or like, what do you mean by cheating?
Exactly.
I mean, she's told me that looking at porn is cheating.
And then she put the blockers on the computer.
So I'm obviously not going to look it up on the family computer.
And then she hasn't actually put it on my phone, but there's part of it's like, oh, it's cheating on the, it's cheating on the rules. If it's on the family computer, that kind of goes for
everybody. And then two, it also
it's cheating twofold of
LinkedIn. It's also kind of cheating on Barb.
Okay, yeah. Weird, weird,
weird distinction, I think,
to make.
But what...
Come on. What are the cards?
Sorry, yeah.
I don't know if Barb might...
She probably couldn't put a filter on this to make it not visible.
I'm there.
It's a brand new set, limited edition.
Take a peek there.
Looks like a totally normal deck, right?
Yeah, I just got of art deco pretty.
Totally, totally.
Hold it up to the light.
Come on, you see it, right?
It's, um...
You hold it up to the light.
No, it's shirtless Conan O'Brien.
Conan O'Brien without his skivvies on.
Some of them aren't just the shirt.
Sometimes you see his long legs.
Hey.
You know what I mean?
They go all the way up there.
Steve.
To his...
You're a funny guy man
we don't have to play with them they were mainly as a gag
gift my wife actually got them for me she
knows about it and is that true and are they
from your wife yeah they're from a gift from my wife
so you wouldn't even need to look up into it
to look up like to ask her about it
because she knows that I have them because they were a gift
it's so funny that because it's like you know you're always talking
about how you hate Conan which is crazy because he's like, you know, you're always talking about how you hate Conan, which is crazy because he's like universally beloved comedian.
Well, I don't know if universally, you know, I think he's kind of a, you know.
Harvard prick.
It's just a lot of things are clicking into place for me.
And I didn't realize you were a big fan of that.
No, no, no.
I'm a fan of him.
It's just...
Kind of guys like that.
I think that...
You are a fan of him.
Okay.
It's just kind of giving the Lady Doth protest to.
But I, you know, I think you kind of maybe like Conan.
I don't like Conan.
I think he's smug.
And I think he's a ginger freak.
Jesus Christ.
I'm just saying what we're all thinking.
The guy is talentless.
He's not as tall as he says he is.
All I'm saying is that it's like, look, it's, you know,
there's a fine line between hate and love.
It's just funny. It's just funny. just funny let me look at whatever i want well clearly i mean you're
claiming that she got these as a gift for you she did she got me she got me a couple sets
let me see the other sets you wouldn't get get them. Are they all Conan O'Brien?
No, they're not all Conan O'Brien.
I think you're lying.
Okay.
Well, here's a set.
And this one happens to be.
It's Conan.
But hold it up to the light.
Him from the back.
Him from the back. Hey, listen hey listen man shoulders and um i don't i think it's if you i know your whole thing for years has been how much you hate conan
which is a very specific personality trait to have and it was a funny bit for a while but it's
like fucked leno over i'm saying people's opinions can change and so if you decide you're a
fan of his now no one's gonna think you're weird for that you're okay to like him it's like you
ever you ever have somebody fucking like can't stand and you're like every time they're around
you you're just like grind your gears and then you're just like why do i hate this person so much like they're always
in my mind like i can't get them out of my mind
you ever get that yeah and then like maybe
you know you realize like there's a reason they're in your mind all the time
you're coming to this realization with much more ease this isn't that
this is not that no way there's no way let's just play man okay fine i guess it's gonna be us two
tonight seems like the rest of the boys aren't gonna join i know it's kind of weird right it's
like i wonder why um i have a kind of a new game we could play i was really looking
forward to poker okay we don't know what's your game then it's called 52 conan pickup
pick them up bitch let's do our next
you should uh you should read one.
This is for bicycle cars, but they're unicorn edition.
Bicycle.
This is five stars from Moe.
No last name.
Okay.
Moe.
Money.
Moe problems.
Moe money, Moe problems.
Five stars.
The title is,
The quality bicycle has represented since dirt was invented. No. No. No problems. Well, many more problems. Five stars. The title is, The Quality Bicycle Has Represented Since Dirt Was Invented.
No.
No.
No.
My kiddo recently discovered the fun of playing card tricks on people. She had a pretty sad deck hobbled together with various backs,
bent, misshapen cards that had gotten wet and warped.
Hop on Amazon and couldn't really believe
that Bicycle made a deck like this.
They came quickly and are made with the same level of quality
you'd expect from Bicycle.
The backing of the cards has a unicorn design,
though the entire deck is not unicorn-themed.
You get a classic royal family in all suits.
The Ace of Spades has a unicorn on it.
