Review Revue - Pogo Sticks
Episode Date: March 26, 2024Alf and Reilly have two eggs for eyes and a bacon strip as a smiley face in this weeks episode of REVIEW REVUE.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh ...@alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now.
Let's break it down.
My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course.
And don't forget the fries and a drink.
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And participating restaurants for a limited time.
This is a HeadGum Original.
Let's get it, Alfred.
In here.
And the pod has Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and.
In this podcast, there's no disrespect.
So when Jeffrey left, I nearly wept.
We got two minutes for us to connect.
After 100 ebbs, now we got Alfred in effect.
Alfred's got precision.
Replacement, good decision.
He's getting old.
Gotta break away from repetition.
Because when we be out, Marty pulls his weave out.
You wouldn't believe we review, review.
You're in for a year now.
Alfred's freaking here now.
Impuff from Chicago to hotly weird.
Review, review.
Review, review. Start the show, getting weird
Let's get it, Albert in here
Let's get it, Borgwell in here
Let's get it, Evans
Let's get it, Albert in here
Let's get it, Borgwell in here
Let's get it, Evans in here
Let's get it, Albert get it Let's get it
Let's get it
Let's get it
Podcast is bold
Full of body soul
Don't move too fast
Podcast just take it low
Don't you dread
Just listen to it
Y'all hear about it
The host review it
Get started
Get weird
Don't worry about it
Podcast walk you through it
Set it by set
Let's get reviewing Like my daddy Let's get brewing Chips on dice Get started. Get weird. Don't worry about it. Podcasts walk you through it. Set it by set.
Let's get reviewing.
Like my daddy's. Let's get brewing.
Chips on dice.
Got who we are.
Brews in the pods.
On this whole place.
We're brewing.
Review, review.
Review, review.
Start the show.
Get weird.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it.
Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it, Albert! Ha! Let's get it, Borgwell and here!
Let's get it, Evans!
Ha!
Let's get it, Albert and here!
Let's get it, Borgwell and ha!
Let's get it, Evans and here!
Let's get it, Albert and ha!
Let's get it, Albert and here!
Yeah!
Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley
One of the scenes in Review Review is about a nightmare horse that's about 30 feet tall
and has a nest filled with spider little tiny horses.
I don't understand the minds of Riley and Alfred to be able to come up with something so deranged.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's the thing. Did you hear how much my name was in that?
Well, but let's get it Alfred Hall. God, that was a good one.
Let's get it Bardwell in here.
I feel like I have played that one before.
I did think you had maybe.
Yes, and for some reason it was unread in the review email.
Well, it was so good.
It's so nice.
They played it twice.
We have to play
it twice like new york from xoxo gossip banksy banksy shouldn't have to wait for the theme to
be played get it done or you'll be sleeping in dishes or whatever the fuck um so thank you so
much is that from it's 23 so if we i i feel like we did play that but um guys if this is not a sign
that you need to start sending in more theme
songs we're gonna replay them poor tyler sitting there with how many unplayed in the bank and
you're over here replaying other people it was unread so listen it's the algorithm is that but
thank you that was actually the lyrics were fun i I mean, obviously it was a, it was a, it was a copyrighted song.
Let's get it started.
But I think it was different enough.
By the Black Eyed Peas.
I think you could probably get away with it.
Oh, from the same exact music backing?
Fuck off.
Like, you're such a hater.
We're in moods today.
I'm going to rank rancid, absolutely sulfurous mood.
Last week, we were silly and kind of cheeky.
But tonight, yeah, tonight, if that gives you any indication.
Yeah, if you're feeling the fucking low energy.
Low energy elf.
We're recording at night.
Did you say low energy jab?
Yeah.
We're recording at night, and I'm sorry to say that.
Trust me.
I am sorry to say that because we're both little worker bees.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
My ass will fall off.
I'm working so hard.
Is that what happens?
Oh, that's new with your little ass.
Do you ever think about how when a bee stings you, it dies?
Yes, I do think about that.
I think it's so sad.
I don't think about its ass falling off though.
That's what happens.
Their ass literally gets torn out.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, they sing you.
The barb gets stuck in you.
But that's not their ass falling out.
And then they fly away, and their abdomen is torn asunder.
It's horrible what happens to the bees.
It's horrible.
Jerry Seinfeld didn't put that in his fucking porno, did he?
I'm just, like, upset about it. U it upset about bees or upset about recording
oh my god i'm happy to be here with you it's been a long day and i'm happy to be here with
my freeny we yeah man and i'm thrilled to be here with my you're lying for lonely baloney
um what if i gave you a nickname you're always calling me
alfreene then find a nickname for me right now okay no can't use that one that's inappropriate
um i'm just gonna call you the c word
uh what is how has your day been what's new my day it was hailing a minute ago and i thought oh i hope they don't pick that
up on the microwave the microwave the microwave the microwave i couldn't tell if you meant that
as a joke or not no sincerely i looked at the thing in front of my face and i said ah yes the
microwave my favorite household okay so you're recording on the microwave. My favorite household appliance.
Okay, so you're recording on the microwave and it's hailing.
And I thought maybe the microwave...
I did it again.
I thought maybe the microphone would pick up the hail
and then it would make for a poor auditory experience.
I mean, nothing's poorer auditory
than you calling the microphone
the microwave two times.
If you could have,
if you had to have no microwave.
Any other co-host in the world.
Oh, come on.
I know the answer.
Everybody knows the answer.
It would be.
The unknown.
The unknown from Willie's.
And at the time that this comes out
it will be it's not topical anymore it's the unknown it's like when the tie i'm pretty sure
the tiger king movie still hasn't come out you remember that you remember that when they did
tiger king hasn't come out when they did tiger king and they were like rob lowe's gonna play the tiger king and it
was like april 2020 everyone was like that's gonna be so fucking funny and now it's like
it's do we think that's actually been production for five years do you think they actually shot
any frame of it i don't believe they i believe they did some chemarades. Which would rob low and some tigers. And because you went in for Joe Exotic.
I went in for Joe Exotic.
