Review Revue - Prenatal Yoga
Episode Date: January 3, 2023New year new Review Revue! Join Reilly Anspaugh and new co-host Alfred Bardwell-Evans as they read reviews on Prenatal Yoga, give birth to twin 12-year-olds, embezzle funds, and speak to a th...erapist. Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh Twitter: @reilecoyote <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original. The End Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Wipe the blades, wipe the blades, wipe the blades,
Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James,
Jeffrey James.
Jeffrey James and Rybie and Spock
Are here for you reading reviews
Improvisations with nothing to lose
Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James
Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James
So I picked that song at random.
That was a submission from Jay from January 18th of 2022.
And I can't help but feel like it was the perfect submission
to launch us into review, review phase, well, two.
In two, zero, two, well, three.
Three.
I was hoping it was going to work.
No, it's okay.
You'll get there.
Jay, that was really intense and incredible
and got me excited because we're here.
It is a new year and I'm not drinking a beer. No, we're here with me. I don't even know. This is so wild. This is so wild. I'm still not over it. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. Hi, Alfred. Welcome. weird it's surreal it's strange um you know it's uncomfortable and uh i am excited at the same time
so yeah it's it's exciting and wild and here we are and welcome everybody um to this next chapter
of the show with me and alfred as your host this is. And I'm so glad to have that theme song
because...
Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James.
That's the one, that's the one.
Jeffrey James, Jeffrey James.
It reminds us why we're here.
And it's to honor a fallen friend.
I mean, it's like,
Jeff was such an amazing guy in many ways,
in many ways.
And it's like,
it's just such a loss.
Um,
and he's not dead,
but he's dead to us.
Yeah.
I mean,
God,
the man,
the man,
the man was the footstool at my wedding.
You know what I mean?
Like,
yeah,
I know.
I know.
Oh God.
It's really,
it's a shame. Uh, but we're here and it's a new year
which is weird to talk about because the time of recording is very much still december 2022
sorry sorry to ruin the magic
i thought it was 2023 you ruined the magic for me too. That's crazy. I entered into a trend.
Since we're,
since we're,
this is the first episode of the new year.
It's the first episode of the new regime.
What do you feel like new year's was like?
Like if you had to guess like,
okay,
let's say it's 2023.
How are we feeling?
How are you feeling in the first week of 2023?
If you had to project a couple weeks from now.
Look, here's the thing.
I'm so weary of this becoming my whole brand on the show
because it's already come up so many times.
The axe.
But it was the axe is what I was going to say.
I was famously at this point hit in the head with an axe on January 2nd, 2021.
Happy anniversary.
I, January 1st, 2021, deep pandemic, no vaxxers to be seen.
I'm thinking, new year, new me.
This is going to be my year.
Boom.
And so all I could say is that I hope 2023 is off to a better start than 2021 was.
But you never know, you know?
Well.
You think I'm going to get hit with another ax.
I can see it in your eyes.
The thing is, it's so funny how you're saying, like, I got hit.
But you were the one who did it to yourself, no?
Okay, and I am wary to make this my whole brand yet again,
but here's the problem with it, right?
Yeah.
You say, you know, I got hit in the head with an axe.
Yeah.
People do think that you got, like, you know, attacked.
But if you say, I hit myself in the face with an axe, people think that it was like a really, like, kind of roundabout suicide attempt.
Oh, God! They're like, yeah they're like yeah oh my god did you
hear about him he hit himself in the face with an axe yeah just snap there's no oh god there's no
good way to share so what i always end up going is i hit myself in the face with an axe by accident
by accident which doesn't and then people are like oh accident and then we're in it's a whole thing and then we're in a negative feedback loop um i guess thank you for asking i guess for me where
i feel like i'm at in the beginning you know it's like it's so great that you asked me that
thank you so much don't care it was so sweet of you i guess where i'm at is that it's just like
i think if every new year people are making resolutions, people are like, how can I better myself?
And I think you could benefit.
And it's so cool to watch that because I'm just like, oh, there's nothing else I need to do.
No.
Oh, wow.
It's so amazing to see everyone bettering themselves because it's just like, I made it.
I'm there.
You're watching people rise to your level.
I'm watching people rise to my level, rise to the occasion.
Because I'm sitting on top
of mount olympus i'm just looking down and thinking like oh you'll get there you'll get here hey good
for you bud hey keep climbing maybe one day keep climbing oh hey come on and then i'll kind of push
some rubble down the hill and make people fall back a little bit and then i'll be like you gotta
overcome the challenges you gotta overcome the challenges okay
i was with you until that in that metaphor yeah what's the real life version of you pushing how
are you actively kind of throwing a spanner in the works of other people's uh new year's resolutions i am using people's credit card
information to buy subscriptions to things that they'll never use and so in them having to cancel
go through the whole to-do of like canceling the subscription unsubscribing from the emails that's
taking time away from them achieving their actual goals so that's in many ways the rocks coming down tumbling towards them okay so yeah it does
but i guess what i'm asking is so nothing you do is sort of specific to the someone could be like
i want to start learning piano again i played as a kid and i think or like you know i really should
do yoga more i feel like i'm stuck your answer to both of those is credit card fraud. You're going to steal people's credit card information.
Yes.
You get it.
Good to know.
But Alfred, we're not here to talk about credit card fraud.
We're not here to talk about axes to the face.
Although we might be every week.
It might somehow come back to axes to the face every week.
It's been a lot, yeah.
But so the episode last year in which we announced Jeff's departure was Funeral Homes.
And Jeff and I realized how fitting that theme was to the announcement.
And so when I asked Alf, I'm like, oh, my God, we're recording our first episode together with you as a co-host.
Like, what do you want to do?
We could do anything.
And Alf, walk me through the thought process to your to this first topic.
OK, absolutely. Walk me through the thought process to this first topic together.
Okay, absolutely.
Because the topic is prenatal yoga.
Yeah, and I think it's a very clear walk.
Hmm.
Funeral.
Funeral.
Okay.
Funeral.
We started at funeral home.
We started there.
Funeral.
We started at funeral home.
Funeral.
Stop saying funeral.
Funeral.
Death.
Are you going backwards? What's the opposite of death?
Jeff is dead. No, I want you to
go back. I want you to start
from funeral and take a long walk
to get to where we are.
Okay. Funeral.
Yeah. Funeral.
Yes. Stop saying it. Jeff is dead.
We buried him.
Oh my god. Okay. Yeah. stop saying it jeff is dead we buried him okay yeah when one door closes uh-huh another one
opens what's the opposite of a funeral home uh maternity ward yes but we're not reviewing
we're not gonna review that's weird oh that's. What do people do when they're pregnant?
They do yoga to make sure the baby comes out.
Is flexible.
Flexible.
Right. rebirth the show and pivot and get hit with the punches of a steep drop in listenership,
advertisers fleeing for the hills.
What do we need to be, Riley?
We need to be flexible.
We need to be flexible.
So what can we do right now?
That was beautiful.