Aside from all the cool art,
which is perfect for those unicorn lovers
out there, it is the color deviation
they decided to use for our classic
spade club slash diamond slash heart.
The spades and clubs come in a very deep
purple, almost blue color.
I thought they were black at first until I had them under proper
lighting. The diamonds and hearts
come in at an almost
neon pink, but still
somehow maintain a bit of the red color
to keep them from being too pink.
Great deck for the little one.
I look forward to being fake-odd by her future card tricks.
So many things stand out to me.
First of all is the phrasing he uses at the beginning,
which is,
she just figured out how to play card tricks on people yeah i when
i first read that i thought it was like she's pranking people with cards and then i realized
that she's she's doing card tricks for people like it it's normally the experience of having
someone do a card trick in front of you is not, I just got fucking owned. Like,
holy shit, I can't believe he just played
that trick on me. Like,
it's normally like,
yay, that was fun, I enjoyed
watching. It's usually kind of
a gift that the magician
is giving to you, not like,
fuck you, man, that's not
fucking cool, you can't mess with me like that,
man, that was a nasty trick
like played a trick like that just something about that is so fucking strange this fucking
piano is haunted or this is so weird like can somebody make the piano stop this i think i'm
stupid oh so you actually you think i'm an idiot oh it's called close-up magic because it's so fucking
close and my dumb ass can't tell what it is is that this there's two people like at a shared
table at magic castle god they got me again fuck i just sorry i don't mean to no these guys are
really good it's crazy like i i every magician we've seen like they've all been
like so good it's i'm i'm this is so fun they got you too yeah like the guy um from before when he
did the thing with the like um it really he had like shrimp and he was like trying to get me to
like you know take the shrimp i can't really explain it, but it was really funny. Like you must have to work so hard to get like that.
So perfected that like,
I think I'm holding something I'm not even holding.
Like I literally thought I could feel the shrimp in my,
it's crazy how good these guys are.
It's crazy.
You know,
we don't,
we don't have to put up with this.
Huh?
We don't have to,
you know,
put up with this kind of treatment.
No, totally. I mean, I'm Stacy, by the way. Nice to, you know, put up with this kind of treatment. No, totally.
I mean, it's such a gift.
I'm Stacy, by the way.
Nice to meet you.
Huh.
I feel like I recognize you from somewhere.
It doesn't matter.
What's your name?
Oh, Jeff.
Jeff.
Jeff, I know I just met you, but I feel like you and I, we could make some changes.
We could make some necessary changes.
We don't have to be treated like this.
I know what you mean.
We can't keep getting away with this.
I know what you mean.
It's so formal, right?
You have a dress code and everything.
I do feel like that's a little weird.
Oh, no.
I love dressing up.
I should be able to wear it.
I love feeling fancy. Oh, no. I love dressing up. I should be able to wear it. I love feeling fancy.
Oh, well, then perfect.
Sorry.
I must be.
I like it, too.
It's just different.
It's weird.
I don't know.
Oh, never mind.
I thought you were kind of like-minded.
Forget it.
I guess really I am stupid as all the magicians are making me out to feel
you feel like you're you seem dumb i mean don't you they go you know it's like you you thought
you had shrimp in your hand the magician had placed the shrimp in your hand and you had felt
it right yeah that's what you just said like you could have felt it in your hand and you had felt it, right? Yeah, totally. That's what you just said. Like you could have felt it in your hand.
Yeah.
And then, well, pardon my French, but he got your ass.
And there was no shrimp in your hand.
Sure he did, but.
And then everyone was laughing at you.
With me, I think.
But, well, I beg to differ.
You really think they were laughing at me?
Well, of course they were.
Because he was banking on your stupidity
to not understand that there was no shrimp in your hand.
Don't you see what I'm saying?
I was at this close-up table and they said,
pick a card, any card.
I picked one.
It was the seven of diamonds.
Good card.
And thank you.
I thought so too.
Good choice.
Thank you.
I picked it without even seeing what it was.
That's really lucky. Well, thank you. So I thought I was. Good choice. Thank you. I picked it without even seeing what it was. That's really lucky.
Well, thank you.
So I thought I was really unique and lucky for having picked that card.
Totally.
He shuffles it up, does some really impressive shuffling.
And then he takes out his phone.
What?
And the background of his phone was a photo of the Seven of Diamonds.
He says, is this your card?
That's really impressive.
It was impressive.
Much of a grade-A dum-dum, I felt. And everyone was laughing at me.
They were saying, oh, he got you. That's your card. That's your card.
As if I hadn't had the unique experience of picking lucky number seven.