Out of the money I would fucking pay to see you as Joe Exotic.
I don't think I would be the worst choice.
No, you would be actually inspired.
What was like his famous phrase?
Something problematic.
Yeah, I'm like, nothing I can think of that he would say can
be repeated um did you watch it at the time i watched it like an episode or two it was really
hard for me to get through with all the animal abuse and all i couldn't do it oh and does and
does the moral superiority feel good darling it actually doesn't make you feel good about yourself
it actually feels great because i watched every fucking episode with milk i drunk it up like allison williams and get out i drunk it up i
drunk it up um i bet you did you know that did you know that what does feel good though yeah
what's new with me i have a new sweater and i'm wearing it oh as if i needed any more sweaters. I was going to say. It was on sale.
Not dissimilar.
Not dissimilar.
It was on sale.
It is a like dark forest emerald green chunky oversized turtleneck big sleeves.
How big is the weather there today?
Temperature wise.
How big is the weather?
Temperature wise.
It was in like the 60s.
Okay, so not really sweater weather.
For LA, baby. you know how much you want
temperature today 65 here i was wearing oh sorry i'm actually fucking talking i'm actually fucking
talking you just went on about tiger king and microwaves and milk for a little bit i'm sharing
that i found this really cute sweater and it was like 20 bucks when it had been like 100 bucks
so that's very exciting to me that's very exciting to me.
That's very exciting to me.
I don't think you need to be wearing a sweater when it's 60 degrees.
I don't think you need to be.
What the?
You know what?
Jump.
Jump.
Get out.
No, I was trying to find a segue.
Jump.
Jesus.
Okay, man.
I was trying to find a segue.
I need to hop out of this conversation and into
our topic today i could let me do it i'll do it okay hop off my dick hop off my dick and onto a
pogo stick which is what we're talking about today i love a pogo stick haven't used one in years but
i will say i was not the most athletic child i'll say it shocker um but once i learned that i could use a pogo stick and do it well the that's when i felt
moral superiority moral physical i i felt physical because not everyone can use a pogo stick not everyone can master that but i could what was like your trick
your go-to trick there's no i mean there's no trick i could just do it you couldn't do like
flips or anything no one's doing a flip on a pogo stick i was you tell me at eight years old you
were doing i was doing ollies i was doing kickflips right i was grinding yeah all the other kids would show up to the skate park with their fucking
boards or whatever and i'd say oh cool board have you ever used a pogo stick no
why not well maybe i have and i just don't remember it's possible as a as a
bouncing baby boy i was i was around one and i might have given it a whirl but i i don i just don't remember it's possible as a as a uh a bouncing baby boy i was
i was around one and i might have given it a whirl but i i don't i don't i certainly never
owned one possible as a bouncing baby boy i might have been around one and given it a yeah like i
might have been over at a friend's house and they might have had one and i might have been give me
that pogo stick but i don't think i i never owned one i never owned one never owned one but it was a great toy
at like a friend's house that like i think that's where i felt really cool because it's like i'm not
a runner i'm not a track star she's not a runner she's not a track star i i never competed in like
team sports i was gonna say group sports team sports so the way that i could show my physical
prowess,
I'd go over to a friend, I'd be like,
oh, what's that thing laying around there?
Oh, is that a pogo stick?
What if all Anspa had a try?
Your friend is like, oh, no, yeah, you did that last time.
It's okay.
Yeah, no, I know you can do the stick.
Oh, Anspa, you're what, 12?
It's not hard to do.
Anyone can do it.
That's not true whistle how
old were you when you learned to whistle i'm so young that i don't have a memory of doing it is
that really true yes and that's untalented you know how how old how old was i when i learned to
whistle 20 15 that's too old late when you learned how to use chopsticks uh probably probably 11 12 too old
how old were you like four wow you're so fucking cool you're so better than me
i'm so better. Musical and can eat. I can't sing or eat.
She can use a chopsticks and she can hop on a pogo stick.
We're sensing a stick theme.
We're sensing a stick theme.
Pogo stick is hula hoop.
Is jump rope.
Chopstick is hula hoop.
PE scooter.
PE scooter? You know, what do they call they're not scooters they're the carts
scooter sound off in the comments y'all know what i mean i know you're talking about but it's not
certainly in our p.e scooter i never saw a human own one of those not in pe correct those weren't like you couldn't buy
those like moving cart like they feel like moving yeah you couldn't buy one in this
those were only for sale in multiples of a dozen you couldn't buy just one i loved a jump rope i
loved a hula hoop i could do hula hoop oh a trick that i could do on we're not talking about hula
hoops today but it does feel in the it is in the world of you know what i'm gonna say what cousins not
sisters cousins not sisters um sisters not twins i could hula hoop i could keep it in motion waist
down to my ankles and bring it back up to my waist that i was always kind of um transfixed
by people who could do that.
I thought I was the coolest motherfucker.
Yeah, I mean, you probably were.
I mean, that's a level of control over one's body I don't possess now.
I could spin it around on one arm, throw it up, and catch it on the other arm and keep spinning it.
She is the moment.
No, and here's the thing.
I fell sickle because when I was in middle school, I was in the ensemble of Seussicle.
Yeah. Oh, fuck. The coolest kid alert i was your girl but give us a taste give us a taste i know you remember i know you remember in the circus sequence i had a
highlighted part because i could do all that hula hoop stuff but then these girls who knew how to do
like aerial silks came in and i'm like okay well. Aerial silks in what grade? Like
sixth grade. That's crazy.
Yeah. Let's get into
we're veering too much away from the pogo stick.
Okay. You can't really do anything other than
jump high. I'll veer us back.
I'd love to
have one now.
What would you do with it?
Pranks. Pranks?
Yeah. Likeanks? Yeah.
Like what?
I'd jump off a building and bounce back up.
Let's take a break.
Say, got your ass.