We can do some prenatal yoga.
We can do some prenatal to repair can do some prenatal to repair to repair to prepare
for this well rebirth yeah oh god that was really stunning um thank you for that
so alf i mean i guess the question on i would say mine and everybody's mind is like tell me
about your experience with prenatal yoga so uh i was a
certified prenatal yoga instructor for 15 years could you imagine 15 years 15 years
no i have what i would say is a real uh blind spot when it comes to all things yoga and
prenatal.
I'm a baby. I'm the youngest
in my family. I'm the youngest
in my whole family. I'm the
baby. I'm the youngest person I know. I have like
30 cousins. Not an
exaggeration. And I'm the
youngest one.
So I don't really know babies.
And I don't know yoga either so i'm excited to see
to learn i guess today that's what i'm really here for is to learn sorry i just want to say
you're like babies and yoga do you think that the baby is doing yoga well inside obviously it's
obviously obviously so the the mom is doing yoga and the baby as well is just kind of floating around.
Well, because as a baby, here's what I'm going to say.
A lot of focus in the birthing process gets put on the mom.
You know what I mean?
And sure, the mom is doing work.
But you know who else is doing work?
Certainly not the baby.
The baby.
Oh, you think you think
being born isn't hard for babies i was plucked out i was an emergency c-section honey i was
they chopped her open and cut me out i was plucked prenatal yoga is i guess it's like
it all makes sense to me listen i'm not'm not pregnant. I am 26 years old.
I don't know anyone who is pregnant.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Why did I say that?
That's literally not true.
You were telling me about being invited to a baby shower like two days ago.
Yeah, I don't know why I said that.
I meant, I guess like-
I've never met a pregnant person.
I don't know anything about pregnancy.
I'm 26.
Very normal age to have children like i guess it's more just like i there's no one in my day-to-day
who is pregnant like i know pregnant people but not like no one who i'm talking to on a regular
basis so me daniel and elizabeth aren't pregnant that's what that means yeah yeah um i think it's
just like i can't imagine i guess it's just like, I can't imagine.
I guess it's good to stay active while pregnant.
I know nothing about being pregnant, so I'm just talking out of my ass.
But it's just like, I think I'd just be scared.
I guess I just don't know the range of movement that's good.
It's like, what's the threshold of, like, again, no one listens.
One, no one listens to this podcast.
Don't ever listen to it.
But two, no one listened to what I talk about in terms of staying active while pregnant i don't know jack shit a surgeon general being like here's what i think i think it might be dangerous is what you were saying you were like
i'm not saying you shouldn't do it all i'm saying is i would be nervous is what you just said no
you shouldn't do it i have anxiety anxiety. I'm nervous about everything.
Yeah.
I think in my head, like moving shit around in there, I'm like, oh, I don't know, but
I trust it.
So you're imagining prenatal yoga is that they're like, okay, now time for spider pose
and they like grab the belly bump and they move it around.
Like, what do you mean it's moving around in there i mean like
if you're doing down if you're doing downward dog okay the baby's like you're pregnant it's like
it's like yeah like yeah it goes down might come out the mouth it's what you're worried about
it might throw up a baby if you're not careful that's exactly right you get it
i'm worried that if you do downward dog with a baby, that you throw up the baby.
It comes out the mouth is what I'm worried about.
Thank you for hitting the nail on the head.
And that's what my main fear is,
is I don't want to give birth orally.
Yeah.
And for that,
we can thank the American education system
for producing two people who don't know how babies come from where.
Alf, since it is your first episode as co-host do you want to kick us off with our first review i do i'm i do want to do that it's like it's like
how to choose you know what i mean so this one is from uh kula yoga in williamsburg in Brooklyn, New York who is it from and how many stars
it's from Anastasia Z
Anastasia
wow Anastasia Zazzle
beautiful name
how many stars
three stars
interesting
and we're going to see that journey
uh huh
I love prenatal yoga classes at Kula Williamsburg.
However, during the weekend when the cafe is open,
the studio has a strong smell of food.
It's hard to breathe well during the class.
I have to imagine it's supposed to be breathe.
I have a feeling that I'm taking a yoga class in the kitchen.
Also, there are sounds from the kitchen when they make smoothies.
It's hard to relax when it's so loud.
Okay, all my mommies-to welcome to yoga with me i'm stacy and as you can probably tell we are in
my parents home today because the studio was rented out by a local high school who needed
space to rehearse peter and thecatcher, their upcoming school play. So
we are here. Thank you guys for rolling with the punches, rolling with those big old beautiful
blooming bellies of yours. Just want to let you know as we're getting started that my parents
are hosting kind of a Rotary Club meeting this week, but I don't want anyone to focus on that
because you're with me. We're in
the living room and it's all going to be, it's going to be a beautiful day. Does anyone have
any questions before we get started? Hey, yeah. Yes. Hello, Tina. Hey, yeah. Tina here. Um, yes.
This is, Oh, look at you. How far along are you, honey? I'm, I'm i'm 60 60 weeks you don't know no i can't be right i know
i'm sorry i'm 40 weeks so i'm about to i'm about to give birth pretty much or maybe i'm a little
over i'm a little pregnant sorry like i've been i've been looking at her for a couple of weeks
and I feel like the bump looks different size every week.
No, come on, Melanie.
Like we don't need to question Melanie's pregnancy in this class.
That's crazy.
No, but like, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be that person.
But like I'm 35 weeks along.
I have been very clear about my journey,
about how many weeks I'm at whenever you ask. And it's very clear, you know, 30'm 35 weeks along. I have been very clear about my journey, about how many weeks I'm at, whenever you ask.
And it's very clear, you know, 30, 31, 32.
And I feel like Tina, whenever she's asked, cannot give a succinct answer.
Okay, okay.
Well, actually, you should listen to what Stacey says every week, which is every pregnancy
looks different and every body looks different and every journey looks different.
Every journey looks different and every body looks different and every journey looks different. Every journey looks different.
Maybe my baby bump is shrinking and growing drastically week to week.
And maybe, yeah, I can't remember exactly how long I've been pregnant.
But that doesn't make me any less of, well, a mother to be.
And I'm just excited to be here with all of you to do some yoga.
Oh, so sorry. I'm late. So sorry. sorry no welcome jessica thank you so much for coming hey oh tina you're still in this class
sorry everyone i'm sorry to interrupt i'm uh i'm jessica i i'm pregnant with my third kid and um
god i remember being in this prenatal class with tina five years ago when i
had when i had my first oh my god what number are you on tina um yes it's same same baby as then i
think yes it is yes yeah hi jessica i think what we're all wondering now it's like if it's the
same baby i would like to
just go I would just like to say that I don't think this person's pregnant is that crazy to
say the whole class is like oh my god no she's not pregnant what no no hold on we're making crazy
accusations sure has Tina been in this class with that bump of varying sizes and of varying weeks for five years? Yes, she has. Are we going to question her about it? No, because like we say every week, every pregnancy is different. Every body is different. Every journey is different. thank you and so i don't want to have any hey tina i know you're upset but let's not upset the babies
in the room okay like they feel and hear everything that they're saying you're right you're right
you're right um so before my mom comes out with some snacks for us she's so sweet even in her 80s
she's doing the most i would like all of us just to start in a nice, easy, downward-facing dog.