Seven of Diamonds are a girl's best friend. You're making me rethink everything well i mean think about it i saw
you were up at the main stage show when they put you in the box and totally sawed you in half
totally and i freaked out i thought my legs were really gone and they weren't and everyone was
still attached i was so laughed at how scared you were i thought they were laughing with me but no i think you're right they're
not on my side they're not my friends no what are we gonna do we're not here to burn this place down
we're not here to make friends that's for sure i don't know i i feel like we need to spread the
word because they they don't know that people like us see through it.
We've taken the red pill.
We understand what's really going on in here.
And what's going on is that.
Like from the Matrix.
I like that.
I've never heard that used in any other context.
That's so fun.
Yeah.
I'm red-pilled
I've been red-pilled
By you, you red-pilled me
Yes
We can red-pill this whole room
We can red-pill this entire
Hey, hey, mister
What?
Hey, I'm watching the show, get away from me
You're a victim
What? You're a victim the show. Get away from me. You're a victim. What?
You're a victim of a cruel trick.
But they just put a parakeet in my hat where there was no parakeet before.
To make you look stupid.
Everyone thinks you look stupid, mister.
They're not laughing with you. They're laughing at you.
They're laughing at you. They're laughing at you.
They're laughing at you.
Take this.
A red... Is that a hot tamale?
Yes, but it's symbolic.
It means you're waking up.
Mmm, a little spicy.
Whoa.
Cinnamon.
You really think that he put the parakeet in my hat to make me look like an imbecile?
Think about it.
What makes more sense?
That this is a place people come to have fun and that's why they spend money and dress up?
Or it's all a big ruse to make us feel stupid?
And for them to look like gods.
Oh, I never thought of it like that before.
This club is run by a bunch of elites.
You know, elitist magicians who think they're better than everybody
just because they know how to do a couple tricks.
Well, I'm going to have a trick for them that's going to surprise the hell out of us all.
Yeah, and we're going to make them the stupid ones.
So, mister, you in?
You want to help us?
Which one will it be, the red pill or the other one, the blue pill?
I already ate the hot tamale, the red one.
Oh, that's right.
So you're with us.
Cool.
Do you want another one?
I have like a whole pack.
Sure.
But I just, oh man, I was having so much fun before, but now, well, now
doesn't seem like any fun at all. Fun? How can anyone have fun with this stuff going on?
Mister, I'm sorry that we ruined your fun, but I'm not sorry that we helped you see the truth.
Well, no, I thank you think... I feel like we...
Everyone needs to know we can't continue
to be taken advantage of like this.
I know I won't.
Neither will I. What do you say, mister?
Want to help us red pill this entire joint?
Well, yes.
Yes, I would.
Here, take a fistful of tamales.
Wake up anyone you can find.
God dang. Twenty minutes later, five people join us.
I never thought our numbers would grow this big.
I almost kind of feel mad with power.
Oh no, is this what the elitist magicians must feel like?
Stop.
We need to be careful here. This is a crossroads. We can't become like them.
Just because we have this power and influence. You're right. You're right. Thank you for pulling
me back in from the ledge. I'm thinking we should start trying to spread the word beyond
these four walls.
Whoa. That could be the biggest
trick ever pulled.
You think we can do it?
Talking about posting online.
Yeah.
They hate anything that
has to do with electricity and social
media. That I know about magicians.
If there's one thing we know about magicians,
it's that if something happens on the internet,
they won't notice.
This will be the way that we sneak around behind them
and they don't even realize that we're all waking up.
All right.
How should we do it?
Video?
Text post from the notes app?
That.
I'm going to pretend to be a magician
who's spilling all the secrets.
My magician name
is going to be
Quadruple Card King.
Q for short.
And I'm going to make
these anonymous posts.
And they're going to be drops.
We'll call them Q drops.
And basically,
people will read into it
and they'll wake up.
I like it.
I love it. I'm in.
Okay.
First one goes live at midnight.
Tonight.
Tonight. Wait, quickly. Does everyone here
have Reddit?
My grandson downloaded
4chan on my iPad.
That's perfect. That's perfect, mister.
We could honestly skip the Reddit part.
Let's go straight to the source,
where all the truth lies.
We will have the Magic Castle,
and Magic as a whole,
shut down by Christmas, if we're lucky.
Don't regret ever questioning how smart we are.
Cut to the magic.
Like admin office later that night.
Did you notice that?
It doesn't matter.
No.
What?
Tonight I was watching.
I was.
I went down to the security office just to, you know, kind of been flirting with.
Oh, my God.
You dog.
You know me.
You know me.
The boys down there.
And I just brought them some coffees.
And I don't know.
I noticed something on the camera.
It was kind of weird.