It's like, you know how people, it's like, you know, it's like if you drop a penny off the empire stapling you could kill someone it's you actually the terminal velocity
jumping on my head and it shoots you back up got your ass i mean yes i mean pogo stick is hula
hoop it is jump rope but it's also mickey mouse it's also wily coyote it's acme and i think that's something to consider
and we're back pogo stick is mickey mouse do you want to start or should i
yeah here's one for a pogo stick new bounce pogo stick for kids pogo stick for ages 9 and up.
80 to 160 pounds.
Pro Sport Edition.
What does that mean?
Quality, easy grip.
Pogo stick for hours of wholesome fun.
I hate when a product describes the kind of fun you can have with a thing.
Just let it be what it is hours of good
natured fun it's like family friendly fun it has to be wholesome fun i also i'm just like
seo is the worst thing that ever happened to name to naming of items what seo search engine
optimization oh how they just throw all the terms in there because you're gonna google like yeah well i want to buy my grandson a wholesome pogo stick and so and then that pops up as opposed
to the x-rated ones yeah where they're all freaking peters um and i think you all know what I mean by that.
Mary S. Every time you bounce.
Jesus Christ.
Mary S.
Mary S.
Mary, save me a pogo stick.
Mary, save me a pogo stick.
One star. No, I want a redo. Okay. Mulligan. Mary Simon. Mary save me a pogo stick one star
no I want a redo
Mary Simon
says time to hop
three times on a pogo stick
Mary Simon says
time to hop
three times on a pogo stick
one star
went to Goodwill we couldn't get it to work Three times on a pogo stick. Yes. One star.
Went to Goodwill.
We couldn't get it to work.
I went to return it, but it was too late.
What?
So I have a couple issues with this one.
First of all, you couldn't get it to work.
What the fuck does that mean?
You don't need to set it up you just jump on it and either
it works or it doesn't yeah second of all stop giving your broken shit to goodwill yes nobody
wants that yes it's if it doesn't work throw it away if it doesn't work it's not you're not doing
a good thing but being like this busted ass
fucking broken like cannot be fixed but couldn't get it to work she like she didn't say came broken
doesn't work she said could so she's acknowledging that it was user error effective
that it was no was it that she couldn't get we couldn't get it to work maybe they will at the
goodwill maybe someone will buy it from goodwill and couldn't get it to work. Maybe they will at the Goodwill.
Maybe someone will buy it from Goodwill and they'll take it home and they'll know.
But we couldn't get it to work.
We couldn't figure it out.
I mean, there were no instructions with it.
I mean, and so.
Okay, before I do the intake on this item,
we just want to make sure that we're doing our due diligence here at Goodwill.
And we just want to make sure that we're getting the best quality goods
to then resell to, you know, people who would want a pogo stick.
So I'm going to need a little bit more description about
what do you mean you couldn't get it to work?
Like the springs were defective?
Or the candles weren't really?
I don't believe we got that far.
You know, I wouldn't feel comfortable making any claim about the quality
of any of the craftsmanship craftsmanship oh so it to me i mean looking at it it looks it's in
good condition i believe so oh well great so then i just need to ask i mean not to pry but it looks
like a pretty nice pogo stick may i ask it's the return? Yeah, it was quite expensive. It was about $111.99.
Wow.
$111.99.
Yeah.
So can I ask why the return?
Oh, we couldn't get it to work.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
Someone from across the room. Wait, is that a is that a oh my gosh is that a pogo stick
oh my gosh i gotta my little one has been asking for this for christmas for for months mine too
oh my gosh and i'm just i'm so this is my lucky day this is my lucky freaking day hi i'm julie gosh this is um what's your name
dave dave oh my god dave you are a lifesaver excuse me ma'am i would like to take that
pogo stick off of that man's very very well manicured hands oh thank you for noticing yeah
absolutely we i think we could do a resell on this and maybe let's call it $20. 20 bucks for that?
For that locomotive?
I don't think it's a locomotive.
Well, whatever it is, I will be taking it.
There we, oh my gosh.
Do you mind if I give it a whirl?
I sleep with Ziploc bags full of moisturizer on my hands.
That's why they look so good.
That's why they look so good.
Do you mind if I give it a whirl in the store?
Julie, honest to God, I'd love it if you did.
Because, and I'm not going to, no take backsies.
It's yours fair and square.
I gave it away.
You purchasing it.
Everything's above board here.
But I'd love to see you figure it out.
Because we were stumped.
I mean, me and Barb must have been looking at that damn thing
for about a good three quarters of an hour. I mean, this is incredible to see. I mean, this is Barb must have been looking at that damn thing for about a good three quarters of an hour.
Wow.
I mean, this is incredible to see.
I mean, this is actually, you know.
Now, could you mind if I film this?
I think Barb needs to see this because I was pretty sure.
Oh, I feel like Tigger.
Yeah.
No, and I was pretty sure this was how it was supposed to work, but she didn't believe me.
She said, no, it can't be.
You can't be jumping.
Yeah.
Okay. Wow wow thank you so
much um julie julie um sorry yeah oh gets down whoa talk about the ride of my life oh gosh i
cannot thank you enough can i ask how would i do it right but like i guess i well you just jump on
the dang thing do do you not?
You can still keep it.
I'm not trying to take it from you.
Oh, I know.
I paid for it and it's mine.
Could I maybe...
Could you have a turn?
Have a freebie.
What's that?
Come on.
Could I get a ride on it?
Did you just wink at her?
Yeah, like just a free-spirited kind of like, you know,
I'm just trying to be neighborly.
Is he making you uncomfortable?
No, come on.
No, no.
I don't think I am.
No, not at all.
Right.
Oh, he's doing it again.
No, you can.
What do you mean doing it again?
You're winking again, are you not?
Oh, I have something in my eye i think all that
bouncing you must have created some something of a of a dust storm uh well you can use the
give it a go give it a go what do you start with what is that what do you mean step one
just just get on and go like you know when you get on and go step Like, you know, when you're on top.
Get on and go.
Step two is go.
Okay.
So I think I saw you holding the bar.
Gets on.
It just sinks down and doesn't pop back up.
Okay.
Now what?
Get off.
Get off.
Get off.
Sorry.