Everyone does it.
As you get up, the belly moves up to, like, your chest.
I'm, like, pushing it that much.
I'm, like, trying to do downward dog with one hand as I hold the bump in the right. Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sitting back up.
I'm sorry.
Is no one else seeing this?
Oh, my God.
Give it a rest.
Tina's belly went up to her throat.
Everyone's like, oh, my God, it did.
That's horrible.
The baby's going to come out of her mouth.
She needs to be careful.
The glorious, now extinct white rhinoceros has a gestation period of 20 months okay the wonderful american field mouse has a gestation
period of if i had to guess several weeks every animal is different every animal is just to say
that i like the glorious now gone and can we take a moment
of silence for the rhinos
I think we're all forgetting about the rhinos
today maybe I'm like
that and it's gonna take five six
years for this little bugger to
pop out and I think you guys
are being really judgmental
maybe you're like that maybe your
gestation period is that
of an extinct rhinoceros
can i ask you something no can i seriously ask you something because you're being
you're being really really rude why do you care
why do you care whether like yeah sure let's say for the sake of argument rips the belly off that it's a fake
baby bump and no i'm not pregnant let's say for the sake of argument that that's the case
and let's say for the sake of argument that i was never pregnant and this whole time it was just a
way of getting cheaper yoga classes.
Let's say that for the sake of argument.
Okay.
How does that impact you?
How does that impact you?
It's clear that Tina is not and has never been pregnant.
I didn't want to bring this up, but I heard you on the phone with your partner saying,
God, I hope I'm never a mother. I can't imagine going through this kind of bodily craziness and pain.
Yeah, because I see you and I see the way you act.
And I'm like, I never want to be that rude.
I never want to be that disrespectful.
That's what I think.
Okay, okay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, everybody.
I think it's time we settle down.
You're so right.
But is no one, no one cares
that she literally just ripped off her fake belly.
She is not pregnant, has no interest in being pregnant, which is fine.
You don't have to be pregnant, but it feels, it's just, it's fucking crazy.
Stacey, Stacey, can I take a moment?
Stacey, I can't deal with her.
Can I take a moment?
Yeah, absolutely.
You can take a moment.
I'm going to go get an hors d'oeuvre.
My childhood bedroom is upstairs and you can take the, you can take the whole tray if you want.
I know a growing baby's got to eat.
She's not pregnant.
Why does nobody care?
Hey, listen.
She literally, she was saying for the sake of argument.
It was a hypothetical.
Thank you.
She said that let's say that this is a fake belly.
Let's say that I'm not pregnant.
So I don't know why you're getting so upset.
She's with child.
And like I said, everybody is different.
Every pregnancy is different.
Every journey is different.
And so I am going to go upstairs and I'm going to take some of these mini
quiches with me.
And what I'm not going to take is these deviled eggs.
Cause I don't want to end up carrying the antichrist like you.
Everyone snapping.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Just fistfuls of quiches we you start going up the stairs your water breaks oh shit oh no i the class is resumed
everyone's doing yoga i i knock hey guys yeah remember when i said earlier about I knock. Hey, guys? Yeah?
Remember when I said earlier about for the sake of argument?
Uh-huh.
That really was just for the sake of argument.
I think my water just broke.
No fucking way.
She must have just put a water bottle in her leggings and just squirted it down.
You're such an asshole.
Cut to the hospital.
You're just giving birth.
Little baby in your arms.
The doctor's like, wow.
You know, Tina, you fought a hard fight and you did it, mama.
You have your baby.
And look, my wife goes to this amazing prenatal yoga class.
They also do mommy and me classes.
And they have a phrase there that they say, you know, every body is different.
Every pregnancy is different.
Every journey is different.
And I will say you are the first patient I've ever had who has the gestation period of the glorious extinct white rhino.
I'm rocking the baby.
It's three foot tall.
Speaking in full sentences.
It's five years old.
Mommy, mommy.
I'm so glad to finally be here.
Can I run around?
No, baby.
No. Hey, hey, hey hey hey be quiet shush
doc i just want to say thank you because there are a lot it starts playing on an ipad
here here candy crush do mommy's candy crush okay don't don't waste a heart doc there are a lot of judgmental, really just beasts in this world.
And I want to thank you for being kind and accepting.
Oh my god, no, I mean, listen.
I love all of my patients.
I love all of the little ones they bring into the world.
I, like, tussle the kid's full head of hair.
Oh, Doc!
What?
Doc, I think there's another one.
I think it might be twins.
Oh my God.
I'm pushing for 10 seconds.
It comes out.
12 years old.
DS in hand.
How did you get that?
Shut up.
I'm playing Nintendogs.
Cool.
Do you mind watching your brother for a second?
What, mommy?
Yeah, go.
Yeah, go.
Your brother's going to help you.
You guys just go in the hallway, okay?
I need to talk to Dr. Rouleau.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing.
Doc, I'm scared.
I am too.
Oh my god I think
my favorite sleeper
pick of that episode is
the wonderful field mouse
Mine is that
we started out
clearly gonna go down the rabbit hole
of the rotary club
and then I panicked and couldn't think of how long I started out clearly going to go down the rabbit hole of the Rotary Club. Of course.
And then I panicked and couldn't think of how long people are pregnant for.
And I guess this is why it's perfect that we're doing a prenatal yoga episode because we know so much.
Let's take a super itty bitty tiny weenie inny inny inny bit break.
Inny bit break. Inny bit break.
Inny bit break.
And we'll be right back.
We're back.
Come and play with us.
Oh, God. No, I don't like that anymore. You did a creepy voice. You did play with us. Oh, God.
No, I don't like that anymore.
You did a creepy voice.
You did a creepy voice.
No, but it was cool.
It was sexy when I did it.
Nobody thought that.
People love that shit.
Oh, they're...
We're back.
People love that shit.
Can I ask you a question?
You're trying to tell me
that's not the hottest thing
you've ever heard in your life?
You're trying to tell me
that everyone listening to that right now is not just like needing it.
Needing it?
It's needing like K-N-E-A-D.
That's like one of your gross like that's what you call jerking off.
The audience is needing it to that one.
Can I ask you a sincere question?
Absolutely.
What's wrong with you?
I guess it's just like
I haven't needed it.
Oh.
This is
a review.
This is for
Bellies, Babies, and Bosoms
in Chicago, Illinois.
Oh, hometown.
Four stars from Bora S.
Okay.
Bora St. Germain.
Bora St. Germain.
Four stars.
I found this store because I was looking for a Mommy and Me class in the neighborhood.
I'm so glad I decided to sign up for the class through BBB. The owner of BBB is super nice, enthusiastic, and accommodating.