But I didn't really think anything of it.
Well, clearly you are.
What was it?
I don't know.
Yeah, you're right.
There was just something weird about it.
Like, a group of people, they weren't watching any of the shows.
They weren't in any of the private rooms or anything.
They were, like, just talking to each other.
But they didn't come in together.
And then they sort of were trying to, like, seem like they were, like,
almost recruiting people to, like, join their group.
It was really weird.
Really, really weird.
Anyway, I'm going to work on these reports the expense reports oh my god
oh my god look at this meme sorry it's just um since getting a cat it's like no it's just like
all i've been it's like you know the algorithm knows kind of everything and so it's just
uh scary let me just scroll back whoa whoa what um sorry this is dumb i just saw uh Whoa. What? Um, sorry.
This is dumb.
I just saw a...
What are you on Twitter?
No, I'm on...
It doesn't matter if I'm 4chan.
As a joke.
Oh, that's...
As a joke.
No, it's as a joke.
It's just kind of to see what's going on over there.
So I can kind of be tapped in.
Can I be aware?
I'm not...
Yeah, I'm not using it like seriously.
Do you post?
I lurk. So you don't.... Do you post? I lurk.
So you don't?
I don't post.
Okay.
No.
That's good.
But, sorry, it's just, actually, we need to get the higher ups.
Huh?
Who did you vote for?
I mean, it doesn't matter now.
Well, to me, what's the meme what's that meme on there well it's i thought it was a
meme but it's someone just revealed how how our main stage magicians do their saw trick
oh that's no fun no and it's kind of a long post it's like a three-parter. A text post? Yeah, from the Notes app.
They're saying that it's...
Wait, you may want to take a look at this.
It's gaining a lot of
traction. The upvotes are
coming in by the hundreds.
The upvotes?
Let me take a look at this. People in the comments
saying we won't be fooled again.
They will not control us.
We're gonna rise up. The storm is coming. That doesn not control us. We're going to rise up.
The storm is coming.
From Quadruple Card Magician, a.k.a. Q.
Q.
Sounds oddly familiar.
Should we tell somebody?
I think we should.
Call Mr. Blaine.
Wait.
No, hold off on calling him. the more i'm reading they have a point
i mean what is it we're really doing here we're providing a service fun nights out magic is real
you feel like a kid again it's all that who for the guests right i mean from what quadruple
card magician and critical card king saying i don't
think it's fun for the guests i think it's fun for the magic elites but why would people keep
coming and spending their money here if it wasn't fun for them because they're sheep because they've
been controlled to think that it's fun for them oh my god it's all making so much more sense now
you know what this reminds me of what the fuck are we doing yeah what oh my god have you ever
seen the matrix um sounds familiar it's a movie from the 90s um old very but basically the people
well they're like asleep um they're in the robots are keeping them alive for their fuel
i don't really understand it. But you're in a simulation
and the people have to wake up.
I feel awake.
I feel like groggy, but I'm getting there.
I think we need to bring it to the top.
I feel like if anyone's going to do something about it,
it's us.
But they are in on it.
Mr. Blaine, Mr. Patrick Harris, they're all in on it.
Cut to an elite magician meeting.
Just like flicking cards.
Order in the room.
Oh my God, David.
What?
Mr. Angel, I'm trying to help you out. If you want to speak, then you have the room. Oh my God, David. What? Mr. Angel, I'm trying to help you out.
If you want to speak, then you have the floor.
Okay, Chris.
Hi, everybody.
Most of you know me.
So my niece told me that she's seen some pretty weird stuff online
about how we are controlling people,
how it's all part of some big kind of conspiracy.
And I just wanted to check in,
make sure that was not true, obviously,
because you guys wouldn't have left
old Angel out of the loop, right?
Well, obviously it's not true, Mr. Angel.
We're doing this for good fun
and to show people the magic and wonder
that's all around them, right, boys?
Totally.
Thank you, Neil.
You're welcome.
So, of course, Mr. Angel, there's nothing sinister going on here.
Just some smoke and mirrors.
You know that.
We're magicians, man.
Yes, what Neil is saying is correct.
We're magicians.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Certainly nothing less. Am I right, boys?
Ha! Good one!
Hey, um, David, can I talk to you for a second?
Yes, Neil. What is it?
Um, I think we might need to let Chris go.
Neil, I think you're right,
but I don't like that you had the idea.
Who would you have rather had the idea?
Me.
Okay.
Because you aren't actually a magician.
You just really like escape rooms.
No, I...
Okay.
Well, anyone is a magician if they want to be.
No. We are inclusive. No, because our whole thing is actually Okay, well, anyone is a magician if they want to be.