Get off it. Steps off off did i do something wrong oh my god what did you do it's broken i don't think it's broken broke the dang thing no this
is exactly what was happening back at the condo i think this is just how I use it. I really don't think it's...
Cut to a different day.
I heard that his wife is drying her hair.
All right, I'm just about done.
Okay, honey, here, I know you want to just get yours
before we head out to dinner really quick.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hair is soaking wet.
It shoots water out of the hair.
Is your hair dryer working? Oh, yeah working oh yeah i mean like mine gave me a
full blowout honestly i can stop going to the salon now because like now that i can do this
at home saving me tons of money i know it's what i noticed but well by golly barb i swear mine's
getting wetter it's like a damn shower in here barb oh jesus honey honey don't turn that on right next to
all this water and electricity is a good combo my god stop it turn it off oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i
just huh i thought i was i watched you really. I was pretty sure I used it exactly the same.
I can't do this anymore.
Oh, Barbie.
Barbie.
I don't know how else to say this
other than you are a cartoon man you are midas in terms of everything you touch turns to shit in the worst
possible way that's not the midas story i mean it in a bad way okay i love you but being out and about with you is embarrassing.
You don't know how to do simple tasks, and when you try, it has the opposite effect of the thing the item was meant to be used for.
I don't understand the physics around it, but it has to be a sign from God.
I've always been this way, though.
I mean, where's this coming from i mean the night we first met you know i laid down my coat over that puddle for you and then i stepped onto it and i fell all
the way down fell all the way down it made a hole my neck in water it made a hole your coat was like
those portable holes from roger rabbit and then i bought you that bouquet of flowers but
turned out they were all full of bees
got stung moments like these so when you say, where is it coming from? You know exactly where it's coming from.
But, but, but,
this is what I don't understand. I mean, on our wedding
day, you know,
I
got up and I saw you
standing there at the altar and I
said, that's,
that's my Barbie.
And I,
well, I took out my ring
and it got all rubbery on my finger and fell off.
And then when you put my ring on,
it shocked me.
It sent a zap through my arm.
Now, listen, honey,
I'm all for a practical joke or a prank here and there,
but this is just, over the past five years that wasn't on purpose exhausting it's exhausting being married to you
okay sure i i understand um remember last week on my birthday?
When you said you baked me a beautiful pie.
And I got all dolled up.
And I did.
You did.
And I walked into the room.
All our friends and family were there.
And then you just threw the pie into my face.
And the pie was all shaving cream.
The pie.
I tripped. Okay? it wasn't on oh yeah this old chestnut no i'm serious i would never throw something at you on purpose i'm not that kind of
guy but i'm tired of holding you back and I'm tired of being
I don't know
just a wet rag around your neck
oh god
is that a phrase? I don't know
you can't even do this right
Barbie and Ken
Barbie and Dave
are no more
you're not even going to fight for me? Barbie and Ken, Barbie and Dave are no more.
You're not even going to fight for me?
You're not even going to say, oh, I can change my ways?
I've been fighting.
I fought for you this morning.
You didn't see. I got up.
I made you a whole breakfast in bed.
I took one step upstairs to the bedroom i came tumbling back down orange juice in my hair
pancakes on my face and then that two eggs landed where my eyes are and the bacon for my mouth
and this was all before you even got up i cleaned it all up i said hopefully she won't notice then she won't leave me but alas
he said that wasn't enough to say yeah and the kids heard can you imagine that they were eating
their rice krispies looking at their old sad sack of shit covered in breakfast food just trying to keep his wife yourself like no it's true
if i'm a cartoon character i'm i'm somewhere between droopy the dog and and and pepe lepew
just a sad stinky horny mess. No, I'm serious.
Come on.
I want you to leave me.
What?
I want you to go.
I don't deserve you.
You sure as hell don't deserve me.
And all the chaos that comes with me.
Listen, Dave. Barbieave i do love you i do i don't want you to think that i know you do it's okay well you really stepping up to the plate in this way is making me reevaluate things.
No.
Fly free, my little Tweety bird.
Oh, no, I don't want to be, I don't want either of us to be cartoons.
We can't come back from this.
So what are you going to do?
You're going to go just fall down flights of stairs?
Well, Barbie.
That's it.
Just keep falling down flights of stairs your whole life.
I've spent a lot of time running for myself.
Trying to be a man I'm not.
For you, for the kids, for me.
And, well, with Toby going to Stanford next year and
Veronica on her way to Princeton I figure it's amazing how we've only been together five years
we adopted and they were 13 at the time I don't know why I explain this to you every week.
It's like selective amnesia with this one.
Anyway, maybe it's time I find somebody who,
well, who loves me for me.
I hope you find that person.
Thank you.
Be they a cartoon or a real life human being.
My hope is on real woman.
But.
But.
But.
You know, whatever happens, happens.
Cut to him making an e-harmony profile
likes
I guess I'd like
women
no that's weird
I guess I'll put
hockey
I don't even really like hockey
it's just more normal than the women
and then two weeks later Hockey? I don't even really like hockey. It's just more normal than the women.
And then two weeks later, a mysterious housekeeper turns up.
Her name?
Mrs. Doubtwater.
Mrs. Droughtwater.
And that's not, that's like, you have the preference
of men and women you choose women
preference women likes women women and um well women more women
if i was on a desert island what would be the one thing i'd want to have with me uh women
my favorite song?
Women.
Okay, go ahead.
This is for Fly Bar Master Pogo Stick, ages 9 and up, 82, 160 pounds.
Easy grip handles, anti-slip pegs, outdoor toys, boys, girls, outside toys for kids, teens, tweens.
I'm so fucking glad that the title clarified that you can use the pogo stick regardless of gender because I was really worried until it threw that in there I know this is five
stars from Caleb okay no last name oh um any fucking day Caleb any last name you can think of probably caleb any word it can be literally
anything doesn't even have to be probably caleb caleb
his last name is caleb caleb caleb. I like the ring of that.
I could get used to this.
Caleb.
Caleb. Caleb.
Five stars.
The title is, One of Our Most Used Toys.
My kids are getting to the age where they are too old for certain toys.