I made friends with the class who I think might be lifelong friends. I might have just gotten
lucky with my class or BBB might attract good people. Also, they hold the sessions at the
Chevy Chase Country Club, which is a great venue for the group. I had to reread that sentence like four times when i found it the chevy chase country club
uh mr chase uh sorry i know you're very busy uh i know you have a very busy day especially as you're
building your latest uh business venture um i actually wanted to talk to you a little bit more about that as your
assistant. I feel like it's kind of
my job.
So I have a whole list.
No problem, sir. No problem.
I just have a list of
I guess like
clubs and certain businesses
that might want to rent out your
country club
as a rental space.
And are you okay?
You're making a very strange face.
Jesus Christ, Jessica.
You think I got all day?
You think I got all day for this shit?
Okay, you're just gonna have to fucking rapid fire.
You shoot me a person and I'll tell you yes or no
on whether or not you can use the rec room at the club.
Okay, we've got the local charter of Y ymca what do they want it for they want it for some after-school programs maybe i hate children
sorry i hate children you don't you're not gonna allow the local ymca like boys and girls clubs
things like that to use the rec room god no i hate children um okay uh you hate so that will cross off all of those okay
um how about the local retirement home they need a place they have they have a really sweet like
fashion show for the elderly that they want to put on that raises funds for the retirement community
as well as a lot of local designers in town fashion Fashion show? Yes.
Is it couture?
What do you define as couture?
I mean, it's not Gucci.
It's not Louis Vuitton.
It's local artisans.
Is it underground? Is it Club Kid?
I wouldn't say it's Club Kid.
I guess it's underground in the sense that a lot of people don't know these local designers and local artisans.
Are you okay?
Jessica, let me go ahead and tell you something.
Studio 54.
Picture this.
It's Studio 54.
It's me.
It's Andy Warhol.
Okay. Some of the fashion that I saw there would literally melt your brain.
You would literally fucking die, be dead on the ground,
if you saw some of the stuff that these people were wearing.
So I want you to ask me again if I want to see some hinky-dink reductive 2013-looking fashion
from some elderly folks in my country club?
I feel like this is a trap.
Ask.
Do you want to host the Retirement Communities Fashion Show
slash charity fundraiser at your
country club?
Of course I do.
That doesn't make
sense with what you just said.
I support fashion.
I think it is
one of the only remaining
valuable industries.
But you, this is not, I'm not
trying to get into anything right now, but you this is not i'm not i'm not trying to get into anything
right now but you did just say that um if it's if it's reductive rinky dink clothes from elderly
people from 2013 that you don't want to see it everybody starts somewhere i sure great perfect
i don't want to um push this any further so it's like you don't want to push this any further. So yes, awesome. Seems like you don't want to. If you don't, Jess, Jess.
No, I want them to be here.
You're my assistant.
I hired you for a reason.
If you don't want these elderly people pursuing their newfound passion of fashion, I accept
that and I value your opinion.
I want them to be here.
I think it's a great cause and I would want them to be here.
I guess I, you know what?
It's my bad.
I was confused.
So let's move on to the next
group.
Bellies, Babies, and
Bosoms want to host their
prenatal yoga class in the
gym here.
Babies. I know you said you
hate kids, so I guess I will.
No, well, wait.
Wait a minute. Let me think about it okay babies bellies
and bosoms don't smile when you say bosoms it makes me very uncomfortable jess i'm gonna be
honest with you i know you are i like two of the three. I quit.
What?
I'm gonna quit.
I quit.
You know, that's fair.
I've been pretty bad.
Yeah.
And you know what?
You've treated me well.
Right.
Until today.
It's less, I mean, that comment did make me uncomfortable,
but it's more that I can see the road that you're gonna head down,
and I wanna jump ship now before it gets too crazy.
That's fair.
You know what I'll say, Jess?
You just de-aged, like, 20 years.
I don't know what happened with your voice.
I cleared my throat.
Oh, my God.
That's what that was.
Yeah.
Okay.
And it's back.
No.
Clear it again. Here's what i'm gonna say jess um
you've been working for me for a long time and i feel like i have not given you oh it's coming
back i haven't given you nearly enough responsibility uh and i'm gonna let you make
the call on this one i'm'm going to take a step back.
I think it's time you start making the decisions around here.
Again, I feel like I'm being walked into a trap where I'm going to say yes or no to something,
and then you're going to get mad at me for that. I think we should absolutely host prenatal yoga
here. I also think we should host
the boys and girls club and ymca here um i don't know why you said no to that you guess you don't
like kids but you don't have to be around them i think with all of the funds and i mean this place
is on like 500 acres it is crazy how much land you have for this country club and so i feel like to
not use that your face is contorted your face it looks like you're having an aneurysm you're
giving me a headache well i don't know what the prop i don't know how to be with you now
don't put your head back in your hands at least give me the respect and have a conversation with
me you're a nice girl but i do not want to be with you okay i'm flattered but no thank you
this is why i'm quitting because you keep saying stuff like that and that's not what i mean you but I do not want to be with you, okay? I'm flattered, but no thank you.
This is why I'm quitting?
Because you keep saying stuff like that, and that's not what I mean.
You started this.
I did not.
You ever see a little program called Community?
You ask me this once a week, Mr. Chase. And every week, I'm hoping you finally watched it jessica i don't know what to tell you
uh yeah i don't know i have a lot of other shows on my roster you know like white lotus was
finished up last month and i was really into that you know a lot of critics say you could never have
had white lotus without community that's actually something I've heard. Who says that?
Vulture.
They wrote an article about it, I saw.
You read Vulture?
Yeah, religiously.
Okay.
The Cuts.
These are all the publications that I really...
I wish you nothing but the best, Mr. Chase.
I really do.
You've paid me handsomely, but you have treated me with absolutely no respect.
Again, I'm flattered.
I'm handsome, sure.
But I just, I feel really uncomfortable
with an employee coming on.
I am leaving my papers here.
I'm leaving all this stuff.
Good luck running your country club.
And I wish you all the best.
I start going through the papers.
I never knew she had so many papers.
Wait a minute.
Putting it together.
My God.
There is no Boys and Girls Club.
There's no babies, bosoms, and breasticles.
There's just...
There's just money
going out of all my accounts.
Oh my God, the Country club, we're gonna fold.
Jessica's been in Bethlehem for years.
God damn.
I gotta respect it.
Pop's on an episode of Community.
Hey, Albert.
Hey, Troy.
Here's the Spanish book I borrowed.
Thank you.
Did you finally get your own book?
Something like that.
Wait a second.
You get him, Troy.
God, I love that kid.
It's okay.
What a miserable latch.
What a disgusting man.
You know, I was faced with a problem there, which is that that I realized much like prenatal yoga
I don't know that much about
Chevy J's
genuinely
here are the three things I know about Chevy J's
yeah community
yes National Lampoon
yeah he did so many
pratfalls on SNL playing Gerald
Ford that he hurt his back permanently
and that's how he got addicted to opioids.