No.
We are inclusive.
No, because our whole thing is actually we like to make ourselves feel better by playing tricks on other people and they think it's funny, but what's actually happening is what people on 4chan are saying is happening.
Oh, shit, that's right.
You are so thick, Neil.
Yeah.
That's me, Neil Patrick Harris. Thick as ever.
One of the assistants in the room,
the one taking notes,
is recording this conversation,
live streaming it to 4chan.
Comments are just streaming in.
We got their ass.
We got their ass. It's over.
Neil, my phone is blowing up, and not with the dynamite that I put in there as a prop two weeks ago.
What's going on?
Um, I guess now's the time to tell you.
I've been part of the movement all along.
Neil, what? I thought we could trust you.
I mean, you're no magician, but you are an avid fan.
I'm not a fan. I'm a victim. I've never liked magic.
I just wanted to get back at you guys. For all those years, you took the piss.
I mean, well, you can't topple an entire industry.
Oh, can't I?
What if I leak your emails, David? Or you, Chris?
What if I told the world how you really hung from that helicopter by your skin?
No, no, you wouldn't dare.
Neil, we love you, Neil.
We think you're brilliant, Neil.
Really? Really?
So brilliant that you wouldn't want me to reveal to the world
that you weren't holding your breath that whole time?
Neil, you wouldn't-
Don't even say that, Neil.
That's blasphemer talk.
Or that maybe Chris can't actually levitate.
Neil, stop it right now.
Okay.
What's in it for me?
Well, we'll make you an honorary magician at the Magic Castle.
But in title only.
I don't think so.
Main stage,
six months.
Neil, the main stage of the Magic Castle is reserved only for the
strongest and most elite of
magicians. I tricked you, didn't I?
I tricked
you all.
The biggest trick that's ever been played in
this shitty little castle. Fine,
Neil, if we make you main stage for six
months, will you squash this movement?
Oh, my darling,
it's unsquashable now.
So then why would we put you on
the main stage? Oh, wait, oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Magic Castle
shutdown permit.
There's a
civil war in America
between the magicians and the...
Escape room lovers.
And the escape room lovers.
Do you like escape rooms?
I love escape rooms.
I've only ever done one and it was very stressful.
I've done many.
But that might have also just been the situation.
I do them to try and set records.
Are you serious?
I do them a lot, yeah.
The group I go with, we try and do it as fast as we possibly can.
Why have you never invited me?
What the fuck? Because you don't live here. Should we do our next review? Yeah, I guess we a lot. Yeah. The group I go with, we try and do it as fast as we possibly can. Why have you never invited me? What the fuck?
Because you don't live here.
Should we do our next review?
Yeah, I guess we fucking should.
Shall I go?
Yeah, I would like that.
Good, because I'm going to.
This is going to be for Hoyle waterproof playing cards.
Clear.
One deck.
Okay.
So basically the idea is that they're like waterproof cards that you can like
um you know play poolside with right and you're not going to be worried that they're going to get
you know ruined by water one star one from jennifer b jennifer i'm going to take my
carpal tunnel brace off okay jennifer jennifer brace jennifer to take my carpal tunnel brace off. Okay. Jennifer Brace.
Jennifer Brace of the carpal tunnel variety.
One star.
Got marijuana leaf cards.
I bought these cards as a gift for a family friend who is a child to play with in her swimming pool since they were supposed to be waterproof.
Thank God, capital G, this was not a gift that I was sending straight from Amazon to the recipient's house.
I am appalled that the seller thought this was a good substitute for what I originally ordered.
I am very upset with this, as I have to find another gift in a pinch.
And they aren't even waterproof.
I'm disgusted so if they had been waterproof she would have considered
giving this child weed leave cards that's incredible i also love how the review for
the cards it's like lead with the these waterproof cards aren't waterproof she really buried the lead
like she really led with i fucked up i fucked up i'll own
it thank god i didn't give it to them oh and by the way i think she's saying she ordered the right
ones and they sent oh i misheard that then she said i bought these cards as a gift
yeah she says i am appalled the seller thought this was a good substitute for the
cards i ordered i see i see i see so she ordered waterproof playing cards and weed
cannabis the devil's cannabis
um i thought that she was like i'll'll own it. I messed up.
I shouldn't have bought this.
No.
She's without sin.
She's perfect.
She's flawless.
She hasn't done anything wrong.
She's immaculate.
She's without sin.
It's okay.
We fucked up.
We've centered the wrong ones.
We gotta own this.