However, these have come in handy.
I bought one for my son, and then I bought another one for my other son for Christmas.
Surprisingly, with how rough my kids are on them, they've held up extremely well.
We have not had any issues at all.
Every time their friends come over, they use them, and my children use them all the time as well.
So they've gotten lots of use since Christmas.
This one in particular bounces a lot higher than my other sons.
If I was going to make a purchase again, I would definitely get this one. That bounces a lot higher than my other sons if i was gonna make a purchase again
i would definitely get this one that is so fucking sad so he bought two diff okay that's
your first mistake is kidding is getting two different kinds i grew up with one son one for
the other i grew up with a brother two years apart if one of us had a pogo stick that went really high and one of us had a pogo stick that went really not high,
that would have been,
I mean,
it would have been a fight to the death
over who got to use the good pogo stick.
Also, like, even in the review,
he's like, I got one for my son for Christmas
and then I got another one for my other son.
It's like he didn't have to say,
like, there's something about, like,
who's the other son? Like, who is referred to as my other son. It's like he didn't have to say, like there's something about like, who's the other son?
Like who is referred to as the other son?
I heard you on the phone the other day.
Yeah.
Did you call me your other son?
What are you talking about, Max?
Well, I don't know.
I guess you were on the phone
with one of your work colleagues or something.
And you were talking and you sounded really proud.
I'm proud of both of you boys.
You know what was happening?
He is helping me get tickets to the Kings game.
And so I said, you know, can you get them for both my boys?
And he said, yeah, so that's surprise.
You, me and randy are
going to the king's game on saturday that's awesome dad um you know kind of i mean that
was artfully done you really skirted the kind of confrontation i was attempting to have with you
um obviously i'm excited to go to see the game i mean i would say i've been pretty clear um that
i'm not that interested in in sport um or crowds so i would i would think maybe you would know
that's not super thrilled that's maybe uh you and randy oh my god listen i love you randy does like
it no you're right about half of that dad trying to spend time with his boys.
And I'm just a boy.
With his two sons, one and the other.
Yeah.
Did you hear it?
Right there.
Did you hear it?
The lack of gratitude in my youngest son's voice creeping up through his vocal cords.
Yeah.
Okay, Pops. Can we do a little word association
of course okay i'm just gonna start simple dog bark okay fish gulp sun moon okay sun s-O-N. Good. Okay. Other son.
Sorry, that wasn't a word.
That wasn't a word.
Other son.
You.
I mean, oh, no.
I don't mean it like that. I thought it was pretty clear where I was leading you there.
I mean, I gave you, you know, that was like two, you know, ships, like cruise ships.
We somehow managed to hit each other in the middle of the
ocean i was gonna be so much worrying what i was trying to do there max max buddy buddy max buddy
max buddy i stopped talking a while ago you can start your plane whenever you find it down sit
down okay i want to apologize are you gonna sit or are you just gonna stand over me i'm gonna stand weird
i just want to apologize i can imagine that as a child that must have not felt very good hearing
your dad call you the other kid well i that felt infantilizing i mean i don't think it would feel
good even if i was your adult son um to hear you say that anybody i mean listen i don't know if you could tell or maybe you forgot
but i'm an only child no it's pretty clear and so that was sometimes i forget it's hard to forget
that about you it's sometimes i forget you know i'm an only man child raising a stew kids a stew
come on enough man child no that was astute sometimes can i admit something
sometimes didn't didn't what did you did did you notice how you didn't wait for me to respond
and you said can i admit you know it's the rhetorical questions with you that's really
draining sometimes i feel like you you wish you had a different dad sometimes i feel like you
don't lie oh my god so you can't be mad at me Absolutely. Sometimes I feel like you don't like... Oh, my God!
So you can't be mad at me for calling you other son when you don't even like me.
It doesn't work that way, Chief.
You don't even like me.
Why do you think I wish I had a different dad?
Randy, get in here.
Randy, my boy, get in here.
All right, all right.
Yeah, that's my guy.
Why don't we go into the game later, pops?
Oh, call it Saturday, my man.
Fuck yeah.
So cool, chief.
Anybody want a grinder?
Your brother Maxwell is not too happy about it.
Who wants a grinder?
Oh, you know I'll always take one.
A sub for the little guy, right?
The other one, he'll take panini, pressed.
No, you were right, Randy.
A sub would be good.
You got it, Chief.
Randy, wait.
Before you go making our grinders, can you sit for a second?
We need to have a family meeting.
Okay.
Are you going to stay standing?
I am going to stay standing.
You're going to sit next to your brother.
All right.
Now, boys, I love you both not an equal amount, but I like you.
No, I meant to reverse that.
I love you the same.
I like you differently.
He's pretty bold-faced about it.
Yeah, I mean, it's never really been any doubt to me that he's pretty clear that he loves me more.
No, no, no.
I misspoke.
Hang on a second.
I'm talking to my brother.
You're right.
I want you to know, Max, you feel the bottom of my heart.
I see it as an equal.
I know that I'm the more traditionally masculine one.
I love sports and Italian cured meats and putting them into sandwiches that are thick with dressing.
But I think-
Randy's way.
It's when it's just Dijon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Pops.
He tries too hard.
And I think at the end of the day,
he's going to be not around forever.
And I hope that you and I can continue
to have a relationship into adulthood.
And you don't resent me
because of the way he's pitted you and I
against each other our whole lives.
No, I really appreciate you saying that.
That was...
Thank you, Randy.
Yeah.
Ditto.
Yeah.
It wasn't really about you or any of your whole thing.
No, listen, boys, I love you.
And listen, you can ask any parent on the block,
heck, even any parent on Facebook,
they will all agree that, of course, we have favorites.
Of course, we have favorites.
But I love you is just the same.
But it's just Randy and I connect.
No, I'm sorry.
I got in a rush.
You literally started your rant.
I misspoke, Randy.
I misspoke.
Listen to your father.
Randy, listen to your father.