Let's do our next review, huh?
And I didn't feel
like really I could find a
way in for either of those.
I think that was smart.
Do you want to read your next one?
Yeah, absolutely. I'd love to.
You're obsessed.
Come on. You're obsessed. on you're obsessed come on with
prenatal yoga you are two stars from where this is from um brooklyn flow by bend and bloom okay
i'm gonna give them a full name and their alias is Bend and Bloom.
Oh wait, or is Bend and Bloom like the-
So Brooklyn Flow by Bend and Bloom is the name of the studio.
I see.
This person's name is Lionel.
Or Lionel, or Lionel, like messy, I guess.
Lionel Bitchy.
Lionel Bitchy? Lionel Bitchy.
Nice one, man.
I really made myself laugh.
Two stars.
Pretty pricey
for mediocre yoga
and not very good customer service.
Basically laughed at me
when I asked
if there was a birthday discount.
Last year there was.
And they didn't even
wish me happy birthday.
And then the
frowny face where it's a colon
and a dash and then
it has a nose.
Oh no.
Oh no.
They didn't even wish me happy birthday
I'm really sorry to hear that Lionel
I know that last session
You mentioned the passing of your father
And so I figured that you would want to
I guess more so explore that
This week
Yes yeah
I would like to talk about that um you know me and him were close but in recent years
no i'm sorry i can't i can't is it okay like i can't really get into like i feel like
there's kind of a roadblock you know am i making I making sense? Was it a strange relationship with your mother?
And so you feel like without patching up things with your mother
that you haven't talked to in 15 years,
that you can't really begin to mourn the loss of your father?
Yes, but I feel like...
Okay, I'm happy to get into that first.
No, no, no, hang on, hang on.
But I feel like I can't...
How to put this?
Patch up my relationship with my mother until i have
gotten happy birthday from yoga studio okay um like it's a roadblock does that make sense so
it's like happy birthday it doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense i understand what you're saying it does not make sense okay but that's not judgment that's just
me um saying what i see pretty judgmental but uh no no judgment from me i'm a professional um
you're a professional i guess yeah i'm a doctor um i guess what i would say to you is if this is really that important to you, that you get a happy birthday from them.
And if I'm not mistaken, your birthday was three months ago.
Then I guess you should go to that studio and let them know. three months ago, nine months from now,
I don't see
when it was having to do with any of it.
You don't see when it was having to do with any of it?
Last year, there was a birthday.
I don't feel like you get it.
Last year,
there was a birthday discount.
Okay. 15% off yes okay i went the next year on my birthday for my annual yoga session i do yoga once a year on my birthday
yes as my little special treat to myself. Okay. And they...
You can sit down. You can sit down,
Lionel. I hear you.
I hear you. Okay.
You don't have to keep
getting up and coming close to me.
You're right. You're right. I just feel
like since I didn't get my yoga
session this year, I have all
this pent-up
energy, and it has no way of getting
out because I didn't do the yoga.
Go to the studio.
Tell them what you're feeling
and stop making that
noise, please. I'm sorry, I'm out of breath.
I know, that's why you need
to do more yoga.
Go to the studio. Okay. Tell them what happened.
I think once you maybe at least get an apology or an explanation from them,
then maybe we can start to move on to talking about your dad.
Okay.
Gets up, starts to leave.
I guess we're done for today.
I will see you next week.
And I promise that we can talk about my dearly departed father
after I get my happy birthday from Yoga Studio.
Cut to Yoga Studio.
Hi, welcome to Yoga Studio.
Do you, how can I help you?
Yeah. Yeah, um, I was just wondering, is it like, I know it's, you know, I'm getting flustered. I know it's Black Friday. And so maybe you're operating with kind of diminished staff, you know, or whatever. But I was wondering.
We are actually, yeah, it's been a little crazy.
How are you doing? let's start there oh that's really nice um honestly i'm not
great i'm kind of hanging on via thread because people have been coming and asking for discount
after discount after discount and it's just kind of driving me insane and i feel like if one person
does that i i don't know i don't know i just it's been really tough day but thank you that
really means a lot i really appreciate you asking how how can i help do you have anyone working
today who's allowed to say sorry um come again yeah no like i know you've had a busy day like
i used to work retail so dude i dude, I get working Black Friday.
And, like, I can't imagine how annoying that is.
I'm just wondering, like, you know, with the, you know, kind of skeleton crew that you're running with,
is anybody on staff, like, allowed to say sorry?
Allowed to say sorry?
I guess I'm not quite sure what you mean. I mean, I'm allowed to say the phrase, guess i'm not quite sure what you mean i mean i'm allowed to say
the phrase i'm sorry right yeah like are you allowed to issue like a formal apology like
are you what i'm sorry i didn't i don't know if i caught your name how rude oh it's okay thank you
i'm i'm uh becca well becca it is lovely to meet you. I'm just wondering if you, as the receptionist, have the authority to issue a formal apology.
I mean, I definitely do have that authority i guess it uh can i ask what the apology would be issued for sure let's
do a little role play there's a full line forming behind you sign up for class let's do a little
what i like to call theater of the mind.
No.
You know what? Actually, I'm so sorry. I am sorry.
See, there's an apology. I am sorry I don't have time for
theater of the mind right now.
I do need to sign up for our one o'clock
class. All of our regulars are coming in
for our level four.
I hear you.
I see you. Great. Thank you so much.
Hi, Ben. Here you go. You can just you so much. And I hear you. Hi, Ben.
Here you go.
You could just sign in here.
Tara is in the studio already.
Thanks, Becca.
Yeah, absolutely.
Catch you after.
Lily, there you go.
Another regular.
Just go here.
And yeah, water bottles are over there.
Thank you.
You're killing it, Becca.
Oh, that means a lot.
Sorry. That just kind of really got to me. You go, girl. That actually really- You go, it, Becca. Oh, that means a lot. Sorry.
That just kind of really got to me.
You go, girl.
You go, girl.
Shit.
You're killing it.
Damn, you look good.
Thanks, Lily.
Go to class.
You look so good, it's scary.
Okay, work.
I'm scared by how good you look.
I don't want to scare anybody. Sir i'm really gonna need you i'm so sorry our lobby is already really small as it is and so um if you want to sign up for a class you totally can but again
don't have time for theater of the mind today um yeah that's totally cool i'll uh i'll wait
i can see you're really busy i'll wait I can see you're really busy
I'll wait
You can wait outside
Or maybe come back another day
Yeah I'm off today
I don't work on Fridays
This is a crazy busy day for us
So actually today is not the best day
To do theater of the mind
Yeah I'll just wait
What are you doing after work? What do I need to do to of the mind. I'll just wait.
What are you doing after work?
What do I need to do to get you to leave the studio?
What are you doing after work?
Answer my question first.
I'm going to need you to play a little theater of the mind.
Okay, fine.
All right.
Jimmy, can you sign everybody else in? It'll just take a sec.