We gotta own this we've gotta own this no like that's actually our fault
shit we sent her what we sent her we sent her weed all right make those man i don't know i
don't know who because i feel like if like honestly larry it's
like people who smoke weed yeah like they're not buying weed playing cards they well no because i
feel like people who smoke weed i don't think they think that that's cool no i know i mean look i was
i remember it was a while ago right it was I was not in this role then right I was still
in marketing but I remember the meeting we talked about it we debated it and the you know the
decision was made that people who are like between 14 and 20 and they want other people to think they smoke weed.
Wait, sorry, you were on the...
I didn't make the decision.
I did not make the decision.
I need that to be crystal.
But you were part of the origin.
I was not part of it.
I was basically a glorified intern at that time.
I just started.
It was a very junior entry level.
It was not, I don't...
This narrative that I can see you already starting to spin up i'm not i'm not i'm not i'm not no i i just this is on me this is not
on me i'm not saying it's not i'm not saying it's on you it's on doug i'm not saying it's on you or
anything you're trying to fucking throw me under the bus i'm not larry i didn't say it was on you. It gets out that we sent her weed cards.
When she ordered the fucking...
I heart my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel playing cards.
Talk about cards I don't know why we make.
I mean, how many owners out there?
Well, I mean, you'd be surprised.
I guess.
I mean, that's how we have the...
I heart my Great Pyrenees playing cards.
I heart my Bichon Frise, my Chinese Crested, my Standard Poodle, my Great Dane.
Yes.
We could sit here all day and list all the cards we have.
Portuguese Water Dog.
Yes, exactly.
My Cocker Spaniel.
Not to be, you know, people think that Cocker Spaniel and King Charles Spaniel,
that they see a King Charles and they're like, oh, that's a Cocker Spaniel.
No, that is a King Charles.
That is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
My Puggle.
I heart my Puggle.
Okay.
My Pomsky, which honestly I think are abominations.
Oh, the number of genetic issues i mean
my golden doodle i'm speaking from the eye here i love my huskwawa
okay my chesky my chisquawa my i love this fucking rat thing piercing blue eyes most
fucked up jaw you've ever seen i love my dog i do you like
i'm a good owner i love your dog too just like i love my my my rorkey my name mickey my rottweiler
yorkie yes my rorkey yes you're you're mickey rorkey you know you call him mickey my mickey
rorkey you know how i love him but you're a good owner and you didn't
buy you didn't buy him from a breeder you just got him from a shelter that way
adam has eight week old yes yeah normal so it's like i see why we make all these cards
i know but and i also think you're right that there is a specific demographic that's like oh
if i'm a tween to before i'm legally allowed to drink people will think i'm cool if i have weed
paraphernalia right i'm gonna wear my weed socks i'm gonna buy my weed playing cards to play at the
park with my my weed cup yeah did i drink why lemonade, you know, whatever it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I mean, we've all done it.
I mean, I wouldn't have.
I have not bought any, like, weed-related things.
Have you ever smoked weed?
God, no.
Why don't?
Don't say that.
Larry.
Larry.
You know that it's illegal now in a lot of places.
Larry.
Larry.
I'm actually going to have a panic attack.
Don't have a panic attack.
Stop saying things like that in our place of work or ever.
Because that's not me.
That's not me.
I would never.
Larry, I actually.
No, Larry, I'm going to need you to stop.
Larry, Larry, what else do I need to say right now to get you to shut the fuck up about that?
Okay.
Okay.
You take things too far.
I don't.
I heart my beagle key.
My corgi beagle mix, my beagle key.
What's your point?
That's one we could get rid of, is what I'm saying.
It still doesn't change the fact. Look, we can make my I heart my Dolden Goxon, my Golden Retriever Doxon.
We could make those kinds of cards all day.
But it doesn't change.
And we do.
And we should.
Because everyone has those now.
But it doesn't change the fact that if Boss hears that we are the ones who messed up the order and sent her lead cards.
I know.
We could have. What's next? somebody orders i heart my box suit boxer malmute i heart my box suit
cards and what we send we send her we send her cards with with cocaine on them what's next someone
orders someone who orders i i heart my my my weekanese Wolfhound Peekonees, and we send heroin dice?
Like, what are we doing?
Come on, I'm serious.
What?
Somebody orders there, I heart my Shiba Poo, my Shiba Inu Shih Tzu.
Next.
And we send them a fucking crack pipe.
I mean, this is the kind of thing we have to be.
I know.
I mean, it's like, God forbid someone orders like,
I heart my lau lau lab chow chow.
And we send them a case of Everclear.
Like, what are we doing?
I heart my greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound.
My greyhound. Mix. And a lot of people say, Greyhounds, Borzoi, they look pretty similar already. Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah?
Tell that to a Gorbozoi owner.