Oh, my. I miss your father I misspoke I misspoke
I love yous equally
I do like Randy more
Because we're more similar
Okay
I wouldn't stretch it
What do you mean
We're more similar sure
But we're not similar
We're like the same guy.
And I love it.
Uncle Brian and I feel a lot more kinship to him as a father figure.
Your mother's brother is not your dad.
I didn't say he was my dad.
You just said, oh, he's my father.
You know, Max, can i call you in for a second
you know i uh you you know you really you win what kind of fucking yes i know you don't want
to go to therapy but me and max have actually been going to therapy for quite some time so
yes you said that therapy is for is for people with tote bags, and I didn't really understand what you meant by that.
I meant young people who donate to NPR, like me.
And Max, you know who I feel really bad for?
You know, I feel bad for you, sure.
Who doesn't?
Hey, up top!
I'm not going to high five that.
Come on!
And I do feel bad for dad, too.
You know, for the old man.
There's clearly some void.
I'm not old.
I'm like 63.
Pretty old.
No.
And Maxie, you know who I really feel bad for?
Martin.
Our other brother.
Oh, shit.
I forgot about that one. Right?
You know, Max,
it's like for you
to be called
the other brother,
imagine how much
Martin wishes
he even got that.
But that just
forgets about him.
I did ultimately forget.
Oh, I keep doing that. I need to put sticky notes around the house that say, don't forget about him. I did ultimately forget. Oh, I keep doing that. I need to put sticky
notes around the house that say, don't
forget about Martin.
Yeah, I've been here
the whole time.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Martin,
don't sneak up on us like that. I was waiting for you
to notice me.
God, you're so slight.
Any chance I could
score a ticket to the big game?
Hey, little guy afraid there's only three tickets.
No, Matt.
No, Martin, you can have my ticket.
I really don't want it.
No, you can't.
No, you can't, Martin.
No, Max, you are coming to the game.
I think Martin can have my ticket.
No, I don't think so.
Afraid.
Actually, no, your name's on the ticket, so Martin can't have it,
because if the security takes it, they're like oh that's not the same that's
this not the other son that's the other that's some rando first of all there's no way our names
are actually on the ticket uh i'll write them on i don't think the security guard will care
that might void the ticket i i
please don't make me take him.
He's really a fun guy once you get to know him.
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, I got a bright idea.
Like you spend any time together?
I got a bright idea.
Why don't we take the three of us to the game?
Cut the old one out of it.
Well, no.
Yeah, I kind of like that idea.
No, I wanted to hang out with the cool...
No way, Max, not you too.
You're the smart one.
Let's all get on my motorcycle.
That I stole.
What?
No, no, that's so cool.
No, guys, please don't leave me out of this.
Please don't leave me out.
What do I got to do to come, huh?
What do I got to do?
You got a time machine?
What?
Because there's no way you're coming to the game unless you got a time machine.
You can't be driving the motorcycle you
you've had too many grinders i had a long day at the factory okay i'm a grown man i'm entitled to
certain vices i love you so fucking much dude hey martin yeah Hey, Martin. Yeah?
Why are you laughing?
Because I think your dad might actually be your mom's brother.
Come on.
That's a low blow, dad.
I'm not even being like a dick.
I mean, genuinely. You are being, no, I'll be clear.
You're being a dick.
Maybe not on purpose.
Yeah, he's got a good point.
You're really kind of an asshole.
It's not even, no, I know.
I'm kind of a prick.
But this, I actually, I legitimately don't think I'm your dad.
I don't think I'm your dad.
Good. I mean, honestly,
for me, Uncle Brian's way
fucking cooler than you. Oh, come on!
You fucking rank-ass,
fucking stupid-looking, wannabe
fucking cool
kid. You know, it's just sad.
You make me sad.
You guys happy?
Tell us how you really feel.
You guys happy you made your old man Tell us how you really feel. You guys happy?
You made your old man cry?
You're not crying.
You just, you know.
I'm thinking about it.
You got your usual flop sweat, but rubbing your eyes.
Well, fine.
You three go have fun at the big game.
Without your old, No, wait.
No, don't.
No, fuck it.
And they're gone.
And they're outside.
And they're on the motorcycle.
And they're driving away.
And, oh my god, they're already at Crypto.com Arena.
And they're gone.
Oh, and the game's on.
Let me turn that on the TV.
And I'm watching.
And the Kings-
Oh, god.
They shoot, they score.
They shoot, they score.
They shoot, they score. Oh, man. What a time. Are there any- Oh, no. They shoot, they score, they shoot, they score, they shoot, they score.
Oh, man. What a time. Are there any
pretzels? Oh, no. We're out of pretzels.
Oh, out of Dijon. That's because it's
Randy's way. All the hoagies just dripping
in the stuff. And, okay.
Spin, drift. There we go. Lemon.
Let's put a little lime in there. Make it
a little Sprite. Sugar-free.
There we go.
Daddy.
Oh! Marco. Oh, God. No, don't tell me. little sprite sugar free daddy daddy oh Marco
don't tell me Marco
your daughter yes
Marco
Marco
Marco
Marco
I mean you
picked it.
Do we got time for one more?
Yeah, I think Sylvester Stallone and his stolen motorbike have time for one more.
Do you want to read it or should I?
Celeste Peculiar says,
five stars.
A powerful pogo equals lots of fun.
When I was a kid, many, many years ago, I used to pogo around.
Even rode my pogo several blocks away to the corner store.
I don't know what possessed me to try it again,
except that I remembered how much fun it was,
so I went looking for a pogo for adults and found this one.
I'm not disappointed.
Man, is it strong.
The first few times I jumped on,
I flew across the driveway,
almost into my car.
Oh my god.
One time, and almost into a tree the other.
I learned rather quickly not to jump on with so much force,
but rather to gently sort of step on.
Also not to make a big, strong, downward push, but baby hops.
At least for now.
Once I tame this beast, I'll give it my all.
And holy cow, what a workout!
Oh my god!
I'm sure I'll drop 20 pounds once the weather warms up just from
pogoing my neighbors probably think i am nuts because you rarely have ever see a 53 year old
woman jumping on a pogo stick in their driveway i am relearning the technique but have gotten up to
27 consecutive hops which is a good start i I think. I love this pogo stick.