All right. I'm can you sign everybody else in? It'll just take a sec. It'll just take a sec. All right.
I'm giving you two minutes.
Picture in your mind.
God.
It's your birthday.
When's your birthday?
I'm not telling you that.
Okay.
For the sake of this play de monde,
a little French for you,
your birthday is April 15th, tax day. play the monde. A little French for you. Your birthday
is April
15th, tax
day.
You've been
stressed.
You left
your taxes
till the last
minute.
I am stressed.
This is very
stressful to me.
You're a
freelancer and
you forgot to
do your 1099s
and it's all
piling up.
I'm going to
need you to
get to the
point.
You said I
had two
minutes.
Oh my
God.
Get away
from me, man. Just back up like a step okay
it's your birthday the spring is flowering the birds are chirping and you are like i did my taxes
i cleaned all those dirty dishes in the house and i'm gonna treat myself to a little birthday treat now can we please you have
like 30 seconds left if that and you go down to your favorite I don't know spin class and you ask
for the birthday discount like they give you every year. And the person behind the desk says,
birthday discount.
You must be a fucking idiot.
How does that make you feel,
Becca?
Um,
it makes me feel mad.
I can't tell if it's from the scenario or from what's happening right now,
because I'm very angry that this is a waste of time.
But I guess that's bleeding into the theater of the mind.
Exactly.
And as we enter the third act here of our little play,
would you want an apology, yes or no?
Sure.
If someone spoke to me like that, yes, I'd like an apology.
Okay, that happened to me. That apology okay that happened to me that's
exactly what happened to me hey beck wait i know you this is the becca get this joker out of here
this is the fucking guy who last year was accosting a receptionist calling them a fucking
idiot for not giving him the birthday discount which we offered one time
oh god oh i've heard about get out shoo get out of here just no apology you are banned from yoga studio Thank you. What?
I'm banned.
Yeah, so get the fuck out, dude.
Yeah, I can never come back.
Everyone is, like, pushing you out of the door.
You're so calm and happy.
What a relief.
You're, like, crowd surfing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Door locks behind you.
Cuts of therapy next week.
We're back.
How'd it go at Yugo Studio?
Strangely, it went really well.
They banned me.. They banned me.
They really banned me.
This is going to be another thing we need to work through because you're so happy about it.
So I'd like to do a little theater of the mind,
if you don't mind.
Okay.
Of course you had my interest.
Now you have my curiosity.
Imagine it's your birthday.
Okay.
On April 15th.
Okay, not hard to imagine that is my birthday.
It's your birthday.
It's tax day.
Oh.
You are a therapist.
Show the most 99s.
And you're going to your office, and your client is the most difficult client in the world.
Forgets your birthday every year.
You've been with them for seven years.
And they don't listen to a piece of advice that you give
and instead make everyone's lives around them a living hell.
How do you feel?
Guilty.
Yeah, get out of my office. i should give the client money no
hey wait you're saying i need to get out of your office get out now
can i come back no you're banned i'm banned get out i know you're gonna be happy so just thank you you're a
weird guy thank you you're pushing me out the door you're a weird guy thank you
fuck
oh my god.
Let's take a break.
These are kind of fun, huh?
We'll be back with more prenatal yoga reviews.
Don't step on your coffee like that, huh? we're back
good morning
what are you bright with us
oh god
see mine was sexy and again
yours was scary
oh okay you find a rough gruff sensual British man Oh, God. See, mine was sexy. And again, yours was scary.
Oh, okay. You find a rough, gruff, sensual British man scary.
Interesting.
Yep.
Here we go.
This is, I think, for the same studio.
Nope.
This is for prenatal fit.
Again, in Chicago, Illinois.
Hey!
Go best.
I'm only going to read the first half of this review because the majority of it is just talking about how this person had a really great
time it's five stars from lily r lily r okay that is uh lily rodrigo that is olivia
olivia's nickname is lily Yeah, it's short.
Let's have Lily so far.
Lily Rodrigo, five stars.
Last winter, I was pregnant with my second child.
I was taking care of a toddler, feeling blue because of the weather, and just feeling down.
My husband suggested I find, quote unquote, something to do.
And then she talks about how she found this studio and loved it.
Hey, babe.
Hey, sweetie.
How was work?
Oh, you know, Kilborn's riding my ass.
But other than that.
Oh, my God.
You need to take him out to dinner again because you know how much he appreciated that last year.
Well, I mean, I think it'd help if you tagged along because you and Mrs. Gilborn got on like a house on fire.
Oh, yeah, we did. We did. You know, I just, I think you go
for it. I'm not really feeling up to going out this year.
Yeah? This whole year?
Yeah, this whole year. I think I'm just going to sit this one out.
It's January 17th. You I'm just going to sit this one out. It's January 17th.
You're really just going to say this whole rest of this year?
You don't really want to go outside?
David, I don't want to get into it, my love.
I don't want to get into it.
I just, I feel right now that I'm kind of, I'm done for the year.
I think I'm just going to tap out.
Yes.
Well, my dear Lilibet, the last thing that I want to do is push you.
Thank you. I love you so is push you. Thank you.
I love you so much for that.
Thank you so much.
Because you need to rest.
Because you're going to be doing some pushing of your own very soon.
I know.
I know.
I cannot believe that we're having our first child.
That's why I need to take the year off.
No, absolutely.
Absolutely.
I guess. I guess what I'm wondering. That's why I need to take the year off. No, absolutely. Absolutely.
I guess.
I guess what I'm wondering.
Yeah.
What's up, my little honey bun?
Just go for a little walk with me here.
Okay.
Go for a little walk like we used to do.
Well, I'll go on a mental walk.
I'm not going outside right now.
Like we used to before.
You are six weeks pregnant yes i feel like okay once you give birth
sure the isolation that comes from being a new mother
i worry that this is perhaps one of you and I's, frankly, sort of final periods of time where we can really go out and live life before we're kind of preoccupied with, you know, Roger Roger.
I hear you.
I absolutely hear what you're saying, but, you know, like a mother knows, and even though Roger Roger has just entered our lives,
Roger Roger's telling me, like,
Mommy, you gotta stay home all year long.
And so I gotta listen to Roger Roger on that one, honey,
but you know what?
I want you to go out.
I want you to have the best time.
Yes.
And Roger Roger and I are just gonna stay here,
because he said,
Mommy needs to be on the couch and watch what happens live.
I know.
So that's what I'm going to do.
And I love you.
I'm grabbing a weighted blanket.
And I'm going to get right on the couch.
I'm going to turn on Roger's favorite show, Watch What Happens Live.
And I'll see you later.
Yes.
And thank you.
You know, you are a beautiful mother to be and what am i thank you i
love you i'm a papa bear you know i'm just here my my instinct here is scared me a little bit
well i'm a papa bear oh god my instinct is to protect and build a home for us and a life.
And my paternal instinct.
Oh, what's that?
Oh, I hear Roger.
Roger, I think.
He's whispering, coming out your Audi, your belly button.