Yeah, tell that to my Wippo-ed.
My Samoan Wippet mix.
What, someone owns one of those?
Tell that to my...
We set up a bomb.
Tell my Wuboyant
that you think that Greyhounds
and Borzois are the same.
Tell that to my wuboyant.
See how
he takes it.
Call my blow blow.
My bloodhound chow chow
mix.
Tell my blow blow
that it's okay
to be putting drug paraphernalia
on cards.
And you know what?
While you're at it,
tell that to my chow chow.
Chow chow chowella mix.
It's okay
to have to buy things
that are covered in weed
when you don't even smoke it.
Come on.
When you don't smoke it.
When you don't do it.
But you know it's legal.
Stop it!
Over the border.
Larry!
I've done it.
Not at work, obviously.
Or in the state even,
but I've done it.
Larry, why?
It was a few months ago
after we put down
my pinch poo,
my pincher poodle mix. And after my pinch poo my pincher poodle mix and after my pinch poo got put to sleep forever i was so
distraught that my wife she said smoke a little of this it'll take the edge off and i did and it
worked it did i felt better for a little while for For a little while. And I'm going to do it again.
For a little while. For a little while.
All those little whiles add up to a big time, Larry.
You don't understand. You don't get what it's like.
What, to lose your pinch poo?
Imagine you came from home from work and your jacket,
your Jack Russell Whippet,
your jacket was dead.
What would you do? Do not! Don't even put that idea in my head! Your sweet little jacket. Your Jack Russell Whippet? Your jacket was dead. What would you do?
Do not!
Don't even put that idea in my head.
Your sweet little jacket.
What are you doing?
Why are you bringing up my jacket so?
Or your Whippack.
Your Whippet Jack Russell makes the other way around.
What would you do?
Would you smoke a little weed, maybe?
No, I wouldn't, because i wouldn't debase myself thus
for the death of my jacket or my whip back look i think we just i think i'm gonna work from home
for the rest of the day i need to be with my jacket and my whip back i love them equally yes
hey um
I'm sorry
thank you
what looking at me
you want me to apologize too
I was kind of expecting it I don't know what I need
to apologize for okay
I think I'm gonna blame you
for this
um I already emailed the boss and told him it was your fault.
How am I gonna tell?
How am I gonna tell my sweet little terrorist?
My terrier German spitz mix.
My terrorist.
Let's do our last segment.
This
Shook Me All
We Love.
Oh my
God.
That went crazy. That was a deep cut.
They're ugly dogs, man. All them. No, they went crazy. That was a deep cut.
They're ugly dogs, man, all them.
No, they're not.
All them dogs we listed are ugly.
Here's what's shaking me.
What's shaking your ass?
It's been shaking me for all of the summer.
No way.
I.
Charlie XCX.
No, for the first time ever, I've gotten into Love Island.
Now, I wanted to start with the current UK season. I i watched the first two episodes and then one of my dear friends who was a huge love island head said girl
no you have to start with the current us season that's airing season six that is now i've heard
that this one she's like she's like it is one of the craziest seasons of any of the franchises ever.
And I was not disappointed.
I did not know going in, one, that it's a competition show.
That it's like you win at the end.
Didn't know that.
You didn't know that.
Okay.
You win money.
That's frankly an enormous component.
Well, I mean, I knew there was like a competition in the way that like The Bachelor is technically a competition.
But you didn't realize that money was part of it.
It was for money.
Totally.
And then I also didn't realize it has kind of the Big Brother treatment and that it comes out almost every day.
Yes, it's relentless.
So I fell behind a little bit because I was working in the summer.
And then I'm like, oh, oh well I have a day off let me
watch some Love Island only to find that like six episodes had come out by the time you know six
hour and 15 minute long episodes so I really I will say what's shaken me is it's I loved it it
was incredible television and I just finished the finale today today's's August 4th. So I'm a little bit behind,
but not too far behind from when it ended.
But I had no spoilers.
I had muted everything on Twitter.
That is impressive, dude.
I did not scroll through anything on TikTok.
Like I had a completely pure experience, which I'm very proud of,
given how much it was talked about online.
And yeah, I have a lot of thoughts.
If we want to chat Love Island USA season six,
I've got some thoughts.
But it was really fun.
I'm excited to watch more Love Island.
Not now because I'm super burnt out on it.
That's what I was going to say.
That's the thing I don't understand about it
is how people are like, oh yeah, I watch every season of uk us and australia
i'm like okay that's a full-time i could barely keep up with you i hit a wall the other day i
think it was like there's 36 episodes i didn't i started watching all the aftersounds which is
kind of like the weekly recaps but i stopped because i'm like there's i have to get through
too much and i hit a wall and daniel was like what are you doing i'm like, I have to get through too much. And I hit a wall.