It is strong, sturdy, and powerful, and I look forward to having a blast with it.
So that's a little kooky, huh?
I don't know what to say.
Yeah.
For me, it's man, is it strong?
The first few times I jumped on it, I flew across the driveway.
Man, is it strong?
Once I tame this beast, I will give it my all.
That's, that's...
Once I tame this beast, I'll give it my all.
Two cowboys in a rodeo. beast. I'll give it my all.
Two cowboys in a rodeo.
Now,
now, Dale, you don't
need to go out there. You know, there's
no need to risk your life
for this. I don't need to risk
my life. If I don't win this here
rodeo, I won't make enough money
to bring my wise little baby boy into this world. So I don't win this here rodeo, I won't make enough money to bring my wife's little baby boy
into this world. So I gotta
get back out there.
Damn that midwife and her
extortion.
I know.
When our first kid arrived and she
cost us an arm and a leg, I thought
I will never let this woman
do this to us again. And wouldn't you
know, she done fooled me again.
And their home birth is not even like she's paying rent on a space.
I know.
All that being said, I need to literally get back on that horse.
But I'm scared.
You've heard the rumors, right?
What rumors?
Can't be as bad as Bojangles from last month's tournament?
He done knocked you right into the stands.
This is...
You alright?
This one here is about 30 of them put together.
This right here, his name is Vile.
V-I-L-E, they call him Vile.
And he's something fierce not to be meddled with.
I looked that horse in the eye. I swear I saw Satan himself.
Well, there's no way they'd let a horse like that into this here tournament, Rodeo.
He's 30 hands tall, 40 hands wide.
Stop it.
You're just trying to get me scared.
A thick beast of a horse.
Well, I'm sure I can train that.
What makes you think you're the feller to tame him?
I'm sure I can train that there beast and I can ride him to kingdom come.
He's killed men three times the size of you.
You think
they call him vile because
he's all
cuddles and lollipops. No, I'm sure
he's just a little stinky
and maybe a little hard to look at.
They say, well, that horse is vile.
You know how folklore starts. Stinky?
I ain't even the half of it.
I turned up last
week to the barn. I hadn't
even seen him before my nose
started to bleed. The
stench is something
acrid. Like from you just
cracked a battery and took a huff.
You told
me you'd stop doing that last fall.
It's a high like no other
Dale. I can't.
Stop.
Well, listen, I appreciate your advice.
I appreciate yous looking out for me,
but I gotta get on that there horse, the midwife.
You don't know what kind of shit she's got on me.
Now she's an extortionist and a blackmailer. I've seen everything with this
midwife. What's she got on you, Dale? Is it photographs? It's a couple photographs. Photographs
of you and one of your mares. Well, no, it's just... Not judging, but there's rumors about
you, Dale. You know, the photographs are just selfies I took, but because of them rumors, she's got a lot of leverage with them.
Oh, Lord, Dale.
What have you got yourself into?
I put them through VSCO cam because I thought, oh, well, now that makes you look pretty.
Dale, they're going to sell your data.
You can't do that.
They'll sell your data.
What have I told you about being off grid?
Okay, fine.
I'll go off the grid.
You don't listen to any of the podcasts I send you.
You send me podcasts?
Oh, my God, on Telegram.
Listen, I love you, brother.
You are a hell of a friend I'll ever find in this lifetime.
I am a hell of a friend you'll ever find in this lifetime. I am a hell of a friend you'll ever
find in this lifetime. Thank you, Dale.
My number's up next.
I gotta go tack up Vile now, you see?
And, uh,
I can do it. I'm gonna tame that there beast.
I'm gonna win this rodeo,
and I'm gonna pay this evil,
evil witch of a midwife,
and then she'll finally
be out of our lives, and my little boy will be in my arms
and it'll be the happiest day of my life.
Well, lest you get Priscilla pregnant again,
then you'll really be up a creek without a paddle.
I learned my lesson from the last two.
I swear I heard a little bit of your past life
as a yodeler come into it there.
Oh, stop.
You know I...
That's it, Dale. That's how we'll get your money. You'll go on the yodeler come into it there. Oh, stop. You know I... That's it, Dale.
That's how we'll get your money.
You'll go on the yodeling circuit.
There's no need to risk life and limb on vile.
Now, up next, number three, two, six,
Dale B. Kearns.
Well, that's me.
Okay, Dale, take this.
Now or never.
What's that?
Take it.
It's a lucky charm.
My grandfather gave it to me.
Oh, no, you wear this on your lapel every day.
I can't take that from you.
No, if you're going to die, I want you to die with a part of me on you.
I'm not going to die.
I might just get tossed around a little, but that's not going to kill a man.
I'm sure that horse is lovely.
No, it could well kill a man.
You've been in this rodeo business long enough that getting tossed around a little
sure does have the potential to kill a man.
Vile comes into the stable.
I'm not going to make eye contact with him.
No, I am not.
Well, that's your prerogative.
Last time I made eye contact with him,
I could barely walk straight for a week after what he did to me.
Well, it's time.
Okay.
Vile.
Vile.
Oh, there goes a satanic clicks. You seem like a nice horse there, Vile? Oh, there goes the satanic clicks.
You seem like a nice horse there, Vile.
All big and steam coming off ya.
Well, gosh, I've never heard a horse growl like that before, I gotta say.
Oh, well, what if I give you
a little carrot, see? Yeah,
you'll like a carrot. Oh, God,
he just hoovered it up.
Careful now, Dale.
Give him a carrot, he'll
take your arm off. Well, no,
he just sucked it right up
out of my hand. Hoover mouth.
Hoover mouth, that's exactly
right. Hoover mouth. Hoover mouth. That's exactly right. Hoover mouth.
Hoover mouth. That's exactly right.
Hoover mouth. That's exactly right.
Now, what if I just give
him a little pet right on the nose?
He's
hot to the touch, Jim.
I cannot. He is hot
to the touch. Well, then don't.