You're an Audi.
He's saying, it's acting like a little megaphone and he's going
hey hey papa bear hey papa bear um i think i think andy's past it
i don't want to watch watch what happens anymore i think he's past it i wish mommy would watch
something else maybe the sunset outside or a live show or you know the world passing her by
as she sits at a coffee shop or some other such outdoor activity huh roger that's roger roger
that's really interesting i hadn't thought of it that way. Do you hear that?
It's so funny you say that because it's like, listen, I love you.
And I know you play this little games with me like you're pretending to hear Roger, Roger.
But actually, Roger, Roger's in my belly.
And so only I can hear him.
And oh, oh, what's that?
Oh, hold on.
I'm getting a message from our little bouncing baby boy.
Roger, Roger.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
He's using my mouth as a megaphone.
This is his voice about to
come out of my mouth are you ready oh hi my papa bear and he's in his prime and bravo tv has never
been better than than it is in this year and so i think ma needs to sit down and binge the last
four seasons of watch what happens live and when she's
done with that then then she's gonna watch all of the real housewives series and maybe below deck
mediterranean and papa bear you need to get out of the house maybe rent an airbnb for a couple months
and see what it's like not being inside with mom. Because sometimes she can't stand your grating voice.
And neither can I.
Whoa.
It's like he overtook me.
I'm so sorry you had to hear that, honey.
But I am going to get on the couch.
And I am going to need you to hand over the remote right now.
Because that's what Mr. Roger Roger wants.
Yeah, okay.
Sure.
I give you the remote
grab my wallet
kisses
yeah
grab my keys
wait wait wait
I'm being taken over
by another person
he has something else
he's using my
megaphone again
I'm papa papa bear He has something else! He's using my mouth as a megaphone again!
I'm Papa, Papa Bear.
Never come back.
Mom and I will be just fine.
Whoa.
Oh my god. That was crazy.
I bet he didn't mean it. Lilibeth. I bet he didn't mean it.
Lilibeth, I...
Wait a minute.
Hang on.
Do you hear that?
No, because he's not talking.
I only feel him because he's only in me.
It's different.
It feels different.
It's a buzzing in my skull, my whole head.
You're not carrying him, so that's not how it works.
Oh, it's a message from the future.
Oh, oh, it's Roger, Roger when he's 35 and he's in therapy because his weird mom wouldn't let him leave the house.
Oh, Roger, Roger.
Oh, it's like he's channeling through me.
What's he going to say?
No, that's not what happens because he's in me right now.
Hey, Mom.
It's me, Roger? Nope, that's not what happens, because he's in me right now. Hey, Mom. It's me, Roger Roger,
your son. I'm
35, and I wish you hadn't
kicked Dad out of the house, because
well, he was right.
Andy was past it.
And the only good season of Housewives
in the last decade
was the three seasons of Real Housewives
of Salt Lake City. And if you really dig
down, you know that to be true.
And Andy's just circling the drain, Mom.
And frankly, I think Dad is made uncomfortable by how many comments you make about the bartender's bodies on Watch What Happens Live.
You're always talking about how fit they are.
And, oh, didn't you used to look like that, babe?
Didn't you used to look like that?
Anyway, I guess Dad's... This isn't happening. He's in me. He's not talking through you right now. Didn't you used to look like that? Anyway, I guess dad's-
This isn't happening.
He's in me.
He's not talking through you right now.
But it's his future ghost, okay?
No.
No, finish.
What else is he saying?
What else is he saying?
Little bit.
No, channel him again.
Channel him again.
No, little bit.
Oh, he's back.
Oh, he's back.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
I think the root of your problems is that you never let Dad buy that mechanical bull he was talking about.
He really wanted that bull, and you said it was a dumb idea,
and that there was no room in the three-bed apartment you had for it.
And I think he always resented you for never listening to his ideas.
Huh.
He makes a good point, I think.
But you're right let me go let this thing points to his ass
walk out the door and never clap for you again
you know this isn't what i want, right? This isn't about me.
I'm just doing what Roger Roger wants.
I just want you to know that.
Yeah.
I do know that.
And I hope you know
that what I do next
is also what Roger Roger wants.
What are you going to do?
Reaches into the drawer.
Pulls out his phone.
Keeps it in a drawer for some reason.
Dials a really long number.
What are you doing?
No phone number's that long.
Doug? Yeah. No, don don't worry this can't be traced
what are you doing i i need a cleaning special if you know what i mean
yeah cleaning special yeah a hit doug i need you to kill somebody thank you what
no god david you wouldn't are they a public figure that's an
interesting question they definitely used to be no but no no i think that they've in recent years
you know declined from b-list to c-list if you know what i mean yeah it's andy cohen you're right
doug it's andy cohen yeah cut to like a month from then, all the trades. The headline is like Andy Cohen smashed by mechanical bull in freak accident.
I walk into the kitchen holding a copy of.
I'm just like harrowed eyes, just like fully trained.
Oh, did you see the news?
Little bet.
Did you see the news?
Roger, Roger wants to say something to you.
Sure. Shoot. Sure.
Shoot. Papa?
Hello, my sweet angel.
This will live
on your heart
till the day you die.
That's all he had to say.
Huh.
I'm gonna turn on some Fallon.
And if you want to sit down and watch with me, then you can.
But Jimmy Fallon is really what Roger Rogers is getting into next.
Lilibeth?
What?
I have waited six long years to hear those words.
Just you, me, Roger, Roger, and Jimmy.
A family.
We sit down on the couch, turn on an episode of Jimmy Fallon from 2014.
Oh, he's got one more thing to say.
Yeah, Roger? Roger?
This is the family I've always wanted.
Mommy, me, and Jimmy.
Huh.
That was it.
What do you mean, that was it? He you mean that was it
he didn't have anything else to say
hey Lilibeth
yes
do you think we're gonna be good parents
no
me either
lockout me either blackout
standing ovations tears streaming down their faces
oh so important one important commentary
jimmy fallon's in the audience he looks terrified andy cohen is throwing up in the bathroom
oh shit should we go to our last segment well let's let's do it so confident just plummeted this shook me all week long
oh preemie t what has been shaking your ass um so many things um it's genuinely hard to choose
uh and i what i want to say welcome this is exactly right if you're feeling this right now
that's what we've been feeling for three years so that is 100 correct um what shook me i'm gonna do two things i'm gonna say two i'm gonna cheat i'm gonna say
crazy for that you're crazy i'm a crazy ass you know me i'm a crazy ass um number one what shook
me yeah is that and i don't know if you know this, but I am co-hosting a podcast now.
And I'm just really excited.
And everyone's been super nice about it on the internet.
With a few notable exceptions.
But for the most part, people have been very nice about it.
And I'm just really excited.
And this was so much fun.
And I can't believe that we get to do this every week.
I know.
And yeah,
and I just can't wait to go down this road with you.
And my other,
what shook me is the mobile phone game,
Marvel Snap.
Y'all heard about this?