And Daniel was like, what are you doing?
I'm like, I have to watch Love Island.
And he's like, you have to?
I'm like, well, I need to finish.
I'm so close.
I think it was like episode 32 or something.
I'm like, I am so close.
That's ridiculous.
And I'm finally done.
I'm excited for next season.
But I'm like, oh, wow.
I can finally start other shows.
Like, we just started What We Do in the Shadows.
We're so late to it. Oh, it's so good, though, I can finally start other shows. Like, we just started What We Do in the Shadows. We're so late to it.
Oh, it's so good, though, right?
I know, I know, but it's so good.
And so, yeah, so what's shaking me is that I have done it, I loved it,
and now I'm excited to be on the online kind of, like,
now I'm going through Twitter, seeing all the beef.
And also what I loved.
Oh, that's almost as good as watching the show,
is being able to be part of the discourse.
It's like I didn't have any
preconceived notions about any of the cast members going in like i think what was great about not
being on twitter at all for it is that it's like i got to form my own opinions of people and it's
really interesting to see how that has lined up with like public perception of them i mean i
remember like feeling like my i have never been able to watch an entire season of like the bachelor
because the episodes are so fucking long yeah like that felt like too much i can't like i did
i had to stop watching drag race because there was just too much i like was like when they went
from 14 episodes to 16 episodes and then there were like three seasons happening concurrently
i was like that felt overwhelming and i had to tap out how people can possibly keep up with love island is
like it's insane but maybe i could watch just that one u.s season it's worth it i mean that's
the only thing i've seen and it was i i know you and i know we have very similar tastes when it
comes to reality tv you would love it because that's honestly kind of what happened with salt lake city was like i was like i find the concept
of diving into real housewives so daunting and overwhelming you need to start with one start
with one popular salt lake city was like new yes right at the time we i started watching it there
was just the one season and i was like i can handle one season of this yep we started that
the exact same way.
No.
And so that's why now having kind of been a pioneer for us, for you and I as a unit into this, you're going to love it.
Okay.
I can do that.
What's shaking your ass?
Well, now I'm in my, what can only be described as my cookie era you've been in your cookie era though i'm in my
cookie era i love a cookie what have you been making there's two cookies that i've made this
summer that have been my go-tos one i think i maybe even talked about on the podcast which was
my gochujang snickerdoodles yes sounds incredible
so fucking good but i have cracked a recipe for a blueberry lemon cookie oh made with fresh
blueberries on the surface doesn't sound sounds more like muffin vibes than cookie it is like eating a chewier muffin top it is so fucking good tea i could be
buried in them it could be blueberry denim because this i could absolutely be bluey buried in them
i here's my goal right i want to find 12 cookies so that I can have a cookie per month.
I thought you were going to...
So that I can be like, I know what cookie I'm making.
It's February.
That's when I make my...
That's cute.
Right?
That's a cute little tradition to have.
Thank you.
I have like five right now.
That's great.
So I'm getting there.
Yeah.
So you're not even halfway in.
That's perfect.
I know.
And I'm excited because the the others that
i have set like i have my i know my november cookie my december cookie and my january cookie
cookie cookie that's great i love that journey cookie cookie cookie um well if you want to find
alfred and and keep up with his cookie journey which you will not
post about on social media do you want me to even link your instagram yeah i think it's kind of fun
because i still you never use it i still get random followers and i'm like for what at alfred
in it if you care the show at review review reddit review review discord review review and guys thank you so much it cannot and especially if you've made it to this
if you've made it this far you're a real thank you for all of the theme songs that have been sent
it is an embarrassment of riches and i'm so excited to play through all of them keep them coming reviewreviewshow.gmail.com like how Noah must have felt
when the rain stopped
you know
I don't know about that I feel like a desert
like I would have been a better thing like when the rain came
like is there a desert story with
rain from the bible
um you should plug my things
um plug your ears more like
cause Riley's talking
honk shoo
and you can find Riley on
instagram.com just a web browser not the phone app at Riley and spa and on twitter.com now known as
xxx.com for as long as it lasts which really doesn't feel like much longer now, at Riley Coyote.
And as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying it.
We're never not saying it.
I heart my choo-choo. that's a chihuahua
poodle
slash
chow chow
I heart my choo choo
that's my chihuahua
poodle slash chow chow
we'll see you next time.
Au revoir.
Au revoir.
Review, review, review, review with Alfred and Riley.
Review, review, review, review with Alfred and Riley. Review, review, review, review
with Alfred and Riley.
He starts now.