Oh, well, you gotta touch him. You're
riding him. I know. Dale, I really think. Oh, well, you gotta touch him. You're riding him.
I know.
Dale, I really think you should back out. He's gonna scald my legs.
No.
Where are my leather chaps?
No, I can't keep taking your items from you.
If you're gonna die out there, I want it to be in my finest trouser.
Okay, well, then take off your pants.
Don't have to ask me twice.
All right.
Got them on.
Hell yeah. Fit just right. Damn, you look good me twice. Alright, got em on. Hell yeah. Fits just right.
Damn you look good. Fuck!
Aw, thanks. Shit!
Alright, moment of truth. Vile, can I get on ya?
Nooooooo. Oh, what a bone twisting
nay I got there
alright
here we go
alright and the round is starting
we are going to count down
Dale please get on file
and we will get this rodeo going
alrighty
tell you a lot
I love you
I love you too
Jim
hey
that was the finest man
I ever knew
what's her
what was that
you said something
I was gonna say
if I don't make it out
you make sure to
pay the midwife
I won't be paying
the midwife
no she's a witch
and I don't believe
in paying witches
but I did love you
cuts him off
the door.
The paddock opens.
Yep, there he goes.
He explodes.
Just a fine red mist
over the crowd.
The heat.
He boils from the inside.
All that's left is the little pin on the ground.
Told him not to do it.
Stubborn son
of a gun.
The midwife
in the space. Perfect.
Perfect. I know
that midwife had something to do with this.
I swear. She ain't not
right. I swear. That horse and her
showed up in town about the same time.
I'm gonna write a letter to
somebody about this because this ain't
normal. Let's do our last
segment.
Go! This showed me all
week long.
All week long?
It literally did. I'm not even joking.
It literally showed me all week long. Ask me what's shaking. I got one this
summer. Oh my god, what's shaking your ass? Dune 2.
Dune 2. Dune 2.
Dune 2.
Somebody asks me.
They're from Glasgow.
What are you doing tonight?
Dune tonight.
Well, I'm seeing Dune 2.
I saw Dune 2 last night.
It was fucking great.
I loved it.
I was like, oh my God god i'm on arrakis
you know um and i guess what i'm really shouting out is um making making sci-fi movies that aren't
um shit well i wasn't gonna say that i was gonna be more diplomatic um that aren't bad no that uh
they're visually like fun and like,
aren't just like,
which I know is rich.
Like it's literally a movie set,
a series of movies set on a desert planet where it's just the desert,
but they make some really fun visual choices.
Like it's so much exposition and just like proper now on a proper now and
random proper now and exposition,
but they make it really like so
entertaining whereas there are other movies and they rhyme with the mc poo that uh you know it's
just so it's just like visually just like broad brush just everything's looks the same and it's
just and i just it was just such a good movie
and it was so so many good performances and and and and um you know timothy i know you're a listener
and i just want to say like um timmy i just want to say like thank you for you know being a fan
from day one yeah we really appreciate it and i know we haven't played your theme song yet but
it's coming yeah we're just waiting for
the right speaking of which theme songs review review show gmail.com send them fuckers please
it's review review of course it's review review of course um i can't wait to see it it was really
good but my what shook me is something that i have been seeing that i would like to see more
of every day um at this time i mean this time, the finale will have already happened.
But the traitors, I'm talking about the traitors again,
because I just watched a penultimate episode of season two of the U.S.
Traitors.
And what I'm here to talk about is not just how much I love the show,
but how Celebrity Crush, Riley's Love Crush Alert.
It's not a new one.
It's just Alan Cumming again.
I'm back on the Alan Cumming train.
And like, it's, yeah, it's really there. again i'm back on the alan coming train and like the it's yeah
it's really there it's really there for me um i'm really present to that crush to that feeling
you have had no reaction to this i will say you are not because darling and i do love you but
but but i mean you're a broken record with this coming business. I mean, you know, he's a fantastic looking man.
I mean, he's somewhere between a Greek god and a poet.
And a nymph.
Yes, I mean, he's beautiful.
And I get the obsession, but there comes a point where, you know, I worry.
Can I say one other thing about A Crush?
This is also not a new one, but Adam Scott is in Madam Web.
And I know, can you believe?
Say that sentence to someone from the 13th century.
And I left that movie.
Elizabeth Valenti and I, the next day, I told i told her i'm like i need that man in in an
upsetting way adam scott yes yeah i mean again mr scott mr cumming these are good no no no i like
and i am a broken record i have said these people what i'm saying is i know that i have said these
men on the show many times before yes but there's been a lot of cuphead devil recently
there's been a lot of like weird cartoon stuff and so i just want to share and i like it when
is that because like i know how to react to that i am still i'm but a woman i am but a woman and
she's always alan coming to me and i and no but i think the I think the problem is when they're normal and I uh like I just don't know how to react I'm like okay when they're weird like I want you to see
Dune and be like oh the worm Baron Harkonnen gave me a fucking wedding you know how I talk
and now I'm fucking oh I love him so much you know who's a weird one who I've been
on about recently
no I mean it's really Cuphead Devil's
always been a dream for me
yeah it's been pretty normal lately maybe that's been shaking
me yeah honestly what's going on
like my crushes are normal
hey animators
animators in the city of
Hollywood make your weird little posh
make some freaky animal guy hor guy horny freaky animal person but
make him a fop and then i'll be into it you can find alfred on instagram from the show on
instagram at review review reddit r slash review view discord head gum discord review review and Discord, HeadGumDiscord, ReviewReview, and JeffreyJamesMyPatreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. Bye!
Hey, JukeifyRiley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone application.
Never the phone app. At Riley and Spore, and on Twitter.com, now known as xxxxxxx.com for as long as it lasts at RileyCoyote
and
as we say
every single week
on the show
we're always saying it
we're never not saying it
there That That
Horse
Is
Is
Named
Named
Vile
That horse is named Vile
We'll see you next week cowboy
Good night.
I love it when you call me sweet daddy.
Daddy.
That was a Hidgum Original.