Y'all heard about Marvel Snap?
I'm playing so much Marvel Snap.
Marvel Snap, it ain't even funny, okay?
I downloaded this game.
I'm gonna-
Jesus.
This is a genuine confession.
The thing I'm about to say is genuinely embarrassing.
Okay, okay.
I was in the airport, Newark Airport.
Embarrassing, mortifying.
Like a month ago.
And I heard about this game marvel snap on a podcast
and i was like i'll give this a try flight was delayed i play marvel snap like two hours straight
i get on the flight I pay for Wi-Fi. No. Yes. Alfred, no.
I pay for go-go in-flight Wi-Fi
on this United Airlines flight from Newark
in order to play Marvel Snap.
It was like $15.
Alfred Barwell Evans.
But I was having so much fun.
I couldn't put it down.
Listen, I'm happy that you found something
that brought you joy,
but I need you to never tell that to anyone else ever again.
Do you think it's embarrassing that I paid for GoGo and Flight Wi-Fi to play Marvel Snap?
I do. I do.
Whoa, don't make that sad face.
But I keep leveling up.
I keep my collection levels over 700 now.
Oh my god. I keep leveling up. I keep my collection levels over 700 now.
Oh my God.
And I have to daily fight the urge to pay real money for purchases on this ultimately game for, well, children.
And I'm loving every minute of it. It's a, as a free mobile, I don't know why I'm obsessed with calling cell phones
mobiles
because you are 78 years old
you can reach for my mobile love
um but yeah I
uh I really love it and
I hope that everyone who's out there
listening who's like if you've ever
played a card game
from poker to
euchre to everything in between uh love me some euchre
you should download marvel snap and give it a give it a whirl uh because i think you're
gonna really like it now riley what's been shaking you this week i guess i'll do two as
well because obviously the biggest one struck me is that i'm getting to do a podcast with my little
elf reenie teeny um for those of you who don't know alf and i have been best friends for years and years um
and so to to be able to do this with you is such a treat we were gonna do we were we were making a
pilot for a different podcast um like i was gonna do review review and something with alf and so
then we heard that jeff was leaving We're like, Oh, great.
And so it's like,
I guess what's wild is like,
what's really shaking me is just the timing.
You know,
this is coming out January 3rd.
Um,
but we're recording December 7th. So the news came out yesterday.
You're really giving them a peek behind the curtain.
Yeah.
And so it's just,
cause it's like,
it's,
it's wild.
So it's like Jeff and I still haven't recorded by the time of recording, we still have not recorded our two best of episodes.
So it's really wild to still be in the throes of like, ending that chapter with Jeff,
and be really excited about this. And so I'm very what's shaking me is like to be able to
do this with you. I'm so grateful for everyone who's been so supportive and excited. And
of course, it's sad. I mean, building this show with jeff over the past you know i'm
sure that once we do our best ofs i'll already have gotten all sappy so i'm so grateful for that
i'm so grateful for what we've built and i'm so grateful and excited for this new chapter of doing
it with you and for everyone to keep listening and um coming along this ride with us we i'm i'm so
grateful for every one of you so thank you and i guess the other thing that's been shaking my ass um celebrity crush celebrity crush of the week um last month it was very much
christian borle and when i say last month this is january riley talking about december riley
was christian borle um that's wild no it's not I've been in love with him for years. Um, right.
I guess that's what's weird about it is the last month, because what has he done in the
last month?
It was just like, I saw a video of him and I'm like, oh yeah.
And it resurfaced, but I've been binging on HBO max, the big brunch with Dan Levy.
And it's very much giving me vibes of like early bake-off seasons.
Like it feels very like warm and everyone just getting along and helping each other.
And I love a reality show and I love a cooking show.
So it's perfect.
If Dan Levy were to want to give me a kiss, yeah.
I would welcome it.
You'd love it. I'd Levy. You'd love it.
I'd levy.
I'd love it.
It's like, I can't see it really going anywhere, but it's like, I very much have been thinking, like, I love his style and I love, like.
I don't see it going anywhere. very much like if we were in a like if we were at a bar or a party like we would just start like kind of like like playfully flirting and maybe having a little smooch here's what's concerning to me about this yeah is that you have played out this whole scenario in your mind no i'm just
thinking about it right now sure but it's like as i've been watching and i'm like oh okay and so
now i'm just like yeah i mean luckily for you it, I'm like, oh, okay. And so now I'm just like, yeah.
I mean, luckily for you, it wouldn't be cheating because he's also named Daniel.
And that's what defines, if you cheat on someone with the same name as your partner, then it's not cheating.
And I do, and I do just want to, you know, and I know this is an audio medium, but just like really surface that this is Christian Borle.
No, Alfred, I know, I know.
You got some funky taste, man.
Welcome, welcome to the show.
So happy to have you.
But yeah, so this is a,
I'm so prenatal yoga with Alfred.
I'm so happy.
This is just crazy to be doing this and I'm so excited. Jeff, if you're a... I'm so... Prenatal yoga with Alfred. I'm so happy. This is just crazy to be doing this,
and I'm so excited.
Jeff, if you're listening, I love you.
And Jeff's not dead.
Shocker.
He's not.
I mean, we got three weeks, okay?
This podcast ain't coming up for a second.
You gotta be careful with that.
You're right, you're right.
Hey, Daniel, if Jeff dies, cut that out.
I mean, we got three weeks, okay? Hey hey daniel if jeff dies cut that out i mean we got three weeks okay hey daniel if jeff dies cut that out if jeff dies cut that out oh my god um god alf if they want to find you on the internet where can they do that
alfred in it on instagram um and you know what
i'll say and again i kind of talked about this on the episodes that i guessed it on
um a lot of people been just liking the axe post and not hitting me with the follow
and i just want to ask you where you get off like what's your damage like why won't you follow me um a lot of you have
and i want to say i really appreciate that um so yeah it's at alfred i n i t on instagram and uh
you know i'm not on twitter anymore but i'm wondering if i should get back into it this
really seems like the time so i think you should yeah and riley you can find riley um yeah in the graveyard every friday night
doing a little seance i'm on instagram at riley answell on twitter at riley coyote you can find
the show on instagram at review review on uh twitter review show reddit r slash review review
and and the discord uh if you want to join discord um i'm
actually not sure how to do that so we'll figure that out there's a review review channel on
discord we should be plugging that okay uh yes find us on discord if you i i don't know how to
go through the app right now but i know if you go if you look up head gum review review discord
there is a post on the Reddit with a link to it.
If you want to join us on there and chat in there.
We don't want to make it too wheezy.
You know what I mean?
It has to retain some kind of VIP kind of mystique about it.
Yeah.
And we'll catch you next week on Review Review.
Thank you so much for listening.
And as we say every week on Review Review, go to the graveyard.
To the graveyard.
Well, they were workshopping catchphrases.
I didn't go to the graveyard.
You might be workshopping.
I'm set.
You can have your own.
That was a Hiddem Original.